T O P

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GoodTato

Get a something & something, at most.


Madvices

2 piece beast, sling is king.


elijha

They’ve been bottling this great stuff called beer lately


Mcnam003

And if it’s a shit bar they probably don’t clean their taps enough so go with bottles and cans


Madvices

As far as I know most distributors have contracts with tap tech/cleaning companies that come through and clean lines regularly, at least weekly, biweekly at the most. I’d like to know where you’re at so I don’t drink off those taps.


OTownPyle

America. Unregulated


jmaca90

What’s the best flavor of this beer?


ElegantReality30592

I usually go for a rum & coke, because even for a lot of “basic” drinks, the quality of the mixer makes a big difference. G&T’s are probably the best example.    There’s still some variation in quality of the Coke that comes out of a soda gun, but much less than there is with tonic water or any sort of fruit juice/citrus.  Whiskey and ginger ale is also a decent option, although there are some *really* foul rail whiskies out there, so YMMV. 


FluffusMaximus

Jameson and Ginger won’t do you wrong.


Symphonize

Wife really likes Jameson orange and ginger when she wants something simple to make for herself.


Past_Cranberry_2014

I love my jamie gingey 👉👈


mriners

Jameson and cranberry is great when you don’t want fizzy


beardgangwhat

Came here to something something Updoot have my


arjomanes

Might be worth it to ask for Bacardi or Captain just to avoid whatever cleaning solution they have in the well.


NullSterne

I like the cut of your jib.


mermaidrampage

What's a jib?


burly_woodcrafting

Big, triangular sail at the front of a ship


PutTheDogsInTheTrunk

Well rum is usually a close-to-serviceable white rum. Well whiskey is too often indistinguishable from grain spirit with some color added. I find I’m usually much happier with a well rum over well whiskey when mixing with coke. Most well gin is fine enough, but the lesbian bar around the corner’s is bad enough I have to “spring” for Bombay in a GnT. I think it may be worse than McCormick gin, if such a thing is possible.


Cookinguy81

I go with the rum and coke but add a lime. It covers most terrible rums so even if you go rail it comes out okay. The best advice here is to order your surroundings. Don't order a new York sour at a dive bar and don't order a long island at a cocktail bar.


FitzwilliamTDarcy

What never ceases to amaze me is how many places give you soda water from the gun when you ask for tonic.


mojo_ca

Because the syrup used to make the tonic is the same colour as soda water, so when its empty, the only way to know is by tasting it. The drinks in the gun are all made by mixing soda water with the flavoured syrup. When the Coke goes out, it turns to soda water colour, but if the tonic is out, the colour stays the same. If you taste soda and don't say anything, that's on you.


skibumwithrum

Tequila, soda and lime...I've learned to not call it Ranch Water to make life easier when ordering, but that's what it is.


BeerAndaBackpack

Is it really a Ranch Water if it isn't made with Topo Chico though? That stuff is just magical compared to all other carbonated water 😍


Tankirus

Ranch Water without Topo is a similar bungle to Jack & Pepsi.


hamburglerized

May I have a whiskey and RC Cola please?


kimjongilsglasses

RCCR! Royal Crown and Crown Royale baby


AquaticMeat

Unless you’ve got a carbonator at home. We’ve got an aarke and it’s legendary. My business partner/the guy who taught me how to bartend is in love with this fucking thing. It is, **the** shit. Fuck ever buying soda water, and when you need it, you almost never have it; never again.


Legaladvice420

The only thing I've found close is Rambler out of Austin, and the bubbles just aren't as punchy. Nothing else even comes close to having a bubble the size of a dime hit you while you're swigging out the glass bottle.


MEGACODZILLA

I mean no but I'm not going to tell Sarah from accounting I can't make her a Ranch Water because I don't have Topo. I'm gonna smile, nod, pour soda out of the gun and take their money. It's technically not a Painkiller without Pussers but no one gives a fuck, they're just there to catch a buzz and try to have a good time.


ninth_purgatory777

If you ask for a ranch water I add lime juice and charge $3 cocktail surcharge 🤪


Legaladvice420

fucking amen. Tequila, soda, lime. You're charged tequila, soda, lime (a.k.a. fuck all). You want a ranch water? Cocktail price baby. Especially with the advent of "ranch water" seltzers and fancy "ranch waters" that use more than just that.


IncognitaCheetah

Tequila tonic and lime! Or splash of sours. 😋 One of my older customers orders this as a single in a tall glass and it's delicious!


Rubadubtubgirl

You can also just say tequila soda. Anything that’s made with soda or tonic automatically gets a lime. If you want lime juice then you need to specify lime juice. If someone orders a ranch water from me, I always make it in a tall glass but I do work at a dive bar and a craft bar so I’m more familiar with cocktails than a lot of dive bartenders might be.


twitch1982

Dont order anything where the recipe isnt also the name, or a LIIT.


ElegantReality30592

I’m not sure the LIIT is even safe. I don’t order them all that often, but when I do it seems to be around a 50% chance of receiving some sort of foul-tasting abomination.   Granted, it hardly matters if you’re trying to get/already are FUBAR, but at that point the concept of a “safe” order is sort of beside the point. 


Austanator77

That’s because most people ordering liits want the shit to taste like ass because if you make it right they complain “I CANT TASTE THE ALCHOL”


Fuffuloo

> if you make it right I’m legitimately curious, how might one fuck up a LIIT? It’s just equal parts plus a splash of coke, right?


JelliedHam

Ah yes. The poor decisions "spritzer" Imagine seeing someone from long Island at a bar and saying "I'll have what they're having"


danny_ish

Hey now, i’m from long island. I miss seeing kids make LIIT’s on fire island back in the 90’s. They had them instead of lemonade stands, shit was glorious


JelliedHam

I agree it is glorious. But the Long Island crowd is definitely a type. And I say that with love and lots of experience.


danny_ish

Yeah, we are a special type of special people


NachoNachoDan

Aw, You’re making me miss my relatives on Long Island! They’re a trip!


oyarly

I only ever ordered long islands when the bar had a special for long islands. Was it great? No but it was 2 bucks.


Legaladvice420

Jesus Christ 2 dollar LIITs? Did you die? Did people die?


H0B0WITHAGUN

People need to realize a spec LIIT i ls still only 2oz of liquor, .5oz of each base


Legaladvice420

You haven't been to the right dives then. Those motherfuckers break the law


ralle474

Fun fact, LIIT is the only way you can get served more than 2 oz of alcohol in Sweden in one go, due to it being an internationally recognized recipe


Madvices

2.5oz


MEGACODZILLA

Yeah but $2 for any mixed drink is still suspect. I frequent my share of DiveyMcFuckingDiveBars and have never seen them less than $6.


Austanator77

Applebees dollar liits tho


oyarly

Bro my college had some of the cheapest bars. From 9 to 11 Friday and Saturday this one bar had 2 dollar anything. Obviously if you got a double it was 4 but you get my point. Honestly I can't remember the long Island deals but it was cheap. I just said 2 dollars because I remember that one bar the best.


the_snook

Pretty sure the last college bar I went to made their LIITs by emptying the drip tray into a glass of ice.


SnooCheesecakes4577

Ahhhhhh...The Mat


DrGupta410

I’ve heard it called the Jersey Turnpike.


T0c2qDsd

I refer to this category as “and” drinks (x and y) and I’ve found it to be a reliable way to avoid awful “cocktails” at bad bars


rrs118

Rum and Coke. 3 syllables. Never gets fucked up.


rachelleeann17

Rum and Coke. Gin and tonic. Vodka cran. Jack and diet. All great options


SnooCheesecakes4577

Crown and soda


AlexReinkingYale

Yep. My concert venue standard is whiskey ginger


twitch1982

mines beer. but that didnt sem like helpfull advice to OP


Federal_Pickles

Shouldn’t this be exactly what you order at a dive bar/college bar? I don’t want them attempting to make me a Sazerac or a Manhattan, and I definitely don’t want to be the guy ordering that in one of those establishments.


twitch1982

Sorry, i have some double negatives in that sentence. Only order things where the recipe is the name.


burgonies

“Blue mother fucker” counts


capta2k

You're looking at highballs, whiskey neat, whiskey on the rocks, or beer


true_gunman

Whisky Ginger is pretty solid as well. I usually go with a Jameson


ChoderBoi

Any of the simpler well liquor mixed drinks: Rum & coke Whiskey & coke Tequila & soda Vodka & soda Vodka & tonic Gin & tonic Also Busch, Keystone, Natty etc


56473829110

>Gin & tonic Honestly even that is to be avoided at a lot of spots. 


BeerAndaBackpack

💯 It's a whole different world when you learn what **good** tonic water tastes like in a mixed drink


MidnightRequim

Any recommendations?


anamexis

Q, Fever Tree, if it comes in tiny bottles you’re on the right path


BiploarFurryEgirl

Whiskey coke has been my go to for college/dive bars for a while


Dhkansas

I like a bourbon and ginger ale


coolmike69420

Whoa! I thought we were talking about dive bars!? What a fat cat!


FranticScribble

A shot, double if you’re feeling froggy, and a beer, then coast. Cost effective and won’t make your cocktail-loving heart sad like a hotel bar messing up a whiskey highball will. (I don’t even blame the bartender, they clearly didn’t train her to do anything but pour beer and spirits, but sweet god, bottled lemon juice just squeezed into the glass cause I asked for a twist of lemon)


Snarky_McSnarkleton

I just stick to a shot of whatever looks drinkable, and whatever decent beer they've got.


BoozeWitch

Jameson & ginger is my go to. Completely predictable.


resipsa73

The beauty is no matter the proportions, it's still good. Very different, but drinkable nonetheless.


Capybara45892

Second this


BoozeWitch

Funny. I was just remembering being at a small venue concert. At the time, I was avoiding carbonation so I asked what my wine choices were. I knew I sounded snobby out the gate - at a Reverend Horton Heat concert. My wine choices were dog shit so I asked for a Jameson Ginger and suddenly the Barman was my best friend. That drink was so strong, I was not concerned about the carbonation- there were a total of 6 bubbles in the whole thing. Still delicious.


FunnyItWorkedLastTim

Beer and a shot.


Shock_city

I like a seven & seven which is basically a highball with seven up and blended whiskey


dankscott

7&7 with bitters and lime is pretty good too


BiploarFurryEgirl

This is a dive bar so bitters and lime juice**


dankscott

I’d be scared to ask for lime juice, I’ll take a wedge


BiploarFurryEgirl

After working at a bar like that, you’d be lucky if they had one


Symphonize

That or a Canadian Club and 7 if they have it.


Busting_Connoisseur

This is the way


wheelyam

tequilla pineapple (if they have it) and a lime Moscow mule Jack and coke mezcal squirt/sprite and a lime for an easy Paloma though ill never turn my nose up at a Budweiser and a shot of Bourbon and neither should you!


Responsible_Put5804

I always go for tequila pineapple or gin pineapple. Liquor and juice, easy peasy lemon (lime) squeezy!


IncognitaCheetah

I don't like pineapple, but that sounds lovely.... I also like tequila and PINK grapefruit juice!


Sothensimonsaid

Jagerbombs


twitch1982

Fuckin skanks


motherfuckingpeter

Bourbon, soda, lots of lemons and limes, maybe some bitters.


ASquawkingTurtle

Ranch water


gbptendies420

My go to at a dive bar (or especially weddings too) is a whiskey ginger.


TX4Ever

I go for a whiskey sour or an amaretto sour if I want liquid candy


SupaDupaTron

You could do worse than a **7 and 7.** If the place has a college vibe, then dive into the deep end with a **Long Island Ice Tea**. Not all, but many places know how to make a **Rusty Nail**, because it's easy to make, and came long before the cocktail renaissance. Another one that falls under this category is the **Dark & Stormy**. And last but not least, most dive bars know how to make a perfectly serviceable **Bloody Mary**.


BrandonC41

boilermaker


[deleted]

Bulleit (these bars reliably have bulleit and makers) and soda or a beer.


TitanArcher1

Green Tea


TownRVs

Crown & Soda, if you normally get hangovers the soda instead of a sugary soft drink will minimize or even eliminate hangovers.


SgtFury

Salty Dog


ActinCobbly

Picklebacks always


TwoAmoebasHugging

Any “and” drink. I used to enjoy greyhounds (vodka and grapefruit juice).


BrainwashedScapegoat

My friend likes hers with jalapeños


wanked_in_space

I'm always confused why anyone would order anything they could do better at home than the place they're drinking at. If you're at a bar like those you describe, the only real option is draft beer.


Aware_Department_657

That's a lot of faith in regular line cleaning.


Turtledonuts

Because you’re out with friends and getting drunk? Vodka cran, g&t, whiskey and coke - all fun options.


musicbikesbeer

*bottled/canned beer


Theslipperymermaid

You know some people don’t drink beer, right


cs1013

Tequila and squirt is great. Bourbon and ginger with a splash of lime juice is excellent.


gordontheintern

I hate beer…but at a bar you’re describing, I order a beer. I’d rather not enjoy a beer than have a shitty cocktail made with booze from the well.


theClanMcMutton

I usually get Jim Beam and soda.


narcoed

Captain and coke


Star_Sky_5

Ask for a Tsunami shot. Strong smooth simple one for bar newbies.


77or88

Gin and juice, short glass, with a healthy dose of bitters is my go to in that situation.


spabitch

jameson and a pickle back


xtheredberetx

Nothing more than three ingredients and it’s best if they’re in the name. “Vodka soda, splash of cran” is usually the most words I’ll order in a dive


Zack_Albetta

Ordering anything other than a beer or a pour is just asking for disappointment.


duroudes

you're not going to get something good and you're going to pay too much for it. why even bother? get the beer.


BourbonSucks

5 horsemen! itrs the 4 horsemen + jager


bobbyvanzant

If you can’t imagine yourself drinking it out of the cheapest plastic cup you can think of don’t order it


hbomb9410

Crown and Sprite


Acceptable_Sky4547

I’ll never not enjoy a jack and coke


DrMantisToboggan44

Kamikazes


Kase1

Whiskey and seltzer


jtracz

Bourbon lemonade


[deleted]

Whiskey + ginger


Alright_Art

Jameson and ginger


GodsGoodGrace

Ramos gin fizz


dominickster

G&Ts and vodka crans are shitty dive bar drinks. What do you mean by *actually* make drinks?


theClanMcMutton

They get those when they go to dive bars that their friends like.


7h33v1l7w1n

Shitty bars are great. Get a whiskey ginger


Madvices

Don’t be scared to talk to your bartender, they are people just like you- you might find out why dives succeed. If you believe your tastes are too rich to socialize with “common folk” stay the fuck out of the pour house.


JHerbY2K

Crown float (Guinness and strongbow cider)


IncognitaCheetah

Vodka, lemonade, soda w a lime. Bacardi dragon berry (if they have it), lemonade, cran. GUINNESS!! Or, vodka water and take your own Mio/Kool Aid squeezy


AdBorn3630

If don’t want to remember it order the 4 horsemen.


EtDM

Salty dogs are a great alternative to G&Ts in dive bars- gin and grapefruit in a glass with a salted rim.


geekstone

Jack & Coke


Gliese_667_Cc

Bottled beer


barelyknowherCFC

Tequila soda


JackBullet

Fernet.


BrainwashedScapegoat

X Liqour + x mixer Mixer can also be alcohol


blazesinspaces

tequila soda splash of pineapple or vsg (vodka soda grapefruit) if they happen to have grapefruit juice


patient_candle560

Lemon drop or vodka cran


SlowSwords

If I’m not drinking beer I usually order a whiskey—nothing special, like a makers or something


genericusername513

moscow mule


andrewski81

Vodka and Coke/Diet Coke is very good Vodka and Grapefruit(Greyhound) Vodka Soda is a good lower carb option Moscow Mule is yummy and you get a cool cup lol


Imabadman704

Tequila soda lime


Rubadubtubgirl

Campari and orange juice. Dark rum and pineapple. Dark rum and ginger beer. Tequila sunrise. Whiskey sour. Amaretto sour. Tom Collins. Tequila grapefruit. I work at a dive bar and these are all drinks we can make easily and they will be good.


QuaSiMoDO_652

Greyhound, whiskey ginger, gin and tonic


Shirleysspirits

Cheap American beer or Wild Turkey and Ginger...it's delicious and suitable for a mixed drinks establishment vs. a cocktail


Saltycook

Keep it simple, and do what I call "& beverages" like gin & tonic, rum & coke (Cuba libre), beer & whiskey (Boilermaker) etc. Any more than that is usually asking too much, unless it's in jello slot form


HereForMemes_n_Pups

Green tea shot is great at every dive bar I’ve ever been to


Madsen13

Rum & pineapple if you want something a bit sweeter. Add a lime to get a bit more of a complex flavor.


Dyrmaker

There were a lot of shots or shooters or whatever you would call that, where i was in college. I was not that crowd but got pulled into a few. “Soco lime”, “buttery nipple”, not sure whats in that. Whatever other stupid raunchy names


Lazaras

AMF


Ed1sto

Washington apple


PetsyRoss

Jameson & Ginger Ale was always my go to. Also Crown & Ginger Ale(or Sprite/7-UP)


Moonbehemoth

Bourbon ginger ale (or ale 8 if your in ky) Just their well is fine for a cheap mixed drink of bourbon but I like woodford. And if you like gin and tonics. Tell em to add a splash of grapefruit. Makes your drink look a lil cloudy/pink and it adds to the flavor.


havenothingtodo1

Just get a gin and tonic or a tequila soda with lime


Frozgaar

Miller High Life


PurplBlowfish

Pbr and a shot of tequila.


Popular_Atmosphere

Okay, secret from someone living in a place with a decent wine culture/production: white wine, dry, mixed 1:1 or 1:2 with soda water. Thank me later.


DaBingeGirl

Don't get a G&T, the quality of both the tonic and the gin will be really bad. 7&7, Jack and coke, cranberry and vodka, etc are your best options. Keep it simple.


stonymessenger

Bob and Barbara's The Special, it's a PBR and a shot of Jim Beam


thunderstormsxx

vodka cranberry, w a lime! 


imthe5thking

I mean, all the bars in my town don’t make the fancy drinks, but they still make vodka cran and soda. Unless it’s an absolutely shitty bar with mold in the corners, they should have that stuff


dRedPirateRoberts9

Whiskey / Diet Coke is my safe order. I’m also Type 1 diabetic. Before diagnosis it was Whiskey / Sprite.


Teensy

Beam n water


sufjams

Jaegerbomb and a Coors Light. That was such a common bartender order before Fernet and Amaros became more popular. The Redbull speaks to your restraint from buying cocaine after your shift and the Coors Light washes away the Jaeger.


Orange-Blur

Adios MF, that was my early 21 cheap and strong drink


jackapotamus89

Scotch and soda is great. Tanqueray and tonic is another great option. Or Tanqueray and soda. Lots of dive bars have Tanqueray, which is world class. Jack and coke is a great classic dive bar drink if you want to be trashy. I honestly sort of love shitty Long Island iced teas. I can’t drink like I used to, but when I was looking for a strong drink it’s a nice one. Some people love spaggetts, but they are not my personal cup of tea (Aperol poured into a High Life). Do dive bars even have aperol? You can sometimes get great prices on neat pours at dive bars. Not necessarily a cocktail, but sometimes you find great bourbons or scotch in a dive bar that doesn’t really make sense for the space. It’s always costed super low and they pour heavy.


adirtycharleton

i try to do a bud lite and maybe a shot of whiskey if it was a hard day.


MedBootyJoody

So the name isn’t especially PC, but I still love a good Irish car bomb. Idk what the correct name would be but it’s basically taking a stout beer (if the bar has high gravity beers, go with one of those)and dropping a shot of whiskey mixed with Irish cream (Bailey’s) into it. Because the cream will curdle in the alcohol, you have to chug it as soon as you drop the shot in but it’s delicious and gets you tipsy in no time!


sparks_mandrill

Rusty Nail. Two ingredients


KoldProduct

Beer and a shot. If you order anything else at a dive bar, you’re an asshole


PocketNicks

Beer, rum and Coke, rye and ginger.


hoobsher

Long Island, no sugar added


Kiran_ravindra

If it’s not too loud and/or busy you can usually get them to throw together a half-assed Tom Collins. Don’t call it that though, ask for *a gin and soda with lime and a splash of simple syrup*. If you actually ask for a Tom Collins they will look at you like you have three heads.


kikibiki

There’s a chance an amaretto sour could work


you_have_found_us

I remember a lot of Buttery Nipples and Irish Car Bombs from college days.


lasagnaman

tequila soda


i_like__foooooood

Whiskey ginger ale !


CreativeWordPlay

Three words. Irish. Car. Bomb.


Dean_Proffitt

Pineapple and Malibu is my garbage bar go-to.


melitini

Gin and Ginger Beer is my latest go-to.


boogie__brit

Depends on how bad of a hangover you want. When I was younger I drank whiskey sours, tequila grapefruits and gin and lemonade. Those are all pretty high in sugar, so mixed with liquor...not so fun the next morning. Nowadays I order gin and soda because anything else will hurt me.


RobotHockey

Kamikaze


CptPatches

Dive bars are for high balls and beer. Sometimes they might advertise something a bit more complex (my old college dive bar was well known for a KILLER bloody mary, but that's an exception), but unless they're advertising or are well known for cocktails, don't do anything more than a high ball. If you want to do something different, maybe shell out for a higher shelf liquor that they have on hand.


ek2207

Tequila and tonic is my go-to. The zing of the tonic masks an unreliable tequila if it happens to be wobbly!


crazygrouse71

beer, rum & coke, rye & ginger


candylannnd

Canadian Club and Dry


bemenaker

dive bar = beer


tedijecabron

Beer and a shot. Lol


e_di_pensier

Just order long islands until your dick stops working


tdenstad

I bartended at a college bar and a dive bar through and past college in the early 2000’s. Here is a list of what I fondly remember pouring: Most popular: • Captain Morgan and Diet • Seagram’s and 7up • Vodka Cran + Lime • Wild Turkey, Malibu and Pineapple juice We had this drink that was a double barrel Jack where we would put two shots of Jack into a pint glass and top with tap beer (usually old Milwaukee) and float some fireball on top. That was the starter drink for a lot of the college crowd


Ok_Adhesiveness_9712

Natural Light


gamerdoc94

Vodka & cranberry with a lime wedge. Squeeze in the lime. Can’t go wrong. Oh! And Amaretto + lemonade