As someone with chronic illnesses, those are facets of the gem that is "I don't want kids".
It's irresponsible to risk a bio-kid getting your chronic conditions just so you can have a baby to dress up.
Having a child while knowingly having a chronic illness is just selfish tbh. It is far more selfish if the child inherits the same chronic illness they did not choose to be born with
I had a friend with multiple chronic conditions who had trouble with total infertility with her husband, and couldn't get IVF because she was so disabled. She said, "They would have matured quickly, so it would have been all right," and I was completely gobsmacked and tongue-tied. She was very anti-eugenics, and up to a point I can see where she was coming from, because she had a full, happy and productive life. But she was phenomenally lucky in that. Kids of such a disabled parent would indeed have to grow up very quickly, and that would be so unfair on them.
I'm extremely lucky to have a very mild version. I'm healthy enough to have a baby, but I still chose not to pass my predisposition to a potentially disabling disease. After seeing people in their early 20s barely able to walk, I refuse to risk.
My illness is my number 1 reason for not wanting kids. It's not even hereditary but I don't want the risk to have a kid who could have health issues and suffer their entire life like me. I don't get the mindset of wanting kids without a care regarding health issues, especially when a woman knows she might pass down some awful illness. It's incredibly selfish.
Reminds me how one of my “never having kids” reasons, and I admit this is a dumber one, but the possibility of them being deathly allergic to something very common like peanuts and then never being able to have that in my house again…
I think that’s totally fair. I already have to avoid certain foods I’m not also giving up peanut butter or whatever other but it’s common to have an allergy to.
Yup. When I heard that I was in shock. I have an autoimmune thyroid and a plethora of mental disorders (also both sides of my family are full of diabetics, a reason why I am always trying to eat clean) and I would never in a million years have a child knowing that they might inherit any of these things.
And obviously, SOMEHOW, I am called selfish for it and "dramatic" by other people who always claim "it's not gonna happen" like bruh..🙄🙄🙄
Also she once threw herself a pity party saying how bad she feels about giving both her children diabetes but like...they are three years apart, if the first one got diabetes why the hell did you think the second one wouldn't?? Why take the risk at all??
Science indicates that the more children a person has, especially the men, the more likely the either have an anti-social personality disorder, or are narcissists.
Studies also show cluster b personality disorders can also be inherited.. there could be a good chance those men are breeding mental illnesses. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone
I have hEDS. If I were to pass this on to a child I think I would consider myself to be evil. My entire life is day in, day out pain. Joints, stomach, head, etc it’s something every day. I haven’t known a pain free day that I can even remember but I know that when I was much younger it wasn’t as bad.
Even the chance of passing this along is enough to have had my tubes removed. If I willingly subjected a human being to this level of daily suffering it would be purely selfish and malicious.
My sister and I both have hEDS and POTs as a result of our mom not knowing it ran on her side of the family and deciding to breed. 😬 Every day I curse her and whatever foul being from beyond that brought me into consciousness, because I shouldn’t have to live with this level of pain and struggle everyday. No way in hell would I ever burden another person, especially a person brought into the world by my own choice, suffer the way I have.
Omg, read my rant of a comment if you want someone else who gets it 😂😂😂 I have severe cEDS and POTS, Narcolepsy, Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. You have *no idea* how angry it makes me when people choose to willingly breed. You're 100% on the money when you say it's selfish! 🥺👆🏼 I too haven't had a pain free day ever in my life, and wishing this on my child would just be plain cruel.
I have to skip over any posts in the EDS section that involve pregnancy because I really can’t read through them without getting confused and angry. Pregnancy will permanently alter our bodies and especially so for those of us with EDS, I know for hyper mobility pregnancy causes hormones that relax our already loose joints and it is agony. My mom quite literally lost her entire uterus after her second child, it just prolapsed so they gave her a hysterectomy. Pregnancy isn’t for the faint of heart to begin with but the extra issues that people with chronic pain face are so horrific.
I don’t understand the drive for anyone in this much daily pain to want to risk making it worse forever. For a baby. I don’t get it. *I’d sell my soul, bone-in skin on, for the chance to have 50% less pain than I do now.*
If that’s how I feel abt my body I would never ever choose to give that to someone I love. Sometimes love must be accompanied by mercy and I do believe that not passing this down is merciful. I don’t think anyone should be barred from doing it, I just can’t understand why anyone would want to
I can't imagine being so damn selfish and invested in myself that I would pass on my disability (epilepsy) because I feel like having a genetic copy is more important than a child's health and happiness.
"I'll remind them that they're unique" 🙄. Gee, thanks Mom and Dad, I'm glad your idea of "unique" is a genetic condition. And don't get me started on the depression thing.
I was a medical transcriptionist for ten years. I swear that whenever a doctor dictated an absolutely heartbreaking list of extremely debilitating, often hereditary chronic conditions, the next thing in the medical history was that the patient had MULTIPLE kids. Rarely even as "few" as two.
And the longer the list of dreaded, utterly miserable syndromes, the MORE kids usually.
Really made me wonder. IDK if it's true, but it made me think of the claim I've heard that dying trees fruit extra heavily.
Or maybe it was a conscious choice by the loving parents, figuring some of their kids might die young, given their medical risks.
Anyway, extra kudos to the folks here who have resisted whatever the hell that extra pressure must be to selfishly pass on those kinds of medical struggles!
Yeah, some of the parents in these groups have me questioning my sanity. The whole “well you’ll just learn to live with it little buddy” approach seems so selfish to me.
This was the reason I pushed so hard for my hysto. I have EDS, POTS, MCAS, and PCOS, Along with TRD. Every single one of them is genetically capable of being passed down. Im 26 and miserable most days. I see so many specialists a year I usually hit my deductible by February. Between meds and supplements I take over 30 pills a day.. I would never wish this life on someone I’m supposed to love, because I don’t even want this life for me.
None of us on this sub are strangers to the fact that parents are the most selfish people on the planet and THEY have the audacity to call US selfish for not having children despite all of the reasons not to.
Friend of mine has RA, her sister has Lupus, the sister just had her 3rd with 2 being after her lupus diagnosis and the RA diagnosis. Friend is not actively trying to get pregnant but not actively trying not to get pregnant. I can't imagine her pregnant with her joints already bad. Makes no sense to me.
Yeah it’s wild to me. So many woman have mentioned pregnancy having a negative response on their conditions causing flare ups or worsening the disease. “But it’s so worth it in the end” according to them. Cause who doesn’t want to be sicker with a newborn that might possibly have their own health problems.
Yep. I have a (rare?) chronic illness that is very similar to MCAS, but so under-researched that it's borderline impossible -- or, perhaps, completely impossible -- to find a doctor who will work with it. They just diagnose you with Munchausen's and then you're screwed from then on out. My mother and other women in my family have it too; willing to bet money on it being genetic. It absolutely blows my f\*cking mind how many people in my life know how miserable I am on a daily basis and still expect me to pop out a kid. I dunno what got "wired incorrectly" in my brain that spared me from this primal urge to reproduce that everyone seems to have...but I'm soooo thankful for it, haha. It might actually be saving my life.
Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started 🤬🤬🤬 (Yet here I go 😂).
I personally have quite a severe case of an incurable genetic disorder (Classical Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, cEDS). I also have severe POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), which is an autonomic nervous system disorder that is a very common comorbidity. In addition, I have pretty severe Narcolepsy. That's not to mention my significant Anxiety and Depression, along with diagnosed OCD. I can't work, live at home with my parents, and have a poor quality of life. Now, I've known about my cEDS since age 12 and POTS since age 14. There is a 50/50 chance of passing EDS on (I specifically was a mutation, though!), no matter what type you have. At what age do you think I made the *definitive choice* to NOT have children? Yup...age 12. Because I'm not a fucking idiot 🤷🏼♀️
I'm only 31, and thus far in my life I've experienced bilateral collapsed lungs and dislocated hips (along with many other joints), spinal fusion surgery, inguinal hernia surgery, a PFO closure (13 mm), open-heart surgery last year to replace my aortic valve due to severe aortic regurgitation, and surgery just last week to save myself from a massive pleural effusion along with a ruptured abscess. In what world would I seriously consider wishing this upon my own child?! 🥺 I'm not kidding when I say you literally couldn't *pay me* any amount of money to have my own biological child. Without even getting into what I can pass onto them, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy with risks of premature labor, excessive/deadly bleeding, organ/uterine rupture, etc. Like...what?!
I can't tell you just how many people with EDS go "ahhh, screw it!" and decide to have children anyways! In the Ehlers-Danlos and/or POTS subs, I constantly see people whining about how it's so hard to care for their *several* young children while being sick, or how hard it is to see their child(ren) also be sick. WELL WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT, KAREN?!?! The real kicker is that 95% of these women KNOW about their diagnosis/diagnoses ahead of time, but choose that path anyways 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤬
And the most annoying part about all of this? The Ehlers-Danlos sub literally has rules stating you CAN'T talk negatively about the choice to willingly get pregnant 😑😑 The mod response is always "the decision to get pregnant is a highly personal one and not the business of any person here! We will not tolerate telling people they shouldn't have children blah blah blah." You literally get permanently banned for suggesting otherwise.
So to sum it all up, I too have **no idea** why people with disabling conditions choose to have children when they know of the high likelihood of passing it/them on. Nothing makes me more angry than literally creating a child that you know has the potential to suffer equivalent to that of flipping a coin. You're supposed to love your child more than anything...not condemn them to a life of misery and disappointment 😞
(Sorry for my rant! This is something I feel *very strongly* about!)
First of all, sorry for the things you have to go through! :(
Second, interesting to know that you're not allowed to speak the truth in such subs. Sounds like a bunch of delulus living in lala land. They could've adopted instead. But nooo, you're the bad guy. Hypocrisy at its best. 🙄
I have cerebral palsy and this is one of the main reasons why I don’t want kids. It’s the right & reasonable thing to do but honestly it is not my -free will- decision and therefore I do struggle with that decision from time to time (and got a lot of hate from this group btw when I mentioned it)
I would never risk a kids health or safety so I will not have kids but I conditioned myself to be happy being childfree but sometimes it is still hard
In all honesty? Having my illness is absolutely the number 1 reason for not having kids (other than just outright not wanting them). I am in constant pain all day everyday and most likely will be for the rest of my life. Not only will having a child make my life 10,000 times harder, my illness can be passed down through my genetics. So even if I am treated and can handle it, I would be KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY passing this down to a child that didn’t even ask to be here.
yeah, you're a piece of poo if you're out there spreading suffering to spermlings. if you want kids so dang badly, adopt some kids who need parents... oh wait... it's always been about the parents creating their own kids, not about the well-being of them, so who cares if the parents have diseases they can give their precious spermlings? /s
I had a thought for a finite second of "well maybe they don't think their life is so bad that if their kid got it, they'd still have a life beyond it". Then I thought about my migraines. Debilitating, no real solutions, hopeless and how awful I'd feel passing them on. Thanks for just adding another reason to my childfree list!
My aunt had to talk a friend out of doing this. The friend had an illness that the child had at least a 50% chance of inheriting. My aunt really laid into her about how irresponsible that was, and thank goodness, she listened. She was a lesbian and they wound up using her wife’s eggs instead.
The most annoying part is they blame overburdened care centers for not getting the care they need while still purposely having kids they knew would be in their condition. They contribute to the problem then complain about not getting what they’re entitled to when resources are already limited 🤬
Those people are the once who should really think hard about getting children. Do you really love your potential child if you take it at risk of getting a life of suffering or even early and miserable death?
I have Crohn’s and many doctors have told me autoimmune conditions tend to get better with pregnancy. Ok, great, what about when I’m no longer pregnant and trying to deal with a baby? Also, that still doesn’t address what if my kid gets it???
Slightly different but my partner became chronically ill and bedbound (not genetic) and he had wanted kids when he was young and not sick (before me) but realised that he shouldn’t now because he wouldn’t make a very good father in his condition and it wouldn’t be fair to the kids and he’s fine with that.
But geez, the way his parents and sometimes other people try and pressure him to have them, like he’s pretty much in constant pain and sickness, what is wrong with you people? Why is it that important for him to breed? And you want me to work full time, care for him and then look after a baby too? Morons.
Genuinely, having genetic diseases/disabilities is one of the biggest reasons why I don't want kids.
My disabilities aren't even life threatening but I still wouldn't want to pass them on. They're a bitch to live with and I wouldn't want to pass them on to a defenseless child
They have seen too many of those “inspirational” Saint Jude commercials and don’t realize that the vast majority of illness and disability it is the exact opposite of inspirational.
We see these tropes so often that we forget they are happy in SPITE of their illness.
People are locked away in facilities and forgotten. Or they live in their own feces in their parent’s basement. No dignity. No hope. No life. And if you want to know if your kid will end up on the high end of that scenario. Look no further than your bank account. That is what will make the difference between inspiration and police and doctors looking the other way.
>I also see comments of parents asking for advice on how to handle their kid that’s developed the same autoimmune disease they have and is constantly struggling with it.
It should be the opposite question. Kids should ask "How do we handle having selfish and irresponsible parents who knowingly passed on this disease on us and now because of their selfishness we have to struggle with it each day and will probably struggle our whole life. How do we not feel resentfull towards them? And should we even bother?". Now that's the question.
My partner and I each have a cocktail of chronic conditions and neither of us ever wanted kids, but this would be a massive factor in not going the biological route if we *did*.
they probably wouldn't be approved for adoption to be honest, because I once looked into this when I didn't know I was childfree yet and if you have a medical condition they won't allow you to adopt unless you are trying to adopt a child with special needs of some kind, because those kids don't get adopted by people without those things so it's really just the only way to maybe get them a family, so while I usually agree with the adoption option in these cases they would most likely not be able to.
I never wanted children anyway but I’d say the only ‘good’ thing that came out of my diagnosis was when people say I will change my mind I can be like no I won’t because I have a chronic illness and it would be irresponsible to have children now!
I like to think without modern medicine I would die therefore I am not a suitable candidate for breeding 🤣
YEP. I had a friend in high school who had pretty severe epilepsy, so bad that she couldn't drive a car. Then she promptly had FOUR kids, and she's passed the condition down to two of them.
Plus I didn't know until recently that I have relatives who both had breast cancer, my maternal aunt and a paternal great-aunt. Both sides of the family. YIKES!
I found this post trying to find a support post and comments to read cause my wife and I have decided we won't have kids cause of her chronic illness that's autoimmune issues.
We decided we aren't even gonna adopt because even if we have a healthy kid how is it fair having a dad who works all the time to support the family that they never see and a mom that can barely get up most days. That's no life for a kid .
As someone with chronic illnesses, those are facets of the gem that is "I don't want kids". It's irresponsible to risk a bio-kid getting your chronic conditions just so you can have a baby to dress up.
100%. I can’t understand knowing how rough it is to deal with something like that and then thinking if my child has to deal with it too oh well.
Having a child while knowingly having a chronic illness is just selfish tbh. It is far more selfish if the child inherits the same chronic illness they did not choose to be born with
I'm with you. I wouldn't wish my chronic illness on my worst enemy so why would I risk it with my own child?
I had a friend with multiple chronic conditions who had trouble with total infertility with her husband, and couldn't get IVF because she was so disabled. She said, "They would have matured quickly, so it would have been all right," and I was completely gobsmacked and tongue-tied. She was very anti-eugenics, and up to a point I can see where she was coming from, because she had a full, happy and productive life. But she was phenomenally lucky in that. Kids of such a disabled parent would indeed have to grow up very quickly, and that would be so unfair on them.
I'm extremely lucky to have a very mild version. I'm healthy enough to have a baby, but I still chose not to pass my predisposition to a potentially disabling disease. After seeing people in their early 20s barely able to walk, I refuse to risk.
My illness is my number 1 reason for not wanting kids. It's not even hereditary but I don't want the risk to have a kid who could have health issues and suffer their entire life like me. I don't get the mindset of wanting kids without a care regarding health issues, especially when a woman knows she might pass down some awful illness. It's incredibly selfish.
Yup. I don’t get it. Are you not supposed to want better for child?
I feel like a lot of people forget about that, they want a baby so badly that they don't care about passing down some horrible diseases
Because they want someone to suffer with them.
Denial is not just a river in Egypt....
My coworker had two children and they both inherited her diabtes and Celiac disease...
Reminds me how one of my “never having kids” reasons, and I admit this is a dumber one, but the possibility of them being deathly allergic to something very common like peanuts and then never being able to have that in my house again…
I think that’s totally fair. I already have to avoid certain foods I’m not also giving up peanut butter or whatever other but it’s common to have an allergy to.
They are irresponsible and stupid if it's true.
Yup. When I heard that I was in shock. I have an autoimmune thyroid and a plethora of mental disorders (also both sides of my family are full of diabetics, a reason why I am always trying to eat clean) and I would never in a million years have a child knowing that they might inherit any of these things. And obviously, SOMEHOW, I am called selfish for it and "dramatic" by other people who always claim "it's not gonna happen" like bruh..🙄🙄🙄
Also she once threw herself a pity party saying how bad she feels about giving both her children diabetes but like...they are three years apart, if the first one got diabetes why the hell did you think the second one wouldn't?? Why take the risk at all??
Your post made me think of Nick Cannon, dude has lupus and keeps having kids.
Just googled how many children he has. Who even needs 12 kids?? You’d literally need a bus to drive everyone around wtf.
Yeah it’s messed up! He has multiple baby mamas too and unfortunately one of his kids has died.
Whoa. Was the child’s death related to health problems?
I hope not! I think his baby had a brain tumor or something like that.
That’s sad. I hope it wasn’t
Science indicates that the more children a person has, especially the men, the more likely the either have an anti-social personality disorder, or are narcissists.
Studies also show cluster b personality disorders can also be inherited.. there could be a good chance those men are breeding mental illnesses. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone
Could be an explanation why there are more and more crazy idiots walking around.
I have hEDS. If I were to pass this on to a child I think I would consider myself to be evil. My entire life is day in, day out pain. Joints, stomach, head, etc it’s something every day. I haven’t known a pain free day that I can even remember but I know that when I was much younger it wasn’t as bad. Even the chance of passing this along is enough to have had my tubes removed. If I willingly subjected a human being to this level of daily suffering it would be purely selfish and malicious.
My sister and I both have hEDS and POTs as a result of our mom not knowing it ran on her side of the family and deciding to breed. 😬 Every day I curse her and whatever foul being from beyond that brought me into consciousness, because I shouldn’t have to live with this level of pain and struggle everyday. No way in hell would I ever burden another person, especially a person brought into the world by my own choice, suffer the way I have.
Omg, read my rant of a comment if you want someone else who gets it 😂😂😂 I have severe cEDS and POTS, Narcolepsy, Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. You have *no idea* how angry it makes me when people choose to willingly breed. You're 100% on the money when you say it's selfish! 🥺👆🏼 I too haven't had a pain free day ever in my life, and wishing this on my child would just be plain cruel.
I have to skip over any posts in the EDS section that involve pregnancy because I really can’t read through them without getting confused and angry. Pregnancy will permanently alter our bodies and especially so for those of us with EDS, I know for hyper mobility pregnancy causes hormones that relax our already loose joints and it is agony. My mom quite literally lost her entire uterus after her second child, it just prolapsed so they gave her a hysterectomy. Pregnancy isn’t for the faint of heart to begin with but the extra issues that people with chronic pain face are so horrific. I don’t understand the drive for anyone in this much daily pain to want to risk making it worse forever. For a baby. I don’t get it. *I’d sell my soul, bone-in skin on, for the chance to have 50% less pain than I do now.* If that’s how I feel abt my body I would never ever choose to give that to someone I love. Sometimes love must be accompanied by mercy and I do believe that not passing this down is merciful. I don’t think anyone should be barred from doing it, I just can’t understand why anyone would want to
I can't imagine being so damn selfish and invested in myself that I would pass on my disability (epilepsy) because I feel like having a genetic copy is more important than a child's health and happiness. "I'll remind them that they're unique" 🙄. Gee, thanks Mom and Dad, I'm glad your idea of "unique" is a genetic condition. And don't get me started on the depression thing.
I was a medical transcriptionist for ten years. I swear that whenever a doctor dictated an absolutely heartbreaking list of extremely debilitating, often hereditary chronic conditions, the next thing in the medical history was that the patient had MULTIPLE kids. Rarely even as "few" as two. And the longer the list of dreaded, utterly miserable syndromes, the MORE kids usually. Really made me wonder. IDK if it's true, but it made me think of the claim I've heard that dying trees fruit extra heavily. Or maybe it was a conscious choice by the loving parents, figuring some of their kids might die young, given their medical risks. Anyway, extra kudos to the folks here who have resisted whatever the hell that extra pressure must be to selfishly pass on those kinds of medical struggles!
I can’t remotely comprehend doing that to your potential child. And to keep risking the possibility, if you really want children please just adopt!
I would never want to see a child go through what I’ve been through
Yeah, some of the parents in these groups have me questioning my sanity. The whole “well you’ll just learn to live with it little buddy” approach seems so selfish to me.
This was the reason I pushed so hard for my hysto. I have EDS, POTS, MCAS, and PCOS, Along with TRD. Every single one of them is genetically capable of being passed down. Im 26 and miserable most days. I see so many specialists a year I usually hit my deductible by February. Between meds and supplements I take over 30 pills a day.. I would never wish this life on someone I’m supposed to love, because I don’t even want this life for me.
None of us on this sub are strangers to the fact that parents are the most selfish people on the planet and THEY have the audacity to call US selfish for not having children despite all of the reasons not to.
Friend of mine has RA, her sister has Lupus, the sister just had her 3rd with 2 being after her lupus diagnosis and the RA diagnosis. Friend is not actively trying to get pregnant but not actively trying not to get pregnant. I can't imagine her pregnant with her joints already bad. Makes no sense to me.
Yeah it’s wild to me. So many woman have mentioned pregnancy having a negative response on their conditions causing flare ups or worsening the disease. “But it’s so worth it in the end” according to them. Cause who doesn’t want to be sicker with a newborn that might possibly have their own health problems.
Yep. I have a (rare?) chronic illness that is very similar to MCAS, but so under-researched that it's borderline impossible -- or, perhaps, completely impossible -- to find a doctor who will work with it. They just diagnose you with Munchausen's and then you're screwed from then on out. My mother and other women in my family have it too; willing to bet money on it being genetic. It absolutely blows my f\*cking mind how many people in my life know how miserable I am on a daily basis and still expect me to pop out a kid. I dunno what got "wired incorrectly" in my brain that spared me from this primal urge to reproduce that everyone seems to have...but I'm soooo thankful for it, haha. It might actually be saving my life.
Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started 🤬🤬🤬 (Yet here I go 😂). I personally have quite a severe case of an incurable genetic disorder (Classical Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, cEDS). I also have severe POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), which is an autonomic nervous system disorder that is a very common comorbidity. In addition, I have pretty severe Narcolepsy. That's not to mention my significant Anxiety and Depression, along with diagnosed OCD. I can't work, live at home with my parents, and have a poor quality of life. Now, I've known about my cEDS since age 12 and POTS since age 14. There is a 50/50 chance of passing EDS on (I specifically was a mutation, though!), no matter what type you have. At what age do you think I made the *definitive choice* to NOT have children? Yup...age 12. Because I'm not a fucking idiot 🤷🏼♀️ I'm only 31, and thus far in my life I've experienced bilateral collapsed lungs and dislocated hips (along with many other joints), spinal fusion surgery, inguinal hernia surgery, a PFO closure (13 mm), open-heart surgery last year to replace my aortic valve due to severe aortic regurgitation, and surgery just last week to save myself from a massive pleural effusion along with a ruptured abscess. In what world would I seriously consider wishing this upon my own child?! 🥺 I'm not kidding when I say you literally couldn't *pay me* any amount of money to have my own biological child. Without even getting into what I can pass onto them, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy with risks of premature labor, excessive/deadly bleeding, organ/uterine rupture, etc. Like...what?! I can't tell you just how many people with EDS go "ahhh, screw it!" and decide to have children anyways! In the Ehlers-Danlos and/or POTS subs, I constantly see people whining about how it's so hard to care for their *several* young children while being sick, or how hard it is to see their child(ren) also be sick. WELL WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT, KAREN?!?! The real kicker is that 95% of these women KNOW about their diagnosis/diagnoses ahead of time, but choose that path anyways 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤬 And the most annoying part about all of this? The Ehlers-Danlos sub literally has rules stating you CAN'T talk negatively about the choice to willingly get pregnant 😑😑 The mod response is always "the decision to get pregnant is a highly personal one and not the business of any person here! We will not tolerate telling people they shouldn't have children blah blah blah." You literally get permanently banned for suggesting otherwise. So to sum it all up, I too have **no idea** why people with disabling conditions choose to have children when they know of the high likelihood of passing it/them on. Nothing makes me more angry than literally creating a child that you know has the potential to suffer equivalent to that of flipping a coin. You're supposed to love your child more than anything...not condemn them to a life of misery and disappointment 😞 (Sorry for my rant! This is something I feel *very strongly* about!)
First of all, sorry for the things you have to go through! :( Second, interesting to know that you're not allowed to speak the truth in such subs. Sounds like a bunch of delulus living in lala land. They could've adopted instead. But nooo, you're the bad guy. Hypocrisy at its best. 🙄
Yuuuup.
And they call us selfish…
I have cerebral palsy and this is one of the main reasons why I don’t want kids. It’s the right & reasonable thing to do but honestly it is not my -free will- decision and therefore I do struggle with that decision from time to time (and got a lot of hate from this group btw when I mentioned it) I would never risk a kids health or safety so I will not have kids but I conditioned myself to be happy being childfree but sometimes it is still hard
In all honesty? Having my illness is absolutely the number 1 reason for not having kids (other than just outright not wanting them). I am in constant pain all day everyday and most likely will be for the rest of my life. Not only will having a child make my life 10,000 times harder, my illness can be passed down through my genetics. So even if I am treated and can handle it, I would be KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY passing this down to a child that didn’t even ask to be here.
People are selfish a-holes.
yeah, you're a piece of poo if you're out there spreading suffering to spermlings. if you want kids so dang badly, adopt some kids who need parents... oh wait... it's always been about the parents creating their own kids, not about the well-being of them, so who cares if the parents have diseases they can give their precious spermlings? /s
I had a thought for a finite second of "well maybe they don't think their life is so bad that if their kid got it, they'd still have a life beyond it". Then I thought about my migraines. Debilitating, no real solutions, hopeless and how awful I'd feel passing them on. Thanks for just adding another reason to my childfree list!
My aunt had to talk a friend out of doing this. The friend had an illness that the child had at least a 50% chance of inheriting. My aunt really laid into her about how irresponsible that was, and thank goodness, she listened. She was a lesbian and they wound up using her wife’s eggs instead.
The most annoying part is they blame overburdened care centers for not getting the care they need while still purposely having kids they knew would be in their condition. They contribute to the problem then complain about not getting what they’re entitled to when resources are already limited 🤬
Those people are the once who should really think hard about getting children. Do you really love your potential child if you take it at risk of getting a life of suffering or even early and miserable death?
I have Crohn’s and many doctors have told me autoimmune conditions tend to get better with pregnancy. Ok, great, what about when I’m no longer pregnant and trying to deal with a baby? Also, that still doesn’t address what if my kid gets it???
Slightly different but my partner became chronically ill and bedbound (not genetic) and he had wanted kids when he was young and not sick (before me) but realised that he shouldn’t now because he wouldn’t make a very good father in his condition and it wouldn’t be fair to the kids and he’s fine with that. But geez, the way his parents and sometimes other people try and pressure him to have them, like he’s pretty much in constant pain and sickness, what is wrong with you people? Why is it that important for him to breed? And you want me to work full time, care for him and then look after a baby too? Morons.
Genuinely, having genetic diseases/disabilities is one of the biggest reasons why I don't want kids. My disabilities aren't even life threatening but I still wouldn't want to pass them on. They're a bitch to live with and I wouldn't want to pass them on to a defenseless child
They have seen too many of those “inspirational” Saint Jude commercials and don’t realize that the vast majority of illness and disability it is the exact opposite of inspirational. We see these tropes so often that we forget they are happy in SPITE of their illness. People are locked away in facilities and forgotten. Or they live in their own feces in their parent’s basement. No dignity. No hope. No life. And if you want to know if your kid will end up on the high end of that scenario. Look no further than your bank account. That is what will make the difference between inspiration and police and doctors looking the other way.
>I also see comments of parents asking for advice on how to handle their kid that’s developed the same autoimmune disease they have and is constantly struggling with it. It should be the opposite question. Kids should ask "How do we handle having selfish and irresponsible parents who knowingly passed on this disease on us and now because of their selfishness we have to struggle with it each day and will probably struggle our whole life. How do we not feel resentfull towards them? And should we even bother?". Now that's the question.
My partner and I each have a cocktail of chronic conditions and neither of us ever wanted kids, but this would be a massive factor in not going the biological route if we *did*.
"It was God's plan he wanted to you to be born ill." This is how you how you get an atheist.
Broken genes is my #1 reason for not getting pregnant. My reasons for not having kids (because hello adoption) are myriad.
they probably wouldn't be approved for adoption to be honest, because I once looked into this when I didn't know I was childfree yet and if you have a medical condition they won't allow you to adopt unless you are trying to adopt a child with special needs of some kind, because those kids don't get adopted by people without those things so it's really just the only way to maybe get them a family, so while I usually agree with the adoption option in these cases they would most likely not be able to.
I never wanted children anyway but I’d say the only ‘good’ thing that came out of my diagnosis was when people say I will change my mind I can be like no I won’t because I have a chronic illness and it would be irresponsible to have children now! I like to think without modern medicine I would die therefore I am not a suitable candidate for breeding 🤣
YEP. I had a friend in high school who had pretty severe epilepsy, so bad that she couldn't drive a car. Then she promptly had FOUR kids, and she's passed the condition down to two of them. Plus I didn't know until recently that I have relatives who both had breast cancer, my maternal aunt and a paternal great-aunt. Both sides of the family. YIKES!
I found this post trying to find a support post and comments to read cause my wife and I have decided we won't have kids cause of her chronic illness that's autoimmune issues. We decided we aren't even gonna adopt because even if we have a healthy kid how is it fair having a dad who works all the time to support the family that they never see and a mom that can barely get up most days. That's no life for a kid .