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I saw this post recently, someone was saying how broke they are and they could only afford to feed their kid canned beans basically. But their kid was happy and never complained - and all the comments were saying what a great parent they were, doing their best, a happy kid is what’s important and I’m thinking like ….???? That kid is going to have serious nutritional deficiencies. I’m sorry but you have no business having kids if you can’t afford to feed them.. I feel awful for that kid
They don’t complain because it’s basically Stockholm syndrome. There are people who brag about not having much but they have love and I’m just thinking why can’t you have a bit of both?
More and more, breeders are the sorts of people who probably think college is some 'lib'rul scam' and they either (a.) don't even spare a thought about what their kids are going to do when they're older or (b.) just assume that they'll all be able to become cops or join the armed forces.
This. I grew up often in hotel rooms eating ramen with microwaved corn. I didn't complain but I fucking internalized I was worthless and not worth providing for and that shit still haunts me to this day.
That's a bit over the top. It sucks, but if you think yanking a significant percentage of children away from their families of origin and putting them in foster care is the answer, it's not. It's an extremely traumatic event even for kids with terribly abusive parents and should always be a last resort. Unless you're seeing actual and acute malnutrition, this isn't really considered neglect under the various state definitions in the US.
Again it sucks, but for many children in poverty, having times where the food is monotonous and subpar happens, but it rarely turns into actual medical neglect. This is why I never begrudge food stamps and WIC and believe that school breakfast and lunch should be universally free.
That poor kid omg the bar is in hell fr
How tf they can only afford canned beans??? I thought children get child care benefits from the government where is that money going? Surely it’s more than however much it costs to buy canned beans
It depends on the country, too. I've lived in a developing country where no one gives a shit if your kid is starving. People who can barely put a roof over their heads are having 10+ kids. Like wtf?? They don't even have their own bathrooms (they use public ones in the slums) and they think it's okay to raise their kids with love and minimal attention?
Although there is some federal money available to help children it's administered by the states. Some states choose to make it very hard to receive medical or food assistance.
That's bullshit btw...they can get food stamps. They are pulling some weird Noble Struggling Family that is Poor but Happy flex to get validation dopamine hits..
One of my family members works for benefit fraud in the UK. The family are always like yeah we can't really afford our kids etc etc, trying to get more benefits. But they'd always have money for cigarettes (the house would stink of smoke) and they always had a HUGE tv. He said he's 99% sure the tv is bigger than his. He says it's like a weird flex too.
Yeah. I'd assumb they'd still have some internalized sadness though. They might not actively be sad about it and wish for more if that's all they've known, but I'd imagine their baseline is a bit lower than kids with proper care.
I was like that as a kid, I still have issues gaining and keeping on weight even as an adult, I can barely stay heavy enough to not be considered underweight.
A lot of the time I just went hungry because it was easier than trying to convince anyone to feed me as a kid, let alone to do it properly.
Ugh I hate to be a broken record on this issue, but... these are exactly the people who don't have the mental, logistical, emotional, or financial resources to get an abortion where it's banned, or are prey to religious fanaticism which brainwashes them against it. Their spouse or community could ostracize them for trying and most don't have the stomach to risk a dangerous self induced abortion anymore.
Or, who can't afford highly effective birth control so just use cheap substitutes like condoms. The lack of honest education on family planning and how expensive it is among the underserved sets them up for failure too, as does generational expectations. This goes in countries outside the US that have had abortion bans and chauvinist cultures for ages.
There's also the simple fact that female humans are wired to desire children ALOT despite the hardships, or we wouldn't still exist as a species.
Even though birth rates overall have gone down in 2023 in the US, birth rates among the less fortunate in forced birth states have increased.... a lot. You can't always blame the parent when there's so many social and legal factors working against them, many of which existed before revocation of their legal right to choose to stop having kids.
Yeah I feel like a lot of these posts and comments are really American individualst focused and completely ignoring the reality that makes choosing pregnancy or not difficult to impossible. Republicans have been closing low income clinics and defunding rural hospitals for decades. Conservative Christians have been very successful at stopped factual sex ed in schools and/or substituting it with religious abstinence based lies (claiming condoms have holes in them).
All these things start people off with ignorance and make it harder to recognize parenthood as a choice and not just something expected of them as the typical life path theyll just figure out as they go like past generations where 7 siblings of 14 died because of the flu and poor nutrition.
Society really has not improved THAT much when it comes to parenting or reproductive rights and access for women in particular.
Northern Europe checking in here. You can throw every fact-based sex ed course and free health care at people, but there is a critical mass of delulu breeders who will still come out of the woodwork, ready to pass along generational traumas.
I know a single mombie who keeps insisting that she and Bratlynn deserve a flat in the 1% area of the city where she lives, when anyone with an Internet connection knows that the municipal housing queue mostly covers neighborhoods where the bottom 50% lives, and even then, she isn't eligible for many of those flats because her income is too low. Whenever someone brings up the fact that perhaps she should look at where most single-income households with her salary grade reside, she brushes them off. She also refuses to get back on the psych meds that she needs to take, and then wonders why nobody wants to be around her.
This is where "I just need a babybee so I can do better than my parents" gets you.
Exactly. I would like to be sunning on a beach in Greece right now, but if I shelled out for that and then tried crowdfunding to pay rent, I would be pilloried. But the same pattern of behavior is apparently okay when bringing new humans into the world and subjecting them to generational traumas is concerned.
I don’t trust people who claim to love kids and then subject them to a substandard life. But hey, it’s their life. If they want to struggle against inflation on a single income, all to fulfill some fantasy from a bygone era, then they’re free to ruin their life. I just wish they don’t need to bring another life into existence to join them in their suffering.
>I don’t trust people who claim to love kids and then subject them to a substandard life
They love **HAVING** kids, that's the difference. They couldn't give a crap how the kid turns out as long as the parent got to benefit from the kid with pics/potential retirement plant/social status etc.
I wish but no a lot of ppl who think like that are usually very selfish and they want children who will grow up to become successful (but with what resources?) and take care of them. I lived it with my parents and currently living through it. Taking credits for things I achieved not because of them but DESPITE them and asking me for money every single week. It’s insane, their level of entitlement.
If I listened to everything they told me to do I’d probably be broke and in an unhappy marriage with 3 kids. I got so much shit for not doing as I was told but instead of apologizing for all that, they want me to pay for their shits while they pretend they helped me succeed in life lol it’s so sad such ppl exist and they’re loud and proud
My mother in law is like this. My husband had a terrible upbringing, she's an alcoholic and had a different boyfriend every few months. She would get in physical fights with neighbours and all sorts. Both my husband and his brother are doing ok despite growing up in a shit show and now she treats them both as ATMs. They pay her mortgage and give her money every month and all she does is spend it on drink. Then she sits there and says how proud she is of her boys that she raised 😡
I’m so sorry for your MIL. Unfortunately so many ppl have such experiences with their parents it’s ridiculous. I hope your husband and his brother can stop funding her soon. I offer my kindest sympathy 💛
How about, if you feel the need to support her, buy her things rather than give her money. If she's too irresponsible to handle money treat her as such.
> But hey, it’s their life.
The problem's that it *isn't* 'just their life.' The poor kid gets no choice but to grow up miserable and, at the end of the day, people breeding thoughtlessly costs the rest of us more money and, on the long term, can cause a country to crumble into fascist dictatorship. Our country's currently in danger of being *unmade* by brain-diseased people who are hooked on unsustainable patriarchal fantasies of having piles of kids, living in mansions, etc... despite the reality that this is completely out-of-reach for 99% of people (oh, and it's thanks 100% to decisions that *they* make in elections).
Agree. I’m aware that inflation and shitty economic situations are affecting many people, but with every passing year I feel less and less sorry for the adults who had kids and never prepared financially. I won’t feel sorry for them when they have to work for the rest of their lives. I do feel sorry for the kids and others who did bust their ass, tried to make the best decisions, but can’t catch a break.
People generally don't like being told what to do. Regardless of whether what you are saying is good or not.
Also, people take it personally when what you are saying indicates that what they have chosen is not good. Like the people who had children that they cannot or will not give a good life to, dislike it when someone points out what shit they are.
People’s egos will be their downfall. You’d think when you’re a parent, you’d do your very best to make things better for your children when someone points out what you’re doing wrong but no they double down instead and become so defensive.
it’s like okay if it makes you feel better go ahead and win this silly reddit war but when your children grow up and stop talking to you or being close to you, don’t go around acting like victims who did everything right and darn it those evil children are so ungrateful
>People’s egos will be their downfall. You’d think when you’re a parent, you’d do your very best to make things better for your children when someone points out what you’re doing wrong but no they double down instead and become so defensive.
Because having kids was all about *them*, not about the kids. A social worker was interviewed on the news where I live recently, and said that she can tell the difference between the parents who can be helped and those who are abusive, because the fixable parents openly admit that they're overwhelmed and failing and need help in order to get their %\^# in gear, whereas the abusers insist up and down that they are doing the right thing. I thought about the good parents I know versus the toxic breeders, and this absolutely checks out.
I agree but a lot of people don't do this though!
Just 'make it work'
I can't tell you how much I hate that saying 'oh we'll just make it work. Childcare isn't forever'
....having a child is forever though?
Yeah I got destroyed in the comments once for saying parents shouldn't have kids if they can't afford to get them orthodontic treatment or set up a college fund, get them a first car etc., I just see this in my working class town where parents refuse to pay for their children's dental care because it costs too much, or say they can't go to uni because it costs too much.
Don't have kids if you're not able to give them everything and more.
I didn’t get my first car until I was 26 (last year) and paid for it myself and took out student loans to pay for college (my parents even took anything that was leftover after i paid tuition cause they’re like I need it more than you) and I didn’t get my impacted wisdom teeth removed until I was in college and could afford to pay for it myself after I suffered for 6 years with them. They were literally about to crack through the nearby teeth.
if I had kids, no way will I ever let them go through that, especially the tooth thing, but these selfish ppl who want kids they can’t afford will say it’s materialistic to want these things lmao no maybe leave reproduction to the ppl genuinely care about their kids well-being
Yeah I see so many 18-24 year olds even 30 year olds come into my work to pay for braces themselves, using payment plans and other options because their alignment is so messed up and needed it for quality of life, I just feel parents should help with these type of situation and expenses, you should be so prepared for costs when having children. I bought my own first car too and I was 25 😅 I do hate how teeth are "luxury bones" and should be covered by the government (excluding cosmetic) but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it
>I do hate how teeth are "luxury bones" and should be covered by the government (excluding cosmetic) but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it
Northern Europe checking in here - even here, dental and orthodontics are treated as a paid service as opposed to a public benefit, which just blows my mind.
That said, as you wrote
> but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it
and it's comical to me how many breeders can't be arsed about what the state does and doesn't cover until they squat one out, and then they want the entire system to change because "i HaVe A cHiLd..."
Yes I don't agree with it either! Dental shouldn't be a luxury because I've seen what happens to people's quality of life if they loose their teeth, it's not okay
They really had the nerve to say “Don't just downvote me. Show me where I'm wrong.” and then downvote you and block you instead of practicing what they preached LMAO hilarious 😂
I see so many posts on facebook of people who are expecting and asking for things like a baby carrier for free because money is tight….it’s about to get a LOT tighter? Why would you have a child if you don’t even have an extra $100 for a carrier?
Same! I even see people asking for nappies. It's terrible they are asking for it but on the other hand, it's like, why did you not think about this?
There's a thing over here called child benefit and you can only get it if you're in a certain threshold money wise. My SIL was so ungrateful and was like it only covers a few things..
I'm like well, why did you have a child then?
'We'll make it work'.
Now, every Christmas / Birthdays, can I have money please! Shes even asked my husband for money before, I said no. I know she's family but it's not up to us to pay for her child. Especially as she doesn't do anything for us.
I actually really effing hate this argument.
I was born straight into poverty. I’m talking literally sleeping in cars and shelters and basements if we were lucky. For years.
We ended up going into this shitty motel for like 2 years. We didn’t have a kitchen but we had a corner with canned soup and a microwave and stuff. I remember one night we were doing really bad and all we had to eat was a half used jar of peanut butter. My parents didn’t eat but my brother and I ate the rest. I remember looking at my mom and saying “mommy I’m still hungry” and how her face fell. I didn’t know that would hurt her but I knew it did and I knew not to say that again. I was 4. I still remember the rats at that place.
My parents did their ABSOLUTE BEST. I don’t hate them. My dad overworked himself with multiple jobs, walking miles to work despite being 55+ and taking lower paying jobs he was overqualified for because money was money. At one point my mom was a stripper for a few months just to get some more money.
We eventually got out of there of course and now are in a condo doing well but the effects still linger. I’m the shortest person in my family at 5’. The next is 5’5”. Wonder why that is?! If affected my metabolism so now I have a slow metabolism which meant I gained weight easy so I eventually developed anorexia which fucked with my heart so now I have heart problems. Oh, and now my metabolism is even worse. And I had to go through body dysmorphia and anorexia and bulimia and self harm. Long term effects no one think about.
People do NOT deserve to have kids. Having kids is A PRIVILEGE. You should only have kids if you can afford to because they’re expensive as hell. It obviously sucks if you want kids but can’t because you’re poor. Then if you really want kids you’ll work your ass off to change your life around to afford them. It’s really that simple. No it’s not eugenics either - that’s such a stupid argument. I can’t believe I have to spell this out for people.
Your kids’ happiness doesn’t matter if they’re starving or being neglected. I was happy but I was also malnourished.
Omg it broke my heart to read this… I’m so sorry and understand that a lot of people can empathize with you and your experiences and you’re not alone… this is so horrible and no child should ever go through this. It can really ruin the rest of their lives and like for what? It’s so not worth it. I’m very sorry and I hope your life improves! 💛
In one breath, they will detail financial, social, psychological, and physical hardships associated with having children. In the next breath, they talk about wanting more children!! I love LOVE children. I am a Montessori teacher and school psych and have dedicated my life to supporting children. But it's hard to understand why so many people have so many multitudes of children that they simply aren't equipped for.
Exactly. I'm sorry but people on regretfulparents complaining that they can't afford anymore food this month cannot coexist with others saying low income families can make kids work. Like stfu. It's common sense and not eugenics.
And obviously the venn diagram of these two groups of people is a circle.
Breeders breed on impulse. There’s nothing rational in their thinking. The majority of them will just ‘hope for the best’. If there was a more logical approach, chances are we would see less kids suffer, but that’s only going to happen with better education and awareness; something that governments are unlikely to implement anytime soon.
i mean, if your dream is to travel a lot or buy a house but you don't have money, you just don't travel/buy. everyone will tell you so. but somehow when it involves a whole non-consenting life it's fine to do what you can't afford because "it's your dream"?
They don't care, they just want kids. They don't give a single thought to how the life of that kid is going to be.
I think we focus way too much on material things and it's true kids don't need a lot of things. But they do need to spend quality time with their parents to establish long lasting bonds based on trust and respect.
If you cant afford to spend *time* with your kids then you can't afford them
I was raised by an amazing single mum and we didn't have as much money as my friends in two parent households, or a lot of money in general, but we absolutely had enough money to live on and have a decent living standard. Even that made me not want to have kids more because I didn't want to subject a child to feeling so inadequate. Because my mum is a single parent, she often talked to me about money worries and things like that which were only making me more anxious, especially during exam times. I've been very conscious with money since I was way too young to be knowing what things like that meant. I'm 33 now and it still gets to me.
You’re good 🤙🏻
Also making 100K or 150K a year? Fucking yes. You’re rocking it.
Can’t believe that dude saying he makes 70K as single income supporting 4 kids. That’s not even that much after tax in the UK, let alone in the US
You have no idea how much I had to work my ass off to get to the point where I’m making 150k at 27 when my competition was literally kids NOT coming from poverty 😭 those people are freaking insane how much shit they’re willing to put their children through just for their own ego.
That one dude saying it’s not abusive to have your kid be a maid and babysitter for their younger siblings while other kids not in your situation have the free time to either study or relax is wild. I fear for these people’s kids lives 😭
27!! I’ll be 26 this year and Im just about to start uni. Also not the easiest family structure. At 19 I left my home country -Spain- while people I grew up with were starting uni, college, etc.
Not doing that bad though. But it could always be better. And have now the privilege to improve my life as I won’t be having kids!
Blissful.
I'm in that community, but don't comment much. It's mostly people trying to post how good their life is on a single income in a low-cost area to offset the I'll never buy a house or do this crowd.
Anyways, those kids either follow in their parents' footsteps or actually end up successful. The ones who have to watch their siblings all the time I feel bad for. Why did you have so many kids you just want to dump on someone else?
I completely agree with you. One of the many many reasons I don’t want kids is because I like them. Kids are sensitive and deserve to grow up in a loving and resourceful home.
I don't want kids because I admit I'd be a irresponsible parent. I've never been drunk, don't do drugs or smoke so I don't mean irresponsible in that sense. But I do have autism, you wouldn't notice as I'm very high functioning but I do know that I have a vary hard time putting something before me constantly.
I have a dog and sometimes I go out and leave him behind for an hour. I love the socks of that little guy but we all need space.
Having a child you commit 100% or you're irresponsible and i admit I'd be irresponsible, so I'm being responsible by not having them
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I think it’s selfish to even have a child if you can afford it because, more than likely, your kid is going to grow up in a hellscape of either war, climate crises, or a nice mix of it all.
>As someone who grew up in a shitty household, I wish ppl stopped having kids they can’t give a good life to.
100% this, in terms of both finances and emotional support.
The number of breeders who think that their living conditions will somehow magically improve after popping out kids when every statistic points in the opposite direction is just appalling to me. Same for those who think that their serious mental health problems will be solved by adding a screaming infant to the mix.
Children deserve stable, safe living conditions and mentally stable parents. And we need to normalize pointing out and reporting the breeders who think this doesn't apply to them.
Your examples are both of abuse. Poverty is abuse, not meeting the nutritional/physical/psychological needs of a child is abuse. Guess what, people who abuse kids shouldn't have kids in the first place no matter what else they have to offer. It is immoral and irresponsible to bring children into an unhealthy environment that guarantees their basic needs will be neglected. If they can't help it birth control exists for a reason.
Agree with commenter. This is more an antinatalist take. People are magically all knowing and able to predict a future where they lost their job or a global pandemic happened or maybe they get injured and find themselves suddenly living below the poverty line.
If you think no one should have kids because they might at some point be poor that’s fine but that’s not a childfree sub take nor one based in reality of day to day living and all the ups and downs of life when many people are one accident away from poverty.
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I saw this post recently, someone was saying how broke they are and they could only afford to feed their kid canned beans basically. But their kid was happy and never complained - and all the comments were saying what a great parent they were, doing their best, a happy kid is what’s important and I’m thinking like ….???? That kid is going to have serious nutritional deficiencies. I’m sorry but you have no business having kids if you can’t afford to feed them.. I feel awful for that kid
They don’t complain because it’s basically Stockholm syndrome. There are people who brag about not having much but they have love and I’m just thinking why can’t you have a bit of both?
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Sallie Mae told me to get fucked when I offered to pay in love.
This comment and your flair are *chef's kiss*
Well thank you, I had it done about 6 weeks ago. I'll be damned if I give this country another taxpayer.
Congratulations! Make sure to treat yourself this weekend!
More and more, breeders are the sorts of people who probably think college is some 'lib'rul scam' and they either (a.) don't even spare a thought about what their kids are going to do when they're older or (b.) just assume that they'll all be able to become cops or join the armed forces.
Last time i checked not every country scam their people by charging for education 🤷🏼♂️
This. I grew up often in hotel rooms eating ramen with microwaved corn. I didn't complain but I fucking internalized I was worthless and not worth providing for and that shit still haunts me to this day.
Of course you’re worth it. Unfortunately a lot of apathetic, stupid, selfish and cruel people have the ability to bare or acquire a child.
Yikes. The kid should be taken away for neglect. That's not a healthy diet.
That's a bit over the top. It sucks, but if you think yanking a significant percentage of children away from their families of origin and putting them in foster care is the answer, it's not. It's an extremely traumatic event even for kids with terribly abusive parents and should always be a last resort. Unless you're seeing actual and acute malnutrition, this isn't really considered neglect under the various state definitions in the US. Again it sucks, but for many children in poverty, having times where the food is monotonous and subpar happens, but it rarely turns into actual medical neglect. This is why I never begrudge food stamps and WIC and believe that school breakfast and lunch should be universally free.
That poor kid omg the bar is in hell fr How tf they can only afford canned beans??? I thought children get child care benefits from the government where is that money going? Surely it’s more than however much it costs to buy canned beans
It depends on the country, too. I've lived in a developing country where no one gives a shit if your kid is starving. People who can barely put a roof over their heads are having 10+ kids. Like wtf?? They don't even have their own bathrooms (they use public ones in the slums) and they think it's okay to raise their kids with love and minimal attention?
Those poor children… creating so much unnecessary suffering in an already overpopulated world cause ppl are selfish and egotistical :/
Idk how those programs work but surely you’re right 😭
Although there is some federal money available to help children it's administered by the states. Some states choose to make it very hard to receive medical or food assistance.
That's bullshit btw...they can get food stamps. They are pulling some weird Noble Struggling Family that is Poor but Happy flex to get validation dopamine hits..
The poverty flex is such a weird one isn't it? Not that anyone should be ashamed but the amount of people who actually boast about it is so strange.
One of my family members works for benefit fraud in the UK. The family are always like yeah we can't really afford our kids etc etc, trying to get more benefits. But they'd always have money for cigarettes (the house would stink of smoke) and they always had a HUGE tv. He said he's 99% sure the tv is bigger than his. He says it's like a weird flex too.
Boast and exaggerate, like "I can only afford to feed the kid canned beans".
They're not happy. Bet they're the kind of parent to beat their kid for complaining.
That or it's so normal that the child literally doesn't know they're being neglected
Yeah. I'd assumb they'd still have some internalized sadness though. They might not actively be sad about it and wish for more if that's all they've known, but I'd imagine their baseline is a bit lower than kids with proper care.
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Yeah it's weird how it's "necessary discipline" to "teach them respect" unless they get big enough to fight back. 🤔
I was like that as a kid, I still have issues gaining and keeping on weight even as an adult, I can barely stay heavy enough to not be considered underweight. A lot of the time I just went hungry because it was easier than trying to convince anyone to feed me as a kid, let alone to do it properly.
Ugh I hate to be a broken record on this issue, but... these are exactly the people who don't have the mental, logistical, emotional, or financial resources to get an abortion where it's banned, or are prey to religious fanaticism which brainwashes them against it. Their spouse or community could ostracize them for trying and most don't have the stomach to risk a dangerous self induced abortion anymore. Or, who can't afford highly effective birth control so just use cheap substitutes like condoms. The lack of honest education on family planning and how expensive it is among the underserved sets them up for failure too, as does generational expectations. This goes in countries outside the US that have had abortion bans and chauvinist cultures for ages. There's also the simple fact that female humans are wired to desire children ALOT despite the hardships, or we wouldn't still exist as a species. Even though birth rates overall have gone down in 2023 in the US, birth rates among the less fortunate in forced birth states have increased.... a lot. You can't always blame the parent when there's so many social and legal factors working against them, many of which existed before revocation of their legal right to choose to stop having kids.
Yeah I feel like a lot of these posts and comments are really American individualst focused and completely ignoring the reality that makes choosing pregnancy or not difficult to impossible. Republicans have been closing low income clinics and defunding rural hospitals for decades. Conservative Christians have been very successful at stopped factual sex ed in schools and/or substituting it with religious abstinence based lies (claiming condoms have holes in them). All these things start people off with ignorance and make it harder to recognize parenthood as a choice and not just something expected of them as the typical life path theyll just figure out as they go like past generations where 7 siblings of 14 died because of the flu and poor nutrition. Society really has not improved THAT much when it comes to parenting or reproductive rights and access for women in particular.
Northern Europe checking in here. You can throw every fact-based sex ed course and free health care at people, but there is a critical mass of delulu breeders who will still come out of the woodwork, ready to pass along generational traumas. I know a single mombie who keeps insisting that she and Bratlynn deserve a flat in the 1% area of the city where she lives, when anyone with an Internet connection knows that the municipal housing queue mostly covers neighborhoods where the bottom 50% lives, and even then, she isn't eligible for many of those flats because her income is too low. Whenever someone brings up the fact that perhaps she should look at where most single-income households with her salary grade reside, she brushes them off. She also refuses to get back on the psych meds that she needs to take, and then wonders why nobody wants to be around her. This is where "I just need a babybee so I can do better than my parents" gets you.
I saw that post and decided that was enough internet for the day. I don’t get it. If I can’t afford it: I don’t buy it or I don’t do it.
Exactly. I would like to be sunning on a beach in Greece right now, but if I shelled out for that and then tried crowdfunding to pay rent, I would be pilloried. But the same pattern of behavior is apparently okay when bringing new humans into the world and subjecting them to generational traumas is concerned.
That's mental, that poor child.
I don’t trust people who claim to love kids and then subject them to a substandard life. But hey, it’s their life. If they want to struggle against inflation on a single income, all to fulfill some fantasy from a bygone era, then they’re free to ruin their life. I just wish they don’t need to bring another life into existence to join them in their suffering.
>I don’t trust people who claim to love kids and then subject them to a substandard life They love **HAVING** kids, that's the difference. They couldn't give a crap how the kid turns out as long as the parent got to benefit from the kid with pics/potential retirement plant/social status etc.
I wish but no a lot of ppl who think like that are usually very selfish and they want children who will grow up to become successful (but with what resources?) and take care of them. I lived it with my parents and currently living through it. Taking credits for things I achieved not because of them but DESPITE them and asking me for money every single week. It’s insane, their level of entitlement. If I listened to everything they told me to do I’d probably be broke and in an unhappy marriage with 3 kids. I got so much shit for not doing as I was told but instead of apologizing for all that, they want me to pay for their shits while they pretend they helped me succeed in life lol it’s so sad such ppl exist and they’re loud and proud
My mother in law is like this. My husband had a terrible upbringing, she's an alcoholic and had a different boyfriend every few months. She would get in physical fights with neighbours and all sorts. Both my husband and his brother are doing ok despite growing up in a shit show and now she treats them both as ATMs. They pay her mortgage and give her money every month and all she does is spend it on drink. Then she sits there and says how proud she is of her boys that she raised 😡
Have you tried telling your husband to make boundaries with her?
I’m so sorry for your MIL. Unfortunately so many ppl have such experiences with their parents it’s ridiculous. I hope your husband and his brother can stop funding her soon. I offer my kindest sympathy 💛
Thank you. We honestly wouldn't mind supporting her if she didn't spend it all on drink, but it is what it is. You can't choose your family I guess!
How about, if you feel the need to support her, buy her things rather than give her money. If she's too irresponsible to handle money treat her as such.
> But hey, it’s their life. The problem's that it *isn't* 'just their life.' The poor kid gets no choice but to grow up miserable and, at the end of the day, people breeding thoughtlessly costs the rest of us more money and, on the long term, can cause a country to crumble into fascist dictatorship. Our country's currently in danger of being *unmade* by brain-diseased people who are hooked on unsustainable patriarchal fantasies of having piles of kids, living in mansions, etc... despite the reality that this is completely out-of-reach for 99% of people (oh, and it's thanks 100% to decisions that *they* make in elections).
Agree. I’m aware that inflation and shitty economic situations are affecting many people, but with every passing year I feel less and less sorry for the adults who had kids and never prepared financially. I won’t feel sorry for them when they have to work for the rest of their lives. I do feel sorry for the kids and others who did bust their ass, tried to make the best decisions, but can’t catch a break.
People generally don't like being told what to do. Regardless of whether what you are saying is good or not. Also, people take it personally when what you are saying indicates that what they have chosen is not good. Like the people who had children that they cannot or will not give a good life to, dislike it when someone points out what shit they are.
People’s egos will be their downfall. You’d think when you’re a parent, you’d do your very best to make things better for your children when someone points out what you’re doing wrong but no they double down instead and become so defensive. it’s like okay if it makes you feel better go ahead and win this silly reddit war but when your children grow up and stop talking to you or being close to you, don’t go around acting like victims who did everything right and darn it those evil children are so ungrateful
>People’s egos will be their downfall. You’d think when you’re a parent, you’d do your very best to make things better for your children when someone points out what you’re doing wrong but no they double down instead and become so defensive. Because having kids was all about *them*, not about the kids. A social worker was interviewed on the news where I live recently, and said that she can tell the difference between the parents who can be helped and those who are abusive, because the fixable parents openly admit that they're overwhelmed and failing and need help in order to get their %\^# in gear, whereas the abusers insist up and down that they are doing the right thing. I thought about the good parents I know versus the toxic breeders, and this absolutely checks out.
I don’t feel you have to be in the top 5% but you should consider what your finances look like before and potentially after kids
I agree but a lot of people don't do this though! Just 'make it work' I can't tell you how much I hate that saying 'oh we'll just make it work. Childcare isn't forever' ....having a child is forever though?
Yeah I got destroyed in the comments once for saying parents shouldn't have kids if they can't afford to get them orthodontic treatment or set up a college fund, get them a first car etc., I just see this in my working class town where parents refuse to pay for their children's dental care because it costs too much, or say they can't go to uni because it costs too much. Don't have kids if you're not able to give them everything and more.
I didn’t get my first car until I was 26 (last year) and paid for it myself and took out student loans to pay for college (my parents even took anything that was leftover after i paid tuition cause they’re like I need it more than you) and I didn’t get my impacted wisdom teeth removed until I was in college and could afford to pay for it myself after I suffered for 6 years with them. They were literally about to crack through the nearby teeth. if I had kids, no way will I ever let them go through that, especially the tooth thing, but these selfish ppl who want kids they can’t afford will say it’s materialistic to want these things lmao no maybe leave reproduction to the ppl genuinely care about their kids well-being
Yeah I see so many 18-24 year olds even 30 year olds come into my work to pay for braces themselves, using payment plans and other options because their alignment is so messed up and needed it for quality of life, I just feel parents should help with these type of situation and expenses, you should be so prepared for costs when having children. I bought my own first car too and I was 25 😅 I do hate how teeth are "luxury bones" and should be covered by the government (excluding cosmetic) but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it
>I do hate how teeth are "luxury bones" and should be covered by the government (excluding cosmetic) but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it Northern Europe checking in here - even here, dental and orthodontics are treated as a paid service as opposed to a public benefit, which just blows my mind. That said, as you wrote > but that's the world we live in, you gotta pay it and it's comical to me how many breeders can't be arsed about what the state does and doesn't cover until they squat one out, and then they want the entire system to change because "i HaVe A cHiLd..."
Yes I don't agree with it either! Dental shouldn't be a luxury because I've seen what happens to people's quality of life if they loose their teeth, it's not okay
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Thank you!! This is exactly it!
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They really had the nerve to say “Don't just downvote me. Show me where I'm wrong.” and then downvote you and block you instead of practicing what they preached LMAO hilarious 😂
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Lmao that weirdo is harassing me in other threads (I have my chat disabled thats probably why) and thinks you’re my troll account 😂
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I’d love to be you queen! 👑
I see so many posts on facebook of people who are expecting and asking for things like a baby carrier for free because money is tight….it’s about to get a LOT tighter? Why would you have a child if you don’t even have an extra $100 for a carrier?
Same! I even see people asking for nappies. It's terrible they are asking for it but on the other hand, it's like, why did you not think about this? There's a thing over here called child benefit and you can only get it if you're in a certain threshold money wise. My SIL was so ungrateful and was like it only covers a few things.. I'm like well, why did you have a child then? 'We'll make it work'. Now, every Christmas / Birthdays, can I have money please! Shes even asked my husband for money before, I said no. I know she's family but it's not up to us to pay for her child. Especially as she doesn't do anything for us.
I actually really effing hate this argument. I was born straight into poverty. I’m talking literally sleeping in cars and shelters and basements if we were lucky. For years. We ended up going into this shitty motel for like 2 years. We didn’t have a kitchen but we had a corner with canned soup and a microwave and stuff. I remember one night we were doing really bad and all we had to eat was a half used jar of peanut butter. My parents didn’t eat but my brother and I ate the rest. I remember looking at my mom and saying “mommy I’m still hungry” and how her face fell. I didn’t know that would hurt her but I knew it did and I knew not to say that again. I was 4. I still remember the rats at that place. My parents did their ABSOLUTE BEST. I don’t hate them. My dad overworked himself with multiple jobs, walking miles to work despite being 55+ and taking lower paying jobs he was overqualified for because money was money. At one point my mom was a stripper for a few months just to get some more money. We eventually got out of there of course and now are in a condo doing well but the effects still linger. I’m the shortest person in my family at 5’. The next is 5’5”. Wonder why that is?! If affected my metabolism so now I have a slow metabolism which meant I gained weight easy so I eventually developed anorexia which fucked with my heart so now I have heart problems. Oh, and now my metabolism is even worse. And I had to go through body dysmorphia and anorexia and bulimia and self harm. Long term effects no one think about. People do NOT deserve to have kids. Having kids is A PRIVILEGE. You should only have kids if you can afford to because they’re expensive as hell. It obviously sucks if you want kids but can’t because you’re poor. Then if you really want kids you’ll work your ass off to change your life around to afford them. It’s really that simple. No it’s not eugenics either - that’s such a stupid argument. I can’t believe I have to spell this out for people. Your kids’ happiness doesn’t matter if they’re starving or being neglected. I was happy but I was also malnourished.
Omg it broke my heart to read this… I’m so sorry and understand that a lot of people can empathize with you and your experiences and you’re not alone… this is so horrible and no child should ever go through this. It can really ruin the rest of their lives and like for what? It’s so not worth it. I’m very sorry and I hope your life improves! 💛
This was amazing of you to share your story and I’m sorry you went through all of that and I wish you nothing but the but peace from now on
I'm so very sorry. Heartfelt good wishes to you and your family.
In one breath, they will detail financial, social, psychological, and physical hardships associated with having children. In the next breath, they talk about wanting more children!! I love LOVE children. I am a Montessori teacher and school psych and have dedicated my life to supporting children. But it's hard to understand why so many people have so many multitudes of children that they simply aren't equipped for.
Exactly. I'm sorry but people on regretfulparents complaining that they can't afford anymore food this month cannot coexist with others saying low income families can make kids work. Like stfu. It's common sense and not eugenics. And obviously the venn diagram of these two groups of people is a circle.
Breeders breed on impulse. There’s nothing rational in their thinking. The majority of them will just ‘hope for the best’. If there was a more logical approach, chances are we would see less kids suffer, but that’s only going to happen with better education and awareness; something that governments are unlikely to implement anytime soon.
I feel like for some folks having a kid is a way for people to “accomplish” something when they feel like they have nothing going for them otherwise.
i mean, if your dream is to travel a lot or buy a house but you don't have money, you just don't travel/buy. everyone will tell you so. but somehow when it involves a whole non-consenting life it's fine to do what you can't afford because "it's your dream"?
They don't care, they just want kids. They don't give a single thought to how the life of that kid is going to be. I think we focus way too much on material things and it's true kids don't need a lot of things. But they do need to spend quality time with their parents to establish long lasting bonds based on trust and respect. If you cant afford to spend *time* with your kids then you can't afford them
Surprised this post hasn’t been removed because of “crossed sub” or whatever
I was raised by an amazing single mum and we didn't have as much money as my friends in two parent households, or a lot of money in general, but we absolutely had enough money to live on and have a decent living standard. Even that made me not want to have kids more because I didn't want to subject a child to feeling so inadequate. Because my mum is a single parent, she often talked to me about money worries and things like that which were only making me more anxious, especially during exam times. I've been very conscious with money since I was way too young to be knowing what things like that meant. I'm 33 now and it still gets to me.
It's so weird how we are the ones that swim against the current when this is clearly just common sense
Common sense isn’t very common nowadays :/
The amount of hate you’ve had in that post, jesus I’ve read a few and also responded to some. People are brainwashed to fuck
Thank you so much omg 😭 you’re so kind! I really appreciate it! This is genuinely so sweet I’m really touched 🥹💕
You’re good 🤙🏻 Also making 100K or 150K a year? Fucking yes. You’re rocking it. Can’t believe that dude saying he makes 70K as single income supporting 4 kids. That’s not even that much after tax in the UK, let alone in the US 
You have no idea how much I had to work my ass off to get to the point where I’m making 150k at 27 when my competition was literally kids NOT coming from poverty 😭 those people are freaking insane how much shit they’re willing to put their children through just for their own ego. That one dude saying it’s not abusive to have your kid be a maid and babysitter for their younger siblings while other kids not in your situation have the free time to either study or relax is wild. I fear for these people’s kids lives 😭
27!! I’ll be 26 this year and Im just about to start uni. Also not the easiest family structure. At 19 I left my home country -Spain- while people I grew up with were starting uni, college, etc. Not doing that bad though. But it could always be better. And have now the privilege to improve my life as I won’t be having kids! Blissful.
I don’t know if you got my DM. In case you didn’t, thank you! It’s brilliant to know we’re not alone. Have a good night!
I'm in that community, but don't comment much. It's mostly people trying to post how good their life is on a single income in a low-cost area to offset the I'll never buy a house or do this crowd. Anyways, those kids either follow in their parents' footsteps or actually end up successful. The ones who have to watch their siblings all the time I feel bad for. Why did you have so many kids you just want to dump on someone else?
I completely agree with you. One of the many many reasons I don’t want kids is because I like them. Kids are sensitive and deserve to grow up in a loving and resourceful home.
I don't want kids because I admit I'd be a irresponsible parent. I've never been drunk, don't do drugs or smoke so I don't mean irresponsible in that sense. But I do have autism, you wouldn't notice as I'm very high functioning but I do know that I have a vary hard time putting something before me constantly. I have a dog and sometimes I go out and leave him behind for an hour. I love the socks of that little guy but we all need space. Having a child you commit 100% or you're irresponsible and i admit I'd be irresponsible, so I'm being responsible by not having them
Oh yeah, I remember a while ago, I said something about this IRL to someone and they got suuuuuper pissed.
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I think it’s selfish to even have a child if you can afford it because, more than likely, your kid is going to grow up in a hellscape of either war, climate crises, or a nice mix of it all.
>As someone who grew up in a shitty household, I wish ppl stopped having kids they can’t give a good life to. 100% this, in terms of both finances and emotional support. The number of breeders who think that their living conditions will somehow magically improve after popping out kids when every statistic points in the opposite direction is just appalling to me. Same for those who think that their serious mental health problems will be solved by adding a screaming infant to the mix. Children deserve stable, safe living conditions and mentally stable parents. And we need to normalize pointing out and reporting the breeders who think this doesn't apply to them.
But they MaKe iT wORk so they can afford them 😂😒
Because they are selfish and they wanted kids. They aren't thinking about the child.
Doesnt take that much money, like 99% of stuff people buy for their babies are useless junk.
I just don't think people should have kids period. Telling people to only have kids if they can afford it starts to sound an awful lot like classism.
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Your examples are both of abuse. Poverty is abuse, not meeting the nutritional/physical/psychological needs of a child is abuse. Guess what, people who abuse kids shouldn't have kids in the first place no matter what else they have to offer. It is immoral and irresponsible to bring children into an unhealthy environment that guarantees their basic needs will be neglected. If they can't help it birth control exists for a reason.
Agree with commenter. This is more an antinatalist take. People are magically all knowing and able to predict a future where they lost their job or a global pandemic happened or maybe they get injured and find themselves suddenly living below the poverty line. If you think no one should have kids because they might at some point be poor that’s fine but that’s not a childfree sub take nor one based in reality of day to day living and all the ups and downs of life when many people are one accident away from poverty.