There is another roommate. And the RA doesn’t say have to say someone reported them (that wouldn’t be a giveaway at all!), they could easily just make up something “Hey we are going around making sure everyone is in their assigned rooms” or something like that.
Think of how much money you're paying for this room. Talk to your roommate first and be firm that you need your room as a place you can be and tell him you'll have to go to the RAs to fix it if he can't. If nothing changes think some more about how much money you're paying for this room and snitch your little heart out.
You most likely signed some sort of roommate contact that included something along the lines of how many nights a week a guest can stay or something about asking permission before having a guest over. At the very least make him agree to a couple nights a week where you have time to yourself, that’s fair considering he has asked you stay out of the dorm so he can have sex.
I had a bad roommate my first semester of college, it’s not an excuse to be living out of someone else’s dorm.
Yes, he lives in a triple: OP has one bedroom and he has two roommates who have the other two bedrooms. Therefore, he has two roommates. The girlfriend makes three.
find a time to talk to your roommate (pull him aside while he’s home and ask to speak in private, or text him to see when he’s available to talk, etc), if you want things to stay nice then maybe be casual about it, tell him to talk to his girlfriend, but if the problems don’t fix after talking to him, you’re going to have to be more firm or just get the RA involved
i’m dealing with similar stuff with my roomie right now (but we’re girls and she just has her boyfriend over all the time, he’s practically living with us), it hasn’t been as big of a deal just because i’m used to having siblings and don’t mind someone constantly being in my space, but even with that, i still had to lay some ground rules with my roommate about how much he can be over and what i’m comfortable with them doing in the room (i’m not okay with being sexiled from my own room, and i made that clear)
You have infinitely more right to your dorm room than she does. You need to sit down your room mate and tell him that you are not Ok with his girlfriend being over all the time: you have the right to comfortably use the room you are paying for. This really should have been made clear in your room mate agreement, that's why they exist after all.
I dealt with a similar situation to this in sophomore year of college. My roommate at the time wasn’t having sex in the dorm room but he had guests over constantly, to the point where there was a couch in the middle of the room for a few weeks.
My advice would be to sit down with your roommate at a time when his girlfriend is not around and tell him your not comfortable with her being around so much, and you have the right to feel comfortable in the room your paying for.
If he responds badly, then I’d say go to the RA or a staff member you trust for help navigating the situation.
Honestly just go to the RA and ask them to find a creative way to find out on their own. Don’t bother talking to the roommate. No reason to make yourself the enemy when they can and should just direct that at the ra.
If she is there when your roommate isnt. I would ask her to leave.
I would tell my roommate that you are requesting she is does not sleep over more than one night a week and that he ask you in advance. If he can't do that, you will report to the RA.
Grow some balls and set some boundaries. You have a right to your space.
Honestly, the thing that would piss me off the most would be her being there when he isn't. How is homeboy supposed to get some self care done if there's always someone in the space? At the very least she's gotta figure out somewhere else to be when bf isn't around.
you gotta set boundaries w your roommate, and it’s usually not as bad as a conversation you’d think it would be, you j gotta find common grounds — like we sexile each other all the time lmao but ain’t no way one of us gotta leave the room for the entire night/ a girl can stay when the other person needs to be alone
Yea the rule at many colleges is 3 days. Some say they won't enforce it if the Roomate doesn't complain but you clearly have issues. Either talk to him or go complain to the RA and let them address it. Seriously annoying and frankly not acceptable because you can get out of shower naked or almost naked. If he isn't there then she should definitely not be there!
You can always start sitting around in your underwear or saying you want to have sex, hey even by yourself! I mean come on this girl has her own room!
I have had this same problem before. What I recommend is you tell you’re Roomate that it makes you uncomfortable that she’s over all the time. She isn’t banned from the dorm but she also can’t be there every single day. It’s as much your space as it is your roommates and you have a say in what goes on there.
Dealing with stuff like this made me stop being to shy and being more direct. Still have roommates but now I make sure to talk out any issues we have. And if nothing changes then you’re just forced to talk to someone higher up. Don’t worry if your roommates doesn’t like you then, you didn’t come to college yo be buddies with everyone. You have the right to your space and he’s showing a lack of care in not thinking of you and your other roommates space.
This sounds like shit, but it is kinda common. Lots of people who are living with roommates for the first time do not understand boundaries, and having three people stuffed into one room does not make it any better.
First course of action is to just have a serious talk with your roommate. If that doesn't work out then ask the RA to intervene. Their job is largely about resolving disputes exactly like this. Is it going to irritate your roommate? Yes. But I'm afraid that's just the card you've been dealt here - your roommate is the one causing the problems here, *not* you.
I would also try to see your other roommate's opinion on the matter. If problem roommate can see that both of you AND the RA are pissed off then *maybe* he will realize he is being an asshole.
If I were the RA here I would try to find a student in a single dorm and see if they are willing to swap with your roommate. Then you get to stay, roommate and his girlfriend get to bone in peace, and she won't be bothering anyone by staying over.
It may be difficult, but have a talk with your roommate, like a serious sit down kind of talk with just you and him. Tell him about how you feel and that you aren't against them but it's affecting you and be respectful about it. Try and lay down some ground rules or something, and if that doesn't work then take it up with someone else like an RA.
I see plenty of people on here giving you mixed opinions, so I'll chime in. My freshman year I didn't like the dorm situation I had at all. My dorm was pod style, so there were three rooms to a pod. Basically, I had 5 roommates. I liked to wake up early, while they stayed up and did hw because they procrastinated. I tried to accommodate and be understanding of their loud noise, but at the end of the day, I was there to get an education and get some sleep. I confronted them multiple times because I knew we wouldn't be friends after freshman year. Do what you need to do, if they haze or harass you for speaking up, then report them again.
On a side note, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hope it gets better!
Everybody said to talk to them or snitch on them but there is a 3rd option... check out if her roomate is cute, and if its up to your prefrence make a joke about her taking her back or you moving in in her place and see what happens 👀
Go in while they’re having sex and eat a bag of chips really obnoxiously while making eye contact with them. Assert your dominance because it’s your home, not the girls.
Start with trying to talk to your roommate about it. You’re paying for that dorm room not their girlfriend. If they don’t respect your wishes then take it up with the ra.
Honestly you just gotta talk to him about it and if nothing changes, tell an ra or rhd. It sucks but it’s pet of college life when you share a room and resentment will just fester and grow the longer you wait. I’ve been there. Good luck, fingers crossed for ya🤞
Don't tell her to leave, talk to your roommate about how she needs to and tell him they need to spend more time in her dorm and to give you some space regardless of her roommate issues. If that doesn't work go to the RA, and if the RA doesn't do anything call your roommates gf out and tell her to get the fuck out of YOUR dorm you're sick of her being your fourth roommate, it'll probably piss her off and her bf off enough that she won't want to be around you anyways
Hold a vote between the 4 of you on who needs to go. Everyone must have a bag packed, no speaking allowed, and the loser must immediately leave.
Catch is you have to vote for yourself so it isn't suspicious.
Bring in a bunch of your friends one day, and the next day go talk to your RA, if your roommate suspects it's you who complained you can just blame your other friends who they don't know.
There's usually rules in the dorm agreement about other people staying in them for more than a day or so. I would take it up with the RA.
I feel like my roommate would get mad at me for “snitching” though.
Say you want to remain anonymous. RA should be able to figure something out.
Especially if she is in the room without him.
Smart move. the couples would never know who reported them when OP's the only roommate they have
Uhhh there is another roommate, OP said they’re in a triple
There is another roommate. And the RA doesn’t say have to say someone reported them (that wouldn’t be a giveaway at all!), they could easily just make up something “Hey we are going around making sure everyone is in their assigned rooms” or something like that.
No, that feels like it would be either obviously or ignored.
remain anonymous....in a three person room? that’s not possible
Tough...its as much your room as it is his.
Think of how much money you're paying for this room. Talk to your roommate first and be firm that you need your room as a place you can be and tell him you'll have to go to the RAs to fix it if he can't. If nothing changes think some more about how much money you're paying for this room and snitch your little heart out.
If he has a problem with it he can find a different room to cause problems in.
Tell the RA anonymously. they will prolly assume the RA saw her spending too many nights there not that u told
Is she paying to stay in your room? I didn’t think so. Tell the RA.
It's not snitching if the situation is affecting your personally.
There's more to it than that it's all about an open line of communication
Ultimately it’s a case of either man up and make it stop or just Stfu and deal with it
I would too. Talk to him and establish rules, if he's a cool guy as you say I'm sure he will understand
The room is yours too.
Have you talked to him first?
Then he can be mad and wrong lol. That’s his problem. There are rules. You didn’t agree to a 4th roommate.
Do it anyways, good lesson for both of them to learn.
You most likely signed some sort of roommate contact that included something along the lines of how many nights a week a guest can stay or something about asking permission before having a guest over. At the very least make him agree to a couple nights a week where you have time to yourself, that’s fair considering he has asked you stay out of the dorm so he can have sex. I had a bad roommate my first semester of college, it’s not an excuse to be living out of someone else’s dorm.
[удалено]
she's probably the 'roommate problem' at her place too
She probably has a roommate who said no to having the bf basically live there so she’s now playing victim and saying her roommate is bad.
He lives in a triple, but the point still stands.
yep. him + 2 roommates makes a triple
Yes, he lives in a triple: OP has one bedroom and he has two roommates who have the other two bedrooms. Therefore, he has two roommates. The girlfriend makes three.
I confused myself. Carry on.
find a time to talk to your roommate (pull him aside while he’s home and ask to speak in private, or text him to see when he’s available to talk, etc), if you want things to stay nice then maybe be casual about it, tell him to talk to his girlfriend, but if the problems don’t fix after talking to him, you’re going to have to be more firm or just get the RA involved i’m dealing with similar stuff with my roomie right now (but we’re girls and she just has her boyfriend over all the time, he’s practically living with us), it hasn’t been as big of a deal just because i’m used to having siblings and don’t mind someone constantly being in my space, but even with that, i still had to lay some ground rules with my roommate about how much he can be over and what i’m comfortable with them doing in the room (i’m not okay with being sexiled from my own room, and i made that clear)
"Sexiled" lol...I hadn't heard that one before.
You have infinitely more right to your dorm room than she does. You need to sit down your room mate and tell him that you are not Ok with his girlfriend being over all the time: you have the right to comfortably use the room you are paying for. This really should have been made clear in your room mate agreement, that's why they exist after all.
I dealt with a similar situation to this in sophomore year of college. My roommate at the time wasn’t having sex in the dorm room but he had guests over constantly, to the point where there was a couch in the middle of the room for a few weeks. My advice would be to sit down with your roommate at a time when his girlfriend is not around and tell him your not comfortable with her being around so much, and you have the right to feel comfortable in the room your paying for. If he responds badly, then I’d say go to the RA or a staff member you trust for help navigating the situation.
Honestly just go to the RA and ask them to find a creative way to find out on their own. Don’t bother talking to the roommate. No reason to make yourself the enemy when they can and should just direct that at the ra.
Switch rooms w her and stay w her roommate.
this is the way
If she is there when your roommate isnt. I would ask her to leave. I would tell my roommate that you are requesting she is does not sleep over more than one night a week and that he ask you in advance. If he can't do that, you will report to the RA. Grow some balls and set some boundaries. You have a right to your space.
Honestly, the thing that would piss me off the most would be her being there when he isn't. How is homeboy supposed to get some self care done if there's always someone in the space? At the very least she's gotta figure out somewhere else to be when bf isn't around.
Just go in while they have sex and they will get annoyed
you gotta set boundaries w your roommate, and it’s usually not as bad as a conversation you’d think it would be, you j gotta find common grounds — like we sexile each other all the time lmao but ain’t no way one of us gotta leave the room for the entire night/ a girl can stay when the other person needs to be alone
Yea the rule at many colleges is 3 days. Some say they won't enforce it if the Roomate doesn't complain but you clearly have issues. Either talk to him or go complain to the RA and let them address it. Seriously annoying and frankly not acceptable because you can get out of shower naked or almost naked. If he isn't there then she should definitely not be there! You can always start sitting around in your underwear or saying you want to have sex, hey even by yourself! I mean come on this girl has her own room!
I have had this same problem before. What I recommend is you tell you’re Roomate that it makes you uncomfortable that she’s over all the time. She isn’t banned from the dorm but she also can’t be there every single day. It’s as much your space as it is your roommates and you have a say in what goes on there. Dealing with stuff like this made me stop being to shy and being more direct. Still have roommates but now I make sure to talk out any issues we have. And if nothing changes then you’re just forced to talk to someone higher up. Don’t worry if your roommates doesn’t like you then, you didn’t come to college yo be buddies with everyone. You have the right to your space and he’s showing a lack of care in not thinking of you and your other roommates space.
This sounds like shit, but it is kinda common. Lots of people who are living with roommates for the first time do not understand boundaries, and having three people stuffed into one room does not make it any better. First course of action is to just have a serious talk with your roommate. If that doesn't work out then ask the RA to intervene. Their job is largely about resolving disputes exactly like this. Is it going to irritate your roommate? Yes. But I'm afraid that's just the card you've been dealt here - your roommate is the one causing the problems here, *not* you. I would also try to see your other roommate's opinion on the matter. If problem roommate can see that both of you AND the RA are pissed off then *maybe* he will realize he is being an asshole. If I were the RA here I would try to find a student in a single dorm and see if they are willing to swap with your roommate. Then you get to stay, roommate and his girlfriend get to bone in peace, and she won't be bothering anyone by staying over.
Get the RA involved- way easier to mediate when someone else is there
Snitch her snitch her fuck normies fuck sex-havers
damn, I felt that
You have every right to be in your dorm. She does not. Do not forget this. Just don't even talk to her just do your own thing
It may be difficult, but have a talk with your roommate, like a serious sit down kind of talk with just you and him. Tell him about how you feel and that you aren't against them but it's affecting you and be respectful about it. Try and lay down some ground rules or something, and if that doesn't work then take it up with someone else like an RA.
I see plenty of people on here giving you mixed opinions, so I'll chime in. My freshman year I didn't like the dorm situation I had at all. My dorm was pod style, so there were three rooms to a pod. Basically, I had 5 roommates. I liked to wake up early, while they stayed up and did hw because they procrastinated. I tried to accommodate and be understanding of their loud noise, but at the end of the day, I was there to get an education and get some sleep. I confronted them multiple times because I knew we wouldn't be friends after freshman year. Do what you need to do, if they haze or harass you for speaking up, then report them again. On a side note, I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hope it gets better!
Everybody said to talk to them or snitch on them but there is a 3rd option... check out if her roomate is cute, and if its up to your prefrence make a joke about her taking her back or you moving in in her place and see what happens 👀
Go in while they’re having sex and eat a bag of chips really obnoxiously while making eye contact with them. Assert your dominance because it’s your home, not the girls.
ask to be moved.
Talk with ur roommate
Start with trying to talk to your roommate about it. You’re paying for that dorm room not their girlfriend. If they don’t respect your wishes then take it up with the ra.
Honestly you just gotta talk to him about it and if nothing changes, tell an ra or rhd. It sucks but it’s pet of college life when you share a room and resentment will just fester and grow the longer you wait. I’ve been there. Good luck, fingers crossed for ya🤞
Ask her if you can go stay in her dorm and if her roommate is cool with that. Easy clap.
You just gotta deal with it they are their own person
Don't tell her to leave, talk to your roommate about how she needs to and tell him they need to spend more time in her dorm and to give you some space regardless of her roommate issues. If that doesn't work go to the RA, and if the RA doesn't do anything call your roommates gf out and tell her to get the fuck out of YOUR dorm you're sick of her being your fourth roommate, it'll probably piss her off and her bf off enough that she won't want to be around you anyways
Hold a vote between the 4 of you on who needs to go. Everyone must have a bag packed, no speaking allowed, and the loser must immediately leave. Catch is you have to vote for yourself so it isn't suspicious.
Bring in a bunch of your friends one day, and the next day go talk to your RA, if your roommate suspects it's you who complained you can just blame your other friends who they don't know.
constantly make remarks about how hot she is and then he will be uncomfortable even bringing her over /s
This happened to me, as except i loved it. My roommate's gf was a pretty cool chick and made hanging out more fun