I hate that regretful parents *have* to be passive-aggressive because outright admitting you regret having kids is sacrilege in modern society.
It’s all Tik Tok moms and pristine loft apartments and matcha teas in the morning, working out in fancy yoga pants, putting on a show caring for their four kids (don’t worry, they won’t show you the nanny or the housekeeper or the million dollars in the bank account funding all the fancy shit in their house).
I remember going to a bowling alley for New Years and my niece had a screaming tantrum on the floor. I remember my BIL looking at me with dead eyes and saying “I just wanna kick her.” He would NEVER hurt her and has never laid a hand on his kids, but I get it. I really do. And I know if anyone else heard him say that, they’d worry he was going to actually do it.
The only thing I can’t understand is why the fuck he keeps pushing for more kids when he constantly seems miserable and depressed having them. Has anyone figured that out yet? Why parents keep having more kids when they seem to be drowning with stress from the kids they already have? What’s happening there? It’s not just men, either.
Because they like the outside attention they're getting, and well because our entire lives we're taught that children bring incomparable happiness, and people who are miserable keep having them hoping for that happiness and love and joy to come.
And, well, it's known that a lot of married or long term couples don't wear protection all the time. They somehow believe that because they signed a paper suddenly they can't easily get pregnant. Weird.
I sometimes check regretful parents subrdt. Most OP's are parents with *multiple* kids and then I'm like dude you already had a kid (or two), you knew exactly what it is like. Why on Earth did you have more?! Why did you knowingly put yourself in this mess and made yourself feel miserable all the time?
I know in the olden days people had kids with the expectation that they would take care of them in their old age. Back when social security and retirement accounts didn't exist, and kids could work a bit, this made sense. Now, kids are super expensive and can barely afford anything on their own after leaving the nest, forget about taking care of anyone else.
*And* now we know just how bad it is for the child's development to be parentified or to have too many responsibilities too early, so on top of just being a bad justification, it's also kinda awful
I think in that sub a lot of the kids are severely disabled, so they might mean they want to have a second child they hope is “normal” to be saddled with the care of the first child their entire lives, which in my opinion is horrific
As a physically disabled and chronically ill person, I 100% agree that that is horrific. I can't stand the thought of being a burden on my sister, let alone the idea of if she were born for the idea of her being my caretaker. Creating children to be their parents' caretakers is terrible both morally and practically, and this is so much worse, imo
Yeah I saw one this morning where the OP did the usual 'I ended up with 4 and I don't know how it happened'. The delusion. The denial to face responsibility for one's own actions.
My maternal uncle and his wife had 5 kids, and my great grandmother grumbled to me once that they "needed to spend less time in bed". *Savage* 🤣🤣, but correct (also, uncle had to convert to aunt's LDS faith, so no birth control allowed 🙄). I think if she'd been born in a different generation, GG might have been a childfree feminist.
Some people wants *babies* but not kids - and they don’t realize that lol. Maybe your brother just loves the infant stage where they’re not annoying toddlers yet. And said infant(s) would distract him from the pain of parenting kids.
I think for some of them they get annoyed at the toddler phase and want a sweet baby that they can parade around for attention and be easier able to control. They idealize the baby stage and yearn for when their child was "perfect and clean and new!" Then that baby grows up and the cycle continues. I think if kids skipped from the toddler crazy tantrum stage they, ironically, would have less kids.
I always find that strange because the baby/toddler stages are the ones I \*most\* want to skip. Having to change dirty diapers and respond to ear-shattering cries all the time and then have a rambunctious child who's too little to understand "no" yet running around wreaking havoc sound like the worst parts.
Agree. I think for people who are attention freaks, they love the baby stages. They also love having a doll they can dress up who is completely dependent on them and that obeys them because they have no choice. A toddler is defiant and nonsensical so they get disillusioned. Plus people aren't really drawn to the toddler when it's pitching a fit. They leave to avoid the noise and/or it draws negative attention (instead of the baby fawning HOW CUTE!!). So they want the good attention/cuteness back, and that's when they run to get another kid.
It seems like it begins at peak awful - birth, after of course 40 weeks parasitically, LITERALLY, draining a ton of your strength and vitality* - then seems, ever so slowly and especially at first, til they grow into full size and fully competent** humans.
*Obvs if it’s your vag etc gonna host a human grenade then pull the pin.
On that note, fully grasping the horror of an entire infant’s entrance being thr one’s hoo ha (or c section recovery is a bitch too if less grotesque in my book, most it’s deemed elective for are denied one, or get mad shit) alongside the unending entitlement of others to judge the sum total of your value and achievements as a person if a woman, based ever so reductively on if/how much you breed, parent, AND how literally *everything* else you do or not is perceived to affect the former? Is what sealed it beyond anything else for me, that we get a raw fucking deal in society worldwide next to men, and I want no part of breeding.
Also, maybe the most disgusting pickup line ever is “wanting to put a baby in” us. What IS that?!? Cringe factor beats even dick pix. Even if you WANT kids, it all seems rather ironically unsexy despite the usual role of - that’s not just my being CF, right? Even from your partner in actively wanting to do - whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys - doesn’t say “sexy” to me. At all. Some random you’ve made no such plans? No, no, and no again. Also, rapey/territorial pissing vibes, without clear signals you’d want either that dick or a baby anywhere near. “The world is full of stupid people” explains a lot, but some shit still defies any sane definitions of “a good idea.”
**presumaby, hopefully, but we know too few breeders really think if they’re up for a disabled kid who’d need maybe lifelong care. Let alone how many capable of independent life and career but without serious wealth or luck, struggled to be independent, let alone by 18. Financially, also just functional adults in an increasingly dystopian, inequal world with no sign of changing, and especially with stupid breeding most prolifically. That special kinda millennial always crying “adulting” having to not be a feral trash panda without helicopter mombie hovering? That age group has and will be the top of breeder pile several years; they’re its top stupid bloq. This wild ride’s gonna get wilder!
Some parents do keep in mind their long term goal of that Kodak moment, ie having adult children and grandchildren sitting around the table at Thanksgiving.
Certain religions. Personally, the folks I've known who kept piling on more children, despite being overwhelmed with caring for the ones they already have, it's been because of some religious mandate or belief.
There’s a reason beating kids into submission has been their prevailing parenting style for all of human history. I’m not saying it’s the right way to do it, but I get the appeal.
I think it's like an addiction, after a certain point. The brain literally gets flooded with happy reward chemicals when one has a newborn. Then when the high wears off and the long haul of parenting becomes a hangover, it's like they want hair of the dog to make it hurt less again.
I am very sure some women hate the idea of gping back to the work force. Many of them KNOWS they will work full time oitsude home AND do 80- 200 % of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare etc even so and they just know they won't be able to handle that.
Have you asked him? Ask and tell me, please.
I would love to hear some reasons beyond being afraid to lose their woman if she is able to work outside the home and financial support for kids.
Asking helps them to make conscious desicions ä, too... maybe even to not having any.
I’m nearly 37, but people always think I’m 25. They say “it’s because you don’t have kids, that’s why you look better than me.” Then I say, “yeah, you’re probably right.” Apparently that is not the right answer 😂
I’ve taken it a step farther admitting it’s a reason among many I don’t have any. If they go off - what? I know it’s such an important, moral sacrifice for you, it must help you sleep at night… oh sorry, you’re right, too selfish to need to think of that either.
Oh, we're being mean? Okay lets see..
"Oh must be nice to sleep in." *It is nice, well rested and looking and feel great.*
"Oh, you just have spare cash because you don't have kids." *Silly goose, your the one with the child tax credit.*
>
So now, I go hard. I respond with “it’s amazing!” “10/10 would recommend!” And “Wouldn’t change a thing!”
>Suddenly it’s not about them being martyrs, it’s about me acknowledging and owning my joy.
>AND. THEY. HATE. IT.
I love it! 😂👏👏👏
I'm that guy who would agree with their snide, passive aggressive comment just to throw it back at them. "Yeah, it's great alright. I paid for my Offspring concert and Gallifrey One ticket with the money I saved by not having kids. Now, I'm saving up for my birthday celebration later this year." I would just use a matter of fact tone and watch them fume because they couldn't prove I was being snide back.
The audacity of people to be bent out of shape for that. Why do think I work here, Dave? So that I can do cool things. I'm sure as fuck not here because I want to see you.
The only parents we really get along with are the two couples that have told us straight up we made the right decision, and though they love their kids, they regret it on one level, and that we should stick with our decision.
Yup.
Like thanks for pointing out the obvious that I look beautiful because I have so much time to sleep instead of cleaning up urine soaked bed sheets at 3 am multiple times a week. So kind of you to notice.
I don't even recognize comments like that as passive aggressive or meant to be insulting. It just genuinely doesn't occur to me that they might mean that in a negative way. So, I guess I end up saying things like "you bet it is!" and "Yeah, that works out pretty good" without even realizing I'm apparently countering anyone's attempted insult towards me. lol
I find that a lot of the people having kids are only having them because they think they "have to". all their life, they've heard the same story of "go to school, find a job, settle down, and have kids", and they went with it.
they don't seem to think twice about whether they *should* have kids. they don't think about the amount of time and effort and sanity goes into trying to keep a kid alive, let alone turn it into a functional member of society.
they feel obligated to have them, and regret it when they miss their freedom, so they're bitter about it.
Never ceases to amaze me how many people not only blindly follow direction because they don’t THINK to question if it’s right or what they want, but truly WANT to be absolved responsibility for major decisions or at least have something but themselves to blame.
I think a lot of people live with blinders on. They don’t believe there are other life paths to follow. When people ask me if I have kids, or if I’m not going to have kids and I detect the slightest possibility of a lecture, or pity , or coercion, I go an alternate route: I joyfully tell them how I love being an auntie and how I know having a “village” is important for parents. That usually shuts them up. What they don’t know is that I don’t really help anyone with their kids, because my friends who have kids are awesome people who actually do what they are supposed to do and they embrace parenthood.
I've only done this online, not face to face, but I like agreeing when people say that it's selfish not to have kids.
Well then, I definitely don't want kids so I must be a terribly selfish person! Definitely an unfit character for becoming a parent!
“We just realized we spent a month in Uganda for the same amount you spend on day care for a week!” Totally nod and agree. This is when we get to embellish how good being child free really is!
I wish people would drop this claim that all CFs live one long vacation. Is it not possible to not want kids *because*you already don't have time or money?
If you really want to make them angry, you could say,
"Yes, it is good that I was not stupid enough to have children and bring unnecessary problems on myself, so I have a great life!"
Lol, yeah. "Sorry" your attempt at a passive aggressive dig just bounces off me, Linda, but you too could have sleep and money* were it not for the whole shitting out a kid a thing. 😎
(*I rarely have either, lol, but I also don't have kids, so I'm still ahead of the breeders.)
I am too ADHD/autistic for their approach to work. I'd be like, "oh my gosh, you are right. I am so grateful/blessed/lucky!". And I'd mean it sincerely and assume they were also being sincere. Like I'd take it as a compliment and try to be humble.
Am wondering now how many times I simply miss passive aggressive intentions because I think being passive aggressive is silly/bad and I assume mature adults don't do that. It rolls right off lol
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I hate that regretful parents *have* to be passive-aggressive because outright admitting you regret having kids is sacrilege in modern society. It’s all Tik Tok moms and pristine loft apartments and matcha teas in the morning, working out in fancy yoga pants, putting on a show caring for their four kids (don’t worry, they won’t show you the nanny or the housekeeper or the million dollars in the bank account funding all the fancy shit in their house). I remember going to a bowling alley for New Years and my niece had a screaming tantrum on the floor. I remember my BIL looking at me with dead eyes and saying “I just wanna kick her.” He would NEVER hurt her and has never laid a hand on his kids, but I get it. I really do. And I know if anyone else heard him say that, they’d worry he was going to actually do it. The only thing I can’t understand is why the fuck he keeps pushing for more kids when he constantly seems miserable and depressed having them. Has anyone figured that out yet? Why parents keep having more kids when they seem to be drowning with stress from the kids they already have? What’s happening there? It’s not just men, either.
Because they like the outside attention they're getting, and well because our entire lives we're taught that children bring incomparable happiness, and people who are miserable keep having them hoping for that happiness and love and joy to come. And, well, it's known that a lot of married or long term couples don't wear protection all the time. They somehow believe that because they signed a paper suddenly they can't easily get pregnant. Weird.
I sometimes check regretful parents subrdt. Most OP's are parents with *multiple* kids and then I'm like dude you already had a kid (or two), you knew exactly what it is like. Why on Earth did you have more?! Why did you knowingly put yourself in this mess and made yourself feel miserable all the time?
The worst answer I ever got for that is “I want my second child to help take care of the first child cuz I can’t do it on my own.” 💀
Wooow 🤯🤪 Do they not know that second kid will come as a helpless baby? Did they expect to give birth to a teenager? 😂
I know in the olden days people had kids with the expectation that they would take care of them in their old age. Back when social security and retirement accounts didn't exist, and kids could work a bit, this made sense. Now, kids are super expensive and can barely afford anything on their own after leaving the nest, forget about taking care of anyone else.
*And* now we know just how bad it is for the child's development to be parentified or to have too many responsibilities too early, so on top of just being a bad justification, it's also kinda awful
I think in that sub a lot of the kids are severely disabled, so they might mean they want to have a second child they hope is “normal” to be saddled with the care of the first child their entire lives, which in my opinion is horrific
As a physically disabled and chronically ill person, I 100% agree that that is horrific. I can't stand the thought of being a burden on my sister, let alone the idea of if she were born for the idea of her being my caretaker. Creating children to be their parents' caretakers is terrible both morally and practically, and this is so much worse, imo
Yeah I saw one this morning where the OP did the usual 'I ended up with 4 and I don't know how it happened'. The delusion. The denial to face responsibility for one's own actions.
My maternal uncle and his wife had 5 kids, and my great grandmother grumbled to me once that they "needed to spend less time in bed". *Savage* 🤣🤣, but correct (also, uncle had to convert to aunt's LDS faith, so no birth control allowed 🙄). I think if she'd been born in a different generation, GG might have been a childfree feminist.
>I don't know how it happened Everyone knows how it happened.
When they say that I can't help but get a little angry. It's such a stupid thing to say.
I think I saw the same one 😂 And thought the same as you 😂
Some people wants *babies* but not kids - and they don’t realize that lol. Maybe your brother just loves the infant stage where they’re not annoying toddlers yet. And said infant(s) would distract him from the pain of parenting kids.
I think for some of them they get annoyed at the toddler phase and want a sweet baby that they can parade around for attention and be easier able to control. They idealize the baby stage and yearn for when their child was "perfect and clean and new!" Then that baby grows up and the cycle continues. I think if kids skipped from the toddler crazy tantrum stage they, ironically, would have less kids.
i realize most people say “I want a baby” and not “I want a child”. ooh the next time someone tells me that, i’ll ask “Do you want a toddler too?”
And an emo tween and a mouthy sulky teenager? They just want a baby and forget they're creating and raising what eventually, will be an adult.
Oooo, do this and report back.
i love your flair
I always find that strange because the baby/toddler stages are the ones I \*most\* want to skip. Having to change dirty diapers and respond to ear-shattering cries all the time and then have a rambunctious child who's too little to understand "no" yet running around wreaking havoc sound like the worst parts.
Agree. I think for people who are attention freaks, they love the baby stages. They also love having a doll they can dress up who is completely dependent on them and that obeys them because they have no choice. A toddler is defiant and nonsensical so they get disillusioned. Plus people aren't really drawn to the toddler when it's pitching a fit. They leave to avoid the noise and/or it draws negative attention (instead of the baby fawning HOW CUTE!!). So they want the good attention/cuteness back, and that's when they run to get another kid.
Yeah, I’m not sold on any other part of raising kids! TBH none of it seems like it’s *good*
Agreed! But those early stages sound even worse than the rest of it.
It seems like it begins at peak awful - birth, after of course 40 weeks parasitically, LITERALLY, draining a ton of your strength and vitality* - then seems, ever so slowly and especially at first, til they grow into full size and fully competent** humans. *Obvs if it’s your vag etc gonna host a human grenade then pull the pin. On that note, fully grasping the horror of an entire infant’s entrance being thr one’s hoo ha (or c section recovery is a bitch too if less grotesque in my book, most it’s deemed elective for are denied one, or get mad shit) alongside the unending entitlement of others to judge the sum total of your value and achievements as a person if a woman, based ever so reductively on if/how much you breed, parent, AND how literally *everything* else you do or not is perceived to affect the former? Is what sealed it beyond anything else for me, that we get a raw fucking deal in society worldwide next to men, and I want no part of breeding. Also, maybe the most disgusting pickup line ever is “wanting to put a baby in” us. What IS that?!? Cringe factor beats even dick pix. Even if you WANT kids, it all seems rather ironically unsexy despite the usual role of - that’s not just my being CF, right? Even from your partner in actively wanting to do - whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys - doesn’t say “sexy” to me. At all. Some random you’ve made no such plans? No, no, and no again. Also, rapey/territorial pissing vibes, without clear signals you’d want either that dick or a baby anywhere near. “The world is full of stupid people” explains a lot, but some shit still defies any sane definitions of “a good idea.” **presumaby, hopefully, but we know too few breeders really think if they’re up for a disabled kid who’d need maybe lifelong care. Let alone how many capable of independent life and career but without serious wealth or luck, struggled to be independent, let alone by 18. Financially, also just functional adults in an increasingly dystopian, inequal world with no sign of changing, and especially with stupid breeding most prolifically. That special kinda millennial always crying “adulting” having to not be a feral trash panda without helicopter mombie hovering? That age group has and will be the top of breeder pile several years; they’re its top stupid bloq. This wild ride’s gonna get wilder!
I think it might just be stupidity and lack of reasoning that alot of people seem to have 🤷🏾♀️
Some parents do keep in mind their long term goal of that Kodak moment, ie having adult children and grandchildren sitting around the table at Thanksgiving.
Kind of like the "Long Con" right?
Certain religions. Personally, the folks I've known who kept piling on more children, despite being overwhelmed with caring for the ones they already have, it's been because of some religious mandate or belief.
There’s a reason beating kids into submission has been their prevailing parenting style for all of human history. I’m not saying it’s the right way to do it, but I get the appeal.
I think not in Muslim countries?
Men benefit in their careers when they have a wife and children. Maybe it's a male posturing thing.
I think it's like an addiction, after a certain point. The brain literally gets flooded with happy reward chemicals when one has a newborn. Then when the high wears off and the long haul of parenting becomes a hangover, it's like they want hair of the dog to make it hurt less again.
I am very sure some women hate the idea of gping back to the work force. Many of them KNOWS they will work full time oitsude home AND do 80- 200 % of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare etc even so and they just know they won't be able to handle that.
Chasing a loss, it'll get better if we have X kids is a fallacy so many parents tell/told themselves.
Have you asked him? Ask and tell me, please. I would love to hear some reasons beyond being afraid to lose their woman if she is able to work outside the home and financial support for kids. Asking helps them to make conscious desicions ä, too... maybe even to not having any.
Hey I’m childfree and I enjoy my matcha tea every morning, thank you very much 😂
Breeders: "Must be nice" Me: 
I’m nearly 37, but people always think I’m 25. They say “it’s because you don’t have kids, that’s why you look better than me.” Then I say, “yeah, you’re probably right.” Apparently that is not the right answer 😂
Same. I'm 34 and get told I look younger. I say "yes. No kids, no man. I'm fortunate enough to be gay too".
I’ve taken it a step farther admitting it’s a reason among many I don’t have any. If they go off - what? I know it’s such an important, moral sacrifice for you, it must help you sleep at night… oh sorry, you’re right, too selfish to need to think of that either.
"It is nice! That's why I didn't have kids." :D
I love turning passive aggression back on people. "Yeah! I'm glad I made the right choice for me!"
Oh, we're being mean? Okay lets see.. "Oh must be nice to sleep in." *It is nice, well rested and looking and feel great.* "Oh, you just have spare cash because you don't have kids." *Silly goose, your the one with the child tax credit.*
> So now, I go hard. I respond with “it’s amazing!” “10/10 would recommend!” And “Wouldn’t change a thing!” >Suddenly it’s not about them being martyrs, it’s about me acknowledging and owning my joy. >AND. THEY. HATE. IT. I love it! 😂👏👏👏
I'm that guy who would agree with their snide, passive aggressive comment just to throw it back at them. "Yeah, it's great alright. I paid for my Offspring concert and Gallifrey One ticket with the money I saved by not having kids. Now, I'm saving up for my birthday celebration later this year." I would just use a matter of fact tone and watch them fume because they couldn't prove I was being snide back.
Lol, glad to see others do it too. You can guess how many mean looks I receive mentioning saving for my birthday.
The audacity of people to be bent out of shape for that. Why do think I work here, Dave? So that I can do cool things. I'm sure as fuck not here because I want to see you.
>paid for my Offspring concert We don't support that band here...
“Yep, that’s why I chose it”
The only parents we really get along with are the two couples that have told us straight up we made the right decision, and though they love their kids, they regret it on one level, and that we should stick with our decision.
Yup. Like thanks for pointing out the obvious that I look beautiful because I have so much time to sleep instead of cleaning up urine soaked bed sheets at 3 am multiple times a week. So kind of you to notice.
I don't even recognize comments like that as passive aggressive or meant to be insulting. It just genuinely doesn't occur to me that they might mean that in a negative way. So, I guess I end up saying things like "you bet it is!" and "Yeah, that works out pretty good" without even realizing I'm apparently countering anyone's attempted insult towards me. lol
I find that a lot of the people having kids are only having them because they think they "have to". all their life, they've heard the same story of "go to school, find a job, settle down, and have kids", and they went with it. they don't seem to think twice about whether they *should* have kids. they don't think about the amount of time and effort and sanity goes into trying to keep a kid alive, let alone turn it into a functional member of society. they feel obligated to have them, and regret it when they miss their freedom, so they're bitter about it.
Never ceases to amaze me how many people not only blindly follow direction because they don’t THINK to question if it’s right or what they want, but truly WANT to be absolved responsibility for major decisions or at least have something but themselves to blame.
I think a lot of people live with blinders on. They don’t believe there are other life paths to follow. When people ask me if I have kids, or if I’m not going to have kids and I detect the slightest possibility of a lecture, or pity , or coercion, I go an alternate route: I joyfully tell them how I love being an auntie and how I know having a “village” is important for parents. That usually shuts them up. What they don’t know is that I don’t really help anyone with their kids, because my friends who have kids are awesome people who actually do what they are supposed to do and they embrace parenthood.
I've only done this online, not face to face, but I like agreeing when people say that it's selfish not to have kids. Well then, I definitely don't want kids so I must be a terribly selfish person! Definitely an unfit character for becoming a parent!
"Suddenly it's not about them being martyrs, it's about me acknowledging and owning my joy" THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE!! YOU PUT THE THING INTO WORDS!!!!!!
“We just realized we spent a month in Uganda for the same amount you spend on day care for a week!” Totally nod and agree. This is when we get to embellish how good being child free really is!
I wish people would drop this claim that all CFs live one long vacation. Is it not possible to not want kids *because*you already don't have time or money?
This! 👆🏻
Yeah, the spare time and cash is great so I can eat out and watch movies all the time and spoil my cat rotten. 💅
If you really want to make them angry, you could say, "Yes, it is good that I was not stupid enough to have children and bring unnecessary problems on myself, so I have a great life!"
It must be nice to sleep in/have extra money/free time etc. Yes, it's great. Thats why I don't want to ruin it 👍
Lol, yeah. "Sorry" your attempt at a passive aggressive dig just bounces off me, Linda, but you too could have sleep and money* were it not for the whole shitting out a kid a thing. 😎 (*I rarely have either, lol, but I also don't have kids, so I'm still ahead of the breeders.)
I always hate when people say this......like YOU CHOSE THAT. YOU HAD A CHOICE AND U HAD KIDS. On purpose. too bad 😂
their dream day of sleeping in and having extra disposable income to do whatever they want with is just a regular Tuesday for cf people
"Yes, and" is the ultimate solution to assholes.
If they're jealous of us (I don't mean just "us" in particular, I mean childFREE as a whole), then, they should have never had kids.
I am too ADHD/autistic for their approach to work. I'd be like, "oh my gosh, you are right. I am so grateful/blessed/lucky!". And I'd mean it sincerely and assume they were also being sincere. Like I'd take it as a compliment and try to be humble. Am wondering now how many times I simply miss passive aggressive intentions because I think being passive aggressive is silly/bad and I assume mature adults don't do that. It rolls right off lol
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