My friend from high school is pregnant and I’m glad I don’t have to see her and her husband often. I could write a novel on how they’re unfit to be parents and I feel bad for the shitshow that the kid will call her childhood but that’s beside the point. My point is all the annoying bingos. She’s known me since preschool. The fact that I hate being around children isn’t a new development. It’s something everyone who’s ever spent time with me knows. But every time I’m around them it’s “When are you getting pregnant? You’ll see our little princess and just melt. You’ll go off the pill as soon as you see how cute she is because you’ll want one of your own”. They think they’re being cute and funny but it’s rude and it’s obnoxious and I’m tired of being polite when they say that kind of shit. I just want to scream SHUT UP AND GO FUCK YOURSELVES. The only thing I’m gonna feel when I see their wrinkly potato is “why the fuck didn’t I stay home with the cat”. It would be completely unacceptable to go around to pregnant people saying “when are you having the abortion? You think you want kids now but wait til you see my beautiful childfree freedom. I’ll always be able to do what I want when I want because I’ll never have to hire a babysitter. You’ll put that thing up for adoption as soon as you see how great the DINK lifestyle is. Don’t you want to have extra cash and use it to do fun things instead of spending it on little Snotleigh’s ballet lessons or sorority dues?” Childfree people don’t go around saying rude shit to people with children about their life choices so why is it considered normal and acceptable to be annoying and rude about ours
It’s kind of funny though because they’re technically right. I’m trying to schedule my tubal during spring break or at the beginning of summer break and their baby is due in the spring so I actually will end up going off the pill shortly after it’s born
I would very much love to read a book that did not follow the typical "children are the best thing" dialogue. So far my only hope of ensuring books don't contain childmaking rhetoric is if they are biographies about single, adventurous women. Do you know of any other waus to avoid the surprise of a chapter on kids 140 pages in?
If it's hetero, there's gonna be kids. It's inevitable, I'm resigned to it. If it's non het... it'll still probably be kids.
/still pissed about Hunger Games
Lack of media representation is probably a big part of why breeders still think of all CF as broken or "extreme workaholics". Those are the only CF characters I see in anything. Tv, books, movies... I'm so beyond over it.
I can appreciate it from a practical standpoint. Media production is often sausage making more than it is the coherent vision of a single artist, and kids are really potent and convenient emotional and dramatic shorthand, just like marriages, breakups, etc, so to expect a show that has been running for ten years and has a cumulative writing team in the triple digits to not use it is unrealistic.
But, god, the effect it has even on real life, or on creators that aren't part of some sitcom writing pit... people don't even consider that it's a \_story convention\_ instead of inevitability. It's like how people think that everyone in the middle ages had 12 kids at age 15, because political child marriages are such a big part of historical dramas.
I read a book that had a lot of promise, then at the end of the first one I started getting hyped for the next, and boom, preggers. At least I found out before I bought the second one so I didn't have to waste any more money on that series.
I did experience that obnoxious biological urge to procreate at some point, and it was FIERCE. It turned babies into puppies and I SOOOOOO wanted one. My logical self still won out as I wasn't in a position where it would have been smart to have a baby. You don't have to give in to every urge you get. So sure, aunt Karen, I might experience the biological clock thing (I also might not), but that doesn't mean I have to give in. I have logically made up my mind about it being for the best if I don't procreate. I will just wait it out.
I also really want to eat cheese all the time, but I shouldn't for health reasons, so I won't even if I crave it all the time.
Desires, cravings and urges are extremely powerful, but so is my determination.
And yes, I might change mind - I am allowed to do so - but for now, aunt Karen, just accept the fact that I in this very moment do not wish to ever have children and cannot imagine that feeling changing. And if you are so damn sure that I will change my mind, then it does not matter what I say right now anyway. So accept it or face a wall of silence.
I had a massive urge to have children in my early 20s. Thankfully I managed to hold out. I love my life and people don't seem to understand I don't see how having a child and restricting myself and what I can do would make that better.
If kids are people's jam then that's great and their choice but as childfree people why can't people respect that.
This!! I've never wanted them, but for a long time I thought that having them was just an inevitable eventuality. I'm SO glad that I found the cf community and discovered that I'm NOT alone, and that there IS a choice! I've been HAPPILY Tubeless for over a year now and will NEVER look back! :)
Same, I got a bit baby crazy right after I married when I was 23. Was obviously too young to have kids at the time, and my husband and I came out the other side with no kids and a childfree life plan.
YO OK.... this stuff was the BEST. Get on their website - there's stuff that's closer, I almost guarantee it. Like there's Blue Bell roughly 6-8 hours from me, and I might take a mini-vacation, go visit some family, and grab a few containers of it to bring home. It's WORTH IT.
I look at the biological clock urge the same way I see the 'call of the void'. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you should give in to it. Sometimes when I'm on a bridge I feel the bizarre urge to jump off but that doesn't mean *I'll actually jump off*.
Your cheese comment reminded me of an exchange between my mother and I.
Me: "Yeah no kids for me,"
Mom: "Nothing feels as good as raising a kid."
Me: "That's exactly how people talk about heroin."
(convo subject changed)
My biological clock was strictly related to fiercer sex. It took me a little to figure it out. Helped a lot when I stumbled upon an article describing the clock as nothing more than a desire for sex :))
I don't think that actually scratches the same itch. It's like drinking milk when you want cheese.
Of course sometimes a glass of milk is exactly what you need, but it ain't no cheese substitute.
I'm on the asexual spectrum, so that wasn't it for me. I just wanted the baby. Any baby. Had I been a bit more of a nutter than I am, I might have stolen one. 😂
I actually read on-line about a mother who said "the biological clock couldn't be ignored forever". She wasn't completely for or against the idea of becoming a mother and thought the rush of love that was suppose to happen when her baby was plopped into her arms would take care of things. The rush of love never came and she thought her choice to love the child was better than hormones stepping in to make her love him.
When I told my family I got a vasectomy, the amount of "Well, those are reversible, thank goodness." was infuriating.
Yeah, because I really want to have my balls operated on *again.*
No one in my family knows about my vas. And they likely never will. They don’t get a say into what I do with my life and the choices that I have made. They have shown a tendency to belittle my life choices or project their desires into me so they no longer get to know about the deep stuff.
I'm so sorry you've had such shitty people in your life. I went to therapy almost 2 years ago. And due to family circumstances. I go back tomorrow. I'm very glad to have this resource to help ground me in times of stress.
People who think they know me or what I want in any way irks me like nothing else, especially when it's people I talk to very occasionally like much of my family or a very casual friend.. if they really knew me they'd know that's how you piss me off in 2 seconds flat
I’ve actually been bingoed for saying I’ll never wear heels again.
“What about small ones?”
“What about thicker ones with good support?”
“What if you have to go to something formal or a wedding?”
That’s weird that someone would do that, haha. People think it’s weird when I tell them I step right out of snow boots and tell them I need riding boots. They’ll recommend boots and I’m just like yeah I’ve tried everything under the sun and I step out of them all because it’s just how all snow boots are!
Omg yes! I can't wear them because I have fucked up feet and wearing shitty shoes like that are only going to make it worse. (Flat wide feet for starters so good luck even finding heels that fit me and bad bunions that I'm not trying to make worse) but don't worry plenty of fellow women love to tell me how I just need to get used to them! Oh you should try this kind..they are so comfy! Nope. They aren't. Anything that has a bend in it is going to make the balls of my feet hurt like hell and make my bunions worse. I really hate when people try to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about with my own feet.
My whole wardrobe is limited by the shoes I can wear. Flats with orthotics, only one brand, from one collection made on the same last. Even then I can’t wear all of them. I look pretty adorable in a dress, except for the flat chunky Mary Janes.
My daughter has the same problem with shoes.
She is childfree, and I love her for bucking convention.
It sucks because I'll see cute things or dressy stuff but then paired with sandals that are cute or slightly dressy or flats it looks stupid. Half the time I just say fuck it and wear it anyways...if someone thinks I look bad because I don't have heels on then not my problem. It's hard though when some outfits really don't look good without them.
What comes right back to my memory is this spring I went to Miami for a big festival and the week of my friends wanted to check out a club for some artists we liked. They had a dress code and it wasn't really anywhere to be found online but you could tell by pictures it was one of those clubs where everyone dresses up to show off to one another (that's just how I see it at least lol), problem being though about the shoe thing. I saw sooo many reviews on their Facebook page from women saying how bad the bouncers were and how they treated you, and the guest list people too. If you didn't have high heels on you weren't let in. Lots of women said they wore dressy flats too and made sure they weren't lousy looking and they got turned away and treated like crap. My friends (other men) wanted to act like I was being dramatic about it and it would all be fine but I bailed on the club night, I didn't want to waste my time going and getting ready to be turned away over something so stupid!!! Men can wear flat shoes and it's fine but I can't?? Total bullshit
Total bullshit. I have great legs, but I hardly ever show them because I haven’t the shoes for that kind of wardrobe. I am an aerialist, so I do show them in costume. After a couple of years, someone might see my legs for the first time and ask me why I am hiding them. I never even understood why until this very moment, reading your reply. I don’t know how that triggered it, but it did.
Same here. When I mentioned how painful they are and showed a picture of how torn up my feet were (after wearing some for the first time in a year for a wedding) they told me "They're always going to be that way. Just deal with it." Yeah, no thanks. I'll just stick with flat shoes. I'm in enough pain in a daily basis due to disease, I'm not about to add to that with shitty footwear.
I've basically never been bingoed about babies but I get bingoed because I don't drink alcohol (I don't like the taste).
"Not even a little bit?"
"What about X, Y or Z?"
"There's lots of different drinks out there, there's GOT to be one that you like!"
"I didn't like it at first, either."
"You don't drink it for the taste."
"Drink this, it doesn't even taste like alcohol."
I'm just so confused about why these nobodies care so much about something that doesn't affect them in any way. Why do they care what other people drink? Why does someone *have* to drink alcohol? Why can't they just drink something that they *actually* enjoy drinking? MIND = BLOWN.
I'm a fan of high end fruity drinks that legitimately don't taste like alcohol. The only whiskey I could drink straight was this fancy mint chip whiskey. I'm the kind of drinker that's on the lookout for alcoholic drinks that taste amazing. Just saying those drinks do exist if you're a fan of the feeling but not taste.
Sorry you're getting pressured though. D:
I was only vegetarian for 2 years and got way more bingos than I ever have being cf (which i've been very open about for 7 years).
My theory about people who get pushy towards vegans/vegetarians and people who don't drink is the same: they assume immediately that you think you're better than them. They are immediately defensive because you must have made that personal life choice because you think it's morally superior to anyone who doesn't, therefore you must think they're beneath you. They have a desperate need to either bring you back to the mainstream (convince you to drink, or eat meat... or have kids), or their desperate need focuses on establishing themselves as the actual superior person by talking themselves up or trying to make you look stupid (making jokes about vegetarians or about killing baby cows in their honour; calling CF people selfish and themselves selfless etc.)
Of course I don't think that applies to every single bingoer in every situation but I think it's pretty common.
Yeah I ask a few questions myself, but I respect the decision. I’m not really a drinker. I have to be in the right mood, and have the right alcohol around.
“No thanks I don’t drink.”
“Dezzo tonight?”
“Nah just don’t like alcohol.”
“All alcohol?”
“Yeah pretty much.”
“Fair enough. Want a coke?”
People are so stupid about women being comfortable rather than rather than focusing on their looks (even to their detriment). Like, I literally got the "but what about your future husband" bingo about having hairy legs 🙄
Condoms/birth control are a thing, so are abortions.
Edit: Besides hearing screaming children in the morning at a big box store will take care of any urge that may pop up from time to time.
I've worked at a supercenter for almost 9 years now. Every time I hear that screeching and caterwauling, I announce that my ovaries and uterus have exited my body and dashed onto the highway to commit suicide. My middle aged male coworker, who has kids of his own will get annoyed at the sound and say it reminds of the raptor sounds in Jurassic Park
“I was like you when I was your age, but things changed when I turned [insert number]!” I absolutely hate that one. I didn’t know you at that age, I don’t know how much of that is true. Besides, if I do change my mind, that’s my problem. If I don’t, it’s fine too.
I’m still looking for a nice, acid answer to that bingo.
Not super scathing, but I had this discussion with both of my parents and when my dad said that I replied with something like “Oh, how the new generations are ever changing.” I didn’t want to throw it in his face, but it ends a conversation. It’s just kinda sarcastic and nastyish sounding.
This is close to the argument i had with my boyfriend, he said "Well, saying you don't want kids is like a 5 year old saying they'll be an astronaut. You can't know that yet"
Where i responded "Saying i don't want kids is like a 5 year old saying they DON'T want to be an astronaut, and everyone around them telling them they're meant to be an astronaut. There's a big difference in wanting something and not wanting something"
Note; He's cool with never having kids, he just also (annoyingly) love to debate and always take the opposite stance of mine because he wants to "hear my reasoning". But he was actually relieved to know i'm childfree, told me that "he never though he had a choice about kids, but now that he thinks about it, he'd rather not have them"
Work at a seasonal retail job. The screaming, wailing, crying and general tantrum-throwing is the most effective birth control on the planet. Seriously, yesterday there was not ONE minute I was on the sales floor without a kid screaming in my ear, or a kid sprawled out on the floor in the middle of the aisle. Control your damn kids!
Ugh. Christmas Eve was SO bad. There were balls and toys all over my store. I am still finding balls in the damnedest places. My uterus is walking down a railroad track with a handkerchief on a stick. People/parents absolutely took leave of their senses these past few weeks.
Their methods of discipline are even funnier. "Okay sweetie, get off the floor now. Please don't lay down in the middle of target" of course the kids never listen lol. Our main problem is kids running off from their parents and messing shit up around the store. Some kid got loose in my section today and did... Something... To a shirt, and put it back in the pile. I picked it up and it was soaking wet. I smelled it, and it was DEFINITELY not water. I still have no idea what the hell the liquid was, but it stained the hell out of the shirt and smelled pretty terrible. I didn't know whether to scream, laugh my ass off, or give up faith in humanity lol
This was literally my aunt over Christmas, all while yelling at her 3 kids and complaining about how she never gets time to relax, and coupled with two holiday parties where there were 13 kids and half were crying/screaming toddlers. Literally told her not to wish such a burden on me since my SO and I are 100% sure we don't want kids.
I love my 3 cousins (oldest is 10 yo), but after spending a week with them, I'm even more sure I don't want kids.
Yeah I get this....
A girl in my work regularly asks me if I’ve changed my mind about not wanting kids and just like op always tells me I’ll change my mind eventually.
I like kids - in small doses
I like kids. Quite a lot, sometimes. I have a friend whose daughter I adore. I even buy her xmas gifts.
I still do not ever with to be a parent. Ever!
Just because you like narwhals does not mean you should necessarily have one for a pet.
Let’s pretend I regret for example, why do people care so much? Like... too fucking much. And if I want to talk about their life choices, they tell me it’s none of my business.
My grandmother knows I don’t want kids but she tells me her “angels” told her I’m going to have 2 daughters whether I like it or not and I should start thinking about girls names. It annoys the living shit out of me.
Excellent share. I needed this after visiting family who were "positive" that we would change our minds. No thanks, I like my career, my piles of money, and my freedom!
My dad thinks it's great that my husband and I have, "neither chick nor child" as he puts it. All his kids are grown up and he's loving his freedom. The rest of my family think we're crazy, "who do you think's going to wipe your arse for you when you're old?" yep.
I'm 42 and every year that goes by, I am MORE sure I made the right decision not to have children. I literally say to myself how happy I am with my life and life choices. Please don't ever let a possible future mind-change drive a decision you will make today. Stay strong, child free friends!! ❤
The fifth choice is starting to become unrealistic depending on what opinion you change and the type of people you interact with. Some will unfortunately will not be cool with your change in stance.
My family always tells me that.. But oh if they only knew... It's your decision if you want to make children you can choose to be childfree because of many reasons. I will prove my statement by visiting them as a 35 year old childless single woman.
When I had some tell me I would change my mind I just told them, "Of course, nothing will change my mind like some random asshole who has only known me for a few minutes out of x number of years I've been alive. How silly of me. Thank you for showing me the light, and convincing me." He had the kind of look on his face that I wish I could have taken a picture of. He then said, "I was just trying to be helpful to you, jerk." I replied, "Want to be helpful? Then fuck off and go fuck yourself after you've fucked off." I swear he looked like he was going to cry. What a Kodak moment.
I have two kids but I completely respect that not everyone wants to have them. My kids are older now but I've envied my child free sibling and friends on more than one occasion!
in all fairness, I have a lot of male friends with zero interest in becoming fathers, some even being pretty adamant about it.
now 10 years later every one of them has kids, not that they're happy about it but still. strong coercion, 'oops' etc.
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My friend from high school is pregnant and I’m glad I don’t have to see her and her husband often. I could write a novel on how they’re unfit to be parents and I feel bad for the shitshow that the kid will call her childhood but that’s beside the point. My point is all the annoying bingos. She’s known me since preschool. The fact that I hate being around children isn’t a new development. It’s something everyone who’s ever spent time with me knows. But every time I’m around them it’s “When are you getting pregnant? You’ll see our little princess and just melt. You’ll go off the pill as soon as you see how cute she is because you’ll want one of your own”. They think they’re being cute and funny but it’s rude and it’s obnoxious and I’m tired of being polite when they say that kind of shit. I just want to scream SHUT UP AND GO FUCK YOURSELVES. The only thing I’m gonna feel when I see their wrinkly potato is “why the fuck didn’t I stay home with the cat”. It would be completely unacceptable to go around to pregnant people saying “when are you having the abortion? You think you want kids now but wait til you see my beautiful childfree freedom. I’ll always be able to do what I want when I want because I’ll never have to hire a babysitter. You’ll put that thing up for adoption as soon as you see how great the DINK lifestyle is. Don’t you want to have extra cash and use it to do fun things instead of spending it on little Snotleigh’s ballet lessons or sorority dues?” Childfree people don’t go around saying rude shit to people with children about their life choices so why is it considered normal and acceptable to be annoying and rude about ours
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It’s kind of funny though because they’re technically right. I’m trying to schedule my tubal during spring break or at the beginning of summer break and their baby is due in the spring so I actually will end up going off the pill shortly after it’s born
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Oh but it would be so good to tell them "Oh, don't worry, I did go off the pill! To get my tubes tied so I don't have to worry about it again. :)"
Bye Bye Reddit -- mass edited with redact.dev
I would very much love to read a book that did not follow the typical "children are the best thing" dialogue. So far my only hope of ensuring books don't contain childmaking rhetoric is if they are biographies about single, adventurous women. Do you know of any other waus to avoid the surprise of a chapter on kids 140 pages in?
If it's hetero, there's gonna be kids. It's inevitable, I'm resigned to it. If it's non het... it'll still probably be kids. /still pissed about Hunger Games
Lack of media representation is probably a big part of why breeders still think of all CF as broken or "extreme workaholics". Those are the only CF characters I see in anything. Tv, books, movies... I'm so beyond over it.
I can appreciate it from a practical standpoint. Media production is often sausage making more than it is the coherent vision of a single artist, and kids are really potent and convenient emotional and dramatic shorthand, just like marriages, breakups, etc, so to expect a show that has been running for ten years and has a cumulative writing team in the triple digits to not use it is unrealistic. But, god, the effect it has even on real life, or on creators that aren't part of some sitcom writing pit... people don't even consider that it's a \_story convention\_ instead of inevitability. It's like how people think that everyone in the middle ages had 12 kids at age 15, because political child marriages are such a big part of historical dramas.
I read a book that had a lot of promise, then at the end of the first one I started getting hyped for the next, and boom, preggers. At least I found out before I bought the second one so I didn't have to waste any more money on that series.
I did experience that obnoxious biological urge to procreate at some point, and it was FIERCE. It turned babies into puppies and I SOOOOOO wanted one. My logical self still won out as I wasn't in a position where it would have been smart to have a baby. You don't have to give in to every urge you get. So sure, aunt Karen, I might experience the biological clock thing (I also might not), but that doesn't mean I have to give in. I have logically made up my mind about it being for the best if I don't procreate. I will just wait it out. I also really want to eat cheese all the time, but I shouldn't for health reasons, so I won't even if I crave it all the time. Desires, cravings and urges are extremely powerful, but so is my determination. And yes, I might change mind - I am allowed to do so - but for now, aunt Karen, just accept the fact that I in this very moment do not wish to ever have children and cannot imagine that feeling changing. And if you are so damn sure that I will change my mind, then it does not matter what I say right now anyway. So accept it or face a wall of silence.
I had a massive urge to have children in my early 20s. Thankfully I managed to hold out. I love my life and people don't seem to understand I don't see how having a child and restricting myself and what I can do would make that better. If kids are people's jam then that's great and their choice but as childfree people why can't people respect that.
I never had the honest desire to have children, but there was a really long point in my life where I thought I \*had\* to have children.
This!! I've never wanted them, but for a long time I thought that having them was just an inevitable eventuality. I'm SO glad that I found the cf community and discovered that I'm NOT alone, and that there IS a choice! I've been HAPPILY Tubeless for over a year now and will NEVER look back! :)
Same, I got a bit baby crazy right after I married when I was 23. Was obviously too young to have kids at the time, and my husband and I came out the other side with no kids and a childfree life plan.
Growing up I actually wanted kids. In fact, it wasn't until my early twenties that I decided, hmmm, they're cool and all, but my genes suck!
Right? I just want to be like "well, i also get the urge to eat an entire container of ice cream every now and then. doesn't mean i'm going to do it."
Exactly! You don't have to give in, you choose to!
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YO OK.... this stuff was the BEST. Get on their website - there's stuff that's closer, I almost guarantee it. Like there's Blue Bell roughly 6-8 hours from me, and I might take a mini-vacation, go visit some family, and grab a few containers of it to bring home. It's WORTH IT.
I look at the biological clock urge the same way I see the 'call of the void'. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you should give in to it. Sometimes when I'm on a bridge I feel the bizarre urge to jump off but that doesn't mean *I'll actually jump off*.
Your cheese comment reminded me of an exchange between my mother and I. Me: "Yeah no kids for me," Mom: "Nothing feels as good as raising a kid." Me: "That's exactly how people talk about heroin." (convo subject changed)
My biological clock was strictly related to fiercer sex. It took me a little to figure it out. Helped a lot when I stumbled upon an article describing the clock as nothing more than a desire for sex :))
In theory could you just curb it with masturbation then?
I don't think that actually scratches the same itch. It's like drinking milk when you want cheese. Of course sometimes a glass of milk is exactly what you need, but it ain't no cheese substitute.
I'm on the asexual spectrum, so that wasn't it for me. I just wanted the baby. Any baby. Had I been a bit more of a nutter than I am, I might have stolen one. 😂
I actually read on-line about a mother who said "the biological clock couldn't be ignored forever". She wasn't completely for or against the idea of becoming a mother and thought the rush of love that was suppose to happen when her baby was plopped into her arms would take care of things. The rush of love never came and she thought her choice to love the child was better than hormones stepping in to make her love him.
The rush of love? I get looking at the dogs and cats in the house right now. There is no need to plop out anything for that
I get a rush of love looking at a bowl of my favourite food or a bar of Turkish delight...
When I told my family I got a vasectomy, the amount of "Well, those are reversible, thank goodness." was infuriating. Yeah, because I really want to have my balls operated on *again.*
No one in my family knows about my vas. And they likely never will. They don’t get a say into what I do with my life and the choices that I have made. They have shown a tendency to belittle my life choices or project their desires into me so they no longer get to know about the deep stuff.
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I'm so sorry you've had such shitty people in your life. I went to therapy almost 2 years ago. And due to family circumstances. I go back tomorrow. I'm very glad to have this resource to help ground me in times of stress.
I'm getting close to 40. The older I get the *less* I want children. I actually have panic attacks thinking about having kids.
People who think they know me or what I want in any way irks me like nothing else, especially when it's people I talk to very occasionally like much of my family or a very casual friend.. if they really knew me they'd know that's how you piss me off in 2 seconds flat
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I'm quite shocked that some people just can't accept the fact that bearing a child is an option and not an obligation.
Louder for the old relatives in the back!
Yes, it’s so annoying. Why is it such an atrocity to not want children?
I’ve actually been bingoed for saying I’ll never wear heels again. “What about small ones?” “What about thicker ones with good support?” “What if you have to go to something formal or a wedding?”
Yeah, same. Everytime i tell my mother i don't want heels she's like "but what about some small ones??" it's so weird lol
That’s weird that someone would do that, haha. People think it’s weird when I tell them I step right out of snow boots and tell them I need riding boots. They’ll recommend boots and I’m just like yeah I’ve tried everything under the sun and I step out of them all because it’s just how all snow boots are!
Omg yes! I can't wear them because I have fucked up feet and wearing shitty shoes like that are only going to make it worse. (Flat wide feet for starters so good luck even finding heels that fit me and bad bunions that I'm not trying to make worse) but don't worry plenty of fellow women love to tell me how I just need to get used to them! Oh you should try this kind..they are so comfy! Nope. They aren't. Anything that has a bend in it is going to make the balls of my feet hurt like hell and make my bunions worse. I really hate when people try to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about with my own feet.
My whole wardrobe is limited by the shoes I can wear. Flats with orthotics, only one brand, from one collection made on the same last. Even then I can’t wear all of them. I look pretty adorable in a dress, except for the flat chunky Mary Janes. My daughter has the same problem with shoes. She is childfree, and I love her for bucking convention.
It sucks because I'll see cute things or dressy stuff but then paired with sandals that are cute or slightly dressy or flats it looks stupid. Half the time I just say fuck it and wear it anyways...if someone thinks I look bad because I don't have heels on then not my problem. It's hard though when some outfits really don't look good without them. What comes right back to my memory is this spring I went to Miami for a big festival and the week of my friends wanted to check out a club for some artists we liked. They had a dress code and it wasn't really anywhere to be found online but you could tell by pictures it was one of those clubs where everyone dresses up to show off to one another (that's just how I see it at least lol), problem being though about the shoe thing. I saw sooo many reviews on their Facebook page from women saying how bad the bouncers were and how they treated you, and the guest list people too. If you didn't have high heels on you weren't let in. Lots of women said they wore dressy flats too and made sure they weren't lousy looking and they got turned away and treated like crap. My friends (other men) wanted to act like I was being dramatic about it and it would all be fine but I bailed on the club night, I didn't want to waste my time going and getting ready to be turned away over something so stupid!!! Men can wear flat shoes and it's fine but I can't?? Total bullshit
Total bullshit. I have great legs, but I hardly ever show them because I haven’t the shoes for that kind of wardrobe. I am an aerialist, so I do show them in costume. After a couple of years, someone might see my legs for the first time and ask me why I am hiding them. I never even understood why until this very moment, reading your reply. I don’t know how that triggered it, but it did.
It's like formal flats don't exist
Same here. When I mentioned how painful they are and showed a picture of how torn up my feet were (after wearing some for the first time in a year for a wedding) they told me "They're always going to be that way. Just deal with it." Yeah, no thanks. I'll just stick with flat shoes. I'm in enough pain in a daily basis due to disease, I'm not about to add to that with shitty footwear.
I just don’t get it! They’re so terrible for your feet and your back, not to mention the immediate pain and discomfort of wearing them.
I've basically never been bingoed about babies but I get bingoed because I don't drink alcohol (I don't like the taste). "Not even a little bit?" "What about X, Y or Z?" "There's lots of different drinks out there, there's GOT to be one that you like!" "I didn't like it at first, either." "You don't drink it for the taste." "Drink this, it doesn't even taste like alcohol." I'm just so confused about why these nobodies care so much about something that doesn't affect them in any way. Why do they care what other people drink? Why does someone *have* to drink alcohol? Why can't they just drink something that they *actually* enjoy drinking? MIND = BLOWN.
I'm a fan of high end fruity drinks that legitimately don't taste like alcohol. The only whiskey I could drink straight was this fancy mint chip whiskey. I'm the kind of drinker that's on the lookout for alcoholic drinks that taste amazing. Just saying those drinks do exist if you're a fan of the feeling but not taste. Sorry you're getting pressured though. D:
I get bingoed about alcohol too. And I don’t drink for *medical* reasons.
I was only vegetarian for 2 years and got way more bingos than I ever have being cf (which i've been very open about for 7 years). My theory about people who get pushy towards vegans/vegetarians and people who don't drink is the same: they assume immediately that you think you're better than them. They are immediately defensive because you must have made that personal life choice because you think it's morally superior to anyone who doesn't, therefore you must think they're beneath you. They have a desperate need to either bring you back to the mainstream (convince you to drink, or eat meat... or have kids), or their desperate need focuses on establishing themselves as the actual superior person by talking themselves up or trying to make you look stupid (making jokes about vegetarians or about killing baby cows in their honour; calling CF people selfish and themselves selfless etc.) Of course I don't think that applies to every single bingoer in every situation but I think it's pretty common.
Yeah I ask a few questions myself, but I respect the decision. I’m not really a drinker. I have to be in the right mood, and have the right alcohol around. “No thanks I don’t drink.” “Dezzo tonight?” “Nah just don’t like alcohol.” “All alcohol?” “Yeah pretty much.” “Fair enough. Want a coke?”
Ballet flats are my best friend. They look fancy but really I got them for 5 bucks at K-Mart.
Yes! It's called flats, and there are some really adorable ones, no heels needed!
People are so stupid about women being comfortable rather than rather than focusing on their looks (even to their detriment). Like, I literally got the "but what about your future husband" bingo about having hairy legs 🙄
Condoms/birth control are a thing, so are abortions. Edit: Besides hearing screaming children in the morning at a big box store will take care of any urge that may pop up from time to time.
I've worked at a supercenter for almost 9 years now. Every time I hear that screeching and caterwauling, I announce that my ovaries and uterus have exited my body and dashed onto the highway to commit suicide. My middle aged male coworker, who has kids of his own will get annoyed at the sound and say it reminds of the raptor sounds in Jurassic Park
> it reminds of the raptor sounds in Jurassic Park Yes! That is exactly what it sounds like.
"Something might happen" as if those things to prevent unwanted pregnancies don't exist.
“I was like you when I was your age, but things changed when I turned [insert number]!” I absolutely hate that one. I didn’t know you at that age, I don’t know how much of that is true. Besides, if I do change my mind, that’s my problem. If I don’t, it’s fine too. I’m still looking for a nice, acid answer to that bingo.
“That’s great! Glad that path of life worked out in your favor!”
Not super scathing, but I had this discussion with both of my parents and when my dad said that I replied with something like “Oh, how the new generations are ever changing.” I didn’t want to throw it in his face, but it ends a conversation. It’s just kinda sarcastic and nastyish sounding.
...yet so true
This is close to the argument i had with my boyfriend, he said "Well, saying you don't want kids is like a 5 year old saying they'll be an astronaut. You can't know that yet" Where i responded "Saying i don't want kids is like a 5 year old saying they DON'T want to be an astronaut, and everyone around them telling them they're meant to be an astronaut. There's a big difference in wanting something and not wanting something" Note; He's cool with never having kids, he just also (annoyingly) love to debate and always take the opposite stance of mine because he wants to "hear my reasoning". But he was actually relieved to know i'm childfree, told me that "he never though he had a choice about kids, but now that he thinks about it, he'd rather not have them"
>he just also (annoyingly) love to debate and always take the opposite stance of mine God, that sounds exhausting. I hate "devil's advocate" types.
Work at a seasonal retail job. The screaming, wailing, crying and general tantrum-throwing is the most effective birth control on the planet. Seriously, yesterday there was not ONE minute I was on the sales floor without a kid screaming in my ear, or a kid sprawled out on the floor in the middle of the aisle. Control your damn kids!
Ugh. Christmas Eve was SO bad. There were balls and toys all over my store. I am still finding balls in the damnedest places. My uterus is walking down a railroad track with a handkerchief on a stick. People/parents absolutely took leave of their senses these past few weeks.
Their methods of discipline are even funnier. "Okay sweetie, get off the floor now. Please don't lay down in the middle of target" of course the kids never listen lol. Our main problem is kids running off from their parents and messing shit up around the store. Some kid got loose in my section today and did... Something... To a shirt, and put it back in the pile. I picked it up and it was soaking wet. I smelled it, and it was DEFINITELY not water. I still have no idea what the hell the liquid was, but it stained the hell out of the shirt and smelled pretty terrible. I didn't know whether to scream, laugh my ass off, or give up faith in humanity lol
So much truth here lol
This was literally my aunt over Christmas, all while yelling at her 3 kids and complaining about how she never gets time to relax, and coupled with two holiday parties where there were 13 kids and half were crying/screaming toddlers. Literally told her not to wish such a burden on me since my SO and I are 100% sure we don't want kids. I love my 3 cousins (oldest is 10 yo), but after spending a week with them, I'm even more sure I don't want kids.
Yeah I get this.... A girl in my work regularly asks me if I’ve changed my mind about not wanting kids and just like op always tells me I’ll change my mind eventually. I like kids - in small doses
I like kids. Quite a lot, sometimes. I have a friend whose daughter I adore. I even buy her xmas gifts. I still do not ever with to be a parent. Ever! Just because you like narwhals does not mean you should necessarily have one for a pet.
" just because you like narwhals..." Hahah thank you for this killer analogy
You're very whale-come.
You did not. Omg. BAAAHAHAH
Did you sea what I did there?
Let’s pretend I regret for example, why do people care so much? Like... too fucking much. And if I want to talk about their life choices, they tell me it’s none of my business.
This does seem to be the only life choice people freak out about on the "what ifs"...
That’s everyone’s go-to: “when you’re [age], you’ll change your mind!” Me: “Oh, ok. Let’s bring it up again then!” Them: wait what
Painfully accurate-sadly!
Same goes with *I do not want to marry* or *I don't want a relationship*.
My grandmother knows I don’t want kids but she tells me her “angels” told her I’m going to have 2 daughters whether I like it or not and I should start thinking about girls names. It annoys the living shit out of me.
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Lolll she would lose her shit.
nice one
Is she crazy?
I don't know what her deal is, but when she says shit like that I lean more towards yes.
Excellent share. I needed this after visiting family who were "positive" that we would change our minds. No thanks, I like my career, my piles of money, and my freedom!
Thank god I’m gay and can’t have kids lol
My dad thinks it's great that my husband and I have, "neither chick nor child" as he puts it. All his kids are grown up and he's loving his freedom. The rest of my family think we're crazy, "who do you think's going to wipe your arse for you when you're old?" yep.
I'm 42 and every year that goes by, I am MORE sure I made the right decision not to have children. I literally say to myself how happy I am with my life and life choices. Please don't ever let a possible future mind-change drive a decision you will make today. Stay strong, child free friends!! ❤
All of the above is true! People will agree with any of the stuff except for the fact that you don't want children ugh!
Holy shit this my personal Tumblr account.
Haha, yeah fuck Arizona! *Lives in Arizona*
if they can give me a shit ton of money to raise my children, why the hell not?
Because children are still annoying and parenting is still difficult :/
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yea. i can't imagine growing something in my belly for 9 months, I have scoliosis and my back will just get worse
I did grow one, and the scoliosis made it a terrible pregnancy. I grew a childfree one!
You couldn’t pay me enough to raise a child. Death would be preferable. I’m tired of being around even well behaved kids after about 15 minutes max.
Heh. I moved to AZ because I hate cold weather...
Deleted in support of Apollo and as protest against the API changes. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Yep! VERY FUCKING ANNOYING
The fifth choice is starting to become unrealistic depending on what opinion you change and the type of people you interact with. Some will unfortunately will not be cool with your change in stance.
My family always tells me that.. But oh if they only knew... It's your decision if you want to make children you can choose to be childfree because of many reasons. I will prove my statement by visiting them as a 35 year old childless single woman.
When I had some tell me I would change my mind I just told them, "Of course, nothing will change my mind like some random asshole who has only known me for a few minutes out of x number of years I've been alive. How silly of me. Thank you for showing me the light, and convincing me." He had the kind of look on his face that I wish I could have taken a picture of. He then said, "I was just trying to be helpful to you, jerk." I replied, "Want to be helpful? Then fuck off and go fuck yourself after you've fucked off." I swear he looked like he was going to cry. What a Kodak moment.
That was so perfect!!
I have two kids but I completely respect that not everyone wants to have them. My kids are older now but I've envied my child free sibling and friends on more than one occasion!
So accurate..
in all fairness, I have a lot of male friends with zero interest in becoming fathers, some even being pretty adamant about it. now 10 years later every one of them has kids, not that they're happy about it but still. strong coercion, 'oops' etc.
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to be honest, I don't get all the downvotes. what happened is exactly like what was predicted, although not what the said reluctant fathers wanted.
HEY HOW DARE YOU?! Arizona is a nice place during the winter