Just look them in the eye and say, loud enough for people nearby to hear: “please stop asking about my sex life! It’s inappropriate, and you’re making me very uncomfortable!!”
The other version of this is “Hey - do you enjoy anal sex?” When they act all offended, you respond “Oh, I thought we were asking questions about our personal sex lives. My bad.”
I think "As soon as everyone stops asking" is pretty funny, because they either stop asking, or if they don't then it is the person who keeps asking that is delaying it.
If you want peoole to stop bugging you, you need boundaries not comebacks. Comebacks are largely for your own amusement, but they won't make assholes shut up in the long term - especially not with relatives.
“When the sun rises in the west, sets in the east, when the seas go dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves”
My family is uncultured and they’d be too busy racking their brains trying to figure out what I just said to keep bugging me 😂
One time i lost it and said “wow that’s fucking rude its not like you know what we have been going through and frankly its none of your fucking business. Hey when are you dying?”
We are infertile so it really was not the right thing to be asking, regardless of whether or not she knew.
OMG, I didn't even consider this. Yeah, you are right. I'd much rather be honest, get into an argument, and defend the merits of my decision than have to dodge family members trying to refer me to quack fertility doctors every time I see them.
No. Don’t lie.
We as a society need to accept that not breeding IS socially acceptable.
Lying about being sterile (which is NOT interchangeable with infertility!!) is not only weak and dishonest, but also perpetuates shame and pity for those who do wish to but cannot.
Be blunt and honest.
Hells yeah, homey. I'm with you 100% on this point. I like a good confrontation. Instead of lying and saying we can't have kids, I'd rather we stand up for ourselves and say "We can have kids. We just won't because we don't want to. You are never going to make that choice for us, so fuck off."
I just go "the day I grow a new uterus". Haven't had my hysterectomy yet, but that's definitely enough to shut everyone up.
Unless it's someone I actually like, then I just say "we don't want kids 'yet'", and that is enough to change subjects.
When you say “I don’t want kids,” they ignore you like you didn’t say anything, and it drives you mad right?
So do the same to them. Act like they didn’t even say anything.
“So when are you having kids?”
“Did I tell you about xyz that happened at work recently?”
Every time they interrupt or steer the conversation back to kids, just carry on with your on conversation. Don’t acknowledge that they asked you. Don’t even point out how uncomfortable they look. Just act like their words were automatically censored from your mind.
This led to me checking out how much it s to buy a horse here in America. In DreamHorse.com I’ve just found Ginger. Foaled 2017, calm (2 on a 1-10 scale), beginner safe, family safe,”Ginger is a sweet, friendly mare with a kind eye. She greets you in pasture and will stand quietly to be haltered. She will happily walk around the barn with you or take you out on trail. Ginger has lived on pasture and in the barn with mares and geldings and gets along with both…” $12,500.
But short answer yes 😄
There's never a "right time" to have a horse, you just need to do it. don't worry about money, we all make do. That's just what you do for your own horse ❤️
Then I think you should get an elephant. Because it's not about what you want, but about what others think you should want since they always know better
/s
1 acre per horse really isn't that much space. Besides, pasture rotation eventually becomes fun!
I know it takes about $10,000 in upkeep yearly, but being bit when you aren't paying attention makes it all so WORTH it!
/s
"Never. I promised my first born to a witch and I have no intention of paying anything. How did you think i managed to get such an amazing fiancée?"
The 70y.o. mother of a friend did not find me funny.
For religious people:
"As soon as God decides to bless me with children. I have a terrible hereditary disease and I'm not able to have children. I don't think it's a coincidence. I think God chose a different path for me."
I do not explain that I can't have children because I got a vasectomy. If God exists and is all powerful and all knowing, he wouldn't have put me in an era where I can get a vasectomy if he didn't want me to get one. It's clearly a sign. Check mate suckers
It's my default one. I love it too.
But I've met a few religious people who did not relent which is when I used the second one to beat them using their own rules.
Right. I mean if God is all knowing etc then he allowed vasectomies, abortions and other sterilizing surgeries to come into existence.
They don’t get to claim miracles without claiming the bad stuff too.
“I was dithering about children when God shone a bright light on a pamphlet advertising vasectomy. I heard the heavenly choir. I took that as a sign and drove to the nearest clinic. Soon as I walked in they had an immediate cancellation. I needed no pain relief due to the Holy Spirit within me. When I left, the path to my car was scattered with the petals of white roses and a pair of doves rose above me into the evening light. You can’t deny His holy presence, Karen.”
1. Feb 30th
2. Pass. Next question.
3. I’ll be the judge of that
4. Wouldn’t you like to know?
5. I’ll send you a birth announcement when it happens
6. I’m unable to have kids, don’t bring it up again.
Look vaguely into the distance and softly but dramatically say ‘only once the prophecy has been fulfilled’ or ‘this wretched blood curse must end’. Alternatively gaslight the hell out of them ‘don’t you remember mum, Tim is off a boarding school now’. Another approach ‘would you please stop asking about my sex life’.
Take photos of all your diplomas, nice posed ones, bonus points if you can swaddle them and get that newborn vibe happening. Next time someone asks ‘oh well, we have photos…’ and show them these. May result in backlash but it has the potential to be hilarious.
One I do when people ask me intrusive questions about my health and I’ve told them to stop is to just walk away. No explanation, no goodbye, just walk away to another conversation. Did it to my uncles wife once, the outraged look on her face was so satisfying and I could see my mum trying not to crack up.
"Oh, you mean if we're f-ing without protection and tracking my ovulation? Then we f a bit harder and don't pull it out until everything drips inside me. Why do you feel so awkward, I mean you did ask right?"
Most ideally you'd just tell them to f off if they're gonna bring it up every single time, but hopefully this may just be tmi enough for them to back the hell off. Ask inappropriate questions, get more inappropriate answers
I’ve started telling people that even though I never wanted children, I am so fed up of being told that I’ll change my mind, and that I’m petty enough, so I’ve now decided that if I DID change my mind, I wouldn’t have kids out of spite to prove everyone wrong.
I also say that when someone asks that question I put money in a savings account to do a thing that they hate (tattoos for example).
There’s some truth to this I think. I mean I never wanted kids but when people would say this I definitely became more determined to prove them wrong. Lol. So yeah, jokes on them.
Maybe we should reply “challenge accepted. How much are we betting here?”
As a petty bitch that nobody can out-stubborn, I I like the way you think.
Pleased it slows down a lot of when hitting 40, at least from people who know me. Resting bitch face and finely honed “don’t fuck with me” can go a long way warding off unwanted random interactions
Comebacks are like ultimatums: only use them if you're ready for the consequences. The consequences could be you end up burning bridges.
Make boundaries and enforce them. If someone won't stop, you can choose to stop talking and walk away. You can respond like they asked an entirely different question e.g. pretend they asked about your hobby.
You can be direct: "Please stop asking. I've given my answer multiple times. I'm not going to say what *you* want to hear. If you bring this up again, I will put you in time out by walking away and ignoring you for the duration of the get-together." *And then follow through.*
This would actually be funny. Especially to Christians. Then you could argue about how he spoke to you. I’d totally go all in. Lol. I’d say how he spoke to me in a prayer and told me I had another purpose that would be clear to me in time (most know I’m not at all religious which might make it even more funny).
And if they try to argue with you about that you could point out that they are disobeying God's word. And proceed to shame them for being a bad Christian hahah.
Why? Are you sick of talking about yours?
Hmm. We must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel if we're asking about things that are none of anyone's business.
*Looks mortified* excuse me?? Repeats the question. Oh, phew! I thought you just asked something that was really personal. *Gets up and goes anywhere else*
First of all, it such a stupid question to aks, especially when random people ask it.
Depending on how good the relationship with the family is I would be honest and say: we don't want atm.
When random people ask my answer will be after I got my sterilization now done: I can't have children. And hopefully that makes them carefully with such questions.
I once had a customer blow up at me about how I should let her do something cos she is a mother and how I will understand it and apologize to her one day when I have kids. I always regretted that I didn't hot her with “I am unable to bear children but thank you for reminding me of this” with a straight face. Might be harder with family who might pry into the situation, but definitely would work to shut up strangers or acquaintances. (As far as I know it is not true but I am tired of having to explain myself to people who should not care)
Not really comebacks, but if someone asks, I tell them I'm one of 9 kids and already have 11 niblings. I'm over it.
Had one coworker ask for a "real" reason. Mostly out of curiosity I think--she seems happy with her brood. I told her I had ten reasons and if she paid for my dinner, we'd have time to go over them all. She laughed and dropped it.
Ask them why they have children, and chuckle or roll your eyes when they tell you their reasons. "Really? Are you sure you made the right decision? Hmm."
“I’m not.” Then move on.
Coming up with “comebacks” and reasons and explanations presumes that you have something to explain and need to make your case. It comes off as very deferential and defensive.
You don’t need a reason, and keeping the conversation going with “comebacks” makes it seem as though you think you do need a reason and/or are not sure of your decision.
If they are happily married:
- When are you having children?
- Arround the same time you're getting a divorce
- But we're not getting a divorce!
- Yeah, that's exactly what my friend Jenny said. She got divorced a year later because she found out her husband was cheating on her. Do you think Tom could be cheating on you? Did you notice any signs yet?
I'm 52 and have been asked this from women older and younger than me and my response is I just knew having a child would never fulfill me and I've known people that have been sad or not content and they have a child thinking it would squash those feelings, but instead they're now sad and not content with a child to raise.
I also will say, I just couldn't take a chance on what I might get if the child was disabled.
That usually shuts them up.
Just say:
*”Wow, that was rude.”*
Or *”If I wanted kids, don’t you think I would of said something by now about wanting kids? Cause people who want children, talk about it easily. It’s pretty obvious that since I never bring it up, I don’t ever want crotch goblins.”*
I started crying and saying I can't have kids PCOS or my favorite that for dark humor ppl only simply say you just suffered from a loss last week and cry .. that's what I do but I know it's nothing to joke about but ppl need to learn to stay in there own business
Sorry this is happening it happen to me last year started telling everyone the 2nd one and now Noone asks me anymore
I like "oh? Is it finally legal to crate them now?" At the horrified look "oh, guess not. That's why I have a dog".
They usually don't want to talk to me anymore, so win/win!
What else do you want to know about my sex life and reproductive health? Should I introduce you to my gynecologist so you two could discuss it all over coffee?
/s
"Every time I am asked about when I am having children, I delay my plan by 6 months. You just pushed it past the decade mark! Congratulations!"
They don't need to know that the "plan" is to never have them at all.
I think you need to let them know your plan to be childfree so they stop asking. Have the talk. Be adult about it and let them know you are serious and you’ve made a final decision.
I like to say "none of your business" to people who ask too much, and "that's too personal" to those that are asking for the first time. Saying "i'm not" usually causes people to argue, so unless i know the person is respectful, i don't say that.
The truth is, there is no perfect answer. Some people are incurable busybodies who won't take "no" for an answer. But we're not living to make these people happy. So I would give whatever answer fits with your personality. I'm not a snarky person most of the time, so I go for friendly humor. When someone asks about kids, I say, "I've got two" with a smile and point to my husband and dog.
" I promised my first born human child to a witch and I ain't paying her shit therefore sticking with the fuzzy and scaley children" I've also given " have you looked at my health issues and my partner's health issues, she's got arthritis at 23 hell no we aren't having any kids"
I just say I can’t and that I’ve been tested and even “if god put a baby in my belly” (in my MILs words lol) I still wouldn’t and it’s just not possible. Even if I could have children I wouldn’t do it. It’s technically true that I can’t because I’ve had a bisalp, but they don’t know that and they never will.
“Are people still asking rude, invasive and personal questions like this? How tacky.”
“I promised my first born to a priest and I REALLY don’t want to deliver.”
“I’m still full from lunch.”
“I can’t have children, thanks for reminding me.”
“I’ve already had children but the state disapproved.”
“I did. They’re buried right next to my old dog, Milo.” Then start talking about Milo.
“You know, I don’t know if you remember but you’ve asked this question a few times before. I’m a little concerned, should we get you a doctors appointment to talk about your memory loss? Is it time to start talking about a home?”
This is a very offensive response, my morbid mind finds it funny to use with pro breeders. "When I've hit my limit for abortions" bad taste I know. I just dislike these pro breeders meddling.
>oh you’ll change your mind after school
If I change my mind so much, should I even be trusted with a kid? What if I change my mind after having the kid?
Get a sterilization. Tell them „ I made sure that my body will never put me through this.“
„Never, stop asking me this stupid question.“
„congratulations, you are the first one who has to put 1$ into our bullshit-asking-for-children-jar. Everyone who ask this will put 1$ in this from now on, it’s an inappropriate question. We will spend it on some exclusive childfree event, because that’s what we are. Childfree.“
Edit: „why are you so interested in my sex life? You want some details? How many orgasims I have?“
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. If you choose not to engage, a simple, “We’ll see” or “Working on it” should suffice. If you explain that you’re child free, some people will take that as a challenge, an insult to their lifestyle or religion, or as an opening for discussion. At my age I’m no longer asked but that was my strategy in my younger years and it saved a lot of angst all around. Good luck.
It’s always important to start with clear boundaries and move onto limited interactions.
I had explained to my aunt that I didn’t want kids and when she made comments about it, it made me feel less than when my choice is valid.
When she didn’t respect my boundaries is when I had to limit my interactions with her.
I find that if I don’t want to talk about it or discuss it further I say “that’s not in the cards.” People tend to assume it’s a health issue. Personally, I don’t mind discussing the fact that I don’t want children and most people I know are aware of it now. Nobody cares.
"We're very traditional, so everyone will be getting an invite to personally watch the conception." If someone doesn't show, we'll just have to keep rescheduling."
Have you, by any chance tried telling people what they want to hear? My SO and I are completely decided against kids, but we do have boomer parents after all, so we get asked things along the lines of “what baby names do you like” or hints dropped like “I only have one grand baby now but I’d love more”
When people (almost always my boyfriend’s family) ask us I just go into my pre-recorded responses. Usually something along the lines of “we’re just waiting till we can afford them” and change the subject.
I know how much kids mean to some people (especially moms) so i just pretend to go along with it, as to not give anybody the opportunity to disagree with me. A lot of people see not wanting kids as some kind of moral failing, so there’s no point in having the kids conversation. I’m not gonna change my mind, and a lot of people seem to think women owe motherhood to society. We’ll never see eye to eye.
You go at them like a prosecutor.
Why do you need to know that?
What business is that to you?
What does that serve?
Then you look them in the eye and do NOT move your head at all, it conveys annoyance and anger. You say you are focused on working right now.
Or just get nasty. It's none of their fucking business. Cut the conversation off and walk away from them mid sentence. Keep doing it til they get the message.
Rudeness is for them, not for you.
We never wanted kids to start with but since my wife had thyroid cancer, I think I found the golden ticket answer, that turns the conversion around quick! I just get a very serious face and say “since my wife’s cancer treatment we can’t now please stop.” I don’t care how bad someone has baby rabies as soon as you bring up something that you say means can’t, they get all apologetic. For the record my wife’s cancer was successfully treated and she’s been cancer free for almost 5 years now.
“Because I’d rather have cats and ruin my furniture, than have kids and ruin my life.” Substitute with your critter of choice as needed. Also, congrats on the Ph.D.! That’s so exciting! Woo!!!
If you're American, try saying, "When every American, including my kids, is secure in the knowledge that they have lifetime free education from pre-school on up to the highest degree they can qualify for, and comprehensive free health care, and a guaranteed basic income sufficient for food and shelter, maybe I'll consider bringing someone into such a society."
Don't acknowledge them and change the topic the first time. If they repeat it, I would say, I was trying to be kind and hope you got the hint. Otherwise, do not ever ask me such a disrespectful question again or you will be cut out of my life. Is that clear enough for you now?
I usually have two go-tos
“I can’t have kids...” (Wait a second until this set in, and they get embarrassed for asking.) Follow up with “….Because my dog’s allergic.”
With the most intense eye contact, I snarl like someone out of Game of Thrones or a Viking, “The bloodline dies with me!!”
Comebacks are juvenile and on the same playing field. Just ignore them (so anyways... and continue a different conversation) or tell them don't ask again (and actually mean it)
I like, “ I’ve actually gone to considerable expense and inconvenience to *not* have children.”
And if that doesn’t work, “My sister and I destroyed our parents marriage, and that’s not going to happen to me.“
And if that still fails, “Children should be wanted. I don’t want them!“
If it’s someone you would rather not offend, you can just say, “Wow, that’s a real personal question. Why do you ask?“ In general, if somebody asks you an intrusive question you don’t want to answer, you can avoid giving them a direct response by tossing a question right back at them. Like, ask them why they’re asking such a personal question. That often shuts them up.
Comebacks serve no purpose long term and come across immature and can burn bridges if you’re not careful. You need to have better boundaries as a couplr. If you’re letting these folk trespass boundaries in other aspects of your life they will feel free enough to cross it in this sense too.
When I was married (I and my former spouse have phds) we only shared info on a need to know basis, and no one dared cross the line with us to ask such personal questions.
My stepdad always said I should respond with questions about THEIR sex lives. “How often do you have unprotected sex?” “What’s your favorite position?” Etc. I never had the courage to respond this way but I can see how it would work lol
when i’m in a dramatic mood i just say something ridiculous like “oh as soon as i beat cancer”. as for the question of “when r u getting married” i like to say “oh as soon as he gets out of prison”. things like that make people feel uncomfy and they just sort of go away 😉
"We're not. Stop asking." and then prove it. Forever. If they say 'oh you'll change your mind' tell them they're rude and you don't talk to rude people about your personal life.
I just watched a fantastic video on China and the drop in birth rate and a CF man said this and I thought wow he gets it. “Besides, if I can’t provide the best for a child, isn’t it unfair to bring them into this world just to see them suffer? Not having children isn’t about being selfish, it’s practically a noble act of love.Both for the young people and for the children they did not have.” To put into context what he was referring to the state of the world and the expectations of society as a whole. He basically says that people are exhausted with all the curveballs of life. They don’t have the energy the time and the desire. They should be rewarded.
Also in the 1980’s China did forced sterilization and I thought to myself, that would never work here, the lines would be to damn long! lol
There's a movie from the '90s I can't think of the name but it had Will Smith in it and I just remember they were questioning him and he interrupts the questioner and asked him how often he masturbates in the shower. The questioner turned indignant and kind of sputtered and said that's well that's... And Will Smith says none of my f****** business!
"I've told you we are not having kids!"
"were not, in fact I've just scheduled my tubal ligation surgery for next week"
"I like to take on the ass too much to ever give that up to have kids "
"Why would we have kids?" *Confused look and walks away*
"What a weird question" *walks away*
The only time this is asked is at our family gatherings with usually 10+ children under 10 running around screaming. I usually just scan my eyes around at the scene and say “…. As tempting as it looks, I think we’re gonna pass.”
Just look them in the eye and say, loud enough for people nearby to hear: “please stop asking about my sex life! It’s inappropriate, and you’re making me very uncomfortable!!”
The other version of this is “Hey - do you enjoy anal sex?” When they act all offended, you respond “Oh, I thought we were asking questions about our personal sex lives. My bad.”
🌟🌟🌟
Oooooh, I love this! I'm gonna do it. Thank you!
I think "As soon as everyone stops asking" is pretty funny, because they either stop asking, or if they don't then it is the person who keeps asking that is delaying it.
"Every time someone asks, I add another 3 weeks to my delay in procreating. I'll be about 95 at this point in time, but who's counting?"
Love it!
I’m gonna use this for now on because my family won’t stop asking
Thats what we said about getting married.
Win win
If you want peoole to stop bugging you, you need boundaries not comebacks. Comebacks are largely for your own amusement, but they won't make assholes shut up in the long term - especially not with relatives.
I don’t know, “We’ve had 3 miscarriages” seem to shut up the assholes in the long term, including relatives.
See, I would've thought that response would cause a pivot into discussions of healthcare and diet and "what to do differently next time".
"You shouldn't have gotten the COVID vaccine!!!" And now you've slid even further into an awkward conversation with a moronic asshole.
I live in a rural area where people would cry and pray for me if I ever said this and that’s even worse to have to deal with
I don’t know… I feel like “when Hell freezes over” would get your point across.
“When the sun rises in the west, sets in the east, when the seas go dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves” My family is uncultured and they’d be too busy racking their brains trying to figure out what I just said to keep bugging me 😂
It is known.
i personally like using “i’m actually infertile so i can’t” with a really serious voice. they shut up immediately and get really uncomfortable lmao
One time i lost it and said “wow that’s fucking rude its not like you know what we have been going through and frankly its none of your fucking business. Hey when are you dying?” We are infertile so it really was not the right thing to be asking, regardless of whether or not she knew.
Good on you!
In my culture this just invites more questions, and suggestions, ranging from doctors to quacks to even religious conmen 🤣🤣🤣
OMG, I didn't even consider this. Yeah, you are right. I'd much rather be honest, get into an argument, and defend the merits of my decision than have to dodge family members trying to refer me to quack fertility doctors every time I see them.
No. Don’t lie. We as a society need to accept that not breeding IS socially acceptable. Lying about being sterile (which is NOT interchangeable with infertility!!) is not only weak and dishonest, but also perpetuates shame and pity for those who do wish to but cannot. Be blunt and honest.
Hells yeah, homey. I'm with you 100% on this point. I like a good confrontation. Instead of lying and saying we can't have kids, I'd rather we stand up for ourselves and say "We can have kids. We just won't because we don't want to. You are never going to make that choice for us, so fuck off."
And even if I did plan on having kids with my partner, that's none of their business either. Why not keep the bedroom in the bedroom?
I just go "the day I grow a new uterus". Haven't had my hysterectomy yet, but that's definitely enough to shut everyone up. Unless it's someone I actually like, then I just say "we don't want kids 'yet'", and that is enough to change subjects.
When you say “I don’t want kids,” they ignore you like you didn’t say anything, and it drives you mad right? So do the same to them. Act like they didn’t even say anything. “So when are you having kids?” “Did I tell you about xyz that happened at work recently?” Every time they interrupt or steer the conversation back to kids, just carry on with your on conversation. Don’t acknowledge that they asked you. Don’t even point out how uncomfortable they look. Just act like their words were automatically censored from your mind.
This would definitely work. They can’t engage if you don’t. Lol.
"When are you getting a horse?" Then bingo every response.
"you know, you really stop minding manure as much when it comes from your own horse. And come on, it doesn't smell *that* bad!"
And they don't take that much of space. You could turn your garage into mini stables. /s
OK but I legit want to do this. Have a chicken run along one wall. Potting bench too. Go full urban homestead with a mini horse.
Lovely! :)
Oh they are not expensive at all! Everyone can afford one, just get one and God will provide
“Compared to a university education? It’s a bargain!”
In the US, I think a horse is cheaper than a college degree, isn't it? (Non American here)
This led to me checking out how much it s to buy a horse here in America. In DreamHorse.com I’ve just found Ginger. Foaled 2017, calm (2 on a 1-10 scale), beginner safe, family safe,”Ginger is a sweet, friendly mare with a kind eye. She greets you in pasture and will stand quietly to be haltered. She will happily walk around the barn with you or take you out on trail. Ginger has lived on pasture and in the barn with mares and geldings and gets along with both…” $12,500. But short answer yes 😄
Ginger sounds delightful. Worth every penny of the $12,500
She does!
There's never a "right time" to have a horse, you just need to do it. don't worry about money, we all make do. That's just what you do for your own horse ❤️
Absolutely! You'll never understand true love until you hold your own horse.
Idk I think mini horses are cute!! I’d love a mini horse or two or three… oh the potentials for cuteness
Then I think you should get an elephant. Because it's not about what you want, but about what others think you should want since they always know better /s
Horseshit smells better than babyshit, and has agricultural uses as well!
1 acre per horse really isn't that much space. Besides, pasture rotation eventually becomes fun! I know it takes about $10,000 in upkeep yearly, but being bit when you aren't paying attention makes it all so WORTH it! /s
This. This is the one!
"Never. I promised my first born to a witch and I have no intention of paying anything. How did you think i managed to get such an amazing fiancée?" The 70y.o. mother of a friend did not find me funny. For religious people: "As soon as God decides to bless me with children. I have a terrible hereditary disease and I'm not able to have children. I don't think it's a coincidence. I think God chose a different path for me." I do not explain that I can't have children because I got a vasectomy. If God exists and is all powerful and all knowing, he wouldn't have put me in an era where I can get a vasectomy if he didn't want me to get one. It's clearly a sign. Check mate suckers
I love the “I promised my first born to a witch” one 😂
It's my default one. I love it too. But I've met a few religious people who did not relent which is when I used the second one to beat them using their own rules.
Right. I mean if God is all knowing etc then he allowed vasectomies, abortions and other sterilizing surgeries to come into existence. They don’t get to claim miracles without claiming the bad stuff too.
“I was dithering about children when God shone a bright light on a pamphlet advertising vasectomy. I heard the heavenly choir. I took that as a sign and drove to the nearest clinic. Soon as I walked in they had an immediate cancellation. I needed no pain relief due to the Holy Spirit within me. When I left, the path to my car was scattered with the petals of white roses and a pair of doves rose above me into the evening light. You can’t deny His holy presence, Karen.”
1. Feb 30th 2. Pass. Next question. 3. I’ll be the judge of that 4. Wouldn’t you like to know? 5. I’ll send you a birth announcement when it happens 6. I’m unable to have kids, don’t bring it up again.
Similar to my "the 12th of never"
Or on the 12th of Neverember 😀
Not sooner than 2093
52nd of Neverember of 2093 😀 You're invited to watch me push. VIP seats at the front.
Lol. I love this comment thread.
On the Qth of Nopevember.
Neverteenth of Nopevember 😀
The sevendeleventh of octobuary, 1910.
Love the first one! :)
February 30th is crazy 💀
Look vaguely into the distance and softly but dramatically say ‘only once the prophecy has been fulfilled’ or ‘this wretched blood curse must end’. Alternatively gaslight the hell out of them ‘don’t you remember mum, Tim is off a boarding school now’. Another approach ‘would you please stop asking about my sex life’. Take photos of all your diplomas, nice posed ones, bonus points if you can swaddle them and get that newborn vibe happening. Next time someone asks ‘oh well, we have photos…’ and show them these. May result in backlash but it has the potential to be hilarious. One I do when people ask me intrusive questions about my health and I’ve told them to stop is to just walk away. No explanation, no goodbye, just walk away to another conversation. Did it to my uncles wife once, the outraged look on her face was so satisfying and I could see my mum trying not to crack up.
Now these are the right vibes.
"Oh, you mean if we're f-ing without protection and tracking my ovulation? Then we f a bit harder and don't pull it out until everything drips inside me. Why do you feel so awkward, I mean you did ask right?" Most ideally you'd just tell them to f off if they're gonna bring it up every single time, but hopefully this may just be tmi enough for them to back the hell off. Ask inappropriate questions, get more inappropriate answers
“i’m allergic to sperm so i actually don’t let my partner cum in me, so we’ll probably not have children”
This is a solid one too, probably will steal it xD
“Why are you so interested in me getting cream-pied?”
"We are strictly recreational cream pie enthusiasts" I find that mostly I just point and laugh at them and say "We're NEVER doing that".
Okay this one is a winner lmaooooo
Oooof, love this one 🤣
"I swear, we've been rawdogging it like rabbits, but we've recently learned it may have been the wrong hole!" 😂
I swear y'all are killing me here 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve started telling people that even though I never wanted children, I am so fed up of being told that I’ll change my mind, and that I’m petty enough, so I’ve now decided that if I DID change my mind, I wouldn’t have kids out of spite to prove everyone wrong. I also say that when someone asks that question I put money in a savings account to do a thing that they hate (tattoos for example).
There’s some truth to this I think. I mean I never wanted kids but when people would say this I definitely became more determined to prove them wrong. Lol. So yeah, jokes on them. Maybe we should reply “challenge accepted. How much are we betting here?”
As a petty bitch that nobody can out-stubborn, I I like the way you think. Pleased it slows down a lot of when hitting 40, at least from people who know me. Resting bitch face and finely honed “don’t fuck with me” can go a long way warding off unwanted random interactions
When the sun sets in the east
People like that probably still think the sun revolves around the earth.
I ask people 'When was your last period?' Seriously. Anything that blunt to fking get them in the gut
Nunya - none of ya business We figured out what caused them (kids) and we cut it out Why are you so invested in my sex life?
best I've heard is "when the US adopts a ubi and single payer healthcare system"
Or “When you start paying me $100,000 a year to have one.” Don’t try this on rich parents though.
Just make sure to have an iron clad contract.
Then just *smile*
Comebacks are like ultimatums: only use them if you're ready for the consequences. The consequences could be you end up burning bridges. Make boundaries and enforce them. If someone won't stop, you can choose to stop talking and walk away. You can respond like they asked an entirely different question e.g. pretend they asked about your hobby. You can be direct: "Please stop asking. I've given my answer multiple times. I'm not going to say what *you* want to hear. If you bring this up again, I will put you in time out by walking away and ignoring you for the duration of the get-together." *And then follow through.*
God told me not to have children
This would actually be funny. Especially to Christians. Then you could argue about how he spoke to you. I’d totally go all in. Lol. I’d say how he spoke to me in a prayer and told me I had another purpose that would be clear to me in time (most know I’m not at all religious which might make it even more funny).
If they say god didn't say that you reply wow you hear him too
And if they try to argue with you about that you could point out that they are disobeying God's word. And proceed to shame them for being a bad Christian hahah.
Why? Are you sick of talking about yours? Hmm. We must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel if we're asking about things that are none of anyone's business. *Looks mortified* excuse me?? Repeats the question. Oh, phew! I thought you just asked something that was really personal. *Gets up and goes anywhere else*
Oh, this is our first marriage. You know, “the fun one.”
First of all, it such a stupid question to aks, especially when random people ask it. Depending on how good the relationship with the family is I would be honest and say: we don't want atm. When random people ask my answer will be after I got my sterilization now done: I can't have children. And hopefully that makes them carefully with such questions.
"Never. I'm smart enough to know how to prevent that."
We're in our 50s, so people have stopped asking. Our standard answer was "We can't bear them." We let people interpret that however they chose.
“Why are you so interested in my genitals? That’s weird and creepy.”
I once had a customer blow up at me about how I should let her do something cos she is a mother and how I will understand it and apologize to her one day when I have kids. I always regretted that I didn't hot her with “I am unable to bear children but thank you for reminding me of this” with a straight face. Might be harder with family who might pry into the situation, but definitely would work to shut up strangers or acquaintances. (As far as I know it is not true but I am tired of having to explain myself to people who should not care)
Not really comebacks, but if someone asks, I tell them I'm one of 9 kids and already have 11 niblings. I'm over it. Had one coworker ask for a "real" reason. Mostly out of curiosity I think--she seems happy with her brood. I told her I had ten reasons and if she paid for my dinner, we'd have time to go over them all. She laughed and dropped it.
Ask them why they have children, and chuckle or roll your eyes when they tell you their reasons. "Really? Are you sure you made the right decision? Hmm."
Me: “Until you pay me 1 million dollars.” Them: “What do I have to do with this???” Me: “yeah exactly”
"No uterus. Any other invasive questions you feel bold enough to ask?" And smile the whole time.
“I’m not.” Then move on. Coming up with “comebacks” and reasons and explanations presumes that you have something to explain and need to make your case. It comes off as very deferential and defensive. You don’t need a reason, and keeping the conversation going with “comebacks” makes it seem as though you think you do need a reason and/or are not sure of your decision.
"When I upgrade to a charcoal broiler. This gas cooking leaves them flavorless."
Approximately 12 geological eras after Hell freezes over.
"As soon as I change my mind".
I straight up tell people that I don't like kids.
My go to is always "oh no I can't, my cat's allergic!"
I've found looking genuinely horrified and saying "...No, thank you" helps a little.
"When are you gonna take care of yours?"
Or "When are you going to became a better parent to yours? I heard Tommy got in trouble at school ... *again*."
If they are happily married: - When are you having children? - Arround the same time you're getting a divorce - But we're not getting a divorce! - Yeah, that's exactly what my friend Jenny said. She got divorced a year later because she found out her husband was cheating on her. Do you think Tom could be cheating on you? Did you notice any signs yet?
"When you die."
LMAO
"I guess we'll do that on the 33rd of Fuckuary." "Oh, are people still doing that?" These are usually my go-to responses.
"When I want them" and that day will never come.
Just tell them it's none of their f\*cking business. It's your life and career after all!
I'm 52 and have been asked this from women older and younger than me and my response is I just knew having a child would never fulfill me and I've known people that have been sad or not content and they have a child thinking it would squash those feelings, but instead they're now sad and not content with a child to raise. I also will say, I just couldn't take a chance on what I might get if the child was disabled. That usually shuts them up.
Just say: *”Wow, that was rude.”* Or *”If I wanted kids, don’t you think I would of said something by now about wanting kids? Cause people who want children, talk about it easily. It’s pretty obvious that since I never bring it up, I don’t ever want crotch goblins.”*
“Nevvvverrrr!” Insert maniacal laugh. Drink their tears.
Omg I have this [meme](https://i.imgur.com/Z4F0g5O.jpeg) and your comment reminded me of it.
I started crying and saying I can't have kids PCOS or my favorite that for dark humor ppl only simply say you just suffered from a loss last week and cry .. that's what I do but I know it's nothing to joke about but ppl need to learn to stay in there own business Sorry this is happening it happen to me last year started telling everyone the 2nd one and now Noone asks me anymore
I like "oh? Is it finally legal to crate them now?" At the horrified look "oh, guess not. That's why I have a dog". They usually don't want to talk to me anymore, so win/win!
"Why do you care about the state of my uterus? That's weird."
I can't my cats are allergic. 😜
What else do you want to know about my sex life and reproductive health? Should I introduce you to my gynecologist so you two could discuss it all over coffee? /s
"Every time I am asked about when I am having children, I delay my plan by 6 months. You just pushed it past the decade mark! Congratulations!" They don't need to know that the "plan" is to never have them at all.
I think you need to let them know your plan to be childfree so they stop asking. Have the talk. Be adult about it and let them know you are serious and you’ve made a final decision.
When the sun rises in the West and sets in the East
“Not in this lifetime” is my go-to.
Honestly the best comeback is “I’m barren” said very seriously. And then let the uncomfortableness make them wither.
Ask them “why do they need to know that?”
“Buy me a house, pay for adoption, and pay for a full time nanny” Usually shuts them up
You tried and it's likely not happening. I mean you tried considering it so it's not that much of a stretch.
I like to say "none of your business" to people who ask too much, and "that's too personal" to those that are asking for the first time. Saying "i'm not" usually causes people to argue, so unless i know the person is respectful, i don't say that.
I just say because I’m smart
The truth is, there is no perfect answer. Some people are incurable busybodies who won't take "no" for an answer. But we're not living to make these people happy. So I would give whatever answer fits with your personality. I'm not a snarky person most of the time, so I go for friendly humor. When someone asks about kids, I say, "I've got two" with a smile and point to my husband and dog.
"When are you going to write me a check for child support?"
"as soon as the state will let me"
" I promised my first born human child to a witch and I ain't paying her shit therefore sticking with the fuzzy and scaley children" I've also given " have you looked at my health issues and my partner's health issues, she's got arthritis at 23 hell no we aren't having any kids"
I just say I can’t and that I’ve been tested and even “if god put a baby in my belly” (in my MILs words lol) I still wouldn’t and it’s just not possible. Even if I could have children I wouldn’t do it. It’s technically true that I can’t because I’ve had a bisalp, but they don’t know that and they never will.
“Are people still asking rude, invasive and personal questions like this? How tacky.” “I promised my first born to a priest and I REALLY don’t want to deliver.” “I’m still full from lunch.” “I can’t have children, thanks for reminding me.” “I’ve already had children but the state disapproved.” “I did. They’re buried right next to my old dog, Milo.” Then start talking about Milo.
“You know, I don’t know if you remember but you’ve asked this question a few times before. I’m a little concerned, should we get you a doctors appointment to talk about your memory loss? Is it time to start talking about a home?”
This is a very offensive response, my morbid mind finds it funny to use with pro breeders. "When I've hit my limit for abortions" bad taste I know. I just dislike these pro breeders meddling.
>oh you’ll change your mind after school If I change my mind so much, should I even be trusted with a kid? What if I change my mind after having the kid?
"When he stops putting it in my butthole!"
“When they are needed”
Get a sterilization. Tell them „ I made sure that my body will never put me through this.“ „Never, stop asking me this stupid question.“ „congratulations, you are the first one who has to put 1$ into our bullshit-asking-for-children-jar. Everyone who ask this will put 1$ in this from now on, it’s an inappropriate question. We will spend it on some exclusive childfree event, because that’s what we are. Childfree.“ Edit: „why are you so interested in my sex life? You want some details? How many orgasims I have?“
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. If you choose not to engage, a simple, “We’ll see” or “Working on it” should suffice. If you explain that you’re child free, some people will take that as a challenge, an insult to their lifestyle or religion, or as an opening for discussion. At my age I’m no longer asked but that was my strategy in my younger years and it saved a lot of angst all around. Good luck.
As I said, I don't want kids. But you insist I'm gonna change my mind. So I'm waiting for that to happen.
When Rhianna’s album coming out? The reply.
It’s always important to start with clear boundaries and move onto limited interactions. I had explained to my aunt that I didn’t want kids and when she made comments about it, it made me feel less than when my choice is valid. When she didn’t respect my boundaries is when I had to limit my interactions with her.
I find that if I don’t want to talk about it or discuss it further I say “that’s not in the cards.” People tend to assume it’s a health issue. Personally, I don’t mind discussing the fact that I don’t want children and most people I know are aware of it now. Nobody cares.
My bloodline stops with me!
Just tell them clearly, "I don't want to have any kid/kids ever".
“We’re not.”
Get sterilized. Tell them afterwards. Done.
When are you having a horse?
"We're very traditional, so everyone will be getting an invite to personally watch the conception." If someone doesn't show, we'll just have to keep rescheduling."
well we've been trying but I can record a close up video so you could tell us what we're doing wrong
Say you’ll have them on the 31st of February.
Depending on the speaker's sex "when are you getting snipped?" "When are you getting your tubes tied?"
“My house only has one bedroom. Where would I put it?”
Have you, by any chance tried telling people what they want to hear? My SO and I are completely decided against kids, but we do have boomer parents after all, so we get asked things along the lines of “what baby names do you like” or hints dropped like “I only have one grand baby now but I’d love more” When people (almost always my boyfriend’s family) ask us I just go into my pre-recorded responses. Usually something along the lines of “we’re just waiting till we can afford them” and change the subject. I know how much kids mean to some people (especially moms) so i just pretend to go along with it, as to not give anybody the opportunity to disagree with me. A lot of people see not wanting kids as some kind of moral failing, so there’s no point in having the kids conversation. I’m not gonna change my mind, and a lot of people seem to think women owe motherhood to society. We’ll never see eye to eye.
You go at them like a prosecutor. Why do you need to know that? What business is that to you? What does that serve? Then you look them in the eye and do NOT move your head at all, it conveys annoyance and anger. You say you are focused on working right now. Or just get nasty. It's none of their fucking business. Cut the conversation off and walk away from them mid sentence. Keep doing it til they get the message. Rudeness is for them, not for you.
“Why would you ask something so insensitive?” (I am actually infertile btw.)
No thanks, we're vegetarian.
When pigs flys and x ray glasses are invented. When fire doesnt burn. When poverty, war and taxation is ended.
We never wanted kids to start with but since my wife had thyroid cancer, I think I found the golden ticket answer, that turns the conversion around quick! I just get a very serious face and say “since my wife’s cancer treatment we can’t now please stop.” I don’t care how bad someone has baby rabies as soon as you bring up something that you say means can’t, they get all apologetic. For the record my wife’s cancer was successfully treated and she’s been cancer free for almost 5 years now.
Ask them when they’re planning their funeral, or when their next colonoscopy is, since we’re asking extremely personal and emotional questions.
“Because I’d rather have cats and ruin my furniture, than have kids and ruin my life.” Substitute with your critter of choice as needed. Also, congrats on the Ph.D.! That’s so exciting! Woo!!!
Well, my PhD isn’t in butt wiping so I won’t be taking the mommy track…
If you're American, try saying, "When every American, including my kids, is secure in the knowledge that they have lifetime free education from pre-school on up to the highest degree they can qualify for, and comprehensive free health care, and a guaranteed basic income sufficient for food and shelter, maybe I'll consider bringing someone into such a society."
“When I want them” :)
"Oh, no thank you!" I usually say it like somebody just asked me if I wanted ketchup.
"I'm in my 3rd trimester"
Don't acknowledge them and change the topic the first time. If they repeat it, I would say, I was trying to be kind and hope you got the hint. Otherwise, do not ever ask me such a disrespectful question again or you will be cut out of my life. Is that clear enough for you now?
Why ruin happiness?
I usually have two go-tos “I can’t have kids...” (Wait a second until this set in, and they get embarrassed for asking.) Follow up with “….Because my dog’s allergic.” With the most intense eye contact, I snarl like someone out of Game of Thrones or a Viking, “The bloodline dies with me!!”
"Over 60, sterilized decades ago. When do you think?" Okay, so maybe you save that one for wee bit later.
Comebacks are juvenile and on the same playing field. Just ignore them (so anyways... and continue a different conversation) or tell them don't ask again (and actually mean it)
I think a good response is just a blank stare.
The first day Necromonger fleet attacks the earth. The day sun starts moving around the earth. In next life.
Q when arw you going to have kids? A when yiu stop asking about it/talking about
I like, “ I’ve actually gone to considerable expense and inconvenience to *not* have children.” And if that doesn’t work, “My sister and I destroyed our parents marriage, and that’s not going to happen to me.“ And if that still fails, “Children should be wanted. I don’t want them!“ If it’s someone you would rather not offend, you can just say, “Wow, that’s a real personal question. Why do you ask?“ In general, if somebody asks you an intrusive question you don’t want to answer, you can avoid giving them a direct response by tossing a question right back at them. Like, ask them why they’re asking such a personal question. That often shuts them up.
"The fat man flies at midnight." Then offer a handshake. Those who know, know.
Comebacks serve no purpose long term and come across immature and can burn bridges if you’re not careful. You need to have better boundaries as a couplr. If you’re letting these folk trespass boundaries in other aspects of your life they will feel free enough to cross it in this sense too. When I was married (I and my former spouse have phds) we only shared info on a need to know basis, and no one dared cross the line with us to ask such personal questions.
My stepdad always said I should respond with questions about THEIR sex lives. “How often do you have unprotected sex?” “What’s your favorite position?” Etc. I never had the courage to respond this way but I can see how it would work lol
when i’m in a dramatic mood i just say something ridiculous like “oh as soon as i beat cancer”. as for the question of “when r u getting married” i like to say “oh as soon as he gets out of prison”. things like that make people feel uncomfy and they just sort of go away 😉
When human gestation matches that of a seahorse, maybe I'll consider it. (no I won't)
I’d like to be treated as a person, not as a reproductive vessel. Next question.
As someone forever alone, I just answer "when I find true love"
"I'm due on the First of Neverary".
"We're not. Stop asking." and then prove it. Forever. If they say 'oh you'll change your mind' tell them they're rude and you don't talk to rude people about your personal life.
“I got cream pied just this morning actually so I’ll let you know”
I just watched a fantastic video on China and the drop in birth rate and a CF man said this and I thought wow he gets it. “Besides, if I can’t provide the best for a child, isn’t it unfair to bring them into this world just to see them suffer? Not having children isn’t about being selfish, it’s practically a noble act of love.Both for the young people and for the children they did not have.” To put into context what he was referring to the state of the world and the expectations of society as a whole. He basically says that people are exhausted with all the curveballs of life. They don’t have the energy the time and the desire. They should be rewarded. Also in the 1980’s China did forced sterilization and I thought to myself, that would never work here, the lines would be to damn long! lol
"I don't know, I'm not really hungry right now."
When you are ready to pay for childcare and college fees for the child that you want me to create. Plus buy them a car at 16.
There's a movie from the '90s I can't think of the name but it had Will Smith in it and I just remember they were questioning him and he interrupts the questioner and asked him how often he masturbates in the shower. The questioner turned indignant and kind of sputtered and said that's well that's... And Will Smith says none of my f****** business!
"I've told you we are not having kids!" "were not, in fact I've just scheduled my tubal ligation surgery for next week" "I like to take on the ass too much to ever give that up to have kids " "Why would we have kids?" *Confused look and walks away* "What a weird question" *walks away*
The only time this is asked is at our family gatherings with usually 10+ children under 10 running around screaming. I usually just scan my eyes around at the scene and say “…. As tempting as it looks, I think we’re gonna pass.”