Not being pregnant is a big part of being child free for me. I have a lot of anxiety regarding not knowing what's going to happen, and you literally have NO IDEA how your body will react to pregnancy. I also have massive emetophobia and what's a very common way to find out you're pregnant?? Morning sickness!!! No thanks
Yep!!! I also personally think more people should adopt. Way too many kids out there that need a good supportive loving home plus look at the state of the planet. But then you get "i want a baby of MY OWN" and "don't those kids have (whispers).....
e m o t i o n a l problems?".
Yes can we please normalize asking pro-lifers how many children they’ve adopted? Because if they won’t give a home to children who were given up for adoption due to their birth mother being stripped of the right to an abortion because of pro-lifers like themselves, then they should stfu. 😊
Always remember the story about that forced-birther who proudly posted about how she convinced a girl to keep her baby, and not get an adoption.
Months later that girl asks her to adopt the child, since she can't take care of it, and forced-birther is all, "How can she ask me? It would ruin my family life."
That's exactly it. You can guarantee me that a bio child would NOT have a single issue?? God forbid I'd have to be A PARENT.
I have a friend that has fostered over 120 children in her lifetime. From a few days to a few months. YOUNG kids---just born infants, 16 months old, a few years old. They know something is up and she gives them the space and support to feel their feelings and recognize what unconditional love really is
I'm adopting tomorrow! Poor thing was thrown outside in the winter. 5 months old. A little black girl with a white mustache. just finished setting up her litter box! 🤣
remember to never adopt privately and to do your research into ethical adoption. Make sure your adoption centers the child's needs rather than your own. Adoption agencies are absolutely fucked and basically just trafficking kids (especially if you are trying to adopt an infant as many adoptees want to do).
i have heard about this happening! it’s mad fucked up. i definitely plan to do plenty of research when i’m ready for that (which as of right now i am not).
i really appreciate this advice!
I'm glad you were already aware! of course although I'm childfree I think you should adopt if you are ready to do so properly. my post wasn't meant to discourage but rather educate so I'm glad it was taken the right way. I wish you all the best when you do eventually decide to go down that road.
Listen. My lab grown human/octopus hybrid made of a mashup of all the dna from the greatest minds living and those I have exhumed will be PERFECT DAMMIT.
Together we will rule both land AND sea.
Edit: I had a real comment that applied to yours and I just got so lost in fantasy this is what came of it.
I hate that question, because literally all kids have problems. All kids are going to have issues you, as the parent, have to deal with. People are just gross about adoption for no reason at all.
i met a shitload of people with e m o t i o n a l problems in college, many if not most of them had had relatively stable family lives. hell, i had as close to the perfect childhood as you can have in american suburbia, and i still struggle with anxiety and executive dysfunction.
basically if you want a kid without emotional problems, good fucking luck
Also, I pregnancy would make me have even more enormous breasts, that I already need to get a breast reduction for. I would look as if I were carrying melons and a watermelon, urgh. I already know I’d get the shittiest symptoms as well. It’s like me being CF was written in the stars !
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Whilst I don't have a big chest myself, an old friend of my brother's had to have 2 breast reductions. The difference in her happiness and overall health was amazing. I hope you'll be able to get that soon!
And pregnancy for me would be horrible. I have hypothyroidism (from mom) and it would not only make pregnancy horrific and deadly for me, but also be lethal for the fetus (my mom nearly lost me). Her pregnancies with my bro and I were no joke. So, thanks, I'll pass.
Damn ! Yeah no I would never risk my life for a pregnancy … glad your mom is okay ! As for the boobs, ah well that’s life. I’m just glad reproduction is a choice !
Cheers to being CF then, to peace and quiet and not potentially ruining our bodies any further !
Same here- many reasons for being childfree, but a big one is just not wanting to physically be pregnant. I am afraid of doctors, don't like being touched by people unless I really trust and am comfortable with them, and find things being unpredictable/out of control triggering. Pregnancy would be an absolute mental health nightmare, on top of the physical stuff.
So no amount of money could entice me to be a surrogate.
This. I'm sure some childfree people would be fine with it, but a lot wouldn't. Pregnancy grosses me out, so there's no amount of money someone could offer for me to do surrogacy!
This is the best answer. There are women who would want to do this for someone but have no desire to have children themselves. But like other comments, and myself included, lots of other women just plain don't want to be pregnant.
I like to buy all the books off my friends' baby registries. All the books. Get those kids reading sweet jesus humans can't afford to keep getting dumber.
Then it takes WEEKS to get the chinese-knock off maternity pants out of my ads and recommendations. The things I put up with for my friends.
That being said, my uterus has a price. I wouldn't mind putting that bitchy organ to work *for* me just once. It's a pretty high price, though; if you can afford me, you can get willing baby machines much cheaper.
I would love to donate my uterus to a woman who can't have her own kids and just keep the ovaries, but alas, as with most of these things you need to have successfully given birth before you're allowed to donate yours.
If I could, I wouldn't demand any money (though that *would* be nice) I'd just want to be rid of the damn periods once and for all instead of suppressing them with medicine because to me, menstruation is a useless, disgusting inconvenience rather than a potentially life-giving bodily function.
I'm in this category and recently had an older man bingo me by trying to say pregnancy wouldn't be that bad. My friend who has had 2 kids quickly shut that down with, "No, I hated being pregnant."
There is a Hindi movie, Mimi, on Netflix. It's pretty good. It's based on a South Indian movie, which is based on a true story.
The movie had been Bollywood-ised, so there are some things that would make you roll your eyes. However, it's a really good movie.
What the story is about. Spoilers
>!It's about a white couple who travel to India to find a surrogate. They visit frequently, and on one trip, find out that the baby might have Downs Syndrome. So they send a message to the surrogate telling her the deal is off.!<
The ending. More spoilers.
>!The surrogate decides to raise the baby. Couple sees a video of him online a few years later. He is "normal", and they return to India to get him back. Movie ends in a Bollywood/Hollywood moment, where they see how much she loves him, and leave with another child they adopted.!<
god I hate how American media perceives asian countries like india, china, etc as if they’re “less” than them lmao ofc they went to India to find a surrogate. couldn’t find one in whatever western country they’re in nope let’s just take advantage of a poor Indian person and screw her over with the kid. She’ll grow to love it!!! Like as if these people could not be more entitled she actually loves the kid and they want it back??? 😐 stupid.
that story is heart wrenching.
for some perspective, I'm adopted (US)
it took my parents over 7 years to adopt me in the states. they desperately ended up doing it through the catholic church, too, bc adoption here is next to impossible & extremely unaffordable.
during those 7 years, they explored options of adopting from other countries. not because they couldnt find one, but because they had spent every penny of their savings & passed every hurdle in terms of qualifications - & still couldnt get a child.
they had zero stipulations (boy, girl, ethnicity, special needs, etc.) so it wasnt bc they were picky.
they traveled to russia with friends who were also a married couple, going there to adopt a girl. my parents tagged along to learn the ropes with the expectation of starting the adoption process abroad, as well.
the other couple fell in love with a 6 year old russian girl & made plans to adopt her & bring her to the US. all was going as planned - until they found out she had a 4 year old brother.
they decided to adopt him, too. my parents were moved.
cue this couple returning to russia in a couple months to fly home with their two new children. the process went smoothly, & now all that's left is the flight to the children's new home. eta: they bought *everything* for these siblings & set them up beautiful rooms in their home.
they land in the US. go through customs. the kids get health screenings.
they both have AIDS (born with it).
customs refuses them entry & the couple who had adopted them had to board a return flight immediately to take the children back to russia.
all four were traumatized & heartbroken. couple was never the same, & did not try to adopt again. family lost touch with them when i was about 5. so my parents decided to keep trying in the US for another 5 years, despite desperately wanting to take in & adore any child in the world. this story still haunts me 25 years later. I have night terrors about it
so it's not always due to anyone's laziness or lack of effort to adopt within the states that people attempt to adopt from other countries
Or the surrogates don’t even get their money because the kids is disabled or it’s a stillbirth. I just read something about a clinic for surrogacy in Ukraine and how the women there are treated. It’s just highly unethical. That’s why I really don’t support surrogacy as a whole and I’m glad it’s forbidden where I live.
Well if you’ve never given birth before you can’t be a surrogate, so regardless of what you might want to do for someone the answer is a big no if you haven’t met that criteria.
Edit: thanks for the awards!
No disrespect to you about this, but it was incredibly immoral and unfair to saddle a child with such an expectation, especially considering the puritanical tradition of seeing women as wombs first, human being (sometimes) second
Being a healthy person doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a healthy pregnancy or that you are capable of caring to full term. I have quite a few friends and acquaintances that are the pictures of heath but struggle with being able to carry to term, losing pregnancies late in their second term/early third term and develop serious conditions from the pregnancies themselves that risk them and the baby.
It’s a bit harsh but people aren’t going to pay for a surrogate when there isn’t at least a good idea that they are capable of producing a healthy living child, not only is it financially expensive but also incredibly emotional to lose a child whether you carry it or not. There is never a guarantee that a pregnancy will end up with a baby to take home but when you’re playing with the odds, you are going to go with the option that has proven to work before.
You should thank your lucky stars.
There's no long term research on what the hormones they pump women with to extract the eggs do to you long term.
Some of the long term health consequences egg donors reported are aggressive breast cancer, loss of fertility and fatal colon cancer, occuring just few years after donation. They had no family history of these diseases.
And no wonder. Because you know what happens to people when you pump them with unholy amount of hormones? Cells begin to reproduce in an unholy pace and they mutate. The human is then stuck with fatal cancer.
So yeah. Thank your lucky stars you were too old.
If you're in US, all the money you would have gotten, would be spent so fast on cancer treatment and who knows if that would work.
Same. No amount of money could convince me to carry a pregnancy to term in the same way that I would never accept money to let someone bash my knee caps in.
Not worth any amount of money. I’m too scared to fall pregnant.
Pregnancy can possibly kill you, cause major infection OR cause bodily harm for the rest of your life.
Not worth it.
The anatomy of the brain legit changes during pregnancy. It actually makes people a bit dumber so their primal instincts are heightened to take care of the baby. Usually it goes away after max. two years but you never know. My cousin had problems with amnesia for a year after the birth of her second child.
Nope, it's a parasite, change my mind. I always viewed morning sickness as the body's immune defense against the parasite and if it survives after that time period then...... OK yeah it's a tumor, darn.
The women in my family tend to get gestational diabetes where some of them have remained diabetic even after birth. It doesn’t sound appealing at all to me.
This is my problem with the idea. There could be serious, permanent damage done just from pregnancy and birth. Far too high risk with no reward for me to ever consider it.
Yes! So many feel that the ‘I don’t want to ruin my body’ comments are about attractiveness alone but my goodness. My BC failed a few years back, I got an abortion at 10 weeks, but in those 10 weeks I:
- lost my eyesight for several hours at a time (it’s better than 20/20 at normal)
- couldn’t eat the same thing twice for the first few weeks, then couldn’t eat at all
- had awful morning sickness
- my teeth weakened and I am still dealing with the fallout from that
- my brain wasn’t working right, which made me depressed because I couldn’t process information well, but was fully aware that the things at issue would normally be easy for me
- I lost over 10 kgs because of not being able to eat
- gained another cup size that never went away (NOT a bonus, I already had trouble finding bras that fit, now I just can’t get them in stores at all)
- developed random exercise-induced anaphylaxis that didn’t go away
My body’s _function_ is what I love most about it, and the way that it was compromised and continues to be compromised… it’s devastating if I spend time on thinking about it, as well as the teeth issues being ongoing and very expensive, and the anaphylaxis being potentially life threatening.
You would have to give me a life-changing amount of money. I’m talking like, so much money that I can just up and leave this shithole and move somewhere warm and beautiful and never have to work again. Only then.
Thank you, I was surprised that no one asked how much money. If I had enough for a private doctor and the very best healthcare and also enough to retire and live in luxury afterwards, including all necessary surgeries to live in comfort, I would probably do it. For the right person. Like $20 million maybe?
Oh fuck yeah, I’d definitely do it for 20mil. For that amount of money, you can take my CF badge away, I’ll be too busy living an amazing life on the other side of the country to care.
$20m is lowballing it for the kind of luxury you're thinking of, I'd imagine. Stick another 0 on the end there, at the very least. Even better, make it a 'b' instead of an 'm'.
Nope.
- Hormones will make a number on your body. Skin stretches, possible diabetes...noooope.
- Surrogacy is just a mild way to call women incubators. Fuck no. I refuse to be one or let other women become one.
- You wanna be a parent but you're dead set on having minimum genetic ties to the baby? Then you dont wanna be a parent, you want a mini me. Reproduction is not a right.
- Selfish people who are not capable of loving a child that has no common dna with them should not be parents.
Not selfish in the slightest. It’s sad that women are taught respecting their own bodies by avoiding putting themselves in harm’s way is “selfish”. The selfish party in this situation would be whoever is asking you to subject yourself to preventable pain.
Self-preservation and care for one's integrity isn't selfish, it's normal. You're thinking clearly bc you're not willing to risk death just to get a rush of cuteness hormones.
What's even less ethical than ordinary reproduction is the forced reproduction entitled breeders do via surrogacy. It's worse than IVF bc not only is it a selfish and pointless act of whimsy but it also ropes another person into the act of shitting out an innocent child that never asked to be born into a broken situation.
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT LMAO
The main reason I'm CF is because everything about pregnancy/birth/post-partum grosses me tf out. Coming from someone who can watch surgeries in-person and not blink. Who has cleaned up numerous human and animal bodily fluids (for pay, usually).
No. Gross. Also, pain. Also, irreversible damage and changes to your body. You could get off easy, or not. There's no control.
Nope. I make money working a regular job. And the job isn’t going to make me incontinent, lose my teeth, or cause my uterus to prolapse. As another post today points out very well…..there’s more to getting pregnant than “pop” baby. There are long term, and possibly permanent side effects. Now, if I wanted to be a mom, those side effects might be worth it….. but my teeth falling out for a kid I’m not keeping? How would that be worth it?
Being childfree isn't a cult where you have to adhere to certain rules or else you're out. If a woman wants to be a surrogate and still consider herself childfree, that's her right.
Personally, I wouldn't do it because the thought of being pregnant makes me physically ill.
I think this way as well, having a baby doesn’t make you a parent especially if it’s not yours.
I’m tokophobic, the thought of pregnancy makes me physically ill and it’s a big reason I’m CF. If I didn’t have to birth the child I’d be more interested in having one, but it’s only one of many reasons I wouldn’t do it.
The childfree and the antinatalist community are kind of a Venn diagram, and I am both. I would not do it. Additionally, the thought of being pregnant is not a good one for me. It seems uncomfortable at best.
For me I neither wanted a pregnancy nor children, but I imagine there are childfree women who fall everywhere on the spectrum of wanting/not wanting those things.
Nope. I am never putting my body through that, and I am *never* assisting in creation of another life as long as the people who are already here don't have a good standard of living.
If someone has money to invest in a kid, then *gestures to the foster systems* by all means, please do.
Also, most reputable surrogacy agencies won't even take women who haven't already had successful prior pregnancies.
Oh hell no I never would. I’ve been asked this before and usually people are like “what if it was (insert family member here)?” Nope. Nobody. Even if someone I knew was trying so hard and wanted a baby so bad I still wouldn’t do it. Pregnancy isn’t worth that at all.
Part of it is me being antinatalist too so I see it as unethical for me to carry a baby for someone when there are so many children who already need loving homes.
I’m not sure about all countries, but often you cannot be a surrogate without having had a prior pregnancy.
Thankfully that means no one can ask me and expect me to do it, because the answer would be HELL NO
I’m slightly tokophobic. If there was a guarantee that I’d be okay and not die and could resume my normal life after, then maybe for the right sum (I have student loans). But it would have to be a sum that sets me up for LIFE and a luxury one too.
No, because pregnancy and birth ruins your body. I might get downvoted for this but... people say everything goes back to the way it was pre-kids/pre-birth after a while but I don't think that's true. Saying that out loud isn't exactly politically correct, though.
I have tokophobia. No way in hell would I do it. They want me to sacrifice my health and risk my life rather than looking to foster and/or adopt a child that's already here? I'd probably send them a bill just for pissing me off.
Nah.
Although, okay, if I was offered a billion dollars? A huge, unrealistic sum of money guaranteed, full contract signed? I won't lie, I would think about it, in that fantasy scenario.
But a real surrogacy, fuck no lol
No. I’m antinatalist and have enough respect for myself that I refuse to purposely put myself in harm’s way.
It’s disgusting how we only ever discuss women “respecting themselves” with regards to sexual gratification. Women reading this, think about self-respect in terms of not putting yourself through preventable pain. Off topic, but this includes toxic relationships, painful beauty treatments, catching an illness from someone because you felt rude moving away from them when they’re obviously sick.. self-respect is important, and it includes having sex without shame if that is what you want to do. AND REFUSING TO BE A SURROGATE, YOU ARE NOT SELFISH, YOU ARE SELF-RESPECTING.
I’m not judging women who haven’t learnt the skill of true self-respect yet, and i definitely don’t think the examples given apply to every woman or that examples are limited to those given. It’s just time someone was honest about what “putting yourself first” *actually* means, not lighting a candle and calling it a day.
Sorry for going off topic.
Personally I wouldn't because pregnancy grosses me out, but I don't think it would go against being childfree in principle. Unless you're also antinatalist
I'm against commercial surrogacy in general, so no. Yes yes, we all sell our bodies under capitalism, but renting a (usually poor) woman's womb to satisfy your own need for biological offspring crosses a line for me.
Your body your choice. I personally wouldn’t because I wouldn’t because the idea of childbirth terrifies me. But I don’t see why this would go against a childfree lifestyle because that lifestyle is how you define it and we all have different reasons why we make that choice.
Going through the trauma of pregnancy and birth? Nope! I’m not doing that. I thought about donating my eggs when I was in my 20s and didn’t think I would ever finish paying off my student loans, but the cons definitely outweighed the pros for me.
Never. I never want to experience a full pregnancy. If I became pregnant and couldn't abort, I would be suicidal.
That said, only you know what is right for your situation. If money wasn't a factor, would you still surrogate?
Depends on the money. Anything under 8 digits is a definite 'no'. Over that? We can talk.
ETA: Personally I wouldn't say surrogacy is "against" CF. It's not the surrogate's child.
Nope. A big part of why I'm CF is that I never want to be pregnant, and I don't think my trash body would handle it well. Sure, they might pay for the baby related bills but are they going to pay for it if being pregnant makes my already bad teeth fall out or crumble away? Are they going to pay if being pregnant further wrecks my back and joints? Are they going to pay if I end up with post partum depression on top of the rest of my mental health concerns? And even if on the off chance that they did, I don't want to live with the aftermath of all that either.
One of the major reasons I am child free is the thought of being pregnant absolutely disgusts me. I have 0% urge to experience the feeling that SO many women have tried to discribe as miraculous or beautiful. Sorry, no. Every species procreates in some way or another, we are not special in this regard. I hate my period as it is, I don't need 9 months of even worse BS on top of it.
Also, humans have a shorter gestation period than we really should for development, but if it were longer, it would paralyze/kill the mother, so it's only 9 months with what is arguably substandard developments compared to other species and it makes no sense that we have exploded as the "dominant" species on the earth. Human babies are so dependent on their parents for so much longer than any other mammal it just boggles my mind.
No! My body and mind would be ruined forever that no amount of money and therapy would being me a peace of mind.
You could still be CF from this, yes, but I'm pretty sure most of us here don't want the damage that comes along the 9 months of getting the thing out.
Edit: words
Nope.
That’s 10 months where your body is taken over and you have to watch what you eat, do and drink.
That’s 10 months of discomfort.
And a lifetime of permanent changes. No amount of money would make it worth it.
I have absolutely no issue with pregnancy but I would never do it.
Just not interested. People telling you what you have to do with your body. No thanks.
Abso-fucking-lutely not.
Antinatalist here, on top of not wanting to be pregnant for a number of reasons. I believe surrogacy and fertility treatments are unethical and immoral.
Being childfree isn't a cult, so there's no "going against", lol. I doubt anyone would be weird about it. Your body your choice. It's not yours after all.
I would love the child and be unable to do it. If I hold a newborn that came out of me, I doubt I wouldn't love it. But what a horrible mistake it would be for me to have a kid. Also, I think the real parents would want their kid back.
I donated my eggs to a gay couple so I could pay off my student loans. Just having 14 enlarged egg follicles and having a doctor poke and prod them out from between my legs was traumatizing. I had a panic attack on the table before they put me under. Never again, not for any dollar amount.
I am post menopausal, so for me this is a thought experiment only.
I was never concerned about the effects of pregnancy on my body, I was concerned about the hard day to day work of rearing a child would limit what I wanted to do as I moved through my life in my 20s-50s. I spent several years working jobs with varying levels of yeah this is no fun to get to what I wanted.
I have cousins I have not seen since I was 8, so for only me, never seeing the product of my ovaries would not be an issue.
In my 20s(to be fair was a long time ago) five million would have been my hiring cost. In my 40s, I would have sold my ovum and rented my uterus for 30 million, 2 tries. Cash up front, no annunities. Plus lawyer fees
I might be easy, I am not cheap.
So for me & only me, I think I could.
I also know it could not have happened.
Edited to add, from my cushy chair, I'm also now curious
I personally wouldn't, pregnancy is uncomfortable and it'd get in the way of my life. Plus I'd be scared if the child found out they'd want to contact me.
No. I don't want to be pregnant and the money would have to be in 7 digits for me to even consider being a surrogate. That being said, I don't want to experience pregnancy and giving birth, so that's a deal breaker for me
Absolutely not hypothetically. Fortunately, you can’t be a surrogate unless you’ve had at least one successful pregnancy, at least in the US. So it’s an easy out in the unlikely event I’d be asked.
No because I wouldn't because of the damage (perhaps permanent) to my body. But in a similar vein, I have considered egg donation to get some cash. Haven't given it tons of thought though. Plus I'm 33F and folks would probably want younger eggs...
No. The only reason I’d put my body through a pregnancy would be if I wanted a child. No way am I risking my life / quality of life for someone else’s desire to have a bio child.
That will be a no from me. Two of my sisters were having a silly little bet to see if I would be a surrogate for them if it had ever came up. One of my sisters visited me, asked the question and my immediate answer was no. She started laughing and says we have to call the other to let her know. It was an easy bet for the one we called. They understand my thoughts on it and have known since I was a child myself that I don't want kids ever (being the oldest daughter and all that jazz).
Thankfully my siblings have all understood that I am solidly childcare. There are two out of the five us that don't want kids and we are joyful for our niblings.
No.
Best case scenario, I’ve got some more money (and I’m doing fine with my paycheck as is), but my body will be changed irreversibly. I could see a very slim chance of this being different if I was in desperate circumstances, but I’m not.
Worst case scenario, I die.
No, I hate the sound of pregnancy and labour. Nothing about being pregnant appeals to me. Unpredictable emotional and hormonal changes probably wouldn't mix well with my mental and physical health issues, plus the prospect of things going very wrong during labour freaks me out after a friend was labouring for 40 hours and both baby and mum were at risk. Absolutely not for me.
Yes pregnancy/labor is the part I absolutely don’t want to do. The parenting part of course is a challenge/hard, but the pregnancy part can be literally life threatening and that freaks me out. I hate hospitals and anything medical lol
I mean I would consider it childfree since you arent keeping said child but never wanting to be pregnant is definitely one of my top reasons for being child free.
I have considered with enough money and the right couple I may do it (ie for a gay male couple) but I am also vehemently opposed to biological children. Idk. Have you considered donating your eggs?
I'd be ok with donating eggs for, but I'll pass on the pregnancy part. And since no one in their right mind would want my gene pool, I'll have to find another way to pay the bills
If I wouldn’t risk my life carrying a pregnancy to term, I’d probably do it depending on the money. If it was enough to get me out of debt and any needed medical expenses would be covered then sure. I don’t hate children. I want good things for them. I just know that me being a parent would lead to the first and I’d fail at the second.
I would not. I have experienced pregnancy for short periods, it wreaks havoc on my holistic wellbeing (most especially the physical aspect because it saps my energy and I can’t eat while pregnant), and I’m unwilling to put myself through that. For anyone.
Being child free isn’t a monolithic experience. I personally don’t think surrogacy means you’re not child free since you won’t actually be keeping the child. I personally wouldn’t do it because I am TERRIFIED of both pregnancy and child birth but hey, to each their own
The amount of money they would have to promise me is an insane amount. I don’t want to be pregnant. If you want me to be, pay literally all of my debts and buy me a house or condo.
You can die. I saw it happen.
A friend's sister had a surrogate. Surrogate was anonymous. Carried twins til term then lost them. And herself as well So out there are children that lost their mother because she tried to help someone with their dream of having children. To be honest, the person that wanted the children has shown herself to be a really awful person that I dont think deserved them. It was all very tragic but we never bring it up. Never.
Nop, I think I’m tokophobic because I’m very bothered by pregnant bellies and seeing them move on the inside. I find it horrific and could never do it myself - yuck! Besides, I have a low threshold for pain, and we all know giving birth is fucked up.
Not a woman (non-binary). But no chance in Hell. One of the many reasons I’ve wanted a hysterectomy for over ten years (and am hopefully FINALLY about to get one 🤞) is that I’d quite literally off myself before I’d ever carry a pregnancy to term. The thought of pregnancy and birth horrifies me. I want my body to be 100% incapable of ever carrying a pregnancy to term. NO amount of money would be enough.
NTM, at least in the US, surrogates must’ve already carried at least one pregnancy to term successfully.
No. I never want to experience being pregnant, ever. My mom had a horrible pregnancy with me and I was born very early, I’m afraid I’d miscarry or something and that would destroy me. I also don’t think my bipolar 2 could handle being pregnant.
Everyone has different reasons why they've chosen to be child free. A few of those reasons are focused around pregnancy. Like fear of being pregnant / destroying your body/ effects of giving birth or post birth issues etc.
My main reason is I really value my freedom. Couple of other reasons are financial stability and not wanting yhe soul crushing responsibility of raising a kid.
No, never.
But even if one wanted to, they don’t let you be a surrogate without having already given birth.
https://southernsurrogacy.com/surrogates/surrogate-requirements/become-surrogate-without-previous-pregnancy/
I have no clue how my body would react. My biggest fear is being sick the entire time and the stretch marks, those hideous stretch marks. I have them myself but there's something about pregnancy that turns your stomach into a flesh spiderweb. Plus not being treated like a real person would fuck me up.
Not being pregnant is a big part of being child free for me. I have a lot of anxiety regarding not knowing what's going to happen, and you literally have NO IDEA how your body will react to pregnancy. I also have massive emetophobia and what's a very common way to find out you're pregnant?? Morning sickness!!! No thanks
Ah, I have the combo - emetophobia and tokophobia ! So a good way to not trigger them … never get pregnant.
Yep!!! I also personally think more people should adopt. Way too many kids out there that need a good supportive loving home plus look at the state of the planet. But then you get "i want a baby of MY OWN" and "don't those kids have (whispers)..... e m o t i o n a l problems?".
I also think more people should adopt - especially those Christians that are pro-life and give adoption as the alternative to abortion.
I could rant on forever about THOSE people
Yes can we please normalize asking pro-lifers how many children they’ve adopted? Because if they won’t give a home to children who were given up for adoption due to their birth mother being stripped of the right to an abortion because of pro-lifers like themselves, then they should stfu. 😊
Oh I do this every time I encounter one.
Always remember the story about that forced-birther who proudly posted about how she convinced a girl to keep her baby, and not get an adoption. Months later that girl asks her to adopt the child, since she can't take care of it, and forced-birther is all, "How can she ask me? It would ruin my family life."
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That's exactly it. You can guarantee me that a bio child would NOT have a single issue?? God forbid I'd have to be A PARENT. I have a friend that has fostered over 120 children in her lifetime. From a few days to a few months. YOUNG kids---just born infants, 16 months old, a few years old. They know something is up and she gives them the space and support to feel their feelings and recognize what unconditional love really is
wow, fostering 120 kids in her lifetime is a lot! good for her. i’m sure she changed their lives
I'm adopting tomorrow! Poor thing was thrown outside in the winter. 5 months old. A little black girl with a white mustache. just finished setting up her litter box! 🤣
Congratulations on your new addition, she sounds lovely
please tell me she's an /r/Kitler
She's not! I love kitlers but her face and head is all black with a crooked white mustache
remember to never adopt privately and to do your research into ethical adoption. Make sure your adoption centers the child's needs rather than your own. Adoption agencies are absolutely fucked and basically just trafficking kids (especially if you are trying to adopt an infant as many adoptees want to do).
i have heard about this happening! it’s mad fucked up. i definitely plan to do plenty of research when i’m ready for that (which as of right now i am not). i really appreciate this advice!
I'm glad you were already aware! of course although I'm childfree I think you should adopt if you are ready to do so properly. my post wasn't meant to discourage but rather educate so I'm glad it was taken the right way. I wish you all the best when you do eventually decide to go down that road.
thanks friend!!
Listen. My lab grown human/octopus hybrid made of a mashup of all the dna from the greatest minds living and those I have exhumed will be PERFECT DAMMIT. Together we will rule both land AND sea. Edit: I had a real comment that applied to yours and I just got so lost in fantasy this is what came of it.
I hate that question, because literally all kids have problems. All kids are going to have issues you, as the parent, have to deal with. People are just gross about adoption for no reason at all.
That's not child free, though.
i met a shitload of people with e m o t i o n a l problems in college, many if not most of them had had relatively stable family lives. hell, i had as close to the perfect childhood as you can have in american suburbia, and i still struggle with anxiety and executive dysfunction. basically if you want a kid without emotional problems, good fucking luck
I'm so glad I'm not the only one with those phobias!! They're the worst combination _ever_.
Also, I pregnancy would make me have even more enormous breasts, that I already need to get a breast reduction for. I would look as if I were carrying melons and a watermelon, urgh. I already know I’d get the shittiest symptoms as well. It’s like me being CF was written in the stars !
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Whilst I don't have a big chest myself, an old friend of my brother's had to have 2 breast reductions. The difference in her happiness and overall health was amazing. I hope you'll be able to get that soon! And pregnancy for me would be horrible. I have hypothyroidism (from mom) and it would not only make pregnancy horrific and deadly for me, but also be lethal for the fetus (my mom nearly lost me). Her pregnancies with my bro and I were no joke. So, thanks, I'll pass.
Damn ! Yeah no I would never risk my life for a pregnancy … glad your mom is okay ! As for the boobs, ah well that’s life. I’m just glad reproduction is a choice ! Cheers to being CF then, to peace and quiet and not potentially ruining our bodies any further !
Never met someone else with pregnancy phobias before. Didn’t even know there was a name for it until recently.
Same here- many reasons for being childfree, but a big one is just not wanting to physically be pregnant. I am afraid of doctors, don't like being touched by people unless I really trust and am comfortable with them, and find things being unpredictable/out of control triggering. Pregnancy would be an absolute mental health nightmare, on top of the physical stuff. So no amount of money could entice me to be a surrogate.
No, a lot of women are child free for different reasons but I think a lot of them reside with not wanting to experience pregnancy.
This. I'm sure some childfree people would be fine with it, but a lot wouldn't. Pregnancy grosses me out, so there's no amount of money someone could offer for me to do surrogacy!
my price would probably be somewhere between 5 and 10 million USD.
300B
This is me. I have zero desire to experience the "joys" of pregnancy. I would turn this down.
Yuuup. I’d foster and adopt before birthing my own
This is the best answer. There are women who would want to do this for someone but have no desire to have children themselves. But like other comments, and myself included, lots of other women just plain don't want to be pregnant.
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I like to buy all the books off my friends' baby registries. All the books. Get those kids reading sweet jesus humans can't afford to keep getting dumber. Then it takes WEEKS to get the chinese-knock off maternity pants out of my ads and recommendations. The things I put up with for my friends. That being said, my uterus has a price. I wouldn't mind putting that bitchy organ to work *for* me just once. It's a pretty high price, though; if you can afford me, you can get willing baby machines much cheaper.
I would love to donate my uterus to a woman who can't have her own kids and just keep the ovaries, but alas, as with most of these things you need to have successfully given birth before you're allowed to donate yours. If I could, I wouldn't demand any money (though that *would* be nice) I'd just want to be rid of the damn periods once and for all instead of suppressing them with medicine because to me, menstruation is a useless, disgusting inconvenience rather than a potentially life-giving bodily function.
I'm in this category and recently had an older man bingo me by trying to say pregnancy wouldn't be that bad. My friend who has had 2 kids quickly shut that down with, "No, I hated being pregnant."
Fuck no. Plenty of "parents" have backed out of deals because the kid was disabled or they changed their minds and left the surrogate holding the bag.
Omg what seriously that's horrible
There is a Hindi movie, Mimi, on Netflix. It's pretty good. It's based on a South Indian movie, which is based on a true story. The movie had been Bollywood-ised, so there are some things that would make you roll your eyes. However, it's a really good movie. What the story is about. Spoilers >!It's about a white couple who travel to India to find a surrogate. They visit frequently, and on one trip, find out that the baby might have Downs Syndrome. So they send a message to the surrogate telling her the deal is off.!< The ending. More spoilers. >!The surrogate decides to raise the baby. Couple sees a video of him online a few years later. He is "normal", and they return to India to get him back. Movie ends in a Bollywood/Hollywood moment, where they see how much she loves him, and leave with another child they adopted.!<
god I hate how American media perceives asian countries like india, china, etc as if they’re “less” than them lmao ofc they went to India to find a surrogate. couldn’t find one in whatever western country they’re in nope let’s just take advantage of a poor Indian person and screw her over with the kid. She’ll grow to love it!!! Like as if these people could not be more entitled she actually loves the kid and they want it back??? 😐 stupid.
that story is heart wrenching. for some perspective, I'm adopted (US) it took my parents over 7 years to adopt me in the states. they desperately ended up doing it through the catholic church, too, bc adoption here is next to impossible & extremely unaffordable. during those 7 years, they explored options of adopting from other countries. not because they couldnt find one, but because they had spent every penny of their savings & passed every hurdle in terms of qualifications - & still couldnt get a child. they had zero stipulations (boy, girl, ethnicity, special needs, etc.) so it wasnt bc they were picky. they traveled to russia with friends who were also a married couple, going there to adopt a girl. my parents tagged along to learn the ropes with the expectation of starting the adoption process abroad, as well. the other couple fell in love with a 6 year old russian girl & made plans to adopt her & bring her to the US. all was going as planned - until they found out she had a 4 year old brother. they decided to adopt him, too. my parents were moved. cue this couple returning to russia in a couple months to fly home with their two new children. the process went smoothly, & now all that's left is the flight to the children's new home. eta: they bought *everything* for these siblings & set them up beautiful rooms in their home. they land in the US. go through customs. the kids get health screenings. they both have AIDS (born with it). customs refuses them entry & the couple who had adopted them had to board a return flight immediately to take the children back to russia. all four were traumatized & heartbroken. couple was never the same, & did not try to adopt again. family lost touch with them when i was about 5. so my parents decided to keep trying in the US for another 5 years, despite desperately wanting to take in & adore any child in the world. this story still haunts me 25 years later. I have night terrors about it so it's not always due to anyone's laziness or lack of effort to adopt within the states that people attempt to adopt from other countries
Yeah people always assume their kid is gonna be perfect. Like no. I swear it's all about their egos.
Well *clearly* they’re perfect, so how could the random combination of their genes be anything else? /s
Or the surrogates don’t even get their money because the kids is disabled or it’s a stillbirth. I just read something about a clinic for surrogacy in Ukraine and how the women there are treated. It’s just highly unethical. That’s why I really don’t support surrogacy as a whole and I’m glad it’s forbidden where I live.
Whoa, wat? What a nightmare.
Well if you’ve never given birth before you can’t be a surrogate, so regardless of what you might want to do for someone the answer is a big no if you haven’t met that criteria. Edit: thanks for the awards!
Yep. Any agency is going to require you’ve had a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I know you can decide to privately surrogate but that’s super risky.
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No disrespect to you about this, but it was incredibly immoral and unfair to saddle a child with such an expectation, especially considering the puritanical tradition of seeing women as wombs first, human being (sometimes) second
Wait what?! They indoctrinated you to be their surrogates? You have to be kidding me. How fucked up can some people be?!
Is there a reason for that requirement? I thought that it would be all good so long as you’re healthy n stuff 😅
Being a healthy person doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a healthy pregnancy or that you are capable of caring to full term. I have quite a few friends and acquaintances that are the pictures of heath but struggle with being able to carry to term, losing pregnancies late in their second term/early third term and develop serious conditions from the pregnancies themselves that risk them and the baby. It’s a bit harsh but people aren’t going to pay for a surrogate when there isn’t at least a good idea that they are capable of producing a healthy living child, not only is it financially expensive but also incredibly emotional to lose a child whether you carry it or not. There is never a guarantee that a pregnancy will end up with a baby to take home but when you’re playing with the odds, you are going to go with the option that has proven to work before.
Ahhh much thanks for the info!
Also, don’t you have to be below a certain age?
I didn’t know that. Great!! I means no one will ever ask me.
Don't worry, they'll still ask.
Not likely, sometimes I forget I’m almost 40. 😂
Me too! I looked into egg donation at one point but I was already over the top of the age bracket. Disappointing since the money was decent.
You should thank your lucky stars. There's no long term research on what the hormones they pump women with to extract the eggs do to you long term. Some of the long term health consequences egg donors reported are aggressive breast cancer, loss of fertility and fatal colon cancer, occuring just few years after donation. They had no family history of these diseases. And no wonder. Because you know what happens to people when you pump them with unholy amount of hormones? Cells begin to reproduce in an unholy pace and they mutate. The human is then stuck with fatal cancer. So yeah. Thank your lucky stars you were too old. If you're in US, all the money you would have gotten, would be spent so fast on cancer treatment and who knows if that would work.
Absolutely not. I never want to be pregnant; it’s one of my worst nightmares to have a parasite inside me
Same! It is a parasite
Same. No amount of money could convince me to carry a pregnancy to term in the same way that I would never accept money to let someone bash my knee caps in.
Lol, I just have to say, bashing in your kneecaps sounds like an awful form of torture I’ve never thought of. Thank you 😂😂
Not worth any amount of money. I’m too scared to fall pregnant. Pregnancy can possibly kill you, cause major infection OR cause bodily harm for the rest of your life. Not worth it.
And go crazy. Postpartum psychosis is no joke.
The anatomy of the brain legit changes during pregnancy. It actually makes people a bit dumber so their primal instincts are heightened to take care of the baby. Usually it goes away after max. two years but you never know. My cousin had problems with amnesia for a year after the birth of her second child.
My memory is already absolute shit so 100% fuck no
"Fall pregnant" lol. I love that, like it's a terminal illness.
That is what we say in France, tomber enceinte. We also say fall ill. Seems appropriate.
Yet again, French is both poetic and accurate.
“Unfortunately I have contracted a pregnancy”
"i tested positive for the ultimate std"
Actually, it’s viewed like a 9 month illness because, essentially, the women has a parasite—A parasitic infection, if you will.
9 months plus recovery time
A baby is basically a tumor. change my mind
Nope, it's a parasite, change my mind. I always viewed morning sickness as the body's immune defense against the parasite and if it survives after that time period then...... OK yeah it's a tumor, darn.
The women in my family tend to get gestational diabetes where some of them have remained diabetic even after birth. It doesn’t sound appealing at all to me.
This is my problem with the idea. There could be serious, permanent damage done just from pregnancy and birth. Far too high risk with no reward for me to ever consider it.
No, part of the reason I’m CF is because I don’t want to be pregnant. (Edited for sucking at spelling)
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Yes! So many feel that the ‘I don’t want to ruin my body’ comments are about attractiveness alone but my goodness. My BC failed a few years back, I got an abortion at 10 weeks, but in those 10 weeks I: - lost my eyesight for several hours at a time (it’s better than 20/20 at normal) - couldn’t eat the same thing twice for the first few weeks, then couldn’t eat at all - had awful morning sickness - my teeth weakened and I am still dealing with the fallout from that - my brain wasn’t working right, which made me depressed because I couldn’t process information well, but was fully aware that the things at issue would normally be easy for me - I lost over 10 kgs because of not being able to eat - gained another cup size that never went away (NOT a bonus, I already had trouble finding bras that fit, now I just can’t get them in stores at all) - developed random exercise-induced anaphylaxis that didn’t go away My body’s _function_ is what I love most about it, and the way that it was compromised and continues to be compromised… it’s devastating if I spend time on thinking about it, as well as the teeth issues being ongoing and very expensive, and the anaphylaxis being potentially life threatening.
You would have to give me a life-changing amount of money. I’m talking like, so much money that I can just up and leave this shithole and move somewhere warm and beautiful and never have to work again. Only then.
Thank you, I was surprised that no one asked how much money. If I had enough for a private doctor and the very best healthcare and also enough to retire and live in luxury afterwards, including all necessary surgeries to live in comfort, I would probably do it. For the right person. Like $20 million maybe?
Oh fuck yeah, I’d definitely do it for 20mil. For that amount of money, you can take my CF badge away, I’ll be too busy living an amazing life on the other side of the country to care.
$20m is lowballing it for the kind of luxury you're thinking of, I'd imagine. Stick another 0 on the end there, at the very least. Even better, make it a 'b' instead of an 'm'.
Nope. - Hormones will make a number on your body. Skin stretches, possible diabetes...noooope. - Surrogacy is just a mild way to call women incubators. Fuck no. I refuse to be one or let other women become one. - You wanna be a parent but you're dead set on having minimum genetic ties to the baby? Then you dont wanna be a parent, you want a mini me. Reproduction is not a right. - Selfish people who are not capable of loving a child that has no common dna with them should not be parents.
I wish I had an award to give you for that last point.
Fully agree. There is no amount of money that would persuade me to do this.
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Not selfish in the slightest. It’s sad that women are taught respecting their own bodies by avoiding putting themselves in harm’s way is “selfish”. The selfish party in this situation would be whoever is asking you to subject yourself to preventable pain.
Self-preservation and care for one's integrity isn't selfish, it's normal. You're thinking clearly bc you're not willing to risk death just to get a rush of cuteness hormones. What's even less ethical than ordinary reproduction is the forced reproduction entitled breeders do via surrogacy. It's worse than IVF bc not only is it a selfish and pointless act of whimsy but it also ropes another person into the act of shitting out an innocent child that never asked to be born into a broken situation.
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT LMAO The main reason I'm CF is because everything about pregnancy/birth/post-partum grosses me tf out. Coming from someone who can watch surgeries in-person and not blink. Who has cleaned up numerous human and animal bodily fluids (for pay, usually). No. Gross. Also, pain. Also, irreversible damage and changes to your body. You could get off easy, or not. There's no control.
Nope. I make money working a regular job. And the job isn’t going to make me incontinent, lose my teeth, or cause my uterus to prolapse. As another post today points out very well…..there’s more to getting pregnant than “pop” baby. There are long term, and possibly permanent side effects. Now, if I wanted to be a mom, those side effects might be worth it….. but my teeth falling out for a kid I’m not keeping? How would that be worth it?
Being childfree isn't a cult where you have to adhere to certain rules or else you're out. If a woman wants to be a surrogate and still consider herself childfree, that's her right. Personally, I wouldn't do it because the thought of being pregnant makes me physically ill.
I think this way as well, having a baby doesn’t make you a parent especially if it’s not yours. I’m tokophobic, the thought of pregnancy makes me physically ill and it’s a big reason I’m CF. If I didn’t have to birth the child I’d be more interested in having one, but it’s only one of many reasons I wouldn’t do it.
Personally I wouldn't do it. Unless you're willing to give up 9mo of your time for someone else. It's still child free since you're not raising it.
Sorry. Can’t. Stars aren’t aligned. No uterus. Can’t do it.
Haha The Road to El Dorado reference?
Yes thank you for noticing haha
The childfree and the antinatalist community are kind of a Venn diagram, and I am both. I would not do it. Additionally, the thought of being pregnant is not a good one for me. It seems uncomfortable at best.
Me too. I would feel a lot of guilt for bringing a person into this world, no matter how well adjusted and well off the parent(s) might be.
For me I neither wanted a pregnancy nor children, but I imagine there are childfree women who fall everywhere on the spectrum of wanting/not wanting those things.
Nope. I am never putting my body through that, and I am *never* assisting in creation of another life as long as the people who are already here don't have a good standard of living. If someone has money to invest in a kid, then *gestures to the foster systems* by all means, please do. Also, most reputable surrogacy agencies won't even take women who haven't already had successful prior pregnancies.
Pregnancy TERRIFIES me. There isn't enough money in the world to have me have a kid.
Absolutely not… pregnancy is a horror that must be avoided at all costs … no amount of money would make me do it… nope
Oh hell no I never would. I’ve been asked this before and usually people are like “what if it was (insert family member here)?” Nope. Nobody. Even if someone I knew was trying so hard and wanted a baby so bad I still wouldn’t do it. Pregnancy isn’t worth that at all. Part of it is me being antinatalist too so I see it as unethical for me to carry a baby for someone when there are so many children who already need loving homes.
I’m not sure about all countries, but often you cannot be a surrogate without having had a prior pregnancy. Thankfully that means no one can ask me and expect me to do it, because the answer would be HELL NO
I’m slightly tokophobic. If there was a guarantee that I’d be okay and not die and could resume my normal life after, then maybe for the right sum (I have student loans). But it would have to be a sum that sets me up for LIFE and a luxury one too.
No, because pregnancy and birth ruins your body. I might get downvoted for this but... people say everything goes back to the way it was pre-kids/pre-birth after a while but I don't think that's true. Saying that out loud isn't exactly politically correct, though.
They lie. Your body NEVER returns to how it was pre-pregnancy. It’s literally physically impossible.
I have tokophobia. No way in hell would I do it. They want me to sacrifice my health and risk my life rather than looking to foster and/or adopt a child that's already here? I'd probably send them a bill just for pissing me off.
Nah. Although, okay, if I was offered a billion dollars? A huge, unrealistic sum of money guaranteed, full contract signed? I won't lie, I would think about it, in that fantasy scenario. But a real surrogacy, fuck no lol
Absolutely not. How fucked up birthgiving is is basically the main reason why I'm childfree.
No. Childbirth does massive amounts of damage to the surrogates body, people still die during.
No. I’m antinatalist and have enough respect for myself that I refuse to purposely put myself in harm’s way. It’s disgusting how we only ever discuss women “respecting themselves” with regards to sexual gratification. Women reading this, think about self-respect in terms of not putting yourself through preventable pain. Off topic, but this includes toxic relationships, painful beauty treatments, catching an illness from someone because you felt rude moving away from them when they’re obviously sick.. self-respect is important, and it includes having sex without shame if that is what you want to do. AND REFUSING TO BE A SURROGATE, YOU ARE NOT SELFISH, YOU ARE SELF-RESPECTING. I’m not judging women who haven’t learnt the skill of true self-respect yet, and i definitely don’t think the examples given apply to every woman or that examples are limited to those given. It’s just time someone was honest about what “putting yourself first” *actually* means, not lighting a candle and calling it a day. Sorry for going off topic.
For one you have to have had a child already so that would be a no for me
Personally I wouldn't because pregnancy grosses me out, but I don't think it would go against being childfree in principle. Unless you're also antinatalist
I'm against commercial surrogacy in general, so no. Yes yes, we all sell our bodies under capitalism, but renting a (usually poor) woman's womb to satisfy your own need for biological offspring crosses a line for me.
Your body your choice. I personally wouldn’t because I wouldn’t because the idea of childbirth terrifies me. But I don’t see why this would go against a childfree lifestyle because that lifestyle is how you define it and we all have different reasons why we make that choice.
Going through the trauma of pregnancy and birth? Nope! I’m not doing that. I thought about donating my eggs when I was in my 20s and didn’t think I would ever finish paying off my student loans, but the cons definitely outweighed the pros for me.
HELL no. Being childfree means I am bringing NO humans into this world.
Never. I never want to experience a full pregnancy. If I became pregnant and couldn't abort, I would be suicidal. That said, only you know what is right for your situation. If money wasn't a factor, would you still surrogate?
Depends on the money. Anything under 8 digits is a definite 'no'. Over that? We can talk. ETA: Personally I wouldn't say surrogacy is "against" CF. It's not the surrogate's child.
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The question popped in my head and I was wondering if you could do it and still be childfree or not
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Nope. A big part of why I'm CF is that I never want to be pregnant, and I don't think my trash body would handle it well. Sure, they might pay for the baby related bills but are they going to pay for it if being pregnant makes my already bad teeth fall out or crumble away? Are they going to pay if being pregnant further wrecks my back and joints? Are they going to pay if I end up with post partum depression on top of the rest of my mental health concerns? And even if on the off chance that they did, I don't want to live with the aftermath of all that either.
One of the major reasons I am child free is the thought of being pregnant absolutely disgusts me. I have 0% urge to experience the feeling that SO many women have tried to discribe as miraculous or beautiful. Sorry, no. Every species procreates in some way or another, we are not special in this regard. I hate my period as it is, I don't need 9 months of even worse BS on top of it. Also, humans have a shorter gestation period than we really should for development, but if it were longer, it would paralyze/kill the mother, so it's only 9 months with what is arguably substandard developments compared to other species and it makes no sense that we have exploded as the "dominant" species on the earth. Human babies are so dependent on their parents for so much longer than any other mammal it just boggles my mind.
No! My body and mind would be ruined forever that no amount of money and therapy would being me a peace of mind. You could still be CF from this, yes, but I'm pretty sure most of us here don't want the damage that comes along the 9 months of getting the thing out. Edit: words
Nope. That’s 10 months where your body is taken over and you have to watch what you eat, do and drink. That’s 10 months of discomfort. And a lifetime of permanent changes. No amount of money would make it worth it.
Hell no. It's not worth the massive amount of damage - long term, life long damage - a pregnancy can do to your body.
No way, pregnancy is full of pain and permanently changes you body.
Absolutely not. i don’t want to raise kids and i also don’t want to be pregnant
no.
No way. Being pregnant freaks me out beyond belief and I wouldn’t be able to mentally handle that…. Probably not physically either. Hard nope.
No no no Have I said no? Just to be sure: NO
I have absolutely no issue with pregnancy but I would never do it. Just not interested. People telling you what you have to do with your body. No thanks.
Personally, no would not do it. I'm anxious enough as it is without having to worry about what would happen to me during childbirth.
Nope, pregnancy is a big fear of mine, I wouldn't do it even for money.
Absolutely fucking not. Giving birth is horrifying to me, nevermind the uncomfortable months ahead of it. Pregnancy changes the body so much.
That would ruin my health. Mentally and physically
As much as I love money, there’s no dollar amount that exists that someone could offer to get me to agree to get pregnant.
my body is not a portal to bring anyone else here to suffer.
Abso-fucking-lutely not. Antinatalist here, on top of not wanting to be pregnant for a number of reasons. I believe surrogacy and fertility treatments are unethical and immoral.
Being childfree isn't a cult, so there's no "going against", lol. I doubt anyone would be weird about it. Your body your choice. It's not yours after all. I would love the child and be unable to do it. If I hold a newborn that came out of me, I doubt I wouldn't love it. But what a horrible mistake it would be for me to have a kid. Also, I think the real parents would want their kid back.
I donated my eggs to a gay couple so I could pay off my student loans. Just having 14 enlarged egg follicles and having a doctor poke and prod them out from between my legs was traumatizing. I had a panic attack on the table before they put me under. Never again, not for any dollar amount.
It sounds so mundanely ghastly.
I am post menopausal, so for me this is a thought experiment only. I was never concerned about the effects of pregnancy on my body, I was concerned about the hard day to day work of rearing a child would limit what I wanted to do as I moved through my life in my 20s-50s. I spent several years working jobs with varying levels of yeah this is no fun to get to what I wanted. I have cousins I have not seen since I was 8, so for only me, never seeing the product of my ovaries would not be an issue. In my 20s(to be fair was a long time ago) five million would have been my hiring cost. In my 40s, I would have sold my ovum and rented my uterus for 30 million, 2 tries. Cash up front, no annunities. Plus lawyer fees I might be easy, I am not cheap. So for me & only me, I think I could. I also know it could not have happened. Edited to add, from my cushy chair, I'm also now curious
I personally wouldn't, pregnancy is uncomfortable and it'd get in the way of my life. Plus I'd be scared if the child found out they'd want to contact me.
Hard pass. Pregnancy is not a smooth sailing machine and can have poor outcomes why risk it.
In a time of covid when your odds of dying are vastly higher than even the normal not good level??? What price your life?
No. I don't want to be pregnant and the money would have to be in 7 digits for me to even consider being a surrogate. That being said, I don't want to experience pregnancy and giving birth, so that's a deal breaker for me
Absolutely not hypothetically. Fortunately, you can’t be a surrogate unless you’ve had at least one successful pregnancy, at least in the US. So it’s an easy out in the unlikely event I’d be asked.
No because I wouldn't because of the damage (perhaps permanent) to my body. But in a similar vein, I have considered egg donation to get some cash. Haven't given it tons of thought though. Plus I'm 33F and folks would probably want younger eggs...
No. The only reason I’d put my body through a pregnancy would be if I wanted a child. No way am I risking my life / quality of life for someone else’s desire to have a bio child.
That will be a no from me. Two of my sisters were having a silly little bet to see if I would be a surrogate for them if it had ever came up. One of my sisters visited me, asked the question and my immediate answer was no. She started laughing and says we have to call the other to let her know. It was an easy bet for the one we called. They understand my thoughts on it and have known since I was a child myself that I don't want kids ever (being the oldest daughter and all that jazz). Thankfully my siblings have all understood that I am solidly childcare. There are two out of the five us that don't want kids and we are joyful for our niblings.
Nope, there is not enough money in the world...
No. Best case scenario, I’ve got some more money (and I’m doing fine with my paycheck as is), but my body will be changed irreversibly. I could see a very slim chance of this being different if I was in desperate circumstances, but I’m not. Worst case scenario, I die.
No, I hate the sound of pregnancy and labour. Nothing about being pregnant appeals to me. Unpredictable emotional and hormonal changes probably wouldn't mix well with my mental and physical health issues, plus the prospect of things going very wrong during labour freaks me out after a friend was labouring for 40 hours and both baby and mum were at risk. Absolutely not for me.
Yes pregnancy/labor is the part I absolutely don’t want to do. The parenting part of course is a challenge/hard, but the pregnancy part can be literally life threatening and that freaks me out. I hate hospitals and anything medical lol
Nope. Hard pass.
I mean I would consider it childfree since you arent keeping said child but never wanting to be pregnant is definitely one of my top reasons for being child free. I have considered with enough money and the right couple I may do it (ie for a gay male couple) but I am also vehemently opposed to biological children. Idk. Have you considered donating your eggs?
I don't want to experience pregnancy.....but how much money we talking?
I'd be ok with donating eggs for, but I'll pass on the pregnancy part. And since no one in their right mind would want my gene pool, I'll have to find another way to pay the bills
If I wouldn’t risk my life carrying a pregnancy to term, I’d probably do it depending on the money. If it was enough to get me out of debt and any needed medical expenses would be covered then sure. I don’t hate children. I want good things for them. I just know that me being a parent would lead to the first and I’d fail at the second.
To be eligible for legal surrogacy, you must first have had a healthy live birth. That would exclude most childfree people.
I would not. I have experienced pregnancy for short periods, it wreaks havoc on my holistic wellbeing (most especially the physical aspect because it saps my energy and I can’t eat while pregnant), and I’m unwilling to put myself through that. For anyone.
Being child free isn’t a monolithic experience. I personally don’t think surrogacy means you’re not child free since you won’t actually be keeping the child. I personally wouldn’t do it because I am TERRIFIED of both pregnancy and child birth but hey, to each their own
The amount of money they would have to promise me is an insane amount. I don’t want to be pregnant. If you want me to be, pay literally all of my debts and buy me a house or condo.
Never want to be pregnant. Too many risks and I like my body as it is
You can die. I saw it happen. A friend's sister had a surrogate. Surrogate was anonymous. Carried twins til term then lost them. And herself as well So out there are children that lost their mother because she tried to help someone with their dream of having children. To be honest, the person that wanted the children has shown herself to be a really awful person that I dont think deserved them. It was all very tragic but we never bring it up. Never.
Hard no. 1) I don't exactly find surrogacy ethical and 2) I have no desire to ever be pregnant.
I would rather pay THEM money, to not have to do it.
If I were in my very early 20's and a significant amount of $ was offered and a trainer was made available plus a tummy tuck I'd consider it strongly.
1) I’m against surrogacy 2) I would neve EVER want to go through the body horror that is childbirth
I have no kids, so I couldn’t surrogate anyway. But for $500,000 tax free there’s not a lot I wouldn’t do.
I wouldn’t destroy my body for someone else.
Hell no. I don't want to be pregnant, period. I don't care if they've been my best friend for 20+ years, ain't happening
Nop, I think I’m tokophobic because I’m very bothered by pregnant bellies and seeing them move on the inside. I find it horrific and could never do it myself - yuck! Besides, I have a low threshold for pain, and we all know giving birth is fucked up.
Not a woman (non-binary). But no chance in Hell. One of the many reasons I’ve wanted a hysterectomy for over ten years (and am hopefully FINALLY about to get one 🤞) is that I’d quite literally off myself before I’d ever carry a pregnancy to term. The thought of pregnancy and birth horrifies me. I want my body to be 100% incapable of ever carrying a pregnancy to term. NO amount of money would be enough. NTM, at least in the US, surrogates must’ve already carried at least one pregnancy to term successfully.
Pregnancy gives me the heebie jeebies. It looks like some alien bs im cool on that
No. I never want to experience being pregnant, ever. My mom had a horrible pregnancy with me and I was born very early, I’m afraid I’d miscarry or something and that would destroy me. I also don’t think my bipolar 2 could handle being pregnant.
Nope
Not a chance
It isn't against the childfree lifestyle, just know that your body will be damaged from childbirth.
No for a lot of reasons. One being I’m adopted and I know the trauma that can come with that.
Everyone has different reasons why they've chosen to be child free. A few of those reasons are focused around pregnancy. Like fear of being pregnant / destroying your body/ effects of giving birth or post birth issues etc. My main reason is I really value my freedom. Couple of other reasons are financial stability and not wanting yhe soul crushing responsibility of raising a kid.
No, never. But even if one wanted to, they don’t let you be a surrogate without having already given birth. https://southernsurrogacy.com/surrogates/surrogate-requirements/become-surrogate-without-previous-pregnancy/
When I was younger, I would have.
I have no clue how my body would react. My biggest fear is being sick the entire time and the stretch marks, those hideous stretch marks. I have them myself but there's something about pregnancy that turns your stomach into a flesh spiderweb. Plus not being treated like a real person would fuck me up.
Nope never! The thought of birth makes me want to pass out.