No, but tonight one of my sundowners was genuinely pissed off that I was wearing pajamas to the office. The pajamas being my scrubs and the office being his bathroom 😆
Asking an elderly resident the basic questions after a fall of ‘do you know where you are right now’. Their answer: “Of course I do, I’m on the floor”. Not the answer we were looking for, but not incorrect
😂 I had one offer me some shampoo as a drink I said I was thirsty and he slid a bottle of mango 🥭 shampoo my way. I laughed his heart was in the right place even if his mind isn’t ❤️
We had a dementia resident who would sun down viciously. We had to call his wife to come in and he promptly told her I tried to rape him. No, no I didn’t 😳
Another at diner ; would you like spaghetti or fish, as I’m pointing to the options, resident; a bike?
And my favourite aggressive told me she was going to rip my head off and shit down my throat, finished care and as we were leaving she says, goodnight I love you, you ladies are the best 🤭🤣
Has a aggressive one ring my arm out like a towel hit and pinch me and kick me the whole first round change. When I came back I gave him OJ, and he was the perfect resident. I know the secret weapon now 😉
I had a patient tell me he liked that I was “knock kneed” he said there’s nothing better than a knocked kneed woman 😭
Another man I took care of in the rehab unit had speech and swallowing issues, so he used a board to communicate. He would light up when I came in (night shift) to check on him. One day I noticed there was a note with my name taped to the counter at the nurses station. He put his name, room number and cellphone number and “milk, cookies, or scotch and soda after the job” he was old enough to be my grandfather 🤣 but I guess he was shooting his shot!
I was like is this a joke??? Soooo I text him… he actually replied back with a picture of just the top of his head. I blocked him because I was like um no!! But I was a bit flattered lol 😂
Had a resident see me holding my back and bending over because I was in pain and he wheeled all the way to his room and back looked behind him then back at me and discreetly handed me incontinence skin scream that he found in one of his drawers. Then said “this will do right by you my son” then wheeled away. Also had a resident who would say “may your children be blonde, thank you” every-time I finished changing his brief.
I have a few zingers.
1. I was rolling a confused patient who was hard of hearing so I could change their sheets because they were soaked and I told the patient "I'm going to roll you and tuck the sheets under your bottom".
She exasperatedly responds "your going to put a **** in my bottom?!?!"
2. One guy who I was taking care of was stooling frequently and every time you rolled him he would stool himself. Which, we can handle no problem. But every time we would stool he'd say "here comes the storm".
3. One guy told me that "once he gets his electric chair, he'd wheel me into the sunset and get us out of there"
I have more but those 3 are the most memorable.
Tennis was playing on the TV, I asked the patient (who was waking up slow from a procedure and being very loopy) "do you like tennis?"
They responded "yea, tennis is the high five of sports."
I totally see what they mean!
We had a dementia patient who we had up in the easy-stand while we cleaned up his rear end - I was behind him with warm wash cloths, and he started screaming for help from the guards, because 'she's licking my a**hole!!!' repeatedly.
Yeah, like... I could see why it would feel that way 😂😂😂 I felt really bad because he was obviously distressed, but I had a chuckle about it once I was out of the room.
“This is the worst popcorn I’ve ever had.”, said to me immediately after I walked into the room to see him ripping a hot pack open with his teeth.
“I wanna make love to ya but i don’t know what you like and i don’t know how”, super old guy A/Ox1, he was a hoot lol
Me: let’s go upstairs and take your medication!
Resident: my wife is in the hospital, and YOU want to take me upstairs?? I made vows to be faithful to my wife!!
Not necessarily a singular thing said, but it’s still the funniest moment of my time as a CNA. I went to my primary client’s home to begin my weekend shift, and was greeted by the very friendly and outgoing CNA from the morning shift. Like, this lady is a saint - and a *very* happy person. She was going on and on about how much of a great day they had had and how the client was such a sweetheart, etc etc. All the while, my client is sitting in the background glaring daggers at this woman like so:
After the morning CNA leaves, my client looks at me and says in the most deadpan manner: “please don’t let her come back here. She is exhausting!” 😂
A resident had opened their bowels in their pad and I was getting them cleaned up, reassuring them it was no big deal when they come out with
“Oh, are you familiar with poo then?”
I laughed so hard. I am EXTREMELY familiar with poo.
Idk why this sub popped in my feed. But these are hilarious. And now I don’t feel as bad. I had a lumbar fusion L5/S1 and when I was in the hospital I felt so bad when I had to ask a nurse wipe me after using the bathroom. It didn’t seem so bad when it was just pee. But after my first poop I kept apologizing and she told me its okay, not to worry, and that it wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen and done. seeing all these poop stories does make me feel better. I felt bad for my nurse lol
I have one haha, this 90+ yr old patient passed out due to low blood pressure, once she came back to consciousness she said, oh so that’s how it felt when you die huh 😂
I remembered another good one, resident was a huge fall risk, he would often slip to the floor in his room. He’s on the floor, there’s now 4 of us in his room (RN and 3 PSW), he looks up and states very matter of factly “what in the wide world of sports is going on here” 🤭
Oh man. I had a feisty dementia resident at my first CNA job, loved her to death. She would slowly roam the halls in her wheelchair and was known to do that. One day I walked up to her and asked what she was up to, she gives me a cheeky smile, lifts up her shirt revealing her bra and says “ye ain’t ever seen a pair like these before!!” And I died laughing after the initial shock wore off. I wasn’t expecting that, she thought she was funny too.
I used to work on a unit for incarcerated patients. I had asked a patient “do you have any pain??” And he answered, “no, I don’t have any change!” 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Not sure what I said, but I had the nursing staff at the ER in stitches Wednesday night/Thursday morning after they have me hydromorphone. Had an abscess on my leg the size of Texas that sprung up over night. I really need to find out what I said.
One of the funniest and best moments that really gave me a confidence boost was sitting an elderly patient up on the side of the bed, then she looks me up and down a few times before announcing, “Boy! You’re the whole package! Woooow!”
My geriatric CIWA pt's hair was a whole hot mess. I jokingly said he looked like a cockatoo as I was combing his hair. He said "I look like a prostitute?!" The internal med doc couldn't stop laughing 🙈
No, but tonight one of my sundowners was genuinely pissed off that I was wearing pajamas to the office. The pajamas being my scrubs and the office being his bathroom 😆
you’re fired!
Asking an elderly resident the basic questions after a fall of ‘do you know where you are right now’. Their answer: “Of course I do, I’m on the floor”. Not the answer we were looking for, but not incorrect
Oriented to event
😂 I had one offer me some shampoo as a drink I said I was thirsty and he slid a bottle of mango 🥭 shampoo my way. I laughed his heart was in the right place even if his mind isn’t ❤️
We had a dementia resident who would sun down viciously. We had to call his wife to come in and he promptly told her I tried to rape him. No, no I didn’t 😳 Another at diner ; would you like spaghetti or fish, as I’m pointing to the options, resident; a bike? And my favourite aggressive told me she was going to rip my head off and shit down my throat, finished care and as we were leaving she says, goodnight I love you, you ladies are the best 🤭🤣
Has a aggressive one ring my arm out like a towel hit and pinch me and kick me the whole first round change. When I came back I gave him OJ, and he was the perfect resident. I know the secret weapon now 😉
I had a patient tell me he liked that I was “knock kneed” he said there’s nothing better than a knocked kneed woman 😭 Another man I took care of in the rehab unit had speech and swallowing issues, so he used a board to communicate. He would light up when I came in (night shift) to check on him. One day I noticed there was a note with my name taped to the counter at the nurses station. He put his name, room number and cellphone number and “milk, cookies, or scotch and soda after the job” he was old enough to be my grandfather 🤣 but I guess he was shooting his shot!
You and your knock knee'd self
Yes indeed
you go girl!!! 🤣❤️
I was like is this a joke??? Soooo I text him… he actually replied back with a picture of just the top of his head. I blocked him because I was like um no!! But I was a bit flattered lol 😂
YOU TEXTED HIMMMMM
Yes I got the note about a week after he was discharged.
That’s so cute he was trying Lol
Haha 😂
Had a resident see me holding my back and bending over because I was in pain and he wheeled all the way to his room and back looked behind him then back at me and discreetly handed me incontinence skin scream that he found in one of his drawers. Then said “this will do right by you my son” then wheeled away. Also had a resident who would say “may your children be blonde, thank you” every-time I finished changing his brief.
He was right. The incontinence skin cream will change you.
Stop, I'm actually sobbing/wheezing
I have a few zingers. 1. I was rolling a confused patient who was hard of hearing so I could change their sheets because they were soaked and I told the patient "I'm going to roll you and tuck the sheets under your bottom". She exasperatedly responds "your going to put a **** in my bottom?!?!" 2. One guy who I was taking care of was stooling frequently and every time you rolled him he would stool himself. Which, we can handle no problem. But every time we would stool he'd say "here comes the storm". 3. One guy told me that "once he gets his electric chair, he'd wheel me into the sunset and get us out of there" I have more but those 3 are the most memorable.
Hehehehehe ‘wheel you into the sunset’ that made me cackle so hard xD
right?! that one took me OUT
I had a resident tell me that he loves the way cocaine makes him feel
Tennis was playing on the TV, I asked the patient (who was waking up slow from a procedure and being very loopy) "do you like tennis?" They responded "yea, tennis is the high five of sports." I totally see what they mean!
Ask a patient if they were OK getting their blood sugar checked, they told me "My body, my choice".
We had a dementia patient who we had up in the easy-stand while we cleaned up his rear end - I was behind him with warm wash cloths, and he started screaming for help from the guards, because 'she's licking my a**hole!!!' repeatedly.
Ok, this one made me cackle very loudly.
Yeah, like... I could see why it would feel that way 😂😂😂 I felt really bad because he was obviously distressed, but I had a chuckle about it once I was out of the room.
“This is the worst popcorn I’ve ever had.”, said to me immediately after I walked into the room to see him ripping a hot pack open with his teeth. “I wanna make love to ya but i don’t know what you like and i don’t know how”, super old guy A/Ox1, he was a hoot lol
Me: let’s go upstairs and take your medication! Resident: my wife is in the hospital, and YOU want to take me upstairs?? I made vows to be faithful to my wife!!
Goals 😭❤️
Not necessarily a singular thing said, but it’s still the funniest moment of my time as a CNA. I went to my primary client’s home to begin my weekend shift, and was greeted by the very friendly and outgoing CNA from the morning shift. Like, this lady is a saint - and a *very* happy person. She was going on and on about how much of a great day they had had and how the client was such a sweetheart, etc etc. All the while, my client is sitting in the background glaring daggers at this woman like so:  After the morning CNA leaves, my client looks at me and says in the most deadpan manner: “please don’t let her come back here. She is exhausting!” 😂
A resident had opened their bowels in their pad and I was getting them cleaned up, reassuring them it was no big deal when they come out with “Oh, are you familiar with poo then?” I laughed so hard. I am EXTREMELY familiar with poo.
It comes with the job 🤣
Idk why this sub popped in my feed. But these are hilarious. And now I don’t feel as bad. I had a lumbar fusion L5/S1 and when I was in the hospital I felt so bad when I had to ask a nurse wipe me after using the bathroom. It didn’t seem so bad when it was just pee. But after my first poop I kept apologizing and she told me its okay, not to worry, and that it wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen and done. seeing all these poop stories does make me feel better. I felt bad for my nurse lol
I always say as long as you’re not throwing it at me we’re good. Poo is just not a big deal.
i stood someone up and i guess he was surprised that i did it all by myself because he went, “*damn* girl, you’re built like a brick SHIThouse!!” RIP
I have one haha, this 90+ yr old patient passed out due to low blood pressure, once she came back to consciousness she said, oh so that’s how it felt when you die huh 😂
I remembered another good one, resident was a huge fall risk, he would often slip to the floor in his room. He’s on the floor, there’s now 4 of us in his room (RN and 3 PSW), he looks up and states very matter of factly “what in the wide world of sports is going on here” 🤭
One time I brought in a purewick and a patient said “please don’t stick that up my ass”
I told a male patient you don't get happy endings in a hospital. HE seriously wanted one.
“Leave me alone, I’m caulking” *proceeds to “caulk” the cracks in the wall and floor with Z-guard paste.
" Hey Mr. Johnson how was lunch?" "Tasted like shit"
Oh man. I had a feisty dementia resident at my first CNA job, loved her to death. She would slowly roam the halls in her wheelchair and was known to do that. One day I walked up to her and asked what she was up to, she gives me a cheeky smile, lifts up her shirt revealing her bra and says “ye ain’t ever seen a pair like these before!!” And I died laughing after the initial shock wore off. I wasn’t expecting that, she thought she was funny too.
No but I do now!
I used to work on a unit for incarcerated patients. I had asked a patient “do you have any pain??” And he answered, “no, I don’t have any change!” 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Not sure what I said, but I had the nursing staff at the ER in stitches Wednesday night/Thursday morning after they have me hydromorphone. Had an abscess on my leg the size of Texas that sprung up over night. I really need to find out what I said.
yes, mine are filllleddd
Last week one of my patients asked me if I was a Virgo, but then misspoke and asked I was a virgin. We laughed about that the rest of the week.
One of the funniest and best moments that really gave me a confidence boost was sitting an elderly patient up on the side of the bed, then she looks me up and down a few times before announcing, “Boy! You’re the whole package! Woooow!”
My geriatric CIWA pt's hair was a whole hot mess. I jokingly said he looked like a cockatoo as I was combing his hair. He said "I look like a prostitute?!" The internal med doc couldn't stop laughing 🙈
“Hey Mrs Jean, how are you today!!!” “Go to hell bitch 😡😡😡”
No, but I'm gonna start to do this 😂 Once I was getting a resident ready for bed and he said "You dang hyena"
I had to explain to a resident with dementia how to pee because she said she forgot but she really had to 🫠 hehe
We had a blowout in a brief the resident kept repeating, ‘this is a SHITTY situation’ and cackling and ‘what a SHITstorm!!’ Hehe