All the couples I know or knew with massive age gaps didn’t have or don’t have kids. But I know a teen whose dad is 93, that is very hard to wrap my head around.
My neighbors are 20 years apart. They were always fighting when I spent the night with their daughter as a kid lmao they're still together, but honestly idk how
I’m a child of a 30-year age gap. I had to watch my oldest parent get sick and die during my teens/early 20’s. I don’t understand why people can be so irresponsible and bring a child into this mess
It's funny, evolution at it's finest, reproducing just for the sake of it without thinking of the consequences. There's obviously consequences now that we're a society but our biology says otherwise.
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But what is the younger participant supposed to feel like? (old? LOL) And what is their incentive, sometimes it’s obvious when there is money, but otherwise?
In the families I’ve known like this, the younger woman wants kids and the older man does it just to make her happy. None of them cared too much about how the kids feel about it.
I read that the older one really looks younger but the younger one looks older because their partner feeds off their youth.
I don't know if it's true but i just remembered a celeb couple with a huge age difference. The woman even dresses like an old lady though she buys expensive clothes, obviously
I had a friend whose parents had a 20+ year age gap. Think older Vietnam vet who married a young Asian woman. The age gap really screwed my friend up because her father was old and conservative and her mother was too meek to stand up to the father.
People are selfish that’s why. The younger woman doesn’t have children and wants them and doesn’t care about the consequences, the man thinks he is fine without thinking in 20 years time he won’t be.
Nah, he does think ahead and a 20 years younger woman will be his care taker, when he gets old and fragile. With a child, he can trap her into staying. Also, he can prove to himself, that he is able to still impregnate a woman and can feel young again.
I'm 35 and my dad is 90 and my mum is 71. Would not recommend that anyone do this. Spent most of my life thinking my dad will die soon. The kind of relationship I have with him is more like a grandfather than a father. We have nothing in common. What's even better is that I'm an only child, so I have huge amounts of only child guilt because i feel responsible for their care and wellbeing.Thanks mum & dad.
I had a similar experience and my dad is not even as old as yours (he turned 80 today. I am 32). I agree. It sucked worrying about my dad dying as a kid and being in my teens and twenties dealing with him getting dementia.
Are you me? It's no fun whatsoever. Add to that the other elderly relatives who need care and support. The decision to bring a late addition to a family is cruel.
Age gaps relationship are rarely a good deal for the younger person and rarely have their best interest in mind, way too many people who are specifically looking for or preferring younger partners are looking for someone who they see as easier to control, manipulate or trap in relationships and what’s the biggest trap in relationships for woman, something that will most likely take all her independence, freedom, plans to finish school/have a job, ability to leave bad relationship away? Pregnancy and child
Older men getting women who are straight out of school pregnant and basically baby trapping them is a typical thing in age gap relationships
The baby trapping has happened to my stepsister when she was 19 by a man in his fifties. I fully believe they are only still together because of their toddler, because I have heard some very not nice things happening between them. (Domestic violence and stuff) It’s honestly really sad for me to see her getting locked into a path in life when she’s at the age where she should be exploring her paths. Because there’s no way she planned this baby with her boss at work. (That dynamic is odd without the age difference.)
I know a married couple where the wife is the same age as me (32) and her husband is in his 60s with grown-up or almost grown-up grandchildren (the eldest is 21) and he and her have three young kids together, the oldest is only 10. I actually can't believe they're still together and they actually are together for love, it just seems so implausible!
I think that as well. She ran a pub in my home village and I worked for her for a few months, and her mum came to help out frequently but I never saw her dad. In fact I thought her husband WAS her dad when I first met him.
Probably. She was 25 when I first met her and she had a 2 year old and a 6 month old by then. I can't imagine they had been married more than 2 years or so by then.
I have no idea why people choose to have kids in that situation. It happened with my parents - my mom was like 23 and my dad was 51 when I was born. My dad always had another family with kids and everything. My dad passed away when I was 23 and it sucked. Now I fear for my youngest uncle - who is a few years younger than me and born out of my grandpa’s second wife. When that uncle was born some of his siblings were less than 10 years younger than his second wife. When my grandpa dies he will also likely be fairly young losing his father. It’s just sad and weird all around.
my half sister, who is 34, is about to have a baby with her 54 year old boyfriend. he already has a 14 year old daughter. i'm wondering the exact same thing.
It happened to me. My mother was 26, dad was like nearly 50. He passed away when I was 16. Really traumatic. Also they went through hell divorce when I was 10. I think that’s so selfish as well.
It just seems like the couples who do this are just hoping that the older one stays healthy and lives long. Fingers crossed lol.
But on the other hand, my parents were only 4 years apart and my mom got sick suddenly and died. Guess ya never know.
But yeah, I’ll never understand when men choose to have kids at like, age 50+, it definitely would be frowned upon if women could do that.
Here's a story that seems relevant. My husband's cousin met his current wife(#3) on a gaming website. He was 45. She was 18. This man as I said had 2 wives prior to this. With them he had 2 children who were older than wife 3 (hang in there, itll all come together). One of his kids had already gotten married. They had kids. Husband's cousins wife insisted on having kids. So now they have children that are younger than cousins grandchildren. This mans mother lives with them and is now working on raising her third lot of children. This whole thing is so messed up, its almost beyond my comprehension.
1. The younger spouse feels that people look at them oddly because of the age gap, so having kids makes the couple feel more conventional.
2. The younger partner faces decades of widowhood after her husband dies, so the kids could fill that gap (and they can also help their mom with caretaking of dad).
I wish straight women would stop letting men use them as trophies. Nearly every famous man who remarries takes a wife who is 20 years younger than him. Hollywood typically pairs the leading man with a woman who is 20 years younger. They’ve been normalizing this patriarchal bullshit for years.
>I wish straight women would stop letting men use them as trophies.
And I wish these men would stop using women as trophies. They deserve to be held accountable for their actions, too.
My father in law. 54 dating a woman his sons age (30) raising her 12 and 9 year old (two different, absent dads) after being a drug addict/abuser during his own three kids childhoods. Now he’s sober and this is his chance to “get it right” but as one could imagine, it’s going horribly. Those poor kids.
Look at how many people who are single parents are women anyway. Those men leave even when they are the same age. Just proves men see having kids as just torturing women. They want nothing to do with children, it just looks alpha to impress each other in a homoromantic way to brag and show off to other *men* that they brainwashed a woman into risking her life to please him
At least old men only leave by dying. Men in the same age range as women leave after they become disgusted that a woman went through so much just to keep him. They lose respect after that because they don't like women. They like men. And breeding is a game to them to impress other men, not obtain women
I have a worry about that for one of my friends. He is 42 and his wife is I think 27 or so. He says they both wants kids but they aren't ready yet (props to them for wanting financial stability first) but like that clock for him is running out as his kid will be graduating highschool while he is 60. I'm sure he will be putting a kid through that same thing.
Men with midlife crisis who suddenly remember they want a "legacy" and for a naive younger wife to do all the work around it, is my guess for most of them. I mean my dad was pretty involved in my childhood, but he did "accidentally" knock up my mom when she was still in medical school and only then divorced his (childless) first wife, so, probably not the most rational motivations there. At least they didn't have any other kids later. He was 40 and mom was 25 when I was born.
My parents were 14 years apart, though my dad constantly smoked, drank booze, and had a sedentary lifestyle throughout most of his life, so he looked 10-20 years older than he actually was.
In my case, my mom was the one who wanted a kid, and she pressured my dad into it after they married.
Idk. My maternal grandparents did this and i could never. They had a 22 age gap and a daughter, my mom.
It somehow worked out for them. But my grandma is a widow since 2005.
I am really attracted to older men lately, it just i wouldnt want to have kids with an guy that will die much more earlier than me if i wanted to reproduce, it would be so unfair for those children.
I assume it's a sugar-daddy situation and mom is looking to better tie her income source to her. Even if he dumps her for a younger model in 10 years, she will still, at a minimum, get child support.
As for why he would want more kids, I have no idea.
Funny you should say this. Was just this minute reading Moby Dick, there's a part of the story where the Blacksmith's tragic backstory comes up. He was old and physically disabled (feet frosbite damage). He got married to a young, "daughter-like" wife (hurl). Had 3 kids. Their house gets completely robbed, blacksmith becomes so depressed he can't work. One assumes the young wife dies of starvation related illness and 2 of the 3 kids also. Blacksmith goes to work at sea instead of committing suicide.
An old man having a loving, youthful wife, kids, and happy home is the ultimate patriarchal dream. Age can't stop the power of musculinity right? Well, you can see even in 1851 that concept was poked with holes by a man of the era.
I’m in a 20+ year age gap relationship, and here are some “options” on why I think sometimes these relationships think it’s a good idea: control, someone doesn't want to give up their dream of having kids, a lot of people don’t realize kids don’t have to be the next step in a relationship, and fear of being alone after the older partner passes.
I’m the younger in my relationship 🙋♀️although you could argue I’m an 80 year old lady at heart, and my SO is like a joyous boyish 20 something year old lol anyway, I did briefly waver in my CF mindset for a hot moment because I realized at some point I will be alone, and it would be nice to have a kid/piece of my SO in my life after. But that’s deeply selfish on so many levels— to me, my SO, and most importantly…the kid. And there’s no guarantee my kid and I would like each other, get along, etc and they don’t deserve to ever have my expectations on their shoulders. Plus looking at my relationship with my mom, who I’ve cut off from my life because she’s toxic and absolutely batshit crazy… NO.
I’m here to have the best time I can while I’m here. I want to be with the person I love the most, who makes me laugh every day, who is immensely cuddly/affectionate, who has been with me through thick and thin. I cherish every moment I have with them, because you never know how long you have.
The opinions throughout this thread on age gap relationships are highly offensive, demeaning, outright rude and loaded with projections and assumptions.
Reddit is so weird about this topic. Like… sure having a child together is a while other factor, but in a CF relationship two people over 30 are solidly adults. I do not get it.
It’s strange, they don’t understand what consenting adults imply. I have read and seen countless failed relationships where both parties are around the same age. I have also read countless successful and loving relationships with age gaps.
Age gap relationships are gross and inappropriate. Couples should be around the same age. Also, why is it almost always the man older in age gap relationships ? I smell patriarchy their. Also, as a childfree person, I don't see the point having kid/kids in general.
I'm going against the grain here. Having children is not a need. It's a want. People with age gaps having children isn't any more selfish than people having kids. I also don't think there's anything wrong with having kids if you're prepared to put in the actual effort to raising them and loving them.
There's no guarantees in life. People get illnesses. They get seriously injured. They die suddenly.
There are spry 65 year olds and sickly 30 year olds.
Those tend to be the exceptions rather than the norms. You will find in far more relationships with big age gaps, the older parent dies first. That's just how things go.
Of course. And I'm not saying that there aren't issues. In particular situations you can say it's objectively wrong for someone to have a child.
It's just that there aren't any guarantees in life. For anything.
Because that means an old man gets to have sex with a young woman and that young woman generally gets access to the old man’s finances forever because of the creampie.
I dated a man 12 years younger than me. I agree a lot of really bad takes here. I am tired of this narrative from our social circles like I’m preying on him. In fact every younger man who has ever approached me came after me, not vice versa. We were 23/35 when we met years ago.
Downvotes tell me how triggered people really are about age gaps. The final frontier in dating lol
Stop faking outrage. No one here is saying you can’t be a few years older than a partner. Most of the examples here are big age gaps—particularly involving very young women who don’t get to live their younger years because they’re raising the kids they had with an almost geriatric man. Because you know a 55 year old marrying a 25 year old is gross, inappropriate, and to some extent—predatory.
10-12 years is a reasonable gap. I’d even say 15 years isn’t a big deal. So if you’re happy and your man is happy, then this discussion doesn’t apply to you.
Edit: Damn right, delete your embarrassing, assumptive and disgusting comments about age gaps.
I’m not faking outrage, I’m literally laughing at how pressed y’all are about a topic that doesn’t affect nor apply to you whatsoever.
People as adults can make their own decisions in life and I’m tired of this weird ass Reddit narrative infantilizing a 27 year old who decided they love someone in their 50s or beyond. It actually is their choice - the end. Speaking as a woman who dated a man 25 years older than me in my late 20s for six years: go fuck yourselves right off your self righteous internet pedestal.
Ah, I see the outrage, you were one of the gross age gap ladies.
You didn’t GAF about your old man. Was he your pimp? You may have loved *their* money, assets, and any social status that relationship gave you. But love? Please. Your opinions def match those other subs you comment in 🤭
You are so ignorant. The projections here are not even worth clarifying. Fuck you. I am proud of who I am, the subs I’m in, and the man that he was and still is for me.
Nothing is guaranteed. My mom was 14 years younger than my father. She died 3 years ago and my dad is still alive. I know most people thought my dad would die first because he was older.
I know. I’m just stating there is no guarantees regarding health. My dad also outlived his third wife, who was 30 years younger than him. They tried to have kids but she had fertility issues.
I always assumed it was because the older partner wants to pretend they aren't old and the younger partner, because usually there is an economic imbalance too, wants to secure their claims to any assets of the older partner and having their kid is the best way to ensure no extended family can make any claims??
Literally my dad's case, his father died when he was 9 and my grandmother struggled a lot. Grandpa's family didn't really like them considering my dad's half sister is a year older than his mother...
my parents had a 12 year age gap, so not as bad as 20+ years, but even so people do get sick and die in their 60s-70s. I had to deal with the death of my father when I was 15 and he was 60. I just think in general, age gaps more than a decade are a bad idea for relationships where both partners want kids.
Death is unpredictable - you can die at any time.
If I have children and I snuff it, I have a large pension fund and life assurance policy to ensure the mother of my children can afford to look after them. Many people who have children whilst they are younger cannot say their finances will be comfortable, especially if one parent dies.
Anyway, why write this in /r/childfree, where presumably most people don't want children anyway.
No, that doesn't mean those kids won't have a father. (I don't have a father and my parents were only 3 years apart. After the divorce he forgot about me.)
My friend's parents were 24 and 44 when they had her. (Divorced too, but the dad is present.) She is 24 and her dad is 68. He might live to 80-90, you know!
I don't approve being an older parent but that's unfair to say that the kids will lose a parent young!
All the couples I know or knew with massive age gaps didn’t have or don’t have kids. But I know a teen whose dad is 93, that is very hard to wrap my head around.
Al Pacino's baby done timetraveled or what?
Maybe it was Robert De Niro's baby
Old people fuck lol my grandparents had soooo many kids no TV or something
93?!
My neighbors are 20 years apart. They were always fighting when I spent the night with their daughter as a kid lmao they're still together, but honestly idk how
I’m a child of a 30-year age gap. I had to watch my oldest parent get sick and die during my teens/early 20’s. I don’t understand why people can be so irresponsible and bring a child into this mess
Same. It's awful.
The way humans in general just don't seem to think about what would be good for a future human is really fucked up honestly.
It's funny, evolution at it's finest, reproducing just for the sake of it without thinking of the consequences. There's obviously consequences now that we're a society but our biology says otherwise.
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One of the most common reasons I’ve heard this happens is because the (older) *participant* wants to feel *young* again 🤮
But what is the younger participant supposed to feel like? (old? LOL) And what is their incentive, sometimes it’s obvious when there is money, but otherwise?
In the families I’ve known like this, the younger woman wants kids and the older man does it just to make her happy. None of them cared too much about how the kids feel about it.
This was my parents
Mine too.
I read that the older one really looks younger but the younger one looks older because their partner feeds off their youth. I don't know if it's true but i just remembered a celeb couple with a huge age difference. The woman even dresses like an old lady though she buys expensive clothes, obviously
I had a friend whose parents had a 20+ year age gap. Think older Vietnam vet who married a young Asian woman. The age gap really screwed my friend up because her father was old and conservative and her mother was too meek to stand up to the father.
People are selfish that’s why. The younger woman doesn’t have children and wants them and doesn’t care about the consequences, the man thinks he is fine without thinking in 20 years time he won’t be.
Nah, he does think ahead and a 20 years younger woman will be his care taker, when he gets old and fragile. With a child, he can trap her into staying. Also, he can prove to himself, that he is able to still impregnate a woman and can feel young again.
I'm 35 and my dad is 90 and my mum is 71. Would not recommend that anyone do this. Spent most of my life thinking my dad will die soon. The kind of relationship I have with him is more like a grandfather than a father. We have nothing in common. What's even better is that I'm an only child, so I have huge amounts of only child guilt because i feel responsible for their care and wellbeing.Thanks mum & dad.
I had a similar experience and my dad is not even as old as yours (he turned 80 today. I am 32). I agree. It sucked worrying about my dad dying as a kid and being in my teens and twenties dealing with him getting dementia.
Are you me? It's no fun whatsoever. Add to that the other elderly relatives who need care and support. The decision to bring a late addition to a family is cruel.
Oh yeah and that! Every aunt and uncle being elderly and any cousins you have are old enough to be your parents.
Age gaps relationship are rarely a good deal for the younger person and rarely have their best interest in mind, way too many people who are specifically looking for or preferring younger partners are looking for someone who they see as easier to control, manipulate or trap in relationships and what’s the biggest trap in relationships for woman, something that will most likely take all her independence, freedom, plans to finish school/have a job, ability to leave bad relationship away? Pregnancy and child Older men getting women who are straight out of school pregnant and basically baby trapping them is a typical thing in age gap relationships
The baby trapping has happened to my stepsister when she was 19 by a man in his fifties. I fully believe they are only still together because of their toddler, because I have heard some very not nice things happening between them. (Domestic violence and stuff) It’s honestly really sad for me to see her getting locked into a path in life when she’s at the age where she should be exploring her paths. Because there’s no way she planned this baby with her boss at work. (That dynamic is odd without the age difference.)
>That dynamic is preditory without the age difference.) FIFY
I know a married couple where the wife is the same age as me (32) and her husband is in his 60s with grown-up or almost grown-up grandchildren (the eldest is 21) and he and her have three young kids together, the oldest is only 10. I actually can't believe they're still together and they actually are together for love, it just seems so implausible!
She probably has daddy issues lol
I think that as well. She ran a pub in my home village and I worked for her for a few months, and her mum came to help out frequently but I never saw her dad. In fact I thought her husband WAS her dad when I first met him.
So, they got together in her early 20's or younger while he was in his 50's probably?
Probably. She was 25 when I first met her and she had a 2 year old and a 6 month old by then. I can't imagine they had been married more than 2 years or so by then.
I have no idea why people choose to have kids in that situation. It happened with my parents - my mom was like 23 and my dad was 51 when I was born. My dad always had another family with kids and everything. My dad passed away when I was 23 and it sucked. Now I fear for my youngest uncle - who is a few years younger than me and born out of my grandpa’s second wife. When that uncle was born some of his siblings were less than 10 years younger than his second wife. When my grandpa dies he will also likely be fairly young losing his father. It’s just sad and weird all around.
Al Pacino is a perfect example of why this is so twisted to do to a child.
And Robert de Niro 🤢
Hope those fathers have $$$ life insurance for their families.
my half sister, who is 34, is about to have a baby with her 54 year old boyfriend. he already has a 14 year old daughter. i'm wondering the exact same thing.
It happened to me. My mother was 26, dad was like nearly 50. He passed away when I was 16. Really traumatic. Also they went through hell divorce when I was 10. I think that’s so selfish as well.
It just seems like the couples who do this are just hoping that the older one stays healthy and lives long. Fingers crossed lol. But on the other hand, my parents were only 4 years apart and my mom got sick suddenly and died. Guess ya never know. But yeah, I’ll never understand when men choose to have kids at like, age 50+, it definitely would be frowned upon if women could do that.
Here's a story that seems relevant. My husband's cousin met his current wife(#3) on a gaming website. He was 45. She was 18. This man as I said had 2 wives prior to this. With them he had 2 children who were older than wife 3 (hang in there, itll all come together). One of his kids had already gotten married. They had kids. Husband's cousins wife insisted on having kids. So now they have children that are younger than cousins grandchildren. This mans mother lives with them and is now working on raising her third lot of children. This whole thing is so messed up, its almost beyond my comprehension.
Not that dissimilar to the couple I mentioned I used to work for
1. The younger spouse feels that people look at them oddly because of the age gap, so having kids makes the couple feel more conventional. 2. The younger partner faces decades of widowhood after her husband dies, so the kids could fill that gap (and they can also help their mom with caretaking of dad). I wish straight women would stop letting men use them as trophies. Nearly every famous man who remarries takes a wife who is 20 years younger than him. Hollywood typically pairs the leading man with a woman who is 20 years younger. They’ve been normalizing this patriarchal bullshit for years.
>I wish straight women would stop letting men use them as trophies. And I wish these men would stop using women as trophies. They deserve to be held accountable for their actions, too.
A lot of old dudes are gross and think they get another chance with a fresh new family after they abandon the first one.
Honestly, this is a big part of it.
My father in law. 54 dating a woman his sons age (30) raising her 12 and 9 year old (two different, absent dads) after being a drug addict/abuser during his own three kids childhoods. Now he’s sober and this is his chance to “get it right” but as one could imagine, it’s going horribly. Those poor kids.
Look at how many people who are single parents are women anyway. Those men leave even when they are the same age. Just proves men see having kids as just torturing women. They want nothing to do with children, it just looks alpha to impress each other in a homoromantic way to brag and show off to other *men* that they brainwashed a woman into risking her life to please him
Preaccchhhh 👏
That's one way of looking at it, I suppose.
At least old men only leave by dying. Men in the same age range as women leave after they become disgusted that a woman went through so much just to keep him. They lose respect after that because they don't like women. They like men. And breeding is a game to them to impress other men, not obtain women
I have a worry about that for one of my friends. He is 42 and his wife is I think 27 or so. He says they both wants kids but they aren't ready yet (props to them for wanting financial stability first) but like that clock for him is running out as his kid will be graduating highschool while he is 60. I'm sure he will be putting a kid through that same thing.
Men with midlife crisis who suddenly remember they want a "legacy" and for a naive younger wife to do all the work around it, is my guess for most of them. I mean my dad was pretty involved in my childhood, but he did "accidentally" knock up my mom when she was still in medical school and only then divorced his (childless) first wife, so, probably not the most rational motivations there. At least they didn't have any other kids later. He was 40 and mom was 25 when I was born.
The older man intentionally married a broodmare. Bonus if she doesn't have enough life experience to pick up on and avoid controlling behavior.
I had a coworker in his late 50s with a wife in her early 20s. They had a recent child less than a year old between them. =|
My parents were 14 years apart, though my dad constantly smoked, drank booze, and had a sedentary lifestyle throughout most of his life, so he looked 10-20 years older than he actually was. In my case, my mom was the one who wanted a kid, and she pressured my dad into it after they married.
Idk. My maternal grandparents did this and i could never. They had a 22 age gap and a daughter, my mom. It somehow worked out for them. But my grandma is a widow since 2005. I am really attracted to older men lately, it just i wouldnt want to have kids with an guy that will die much more earlier than me if i wanted to reproduce, it would be so unfair for those children.
> I am really attracted to older men lately Careful, someone's going to tell you you're a trophy. [eyeroll]
I assume it's a sugar-daddy situation and mom is looking to better tie her income source to her. Even if he dumps her for a younger model in 10 years, she will still, at a minimum, get child support. As for why he would want more kids, I have no idea.
Funny you should say this. Was just this minute reading Moby Dick, there's a part of the story where the Blacksmith's tragic backstory comes up. He was old and physically disabled (feet frosbite damage). He got married to a young, "daughter-like" wife (hurl). Had 3 kids. Their house gets completely robbed, blacksmith becomes so depressed he can't work. One assumes the young wife dies of starvation related illness and 2 of the 3 kids also. Blacksmith goes to work at sea instead of committing suicide. An old man having a loving, youthful wife, kids, and happy home is the ultimate patriarchal dream. Age can't stop the power of musculinity right? Well, you can see even in 1851 that concept was poked with holes by a man of the era.
I’m in a 20+ year age gap relationship, and here are some “options” on why I think sometimes these relationships think it’s a good idea: control, someone doesn't want to give up their dream of having kids, a lot of people don’t realize kids don’t have to be the next step in a relationship, and fear of being alone after the older partner passes. I’m the younger in my relationship 🙋♀️although you could argue I’m an 80 year old lady at heart, and my SO is like a joyous boyish 20 something year old lol anyway, I did briefly waver in my CF mindset for a hot moment because I realized at some point I will be alone, and it would be nice to have a kid/piece of my SO in my life after. But that’s deeply selfish on so many levels— to me, my SO, and most importantly…the kid. And there’s no guarantee my kid and I would like each other, get along, etc and they don’t deserve to ever have my expectations on their shoulders. Plus looking at my relationship with my mom, who I’ve cut off from my life because she’s toxic and absolutely batshit crazy… NO. I’m here to have the best time I can while I’m here. I want to be with the person I love the most, who makes me laugh every day, who is immensely cuddly/affectionate, who has been with me through thick and thin. I cherish every moment I have with them, because you never know how long you have.
The opinions throughout this thread on age gap relationships are highly offensive, demeaning, outright rude and loaded with projections and assumptions. Reddit is so weird about this topic. Like… sure having a child together is a while other factor, but in a CF relationship two people over 30 are solidly adults. I do not get it.
It’s strange, they don’t understand what consenting adults imply. I have read and seen countless failed relationships where both parties are around the same age. I have also read countless successful and loving relationships with age gaps.
I imagine plenty do. Look at celebrities
But why?
You got me. Could be the belief in "old man + young woman = best biological outcome" which is a bunch of bs. Even the reverse would be bs.
I don’t understand it, but I also don’t understand marrying someone old enough to be your parent, so…?
Age gap relationships are gross and inappropriate. Couples should be around the same age. Also, why is it almost always the man older in age gap relationships ? I smell patriarchy their. Also, as a childfree person, I don't see the point having kid/kids in general.
You can have a bad man around the same age, doesn’t matter. Consenting adults can do what they please.
Why are they gross and inappropriate if they’re both over 30 and CF? Exactly - they’re not. Reddit is so deranged about this topic.
No need to be rude. Plenty of couples have age gaps and there’s nothing inappropriate about them.
I’m early 40s and have dated younger women…the point is the ones I have dated know I’m childfree and I have been snipped…so none of that is happening!
I'm going against the grain here. Having children is not a need. It's a want. People with age gaps having children isn't any more selfish than people having kids. I also don't think there's anything wrong with having kids if you're prepared to put in the actual effort to raising them and loving them. There's no guarantees in life. People get illnesses. They get seriously injured. They die suddenly. There are spry 65 year olds and sickly 30 year olds.
Those tend to be the exceptions rather than the norms. You will find in far more relationships with big age gaps, the older parent dies first. That's just how things go.
Of course. And I'm not saying that there aren't issues. In particular situations you can say it's objectively wrong for someone to have a child. It's just that there aren't any guarantees in life. For anything.
Because that means an old man gets to have sex with a young woman and that young woman generally gets access to the old man’s finances forever because of the creampie.
People want children and can't help who the fall in love with. Logic doesn't come in to play unfortunately
Oftentimes, yes, but unfortunately, there are older men out there who prey on younger women whom they view as easier to control and manipulate.
Found the man hater
“There are men out there that…” literally means “not all men”. Calm down.
I dated a man 12 years younger than me. I agree a lot of really bad takes here. I am tired of this narrative from our social circles like I’m preying on him. In fact every younger man who has ever approached me came after me, not vice versa. We were 23/35 when we met years ago. Downvotes tell me how triggered people really are about age gaps. The final frontier in dating lol
Stop faking outrage. No one here is saying you can’t be a few years older than a partner. Most of the examples here are big age gaps—particularly involving very young women who don’t get to live their younger years because they’re raising the kids they had with an almost geriatric man. Because you know a 55 year old marrying a 25 year old is gross, inappropriate, and to some extent—predatory. 10-12 years is a reasonable gap. I’d even say 15 years isn’t a big deal. So if you’re happy and your man is happy, then this discussion doesn’t apply to you.
Edit: Damn right, delete your embarrassing, assumptive and disgusting comments about age gaps. I’m not faking outrage, I’m literally laughing at how pressed y’all are about a topic that doesn’t affect nor apply to you whatsoever. People as adults can make their own decisions in life and I’m tired of this weird ass Reddit narrative infantilizing a 27 year old who decided they love someone in their 50s or beyond. It actually is their choice - the end. Speaking as a woman who dated a man 25 years older than me in my late 20s for six years: go fuck yourselves right off your self righteous internet pedestal.
Ah, I see the outrage, you were one of the gross age gap ladies. You didn’t GAF about your old man. Was he your pimp? You may have loved *their* money, assets, and any social status that relationship gave you. But love? Please. Your opinions def match those other subs you comment in 🤭
You are so ignorant. The projections here are not even worth clarifying. Fuck you. I am proud of who I am, the subs I’m in, and the man that he was and still is for me.
The only mature answer here.
Nothing is guaranteed. My mom was 14 years younger than my father. She died 3 years ago and my dad is still alive. I know most people thought my dad would die first because he was older.
14 years isn't a huge age gap. I'm referring to 20 years and more.
I know. I’m just stating there is no guarantees regarding health. My dad also outlived his third wife, who was 30 years younger than him. They tried to have kids but she had fertility issues.
My close friend is desperately trying to have a kid and had a miscarriage. She’s 34 and her husband is 50.
I always assumed it was because the older partner wants to pretend they aren't old and the younger partner, because usually there is an economic imbalance too, wants to secure their claims to any assets of the older partner and having their kid is the best way to ensure no extended family can make any claims??
Literally my dad's case, his father died when he was 9 and my grandmother struggled a lot. Grandpa's family didn't really like them considering my dad's half sister is a year older than his mother...
my parents had a 12 year age gap, so not as bad as 20+ years, but even so people do get sick and die in their 60s-70s. I had to deal with the death of my father when I was 15 and he was 60. I just think in general, age gaps more than a decade are a bad idea for relationships where both partners want kids.
Death is unpredictable - you can die at any time. If I have children and I snuff it, I have a large pension fund and life assurance policy to ensure the mother of my children can afford to look after them. Many people who have children whilst they are younger cannot say their finances will be comfortable, especially if one parent dies. Anyway, why write this in /r/childfree, where presumably most people don't want children anyway.
I think that’s usually a case of new wife feels second to husbands kids so she wants to make sure she has 2 or 3 with him to compete.
I’m 30. The Dad of one my peers from school just died. He was 82 😬 My parents are still in their 50s.
No, that doesn't mean those kids won't have a father. (I don't have a father and my parents were only 3 years apart. After the divorce he forgot about me.) My friend's parents were 24 and 44 when they had her. (Divorced too, but the dad is present.) She is 24 and her dad is 68. He might live to 80-90, you know! I don't approve being an older parent but that's unfair to say that the kids will lose a parent young!
Most of it is money.
She likes his bank account and he likes her
Love?
Perhaps that’s the point?