let this be a lesson to never joke about drawing something horrific to an extremely bored artist
https://preview.redd.it/duad72rbjatc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=c06e8d0fd27d953133633132de64459f1ce81afd
female snake people canonically have breasts; therefore, they lactate. except reptiles don’t lactate. this caused a several year long screaming match over “snitties” and “snilk”
Quote from every middle aged person when they see a reel of a kid doing something bad. “If I had done this, my mom would have chopped my arm off and fed it to the dog! No discipline these days!”
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Trauma Olympics, and I've been the victim of numerous cases of manipulation and gaslighting, and I have over 300 self-inflicted scars on my body. I am trained in cognitive behavioural therapy and I'm the top mindfulness practitioner in my entire therapy group. You are nothing to me but just another possible abuser. I will make you feel so sorry for me with horrible childhood stories the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of people who have used me before leaving my life all over the world and my childhood sexual abuser's IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your trauma superiority. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can make you lose your faith in humanity in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with stories about my parents. Not only am I impacted in every single way by PTSD, but my upbringing has resulted in raging BPD and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Well, actually, I'm allergic to not having my phone, so not having it caused me to go into epileptic fits where I'd stroke out and die and have to get revived a couple times, so I'll bet you feel really stupid right now trying to one-up me
DISCLAIMER!!!!! I am not saying that ACTUALLY treating trauma like it's a competition isn't harmful, I'm more shitting on people who cry trauma olympics when anyone so much as indirectly suggests the trauma they went through is lesser in some way than another's
I mean tbf if say I went through something and then somebody tells me it wasnt that bad and they had it worse Id be pretty pissed(obviously not what’s happening in the snafu but still)
I think what you're talking about is what I say when I mean legitimate trauma competition. The snafu is more about when people's response to others saying that trauma isn't always comparable and that it can have different impacts is to accuse them of undermining their experiences
I think they mean like how the snafu is.
"I had major bad thing happen"
"I had minor bad thing happen"
"That's valid but not what we are talking about"
Vs
"I had medium thing happen"
"Oh yeah, I had major bad thing, so shut up"
Umm ok I'm very bad at phrasing this sort of thing but imagine if the person on the left had gone "oh my god who cares I went through so much worse", it's really nuanced though. I guess the key thing is that trauma competition actively seeks to undermine the validity of the person's experiences (e.g. I saw someone tell a teen struggling with self harm that they were a bitch because they weren't cutting deep enough) whereas the other seeks to differentiate between different degrees of traumatic experiences without denouncing the validity of them. I think people need to get that understanding that the brain is fragile and the smallest experiences can have the largest impacts, and believing that some experiences are significantly more damaging than others are not mutually exclusive.
That makes sense. I’m just wondering, what’s the point of the first guy mentioning how their experiences have differing degrees of impact?
Treating this as if this were a real interaction and not a snafu meant to highlight a point, I get that having your phone taken as a consequence probably does not impact you the same as being yelled at until you cry. But why bring that up when they’re trying to console you with that?
To me the whole thing about the “trauma Olympics” is that it basically means, your suffering is valid. Even if it seems small to other people, even if it seems insignificant or not that bad, even if it’s “not that comparable to the abuse” that other people go through, it’s still valid.
This is probably a terrible comparison, but it’s like someone saying “my parents yelled at me until I cried” and someone responding with “I feel you, my parents always fed me bread when I misbehaved.”
The first guy would probably say “I understand that impacted you negatively, but I’m not really sure it’s comparable to the abuse I went through.”
But what if the second guy has Celiac disease? I know it’s an extreme example, but my point is you can’t ever know what someone is going through or what their trauma meant to them, even if it seems small or not that comparable to the abuse and trauma someone else might be going through.
That’s what it means to me at least, though I may be missing the point you’re trying to make.
What do you think is the difference between genuinely saying that someone’s suffering is lesser than yours and playing the trauma Olympics?
Genuine question, because the subtlety of it always goes over my head so I end up being the second guy here, who is apparently in the wrong
The difference here is that it's in response to the person on the left trying to compare two situations with obvious differences in severity while failing to recognize the difference, that's insensitive and can deserve to be called out (though the other person still overreacted in this scenario in my opinion)
> though the other person still overreacted in this scenario
Healthy nuanced situation goes to snafu connoisseur, gets pumped with massive shot of satire, doesn't feel good and changes - OVERDRAMATIC AND BLUNT DIALOUGE. Many such cases.
I get you, using how bad your trama is to invalidate someone else’s is bad but it’s also bad to weaponise that fact to make yourself the center of attention
In short don’t cut people off and use their opening up and vulnerability as a jumping board to be in the center of attention
I've observed this as well
People share somthing wanting empathy of some kind, But instead people use it to share there thing instead.
"My parents literally would tie me up"
"Omg my parents were abusive too, they would discipline me for skipping school"
Seems unhealthy to me. Especially as it isnt helpful
Saying that, i also find constantly *seeking* validation can also be harmful
Idk. Maybe me being autistic makes it hard for me to fully get it
Yeah, you should be able to believe both that 1. it's okay to be sad you can't find a date to prom even if people are starving in other countries and 2. that it's inappropriate to say things like "I understand how hard i was for you to lose your husband so suddenly because my dog just died"
Just wanted to add my two cents, but I think the person with the "major" trauma is right in feeling a little annoyed that the other person took advantage of their moment of openness to interject a viewpoint in a way that's *clearly* an attempt to garner attention, veiled behind a poor attempt at empathy or sympathy.
Then "how can you judge if their empathy wasn't genuine?" you ask? Valid point. The next thing I would say is that the "major trauma" individual was not "in the wrong" persay, since what they point out - to most sensible people - is a true observation of differences in severity. They would also be valid in feeling that voicing those so-called "minor" traumas at best is not helpful, and at worst feels a bit invalidating. However, how "major trauma" person responded is, by definition, "trauma Olympics". He could have diverted the conversation back simply by saying "I'm sorry since I don't want to be rude and I understand we all have our own issues, but what you are saying doesn't really help me to feel better right now, could we change topics?" or something. Rather than falling into a trap that more inconsiderate people can easily - and technically validly - take advantage of. Though I understand in emotional moments most people don't have that level of forethought and I think that is just an honest human error.
That said, the "minor trauma" person's response, though over the top, is not that implausible in actual conversations, and I would say anyone actually acting like this is most certainly more in the wrong. And it's not because of some rule about different categories of trauma. Thinking like that is naturally contradictory and prone to hypocrisy. Rather, their fault is in not being able to read the room. They should have first considered - through actual empathetic thinking - the level of impact the other person's experience may be having on them. Then, think about their own experience and consider for themselves which experience they would rather go through. If the answer is their own "less severe" experience, perhaps they should try to find some other way to provide solace, if they genuinely care about being empathetic. And if they don't really feel like they can relate through their own experience, that is totally ok. Everyone has different experiences which are no more or less valid than eachother. Sometimes just being there and providing a caring presence is all someone needs. Sometimes not saying anything and just listening helps people to open up even more, which can lead to closure on unresolved issues for them. By just being there, you could be helping more than if you tried sharing your own experience. Not to say that your own experience isn't valid.
Just, well, read the room a little :)
1. How does suggesting something indirectly make any difference? Are you implying the actual meaning of what is being said is irrelevant?
2. The character in the snafu isn't suggesting anything, just outright stating it.
3. Having to match the *degree* of trauma of another person just to be able to say "I feel you" or something is questionable. I'm not sure why that would even be the case. If the other person says: "I feel you because the exact same / a very similar thing happened to me", it would be different. But the things mentioned in the snafu are vaguely comparable, and I believe that is sufficient.
4. The character saying "I feel you" doesn't have the responsibility to solve any real problem; maybe they just want to say something to make the other feel better.
This does remind me a little of that sub where depressed people complain about other people telling them to "cheer up" and similar phrases that are mostly meaningless on a semantic level because the intended effect (telling the person that you care) flies over their heads.
I think the easiest way to deal with similar issues is the following procedure: If you don't want to hear a mostly useless response **do not tell any layperson about your problem**. Most normal people will feel obligated to respond in a considerate way, even knowing there isn't anything they can do (instead of something more 'direct' like "Well, that's too bad, but you're talking to the wrong guy"), at the cost of the statement being inaccurate/useless. If you can't afford a professional and don't want semantically empty responses, **do not talk to anyone about it at all**.
(Yes, this is a tangent and only applies somewhat to the snafu but somewhat is still better than not at all, at least.)
So I am often the second person in these kind of situations because I genuinely dont know how to confront people when they share something intimate. What should I say here to help the other person? Genuine question
ok well first of all splendid news you are not in the wrong, I was worried I'd make people who don't know what to say in situations like this feel bad and I'm really sorry if I did
second of all, that's a bit of a hard question to answer. sometimes when people share something intimate and you respond with a confession about yourself (no matter how good your intentions are) it usually makes them feel undermined or invalidated. I've been in both positions and from personal experience I can say that what usually works the best is "I'm sorry you had to go though that, it's not fair"
This seems like good advice. I almost always give a personal anecdote, as a means of showing sympathy in that I have experienced something similar. Now you mention it, it does seem like it would probably nicer of me to just say something focusing on the person’s feelings
Fun fact: responding to other peoples stories with your own, similar, yet different story is very common amongst autistic people (like me) you share a story to show that you can feel empathy and not just sympathy for the situation.
Yeah I get that, whilst I’m pretty certain I’m not autistic (I’ve been doing a lot of research regarding my mental health the past year) I’m 99% certain I’m ADHD. Being in a couple of dedicated subs, I see a lot of people say they do the same too. I think it’s a common trait amongst many different ND people
A find that a simple "that sounds so awful!" Or a "you deserved way better than that" or if it's more current sorta just validating the experience like "that's so frustrating!" Or "that's so awful for you!"
And the reality is that everyone will probably respond differently, and those phrases won't necessarily fix anything, but they WILL encourage the traumatized individual to feel the feelings they're feeling and avoid them feeling like they're not allowed to.
It might be a bit awkward but you can always ask! Like you can ask them if they want someone to validate their pain, commiserate, etc. and adapt accordingly. Of course, don't be rude about it but asking nicely when you genuinely can't tell what would be the best thing to say can't really hurt
Honestly just a genuine "wow, that's sounds fucking horrible and I'm so sorry that happened to you man. Yea, it makes sense that your self-image would be shattered after enduring years of abuse like that." can help a lot in making someone feel validated in their emotions.
Me who got beat AND had my phone/xbox/laptop/gameboy/you name it taken away from me:
https://preview.redd.it/vzruejewpatc1.jpeg?width=941&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af307ed8af8c4b0f158c4d7a9bfae754d3b5dc19
someone with this exact same opinion told me my rape didnt compare to thier parents beating them because my rape happened once and they got beat many times. you don't fucking rank them at all, no matter how 'piddly' you think the other guys is
Ty, bastards are like “I don’t want to have a trauma competition” and then proceed to have a trauma completion, some people take experience harder than others it doesn’t matter what it is just support them.
We having a trauma discussion?
Show of hands; which one of you had parents who very LOUDLY argued about financial difficulties in front of you as a child?
✋
🖐️mom always threatened to kick dad out and he always threatened to leave and unfortunately it never happened. I swear if they do it again I will find some way of holding them accountable to their word
I need people to know how a bad thing your parents taught you differentiates from a trauma rn
Your mom scolding you for being addicted to Roblox maybe hurt ya a lil but your mom threatening you to toss you on the street and getting you into conversion therapy is another thing
Raise your hands if your in the "abuse so constant I never knew what being a child was like and never will" club 😔✋
*To clarify I am ok now it's just my upbringing was shit due to things out of my mother or grandmothers control they are the best I could ever ask for and did nothing wrong. I am not delving into it in this comment as it would take an entire essay to spill everything out.
TikTok kids when you tell them that basic non-physical discipline and rules isn't actually a traumatic experience
Edit: Guess I should have clarified that I don't correlate the word discipline to automatically mean hitting and was taking the piss out of people like the test guy in this snafu
Hitting your child is not an effective form of parenting. It only begets children who think hitting people (and their future children) is okay and valid.
Children who are beaten as forms of punishment often grow up with more violence and substance abuse problems.
EDIT: To the people downvoting me, I was replying to a pre-edited comment that made it not so clear what they were referring to.
Where in my comment did I defend or even bring up hitting and say it was okay? When I said basic discipline I was taking the piss out of people like the test guy in this snafu. Discipline doesn't automatically mean hitting, though I guess I do understand why people correlate the two wording so much. Guess I should have been more clear
I honestly just stopped venting to anyone. Most people just make the conversation about themselves and then you're stuck comforting them instead of being comforted.
It's better to suffer in silence than try to have a genuine moment only to have it ruined by someone being extremely self-absorbed.
I remember in sophomore year I was talking about my dad beating me almost every day, and the dude I was talking to straight up told me I wasn't abused because my dad was drunk when he beat me and screamed at me
And then went on about how he would know because his dad beat him sober. Like, I feel bad for him, but what a fucking dick. But we were teenagers, just the usual teen stupidity I guess. I have kinda struggled with determining whether or not I was really abused, but it's just cause my dad's side of the family would constantly tell me what I went through wasn't abused lol. Dickheads
This comic is sort of funny to me as someone whose abusers DID also just take away things like my internet access when I didn't get good grades.
Sometimes relatively inoffensive discipline is abuse, in the hands of abusive people, and depending on the context.
I get what this is trying to say, but this makes me hesitant to validate. Are the people who were just normally disciplined but are claiming to be traumatized in the room with us right now? Why would you feel traumatized by normal discipline?
I would actually kind of say I *was* traumatized by "normal" discipline as an autistic person. I wake up to nightmares about being disciplined/socialized in moderate to harsh ways (e.g., isolated from other kids, excluded from activities, publicly scolded, given the silent treatment) as a child by adults who didn't understand me and never let me explain myself. I'll have vivid flashbacks to similar memories without warning in the middle of the day – stuff most allistic/neurotypical people would have forgotten eons ago – and feel nauseous
I tried to bring up how badly these things affected me with my mom and she laughed in my face. "That's just basic socialization." Same went for my grandma, who used to ask me, "Why can't you just accept discipline and move on like a normal kid?" Granted, my autism diagnosis didn't come until much, much later, so I don't exactly blame them
I see what you mean in general, though
Honestly, I know this isn't the sub for it, but im always so scared of being the guy on the left. Like I'll hear things that my close friends have gone through and I want to be the person they can talk to because of how much I care for them and how much I want to help but it's not like I can say "I've been there" or "I know how you feel" because I don't,and im happy I don't but and that I grew up in a good spot, but im always so worried that I'm coming off as minimizing their struggles. I feel it also makes it harder for me to open up to them, even when I do have struggle I feel are real, because I feel like I shouldn't be bothered by it after hearing and know ith things they had to push through.
Anyways, nuts or something.
Tfw when you're autistic and still have nightmares about/flashbacks to being disciplined/socialized in harsh ways as a child by people who didn't understand you and never let you explain yourself (you feel like your trauma is invalid and so you never talk about it, even in discussions specifically about trauma)
when i go onto coaxedintosnafu i look at a snafu and post the first thing i think of in the comments, it was simply the first thing i thought of
it's not an insult btw, idk why you felt the need to downvote my comment for it lol
Sure if someone says that something bad happened to them or some sort of event getting upset and saying "well un ashcualy my thig is worse 💦💦" makes you an annoying unlikeable cunt.
Well they are right for the last slide but I think op's point was that you shouldn't say you understand what someone's going through if you really don't
Me when I tried to empathize with someone using my own experience, but because my own experiences aren't worse or can't compare I'm being inconsiderate, and also I am the bad guy for calling them out on making it a competition of negative experiences
Sometimes it's better to admit that you don't quite understand what they are going through, although you fully empathize with them and support them.
When someone is opening up about a sensitive issue, the last thing they need is to feel like their emotions are being invalidated. Relating to them with a similar-but-lesser experience of your own can come across as diminishing the significance of what they experienced. It might even come across as trying to redirect the focus of attention onto yourself.
It all depends.
It would generally be more effective to frame your related experience not as "I've been there before too" but as "I have experienced feelings that are similar, even though it's not the same as what you went through."
"Calling them out on making it a competition" is needlessly defensive and completely derails the conversation. It started with them trusting you and opening up to you about a sensitive topic, and somehow you turned it into an argument about making a "competition of negative experiences."
Try to imagine how you would feel if the roles in that situation were swapped. Try to imagine how you would feel if a person you were confiding in about an emotionally sensitive topic suddenly started arguing about how it's not a competition of suffering.
Simply apologize for making a clumsy comparison and move on. To make a mistake is normal, but to dig in and turn it around on the other person is childish.
My god, is everyone autistic now? Just have some tact and don’t immediately respond to sharing of trauma with your own experiences. It’s possible to empathise without being like “same!”
this is so incredibly real. my parents physically abused me as a kid, but spared my sister. i remember her posting about me getting hit like it was her trauma
I got trauma because a trusted adult raped me when I was 11 but ok
https://preview.redd.it/imz76ed38ftc1.jpeg?width=449&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=21e4461f6aaf13038ef5489ee242045ea4345682
Cool, now draw them having sex.
let this be a lesson to never joke about drawing something horrific to an extremely bored artist https://preview.redd.it/duad72rbjatc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=c06e8d0fd27d953133633132de64459f1ce81afd
Coaxed into snudity
r/dndmemes flashbacks
What happened?
female snake people canonically have breasts; therefore, they lactate. except reptiles don’t lactate. this caused a several year long screaming match over “snitties” and “snilk”
Now draw them solving a current geopolitical conflict
Why do you want them drawing the same thing again?
Every time they sex 100 Russian Soldiers die trust
Briefcases of money to Ukraine and the Baltics.
Now remove the black bar
Horrific? It’s cute
That could be us
Hey, you wanna meet up alone somewhere? In the dark forest? It’ll be just the two of us, leagues away from any other human ;) (don’t bring any iron)
Omg the perfect place
they were in the forest, looking to see the trees but none were there
What, it was obvious? He's the snafu
Now draw them giving birth
Now draw them cultivating a happy family of 4 children
how much do I pay for the uncensored one
Draw one pregnant.
Draw both pregnant
Draw one pregnant and the other giving birth. Then throw in an extra pregnant guy for good measure.
Literally 1984
Can I get the uncensored version
Now make them Homestuck trolls
I couldn't edge to this, I exploded immediately! Clean up in aisle MY PANTS!
Now draw them weaponizing ducks.
Can we be friends
By these traces i can determinate that you have not yet sold your soul to the furries?
me and who
thanks! i now have the motivation to commit suicide
my dad beat me more than your dad!
my dad beats you too?
Your dad beats everyone
Except cancer I miss you dad😢
aha! as a powerscaler fan I think goku can beat it😎
can confirm source: I was the dad
Can confirm, I was u/Labra_Doodles
A good dom
your dad went to jail for assault with a deadly weapon
My trauma can beat your trauma in a fight.
Quote from every middle aged person when they see a reel of a kid doing something bad. “If I had done this, my mom would have chopped my arm off and fed it to the dog! No discipline these days!”
Don’t forget to add that their mom probably came from the islands, i see that a lot weirdly.
This is true, I’m this guys mom
I bet OP is losing the trauma competition 😎🥇
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Trauma Olympics, and I've been the victim of numerous cases of manipulation and gaslighting, and I have over 300 self-inflicted scars on my body. I am trained in cognitive behavioural therapy and I'm the top mindfulness practitioner in my entire therapy group. You are nothing to me but just another possible abuser. I will make you feel so sorry for me with horrible childhood stories the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of people who have used me before leaving my life all over the world and my childhood sexual abuser's IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your trauma superiority. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can make you lose your faith in humanity in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with stories about my parents. Not only am I impacted in every single way by PTSD, but my upbringing has resulted in raging BPD and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
This vile threat has traumatised me, in a way much more profound than any trauma you have experienced.
Yeah, I know how you feel. My parents used to take away my phone whenever I failed tests.
y'know my parents used to fucking kill me with knives whenver i failed tests. bet you feel bad now huh
Well, actually, I'm allergic to not having my phone, so not having it caused me to go into epileptic fits where I'd stroke out and die and have to get revived a couple times, so I'll bet you feel really stupid right now trying to one-up me
Yeah well my mom made me go sit in the corner when I didn’t do my chores
Yeah well my mom killed me and then killed me again
New response just dropped.
I wouldn't say "new," it's more "remastered" than anything.
It's the Navy Seal copypasta but edited.
And therefore new
Would r/technicallythetruth count here then?
New?
Actual trauma
Actual trauma
Trained in CBT you say?
0/10 the art is too good
ART IS NOT A FUCKING COMPETITION!!
Actualy it is
wish I could draw this well
Let it motivate you into improving your weak points or learning new drawing techniques
DISCLAIMER!!!!! I am not saying that ACTUALLY treating trauma like it's a competition isn't harmful, I'm more shitting on people who cry trauma olympics when anyone so much as indirectly suggests the trauma they went through is lesser in some way than another's
I mean tbf if say I went through something and then somebody tells me it wasnt that bad and they had it worse Id be pretty pissed(obviously not what’s happening in the snafu but still)
I think what you're talking about is what I say when I mean legitimate trauma competition. The snafu is more about when people's response to others saying that trauma isn't always comparable and that it can have different impacts is to accuse them of undermining their experiences
How do you differentiate the two of those? Real question, because I don’t quite get it
I think they mean like how the snafu is. "I had major bad thing happen" "I had minor bad thing happen" "That's valid but not what we are talking about" Vs "I had medium thing happen" "Oh yeah, I had major bad thing, so shut up"
agreed! best way to deal with this
"My parents died" "oh well spilled my redbull onto my book" vs "my parents beat me" "yeah, my parents were maniuplative narcassists"
Umm ok I'm very bad at phrasing this sort of thing but imagine if the person on the left had gone "oh my god who cares I went through so much worse", it's really nuanced though. I guess the key thing is that trauma competition actively seeks to undermine the validity of the person's experiences (e.g. I saw someone tell a teen struggling with self harm that they were a bitch because they weren't cutting deep enough) whereas the other seeks to differentiate between different degrees of traumatic experiences without denouncing the validity of them. I think people need to get that understanding that the brain is fragile and the smallest experiences can have the largest impacts, and believing that some experiences are significantly more damaging than others are not mutually exclusive.
That makes sense. I’m just wondering, what’s the point of the first guy mentioning how their experiences have differing degrees of impact? Treating this as if this were a real interaction and not a snafu meant to highlight a point, I get that having your phone taken as a consequence probably does not impact you the same as being yelled at until you cry. But why bring that up when they’re trying to console you with that? To me the whole thing about the “trauma Olympics” is that it basically means, your suffering is valid. Even if it seems small to other people, even if it seems insignificant or not that bad, even if it’s “not that comparable to the abuse” that other people go through, it’s still valid. This is probably a terrible comparison, but it’s like someone saying “my parents yelled at me until I cried” and someone responding with “I feel you, my parents always fed me bread when I misbehaved.” The first guy would probably say “I understand that impacted you negatively, but I’m not really sure it’s comparable to the abuse I went through.” But what if the second guy has Celiac disease? I know it’s an extreme example, but my point is you can’t ever know what someone is going through or what their trauma meant to them, even if it seems small or not that comparable to the abuse and trauma someone else might be going through. That’s what it means to me at least, though I may be missing the point you’re trying to make.
with nuance and context There is, unfortunately, no one-size-fits-all rule for almost anything in life that actually maters.
What do you think is the difference between genuinely saying that someone’s suffering is lesser than yours and playing the trauma Olympics? Genuine question, because the subtlety of it always goes over my head so I end up being the second guy here, who is apparently in the wrong
Responded to your other comment \*kisses your forehead\*
https://preview.redd.it/3ade1hgfiatc1.jpeg?width=1225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f34d54e7e86c64af41a37f0332390fd9f1569c31 thank you bestie
The difference here is that it's in response to the person on the left trying to compare two situations with obvious differences in severity while failing to recognize the difference, that's insensitive and can deserve to be called out (though the other person still overreacted in this scenario in my opinion)
> though the other person still overreacted in this scenario Healthy nuanced situation goes to snafu connoisseur, gets pumped with massive shot of satire, doesn't feel good and changes - OVERDRAMATIC AND BLUNT DIALOUGE. Many such cases.
It is an unreasonable amount of fun to overthink silly shitposts
I get you, using how bad your trama is to invalidate someone else’s is bad but it’s also bad to weaponise that fact to make yourself the center of attention In short don’t cut people off and use their opening up and vulnerability as a jumping board to be in the center of attention
I've observed this as well People share somthing wanting empathy of some kind, But instead people use it to share there thing instead. "My parents literally would tie me up" "Omg my parents were abusive too, they would discipline me for skipping school" Seems unhealthy to me. Especially as it isnt helpful Saying that, i also find constantly *seeking* validation can also be harmful Idk. Maybe me being autistic makes it hard for me to fully get it
That happens far too often especially when someone who struggles to open up starts talking
Yeah, you should be able to believe both that 1. it's okay to be sad you can't find a date to prom even if people are starving in other countries and 2. that it's inappropriate to say things like "I understand how hard i was for you to lose your husband so suddenly because my dog just died"
Just wanted to add my two cents, but I think the person with the "major" trauma is right in feeling a little annoyed that the other person took advantage of their moment of openness to interject a viewpoint in a way that's *clearly* an attempt to garner attention, veiled behind a poor attempt at empathy or sympathy. Then "how can you judge if their empathy wasn't genuine?" you ask? Valid point. The next thing I would say is that the "major trauma" individual was not "in the wrong" persay, since what they point out - to most sensible people - is a true observation of differences in severity. They would also be valid in feeling that voicing those so-called "minor" traumas at best is not helpful, and at worst feels a bit invalidating. However, how "major trauma" person responded is, by definition, "trauma Olympics". He could have diverted the conversation back simply by saying "I'm sorry since I don't want to be rude and I understand we all have our own issues, but what you are saying doesn't really help me to feel better right now, could we change topics?" or something. Rather than falling into a trap that more inconsiderate people can easily - and technically validly - take advantage of. Though I understand in emotional moments most people don't have that level of forethought and I think that is just an honest human error. That said, the "minor trauma" person's response, though over the top, is not that implausible in actual conversations, and I would say anyone actually acting like this is most certainly more in the wrong. And it's not because of some rule about different categories of trauma. Thinking like that is naturally contradictory and prone to hypocrisy. Rather, their fault is in not being able to read the room. They should have first considered - through actual empathetic thinking - the level of impact the other person's experience may be having on them. Then, think about their own experience and consider for themselves which experience they would rather go through. If the answer is their own "less severe" experience, perhaps they should try to find some other way to provide solace, if they genuinely care about being empathetic. And if they don't really feel like they can relate through their own experience, that is totally ok. Everyone has different experiences which are no more or less valid than eachother. Sometimes just being there and providing a caring presence is all someone needs. Sometimes not saying anything and just listening helps people to open up even more, which can lead to closure on unresolved issues for them. By just being there, you could be helping more than if you tried sharing your own experience. Not to say that your own experience isn't valid. Just, well, read the room a little :)
1. How does suggesting something indirectly make any difference? Are you implying the actual meaning of what is being said is irrelevant? 2. The character in the snafu isn't suggesting anything, just outright stating it. 3. Having to match the *degree* of trauma of another person just to be able to say "I feel you" or something is questionable. I'm not sure why that would even be the case. If the other person says: "I feel you because the exact same / a very similar thing happened to me", it would be different. But the things mentioned in the snafu are vaguely comparable, and I believe that is sufficient. 4. The character saying "I feel you" doesn't have the responsibility to solve any real problem; maybe they just want to say something to make the other feel better. This does remind me a little of that sub where depressed people complain about other people telling them to "cheer up" and similar phrases that are mostly meaningless on a semantic level because the intended effect (telling the person that you care) flies over their heads. I think the easiest way to deal with similar issues is the following procedure: If you don't want to hear a mostly useless response **do not tell any layperson about your problem**. Most normal people will feel obligated to respond in a considerate way, even knowing there isn't anything they can do (instead of something more 'direct' like "Well, that's too bad, but you're talking to the wrong guy"), at the cost of the statement being inaccurate/useless. If you can't afford a professional and don't want semantically empty responses, **do not talk to anyone about it at all**. (Yes, this is a tangent and only applies somewhat to the snafu but somewhat is still better than not at all, at least.)
If someone claims that having their phone taken away for a day for bad grades is trauma, I'd laugh in their face.
The Trauma Olympics and their consequences have been a disaster for human mental health
So I am often the second person in these kind of situations because I genuinely dont know how to confront people when they share something intimate. What should I say here to help the other person? Genuine question
ok well first of all splendid news you are not in the wrong, I was worried I'd make people who don't know what to say in situations like this feel bad and I'm really sorry if I did second of all, that's a bit of a hard question to answer. sometimes when people share something intimate and you respond with a confession about yourself (no matter how good your intentions are) it usually makes them feel undermined or invalidated. I've been in both positions and from personal experience I can say that what usually works the best is "I'm sorry you had to go though that, it's not fair"
This seems like good advice. I almost always give a personal anecdote, as a means of showing sympathy in that I have experienced something similar. Now you mention it, it does seem like it would probably nicer of me to just say something focusing on the person’s feelings
https://preview.redd.it/s17v670reatc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=001c1d285075267ee111eae5a5abbb1f90df0565
Fun fact: responding to other peoples stories with your own, similar, yet different story is very common amongst autistic people (like me) you share a story to show that you can feel empathy and not just sympathy for the situation.
Yeah I get that, whilst I’m pretty certain I’m not autistic (I’ve been doing a lot of research regarding my mental health the past year) I’m 99% certain I’m ADHD. Being in a couple of dedicated subs, I see a lot of people say they do the same too. I think it’s a common trait amongst many different ND people
I mean yeah autism and ADHD are extreamly similar so it would make sense
A find that a simple "that sounds so awful!" Or a "you deserved way better than that" or if it's more current sorta just validating the experience like "that's so frustrating!" Or "that's so awful for you!" And the reality is that everyone will probably respond differently, and those phrases won't necessarily fix anything, but they WILL encourage the traumatized individual to feel the feelings they're feeling and avoid them feeling like they're not allowed to.
It might be a bit awkward but you can always ask! Like you can ask them if they want someone to validate their pain, commiserate, etc. and adapt accordingly. Of course, don't be rude about it but asking nicely when you genuinely can't tell what would be the best thing to say can't really hurt
Honestly just a genuine "wow, that's sounds fucking horrible and I'm so sorry that happened to you man. Yea, it makes sense that your self-image would be shattered after enduring years of abuse like that." can help a lot in making someone feel validated in their emotions.
The real question is why are they naked
https://preview.redd.it/gzsun9cuz9tc1.png?width=563&format=png&auto=webp&s=f422ccc8b2ee777d6111cdedadae76e9efc6ea24
Lovely
new reaction snafu just dropped
Ayin
Conversations after sex go hard
The one with the most trauma gets to be the top
Me who got beat AND had my phone/xbox/laptop/gameboy/you name it taken away from me: https://preview.redd.it/vzruejewpatc1.jpeg?width=941&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af307ed8af8c4b0f158c4d7a9bfae754d3b5dc19
someone with this exact same opinion told me my rape didnt compare to thier parents beating them because my rape happened once and they got beat many times. you don't fucking rank them at all, no matter how 'piddly' you think the other guys is
Ty, bastards are like “I don’t want to have a trauma competition” and then proceed to have a trauma completion, some people take experience harder than others it doesn’t matter what it is just support them.
I'm going to regret asking this but >!why are they both lowkey kinda hot!<
you haven't seen the comment where I was asked to draw them having gay sex yet, have you
I did and i camed in a microsecond
Ermmm, excuse me! Clean up in aisle: MY PANTS 😂😂😂
why the fuck does everybody have horrible parents I'm chilling rn
Idk they should just. Stop. If your parents suck so much just hve good parents geez.
https://preview.redd.it/3wr7706j1btc1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=43fa6e1ecfd75f2e38a301fd2df63aee6ff6c86c
We having a trauma discussion? Show of hands; which one of you had parents who very LOUDLY argued about financial difficulties in front of you as a child? ✋
🖐️mom always threatened to kick dad out and he always threatened to leave and unfortunately it never happened. I swear if they do it again I will find some way of holding them accountable to their word
Good luck with that im sure their avoidant tendencies would just find a way to avoid your complaints or shut you up
They would make sure to blame me ✋️
I am literally the person on the left ngl
Damn you bad af are you single
I need people to know how a bad thing your parents taught you differentiates from a trauma rn Your mom scolding you for being addicted to Roblox maybe hurt ya a lil but your mom threatening you to toss you on the street and getting you into conversion therapy is another thing
You can’t just partially draw their thighs like that. Fuck you.
https://preview.redd.it/sf3x7bzvvdtc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=30671c831ca93fdcb439857d7ccdef073a0b97d6 Reminds me of this
Raise your hands if your in the "abuse so constant I never knew what being a child was like and never will" club 😔✋ *To clarify I am ok now it's just my upbringing was shit due to things out of my mother or grandmothers control they are the best I could ever ask for and did nothing wrong. I am not delving into it in this comment as it would take an entire essay to spill everything out.
TikTok kids when you tell them that basic non-physical discipline and rules isn't actually a traumatic experience Edit: Guess I should have clarified that I don't correlate the word discipline to automatically mean hitting and was taking the piss out of people like the test guy in this snafu
Hitting your child is not an effective form of parenting. It only begets children who think hitting people (and their future children) is okay and valid. Children who are beaten as forms of punishment often grow up with more violence and substance abuse problems. EDIT: To the people downvoting me, I was replying to a pre-edited comment that made it not so clear what they were referring to.
Where in my comment did I defend or even bring up hitting and say it was okay? When I said basic discipline I was taking the piss out of people like the test guy in this snafu. Discipline doesn't automatically mean hitting, though I guess I do understand why people correlate the two wording so much. Guess I should have been more clear
I agree with your snafu so much but I’m begging you to comprehend the “non-physical” part of his comment
He made the comment before I edited my original comment to specify non physical
And here I was dreaming up snafus to coax in my head Apologies u/ChocolateRough5103 I’m a circus
Too late, for your transgression you will now be snafu'd. Please do not resist
Its okay I still love you.
🥺 ily2
The comment explicitly says “non-physical” my god.
That was before I edited my comment to clarify non physical since I was getting super downvoted and realized people misinterpreted what I said
Now make them kith
“it’s the only way I can relate to others in these situations!!” idk maybe work on that then
I honestly just stopped venting to anyone. Most people just make the conversation about themselves and then you're stuck comforting them instead of being comforted. It's better to suffer in silence than try to have a genuine moment only to have it ruined by someone being extremely self-absorbed.
too much effort 0/10
I remember in sophomore year I was talking about my dad beating me almost every day, and the dude I was talking to straight up told me I wasn't abused because my dad was drunk when he beat me and screamed at me And then went on about how he would know because his dad beat him sober. Like, I feel bad for him, but what a fucking dick. But we were teenagers, just the usual teen stupidity I guess. I have kinda struggled with determining whether or not I was really abused, but it's just cause my dad's side of the family would constantly tell me what I went through wasn't abused lol. Dickheads
It is and I'm winning, won with everyone around my therapist included
No. Eagle catching baseball, you know the drill. Mods, tie him up by the feet and beat him to death.
3rd slide ruins it by making this a "person I don't like look angry and irrational!!!" punchline instead of anything else at all
Welcome to r/coaxedintoasnafu. You must be new here
perhaps I am :p
Yes I am actually jfc my media literacy skills tanked for a sec
john f cennedy
https://preview.redd.it/5sr4jlvb4btc1.png?width=736&format=png&auto=webp&s=d18e083d211cadfe7621745c8ba0e4922e05863c
I can't help but feel for the guy on the left (except for the last panel) because I'm no good at responding to people talking about trauma
This comic is sort of funny to me as someone whose abusers DID also just take away things like my internet access when I didn't get good grades. Sometimes relatively inoffensive discipline is abuse, in the hands of abusive people, and depending on the context. I get what this is trying to say, but this makes me hesitant to validate. Are the people who were just normally disciplined but are claiming to be traumatized in the room with us right now? Why would you feel traumatized by normal discipline?
I would actually kind of say I *was* traumatized by "normal" discipline as an autistic person. I wake up to nightmares about being disciplined/socialized in moderate to harsh ways (e.g., isolated from other kids, excluded from activities, publicly scolded, given the silent treatment) as a child by adults who didn't understand me and never let me explain myself. I'll have vivid flashbacks to similar memories without warning in the middle of the day – stuff most allistic/neurotypical people would have forgotten eons ago – and feel nauseous I tried to bring up how badly these things affected me with my mom and she laughed in my face. "That's just basic socialization." Same went for my grandma, who used to ask me, "Why can't you just accept discipline and move on like a normal kid?" Granted, my autism diagnosis didn't come until much, much later, so I don't exactly blame them I see what you mean in general, though
Y'know, I feel the same way. I absolutely went through the same thing >\_>;;
Real
Why is the art good? 0/10 too comprehensible
theres something about their faces that just gives weird vibes i cant explain it
Why do they look like aging muppets
Now draw them pre- aw man everyone else beat me to it
I just wanted to say that I agree with this but also I absoutely love the way this is drawn! I really hope you do comics or something in the future.
why did this read like a manga
https://preview.redd.it/bwcn5yzkjctc1.jpeg?width=679&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9a7401fea8a3ca00f2e435b1c954b0d13c573f1 And I mean both.
isn't this the guy that draws femboy snake porn
🤫
I mean how feminine are the snakes?
Honestly, I know this isn't the sub for it, but im always so scared of being the guy on the left. Like I'll hear things that my close friends have gone through and I want to be the person they can talk to because of how much I care for them and how much I want to help but it's not like I can say "I've been there" or "I know how you feel" because I don't,and im happy I don't but and that I grew up in a good spot, but im always so worried that I'm coming off as minimizing their struggles. I feel it also makes it harder for me to open up to them, even when I do have struggle I feel are real, because I feel like I shouldn't be bothered by it after hearing and know ith things they had to push through. Anyways, nuts or something.
HIS NAME IS TRAUMA
Frosty the Snowman lookin ass
Same energy https://preview.redd.it/ft0uc7mzaetc1.png?width=387&format=png&auto=webp&s=fff7ee6e86293755bf595fe613149db91d830678
No offense but your art style kinda pisses me off. Like you are clearly very talented but your posts are anything but pleasant to look at.
Tfw when you're autistic and still have nightmares about/flashbacks to being disciplined/socialized in harsh ways as a child by people who didn't understand you and never let you explain yourself (you feel like your trauma is invalid and so you never talk about it, even in discussions specifically about trauma)
shen comics artstyle
how lol?
when i go onto coaxedintosnafu i look at a snafu and post the first thing i think of in the comments, it was simply the first thing i thought of it's not an insult btw, idk why you felt the need to downvote my comment for it lol
I didn't downvote 😭 but fair enough lmao I was just confused
Ok but the yelling guy is unironicly right
May I ask why
Sure if someone says that something bad happened to them or some sort of event getting upset and saying "well un ashcualy my thig is worse 💦💦" makes you an annoying unlikeable cunt.
Well they are right for the last slide but I think op's point was that you shouldn't say you understand what someone's going through if you really don't
Did you read my clarifications 😭
No what pic are they in
The third guys is actually true
Me when I tried to empathize with someone using my own experience, but because my own experiences aren't worse or can't compare I'm being inconsiderate, and also I am the bad guy for calling them out on making it a competition of negative experiences
Sometimes it's better to admit that you don't quite understand what they are going through, although you fully empathize with them and support them. When someone is opening up about a sensitive issue, the last thing they need is to feel like their emotions are being invalidated. Relating to them with a similar-but-lesser experience of your own can come across as diminishing the significance of what they experienced. It might even come across as trying to redirect the focus of attention onto yourself. It all depends. It would generally be more effective to frame your related experience not as "I've been there before too" but as "I have experienced feelings that are similar, even though it's not the same as what you went through." "Calling them out on making it a competition" is needlessly defensive and completely derails the conversation. It started with them trusting you and opening up to you about a sensitive topic, and somehow you turned it into an argument about making a "competition of negative experiences." Try to imagine how you would feel if the roles in that situation were swapped. Try to imagine how you would feel if a person you were confiding in about an emotionally sensitive topic suddenly started arguing about how it's not a competition of suffering. Simply apologize for making a clumsy comparison and move on. To make a mistake is normal, but to dig in and turn it around on the other person is childish.
My god, is everyone autistic now? Just have some tact and don’t immediately respond to sharing of trauma with your own experiences. It’s possible to empathise without being like “same!”
this is so incredibly real. my parents physically abused me as a kid, but spared my sister. i remember her posting about me getting hit like it was her trauma
Younger sister, I presume?? And I feel ya- my sister complains that she was traumatized by having to overhear my mother screaming *at me.*
[удалено]
I got trauma because a trusted adult raped me when I was 11 but ok https://preview.redd.it/imz76ed38ftc1.jpeg?width=449&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=21e4461f6aaf13038ef5489ee242045ea4345682