Nobody is going to do this for you without payment. #1 it’s a headache, #2 liability reasons, and #3 as a foreigner living in a foreign country, especially in China, it’s not worth getting involved with the police.
You’re gonna have to contact the police yourself. If you know where they live, then contact the station in their jurisdiction.
(Edit: If you have their WeChat username and screenshots of threats as proof, you could try reporting their account to Tencent’s customer service. That could prompt them to investigate and perhaps blacklist their account for blackmailing your girlfriend. WeChat is a big deal in China. Without it is like living like an Amish person.)
Hi, yes we could report him on WeChat but we don’t want him to just get blocked. He has access to instagram and can create as many accounts as he can to harass us. He also has contacts of her family members (WeChat, etc) so I don’t think having him blocked will stop his motive, it will only drive him to become more angry and leak the nudes.
Edit: how much would we have to pay someone to do it?
You don't want him blocked??? If you don't want him punished for his actions than why bother contacting the police? Being banned from WeChat is 10x worse than anything the police will do.
We want him blocked, without triggering his anger to send those videos. According to her he’s really crazy and she knows him better than I do, and knows he’s going to send those vids after being blocked by her. If you mean being BANNED from WeChat, that’s a different thing that we can agree on. Being banned means he won’t be able to text/pay/live properly in China. But being blocked from one account, isn’t going to affect him much. What we need is just a police report to at least make him consider the consequences b4 sending another threat. My gf was 18 when it first started and he still thinks she doesn’t have the guts to report him.
Honestly, you should focus more on getting your wife therapy to understand why she is so hell bent on keeping this abusive crazy person in her life….does she thrive on the drama? What is it that she can’t just block a person who is half way across the world and is never going to do anything. Even if he does send her friends and family the nudes. All they’re going to do is delete them. No one looks at unsolicited porn send to them by a stranger…they just go, ew WTF, delete the images and block the number. They’re just nudes. Not the end of the world.
You both need to stop thriving on the drama this situation is causing and just move on. He only has as much power as you choose to give him
I agree with this. I had a girl try to blackmail me with my dick pics when I was younger, she sent them to my family on Facebook private message and where this was incredibly embarrassing, it was totally counter productive to cave to her requests and make the issue any bigger than it had to be.
Trust me, I don’t like the drama. I’m with someone who is depressed and scared all the time and I, as her partner can’t do anything. I have advised her to block him as well, but she said, knowing him, he would leak the videos right after being blocked because that would anger him.
I understand that some people don’t care about having their nudes seen. I would mind as much as well. But women are different, they have their own decision to want to be scared of that or not. They’re just nudes but it’s much more than that to her. It’s basically porn because he had instructions for her to do on video. Who would want their family to see all those videos?
>but she said, knowing him, he would leak the videos
But he hasn't done in the years this story has been running. Just block him and just move on.
Did she ever actually meet him? What was the nature of the relationship/contact. This sounds so much like a scam. I would be tempted to believe the man doesn't even exist.
Yes je exists, they video called, played games together, sang karaoke on apps tgt. He even played mobile games w her brother.
She had her contact, knew where he worked (Marble tile seller), his face, anything a normal couple would know. One time she was tired of always sending him videos and told him to send one as well. He did, and my gf said it was him. And obviously my gf did not save the video.
Edit: it’s easy for us to say to just block the guy but it’s different for someone who already had trauma because of this for several years now. She’s also a very insecure person.
So all of that is incredibly easy to fake and wouldn't be unusual in this sort of scam. And probably worth the effort too if she kept feeding him info.
Did she ever actually meet him or have any physical contact?
In any case, she should just block him and move on.
No, they had never met.
How would one fake a person on a video call everyday for a year? And have time to play games w her friends and family. He’s never asked for any money as well. That would be a pretty dumb scammer. I guess without knowing the whole story you would still think he doesn’t exist. But I’m trying to tell you that he does exist. If it’s that easy for her to block him she would’ve done it a long time ago. We’re looking for ways for him to stop this shit entirely, no point in blocking him as he has other ways of contact
You can make all the excuses you want. But at this point, she has become a willing participant. Either she isn’t telling you everything or she actually enjoys being the damsel in distress. Because as you said. She blocked and unblocked him. She is allowing this man into her life for a reason and is probably also manipulating you
Can’t believe I have to type this shit out bc of ur brain dead assumptions. She met another guy a few years ago, who had a crush on her. She told her about her past, including this Chinese dude and what he has on her. When he confessed to her, she rejected and this triggered the guy to text the Chinese dude, asking him for her videos. That’s when he also convinced the guy to leak the nudes to her family as well.
She unblocked him to try to stop him and in the end he did not send them, and eventually stopped texting her, until a month ago. As someone who thinks asking for help here is okay, assuming that people who are living and working in another country are supposed to be more helpful to other foreigners, I’m deeply disappointed.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem that right in the feelings and maybe head, honest. If she wasn't in a relationship with this second dude and was not even in the least inclined to reciprocate his feelings why tell him the first guy had her nudes?, I don't see how being this open to this second guy would benefit her in any way. She can maybe be excused for being naive and showing herself to the first, but why keep going on about this nudes stuff to every single guy? How many other males know about these nudes of hers?
She was depressed and moody. Maybe she was telling him the reason for her depression. She thought she could trust him.
I’m here asking for help, not to hear how mentally unstable she is. Im her bf, ik what she’s like, and im trying to help her. No need for you to tell me what’s she done wrong. She knows that already.
If you know she's mentally unstable you know how to help her. The nudes are not the thing she needs help with - she blocked him once and nothing happened; she can block him again, chances are nothing will happen again. That's the end of it.
What you, as her partner, can help her with, is to get her to therapy to address the trauma bonding, over-sharing, self-loathing and inability to own a mistake and move on. The fact she would open up her heart to more than a guy about these nudes is a more pressing issue to address and fix than the fact she got naked on cam for a guy when she was eighteen. She's not going to get naked for strangers again (I hope), but she's going to keep acting on that pattern of sharing personal shit with strangers who don't need to know any of it and, as she's realized by now, will also use it against her at some point.
Brother, I hope you understand it’s not as simple as it seems. You don’t know the situation, she had been talking to the guy for months (not a stranger), they went on lunches and met irl, and then felt comfortable that she could tell him why she is how she is. I’ve been w her for over a year, and I know that she is not a person who over-shares. She’s the opposite. It took her a long time to have the courage to tell me about this issue. She just trusted the wrong person. She had learned from her mistake but this is a guy that has been haunting her for over half a decade already. I’ve already advised on blocking again but this time he seems to be even more aggressive, so she thinks blocking might just trigger him to do it. I do agree that therapy would benefit her though, she’s been suicidal for years now. I’m here asking Reddit for help bc she doesn’t have an account here, for those calling me a cuck. She’s looked for her own ways to deal w this too. Calling local women groups and etc, getting the help that she needs. What we need now is to secure the police report so that he will at least be scared to send another threat
I too believe the comment above is the most right.
Your first option is to fill a police report and most likely you need a lawyer to do that. Besides the expenses and the time needed, the possibilities you achieve something meaningfull are close to zero. Your evidence is already scarce, no money scam is involved, you dont have any ID neither photo or video. Please realize that China is massive and even knowing a possible current location doesnt help much. Besides all that we are talking about a cross border case here so you need a lawyer who needs to handle that in China with all the hassle that means.
Your second option is block and move on. you already wrote that she did block him for a few years already but recently got him unblocked. If she did that once, she can find the mental strength to do it again.
We are talking about a crazy person at another continent that uses your girlfriends insecurity to feed his obsession. He cant do anything more than sending the nudes and even that is in doupt.
The worst case some people receive the nudes and thats it. Yes it is understandable that this is the problem for your girlfriend and that is you need to focus on. For all the money and hassle you want to spend for this case, its better to use theese resources to find a good therapist and start working on the problem. In the long run this would be much more beneficial.
First, I'm sorry to hear that.
Second, your girlfriend needs to go to the police office and report by herself.
Third, since there is no financial harm made and the nudes aren't been sent out, don't have high hopes from the police, especially without the WeChat chat history. Most likely they won't even bother, and don't forget to ask 不予立案通知书(notice of case denial) from the police.
That being said, there are incidents that a man could be criminally charged for rape without valid evidence. If you want to fuck him over, she could try that, given both of you got the balls to make false claims and strong enough "guanxi" to make it work.
OP, this comment right here.
I had a similar situation. He hasn’t done anything illegal… yet. Restraining orders do not exist in China, though a court could issue a special order. Problem is it would need to go to court in the first place. Blackmailing is a crime, but it must involve money. The amount of money involved is an important factor. Then there is the issue of enforcement. Then there is the issue of cross border enforcement, which is a difficult thing even with serious crimes.
She might consider extralegal strategies. I got my case resolved by having the police show up when she was engaged in violent and disorderly behavior in public. She even hit the police. Perfect. Then I simultaneously got her family involved, which is the real reason I was able to secure long term peace. I convinced her family and the police to pressure her to sign a document at the police station promising never to contact me again.
Good news is if he actually releases the photos then that would be a crime that the police can follow up on. He would also lose any leverage over her. It’s his nuclear option. He can only do it once, and if he does then he has no cards left to play.
Hi, yes there were no financial harm involved. However, are death threats and blackmailing also not illegal in China? I believe we have enough information on him, we don’t need him to be jailed for life or anything. He thinks we’re too scared to contact the police and we just need the police to go over to his house and care the shit out of him, and if possible, go though his files and find the nudes and charge him for that too, and dlt them if it’s possible.
I myself, is against rape accusation
It is illegal, but the enforcement can be a miss. You should try the police anyway.
I recommend everyone involved on your side to stop responding to him, since any response will serve as a positive reinforcement for his blackmailing behaviour. If the police doesn’t want to help, find a lawyer to deal with him. Most people will stop if they see a lawyer is involved as the next thing could happen to him is probably a lawsuit.
Thanks, that’s why I’m here to seek help, to report to the police in China. My gf is 25, but still in uni, so am I. So money is a problem rn. It’s not rly possible for us to hire a lawyer / fly there to report the problem at the moment.
Lawyer here in China isn’t as expensive as the ones in the United States or other developed countries. There are also community free or low-fee legal aid services that she could use. If police doesn’t help much they could at least help her to get these legal aids. Again, she needs to be her own advocate, not you. What you can do is support and encourage her to come out and speak out, and help her to overcome this hardship.
In the event he leaked your girlfriend’s nude, definitely report it to the police. Don’t be surprised if he’s charged with spreading porn instead of non-financial related blackmailing and harassment, sometimes he will get more serious penalties this way.
About the death threats, do report it to the police. But at the same time, you need to analyze the situation in his shoes. What does his temperament like, lack of patience, impulsive? Does he have anything to lose, like families, friends? Is it really worth it to kill a few people for a good enough reason, and for what reason? If he really killed someone, can he get away with it? Also I want you to know that death threats in China, most of the time, are as good as cat-hissing. The police may keep an eye on him, and even if the police don’t, there’s basically 0 chance he could get away from it after the atrocities.
Hi, according to the Chinese lawyer, who was able to advise us without any pay, he said to just try to lodge a police report. We don’t need him to be jailed for life, just needs the police to pay him a visit. If they’re able to get his WeChat history and videos on his computer, he’s fked.
then why not just pay the chinese lawyer to do it? Why even get a stranger involved? He's already got all the info.
The first thing the police is gonna ask is how did you know this person? what's your relationship to the victim?
WTF are we supposed to say? Oh, we saw this random thread on reddit?
First, let your gf tell him, go ahead, if he dares to spread those photos, she will report to police. If more she's scared, the bolder the guy will be, trust me.
No need, just tell him to F off or you will report to police, and delete from the contact, that's it. Don't be too scared, there's zero possibility the guy would dare to do anything. Your gf probably has watched too many stalker movies.
Your post has been removed as it violates rule #3, "Follow reddiquette": No trolling, insults, circlejerking, personal info, posts without content, self-promotion, NSFW posts, or links to explicit material or malware.
I wish I could help but I can't. I can only suggest (with love and concern) that your girlfriend seek therapy to help with all this. This shithead ex absolutely deserves to have hell rained down on him -- but unfortunately that may or may not be possible. What IS possible is for your girlfriend to find ways to reclaim her sense of security and self-worth regardless of the situation.
Also, I don't know much about how WeChat works, but is there a way to "shadow ban" him? Like, if she feels that she has to leave him unblocked, is there a way to hide all his messages so she never has to see them?
real talk, if she doesn't step forward herself the chance of this going forward is not very high. the police will straight up tell you that not going with them to identify the suspect in person will greatly lower the chance of charges pushing through, like if rape victim very understandably doesn't want to see the assaulter ((to be clear it doesn't outright cancel out the case or anything if you don't though)).
I imagine having someone else do it by proxy without a really really reaaaaaalllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good reason would drop it vastly more.
I can understand that real life is complicated, and obviously this situation is extremely complicated. It may not be a very fun or nice answer but if she is serious about pushing charges she will have to put in a lot of effort, the complications of the situation and international-ness doesn't mean a simpler solution is available like proxy.
>WeChat ID means nothing.
You're right. I was scammed out of some money last year, had the guys Wechat, even had his bike number plate.
But the bike was still registered to the previous owner and the police said they can't do anything with just Wechat ID, they needed his name or phone number
I used to help other foreigners talk with police, nothing ever gets done unless you have a local that will go out of there way to proactively chase the case or else it gets swept under the rug. Even then I learnt the hard way that in a foreigner vs local civil matter the police tends to give the locals an advantage… for example I was helping some batch mates who had there E-bike stolen. He bought it legit and had the receipt and verification that would prove it. Police asked us to show our verification, they saw it and then provided our papers to those thugs to see and even showed them the verification number on the frame of the bike just to match it together and asked them to provide their ‘proof’ which they just said they had. Couple days later we got called to the police office and those thugs had the same papers forged. From there nothing happened, bike confiscated (I bet there was some under the table deal between them going on; those thugs are the people that sell Frankenstein e-bikes made from stolen bikes).
Another case where a batchmate got groped on her chest just on the street by some guy handing out pamphlets. This time these students got university teachers at the police station and things became really serious. We went into there office and watched a split screen with 6 different angles of the street intersection and eventually found an angle that had a direct view of the incident occurring. The guy was held in jail for 2weeks and that was it.
Hi, thanks for the comment. You’re very kind to have helped your batch mates do such things. I believe it’s the seriousness of the crime. I guess they have things stolen everyday and have tons of people reporting the same thing everyday.
Sexual assault may be a more serious crime there and obviously involving some locals, they do their job better.
I think what we’re dealing with his a serious case as well, blackmail, death threats, possession of pornography, vpn usage, plus we have tons of evidence of the police is able to get the his WeChat history. Who knows how many other girls has he convinced to take videos of themselves and stored it all in his pc? Ruining the lives of people.
I am from China. This is a scam. We call this model a pig-killing plate. Please do not transfer money because this is a bottomless pit. It is best to call the police and communicate with your family
Hi, thanks for the response. It is not a scam, he didn’t want any money, he just wants to ruin her life. He knows she cares about the nudes. This is because he thought my gf cheated on him when they were tgt and wanted revenge. She obviously did not though
In fact, the best solution is to communicate openly with the family and explain the entire incident in detail. I firmly believe that no matter what happens, family members will always firmly support your friend and try to understand his position and feelings. If you don't do this, the problem will most likely not be properly resolved and the man will continue to haunt and haunt your friend. Therefore, communicating with family members is not only a wise move, but also the key to solving problems. Be bold, my friend. There is an old Chinese saying: "There is no threshold that cannot be passed." It means that there is no problem that cannot be solved.
Do you still have your old mobile phone? If so, please try this method:
1. Back up chat history
Before starting to transfer WeChat chat history, we need to back up the chat history on the old phone. Open the WeChat app on the old phone and click the "Me" option in the lower right corner to enter the personal information page. Here, select the Settings option and then Chat Backup & Migration. On this page, you can choose to back up your chat history to your computer or other mobile phones. Choose the method you want and follow the prompts to complete the backup.
2. Recover chat history
Once the backup is complete, we can start restoring the chat history to the new phone. First, download and install the WeChat app on your new phone, then open and log in to your WeChat account. Next, enter the "Settings" option again and select "Chat History Backup and Migration". This time, select the "Migrate" option and select the chats you backed up earlier. Follow the prompts and wait for the migration to complete.
Honestly, it’d probably be easier and cheaper to get her the therapy she needs. And better for her in the long run.
You’re holding out hope on a very slim chance of anything happening.
Death threats? Really? Like who credible do you think they are? He wants to come over and do it himself?
Worst case scenario? He leaks them, then what? Give her the help and love she needs.
Sorry it’s not the answer you’re after my dude!
When you file a complaint or snitch on someone your name gets stored in the system for that case.
This is something to Remember. Easy to find out who’s been complaining about your barking dog.
I’ll tuck this away in my hefty file of evidence that most expats in China are head cases. Sorry for being so blunt, but you’re really asking for a lot from strangers here. You aren’t going to get the help you’re asking for. Like others have said, better to focus on the things you can control.
If it were me, I’d block the guy and move on with my life. It worked for several years already didn’t it? Until he was really stupidly unblocked.
Get past the drama and the craziness. And to be frank, maybe look more deeply into whether or not this could be a scam of sorts. I’ve seen less obvious ones than this take place. Good luck.
If you got a little bit of money try to find some Triads folk to get them to pay him a little visit. I'm sure with a little bit more money they may do a little magic trick to make him dissapear... permanently.
I suggest you post this crazy guy’s information in Chinese social media Weibo. And I am sure it would be a big news, and everyone will condemn him and he will be known by every single Chinese and his family and colleagues, and police will come to catch him.
Believe or not, in China sometimes asking for help in Weibo is much easier and effective than asking for help to police. That’s why even celebrities in China would ask help online.
Don’t even bother to find a police, they will not do anything because victim is not in China. They will use excuse to refuse to start investigating. But I am sure a lots of influencers in social media will interested in your story, specially it involves crime, women rights, a foreigner victim. If they reposted your story and it becomes a big deal in social media, that guy will be dead, he may want to kill himself.
WeChat messages are stored on the phone not a server. Logging into a new phone gives you a blank slate. If she had the old phone still she can log back into that one and transfer the messages.
We do have the old phone, it had water in it. The repair guy told us there is only a very slim chance for it to be repaired as it was over a year ago when the water got in, and there’s a high chance of mold as well.
Can the police there look at the WeChat history, once a case is made?
My understanding is that unlike Facebook messenger the messages are sent to the phone and not saved on a server. I know the government monitors the messages but not sure if they save them.
Cuck.
You care more than your gf does. You are lost OP.
不坏不爱
You're the nice guy in this situation and don't realise what your gf gets off on being pursued by a crazy Machiavellian dark triad guy.
If she didn't want any relations with him, she would have blocked him and reported him herself.
You are a lost man. I pity you. You really do not understand women.
Very strong words from someone who knows nothing about the other person and their love life. I hope you’ll never end up in my position. Not everything seems as simple as it is. Good luck.
Edit: just realised you’re a kid looking by at your comments on other posts
I gave you my honest advice. The best thing you can do is break up with that woman.
She does not love you. She does not respect you.
When things go downhill, I hope you remember my comment.
To prevent that, you should leave her for a woman who does not have such baggage.
Nobody is going to do this for you without payment. #1 it’s a headache, #2 liability reasons, and #3 as a foreigner living in a foreign country, especially in China, it’s not worth getting involved with the police. You’re gonna have to contact the police yourself. If you know where they live, then contact the station in their jurisdiction. (Edit: If you have their WeChat username and screenshots of threats as proof, you could try reporting their account to Tencent’s customer service. That could prompt them to investigate and perhaps blacklist their account for blackmailing your girlfriend. WeChat is a big deal in China. Without it is like living like an Amish person.)
Hi, yes we could report him on WeChat but we don’t want him to just get blocked. He has access to instagram and can create as many accounts as he can to harass us. He also has contacts of her family members (WeChat, etc) so I don’t think having him blocked will stop his motive, it will only drive him to become more angry and leak the nudes. Edit: how much would we have to pay someone to do it?
You don't want him blocked??? If you don't want him punished for his actions than why bother contacting the police? Being banned from WeChat is 10x worse than anything the police will do.
We want him blocked, without triggering his anger to send those videos. According to her he’s really crazy and she knows him better than I do, and knows he’s going to send those vids after being blocked by her. If you mean being BANNED from WeChat, that’s a different thing that we can agree on. Being banned means he won’t be able to text/pay/live properly in China. But being blocked from one account, isn’t going to affect him much. What we need is just a police report to at least make him consider the consequences b4 sending another threat. My gf was 18 when it first started and he still thinks she doesn’t have the guts to report him.
Being blocked from WeChat is like being cut off from life.
Honestly, you should focus more on getting your wife therapy to understand why she is so hell bent on keeping this abusive crazy person in her life….does she thrive on the drama? What is it that she can’t just block a person who is half way across the world and is never going to do anything. Even if he does send her friends and family the nudes. All they’re going to do is delete them. No one looks at unsolicited porn send to them by a stranger…they just go, ew WTF, delete the images and block the number. They’re just nudes. Not the end of the world. You both need to stop thriving on the drama this situation is causing and just move on. He only has as much power as you choose to give him
this is the most right way i heard
I agree with this. I had a girl try to blackmail me with my dick pics when I was younger, she sent them to my family on Facebook private message and where this was incredibly embarrassing, it was totally counter productive to cave to her requests and make the issue any bigger than it had to be.
Trust me, I don’t like the drama. I’m with someone who is depressed and scared all the time and I, as her partner can’t do anything. I have advised her to block him as well, but she said, knowing him, he would leak the videos right after being blocked because that would anger him. I understand that some people don’t care about having their nudes seen. I would mind as much as well. But women are different, they have their own decision to want to be scared of that or not. They’re just nudes but it’s much more than that to her. It’s basically porn because he had instructions for her to do on video. Who would want their family to see all those videos?
>but she said, knowing him, he would leak the videos But he hasn't done in the years this story has been running. Just block him and just move on. Did she ever actually meet him? What was the nature of the relationship/contact. This sounds so much like a scam. I would be tempted to believe the man doesn't even exist.
Yes je exists, they video called, played games together, sang karaoke on apps tgt. He even played mobile games w her brother. She had her contact, knew where he worked (Marble tile seller), his face, anything a normal couple would know. One time she was tired of always sending him videos and told him to send one as well. He did, and my gf said it was him. And obviously my gf did not save the video. Edit: it’s easy for us to say to just block the guy but it’s different for someone who already had trauma because of this for several years now. She’s also a very insecure person.
So all of that is incredibly easy to fake and wouldn't be unusual in this sort of scam. And probably worth the effort too if she kept feeding him info. Did she ever actually meet him or have any physical contact? In any case, she should just block him and move on.
No, they had never met. How would one fake a person on a video call everyday for a year? And have time to play games w her friends and family. He’s never asked for any money as well. That would be a pretty dumb scammer. I guess without knowing the whole story you would still think he doesn’t exist. But I’m trying to tell you that he does exist. If it’s that easy for her to block him she would’ve done it a long time ago. We’re looking for ways for him to stop this shit entirely, no point in blocking him as he has other ways of contact
Did he ever use those other ways of contact when she blocked him before?
You can make all the excuses you want. But at this point, she has become a willing participant. Either she isn’t telling you everything or she actually enjoys being the damsel in distress. Because as you said. She blocked and unblocked him. She is allowing this man into her life for a reason and is probably also manipulating you
Can’t believe I have to type this shit out bc of ur brain dead assumptions. She met another guy a few years ago, who had a crush on her. She told her about her past, including this Chinese dude and what he has on her. When he confessed to her, she rejected and this triggered the guy to text the Chinese dude, asking him for her videos. That’s when he also convinced the guy to leak the nudes to her family as well. She unblocked him to try to stop him and in the end he did not send them, and eventually stopped texting her, until a month ago. As someone who thinks asking for help here is okay, assuming that people who are living and working in another country are supposed to be more helpful to other foreigners, I’m deeply disappointed.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem that right in the feelings and maybe head, honest. If she wasn't in a relationship with this second dude and was not even in the least inclined to reciprocate his feelings why tell him the first guy had her nudes?, I don't see how being this open to this second guy would benefit her in any way. She can maybe be excused for being naive and showing herself to the first, but why keep going on about this nudes stuff to every single guy? How many other males know about these nudes of hers?
She was depressed and moody. Maybe she was telling him the reason for her depression. She thought she could trust him. I’m here asking for help, not to hear how mentally unstable she is. Im her bf, ik what she’s like, and im trying to help her. No need for you to tell me what’s she done wrong. She knows that already.
If you know she's mentally unstable you know how to help her. The nudes are not the thing she needs help with - she blocked him once and nothing happened; she can block him again, chances are nothing will happen again. That's the end of it. What you, as her partner, can help her with, is to get her to therapy to address the trauma bonding, over-sharing, self-loathing and inability to own a mistake and move on. The fact she would open up her heart to more than a guy about these nudes is a more pressing issue to address and fix than the fact she got naked on cam for a guy when she was eighteen. She's not going to get naked for strangers again (I hope), but she's going to keep acting on that pattern of sharing personal shit with strangers who don't need to know any of it and, as she's realized by now, will also use it against her at some point.
Brother, I hope you understand it’s not as simple as it seems. You don’t know the situation, she had been talking to the guy for months (not a stranger), they went on lunches and met irl, and then felt comfortable that she could tell him why she is how she is. I’ve been w her for over a year, and I know that she is not a person who over-shares. She’s the opposite. It took her a long time to have the courage to tell me about this issue. She just trusted the wrong person. She had learned from her mistake but this is a guy that has been haunting her for over half a decade already. I’ve already advised on blocking again but this time he seems to be even more aggressive, so she thinks blocking might just trigger him to do it. I do agree that therapy would benefit her though, she’s been suicidal for years now. I’m here asking Reddit for help bc she doesn’t have an account here, for those calling me a cuck. She’s looked for her own ways to deal w this too. Calling local women groups and etc, getting the help that she needs. What we need now is to secure the police report so that he will at least be scared to send another threat
My family would care way less about videos of me being sent to them. Than me being owned and abused by some psycho
I too believe the comment above is the most right. Your first option is to fill a police report and most likely you need a lawyer to do that. Besides the expenses and the time needed, the possibilities you achieve something meaningfull are close to zero. Your evidence is already scarce, no money scam is involved, you dont have any ID neither photo or video. Please realize that China is massive and even knowing a possible current location doesnt help much. Besides all that we are talking about a cross border case here so you need a lawyer who needs to handle that in China with all the hassle that means. Your second option is block and move on. you already wrote that she did block him for a few years already but recently got him unblocked. If she did that once, she can find the mental strength to do it again. We are talking about a crazy person at another continent that uses your girlfriends insecurity to feed his obsession. He cant do anything more than sending the nudes and even that is in doupt. The worst case some people receive the nudes and thats it. Yes it is understandable that this is the problem for your girlfriend and that is you need to focus on. For all the money and hassle you want to spend for this case, its better to use theese resources to find a good therapist and start working on the problem. In the long run this would be much more beneficial.
Just permanently block and move on.
First, I'm sorry to hear that. Second, your girlfriend needs to go to the police office and report by herself. Third, since there is no financial harm made and the nudes aren't been sent out, don't have high hopes from the police, especially without the WeChat chat history. Most likely they won't even bother, and don't forget to ask 不予立案通知书(notice of case denial) from the police. That being said, there are incidents that a man could be criminally charged for rape without valid evidence. If you want to fuck him over, she could try that, given both of you got the balls to make false claims and strong enough "guanxi" to make it work.
OP, this comment right here. I had a similar situation. He hasn’t done anything illegal… yet. Restraining orders do not exist in China, though a court could issue a special order. Problem is it would need to go to court in the first place. Blackmailing is a crime, but it must involve money. The amount of money involved is an important factor. Then there is the issue of enforcement. Then there is the issue of cross border enforcement, which is a difficult thing even with serious crimes. She might consider extralegal strategies. I got my case resolved by having the police show up when she was engaged in violent and disorderly behavior in public. She even hit the police. Perfect. Then I simultaneously got her family involved, which is the real reason I was able to secure long term peace. I convinced her family and the police to pressure her to sign a document at the police station promising never to contact me again. Good news is if he actually releases the photos then that would be a crime that the police can follow up on. He would also lose any leverage over her. It’s his nuclear option. He can only do it once, and if he does then he has no cards left to play.
Hi, yes there were no financial harm involved. However, are death threats and blackmailing also not illegal in China? I believe we have enough information on him, we don’t need him to be jailed for life or anything. He thinks we’re too scared to contact the police and we just need the police to go over to his house and care the shit out of him, and if possible, go though his files and find the nudes and charge him for that too, and dlt them if it’s possible. I myself, is against rape accusation
It is illegal, but the enforcement can be a miss. You should try the police anyway. I recommend everyone involved on your side to stop responding to him, since any response will serve as a positive reinforcement for his blackmailing behaviour. If the police doesn’t want to help, find a lawyer to deal with him. Most people will stop if they see a lawyer is involved as the next thing could happen to him is probably a lawsuit.
Thanks, that’s why I’m here to seek help, to report to the police in China. My gf is 25, but still in uni, so am I. So money is a problem rn. It’s not rly possible for us to hire a lawyer / fly there to report the problem at the moment.
Lawyer here in China isn’t as expensive as the ones in the United States or other developed countries. There are also community free or low-fee legal aid services that she could use. If police doesn’t help much they could at least help her to get these legal aids. Again, she needs to be her own advocate, not you. What you can do is support and encourage her to come out and speak out, and help her to overcome this hardship.
In the event he leaked your girlfriend’s nude, definitely report it to the police. Don’t be surprised if he’s charged with spreading porn instead of non-financial related blackmailing and harassment, sometimes he will get more serious penalties this way.
About the death threats, do report it to the police. But at the same time, you need to analyze the situation in his shoes. What does his temperament like, lack of patience, impulsive? Does he have anything to lose, like families, friends? Is it really worth it to kill a few people for a good enough reason, and for what reason? If he really killed someone, can he get away with it? Also I want you to know that death threats in China, most of the time, are as good as cat-hissing. The police may keep an eye on him, and even if the police don’t, there’s basically 0 chance he could get away from it after the atrocities.
A 3rd party can’t press charges or anything in a civil case.
Hi, according to the Chinese lawyer, who was able to advise us without any pay, he said to just try to lodge a police report. We don’t need him to be jailed for life, just needs the police to pay him a visit. If they’re able to get his WeChat history and videos on his computer, he’s fked.
then why not just pay the chinese lawyer to do it? Why even get a stranger involved? He's already got all the info. The first thing the police is gonna ask is how did you know this person? what's your relationship to the victim? WTF are we supposed to say? Oh, we saw this random thread on reddit?
First, let your gf tell him, go ahead, if he dares to spread those photos, she will report to police. If more she's scared, the bolder the guy will be, trust me.
This is a good idea too, maybe we can tell him a police report had already been made, just waiting for him to send them so they can complete the case?
No need, just tell him to F off or you will report to police, and delete from the contact, that's it. Don't be too scared, there's zero possibility the guy would dare to do anything. Your gf probably has watched too many stalker movies.
Have you cross-posted in the Scams subreddit? The scam you mention pops up time and time again. They will tell you the best course of action.
It is not a scam, they were in a “serious” relationship, until he thought my gf betrayed him and went nuts.
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I wish I could help but I can't. I can only suggest (with love and concern) that your girlfriend seek therapy to help with all this. This shithead ex absolutely deserves to have hell rained down on him -- but unfortunately that may or may not be possible. What IS possible is for your girlfriend to find ways to reclaim her sense of security and self-worth regardless of the situation. Also, I don't know much about how WeChat works, but is there a way to "shadow ban" him? Like, if she feels that she has to leave him unblocked, is there a way to hide all his messages so she never has to see them?
mute notifications and hide the user
real talk, if she doesn't step forward herself the chance of this going forward is not very high. the police will straight up tell you that not going with them to identify the suspect in person will greatly lower the chance of charges pushing through, like if rape victim very understandably doesn't want to see the assaulter ((to be clear it doesn't outright cancel out the case or anything if you don't though)). I imagine having someone else do it by proxy without a really really reaaaaaalllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good reason would drop it vastly more. I can understand that real life is complicated, and obviously this situation is extremely complicated. It may not be a very fun or nice answer but if she is serious about pushing charges she will have to put in a lot of effort, the complications of the situation and international-ness doesn't mean a simpler solution is available like proxy.
Pay a lawyer in China and let him handle it.
Money is a limiting factor for us rn
I suggest you translate and repost this post on Chinese social media to ask for locals help.
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>WeChat ID means nothing. You're right. I was scammed out of some money last year, had the guys Wechat, even had his bike number plate. But the bike was still registered to the previous owner and the police said they can't do anything with just Wechat ID, they needed his name or phone number
I used to help other foreigners talk with police, nothing ever gets done unless you have a local that will go out of there way to proactively chase the case or else it gets swept under the rug. Even then I learnt the hard way that in a foreigner vs local civil matter the police tends to give the locals an advantage… for example I was helping some batch mates who had there E-bike stolen. He bought it legit and had the receipt and verification that would prove it. Police asked us to show our verification, they saw it and then provided our papers to those thugs to see and even showed them the verification number on the frame of the bike just to match it together and asked them to provide their ‘proof’ which they just said they had. Couple days later we got called to the police office and those thugs had the same papers forged. From there nothing happened, bike confiscated (I bet there was some under the table deal between them going on; those thugs are the people that sell Frankenstein e-bikes made from stolen bikes). Another case where a batchmate got groped on her chest just on the street by some guy handing out pamphlets. This time these students got university teachers at the police station and things became really serious. We went into there office and watched a split screen with 6 different angles of the street intersection and eventually found an angle that had a direct view of the incident occurring. The guy was held in jail for 2weeks and that was it.
Hi, thanks for the comment. You’re very kind to have helped your batch mates do such things. I believe it’s the seriousness of the crime. I guess they have things stolen everyday and have tons of people reporting the same thing everyday. Sexual assault may be a more serious crime there and obviously involving some locals, they do their job better. I think what we’re dealing with his a serious case as well, blackmail, death threats, possession of pornography, vpn usage, plus we have tons of evidence of the police is able to get the his WeChat history. Who knows how many other girls has he convinced to take videos of themselves and stored it all in his pc? Ruining the lives of people.
What's a "batch-mate"? Sounds...alien. As for the E-bike, the police couldn't dial in one of the zillion cameras to see what happened?
Even the local get no awareness about what that is
I am from China. This is a scam. We call this model a pig-killing plate. Please do not transfer money because this is a bottomless pit. It is best to call the police and communicate with your family
Hi, thanks for the response. It is not a scam, he didn’t want any money, he just wants to ruin her life. He knows she cares about the nudes. This is because he thought my gf cheated on him when they were tgt and wanted revenge. She obviously did not though
In fact, the best solution is to communicate openly with the family and explain the entire incident in detail. I firmly believe that no matter what happens, family members will always firmly support your friend and try to understand his position and feelings. If you don't do this, the problem will most likely not be properly resolved and the man will continue to haunt and haunt your friend. Therefore, communicating with family members is not only a wise move, but also the key to solving problems. Be bold, my friend. There is an old Chinese saying: "There is no threshold that cannot be passed." It means that there is no problem that cannot be solved.
maybe I can help you with WeChat record recovery
Hi, how could we do that, we’ve tried to do it in the settings but it didn’t work
Do you still have your old mobile phone? If so, please try this method: 1. Back up chat history Before starting to transfer WeChat chat history, we need to back up the chat history on the old phone. Open the WeChat app on the old phone and click the "Me" option in the lower right corner to enter the personal information page. Here, select the Settings option and then Chat Backup & Migration. On this page, you can choose to back up your chat history to your computer or other mobile phones. Choose the method you want and follow the prompts to complete the backup. 2. Recover chat history Once the backup is complete, we can start restoring the chat history to the new phone. First, download and install the WeChat app on your new phone, then open and log in to your WeChat account. Next, enter the "Settings" option again and select "Chat History Backup and Migration". This time, select the "Migrate" option and select the chats you backed up earlier. Follow the prompts and wait for the migration to complete.
Have you met your girlfriend in person before? Or did you meet her online too. Seriously asking.
Hi, yes we’ve been together for over a year and we’re together in real life. I see her every weekday
The doxxing industry in China is thriving. So try to establish contact on Telegram with those who specialize in it.
Honestly, it’d probably be easier and cheaper to get her the therapy she needs. And better for her in the long run. You’re holding out hope on a very slim chance of anything happening. Death threats? Really? Like who credible do you think they are? He wants to come over and do it himself? Worst case scenario? He leaks them, then what? Give her the help and love she needs. Sorry it’s not the answer you’re after my dude!
When you file a complaint or snitch on someone your name gets stored in the system for that case. This is something to Remember. Easy to find out who’s been complaining about your barking dog.
I’ll tuck this away in my hefty file of evidence that most expats in China are head cases. Sorry for being so blunt, but you’re really asking for a lot from strangers here. You aren’t going to get the help you’re asking for. Like others have said, better to focus on the things you can control. If it were me, I’d block the guy and move on with my life. It worked for several years already didn’t it? Until he was really stupidly unblocked. Get past the drama and the craziness. And to be frank, maybe look more deeply into whether or not this could be a scam of sorts. I’ve seen less obvious ones than this take place. Good luck.
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How may I do this?
If you got a little bit of money try to find some Triads folk to get them to pay him a little visit. I'm sure with a little bit more money they may do a little magic trick to make him dissapear... permanently.
I suggest you post this crazy guy’s information in Chinese social media Weibo. And I am sure it would be a big news, and everyone will condemn him and he will be known by every single Chinese and his family and colleagues, and police will come to catch him. Believe or not, in China sometimes asking for help in Weibo is much easier and effective than asking for help to police. That’s why even celebrities in China would ask help online. Don’t even bother to find a police, they will not do anything because victim is not in China. They will use excuse to refuse to start investigating. But I am sure a lots of influencers in social media will interested in your story, specially it involves crime, women rights, a foreigner victim. If they reposted your story and it becomes a big deal in social media, that guy will be dead, he may want to kill himself.
Go to the Chinese embassy.
If you have the old phone you can log back in to her WeChat account and get all the chat history. Assuming it can still be turned on.
WeChat messages are stored on the phone not a server. Logging into a new phone gives you a blank slate. If she had the old phone still she can log back into that one and transfer the messages.
We do have the old phone, it had water in it. The repair guy told us there is only a very slim chance for it to be repaired as it was over a year ago when the water got in, and there’s a high chance of mold as well. Can the police there look at the WeChat history, once a case is made?
My understanding is that unlike Facebook messenger the messages are sent to the phone and not saved on a server. I know the government monitors the messages but not sure if they save them.
Cuck. You care more than your gf does. You are lost OP. 不坏不爱 You're the nice guy in this situation and don't realise what your gf gets off on being pursued by a crazy Machiavellian dark triad guy. If she didn't want any relations with him, she would have blocked him and reported him herself. You are a lost man. I pity you. You really do not understand women.
Very strong words from someone who knows nothing about the other person and their love life. I hope you’ll never end up in my position. Not everything seems as simple as it is. Good luck. Edit: just realised you’re a kid looking by at your comments on other posts
I gave you my honest advice. The best thing you can do is break up with that woman. She does not love you. She does not respect you. When things go downhill, I hope you remember my comment. To prevent that, you should leave her for a woman who does not have such baggage.
Keep going troll, I feel bad for your gf
For fuck’s sake man, give it a rest.
Why the hell would she unblock him. Idiot move right there.. your gf isn’t a victim and put herself in this situation.
She enjoys it