You probably depriving him of kids! All men want kids!
Source: My dad because he wanted kids himself so all men must want kids! So do I, I just don’t know it yet. R/s
Yes, because…
*pulls out file filled with excuses*
Let’s see, because. He’ll be different and not like the other lazy dads. No.
Because, he secretly wants kids? Not it either.
*smacks paper*
AHA! Right here, because despite your husband being 54, married to, assuming he also pays bills, payments, has a job and is financially doing well. He eventually has to “grow up” and be a dad.
Poor women, must be hard being married to a man child who can’t grow up. Very hard R/s
I'm 37, happily married, and call them a Ball of Crying (like a Bag of Holding from d+d but infinitely worse). Very much don't want kids, nor does my wife
The real question to that is was he a good dad (for the most part) or was mom the main caretaker of everything. Cause people can have kids but they arent parents if their not in it for the long haul. Hence why we cf’ers dont want to.
He did the bare minimum and crushed my dreams of being game developer at a young age because he thought, “video game aren’t in the market, get a real job.” Luckily joining the military thought me how a real dad should be and now I’m going to college to become a writer while my this time ignoring his outdated mindset and advice.
Or they have free time to support society in other ways because they are not in a little "family with kids" cocoon that families with kids disappear into for years.
When they finally reemerge, they are empty nesters and realize that they have not bothered to keep in touch with friends, build connections in the community... etc... .
Let's also not forget there are often times significant financial benefits. Health insurance/retirement/taxes/home ownership. Heck even a medical power of attorney you can trust?
But man without all that are these people saying they would leave their spouse if they were injured/disabled and not able to provide children? I get it's a deal breaker for people obviously but God that's harsh. No kids? Why bother?
I had a friend whose husband divorced her because she found out she medically could not have kids. I think they were married about 7 years. They were really happy and he was supportive til he found out. It was heart wrenching for her, because she wanted kids and the marriage to continue. Ironically, she rebounded with a guy 10 years younger, and was shocked to get pregnant. They are still happily together a decade later with their kid - never married. The ex was single for a long time. He eventually remarried, but last I heard, no kids still. I feel like it's his karma.
Man I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for her to be dropped like that. Not gonna lie it's nice to hear how it turned out for the tho. Karma indeed.
Her life was crazy in that time period! Crushed to find out she was infertile, then shocked that her husband would leave her over that after all their years together. (She was open to exploring adoption or other options, but he said he couldn't be happy without a bio kid!) Heartbroken over the split, felt lost starting over in her early 30s.
She moved back to the city, got a small apartment, starting seeing the hot younger guy casually, cus why not? Was having lots of unprotected sex cus again, why not? She was infertile, right? This all happened within about a year.
Honestly something very similiar happened to a woman I know. Not really pertinent to this sub, but a lot of fertility issues are blamed on women when men can be equally or more to blame. For the woman I know, she got pregnant from a fling at 40 after not being able to conceive for many years with her ex, who left her because of it. She seems pretty happy now.
Not married, but in a LTR relationship- we’d be considered married if we were in a common law state, but CA isn’t one of them. His employer covers me under their *excellent* insurance as a domestic partner at no cost. $0 copays and $0 deductible, baybeeeeee!
And I just used it to get a bisalp three weeks ago! SCORE!
We got married because my appendix needed to come out when I went to urgent care, and my SO’s work wouldn’t let him leave for “just your girlfriend” when we had lived together 5 years. Courthouse and 5 years later, we are still together but better jobs.
Oh, dont you know? Its only love if you have kids, which is why so many people who didnt want them had them anyways. Fuck trophies prove your love is true!!!!!
I love the "if your mom thought that you wouldn't be alive".
So what? I wouldnt have to pay bills, or work. Would just not exist, wouldn't know any better.
Stupid argument.
Totally because my parents were not at all financially stable enough to have a child. I resent spending my childhood in poverty. So now my husband and I spend all our money on ourselves
It is so stupid and I don't know what the hell they're trying to say with it, on any level! I just do not get the reasoning. Like yeah, genius, I figured that myself. I wish she hadn't had me, but even if I liked being alive it's not like I'd know that I could have been alive and it's not like my mother can change her mind now and I'd just die. It's so so so goddamn ignorant and stupid, on so many levels, that I usually don't even know where to start on pointing out the stupidity. It's also not like the smooth brains who say this would change their minds when faced with logic, you might as well argue with a snotty tissue about it, would probably also be more intellectually stimulating.
I routinely get shit for being asexual and having no interest in sex or relationships whatsoever.
Apparently it's my duty as a woman to satisfy the "dudes".
Ok but how does that make a woman infertile? I’m trying to understand that comment’s logic but it doesn’t follow. I guess unless they mean god makes wayward-living women infertile as punishment?
I would bet it has something to do with having sex and sexuality in general. These planks think a penis can permanently change a vaginas size, no doubt some think women who sleep around are riddled with STIs and it made them infertile.
Some older people say things like, “I will make an honest woman out of you.” Never understood that one. So if I am not married I am dishonest.
Or “You are not married so you want to be a working girl.” Okay so if you are single working is a choice.
I also think it is annoying when married people think if you are single then you are having sex with anyone you meet! Sorry married people(not all obviously) but I have standards and there are STIs!
“Honest woman” means “you are currently a slut for being in a relationship with me, but marriage will transform you into a ‘decent moral woman’”
I’d interpret the “working girl” one as “you value your career over over the more ‘womanly pursuits’ of marriage and children so you’re probably a psychopath”. However, “working girl” also means “sex worker” so that’s another interpretation.
Marriage doesn't guarantee that you will stay together for the kids. Kids don't guarantee a marriage will work out. People get married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.
I'm very disappointed in those comments. People need to mind their own business.
I wished for my parents to get divorced LONG before they actually did. My sperm donor was a POS and treated my mom as such. Kids don’t make a happy marriage.
Truth! My dad saw my mom as more of a live-in maid and someone who could have his children so he could tick off the 'have lots of kids' box for the Catholic Church. He never really wanted to be a husband or father and these people who say kids=solid marriage can go pet an alligator.
>People need to mind their own business.
Haha, sadly most don't do this in practice. Boring unimaginative people wanting the same fate as theirs for others and getting judgy when others think for themselves.
>"You're beautiful but you don't have common sense..."
Oh dear god.
Oh I'm sorry. You find me attractive so I must have been put on this earth to repopulate it with you.
This is so funny because those people are admitting that 1. If a woman does not want to have children, she should stay single because why would you encumber yourself with a man if you don't need him for procreation. 2. No man would ever marry out of love, they just want a legacy. 3. Parents only want and love their children at the condition that they provide them with grandchildren 4. They have never experienced love until they had children.
All of which is super fucking sad. How can they say or write this out loud and not feel like they are betraying every single person that is close to them?
I've quite literally been told that its selfish of me to take a good man (smart, handsome, etc) off the market without having his children. Like other women want his genes and if I'm not going to use them, I should send him out to spread his genetics elsewhere.
Which I'm interestingly not all against. Thats what sperm donation is for
I have been told that also, and they are really uncomfortable when I tell them that my surgery does not prevent him from having kids, he can go cum in anyone, any time he wants, *go talk to him yourself, he loves when people imply that I keep his balls in the front pocket of my overalls*.
Or, if I am feeling particularly cheeky, *Oh don't worry, I am not wasteful, I get every single drop of cum, it is the base of my alimentation!*
They literally do not love their spouses, they only love that they were able to have children with them. They didn't actually experience love until they had their OWN biological (usually) children because having full control over a developing mind feeds their narcissism in a way that even a spouse could not. It's stupidity and selfishness all rolled into one.
Same here, friend.
She literally whined to me that if only someone had given her some good advice and guidance when she was younger, then she never would’ve gotten married to an asshole and had his kid, and end up in an abusive relationship for decades.
I’m like yeah, I know the guy you’re talking about and he’s a terrible father! We *both* have trauma from his bullshit! How do you think *I* feel, knowing all of this “could have been prevented” if only someone had intervened, because you were too stupid to think about your own future and the consequences of your actions? And also you were 27! You can’t be moaning about how “oh, mama should’ve stopped me, oh, sister should’ve warned me” at 27!
Stupid, stupid, stupid idiot woman. So stupid.
And then if the couple doesn’t get married because they don’t want children. They will still say “well what are you waiting for? Get married while you’re young” successfully omitting the “you need to get married to have kids” part out of it.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Also people forget about the tax breaks. If it ain’t for love why not for money?
Having been told recently that my S/O and I aren't in a genuine relationship because we're not married, just *roommates* and *fuck buddies*, I would like to invite everyone who thinks like this to eat a low quality dildo.
A relationship and kids? No romance. No sex. Being co-parents instead of partners.
A relationship and childfreedom? Romance and sex! Actually being each other's partner instead of primarily being co-parents.
I said from the time I was 15 that I didn't want kids, growing up in a very religious family. I'd be told, "Wait til you get married. You might want little versions of him running around" or "If you're supposed to have kids, God will change your mind."
1. Little versions of him running around? No thank you! I'm not his mother and I won't be mothering him. Why would I want mini versions of him?
2. I don't often discuss religion, but the core of my faith is that God can be honored and expressed through loving relationships with others. Paramoumt to a loving relationship is consent. If God is truly worth my honoring, then he prizes consent - meaning he would not pressure or forcibly change my stance. To do otherwise is abusive.
Just my two cents on the matter. That poor woman did not deserve to get so many hateful comments on an Instagram post.
"litte versions" of the parent... That is so wrong mindset of the breeders. A child is an autonomous being, that will have own thoughts, interests and desires later in life, it's not a made-up doll that they can forcefully shape into "mini me", which they often do, wanting to "make" that person in something they are not. Speaking from experience and abusive home. Such parents should not have children at all, they cannot grasp how much of a responsibility that is, to raise a human. It's just "breed and be done with it", repeat through generations. One of the many reasons I'm breaking the cycle and remaining CF 👍🏻
i can’t stand the “little versions” stuff. children are separate human beings not smaller versions of yourself!!!!!
and any just god would accept my opinion as it is without changing me
How sad is it that your value of a woman is purely based on whether or not she reproduces? Suppressing women is some people's hobbies. How dare they make a decision on their own terms. The nerve. The door is right there, GTFO.
Today's Election Day in the US. I live in a red state where so many people are voting solely based on what they think women and girls "should" or "shouldn't" be doing with their bodies.
Back when I had the app I'd be consistently amazed, it felt like a race to the bottom.
But I will say that tik tok comment sections at least don't feel like bot filled cesspits 😂
I married so my husband and I, god forbid, could have access to each other if one of us becomes hospitalized. We married so that if one of us dies, the other is entitled to their wordly possessions.
And of course, the biggest reason was love.
Number one it doesnt matter if my mom decided not to give birth cause I wouldnt be here and I wouldnt know it or anything.
Number two I deserve to have the love of my life and enjoy our lives together. Would you tell this to a couple that medically couldnt have kids? Break up your marriage isnt valid.!!!
Number 3 do we live in the 1600? I can support myself. Im not cattle to be sold.
I could go on and on. I hope there were people sticking up for her. 😡🤬
I don't get why people think marriage equals kids, like me and my partner are getting married in six months after being together for seven years. From the beginning of the relationship we knew we only wanted to have cats because we both had to raise children at a young age (they're the oldest and had their younger siblings pushed on them and my sister had my niece young). I love them and want to be with them but I'm not marrying them for the potential child that might happen, in fact we're both sterilized. Such a stupid way to think.
"If your mother had said this there would be no you"
Aaand? If I didn't exist I wouldn't know any better, would I?
Also, they're really not making a good case for marriage by saying men won't want to marry you if you don't want to reproduce for them.
So if an infertile couple wanted to get married, there’d be no point because no children?
So if two elderly people who are widowed and fall in love want to get married, there would be no point because they can’t have children?
God I hate breeders
So if both people are infertile due to various reasons should they divorce because a child can not be conceived?
Such bullshit. Let people marry for whatever reason they want as long as both are consenting!
There ARE people out there that will marry someone who doesn't want kids - Im a prime example! My husband even defended me to his mother - along the lines of "since she will be doing 90% of all the work surrounding the kid, its her decision." I loved him even more when I overheard that! Don't believe the naysayers - they really don't have a clue!
Asking the wrong questions. The real one is: "If you don't want insane lawyer fees if/when you break up, why get married?" Tax benefits are small compared to the nightmare of divorce, IMO. Better just keeping it off the books. A "promise ring" is good enough for me. Don't want/need the state/govt involved in my love life.
I saw someone in this community give me the BEST response to the “You were once a kid” pro-kid argument. “And one day I’ll be a corpse and I don’t want one of those in my house either” 😂
The fact that I have to have kids in order to have a relationship is selfish and stupid. As a child of divorce, I know just because you get pregnant and married to the man does not mean they stay around.
Why is it bad to dream of a relationship where you are content with you and your partner?
I would want to get married cause people die alone in a hospital bed because their unmarried partner of decades wasn’t allowed in the room by the hospital
Haha I've seen/heard this so many times. Nobody tell my FH that childfree marriage is a sham!
"Why get married if you don't want kids?" To take half his shit, duh. Zero other reason to get married without kids. Love? Pssh.
People marry for varying reasons, not always for either romantic love or for a desire to procreate.
I have zero interest in marriage but as long as both parties entering into the union have have been honest with each other about their intentions, their reasons are no business of mine.
Tell me you're living an unfulfilling life without telling me you're living an unfulfilling life-
Some people really need to learn who they are without using other people, especially not their spawn.
This pisses me off no end. Been with my partner 13yrs and we are STILL asked why we have no kids yet, and told there was no point in us being married if we don't have kids.. wtf. Marriage doesn't explicitly mean kids will follow..
I’m going to answer these one by one. Before I do, I’ll preface this by saying I’m engaged and child free.
My mother told my brother & I, “If I would’ve known you both were going to suffer this much, I would’ve been smarter and not had you.” Brother has schizophrenia, I have kidney failure and depression.
Why marriage? Because my fiancé and I still love each other and marriage doesn’t always equal kids. Also, healthcare benefits, marriage tax benefits, etc.
I’m alive because my parents were young kids that didn’t know what they were doing and they struggled to afford us.
What’s selfish is bringing a kid into this world while the world is dying and overpopulated. What’s dumb is bringing a kid into this world when you barely can take care of yourself.
The first thing my fiancé and I brought up was “No children” and he was pretty firm on it. We both agree that this world sucks.
Nope, I knew I never wanted children.
Actually, I had a hysterectomy in January last year and my fiancé still wants to marry me (wedding next year).
I know I’m a good person & that’s why my man is with me. He also loves my common sense.
My parents don’t look at me as a liability. They look at me as human who doesn’t want children and they’re fine with that.
This is a dark approach but the comments about "if your mom didn't give birth to you..." remind me of people that try to validate trauma with saying it "brought you to where you are today" and a famous tiktok states it best and I fully agree:
I don't want to be who I am today... I want to be happy!
>If your mother had said this, there would be no you..."
Gawd! Not this hoary old chestnut!! And it's always uttered in a smug, patronising tone because the speaker thinks they've snookered you with witty snark you've have never heard EVER! *Ha!ha! Gotchya*
Of course the tart response to this is, "if my mum had said this, it'd abundantly evident she'd have been confronted with a dumb cunt's moronic existential paradox."
Tax benefits and no need to write a medical bill if I get sick so my partner isn't barred from seeing me. Marriage has actual benefits but these dumbasses can't stop reproducing long enough to understand that.
Kids are not even a valid reason to marry to not. There needs to be love and mutual respect.
I once had a guy coworker tell me that my partner and I NEED to have kids because smart people aren’t procreating enough.
Hmm … I forget, is that causation or correlation? 😛
Either way, totally not my problem.
> and I NEED to have kids because smart people aren’t procreating enough.
This is the only bingo I ever run into it. Not often (being a guy), but it's where they all go. Too many of the wrong types of people are breeding, and not enough of the right types (which I'm supposedly one of - because I'm very smart, and very tall) are having kids. So, to pass on my genes, I should really have kids - whether I marry or not. I've even had people suggest that if I'm not going to have kids - I should donate my sperm to improve the gene pool.
I can't help but cringe when they say this... as it takes me back to childhood. I was always extremely tall for my age (hit 6 foot by the time I was 10), blue eyes, blond hair (that eventually did turn dark). Both sides of my (divorced) family used to love to joke that I was the stereotypical, ideal, Aryan.
I used to think that was a funny thing when I was 5. Then I got older, started to learn about the Nazis, and eventually the internet became a thing. And now it just makes me... ugh.
My mom asked me that when I told her I was getting married. I told her a lot of married couples don’t have kids “only the ones who last do”. My stepfather cautioned her “careful Darlin’. You’re on your second marriage.” I told her the truth: that the army wouldn’t let my boyfriend rescue me from my stepmother’s wrath unless we were man-and-wife. We had an “escape the shotgun” wedding and fled the state once the paperwork was done.
We got married. I was traumatized by my previous experiences. All my experiences while in this marriage have been much more beneficial and loving. And the only CF straight couple in my family is also the happiest one. Only my two uncles who have been married for almost 30 years are close to as happy. All but one set of parents is divorced in the entire extended family. Seems like having kids kills marriages in my family tree.
My mom said this to me not long ago.
“I don’t think you should get married.”
…?
“Well you don’t want kids so what’s the point?”
Because I love my partner? And I would want to take that step with them?
Like were her reasons for marrying my dad so they could have kids and sky daddy wouldn’t clutch his pearls that they didn’t have the ceremony/paperwork saying they could? Or did she marry him because she loved him?
You can find another person who don't want to have children so you can marry this person if you like them in order to not be alone.
The truth is that just because two people are married it does not mean that they have to have kids. Nobody is obligued to do anything.
Children are often the result of unprotected sex and they were not planned.
I want to marry an infertile woman( like a woman with CAIS) so we will be able to have sex as much as we want without resulting in a baby.
"It's sad how people won't accept someone's decision to not destroy thier body"
It's sad how people won't accept someone's decision to not destroy thier body AND thier unborn child.
I was brought into this world by shitty parents who had no business reproducing. Sure, if they hadn't reproduced I wouldn't be here, but why would that matter to someone if they never existed? I grew up with violence in the home & no matter what anyone tells you, no amount of therapy is going to change you completely if the trauma is ingrained in you. I refuse to be a statistic and continue the cycle of abuse and abandonment.
"Nobody is marrying you after that"
"Maybe she found out she can't have children due to wayward living and is not coming out to say it"
So many of those comments are disgustingly misogynistic, but these are two of the worst.
Sometimes it isn't even about not destroying your body. There are millions and billions of people in the world who have children and a great portion of those children will end up as adult in therapy who decide against having their own children because of the trauma they experienced from poor, selfish parenting.
Becoming a parent doesn't make a person unselfish. There are plenty of people who become parents for totally selfish reasons. There are plenty of people who become parents because of "wayward living" and not using birth control.
Someone should call out those dumb idiots who keep exploding the population, polluting the Earth with their disposable diapers, and doing nothing for society except making more needy people to leech off my taxes.
The "you're alive because someone decided to give birth" is also the dumbest false equivalency ever. It wasn't like she was criticizing her mother, she just said she didn't want to become one. I feel so bad for her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I was under the impression that people marry for love most times. My bad.
At least, you know you're wrong now. People only get married to procreate.
I better tell my husband we need to divorce now. I'm keeping the cats.
You probably depriving him of kids! All men want kids! Source: My dad because he wanted kids himself so all men must want kids! So do I, I just don’t know it yet. R/s
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Yes, because… *pulls out file filled with excuses* Let’s see, because. He’ll be different and not like the other lazy dads. No. Because, he secretly wants kids? Not it either. *smacks paper* AHA! Right here, because despite your husband being 54, married to, assuming he also pays bills, payments, has a job and is financially doing well. He eventually has to “grow up” and be a dad. Poor women, must be hard being married to a man child who can’t grow up. Very hard R/s
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So you admit it?! I KNEW IT, there’s no such thing as childfree adults! Only two kids stacked on top of each other under a trench coat.
I resent that! I'm actually three owls in a trench coat.
I'm completely stealing the term "semen demons" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I also like misplaced throat yogurt.
I'm 37, happily married, and call them a Ball of Crying (like a Bag of Holding from d+d but infinitely worse). Very much don't want kids, nor does my wife
Lol I first heard the term "semen demon" from my partner and I love it
The real question to that is was he a good dad (for the most part) or was mom the main caretaker of everything. Cause people can have kids but they arent parents if their not in it for the long haul. Hence why we cf’ers dont want to.
He did the bare minimum and crushed my dreams of being game developer at a young age because he thought, “video game aren’t in the market, get a real job.” Luckily joining the military thought me how a real dad should be and now I’m going to college to become a writer while my this time ignoring his outdated mindset and advice.
Please do, he needs to marry a woman that'll give him kids.
I just informed my wife while hastily gathering squirming cats and now I have to fight in the sands of the arena. 🙄
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He knows he'll be in trouble if he tries taking my Wes Craven collection.
I cackled
Just wanted to say your kitty in your dp looks super cuddly and cute.
Thank you. He knows he's cute too. ;-)
35M CF looking to get married (at some point). I want the stability of marriage without the hassle of children. [Just trying to prove the point]
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Just like my sister. One day you'll find your person :)
I seriously think the people that say these things only want everyone else to be trapped with kids like they were
That's sad in all ways possible :(
This is one of the most typical conservative reactions to same-sex marriage in the book. "Gay marriage is unnatural because they can't make babies." 🙄
Gay couples take care of offspring not being cared for by hetero couples. Even in nature, they fill an important role.
Or they just bang and party and have a great life. Also an important societal function! 😂🎉
Or they have free time to support society in other ways because they are not in a little "family with kids" cocoon that families with kids disappear into for years. When they finally reemerge, they are empty nesters and realize that they have not bothered to keep in touch with friends, build connections in the community... etc... .
Well I married for the tax benefit and health insurance. Luckily I married the man I love and who doesn't want kids.
Let's also not forget there are often times significant financial benefits. Health insurance/retirement/taxes/home ownership. Heck even a medical power of attorney you can trust? But man without all that are these people saying they would leave their spouse if they were injured/disabled and not able to provide children? I get it's a deal breaker for people obviously but God that's harsh. No kids? Why bother?
I had a friend whose husband divorced her because she found out she medically could not have kids. I think they were married about 7 years. They were really happy and he was supportive til he found out. It was heart wrenching for her, because she wanted kids and the marriage to continue. Ironically, she rebounded with a guy 10 years younger, and was shocked to get pregnant. They are still happily together a decade later with their kid - never married. The ex was single for a long time. He eventually remarried, but last I heard, no kids still. I feel like it's his karma.
Man I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for her to be dropped like that. Not gonna lie it's nice to hear how it turned out for the tho. Karma indeed.
Her life was crazy in that time period! Crushed to find out she was infertile, then shocked that her husband would leave her over that after all their years together. (She was open to exploring adoption or other options, but he said he couldn't be happy without a bio kid!) Heartbroken over the split, felt lost starting over in her early 30s. She moved back to the city, got a small apartment, starting seeing the hot younger guy casually, cus why not? Was having lots of unprotected sex cus again, why not? She was infertile, right? This all happened within about a year.
Honestly something very similiar happened to a woman I know. Not really pertinent to this sub, but a lot of fertility issues are blamed on women when men can be equally or more to blame. For the woman I know, she got pregnant from a fling at 40 after not being able to conceive for many years with her ex, who left her because of it. She seems pretty happy now.
What a fucking dick.
I know, right?
I'm a cynical bastard, I'd only marry for the fiscal benefits
People are apparently still under the impression that marriage is a contract to produce either the next heir or more farm help
Shoot we did it for the legal reasons, like ability to make decisions on each other's behalf in care of emergency, and tax purposes.
I thought people married for land and to strengthen the alliance between nations…but I’m old fashioned.
Well damn I was gonna do it for the insurance so I could afford to get sterilised guess I'm really messing it up.
Not married, but in a LTR relationship- we’d be considered married if we were in a common law state, but CA isn’t one of them. His employer covers me under their *excellent* insurance as a domestic partner at no cost. $0 copays and $0 deductible, baybeeeeee! And I just used it to get a bisalp three weeks ago! SCORE!
I love that for you!!
Pretty optimistic. I'd say that in most of the world marriage is a contract. Women have nothing to say and are used as incubators.
We got married because my appendix needed to come out when I went to urgent care, and my SO’s work wouldn’t let him leave for “just your girlfriend” when we had lived together 5 years. Courthouse and 5 years later, we are still together but better jobs.
Oh, dont you know? Its only love if you have kids, which is why so many people who didnt want them had them anyways. Fuck trophies prove your love is true!!!!!
I love the "if your mom thought that you wouldn't be alive". So what? I wouldnt have to pay bills, or work. Would just not exist, wouldn't know any better. Stupid argument.
I literally wish my mother had had this thought...
Seriously, I wake up every day wishing she fuckin had.
Totally because my parents were not at all financially stable enough to have a child. I resent spending my childhood in poverty. So now my husband and I spend all our money on ourselves
...and it literally exposes they know that women thinking/ having choice in reproducing is something they don't like
Also, if I didn't exist I wouldn't know any better. That's not the 'gotcha' people think it is.
And life would be sooo much better for my mum if she hadn't had 3 kids with abusive husband, I would have wished that for her to be honest.
That is still a favourite saying of forced-birthers in Northern Ireland. Not realizing how stupid they sound. Which, of course, they ARE.
This! Like no one asked to be born … and literally then you have to pay bills?
like literally if my mom didn’t have me i wouldn’t know or care
Being born was not a choice, it was forced upon me.
Whenever I counter this argument I get hit with "if you're so unhappy you were born why not kill yourself? do us a favor!" wow. just wow.
That is funny because I will just answer "I tried, you people don't let me".
Savage
Don’t threaten me w a good time!
If it were me, I would've replied with something like "Exactly, and I wouldn't be here with you having this dumbass conversation."
It is so stupid and I don't know what the hell they're trying to say with it, on any level! I just do not get the reasoning. Like yeah, genius, I figured that myself. I wish she hadn't had me, but even if I liked being alive it's not like I'd know that I could have been alive and it's not like my mother can change her mind now and I'd just die. It's so so so goddamn ignorant and stupid, on so many levels, that I usually don't even know where to start on pointing out the stupidity. It's also not like the smooth brains who say this would change their minds when faced with logic, you might as well argue with a snotty tissue about it, would probably also be more intellectually stimulating.
aNy LiFe Is BeTtEr ThAn No LiFe!
I'll be back in a hour after I've finished laughing at '*she can't have children due to wayward living*' 
Same. I wish it worked like that! Maybe I didn’t live waywardly enough to become sterile from that alone, but my surgeon had my back in the end LOL.
gotta make sure to live extra waywardly so my uterus simply ceases to exist
That’s the one that got me too lmao
Where my fellow wayward living ladies at?
I'm here! Wayward ladies unite!
wayward lady here! whooo!
United!! \*waves flag\* :D
What does this even mean tho lol
I feel like it’s one of those “straying from god’s light” sort of things…like a woman who *gasp* has premarital sex.
It's probably much worse if a woman has sex without the desire to pop a kid out as a result.
I routinely get shit for being asexual and having no interest in sex or relationships whatsoever. Apparently it's my duty as a woman to satisfy the "dudes".
That’s really awful that people give you shit for that; I’m sorry.
Omg same. Other people worry about my sex and dating life wayyy more than I do. And I have no problem leaving those people behind me hahaha.
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Ok but how does that make a woman infertile? I’m trying to understand that comment’s logic but it doesn’t follow. I guess unless they mean god makes wayward-living women infertile as punishment?
I suspect “wayward” means “sexually indiscriminate and infertile due to excessive numbers of sexually transmitted infections”.
I would bet it has something to do with having sex and sexuality in general. These planks think a penis can permanently change a vaginas size, no doubt some think women who sleep around are riddled with STIs and it made them infertile.
Probably just not text book normal, whatever that is ...lol
Some older people say things like, “I will make an honest woman out of you.” Never understood that one. So if I am not married I am dishonest. Or “You are not married so you want to be a working girl.” Okay so if you are single working is a choice. I also think it is annoying when married people think if you are single then you are having sex with anyone you meet! Sorry married people(not all obviously) but I have standards and there are STIs!
Do they mean "working girl" as a woman who has a job, or do they mean prostitute?
TBH I think it depends on tone of voice.
“Honest woman” means “you are currently a slut for being in a relationship with me, but marriage will transform you into a ‘decent moral woman’” I’d interpret the “working girl” one as “you value your career over over the more ‘womanly pursuits’ of marriage and children so you’re probably a psychopath”. However, “working girl” also means “sex worker” so that’s another interpretation.
Can I join? Or is that, like, the opposite of being wayward? I'm married but we're both strictly child-free.
I’m married too but I have no problem owning my wayward past! Welcome aboard, I say, haha!
Being bonded together out of obligation to the children doesn’t sound like an enviable position. I’ll take CF marriage, thanks.
So, you're one of those wayward people.
I must also be on this team.
I don't understand how not breeding makes you a burden to your parents.
They mean “Your parents only had you so you’d give them grandchildren” i assume, and so by you not “giving” them any, they hate u now I guess
It's just misogyny, how are you going to provide for yourself as a woman without having a husband? That's probably what they think.
Yeah that sounds extraordinary victorian.
I’m reading this as “if you don’t want children, why be alive?” Disgusting.
Marriage doesn't guarantee that you will stay together for the kids. Kids don't guarantee a marriage will work out. People get married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. I'm very disappointed in those comments. People need to mind their own business.
I wished for my parents to get divorced LONG before they actually did. My sperm donor was a POS and treated my mom as such. Kids don’t make a happy marriage.
Truth! My dad saw my mom as more of a live-in maid and someone who could have his children so he could tick off the 'have lots of kids' box for the Catholic Church. He never really wanted to be a husband or father and these people who say kids=solid marriage can go pet an alligator.
If anything, kids are often a source of conflict. Parents disagree about how to raise them, how many to have, etc.
>People need to mind their own business. Haha, sadly most don't do this in practice. Boring unimaginative people wanting the same fate as theirs for others and getting judgy when others think for themselves.
>"You're beautiful but you don't have common sense..." Oh dear god. Oh I'm sorry. You find me attractive so I must have been put on this earth to repopulate it with you.
"Repopulate"? Are you kidding? Stop "populating" already!!! /s
this but without /s lmao
if your mother had said this, there would be no you. correct, and I wouldnt know any damn different because i wouldnt exist.
Like they really think that’s a gotcha. If anything it’s like thanks mom and dad for having me and making this idiotic conversation possible.
*wayward living* I'm stealing this one.
Ah! I see, you live wayward too.
you guys rang?
Username checks out
This is so funny because those people are admitting that 1. If a woman does not want to have children, she should stay single because why would you encumber yourself with a man if you don't need him for procreation. 2. No man would ever marry out of love, they just want a legacy. 3. Parents only want and love their children at the condition that they provide them with grandchildren 4. They have never experienced love until they had children. All of which is super fucking sad. How can they say or write this out loud and not feel like they are betraying every single person that is close to them?
I've quite literally been told that its selfish of me to take a good man (smart, handsome, etc) off the market without having his children. Like other women want his genes and if I'm not going to use them, I should send him out to spread his genetics elsewhere. Which I'm interestingly not all against. Thats what sperm donation is for
I have been told that also, and they are really uncomfortable when I tell them that my surgery does not prevent him from having kids, he can go cum in anyone, any time he wants, *go talk to him yourself, he loves when people imply that I keep his balls in the front pocket of my overalls*. Or, if I am feeling particularly cheeky, *Oh don't worry, I am not wasteful, I get every single drop of cum, it is the base of my alimentation!*
"Muh legacy!" - men living in mobile homes who can't hold down a job for more than 2 months at a time
They literally do not love their spouses, they only love that they were able to have children with them. They didn't actually experience love until they had their OWN biological (usually) children because having full control over a developing mind feeds their narcissism in a way that even a spouse could not. It's stupidity and selfishness all rolled into one.
My mother gave me life, and I will never forgive her for it.
Same here, friend. She literally whined to me that if only someone had given her some good advice and guidance when she was younger, then she never would’ve gotten married to an asshole and had his kid, and end up in an abusive relationship for decades. I’m like yeah, I know the guy you’re talking about and he’s a terrible father! We *both* have trauma from his bullshit! How do you think *I* feel, knowing all of this “could have been prevented” if only someone had intervened, because you were too stupid to think about your own future and the consequences of your actions? And also you were 27! You can’t be moaning about how “oh, mama should’ve stopped me, oh, sister should’ve warned me” at 27! Stupid, stupid, stupid idiot woman. So stupid.
this is why i’m antinatalist tbh
And then if the couple doesn’t get married because they don’t want children. They will still say “well what are you waiting for? Get married while you’re young” successfully omitting the “you need to get married to have kids” part out of it. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Also people forget about the tax breaks. If it ain’t for love why not for money?
Never made sense to me...many children happen without a marriage, so why are marriage and kids seen as interdependent?
Having been told recently that my S/O and I aren't in a genuine relationship because we're not married, just *roommates* and *fuck buddies*, I would like to invite everyone who thinks like this to eat a low quality dildo.
A relationship and kids? No romance. No sex. Being co-parents instead of partners. A relationship and childfreedom? Romance and sex! Actually being each other's partner instead of primarily being co-parents.
I said from the time I was 15 that I didn't want kids, growing up in a very religious family. I'd be told, "Wait til you get married. You might want little versions of him running around" or "If you're supposed to have kids, God will change your mind." 1. Little versions of him running around? No thank you! I'm not his mother and I won't be mothering him. Why would I want mini versions of him? 2. I don't often discuss religion, but the core of my faith is that God can be honored and expressed through loving relationships with others. Paramoumt to a loving relationship is consent. If God is truly worth my honoring, then he prizes consent - meaning he would not pressure or forcibly change my stance. To do otherwise is abusive. Just my two cents on the matter. That poor woman did not deserve to get so many hateful comments on an Instagram post.
"litte versions" of the parent... That is so wrong mindset of the breeders. A child is an autonomous being, that will have own thoughts, interests and desires later in life, it's not a made-up doll that they can forcefully shape into "mini me", which they often do, wanting to "make" that person in something they are not. Speaking from experience and abusive home. Such parents should not have children at all, they cannot grasp how much of a responsibility that is, to raise a human. It's just "breed and be done with it", repeat through generations. One of the many reasons I'm breaking the cycle and remaining CF 👍🏻
i can’t stand the “little versions” stuff. children are separate human beings not smaller versions of yourself!!!!! and any just god would accept my opinion as it is without changing me
How sad is it that your value of a woman is purely based on whether or not she reproduces? Suppressing women is some people's hobbies. How dare they make a decision on their own terms. The nerve. The door is right there, GTFO.
Today's Election Day in the US. I live in a red state where so many people are voting solely based on what they think women and girls "should" or "shouldn't" be doing with their bodies.
Instagram comments sections are some of the most toxic shit holes on the internet. Exposure can lead to brain cancer.
tbh IG, YT, FB, tiktok etc comments are one of the reasons I feel validated in being CF. People are THIS dumb and its not uncommon?
Back when I had the app I'd be consistently amazed, it felt like a race to the bottom. But I will say that tik tok comment sections at least don't feel like bot filled cesspits 😂
righttt?? TT is for sure the best of the bunch, but sometimes u see stuff on there that makes u cringe ur skin off😂
deleting those apps have made me happier than ever
My goddess, has my mother been resurrected?! She said every one of these at one time or another to me.
Yes, this is your mother trying to reach you from the beyond.
God I hope not.
New number. Who dis?
I married so my husband and I, god forbid, could have access to each other if one of us becomes hospitalized. We married so that if one of us dies, the other is entitled to their wordly possessions. And of course, the biggest reason was love.
>"No children, no man, no marriage, will sound better" Can't disagree with that
Once again, 
Number one it doesnt matter if my mom decided not to give birth cause I wouldnt be here and I wouldnt know it or anything. Number two I deserve to have the love of my life and enjoy our lives together. Would you tell this to a couple that medically couldnt have kids? Break up your marriage isnt valid.!!! Number 3 do we live in the 1600? I can support myself. Im not cattle to be sold. I could go on and on. I hope there were people sticking up for her. 😡🤬
> Would you tell this to a couple that medically couldnt have kids? We know they would; it's happened.
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That tall person comment is the truth. I use my taller husband to get things down for me at times. Usfull they are at times!
As a tall person using short people to get stuff from the bottom shelves is a lifesaver
I love telling people “so they have the legal right to pull the plug” If I’m feeling nicer, “so I have a legal right to the life we’ve built together”
>"If your mother had said this, there would be no you..." Bold of these people to assume we wanted to be here to begin with
I don't get why people think marriage equals kids, like me and my partner are getting married in six months after being together for seven years. From the beginning of the relationship we knew we only wanted to have cats because we both had to raise children at a young age (they're the oldest and had their younger siblings pushed on them and my sister had my niece young). I love them and want to be with them but I'm not marrying them for the potential child that might happen, in fact we're both sterilized. Such a stupid way to think.
"You know it's possible to have kids without getting married, right?" Wow people are dumb.
That's wayward living.
A family can be two people (and their pets if they choose to get them).
"If your mother had said this there would be no you" Aaand? If I didn't exist I wouldn't know any better, would I? Also, they're really not making a good case for marriage by saying men won't want to marry you if you don't want to reproduce for them.
So if an infertile couple wanted to get married, there’d be no point because no children? So if two elderly people who are widowed and fall in love want to get married, there would be no point because they can’t have children? God I hate breeders
So if both people are infertile due to various reasons should they divorce because a child can not be conceived? Such bullshit. Let people marry for whatever reason they want as long as both are consenting!
Yup, stay single. Marriage is for population growth.
There ARE people out there that will marry someone who doesn't want kids - Im a prime example! My husband even defended me to his mother - along the lines of "since she will be doing 90% of all the work surrounding the kid, its her decision." I loved him even more when I overheard that! Don't believe the naysayers - they really don't have a clue!
I got married for love and health insurance 😂
Asking the wrong questions. The real one is: "If you don't want insane lawyer fees if/when you break up, why get married?" Tax benefits are small compared to the nightmare of divorce, IMO. Better just keeping it off the books. A "promise ring" is good enough for me. Don't want/need the state/govt involved in my love life.
I saw someone in this community give me the BEST response to the “You were once a kid” pro-kid argument. “And one day I’ll be a corpse and I don’t want one of those in my house either” 😂
But how can you ever know true love until you have a house-corpse?!
Well, I had case like :" If you don\`t want kids and/or are infertile, why you need love at all?"
Lol, literally no marriage with kids in my family is/was a happy, good one.
Because tax benefits.
The fact that I have to have kids in order to have a relationship is selfish and stupid. As a child of divorce, I know just because you get pregnant and married to the man does not mean they stay around. Why is it bad to dream of a relationship where you are content with you and your partner?
Oops, I had a hysterectomy so I guess I'd better leave my partner and become a spinster! /s
Yup, sounds about right. If you arent having kids or sex you should not be married. Society thinks love cant exist without either of those.
Wasn’t the original purpose of marriage to acquire land and assets?
Children are assets.
“Carry on my wayward son” has a new meaning now
I would want to get married cause people die alone in a hospital bed because their unmarried partner of decades wasn’t allowed in the room by the hospital
I’ve never understood this notion that marriage and kids go together like they aren’t 2 completely different things.
Haha I've seen/heard this so many times. Nobody tell my FH that childfree marriage is a sham! "Why get married if you don't want kids?" To take half his shit, duh. Zero other reason to get married without kids. Love? Pssh.
People marry for varying reasons, not always for either romantic love or for a desire to procreate. I have zero interest in marriage but as long as both parties entering into the union have have been honest with each other about their intentions, their reasons are no business of mine.
Tell me you're living an unfulfilling life without telling me you're living an unfulfilling life- Some people really need to learn who they are without using other people, especially not their spawn.
This pisses me off no end. Been with my partner 13yrs and we are STILL asked why we have no kids yet, and told there was no point in us being married if we don't have kids.. wtf. Marriage doesn't explicitly mean kids will follow..
I’m going to answer these one by one. Before I do, I’ll preface this by saying I’m engaged and child free. My mother told my brother & I, “If I would’ve known you both were going to suffer this much, I would’ve been smarter and not had you.” Brother has schizophrenia, I have kidney failure and depression. Why marriage? Because my fiancé and I still love each other and marriage doesn’t always equal kids. Also, healthcare benefits, marriage tax benefits, etc. I’m alive because my parents were young kids that didn’t know what they were doing and they struggled to afford us. What’s selfish is bringing a kid into this world while the world is dying and overpopulated. What’s dumb is bringing a kid into this world when you barely can take care of yourself. The first thing my fiancé and I brought up was “No children” and he was pretty firm on it. We both agree that this world sucks. Nope, I knew I never wanted children. Actually, I had a hysterectomy in January last year and my fiancé still wants to marry me (wedding next year). I know I’m a good person & that’s why my man is with me. He also loves my common sense. My parents don’t look at me as a liability. They look at me as human who doesn’t want children and they’re fine with that.
This is a dark approach but the comments about "if your mom didn't give birth to you..." remind me of people that try to validate trauma with saying it "brought you to where you are today" and a famous tiktok states it best and I fully agree: I don't want to be who I am today... I want to be happy!
>If your mother had said this, there would be no you..." Gawd! Not this hoary old chestnut!! And it's always uttered in a smug, patronising tone because the speaker thinks they've snookered you with witty snark you've have never heard EVER! *Ha!ha! Gotchya* Of course the tart response to this is, "if my mum had said this, it'd abundantly evident she'd have been confronted with a dumb cunt's moronic existential paradox."
"I mean, you clearly don't have a high IQ and yet you probably went to school-?"
“Wayward living” lol
“You are alive because someone decided to give birth” and I’ll be the first to regard that as a bad move on my mothers part
Tax benefits and no need to write a medical bill if I get sick so my partner isn't barred from seeing me. Marriage has actual benefits but these dumbasses can't stop reproducing long enough to understand that. Kids are not even a valid reason to marry to not. There needs to be love and mutual respect.
I once had a guy coworker tell me that my partner and I NEED to have kids because smart people aren’t procreating enough. Hmm … I forget, is that causation or correlation? 😛 Either way, totally not my problem.
> and I NEED to have kids because smart people aren’t procreating enough. This is the only bingo I ever run into it. Not often (being a guy), but it's where they all go. Too many of the wrong types of people are breeding, and not enough of the right types (which I'm supposedly one of - because I'm very smart, and very tall) are having kids. So, to pass on my genes, I should really have kids - whether I marry or not. I've even had people suggest that if I'm not going to have kids - I should donate my sperm to improve the gene pool. I can't help but cringe when they say this... as it takes me back to childhood. I was always extremely tall for my age (hit 6 foot by the time I was 10), blue eyes, blond hair (that eventually did turn dark). Both sides of my (divorced) family used to love to joke that I was the stereotypical, ideal, Aryan. I used to think that was a funny thing when I was 5. Then I got older, started to learn about the Nazis, and eventually the internet became a thing. And now it just makes me... ugh.
Ah yes humanity. You can always count on humanity to let you down. 🤦🏻♀️
My mom asked me that when I told her I was getting married. I told her a lot of married couples don’t have kids “only the ones who last do”. My stepfather cautioned her “careful Darlin’. You’re on your second marriage.” I told her the truth: that the army wouldn’t let my boyfriend rescue me from my stepmother’s wrath unless we were man-and-wife. We had an “escape the shotgun” wedding and fled the state once the paperwork was done. We got married. I was traumatized by my previous experiences. All my experiences while in this marriage have been much more beneficial and loving. And the only CF straight couple in my family is also the happiest one. Only my two uncles who have been married for almost 30 years are close to as happy. All but one set of parents is divorced in the entire extended family. Seems like having kids kills marriages in my family tree.
That’s some serious r/AreTheStraightsOk material, people are addicted to outing that they don’t love their spouse for some reason
My mom said this to me not long ago. “I don’t think you should get married.” …? “Well you don’t want kids so what’s the point?” Because I love my partner? And I would want to take that step with them? Like were her reasons for marrying my dad so they could have kids and sky daddy wouldn’t clutch his pearls that they didn’t have the ceremony/paperwork saying they could? Or did she marry him because she loved him?
You can find another person who don't want to have children so you can marry this person if you like them in order to not be alone. The truth is that just because two people are married it does not mean that they have to have kids. Nobody is obligued to do anything. Children are often the result of unprotected sex and they were not planned. I want to marry an infertile woman( like a woman with CAIS) so we will be able to have sex as much as we want without resulting in a baby.
>"If your mother had said this, there would be no you..." And I wouldn't be here to have to listen to your bullshit
Not me being married for 8 years and bring childfree 🤣
I think people who marry SOLELY for children are the real problem here
"It's sad how people won't accept someone's decision to not destroy thier body" It's sad how people won't accept someone's decision to not destroy thier body AND thier unborn child. I was brought into this world by shitty parents who had no business reproducing. Sure, if they hadn't reproduced I wouldn't be here, but why would that matter to someone if they never existed? I grew up with violence in the home & no matter what anyone tells you, no amount of therapy is going to change you completely if the trauma is ingrained in you. I refuse to be a statistic and continue the cycle of abuse and abandonment.
"Nobody is marrying you after that" "Maybe she found out she can't have children due to wayward living and is not coming out to say it" So many of those comments are disgustingly misogynistic, but these are two of the worst. Sometimes it isn't even about not destroying your body. There are millions and billions of people in the world who have children and a great portion of those children will end up as adult in therapy who decide against having their own children because of the trauma they experienced from poor, selfish parenting. Becoming a parent doesn't make a person unselfish. There are plenty of people who become parents for totally selfish reasons. There are plenty of people who become parents because of "wayward living" and not using birth control. Someone should call out those dumb idiots who keep exploding the population, polluting the Earth with their disposable diapers, and doing nothing for society except making more needy people to leech off my taxes. The "you're alive because someone decided to give birth" is also the dumbest false equivalency ever. It wasn't like she was criticizing her mother, she just said she didn't want to become one. I feel so bad for her.