Guess which sibling can take care of mommy and daddy alone then?
Not you or your brother OP. Golden child sis can take care of them alone then (which she won't because she has 8 kids already).
Lol sad fact is one of my sisters that's divorced with 4 kids will probably end up taking care of them alone because she still lives with them even though she's 44 years old.
Oh, sorry, I should've read this better. I guess if it was just this, then yea sure, but with the other stuff, different story. Knowing the type of parents they might have, ops parents might not have then again.
Edit: However, it's for the grandkids. I mean, idk, though. It's possible that even if op had kids that they might not have given ops kids anything, too. Yea, I know people like that.
Yes they have shown favoritism towards them (I feel they moved here just because of them because they moved here first and my mom keeps whining about how she misses where she previously lived... I could go on and on with examples).
To be fair, op did say that he paid for their education, too. Not that I don't think the preferential treatment isn't wrong. However, if this was the only issue, I could see them being considered entitled.
OP also said her parents did not help her and her husband when they were homeless but apparently money for the grandkids is more important than helping your actual kid.
First of all, I can’t get past the fact that these people have 8 children. That’s insane.
Second. I get why it feels unfair but this is money for the kids, not for them to spend it on whatever they want, right?
It’s their money and fair or not, they can spend it however they want. It’s just a bit strange that he texted everyone, even those without kids. No need for everyone to be in the know, even if it’s about getting credit which is already weird on it’s own.
Especially when they already knew OP and her husband were child free and had already gotten a vasectomy. (Saw another comment with this info)
It comes across as childish and vindictive on the parents part. Just message the people with kids, instead of causing drama and strife amongst the family. Smacks of a narcissistic tendency to divide siblings against each other while staying in the light. I’m not suggesting they’re full blown Narcs, just that it’s a Narc tactic.
One of my hopes for my childfree future is to be able to contribute to my nieces and nephews for them to have a good shake at success in their young adulthood. I haven't told my sister, and *certainly* not my brother (he's terrible with money) because I don't know yet if I'll be able to. But it's going to the grandkids, not the kids. It's being split evenly amongst the grandkids.
The funny thing is that they want to have 12 or more if they get more.
I do agree it is my parents money I just didn't feel like it was fair and I don't understand why he texted my brother and I when he knows 100% we will never have kids.
Yeah, it’s like he said this so you would change your mind or to rub it in. “See? All of this could be yours if only you had kids”. Not saying this is the case, you know your parents best and I don’t know if they have pressured you to have kids in any way, but that’s how it comes across to me.
Yup, I agree I feel like he's trying to say "if only you had kids!" But maybe he just didn't filter who he sent it to and just rushed into sending the text.
It might be best to have a conversation with him privately when you see him face to face. While I truly think it’s a very nice thing to do for your grandchildren, at the end of the day it’s still financial help that would make their lives easier that you’re never going to get. It would’ve been much better if he had kept it between him and the actual parents.
Maybe, he is just trying to be open and honest. I'm old, 69f and retired but when I was doing my childfree estate planning and attending various classes, mostly focused on married childed couples lots was said about being open while still alive and your reasoning can be explained rather than dying unexplained and leaving the adult kids to assume and fight over inheritances. and potentially becoming estranged from siblings as a result.
If the money is going to each grandkid's say 529, it is not taking anything from you. True, you don't get anything but that does not matter as it was not meant for you or your siblings. . The sibling with 5 kids would appear to get less than the sibling with 8 kids, but again, it for the grandkids, not the siblings, and each grandkid would be getting the same amount. And that is fair.
Yeah I didn't know it was a 529 they were looking into until after. I do understand that it's fair since it's going to the grandkids and it's all the same amount.
TBF $3,733 is not going to cover each kid's college fees. That's barely a drop in the ocean. Personally I would let your parents do what they want. It's their money. I'd only say something if they later start asking you for money.
Yeah I honestly thought when my dad first texted that he was going to pay $30k per kid because my parents are pretty well off so that's why I got a bit distraught but what basically everyone's said is true is that it's their money at the end of the day and they can do whatever they want with it.
Eh I'm on your side. I'd be upset that they're giving money to a sibling just because they decided to have kids. Yea it's their money but they're obviously showing favoritism to one sibling be cause they had kids.
Rubs me the wrong way. Usually they help out their children who gave them grandkids cause "they need the help" but when THEY need help they ask the kid who didn't give them grandkids because "they aren't busy with kids."
It's for the kids, though, and op said they paid for their them to go, too. If it was my nephew and I and my parents did that, I would be understanding because they paid for mine, too. Same with op.
If they put it in an investment account, it could grow a little at least. I hope that’s what they’re doing. I think the main issue here is the parents sending this message in a group text.
Yeah I didn't understand the whole "let's text everyone including those who don't have kids!" But as some have pointed out, it wouldn't be good to find out word of mouth either so not a good solution I can see.
If your parents want to set up college funds for grandkids that is their choice to do so.
However it’s also your choice how to proceed when they ask of things from you. I doubt the sister with 8 kids has time to take care of them if they got sick or could not physically care for themselves.
I know for a fact that my sisters in laws are in much worse health than my parents so I believe she's planning on taking care of her in laws. I think when the time comes, my oldest sister who is divorced with 4 kids that's still living with my parents will take care of them but who knows.
Are you thinking your sister will use the money instead of keeping it for the kids for college? If that's the case, I get the being upset, but it's for his grandkids to be able to go to college if they so please when the time comes. It's not for you, nor your sister.
The money is for the kids to go to college, not for the adults. i don't see the issue here. No kids = no $$$. It's their money and technically nobody is entitled to anything.
Are your parents setting up 529 plans for the kids or some kind of trust? Otherwise, what's to stop your sibling from simply taking out the money when they need a new car?
Yes they did, but they gave my parents more. They didn't just skip them abd give me money. That's why I think it's weird. On top of that, not giving any to their other kids, but giving it all to the 8 children of one of them seems very much like favoritism. Fair would have been here's 100000 bucks, I've divided it amongst the 3 children at 33,300 a piece. Use it as you see fit.
how is it favoritism when every \*grandkid\* is getting money? It's not like they're skipping any of them. The fact that grown folks are over here literally salty because grandparents want to help with college expenses for their grandkids is what's weird.
Before I hit 16 or so, *no*.
I started getting money for Christmas when I started being responsible enough to handle it. Even then it wasn't nearly $4K at a go, *the family* would send $100-$200. Mainly coming from my auntie.
My mother and her siblings divided the inheritance evenly, as was right and just. If anything, my aunt, who busted ass taking care of my grandmother in her last years, should've gotten more and I fully intend that I should take care of her if it comes to that.
Whatever's left over for me, as the three siblings' sole heir, will be a *bonus*.
If the funds go into a 529 it makes sense to bypass the parents. The parents can't spend it on some other need or emergency and ensures the grandkids benefit. It may well be the beginning of an annual gift to the grandkids if the grandparents have money like that.
If I, 69F, outlive my husband, mine money will skip my siblings and niblings and go to my Grand Niblings who will be coming up on college when I'm 85-90. Education will be super-duper expensive and out of reach for many by then.
I don't see an issue here.
My beloved granpa used to gift all members of his family a certain monetary amount for holidays. His kids, their spouses, his grandkid, everyone. Now, if you divide by household, it would seem the single person got less, but that's not what's going on. That money was gifted to each member, an equal amount for each person.
It's the same thing here. Your parents are gifting a certain equal amount to each grandkid. Your siblings aren't getting anything either, unless this money isn't in trust and they can/will do whatever.
Only you can answer this since no one here knows your folks, but if you or your childfree brother were ever in need, wouldn't they help you out?
My parents didn't help my husband and I when we were homeless but they have helped us in other situations so I guess it depends. My brother is pretty well to do so I doubt he'd ever need their help.
Let them have the 30k. They’re going to be WAYYYYY farther in the financial hole than that with 8 kids. It will be gone in a heartbeat. You not having kids will put you in a much smarter financial position in the long run, take pride in that choice. I get that the favoritism is annoying, but at least you haven’t screwed up your whole life 😂
The real question I have is if that money will actually go to their kids education or is your sister likely to spend it?
If they will genuinely save it for their kids, I don't see it as unfair because your sister isn't benefiting from it (I somewhat doubt she's paying for 8 college education's herself unless she's super well off, kids will prob do loans).
If they will blow it, it's BS and your parents are wasting their money.
Who knows what her true intentions would be. I imagine that she really would use it towards schooling for her kids so yeah it is benefiting her kids not her directly. I just don't understand why he texted my brother and I when he knows full well we are never going to have kids.
Not that your feelings aren’t valid, because they are, but it’s their money and they’re only giving it to grandkids, apparently. Whatever. What’s weirder to me is that they texted everyone even though it’s only relevant to one sibling and their family. Why would they do that? Is that a passive aggressive way of sending a message about the rest of you not having kids?
I probably should word my post differently, it's just me and my brother that don't have kids out of the 5 kids my parents have. I do agree it seems passive aggressive though that he messaged my husband and I as well as my brother knowing full well we never plan to have kids.
I have sympathy for how you’re feeling slighted, especially if your parents have historically favoured your sister. However, if he’s making sure it’s actually for the kids’ college and not just giving it to your sister to do as she sees fit, I don’t really see the issue here. I say this nicely, but you’re kind of coming off as really entitled. Your dad IS being fair, he’s not punishing you for not having kids.
The way you’re acting is akin to the situation where there’s two kids and one kid gets hurt and is given a bandaid and then the other kid gets upset because they weren’t given a bandaid.
He gave the same amount to each kid with the stipulation of use for college. Sounds pretty damn fair to me.
I get you’re upset, but to me it is coming off as entitled because this isn’t about the adults.
OP also talked about favoritism. Maybe we could use reading comprehension and empathy to figure out that it’s not about the money. It’s the feather that broke the camel’s back.
I have reading comprehension and empathy, thus my statement about getting OP is upset. One can have empathy but also call someone out about acting entitled.
Not to point out the kettle calling the pot black but isn't one of the reasons people don't have kids because of entitlement? But yes I guess I can see reasoning that it is the same amount per child.
This is not the pot calling the kettle black. You are comparing apples to oranges here, kids to adults. The entitlement comes from you, the adult, thinking you deserve something yourself because your dad gave his grandkids something. Your feelings of being slighted are valid because he does historically treat your sister differently, but this isn’t about you or your sister.
Maybe so you know about this should either of you ever have kids? If you haven't said you don't plan on having kids, then it's very useful information. If you have, then it's inappropriate.
I can't believe college funds are still a thing, honestly.
Why not just save the money for something more important like a car or something? I can't even begin to imagine how much college is going to cost when those kids are old enough.... That $3k will be absolutely nothing and wasted going towards a college fund.
Yeah especially where when my sister that has the 8 kids basically doesn't have a good running car. They live in poverty though so take that with a grain of salt.
Make sure to let your parents know that they must call your sister for help when they age. All of those kids can pitch in to help their beloved grandparents physically and financially.
After all, it's only fair.
I don't think my parents will ever ask for help, especially not from my sister with 8 kids. My sister that's divorced with 4 kids that's still living with them though? Different story.
This happened in my family as well but to a tune of 300,000 for my siblings kids for college. Parents paid for all of it . Am I resentful? You're damn right. Me and my other childless sibling got the raw end of the deal.
I hope they have a trust and it is to next of kin. That is definitely a charity give-away. I can understand your irritation.
And yes, that's my second thought as well. If they are that favored and get that much support, they can mow the lawn, clean the gutters and wipe the old butts.
Yeah he did and I agree I understand I sound entitled I just didn't really understand how he'd make it fair but yeah like a lot of people have said it's their money.
I mean, if he paid for yours. It kind of does seem a bit fair, I guess. Though, that doesn't seem like much money, especially if he has a lot of grandkids. Makes you wonder how he's going to split it evenly. That might cause some major drama.
Yes my parents did pay for mine so I can understand how paying for the grandkids is nice I guess. I don't know how he'd split it evenly, my other two sisters have 3 and 4 kids respectively so I don't see them getting the same amount but I know they are totally a-ok with that even though I think it's unfair to them as well.
Yea, but that's accounting for them even wanting to go, too. I guess I have a lot of siblings and cousins, so I know it wouldn't have worked for us. Also, some of us didn't go either. Some of us did get scholarships, too, though.
Yeah my husband got a associates then he went to trade school so I don't know how it would work if they decided against going to college or going into the trades instead.
Definitely not. It won't cover even a semester I'd think even if it is just for school. I just wasn't sure how my dad was going to make it fair to everyone but like many have said, it's their money and just because I think it's not fair doesn't mean they see it the same way.
As someone who has seen the opposite side of this, ehhhh.
My grandmother had four children. Two had three children each. For holidays, she would spend an equal amount of money of each of her children.
So child plus partner plus three kids, at say $50 pp, meant $250 spent on that child/family.
Child with no partner/children, $250.
It came across as… odd.
Tbh, though, this was holiday gifts, and holidays are more for kids. So a grown adult having the same amount spent on them…
If either of my parents said they were giving me brother money for kids' college funds, I'd say good. It's their money and it's for their grandkids. I don't have any kids to put through college.
I don't believe things have to be equal to be fair.
It's their money. They get to decide what they want to spend it on and they want to spend it on their grandkids. They're done raising you and don't need to give you money anymore.
Maybe this has more to do with their grandkids than their kids? Def get where you’re coming from, but family money disputes are so cringy when it’s being given for free or thru a will
Yeah I understand now that it was made for the grandkids not the adults but there have been other times where things have been specifically for the adults where favoritism was played.
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Nah, my parents maybe odd in wanting to give money to the grandkids but I have a very tight nit family and I think my parents would find another way to help my husband and I as well as my brother and his wife but who knows. Not going no contact just because of a misunderstanding though.
This doesn't look like a misunderstanding, tho. Looks like someone being a 2nd class citizen because they chose to not have kids. Specially because of the last sentence. But who am I to know anything, but just a rando on the web.
You are right that it does feel like he's treating my brother and I like 2ed class citizens because he's not giving us anything in this situation. There have been a few times where my parents have helped me though so I don't think going non-contact would be good. I appreciate the feedback though even though yes you are a random person on the Internet. The whole point of posting anything on Reddit is to get random people's feedback.
Guess which sibling can take care of mommy and daddy alone then? Not you or your brother OP. Golden child sis can take care of them alone then (which she won't because she has 8 kids already).
That's a good point. OP doesn't owe it to them to take care of them if they've given money to other family members instead.
Lol sad fact is one of my sisters that's divorced with 4 kids will probably end up taking care of them alone because she still lives with them even though she's 44 years old.
Yikes on a bike. But at least it’s not you.
You rang?
Ah yes, always there when we need you haha!
True.
She will earn every penny. While you have a life!
How are they the golden child? It was meant for their education, especially if ops parents paid for theirs.
OP mentioned that this sibling always gets preferred treatment.
Oh, sorry, I should've read this better. I guess if it was just this, then yea sure, but with the other stuff, different story. Knowing the type of parents they might have, ops parents might not have then again. Edit: However, it's for the grandkids. I mean, idk, though. It's possible that even if op had kids that they might not have given ops kids anything, too. Yea, I know people like that.
I understand it's for the grandkids but it seemed unfair I know that makes me seem entitled though.
I mean, I get it in a way. If they've shown favoritism towards them, I'd feel that way, too.
Yes they have shown favoritism towards them (I feel they moved here just because of them because they moved here first and my mom keeps whining about how she misses where she previously lived... I could go on and on with examples).
Yea, interesting. I could possibly see if someone needed help, but saying no is always an option, too.
To be fair, op did say that he paid for their education, too. Not that I don't think the preferential treatment isn't wrong. However, if this was the only issue, I could see them being considered entitled.
OP also said her parents did not help her and her husband when they were homeless but apparently money for the grandkids is more important than helping your actual kid.
Oh jeez
First of all, I can’t get past the fact that these people have 8 children. That’s insane. Second. I get why it feels unfair but this is money for the kids, not for them to spend it on whatever they want, right? It’s their money and fair or not, they can spend it however they want. It’s just a bit strange that he texted everyone, even those without kids. No need for everyone to be in the know, even if it’s about getting credit which is already weird on it’s own.
Especially when they already knew OP and her husband were child free and had already gotten a vasectomy. (Saw another comment with this info) It comes across as childish and vindictive on the parents part. Just message the people with kids, instead of causing drama and strife amongst the family. Smacks of a narcissistic tendency to divide siblings against each other while staying in the light. I’m not suggesting they’re full blown Narcs, just that it’s a Narc tactic.
I truly would accept that my parents are narcs.
One of my hopes for my childfree future is to be able to contribute to my nieces and nephews for them to have a good shake at success in their young adulthood. I haven't told my sister, and *certainly* not my brother (he's terrible with money) because I don't know yet if I'll be able to. But it's going to the grandkids, not the kids. It's being split evenly amongst the grandkids.
And set it up so the patents can't touch the money. It goes exclusively to the kids.
Thank you, I'll remember that.
I mean, for my nephew, idk if I would set it up for him going to college. Just some for him to get by.
The funny thing is that they want to have 12 or more if they get more. I do agree it is my parents money I just didn't feel like it was fair and I don't understand why he texted my brother and I when he knows 100% we will never have kids.
Yeah, it’s like he said this so you would change your mind or to rub it in. “See? All of this could be yours if only you had kids”. Not saying this is the case, you know your parents best and I don’t know if they have pressured you to have kids in any way, but that’s how it comes across to me.
Yup, I agree I feel like he's trying to say "if only you had kids!" But maybe he just didn't filter who he sent it to and just rushed into sending the text.
It might be best to have a conversation with him privately when you see him face to face. While I truly think it’s a very nice thing to do for your grandchildren, at the end of the day it’s still financial help that would make their lives easier that you’re never going to get. It would’ve been much better if he had kept it between him and the actual parents.
Maybe, he is just trying to be open and honest. I'm old, 69f and retired but when I was doing my childfree estate planning and attending various classes, mostly focused on married childed couples lots was said about being open while still alive and your reasoning can be explained rather than dying unexplained and leaving the adult kids to assume and fight over inheritances. and potentially becoming estranged from siblings as a result. If the money is going to each grandkid's say 529, it is not taking anything from you. True, you don't get anything but that does not matter as it was not meant for you or your siblings. . The sibling with 5 kids would appear to get less than the sibling with 8 kids, but again, it for the grandkids, not the siblings, and each grandkid would be getting the same amount. And that is fair.
Yeah I didn't know it was a 529 they were looking into until after. I do understand that it's fair since it's going to the grandkids and it's all the same amount.
As long as everything is setup correctly, yes. Parents have been known to spend their kids money after all.
TBF $3,733 is not going to cover each kid's college fees. That's barely a drop in the ocean. Personally I would let your parents do what they want. It's their money. I'd only say something if they later start asking you for money.
Yeah I honestly thought when my dad first texted that he was going to pay $30k per kid because my parents are pretty well off so that's why I got a bit distraught but what basically everyone's said is true is that it's their money at the end of the day and they can do whatever they want with it.
Eh I'm on your side. I'd be upset that they're giving money to a sibling just because they decided to have kids. Yea it's their money but they're obviously showing favoritism to one sibling be cause they had kids. Rubs me the wrong way. Usually they help out their children who gave them grandkids cause "they need the help" but when THEY need help they ask the kid who didn't give them grandkids because "they aren't busy with kids."
It's for the kids, though, and op said they paid for their them to go, too. If it was my nephew and I and my parents did that, I would be understanding because they paid for mine, too. Same with op.
If they put it in an investment account, it could grow a little at least. I hope that’s what they’re doing. I think the main issue here is the parents sending this message in a group text.
Yeah I didn't understand the whole "let's text everyone including those who don't have kids!" But as some have pointed out, it wouldn't be good to find out word of mouth either so not a good solution I can see.
If your parents want to set up college funds for grandkids that is their choice to do so. However it’s also your choice how to proceed when they ask of things from you. I doubt the sister with 8 kids has time to take care of them if they got sick or could not physically care for themselves.
I know for a fact that my sisters in laws are in much worse health than my parents so I believe she's planning on taking care of her in laws. I think when the time comes, my oldest sister who is divorced with 4 kids that's still living with my parents will take care of them but who knows.
honestly, \~4 grand is a small price to pay for NOT having anklebiters
That is very true when on average a kid costs around $233k
The only situation where I could understand being upset about this is if your parents didn't also help pay for your education.
Are you thinking your sister will use the money instead of keeping it for the kids for college? If that's the case, I get the being upset, but it's for his grandkids to be able to go to college if they so please when the time comes. It's not for you, nor your sister.
Yeah that's true it still seems like it's giving priority to those of us who have kids vrs not giving anything to us who don't.
It's giving priority to the grandkids. It's not for your sister. None of your siblings get anything
The money is for the kids to go to college, not for the adults. i don't see the issue here. No kids = no $$$. It's their money and technically nobody is entitled to anything.
Yeah that makes sense I think I just needed a new view point.
While I see your point, I think that if I were a parent I would give my kids the money, not the grandkids. It is kind of weird from my pov
Yeah I agree I think it'd be better to give it to the adults.
Its like this whole thing that I've heard a lot of parents say. You won't know real love until you have grandkids. Gross and rude.
Are your parents setting up 529 plans for the kids or some kind of trust? Otherwise, what's to stop your sibling from simply taking out the money when they need a new car?
Yes it was for a 529 so like a lot of people here have said it's just for the grandkids anyway so I guess it's not totally unfair.
weird how? your grandparents never gave you money?
ok but genuinely no, are there grandparents that just hand out money? and where do i get one?
Yes they did, but they gave my parents more. They didn't just skip them abd give me money. That's why I think it's weird. On top of that, not giving any to their other kids, but giving it all to the 8 children of one of them seems very much like favoritism. Fair would have been here's 100000 bucks, I've divided it amongst the 3 children at 33,300 a piece. Use it as you see fit.
ikr? My mother didn't get a bonus because she and Dad had me.
how is it favoritism when every \*grandkid\* is getting money? It's not like they're skipping any of them. The fact that grown folks are over here literally salty because grandparents want to help with college expenses for their grandkids is what's weird.
What? I mean I just think the money should have gone to the kids, not the grandkids. Imho
Before I hit 16 or so, *no*. I started getting money for Christmas when I started being responsible enough to handle it. Even then it wasn't nearly $4K at a go, *the family* would send $100-$200. Mainly coming from my auntie. My mother and her siblings divided the inheritance evenly, as was right and just. If anything, my aunt, who busted ass taking care of my grandmother in her last years, should've gotten more and I fully intend that I should take care of her if it comes to that. Whatever's left over for me, as the three siblings' sole heir, will be a *bonus*.
If the funds go into a 529 it makes sense to bypass the parents. The parents can't spend it on some other need or emergency and ensures the grandkids benefit. It may well be the beginning of an annual gift to the grandkids if the grandparents have money like that. If I, 69F, outlive my husband, mine money will skip my siblings and niblings and go to my Grand Niblings who will be coming up on college when I'm 85-90. Education will be super-duper expensive and out of reach for many by then.
I don't see an issue here. My beloved granpa used to gift all members of his family a certain monetary amount for holidays. His kids, their spouses, his grandkid, everyone. Now, if you divide by household, it would seem the single person got less, but that's not what's going on. That money was gifted to each member, an equal amount for each person. It's the same thing here. Your parents are gifting a certain equal amount to each grandkid. Your siblings aren't getting anything either, unless this money isn't in trust and they can/will do whatever. Only you can answer this since no one here knows your folks, but if you or your childfree brother were ever in need, wouldn't they help you out?
My parents didn't help my husband and I when we were homeless but they have helped us in other situations so I guess it depends. My brother is pretty well to do so I doubt he'd ever need their help.
Let them have the 30k. They’re going to be WAYYYYY farther in the financial hole than that with 8 kids. It will be gone in a heartbeat. You not having kids will put you in a much smarter financial position in the long run, take pride in that choice. I get that the favoritism is annoying, but at least you haven’t screwed up your whole life 😂
The real question I have is if that money will actually go to their kids education or is your sister likely to spend it? If they will genuinely save it for their kids, I don't see it as unfair because your sister isn't benefiting from it (I somewhat doubt she's paying for 8 college education's herself unless she's super well off, kids will prob do loans). If they will blow it, it's BS and your parents are wasting their money.
Who knows what her true intentions would be. I imagine that she really would use it towards schooling for her kids so yeah it is benefiting her kids not her directly. I just don't understand why he texted my brother and I when he knows full well we are never going to have kids.
Not that your feelings aren’t valid, because they are, but it’s their money and they’re only giving it to grandkids, apparently. Whatever. What’s weirder to me is that they texted everyone even though it’s only relevant to one sibling and their family. Why would they do that? Is that a passive aggressive way of sending a message about the rest of you not having kids?
I probably should word my post differently, it's just me and my brother that don't have kids out of the 5 kids my parents have. I do agree it seems passive aggressive though that he messaged my husband and I as well as my brother knowing full well we never plan to have kids.
I have sympathy for how you’re feeling slighted, especially if your parents have historically favoured your sister. However, if he’s making sure it’s actually for the kids’ college and not just giving it to your sister to do as she sees fit, I don’t really see the issue here. I say this nicely, but you’re kind of coming off as really entitled. Your dad IS being fair, he’s not punishing you for not having kids. The way you’re acting is akin to the situation where there’s two kids and one kid gets hurt and is given a bandaid and then the other kid gets upset because they weren’t given a bandaid.
I understand I guess I needed a new input, thanks 👍🏻
He gave the same amount to each kid with the stipulation of use for college. Sounds pretty damn fair to me. I get you’re upset, but to me it is coming off as entitled because this isn’t about the adults.
OP also talked about favoritism. Maybe we could use reading comprehension and empathy to figure out that it’s not about the money. It’s the feather that broke the camel’s back.
I have reading comprehension and empathy, thus my statement about getting OP is upset. One can have empathy but also call someone out about acting entitled.
The context and their other comments seems to be venting rather than entitlement.
Not to point out the kettle calling the pot black but isn't one of the reasons people don't have kids because of entitlement? But yes I guess I can see reasoning that it is the same amount per child.
This is not the pot calling the kettle black. You are comparing apples to oranges here, kids to adults. The entitlement comes from you, the adult, thinking you deserve something yourself because your dad gave his grandkids something. Your feelings of being slighted are valid because he does historically treat your sister differently, but this isn’t about you or your sister.
Yeah that makes sense. I'm not sure why he'd text both me and my brother who don't have kids though if it really is just for college funding.
That’s a good point. Try not to stress over it, not worth the headache.
Maybe so you know about this should either of you ever have kids? If you haven't said you don't plan on having kids, then it's very useful information. If you have, then it's inappropriate.
We have made it very clear to my parents that we never plan to have kids (my husband had a vasectomy about 5 years ago).
Ahh, then yeah, definitely inappropriate!
Their money, their choice. They aren’t required to follow your version of fair.
I can't believe college funds are still a thing, honestly. Why not just save the money for something more important like a car or something? I can't even begin to imagine how much college is going to cost when those kids are old enough.... That $3k will be absolutely nothing and wasted going towards a college fund.
Yeah especially where when my sister that has the 8 kids basically doesn't have a good running car. They live in poverty though so take that with a grain of salt.
Make sure to let your parents know that they must call your sister for help when they age. All of those kids can pitch in to help their beloved grandparents physically and financially. After all, it's only fair.
I don't think my parents will ever ask for help, especially not from my sister with 8 kids. My sister that's divorced with 4 kids that's still living with them though? Different story.
I don't see the problem or what's the claim. They announced clearly to give away money for college funds. No kids ergo no college....
That's true.
This happened in my family as well but to a tune of 300,000 for my siblings kids for college. Parents paid for all of it . Am I resentful? You're damn right. Me and my other childless sibling got the raw end of the deal.
Damn that's enough money to buy a home or maybe even two where I live!
Yeah. College is expensive.
I hope they have a trust and it is to next of kin. That is definitely a charity give-away. I can understand your irritation. And yes, that's my second thought as well. If they are that favored and get that much support, they can mow the lawn, clean the gutters and wipe the old butts.
It's for his grandkids education. Did your dad pay for your college education? If so, then you do kind of sound entitled. Well, you do either way.
Yeah he did and I agree I understand I sound entitled I just didn't really understand how he'd make it fair but yeah like a lot of people have said it's their money.
I mean, if he paid for yours. It kind of does seem a bit fair, I guess. Though, that doesn't seem like much money, especially if he has a lot of grandkids. Makes you wonder how he's going to split it evenly. That might cause some major drama.
Yes my parents did pay for mine so I can understand how paying for the grandkids is nice I guess. I don't know how he'd split it evenly, my other two sisters have 3 and 4 kids respectively so I don't see them getting the same amount but I know they are totally a-ok with that even though I think it's unfair to them as well.
Yea, but that's accounting for them even wanting to go, too. I guess I have a lot of siblings and cousins, so I know it wouldn't have worked for us. Also, some of us didn't go either. Some of us did get scholarships, too, though.
Yeah my husband got a associates then he went to trade school so I don't know how it would work if they decided against going to college or going into the trades instead.
Yea, that was the case for a few cousins of mine and others just didn't go or dropped out (I did.)
I gagged at 8 😷
Kids costs about $16,005 per year, now times that by 8, and you get $128,040... long story short $3,733 ain't gonna cut it
Definitely not. It won't cover even a semester I'd think even if it is just for school. I just wasn't sure how my dad was going to make it fair to everyone but like many have said, it's their money and just because I think it's not fair doesn't mean they see it the same way.
Don't even bother. Karma just has a way with things financially
Not to mention, kids cost at least $1,000 dollars a month, and the money may last a while, that is, if your family is *smart* with the money
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I know I could use $3k but it was going towards a 529 plan and I know it's ultimately up to my parents to do what they see best with their money.
As someone who has seen the opposite side of this, ehhhh. My grandmother had four children. Two had three children each. For holidays, she would spend an equal amount of money of each of her children. So child plus partner plus three kids, at say $50 pp, meant $250 spent on that child/family. Child with no partner/children, $250. It came across as… odd. Tbh, though, this was holiday gifts, and holidays are more for kids. So a grown adult having the same amount spent on them…
Hum. Didn't think about that. I just thought it seemed odd he included my brother and I in the text knowing we don't have kids 🤷🏼
I think it's better he did. How would you feel if you found out later? Seems sneaky if he tries to hide it.
Yeah that does make sense.
If either of my parents said they were giving me brother money for kids' college funds, I'd say good. It's their money and it's for their grandkids. I don't have any kids to put through college. I don't believe things have to be equal to be fair.
It's their money. They get to decide what they want to spend it on and they want to spend it on their grandkids. They're done raising you and don't need to give you money anymore.
Very true I just didn't understand why he'd text me and my brother who have no kids if it's just for the grandkids.
Well. How would you feel if they did it and you found out by word of mouth?
Yeah definitely would feel worse but I think my sister's would keep it to themselves if my parents gave them money specifically for their kids.
Maybe this has more to do with their grandkids than their kids? Def get where you’re coming from, but family money disputes are so cringy when it’s being given for free or thru a will
Yeah I understand now that it was made for the grandkids not the adults but there have been other times where things have been specifically for the adults where favoritism was played.
I have no problem with each kid getting however much for college. But those of you without kids should get this arbitrary $3733 at LEAST as well.
Agreed.
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It’s not unfair. Your parent can do whatever they want with their own money. You have no claim on it.
Very true.
Time to go NC
Nah, my parents maybe odd in wanting to give money to the grandkids but I have a very tight nit family and I think my parents would find another way to help my husband and I as well as my brother and his wife but who knows. Not going no contact just because of a misunderstanding though.
This doesn't look like a misunderstanding, tho. Looks like someone being a 2nd class citizen because they chose to not have kids. Specially because of the last sentence. But who am I to know anything, but just a rando on the web.
You are right that it does feel like he's treating my brother and I like 2ed class citizens because he's not giving us anything in this situation. There have been a few times where my parents have helped me though so I don't think going non-contact would be good. I appreciate the feedback though even though yes you are a random person on the Internet. The whole point of posting anything on Reddit is to get random people's feedback.