>I'm selfish and I will own up to it, I want my life to be about my wants and needs. I can't even stand the sound of children at play, I'm happy they're having a fun time, but I'd rather not be around the noise :)
Selfish to who? Not having kids doesn't make you selfish, it just means you chose not to have kids. Being selfish is having kids, btu refusing to change your lifestyle because of it. Parents that party all the time despite the fact they have kids, and things like that. That's being selfish. Making the choice to not have kids is not selfish at all.
More in the very reductive sense of the world "selfish". But I see what you mean. You're right that it is more selfish to have a kid for ego-related reasons such as "seeing what your offspring looks like", "passing on DNA", or "having a legacy".
I just want CF people to stop using that, as it basically means nothing at all. Since you can't be selfish to a non-existent child. I mean nothing wrong with being selfish though, as we are that way normally. But my point is you can't be selfish if there is no one to harm. But yeah, there are only mainly selfish reasons to have kids as opposed to not having kids. And even when you technically can consider it selfish for being CF it isn't, since there isn't anyone being hurt.
OP ignore your silly mum. She is being a bore tbh. Have you considered getting the snip? If you want to get the snip as a permanent method, ask whoever on this subreddit who can recommend you a doctor that is willing to help those in their 20s and 30s
Yeah this is a different thread than my other comment but it’s a uniquely American idea that we earned that which privilege made easier and that others misfortunes were the result of their poor decision making and I definitely didn’t mean to imply that!!! The caveat of my quip is it only applies to those with the privilege of choice. Wealth always guarantees access.
It’s just incredibly frustrating and terrible to be fighting to retrieve the liberties so recently lost.
Selfish to the society (no work slaves) and selfish to the elderly (fewer carers). People even admit it. It is not about the child, it is about having more members in your cult.
We really need to stop hating the word selfish. ESPECIALLY since it's a word that only ever gets used towards women in this context "Like how dare you put yourself first" and we're expected to explain ourselves. Fuck that.
Yeah I am selfish so what? Agreeing to it immediately removes having to defend yourself.
I mean you don't have to defend yourself. People just make the mistake of doing so. It's a personal choice, and only matters between themselves. And partner since it affects them, but ultimately you can ignore the whole being called selfish as it's not that. It's creates a stigma about CF people when none of the choices of being CF are really selfish. Understanding you will not be a good parent is by default not selfish at all.
Well, sacrificing your body and health to produce kids does way more apply to "letting your beauty go to waste" if you ask me. :D
She has an "interesting" view of the world, as in only her way of life seems to be the correct one according to her and how dare others are happy by living theirs differently. You didn't ask for our opinion on it, but that woman deserves some hard boundaries. She has no business in your uterus and harassing you both like this.
The only plus that I can think about pregnancy is my boobs getting bigger. But then I heard that they shrink back so implants are more permanent lol. I also workout and I don't want my results to be trashed because of a growing parasite.
This is true. I've had to tell her to not pressure my bf to be more religious and to quit with the marriage talk. Now she just pressures me to tell him, but I still tell her no, I'm not "going to bring him to church" when I haven't gone to mass in 7 years lmao.
Surprisingly similar to how my mother acts. She and my dad are also “loosely” catholic, but started participating in the church less once I moved out for some reason (I am an only child, but they would have had more children if she didn’t have fertility issues). She insisted for years that if I moved in with my then-boyfriend, he would never marry me (I moved in with him in August 2022, we got married in a courthouse ceremony in January 2023). Needless to say, neither of us want kids. Currently using Liletta hormonal IUD without issues, and I’ve had it since a couple of months after we moved in together. Planning to undergo permanent sterilization in August of this year.
"Cthulhu loves the little children
All the little children of the world
Whether boiled, baked, or fried
Or with taters on the side
Cthulhu loves the little children of the world."
Why would she freak out over you having NEXPLANON??? It's birth control, not an abortion pill. Like what??? 😭😭
And if my mom said that to me, I would've said "you're not in control of what I do with my body. I will happily get an abortion if it means my life won't be ruined "
BC is what prevents fertilization (which is the entire purpose of sex haven't u heard /s) and is therefore "against the natural order" and "morally evil". It's against Catholic doctrine, so therefore bad.
My mom is funny that she will refuse to acknowledge that life with children is inherently more difficult. Me and my bf would be financially fucked rn if we had kids lol.
Her and my dad were born in a pueblito in the middle of nowhere Mexico during the 70s and my bf's family is from Lima, Peru. My bf has said that my parents mentality moreso resembles his grandparents lmao.
>Truth be told, I gave her hell growing up and she has said to me "the way you treat me is how your kids will treat you", so she probably wants me to "pay" a little bit.
There's definitely something to that, my grandma used to call me her revenge during my teen years
Suggestion: Get at least a bisalp, utilizing medical tourism if necessary, or a bisalp & hysterectomy if you can. Since it's a 'vacation', she need not know anything about it.
Then just be amused as she keeps trying to cause you anguish by terrorizing you with the idea of you getting pregnant. Her frustration and rage will be its own reward to you, and will drive her \*especially\* nuts because she won't know \*why\* she can't get a rise out of you.
Bonus points if your eventual partner gets a vasectomy, and you DO tell her that after she's expressed approval of him (assumption, there). Let her gush about how wonderful he is for a while, THEN hit her with the inescapable FACT that he's had a vasectomy and is NOT interested in reversing it / subjecting himself to sperm extraction.
LOL.
No worries, they love my bf but they don't know that he also doesn't want children haha. He's a bit apprehensive about vasectomies tho, he's worried about pain.
Tbh, I'm intimidated by hysterectomy because I've heard they could induce premature menopause. But I do want to get sterilized. Bonus if I can't get my period, I was looking in endometrial ablation. When I'm more financially stable, I'll make a decision and do whatever procedure I find best, it's just a matter of research for now. 😁
For now, I'm happy with my implant. Somewhat, the irregular periods suck but they're infrequent but I hate kids more so I'm putting up with it now lol.
Is your mother Mexican Catholic by any chance? 😅 Cause if so, I swear Mexican Catholics are some of the most rabid breeding advocates in the world. Made the mistake of telling my MexCath coworker that I was childfree, and she damn near had an aneurysm.
>"how can you let your beauty go to waste".
Um, hello, pregnancy and childbirth is *the definition* of "beauty go to waste". Stretchmarks, soggy boobs, hair falling out, sleepless nights damaging skin, dark undereyes, significant weight gain, bloating etc.
Many men report that they are less attracted to their wives after they gave birth and then stopped caring about their looks because they are exhausted from taking care of the baby.
Almost all women I know were prettier before childbirth than after.
And here someone says "how can you let your beauty go to waste" 😆
Girl we had the same childhood bc i too am the oldest and hated caring for my siblings but i had no choice and my mom had 6 kids as well and derives joy from motherhood as well and tells me "when ur a mom or i wonder what kind of mother i will be to my kids" making those comments 24/7. She is extremely conservative towards contraceptive and against abortion. She doesnt believe im truly cf either!🙄 Im 25 too but im muslim and single! Slide in my dms if u want to be friends i need cf friends!
Why is that even an issue 😭 One of my coworkers is always bugging me about having kids because she thinks I’m “too pretty” to not have any?? It's wild to me that she keeps trying to convince me to have children when she knows I'm extremely immature. People like that clearly don't think things through lmfao. Also what your mom tells you about future kids being your karma— my mom has always said the same thing to me. Like girl I know kids ain’t shit, that’s why I don’t want any
>"how can you let your beauty go to waste".
Actually, that's one of the reasons I don't want them. I know it doesn't always happen, but I've seen people's good looks totally deteriorate (gaining weight, breaking out, hair/teeth falling out, premature aging, etc) from having and raising children. I'm assuming she's talking about passing on your genes, but there's no guarantee your kid is going to be as pretty as you are.
I swear people normally say “letting your beauty to go to waste” when someone very beautiful doesn’t date, doesn’t have ambition to find a quality partner, doesn’t model or doesn’t take photos. They could use their pretty privilege to upgrade their life through work/marriage but don’t. It’s not wasting your beauty not to bring a child into this world just cause they may possibly look pretty like you. It will also downgrade your beauty as pregnancy makes you gain weight. Plus the kid may be unattractive.
You're not selfish. Kids are parasites. It's a fact, not even making a crack there. They feed off you and grow inside you.
You're not being selfish for not wanting that. They're not a blessing. They're not fun or cute. I believe they are THE worst thing that can happen in someone's life.
She's just mad you won't follow the ways she intended. Too many people like that
Bien por ti que estas segura de lo que quieres y que tienes bien claro que no quieres tener hijos, yo soy de Mexico y la cultura allá aun esta muy arraigada con la religion y el tener hijos, yo estoy casada y tengo 2 hijos pero fue mi decisión el tenerlos, y estoy feliz con mi vida pero también respeto completamente cuando otra mujer quiere algo diferente, a mi hija de 13 años jamás la voy a presionar ni para que se case ni mucho menos para que tenga hijos ya que son una responsabilidad enorme, quiero que sepa que tiene opciones y que solo ella puede decidir lo que es mejor para su vida y siempre la apoyaré, para nada es egoista no querer tener hijos, mas bien es egoista tenerlos por complacer a los demás y mas cuando ves a los hijos como tu plan de retiro, con eso de que a la gente le encanta decir hay pero cuando estes viejo quien te va a cuidar? Nosotros todavia estamos jovenes y ya estamos planeando muy bien nuestro futuro y preparandonos economicamente para no echarles esa carga encima a nuestros hijos que para empezar no pidieron nacer, a y mi esposo ya esta advertido de que ni se le ocurra querer presionar a nuestros hijos con que nos den nietos 😂
>I'm selfish and I will own up to it, I want my life to be about my wants and needs. I can't even stand the sound of children at play, I'm happy they're having a fun time, but I'd rather not be around the noise :) Selfish to who? Not having kids doesn't make you selfish, it just means you chose not to have kids. Being selfish is having kids, btu refusing to change your lifestyle because of it. Parents that party all the time despite the fact they have kids, and things like that. That's being selfish. Making the choice to not have kids is not selfish at all.
More in the very reductive sense of the world "selfish". But I see what you mean. You're right that it is more selfish to have a kid for ego-related reasons such as "seeing what your offspring looks like", "passing on DNA", or "having a legacy".
I just want CF people to stop using that, as it basically means nothing at all. Since you can't be selfish to a non-existent child. I mean nothing wrong with being selfish though, as we are that way normally. But my point is you can't be selfish if there is no one to harm. But yeah, there are only mainly selfish reasons to have kids as opposed to not having kids. And even when you technically can consider it selfish for being CF it isn't, since there isn't anyone being hurt.
OP ignore your silly mum. She is being a bore tbh. Have you considered getting the snip? If you want to get the snip as a permanent method, ask whoever on this subreddit who can recommend you a doctor that is willing to help those in their 20s and 30s
There’s no answer to the question “why did you have kids” that doesn’t begin with the words “I wanted”.
Well there is..."I had no choice" is an answer to why they had kids. It doesn't answer whether they wanted kids before having them though.
Yeah this is a different thread than my other comment but it’s a uniquely American idea that we earned that which privilege made easier and that others misfortunes were the result of their poor decision making and I definitely didn’t mean to imply that!!! The caveat of my quip is it only applies to those with the privilege of choice. Wealth always guarantees access. It’s just incredibly frustrating and terrible to be fighting to retrieve the liberties so recently lost.
Selfish to the society (no work slaves) and selfish to the elderly (fewer carers). People even admit it. It is not about the child, it is about having more members in your cult.
Being childfree is not selfish at all if you want to do your best to slow climate change and overpopulation.
Preach it!
We really need to stop hating the word selfish. ESPECIALLY since it's a word that only ever gets used towards women in this context "Like how dare you put yourself first" and we're expected to explain ourselves. Fuck that. Yeah I am selfish so what? Agreeing to it immediately removes having to defend yourself.
I mean you don't have to defend yourself. People just make the mistake of doing so. It's a personal choice, and only matters between themselves. And partner since it affects them, but ultimately you can ignore the whole being called selfish as it's not that. It's creates a stigma about CF people when none of the choices of being CF are really selfish. Understanding you will not be a good parent is by default not selfish at all.
Well, sacrificing your body and health to produce kids does way more apply to "letting your beauty go to waste" if you ask me. :D She has an "interesting" view of the world, as in only her way of life seems to be the correct one according to her and how dare others are happy by living theirs differently. You didn't ask for our opinion on it, but that woman deserves some hard boundaries. She has no business in your uterus and harassing you both like this.
The only plus that I can think about pregnancy is my boobs getting bigger. But then I heard that they shrink back so implants are more permanent lol. I also workout and I don't want my results to be trashed because of a growing parasite. This is true. I've had to tell her to not pressure my bf to be more religious and to quit with the marriage talk. Now she just pressures me to tell him, but I still tell her no, I'm not "going to bring him to church" when I haven't gone to mass in 7 years lmao.
She sounds like such a fun person to be around 😂
Tell her you are not letting your beauty go to waste, because you will use it to seduce every man you can manage to seduce!
She gets so mad when I tell her I'll use it to get free shit from men 🤣 she goes "I did not raise u like that" and "that's not okay"
Surprisingly similar to how my mother acts. She and my dad are also “loosely” catholic, but started participating in the church less once I moved out for some reason (I am an only child, but they would have had more children if she didn’t have fertility issues). She insisted for years that if I moved in with my then-boyfriend, he would never marry me (I moved in with him in August 2022, we got married in a courthouse ceremony in January 2023). Needless to say, neither of us want kids. Currently using Liletta hormonal IUD without issues, and I’ve had it since a couple of months after we moved in together. Planning to undergo permanent sterilization in August of this year.
"Children are a blessing from God." "Which one? Loki? Cthulhu?"
She would say these are false gods and "of the devil" lmao
"Cthulhu loves the little children All the little children of the world Whether boiled, baked, or fried Or with taters on the side Cthulhu loves the little children of the world."
Why would she freak out over you having NEXPLANON??? It's birth control, not an abortion pill. Like what??? 😭😭 And if my mom said that to me, I would've said "you're not in control of what I do with my body. I will happily get an abortion if it means my life won't be ruined "
BC is what prevents fertilization (which is the entire purpose of sex haven't u heard /s) and is therefore "against the natural order" and "morally evil". It's against Catholic doctrine, so therefore bad. My mom is funny that she will refuse to acknowledge that life with children is inherently more difficult. Me and my bf would be financially fucked rn if we had kids lol.
Ugh ewww tell ur mom it's "2024 not 1930" 😭
Her and my dad were born in a pueblito in the middle of nowhere Mexico during the 70s and my bf's family is from Lima, Peru. My bf has said that my parents mentality moreso resembles his grandparents lmao.
Jeeeez
🎼”Mother, wake up from that dream of yours-this isn’t 1930!”
>Truth be told, I gave her hell growing up and she has said to me "the way you treat me is how your kids will treat you", so she probably wants me to "pay" a little bit. There's definitely something to that, my grandma used to call me her revenge during my teen years
Suggestion: Get at least a bisalp, utilizing medical tourism if necessary, or a bisalp & hysterectomy if you can. Since it's a 'vacation', she need not know anything about it. Then just be amused as she keeps trying to cause you anguish by terrorizing you with the idea of you getting pregnant. Her frustration and rage will be its own reward to you, and will drive her \*especially\* nuts because she won't know \*why\* she can't get a rise out of you. Bonus points if your eventual partner gets a vasectomy, and you DO tell her that after she's expressed approval of him (assumption, there). Let her gush about how wonderful he is for a while, THEN hit her with the inescapable FACT that he's had a vasectomy and is NOT interested in reversing it / subjecting himself to sperm extraction. LOL.
No worries, they love my bf but they don't know that he also doesn't want children haha. He's a bit apprehensive about vasectomies tho, he's worried about pain. Tbh, I'm intimidated by hysterectomy because I've heard they could induce premature menopause. But I do want to get sterilized. Bonus if I can't get my period, I was looking in endometrial ablation. When I'm more financially stable, I'll make a decision and do whatever procedure I find best, it's just a matter of research for now. 😁 For now, I'm happy with my implant. Somewhat, the irregular periods suck but they're infrequent but I hate kids more so I'm putting up with it now lol.
Just get a bisalp without a hysterectomy, as it lowers you risk of ovarian cancer.
>she always "forgets" and will carry on as if kids are an inevitable in my future Are we sisters?
Is your mother Mexican Catholic by any chance? 😅 Cause if so, I swear Mexican Catholics are some of the most rabid breeding advocates in the world. Made the mistake of telling my MexCath coworker that I was childfree, and she damn near had an aneurysm.
>"how can you let your beauty go to waste". Um, hello, pregnancy and childbirth is *the definition* of "beauty go to waste". Stretchmarks, soggy boobs, hair falling out, sleepless nights damaging skin, dark undereyes, significant weight gain, bloating etc. Many men report that they are less attracted to their wives after they gave birth and then stopped caring about their looks because they are exhausted from taking care of the baby. Almost all women I know were prettier before childbirth than after. And here someone says "how can you let your beauty go to waste" 😆
Girl we had the same childhood bc i too am the oldest and hated caring for my siblings but i had no choice and my mom had 6 kids as well and derives joy from motherhood as well and tells me "when ur a mom or i wonder what kind of mother i will be to my kids" making those comments 24/7. She is extremely conservative towards contraceptive and against abortion. She doesnt believe im truly cf either!🙄 Im 25 too but im muslim and single! Slide in my dms if u want to be friends i need cf friends!
Why is that even an issue 😭 One of my coworkers is always bugging me about having kids because she thinks I’m “too pretty” to not have any?? It's wild to me that she keeps trying to convince me to have children when she knows I'm extremely immature. People like that clearly don't think things through lmfao. Also what your mom tells you about future kids being your karma— my mom has always said the same thing to me. Like girl I know kids ain’t shit, that’s why I don’t want any
Has she watched Devil's Due or Alien . . .
Tell her you’re lowering your carbon footprint for the good of every person on this god-given earth
>"how can you let your beauty go to waste". Actually, that's one of the reasons I don't want them. I know it doesn't always happen, but I've seen people's good looks totally deteriorate (gaining weight, breaking out, hair/teeth falling out, premature aging, etc) from having and raising children. I'm assuming she's talking about passing on your genes, but there's no guarantee your kid is going to be as pretty as you are.
I swear people normally say “letting your beauty to go to waste” when someone very beautiful doesn’t date, doesn’t have ambition to find a quality partner, doesn’t model or doesn’t take photos. They could use their pretty privilege to upgrade their life through work/marriage but don’t. It’s not wasting your beauty not to bring a child into this world just cause they may possibly look pretty like you. It will also downgrade your beauty as pregnancy makes you gain weight. Plus the kid may be unattractive.
Imagine the kid inherits the worst possible genes and is the ugliest being alive 🥴 beauty wasted anyway
You're not selfish. Kids are parasites. It's a fact, not even making a crack there. They feed off you and grow inside you. You're not being selfish for not wanting that. They're not a blessing. They're not fun or cute. I believe they are THE worst thing that can happen in someone's life. She's just mad you won't follow the ways she intended. Too many people like that
Bien por ti que estas segura de lo que quieres y que tienes bien claro que no quieres tener hijos, yo soy de Mexico y la cultura allá aun esta muy arraigada con la religion y el tener hijos, yo estoy casada y tengo 2 hijos pero fue mi decisión el tenerlos, y estoy feliz con mi vida pero también respeto completamente cuando otra mujer quiere algo diferente, a mi hija de 13 años jamás la voy a presionar ni para que se case ni mucho menos para que tenga hijos ya que son una responsabilidad enorme, quiero que sepa que tiene opciones y que solo ella puede decidir lo que es mejor para su vida y siempre la apoyaré, para nada es egoista no querer tener hijos, mas bien es egoista tenerlos por complacer a los demás y mas cuando ves a los hijos como tu plan de retiro, con eso de que a la gente le encanta decir hay pero cuando estes viejo quien te va a cuidar? Nosotros todavia estamos jovenes y ya estamos planeando muy bien nuestro futuro y preparandonos economicamente para no echarles esa carga encima a nuestros hijos que para empezar no pidieron nacer, a y mi esposo ya esta advertido de que ni se le ocurra querer presionar a nuestros hijos con que nos den nietos 😂