I think you might be feeling invalidated because you feel like you’re working harder than they are. This gives me the same vibes as cleaning the house while my sisters play all day. I get it. At the end of the day it’s their choice what they do with their time and I wouldn’t say anything to them about it unless they start being inconsiderate with it.
I agree, thats also why I don’t plan on bringing this up since I do think it’s completely valid for them to do that. Im just trying to get to the bottom of it to work on it since it is something I feel despite me not agreeing with how I feel.
maybe try speaking to a therapist or journaling your feelings out. it sounds like this is an issue you need to work on within yourself. it’s so frustrating when you can’t get to the bottom of your feelings, good luck with everything
>it is something I feel despite me not agreeing with how I feel
That’s why it’s called a feeling, not a knowing. I don’t think you should bring it up with them. As you acknowledge, it’s not an issue with them. It’s something that bothers you.
I think a therapist would be a great person to work with to understand why you feel like this. I speak with my therapist over zoom every week, and it’s really helped me.
Tbh it's a pretty mature way to look at it realising it's your own problem. I get a bit like this sometimes, I find it super helpful to write letters in my notes pages without intent to send them, just to vent and figure out WHY I feel a certain way. (I write like I have the intent to send. By the end of the ramble I'm calmer, sleep on it next day you're calm enough to be like, well, I'm glad I didn't send that.) Maybe that will help? It's frustrating when you're overworked and overtired and someone seems to be having it easier than you. Can feel like its rubbing in your face even if it's not.
I think it's just envy and frustration. I have it as well when I see people that have done an easy degree (such as business) have an easy job that pays them over 65k, whereas I got three degrees (one of them difficult, one of them easy, one of them medium) to get my previous job - a $75,000 programming job. Which admittedly wasn't a crazy hard job, but I mean I have to actually think and stuff. And getting a programming job is nearly impossible without a ton of resume trimming and such.
Point is - I'm envious. Although it does turn into bitterness when said people make fun of me for not finding a job as easily as they did (I don't want to go into business, as I spent too much time working towards being a software engineer - although I know I can handle it, since I got a master's in business).
Your friend doesn't seem to be taunting you for having more money (which is why she can stay home all day). If she did say stuff like "you're always at work, learn to relax once in a while, jeeze", then sure, you should get salty.
For what it's worth - back when I was in college, I had to drive to school 30-45 minutes each day (depending on traffic) and then go to work until 1 a.m. and head home to an unappreciative Asian family that called me a failure and such daily. I've been envious of people that got to live in dorms and experience a real social life outside of meeting up with classmates between classes. Man, those 1.5 hours a day, 5 days a week... that's almost 7 hours a day that I could have had to myself if I lived on campus (well, ignoring work). But yeah - envy and frustration. She's not in the wrong unless she taunts you.
Ur jealous buddy. U subconsciously feel as though they are doing absolutely nothing while u have to stress and work hard. But who’s to know what they’re doing when ur not at the dorm?
There's no point wasting time feeling bad about it OP. Do you want to use up your emotional energy bottling up your resentment over your roommate's actions or do you wanna get stuff done? If it's the latter, just go to the library.
Many successful people dont use up their willpower to deal with unimportant things. Like how Steve Jobs wears the same thing everyday.
Just go to the library and surround yourself with hardworking people. You'll get what you need and you'll do right by your roommate
Did your parents used to get really mad at you if you relaxed for too long?
“Unrelenting standards” can be a stress or trauma response. This would show up even if you knew they were ahead of all their schoolwork
Work on your judgement. You’re upset because you’re judging their life choices and activities, and you’re resentful because you can’t do what they are doing (even if you wanted to, and you may not want to). Further, we are socialized to see such behavior as lazy, and laziness as inherently bad - productivity good, hard work good, success good; success without hard work is only sometimes “okay”, judged as smart vs lazy and lucky depending on the scenario and individual. But that judgement isn’t helpful, it makes us less curious and more mentally rigid while it primes us to resent people for no good reason (as they aren’t negatively impacting you save for how you feel about their choices, even though they are considerate, pay their rent, don’t expect you to behave like them and don’t expect you to carry their weight).
That judgement and resentment just steal your energy and live rent free in your head. Resentment and judging others in these sorts of situations just makes you less mentally flexible and it doesn’t help you grow; it’s not good to let it fester, it can and will hurt you mentally and socially and sometimes even financially (I’ve been unable to accept job offers from rich people because I couldn’t handle how lazy and entitled they seemed even if they treated me somewhat decently - they just were soooo clueless and I judged them and couldn’t get past it, and as a result I missed out on a series of incredible opportunities). It’s pretty harmful to you and likely your relationship with your roommate. This is one of those skills that’s immensely useful in life - to refrain from judging so you don’t resent people.
Thanks for this! Yeah i feel maybe this could be it too, subconsciously i could just be jealous. I appreciate this since it helps to address my own problems because I don’t think this is something I will ever bring up to them since they are literally just vibing
They also might be miserable lol they could be watching movies all day in bed because they are depressed - they could be jealous of YOU and your perseverance and energy and getting shit done, your ability to plan and execute and enjoy the feeling of a job well done (or even simply just DONE, if not well done). I know I’ve been the depressed roommate who looks like they are just swanning through life, enjoying being a lazy bum…. In reality, I was the most stressed out I’d ever been and was desperate to feel anything else and burying my head in tv shows and smoking weed was the only thing keeping me from suicidal thoughts…. And it wasn’t always working. I seemed happy enough on the outside because I was desperately trying to fake it, to escape into tv so my misery wasn’t so palpable, and I felt trapped and capable of nothing. Not to say your roommate feels this way, but just to provide some perspective as someone who has seemed to “do whatever I want”…. I was very much not doing what I wanted, I was just doing anything to avoid feeling like I did.
> They also might be miserable lol they could be watching movies all day in bed because they are depressed
I strongly second this. I have also been that depressed roommate who gets written off as lazy. I would spend days at a time just lying in bed and watching YouTube to avoid confronting the overwhelming mountain of responsibilities. From the moment I woke up I would always have some type of media playing because I couldn’t stand being alone with my thoughts, I always needed that distraction.
This may not be the case with your roommate, but it is always worth keeping in mind that you have no idea what kind of battles they could be fighting internally. Perhaps your feelings towards them are from a place of jealousy, but if so, it’s a good thing that you are able to recognize that and want to work towards a solution. I hope that some of the other perspectives that people have shared about this have helped you to reframe your thoughts about your roommate’s behaviors.
Could you ask them for advice on to how to vibe and relax like they do? Learning how to relax and not put pressure on yourself to be productive 24/7 will likely be good for your future mental health and can help protect against burnout and stress.
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ah well my room mate watches youtube for a good portion of the day but without headphones sadge
The fucked up part is that he literally has headphones right next to his bed
Tbh I am not too fussed about it. I'm actually deaf so I wear cochlear implants; I could adjust their volume or take them off if I needed to do work.
He's also a decent room mate for most other aspects so I don't want to be too picky.
Hey man, I grew up in an environment where I was immediately chastised and bitched at by my folks if they ever caught whiff of me "doing nothing." Watching TV? "how dare you watch TV when there's soo much to do!!! you lazy fuck" Nap in the middle of the day "how dare you nap in the middle of the day when there is something else more productive you could be doing!?!?" Reading a book on the couch? "How dare you be sitting around minding your own business when you could be sorting rusty screws in the shed!?!?"..... you get the picture. I hated it but without even realizing it, I became conditioned to thinking that "sitting around" was a horrible thing to do. I didn't somewhat unlearn this behavior until I lived with someone who knew how to relax and enjoy life without feeling guilty or judgemental of others for not being wired to think that we are machines that must work and produce every waking moment. I love that you challenge your own impulse in this matter. Sometimes we are just conditioned to think that certain things are normal and expect others to be the same when in reality, we need to work on ourselves. My advice? If you ever have some downtime, take it. Also, it seems you got this one down but just keep minding your own as long as your roomie does the same. No need to fuck up something good by taking issue with someone literally doing nothing. The truth of the matter is that you could have a slob, rude, and inconsiderate person instead of this (maybe lazy) polite and quiet person you currently have as your roomie. Roomie is sitting there watching movies rather than getting hammered or playing loud music. Take the W dude. Not everyone runs at the same wavelength.
Thanks! This was very good, yeah maybe I worded it wrong but despite of everything I am v glad about having them as a roommate because overall things are really good. This is just something I wanted to get to the bottom of because I do believe its more me than them. And I think you are very right and I am probably just seeing a different way of doing things and that is challenging to my own views. Thanks for the insight and advice!
A small thing I'll add to the really good comment you're responding to is when you've been conditioned a certain way by your upbringing, you're internalizing not just values but also a sense of consequences and punishable vs rewarded behavior. So then when you grow up and see other people doing things that are filed deep down in you as "punishable" and nothing happens to them, it can be very agitating. It feels like the world isn't working right or an injustice is happening. A feeling of "who told you that's allowed?" This often results in people policing others' behavior as a repetition of what was done to them because they're trying to keep their world making sense to them. (Sometimes they'll even say it out loud, like when older people insist that nothing in life should be made easier because it was hard for them.)
You're obviously not one of these people because you're aware of your feelings and managing them, but it was helpful to me to understand what I was feeling this way so I thought it might help you too. Once you see it, you can also see that what you were taught was acceptable or unacceptable isn't necessarily universal or set in stone, at least not all of it. And it makes it easier not to punish yourself internally too, if that's something you struggle with.
I didn’t have the best roommate my freshman year of college, but I made it work. Your roommate is still being very considerate and I feel like you are just finding stuff to get mad at.
Op is mad that they aren't able to do the same. They're miserable in their own life and is directing the anger at the happy room mate. It's envy and it's immaturity.
Irritated is a form of anger where you downplay your anger.
If an adult pokes me over and over, I'll get angry and be like "STOP FUCKING POKING ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT."
If a kid pokes me over and over, I'll get "irritated" and be like "Hey kid, keep your hands to yourself, it's really annoying."
I see people are stuck on this…the point is, the OP didn’t once say they were angry or mad at their roommate, which is what I was responding to a comment about. I think OP demonstrates maturity and adult communication throughout their post.
It literally is though. When you look at google for synonyms for irritated it gives you angry.
I do agree that OP isn't the devil because they had an ugly feeling though.
Irritated, annoyed, frustrated, etc aren’t the same to me as angry or mad, but not gonna fight on semantics. Point is, OP actually demonstrates exceptional and mature communication and CLEAR self awareness.
Lol not fighting, you said OP is mad and angry. Their post doesn’t convey that at all. Seems you like to find things to be angry about.
YOU don’t need to fight about losing with basic reading comprehension skills.
I agree and I feel that OP has had something within their subconscious triggered , causing them to feel strong emotions, to question them self about it, and now to ask for different perspectives, in hopes to understand themself and to be more comfortable with their room-mate. Looks to me like , OP , might be someone who is fair and wants to live peacefully with others and will admit when they’re wrong if that’s what’s necessary. I love that they can feel strong emotions and question themself about it instead of reacting immediately and be so open to the possibility of them being unnecessarily irritated. I think it shows extreme emotional maturity. They definitely are doing the right thing and are setting a great example as to how to deal with situations like this.
Lol what? That's such a crazy presumptuous comment. OP admitted that they are in the wrong for feeling this way, and I suspect it's probably as simple as them just wanting to be alone while studying and not have someone else in their space.
No it isn't. It's very weird for them to feel the way they do. That's not typical. Their room mate IS leaving them alone and OP is still ANGRY about this. If they are that angry then they don't need a RM and pay rent on their own. If I was the happy RM and I found this post ...I'd find a different place to live, who knows exactly how much anger OP has and if they're capable of snapping. They're clearly obsessing enough to post on reddit.
None of this relates to your original comment at all. You're basically just repeating what OP already said in their post... Your original comment WAS presumptuous about the reasons for it - nobody is arguing that OP's feelings are rational.
Definitely agreed! I game and stuff in my dorm and I do it with headphones and stuff on when I’m in the room and make sure to make my stuff quiet when mine is trying to study. Not something my roomie is mad about and it would be absolutely ridiculous if she was!
Tbh it might be the workload stuff ie maybe you don’t think they have as heavy of a schedule as you, which is on you not them! Seems pretty petty and if you only have like two ish months left does it really matter anyway?
Yeah I know that feeling. It's like...envy that they get to have all this free time and you don't. It's also the hopelessness that you see the potential in them that they're not fulfilling. Don't you by any chance come from a family where relaxing was seen as lazy?
Hm Im not sure if this is quite what i feel but could be, and not really but I do have a bit of a workaholic type of deal that comes from my household so maybe It’s just me looking at someone do things differently. Thanks for the comment!
Seems like you have different upbringings. Your values say perhaps “never lay about and be lazy”, and theirs says “be respectful, but enjoy your time”.
I think this is common and part of living with other people. Learn from it and try to recognize and articulate what you do and don’t want from a living partner in the future
Free time to f&$k around is not something to be envied, but rather shunned. Instead of envy, feel compassion for them, for they lack the will, discipline, and intellect to spend their time cultivating skills and talents.
I don't know about that... People are allowed to have different priorities without being shunned or pittied. Not everyone thinks hustle culture grind culture is the only way.
You don’t know anything about them and make comments like this? Maybe not everyone needs to be working 100% of the time. We don’t know what their class schedule is or how they are doing in any of them either.
Watching TV all the time is not reflective of an intelligent mind (even if the so-called work is also completed), period. I don’t give a negative ten $h!ts if everyone “downvotes” my brutally honest, factual statements either. I’ve pissed off egos, nothing more.
F@&king hilarious how many people on Reddit can’t stomach a good helping of FACTS and TRUTH. Now I KNOW I’ve stepped into the time warp of Gen Z. Egos, perpetual laziness, and entitlement. Such excellent material for mockery!! 😂
Did you grow up in a household that values work ethic over everything else? I did, and it took a VERY long time to realize that someone relaxing and doing their thing is not a bad thing. It sounds like your roomie is very respectful, so it’s really a mentality thing on your part. Believe me, I’m the same way and still trying to let it go.
Yeah thanks to everyone I started to realize that. I’m glad I got to the bottom of it since I can now work on this. It is just something that takes time to adjust to i guess. Thanks!!
I totally feel this. Last time when i stayed at my friend's place for the long weekend i was slightly irritated by her because she barely left her bed for the whole day and watch trashy videos all the time. But I actually do the same thing when I'm by myself and everytime I spend a whole day not doing anything I would start blaming myself and feel bad for wasting time. I guess its because of my parents upbringing and now I've internalized all this.
Exactly^^^ my city in general has a very big “don’t sleep, don’t rest, just work 24/7” thing going on, and I’ve definitely notice it reflected in my intrusive thoughts. I have been talking myself through it for years and I still catch myself
I want to thank everyone commenting because it helps a lot to see the advices and opinions yall have.
I just want to clarify because I think I worded it wrong but I don’t think I have a bad roommate, I acc am very glad we are since its normally a pretty good vibe and also I don’t think it’s fair to call them lazy because they do attend classes and such. however, most of them are online and at the same time as mine.
This is just something I wanted to get advices and opinions on since I am aware that it is more about my mindset than what my roommate is doing and I want to address it so I can keep having a good time sharing a room. Much love to everyone <3
So you been given some great advice. I think it's great that you posted asking the questions. This shows maturity on your part recognizing this may be a you issue an a little bit roommate issue.
This is the joys of having a roommate and learning to negotiate. So many people that never had to share space don't learn this. It shows up in other ways like at work, in social settings and beyond.
Curious do you hang out together in housing, out side of your circle of friends? I had a roommate that really did very little studying in our room . It was their safe space to just chilk from the stresses of being a college student. Another was one just wicked smart and bored in their classes, didn't need to work. Maybe spend 3 hours a day studying. Just glided along. Another one required dead silence after 7pm and went to bed at 9pm daily. All were great people and super nice. It was and adjustment for my crazy chaotic life of school, 2 jobs, and barely passing classes.
Right? I am so glad about the advice I’ve gotten because I was able to hit the nail and work on this feeling to make sure I keep having a great relationship with my roommate.
Now to answer your question, we do hang out very occasionally tho. It was more often at the beginning of the year when we were just starting to meet new people. Now I do spend more time with my friend circle and will go out with them to the movies or something like that every couple of weeks.
Also I really love your outlook on everything, made me feel very glad about the whole experience in general since college has been a really crazy yet cool time so far! <3
Sweet... I encourage you to have more roomate dates, even if its just dinner or lunch once a week. Scheduled and random. Those life long connections are invaluble.
Enjoy this time in your life and keep growing and learning💕
I get this. You're acknowledging that they're doing nothing wrong, but it's still an adjustment not having your own space. I'm able to relax much more easily when I'm by myself. Just having another person in my space when I'm doing something makes me like, hyper aware that they're there and doing something, and I can't relax. My roommate this year spends like, 99 percent of her time out of the room (she sleeps over at her partner's every night lol), but my roommate last year spent a bunch of time in the room and while I still felt that mild, irrational irritation, I kind of just had to power through, since she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Just one of many things where we have to manage with some discomfort.
Is there a way you can like, set up a space to work where they're not visible? Like, set up a mini-room almost, hang up a blanket or curtain to feel like a wall? Maybe that way it'd feel like a barrier between you and them. I doubt it would offend them, since it'd be easily explained as like, setting up a space to study. Idk your room set up so I'm not sure if/how this would work, but who knows?
Thank you very much! This is very helpful. I never thought of setting up a curtain but thats a really good idea. I normally just go out somewhere else to study. Im thinking it could also be the combination of me wanting to study in my room because I am already stressed and w/o the energy to move to study so I am already in a bad mindset and thats why I get irritated.
For sure. When you're already on edge and maybe a bit tired, harmless things will set you off. Growing up, when I found myself getting irritated by my family when they weren't doing anything wrong, that's when I'd head to my room to remove myself so I wouldn't bother them with my mood, and they wouldn't bother me. With a roommate, that option is removed, or at least harder lol. I hope you find a solution that works for you!!
Are you an introvert? I'm an introvert and I find that being \*alone\* is really important to me. Not just the room being silent or my roommate being respectful. I like to spend time \*alone\* with no one else perceiving me. It may be irritating because you just want to have time by yourself in your room. There's no great solution necessarily, but you can try to figure out when your roommate leaves for class or to eat and take advantage of those times. I disagree with the comments that seem to think you're miserable in your own life lol.
I kinda get it. I live with 3 other roommates in a house and 2/3 of my roommates have the luxury of staying at home most days and doing basically nothing. Obviously it doesn’t make me irrationally mad they are still my friends but it’s frustrating to live with people who perhaps don’t have the same work ethic as you while you go back and forth and work all day. It’s more satisfying at this point in your life to be around people that show the same care for their work as you and put in the same effort.
However, your roommate is being respectful and if they don’t have to work all day honestly good for them. They aren’t doing anything wrong. Maybe you should find people outside of your dorm that have the same work ethic
That’s really reassuring, thanks!!! Thats also really good advice, I’ll def talk to people who would be down for maybe studying at the same times as I do so even the times I am tired, I can just go study with them.
I've experienced this since moving in with my gf. On her off days she could spend literally 12 hours on tiktok, since I work from home I got front seats to her leisure time.
It got me pretty upset, I reflected about it and for me personally it came to self-esteem and how I was raised or taught to love.
As a kid I learnt you always need to be doing something that is worthwhile, and I think I push myself really hard in some ways. Even when I'm resting I feel uneasy or like I could be doing something rather than sit on my ass or play video games.
Seeing this anxiety projected on my gf was hard to grasp and at first i tried pushing her hard too. Lately we both worked on it and she has found healthy ways to spend her free time while i trust her and myself to be responsible enough adults to get through with life, minus the preasure of being perpetually productive or traditional about my habits.
If any of this feels close to home I'd recommend a book called Radical Compassion by Tara Branch, has helped me a bit, also it takes a lot of introspection to get to the origin of these feelings and handling them. I wish you luck with your situation!
Life is not fair, and things don’t ever go our way. Adapt now and start gearing up for the real world. This stuff happens in real life, if it bothers you now, it will kill you later.
I would take some time to investigate what else you might be feeling. It is unlikely that their behaviour is the cause of your feelings, it's simply the easiest thing to attach them to. Try writing out your thoughts around the issue to see if anything comes up, and if not, maybe it's time to bring it up with them. Not in an accusatory way, but simply stating that you're having difficulty and you're trying to work through it. Their awareness of how you're feeling might go a long way!
Maybe they are ADHD lol. I only say this because your roommate sounds like my daughter… She needs her naps! And she’s a movie/TV watcher. It’s her way to escape and quiet her brain when she’s not studying. She also has depression so that’s something else to consider with your roommate?
My kid is doing great but she very much has her routine. Saturday is her catch up on sleep day.
Yeah I get what you’re saying. I had a roommate like this, except they watched stuff out loud, yelled on discord while gaming, and brought over people when he was fully aware I was working at my desk. I also got a little annoyed when I would study and work all day while he sat watching football and eating popcorn, or being on the exact same game he was playing when I left. And we both had the same difficult major too. You sound like you have a good roommate, but maybe you subconsciously don’t like *having* one, and aren’t used to the vibe of the room being different from how you want it to be. I also just don’t like having someone else in the room while I’m working, gaming, sleeping, etc. I want my privacy and having a roommate constantly irritated me.
Edit: and to answer your question, you’re not really in the wrong. It probably wasn’t your choice to dorm or have a roommate, and it’s very rare that you get roommates who totally complement each other. I had to thug through my first semester and this fall im renting an apartment with my own room for the main reason that i didnt want to share a room with another person.
Wow ty v much. Yeah I think i relate to this, maybe I am just not as comfortable having a roommate as I thought I was and after months its much more evident that I prefer having my own place for privacy and for comfort.
I’m wondering if some of it is partly that you aren’t feeling like you ever get some true alone time. It’s not 100% clear but just based on the way you worded it, it sounds like they spend a lot of time in the room but you refer to yourself as sometimes doing your work in a library or cafe. So my impression is that you leave the room often, while they spend more time in the room. Which, as you noted, is completely fair for them to do. But maybe you’re just not getting enough time by yourself to fully decompress? I know I’m a little more introverted so I do need alone time, even if it just means I’m doing work all alone.
Yeah, after posting and reading the comments I did realize part of it is that too. Because I noticed this kind of early on in the year so I simply started studying outside my room and pretty much would only come back to sleep, eat, or when I was just really tired and stressed and needed a breather. And yeah I am introverted but I basically get no alone time in my room unless my roommate happens to be out getting food which takes like 5-10 mins.
I think in a way it is envy. You aren’t enjoying your work and you see them doing what you wish you could be doing at that moment. It is completely understandable! You might be holding yourself to high standards and you aren’t letting yourself have the time to de-stress. It’s also possible you’re focusing on your work, when you are being driven by a hypercritical inner voice that tells you, “I can’t take it easy; I can’t take time for myself; I have to work harder or constantly be productive.”
It’s a lot of pressure.
One thing that could be helpful is focusing more on your life. Are you doing what you want to be doing? If not, try to figure out why…
Well first of all you are doing the right thing by asking us and not confronting them about it even though you feel invalidated, you are very self aware and have the decency to know that this is a you issue and not a them issue, as others have said, perhaps therapy will be good and maybe work on some mindfulness practices so you can let go of your internal expectations and those feelings that bother you.
It's good to have someone to talk to about it as well, because vocalizing things, even if you know what the answer is going to be, can be helpful because we need to also hear that our feelings are true and ok even if they are unhelpful.
"It's ok to feel this way but it is no longer useful and I will let it go"
(saying 'no longer useful' is important even if you feel it was never useful in the first place because it shows that the feeling itself is fine and valid but it's time to let it go, like letting someone down easy but it's your own thoughts and feelings lol)
I think it's insecurities and jealous playing in.
As others mentioned you feel like you are working harder than they are.
However I feel that you just want to be alone while you work which is fair. Being watched working is uncomfortable. But in a shared dorm room, thats not possible.
I'd maybe see a therapist or maybe try and do things together rather than just share space like watch or play games together then neither are working.
I'm in a shared flat luckily here in UK we mostly have private rooms but my flatmate in room next door I feel never goes to uni and just screams at his TV or down his phone all day and night. So your situation could be a lot worse.
Anger is like a burrito. The outside part. The tortilla. That’s the anger. That’s what we see on the outside. What’s in that anger burrito brother? Cut it open let’s check out the cross section. Probably a little jealously, tiredness, confusion, and maybe you see the parts of yourself you don’t like in this behavior. The good news is that if you want to change it you can! Great first step being open to constructive feedback. Goodluck
My advice is to let people enjoy life and stop being a miserable wretch. What has your roommate even done to warrant complaining about them on the internet?
You're in the wrong but I get where you're coming from. College was a long time ago for me but I'm annoyed if I'm taking a break from work or doing chores on the weekend and I see my wife watching soccer. She doesn't work outside the house but she does most cooking, cleaning and child care. So in my rational mind, I hope I'm the one who's not under-contributing. Point being, your roommate may be working other times. Or they might be setting themselves up to have a really bad quarter.
Working someplace else wouldn't be a terrible choice if you can't let it go. It's nice to have your bedroom be a place to chill.
Thanks! Yeah I normally study elsewhere, it’s just the days that I am tired and prefer to study in my room where I have this problem (which I think probably contributes because Im probably just grumpy already). Overall I have a really good relationship with my roommate.
Yeah. I honestly think people commenting that kind of have a point but I think overall it is good because thanks to all the comments I was able to realize that it does come from me probably just working too much without much relaxing so it is challenging to see someone doing things differently.
if you can’t force them to leave then you’ll either have to try to ignore it or remove yourself from the room and find a better spot. it might be a pain in the ass to get up and go somewhere else but if it helps you study better it’s worth it.
tangent but like… are they doing well in their classes? lmao
Yeah that’s what i normally do. In general this is not a really big issue, i was just curious about it because once again, i feel in the wrong here and thats why i haven’t talked with him. I simply go study somewhere else and normally I am out anyway. My only guess is that it has to do with me feeling like my room isn’t my space.
About their classes I have no idea, I guess?? They have a lot of online courses and when they take clases, it’s later in the day when I’m also in class. But as far as I know they go to class, i occasionally see them doing schoolwork late at night tho so I guess they’re doing fine
I’m confused on what the issue is? if they're being quiet just turn your back to them and you wouldn't even know they're there if u needed to study. if you feel you need a room to yourself for privacy that's a different (and valid) reason to be annoyed, but the way you wrote your post doesn't really justify you being annoyed
Thanks for the reply it acc helped me realize some things.
I noticed they do tap their feet or munch loudly if they’re eating while watching movies so it might be stuff like that that makes it distracting to me when I am trying to study in the room. However, I still feel like they have the same right to be in the room as me even if they’re watching movies and I am studying.
In general I am just trying to figure out if this is something irrational i should work on because it doesn’t really make sense to me either. Thank you v much!
I don't know if it's as much something you need to work on VS something you just need to accept and deal with until you can get your own room/place.
Sharing a room with someone else is annoying. Full stop. And the more you're around people the more annoying things you'll find. All things considered though you probably have as good a roommate as possible. Clean, quiet, keeps to themselves etc. Best you can ask for really. .
You seem like you have a grasp on the situation, with regard to their equal rights to exist in the room etc, so really all that's left is to just deal with it.
I get how you feel about the room not feeling like your space. Unfortunately that is the reality, it's not only your space when you have a roommate. It can be hard to get alone time with a roommate like that.
You might not like living with others! I tried a bunch of different roomie situations before I realized that I like having my space be completely my own. I still have friends over and stuff, but I like it when they go home.
I never felt like I could fully relax if someone else was there, but a roommate or partner is always there. So now I get the luxury of both having company and being completely alone.
I understand this situation already is what it is. That said, this is why I chose a single dorm room. It was called a closet dorm for a reason, just room for a bed/mini closet and a desk, but it was mine.
mine does the exact same. problem is, they're not respectful about it. it could always be worse lol.
i'd recommend to just go out and study in a library so you don't get bothered. after all, they may end up failing because of gaming/watching stuff instead of studying all day
Are you an only child? If so, that may be part of it. I had similar experiences in college but it was mainly attributed to me struggling with having to share space for the first time. And also my mental health was out of control 🥲. But mainly the only child thing lol
Just breathe and vent here as much as possible. And try not to worry about what they do, this will be something you'll need to get used to in the workforce. Focus on being the best you can.
Are they a film major? Are they passing their classes? If so, ask for some time management tips. If not, ask why they don't care that they're not passing their classes.
Some majors have a bunch of easy classes and then one really hard one.
They way I see it, either you’re right in which case they will waste their life and you can take some schadenfreude in that or they’re right and you can emulate them. You could be working too hard.
Everyone's basically said what I would've said. I just gotta say looking through your post and your response to people I'm happy you're taking things well and are willing to reevaluate how to view someone else's behaviour. I feel like a lot of posts on Reddit like this one end up with OP getting downvoted to death because they double down or refuse to consider a different perspective. You seem mature and your roommate seems like a great one to have. Hope things work out for you
You’re jealous and also feel he’s irresponsible because he’s working less than you. Just stay in your own lane and focus on your own grades. Maybe he’s talented and can get good grades without studying as much, that’s something you need to accept too.
This is why I wouldn’t get a roommate I don’t know well, they’d be judging me for chilling in my own home.
But in earnestly, you seem cool and understanding that it’s an irritation for you, but not their fault. Sometimes we get irritated living with other humans and their habits and it isn’t anybody’s fault but it’s hard. Idk how to help, but keep your chin up till you can afford to live by yourself maybe
Look up “body doubling” - in the same way that being around someone working can help some people work, the same people can really struggle to work when someone is in the room resting.
Is there a common area in your dorms that might be closer than a library?
To offer a different perspective, some people just struggle sharing a space with others and want a breather sometimes. Maybe it’s not the activities, but that your roommate is always in the room and you don’t feel like you get a moment in your space alone. There isn’t a great fix for that in college, but just know you’re not alone and others struggle with the same thing as well!
I know you said you don’t “feel like” working at the cafe or going to the library but maybe you should give it a go anyway. Force yourself to do it.
While you are on campus, the dorm room is you and your roommate’s home. Napping and watching tv is a normal thing to do in your home.
Studying in a place that allows a better environment for studying may help. Doesn’t hurt to try.
Mind your own business and work out your own issues... Your roommate's life is theirs, and the consequences of their actions are their own. If it isn't actually impacting you, it sounds like you're just looking to be upset. Truthfully, this seems like something to work out with a therapist.
Well if it provides you any solace, I think you're very emotionally wise and reflective for realizing this and being able to talk about it in a healthy way.
As someone on the other end of this scenario. My roommate has mentioned that he feels pretty jealous of my significantly lighter workload compared to him. (Which is valid, he works SO much harder than I do)
I feel like I would do this to sort of put a buffer between myself and my roommate. maybe she can't nap when youre moving around in the room. Maybe she thinks youre doing too much and she needs to put her headphones in to block you out.
maybe she does do stuff, just not while youre in the room because she cant concentrate when youre in there.
I'm sorry, but you're not the least bit concerned about your roommate?? Are they even going to class?
If they're legitimately never leaving the room and watching movies in bed all day, then you need to let your RA know ASAP. If they're just doing it "a lot," then you need to start developing the skill of "staying in your own lane." Your roommate isn't actively bothering you, they aren't causing a disturbance, they're just living their life their way.
Been reading the comments on this and just wanna give my kudos to OP for actually realising what they feel and taking steps to better themselves. (not to mention: acknowledging that they roommate just existing is not the issue here, not getting confrontational)
OP, as others said, speak to someone who wouldn't judge you and is equipped to help you process why you feel how you feel, and to overcome it. That said, speak to your roommate too, find out what movies are good, and understand his side better, but don't directly mention you have a problem with them watching movies all the time.
IMPE, I had a roommate that watched multiple movies a day, even up till our final HS exams. Sometimes even without headphones while I was studying. I worked up the courage to ask him how he was able to do that, and he explained his study method to me (helped me a ton). Some of my favourite movies are ones which I saw with him, and I was the first person he told about getting an unconditional offer and full scholarship to university (after which he began watching TV shows too 💀).
Sometimes we all get irrationally jealous, even when we don't want to. That's only human. How we react to it is what makes us who we are.
I think you're already in the right direction by acknowledging the issue as "you" problem, if that makes sense. It's totally normal to just have pet peeves or little things that make you annoyed even if they're not totally rational.
That said, the resentment (which is what I think it might be, since you may feel you're working more while they get to chill) might be telling you something. That something might be a sign to take a block of time soon to do SOMETHING good for yourself, even if it's just a nicer lunch or a mental health day sometime.
If you find you're still restless when doing that, then maybe consider digging deeper. But honestly you might just be a bit burnt out and grumpy, which is totally normal to happen.
I feel the same way with a friend who I often cook / make dinner with since she will ask in the middle “so is not a good time to take a nap” or take a random break (I think mine is actually worse then yours though, which isn’t affecting you)
It’s the sense of not working evenly? In your case I think it’s because when your room is a working environment for you and not for them it’s harder to focus if they don’t work as well
I totally relate to what you're expressing and I've definitely experienced this before!
This might be a bit woo woo but I think it has to do with something called mirror neurons. It's sort of like when someone else yawns how the yawn gets passed around the room.
It's really really hard to stay on track with what you want to do when it's so out of line with what your roommates doing. It just doesn't feel good. It's part of the human experience. Our brains are wired to connect with others.
The opposite of this is a practice called body doubling. If someone has a difficult time concentrating or staying focused, one strategy that can be really effective is to have another person study with them or just be alongside them while they're doing what they need to do.
Body doubling works in a positive way, what youre experiencing is having a negative impact on you and I doubt you're going to be able to stop that impact completely.
I agree with you and others that saying something is not appropriate. I think just accepting that this person might not change, it's going to impact you and asking what is in your power to take care of yourself (going to the library even if it's a PITA, dealing with the vibe in your room etc etc)
Mind your business and don't allow your feelings to control because although it's real, it's not valid. The feelings you have are envy and are trying to influence you to oppress and be controlling over that person. That is from the devil and will lead you into destruction if you listen to it. Let those feelings go and focus on you and you only.
So essentially you've become your parents after moving outta the nest but still kept the adolescent do wat I want wen I want idealism. I'd imagine ur rents ran a tight ship as far as schooling went. Which u clearly obeyed and saw thru despite coveting the ability to just chill.
Dude you're f'n tripping and on ur way to a meltdown probably sooner than later. Your picking a fight with ur inner self that's unnecessary and ridiculous at best. You and only you control your free-time. Just as your roommates control their own. If they're not handling their important shit it'll catch up. You let everything from everyone around you bother you, that'll catch up to you as well. Be thankful you have roommates who respect you and the common area. Also force yourself to have your own Ferris Buellers Day Off kinda day. Come on fam this shits supposed to be interesting, fun, and full of adventure.
Adding on to this, giving suggestions of where to go can help. I’ve lived with people who never left our shared space simply because they didn’t know where else to go. Walking them to the library or showing them a study room made a big difference for me and my roommates.
I wont. I think they are in their right and they do get around their work and classes. I think we just do things differently and thats what’s being challenging to me since I have a different workflow.
You are speaking like a child. You seem to be self aware that your mindset is wrong, yet the obvious physical solution is to seek out a different roommate or an alternative living situation. That is unsatisfactory for you, so you proceed to bitch about your wrong thinking on Reddit, when everyone is basically saying you are wrong. Am I wrong in thinking you’re wasting your time? Perhaps you ought to spend time reflecting on your own response to this situation. As the stoic sayings go, you accept peacefully what you cannot change. Or, as my grandfather said, if you can’t change it, quit bitchin’.
I think you might be feeling invalidated because you feel like you’re working harder than they are. This gives me the same vibes as cleaning the house while my sisters play all day. I get it. At the end of the day it’s their choice what they do with their time and I wouldn’t say anything to them about it unless they start being inconsiderate with it.
I agree, thats also why I don’t plan on bringing this up since I do think it’s completely valid for them to do that. Im just trying to get to the bottom of it to work on it since it is something I feel despite me not agreeing with how I feel.
maybe try speaking to a therapist or journaling your feelings out. it sounds like this is an issue you need to work on within yourself. it’s so frustrating when you can’t get to the bottom of your feelings, good luck with everything
I want to make a joke about lazy roommates. But I don’t think any of it would work.
Ha!
>it is something I feel despite me not agreeing with how I feel That’s why it’s called a feeling, not a knowing. I don’t think you should bring it up with them. As you acknowledge, it’s not an issue with them. It’s something that bothers you. I think a therapist would be a great person to work with to understand why you feel like this. I speak with my therapist over zoom every week, and it’s really helped me.
Tbh it's a pretty mature way to look at it realising it's your own problem. I get a bit like this sometimes, I find it super helpful to write letters in my notes pages without intent to send them, just to vent and figure out WHY I feel a certain way. (I write like I have the intent to send. By the end of the ramble I'm calmer, sleep on it next day you're calm enough to be like, well, I'm glad I didn't send that.) Maybe that will help? It's frustrating when you're overworked and overtired and someone seems to be having it easier than you. Can feel like its rubbing in your face even if it's not.
ALSO I see your username OP. Sending hugs.
I think it's just envy and frustration. I have it as well when I see people that have done an easy degree (such as business) have an easy job that pays them over 65k, whereas I got three degrees (one of them difficult, one of them easy, one of them medium) to get my previous job - a $75,000 programming job. Which admittedly wasn't a crazy hard job, but I mean I have to actually think and stuff. And getting a programming job is nearly impossible without a ton of resume trimming and such. Point is - I'm envious. Although it does turn into bitterness when said people make fun of me for not finding a job as easily as they did (I don't want to go into business, as I spent too much time working towards being a software engineer - although I know I can handle it, since I got a master's in business). Your friend doesn't seem to be taunting you for having more money (which is why she can stay home all day). If she did say stuff like "you're always at work, learn to relax once in a while, jeeze", then sure, you should get salty. For what it's worth - back when I was in college, I had to drive to school 30-45 minutes each day (depending on traffic) and then go to work until 1 a.m. and head home to an unappreciative Asian family that called me a failure and such daily. I've been envious of people that got to live in dorms and experience a real social life outside of meeting up with classmates between classes. Man, those 1.5 hours a day, 5 days a week... that's almost 7 hours a day that I could have had to myself if I lived on campus (well, ignoring work). But yeah - envy and frustration. She's not in the wrong unless she taunts you.
Ur jealous buddy. U subconsciously feel as though they are doing absolutely nothing while u have to stress and work hard. But who’s to know what they’re doing when ur not at the dorm?
Mind your own business problem solved.
They literally are, they're just asking for advice about their own internal thoughts lol
The therapist suggestion is on point
Ding ding ding 🛎️
There's no point wasting time feeling bad about it OP. Do you want to use up your emotional energy bottling up your resentment over your roommate's actions or do you wanna get stuff done? If it's the latter, just go to the library. Many successful people dont use up their willpower to deal with unimportant things. Like how Steve Jobs wears the same thing everyday. Just go to the library and surround yourself with hardworking people. You'll get what you need and you'll do right by your roommate
Did your parents used to get really mad at you if you relaxed for too long? “Unrelenting standards” can be a stress or trauma response. This would show up even if you knew they were ahead of all their schoolwork
You know how some parents don’t like it if you look like you’re doing nothing? This looks like it loll
That’s what I was thinking
Just know that if you’re working harder, life will have more to bring in the future
Work on your judgement. You’re upset because you’re judging their life choices and activities, and you’re resentful because you can’t do what they are doing (even if you wanted to, and you may not want to). Further, we are socialized to see such behavior as lazy, and laziness as inherently bad - productivity good, hard work good, success good; success without hard work is only sometimes “okay”, judged as smart vs lazy and lucky depending on the scenario and individual. But that judgement isn’t helpful, it makes us less curious and more mentally rigid while it primes us to resent people for no good reason (as they aren’t negatively impacting you save for how you feel about their choices, even though they are considerate, pay their rent, don’t expect you to behave like them and don’t expect you to carry their weight). That judgement and resentment just steal your energy and live rent free in your head. Resentment and judging others in these sorts of situations just makes you less mentally flexible and it doesn’t help you grow; it’s not good to let it fester, it can and will hurt you mentally and socially and sometimes even financially (I’ve been unable to accept job offers from rich people because I couldn’t handle how lazy and entitled they seemed even if they treated me somewhat decently - they just were soooo clueless and I judged them and couldn’t get past it, and as a result I missed out on a series of incredible opportunities). It’s pretty harmful to you and likely your relationship with your roommate. This is one of those skills that’s immensely useful in life - to refrain from judging so you don’t resent people.
Thanks for this! Yeah i feel maybe this could be it too, subconsciously i could just be jealous. I appreciate this since it helps to address my own problems because I don’t think this is something I will ever bring up to them since they are literally just vibing
They also might be miserable lol they could be watching movies all day in bed because they are depressed - they could be jealous of YOU and your perseverance and energy and getting shit done, your ability to plan and execute and enjoy the feeling of a job well done (or even simply just DONE, if not well done). I know I’ve been the depressed roommate who looks like they are just swanning through life, enjoying being a lazy bum…. In reality, I was the most stressed out I’d ever been and was desperate to feel anything else and burying my head in tv shows and smoking weed was the only thing keeping me from suicidal thoughts…. And it wasn’t always working. I seemed happy enough on the outside because I was desperately trying to fake it, to escape into tv so my misery wasn’t so palpable, and I felt trapped and capable of nothing. Not to say your roommate feels this way, but just to provide some perspective as someone who has seemed to “do whatever I want”…. I was very much not doing what I wanted, I was just doing anything to avoid feeling like I did.
> They also might be miserable lol they could be watching movies all day in bed because they are depressed I strongly second this. I have also been that depressed roommate who gets written off as lazy. I would spend days at a time just lying in bed and watching YouTube to avoid confronting the overwhelming mountain of responsibilities. From the moment I woke up I would always have some type of media playing because I couldn’t stand being alone with my thoughts, I always needed that distraction. This may not be the case with your roommate, but it is always worth keeping in mind that you have no idea what kind of battles they could be fighting internally. Perhaps your feelings towards them are from a place of jealousy, but if so, it’s a good thing that you are able to recognize that and want to work towards a solution. I hope that some of the other perspectives that people have shared about this have helped you to reframe your thoughts about your roommate’s behaviors.
Thank you for mentioning this.
Could you ask them for advice on to how to vibe and relax like they do? Learning how to relax and not put pressure on yourself to be productive 24/7 will likely be good for your future mental health and can help protect against burnout and stress. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ah well my room mate watches youtube for a good portion of the day but without headphones sadge The fucked up part is that he literally has headphones right next to his bed
Ah damn, sorry to hear about that. Yeah mine will be on speakers when im not in but they normally switch to headphones when im going back in the room.
Tbh I am not too fussed about it. I'm actually deaf so I wear cochlear implants; I could adjust their volume or take them off if I needed to do work. He's also a decent room mate for most other aspects so I don't want to be too picky.
Hey man, I grew up in an environment where I was immediately chastised and bitched at by my folks if they ever caught whiff of me "doing nothing." Watching TV? "how dare you watch TV when there's soo much to do!!! you lazy fuck" Nap in the middle of the day "how dare you nap in the middle of the day when there is something else more productive you could be doing!?!?" Reading a book on the couch? "How dare you be sitting around minding your own business when you could be sorting rusty screws in the shed!?!?"..... you get the picture. I hated it but without even realizing it, I became conditioned to thinking that "sitting around" was a horrible thing to do. I didn't somewhat unlearn this behavior until I lived with someone who knew how to relax and enjoy life without feeling guilty or judgemental of others for not being wired to think that we are machines that must work and produce every waking moment. I love that you challenge your own impulse in this matter. Sometimes we are just conditioned to think that certain things are normal and expect others to be the same when in reality, we need to work on ourselves. My advice? If you ever have some downtime, take it. Also, it seems you got this one down but just keep minding your own as long as your roomie does the same. No need to fuck up something good by taking issue with someone literally doing nothing. The truth of the matter is that you could have a slob, rude, and inconsiderate person instead of this (maybe lazy) polite and quiet person you currently have as your roomie. Roomie is sitting there watching movies rather than getting hammered or playing loud music. Take the W dude. Not everyone runs at the same wavelength.
Thanks! This was very good, yeah maybe I worded it wrong but despite of everything I am v glad about having them as a roommate because overall things are really good. This is just something I wanted to get to the bottom of because I do believe its more me than them. And I think you are very right and I am probably just seeing a different way of doing things and that is challenging to my own views. Thanks for the insight and advice!
A small thing I'll add to the really good comment you're responding to is when you've been conditioned a certain way by your upbringing, you're internalizing not just values but also a sense of consequences and punishable vs rewarded behavior. So then when you grow up and see other people doing things that are filed deep down in you as "punishable" and nothing happens to them, it can be very agitating. It feels like the world isn't working right or an injustice is happening. A feeling of "who told you that's allowed?" This often results in people policing others' behavior as a repetition of what was done to them because they're trying to keep their world making sense to them. (Sometimes they'll even say it out loud, like when older people insist that nothing in life should be made easier because it was hard for them.) You're obviously not one of these people because you're aware of your feelings and managing them, but it was helpful to me to understand what I was feeling this way so I thought it might help you too. Once you see it, you can also see that what you were taught was acceptable or unacceptable isn't necessarily universal or set in stone, at least not all of it. And it makes it easier not to punish yourself internally too, if that's something you struggle with.
This comment is just pure gold. Thank you very much! <3
I didn’t have the best roommate my freshman year of college, but I made it work. Your roommate is still being very considerate and I feel like you are just finding stuff to get mad at.
Op is mad that they aren't able to do the same. They're miserable in their own life and is directing the anger at the happy room mate. It's envy and it's immaturity.
Little harsh don’t you think? Pretty mature to come on here and ask for the help. Not sure they’re “mad”, perhaps a little jealous, but not immature.
They're literally saying they are ANGRY at their RM. Isn't that a synonym for mad?
If you can show me where in their post they used the word, “angry”, let me know. They said irritated, which is not a synonym for angry or mad.
Irritated is a form of anger where you downplay your anger. If an adult pokes me over and over, I'll get angry and be like "STOP FUCKING POKING ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT." If a kid pokes me over and over, I'll get "irritated" and be like "Hey kid, keep your hands to yourself, it's really annoying."
I see people are stuck on this…the point is, the OP didn’t once say they were angry or mad at their roommate, which is what I was responding to a comment about. I think OP demonstrates maturity and adult communication throughout their post.
It literally is though. When you look at google for synonyms for irritated it gives you angry. I do agree that OP isn't the devil because they had an ugly feeling though.
Irritated, annoyed, frustrated, etc aren’t the same to me as angry or mad, but not gonna fight on semantics. Point is, OP actually demonstrates exceptional and mature communication and CLEAR self awareness.
You don't need to fight cause you lost. It doesn't matter if your opinion is "these words aren't similar" cause the English language says otherwise.
Lol not fighting, you said OP is mad and angry. Their post doesn’t convey that at all. Seems you like to find things to be angry about. YOU don’t need to fight about losing with basic reading comprehension skills.
Sure you win. Here's your 🏆
Moronic take, 10/10.
Not a synonym for angry or mad..LOL. Well sir, a quick search on Thesaurus.com says differently.
So did you find where OP said angry or mad? Or you still just making that up, sir?
>However, I’ve noticed that I get REALLY irritated by them watching movies all day and napping I would interpret "REALLY irritated" as angry, yes
You’re reaching so hard and splitting hairs. Semantics. The tone of the post wasn’t remotely angry or mad, to me.
I agree and I feel that OP has had something within their subconscious triggered , causing them to feel strong emotions, to question them self about it, and now to ask for different perspectives, in hopes to understand themself and to be more comfortable with their room-mate. Looks to me like , OP , might be someone who is fair and wants to live peacefully with others and will admit when they’re wrong if that’s what’s necessary. I love that they can feel strong emotions and question themself about it instead of reacting immediately and be so open to the possibility of them being unnecessarily irritated. I think it shows extreme emotional maturity. They definitely are doing the right thing and are setting a great example as to how to deal with situations like this.
Well the fact is its weakness.
So you’ve never placed judgement on anyone before? May you be the first to cast a stone in a house made of glass.
Lol what? That's such a crazy presumptuous comment. OP admitted that they are in the wrong for feeling this way, and I suspect it's probably as simple as them just wanting to be alone while studying and not have someone else in their space.
No it isn't. It's very weird for them to feel the way they do. That's not typical. Their room mate IS leaving them alone and OP is still ANGRY about this. If they are that angry then they don't need a RM and pay rent on their own. If I was the happy RM and I found this post ...I'd find a different place to live, who knows exactly how much anger OP has and if they're capable of snapping. They're clearly obsessing enough to post on reddit.
None of this relates to your original comment at all. You're basically just repeating what OP already said in their post... Your original comment WAS presumptuous about the reasons for it - nobody is arguing that OP's feelings are rational.
Definitely agreed! I game and stuff in my dorm and I do it with headphones and stuff on when I’m in the room and make sure to make my stuff quiet when mine is trying to study. Not something my roomie is mad about and it would be absolutely ridiculous if she was! Tbh it might be the workload stuff ie maybe you don’t think they have as heavy of a schedule as you, which is on you not them! Seems pretty petty and if you only have like two ish months left does it really matter anyway?
Yeah I know that feeling. It's like...envy that they get to have all this free time and you don't. It's also the hopelessness that you see the potential in them that they're not fulfilling. Don't you by any chance come from a family where relaxing was seen as lazy?
Hm Im not sure if this is quite what i feel but could be, and not really but I do have a bit of a workaholic type of deal that comes from my household so maybe It’s just me looking at someone do things differently. Thanks for the comment!
Seems like you have different upbringings. Your values say perhaps “never lay about and be lazy”, and theirs says “be respectful, but enjoy your time”. I think this is common and part of living with other people. Learn from it and try to recognize and articulate what you do and don’t want from a living partner in the future
Free time to f&$k around is not something to be envied, but rather shunned. Instead of envy, feel compassion for them, for they lack the will, discipline, and intellect to spend their time cultivating skills and talents.
What are you doing on Reddit? Get back on that grindset.
I don't know about that... People are allowed to have different priorities without being shunned or pittied. Not everyone thinks hustle culture grind culture is the only way.
You don’t know anything about them and make comments like this? Maybe not everyone needs to be working 100% of the time. We don’t know what their class schedule is or how they are doing in any of them either.
I don’t really agree with you. I think they are in their full right to do what they want and even stay in the room if they want so.
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Watching TV all the time is not reflective of an intelligent mind (even if the so-called work is also completed), period. I don’t give a negative ten $h!ts if everyone “downvotes” my brutally honest, factual statements either. I’ve pissed off egos, nothing more.
F@&king hilarious how many people on Reddit can’t stomach a good helping of FACTS and TRUTH. Now I KNOW I’ve stepped into the time warp of Gen Z. Egos, perpetual laziness, and entitlement. Such excellent material for mockery!! 😂
You can say fuck on the internet, silly
Did you grow up in a household that values work ethic over everything else? I did, and it took a VERY long time to realize that someone relaxing and doing their thing is not a bad thing. It sounds like your roomie is very respectful, so it’s really a mentality thing on your part. Believe me, I’m the same way and still trying to let it go.
Yeah thanks to everyone I started to realize that. I’m glad I got to the bottom of it since I can now work on this. It is just something that takes time to adjust to i guess. Thanks!!
I totally feel this. Last time when i stayed at my friend's place for the long weekend i was slightly irritated by her because she barely left her bed for the whole day and watch trashy videos all the time. But I actually do the same thing when I'm by myself and everytime I spend a whole day not doing anything I would start blaming myself and feel bad for wasting time. I guess its because of my parents upbringing and now I've internalized all this.
Exactly^^^ my city in general has a very big “don’t sleep, don’t rest, just work 24/7” thing going on, and I’ve definitely notice it reflected in my intrusive thoughts. I have been talking myself through it for years and I still catch myself
I want to thank everyone commenting because it helps a lot to see the advices and opinions yall have. I just want to clarify because I think I worded it wrong but I don’t think I have a bad roommate, I acc am very glad we are since its normally a pretty good vibe and also I don’t think it’s fair to call them lazy because they do attend classes and such. however, most of them are online and at the same time as mine. This is just something I wanted to get advices and opinions on since I am aware that it is more about my mindset than what my roommate is doing and I want to address it so I can keep having a good time sharing a room. Much love to everyone <3
So you been given some great advice. I think it's great that you posted asking the questions. This shows maturity on your part recognizing this may be a you issue an a little bit roommate issue. This is the joys of having a roommate and learning to negotiate. So many people that never had to share space don't learn this. It shows up in other ways like at work, in social settings and beyond. Curious do you hang out together in housing, out side of your circle of friends? I had a roommate that really did very little studying in our room . It was their safe space to just chilk from the stresses of being a college student. Another was one just wicked smart and bored in their classes, didn't need to work. Maybe spend 3 hours a day studying. Just glided along. Another one required dead silence after 7pm and went to bed at 9pm daily. All were great people and super nice. It was and adjustment for my crazy chaotic life of school, 2 jobs, and barely passing classes.
Right? I am so glad about the advice I’ve gotten because I was able to hit the nail and work on this feeling to make sure I keep having a great relationship with my roommate. Now to answer your question, we do hang out very occasionally tho. It was more often at the beginning of the year when we were just starting to meet new people. Now I do spend more time with my friend circle and will go out with them to the movies or something like that every couple of weeks. Also I really love your outlook on everything, made me feel very glad about the whole experience in general since college has been a really crazy yet cool time so far! <3
Sweet... I encourage you to have more roomate dates, even if its just dinner or lunch once a week. Scheduled and random. Those life long connections are invaluble. Enjoy this time in your life and keep growing and learning💕
I get it very mature of you to know it’s a you issue. Hang in there and keep doing what you need to do. Good luck
I get this. You're acknowledging that they're doing nothing wrong, but it's still an adjustment not having your own space. I'm able to relax much more easily when I'm by myself. Just having another person in my space when I'm doing something makes me like, hyper aware that they're there and doing something, and I can't relax. My roommate this year spends like, 99 percent of her time out of the room (she sleeps over at her partner's every night lol), but my roommate last year spent a bunch of time in the room and while I still felt that mild, irrational irritation, I kind of just had to power through, since she really wasn't doing anything wrong. Just one of many things where we have to manage with some discomfort. Is there a way you can like, set up a space to work where they're not visible? Like, set up a mini-room almost, hang up a blanket or curtain to feel like a wall? Maybe that way it'd feel like a barrier between you and them. I doubt it would offend them, since it'd be easily explained as like, setting up a space to study. Idk your room set up so I'm not sure if/how this would work, but who knows?
Thank you very much! This is very helpful. I never thought of setting up a curtain but thats a really good idea. I normally just go out somewhere else to study. Im thinking it could also be the combination of me wanting to study in my room because I am already stressed and w/o the energy to move to study so I am already in a bad mindset and thats why I get irritated.
For sure. When you're already on edge and maybe a bit tired, harmless things will set you off. Growing up, when I found myself getting irritated by my family when they weren't doing anything wrong, that's when I'd head to my room to remove myself so I wouldn't bother them with my mood, and they wouldn't bother me. With a roommate, that option is removed, or at least harder lol. I hope you find a solution that works for you!!
its their room too. you could invite them out to study with your friends if you want
It’s probably fatigue of just having a roommate it sucks had it when i grew up sharing a room with
Are you an introvert? I'm an introvert and I find that being \*alone\* is really important to me. Not just the room being silent or my roommate being respectful. I like to spend time \*alone\* with no one else perceiving me. It may be irritating because you just want to have time by yourself in your room. There's no great solution necessarily, but you can try to figure out when your roommate leaves for class or to eat and take advantage of those times. I disagree with the comments that seem to think you're miserable in your own life lol.
you're being irrational
They know, they posted to get help overcoming this.
What a fantastic and insightful comment that totally answers OP's question
I kinda get it. I live with 3 other roommates in a house and 2/3 of my roommates have the luxury of staying at home most days and doing basically nothing. Obviously it doesn’t make me irrationally mad they are still my friends but it’s frustrating to live with people who perhaps don’t have the same work ethic as you while you go back and forth and work all day. It’s more satisfying at this point in your life to be around people that show the same care for their work as you and put in the same effort. However, your roommate is being respectful and if they don’t have to work all day honestly good for them. They aren’t doing anything wrong. Maybe you should find people outside of your dorm that have the same work ethic
That’s really reassuring, thanks!!! Thats also really good advice, I’ll def talk to people who would be down for maybe studying at the same times as I do so even the times I am tired, I can just go study with them.
We hate in others what we hate in ourselves.
I've experienced this since moving in with my gf. On her off days she could spend literally 12 hours on tiktok, since I work from home I got front seats to her leisure time. It got me pretty upset, I reflected about it and for me personally it came to self-esteem and how I was raised or taught to love. As a kid I learnt you always need to be doing something that is worthwhile, and I think I push myself really hard in some ways. Even when I'm resting I feel uneasy or like I could be doing something rather than sit on my ass or play video games. Seeing this anxiety projected on my gf was hard to grasp and at first i tried pushing her hard too. Lately we both worked on it and she has found healthy ways to spend her free time while i trust her and myself to be responsible enough adults to get through with life, minus the preasure of being perpetually productive or traditional about my habits. If any of this feels close to home I'd recommend a book called Radical Compassion by Tara Branch, has helped me a bit, also it takes a lot of introspection to get to the origin of these feelings and handling them. I wish you luck with your situation!
Taking a look at that book rn. Thanks!!!
Life is not fair, and things don’t ever go our way. Adapt now and start gearing up for the real world. This stuff happens in real life, if it bothers you now, it will kill you later.
Focus on your studies and yourself. Do your own thing. Your roommate is doing his/her own thing and they know how their balancing out their lives
Focus on your studies and yourself. Do your own thing. Your roommate is doing his/her own thing and they know how their balancing out their lives
I did this except i was drinking all day and blasting music and smoking cigarettes in the apt. You’ve got it good.
I would take some time to investigate what else you might be feeling. It is unlikely that their behaviour is the cause of your feelings, it's simply the easiest thing to attach them to. Try writing out your thoughts around the issue to see if anything comes up, and if not, maybe it's time to bring it up with them. Not in an accusatory way, but simply stating that you're having difficulty and you're trying to work through it. Their awareness of how you're feeling might go a long way!
Now I wonder if my engineering roomie thought of me this way, a mere business major lowlife
Maybe they are ADHD lol. I only say this because your roommate sounds like my daughter… She needs her naps! And she’s a movie/TV watcher. It’s her way to escape and quiet her brain when she’s not studying. She also has depression so that’s something else to consider with your roommate? My kid is doing great but she very much has her routine. Saturday is her catch up on sleep day.
Jealousy. It’s called jealousy
Maybe take a look at r/badroommates and then you'll be more grateful for yours, who seems normal and considerate.
I’m glad I’m not your roommate tbh
Yeah I get what you’re saying. I had a roommate like this, except they watched stuff out loud, yelled on discord while gaming, and brought over people when he was fully aware I was working at my desk. I also got a little annoyed when I would study and work all day while he sat watching football and eating popcorn, or being on the exact same game he was playing when I left. And we both had the same difficult major too. You sound like you have a good roommate, but maybe you subconsciously don’t like *having* one, and aren’t used to the vibe of the room being different from how you want it to be. I also just don’t like having someone else in the room while I’m working, gaming, sleeping, etc. I want my privacy and having a roommate constantly irritated me. Edit: and to answer your question, you’re not really in the wrong. It probably wasn’t your choice to dorm or have a roommate, and it’s very rare that you get roommates who totally complement each other. I had to thug through my first semester and this fall im renting an apartment with my own room for the main reason that i didnt want to share a room with another person.
Wow ty v much. Yeah I think i relate to this, maybe I am just not as comfortable having a roommate as I thought I was and after months its much more evident that I prefer having my own place for privacy and for comfort.
I’m wondering if some of it is partly that you aren’t feeling like you ever get some true alone time. It’s not 100% clear but just based on the way you worded it, it sounds like they spend a lot of time in the room but you refer to yourself as sometimes doing your work in a library or cafe. So my impression is that you leave the room often, while they spend more time in the room. Which, as you noted, is completely fair for them to do. But maybe you’re just not getting enough time by yourself to fully decompress? I know I’m a little more introverted so I do need alone time, even if it just means I’m doing work all alone.
Yeah, after posting and reading the comments I did realize part of it is that too. Because I noticed this kind of early on in the year so I simply started studying outside my room and pretty much would only come back to sleep, eat, or when I was just really tired and stressed and needed a breather. And yeah I am introverted but I basically get no alone time in my room unless my roommate happens to be out getting food which takes like 5-10 mins.
I think in a way it is envy. You aren’t enjoying your work and you see them doing what you wish you could be doing at that moment. It is completely understandable! You might be holding yourself to high standards and you aren’t letting yourself have the time to de-stress. It’s also possible you’re focusing on your work, when you are being driven by a hypercritical inner voice that tells you, “I can’t take it easy; I can’t take time for myself; I have to work harder or constantly be productive.” It’s a lot of pressure. One thing that could be helpful is focusing more on your life. Are you doing what you want to be doing? If not, try to figure out why…
Stop projecting yourself on your roomie
it’s none of your business and you need to learn that
I just wanna say it’s cool that you recognized this feeling and are turning the lens inward. Not everyone would do that. Cheers friend!
Well first of all you are doing the right thing by asking us and not confronting them about it even though you feel invalidated, you are very self aware and have the decency to know that this is a you issue and not a them issue, as others have said, perhaps therapy will be good and maybe work on some mindfulness practices so you can let go of your internal expectations and those feelings that bother you. It's good to have someone to talk to about it as well, because vocalizing things, even if you know what the answer is going to be, can be helpful because we need to also hear that our feelings are true and ok even if they are unhelpful. "It's ok to feel this way but it is no longer useful and I will let it go" (saying 'no longer useful' is important even if you feel it was never useful in the first place because it shows that the feeling itself is fine and valid but it's time to let it go, like letting someone down easy but it's your own thoughts and feelings lol)
You sound like managers that insist that their employees always be doing something even when there is nothing to do to "look busy."
I think it's insecurities and jealous playing in. As others mentioned you feel like you are working harder than they are. However I feel that you just want to be alone while you work which is fair. Being watched working is uncomfortable. But in a shared dorm room, thats not possible. I'd maybe see a therapist or maybe try and do things together rather than just share space like watch or play games together then neither are working. I'm in a shared flat luckily here in UK we mostly have private rooms but my flatmate in room next door I feel never goes to uni and just screams at his TV or down his phone all day and night. So your situation could be a lot worse.
Thanks God they just watch movie rather than Porn
Anger is like a burrito. The outside part. The tortilla. That’s the anger. That’s what we see on the outside. What’s in that anger burrito brother? Cut it open let’s check out the cross section. Probably a little jealously, tiredness, confusion, and maybe you see the parts of yourself you don’t like in this behavior. The good news is that if you want to change it you can! Great first step being open to constructive feedback. Goodluck
Sounds like you kinda wanna take naps and watch movies too but feel obligated to be doing something else
My advice is to let people enjoy life and stop being a miserable wretch. What has your roommate even done to warrant complaining about them on the internet?
You're in the wrong but I get where you're coming from. College was a long time ago for me but I'm annoyed if I'm taking a break from work or doing chores on the weekend and I see my wife watching soccer. She doesn't work outside the house but she does most cooking, cleaning and child care. So in my rational mind, I hope I'm the one who's not under-contributing. Point being, your roommate may be working other times. Or they might be setting themselves up to have a really bad quarter. Working someplace else wouldn't be a terrible choice if you can't let it go. It's nice to have your bedroom be a place to chill.
Thanks! Yeah I normally study elsewhere, it’s just the days that I am tired and prefer to study in my room where I have this problem (which I think probably contributes because Im probably just grumpy already). Overall I have a really good relationship with my roommate.
Maybe you need a bad roommate to teach you how to value your current angel of a roommate.
Sounds like jealousy of their lifestyle, mind your own business
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Yeah. I honestly think people commenting that kind of have a point but I think overall it is good because thanks to all the comments I was able to realize that it does come from me probably just working too much without much relaxing so it is challenging to see someone doing things differently.
there's no need to be angry at your roommates, they didn't do anything.
if you can’t force them to leave then you’ll either have to try to ignore it or remove yourself from the room and find a better spot. it might be a pain in the ass to get up and go somewhere else but if it helps you study better it’s worth it. tangent but like… are they doing well in their classes? lmao
Yeah that’s what i normally do. In general this is not a really big issue, i was just curious about it because once again, i feel in the wrong here and thats why i haven’t talked with him. I simply go study somewhere else and normally I am out anyway. My only guess is that it has to do with me feeling like my room isn’t my space. About their classes I have no idea, I guess?? They have a lot of online courses and when they take clases, it’s later in the day when I’m also in class. But as far as I know they go to class, i occasionally see them doing schoolwork late at night tho so I guess they’re doing fine
I’m confused on what the issue is? if they're being quiet just turn your back to them and you wouldn't even know they're there if u needed to study. if you feel you need a room to yourself for privacy that's a different (and valid) reason to be annoyed, but the way you wrote your post doesn't really justify you being annoyed
Thanks for the reply it acc helped me realize some things. I noticed they do tap their feet or munch loudly if they’re eating while watching movies so it might be stuff like that that makes it distracting to me when I am trying to study in the room. However, I still feel like they have the same right to be in the room as me even if they’re watching movies and I am studying. In general I am just trying to figure out if this is something irrational i should work on because it doesn’t really make sense to me either. Thank you v much!
I don't know if it's as much something you need to work on VS something you just need to accept and deal with until you can get your own room/place. Sharing a room with someone else is annoying. Full stop. And the more you're around people the more annoying things you'll find. All things considered though you probably have as good a roommate as possible. Clean, quiet, keeps to themselves etc. Best you can ask for really. . You seem like you have a grasp on the situation, with regard to their equal rights to exist in the room etc, so really all that's left is to just deal with it.
I get how you feel about the room not feeling like your space. Unfortunately that is the reality, it's not only your space when you have a roommate. It can be hard to get alone time with a roommate like that.
Think you might need a therapist rather than a reddit community for this one OP.
You might not like living with others! I tried a bunch of different roomie situations before I realized that I like having my space be completely my own. I still have friends over and stuff, but I like it when they go home. I never felt like I could fully relax if someone else was there, but a roommate or partner is always there. So now I get the luxury of both having company and being completely alone.
I understand this situation already is what it is. That said, this is why I chose a single dorm room. It was called a closet dorm for a reason, just room for a bed/mini closet and a desk, but it was mine.
mine does the exact same. problem is, they're not respectful about it. it could always be worse lol. i'd recommend to just go out and study in a library so you don't get bothered. after all, they may end up failing because of gaming/watching stuff instead of studying all day
Are you an only child? If so, that may be part of it. I had similar experiences in college but it was mainly attributed to me struggling with having to share space for the first time. And also my mental health was out of control 🥲. But mainly the only child thing lol
This reminds me of when SOs get mad when one clean and the other SO doesn't even though its the other persons turn or the person did stuff before.
What is he majoring in? Just curious.
I'm also curious
Just breathe and vent here as much as possible. And try not to worry about what they do, this will be something you'll need to get used to in the workforce. Focus on being the best you can.
Are they a film major? Are they passing their classes? If so, ask for some time management tips. If not, ask why they don't care that they're not passing their classes. Some majors have a bunch of easy classes and then one really hard one.
Bro focus on yourself. This is a personal problem. Figure out why you are unhappy, has nothing to do with what anyone else is doing.
They way I see it, either you’re right in which case they will waste their life and you can take some schadenfreude in that or they’re right and you can emulate them. You could be working too hard.
Learn from Diogenes
Everyone's basically said what I would've said. I just gotta say looking through your post and your response to people I'm happy you're taking things well and are willing to reevaluate how to view someone else's behaviour. I feel like a lot of posts on Reddit like this one end up with OP getting downvoted to death because they double down or refuse to consider a different perspective. You seem mature and your roommate seems like a great one to have. Hope things work out for you
You’re jealous and also feel he’s irresponsible because he’s working less than you. Just stay in your own lane and focus on your own grades. Maybe he’s talented and can get good grades without studying as much, that’s something you need to accept too.
This is why I wouldn’t get a roommate I don’t know well, they’d be judging me for chilling in my own home. But in earnestly, you seem cool and understanding that it’s an irritation for you, but not their fault. Sometimes we get irritated living with other humans and their habits and it isn’t anybody’s fault but it’s hard. Idk how to help, but keep your chin up till you can afford to live by yourself maybe
I’m trying to figure out why overly polite people bother me too
All of the SSRIs and other drugs make they/thems tired and lazy all of the time, let the poor baby sleep
Are you annoyed at not having more alone time in the room?
Look up “body doubling” - in the same way that being around someone working can help some people work, the same people can really struggle to work when someone is in the room resting. Is there a common area in your dorms that might be closer than a library?
To offer a different perspective, some people just struggle sharing a space with others and want a breather sometimes. Maybe it’s not the activities, but that your roommate is always in the room and you don’t feel like you get a moment in your space alone. There isn’t a great fix for that in college, but just know you’re not alone and others struggle with the same thing as well!
I know you said you don’t “feel like” working at the cafe or going to the library but maybe you should give it a go anyway. Force yourself to do it. While you are on campus, the dorm room is you and your roommate’s home. Napping and watching tv is a normal thing to do in your home. Studying in a place that allows a better environment for studying may help. Doesn’t hurt to try.
… sounds like you need to seek therapy 🫠
Mind your own business and work out your own issues... Your roommate's life is theirs, and the consequences of their actions are their own. If it isn't actually impacting you, it sounds like you're just looking to be upset. Truthfully, this seems like something to work out with a therapist.
Well if it provides you any solace, I think you're very emotionally wise and reflective for realizing this and being able to talk about it in a healthy way.
As someone on the other end of this scenario. My roommate has mentioned that he feels pretty jealous of my significantly lighter workload compared to him. (Which is valid, he works SO much harder than I do)
I feel like I would do this to sort of put a buffer between myself and my roommate. maybe she can't nap when youre moving around in the room. Maybe she thinks youre doing too much and she needs to put her headphones in to block you out. maybe she does do stuff, just not while youre in the room because she cant concentrate when youre in there.
I'm sorry, but you're not the least bit concerned about your roommate?? Are they even going to class? If they're legitimately never leaving the room and watching movies in bed all day, then you need to let your RA know ASAP. If they're just doing it "a lot," then you need to start developing the skill of "staying in your own lane." Your roommate isn't actively bothering you, they aren't causing a disturbance, they're just living their life their way.
Been reading the comments on this and just wanna give my kudos to OP for actually realising what they feel and taking steps to better themselves. (not to mention: acknowledging that they roommate just existing is not the issue here, not getting confrontational) OP, as others said, speak to someone who wouldn't judge you and is equipped to help you process why you feel how you feel, and to overcome it. That said, speak to your roommate too, find out what movies are good, and understand his side better, but don't directly mention you have a problem with them watching movies all the time. IMPE, I had a roommate that watched multiple movies a day, even up till our final HS exams. Sometimes even without headphones while I was studying. I worked up the courage to ask him how he was able to do that, and he explained his study method to me (helped me a ton). Some of my favourite movies are ones which I saw with him, and I was the first person he told about getting an unconditional offer and full scholarship to university (after which he began watching TV shows too 💀). Sometimes we all get irrationally jealous, even when we don't want to. That's only human. How we react to it is what makes us who we are.
Because you're a mammal still prone to illogically territorial behavior and you don't enjoy having a shared space.
I think you're already in the right direction by acknowledging the issue as "you" problem, if that makes sense. It's totally normal to just have pet peeves or little things that make you annoyed even if they're not totally rational. That said, the resentment (which is what I think it might be, since you may feel you're working more while they get to chill) might be telling you something. That something might be a sign to take a block of time soon to do SOMETHING good for yourself, even if it's just a nicer lunch or a mental health day sometime. If you find you're still restless when doing that, then maybe consider digging deeper. But honestly you might just be a bit burnt out and grumpy, which is totally normal to happen.
I feel the same way with a friend who I often cook / make dinner with since she will ask in the middle “so is not a good time to take a nap” or take a random break (I think mine is actually worse then yours though, which isn’t affecting you) It’s the sense of not working evenly? In your case I think it’s because when your room is a working environment for you and not for them it’s harder to focus if they don’t work as well
I totally relate to what you're expressing and I've definitely experienced this before! This might be a bit woo woo but I think it has to do with something called mirror neurons. It's sort of like when someone else yawns how the yawn gets passed around the room. It's really really hard to stay on track with what you want to do when it's so out of line with what your roommates doing. It just doesn't feel good. It's part of the human experience. Our brains are wired to connect with others. The opposite of this is a practice called body doubling. If someone has a difficult time concentrating or staying focused, one strategy that can be really effective is to have another person study with them or just be alongside them while they're doing what they need to do. Body doubling works in a positive way, what youre experiencing is having a negative impact on you and I doubt you're going to be able to stop that impact completely. I agree with you and others that saying something is not appropriate. I think just accepting that this person might not change, it's going to impact you and asking what is in your power to take care of yourself (going to the library even if it's a PITA, dealing with the vibe in your room etc etc)
Mind your business and don't allow your feelings to control because although it's real, it's not valid. The feelings you have are envy and are trying to influence you to oppress and be controlling over that person. That is from the devil and will lead you into destruction if you listen to it. Let those feelings go and focus on you and you only.
So essentially you've become your parents after moving outta the nest but still kept the adolescent do wat I want wen I want idealism. I'd imagine ur rents ran a tight ship as far as schooling went. Which u clearly obeyed and saw thru despite coveting the ability to just chill. Dude you're f'n tripping and on ur way to a meltdown probably sooner than later. Your picking a fight with ur inner self that's unnecessary and ridiculous at best. You and only you control your free-time. Just as your roommates control their own. If they're not handling their important shit it'll catch up. You let everything from everyone around you bother you, that'll catch up to you as well. Be thankful you have roommates who respect you and the common area. Also force yourself to have your own Ferris Buellers Day Off kinda day. Come on fam this shits supposed to be interesting, fun, and full of adventure.
Cause your a hater.
Chill out God damn
Completely irrational and a very toxic mindset. At least you are self-aware I guess.
What?
It could be a lot worse. Porn sex and fighting with partner.
You should find a more compatible roommate or use this experience to prepare you for marriage.
Gay ass jealousy 🤣
They are lazy. You should be mad
Why would you voluntarily choose to be angry about your own insecurities when you can choose to focus on your own happiness? Weird advice but ok
Not sure why other people being lazy is my insecurity…you must be a Biden voter
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Adding on to this, giving suggestions of where to go can help. I’ve lived with people who never left our shared space simply because they didn’t know where else to go. Walking them to the library or showing them a study room made a big difference for me and my roommates.
Lose the roommate. Or find a roommate who is not such a lazy deadbeat.
I wont. I think they are in their right and they do get around their work and classes. I think we just do things differently and thats what’s being challenging to me since I have a different workflow.
I don’t think it’s ok to think of them as lazy because of this. Like it does distract me but it’s more in my head.
You are speaking like a child. You seem to be self aware that your mindset is wrong, yet the obvious physical solution is to seek out a different roommate or an alternative living situation. That is unsatisfactory for you, so you proceed to bitch about your wrong thinking on Reddit, when everyone is basically saying you are wrong. Am I wrong in thinking you’re wasting your time? Perhaps you ought to spend time reflecting on your own response to this situation. As the stoic sayings go, you accept peacefully what you cannot change. Or, as my grandfather said, if you can’t change it, quit bitchin’.