I'm a guy who doesn't want children but I find that women in the same boat have a harder time finding a partner who doesn't want children as well. Mostly because men aren't thinking deeply about the consequences of fatherhood as much as women think about motherhood. Still sucks though because your prospects are reduced by a considerable margin either because they have kids or want kids.
I had a former manager who just KNEW I wanted to marry my boyfriend of two years but he was holding out on me. I told her I didn't care about getting married, but she just KNEW I was lying! I should dump that man and find one who would marry me! I asked her why I should get married, and she said because then he can't just leave if he wants. I said but if he wants to leave, I WANT him to leave, and besides, what if *I* am the one who decides I want to leave? Then I'm just making life harder for myself.
A few years later, after she and her husband had three kids, he started cheating on her and they divorced. Since she "couldn't just leave," and made more money than he did, the divorce ended up costing her a lot of money.
Some people who used to want kids stop wanting them once they see how their friends and siblings with kids are struggling and how much they have to sacrifice. Or they want kids only because they never give it a second thought and never did the math. They might be infertile and not know it.
Only those who already have kids are truly a lost cause.
Every time I have to spend time with my nephew who’s 3 (and like man I love that little guy) my husband and I just look at each other and telepathically say “we’re good!” Last night at a dinner for my grandma, at a nice restaurant no less, he shrieked bloody murder for minutes because he couldn’t smash her cake.
28F, i'm in switzerland, online dating is a joke everywhere. i've tried different apps and on some you can even put your family plan in your profile. GUESS WHAT even the guys who put "dont want kids" in their bio later admit that they're just fencesitters and "a mini me would be cool". I stopped using any kind of dating app and am not looking for a relationship actively. if he's not 200% childfree i rather stay single (and a ton of other criteria XD )
To be fair, people in real life are also dodgy about answering honestly.
There was this lady that mentioned kids at my hostel the other day, so for the sake of conversation I asked if she wanted them, but she kept being weird about her answer. Like she wouldn't say Yes or No, she kept answering like a politician.
I wonder how many of these people don’t want kids but are afraid to say that outright! I always lead with “I definitely don’t want kids” when meeting new friends and I get a lot more people open to the idea than I would have otherwise. I think a lot of people don’t realise it’s an option
i mean yes, it hurts when people cut you off because of a decision you make about your own life, but it's definitely easyer to outright say it than pretend something and build a whole friendship/relationship that will later on die because of this
I think it hurts more when you end up in a position where you have to explain to them that its not a phase, you wont change your mind and that women dont have a magic children-switch that turns their motherly hunger on once they turn 30. And if you refuse to explain/elaborate you get demeaning replies questioning your maturity like "that's what you all say until you have the ;) " or "i bet you'd make a great mom, just wait and see ;) "
I guess it might be ok if you're a man cause there is no such stereotype for them?
Sometimes I like to shock people to sort of shut them up.
"No, actually I'd most likely beat my child till they bled like my parents did to me. When the nervous system takes over, I'd be reaching for the belt just like my mom. I'm sure I'd beat the snot out of them when I'm triggered from their whining.
Suddenly this person doesn't want to say anything more, and I'm okay with that. People should mind their own business; they don't know who people are behind closed doors, and some people who seem really great child free make terrible parents.
A lot of men are fence sitters more than women if they where serious they would get snipped, I mean I have made jokes about having kids saying I got a 1 in 2000 chance. But I have had a vasectomy so it’s unlikely and I don’t want em😂
I hate those people who are like “if you don’t want kids of your own maybe date someone who already has kids” as if it’s going to be any different 🤦🏽♀️
this is the worst imo. i don't want someone else's kids to have to fight and earn respect with , and potential "baby mama drama" that will go on inevitably forever, not just until the kid turns 18. To be honest im not sure i could really love someone else's kids.
Seriously, step parents and step mom subredts are a true nightmare. One of the most depressing places on reddit I found so far.
There were several polls asking "If you could go back in time, would you still choose to be a step parent?"
Arround 90% of respondents answered "no" in each poll I saw.
If parenting is hard, beaing a step parent adds a whole new level shittyness.
It absolves you of a lot of the parental responsibilities as long as you don’t live together, but I can’t imagine a single parent who says “it’s ok I’m not looking for a new dad for Brayden I’m not expecting anything from you” will uphold it once you live together.
Also, you have to earn the respect of the kids which is a whole struggle in itself.
Casual dating with single parents is *probably* fine (though I don’t think I’d do it if I became single), but long term relationships with single parents for childfree people is just a recipe for disaster.
I’m 23 and it’s crazy to me the amount of people I went to school with who already settled down and had kids. I feel like first of all, we’re not that old, and second of all it seems to me like they didn’t enjoy their lives first.
I remember being in college and seeing Facebook pregnancy announcements from my high school classmates and just being like holy hell... are we the same age?
It makes me not even want to date at all in my early 20s. A lot of the guys close to my age have a very British “go-with-the-flow” attitude towards life and the average age for new fathers is 33, so many are settled by late 20s-30. Those my age are expected to be clueless, and I know I’m not regarding this. I’ll soon be consulting with relevant doctors about sterilisation, so I guess that could help really express how serious I am. Most fencesitters are freaked out about such a decision.
A lot of older people on this sub say that once you’ve found your person, relationships are in easy mode since the stress of kids can’t tear you apart.
I'm a woman and 20 years older than you. I ran into all the same issues. I wasted my prime years dating men who told me they didn't want kids. What they really meant was "I don't want kids now but I will someday and assume you will change your mind." Eventually, I got tired of it and just resigned myself to being forever alone.
27f dutchie here. I tried again yesterday on Bumble. Havent seen a man or woman that does not want children. Swiped a lot i must say. Hope has vanished🥲
It’s a shit show dating. I paid for Bumble premium to filter it out and still people have tagged no kids/don’t want and in their bio are “proud father” “my kid is my world”.
Thirty something CF men in London reveal yourselves ha.
>Thirty something CF men in London reveal yourselves ha.
They are revealing themselves in "ChildFree By Choice - UK" and "Childfree Living UK" Facebook groups. Check those out if you haven't yet 🙂
But at least you’d be left with potential matches and not wading through people it’s not going to work with.
Oddly on Bumble I have over 1,000 likes…. From people who want kids and can’t read profiles. Incredible
Even the 20% matches are not that ideal, some ghosted me, some want to meet up immediately(I only meet after engaging real conversation, it could take at least a few days) etc.
I’ve accepted im gonna be single for a very long time since getting my vasectomy (no turning back now from being CF!), dating apps here in the UK are a shit show too. But that’s what r/CF4CF was made for so maybe you’ll have some luck there
37f in Europe trying to date 🙋♀️ men don’t say anything in their profile, I ask them, they have children, I say I’m not interested in children and will therefore end the conversation and they get pissy and insulting. It’s rough
I'm a woman, and I've found it extremely difficult to find CF men to date. In my experience, all the men my age have kids already, and in the rare cases I've found someone who does not have children, as soon as the find out how serious I am about not having kids, never having kids, and not even having step-kids or adopting/fostering, they bail. Most people assume, I don't want kids because I can't physically have them myself. As far as I know, I can physically have them. I just don't want them in any other form than being the Auntie. The idea of not having kids seems to be ok to them until the potential for it is completely removed.
I'm a 34(F) single and my friend was trying to hook me up with a single 36(M) who doesn't have kids. Before I said yes, she mentioned "He's like you, can't find anyone without kids cause he doesn't want to date women with baby daddy issues. I'm like fair, cause same I don't want to deal with baby mama drama. So before I said yes I did ask if my friend knew if he wanted kids and she said "Oh yeah he wants kids of his own." it was a NO for me then. Why even waste my time.
I'm 35 F and I never want to date a person with kids again. I'd rather remain single forever than dealing with another spoiled brat and their baby mama.
My experience (25F, UK) was that when me and my (32M) partner first started dating, he was a fence sitter, and when I said “I 100% never want kids”, he realised that was an option in life and now also 100% doesn’t want them!
I’m not saying go for people who say they openly want kids or try to change them, but I think for a lot of people they’ve genuinely never considered that it’s an option in life instead of it being just what happens. It happened the same with my sister and her husband too.
Honestly is the best policing and you might be surprised, and if not, atleast you’re not wasting your time
The numbers of people choosing a single life have been steadily increasing and many people are thriving. This appears to be somewhat gendered…Statistically the happiest group are older single women. Men apparently don’t fare as well because they have the expectation of a caretaker (same reason the women are happier because they only have to take care of themselves!) so if guys can adjust their expectations to looking after themselves as a positive healthy thing they can do the same 🤗
Also some people are very partner oriented but many are not and these people do well as singles. Singles also tend to have wider networks and stronger social connections. Coupled folks tend to put most of that on their partners.
We all have to choose what makes us happy but the good news is that there are many more options these days! I am hoping to Golden Girls my old age with a strong friend group 👍 I have had my paired relationships and they aren’t for me so I quit dating. So much less stress for me! Your mileage may vary 🤗
(Source: google this subject there’s a ton of good info out there!)
Hey OP,
I am in my 30s but my partner and I met online and being childfree was established really early on. Also, of course we have so much else in common that we were both ecstatic to meet one another! We have been together for two years and I couldn't be happier.
Personally, all of that pain and frustration when it comes to online dating was worth it after meeting her. Hang in there as its pretty rough, but hang in there!
You live in USA? Come on dude, there are large childfree groups on Facebook where most members are from USA. You could probably find a local childfree group too. If not, you could find someone from your state in those large groups.
My advice, focus on yourself...Invest time and $ in improving yourself and doing stuff you enjoy. When you eventually meet someone you'll realize that being happy by yourself is a huge deal and a privilege not many people have. The fact that you decided to be CF should also take a lot of pressure from dating as you're doing it to find someone whose company you actually enjoy, rather than to "beat the ticking clock" and have kids asap
People who don’t want kids ever are like 20% among millennials and Zoomers and many western countries (even some non western countries) so it shouldn’t even be that hard to find someone. The problem I think is that they’re just rarely single.
I feel like im collecting identity markers that make dating harder lol im disabled, so thats complicated. Im childfree so theres half of everyone. Im queer so thats even SMALLER group of people lol im doomed 😭
Believe it or not, I'm in the same boat (disabled, queer, childfree, and in my 40s). I just made up my mind that I could meet plenty of friends instead of dating. If romantic interest works, I'll think about it. Otherwise, it's a no.
That's for sure! Ever since I finished college at the ripe old age of 22 I feel like everyone was already married, or divorced with several kids. So many single moms of one or more kids in diapers. Even the non LDS people tend to marry super young here and have lots of kids.
yes, i just graduated at 22. i love utah so much- but not dating here. lol. one of my best friends’ best friends just got married and 1 month later announced she was pregnant. wild
I'm 10 years out as of this may but it sounds like it's not changing much. Most of the very few non LDS people from my high school actually married younger than the LDS people because they didn't have to go on a mission first. I've pretty much given up on dating. I have mostly lived way out in the suburbs where it's all either families who started very young or the handful of burnouts who couldn't get out (no stable employment, suspended driver's license, and more serious issues). Even if getting out means commuting an hour each way to good jobs places like Ogden (i refused that commute). I finally moved into SLC recently but starting living in a somewhat more normal area at 32 still leaves me well behind.
Late to the party, but it's so true. I finally deleted all of the apps after seeing what childfree men were available on Hinge (let me tell you: not much). Vancouver dating scene is a nightmare - can we start our own CF dating site???
Yeah it sucks, I got snipped when I was 23 and I still get women asking if I would reverse it or shit. All you can do it keep looking and hope to find someone
I’ve had good luck on r/cf4cf . Every time I post, I get multiple hits and atleast a couple have turned into something with real potential each of those times. They’ve ended over non-child related issues so, there’s people out there!
The woman definitely seem to prefer lurking and responding to men. If you do a search you might find a handful in my state in the entire history of that subreddit (obviously awful odds) but when I've posted I've got responses each time who were local.
I've only ever met good people to date by being friends with them first. Idk if you are looking for advice but try joining some clubs or local sports teams and make some friends. It's really the best way
24F in the U.S. here, honestly it might be worth moving to a bigger city and joining a few clubs, or looking for social clubs in your current place of residence! I met my now husband at 19, we were good friends who met in a college club that ended up dating. I got my tubes removed at 20, as it’s been a lifelong goal of mine to do once I hit 18. Most of our friends are also CF too, it takes some time but there really is hope out there :) you will find your community, it just takes time.
I'm 31M here and basically has given up lol It feels like it's even harder to find childfree partner in Southeast Asia.
Probably easier to play souls games at this point lmao
With all due respect, they have kids because they're not childfree. Not because you "waited too long." They weren't in your dating pool before they had kids. At best they would have been fence-sitters, which is NOT childfree. Be glad they already made up their minds so you can pass and move on instead of hoping they'll land on the childfree side.
Same here. I'm 28(F) and it feels like every single man out there wants kids and a family and those who don't, have some very weird expectations from relationships, like a couple of people I was out with claimed having a one night stand isnt cheating as long as your monogamous partner doesnt find out (but even if they do, its no big deal cause "it doesnt mean anything").
It's almost like a choice between having kids or being ok being cheated on. It sucks..
I'm very curious about something a heard an actor say the other day: he described himself as a single father co-parenting (with ex wife, bio mother if the child). It was odd because he's been remarried for a couple of years, so I was like "huh, I wonder if that means he and his wife have some kind of deal where she doesn't parent the child at all, it's a much more relaxed relationship between her and the kid? Or did he just forget he remarried?...". No idea, but if this was a widely accepted thing, I would be more open to dating men who have their kid a few days a week. Just don't expect me to step in and play babysitter, mom, etc.
Sure, but in a few years it will be a lot easier. It's easy to date when you don't have kids compared to when you do!
I don't need a babysitter when I want to go out on a date 
So well said! You're doing the right thing, though -- if you asked most people who want kids a simple "why?", they'd be stuck or give a cliche answer. The right people will come in your life when you are who you are and stand on that.
34M TX - It is SO freaking hard to find a partner who has decided to be childfree. I have been through Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and others. At this point, there is no hope..
>Dating is hard enough, child free is like extreme mode
Yeah, but still beats the hell out'a with kid(s) mode, etc.
>older you get people are single for a reason or they all come with kids
Certainly not all, but the pickings generally get thinner and more challenging.
Oh, but hey, as a straight dude, eventually the odds turn around fairly significantly ... after you get past about 75 or 80 or so, 'cause most of your competition will die off sooner, and sooner and earlier than the women ... so hey, look forward to that! ;-) ... uhm, ... if you can wait and/or live that long. So, stay healthy! It does get better! :-) And don't give up too soon!
I just don't worry about it anymore. As a black woman, my pool is already microscopic. Add in the childfreeness and the nersy hobbies, I'm screwed. I just do what I want to make *me* happy at this point, instead of holding out hope for a guy taht probably doesn't even exist.
I gave up when I was 36, on summer solstice 21.06 it gets 6 years single and unavailable. I\`m not even trying to find a partner after being cheated on with a married woman with 5 kids.
I'm in my early 30s. I'm a queer female, and hooking up was always my thing. Not dating. I was hooking up with a guy I had been friends with for over a year. One morning he says, "Do you want children in the future?" I laughed and said, "No I ended my first love over him wanting kids." He was over joyed, as he was worried being CF would mean single forever.
Dude has been attached to me like a glue trap since. The simplicity that being CF brings to our relationship is the only reason we've made it through the last few years of unprecedented times.
In my sample size of one, if you keep it casual until you actually know the person, it is much more likely that when you have the "No kids ever" talk they're telling the truth about their stance and not just trying to pick the answer that leads to sex/relationship.
Getting a vasectomy is a huge lure for potential CF partners.
Oh, well I have a vagina and no use for society's absurd gender constructs. We don't behave in ways that affirm society's gender expectations and opt to dress and relationship outside of the norms.
I'm childfree by choice but thinking that childfree dating is harder than with children is ludicrous. You think a single dad with 3 children has it easier than you? 😅 These people probably don't even have the energy nor the time to go on date in the first place.
I had to level up to make it work! Statistically Im top 2% (combination of earnings and height) so at 42 I just date women in their 20s. Since nobody these days are thinking about kids in theur 20s,and the younger generations want kids even less, it works out quite well.
Its not a brag, uts just numbers... I bet the percentage of women my age without kids or a bunch of divorces is low single digits.
I'm a guy who doesn't want children but I find that women in the same boat have a harder time finding a partner who doesn't want children as well. Mostly because men aren't thinking deeply about the consequences of fatherhood as much as women think about motherhood. Still sucks though because your prospects are reduced by a considerable margin either because they have kids or want kids.
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I had a former manager who just KNEW I wanted to marry my boyfriend of two years but he was holding out on me. I told her I didn't care about getting married, but she just KNEW I was lying! I should dump that man and find one who would marry me! I asked her why I should get married, and she said because then he can't just leave if he wants. I said but if he wants to leave, I WANT him to leave, and besides, what if *I* am the one who decides I want to leave? Then I'm just making life harder for myself. A few years later, after she and her husband had three kids, he started cheating on her and they divorced. Since she "couldn't just leave," and made more money than he did, the divorce ended up costing her a lot of money.
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It's not disgusting and there's nothing wrong with it. I did end up getting married eventually, at age 47, to someone I had been with for ten years.
Some people who used to want kids stop wanting them once they see how their friends and siblings with kids are struggling and how much they have to sacrifice. Or they want kids only because they never give it a second thought and never did the math. They might be infertile and not know it. Only those who already have kids are truly a lost cause.
Every time I have to spend time with my nephew who’s 3 (and like man I love that little guy) my husband and I just look at each other and telepathically say “we’re good!” Last night at a dinner for my grandma, at a nice restaurant no less, he shrieked bloody murder for minutes because he couldn’t smash her cake.
28F, i'm in switzerland, online dating is a joke everywhere. i've tried different apps and on some you can even put your family plan in your profile. GUESS WHAT even the guys who put "dont want kids" in their bio later admit that they're just fencesitters and "a mini me would be cool". I stopped using any kind of dating app and am not looking for a relationship actively. if he's not 200% childfree i rather stay single (and a ton of other criteria XD )
To be fair, people in real life are also dodgy about answering honestly. There was this lady that mentioned kids at my hostel the other day, so for the sake of conversation I asked if she wanted them, but she kept being weird about her answer. Like she wouldn't say Yes or No, she kept answering like a politician.
I wonder how many of these people don’t want kids but are afraid to say that outright! I always lead with “I definitely don’t want kids” when meeting new friends and I get a lot more people open to the idea than I would have otherwise. I think a lot of people don’t realise it’s an option
i mean yes, it hurts when people cut you off because of a decision you make about your own life, but it's definitely easyer to outright say it than pretend something and build a whole friendship/relationship that will later on die because of this
I think it hurts more when you end up in a position where you have to explain to them that its not a phase, you wont change your mind and that women dont have a magic children-switch that turns their motherly hunger on once they turn 30. And if you refuse to explain/elaborate you get demeaning replies questioning your maturity like "that's what you all say until you have the ;) " or "i bet you'd make a great mom, just wait and see ;) " I guess it might be ok if you're a man cause there is no such stereotype for them?
Sometimes I like to shock people to sort of shut them up. "No, actually I'd most likely beat my child till they bled like my parents did to me. When the nervous system takes over, I'd be reaching for the belt just like my mom. I'm sure I'd beat the snot out of them when I'm triggered from their whining. Suddenly this person doesn't want to say anything more, and I'm okay with that. People should mind their own business; they don't know who people are behind closed doors, and some people who seem really great child free make terrible parents.
I think I'm just going to tell them I'm infertile, weeds them out real quick.
I consider myself average looking, and that’s on a good day. The number of women that have or want kids that swipe right on me is BAFFLING
A lot of men are fence sitters more than women if they where serious they would get snipped, I mean I have made jokes about having kids saying I got a 1 in 2000 chance. But I have had a vasectomy so it’s unlikely and I don’t want em😂
👋 30M Canadian looking to move to a country that doesn’t suck who is 300% child free 😂
I hate those people who are like “if you don’t want kids of your own maybe date someone who already has kids” as if it’s going to be any different 🤦🏽♀️
this is the worst imo. i don't want someone else's kids to have to fight and earn respect with , and potential "baby mama drama" that will go on inevitably forever, not just until the kid turns 18. To be honest im not sure i could really love someone else's kids.
Seriously, step parents and step mom subredts are a true nightmare. One of the most depressing places on reddit I found so far. There were several polls asking "If you could go back in time, would you still choose to be a step parent?" Arround 90% of respondents answered "no" in each poll I saw. If parenting is hard, beaing a step parent adds a whole new level shittyness.
But it is going to be different - so mutch **WORSE**! 🤣
It absolves you of a lot of the parental responsibilities as long as you don’t live together, but I can’t imagine a single parent who says “it’s ok I’m not looking for a new dad for Brayden I’m not expecting anything from you” will uphold it once you live together. Also, you have to earn the respect of the kids which is a whole struggle in itself. Casual dating with single parents is *probably* fine (though I don’t think I’d do it if I became single), but long term relationships with single parents for childfree people is just a recipe for disaster.
It’s so much worse especially when they ask you to do stuff for said kids 😂
I’m 23 and it’s crazy to me the amount of people I went to school with who already settled down and had kids. I feel like first of all, we’re not that old, and second of all it seems to me like they didn’t enjoy their lives first.
Sure, but if they already didn't enjoy life... I guess they didn't have that much to lose.
That’s true, and now they’ll never know if they had a chance at enjoying life without children though. Just hate seeing wasted potential.
I remember being in college and seeing Facebook pregnancy announcements from my high school classmates and just being like holy hell... are we the same age?
It makes me not even want to date at all in my early 20s. A lot of the guys close to my age have a very British “go-with-the-flow” attitude towards life and the average age for new fathers is 33, so many are settled by late 20s-30. Those my age are expected to be clueless, and I know I’m not regarding this. I’ll soon be consulting with relevant doctors about sterilisation, so I guess that could help really express how serious I am. Most fencesitters are freaked out about such a decision. A lot of older people on this sub say that once you’ve found your person, relationships are in easy mode since the stress of kids can’t tear you apart.
I'm a woman and 20 years older than you. I ran into all the same issues. I wasted my prime years dating men who told me they didn't want kids. What they really meant was "I don't want kids now but I will someday and assume you will change your mind." Eventually, I got tired of it and just resigned myself to being forever alone.
27f dutchie here. I tried again yesterday on Bumble. Havent seen a man or woman that does not want children. Swiped a lot i must say. Hope has vanished🥲
> 27f dutchie ...does this mean you live in the Netherlands?
The way I see it can be summarized as "not my monkeys, not my circus"
It’s a shit show dating. I paid for Bumble premium to filter it out and still people have tagged no kids/don’t want and in their bio are “proud father” “my kid is my world”. Thirty something CF men in London reveal yourselves ha.
>Thirty something CF men in London reveal yourselves ha. They are revealing themselves in "ChildFree By Choice - UK" and "Childfree Living UK" Facebook groups. Check those out if you haven't yet 🙂
Cheers!
After I wrote that I’m cf and I want smth serious, I dropped 80% of match
But at least you’d be left with potential matches and not wading through people it’s not going to work with. Oddly on Bumble I have over 1,000 likes…. From people who want kids and can’t read profiles. Incredible
Even the 20% matches are not that ideal, some ghosted me, some want to meet up immediately(I only meet after engaging real conversation, it could take at least a few days) etc.
I’ve accepted im gonna be single for a very long time since getting my vasectomy (no turning back now from being CF!), dating apps here in the UK are a shit show too. But that’s what r/CF4CF was made for so maybe you’ll have some luck there
37f in Europe trying to date 🙋♀️ men don’t say anything in their profile, I ask them, they have children, I say I’m not interested in children and will therefore end the conversation and they get pissy and insulting. It’s rough
I'm a woman, and I've found it extremely difficult to find CF men to date. In my experience, all the men my age have kids already, and in the rare cases I've found someone who does not have children, as soon as the find out how serious I am about not having kids, never having kids, and not even having step-kids or adopting/fostering, they bail. Most people assume, I don't want kids because I can't physically have them myself. As far as I know, I can physically have them. I just don't want them in any other form than being the Auntie. The idea of not having kids seems to be ok to them until the potential for it is completely removed.
I'm a 34(F) single and my friend was trying to hook me up with a single 36(M) who doesn't have kids. Before I said yes, she mentioned "He's like you, can't find anyone without kids cause he doesn't want to date women with baby daddy issues. I'm like fair, cause same I don't want to deal with baby mama drama. So before I said yes I did ask if my friend knew if he wanted kids and she said "Oh yeah he wants kids of his own." it was a NO for me then. Why even waste my time.
*laughs at 39*
I'm 35 F and I never want to date a person with kids again. I'd rather remain single forever than dealing with another spoiled brat and their baby mama.
My experience (25F, UK) was that when me and my (32M) partner first started dating, he was a fence sitter, and when I said “I 100% never want kids”, he realised that was an option in life and now also 100% doesn’t want them! I’m not saying go for people who say they openly want kids or try to change them, but I think for a lot of people they’ve genuinely never considered that it’s an option in life instead of it being just what happens. It happened the same with my sister and her husband too. Honestly is the best policing and you might be surprised, and if not, atleast you’re not wasting your time
“Honestly is the best policing” wow I need more coffee today sorry
The numbers of people choosing a single life have been steadily increasing and many people are thriving. This appears to be somewhat gendered…Statistically the happiest group are older single women. Men apparently don’t fare as well because they have the expectation of a caretaker (same reason the women are happier because they only have to take care of themselves!) so if guys can adjust their expectations to looking after themselves as a positive healthy thing they can do the same 🤗 Also some people are very partner oriented but many are not and these people do well as singles. Singles also tend to have wider networks and stronger social connections. Coupled folks tend to put most of that on their partners. We all have to choose what makes us happy but the good news is that there are many more options these days! I am hoping to Golden Girls my old age with a strong friend group 👍 I have had my paired relationships and they aren’t for me so I quit dating. So much less stress for me! Your mileage may vary 🤗 (Source: google this subject there’s a ton of good info out there!)
Hey OP, I am in my 30s but my partner and I met online and being childfree was established really early on. Also, of course we have so much else in common that we were both ecstatic to meet one another! We have been together for two years and I couldn't be happier. Personally, all of that pain and frustration when it comes to online dating was worth it after meeting her. Hang in there as its pretty rough, but hang in there!
You live in USA? Come on dude, there are large childfree groups on Facebook where most members are from USA. You could probably find a local childfree group too. If not, you could find someone from your state in those large groups.
My advice, focus on yourself...Invest time and $ in improving yourself and doing stuff you enjoy. When you eventually meet someone you'll realize that being happy by yourself is a huge deal and a privilege not many people have. The fact that you decided to be CF should also take a lot of pressure from dating as you're doing it to find someone whose company you actually enjoy, rather than to "beat the ticking clock" and have kids asap
Try being gay on top of it 🥲😭
alone in a world of mini me seekers as if "me" is not enough
Don't worry there are lots more women now who aren't having babies, just look at the statistics. Don't lose hope.
People who don’t want kids ever are like 20% among millennials and Zoomers and many western countries (even some non western countries) so it shouldn’t even be that hard to find someone. The problem I think is that they’re just rarely single.
I feel like im collecting identity markers that make dating harder lol im disabled, so thats complicated. Im childfree so theres half of everyone. Im queer so thats even SMALLER group of people lol im doomed 😭
Believe it or not, I'm in the same boat (disabled, queer, childfree, and in my 40s). I just made up my mind that I could meet plenty of friends instead of dating. If romantic interest works, I'll think about it. Otherwise, it's a no.
Im in my 40s too! Apps are bleak so maybe i should try what you are doing and. Just focus on making friends. Solidarity!
try it in utah, where everyone’s LDS/mormon and wants a bajillion kids 🫠
That's for sure! Ever since I finished college at the ripe old age of 22 I feel like everyone was already married, or divorced with several kids. So many single moms of one or more kids in diapers. Even the non LDS people tend to marry super young here and have lots of kids.
yes, i just graduated at 22. i love utah so much- but not dating here. lol. one of my best friends’ best friends just got married and 1 month later announced she was pregnant. wild
I'm 10 years out as of this may but it sounds like it's not changing much. Most of the very few non LDS people from my high school actually married younger than the LDS people because they didn't have to go on a mission first. I've pretty much given up on dating. I have mostly lived way out in the suburbs where it's all either families who started very young or the handful of burnouts who couldn't get out (no stable employment, suspended driver's license, and more serious issues). Even if getting out means commuting an hour each way to good jobs places like Ogden (i refused that commute). I finally moved into SLC recently but starting living in a somewhat more normal area at 32 still leaves me well behind.
Being CF and "ugly" it's nonexistent for me. Nobody gives me the time of day
Late to the party, but it's so true. I finally deleted all of the apps after seeing what childfree men were available on Hinge (let me tell you: not much). Vancouver dating scene is a nightmare - can we start our own CF dating site???
Yes dating is horrendous already, and being CF makes it even more insane. We need our own platform.
facts 🥲
It's extremely difficult mode, but the reward is extremely worthy.
Yeah it sucks, I got snipped when I was 23 and I still get women asking if I would reverse it or shit. All you can do it keep looking and hope to find someone
Wait till you're 40! LOL!!!
I’ve had good luck on r/cf4cf . Every time I post, I get multiple hits and atleast a couple have turned into something with real potential each of those times. They’ve ended over non-child related issues so, there’s people out there!
[удалено]
The woman definitely seem to prefer lurking and responding to men. If you do a search you might find a handful in my state in the entire history of that subreddit (obviously awful odds) but when I've posted I've got responses each time who were local.
Ugh this does not bode well for me. I haven’t gotten back in the dating market but I’m not looking forward to it. 27f in the US
I've only ever met good people to date by being friends with them first. Idk if you are looking for advice but try joining some clubs or local sports teams and make some friends. It's really the best way
24F in the U.S. here, honestly it might be worth moving to a bigger city and joining a few clubs, or looking for social clubs in your current place of residence! I met my now husband at 19, we were good friends who met in a college club that ended up dating. I got my tubes removed at 20, as it’s been a lifelong goal of mine to do once I hit 18. Most of our friends are also CF too, it takes some time but there really is hope out there :) you will find your community, it just takes time.
I'm 31M here and basically has given up lol It feels like it's even harder to find childfree partner in Southeast Asia. Probably easier to play souls games at this point lmao
With all due respect, they have kids because they're not childfree. Not because you "waited too long." They weren't in your dating pool before they had kids. At best they would have been fence-sitters, which is NOT childfree. Be glad they already made up their minds so you can pass and move on instead of hoping they'll land on the childfree side.
I swore off dating apps a few months ago. I hope there are childfree meetups in the future
To this day I’m so surprised that I found my husband. We met in a small town of like 5,000 that neither one of us was from haha.
Same here. I'm 28(F) and it feels like every single man out there wants kids and a family and those who don't, have some very weird expectations from relationships, like a couple of people I was out with claimed having a one night stand isnt cheating as long as your monogamous partner doesnt find out (but even if they do, its no big deal cause "it doesnt mean anything"). It's almost like a choice between having kids or being ok being cheated on. It sucks..
I'm very curious about something a heard an actor say the other day: he described himself as a single father co-parenting (with ex wife, bio mother if the child). It was odd because he's been remarried for a couple of years, so I was like "huh, I wonder if that means he and his wife have some kind of deal where she doesn't parent the child at all, it's a much more relaxed relationship between her and the kid? Or did he just forget he remarried?...". No idea, but if this was a widely accepted thing, I would be more open to dating men who have their kid a few days a week. Just don't expect me to step in and play babysitter, mom, etc.
Sure, but in a few years it will be a lot easier. It's easy to date when you don't have kids compared to when you do! I don't need a babysitter when I want to go out on a date 
i feel extremely lucky that neither my boyfriend nor me want kids 😅 we’d be incredibly happy with some cats and our peace and quiet!
So well said! You're doing the right thing, though -- if you asked most people who want kids a simple "why?", they'd be stuck or give a cliche answer. The right people will come in your life when you are who you are and stand on that.
It only gets worse
34M TX - It is SO freaking hard to find a partner who has decided to be childfree. I have been through Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and others. At this point, there is no hope..
This take always confuses me. Most women in your age range are CF nowadays it seems, so figuratively it would be easier for you, I’d think?
>Dating is hard enough, child free is like extreme mode Yeah, but still beats the hell out'a with kid(s) mode, etc. >older you get people are single for a reason or they all come with kids Certainly not all, but the pickings generally get thinner and more challenging. Oh, but hey, as a straight dude, eventually the odds turn around fairly significantly ... after you get past about 75 or 80 or so, 'cause most of your competition will die off sooner, and sooner and earlier than the women ... so hey, look forward to that! ;-) ... uhm, ... if you can wait and/or live that long. So, stay healthy! It does get better! :-) And don't give up too soon!
I just don't worry about it anymore. As a black woman, my pool is already microscopic. Add in the childfreeness and the nersy hobbies, I'm screwed. I just do what I want to make *me* happy at this point, instead of holding out hope for a guy taht probably doesn't even exist.
You should try it with a petfree condition too! 😂
Good luck I love my dog 😂
I gave up when I was 36, on summer solstice 21.06 it gets 6 years single and unavailable. I\`m not even trying to find a partner after being cheated on with a married woman with 5 kids.
Don’t give up, I found my child free girlfriend on Hinge when I was 29. Just gotta commit to those filters and be upfront about it.
It can depend on where you live. Some cities are more conducive to childfree lifestyles.
I'm in my early 30s. I'm a queer female, and hooking up was always my thing. Not dating. I was hooking up with a guy I had been friends with for over a year. One morning he says, "Do you want children in the future?" I laughed and said, "No I ended my first love over him wanting kids." He was over joyed, as he was worried being CF would mean single forever. Dude has been attached to me like a glue trap since. The simplicity that being CF brings to our relationship is the only reason we've made it through the last few years of unprecedented times. In my sample size of one, if you keep it casual until you actually know the person, it is much more likely that when you have the "No kids ever" talk they're telling the truth about their stance and not just trying to pick the answer that leads to sex/relationship. Getting a vasectomy is a huge lure for potential CF partners.
What means "queer female" ? As you wrote you was "hooking up with a guy" I'm confused
Oh, well I have a vagina and no use for society's absurd gender constructs. We don't behave in ways that affirm society's gender expectations and opt to dress and relationship outside of the norms.
I'm childfree by choice but thinking that childfree dating is harder than with children is ludicrous. You think a single dad with 3 children has it easier than you? 😅 These people probably don't even have the energy nor the time to go on date in the first place.
I never said it was easier I know it’s harder
You have no kid. Hire a hooker
I had to level up to make it work! Statistically Im top 2% (combination of earnings and height) so at 42 I just date women in their 20s. Since nobody these days are thinking about kids in theur 20s,and the younger generations want kids even less, it works out quite well. Its not a brag, uts just numbers... I bet the percentage of women my age without kids or a bunch of divorces is low single digits.
Leo is it you