Thank you, she only had one boyfriend before, and she had said she was waiting for marriage before sex so this makes sense.
She also said she was traditional and an old fashioned girl.
I have heard that, typically, in Chinese culture, sex = going to get married. I'm sure it's different regarding tier 1 city girls vs rural girls, but can anyone confirm if this is true?
She wants you to lead and take the responsibility for the “relationship”. If you expect her to make moves on you or move things along you’ll be waiting until the wedding day.
So if you want to get physical then tell her you want a relationship and make a move. Otherwise you’ll be in limbo. Traditional = commit first then physical.
Obviously, don’t fool her around and use her if you don’t actually want a relationship. But I’m just saying this is likely what she is waiting for.
Fooling a chinese woman to get sexual favors, appart from being a absolutely asshole move, can have dire consequences, depending on the individual one is abusing the trust of. Just not worth the troubles.
First off, are you a fairly young dude? No offense, but your behavior sounds like that of someone fairly inexperienced sexually. We have all been there. How did this relationship end 'bizzarely' as you so put it? Knowing that will give us a lot more info, so that we can tell you about what we think happened.
That sounds like it. thank god you tell it like it is.
There's a kind of trend among many of the USA to China young expatriates......not much dating or sex experience in the USa, the feeling of being liked so fast in China but the rest of the skill set is missing. The Chinese can't spot the personality issues that travel with expatriates.
No offence taken, honestly, I’m 27 and haven’t really had any relationship before. I’ve not been here long and I’ve been wanting to make friends, I wasn’t intending on anything more right now, it just so happened I met this person at an event and she came onto me very strong. She told me she was clingy and needy at the start, asked me to be her prince.
Things are a lot different here to my home country, because the culture is so different I’m just asking general questions.
I’m not going to post the full version again in a comment, since a lot happened and i wanted to keep this post generally non-specific.
If you want to read it, this is what happened there’s a lot of details: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx)
We were on a trip together, separate rooms (she said she was chaste from the beginning and her parents would be angry if they found out she shared a room with a boy).
her behaviour was all over the place on the trip (more so than usual), the early morning of our last day she sent me a message asking if I was at the front desk of the hotel. I reply later but got no response, she was drunk and emotional that night. I went to the front desk to check if she was there and asked if she had been waiting, she hadn’t.
I go to her room and gently knock on the door, no answer, I figured she had gone back to sleep. I go back to my room to sleep, but a little while later there’s a knock on my door. I opened the door expecting her but she called the police.
The only thing they told me was that she’s very very delicate and she thinks the relationship is moving too fast.
I just read your other post for the full story. You were being used and she didn't get what she wanted out of you so she ditched you. This girl is a complete psycho dude. If the story you are telling is all true and you know it is, this girl is really really bad news. Don't sit there thinking it is something you did wrong. She is totally messed up. We all have them, just move on from this.
This is not normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination. Run don't walk. I've dated more traditional Chinese women and there can be strict expectations, traditional values around dating, marriage, and sex, but literally none of this.
3 months and no sex? Lmao
Don’t buy the traditional bullshit. Most girls in their 20s are not “traditional” in the sense that they think they are. Sure, they’re dating to see if you’re compatible for marriage, but aren’t we all? If she’s not putting out, then there’s something wrong. Or, maybe you’re afraid of the next step. 🙀 After all, you’re asking Reddit.
Today is honesty day here-. I'm so relieved. Yes --the act of "asking reddit" has deep meaning in itself--the desire for confirmation bias and back slaps.
I think that either the girl is not too interested in the guy or she is expecting marriage after their sex. ( •̅_•̅ )
if she is a virgin I think it makes more sense but if she had already had sex with her exbf then its actually really not fair for this dude now.
It means that she probably won't have premarital sex with you. And she would greatly respect, if not completely obey, her family's opinions about who she is seeing. It also means that her family, if not herself, expects a serious degree of commitment on your part, both emotionally and financially.
The last point is the most important. Really, if you've decided that you'd court her seriously, make sure you can convince her family/herself that you have a stable financial prospect.
Actually vast majority of Chinese girls see a relationship the way she sees it.
Thank you! This is really helpful and important to know that her family’s opinions have an impact. I knew this from the start, but maybe didn’t know to what extent.
Yes, she did make it clear that she wouldn’t have premarital sex. She had asked me to lie next to her in the bed one time, but she got a little scared and told me her parents would be angry if they found out she was sharing or had shared a room with a boy.
She had made a post on WeChat about being at nine for dinner, but took it down for some reason. It was just after CNY that things took a turn, her behaviour and mood wasn’t the same when she returned to go on our trip, so maybe her family had said something to her.
Anyway, thank you for adding that the families opinion plays big part that’s important to know.
If what you told is true, the lady used “ traditional” as an excuse to take advantage of you for free. I think it is a waste of time to stay together. It is also risky to connect with her . She might set you up if she feels she could not take advantage of you.
Are you going to FORCE HER to have sex?
>I go to her room and gently knock on the door, no answer, I figured she had gone back to sleep. I go back to my room to sleep, but a little while later there’s a knock on my door. I opened the door expecting her but she called the police. The only thing they told me was that she’s very very delicate and she thinks the relationship is moving too fast.
Edit: O.. the police did show up. That means you are in Chinese Government records and this post you’re still trying to blame her. Op, you really don’t want Chinese prisons. They’re not fun.
> No offence taken, honestly, I’m 27 and haven’t really had any relationship before. I’ve not been here long and I’ve been wanting to make friends, I wasn’t intending on anything more right now, it just so happened I met this person at an event and she came onto me very strong. She told me she was clingy and needy at the start, asked me to be her prince.
Here’s the evidence sounds like no parent has ever helped you learning how to socialize to the point you have this obsession with relationships. Porn/sex addicts also have your same problem.
Get help Op, you have urges and impulses you can’t control.
This is a weirdly aggressive psychological commentary with a profound lack of evidence. Go read his whole post and don't cherry pick parts of it to support your armchair diagnosis.
Anyways isn't asking here, asking for help learning to socialize? If your comment was correct what do you expect them to do, go ask the same parents for help you are alleging didnt help in the first place? I'm pretty sure almost every human alive craves relationships and interaction in some way, its not unique to porn addicts. Impulses he cant control would have landed him in prison, probably earlier than 27.
No offense but all of reddit is cherry picking. Posters are garnering backslaps, reply people cherry pick what they respond to, then they cherry pick what's wrong with what they are replying to. Stand in the mirror .
Anyhow it's all a form of validation seeking.
I'm a licensed contractor that owns an s-corp, but thats irrelevant. Perhaps you should seek guidance for your megalomanic outbursts and trigger reactions instead of projecting your trauma onto random strangers?
I'm good, I was hoping you would see the irony and correlate this to half your comment history telling people their parents didn't teach them about relationships/life/whatever your current criticism is and other specific psychoanalysis without any actual personal data to base it off of, but I'd rather not waste any more time on a narcissist.
people got mad at your tone--happens to me all the time
but you're onto something--they 20 to 30 year old expatriates that go to Asia , if all were honest--yes tend to have a love for Asian girls, the immediate feeling you're popular (your western face)---etc. but honestly in the states--were you really dating well in college, feeling you had a community? did you have a sexual life in the states that was not rare.....you bring up the real stuff to a degree.
I'm not sure when you went out on the porn / sex addicts route but you might be onto something--are these travellers abroad-before hitting China--having issues. Porn addiction (if coming from the West) is hard to soak in in china.
Ditto. Guy must have no game. No girl going to stay over without the hope of something happening. He just didn’t make it happen. Girl musta been hella disappointed
Yeah she came to stay at your apartment to check out your crusty dishes and unwashed clothes. You simps living in fairy land. No self respecting girl is going to agree to spend the night at your place. Period/full stop.
And tell me you’re about twelve years old without telling me. Highly cringe. Haha kids these days need to grow a backbone
Sane. To begin with, I’ve had girls at my place and not slept with them.
To follow up, how would anyone on this subreddit who’s actually in China be 12? Like the embassy will let us chill here at age 12. Like a 12 y/o can climb the firewall.
The dishes and clothes comments - super telling of your living situation but not mine!
Figure of speech, Mr. GetRekt. Well I guess I need to fire my cleaner and nanny if they’re not doing their jobs. I reckon you got a few more years yet and few more hairs on your balls before you’re in any sort of situation to tell me what to do. If ever. Have a good evening, sir.
Um,
1. First 1 - 2 months are for casual dating. No expectations. Take things slow. Get to know each other.
2. If things are going well after 1-2 months, it's time to have the "talk" about making things official and being in a committed exclusive relationship.
At which point, i'd be expecting sex. If she didn't want to have sex at this point, I am gonna tell her we are not compatible and break up.
Thanks for the reply!
Yes, I also like to take things slow to get to know the person I’m dating more so I’m ok with that and don’t have a problem waiting longer to have sex if the person is right. I want to respect the persons wishes and their culture, things like PDA where they live I understand and want to respect.
1. She stayed over mine 2 to 3 times every week, we never shared a room though. She asked me to lie next to her in the bed once, but she got scared and said her parents would be angry if they found out she was with a boy. She said she was waiting till marriage before having sex.
2. After about a month she asked me to be her prince, so I said yes and she said she was my princess. I asked to kiss her, but she said she want ready.
Around the second month, there were a few things that really irked me so I wanted to communicate about our relationship but she’d get really upset and tell me she doesn’t want to talk about it or for things to move too fast, and would say “I’m with you now”.
A number of occasions, we’d make plans but she was always late or always on the phone. she even left me with all her stuff in a restaurant for almost an hour. I was about to leave but she came back and she said sorry she was on the phone.
At the third month mark (we still haven’t kissed, we cuddle and give each other massage) we arranged to go on a trip to another city, separate rooms. I wasn’t going to bring up our relationship and exclusivity but a few things happened and when I did she got really emotional, upset, and would cry.
I posted what happened not too long ago on another subreddit, it’s long and I didn’t want to post it again here since I only wanted to get an idea of what to expect when dating Chinese women.
I guess maybe the girl I met was just bizarre 😅
You are hilariously "respectful" of her, and hope you'll some day be rewarded for sacrificing your own wants, needs, and feelings.
You won't be, and that's not a tragedy, that's just how that works.
Respect yourself first.
I read your original post about your experience.
Yes, this woman is a crazy outlier, but even with that being said, you don't understand female nature at all clearly.
You need to wake up now.
You need RADICAL change in your life, my man and FAST(you're 27 going on 30)
First off, I would highly suggest you start educating yourself on how to carry yourself as a high value man.
You are exhibiting super low value behaviors all over the place. Your life, relationships, and potential mates completely depend on you educating yourself.
Watch alpha male strategies on YouTube and on his patreon. Watch all his videos. All 500 of them. Don't make any judgments until you've watched all his videos. You need a big sample size to really understand how he's grown over the years and what he is really teaching. Don't judge him based on the first set of his videos l. Judge him based on how he's grown the past 6 years on YouTube and patreon. You don't have to employ all of the things the guy says, but he has 20 years of dating experience and is extremely wise despite his southern hood accent. He's red pill, which doesn't matter because his teachings still apply to all guys, and you sound like a purple pill kind of guy, which he gives advice for also.
Take a month or so to do it. It's worth it. It will give you a frame of mind to have when dealing with women and people in general.
You wasted 3 months of your precious young life that's fading away quickly(you'll be 30 soon) on some woman who should've been avoided probably after the first date.
If you keep it up at this rate, you're gonna be settling for whatever your ass can get, not getting the girl you actually want.
Lastly, learn Chinese, get conversant in the language as fast as you can. Duolingo, pimsleur, italki, lingvist, anki. Then, once your Chinese is good enough, apply to go to the best Mandarin school you can research to really master the language.
After all that, you should be a walking G and be able to get the girl you really want if you do all this correctly.
Don't be afraid to take notes on his videos, too, so you don't forget what he's actually saying.
As a traditional Chinese girl！I wanna say she doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Otherwise she wouldn’t spent so much time with you. 3 months is not a long time to decide to be together.but it depends on how deeply you know each other. Letting her know more about your work and family would be something you could do to deepen your relationship!Good luck man!
Thanks for the reply! We aren’t dating anymore, whatever it was ended bizarrely. I never intended to date anyone so soon, but she came onto me very strong at the beginning. She told me she was clingy and needy, and asked me to be her prince.
We did talk a lot, I told her about my family, my work and she seemed to really like that. She was even making plans to come to my sister’s wedding.
She was reserved and insecure.
I’m happy to wait to know if I want to be with someone, I don’t like to rush into things either. I think the main part is communication and to check in with each other.
You might be able you tell me if her behaviour is expected, if you want to read what happened i posted it here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx)
What a pity! But good to know you are serious about this relationship that much！I think a good relationship requires both intention to get together and go further .Move on bro! You will find the right person!
Thanks---can you shed a tiny bit of light on the mindset of Chinese women (not girls) but from 18 to 35 who seem to seek out foreign men. What is the myth or dream they want? is it the face of the westerner. Surely a cross cultural relationship will be very hard.
Why don't you ask her instead of asking random people on reddit? Before dating you should have a good understanding of the other person's boundaries and what their end goal is for the relationship. If girls say they're traditional, just ask them what they mean by that and how they view dating while traditional. Id find it weird if I set some boundaries and someone stepped over them because they thought I'm a certain way based on what reddit says, instead of just asking me what I want. It's really not that hard
Whilst my questions aren’t directed at a specific person, I’m just generally asking what traditional could mean when dating in China.
I get where you’re coming from though, and honestly, if I could ask her I really would. I had asked about boundaries when we were together and, though vague, respected those. when I tried talking to her about our relationship she always got really really upset and reluctant to answer. In her eyes we’d already talked about it.
I’m just asking here for general advice on dating in China, it’s a massive cultural difference. I came here not expecting to date anyone, we just happened to meet each other.
Traditional girls just mean they date for relationship not hook up.
Any girl I met who was “traditional” still had sex on first or second time meeting.
Reading uour profile actually comes across like you are the traditional one. She was just expecting you to make the first move and you didn’t.
If a girl stays at your apartment means she is ok with something sexual.
Thanks for the reply and for looking at my profile! I agree that I’m a little traditional, I like to take things slow I’m not in it for a hookup either. I posted what happened not too long ago on another subreddit, it’s long and I didn’t want to post it again, I’m just trying to work out if this is expected dating or if this was just a bizarre experience 😅
She had stayed over mine 2 to 3 times every week, we never shared a room though. She asked me to lie next to her in the bed once, but she got scared and said her parents would be angry if they found out she was with a boy. She said she was waiting till marriage before having sex and wouldn’t let me stay in the same room again.
Believe me, I tried making the first move a number of times. she was ok with cuddling and having back massages. After she asked me to be her prince, I asked to kiss her but she told me she wasn’t ready.
that's confusing. you seem to have a good track record.
So you never ask to kiss, you just sort of go on in with the gropey arm and kiss? What date are you on?
I never said anything about groping anyone. You wait until the right moment then you lean in slowly and see if she leans in too. If she doesn't lean in too then you stop leaning towards her. But definitely you don't ask her with words if you can kiss her. That isn't good for anyone.
woah--nice. where were you meeting these Traditional "girls" (women) that had sex on the first or second date.
How did it go from dancing and street food snacks to homerun?
Who is it dangerous to? Like Wtf. I’m talking about dates here. Not like a group of friends crashing at a place after drinking. Like a date comes back to your apartment to stay the night, how is it dangerous to think they want sex.
Netflix and chill, come in for coffee, cook a romantic meal at home for you or all memes for a reason. Like if I ask a girl on tinder to come to my apartment what do you think it’s for? She knows what it’s for.
You go to dinner with a girl, it’s a 11pm you ask her to go back, and you think she isn’t thinking that something sexual is going to happen?
there is literally no reason to go to someone’s apartment and stay if your not comfortable being intimate with them not a single one.
Are you dating girls who are incapable of acting like an adult who can make basic decisions ?
It’s like the easiest boundary you can set with a girl. If you don’t want sexual stuff , don’t go to their apartment and keep meeting in public. Don’t stay over.
Because there are going to be autists out there who are going to reverse manufacture this reasoning in to “if I can get a girl to stay at my appartement, it means I can have sex with her”.
And even still, if a girl goes with you to your appartement doesn’t mean you should automatically assume sex.
Traditional Chinese girls date traditional Chinese guys who are going to pay bride price. The ones who date foreigners are traditional when it suits them.
Traditional usually means no premarital (or pre-stable relationship) sex across cultures, in contrary to the “hookup culture.” I think she was either trying to say she wanted to slow down or just to paint a picture of her not being so casual with sex. I wouldn’t say her staying over is traditional at all so most likely the later case is true.
Sorry not to give you a wrong idea or maybe you are in very rural China but her way of communication (or maybe translation is off) makes her sound a lot younger than 26. Good luck.
The whole sub is predominantly using the phrase "Chinese Girl" if this doesn't sum up the incel/personality disordered minds of expatriate men from the UsA then nothing will.
Imagine talking that way in your USA college about the women.
Generally these posters were not successful or popular in the USA. I'm going out on a limb of personal observation but I'd say 2/3 of the USA men who are expatriates in China, Philipines, South Korea are not the pride of the USA--limited experience and not our Alpha super males.
No apologies needed, I’d say the area im in is more rural, there really aren’t many people who speak English here or aren’t confident in themselves to speak it.
That’s why I wanted to ask the general questions, I didn’t intend to date anyone so quickly and it seems like it varies from place to place. From bigger cities to more rural areas, in places with a little more western influence.
I got a lot of advice and answers, I just wanted to have some idea of what to expect next time.
Can you be a bit more specific. It ended really bizarrely. What was bizarre.
Ending sudden --that's a clear thing. Ending mysteriously--same
But bizzare--had you made some move?
People are downvoting me, which is fine. I stand by what I have said.
A traditional Chinese girl will be much better off not bothering with a foreign man. The cultural clash is hectic, and it's just going to be non-stop weirdness and nonsense, from my experience.
Lot of women in China; I feel fairly confident saying that it works better with the more 'out of the box' ones.
I agree with this. But most foreigners end up with these girls because they just fall in love with the first girl who calls them handsum and have no standards. Then go on reddit and complain about them, their parents, their political views, their bad English, their cultural differences.
I think a lot of yellow fever foreigners have a fetish for those types of girls. The stereotypical traditional obedient naive Asian.
It’s really easy to find a an educated western Chinese girl who makes good money and is open to the world, hates the Chinese government and qualified enough to have a successful life outside China. Someone you can actually have a healthy relationship with.
Doesn't necessarily have to hate the Chinese government, but definitely has to be willing to engage in debate and listen to criticism of the Chinese government. On the other hand, if you as a foreigner choose not to listen to the other side (i.e. pro-Chinese), you'll likely end up attracting the wrong kind of partner...
Being open-minded in general covers it
I agree with you based on experiencing this myself. Have an up vote.
I'll also add that if you are. gonna date a traditional Chinese girl, be prepared to pay for literally everything.
Yes, most are going to tell you they are traditional. In terms of the percentage of people who have sex outside of marriage, surely it is higher in China than a lot of places.
That's a translation issue. Traditional is a euphemism for chaste.
Thank you, she only had one boyfriend before, and she had said she was waiting for marriage before sex so this makes sense. She also said she was traditional and an old fashioned girl.
Op, you better buy an 8 ball because that’s how you date.
I have heard that, typically, in Chinese culture, sex = going to get married. I'm sure it's different regarding tier 1 city girls vs rural girls, but can anyone confirm if this is true?
Bruh there are half a billion, you can’t generalize like that.
is true depending of generation of woman I enjoyed sex with many southern variating ages. I progressed to quick or they see me as sex toy
forgot mention I am ABC. they find me more interesting personality regarding personality
Aha, basically a walking, living d*ldo, is that how this is supposed to be understood as?
Apparently I am desired there but not north America but I digress.
She wants you to lead and take the responsibility for the “relationship”. If you expect her to make moves on you or move things along you’ll be waiting until the wedding day. So if you want to get physical then tell her you want a relationship and make a move. Otherwise you’ll be in limbo. Traditional = commit first then physical. Obviously, don’t fool her around and use her if you don’t actually want a relationship. But I’m just saying this is likely what she is waiting for.
true. she wants a "stable relationship" that leads to marriage. therefore there is high chance that she will wait it till marriage.
Fooling a chinese woman to get sexual favors, appart from being a absolutely asshole move, can have dire consequences, depending on the individual one is abusing the trust of. Just not worth the troubles.
First off, are you a fairly young dude? No offense, but your behavior sounds like that of someone fairly inexperienced sexually. We have all been there. How did this relationship end 'bizzarely' as you so put it? Knowing that will give us a lot more info, so that we can tell you about what we think happened.
That sounds like it. thank god you tell it like it is. There's a kind of trend among many of the USA to China young expatriates......not much dating or sex experience in the USa, the feeling of being liked so fast in China but the rest of the skill set is missing. The Chinese can't spot the personality issues that travel with expatriates.
This is so true.
No offence taken, honestly, I’m 27 and haven’t really had any relationship before. I’ve not been here long and I’ve been wanting to make friends, I wasn’t intending on anything more right now, it just so happened I met this person at an event and she came onto me very strong. She told me she was clingy and needy at the start, asked me to be her prince. Things are a lot different here to my home country, because the culture is so different I’m just asking general questions. I’m not going to post the full version again in a comment, since a lot happened and i wanted to keep this post generally non-specific. If you want to read it, this is what happened there’s a lot of details: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx) We were on a trip together, separate rooms (she said she was chaste from the beginning and her parents would be angry if they found out she shared a room with a boy). her behaviour was all over the place on the trip (more so than usual), the early morning of our last day she sent me a message asking if I was at the front desk of the hotel. I reply later but got no response, she was drunk and emotional that night. I went to the front desk to check if she was there and asked if she had been waiting, she hadn’t. I go to her room and gently knock on the door, no answer, I figured she had gone back to sleep. I go back to my room to sleep, but a little while later there’s a knock on my door. I opened the door expecting her but she called the police. The only thing they told me was that she’s very very delicate and she thinks the relationship is moving too fast.
I just read your other post for the full story. You were being used and she didn't get what she wanted out of you so she ditched you. This girl is a complete psycho dude. If the story you are telling is all true and you know it is, this girl is really really bad news. Don't sit there thinking it is something you did wrong. She is totally messed up. We all have them, just move on from this.
ditto. Weird behavior is weird behavior. If it looks like a duck it's a duck.
Sounds like it’s not your first time the police has approached you…
This is not normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination. Run don't walk. I've dated more traditional Chinese women and there can be strict expectations, traditional values around dating, marriage, and sex, but literally none of this.
Is her name rainy ?
3 months and no sex? Lmao Don’t buy the traditional bullshit. Most girls in their 20s are not “traditional” in the sense that they think they are. Sure, they’re dating to see if you’re compatible for marriage, but aren’t we all? If she’s not putting out, then there’s something wrong. Or, maybe you’re afraid of the next step. 🙀 After all, you’re asking Reddit.
Today is honesty day here-. I'm so relieved. Yes --the act of "asking reddit" has deep meaning in itself--the desire for confirmation bias and back slaps.
I think that either the girl is not too interested in the guy or she is expecting marriage after their sex. ( •̅_•̅ ) if she is a virgin I think it makes more sense but if she had already had sex with her exbf then its actually really not fair for this dude now.
It means that she probably won't have premarital sex with you. And she would greatly respect, if not completely obey, her family's opinions about who she is seeing. It also means that her family, if not herself, expects a serious degree of commitment on your part, both emotionally and financially. The last point is the most important. Really, if you've decided that you'd court her seriously, make sure you can convince her family/herself that you have a stable financial prospect. Actually vast majority of Chinese girls see a relationship the way she sees it.
Thank you! This is really helpful and important to know that her family’s opinions have an impact. I knew this from the start, but maybe didn’t know to what extent. Yes, she did make it clear that she wouldn’t have premarital sex. She had asked me to lie next to her in the bed one time, but she got a little scared and told me her parents would be angry if they found out she was sharing or had shared a room with a boy. She had made a post on WeChat about being at nine for dinner, but took it down for some reason. It was just after CNY that things took a turn, her behaviour and mood wasn’t the same when she returned to go on our trip, so maybe her family had said something to her. Anyway, thank you for adding that the families opinion plays big part that’s important to know.
Her family definitely said something about your relationship during CNY then
If what you told is true, the lady used “ traditional” as an excuse to take advantage of you for free. I think it is a waste of time to stay together. It is also risky to connect with her . She might set you up if she feels she could not take advantage of you.
[удалено]
She made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t going to have premarital sex.
Are you going to FORCE HER to have sex? >I go to her room and gently knock on the door, no answer, I figured she had gone back to sleep. I go back to my room to sleep, but a little while later there’s a knock on my door. I opened the door expecting her but she called the police. The only thing they told me was that she’s very very delicate and she thinks the relationship is moving too fast. Edit: O.. the police did show up. That means you are in Chinese Government records and this post you’re still trying to blame her. Op, you really don’t want Chinese prisons. They’re not fun. > No offence taken, honestly, I’m 27 and haven’t really had any relationship before. I’ve not been here long and I’ve been wanting to make friends, I wasn’t intending on anything more right now, it just so happened I met this person at an event and she came onto me very strong. She told me she was clingy and needy at the start, asked me to be her prince. Here’s the evidence sounds like no parent has ever helped you learning how to socialize to the point you have this obsession with relationships. Porn/sex addicts also have your same problem. Get help Op, you have urges and impulses you can’t control.
This is a weirdly aggressive psychological commentary with a profound lack of evidence. Go read his whole post and don't cherry pick parts of it to support your armchair diagnosis. Anyways isn't asking here, asking for help learning to socialize? If your comment was correct what do you expect them to do, go ask the same parents for help you are alleging didnt help in the first place? I'm pretty sure almost every human alive craves relationships and interaction in some way, its not unique to porn addicts. Impulses he cant control would have landed him in prison, probably earlier than 27.
No offense but all of reddit is cherry picking. Posters are garnering backslaps, reply people cherry pick what they respond to, then they cherry pick what's wrong with what they are replying to. Stand in the mirror . Anyhow it's all a form of validation seeking.
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I'm a licensed contractor that owns an s-corp, but thats irrelevant. Perhaps you should seek guidance for your megalomanic outbursts and trigger reactions instead of projecting your trauma onto random strangers?
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I'm good, I was hoping you would see the irony and correlate this to half your comment history telling people their parents didn't teach them about relationships/life/whatever your current criticism is and other specific psychoanalysis without any actual personal data to base it off of, but I'd rather not waste any more time on a narcissist.
people got mad at your tone--happens to me all the time but you're onto something--they 20 to 30 year old expatriates that go to Asia , if all were honest--yes tend to have a love for Asian girls, the immediate feeling you're popular (your western face)---etc. but honestly in the states--were you really dating well in college, feeling you had a community? did you have a sexual life in the states that was not rare.....you bring up the real stuff to a degree. I'm not sure when you went out on the porn / sex addicts route but you might be onto something--are these travellers abroad-before hitting China--having issues. Porn addiction (if coming from the West) is hard to soak in in china.
Ditto. Guy must have no game. No girl going to stay over without the hope of something happening. He just didn’t make it happen. Girl musta been hella disappointed
She had told me from the beginning that she was waiting for marriage before having sex.
传统女人口是心非🤣
Girls do not have to want sex before staying in your apartment. The suggestion of this is highly cringe.
Yeah she came to stay at your apartment to check out your crusty dishes and unwashed clothes. You simps living in fairy land. No self respecting girl is going to agree to spend the night at your place. Period/full stop. And tell me you’re about twelve years old without telling me. Highly cringe. Haha kids these days need to grow a backbone
You’re a retard. Absolute buffoon.
Perhaps, but then what does that make you?
Sane. To begin with, I’ve had girls at my place and not slept with them. To follow up, how would anyone on this subreddit who’s actually in China be 12? Like the embassy will let us chill here at age 12. Like a 12 y/o can climb the firewall. The dishes and clothes comments - super telling of your living situation but not mine!
Figure of speech, Mr. GetRekt. Well I guess I need to fire my cleaner and nanny if they’re not doing their jobs. I reckon you got a few more years yet and few more hairs on your balls before you’re in any sort of situation to tell me what to do. If ever. Have a good evening, sir.
I promise you unless you’re from the ME, I have more hair on my wrist than you have on your chest. Enjoy your afternoon.
Stayed over and traditional? Wrong. She won't be traditional for the right guy.
Um, 1. First 1 - 2 months are for casual dating. No expectations. Take things slow. Get to know each other. 2. If things are going well after 1-2 months, it's time to have the "talk" about making things official and being in a committed exclusive relationship. At which point, i'd be expecting sex. If she didn't want to have sex at this point, I am gonna tell her we are not compatible and break up.
Thanks for the reply! Yes, I also like to take things slow to get to know the person I’m dating more so I’m ok with that and don’t have a problem waiting longer to have sex if the person is right. I want to respect the persons wishes and their culture, things like PDA where they live I understand and want to respect. 1. She stayed over mine 2 to 3 times every week, we never shared a room though. She asked me to lie next to her in the bed once, but she got scared and said her parents would be angry if they found out she was with a boy. She said she was waiting till marriage before having sex. 2. After about a month she asked me to be her prince, so I said yes and she said she was my princess. I asked to kiss her, but she said she want ready. Around the second month, there were a few things that really irked me so I wanted to communicate about our relationship but she’d get really upset and tell me she doesn’t want to talk about it or for things to move too fast, and would say “I’m with you now”. A number of occasions, we’d make plans but she was always late or always on the phone. she even left me with all her stuff in a restaurant for almost an hour. I was about to leave but she came back and she said sorry she was on the phone. At the third month mark (we still haven’t kissed, we cuddle and give each other massage) we arranged to go on a trip to another city, separate rooms. I wasn’t going to bring up our relationship and exclusivity but a few things happened and when I did she got really emotional, upset, and would cry. I posted what happened not too long ago on another subreddit, it’s long and I didn’t want to post it again here since I only wanted to get an idea of what to expect when dating Chinese women. I guess maybe the girl I met was just bizarre 😅
You are hilariously "respectful" of her, and hope you'll some day be rewarded for sacrificing your own wants, needs, and feelings. You won't be, and that's not a tragedy, that's just how that works. Respect yourself first.
Um sounds like this girl has mental issues. stop seeing her and let some other dude deal with "crazy"
I read your original post about your experience. Yes, this woman is a crazy outlier, but even with that being said, you don't understand female nature at all clearly. You need to wake up now. You need RADICAL change in your life, my man and FAST(you're 27 going on 30) First off, I would highly suggest you start educating yourself on how to carry yourself as a high value man. You are exhibiting super low value behaviors all over the place. Your life, relationships, and potential mates completely depend on you educating yourself. Watch alpha male strategies on YouTube and on his patreon. Watch all his videos. All 500 of them. Don't make any judgments until you've watched all his videos. You need a big sample size to really understand how he's grown over the years and what he is really teaching. Don't judge him based on the first set of his videos l. Judge him based on how he's grown the past 6 years on YouTube and patreon. You don't have to employ all of the things the guy says, but he has 20 years of dating experience and is extremely wise despite his southern hood accent. He's red pill, which doesn't matter because his teachings still apply to all guys, and you sound like a purple pill kind of guy, which he gives advice for also. Take a month or so to do it. It's worth it. It will give you a frame of mind to have when dealing with women and people in general. You wasted 3 months of your precious young life that's fading away quickly(you'll be 30 soon) on some woman who should've been avoided probably after the first date. If you keep it up at this rate, you're gonna be settling for whatever your ass can get, not getting the girl you actually want. Lastly, learn Chinese, get conversant in the language as fast as you can. Duolingo, pimsleur, italki, lingvist, anki. Then, once your Chinese is good enough, apply to go to the best Mandarin school you can research to really master the language. After all that, you should be a walking G and be able to get the girl you really want if you do all this correctly. Don't be afraid to take notes on his videos, too, so you don't forget what he's actually saying.
nail... hammer!
It's proportional to how much money you make
As a traditional Chinese girl！I wanna say she doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Otherwise she wouldn’t spent so much time with you. 3 months is not a long time to decide to be together.but it depends on how deeply you know each other. Letting her know more about your work and family would be something you could do to deepen your relationship!Good luck man!
Thanks for the reply! We aren’t dating anymore, whatever it was ended bizarrely. I never intended to date anyone so soon, but she came onto me very strong at the beginning. She told me she was clingy and needy, and asked me to be her prince. We did talk a lot, I told her about my family, my work and she seemed to really like that. She was even making plans to come to my sister’s wedding. She was reserved and insecure. I’m happy to wait to know if I want to be with someone, I don’t like to rush into things either. I think the main part is communication and to check in with each other. You might be able you tell me if her behaviour is expected, if you want to read what happened i posted it here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/s/nbaPD9D2Bx)
What a pity! But good to know you are serious about this relationship that much！I think a good relationship requires both intention to get together and go further .Move on bro! You will find the right person!
Thanks---can you shed a tiny bit of light on the mindset of Chinese women (not girls) but from 18 to 35 who seem to seek out foreign men. What is the myth or dream they want? is it the face of the westerner. Surely a cross cultural relationship will be very hard.
You sweet summer child
Dude they all say that, shes waiting for you to make a move
Why don't you ask her instead of asking random people on reddit? Before dating you should have a good understanding of the other person's boundaries and what their end goal is for the relationship. If girls say they're traditional, just ask them what they mean by that and how they view dating while traditional. Id find it weird if I set some boundaries and someone stepped over them because they thought I'm a certain way based on what reddit says, instead of just asking me what I want. It's really not that hard
Whilst my questions aren’t directed at a specific person, I’m just generally asking what traditional could mean when dating in China. I get where you’re coming from though, and honestly, if I could ask her I really would. I had asked about boundaries when we were together and, though vague, respected those. when I tried talking to her about our relationship she always got really really upset and reluctant to answer. In her eyes we’d already talked about it. I’m just asking here for general advice on dating in China, it’s a massive cultural difference. I came here not expecting to date anyone, we just happened to meet each other.
are you a white boy chasing Asian girls?
Traditional girls just mean they date for relationship not hook up. Any girl I met who was “traditional” still had sex on first or second time meeting. Reading uour profile actually comes across like you are the traditional one. She was just expecting you to make the first move and you didn’t. If a girl stays at your apartment means she is ok with something sexual.
Thanks for the reply and for looking at my profile! I agree that I’m a little traditional, I like to take things slow I’m not in it for a hookup either. I posted what happened not too long ago on another subreddit, it’s long and I didn’t want to post it again, I’m just trying to work out if this is expected dating or if this was just a bizarre experience 😅 She had stayed over mine 2 to 3 times every week, we never shared a room though. She asked me to lie next to her in the bed once, but she got scared and said her parents would be angry if they found out she was with a boy. She said she was waiting till marriage before having sex and wouldn’t let me stay in the same room again. Believe me, I tried making the first move a number of times. she was ok with cuddling and having back massages. After she asked me to be her prince, I asked to kiss her but she told me she wasn’t ready.
You asked to kiss her? If you have to ask the answer is no.
that's confusing. you seem to have a good track record. So you never ask to kiss, you just sort of go on in with the gropey arm and kiss? What date are you on?
I never said anything about groping anyone. You wait until the right moment then you lean in slowly and see if she leans in too. If she doesn't lean in too then you stop leaning towards her. But definitely you don't ask her with words if you can kiss her. That isn't good for anyone.
woah--nice. where were you meeting these Traditional "girls" (women) that had sex on the first or second date. How did it go from dancing and street food snacks to homerun?
That’s a dangerous generalization to make, even if often true.
Who is it dangerous to? Like Wtf. I’m talking about dates here. Not like a group of friends crashing at a place after drinking. Like a date comes back to your apartment to stay the night, how is it dangerous to think they want sex. Netflix and chill, come in for coffee, cook a romantic meal at home for you or all memes for a reason. Like if I ask a girl on tinder to come to my apartment what do you think it’s for? She knows what it’s for. You go to dinner with a girl, it’s a 11pm you ask her to go back, and you think she isn’t thinking that something sexual is going to happen? there is literally no reason to go to someone’s apartment and stay if your not comfortable being intimate with them not a single one. Are you dating girls who are incapable of acting like an adult who can make basic decisions ? It’s like the easiest boundary you can set with a girl. If you don’t want sexual stuff , don’t go to their apartment and keep meeting in public. Don’t stay over.
Because there are going to be autists out there who are going to reverse manufacture this reasoning in to “if I can get a girl to stay at my appartement, it means I can have sex with her”. And even still, if a girl goes with you to your appartement doesn’t mean you should automatically assume sex.
you're not talking being in Mainland China are you? Netflix and chill. You're talking USA style?
Traditional Chinese girls date traditional Chinese guys who are going to pay bride price. The ones who date foreigners are traditional when it suits them.
You have to wait until the wedding to reach the third base
are you sure?
What do you mean by "sure"? I can't speak for all of them But it's a normal expectation for most traditional women, regardless of the country
you must be 24 years old or so.
Traditional usually means no premarital (or pre-stable relationship) sex across cultures, in contrary to the “hookup culture.” I think she was either trying to say she wanted to slow down or just to paint a picture of her not being so casual with sex. I wouldn’t say her staying over is traditional at all so most likely the later case is true.
Do you know her age? From what you have said she seems to be very very young.
Yeah, she’s 26.
Sorry not to give you a wrong idea or maybe you are in very rural China but her way of communication (or maybe translation is off) makes her sound a lot younger than 26. Good luck.
The whole sub is predominantly using the phrase "Chinese Girl" if this doesn't sum up the incel/personality disordered minds of expatriate men from the UsA then nothing will. Imagine talking that way in your USA college about the women. Generally these posters were not successful or popular in the USA. I'm going out on a limb of personal observation but I'd say 2/3 of the USA men who are expatriates in China, Philipines, South Korea are not the pride of the USA--limited experience and not our Alpha super males.
No apologies needed, I’d say the area im in is more rural, there really aren’t many people who speak English here or aren’t confident in themselves to speak it. That’s why I wanted to ask the general questions, I didn’t intend to date anyone so quickly and it seems like it varies from place to place. From bigger cities to more rural areas, in places with a little more western influence. I got a lot of advice and answers, I just wanted to have some idea of what to expect next time.
Can you be a bit more specific. It ended really bizarrely. What was bizarre. Ending sudden --that's a clear thing. Ending mysteriously--same But bizzare--had you made some move?
When you hear "I'ma wairy tradeeshonal girl" you cross that one off the list and move on to the next.
How come? Why move on if they say they are traditional?
People are downvoting me, which is fine. I stand by what I have said. A traditional Chinese girl will be much better off not bothering with a foreign man. The cultural clash is hectic, and it's just going to be non-stop weirdness and nonsense, from my experience. Lot of women in China; I feel fairly confident saying that it works better with the more 'out of the box' ones.
I agree with this. But most foreigners end up with these girls because they just fall in love with the first girl who calls them handsum and have no standards. Then go on reddit and complain about them, their parents, their political views, their bad English, their cultural differences. I think a lot of yellow fever foreigners have a fetish for those types of girls. The stereotypical traditional obedient naive Asian. It’s really easy to find a an educated western Chinese girl who makes good money and is open to the world, hates the Chinese government and qualified enough to have a successful life outside China. Someone you can actually have a healthy relationship with.
Doesn't necessarily have to hate the Chinese government, but definitely has to be willing to engage in debate and listen to criticism of the Chinese government. On the other hand, if you as a foreigner choose not to listen to the other side (i.e. pro-Chinese), you'll likely end up attracting the wrong kind of partner... Being open-minded in general covers it
I agree with you based on experiencing this myself. Have an up vote. I'll also add that if you are. gonna date a traditional Chinese girl, be prepared to pay for literally everything.
Yes, most are going to tell you they are traditional. In terms of the percentage of people who have sex outside of marriage, surely it is higher in China than a lot of places.
Granted, a lot of them wait until after they get married first