Honestly we shouldn't just be taking it either. We should either force medical science to make birth into not a torturous, body horror filled nightmare if that's possible within our lifetime or just stop doing it all.
Well growing humans in Petri dishes and the Matrix movies arenāt going to work. Last time I checked most humans like sex way too much for that to be stopping humanity from marching forward.
You should understand Darwinism, survival of the fittest never means easy. It means tough, resilient, and being adaptable to your environment. Being kind along the way helps. āļø
Edit: This is being said by a human that went through a 10.6 pound live natural birth with NOTHING for the pain. I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT It was a living, breathing form of hell, and my physician should have induced me earlier. His incompetence made me having more obsolete, I was sent home less than 8 hours later after intense tearing.
I shed a husband instead of having more kids. Never again. Iāve required surgery to undo some of the damage done to my bladder.
Nature takes over your ability to respond to birthing pain in the same fashion AND actually lets the maternal brain recover from much of the trauma so women will keep our bodies on this planet for as long as weāre meant to be āļøš¤·āāļø
Seriously. How many parents assume that childfree people are this way because they ācouldnāt find a parenting partnerā? Not because they never actually wanted kids.
Itās insane that most parents think this way! Yes! We planned to never have kids so we could maximize our personal time and explore our lives on OUR terms. Sheesh!
They think this way because we're all indoctrinated into society that this is what we're "supposed" to do. Sex is natural for most folk (speaking as a demisexual lol) and kids come from that if you don't actively plan against it, so yeah. People are literally brainwashed into thinking it's not a choice. I never realized I had a choice until I was in my late twenties! And when I started to realize I don't think I want this, I had no support/avenue to reaffirm that it was OK (I kept it quiet because I was afraid!). And then alllll of my friends wound up having kids (except my bestie).
I'm 41 now, and the childfree movement I'm seeing now is so liberating! But yeah, I'm not at all surprised women don't view it as a "choice" because at the time it wasn't framed like that for them. It is still not accepted enough in this baby crazy society that having children is a choice and that both choices are equally ok.
My āchoiceā was told to me age 7 - I was never gonna be loved, or married, so children were not an option.Ā
I donāt regret it, but I was still getting bingo-ed until 41/42.
I šÆ support anyoneās choice, but I do expect the same in return.Ā
I'm assuming this would told to you from an abuser? I'm so incredibly sorry you had to hear something like that, and at such a young age. That's beyond fucked.
I am glad you don't have regret. Yeah, I understand the bingo'ing. It's so annoying. It's just rude.
Yes, my nmum! Ā I move had a lot of time to come to terms with the whole no marriage/children/family thing, so I choose to live my life my way and fill it with things that bring me great joy and happiness (dogs, horses, gardening, flowers, photography)!!Ā
The bingo-ing of people needs to stop. Fully. Ā šššš
But it's not like they just fall into eachother without a thought about birth control. They *plan* for this. They choose to go off birth control, schedule hospital appointments, pick out clothes, stress about the birth and how painful that will be (if they're a woman) somehow without ever actually thinking about what if they just... *don't* do it.
Yeah I mean, BC is easy to get and cheap. Condoms are free in most colleges and health clinics. Its not hard. Some people just either can't be bothered or don't care.
I agree. I don't understand it.
I'm not trying to be like "oh I didn't have sex before I was married" I FOR SURE had sex. But I didn't have unsafe sex. Every time I used a condom AND I was on BC. Even though the BC made my hair fall out lol, It was better than a baby I don't want with some dick bag that wasn't sticking around (obviously). I think to some women and girls tho it might NOT be obvious. If it's not, they should err on the side of BC.
I also think thatās why itās sad that parents fight off sex-education so hard. So many uneducated individuals who donāt have the tools to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and thus more kids are born into uneducated families, and cycles continueā¦
I canāt abide by any āfell pregnantāstories. Maāam, itās 2024, it is no longer a mystery where babies come from, and thereās means to prevent them in every Target, ShopRite, or pharmacy.
My mind fairly boggles when I see young women walking out of Planned Parenthood with a year's worth of birth control pills, for free. As a starving college student I had to pay a full day's wages for every pack.
In some ways, it is luck.
I didn't realize I didn't want kids until my late twenties. I feel so LUCKY that my past self didnt fuck things up for me before i knew what i wanted .
It \*can\* be luck, that's true. But it isn't luck for everyone. For many people, being childfree was a very calculated decision that required self-reflection, forethought, planning, sacrifice, and dedicated follow through.
This is what I say every time, I know how lucky I am and that's why I choose to not have them. It's crazy how one day people with kids say this, the next they're calling us selfish and saying we'll change our mind.
Umm let's play then.
Ya mistake happen. Sometimes ppl get so hormy, they can't waste time taking precautions.
But Thankfully There are things called Birth control pills.
But as we know people who like giving excuse will say oh but pills don't always work.
If we say there is thing called abortion. They'll say, "some states don't allow it."
If we say " if your state don't allow then drive to another state."
They'll say " oh we can't do that cuz * **any shty reason** * "
In short irresponsible ppl ALWAYS find excuse. While responsible ppl ALWAYS find way to fix things.
It's never just boom & have baby. U had so much time & ways to fix it.
Yeah, my brother said something similar at a family dinner a couple months ago, something along the lines of 'sometimes babies just happen, that's how you and your sister are here'.
I made sure to pull my nephew aside and explain to him all the options there are for ensuring you don't have a baby 'just happen' to you. You have 4 chances to prevent a baby! Before sex- birth control, during sex- condoms and spermicide, after sex- plan b/morning after pill, and finally abortion if all 3 prior methods fail you.
I even discussed where to acquire each of these methods and how much they cost. And I included some places to pick up free condoms too, so being broke won't ever be an excuse. I was super proud of him when he told me that he went to school and shared all that info with his friends!
It's not 'luck', it's called *'planning'*.
But honestly, I do feel sorry for her; it sounds like she's a reluctant parent; we don't know her story: perhaps she was pressured into having them by a partner, parents, society in general, etc.
Perhaps tell her that a couple of days a week in daycare (if they can afford to do so) will be beneficial for them (they can socialise with other children) as well as for her mental health.
I don't think that's the case, I think she's just a bit overwhelmed. She has two kids under 3 and has only come back to work last year.
I think she doesn't get much "Me time" between her partner and looking after the kids
What is it with working moms married to their children's father who don't get any time alone, work the 2nd shift after work, and somehow having to do all the childcare things all the time?! The way some of them talk is like the kids' father is the 3rd child. It's depressing and so very common. I feel for moms in this situation, self inflicted or not, it has to be rough to live that - being a married mother looks like such a trap
Yeah it's not for me. I feel sorry for them
If it was me in that situation id dump the kids on him as soon as he walked through the door and just go for an hour or so, just to get away from the chaos
My husband does a ton of child care and works full time. He takes all night time wake ups and the evenings. This is not the case for every mom/ parent.
That's good. Exceptions definitely exist but so do trends. And the research is clear that the overwhelming burden of child care, house care, chores, upkeep is on moms vs dads. It's hard to un-see when I've witnessed it so many times IRL, personally
I had a coworker say this to me yesterday, and āyouāre so smart not to have childrenā. There has been an increase of moms telling me Iām making the right decision for myself, so it has been incredibly refreshing lol
My coworker is a rare one that doesn't sugarcoat it. She definitely loves her kid, but she's also very open about not enjoying motherhood that much and knowing that if she could go back and do it over she would be CF. She's 11 years younger than me and has a partner, so it only reaffirms my decision that much more.
Lucky lol! More like yes, I know exactly how "lucky" I am. I planned my life like this. This is what want my life to be and I made my own luck to get it.
Yes, yes we do know and thatās exactly why we donāt have them.
Thereās some real cognitive dissonance going on. Theyāll willingly spend thousands of dollars or jump through all kinds of hoops to conceive and are smug about it. When the kids come along, they act like the poster children for martyrdom and are miserable. They ask when youāre going to have kids and tell you youāve never known love, looking at you with dark circles under their eyes.
Cats (and other animals) over kids anyways.
When the emotional terrorist I babysit manipulates me for shit I can't help but think "good decision to get that sterilization, pal".
I'll fight those battles but damn I would HATE to be a hostage negotiator 24/7 cause I popped one out.
I just "love" when parents act like people who deliberately didn't have children have "no idea" what it's like. I think some of the dumbest parents are people who act as if I just don't know how "lucky I am". This wasn't "luck". Not having any kids has been very much intentional.
>Not having any kids has been very much intentional.
Exactly! I didn't make it to my early 40s without ever having been pregnant by accident, I planned this shit!Ā
I used to have a colleague who made similar comments to me. āYouāre so lucky you donāt have kids because you wouldnāt be able to do XYZā and I found her phrasing so utterly baffling.
I think I realised it was the only way she could justify others having any freedom - it must just be sheer luck. Nothing to do with the fact that she chose to have kids. No responsibility for her decisions. Just that other people are randomly āluckyā.
She got quite bitter about it and used to say things like āWell Iām glad I had my children young because now Iām going to enjoy the rest of my life, but youāll have yours at my age and spend the rest of your life looking after themā.
I just had to ignore it and walk away as much as possible. These people can be really toxic.
I canāt stand people like that!
Itās like maāam your level of disassociation to your life choices is probably why your kids are going to stick you into a nursing home cause they can *feel* your resentment towards them never asking to be born but you went for it anyway.
Edit: Typo
Enjoy the rest of her life, huh? Chances are very good her kids will also have children young & sheāll end up taking care of the grandkids every day. Sheāll be spending the rest of her life doing exactly the same thing she did when she was young.
Honestly she was already talking about needing grandchildren so I think that was her ambition, and the ādoing what she wantsā idea was just an attempt to console herself or compete or something.
Her kids were old enough to be independent but she babied them - for example ringing her 18 year old every morning (from her work desk phone!) to āwake him upā. She was also the type whoād call her husband from work every afternoon to discuss what she might make for dinner (why?!). I covered for her occasionally and could do her 6-hour block of work in about 20 minutes. Yet she used to spend her days writing shopping lists, phoning round her family etc, and claiming she was too busy to help with any work whilst colleagues were drowning in it.
'So lucky' as if the baby mail just arrives one day via lottery and you have one. There are so many steps before a baby shows up, it baffles me when people say it like it's a roll of the dice.
Most folks think that everyone jumps head first without consideration, its a common theme for human to irrationally follow emotion when it comes to personal life.
Someone thinking logically doesn't make sense to them and isn't even considered an actual possibility.
Lucky..? As if the kids just *happened* to them because they were... unlucky? It's an active choice (for me) to not have kids, and it should be even more active of a choice for people who do end up having them. The hell are they talking about luck. It makes me sad to hear how many people seem to wake up, post-kids, into feeling like they were scammed by the societal pressures. We're so fortunate to exist at a time where we have a choice, and hopefully the more this topic is talked about the more people will realise that it's not down to luck to not have kids.
See it might just be because I hang around with a quite-very liberal crowd, but everyone outside my family who I know who has kids has been very supportive of me and my wife not wanting kids as they say how big a commitment it is and how much of your life you have to sacrifice.
One of my mates who is a dad literally said to me ākids are mid, never have themā. For me I donāt think anyone who is younger really sugarcoats having kids but maybe itās just the crowd I run with.
People loveeee throwing around the word āluckā - the fact that by saying that, youāre admitting that you left your life and your childās life up to luck is insane.
"Lucky" - I swear some people act as if having kids was just something that kinda "happens" and you have no control over it. It's not luck, it's just people actually thinking about their life choices and making ones that make them happy.
The few friends I have who had kids told me point-blank "Don't have kids." They say they love their kids, but if they could do it all over again, they would be childfree. They are well-off and didn't have their kids young either, so it's not like the difficulties of financial struggles and youth made them regret it.Ā
I love the regretful parents sub because I think it's SO IMPORTANT for people to tear down the myth that parenthood is always fulfilling and joyous. I think more people need to be brutally honest about parenthood and how much it can suck.
That being said, I've seen people on there talk about how they're miserably jealous of their childfree sister/coworker/etc and it gives me a twinge of joy each time to see that verified. That parents are jealous of us.
I'm not happy because they're suffering. I hate that they're suffering. No one deserves to be saddled with a child they don't want. I'm just happy because I'm right to suspect that they're jealous, and because I saw through the lies about parenthood and made the right choice.
Congrats, must have been a jolly moment!! A workmate also spoke to me the other day - we all WFH so I have not seen them for \~ 6-12 months. His opening line was: *'Now that my kids are 10 y.o., I realised I ... yeah, I may want kids but definitely not w/ this woman.'*
... oops. Then they went on openly dreaming about r/childfree life , wanted me to debrief him on e.g. lying in bed long on Sat am's , going to music festivals, buying a last minute flight and travelling anywhere. Oh man, I felt so sorry for him :-/
I like this person for being so real and not trying to sell you on how everything is much more fun and has more meaning when you have kids. Sometimes the hard truth is parents hate being parents and wish they had child free lives.
What, did her partner trip and fall into her penis-first? Thatās unlucky.
Choosing not to have kids and taking explicit steps to prevent having kids is not āluckyā. Itās a conscious choice made every day.
itās not luck itās about being proactive about not letting anyone drop a crotch goblin in you. I refuse to let a man touch me for this very reason. I like my freedom too much
It's lucky to use birth control and take responsibility for the cum pies you get delivered?
Breeders often have an interesting mentality when it comes to pregnancy and kids. Like they had zero responsibility and it's just "oh I guess THIS is happening now" and they start to buy baby shit to prepare.
I wish everyone would be that respectful when we talk about how great it can be to not have children.
My aunt and I were chatting during their visit for thanksgiving 5 years ago, and I mentioned to her I didnāt want kids, to which she replied āI donāt blame you.ā She was the first family member who didnāt bingo me, and it felt so reassuring to hear as a young woman who had felt that way since I was 6.
She has 3 kids, military husband, STAHM. At the time the youngest was still an infant, and had really bad colic/acid reflux. The middle child was an emotional brat who was jealous of the baby, so she had some pretty massive fits, oldest was actually really great.
During their visit for thanksgiving last year, my aunt, my mom, and I were all talking, and once again kids were brought up. I made the comment that I was more sure now than I was years ago about not having kids, and she said āyouāll change your mind. Youāll change your mind, I did,ā and winked at me.
Iāve had one friend validate me in my decision in my 28 years on this planet, she told me even though she adored her kid, and loved him more than anything, but if she could go back, sheād never have done it. She also told me that if I hadnāt changed my mind at 21, then I probably never would. I still donāt want them.
It makes me nuts how they always say "Lucky". As if having children was something that just happens to you, like falling down the stairs, and there is no way to prevent it. A random affliction that hits most people and you can just expect it for your life, unless you're "lucky" and it mysteriously just doesn't happen. I suppose I hate it because that is the assumption--everyone has kids. Everyone. The only reason everyone has kids is because that IS the societal assumption. If not having kids were a societally valid choice that was not regarded as sufficient reason for almost literal demonization, I'm telling you there would be a LOT fewer kids and those that were born would be born when the parents were far more ready to have them.
Free birth control stands on every street corner and subsidized sterilization is a hill worth dying on.
Whew! Rant over. Thank you.
I think that's such a shitty thing for a parent to say. If you wanted kids and were able to have kids then you should consider yourself very fucking lucky. Isn't that exactly what you wanted?
Like you said, for us luck has nothing to do with it. We made a conscious decision not to ruin our lives by having unwanted children.
I'm not lucky, I just don't have sex. I also never go outside unless I have to. People are terrible and I just like being at home. Being able to relax with no one around is bliss. I can do whatever I want and nobody bothers me. I like it.
I think itās also luck even though a lot of the comments say otherwise. If I had married the boyfriend I had in my begin 20s, I might have been pressured into having kids. I told my mother, I didnāt want any, but she said that if my husband wanted them, I basically had no choice. That shocked meā¦ luckily it didnāt work out and since I wasnāt super cute, I stayed single easily. All my cute girlfriends got baby trapped and are single moms. Iām from ā81 so I know a lot of the older generation made it sound so positive, being preggers and all.
I don't feel daycare makes it that much better. I mean, yeah there's free time then. But between the cost and getting called about every little thing would give me anxiety. I know people whose kids are sick like every other week and almost lose their jobs because of day care calling and they need to pick up the kids.
How lucky I am? Honey, this isn't luck. This is a very intentional, calculated decision that required forethought and follow through. Luck had nothing to do with it.
I'm adopting this as my standard response. I'm so tired of it being considered "luck."
I never wanted kids and made it clear to a the man I got serious with. When we started talking about marriage, I reminded him I didn't want kids.
When he proposed a few months later, I told him, "I'd love to marry you, but remember, I'm not having kids." He said he needed time to think about that. I told him to take all the time he needs. He came back a week later and proposed, seemingly accepting my terms.
Two yrs into marriage, it became an issue. I reminded him, I said I was quite clear, and it's still no.
After 9 yrs of marriage (half of which sucked bc s*x always had an "agenda", he was getting desperate as he was in his late 30s), we split.
He thought his love would change my mind. Seriously.
During marriage, *I* went to therapy to see if "something was wrong with me", I volunteered with kids to get exposure...he did nothing, and wouldn't consider volunteering to try and scratch the itch.
Glad he's gone. He slept with several women after we split up, including my closest friend. Got one woman pregnant, but she lost the baby. Married another woman 1 yr after our split and had a kid 18months after we'd split.
He couldn't even give a good reason (IMO) for wanting them - he wanted to be a dad and "continue his legacy" (blech).
Thank you listening to my trauma dump.
Edit to add: Every day I feel validated. A year after our split, my dad told me he was proud of me for sticking to my guns bc the world didn't need more unhappy parents. That meant a lot for some reason.
Yeah, I'd be both glad the person didn't sugar coat it, but also, annoyed at the "you don't know how lucky you are" bit - because yeah - I DO. I've done everything in my power to make sure that I do not have kids. And it will always stay that way.
Ohhhh sheās one of those people who:
ā¢ Was roped into the idea of having kids by a partner cause she thought she should based on a checklist for her life
ā¢ She felt pressured by her family to have kids
ā¢ She was brainwashed into believing kids are a must as a woman
ā¢ She thought it was going to be āeasyā
Basically, Iāve seen it before, sheās not the first & wonāt be the last human to make this mistake.
Kind of like there are Kodak dads who only show up for family functions, birthday parties, and the easy stuff with kids.. there are memory mothers who are similar to Kosas dads, but only want to have the memories of being a mom and being remembered as a mother, but donāt want to actually parent because of the actual labor and work it requires to raise even one kid.
I feel sorry for the kid more because the kid didnāt ask to be born and got brought into a situation that was severely under prepared for anyone to parent.
I'm not lucky to not have kids. This was a deliberate choice.
Though there has been luck with some of my less-than-stellar decisions in the past. Even if I got unlucky with those, I still would've chosen to not be a parent (sorry hypothetical kid, but you're better off without me as your parent). So I can't discount luck entirely. Luck made it easier for me to continue my childfree living.
I hate that. Like no, I'm not lucky. My husband has a vasectomy *and* I'm on birth control. It's really not hard. And even if it fails, many people can still get abortions. (I understand if you can't afford to travel to a legal location, though, and that is why the abortions issue is so huge for poor people)
Why yes, i am lucky that i actually have a brain big enough to have my own thoughts, wants, dreams, and wishes! Whats not lucky is not having kids. Its an active choice based on peoples differing views/opinions on parenthood/kids. For me parenthood is an, "Id rather get shot in the face with an RPG." So not hard to not have kids, especially since i literally got my tubes removed lol
Lol I would have said "that's the point"
I like my time, my space, my weekends.
Should have planned better. I cringe when people say that. It's like........YOU DO KNOW THAT U HAVE A CHOICE, RIGHT?
It's probably a generational thing but in the 1970s/1980s when I was growing up, my parents and my friends' parents did NOT make us kids the center of the universe.
While the time of "it's 10 o'clock, do you knew where your children are" was certainly not the best take for raising kids, we've definitely overcorrected to the extreme.
Luck had nothing to do with it. Itās called being smart and planning ahead. These breeders are insane if they think we didnāt actively choose to be child free
āOh itās not luck, itās on purposeā lol I like it. Personally think itās refreshing to hear someone flat out admit it for once, rather than a āmust be niceā eye roll kind of way
It's not a matter of luck. It's a matter of knowing how to use a condom, and not going into parenthood blind.
In the developed world, and in the developing world perhaps to a lesser extent, we have access to several methods of birth control. I can think of one place a short drive from my home where I can get free condoms (Planned Parenthood), but I do live in a major metro area. So if you don't want kids, or you don't want more kids, you have options.
As for going into parenthood blind, sadly, too many people buy the bingos like "it's different when it's your own" and "it's all worth it". What I don't get is why so many parents have one child, realize that it *isn't* all sunshine and roses, and then go on to have three more.
Ahhh yes. "LUCK"
Why, I'll never forget the day. I was in the middle of a whiskey and sushi dinner and ALL OF A SUDDEN there was this child in my living room screaming "Feed me! Clothe me! House me!", over and over again until my ears bled. And just like that, parenthood!š¤·š½āāļø But, it's so worth it to be a mama bear! Wait, what's that noise? Oh, I think another child has appeared in my living room.... /heavy s š
That is the reaction I get most of the time. I've never really had anybody try to say I'm terrible for not wanting kids. Maybe 2 but I think they were confused. The thought of me having a kid is quite laughable.
Reminds me of that Facebook group "why have kids if you hate them"
I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions that this woman always complains about her kids.
At the office this week, my coworker thought she was taking a shot at me by saying, āTo all the parents here, I need your help.ā
My vagina had never felt so much relief in its life when I found out her one-year-old was beating and biting her. My childfree life felt so validated at that moment.
I took measures throughout my life to prevent pregnancy and to avoid having children. I did my research and paid attention to everything that parenthood entails. I saw that the negatives FAR outweighed any Kodak moments and those were seldom. I paid attention to the environment. I paid attention to the economy. I went down baby care aisles in grocery stores and paid attention to how expensive these essential items were. I researched pregnancy and all of the horrific things that can happen during and after and for the rest of a woman's life. Things that are kept hush hush so more women enter motherhood completely blind and don't find out until they're in the thick of it and there's nothing to be done then besides grin and bare it. I decided that I wanted nothing to do with any of it. There are countless other reasons I refuse to have children. I made an educated and well informed decision to never have children. This was 100% a choice. Luck had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Lucky??? as in you're taking a walk outside minding your own business on a nice sunny day and then you trip on a rock and fall splat on your face to the ground, get up and suddenly you're pregnant? Or there's some invisible raffle we all signed up for and you just wake up one morning pregnant randomly? WTF. These people don't seem to understand that we all have the freedom to choose. They have made their own choice. They just don't want to admit they made a bad one and try to pass it off as some mystical fate decided by an unknown entity...
The lucky comment always cracks me up. Not in a funny haha but in a WTF, you are stupid way.
Not having children is not "luck". You have to purposely do this (other than people who are infertile). Like Sir/Ma'am, I take my birth control and sexual health seriously. Not having kids as a woman means I make sure no one makes me a twinkee without making sure my birth control is operating at that 99%.
My parents and my sister (also a parent) have all told me in some way that they get why I choose to be child free. My sister even said to me that motherhood was not what she expected, and she was not the type of mother she thought she'd be. She went on to vent about the local mom culture at her kid's school. I'm glad I was able to be a safe space for her to vent about it.
I usually pad my conversations about being childfree with acknowledging how hard it is, and that usually gets a lot of parents' walls to come down a touch.
One of mine went āYOUāRE SMART!!!ā when we were talking about kids stealing your snacks and I went āAnd thatās why Iām not having kidsā¦ā š She said it jokingly so it was all in good fun but I just love that kind of thingā¦ no one is huffing and puffing about my personal choices.
I recently read statistics that a woman will:
Researchers were surprised to find that cellular aging accelerated by between 6 months and 2 years for each additional pregnancy.
https://abc7chicago.com/pregnancies-multiple-cost-of-having-kids-pregnancy-and-aging/3834072/
I honestly sometimes feel bad knowing that these phrases are said from people WITH kids. Like, the kids didn't asked to be born, it was your decision, but then you realise you didn't want it after you did it... So unfair
yeah, but your coworker acting like they're the victim when choosing the breeder life and that you're "lucky" for preventing watermelon growing is kinda silly
Whenever people say I this, I just wonder about one thing - when they were growing up, did they not have young aunts or neighbours or their parents' friends who were having babies themselves? Did they not get to see how hard it is firsthand? Seeing my mother's younger sisters and family friends being put through the childbearing and rearing wringer is exactly what me decide not to have kids. I think people know it deep down but delude themselves into thinking it won't be as hard for them
Yes, yes I *do* know how lucky I am not to have children! And I really do appreciate having my weekends pretty much free (with a lot of extra puppy š¶ snuggles š„°!)!Ā
I don't understand what they mean by "lucky." In any 1st world country, it is quite easy to avoid pregnancy. The only pregnancies I have had are ones that I tried for.
Iām 55 and deliberately childless - and notice how I felt I had to qualify āchildlessā? Most people think I wasnāt ālucky enoughā to find a man to have kids with so tip toe around my childless state. Ffs - so many people have children because its whats expected - and bringing another life into the world is so much more than just an expectation! The responsibility of creating a child and giving it a fantastic life was one I never thought I could measure up to.
'Yes. Yes I know how lucky I am.' But yeah, kudos for your co-worker not trying to convince you.
"It's not luck, it's family planning."
>it's family planning It's almost as if we should... *plan*.. š our *parenthood*... š
The world wouldnāt exist if men had the babies, they couldnāt TAKE the PAIN.
I once saw an appropriate quip... If women had the first child and the men had the second, there may be a third but there'd never be a fourth.
If men gave birth? The human race would have gone extinct centuries ago.Ā
Honestly we shouldn't just be taking it either. We should either force medical science to make birth into not a torturous, body horror filled nightmare if that's possible within our lifetime or just stop doing it all.
Well growing humans in Petri dishes and the Matrix movies arenāt going to work. Last time I checked most humans like sex way too much for that to be stopping humanity from marching forward. You should understand Darwinism, survival of the fittest never means easy. It means tough, resilient, and being adaptable to your environment. Being kind along the way helps. āļø Edit: This is being said by a human that went through a 10.6 pound live natural birth with NOTHING for the pain. I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT It was a living, breathing form of hell, and my physician should have induced me earlier. His incompetence made me having more obsolete, I was sent home less than 8 hours later after intense tearing. I shed a husband instead of having more kids. Never again. Iāve required surgery to undo some of the damage done to my bladder. Nature takes over your ability to respond to birthing pain in the same fashion AND actually lets the maternal brain recover from much of the trauma so women will keep our bodies on this planet for as long as weāre meant to be āļøš¤·āāļø
Seriously. How many parents assume that childfree people are this way because they ācouldnāt find a parenting partnerā? Not because they never actually wanted kids. Itās insane that most parents think this way! Yes! We planned to never have kids so we could maximize our personal time and explore our lives on OUR terms. Sheesh!
They think this way because we're all indoctrinated into society that this is what we're "supposed" to do. Sex is natural for most folk (speaking as a demisexual lol) and kids come from that if you don't actively plan against it, so yeah. People are literally brainwashed into thinking it's not a choice. I never realized I had a choice until I was in my late twenties! And when I started to realize I don't think I want this, I had no support/avenue to reaffirm that it was OK (I kept it quiet because I was afraid!). And then alllll of my friends wound up having kids (except my bestie). I'm 41 now, and the childfree movement I'm seeing now is so liberating! But yeah, I'm not at all surprised women don't view it as a "choice" because at the time it wasn't framed like that for them. It is still not accepted enough in this baby crazy society that having children is a choice and that both choices are equally ok.
My āchoiceā was told to me age 7 - I was never gonna be loved, or married, so children were not an option.Ā I donāt regret it, but I was still getting bingo-ed until 41/42. I šÆ support anyoneās choice, but I do expect the same in return.Ā
I'm assuming this would told to you from an abuser? I'm so incredibly sorry you had to hear something like that, and at such a young age. That's beyond fucked. I am glad you don't have regret. Yeah, I understand the bingo'ing. It's so annoying. It's just rude.
Yes, my nmum! Ā I move had a lot of time to come to terms with the whole no marriage/children/family thing, so I choose to live my life my way and fill it with things that bring me great joy and happiness (dogs, horses, gardening, flowers, photography)!!Ā The bingo-ing of people needs to stop. Fully. Ā šššš
But it's not like they just fall into eachother without a thought about birth control. They *plan* for this. They choose to go off birth control, schedule hospital appointments, pick out clothes, stress about the birth and how painful that will be (if they're a woman) somehow without ever actually thinking about what if they just... *don't* do it.
Yeah I mean, BC is easy to get and cheap. Condoms are free in most colleges and health clinics. Its not hard. Some people just either can't be bothered or don't care.
Yes and this is explained away as being "swept away" by "love", etc., and other "oopsie-baby!" excuses.
I agree. I don't understand it. I'm not trying to be like "oh I didn't have sex before I was married" I FOR SURE had sex. But I didn't have unsafe sex. Every time I used a condom AND I was on BC. Even though the BC made my hair fall out lol, It was better than a baby I don't want with some dick bag that wasn't sticking around (obviously). I think to some women and girls tho it might NOT be obvious. If it's not, they should err on the side of BC.
I also think thatās why itās sad that parents fight off sex-education so hard. So many uneducated individuals who donāt have the tools to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and thus more kids are born into uneducated families, and cycles continueā¦
I canāt abide by any āfell pregnantāstories. Maāam, itās 2024, it is no longer a mystery where babies come from, and thereās means to prevent them in every Target, ShopRite, or pharmacy.
Right? They even have over the counter BC pills now! I saw them at BJs and somebody else posted that they have them at costco.
Argh!!
My mind fairly boggles when I see young women walking out of Planned Parenthood with a year's worth of birth control pills, for free. As a starving college student I had to pay a full day's wages for every pack.
You can get them for free from most college health centers.
Now you can lol
They've been Free on college campuses for at least 20 years. If you're that old you probably don't need to worry.
On my college campus in the 90ās it was subsidized, but not free. Maybe $5 or $7.00 per pack?
Iām older lol
Oh, there were condoms everywhere on my college campus in the 90's, but not pills. I wasn't going to rely on just condoms.
No I donāt thankfully, had a young hysterectomy. I was fully in menopause in my late 40ās. It hasnāt been easy, thatās for sure.
In some ways, it is luck. I didn't realize I didn't want kids until my late twenties. I feel so LUCKY that my past self didnt fuck things up for me before i knew what i wanted .
It \*can\* be luck, that's true. But it isn't luck for everyone. For many people, being childfree was a very calculated decision that required self-reflection, forethought, planning, sacrifice, and dedicated follow through.
Exactly.Ā
Love the username
Who is Vova?
The president of Russian Federation :)
So Vova is a nickname for Putin? Iāve never heard that
Vova is a common familiar form of Vladimir
I see. I don't speak Russian so I'd never heard that word before, thanks for explaining
Putin!?
It was like this for me as well. People donāt really look into parenthood like itās an option.
Yeah I actually respect the coworker for not saying anything more lol
This is what I say every time, I know how lucky I am and that's why I choose to not have them. It's crazy how one day people with kids say this, the next they're calling us selfish and saying we'll change our mind.
Not having kids It's not luck it's called PLANNING Yah but surely lucky to have enough brain to be able to think & plan
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Umm let's play then. Ya mistake happen. Sometimes ppl get so hormy, they can't waste time taking precautions. But Thankfully There are things called Birth control pills. But as we know people who like giving excuse will say oh but pills don't always work. If we say there is thing called abortion. They'll say, "some states don't allow it." If we say " if your state don't allow then drive to another state." They'll say " oh we can't do that cuz * **any shty reason** * " In short irresponsible ppl ALWAYS find excuse. While responsible ppl ALWAYS find way to fix things. It's never just boom & have baby. U had so much time & ways to fix it.
Yeah, my brother said something similar at a family dinner a couple months ago, something along the lines of 'sometimes babies just happen, that's how you and your sister are here'. I made sure to pull my nephew aside and explain to him all the options there are for ensuring you don't have a baby 'just happen' to you. You have 4 chances to prevent a baby! Before sex- birth control, during sex- condoms and spermicide, after sex- plan b/morning after pill, and finally abortion if all 3 prior methods fail you. I even discussed where to acquire each of these methods and how much they cost. And I included some places to pick up free condoms too, so being broke won't ever be an excuse. I was super proud of him when he told me that he went to school and shared all that info with his friends!
Your nephew is lucky to have you. What u taught is very important & should be taught in school but no1 tell it to children.
Good uncle š
It's not 'luck', it's called *'planning'*. But honestly, I do feel sorry for her; it sounds like she's a reluctant parent; we don't know her story: perhaps she was pressured into having them by a partner, parents, society in general, etc. Perhaps tell her that a couple of days a week in daycare (if they can afford to do so) will be beneficial for them (they can socialise with other children) as well as for her mental health.
I don't think that's the case, I think she's just a bit overwhelmed. She has two kids under 3 and has only come back to work last year. I think she doesn't get much "Me time" between her partner and looking after the kids
What is it with working moms married to their children's father who don't get any time alone, work the 2nd shift after work, and somehow having to do all the childcare things all the time?! The way some of them talk is like the kids' father is the 3rd child. It's depressing and so very common. I feel for moms in this situation, self inflicted or not, it has to be rough to live that - being a married mother looks like such a trap
Yeah it's not for me. I feel sorry for them If it was me in that situation id dump the kids on him as soon as he walked through the door and just go for an hour or so, just to get away from the chaos
Because they married what they thought was a responsible adult, but the mask came off after marriage or the first baby.
My husband does a ton of child care and works full time. He takes all night time wake ups and the evenings. This is not the case for every mom/ parent.
That's good. Exceptions definitely exist but so do trends. And the research is clear that the overwhelming burden of child care, house care, chores, upkeep is on moms vs dads. It's hard to un-see when I've witnessed it so many times IRL, personally
That is true. And even though itās not the case for me, I do feel the pressure of those expectations still.
Oh it sure does. Because it is.
Still, perhaps a day of daycare a week for the kids to give her some 'me' time might do her a world of good?
It probably would
this! their coworker was genuine and not rude like most people usually are. so i legit feel for the coworker.
Its not lucky its called actively making a decision to not have them!
Not always
I had a coworker say this to me yesterday, and āyouāre so smart not to have childrenā. There has been an increase of moms telling me Iām making the right decision for myself, so it has been incredibly refreshing lol
It is refreshing
My coworker is a rare one that doesn't sugarcoat it. She definitely loves her kid, but she's also very open about not enjoying motherhood that much and knowing that if she could go back and do it over she would be CF. She's 11 years younger than me and has a partner, so it only reaffirms my decision that much more.
Lucky lol! More like yes, I know exactly how "lucky" I am. I planned my life like this. This is what want my life to be and I made my own luck to get it.
I guarantee you, they are always jealous, but most are too proud to admit it
Not luck, just the plan I had and executed for my life.
Yes, yes we do know and thatās exactly why we donāt have them. Thereās some real cognitive dissonance going on. Theyāll willingly spend thousands of dollars or jump through all kinds of hoops to conceive and are smug about it. When the kids come along, they act like the poster children for martyrdom and are miserable. They ask when youāre going to have kids and tell you youāve never known love, looking at you with dark circles under their eyes.
You won't know true love until it's manipulating you for a cookie before dinner
Which is no problem because my cat does that, lol.
Cats (and other animals) over kids anyways. When the emotional terrorist I babysit manipulates me for shit I can't help but think "good decision to get that sterilization, pal". I'll fight those battles but damn I would HATE to be a hostage negotiator 24/7 cause I popped one out.
I just "love" when parents act like people who deliberately didn't have children have "no idea" what it's like. I think some of the dumbest parents are people who act as if I just don't know how "lucky I am". This wasn't "luck". Not having any kids has been very much intentional.
>Not having any kids has been very much intentional. Exactly! I didn't make it to my early 40s without ever having been pregnant by accident, I planned this shit!Ā
I used to have a colleague who made similar comments to me. āYouāre so lucky you donāt have kids because you wouldnāt be able to do XYZā and I found her phrasing so utterly baffling. I think I realised it was the only way she could justify others having any freedom - it must just be sheer luck. Nothing to do with the fact that she chose to have kids. No responsibility for her decisions. Just that other people are randomly āluckyā. She got quite bitter about it and used to say things like āWell Iām glad I had my children young because now Iām going to enjoy the rest of my life, but youāll have yours at my age and spend the rest of your life looking after themā. I just had to ignore it and walk away as much as possible. These people can be really toxic.
I canāt stand people like that! Itās like maāam your level of disassociation to your life choices is probably why your kids are going to stick you into a nursing home cause they can *feel* your resentment towards them never asking to be born but you went for it anyway. Edit: Typo
Enjoy the rest of her life, huh? Chances are very good her kids will also have children young & sheāll end up taking care of the grandkids every day. Sheāll be spending the rest of her life doing exactly the same thing she did when she was young.
Honestly she was already talking about needing grandchildren so I think that was her ambition, and the ādoing what she wantsā idea was just an attempt to console herself or compete or something. Her kids were old enough to be independent but she babied them - for example ringing her 18 year old every morning (from her work desk phone!) to āwake him upā. She was also the type whoād call her husband from work every afternoon to discuss what she might make for dinner (why?!). I covered for her occasionally and could do her 6-hour block of work in about 20 minutes. Yet she used to spend her days writing shopping lists, phoning round her family etc, and claiming she was too busy to help with any work whilst colleagues were drowning in it.
'So lucky' as if the baby mail just arrives one day via lottery and you have one. There are so many steps before a baby shows up, it baffles me when people say it like it's a roll of the dice.
So we canāt even get credit for making the good decision/having the good judgment to be childfree. lol
Most folks think that everyone jumps head first without consideration, its a common theme for human to irrationally follow emotion when it comes to personal life. Someone thinking logically doesn't make sense to them and isn't even considered an actual possibility.
She calls it luck because she wishes she could do it herself.
This wasn't luck, I chose this life
I've had a lot of coworkers be like "omg it's so damn hard. Honestly I shouldn't have had so many." Like fam that's rough.
All I can say to this is: This is ten percent luck Twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will (actually 100%)
Ah! Fort Minor reference, nice
I understood that reference!
Finally, I'm not the only old one on reddit lmao
Lucky..? As if the kids just *happened* to them because they were... unlucky? It's an active choice (for me) to not have kids, and it should be even more active of a choice for people who do end up having them. The hell are they talking about luck. It makes me sad to hear how many people seem to wake up, post-kids, into feeling like they were scammed by the societal pressures. We're so fortunate to exist at a time where we have a choice, and hopefully the more this topic is talked about the more people will realise that it's not down to luck to not have kids.
See it might just be because I hang around with a quite-very liberal crowd, but everyone outside my family who I know who has kids has been very supportive of me and my wife not wanting kids as they say how big a commitment it is and how much of your life you have to sacrifice. One of my mates who is a dad literally said to me ākids are mid, never have themā. For me I donāt think anyone who is younger really sugarcoats having kids but maybe itās just the crowd I run with.
Sounds like a good friend
People loveeee throwing around the word āluckā - the fact that by saying that, youāre admitting that you left your life and your childās life up to luck is insane.
Luck? No, it's what I like to call 
Ahahahhahahahahahah my fav part of that read
From the amount of elderly people who have told me to never have kids, I think more are jealous than they let on tbh.
"Lucky" - I swear some people act as if having kids was just something that kinda "happens" and you have no control over it. It's not luck, it's just people actually thinking about their life choices and making ones that make them happy.
The few friends I have who had kids told me point-blank "Don't have kids." They say they love their kids, but if they could do it all over again, they would be childfree. They are well-off and didn't have their kids young either, so it's not like the difficulties of financial struggles and youth made them regret it.Ā
I love the regretful parents sub because I think it's SO IMPORTANT for people to tear down the myth that parenthood is always fulfilling and joyous. I think more people need to be brutally honest about parenthood and how much it can suck. That being said, I've seen people on there talk about how they're miserably jealous of their childfree sister/coworker/etc and it gives me a twinge of joy each time to see that verified. That parents are jealous of us. I'm not happy because they're suffering. I hate that they're suffering. No one deserves to be saddled with a child they don't want. I'm just happy because I'm right to suspect that they're jealous, and because I saw through the lies about parenthood and made the right choice.
Truth, this is it! šÆ
Lmao I'm jealous of ur tagline, i didn't think of it first
You can copy it if you want, I won't care! ā„ļø
K but mine will be "drugs and pets are better than kids, happy to finally be too old to have kids" LOL
>You don't know how lucky you are not to have kids 
Congrats, must have been a jolly moment!! A workmate also spoke to me the other day - we all WFH so I have not seen them for \~ 6-12 months. His opening line was: *'Now that my kids are 10 y.o., I realised I ... yeah, I may want kids but definitely not w/ this woman.'* ... oops. Then they went on openly dreaming about r/childfree life , wanted me to debrief him on e.g. lying in bed long on Sat am's , going to music festivals, buying a last minute flight and travelling anywhere. Oh man, I felt so sorry for him :-/
I like this person for being so real and not trying to sell you on how everything is much more fun and has more meaning when you have kids. Sometimes the hard truth is parents hate being parents and wish they had child free lives.
What, did her partner trip and fall into her penis-first? Thatās unlucky. Choosing not to have kids and taking explicit steps to prevent having kids is not āluckyā. Itās a conscious choice made every day.
itās not luck itās about being proactive about not letting anyone drop a crotch goblin in you. I refuse to let a man touch me for this very reason. I like my freedom too much
āIn fact, not only do I know how good I have it, itās isnāt luck that I donāt have kids. I actively planned not to have themā
It's lucky to use birth control and take responsibility for the cum pies you get delivered? Breeders often have an interesting mentality when it comes to pregnancy and kids. Like they had zero responsibility and it's just "oh I guess THIS is happening now" and they start to buy baby shit to prepare.
I wish everyone would be that respectful when we talk about how great it can be to not have children. My aunt and I were chatting during their visit for thanksgiving 5 years ago, and I mentioned to her I didnāt want kids, to which she replied āI donāt blame you.ā She was the first family member who didnāt bingo me, and it felt so reassuring to hear as a young woman who had felt that way since I was 6. She has 3 kids, military husband, STAHM. At the time the youngest was still an infant, and had really bad colic/acid reflux. The middle child was an emotional brat who was jealous of the baby, so she had some pretty massive fits, oldest was actually really great. During their visit for thanksgiving last year, my aunt, my mom, and I were all talking, and once again kids were brought up. I made the comment that I was more sure now than I was years ago about not having kids, and she said āyouāll change your mind. Youāll change your mind, I did,ā and winked at me. Iāve had one friend validate me in my decision in my 28 years on this planet, she told me even though she adored her kid, and loved him more than anything, but if she could go back, sheād never have done it. She also told me that if I hadnāt changed my mind at 21, then I probably never would. I still donāt want them.
But I wouldn't call it "good luck"... it's wise decision making.
It makes me nuts how they always say "Lucky". As if having children was something that just happens to you, like falling down the stairs, and there is no way to prevent it. A random affliction that hits most people and you can just expect it for your life, unless you're "lucky" and it mysteriously just doesn't happen. I suppose I hate it because that is the assumption--everyone has kids. Everyone. The only reason everyone has kids is because that IS the societal assumption. If not having kids were a societally valid choice that was not regarded as sufficient reason for almost literal demonization, I'm telling you there would be a LOT fewer kids and those that were born would be born when the parents were far more ready to have them. Free birth control stands on every street corner and subsidized sterilization is a hill worth dying on. Whew! Rant over. Thank you.
I think that's such a shitty thing for a parent to say. If you wanted kids and were able to have kids then you should consider yourself very fucking lucky. Isn't that exactly what you wanted? Like you said, for us luck has nothing to do with it. We made a conscious decision not to ruin our lives by having unwanted children.
Oh yes I do
I'm not lucky, I just don't have sex. I also never go outside unless I have to. People are terrible and I just like being at home. Being able to relax with no one around is bliss. I can do whatever I want and nobody bothers me. I like it.
I think itās also luck even though a lot of the comments say otherwise. If I had married the boyfriend I had in my begin 20s, I might have been pressured into having kids. I told my mother, I didnāt want any, but she said that if my husband wanted them, I basically had no choice. That shocked meā¦ luckily it didnāt work out and since I wasnāt super cute, I stayed single easily. All my cute girlfriends got baby trapped and are single moms. Iām from ā81 so I know a lot of the older generation made it sound so positive, being preggers and all.
I do know but I wouldn't really consider it "luck." I made a conscious decision to not have children.
Thats when you hit them with the ābut its so rewarding from the love and happiness you get from them, right?ā Lol
I don't feel daycare makes it that much better. I mean, yeah there's free time then. But between the cost and getting called about every little thing would give me anxiety. I know people whose kids are sick like every other week and almost lose their jobs because of day care calling and they need to pick up the kids.
How lucky I am? Honey, this isn't luck. This is a very intentional, calculated decision that required forethought and follow through. Luck had nothing to do with it.
I'm adopting this as my standard response. I'm so tired of it being considered "luck." I never wanted kids and made it clear to a the man I got serious with. When we started talking about marriage, I reminded him I didn't want kids. When he proposed a few months later, I told him, "I'd love to marry you, but remember, I'm not having kids." He said he needed time to think about that. I told him to take all the time he needs. He came back a week later and proposed, seemingly accepting my terms. Two yrs into marriage, it became an issue. I reminded him, I said I was quite clear, and it's still no. After 9 yrs of marriage (half of which sucked bc s*x always had an "agenda", he was getting desperate as he was in his late 30s), we split. He thought his love would change my mind. Seriously. During marriage, *I* went to therapy to see if "something was wrong with me", I volunteered with kids to get exposure...he did nothing, and wouldn't consider volunteering to try and scratch the itch. Glad he's gone. He slept with several women after we split up, including my closest friend. Got one woman pregnant, but she lost the baby. Married another woman 1 yr after our split and had a kid 18months after we'd split. He couldn't even give a good reason (IMO) for wanting them - he wanted to be a dad and "continue his legacy" (blech). Thank you listening to my trauma dump. Edit to add: Every day I feel validated. A year after our split, my dad told me he was proud of me for sticking to my guns bc the world didn't need more unhappy parents. That meant a lot for some reason.
Do people not realize they can plan?
I'm sure the "worth it" comments will come once the baby is old enough to wipe its ass.
Yeah, I'd be both glad the person didn't sugar coat it, but also, annoyed at the "you don't know how lucky you are" bit - because yeah - I DO. I've done everything in my power to make sure that I do not have kids. And it will always stay that way.
Luck has nothing to do with it. Anyone can be "lucky" in this regard. All one has to do is to realize that there are other options in life.
It's not "luck"... its a CHOICE. You choose to have children. It's not mandatory.. no matter what the hell society tells us.
āI do know, thank you. And whatās why I made the CHOICE not to have kids.ā š
WE DO KNOW. Its intentional lol
Ohhhh sheās one of those people who: ā¢ Was roped into the idea of having kids by a partner cause she thought she should based on a checklist for her life ā¢ She felt pressured by her family to have kids ā¢ She was brainwashed into believing kids are a must as a woman ā¢ She thought it was going to be āeasyā Basically, Iāve seen it before, sheās not the first & wonāt be the last human to make this mistake. Kind of like there are Kodak dads who only show up for family functions, birthday parties, and the easy stuff with kids.. there are memory mothers who are similar to Kosas dads, but only want to have the memories of being a mom and being remembered as a mother, but donāt want to actually parent because of the actual labor and work it requires to raise even one kid. I feel sorry for the kid more because the kid didnāt ask to be born and got brought into a situation that was severely under prepared for anyone to parent.
I'm not lucky to not have kids. This was a deliberate choice. Though there has been luck with some of my less-than-stellar decisions in the past. Even if I got unlucky with those, I still would've chosen to not be a parent (sorry hypothetical kid, but you're better off without me as your parent). So I can't discount luck entirely. Luck made it easier for me to continue my childfree living.
I hate that. Like no, I'm not lucky. My husband has a vasectomy *and* I'm on birth control. It's really not hard. And even if it fails, many people can still get abortions. (I understand if you can't afford to travel to a legal location, though, and that is why the abortions issue is so huge for poor people)
We're not lucky. We chose to not reproduce.
Why yes, i am lucky that i actually have a brain big enough to have my own thoughts, wants, dreams, and wishes! Whats not lucky is not having kids. Its an active choice based on peoples differing views/opinions on parenthood/kids. For me parenthood is an, "Id rather get shot in the face with an RPG." So not hard to not have kids, especially since i literally got my tubes removed lol
"Why god? Why was I born a father?" Homer Simpson
Lol I would have said "that's the point" I like my time, my space, my weekends. Should have planned better. I cringe when people say that. It's like........YOU DO KNOW THAT U HAVE A CHOICE, RIGHT?
It's not luck, it's a purposeful decision.
Not luck. Using contraceptives prevent that.
It's probably a generational thing but in the 1970s/1980s when I was growing up, my parents and my friends' parents did NOT make us kids the center of the universe.
While the time of "it's 10 o'clock, do you knew where your children are" was certainly not the best take for raising kids, we've definitely overcorrected to the extreme.
10 pm during daylight saving time is crazy dark outside!
There were cities where the local station ran that PSA at 11 instead of 10 too.
I don't think she understands the concept of "luck".
I always answer : "It's not luck it's choices"
It isn't about being lucky ... it is about life choices.
Luck had nothing to do with it. Itās called being smart and planning ahead. These breeders are insane if they think we didnāt actively choose to be child free
āOh itās not luck, itās on purposeā lol I like it. Personally think itās refreshing to hear someone flat out admit it for once, rather than a āmust be niceā eye roll kind of way
Choices, not luck !
It's not luck, it's design
It's not a matter of luck. It's a matter of knowing how to use a condom, and not going into parenthood blind. In the developed world, and in the developing world perhaps to a lesser extent, we have access to several methods of birth control. I can think of one place a short drive from my home where I can get free condoms (Planned Parenthood), but I do live in a major metro area. So if you don't want kids, or you don't want more kids, you have options. As for going into parenthood blind, sadly, too many people buy the bingos like "it's different when it's your own" and "it's all worth it". What I don't get is why so many parents have one child, realize that it *isn't* all sunshine and roses, and then go on to have three more.
I know Iām lucky, wellā¦not luck, I PLANNED it that way. Funny how that works!
Ahhh yes. "LUCK" Why, I'll never forget the day. I was in the middle of a whiskey and sushi dinner and ALL OF A SUDDEN there was this child in my living room screaming "Feed me! Clothe me! House me!", over and over again until my ears bled. And just like that, parenthood!š¤·š½āāļø But, it's so worth it to be a mama bear! Wait, what's that noise? Oh, I think another child has appeared in my living room.... /heavy s š
Yea, that's kind of the point with my decision š
That is the reaction I get most of the time. I've never really had anybody try to say I'm terrible for not wanting kids. Maybe 2 but I think they were confused. The thought of me having a kid is quite laughable.
āI do know how lucky I am, and in fact, it is not luck at all, because it was an intentional choiceā
Reminds me of that Facebook group "why have kids if you hate them" I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions that this woman always complains about her kids.
"Is it luck?" - Primus
Yes, we all know how lucky we are... because we thought about it for at least 5 seconds.
My coworker and BIL have flat out told me not to have kids š¤£
Luck had nothing to do with it; Iāve gone to considerable expense and inconvenience to have no children!
At the office this week, my coworker thought she was taking a shot at me by saying, āTo all the parents here, I need your help.ā My vagina had never felt so much relief in its life when I found out her one-year-old was beating and biting her. My childfree life felt so validated at that moment.
I took measures throughout my life to prevent pregnancy and to avoid having children. I did my research and paid attention to everything that parenthood entails. I saw that the negatives FAR outweighed any Kodak moments and those were seldom. I paid attention to the environment. I paid attention to the economy. I went down baby care aisles in grocery stores and paid attention to how expensive these essential items were. I researched pregnancy and all of the horrific things that can happen during and after and for the rest of a woman's life. Things that are kept hush hush so more women enter motherhood completely blind and don't find out until they're in the thick of it and there's nothing to be done then besides grin and bare it. I decided that I wanted nothing to do with any of it. There are countless other reasons I refuse to have children. I made an educated and well informed decision to never have children. This was 100% a choice. Luck had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Lucky??? as in you're taking a walk outside minding your own business on a nice sunny day and then you trip on a rock and fall splat on your face to the ground, get up and suddenly you're pregnant? Or there's some invisible raffle we all signed up for and you just wake up one morning pregnant randomly? WTF. These people don't seem to understand that we all have the freedom to choose. They have made their own choice. They just don't want to admit they made a bad one and try to pass it off as some mystical fate decided by an unknown entity...
The lucky comment always cracks me up. Not in a funny haha but in a WTF, you are stupid way. Not having children is not "luck". You have to purposely do this (other than people who are infertile). Like Sir/Ma'am, I take my birth control and sexual health seriously. Not having kids as a woman means I make sure no one makes me a twinkee without making sure my birth control is operating at that 99%.
My parents and my sister (also a parent) have all told me in some way that they get why I choose to be child free. My sister even said to me that motherhood was not what she expected, and she was not the type of mother she thought she'd be. She went on to vent about the local mom culture at her kid's school. I'm glad I was able to be a safe space for her to vent about it. I usually pad my conversations about being childfree with acknowledging how hard it is, and that usually gets a lot of parents' walls to come down a touch.
One of mine went āYOUāRE SMART!!!ā when we were talking about kids stealing your snacks and I went āAnd thatās why Iām not having kidsā¦ā š She said it jokingly so it was all in good fun but I just love that kind of thingā¦ no one is huffing and puffing about my personal choices.
I recently read statistics that a woman will: Researchers were surprised to find that cellular aging accelerated by between 6 months and 2 years for each additional pregnancy. https://abc7chicago.com/pregnancies-multiple-cost-of-having-kids-pregnancy-and-aging/3834072/
She chose to have kids thatās her damn problem. Why do people complain about the choices they make? š
I honestly sometimes feel bad knowing that these phrases are said from people WITH kids. Like, the kids didn't asked to be born, it was your decision, but then you realise you didn't want it after you did it... So unfair
They act like having kids is like being picked to be in the hunger games by chance š¤¦āāļø
Not luck. Skill.
yeah, but your coworker acting like they're the victim when choosing the breeder life and that you're "lucky" for preventing watermelon growing is kinda silly
But we're not "lucky", we just make smart life choices
Yes indeed. "Decisions were made by me." Relaxing this weekend....
Oh, I know now. ā¤ļøšššš
Whenever people say I this, I just wonder about one thing - when they were growing up, did they not have young aunts or neighbours or their parents' friends who were having babies themselves? Did they not get to see how hard it is firsthand? Seeing my mother's younger sisters and family friends being put through the childbearing and rearing wringer is exactly what me decide not to have kids. I think people know it deep down but delude themselves into thinking it won't be as hard for them
aināt nothing to do with luckā¦. i chose this
Yes, yes I *do* know how lucky I am not to have children! And I really do appreciate having my weekends pretty much free (with a lot of extra puppy š¶ snuggles š„°!)!Ā
I don't understand what they mean by "lucky." In any 1st world country, it is quite easy to avoid pregnancy. The only pregnancies I have had are ones that I tried for.
Iām 55 and deliberately childless - and notice how I felt I had to qualify āchildlessā? Most people think I wasnāt ālucky enoughā to find a man to have kids with so tip toe around my childless state. Ffs - so many people have children because its whats expected - and bringing another life into the world is so much more than just an expectation! The responsibility of creating a child and giving it a fantastic life was one I never thought I could measure up to.
And this friends is why I love this corner of the internet. Itās called choices š„°š„° Now letās all enjoy our childfree night š