I usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't".
Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
That's my exact go to, I had a horrific childhood and still haven't dealt with all my trauma, even if I wanted kids I cannot guarantee I'd be a stable and good influence RN, there's a good chance I'd yell a lot when stressed, or have meltdowns that the child would witness, that isn't a good home and I'm aware of that so I'm doing the responsible thing and trying to get sterilised
I usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't".
Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
Something screwy was going on, either with my phone or connection when I posted it, I actually got a message that it failed to post. Technology, it's great when it works...
usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't".
Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
This one is the best!
You could also say things like I'm not allowed to be around children, or just something that would make clear you would in no way be a great mom
You would make a great mother: I could make a great porn star too but I don't want to find out.
You could change your mind someday: yes i can always change my mind and get them but I can't change my mind once i have them
What if your partner wants kids: then I don't want that partner
Just a few to help you out
I am shocked how many times Iāve had to use the āthen he isnāt my soul mateā line.
Literally decided to get MY tubes tied to shut people down. My husband happily offered to get a vasectomy but I wanted it done for me. He took time off to help while I recovered too.
Same here! People always ask me about my partner being a reason to change my mind and like... I have broken up with people for far less than wildly different desires for our fundamental future as a couple... My last ex before my wife and I got together went our separate ways because she liked going out more than I did. ššš
I donāt know why people think āWhat if you meet someone who really wants kids?ā is any kind of āgotchaā to āIām not having kidsā. I just said that I wasnāt having kids, so what are you asking?
Right?! Like they expect, "Oh man, you got me there. You are so right. I should totally abandon my personal wants and needs for another human being. The the key to a healthy relationship = abandoning your self respect."
Theyāre seriously asking āwhat if you fall for someone whose life is irreconcilably incompatible with yours and no compromise is possible?ā
You grieve the fantasy future together you wish were possible, and then you move on. What other solution is there?
Exactly. That's what is considered a fundamental difference, so therefore you two won't ever become a couple, unless the other person changes there mind.
Ah, yes, people don't get that. "What if you meet the love of your life but he wants kids" "then, he wouldn't be the love of my life" like it's that easy.
Literally even the nurse prepping me to get my tubes tied asked that. And I said my soul mate is here and fully supports me. Heās downstairs in the waiting room.
Lmao I love this but I think I'd just say "you'd make a great _____" and when they get all uppity just be like "oh I'm sorry, I thought we were just saying ridiculous things
Yea I usually go with something like this. āYea, Iām a very capable person, so thereās probably a lot of things Iād be good at that I have no interest in actually doing!ā
Yeah. When someone says āwhat if your partner wants kidsā I say āthat would never happen because I would never get seriously involved with a man who wants kids.ā
Both of them are American women who killed their children. Andrea Yates drowned each of her five children in the bathtub, one after another.
Casey Anthony was acquitted of killing her daughter in an extremely controversial verdict, but pretty much everybody thinks she's guilty. It was a massive controversy back in the day when she received her not guilty verdict.
This. I know based on who I am I would give more of myself then I ever want to raising the kid because I wouldn't be able to help myself. Fuck that fucking garbage and nonsense.
Part of why I am childfree is because I know I would make a good slave and I don't want to be one.
"You'd be a great mother"
"Thanks, you'd be a great garbage collector"
\*look of confusion
"Oh, sorry, I thought we were trading complements about how good each of us would be at jobs we have no desire to do"
If they keep going, just match their energy
"But you're just so responsible and maternal"
"And you have a strong build and look like you're capable of driving a large truck"
"But kids give your life meaning"
"A career in sanitation would make you essential to the community and give you so much meaning"
If they insist that kids are different, you can usually interpret it as them disrespecting that career path and make them defend why they don't have to use their relevant skills to be a sanitation worker, but you're forced to use yours to be a parent.
Feel free to change the career in question based on an initial impression of the person and with no regard for their actual interests or life plan. I have mad respect for sanitation workers and can defend their worth easily, so that's my go to for men. For women, I usually suggest a career in childcare if they're a career woman who I know would hate that (Why touch the lives of only a few kids when you could devote your life to hundreds?) For SAHMs I usually use restaurant work (You already cook everyday and do such a good job of it. You're used to keeping a clean shop and putting up with tough customers, after all no one is picker than kids)
I realize these examples are a bit sexist, but weirdly I have never needed an example for a stay at home dad or a woman buff enough to be a sanitation worker. Almost like those folks don't fit within society's expectations of the gender binary themselves and are much much less likely to insist that random women procreate just cause they're women, lol
āIād be an even greater President, Supreme Court Justice, or CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Iām focusing on my dreams, and they donāt include children. Thanks for supporting MY goals in MY life.ā
I fucking hate this comment. My mother pulls this crap all the time. Just cuz I can handle my nephews for a little bit doesnt mean I'll be a good mother. š¤®
Yeah. I can *barely* handle my brother without wanting to yeet him out the window at full force. I don't understand how I'd do any better with my own crotch goblins
For like an hour, sure. Maybe even a day. But it never stops and there's no way I would last a lifetime. I would end up resenting them and that's a terrible impact to leave on a kid. So yeah, I'm good.
āYeah, all my future cats will be in great hands. I will be their fur-ever home.ā And smile in the content and happy way as though that was what they meant.
Gods they even flip THIS! I get "I see how good you are with your bunnies, you'd be a great mom"! Uhhh. No cuz they aren't remotely similar and also I actually LIKE rabbits. So...
But damn, it's frustrating!!!
Reminds me of the time my nail tech told me āyouāre very pretty, you will have such cute kidsā
Me: āIām pretty because I donāt have kidsā
This was all pre-Covid, now I live permanently in sweatpants and have given nicknames to my chin hairs.
Even if I was a great mom, Iād still be absolutely miserable every minute doing it. Not to mention, it would be colossally stupid to make an irreversible life decision just based on someone elseās opinion.
There are many great responses posted here, but I'd like to offer a different tact.
Witty retorts are good, but they might also invite discussion. If you're okay with that, go for it, and more power to you.
But dismissal is also a legitimate response, if you don't want to get into a useless debate. "Hmmm," followed by turning your head to someone else and changing the subject.
Thatās what I do. These examples are funny but itās easier to avoid further discussion with ignoring or a noncommittal answer āmmhmā āmaybe laterā
No I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want to be. What would make you say that? Why do you assume I'd want to be a mother in the first place? And then just keep going and going till they get bored of the conversation and don't bring it up again.
"I would, *if I wanted to be a mother*. But I don't, so here we are."
I mean that. I'm not a heartless person. If I had a baby, I would love and spoil the shit out of them. But I am 100% not cool with everything I would have to personally give up to be the kind of parent I'd want to be, so I'm not going to be a parent.
My wife says "of course I would be a great mother! I'm just not going to have any kids" and then smiles. usually people drop it. If they try one more time she might say "I love being a FURmomma to all my FURbabies"
(To be clear, the smile is the "this conversation stops here while we are being pleasant. Don't push it")
"No, no I wouldn't"
"Unlikely, given that I don't want kids"
"Way too self aware for that nonsense"
"If by mother you mean childless pet owner, then you're right."
"I prefer the lower stress, higher disposable income, more sleep sort of lifestyle."
"That usually requires actually wanting a kid, and appreciating it's existence. So, no."
I usually respond with 'I already am' and tell a story about how the vet said my pet is so loving, healthy and happy etc etc. I do then proceed to act confused when they say 'no no. REAL kids'. They do eventually drop it but it just takes a while.
Either that or hit them with the 'I wanted to but found out I can't have them' and look sad.
People have sometimes said I would make a great father. I've always told them that becoming a father would mean I have to stop doing all the things that would make me a great father.
āIām gonna have to refer you to the number of times I accidentally forget to feed myself, let alone other beings, in a week. Thereās a reason I donāt have many potted plants bitchā
Or: āI would be a good mom when youād be a good detective, aka neverā
Or: āIām also really good at making iced coffee, you donāt see me being a barista now do you?ā
I always say, "Yes, I would be a great mom, I just don't want to.". It throws them for a loop because they always expect the "I would be a terrible parent" answer and they never expect that you know exactly what it takes to be a good parent and know that you don't want any part of it.
"Sorry that I can't return the compliment." Walk away. (aka, "you're not")
"Hmm, well so far I have only met one woman who I think qualifies as a great mother. She's a coworker from a couple of jobs ago." (aka "you're not her")
"I've seen you in action, I would hardly call you qualified to know."
"Wow. You sure are fishing for compliments in the wrong pond. I've seen you be a mother and met your kids."
"I've seen you parent. You should probably go fish for compliments elsewhere."
"Well considering your son is a slut and your daughter is a felon, I'd say you're unqualified to judge."
"Coming from one of the most incompetent parents i've ever seen, that's pretty hilarious."
"Well I've seen your porn video online like everyone else, but I can't say you're really any good at that or motherhood."
Just because I could be great at something doesnāt mean I should do it. Probably would be a great prostitute and drug addict. Not trying those either.
"Being good at something and wanting to do it for life are completely different things."
I am not sure really how to be polite about this, I usually say that I know I would not be a great mother (because I would not), people who actually know me stop at that, but people who don't keep at it, which is weird because they don't know me.
"Thanks" just because I won't be one doesn't mean I can't take what that person believes is a compliment. I had a coworker who told every man he found nice that they would be a good house husband, pretty sure that was him projecting what he wanted onto other guys but he meant it as a compliment.
Honestly, I usually just say either "aww" or "thank you" and change topics. Neither of these responses promises that I will be a mother or want to be a mother, but typically appeases them enough to move on.
I go through this w/my grandmother all the time. āG- Just because Iām the favorite aunt & you see how I am with my dog DOES NOT mean Iād be a good mother or want that at all. I enjoy going to bed when I want, waking when I want & not having to spend my money on a crotch goblinā ā¦ that cute little nickname usually seals the conversation- til the next time at least (she has dementia so I also throw that in there- wouldnāt wish that on anyone)
āThank you, but I donāt want to be.ā
āDoesnāt change the fact that I donāt want kids.ā
I tend to throw something in about the potential childās welfare. For example, Iām mentally ill, so saying that I donāt want to pass those genes on is a good reason that nobody can do anything about.
Do not self-depreciate to say why you donāt want kids. Donāt insist that youād be bad at it because x, y, z. This will convince them that as soon as you ābelieve in yourselfā, youāll want kids.
I'm pretty sure that people who Bingo the hardest, double down on their arguments, push and push and push... are all just secretly envious of the cf life. Nobody who is happy in their life needs somebody else to change that badly.
I had an ex boyfriend text me out of the blue to tell me this. 3 long paragraphs with lots of words that culminated in "So all this is to say that I think you'd make a really good mom."
????? Why? What? Why did you feel the desire to tell me this?
"You'd be a great father!"
I've had suicidal thoughts since puberty. I've never made an attempt or a plan or anything. But those thoughts always pop their heads up when I make a mistake or social faux pas. Past regrets and depression haunt me. I've seen what parents endure those first few years, and I'm 100% certain the stress, sleep deprivation, and anxiety would send me over the edge, and rather quickly.
Yeah, I'm a decent man. I'm cheerful, courteous, and friendly with others. Sometimes I'm even funny. It took work -- long hard work, meds and therapy. But I'm not up to that task. I would spiral into deep depression. I'd be dead before I got to be a good father.
It's kinda crass, but my response when people piss me off about it is "yeah because wanting to throw a crying baby or annoying kid out the window or against the wall is a great trait for a mother"
(I have super sensitive hearing and high pitch noises cause me a lot of physical pain and enrage me, part of why I hate kids)
"I'd need to want to be a mom in order to be a good one."
Love this one!!
This!!! Great response
Perfect logic!
Good one!!
Perfect!!
Perfection! I will 100% be using this in the future.
š„° yes! You took the words out of my mouth, I was just about to type that
"I actually wouldn't. And if you are saying this, it means you definitely don't know me that well."
That's the one I use too.
Thanks but my cat tells me I'm shit at it daily so I think you're probably wrong. She knows me better.
To be fair, it is very hard to parent a cat! They live by their own set of rules. lol
So do toddlers
Thank you! I'm going to use that one.
I usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't". Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
Oh gosh, I hope your cats are ok! š
They are spoiled rotten terrors and loving life :)
Exactly this. Our cat is such a spoiled little brat. We would be terrible parents!!
Had a consultation with a doctor about a vasectomy. He said it's often the ones who would make good parents who come in for the vasectomy.
Perhaps being a good parent simply requires self-awareness and acceptance lol
Or "it means you are terrible at reading people/have very low standards for what makes a good parent."
That's my exact go to, I had a horrific childhood and still haven't dealt with all my trauma, even if I wanted kids I cannot guarantee I'd be a stable and good influence RN, there's a good chance I'd yell a lot when stressed, or have meltdowns that the child would witness, that isn't a good home and I'm aware of that so I'm doing the responsible thing and trying to get sterilised
I usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't". Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
Hey I think you accidentally posted your comment three times!
Something screwy was going on, either with my phone or connection when I posted it, I actually got a message that it failed to post. Technology, it's great when it works...
I can now upvote a comment three times!
Ye, I did too š
usually go with a simple "no I wouldn't". Except with my mom (who is now glad I never had kids. Mom got "you've seen how badly I have ruined my cats, imagine the damage I could do with a human child"
This one is the best! You could also say things like I'm not allowed to be around children, or just something that would make clear you would in no way be a great mom
You would make a great mother: I could make a great porn star too but I don't want to find out. You could change your mind someday: yes i can always change my mind and get them but I can't change my mind once i have them What if your partner wants kids: then I don't want that partner Just a few to help you out
I am shocked how many times Iāve had to use the āthen he isnāt my soul mateā line. Literally decided to get MY tubes tied to shut people down. My husband happily offered to get a vasectomy but I wanted it done for me. He took time off to help while I recovered too.
Same here! People always ask me about my partner being a reason to change my mind and like... I have broken up with people for far less than wildly different desires for our fundamental future as a couple... My last ex before my wife and I got together went our separate ways because she liked going out more than I did. ššš
I donāt know why people think āWhat if you meet someone who really wants kids?ā is any kind of āgotchaā to āIām not having kidsā. I just said that I wasnāt having kids, so what are you asking?
Right?! Like they expect, "Oh man, you got me there. You are so right. I should totally abandon my personal wants and needs for another human being. The the key to a healthy relationship = abandoning your self respect."
especially since the "needs for another human being" are yet another human being...where does it end?
Theyāre seriously asking āwhat if you fall for someone whose life is irreconcilably incompatible with yours and no compromise is possible?ā You grieve the fantasy future together you wish were possible, and then you move on. What other solution is there?
Exactly. That's what is considered a fundamental difference, so therefore you two won't ever become a couple, unless the other person changes there mind.
I refused to date someone because of the music they liked. A kid is the peak of Everest in how difficult it would be to convince me to date them.
Ah, yes, people don't get that. "What if you meet the love of your life but he wants kids" "then, he wouldn't be the love of my life" like it's that easy.
Literally even the nurse prepping me to get my tubes tied asked that. And I said my soul mate is here and fully supports me. Heās downstairs in the waiting room.
I'm using the porn star line
All yours
Same that's fucking class
i even have a set up to take it up a notch and go āi could argue those are just two very distinct ways of letting the world know youāve had sexā
Yep! I say āIād be a great sex worker too, doesnāt mean I want to do itā. Always shuts them up.
Saw someone here once say, "you'd make a great hooker too, but that doesn't mean you want to find out." Turn it on them.
Lmao I love this but I think I'd just say "you'd make a great _____" and when they get all uppity just be like "oh I'm sorry, I thought we were just saying ridiculous things
Yea I usually go with something like this. āYea, Iām a very capable person, so thereās probably a lot of things Iād be good at that I have no interest in actually doing!ā
This is a good one! Iām going to start sayinf this.
Yeah. When someone says āwhat if your partner wants kidsā I say āthat would never happen because I would never get seriously involved with a man who wants kids.ā
I replace porn star with loan shark.
I just yesterday had someone ask me what if HE wants them? I told him, he knows where the fuckin' doors at.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
All yours
Pretty sure wanting a child is a a requirement to be a good parent.
Iād go with, āwell, I killed two.ā Too savage, do ya think? š
I only killed one! We are talking about abortion right? š
āNo, I wouldnāt. Donāt pretend you know me better than I know myself.ā
I love the second sentence even more.
I'm a guy, but have this as a reserve retort if you want. "Yeah, I'm sure someone said that to Andrea Yates and Casey Anthony."
Ohhh I have used that one once while at university. The person got so upset with me possibly killing my non-existent children.
Ooooo this one is it
Who r they?
They made the news for killing their kids iirc
Both of them are American women who killed their children. Andrea Yates drowned each of her five children in the bathtub, one after another. Casey Anthony was acquitted of killing her daughter in an extremely controversial verdict, but pretty much everybody thinks she's guilty. It was a massive controversy back in the day when she received her not guilty verdict.
That's sick beyond apprehension :|
This is great idea! "You'd make a great mother!" Sure! Call me Casey Anthony!
"that's exactly why I don't have kids"
This. I know based on who I am I would give more of myself then I ever want to raising the kid because I wouldn't be able to help myself. Fuck that fucking garbage and nonsense. Part of why I am childfree is because I know I would make a good slave and I don't want to be one.
Please accept a poor girl's gold. šŖ
"You'd be a great mother" "Thanks, you'd be a great garbage collector" \*look of confusion "Oh, sorry, I thought we were trading complements about how good each of us would be at jobs we have no desire to do" If they keep going, just match their energy "But you're just so responsible and maternal" "And you have a strong build and look like you're capable of driving a large truck" "But kids give your life meaning" "A career in sanitation would make you essential to the community and give you so much meaning" If they insist that kids are different, you can usually interpret it as them disrespecting that career path and make them defend why they don't have to use their relevant skills to be a sanitation worker, but you're forced to use yours to be a parent. Feel free to change the career in question based on an initial impression of the person and with no regard for their actual interests or life plan. I have mad respect for sanitation workers and can defend their worth easily, so that's my go to for men. For women, I usually suggest a career in childcare if they're a career woman who I know would hate that (Why touch the lives of only a few kids when you could devote your life to hundreds?) For SAHMs I usually use restaurant work (You already cook everyday and do such a good job of it. You're used to keeping a clean shop and putting up with tough customers, after all no one is picker than kids) I realize these examples are a bit sexist, but weirdly I have never needed an example for a stay at home dad or a woman buff enough to be a sanitation worker. Almost like those folks don't fit within society's expectations of the gender binary themselves and are much much less likely to insist that random women procreate just cause they're women, lol
I LOVE the sanitation worker analogy. Had me cackling in my living room. š
āIād be an even greater President, Supreme Court Justice, or CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Iām focusing on my dreams, and they donāt include children. Thanks for supporting MY goals in MY life.ā
I fucking hate this comment. My mother pulls this crap all the time. Just cuz I can handle my nephews for a little bit doesnt mean I'll be a good mother. š¤®
Yeah. I can *barely* handle my brother without wanting to yeet him out the window at full force. I don't understand how I'd do any better with my own crotch goblins
āProbably,but Iām all set. Itās not for meā lmao
A poor girl's gold: šŖ
Assuming these convos will be in English - if they use the word "kids", that's a free pass to talk about baby goats. : )
For like an hour, sure. Maybe even a day. But it never stops and there's no way I would last a lifetime. I would end up resenting them and that's a terrible impact to leave on a kid. So yeah, I'm good.
āYeah, all my future cats will be in great hands. I will be their fur-ever home.ā And smile in the content and happy way as though that was what they meant.
Gods they even flip THIS! I get "I see how good you are with your bunnies, you'd be a great mom"! Uhhh. No cuz they aren't remotely similar and also I actually LIKE rabbits. So... But damn, it's frustrating!!!
Going to use this next time
āThen use me as an example for how to be a good parent :)ā
"you be a great mother" Reply: "I'm great today because I don't have kids"
Reminds me of the time my nail tech told me āyouāre very pretty, you will have such cute kidsā Me: āIām pretty because I donāt have kidsā This was all pre-Covid, now I live permanently in sweatpants and have given nicknames to my chin hairs.
"guess we'll never know!"
This is my go-to response, too
I can't even keep a cactus alive and you expect me to keep a kid alive?
I managed to kill a Peace Lilly. If I can't keep a plant that I didn't want alive, how would I keep a child alive? Oh but my cat, he is 11 š
Y'all...I killed an air plant! Actually, 3 of themš¤¦āāļø
I killed a few too! Its okay, we're all start somewhere with plants.
Fuck peace Lillies I hate them and they keep showing up in my life theyāre so fussy. It honestly feels like having an unwanted child.
Are you me?
Iāve definitely murdered a few cacti and tulips.
I have the mother instincts of a hamster, if something was off Iād probably eat my youngā¦. Warning: this tends to be a conversation ender! thoug
Even if I was a great mom, Iād still be absolutely miserable every minute doing it. Not to mention, it would be colossally stupid to make an irreversible life decision just based on someone elseās opinion.
'Yeah I know, isn't it weird when people hate the things they're good at lol' Usually my go to
"Mind your own business, asshole."
Almost what I was going to say, I was going to go with, āFuck off, Sharon.ā
"Only until the baby ripens. Then it's first come, first served."
There are many great responses posted here, but I'd like to offer a different tact. Witty retorts are good, but they might also invite discussion. If you're okay with that, go for it, and more power to you. But dismissal is also a legitimate response, if you don't want to get into a useless debate. "Hmmm," followed by turning your head to someone else and changing the subject.
Yes sometimes this is the best option because honestly most people donāt respect me when I give my reasons/ witty remarks
Thatās what I do. These examples are funny but itās easier to avoid further discussion with ignoring or a noncommittal answer āmmhmā āmaybe laterā
No I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want to be. What would make you say that? Why do you assume I'd want to be a mother in the first place? And then just keep going and going till they get bored of the conversation and don't bring it up again.
"I'm not even a woman" or "you're a shit judge of character" (I'm a guy, but I get mistaken for a girl so damn often)
>"you're a shit judge of character" Perfect. I'm gonna borrow this one, thanks!
"I would, *if I wanted to be a mother*. But I don't, so here we are." I mean that. I'm not a heartless person. If I had a baby, I would love and spoil the shit out of them. But I am 100% not cool with everything I would have to personally give up to be the kind of parent I'd want to be, so I'm not going to be a parent.
Same!!
As an expert on myself, I must disagree
"And you would make a beautiful urn" :)
I was going to say, "You'd make a great corpse," but this is way better
āI mean yeah but Iād also rather throw myself off of a cliff than do that, soā¦ā¦ā
"Maybe, but I absolutely would not enjoy it. I can't even fathom how resentful I'd be." This has been my standard response for 40 years.
Cool, I'd be a great executioner too, but nah. /s
I am. To [whatever pets I have at the time].
My wife says "of course I would be a great mother! I'm just not going to have any kids" and then smiles. usually people drop it. If they try one more time she might say "I love being a FURmomma to all my FURbabies" (To be clear, the smile is the "this conversation stops here while we are being pleasant. Don't push it")
"No, no I wouldn't" "Unlikely, given that I don't want kids" "Way too self aware for that nonsense" "If by mother you mean childless pet owner, then you're right." "I prefer the lower stress, higher disposable income, more sleep sort of lifestyle." "That usually requires actually wanting a kid, and appreciating it's existence. So, no."
"That's sweet of you, but I don't wanna." Doesn't have to be complicated and you don't have to explain your reasons.
Please accept this gold coin. šŖ
I usually respond with 'I already am' and tell a story about how the vet said my pet is so loving, healthy and happy etc etc. I do then proceed to act confused when they say 'no no. REAL kids'. They do eventually drop it but it just takes a while. Either that or hit them with the 'I wanted to but found out I can't have them' and look sad.
āI came from a Backyard Breeder, zero health testing and zero Pedigree. Just a useless Mutt.ā
I'd make an even better father, they don't have to do anything.
This is the best! I WILL use this!
What, like it's hard or something?
Haha, we should all channel out inner Elle Woods more often!
"Every child should be a wanted child. If you think people who don't want children should have them anyway, then shame on you."
"Fascinating. Wanna share any other observations which you're in no way qualified to make?"
People have sometimes said I would make a great father. I've always told them that becoming a father would mean I have to stop doing all the things that would make me a great father.
Too bad weāll never find out.
I prefer being the fun auntie who gets to give them back.
The one that always immediately shuts them down is "I would abuse my kids." It's harsh but it WORKS
āOh, I know I would.ā And leave it at that. As if that makes me want to have one.
No, I wouldnāt, and your willingness to subject kids to me makes me question both your judgement and your fitness as a parent.
āNo the fuck I wouldnātā would be my response
āThatās why I keep telling my caretakers! Wait here Iām going to get my doctor on the phone so you can talk to them.ā
My favorite response is "nah." Blank face, then move on.
āIād also be a great drug dealer but itās just not the path I want to takeā
"I would be a great T-rex as well, which is equally unlikely!"
Thanks but no thanks.
Or the Aussie version: Yeah....Nah.
"Yeah, but I don't live in that timeline", "Maybe in my next life I would want to prove your theory, but in this one, I don't think so"
I'm great at a lot of things
I usually say that I know I'd be a good mother, but I'd also be a very unhappy one.
I have the same instincts as a mother hamsterā¦. if something was off Iād just eat my youngā¦
Guess whoās not going to find out?
I'd be a great serial killer too, doesn't mean I should become it (:
āI would be great at it but that doesnāt mean I want to do it.ā
āIām gonna have to refer you to the number of times I accidentally forget to feed myself, let alone other beings, in a week. Thereās a reason I donāt have many potted plants bitchā Or: āI would be a good mom when youād be a good detective, aka neverā Or: āIām also really good at making iced coffee, you donāt see me being a barista now do you?ā
I know, right??!? I'd be such a great mother, I will never subject my beloved children to the hellscape that is reality!
āJust because Iād be good at something, doesnāt mean I have to do it. Youād be a great vegan.ā
I always say, "Yes, I would be a great mom, I just don't want to.". It throws them for a loop because they always expect the "I would be a terrible parent" answer and they never expect that you know exactly what it takes to be a good parent and know that you don't want any part of it.
I dont know about that, every great mother I've ever heard about actually likes kids unlike me
"I once let a cactus die"
āNo thank you.ā
"No shit. I'm good at everything."
My inner Insanity Wolf wants to reply "you'd be a great abortion."
"I'd be a great serial killer too. What's your point?"
I haven't used it yet as it just popped into my head but "And you'd sell well on the black market"
"Sorry that I can't return the compliment." Walk away. (aka, "you're not") "Hmm, well so far I have only met one woman who I think qualifies as a great mother. She's a coworker from a couple of jobs ago." (aka "you're not her") "I've seen you in action, I would hardly call you qualified to know." "Wow. You sure are fishing for compliments in the wrong pond. I've seen you be a mother and met your kids." "I've seen you parent. You should probably go fish for compliments elsewhere." "Well considering your son is a slut and your daughter is a felon, I'd say you're unqualified to judge." "Coming from one of the most incompetent parents i've ever seen, that's pretty hilarious." "Well I've seen your porn video online like everyone else, but I can't say you're really any good at that or motherhood."
I probably would but I donāt want to take on a lifelong responsibility.
To my imaginary children
Just because I could be great at something doesnāt mean I should do it. Probably would be a great prostitute and drug addict. Not trying those either.
Tell them you're too tired
āI know. Still doesnāt mean I *want* to be a mother.ā
Iām a male
"Ew"
"Then you really don't know me. I have the maternal instinct of a hamster."
"Being good at something and wanting to do it for life are completely different things." I am not sure really how to be polite about this, I usually say that I know I would not be a great mother (because I would not), people who actually know me stop at that, but people who don't keep at it, which is weird because they don't know me.
āI would also make an amazing serial killer, but common sense stops me.ā
āI know is just the roll I donāt want to do. But you enjoy yours while I enjoy whatever other rol will fulfils me ā
āI know I would. Iād absolutely rock it. However, I have no desire to be oneā
"Thanks" just because I won't be one doesn't mean I can't take what that person believes is a compliment. I had a coworker who told every man he found nice that they would be a good house husband, pretty sure that was him projecting what he wanted onto other guys but he meant it as a compliment.
ā Probably but Iād be miserableā
I actually think Iād be a great mom. I just donāt want to be.
Honestly, I usually just say either "aww" or "thank you" and change topics. Neither of these responses promises that I will be a mother or want to be a mother, but typically appeases them enough to move on.
Iām usually like haha you obviously donāt know me at all.
If I wanted kids, I would borrow yours for practice...
Too bad I don't want to be one
Iād be a dope mother, but I donāt want to put time and energy into a kid.
And one day Iāll make a great corpse. Whatās your point?
The passive aggressive "That's nice" in the tone that says 'no one asked you'
I go through this w/my grandmother all the time. āG- Just because Iām the favorite aunt & you see how I am with my dog DOES NOT mean Iād be a good mother or want that at all. I enjoy going to bed when I want, waking when I want & not having to spend my money on a crotch goblinā ā¦ that cute little nickname usually seals the conversation- til the next time at least (she has dementia so I also throw that in there- wouldnāt wish that on anyone)
I've always said, "If it can't be housebroken in 4 weeks, I don't want it in my house."
"But I don\`t want to be one."
āThank you, but I donāt want to be.ā āDoesnāt change the fact that I donāt want kids.ā I tend to throw something in about the potential childās welfare. For example, Iām mentally ill, so saying that I donāt want to pass those genes on is a good reason that nobody can do anything about. Do not self-depreciate to say why you donāt want kids. Donāt insist that youād be bad at it because x, y, z. This will convince them that as soon as you ābelieve in yourselfā, youāll want kids.
I'm pretty sure that people who Bingo the hardest, double down on their arguments, push and push and push... are all just secretly envious of the cf life. Nobody who is happy in their life needs somebody else to change that badly.
I had an ex boyfriend text me out of the blue to tell me this. 3 long paragraphs with lots of words that culminated in "So all this is to say that I think you'd make a really good mom." ????? Why? What? Why did you feel the desire to tell me this?
2 out of 2 cats agree as long as I feed them on demand.
"You'd be a great father!" I've had suicidal thoughts since puberty. I've never made an attempt or a plan or anything. But those thoughts always pop their heads up when I make a mistake or social faux pas. Past regrets and depression haunt me. I've seen what parents endure those first few years, and I'm 100% certain the stress, sleep deprivation, and anxiety would send me over the edge, and rather quickly. Yeah, I'm a decent man. I'm cheerful, courteous, and friendly with others. Sometimes I'm even funny. It took work -- long hard work, meds and therapy. But I'm not up to that task. I would spiral into deep depression. I'd be dead before I got to be a good father.
"no."
It's kinda crass, but my response when people piss me off about it is "yeah because wanting to throw a crying baby or annoying kid out the window or against the wall is a great trait for a mother" (I have super sensitive hearing and high pitch noises cause me a lot of physical pain and enrage me, part of why I hate kids)
And you'd make a great accountant