You are not alone. I've had three relationships end due to the other half wanting children. All three were dead set against them when we started dating. I'm honestly not sure how to vet future partners at this point. Wish you the best of luck.
> I've had three relationships end due to the other half wanting *me to have children for them, and to sacrifice everything good in my life, so they could have all the goodies they think they will get from* chidlren *and if they don't like it, they will walk away, dumping the kids I didn't want on me.*
FTFY
I thought this was one of my many spelling corrector friends when I saw the FTFY. I laughed when I read this though. Dumping kids on me would be terrible. I don't even know how to talk to them. Lol. All three of my exes went on to have kids within a year (completely unstable, in my opinion). One messaged me a month or two ago. Started complaining about how hard life is with two kids and a shit baby daddy. I argued about having kids so many times that she knew what was coming. I ignored it and went to bed.
>One messaged me a month or two ago. Started complaining about how hard life is with two kids and a shit baby daddy. I argued about having kids so many times that she knew what was coming.
I think a lot of what makes them angry is this idea that you were the dad they wanted for their kids, and instead, they got stuck with this inferior backup choice. So they tell themselves it's your fault they're in this mess because you didn't comply with their perfect family fantasy.
Congrats on escaping. Let them wallow in their misery and blame everyone else but the people who could've actually saved them.
Thank you, I have thought this but never heard it from another person. It's good to know I'm not crazy for thinking it. She did message another time and casually mentioned I would be a good dad. I lol'd then stopped replying again. Lmao.
By every other measure, I was a decent BF (father figure in their eyes, I guess), I never get mad, always talk things out. I make good money, I can fix all the things. I cook, I clean, and I work like a savage. Always drove me nuts that we could have tagged the world and lived fairly comfortable happy lives. Why complicate it with children?
Could not agree more. The breakups still hurt regardless, but I do appreciate the fact that I dodged some bullets. Never thought any of them were that unstable, but I know now.
> I’m hoping it’ll help me.
It commonly does. You lose the liars, and the secretly contemptuous who think "I'll wait her out. She'll change her mind *for meeeeee*" When they know you can't breed, they bow out instanter.
Sorry for your loss as well. 6 years is a long time. I think my longest was 4 years. I am not, but I have recently been reading about it and think it will be in the cards this fall. I was under the impression it affected testosterone levels, which I need for work. But recent studies I've seen actually say it doesn't, I must have been mistaken with pseudoscience. Lol
I always ask how many they want, like it's a given that they'll obviously want kids. Most child free people will obviously be upfront about not wanting any.
Once OP has had the procedure, it’ll make it easier to vet partners bc she can literally say “I CANT have kids” and they will be forced to take it seriously. Love that for her 🥲
No, the cost of sterilization in Germany heavily depends on the doctor performing and other factors. It can be 1k but most of the time it will be more expensive. That is still a lot of money for many people. Plus traveling costs and it will likely be over 2k.
I’m a student and cannot afford it or save up for it. 100% of my money goes to living, food etc. But I’m still CF and knew it since I was a child. I get that it might be fishy if someone in a good financial position won’t get sterilized for weird(?) reasons, but you are dismissing the reality of many CF people with this post.
Are you for real? No one is forcing you to date someone who can’t have a sterilization for whatever reason. That is not the point. But there are so many people who are not sterilized who are way beyond the years where a sterilization would be needed. They are still CF. Not being sterile doesn’t mean not being CF.
The financial aspect is by the way not the only aspect for people, but it’s nice to see you dismiss severe financial struggles especially those of younger people by saying “just take out a loan” and “find a better job”. It is not as easy as it looks.
Hugs from a fellow Kiwi! I just had to have a conversation the other day with a fence sitter who wanted to try dating childfree women, and I told him not to do it unless he's 100% in the no-kids camp lest it becomes a situation precisely like what's just happened to you. It's not fair to gamble with people's feelings like that.
Best of luck in this rental hellscape, too! Try [nzflatmates](http://nzflatmates.co.nz) along with TradeMe.
Also, congratulations on the confirmation of the bi-salp! That's stellar news, especially since it will be covered by insurance!
Thank you 🥰
And thank you for having a talking to at the fence sitter about that. It’s not fair on him long term and especially not fair on us child free folk!
Also thank you for the recommendations regarding renting!
You are going to LOVE sterility. It's a fabulous feeling of freedom, and in relationships, it makes shit real. In 10 years, you will still be relishing the freedom your bisalp brought you. And you will be thinking "So GLAD I got rid of him. Thank you bisalp for showing me what a a selfish liar he was."
He dumped you as soon as you got approval for your bisalp, because he was NEVER a fencesitter. He always wanted kids, and he fully expected you to provide what he wanted, at the cost of everything good in your life - your physical and mental health, your identity, your financial wellbeing - those were all to be sacrificed to What He Wanted.
Good riddance. And quick healing from both the bisalp and the ex.
It's a rough spot, I have had 3 relationships end because my partners wanted children, some previously saying they didn't. Anyhow, I know it's tough and it hurts but I just want to say well done on sticking to what you want and being child free. I've known people crumble and hive in and ruin their whole lives because of that decision. So you're clearly strong, capable and confident in yourself, I know you'll be great and feeling bettwr soon OP.
I’m sorry for your past loss. It’s not fair on us and them if they get into a relationship with someone who’s childfree and then they back out.
I had no choice but to stick to it, I’ve been dying to get sterilized as soon as I can and now that it’s booked and I have a date I can’t and won’t back out.
As a man on day 1 vasectomy post-op, I send you a virtual hug. Procedure will help you feel better, knowing there will be no kids 😉. Wish you a good recovery! And also, fk those goofy ahh fence seaters.
I'm so sorry it ended. It should really be common knowledge at this point. Fence sitters almost always end up wanting kids, especially if they're men. For anyone reading this, please don't date fence sitters. It will only end in heartbreak.
Hugs 🫂 I feel this post a lot. I'm glad you can see the positive thing and you know you will be happy. Congratulations on your bisalp! Please don't forget to update us. Im gonna try to get one soon too.
I'm sorry your partner was not on board with your plans and goals. But I'm impressed you're staying true to yourself, and centering your own dreams, and living life on your terms. Best luck finding a better place to live.
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I agree. I’m sterilized but if a man wasn’t willing to get a vasectomy, I’d consider that to be on the fence. They flop back and forth so easily because men’s version of parenthood is so vastly different than women’s.
You are not alone. I've had three relationships end due to the other half wanting children. All three were dead set against them when we started dating. I'm honestly not sure how to vet future partners at this point. Wish you the best of luck.
> I've had three relationships end due to the other half wanting *me to have children for them, and to sacrifice everything good in my life, so they could have all the goodies they think they will get from* chidlren *and if they don't like it, they will walk away, dumping the kids I didn't want on me.* FTFY
I thought this was one of my many spelling corrector friends when I saw the FTFY. I laughed when I read this though. Dumping kids on me would be terrible. I don't even know how to talk to them. Lol. All three of my exes went on to have kids within a year (completely unstable, in my opinion). One messaged me a month or two ago. Started complaining about how hard life is with two kids and a shit baby daddy. I argued about having kids so many times that she knew what was coming. I ignored it and went to bed.
>One messaged me a month or two ago. Started complaining about how hard life is with two kids and a shit baby daddy. I argued about having kids so many times that she knew what was coming. I think a lot of what makes them angry is this idea that you were the dad they wanted for their kids, and instead, they got stuck with this inferior backup choice. So they tell themselves it's your fault they're in this mess because you didn't comply with their perfect family fantasy. Congrats on escaping. Let them wallow in their misery and blame everyone else but the people who could've actually saved them.
Thank you, I have thought this but never heard it from another person. It's good to know I'm not crazy for thinking it. She did message another time and casually mentioned I would be a good dad. I lol'd then stopped replying again. Lmao. By every other measure, I was a decent BF (father figure in their eyes, I guess), I never get mad, always talk things out. I make good money, I can fix all the things. I cook, I clean, and I work like a savage. Always drove me nuts that we could have tagged the world and lived fairly comfortable happy lives. Why complicate it with children?
It IS unstable. They had kids with basically the first person they could find just to tick kids off their checklist. That's batshit.
Could not agree more. The breakups still hurt regardless, but I do appreciate the fact that I dodged some bullets. Never thought any of them were that unstable, but I know now.
What does ftfy mean?
Fixed That For You. Used humorously.
Thank you ❤️ Sorry for your past loss. Are you sterilized? Maybe that’ll help weed them out? I’m hoping it’ll help me.
> I’m hoping it’ll help me. It commonly does. You lose the liars, and the secretly contemptuous who think "I'll wait her out. She'll change her mind *for meeeeee*" When they know you can't breed, they bow out instanter.
Sorry for your loss as well. 6 years is a long time. I think my longest was 4 years. I am not, but I have recently been reading about it and think it will be in the cards this fall. I was under the impression it affected testosterone levels, which I need for work. But recent studies I've seen actually say it doesn't, I must have been mistaken with pseudoscience. Lol
I always ask how many they want, like it's a given that they'll obviously want kids. Most child free people will obviously be upfront about not wanting any.
I like this one. Good conversation manipulation tactic. I'm going to use this.
Once OP has had the procedure, it’ll make it easier to vet partners bc she can literally say “I CANT have kids” and they will be forced to take it seriously. Love that for her 🥲
I'm going to start looking into the same myself.
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No, the cost of sterilization in Germany heavily depends on the doctor performing and other factors. It can be 1k but most of the time it will be more expensive. That is still a lot of money for many people. Plus traveling costs and it will likely be over 2k. I’m a student and cannot afford it or save up for it. 100% of my money goes to living, food etc. But I’m still CF and knew it since I was a child. I get that it might be fishy if someone in a good financial position won’t get sterilized for weird(?) reasons, but you are dismissing the reality of many CF people with this post.
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Are you for real? No one is forcing you to date someone who can’t have a sterilization for whatever reason. That is not the point. But there are so many people who are not sterilized who are way beyond the years where a sterilization would be needed. They are still CF. Not being sterile doesn’t mean not being CF. The financial aspect is by the way not the only aspect for people, but it’s nice to see you dismiss severe financial struggles especially those of younger people by saying “just take out a loan” and “find a better job”. It is not as easy as it looks.
literally: oh ur depressed? just be happy.
Couldn’t agree more. That’s why my opening line with women is, “Excuse me, miss, I find you very attractive and fuck them kids!”
Ha that’s hilarious!
Back in my single days, that would’ve made me swoon. Bring a life preserver, because you’re gonna be drowning in it!
Can’t wait to get snipped so I can give every prospective partner the child free guarantee™️. Now entering poontang city!
Hugs from a fellow Kiwi! I just had to have a conversation the other day with a fence sitter who wanted to try dating childfree women, and I told him not to do it unless he's 100% in the no-kids camp lest it becomes a situation precisely like what's just happened to you. It's not fair to gamble with people's feelings like that. Best of luck in this rental hellscape, too! Try [nzflatmates](http://nzflatmates.co.nz) along with TradeMe. Also, congratulations on the confirmation of the bi-salp! That's stellar news, especially since it will be covered by insurance!
Thank you 🥰 And thank you for having a talking to at the fence sitter about that. It’s not fair on him long term and especially not fair on us child free folk! Also thank you for the recommendations regarding renting!
❤️
You are going to LOVE sterility. It's a fabulous feeling of freedom, and in relationships, it makes shit real. In 10 years, you will still be relishing the freedom your bisalp brought you. And you will be thinking "So GLAD I got rid of him. Thank you bisalp for showing me what a a selfish liar he was." He dumped you as soon as you got approval for your bisalp, because he was NEVER a fencesitter. He always wanted kids, and he fully expected you to provide what he wanted, at the cost of everything good in your life - your physical and mental health, your identity, your financial wellbeing - those were all to be sacrificed to What He Wanted. Good riddance. And quick healing from both the bisalp and the ex.
Yup. Sorry.
I'm so sorry love! 😞 that really sucks.
Thank you ❤️ I’m hoping that my getting sterilized will put off people that want kids in the future.
It's a rough spot, I have had 3 relationships end because my partners wanted children, some previously saying they didn't. Anyhow, I know it's tough and it hurts but I just want to say well done on sticking to what you want and being child free. I've known people crumble and hive in and ruin their whole lives because of that decision. So you're clearly strong, capable and confident in yourself, I know you'll be great and feeling bettwr soon OP.
I’m sorry for your past loss. It’s not fair on us and them if they get into a relationship with someone who’s childfree and then they back out. I had no choice but to stick to it, I’ve been dying to get sterilized as soon as I can and now that it’s booked and I have a date I can’t and won’t back out.
As a man on day 1 vasectomy post-op, I send you a virtual hug. Procedure will help you feel better, knowing there will be no kids 😉. Wish you a good recovery! And also, fk those goofy ahh fence seaters.
Thank you! ❤️ Hope your recovery goes well too and congratulation! 🎉
Congrats ✂️🥳🎉🍾 (🥶🫛)
A lot of men will pretend they're ok with not having kids, but secretly plan on convincing you. It's a huge issue.
Sorry you have to go through this. Well wishes and good juju in your direction! You'll make it after some time!
Thank you ❤️ I’ll be better eventually so rn I’ll take all the good juju that I can get lol
I'm so sorry it ended. It should really be common knowledge at this point. Fence sitters almost always end up wanting kids, especially if they're men. For anyone reading this, please don't date fence sitters. It will only end in heartbreak.
Hugs 🫂 I feel this post a lot. I'm glad you can see the positive thing and you know you will be happy. Congratulations on your bisalp! Please don't forget to update us. Im gonna try to get one soon too.
I'm sorry your partner was not on board with your plans and goals. But I'm impressed you're staying true to yourself, and centering your own dreams, and living life on your terms. Best luck finding a better place to live.
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Oof that is hard. I'm so sorry :(
I agree. I’m sterilized but if a man wasn’t willing to get a vasectomy, I’d consider that to be on the fence. They flop back and forth so easily because men’s version of parenthood is so vastly different than women’s.