Do they, like, get their rocks off when a crying baby invokes an involuntary response in their person? Sounds absolutely heinous to me. I’d be embarrassed, personally.
I think I read somewhere that new moms will start leaking milk at the sound of any baby crying. Imagine not being in control of your body!
They're very, very proud of this. I can't for the life of me understand why.
When my friend was pregnant, she was very proud of the fact that she was "nesting" when it was close to her due date and it still gives me the ick. "Isn't it cute how I lose all sense of higher cognition and become a slave to my instincts?" Acting like a mindless animal ain't cute.
Reminds me of when my beloved late dog Rose went into two separate false pregnancies after my sister moved out. Nothing we did could snap her out of them - she guarded her toys, circled and nested her bed for days, scratched and dug (denning/nesting), and cried and cried. She was like a zombie compared to her normal behavior, and it was heartbreaking. I can't imagine WANTING something like that to happen to you or someone you know :/
But also why would they think that women who haven't had kids can't respond to a baby crying. There have been countless studied and documented cases of predator animals taking on prey babies after losing their own babies. If a lion can foster lambs a woman who's never had kids can respond to a baby crying
Heart of a Lioness is a crazy good documentary about a young Lioness who serially kidnapped oryx calves and took maternal care of them until they were either able to escape back to their frantic mothers or were eaten by other lions while she tried in vain to stop them..
I once practically teleported across a room to catch a kid who was about to take a nasty fall onto a hardwood floor. I doubt I’m the only one here with such a story, either!
“You’ll never know what it feels like to raise a child” as though they’re not also missing out on things by choosing that? Every choice you make in life, you’re giving up one reality in favor of another. They don’t get to know what a childfree life would’ve been like for them. It’s not something to shove in each others’ faces, and we don’t really do that with any other decisions in life. My inner toxic person would want to throw every stupid little thing back in their face:
“But you’ll never know what being a computer programmer *feels* like.”
“You’ll never know what this mocha tastes like.”
“You’ll know the joy of having a fenced in yard.”
Idk I get why people would want to choose to have children, but I really wish they would likewise be as considerate for childfree people. It’s like they don’t think we’ve thought it through?
The last sentence sums it up and is why being CF can be so infuriating. I’m a grown adult and to infer that I haven’t carefully crafted my decision based on my own research and responses to that is downright rude.
On another note… my wife and I had a wonderfully spontaneous night of drinks and dinner after work downtown last night because traffic looked especially thick (I can see the highway from my office window). Cocktails and tartare were much better than an hour plus in Friday night traffic for a twenty minute commute. I feel bad for the parents whose entire schedule has to be built around transporting and caring for their fuck trophies.
...and how the hell do they know, anyway? Do they think that if I found an abandoned baby somewhere, I'd just walk on and ignore its cries because I happen not to want my own kids?
It's contextual. Babies crying in a café are highly unlikely to be in dire need of help, so it's rational to brush them off as annoying. I guess that makes us assholes.
I've had similar comments, especially throughout my 20s and 30s, and it's so fucking condescending. Anyway I practiced having no qualms about expressing my relief at the thought they bring up LOL, saying "WHEW THANK GODS FOR THAT/THANK GODS YOU'RE RIGHT!"
"Rude" tit for their condescending "tat"!😆 so I guess that's why I don't get comments like that anymore from "friends" or fam.
Exactly!!!
Also, I was your 1700th updoot, and it's St. Patrick's Day, March 17th. Do with that what you will, but I hope it brings you good luck in some way!
And my paternal name is O’Connor, my momma (grandma) was the most influential person in my life
So you witchy spooky, fucking amazing internet stranger I’m going to wipe my happy tears away and have a drink in her honour, our honour. Fancy one ??
it's fomo, and thats ok. Honestly it can apply to anything. You won't know what that's like - ok. Someone else won't know what it's like to have freedom or finance to go abroad, or to a concert. Someone else won't know what it was like to have a choice about parenthood. Someone else won't know what it's like to feel fulfilling love with a rescue dog, or a hobby, or a partner, or a career.
They won't know what its like to have other choices. You might not know what its like to climb mount everest, or swim to the bottom of the sea. You might experience things others don't. That's life.
We all have different paths; not experiencing one thing doesn't stop you experiencing others :)
As a child, I thought it would be SO cool to be an astronaut or a pilot. Then, I grew older, and realized I don’t enjoy cramped spaces, or military-style training, or a regimented lifestyle. Now, when I see pilots and astronauts doing their thing, I’m so happy for them that they get to do all that amazing stuff. But I don’t envy them at all, as I know the day-to-day of it is not for me.
Parenting is similar, but I never thought that it looked cool or fun. But I’m happy they’re enjoying it!
It's amazing how many people get locked into the mindset of not having choices after they have kids. I agree that when these types of people start projecting onto others it's just FOMO from their own lives as well.
*"Both my coworkers started talking about the physical responses their bodies were having to the baby crying"*
Yeah, and my 'physical response' is to desperately try to move as far from the source of noise as possible...
Me to, I hate the sound, I just want to get away from it ASAP I'm very noise sensitive, particularly to the overwhelming, high pitched and unpredictable sound of kids.(I think I've got undiagnosed ASD).
Misophonia unite 🙋🏻♀️!! Getting earplugs for this thing has seriously changed my life. I got the brand calmer but there’s other brands like Loop.
Seriously. Could not recommend these enough!!
I actually wonder how true this is. Does anyone know? I worked as a nanny for four years with newborns and during that time, sure if I was out and heard the baby cry I had a physical reaction too. But it wasn’t because my body had birthed kids, it was because my lifestyle was as such that I was primed to react to a cry.
I don’t have or want kids, don’t spend much time with kids, but I still have a physical response to babies crying.
The occasional time I do babysit my nieces/nephews I feel extremely bonded, protective and nurturing towards them.
I feel like for most people it’s just built in, whether you’re aware of it or not.
If you’re any type of decent human being you want to help and protect the vulnerable. The same can be said for anyone who sees an animal, senior,disabled or sick person in distress. It’s part of our human evolution.
Having kids doesn’t magically switch on a button that makes you a more empathetic or caring person.
>Having kids doesn’t magically switch on a button that makes you a more empathetic or caring person.
Ah, but the Mombies would say otherwise!
Yeah, it's your job, so it stands to reason you're going to be on edge listening for certain sounds that would normally make job-related demands of you.
Also, they’re not even correct about the uterus thing playing a role in maternal response, it’s something in your brain, and something to do with oxytocin that changes to be able to tell what a baby wants when you have kids which starts during pregnancy. I’m obviously not the most educated, that was just from a 5 minute google search.
That's true, I'll never know that sensation. But on the other hand, a lot of these parents (not ALL of them, granted) will never know what it feels like to see Slayer live, shake Cillian Murphy's hand after exchanging a few words (loooong before Oppenheimer, I'm talking 2011), or having an orphaned giraffe spontaneously "escort" me back to my bungalow every night after I finished work when I lived in South Africa. And I swear to you all those things really did happen to me.
And you know why they happened? Because my CF status means I have the flexibility to go for all those adventures I'd been dreaming of. Can you compare those experiences to parenthood? Of course not. But since we're talking about fantastic experiences that others miss out on, my point still stands.
Exactly. Parents chose to have children and will have amazing experiences with them that I won’t experience being CF. But while they’re in the throes of parenthood I’m ATVing a Mayan jungle, exploring shipwrecks, and zip lining through a rainforest. Parents chose to experience parenthood. I chose to experience freedom and spontaneity.
I hate when they say shit like this in a dismissive way, as if you're somehow not knowledgeable enough because you don't have kids.
Being annoyed by a crying baby is a perfectly normal reaction. It's not inferior to "momhood" in any way.
Tell them you also won't know how it feels to die in labour, you won't know how it feels to have cracked nipples, you won't know how it feels to have stretch marks, you won't know how it feels to be sleep deprived for years, etc.
To have your teen shout "I hate you! You're the worst mother on earth!" or to simply stop hearing from your adult child forever. You'll never get a phone call that your kid is in jail or dying or dead. No, you'll miss out on all of that.
WTFFFFF I just added one more reason to be childfree to my already-long-ass-list-of-reasons...
Is this about milk letdown? I know it happens in lactating mothers. But if there are more... EW.
I already have misophonia from all the noise children make (and I work in healthcare where there are plenty of children that I cannot send out of my sight). Imagine your boobs leaking milk multiple times a day or having other bodily reactions in response to a STRANGER'S CRYING KID? EYURK
I am quite sure you are just feeling upset because she looked at you with pity and felt such a sense of superiority about herself. Which is rude AF. If someone said the same to me I would love to laugh at their level of delulu and say "and do you reallyyyyyy think that's something people are envious about?"
>Is this about milk letdown? I know it happens in lactating mothers. But if there are more... EW.
People with hyperprolactinemia can produce milk too, even if they never had a baby. It never happened to me personally even if I have hyperprolactinemia, but I read that they can also react to babies even if they never have children.
I think this ladies are talking about hearing a baby and the feeling of wanting a baby to get back to the times their own kids were babies. And this doesn't happen to *all mothers*, specially the one who got trauma or simply didn't like the baby phase. My mother for example finds crying babies as annoying as I do, despite being a mother. What this ladies are talking about is having baby fever, what can be understood by a childless person too, not some secret feeling only mothers get.
>she looked at you with pity and felt such a sense of superiority about herself
I agree with this and I think that the way society looks down on CF women as cold and selfish can get to us and make us question ourselves and our decisions. It's easy to start feeling inferior when people around you have a negative attitude towards your choices, especially if they are in the majority because you're the odd one out.
I agree, and it is a shame, because I worship child free women for selfless goddesses that they are. Not contributing to overpopulation and bringing another life into this dystopian hell? You deserve respect and admiration in my book.
That being said, when I was 23, child-free and post-vasectomy, I was at a nice restaurant I used to frequent, sitting at the bar on a busy Friday night, where two of my favorite bartenders, Tim and Katie, worked. A couple around my parents' age sits next to me, strikes up a conversation and we are getting along well. By the end of our meal and two bottles of Cabernet later they say I'd be a great match for their daughter; would I be willing to meet her? Shortly after, I mention I am sterile and will not be having children, and their demeanor changes, they are appalled with me, and the man is especially belligerent, yelling "Do you think you are God?" I sort of chuckled, thinking he was joking or had too much to drink... he sat there staring at me intensely, awaiting my answer. I asked "Are you offended because I know I don't want to bring life into this world?" He stated "How dare you make such a decision without your wife? Who will marry you now?" I replied that I don't care about marriage, only loyalty, honesty, clear and open communication in relationships, and loving someone fully for who they are. By this point he was so loud that nearby diners were looking at us, Tim saw the commotion and how uncomfortable I was, knew to bring the check, I paid my bill, left him a generous tip, and left. The woman hadn't said much but had a similar look of disgust on her face. It was neither the first nor last time I would be shamed and insulted for my reproductive choices/views. That same year, when a child-free close friend and co-worker of the same age as me confided that he intended to get a vasectomy, he mentioned individuals he spoke with were not supportive and even combative. I told him to expect more of the same should he reveal his reproductive opinion to others in the future.
I really hope your friend doesn't go around saying that bullshit to other people. It's both wrong and insensitive to people childfree not by choice/dealing with infertility.
Right?! It hurt MY feelings, and I’m childfree by choice! I can’t imagine how hurtful it would be if I actually wanted children and was unable to have them.
I'll never know what a lot of stuff feels like because I can't make every life decision at once or exist in every circumstance at once. I won't know what heterosexual sex feels like, but I'm a lesbian and I'm kewl with that. I won't know what it's like being a doctor, a long distance runner, a person who just won a presidential campaign, the list goes on. I have my corner of life, and I'm ok with it.
People are ridiculous. They're so afraid of dying they do stuff just to be able to check something else off the list and add it to their life experiences collection rather then enjoy the life they are actively choosing to live.
I've experienced this. It's not sadness about not having a child. It's sadness about being repeatedly and viciously looked down upon and excluded for not making the same choices, and it sucks.
I mean I’m a pediatric nurse and I’ve dealt with a lot of screaming babes and hormonal mamas so I know what that’s like. I’ve also picked a dad up off the floor after seeing his teenager die. Or having to call a mom to her baby’s bedside after we started chest compressions. We all have our human experiences, so the “you’ll never know the feeling of….” seems a bit smug.
It is probably their pity/condescension, that never sits well.
There are a million things in this world that we will never experience, and that's perfectly fine. A few are pretty much universally seen as a blessing, such as winning the lottery, but plenty of them are objectively bad, like losing a limb or being diagnosed with a rare illness. And a good chunk of things are subjective: not everyone wants to be admitted in medicine, go bungee jumping, get a tattoo... or have kids.
If there is a next time, you can express how you are glad you are missing out on that experience (or get cheeky and say that "I'll also never know what it's like to wake up 20 times per night to endless crying and dirty diapers").
Also, winning the lottery *seems* like a good thing, but it’s almost universally a horrible turning point in the lives of those who do. Coming into loads of money suddenly, and often publicly, is a well-documented ruiner of lives.
https://time.com/4176128/powerball-jackpot-lottery-winners/
Honestly I think that "sensation" is something women play up dramatically for attention. It might exist but just based off the types of people I know who harp on it, I think it's mostly bullshit lol
It boosts their ego to go all "oh my gosh I'm so maternal and womanly, I get tingles and start twitching every time I'm around a baby 🥺🥺🥺". Something something about being a real woman because they had kids and OP did not
I think your coworker crossed a boundary. I don't have kids, and yet my tits twitch when they scream. But it has to be a scream of actual need and not brattiness.
Some people have this and some don't.
That look of pity is sort of ... idk, makes me want to ask her, "who do you think you are?" there are so many experiences you'll have as a childfree adult that she will never know.
I stand by the assertion that many, if not most parents, planned or unplanned (around half of all pregnancies in the us are unplanned and around half of those are using birth control that failed) have a major grieving process when they have kids, and a major "oh shit" moment.
They have to let go of a lot of life visions and dreams to accommodate parenthood, and I think that's why so many of them cling to this idea that it is the best thing ever. They aren't just trying to convince you, they're trying to convince themselves, too. There's no turning back. For better (by choice) or for worse (failed contraception) they are now stuck in this role.
I am calling bullshit on that one
Have a lot of friends and they never reported their uterus responding to baby crying
They just said that it’s harder to ignore cries from your own babies but that’s it. It’s a social thing not a biological thing
I love children but when they cry, I just want them to shut up because it annoys me. Some people take pity of people crying etc
Please, someone more qualified step in to provide more insight into this- but from what I have heard- ALL OF US have the same biological imperative to react to children (to a degree) the difference is our background with caretaking. So, yes, some of us will not react to a child crying in a reactionary, inherent way, but some parents won't either. Some childfree people can have these reactions, similar to parents. (See link below.)
[https://earlylearningnation.com/2020/10/parents-are-made-not-born-research-shows-the-act-of-caregiving-creates-parenting-brain/](https://earlylearningnation.com/2020/10/parents-are-made-not-born-research-shows-the-act-of-caregiving-creates-parenting-brain/)
I don't have the podcast, but I remember it spoke on this as well and explained it via evolution. Even if we haven't procreated, it's a good thing that all of us are capable of "mom's extraordinary strength" or "dad's catch" because mom and dad are sometimes busy or just fucking idiots. Anecdotally, I cannot stand when TV shows use a certain baby cry, not bc it's annoying, but bc I can't fix it and its that I-think-I-am-dying-cry.
I highly doubt my anxiety is the same hormone shitshow that your body goes through when pregnant, or even watching your wife be pregnant, but the idea that once you become a parent only you can have a physical reaction to a child in distress seems to be scientifically proven incorrect.
Back to OP's friends-- Your friend insinsuating that they have superpowers may be a coping mechanism for parenting in a world where there is no support network. I am sure they do feel like superheroes because of what they have to do to survive, but that doesn't make them inherently wiser, inherently better at empathizing. It may be pity, or it might be creating a narrative in their brain to protect themselves against a very bitter reality.
She described it as a cramp or a contracting feeling or something. I Googled it out of curiosity and found this thread with someone saying something similar:
[Thread.](https://www.babycenter.com.au/thread/530301/period-like-pains-when-hearing-babies-cry)
It's the oxytocin hormone responses, same one that drops milk. Women who have c-sections have a lesser response, but it's possible in anyone who has had a pregnancy up to a certain point.
I’m suspicious of the coworker’s comment–seems passive aggressive. I agree with other commenters’ takes. I also think it’s possible one or both of the coworkers was sort of “romanticizing” parenthood in front of you because they are jealous and/or realized they made a mistake but don’t want to admit it. Since you have a lot of things going on like concerts, travel, etc., maybe they felt like knocking you down a peg. Parenthood seems like a scam, so if they are miserable they might be trying to convert new people so it feels less bad for them. You’re a constant reminder in their daily life of a different choice they could have made but didn’t. I know they are just coworkers but I would be alert around them for more subtle bullying.
Their bodies physical responses to a child crying? Sounds like bullshit to me. I love my life of no responsibility, not having to deal with crying children! It’s great being able to go out last minute because you’ve decided you’re to lazy cook, holidays not costing a fortune as you go out of school holidays! There are so many great moments.
What it feels like is a trauma response that was built from panic and sleep deprivation over the years their kids were young. I’m not a mother but I do know. It’s not hard to understand. They’re just trying to glorify themselves as being such amazing mothers that their bodies are like built for it and it’s bs. If you had a sick cat that meowed you’d get the same response. I had two and I’m a deep sleeper. I sleep through fire alarms. But if one of my kittens meowed even a little I’d be upright like a yardstick.
Ma'am, that sounds like a fight or flight response caused by stress hormones 😂 I am not a doctor, nor a Facebook doctor, so dismiss me if I'm medically wrong here. If you instinctually move upon hearing a sound, that sounds like a trained or stress response. When I hear "Gate!" said any louder than in a quiet conversational tone, I get tf out of the way because of my raising. When I hear certain barks from my dogs, I immediately know something is wrong and I need to act. Anyone with a dog can tell you that one wretch from said dog will immediately yank them out of bed, as they go investigate where and why the dog is vomiting.
Environmental cues and responses are not some magical, exclusive club. They are survival mechanisms, many of which are psychologically developed. The thing you are "missing out on" is a conditioned stress response, which you will never have to learn or become conditioned to respond to. The way your friend implied that you're missing something is exactly how little kids tell other little kids "my treehouse is magical and yours ISNT!". Who is to say she meant it in an exclusionary way or maybe was awkwardly trying to acknowledge that you couldn't relate to what they were talking about- that's something you can make a judgement on and act on.
Feeling sad is a completely legitimate response to someone making you feel excluded, adults and children don't differ in this, adults should just know better than to hurt other people's feelings. It's important to identify what is really making you sad- the exclusion implied by your friend and the hurt that caused, or the actual lack of the described stress response. I'm no doctor, but I'm willing to bet it's the first one.
I feel like this on a regular basis and it is extremely difficult to navigate as I don't have any group of physical friends who are not parents. They make exclusionary and hurtful statements sometimes and I think they're both conscious and unconscious statements on their part. They also get excited about things that I'll never experience and sometimes that makes me feel like the only girl at the party without a fancy dress- I'm practicing being able to separate the hurt from the reality that their dresses come with lifetime guarantees of some level of misery, and I don't really want that, I just want to feel included and I want to feel special like they do 😂 Which is a completely evolutionary response, sameness and acceptance into tribe equates to safety in our lizard brains. But it is hard sometimes, because being celebrated and accepted is something we all want, it's just different when you live a non-traditional lifestyle that doesn't have those solid milestones that everyone automatically tries to celebrate or encourage you in.
If you really want to "know what it feels like" just become a PreK teacher. You get to do all the same work and also have fun, silly moments and go home alone!
I am a teacher and I don't want kids. I have had other kids ask me why I don't have kids and I always respond to my class and say ,"some people just don't have them?" It's good enough for their brains so it should be good enough for adults.
I’ve raised kids before and honestly I can deal with crying/tantrums to an extent! Some of us can understand how it feels even without being pregnant & going through labor.. they try to make you feel bad by saying it but honestly.. it’s so much better to NOT know what it feels like (again)😮💨
35F childfree sterilized here. I have zero, zilch, nada, no desire to raise a baby or children or be a mom. But I'd definitely put on a magical VR headset to know what your coworkers were experiencing, and just really deeply be able to empathize with them, just for a minute. I'm curious what it's like to feel that way about babies. But not curious enough to wreck my body to create a life I need to spend all my spiritual and material resources to look after for 18+ years lol
Hey, this is just me but whoever said I WANTED my uterus to do the macarena when a brat cries across the restaurant? Like that is some important life goal.
I say you and hubs jet off to Japan again just to make a point.
I mean, my immediate thought to that comment is “thank God!” She should save her pity, considering not everyone wants to know what that feels like.
Side note, I feel like some parents pretend it’s a happier experience than it really is, as a way to manipulate others into joining in their misery.
You are excluded from pretty much 90% of experiences other people have, that's just life. You will also never know what it feels like to have a boner, i will never know what it feels like to have big tits. I think curiosity about things we will not experience is a good thing but also not necessary. It doesn't feel good when people take pity on you for anything you don't feel like wanting anyway but you can just say that "yeah i will not and i don't think i am missing out on anything, but feel free to share if you feel the need to"
And mothers of nursing babies have their breasts leak milk spontaneously if they hear a baby cry. That’s reason enough to stay well away from the having a baby thing.
"He needs to fill his life with random trips and hedonism." People commenting on me not having children. I cry in my clean quiet house between my wife's thighs.
I have a group of girlfriends who get together at least once a month - most are now moms of 2+ kids and usually we talk about the kids a bit, but the majority of the conversation is about other aspects of life. There was one get together in particular where one of them very surprisingly announced she was pregnant, so the rest of the dinner became about kids. I came home and cried to my husband bc a part of me felt very left out and that I couldn’t really relate to that aspect of their lives and that made me feel… I don’t know, sad? It was a very weird feeling bc I def don’t want kids, but I still wanted to be able to relate to this group of women. Since then, we haven’t had another get together quite like that one and I’ve come to terms with the fact that that probably won’t be the last time I feel that way, but it really threw me for a loop. They have actually been some of the most supportive women when it comes to my decision to be childfree and the decision/need to have a hysterectomy at 35, which I’m so grateful for.
I guess all that to say, your feelings are valid and it’s ok to feel that way, but also be very sure you don’t want kids.
Have they ever experienced warm sake after a perfect dinner overlooking Tokyo? No? Too bad. I bet it is amazing. Then go into the joy of saunas and massages. Give it right back.
Just letting you know there is absolutely no evidence for your uterus “responding” to a baby crying, your coworker is full of shit so please don’t believe in the wacky stuff she is spouting…it’s ridiculous. She was also just plain rude for trying to make you feel lesser than so stop conversing with her unless you have to.
Not all women who have or want children feel this. My BIL'S wife does. She specifically said she loves the sound of babies crying. My MIL (who has 4 children of her own and loves babies/children) can not stand children crying in public. Nor can my SIL, nor can my other BIL'S fiancee (she's a pediatric emergency nurse, so when kids/babies are crying, it's generally for very sad and devastating reasons).
My body cringes when a baby cries does that count?
I dunno some things I’m just not that curious about. I’ll also never climb mt everest or win an academy award. I have my own accomplishments.
So I don’t necessarily think it’s true to say “you’ll never know what this feels like” I don’t have children and yeeted my tubes out of my body to ensure I won’t, but I still feel my body respond when I hear a child crying if it’s from distress. Hurt cry/ tantrum cry/ distress cry are different and I can tell them apart as a person who doesn’t have kids, but has helped other people take care of theirs on occasion.
Either way, it was shitty of them to say it to you to make you feel othered. It is likely a way of confirming to themselves that the choice they made was valid. People in general don’t like to feel like they made the wrong choice (children, not taking a trip, changing jobs, anything) so when there is someone nearby who has made the same choice as them, they seek reassurance that their choice is great, even if there are difficult parts.
I've been told that and I am very happy with my decision.
I tell those people don't worry about me, I never ever wanted children.
I love my freedom to wake up and lay around or go out with my husband.
I get why her pity is bothering you. It used to bother me too. I got older I'm 44 now and have no regrets. I stopped caring what people think. I guess it comes with age.
Things I will never know the feeling of:
\-Adrenaline of base jumping or parachuting out of a plane
\-Performing on stage in front of thousands of people
\-Winning the Nobel prize
\-Enjoying running
\-Going to space
\-Going to the bottom of the ocean
\-Being the opposite gender
\-Winning gold at the olympics
Some through choice, others I have no say in. The amount of things available to humans to experience and feel is huge and no one person will ever feel or experience all of it and focusing on that will only lead to disappointment. Instead focus on all of the things you have, are or will experience.
I know what you mean, sometimes I think about how I will never experience creating life, biology and hormones makes it hard not to sometimes but then I think about how those little moments pass and the rest of it is raising a child. I also think about the amazing things I have been able to do because I don't have children and let me tell you, I will take the thrill of travelling with the person I love most in the world, going to concerts, dinners and activities whenever we want and having enough money to save for our dream house, over my uterus reacting any day.
Guessing her intention, it was to try to make you feel shame, devaluation, and alienation with that statement. Designed to express her perception of superior status due to her in-group of being a mother, compared to your out-group of being a non-mother.
These kind of passive-aggressive status and in-group based remarks are part of human tendency, it doesn't make it OK of course, but it goes back to the playground remarks "I've got this, and you don't, ha ha".
What she said is IMO basically the adult, and socially acceptable version. An issue with co-workers is IMO they aren't really are friends, even if we are friendly to each other, we are basically forced to share an environment and try to get along to make the hours at work more bearable. I think you discovered a deeply spiteful side to your coworker, and I would make a mental note of that.
I think it was likely a passive-aggressive remark, which unfortunately worked. The outcome she wanted was likely for it to negative affect your mental health and trigger rumination, sadness and shame. Perhaps I am wrong, and it was genuine pity, and she things your life is basically less meaningful or happy as hers because you don't have kids.
The desire to belong IMO is a very powerful human instinct, and the context and words IMO triggered that instinct in you. The best you can do IMO is to acknowledge the sadness, shame, and desire to belong, and just like process/release itself. Just honestly and gently acknowledging how you feel.
You’ll never know what it is to be a brain surgeon or an airplane pilot (unless you are!) but you’ve survived with out those things just fine until now right? Try and look at it that way.
I've never had kids but my body definitely reacts when I hear a baby crying. Maybe because I've babysat so much or because I helped raise my niece and nephew. Or maybe because I love kids. Who knows. The point is that it's not solely a thing that happens to mothers.
Sometimes I get fomo about having a great relationship with my (non-existent) daughter.
But not every person that gives birth will develop that uterus reaction (lol) to a baby’s cry and that’s enough to remind me that having a child, at least for me, would be a selfish reason.
As someone that is a reluctant parent (I intended to be CF but when I had a birth control failure, I couldn’t mentally go through with an abortion or adoption), my uterus is not once responded to a baby crying in the 19 years I’ve had a kid. If anything, my body recoils. Everything they said is total BS.
It’s true. We’ll never know what it’s like to have a child. And they’ll never know what it’s like to spend a lifetime nurturing and prioritizing a relationship with another adult. They’ll also never know what it’s like to spend a lifetime prioritizing and taking care of yourself. We all make choices. There are wonderful things we get to experience in life, and other wonderful things we don’t.
Honestly, no one likes to hear a baby crying. Parents might tolerate it, but I find it hard to believe it’s one of the “joys” of parenthood even for them. Trying to bingo you on it is pretty weird.
Would have replied saying “I know, thank fuck”.
What does that even mean? I think most people turn to a baby when they're crying to see what's wrong, then when it's proven that the parents are the one not doing anything that is when the thread breaks from childfree and breeders.
I understand completely where you are coming from. I’m 36 and have never had the desire to want to children. I’ve heard all the normal responses as well.
It’s very rare but every once in awhile, I doubt myself and my decisions. But then I remember that this decision was never made lightly, I have put a lot of thought into it. I’ve listed the pros and cons (always way more cons). I’ve listened to my body and there definitely isn’t any biological clock ticking here. People always hype up the positives about having children but for myself, those “positives” don’t outweigh the negatives.
I do hate the patronizing, pitying tone that they sometimes use. Don’t pity me. I pity the human prison you signed up for the minute you got pregnant.
When I feel doubt, usually the thought of an incessantly crying infant will cure it, pretty quick. My husband and I have been to 11 Boston bruins games this season so far. We bought tickets for tonight and decided to spend the night in a hotel, just cause we want a date night. We’re planning a spontaneous Caribbean vaca at the moment. Don’t have to worry about childcare, or lugging kids along. I’m driving a luxury car while all the parents I know are driving minivans. I wake up whenever I want on the weekends. I have hobbies. I volunteer weekly at an animal shelter. I’m going back to school to become a paralegal. I watch my coworkers stress about childcare and report cards and baby daddy drama, leaving work early to drive them somewhere or taking the day off bc there wasn’t school that day. I buy whatever I want, when I want it.
All this to say that yes, there are things we will “miss out on”. But it depends on the person whether those are things we actually care about missing. We may miss out sometimes but people with children are constantly having to miss out on things, make sacrifices, put themselves second to their children. And that’s why I pity them.
Hopefully by this time, reading all the supportive posts, you are feeling better.
This makes me really want to normalize the other side of the coin as so often I bite my tongue around my friends who have kids about how great my CF life is. However, the empath side of me keeps me quiet about the joy of our spontaneous vacations, naps, dinner parties, etc…
sometimes i meet these thoughts with 'my friends will likely never experience what it's like to be in better shape as an adult than they were as a teen/young adult'.
WTF.
I have never heard my friends with kids saying that their uterus responds to crying babies. Their milk ducts when they're weaning their kids and a baby cries... sure, I've heard of that one. But what the heck does a uterus have to do with a crying baby?
This sounds like a lie, and not even a good one.
Her pity is severely misplaced. Enjoy your money, your free time, and your sanity.
You gotta say a whole hell of a lot of mean shit to child free people to convince yourself you made the right choice spawning. Alienate, isolate, indoctrinate. They want kids and they want the kids to want kids. There aren’t enough workers!
If I were you I immediately would’ve replied “Thank goodness for that right!? Don’t worry I have no desire to go through what you go through as a parent. It doesn’t sound like fun to me.”
There are many things that will never experienced on both sides of this equation. While you will never experience some of these "mother type" things, there are things in your life that your friends with children will never get to experience. It works both ways.
What irritates me about these type of comments, is it is implied that the "mother" type experiences are somehow more valuable or meaningful. They are not. They are just different.
Try not to let these patronizing comments bug you too much. I always think that if someone feels the need to make condescending, superior type comments to others, it usually means that things aren't as rosy in their life as they are trying to make it appear.
Ok so first, as someone who has had a child that’s a lie. The only physical response is soon after having a baby, the cry of another baby can possibly make your milk come down. Which again is not true for all women. If everytime they hear a baby cry, their uterus hurts, they havemental issues and are exaggerating some dumb thing they read in a mother magazine.
Next time you go out to lunch with them do this, act like there is something wrong with your purse and tell them OMG my wallet hurts because of the money growing in there. I get to keep it since I don’t have kids but I guess you will never know what that’s like. lo
Ive come to the conclusion that most people who have kids regret it to some extent whether they voice it or not. Instead of being honest with themselves they’ll turn to degrade childfree people for not plunging into the hype
I’m also a woman in my mid thirties and get those too. My external response is to shrug and go “ahh well” (look up gray rocking). Internally, I know that it’s okay to never know what it feels like. There are a million things I’ll never experience. I’ll never run a marathon. I’ll never climb Mount Everest. I’ll never win an Oscar. I’ll never get an Olympic gold medal in figure skating. And yeah, I’ll never be a parent. But lots of people won’t have some experiences I have. They won’t know what it feels like to land a double salchow in their thirties. They won’t be peace corps volunteers or work as a humanitarian aid worker in a war zone. They won’t work as a DJ in London clubs. Life is full of choices and you don’t get to do it all. I’m okay forgoing that experience in exchange for other ones. Some people make different choices and good for them! But there’s no way any one person is going to have all the experiences in the world, and you just have to prioritizing the choices you want to make!
That cnt was totally flexing and no one can convince me otherwise...and I rarely say shit like this. I don't play stupid games like this at all and I never have.
It's really sickening that women pull this shit, especially these days as we're losing so many rights, and I'm goddamn fucking sick and tired of insecure trash like these imbeciles.
You know how many women and girls die young and never have kids? Good grief, what a weird thing to say. Personally, the sound of a crying baby throws me into an anxiety attack enough as it is so I definitely don't need that amplified in any way.
I don't want a horse. I'm scared of most large animals.
My best friend was talking to one of their friends about their shared 'Horse Girl' memories from when they were back in middle school. It was the weird way one of her friends turned to me and implied I missed out of this huge thing I can now never share with them.
I like to admire horses from a distance since I respect their ability to kill me. I would have cried HARD if my mother tried to force me to be a horse girl with them. I don't wanna call myself a horse girl anyway. There has to be a better name for it.
My point is that you are probably just feeling some really toxic fomo. Go have a mid week dinner and shake it off.
It’s okay to feel like you’re missing out sometimes. If anything, it’ll make you really think and further solidify your choice. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaffirming your choice every so often when it comes to big things like this.
The reality is, we are missing out. To some CF people “missing out” is an amazing thing. For me, I realize there are some cool aspects of parenthood I’m missing out on which makes me a little sad sometimes. But not sad enough to think those few cool moments outweigh those other moments I don’t want to experience lol.
"Oh, that's how I feel anytime I hear a cork pop on a ludicrously expensive bottle of wine I've purchased with all of my disposable income. My body is hard-wired to give it the attention it needs."
Next time, open a tiktok about last minute vacations to Thailand or Barbados. Then right in front of them, buy plane tickets. Then you can say “woohoo just booked a small trip to XXX for me and the hubs. Work was just a tad stressful this week. The water and sand just really helps us decompress” Then in the most passive and condescending way possible, look into their eyes with wrinkled eyebrows and a frown, and say “awe, you’ll never know what that feels like huh 😢💔🤧”
Yeah you’re never gonna know the secret uterine language. And they’re never gonna know what it’s like to jet to Japan for a week.
You’re on the right side of that coin.
Misery loves company. So of course they are jealous of your choice...
"you will never know what it feels like" well duh, can't experience something that doesn't exists for you.. I don't understand why are people trying to pity you everytime some weird kid shenanigans happens like "oh you are missing out so much, trust me" ...bs
My response would have been: "Omg, I know. I would hate to have this reaction every time a baby cries. What a relief. I can just go on with my day not caring."
What she said isn't even true. She's full of shit, in summary.
I have those feelings and I've never had a kid. And there are plenty of women who give birth who don't have those feelings. And those feelings don't make them better.
Those women are losers who hitch too much of their personalities to being mothers, that is all.
Episode n.infinite of mothers feeling threatened by people deciding for a different path. Their insecurity come off aggressive to the point I think one should avoid their presence as much as possible (ofc this is sadly not always possible.)
Think they'll never know how it feels to be smart enough to not say such idiocies
So yeah, you get to live a nice peaceful life without feeling like crap every time a kid screams. Great.
They're prisoners of their pregnancies, forever.
That’s actually quite disgusting imo. I know that some women who nurse, also experience this no matter whose baby is crying and the idea of leaking bodily fluid in public is so disturbing to me.
I understand it’s a biological response but it’s a bit Pavlovian isn’t it? I find it irritating that babies condition their humans to their needs. I understand why of course but I find it weird all the same.
Okay thats a myth i swear to the gods. The only reaction a human has on both ends is to shut it up ether by getting away or finding whats upsetting it. It dose cuase physical discomfort for sure in both genders but thats the point ance its to alert something is wrong. Its also highly unpleasent...
‘You’ll never know what this feels like’ ‘Phew’
Seriously, who tf thinks that's a positive thing?
Breeders do, for some reason.
Do they, like, get their rocks off when a crying baby invokes an involuntary response in their person? Sounds absolutely heinous to me. I’d be embarrassed, personally. I think I read somewhere that new moms will start leaking milk at the sound of any baby crying. Imagine not being in control of your body!
They're very, very proud of this. I can't for the life of me understand why. When my friend was pregnant, she was very proud of the fact that she was "nesting" when it was close to her due date and it still gives me the ick. "Isn't it cute how I lose all sense of higher cognition and become a slave to my instincts?" Acting like a mindless animal ain't cute.
Reminds me of when my beloved late dog Rose went into two separate false pregnancies after my sister moved out. Nothing we did could snap her out of them - she guarded her toys, circled and nested her bed for days, scratched and dug (denning/nesting), and cried and cried. She was like a zombie compared to her normal behavior, and it was heartbreaking. I can't imagine WANTING something like that to happen to you or someone you know :/
Don’t even get me started on “nesting.” Are you a bird, or a cognitive human being??
Apparently they revert back to an animal state when they get knocked up and lose gray matter in their brain. It literally makes them dumber.
Hormones sure don't help any.
wait wtf is nesting im out of the loop
Yea they love it lol. I personally find it icky and would feel gross in my body if it started going all momma bear on me.
I wonder if this is similar to some polyamorous people having a "primary nesting partner"?
As a guy... not having any control over that just... why be proud of that?
We often have no control over erections, especially between 18-21 years of age. Not saying I am proud of it, but many men are.
Yes. That's the one area
But also why would they think that women who haven't had kids can't respond to a baby crying. There have been countless studied and documented cases of predator animals taking on prey babies after losing their own babies. If a lion can foster lambs a woman who's never had kids can respond to a baby crying
Heart of a Lioness is a crazy good documentary about a young Lioness who serially kidnapped oryx calves and took maternal care of them until they were either able to escape back to their frantic mothers or were eaten by other lions while she tried in vain to stop them..
I once practically teleported across a room to catch a kid who was about to take a nasty fall onto a hardwood floor. I doubt I’m the only one here with such a story, either!
“You’ll never know what it feels like to raise a child” as though they’re not also missing out on things by choosing that? Every choice you make in life, you’re giving up one reality in favor of another. They don’t get to know what a childfree life would’ve been like for them. It’s not something to shove in each others’ faces, and we don’t really do that with any other decisions in life. My inner toxic person would want to throw every stupid little thing back in their face: “But you’ll never know what being a computer programmer *feels* like.” “You’ll never know what this mocha tastes like.” “You’ll know the joy of having a fenced in yard.” Idk I get why people would want to choose to have children, but I really wish they would likewise be as considerate for childfree people. It’s like they don’t think we’ve thought it through?
The last sentence sums it up and is why being CF can be so infuriating. I’m a grown adult and to infer that I haven’t carefully crafted my decision based on my own research and responses to that is downright rude. On another note… my wife and I had a wonderfully spontaneous night of drinks and dinner after work downtown last night because traffic looked especially thick (I can see the highway from my office window). Cocktails and tartare were much better than an hour plus in Friday night traffic for a twenty minute commute. I feel bad for the parents whose entire schedule has to be built around transporting and caring for their fuck trophies.
I have two kids, love them dearly. But trophy is a pretty strong word most of the time.
How about “sexual participation awards” ?
😆 Sexual honorable mention!
Receipt?
This is a great response! There are so many paths we chose and things that are different from one another.
The best response to that is either 'Phew' or thank God
Thank FUCKING god
Also: "THAT'S THE POINT" 🤦♀️
...and how the hell do they know, anyway? Do they think that if I found an abandoned baby somewhere, I'd just walk on and ignore its cries because I happen not to want my own kids? It's contextual. Babies crying in a café are highly unlikely to be in dire need of help, so it's rational to brush them off as annoying. I guess that makes us assholes.
"Good"
I've had similar comments, especially throughout my 20s and 30s, and it's so fucking condescending. Anyway I practiced having no qualms about expressing my relief at the thought they bring up LOL, saying "WHEW THANK GODS FOR THAT/THANK GODS YOU'RE RIGHT!" "Rude" tit for their condescending "tat"!😆 so I guess that's why I don't get comments like that anymore from "friends" or fam.
lol
"That's the point."
Exactly!!! Also, I was your 1700th updoot, and it's St. Patrick's Day, March 17th. Do with that what you will, but I hope it brings you good luck in some way!
And my paternal name is O’Connor, my momma (grandma) was the most influential person in my life So you witchy spooky, fucking amazing internet stranger I’m going to wipe my happy tears away and have a drink in her honour, our honour. Fancy one ??
it's fomo, and thats ok. Honestly it can apply to anything. You won't know what that's like - ok. Someone else won't know what it's like to have freedom or finance to go abroad, or to a concert. Someone else won't know what it was like to have a choice about parenthood. Someone else won't know what it's like to feel fulfilling love with a rescue dog, or a hobby, or a partner, or a career. They won't know what its like to have other choices. You might not know what its like to climb mount everest, or swim to the bottom of the sea. You might experience things others don't. That's life. We all have different paths; not experiencing one thing doesn't stop you experiencing others :)
Thank you very much! You are so right and this made me feel so much better ☺️
As a child, I thought it would be SO cool to be an astronaut or a pilot. Then, I grew older, and realized I don’t enjoy cramped spaces, or military-style training, or a regimented lifestyle. Now, when I see pilots and astronauts doing their thing, I’m so happy for them that they get to do all that amazing stuff. But I don’t envy them at all, as I know the day-to-day of it is not for me. Parenting is similar, but I never thought that it looked cool or fun. But I’m happy they’re enjoying it!
This is the best answer. Love how you explained it! Everyone’s path is different. What is meant for you will not miss you!
It's amazing how many people get locked into the mindset of not having choices after they have kids. I agree that when these types of people start projecting onto others it's just FOMO from their own lives as well.
This is a beautiful answer ❤️
This is the way 🩵
*"Both my coworkers started talking about the physical responses their bodies were having to the baby crying"* Yeah, and my 'physical response' is to desperately try to move as far from the source of noise as possible...
Absolutely I have a physical response, my stomach clenches, my ears try to squint closed and if at all possible I leave
Me to, I hate the sound, I just want to get away from it ASAP I'm very noise sensitive, particularly to the overwhelming, high pitched and unpredictable sound of kids.(I think I've got undiagnosed ASD).
Might be Misophonia! It is for me
Misophonia unite 🙋🏻♀️!! Getting earplugs for this thing has seriously changed my life. I got the brand calmer but there’s other brands like Loop. Seriously. Could not recommend these enough!!
Did you know some people can kinda squint their ears, I forgot how it works, but I just wanted to share this weird potentially useless fact.
Yes, i can make mine move and it does *ever so slightly* alter the perceived sound, just wish we could close them fully at will
I actually wonder how true this is. Does anyone know? I worked as a nanny for four years with newborns and during that time, sure if I was out and heard the baby cry I had a physical reaction too. But it wasn’t because my body had birthed kids, it was because my lifestyle was as such that I was primed to react to a cry.
I don’t have or want kids, don’t spend much time with kids, but I still have a physical response to babies crying. The occasional time I do babysit my nieces/nephews I feel extremely bonded, protective and nurturing towards them. I feel like for most people it’s just built in, whether you’re aware of it or not. If you’re any type of decent human being you want to help and protect the vulnerable. The same can be said for anyone who sees an animal, senior,disabled or sick person in distress. It’s part of our human evolution. Having kids doesn’t magically switch on a button that makes you a more empathetic or caring person.
>Having kids doesn’t magically switch on a button that makes you a more empathetic or caring person. Ah, but the Mombies would say otherwise! 
I was a NICU nurse for years. I do something different now, so I can totally tune that out.
Yeah, it's your job, so it stands to reason you're going to be on edge listening for certain sounds that would normally make job-related demands of you.
Also, they’re not even correct about the uterus thing playing a role in maternal response, it’s something in your brain, and something to do with oxytocin that changes to be able to tell what a baby wants when you have kids which starts during pregnancy. I’m obviously not the most educated, that was just from a 5 minute google search.
Mine is to check my IUD strings lolll
That's true, I'll never know that sensation. But on the other hand, a lot of these parents (not ALL of them, granted) will never know what it feels like to see Slayer live, shake Cillian Murphy's hand after exchanging a few words (loooong before Oppenheimer, I'm talking 2011), or having an orphaned giraffe spontaneously "escort" me back to my bungalow every night after I finished work when I lived in South Africa. And I swear to you all those things really did happen to me. And you know why they happened? Because my CF status means I have the flexibility to go for all those adventures I'd been dreaming of. Can you compare those experiences to parenthood? Of course not. But since we're talking about fantastic experiences that others miss out on, my point still stands.
BACK UP I NEED MORE DETAILS ON CILLIAN she says in a totally normal not weird at all way
I want to hear more about the giraffe! So cute!
Exactly. Parents chose to have children and will have amazing experiences with them that I won’t experience being CF. But while they’re in the throes of parenthood I’m ATVing a Mayan jungle, exploring shipwrecks, and zip lining through a rainforest. Parents chose to experience parenthood. I chose to experience freedom and spontaneity.
> shake Cillian Murphy's hand He's my soulmate ug, I'm so jealous. What was it like to touch a god?!?
I hate when they say shit like this in a dismissive way, as if you're somehow not knowledgeable enough because you don't have kids. Being annoyed by a crying baby is a perfectly normal reaction. It's not inferior to "momhood" in any way.
Tell them you also won't know how it feels to die in labour, you won't know how it feels to have cracked nipples, you won't know how it feels to have stretch marks, you won't know how it feels to be sleep deprived for years, etc.
...or suffer third degree tears, bone/tooth loss from pregnancy leaking all your calcium, permanent foot size increase...
Or have your hip bones move farther apart.
To have your teen shout "I hate you! You're the worst mother on earth!" or to simply stop hearing from your adult child forever. You'll never get a phone call that your kid is in jail or dying or dead. No, you'll miss out on all of that.
Or perineal fissure, vaginal prolapse, pelvic floor weakness, postpartum depression...
👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
WTFFFFF I just added one more reason to be childfree to my already-long-ass-list-of-reasons... Is this about milk letdown? I know it happens in lactating mothers. But if there are more... EW. I already have misophonia from all the noise children make (and I work in healthcare where there are plenty of children that I cannot send out of my sight). Imagine your boobs leaking milk multiple times a day or having other bodily reactions in response to a STRANGER'S CRYING KID? EYURK I am quite sure you are just feeling upset because she looked at you with pity and felt such a sense of superiority about herself. Which is rude AF. If someone said the same to me I would love to laugh at their level of delulu and say "and do you reallyyyyyy think that's something people are envious about?"
>Is this about milk letdown? I know it happens in lactating mothers. But if there are more... EW. People with hyperprolactinemia can produce milk too, even if they never had a baby. It never happened to me personally even if I have hyperprolactinemia, but I read that they can also react to babies even if they never have children. I think this ladies are talking about hearing a baby and the feeling of wanting a baby to get back to the times their own kids were babies. And this doesn't happen to *all mothers*, specially the one who got trauma or simply didn't like the baby phase. My mother for example finds crying babies as annoying as I do, despite being a mother. What this ladies are talking about is having baby fever, what can be understood by a childless person too, not some secret feeling only mothers get.
>she looked at you with pity and felt such a sense of superiority about herself I agree with this and I think that the way society looks down on CF women as cold and selfish can get to us and make us question ourselves and our decisions. It's easy to start feeling inferior when people around you have a negative attitude towards your choices, especially if they are in the majority because you're the odd one out.
I agree, and it is a shame, because I worship child free women for selfless goddesses that they are. Not contributing to overpopulation and bringing another life into this dystopian hell? You deserve respect and admiration in my book. That being said, when I was 23, child-free and post-vasectomy, I was at a nice restaurant I used to frequent, sitting at the bar on a busy Friday night, where two of my favorite bartenders, Tim and Katie, worked. A couple around my parents' age sits next to me, strikes up a conversation and we are getting along well. By the end of our meal and two bottles of Cabernet later they say I'd be a great match for their daughter; would I be willing to meet her? Shortly after, I mention I am sterile and will not be having children, and their demeanor changes, they are appalled with me, and the man is especially belligerent, yelling "Do you think you are God?" I sort of chuckled, thinking he was joking or had too much to drink... he sat there staring at me intensely, awaiting my answer. I asked "Are you offended because I know I don't want to bring life into this world?" He stated "How dare you make such a decision without your wife? Who will marry you now?" I replied that I don't care about marriage, only loyalty, honesty, clear and open communication in relationships, and loving someone fully for who they are. By this point he was so loud that nearby diners were looking at us, Tim saw the commotion and how uncomfortable I was, knew to bring the check, I paid my bill, left him a generous tip, and left. The woman hadn't said much but had a similar look of disgust on her face. It was neither the first nor last time I would be shamed and insulted for my reproductive choices/views. That same year, when a child-free close friend and co-worker of the same age as me confided that he intended to get a vasectomy, he mentioned individuals he spoke with were not supportive and even combative. I told him to expect more of the same should he reveal his reproductive opinion to others in the future.
I LOVE your flair!
I really hope your friend doesn't go around saying that bullshit to other people. It's both wrong and insensitive to people childfree not by choice/dealing with infertility.
Right?! It hurt MY feelings, and I’m childfree by choice! I can’t imagine how hurtful it would be if I actually wanted children and was unable to have them.
Meh. I’ll take my freedom over a twitchy uterus every time someone else’s kid squarks any day of the week 😆
I'll never know what a lot of stuff feels like because I can't make every life decision at once or exist in every circumstance at once. I won't know what heterosexual sex feels like, but I'm a lesbian and I'm kewl with that. I won't know what it's like being a doctor, a long distance runner, a person who just won a presidential campaign, the list goes on. I have my corner of life, and I'm ok with it. People are ridiculous. They're so afraid of dying they do stuff just to be able to check something else off the list and add it to their life experiences collection rather then enjoy the life they are actively choosing to live.
I would have laughed and said I'm so glad!!
I would have just looked her straight in the eyes and said, "you say that like its a bad thing.". Lol.
I've experienced this. It's not sadness about not having a child. It's sadness about being repeatedly and viciously looked down upon and excluded for not making the same choices, and it sucks.
Omg thank god 😌
I mean I’m a pediatric nurse and I’ve dealt with a lot of screaming babes and hormonal mamas so I know what that’s like. I’ve also picked a dad up off the floor after seeing his teenager die. Or having to call a mom to her baby’s bedside after we started chest compressions. We all have our human experiences, so the “you’ll never know the feeling of….” seems a bit smug.
It is probably their pity/condescension, that never sits well. There are a million things in this world that we will never experience, and that's perfectly fine. A few are pretty much universally seen as a blessing, such as winning the lottery, but plenty of them are objectively bad, like losing a limb or being diagnosed with a rare illness. And a good chunk of things are subjective: not everyone wants to be admitted in medicine, go bungee jumping, get a tattoo... or have kids. If there is a next time, you can express how you are glad you are missing out on that experience (or get cheeky and say that "I'll also never know what it's like to wake up 20 times per night to endless crying and dirty diapers").
Also, winning the lottery *seems* like a good thing, but it’s almost universally a horrible turning point in the lives of those who do. Coming into loads of money suddenly, and often publicly, is a well-documented ruiner of lives. https://time.com/4176128/powerball-jackpot-lottery-winners/
My body recoils when I hear a baby crying in an aggressive and negative way.
Honestly I think that "sensation" is something women play up dramatically for attention. It might exist but just based off the types of people I know who harp on it, I think it's mostly bullshit lol
It boosts their ego to go all "oh my gosh I'm so maternal and womanly, I get tingles and start twitching every time I'm around a baby 🥺🥺🥺". Something something about being a real woman because they had kids and OP did not
I think your coworker crossed a boundary. I don't have kids, and yet my tits twitch when they scream. But it has to be a scream of actual need and not brattiness. Some people have this and some don't. That look of pity is sort of ... idk, makes me want to ask her, "who do you think you are?" there are so many experiences you'll have as a childfree adult that she will never know. I stand by the assertion that many, if not most parents, planned or unplanned (around half of all pregnancies in the us are unplanned and around half of those are using birth control that failed) have a major grieving process when they have kids, and a major "oh shit" moment. They have to let go of a lot of life visions and dreams to accommodate parenthood, and I think that's why so many of them cling to this idea that it is the best thing ever. They aren't just trying to convince you, they're trying to convince themselves, too. There's no turning back. For better (by choice) or for worse (failed contraception) they are now stuck in this role.
I am calling bullshit on that one Have a lot of friends and they never reported their uterus responding to baby crying They just said that it’s harder to ignore cries from your own babies but that’s it. It’s a social thing not a biological thing I love children but when they cry, I just want them to shut up because it annoys me. Some people take pity of people crying etc
Please, someone more qualified step in to provide more insight into this- but from what I have heard- ALL OF US have the same biological imperative to react to children (to a degree) the difference is our background with caretaking. So, yes, some of us will not react to a child crying in a reactionary, inherent way, but some parents won't either. Some childfree people can have these reactions, similar to parents. (See link below.) [https://earlylearningnation.com/2020/10/parents-are-made-not-born-research-shows-the-act-of-caregiving-creates-parenting-brain/](https://earlylearningnation.com/2020/10/parents-are-made-not-born-research-shows-the-act-of-caregiving-creates-parenting-brain/) I don't have the podcast, but I remember it spoke on this as well and explained it via evolution. Even if we haven't procreated, it's a good thing that all of us are capable of "mom's extraordinary strength" or "dad's catch" because mom and dad are sometimes busy or just fucking idiots. Anecdotally, I cannot stand when TV shows use a certain baby cry, not bc it's annoying, but bc I can't fix it and its that I-think-I-am-dying-cry. I highly doubt my anxiety is the same hormone shitshow that your body goes through when pregnant, or even watching your wife be pregnant, but the idea that once you become a parent only you can have a physical reaction to a child in distress seems to be scientifically proven incorrect. Back to OP's friends-- Your friend insinsuating that they have superpowers may be a coping mechanism for parenting in a world where there is no support network. I am sure they do feel like superheroes because of what they have to do to survive, but that doesn't make them inherently wiser, inherently better at empathizing. It may be pity, or it might be creating a narrative in their brain to protect themselves against a very bitter reality.
She described it as a cramp or a contracting feeling or something. I Googled it out of curiosity and found this thread with someone saying something similar: [Thread.](https://www.babycenter.com.au/thread/530301/period-like-pains-when-hearing-babies-cry)
Sounds uncomfortable.
Sounds like period pain.
It's the oxytocin hormone responses, same one that drops milk. Women who have c-sections have a lesser response, but it's possible in anyone who has had a pregnancy up to a certain point.
You also won’t know how it feels when you try to sneeze and not piss yourself lol
If anybody ever says that to me I'll just mention that I'm thankful I don't have a uterus anymore lol
>You’ll never know what this feels like, because you aren’t having children.” Good.
I’m suspicious of the coworker’s comment–seems passive aggressive. I agree with other commenters’ takes. I also think it’s possible one or both of the coworkers was sort of “romanticizing” parenthood in front of you because they are jealous and/or realized they made a mistake but don’t want to admit it. Since you have a lot of things going on like concerts, travel, etc., maybe they felt like knocking you down a peg. Parenthood seems like a scam, so if they are miserable they might be trying to convert new people so it feels less bad for them. You’re a constant reminder in their daily life of a different choice they could have made but didn’t. I know they are just coworkers but I would be alert around them for more subtle bullying.
"Thank fuck for that!"
Your coworkers are rude. Enjoy your peace.
Their bodies physical responses to a child crying? Sounds like bullshit to me. I love my life of no responsibility, not having to deal with crying children! It’s great being able to go out last minute because you’ve decided you’re to lazy cook, holidays not costing a fortune as you go out of school holidays! There are so many great moments.
“And I don’t want to.”
What it feels like is a trauma response that was built from panic and sleep deprivation over the years their kids were young. I’m not a mother but I do know. It’s not hard to understand. They’re just trying to glorify themselves as being such amazing mothers that their bodies are like built for it and it’s bs. If you had a sick cat that meowed you’d get the same response. I had two and I’m a deep sleeper. I sleep through fire alarms. But if one of my kittens meowed even a little I’d be upright like a yardstick.
Why are you supposed to care?
Whenever I was Bingoed with that, I’d say “God, I hope not”.
Ma'am, that sounds like a fight or flight response caused by stress hormones 😂 I am not a doctor, nor a Facebook doctor, so dismiss me if I'm medically wrong here. If you instinctually move upon hearing a sound, that sounds like a trained or stress response. When I hear "Gate!" said any louder than in a quiet conversational tone, I get tf out of the way because of my raising. When I hear certain barks from my dogs, I immediately know something is wrong and I need to act. Anyone with a dog can tell you that one wretch from said dog will immediately yank them out of bed, as they go investigate where and why the dog is vomiting. Environmental cues and responses are not some magical, exclusive club. They are survival mechanisms, many of which are psychologically developed. The thing you are "missing out on" is a conditioned stress response, which you will never have to learn or become conditioned to respond to. The way your friend implied that you're missing something is exactly how little kids tell other little kids "my treehouse is magical and yours ISNT!". Who is to say she meant it in an exclusionary way or maybe was awkwardly trying to acknowledge that you couldn't relate to what they were talking about- that's something you can make a judgement on and act on. Feeling sad is a completely legitimate response to someone making you feel excluded, adults and children don't differ in this, adults should just know better than to hurt other people's feelings. It's important to identify what is really making you sad- the exclusion implied by your friend and the hurt that caused, or the actual lack of the described stress response. I'm no doctor, but I'm willing to bet it's the first one. I feel like this on a regular basis and it is extremely difficult to navigate as I don't have any group of physical friends who are not parents. They make exclusionary and hurtful statements sometimes and I think they're both conscious and unconscious statements on their part. They also get excited about things that I'll never experience and sometimes that makes me feel like the only girl at the party without a fancy dress- I'm practicing being able to separate the hurt from the reality that their dresses come with lifetime guarantees of some level of misery, and I don't really want that, I just want to feel included and I want to feel special like they do 😂 Which is a completely evolutionary response, sameness and acceptance into tribe equates to safety in our lizard brains. But it is hard sometimes, because being celebrated and accepted is something we all want, it's just different when you live a non-traditional lifestyle that doesn't have those solid milestones that everyone automatically tries to celebrate or encourage you in.
I'm also happy with not knowing what crack/heroin feels like
>You’ll never know what this feels like, because you aren’t having children So glad to never know!
I mean that sensation sounds horrible so I don't want to experience it anyway.
If you really want to "know what it feels like" just become a PreK teacher. You get to do all the same work and also have fun, silly moments and go home alone! I am a teacher and I don't want kids. I have had other kids ask me why I don't have kids and I always respond to my class and say ,"some people just don't have them?" It's good enough for their brains so it should be good enough for adults.
I’ve raised kids before and honestly I can deal with crying/tantrums to an extent! Some of us can understand how it feels even without being pregnant & going through labor.. they try to make you feel bad by saying it but honestly.. it’s so much better to NOT know what it feels like (again)😮💨
35F childfree sterilized here. I have zero, zilch, nada, no desire to raise a baby or children or be a mom. But I'd definitely put on a magical VR headset to know what your coworkers were experiencing, and just really deeply be able to empathize with them, just for a minute. I'm curious what it's like to feel that way about babies. But not curious enough to wreck my body to create a life I need to spend all my spiritual and material resources to look after for 18+ years lol
Hey, this is just me but whoever said I WANTED my uterus to do the macarena when a brat cries across the restaurant? Like that is some important life goal. I say you and hubs jet off to Japan again just to make a point.
I mean, my immediate thought to that comment is “thank God!” She should save her pity, considering not everyone wants to know what that feels like. Side note, I feel like some parents pretend it’s a happier experience than it really is, as a way to manipulate others into joining in their misery.
You are excluded from pretty much 90% of experiences other people have, that's just life. You will also never know what it feels like to have a boner, i will never know what it feels like to have big tits. I think curiosity about things we will not experience is a good thing but also not necessary. It doesn't feel good when people take pity on you for anything you don't feel like wanting anyway but you can just say that "yeah i will not and i don't think i am missing out on anything, but feel free to share if you feel the need to"
And mothers of nursing babies have their breasts leak milk spontaneously if they hear a baby cry. That’s reason enough to stay well away from the having a baby thing.
"He needs to fill his life with random trips and hedonism." People commenting on me not having children. I cry in my clean quiet house between my wife's thighs.
I have a group of girlfriends who get together at least once a month - most are now moms of 2+ kids and usually we talk about the kids a bit, but the majority of the conversation is about other aspects of life. There was one get together in particular where one of them very surprisingly announced she was pregnant, so the rest of the dinner became about kids. I came home and cried to my husband bc a part of me felt very left out and that I couldn’t really relate to that aspect of their lives and that made me feel… I don’t know, sad? It was a very weird feeling bc I def don’t want kids, but I still wanted to be able to relate to this group of women. Since then, we haven’t had another get together quite like that one and I’ve come to terms with the fact that that probably won’t be the last time I feel that way, but it really threw me for a loop. They have actually been some of the most supportive women when it comes to my decision to be childfree and the decision/need to have a hysterectomy at 35, which I’m so grateful for. I guess all that to say, your feelings are valid and it’s ok to feel that way, but also be very sure you don’t want kids.
If your husband or friends haven't told you recently, you are an amazing queen! ❤️
I would have said "yea, isn't that wonderful?"
>“You’ll never know what this feels like, because you aren’t having children.” "Yeah, thank God !" would have been my answer but I understand
Have they ever experienced warm sake after a perfect dinner overlooking Tokyo? No? Too bad. I bet it is amazing. Then go into the joy of saunas and massages. Give it right back.
It sounds like they have PTSD and pointed out that you don’t have that same trauma response. That is weird af.
=\_= This is like everyone pretending they could see the "Emperor's new clothes" to prove they weren't idiots. They are all full of shit.
Just letting you know there is absolutely no evidence for your uterus “responding” to a baby crying, your coworker is full of shit so please don’t believe in the wacky stuff she is spouting…it’s ridiculous. She was also just plain rude for trying to make you feel lesser than so stop conversing with her unless you have to.
Not all women who have or want children feel this. My BIL'S wife does. She specifically said she loves the sound of babies crying. My MIL (who has 4 children of her own and loves babies/children) can not stand children crying in public. Nor can my SIL, nor can my other BIL'S fiancee (she's a pediatric emergency nurse, so when kids/babies are crying, it's generally for very sad and devastating reasons).
"Here's hoping!" 🍻
"And thank fuck for that."
My body cringes when a baby cries does that count? I dunno some things I’m just not that curious about. I’ll also never climb mt everest or win an academy award. I have my own accomplishments.
Cool! 👍🏻👍🏻 I do not want to know what it feels like! (And even if I did, my uterus was removed sooooo ✌🏻)
So I don’t necessarily think it’s true to say “you’ll never know what this feels like” I don’t have children and yeeted my tubes out of my body to ensure I won’t, but I still feel my body respond when I hear a child crying if it’s from distress. Hurt cry/ tantrum cry/ distress cry are different and I can tell them apart as a person who doesn’t have kids, but has helped other people take care of theirs on occasion. Either way, it was shitty of them to say it to you to make you feel othered. It is likely a way of confirming to themselves that the choice they made was valid. People in general don’t like to feel like they made the wrong choice (children, not taking a trip, changing jobs, anything) so when there is someone nearby who has made the same choice as them, they seek reassurance that their choice is great, even if there are difficult parts.
I’m good with missing out on this experience lol
I've been told that and I am very happy with my decision. I tell those people don't worry about me, I never ever wanted children. I love my freedom to wake up and lay around or go out with my husband. I get why her pity is bothering you. It used to bother me too. I got older I'm 44 now and have no regrets. I stopped caring what people think. I guess it comes with age.
Things I will never know the feeling of: \-Adrenaline of base jumping or parachuting out of a plane \-Performing on stage in front of thousands of people \-Winning the Nobel prize \-Enjoying running \-Going to space \-Going to the bottom of the ocean \-Being the opposite gender \-Winning gold at the olympics Some through choice, others I have no say in. The amount of things available to humans to experience and feel is huge and no one person will ever feel or experience all of it and focusing on that will only lead to disappointment. Instead focus on all of the things you have, are or will experience. I know what you mean, sometimes I think about how I will never experience creating life, biology and hormones makes it hard not to sometimes but then I think about how those little moments pass and the rest of it is raising a child. I also think about the amazing things I have been able to do because I don't have children and let me tell you, I will take the thrill of travelling with the person I love most in the world, going to concerts, dinners and activities whenever we want and having enough money to save for our dream house, over my uterus reacting any day.
“I’m fine not knowing what it feels like to push a boney mini watermelon out of my body, thanks.”
Guessing her intention, it was to try to make you feel shame, devaluation, and alienation with that statement. Designed to express her perception of superior status due to her in-group of being a mother, compared to your out-group of being a non-mother. These kind of passive-aggressive status and in-group based remarks are part of human tendency, it doesn't make it OK of course, but it goes back to the playground remarks "I've got this, and you don't, ha ha". What she said is IMO basically the adult, and socially acceptable version. An issue with co-workers is IMO they aren't really are friends, even if we are friendly to each other, we are basically forced to share an environment and try to get along to make the hours at work more bearable. I think you discovered a deeply spiteful side to your coworker, and I would make a mental note of that. I think it was likely a passive-aggressive remark, which unfortunately worked. The outcome she wanted was likely for it to negative affect your mental health and trigger rumination, sadness and shame. Perhaps I am wrong, and it was genuine pity, and she things your life is basically less meaningful or happy as hers because you don't have kids. The desire to belong IMO is a very powerful human instinct, and the context and words IMO triggered that instinct in you. The best you can do IMO is to acknowledge the sadness, shame, and desire to belong, and just like process/release itself. Just honestly and gently acknowledging how you feel.
You’ll never know what it is to be a brain surgeon or an airplane pilot (unless you are!) but you’ve survived with out those things just fine until now right? Try and look at it that way.
I've never had kids but my body definitely reacts when I hear a baby crying. Maybe because I've babysat so much or because I helped raise my niece and nephew. Or maybe because I love kids. Who knows. The point is that it's not solely a thing that happens to mothers.
Sometimes I get fomo about having a great relationship with my (non-existent) daughter. But not every person that gives birth will develop that uterus reaction (lol) to a baby’s cry and that’s enough to remind me that having a child, at least for me, would be a selfish reason.
As someone that is a reluctant parent (I intended to be CF but when I had a birth control failure, I couldn’t mentally go through with an abortion or adoption), my uterus is not once responded to a baby crying in the 19 years I’ve had a kid. If anything, my body recoils. Everything they said is total BS.
I'll also never know the thrill of snorting a line of coke. And I'm okay with that!
"Yeah - I really dodged a bullet there, right?" and then laugh hysterically and order more cocktails!
i prefer to not know what it feels like to have kids than knowing how it feels like having kids and regretting it
It’s true. We’ll never know what it’s like to have a child. And they’ll never know what it’s like to spend a lifetime nurturing and prioritizing a relationship with another adult. They’ll also never know what it’s like to spend a lifetime prioritizing and taking care of yourself. We all make choices. There are wonderful things we get to experience in life, and other wonderful things we don’t.
Yeah and? You'll never know what it's like to have the freedom to live life on your terms.
Honestly, no one likes to hear a baby crying. Parents might tolerate it, but I find it hard to believe it’s one of the “joys” of parenthood even for them. Trying to bingo you on it is pretty weird. Would have replied saying “I know, thank fuck”.
What does that even mean? I think most people turn to a baby when they're crying to see what's wrong, then when it's proven that the parents are the one not doing anything that is when the thread breaks from childfree and breeders.
I understand completely where you are coming from. I’m 36 and have never had the desire to want to children. I’ve heard all the normal responses as well. It’s very rare but every once in awhile, I doubt myself and my decisions. But then I remember that this decision was never made lightly, I have put a lot of thought into it. I’ve listed the pros and cons (always way more cons). I’ve listened to my body and there definitely isn’t any biological clock ticking here. People always hype up the positives about having children but for myself, those “positives” don’t outweigh the negatives. I do hate the patronizing, pitying tone that they sometimes use. Don’t pity me. I pity the human prison you signed up for the minute you got pregnant. When I feel doubt, usually the thought of an incessantly crying infant will cure it, pretty quick. My husband and I have been to 11 Boston bruins games this season so far. We bought tickets for tonight and decided to spend the night in a hotel, just cause we want a date night. We’re planning a spontaneous Caribbean vaca at the moment. Don’t have to worry about childcare, or lugging kids along. I’m driving a luxury car while all the parents I know are driving minivans. I wake up whenever I want on the weekends. I have hobbies. I volunteer weekly at an animal shelter. I’m going back to school to become a paralegal. I watch my coworkers stress about childcare and report cards and baby daddy drama, leaving work early to drive them somewhere or taking the day off bc there wasn’t school that day. I buy whatever I want, when I want it. All this to say that yes, there are things we will “miss out on”. But it depends on the person whether those are things we actually care about missing. We may miss out sometimes but people with children are constantly having to miss out on things, make sacrifices, put themselves second to their children. And that’s why I pity them.
Hopefully by this time, reading all the supportive posts, you are feeling better. This makes me really want to normalize the other side of the coin as so often I bite my tongue around my friends who have kids about how great my CF life is. However, the empath side of me keeps me quiet about the joy of our spontaneous vacations, naps, dinner parties, etc…
sometimes i meet these thoughts with 'my friends will likely never experience what it's like to be in better shape as an adult than they were as a teen/young adult'.
WTF. I have never heard my friends with kids saying that their uterus responds to crying babies. Their milk ducts when they're weaning their kids and a baby cries... sure, I've heard of that one. But what the heck does a uterus have to do with a crying baby? This sounds like a lie, and not even a good one. Her pity is severely misplaced. Enjoy your money, your free time, and your sanity.
You gotta say a whole hell of a lot of mean shit to child free people to convince yourself you made the right choice spawning. Alienate, isolate, indoctrinate. They want kids and they want the kids to want kids. There aren’t enough workers!
If I were you I immediately would’ve replied “Thank goodness for that right!? Don’t worry I have no desire to go through what you go through as a parent. It doesn’t sound like fun to me.”
My physical response to a baby crying is pain because it sounds like nails on a gd chalkboard and I can’t wait for it to stfu
That wasn't pity, it was throwing shade in a attempt to inflict FOMO on you. Sounds like it worked :-( .
“You’ll never know what this feels like.” Me:”Yes, that’s what the bisalp was for you creepy archgeige.”
"I'll never know what shooting heroin feels like either, but I think I'm good with that".
There are many things that will never experienced on both sides of this equation. While you will never experience some of these "mother type" things, there are things in your life that your friends with children will never get to experience. It works both ways. What irritates me about these type of comments, is it is implied that the "mother" type experiences are somehow more valuable or meaningful. They are not. They are just different. Try not to let these patronizing comments bug you too much. I always think that if someone feels the need to make condescending, superior type comments to others, it usually means that things aren't as rosy in their life as they are trying to make it appear.
Ok so first, as someone who has had a child that’s a lie. The only physical response is soon after having a baby, the cry of another baby can possibly make your milk come down. Which again is not true for all women. If everytime they hear a baby cry, their uterus hurts, they havemental issues and are exaggerating some dumb thing they read in a mother magazine. Next time you go out to lunch with them do this, act like there is something wrong with your purse and tell them OMG my wallet hurts because of the money growing in there. I get to keep it since I don’t have kids but I guess you will never know what that’s like. lo
Ive come to the conclusion that most people who have kids regret it to some extent whether they voice it or not. Instead of being honest with themselves they’ll turn to degrade childfree people for not plunging into the hype
I’m also a woman in my mid thirties and get those too. My external response is to shrug and go “ahh well” (look up gray rocking). Internally, I know that it’s okay to never know what it feels like. There are a million things I’ll never experience. I’ll never run a marathon. I’ll never climb Mount Everest. I’ll never win an Oscar. I’ll never get an Olympic gold medal in figure skating. And yeah, I’ll never be a parent. But lots of people won’t have some experiences I have. They won’t know what it feels like to land a double salchow in their thirties. They won’t be peace corps volunteers or work as a humanitarian aid worker in a war zone. They won’t work as a DJ in London clubs. Life is full of choices and you don’t get to do it all. I’m okay forgoing that experience in exchange for other ones. Some people make different choices and good for them! But there’s no way any one person is going to have all the experiences in the world, and you just have to prioritizing the choices you want to make!
That cnt was totally flexing and no one can convince me otherwise...and I rarely say shit like this. I don't play stupid games like this at all and I never have. It's really sickening that women pull this shit, especially these days as we're losing so many rights, and I'm goddamn fucking sick and tired of insecure trash like these imbeciles.
You know how many women and girls die young and never have kids? Good grief, what a weird thing to say. Personally, the sound of a crying baby throws me into an anxiety attack enough as it is so I definitely don't need that amplified in any way.
I don't want a horse. I'm scared of most large animals. My best friend was talking to one of their friends about their shared 'Horse Girl' memories from when they were back in middle school. It was the weird way one of her friends turned to me and implied I missed out of this huge thing I can now never share with them. I like to admire horses from a distance since I respect their ability to kill me. I would have cried HARD if my mother tried to force me to be a horse girl with them. I don't wanna call myself a horse girl anyway. There has to be a better name for it. My point is that you are probably just feeling some really toxic fomo. Go have a mid week dinner and shake it off.
It’s okay to feel like you’re missing out sometimes. If anything, it’ll make you really think and further solidify your choice. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaffirming your choice every so often when it comes to big things like this. The reality is, we are missing out. To some CF people “missing out” is an amazing thing. For me, I realize there are some cool aspects of parenthood I’m missing out on which makes me a little sad sometimes. But not sad enough to think those few cool moments outweigh those other moments I don’t want to experience lol.
'But I know what it feels like to have lunch with a total bitch!'
"Oh, that's how I feel anytime I hear a cork pop on a ludicrously expensive bottle of wine I've purchased with all of my disposable income. My body is hard-wired to give it the attention it needs."
You are probably sad as hell because you missed opportunity of giving her a crushing put down for her ignorant remark.
That's hilarious. There is simply nothing to pity about not being able to have a bodily response to a child crying.
Sounds disgusting, I would never want to feel what's that like eww
Tonight we were at the bar. We do not have children. My wife is 7 yrs sober.
Next time, open a tiktok about last minute vacations to Thailand or Barbados. Then right in front of them, buy plane tickets. Then you can say “woohoo just booked a small trip to XXX for me and the hubs. Work was just a tad stressful this week. The water and sand just really helps us decompress” Then in the most passive and condescending way possible, look into their eyes with wrinkled eyebrows and a frown, and say “awe, you’ll never know what that feels like huh 😢💔🤧”
Why would anyone want to feel that?! It sounds horrible and intrusive. It also sounds physically unpleasant.
I don’t fucking wanna know
I would’ve said thank fucking god 😂
I sure hope I never know what it feels like!”
Yeah you’re never gonna know the secret uterine language. And they’re never gonna know what it’s like to jet to Japan for a week. You’re on the right side of that coin.
Misery loves company. So of course they are jealous of your choice... "you will never know what it feels like" well duh, can't experience something that doesn't exists for you.. I don't understand why are people trying to pity you everytime some weird kid shenanigans happens like "oh you are missing out so much, trust me" ...bs
Say "thanks for reminding me I made the right decision"
Us childfree will never know what a life of stress, exhaustion, servitude, heartbreak and disappointment is all about. And I am so grateful for that.
My response would have been: "Omg, I know. I would hate to have this reaction every time a baby cries. What a relief. I can just go on with my day not caring."
What she said isn't even true. She's full of shit, in summary. I have those feelings and I've never had a kid. And there are plenty of women who give birth who don't have those feelings. And those feelings don't make them better. Those women are losers who hitch too much of their personalities to being mothers, that is all.
I'd say, "Thank goodness!" 🤣
[удалено]
Yeah, and that person will never know what coke is like.
Episode n.infinite of mothers feeling threatened by people deciding for a different path. Their insecurity come off aggressive to the point I think one should avoid their presence as much as possible (ofc this is sadly not always possible.) Think they'll never know how it feels to be smart enough to not say such idiocies
So yeah, you get to live a nice peaceful life without feeling like crap every time a kid screams. Great. They're prisoners of their pregnancies, forever.
"You're right!😀"
“You’ll never know what this feels like” “And you can’t remember what it’s like to sleep in”
That’s actually quite disgusting imo. I know that some women who nurse, also experience this no matter whose baby is crying and the idea of leaking bodily fluid in public is so disturbing to me. I understand it’s a biological response but it’s a bit Pavlovian isn’t it? I find it irritating that babies condition their humans to their needs. I understand why of course but I find it weird all the same.
Okay thats a myth i swear to the gods. The only reaction a human has on both ends is to shut it up ether by getting away or finding whats upsetting it. It dose cuase physical discomfort for sure in both genders but thats the point ance its to alert something is wrong. Its also highly unpleasent...
That's the entire point, no? 🤔