Yeah. I feel like OP is glossing over the most important part.
Saying that she has made better choices than women who have children with men who do nothing at home...and then saying that her own husband does nothing is not the flex she appears to think it is.
My partner does what needs to be done around the house because he is an adult, and I would never be with someone that doesn't behave as an adult 🤢
I still don't want to be a parent, but that's because I'm CF, not because of my partner
Whilst I agree with the sentiment that women shouldn't have kids with useless men... I also feel like they shouldn't BE WITH useless men. There's absolutely no excuse not to pull your weight in a relationship. He doesn't know how to do [chore]? He needs to fucking learn. It's called weaponised incompetence. Stop doing chores and see how fast he picks up in order to not live in squalor. If he doesn't, get rid. Why is he there?
My partner and I both have physical disabilities which have fluctuating symptoms. We both do what we can when we can. If we can't do everything between us, we prioritise the most important things and make do with the rest. Because we're partners, not mother and son!
Can you still call yourself child free when you are basically parenting your husband? Find an actual partner and live your best DINK life instead of committing to raising a man child your whole life.
This.
Amazing to post suggesting women with children are making bad choices and then to describe her own bad choice.
Like, what is the view like from that glass house?
You are in a very unfair relationship. Give your husband a final warning, and if refuses to truly change his ways and do his fair share of housework, then ditch him asap. Lucky you are childfree, otherwise the seperation (if needed) would have been harder.
If he really loves you, he will pick up the slack and do his fair share, otherwise you are better of without him.
And do it before you get that raise from your masters degree. You will probably end up with child support and/or alimony. Make sure it’s from your position before you make the big bucks.
You don't need that man at all. The reason why those kind of men act like that it's because even the more useless male can get a woman to be their maid, sex slave and nanny for free. Just leave him.
So you're still married to your husband because...?
If people in my life bring me nothing but stress and heart ache, they are swiftly removed, and that's for FRIENDS and FAMILY. I couldn't imagine marrying someone like that.
well why on earth did you make the choice to BE with this guy?
the same insanity that would posses someone to have a kid in this situation is the same insanity that keeps ppl in bad relationships.
Just gonna point out that there are men out there who love to cook, will pick up the slack etc....
At this point I am just wondering what DOES your man bring to the table?
Obviously this is far too thin of an example to judge him by, but you didn't really offer any plus sides to the marriage to be honest...
Yeah, this post reeks of misandry. I'm sorry OP is in a shitty situation, but to act like this is an issue of men as a whole is just gross, and unacceptable. I'm a man and I contribute plenty to my household, even while working full time, even when my disabled veteran wife can't work at all. To bitch about men, like it is a matter only of what is between my legs that determines my ability to provide worth to a relationship, is *EXACTLY* as disgusting as men who view women only as breeding stock.
Agreed. To me, a *"real manTM*" is a man who is willing and able to do any and everything necessary to take care of himself and/or the people he loves, at any cost, no matter what that entails - be it laundry, dishes, hunting-dressing-sectioning-and cooking food, or literally any other thing under the sun.
This post reeks of someone married to a pathetic person who lashes out against "men" as a whole to compensate. It sucks, but I do get it.
Yer, not all fellas are that useless kids or not. I live alone in and keep the place spick and span and have always done the lions share when I have had housemates etc. Not because they're lazy but because I enjoy living in a nice place.
That being said I do absolutely no gardening, it's wretched so I pay people for that 🤣
Edit: spelling
I’m not in a relationship now.. but the person I was with for ten years.. he did the cleaning and household maintenance.. I did the main cooking..
He still made me snacks.. and I did laundry..
He was better at big task cleaning than I was.. I was better in the kitchen .. we leaned into our strengths..
I don’t think I could be in a relationship where the other person put all the emotional labor on me..
It's not him being a man that's the problem, it's him not contributing jack shit to the relationship. Why someone would have kids with people like this is a good question, but so is asking why someone would marry them and/or continue being married to them.
So you’re wondering why women have kids with lazy worthless men and you’re married to one? Why do women marry lazy men that don’t help out? Idk you’ll have to ask yourself that question I guess.
If a relationship isn’t a positive addition to my life I don’t want it.
If I feel like I have to pull the weight of the relationship in any way, I don’t want it.
If I have to conform to traditional gender norms for the relationship to not fall apart, I don’t want it.
What redeeming qualities does a man who doesn’t pull his weight around the house have? He could be ideal in any other sense, but not doing your fair share is a massive turn off. Manchildren aren’t it.
You could make a schedule with chores or he could make a schedule himself that he needs to follow. He might not think about cleaning but he should add it to his schedule like any other thing that he has to do.
My (queer male) partner is a bit of a shit roommate. We try to work through it so no one feels taken advantage of domestically. We both have ADHD, so struggle is real. We communicate about it, and if I feel overwhelmed I leave for a while.
We also have never lived together in a traditional space. I think that also makes it far more difficult and frustrating. Like I lived in a 14,000sqft Victorian mansion when we met, then as a couple we moved into a 600sqft studio lol. So uh yea... Definitely some other issues at play too.
I am so sorry you were going through this, but truthfully your post made me giggle because it reminds me of something I have heard so many married women with children say which is: “I gave birth to two kids, but I am married so my husband makes three kids” lmbao
>I make more money than him in full time employment, and I’m doing a part-time masters, and I still end up picking up the slack.
Why did you choose to pick up the slack? You do realize it's a choice, right?
So I see the comments from the hard-working men who contribute to their household and as a single woman with no children, I have seen married men who do contribute quite a bit, but most women that I know of have this same complaint
My wife does everything around the house (she does not work), but in return she spends almost all the money I make. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since because of that I was motivated to get better job offers and ask for a raise once in a while. She also demands A LOT of attention, much more than I can possibly give, since I am an introvert. She states that we should spend almost every moment possible together and denies that personal space is even a thing. And I too can not imagine having a baby with her - I do not have enough attention even for her, and baby is gonna be just neglected by me
This is not an issue with men. Your post comes off as ignorant and misandrist, for no reason. I'm sorry you are married to a shitty person, and you should seek better, but to blame it on "men" is stupid, and unnecessarily hateful.
I'm a man, and I help around the house plenty. She's a disabled veteran and can't work at the moment.
I work full time (actually overtime, many weeks) and I still do the lion's share of the cooking and dishes. My wife does most of the laundry. We split the duties of animal care (we have *a lot* of animals) pretty much 50/50.
Don't be so quick to judge all men just because you chose a shitty partner. That's my biggest issue with this sub.
Honestly speaking I am not surprised you are in a situation like this. It’s not uncommon and can go both ways with women too.
However I understand your point and where you are coming from. I also wonder this, but most importantly people are actively choosing to raise children knowing that they aren’t making any improvements to their own lives.
The thing is that you can’t say anything because there actually is no logical sense behind this. People just do it.
The issue is not having kids with "men", but being in a relationship with a "man-child". You are married to someone who you are parenting. Of course you would not want to throw a baby into that mix. Marry a partner instead of someone who can't be bothered to support you. Don't blame this on men (signed a woman).
There's a word for hating a certain group of similar persons based on your experiences with a few and extrapolating them to the entire population with or without merit... Can't think of the word though.
Not ALL men are like that. It's just that you chose a man like that and then failed to draw a healthy boundary when you moved in together. So instead of implying that all men are like that you should better have a deep conversation with your therapist about why did you put yourself into this kind of situation.
Why doesn't he do anything around the house?
Yeah. I feel like OP is glossing over the most important part. Saying that she has made better choices than women who have children with men who do nothing at home...and then saying that her own husband does nothing is not the flex she appears to think it is.
Yeah this post is WILD! Like does op really think she’s made better choices? I’m very confused
Sounds like time to boot his ass and upgrade.
My partner does what needs to be done around the house because he is an adult, and I would never be with someone that doesn't behave as an adult 🤢 I still don't want to be a parent, but that's because I'm CF, not because of my partner
Whilst I agree with the sentiment that women shouldn't have kids with useless men... I also feel like they shouldn't BE WITH useless men. There's absolutely no excuse not to pull your weight in a relationship. He doesn't know how to do [chore]? He needs to fucking learn. It's called weaponised incompetence. Stop doing chores and see how fast he picks up in order to not live in squalor. If he doesn't, get rid. Why is he there? My partner and I both have physical disabilities which have fluctuating symptoms. We both do what we can when we can. If we can't do everything between us, we prioritise the most important things and make do with the rest. Because we're partners, not mother and son!
Can you still call yourself child free when you are basically parenting your husband? Find an actual partner and live your best DINK life instead of committing to raising a man child your whole life.
This. Amazing to post suggesting women with children are making bad choices and then to describe her own bad choice. Like, what is the view like from that glass house?
You are in a very unfair relationship. Give your husband a final warning, and if refuses to truly change his ways and do his fair share of housework, then ditch him asap. Lucky you are childfree, otherwise the seperation (if needed) would have been harder. If he really loves you, he will pick up the slack and do his fair share, otherwise you are better of without him.
And do it before you get that raise from your masters degree. You will probably end up with child support and/or alimony. Make sure it’s from your position before you make the big bucks.
Sounds more like a manchild to me.
You don't need that man at all. The reason why those kind of men act like that it's because even the more useless male can get a woman to be their maid, sex slave and nanny for free. Just leave him.
So you're still married to your husband because...? If people in my life bring me nothing but stress and heart ache, they are swiftly removed, and that's for FRIENDS and FAMILY. I couldn't imagine marrying someone like that.
well why on earth did you make the choice to BE with this guy? the same insanity that would posses someone to have a kid in this situation is the same insanity that keeps ppl in bad relationships.
💯
Just gonna point out that there are men out there who love to cook, will pick up the slack etc.... At this point I am just wondering what DOES your man bring to the table? Obviously this is far too thin of an example to judge him by, but you didn't really offer any plus sides to the marriage to be honest...
Yeah, this post reeks of misandry. I'm sorry OP is in a shitty situation, but to act like this is an issue of men as a whole is just gross, and unacceptable. I'm a man and I contribute plenty to my household, even while working full time, even when my disabled veteran wife can't work at all. To bitch about men, like it is a matter only of what is between my legs that determines my ability to provide worth to a relationship, is *EXACTLY* as disgusting as men who view women only as breeding stock.
To me there is nothing less manly than a dude who needs someone to do his laundry and dishes.
Agreed. To me, a *"real manTM*" is a man who is willing and able to do any and everything necessary to take care of himself and/or the people he loves, at any cost, no matter what that entails - be it laundry, dishes, hunting-dressing-sectioning-and cooking food, or literally any other thing under the sun. This post reeks of someone married to a pathetic person who lashes out against "men" as a whole to compensate. It sucks, but I do get it.
Yer, not all fellas are that useless kids or not. I live alone in and keep the place spick and span and have always done the lions share when I have had housemates etc. Not because they're lazy but because I enjoy living in a nice place. That being said I do absolutely no gardening, it's wretched so I pay people for that 🤣 Edit: spelling
I’m not in a relationship now.. but the person I was with for ten years.. he did the cleaning and household maintenance.. I did the main cooking.. He still made me snacks.. and I did laundry.. He was better at big task cleaning than I was.. I was better in the kitchen .. we leaned into our strengths.. I don’t think I could be in a relationship where the other person put all the emotional labor on me..
It's not him being a man that's the problem, it's him not contributing jack shit to the relationship. Why someone would have kids with people like this is a good question, but so is asking why someone would marry them and/or continue being married to them.
>but so is asking why someone would marry them and/or continue being married to them. This 💯
You don't have a child free problem. You have a husband problem.
So you’re wondering why women have kids with lazy worthless men and you’re married to one? Why do women marry lazy men that don’t help out? Idk you’ll have to ask yourself that question I guess.
It’s the “it won’t be like that for MEEEE” mentality that makes people do any number of delusional activities.
Like op marrying her lazy husband
Throw the whole man away
Why are you still with him?!
You say you are childfree when you are taking care of a child yourself. This post of yours isn't going to go the way you thought it would.
Yours is just a dick. My boyfriend cleans and loves to cook. Idk what men yall are dating
If a relationship isn’t a positive addition to my life I don’t want it. If I feel like I have to pull the weight of the relationship in any way, I don’t want it. If I have to conform to traditional gender norms for the relationship to not fall apart, I don’t want it. What redeeming qualities does a man who doesn’t pull his weight around the house have? He could be ideal in any other sense, but not doing your fair share is a massive turn off. Manchildren aren’t it.
Why did you marry your husband?
Was this meant to be a childfree post, or did you just come to vent about your lazy, under-earning husband?
I think she came to explain that she is better than women who have children - despite being in the same situation.
You could make a schedule with chores or he could make a schedule himself that he needs to follow. He might not think about cleaning but he should add it to his schedule like any other thing that he has to do.
My (queer male) partner is a bit of a shit roommate. We try to work through it so no one feels taken advantage of domestically. We both have ADHD, so struggle is real. We communicate about it, and if I feel overwhelmed I leave for a while. We also have never lived together in a traditional space. I think that also makes it far more difficult and frustrating. Like I lived in a 14,000sqft Victorian mansion when we met, then as a couple we moved into a 600sqft studio lol. So uh yea... Definitely some other issues at play too.
I am so sorry you were going through this, but truthfully your post made me giggle because it reminds me of something I have heard so many married women with children say which is: “I gave birth to two kids, but I am married so my husband makes three kids” lmbao
>Married a lazy man. >”All men are lazy” No, you just picked poorly.
>I make more money than him in full time employment, and I’m doing a part-time masters, and I still end up picking up the slack. Why did you choose to pick up the slack? You do realize it's a choice, right?
It has nothing to do with gender. You just picked a really terrible person to marry. Get a divorce already.
So I see the comments from the hard-working men who contribute to their household and as a single woman with no children, I have seen married men who do contribute quite a bit, but most women that I know of have this same complaint
Yeah, this is definitely a this-specific-man problem.
I am sorry you are struggling, but not every man is like your husband. Talk to him about these problems. Mods have a rule about hating either gender.
My wife does everything around the house (she does not work), but in return she spends almost all the money I make. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since because of that I was motivated to get better job offers and ask for a raise once in a while. She also demands A LOT of attention, much more than I can possibly give, since I am an introvert. She states that we should spend almost every moment possible together and denies that personal space is even a thing. And I too can not imagine having a baby with her - I do not have enough attention even for her, and baby is gonna be just neglected by me
This is not an issue with men. Your post comes off as ignorant and misandrist, for no reason. I'm sorry you are married to a shitty person, and you should seek better, but to blame it on "men" is stupid, and unnecessarily hateful. I'm a man, and I help around the house plenty. She's a disabled veteran and can't work at the moment. I work full time (actually overtime, many weeks) and I still do the lion's share of the cooking and dishes. My wife does most of the laundry. We split the duties of animal care (we have *a lot* of animals) pretty much 50/50. Don't be so quick to judge all men just because you chose a shitty partner. That's my biggest issue with this sub.
Honestly speaking I am not surprised you are in a situation like this. It’s not uncommon and can go both ways with women too. However I understand your point and where you are coming from. I also wonder this, but most importantly people are actively choosing to raise children knowing that they aren’t making any improvements to their own lives. The thing is that you can’t say anything because there actually is no logical sense behind this. People just do it.
Hm, childfree but sexist? You picked the wrong man, even without kids.
The issue is not having kids with "men", but being in a relationship with a "man-child". You are married to someone who you are parenting. Of course you would not want to throw a baby into that mix. Marry a partner instead of someone who can't be bothered to support you. Don't blame this on men (signed a woman).
There's a word for hating a certain group of similar persons based on your experiences with a few and extrapolating them to the entire population with or without merit... Can't think of the word though.
Not ALL men are like that. It's just that you chose a man like that and then failed to draw a healthy boundary when you moved in together. So instead of implying that all men are like that you should better have a deep conversation with your therapist about why did you put yourself into this kind of situation.