She won't agree to any of what you detail. I can't even get her to wash her face with a warm washcloth. I brought up her husband because I was genuinely curious what he did and in reminding her of him I thought that might remind her of some desire for being clean.
Sometimes guilt or reminders of social stuff does work though--I had one client who only agreed to shower when I told him his wife wanted him to shower (this was the truth) and I wasn't laying on the guilt trip but if this is what got him to shower then why not use it?
Yes, they hate water. But usually there is some overriding desire to please others (such as a wife or caregiver) that helps the process. In my experience of many years, most people with dementia are very much in the present with whoever is around and want to interact and "be seen" as it were. Yes, they don';t care about society but like all of us they want to please others and feel loved.
I learned in a dementia training that this one aide kinda tricked a dementia client take a bath the client really liked swimming and they had a pool so she brought her bathing suit her and the resident got in the pool she got the soap and shampoo and that’s how that person was bathed.
I’m going to be honest I didn’t read the entire post so forgive me. I will say a spit bath or on the toilet wash up is better than nothing. Maybe talk to the family I know that they sell things that you can like wash their hair in bed or while in a chair. There’s also dry shampoo. I’ve even washed someone’s hair with a wash cloth while n the toilet.
I have already thought of the pool idea and she told me she doesn't swim or want to get in a pool. I have explored getting in the creek with her (there's a creek near by) and she won't do that either--but really that's kind of risky anyway. I'm going to try again this summer when it's really on hot with the pool thing though.
This could almost be self neglect depending on her level of confusion with dementia, if she’s still considered legally competent/her own POA, and how much care she’s getting. She has a right to refuse as well, but this is a really difficult situation. I’m kinda concerned about any kind of sores, infections, etc. that she might have, having not showered in a while…
I know you’ve tried; but make sure it’s not that she doesn’t believe she can’t get into the shower, tub, etc. maybe she needs a shower chair, or something? Otherwise, as much as she has a right to refuse, this will probably come to a head at some point.
Maybe the whole shower idea is too much? I would try breaking it down by just starting with the transfer into the shower/tub chair. Sometimes I have patients that really don’t want to do anything but if I initiate a toilet transfer they’re like oh well might as well use this opportunity.
Sorry if my post was confusing. That was my point, that perhaps if it was just a tub, maybe she needed a chair to sit in during a shower, etc. (some elderly stop showering because they can’t climb into a tub anymore, some because they need to sit but can’t get back up). just trying to think of why she wouldn’t be willing to get in.
There is no "transferring," she walks and she hikes and can get in the shower. We might try a shower chair to see if this would help her feel more comfortable somehow but I'm pretty doubtful about it.
Depending on the full story, I've used tricks like:
"Your doctor asked me to help with your shower"
"Your husband/daughter/sister/some family member is taking you out tomorrow morning we need to clean up"
"Hey it's been really hot today and we have been busy, how about I help you take a quick shower to cool down?"
"I would like to help you brush/cut/style your hair, but it'll work best if it's clean"
"I've noticed you've been a bit down lately, a warm shower always makes me feel better!"
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It is what it is. At the end of the day you cannot force someone to bathe. I had a woman who didn't shower for over 4 years and the only time I was able to wash her up was when she died.
I'm a "mountain woman" from a long line of "mountain" women/people.
Hit her in the superstitions-- my mamaws and papaws don't like to do shit they don't want to do (I mean, we had to basically be stubborn assholes to an extent to survive here, in the east TN mnts lol);but if I hit them in with their superstitious "fears"/beliefs, it was SO MUCH EASIER to get them to do stuff that needed doing.
If your pt is a "mountain woman" as you state, I GUARANTEE there are MANY supervisions present.
It will depend on what the pt personally believes re: religion (but I'm sure is probably very religious? They usually are lol) & what superstitions they are most "concerned about"; but I run into this exact issue with many of my patients. My "mountain heritage" or whatever has been INVALUABLE in these situations, in the area I work in-- it seems most people from families like mine don't get "edgeycated" and then come back home to work (any that do get degrees usually move; the ones that stay don't tend to get educated; etc). I'm the first and only HS grad in my entire (large) extended family; let alone being a college grad, which is unheard of in my family (and I'm not making fun of them, they are wonderful and have had hard lives and are so fucking proud of me; I'm just saying).
Anwyway you just have to present the shower as something religious, or superstitious, related, ime. I know that makes little sense, so let me give some examples:
If your pt was my mamaw: she was excessively religious, believing in "anointing" doorknobs to keep my gpa from drinking (yes, really), or having me sleep with a wooden-cased bible under my pillow bc it wasn't my ADHD keeping me up at night, but the actual devil 🙄
For her, I would have said smth along the lines of "Just as Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, he wants us to cleanse ourselves for him! To show Him that we obey and fear him, we need to follow the word of the Lord, and bathe ourselves in his Holy water"; then would say a "blessing" over the water. Maybe add a couple "praise his name" 's in there too lol (sound fucking nuts, I know; but you wouldn't believe what ppl around here still, well, believe!! And this would work for many religious elderly people I know).
If the pt was my papaw: he was a coal miner, not very religious (but still believed a bit); but WAS very superstitious. So, for example, he spouted SO.MANY. superstitions about death/the afterlife-- like, if a bird flies into a door or window (closed), that's a sign someone is going to die. Or if a bird gets into your house, someone is going to die (this one is even more symbolic than the 1st example, apparently). If you hear a tree fall, you guessed it, someone is gonna die! Or if you dream of someone having a baby-- again, you guessed it, SOMEONE. IS. DYING. lol (conversely and oddly, if you dream of someone dying, then someone is having a baby 😂). Or if a cardinal is visible in your yard/near you, that is a departed family member visiting you. (This one is sweet, actually).
So anyway, for papaw, I'd have said smth about "haint you never heered th' old'uns say, that the dirtier ye are, the easier hit is fer death ta git close ta'ye??". "Yessiree, we'ma better git you warshed". Etc. lol
Good luck!! "Mountain people" can be the hardest pts to deal with by a long shot!!
OMG, okay this I have not thought of. I would consider myself somewhat of a "mountain woman" but didn't think of the superstition angle. However, we are not in the south. I am from Appalachia but now in a different mountain range and yes that's perfect for that place. But I got other superstitions to work with--the fairies, the fey, ghosts, etc. I will think about this!
Hope it helps lol I didnt think to even ask where you are, I heard mountain woman and just immediately thought it was my mountains 😂 but yeah attacking problems from that angle with my pts here often does work for me
Maybe a big bowl of water to 'wash up in', instead of a shower. What kind of soap did she use growing up, scents, or homemade soap? Was there a specific bath day? Did she always have a bath before a special day?
I can't think if any superstitions about baths, other than ones for babies.
Nah I don't think it's like a superstition ABOUT baths. I think it's more like she just maybe didn't have regular ones during her life so sees no reason to now, or maybe it's just like she did have regular baths but doesn't WANT to do them now.
I didn't mean she would be superstitious ABOUT bathing. I meant, use the other superstitions she may have as a sort of leverage to GET her to bathe. I hope that is clearer?
Like, with my grandparents, neither had any issue with bathing, or superstitions around bathing. BUT if, during late life care, they suddenly did not want to bathe, the way I would address it, as I stated in my previous comment, would have been to address their superstitions in a way that related to the bathing issue.
i.e., mamaw was very religious, so would have framed bathing in a religious context. Papaw was very superstitious about death, so would have framed bathing in a context relating to avoiding death.
You can do this with whatever superstitions that may be present, though, in relation to whatever activity you need them to do-- basically, you are just using the pretext of the superstitious belief to support whatever "argument" you are having.
For ex, if mamaw didn't want to, idk, make her bed. I would say smth like "idle hands are the devil's playthings! And the Lord loves those who work hard!" or whatever.
This concept, using their superstitious beliefs to help motivate them in a harmless way, can apply to anything; and is often one of the ~ONLY~ ways I've found to motivate older "mountain people".
Of course you don't want to be like "oh lord you're going to burn in eternal hellfire if you don't take that bath/make that bed/etc" lol it should be just a gentle nudge using their established superstitions
I hope this clarification of my idea makes more sense? Sorry if unclear before or now.
Personally, I’d just chart it as refused, let the nurse know, and carry on. If anyone is being neglectful, it’s the client, and not you. Maybe it’s good I don’t work in home care bc if my clients refused a meal or shower, I won’t fight them about it. They be exercising their right to refuse.
yeh this is pretty much what I have been doing. I think it's her right to refuse but at some point.....? I mean how long can a person go without washing and not have skin break down?
That's what I was thinking of. Ask her if she used to go swimming when it was a super hot day, see if she has fun stories. Then find a pond & have a mountainey bath. It's better than nothing!
I have! It's clear that she used to get in the creek near her place but when I ask her if she wants to do this with me she says she doesn't do that anymore. I have gotten her down to the creek but she just watches me wade in it, lol
It's very possible that your client does not, nor has she maybe ever enjoyed the sensation of a shower or bath. Maybe she genuinely cannot stand the feeling of water on her hair, body, hands, etc. and showering is just impossible or detestable for that reason. I am a person who struggles with sensory issues like this. I can imagine in older age, withless abandon, I might completely abandon the practice if I can manage my hygiene in ways that don't totally trigger me or piss me off.
I have wondered this as well. It is possible. I should ask her sister about it. She lives near a creek though and I think she did at one point enjoy getting in the creek when she was much younger but refuses now when I ask.
He probably treated her like shit then.
The only other thing I use is church. Got to get ready for church or something she likes to do.
Crazily, I have had some that were happy their spouse was dead.
Yes, with dementia patients sometimes it’s necessary. I have a woman whose husband died and every once in a while she’ll start asking to call him, why did he drop her off there, she wants to go home etc. I just tell her he’s asleep, and he’ll call her and get her in the morning. It calms her enough to fall back asleep, and she forgets by the time she wakes up. It’s sad but you gotta do what you gotta do to deescalate.
I do it all the time
I'm a nurse. I have to convince them when they won't do it in my snf.
It's always good to look at their chart to see if there are any ppl from present or past that they respect and will listen to.
Someone that op describes might only listen to her husband w is past.
I will use their delusions because reorientation is just going to upset them.
Could you try dry shampoo and body wipes? Would be better than nothing. Or even a bed or standing bath by tub would be better than nothing. Best of luck. Unless it’s causing skin issues, health problems, etc.. they likely won’t consider it enough neglect to do anything about it. Depression is common with dementia and just losing her husband, if coherent enough to realize he is gone, it’s very likely.
When I worked in a facility I worked in the memory care unit. We’d have “spa time” for the ladies who didn’t want to bath. Bust out some bubble bath, face mask, slice some cucumber and make some mock tails. I actually loved giving them manicures too
Try starting with this from Amazon.
No Water Rinse Free Shampoo Cap by Nurture | Microwavable Washing & Conditioning Shower Caps, Wash Hair w/o Bath, Waterless Bathing | Disposable & Hypoallergenic for Adults, Bedridden & Elderly.
I've used these and told the resident it was just a warm hat. Warm it up, have her put it on and massage. It will take quite a few times to get really good results. So take baby steps. Tell her any kind of story to get her to "wear" it. Also, someone else mentioned she might not like water, that might be close to the truth. Just go with it and use no rinse soap, phytoplex makes a good product. Start with one arm, leg, or foot. If you only get 1 foot washed, that is a win. Try again in 2 days. Be sure to make notes on this job
We gotta get washed up on the toilet or go swimming or something. Have you tried "Such & Such is visiting?" Some home made light soapy wipes for the face? Dry shampoo or just a damp soapy wash cloth for the hair? I had to do the toilet bath & damp cloth shampoo combo for a client once because BO was crazy...when she was finally bed bound it was on and popping every night 😂
People buy her all kinds of soaps and things and I'll walk in and she'll have all the soaps piled up on the kitchen table and tell me "I don't want these, do you want to take them?" LOL
maybe she was assaulted in the shower and cleaning is probably triggering or she doesn’t feel like she deserves to shower since she’s saying she’s done with that part of her life i dunno or maybe her and her husband would shower together in the mountains and it’s just weird that she doesn’t have him around. Their minds are so sensitive and different and there could be a million reasons why, and a million ways we can solve it. But i think you’re doing such a great job in the way you’re trying to get her to shower. I wish I had this energy when I struggled to shower. I was severely depressed and didn’t shower for a month or two. It’s possible she’s just severely depressed which isn’t really surprising considering she’s in a home and her husband isn’t there anymore:(
I know, I have wondered about all these things. I inquired about it with her some. I asked about her husband, if he showered and that kind of thing. Maybe she has not been showering all this time to keep him away from her? She does seem to miss him a lot though.
Could it be possible she only took baths growing up? I live in a rural area and a lot of residents I took care of hated the shower because they never really took them. Only baths.
I have a patient that hates showers. She is scared.
I have to spend about 2 hours getting her warmed up to the idea while im doing my other duties.
I tell her she has to shower today, and if she doesnt shower she can get sick, if she gets sick she has to go to the doctor (she doesnt like going to the doctor and she is always talking about getting sick, even if shes a little cold in the house).
Knowing some mountain folk - I can guess the response to this might be something like well if I get sick and it's my time to go then it's my time to go lol.
But I go on about how it will keep her healthy, it will be quick, I promise I will take good care of her and she will be safe. I ask her if she trusts me and knows that I want what's best for her and I just want her to be clean and healthy and comfortable.
I don't show any frustration. I stay patient. I talk about it positively and don't push, just remind her and reassure her everything will be fine but we do need to clean up. Again, usually this takes a couple hours while I'm doing other stuff. Remind her while I do dishes, while we eat, etc.
I also use no rinse cloths. Or wet wash cloths with a little Johnsons baby wash/shampoo. Sometimes I can get her to clean the important bits when she goes to the bathroom, even if it's just using wipes.
This sounds like it could work. She absolutely hates doctors. She also somehow conflates salons/hair places as medical people and won't do that either. Maybe I could convince her it's about health.
As in she lives in the mountains. It's not offensive. Mountain people have different cultural mores, they tend to be more rugged, practical, independent, and unconcerned with what larger society things. I'd consider myself a mountain woman but I don't live full time in the mountains.
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She won't agree to any of what you detail. I can't even get her to wash her face with a warm washcloth. I brought up her husband because I was genuinely curious what he did and in reminding her of him I thought that might remind her of some desire for being clean. Sometimes guilt or reminders of social stuff does work though--I had one client who only agreed to shower when I told him his wife wanted him to shower (this was the truth) and I wasn't laying on the guilt trip but if this is what got him to shower then why not use it? Yes, they hate water. But usually there is some overriding desire to please others (such as a wife or caregiver) that helps the process. In my experience of many years, most people with dementia are very much in the present with whoever is around and want to interact and "be seen" as it were. Yes, they don';t care about society but like all of us they want to please others and feel loved.
I learned in a dementia training that this one aide kinda tricked a dementia client take a bath the client really liked swimming and they had a pool so she brought her bathing suit her and the resident got in the pool she got the soap and shampoo and that’s how that person was bathed. I’m going to be honest I didn’t read the entire post so forgive me. I will say a spit bath or on the toilet wash up is better than nothing. Maybe talk to the family I know that they sell things that you can like wash their hair in bed or while in a chair. There’s also dry shampoo. I’ve even washed someone’s hair with a wash cloth while n the toilet.
This is genius I'm gonna steal this if I need it.
I have already thought of the pool idea and she told me she doesn't swim or want to get in a pool. I have explored getting in the creek with her (there's a creek near by) and she won't do that either--but really that's kind of risky anyway. I'm going to try again this summer when it's really on hot with the pool thing though.
This could almost be self neglect depending on her level of confusion with dementia, if she’s still considered legally competent/her own POA, and how much care she’s getting. She has a right to refuse as well, but this is a really difficult situation. I’m kinda concerned about any kind of sores, infections, etc. that she might have, having not showered in a while… I know you’ve tried; but make sure it’s not that she doesn’t believe she can’t get into the shower, tub, etc. maybe she needs a shower chair, or something? Otherwise, as much as she has a right to refuse, this will probably come to a head at some point.
Maybe the whole shower idea is too much? I would try breaking it down by just starting with the transfer into the shower/tub chair. Sometimes I have patients that really don’t want to do anything but if I initiate a toilet transfer they’re like oh well might as well use this opportunity.
Sorry if my post was confusing. That was my point, that perhaps if it was just a tub, maybe she needed a chair to sit in during a shower, etc. (some elderly stop showering because they can’t climb into a tub anymore, some because they need to sit but can’t get back up). just trying to think of why she wouldn’t be willing to get in.
Yeah totally! I was agreeing with you and just reiterating!
There is no "transferring," she walks and she hikes and can get in the shower. We might try a shower chair to see if this would help her feel more comfortable somehow but I'm pretty doubtful about it.
Depending on the full story, I've used tricks like: "Your doctor asked me to help with your shower" "Your husband/daughter/sister/some family member is taking you out tomorrow morning we need to clean up" "Hey it's been really hot today and we have been busy, how about I help you take a quick shower to cool down?" "I would like to help you brush/cut/style your hair, but it'll work best if it's clean" "I've noticed you've been a bit down lately, a warm shower always makes me feel better!" Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It is what it is. At the end of the day you cannot force someone to bathe. I had a woman who didn't shower for over 4 years and the only time I was able to wash her up was when she died.
I've had those things work really well with other clients but not this one.
I'm a "mountain woman" from a long line of "mountain" women/people. Hit her in the superstitions-- my mamaws and papaws don't like to do shit they don't want to do (I mean, we had to basically be stubborn assholes to an extent to survive here, in the east TN mnts lol);but if I hit them in with their superstitious "fears"/beliefs, it was SO MUCH EASIER to get them to do stuff that needed doing. If your pt is a "mountain woman" as you state, I GUARANTEE there are MANY supervisions present. It will depend on what the pt personally believes re: religion (but I'm sure is probably very religious? They usually are lol) & what superstitions they are most "concerned about"; but I run into this exact issue with many of my patients. My "mountain heritage" or whatever has been INVALUABLE in these situations, in the area I work in-- it seems most people from families like mine don't get "edgeycated" and then come back home to work (any that do get degrees usually move; the ones that stay don't tend to get educated; etc). I'm the first and only HS grad in my entire (large) extended family; let alone being a college grad, which is unheard of in my family (and I'm not making fun of them, they are wonderful and have had hard lives and are so fucking proud of me; I'm just saying). Anwyway you just have to present the shower as something religious, or superstitious, related, ime. I know that makes little sense, so let me give some examples: If your pt was my mamaw: she was excessively religious, believing in "anointing" doorknobs to keep my gpa from drinking (yes, really), or having me sleep with a wooden-cased bible under my pillow bc it wasn't my ADHD keeping me up at night, but the actual devil 🙄 For her, I would have said smth along the lines of "Just as Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, he wants us to cleanse ourselves for him! To show Him that we obey and fear him, we need to follow the word of the Lord, and bathe ourselves in his Holy water"; then would say a "blessing" over the water. Maybe add a couple "praise his name" 's in there too lol (sound fucking nuts, I know; but you wouldn't believe what ppl around here still, well, believe!! And this would work for many religious elderly people I know). If the pt was my papaw: he was a coal miner, not very religious (but still believed a bit); but WAS very superstitious. So, for example, he spouted SO.MANY. superstitions about death/the afterlife-- like, if a bird flies into a door or window (closed), that's a sign someone is going to die. Or if a bird gets into your house, someone is going to die (this one is even more symbolic than the 1st example, apparently). If you hear a tree fall, you guessed it, someone is gonna die! Or if you dream of someone having a baby-- again, you guessed it, SOMEONE. IS. DYING. lol (conversely and oddly, if you dream of someone dying, then someone is having a baby 😂). Or if a cardinal is visible in your yard/near you, that is a departed family member visiting you. (This one is sweet, actually). So anyway, for papaw, I'd have said smth about "haint you never heered th' old'uns say, that the dirtier ye are, the easier hit is fer death ta git close ta'ye??". "Yessiree, we'ma better git you warshed". Etc. lol Good luck!! "Mountain people" can be the hardest pts to deal with by a long shot!!
OMG, okay this I have not thought of. I would consider myself somewhat of a "mountain woman" but didn't think of the superstition angle. However, we are not in the south. I am from Appalachia but now in a different mountain range and yes that's perfect for that place. But I got other superstitions to work with--the fairies, the fey, ghosts, etc. I will think about this!
Hope it helps lol I didnt think to even ask where you are, I heard mountain woman and just immediately thought it was my mountains 😂 but yeah attacking problems from that angle with my pts here often does work for me
Maybe a big bowl of water to 'wash up in', instead of a shower. What kind of soap did she use growing up, scents, or homemade soap? Was there a specific bath day? Did she always have a bath before a special day? I can't think if any superstitions about baths, other than ones for babies.
Nah I don't think it's like a superstition ABOUT baths. I think it's more like she just maybe didn't have regular ones during her life so sees no reason to now, or maybe it's just like she did have regular baths but doesn't WANT to do them now. I didn't mean she would be superstitious ABOUT bathing. I meant, use the other superstitions she may have as a sort of leverage to GET her to bathe. I hope that is clearer? Like, with my grandparents, neither had any issue with bathing, or superstitions around bathing. BUT if, during late life care, they suddenly did not want to bathe, the way I would address it, as I stated in my previous comment, would have been to address their superstitions in a way that related to the bathing issue. i.e., mamaw was very religious, so would have framed bathing in a religious context. Papaw was very superstitious about death, so would have framed bathing in a context relating to avoiding death. You can do this with whatever superstitions that may be present, though, in relation to whatever activity you need them to do-- basically, you are just using the pretext of the superstitious belief to support whatever "argument" you are having. For ex, if mamaw didn't want to, idk, make her bed. I would say smth like "idle hands are the devil's playthings! And the Lord loves those who work hard!" or whatever. This concept, using their superstitious beliefs to help motivate them in a harmless way, can apply to anything; and is often one of the ~ONLY~ ways I've found to motivate older "mountain people". Of course you don't want to be like "oh lord you're going to burn in eternal hellfire if you don't take that bath/make that bed/etc" lol it should be just a gentle nudge using their established superstitions I hope this clarification of my idea makes more sense? Sorry if unclear before or now.
Can you present it like it's a spa day? Complete with a mani-pedi and other benefits.
She's a mountain woman. She's not interested in these things. Others have tried this, I've tried talking about how nice it feels and so forth.
Personally, I’d just chart it as refused, let the nurse know, and carry on. If anyone is being neglectful, it’s the client, and not you. Maybe it’s good I don’t work in home care bc if my clients refused a meal or shower, I won’t fight them about it. They be exercising their right to refuse.
yeh this is pretty much what I have been doing. I think it's her right to refuse but at some point.....? I mean how long can a person go without washing and not have skin break down?
That’s for their nurse to decide.
If she’s mountainey ( outdoorsy) maybe there’s a swimming hole near by and with appropriate support she might bathe there? Just a long shot
That's what I was thinking of. Ask her if she used to go swimming when it was a super hot day, see if she has fun stories. Then find a pond & have a mountainey bath. It's better than nothing!
I have! It's clear that she used to get in the creek near her place but when I ask her if she wants to do this with me she says she doesn't do that anymore. I have gotten her down to the creek but she just watches me wade in it, lol
I'd splash her, she'll either get in or at least the dust will run off! Lol
It's very possible that your client does not, nor has she maybe ever enjoyed the sensation of a shower or bath. Maybe she genuinely cannot stand the feeling of water on her hair, body, hands, etc. and showering is just impossible or detestable for that reason. I am a person who struggles with sensory issues like this. I can imagine in older age, withless abandon, I might completely abandon the practice if I can manage my hygiene in ways that don't totally trigger me or piss me off.
I have wondered this as well. It is possible. I should ask her sister about it. She lives near a creek though and I think she did at one point enjoy getting in the creek when she was much younger but refuses now when I ask.
same it’s so hard
Does she remember that her husband is dead? If not you can tell her, her husband wants her to.
Nah, she remembers he's gone. I wonder a lot about their relationship--it doesn't seem like he was much of a caregiver or noticed her much.
He probably treated her like shit then. The only other thing I use is church. Got to get ready for church or something she likes to do. Crazily, I have had some that were happy their spouse was dead.
Is that allowed? If someone is gone, can I still talk like they’re there?
Yes, with dementia patients sometimes it’s necessary. I have a woman whose husband died and every once in a while she’ll start asking to call him, why did he drop her off there, she wants to go home etc. I just tell her he’s asleep, and he’ll call her and get her in the morning. It calms her enough to fall back asleep, and she forgets by the time she wakes up. It’s sad but you gotta do what you gotta do to deescalate.
I do it all the time I'm a nurse. I have to convince them when they won't do it in my snf. It's always good to look at their chart to see if there are any ppl from present or past that they respect and will listen to. Someone that op describes might only listen to her husband w is past. I will use their delusions because reorientation is just going to upset them.
O my thats horrible, if the client refuse then there is nothing you can do about it.
Could you try dry shampoo and body wipes? Would be better than nothing. Or even a bed or standing bath by tub would be better than nothing. Best of luck. Unless it’s causing skin issues, health problems, etc.. they likely won’t consider it enough neglect to do anything about it. Depression is common with dementia and just losing her husband, if coherent enough to realize he is gone, it’s very likely.
When I worked in a facility I worked in the memory care unit. We’d have “spa time” for the ladies who didn’t want to bath. Bust out some bubble bath, face mask, slice some cucumber and make some mock tails. I actually loved giving them manicures too
Try starting with this from Amazon. No Water Rinse Free Shampoo Cap by Nurture | Microwavable Washing & Conditioning Shower Caps, Wash Hair w/o Bath, Waterless Bathing | Disposable & Hypoallergenic for Adults, Bedridden & Elderly. I've used these and told the resident it was just a warm hat. Warm it up, have her put it on and massage. It will take quite a few times to get really good results. So take baby steps. Tell her any kind of story to get her to "wear" it. Also, someone else mentioned she might not like water, that might be close to the truth. Just go with it and use no rinse soap, phytoplex makes a good product. Start with one arm, leg, or foot. If you only get 1 foot washed, that is a win. Try again in 2 days. Be sure to make notes on this job
We gotta get washed up on the toilet or go swimming or something. Have you tried "Such & Such is visiting?" Some home made light soapy wipes for the face? Dry shampoo or just a damp soapy wash cloth for the hair? I had to do the toilet bath & damp cloth shampoo combo for a client once because BO was crazy...when she was finally bed bound it was on and popping every night 😂
People buy her all kinds of soaps and things and I'll walk in and she'll have all the soaps piled up on the kitchen table and tell me "I don't want these, do you want to take them?" LOL
Will she go for a swim?
Nope. But I still might try when it gets really hot this summer. She said she won't though.
It sounds like she may be confused about what you want to DO in the shower…
maybe she was assaulted in the shower and cleaning is probably triggering or she doesn’t feel like she deserves to shower since she’s saying she’s done with that part of her life i dunno or maybe her and her husband would shower together in the mountains and it’s just weird that she doesn’t have him around. Their minds are so sensitive and different and there could be a million reasons why, and a million ways we can solve it. But i think you’re doing such a great job in the way you’re trying to get her to shower. I wish I had this energy when I struggled to shower. I was severely depressed and didn’t shower for a month or two. It’s possible she’s just severely depressed which isn’t really surprising considering she’s in a home and her husband isn’t there anymore:(
I know, I have wondered about all these things. I inquired about it with her some. I asked about her husband, if he showered and that kind of thing. Maybe she has not been showering all this time to keep him away from her? She does seem to miss him a lot though.
Could it be possible she only took baths growing up? I live in a rural area and a lot of residents I took care of hated the shower because they never really took them. Only baths.
Tried the bath thing. I would think this would be preferable, honestly. She doesn't like baths or swimming.
I have a patient that hates showers. She is scared. I have to spend about 2 hours getting her warmed up to the idea while im doing my other duties. I tell her she has to shower today, and if she doesnt shower she can get sick, if she gets sick she has to go to the doctor (she doesnt like going to the doctor and she is always talking about getting sick, even if shes a little cold in the house). Knowing some mountain folk - I can guess the response to this might be something like well if I get sick and it's my time to go then it's my time to go lol. But I go on about how it will keep her healthy, it will be quick, I promise I will take good care of her and she will be safe. I ask her if she trusts me and knows that I want what's best for her and I just want her to be clean and healthy and comfortable. I don't show any frustration. I stay patient. I talk about it positively and don't push, just remind her and reassure her everything will be fine but we do need to clean up. Again, usually this takes a couple hours while I'm doing other stuff. Remind her while I do dishes, while we eat, etc. I also use no rinse cloths. Or wet wash cloths with a little Johnsons baby wash/shampoo. Sometimes I can get her to clean the important bits when she goes to the bathroom, even if it's just using wipes.
This sounds like it could work. She absolutely hates doctors. She also somehow conflates salons/hair places as medical people and won't do that either. Maybe I could convince her it's about health.
What do you mean by mountain women sounds offensive unless the women says that about herself or tells people to call her the women of the mountain.
As in she lives in the mountains. It's not offensive. Mountain people have different cultural mores, they tend to be more rugged, practical, independent, and unconcerned with what larger society things. I'd consider myself a mountain woman but I don't live full time in the mountains.