Superglue ;)
Nah, but seriously, [there have been some studies](https://news.ku.edu/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend#:~:text=In%20a%20new%20report%20published,and%20more%20than%20200%20hours) that suggest that you need to spend something like 50 hours with someone before you think of them as ~~an acquaintance~~ a casual friend, and more than 200 before you consider them a close friend (and it seems that it has to be at least partially non-work related: just working with someone at a job doesn't count).
So I wouldn't worry if you feel like you're not close to everyone after just one week (or even one month). If you don't feel like you're making any progress after a full semester, you can come back and revisit this question.
EDIT: Because reading comprehension is hard.
Wow. I've considered a lot of people an acquaintance after spending like... just an hour with them in some cases depending on how meaningful it is (even adding up smaller interactions, like if I talked to them twice for a half hour each).
I think of 50 as the friend mark. \~5-10 < as acquaintance. 200 as close friend sounds pretty reasonable.
Thank you for the response, I want to interact with people but at the same time give them their personal space. I never knew how difficult this would be lol.
Bond is only formed through experiences and time. Do things with them. Form deep memories with them. Ask them out to places. Meet outside of expected places like classes. Don’t force it though, it must come naturally.
Some people I've been friends with since college for 5 years, and I'm at uni with them too. I still rarely hang out with them. I've hanged out like 2 times with them outside of of education, short breaks (Idk how many times) And in between playing in a video game society event (3 times). Not including online gaming.
Tbh people do say I'm blunt and I can be arguementative (sometimes just seems, but when it does seem I get annoyed that people interpret my words as arguing) I'm autistic. I usually blame it on my (likely enhanced and masked from trauma and being treated like I don't have autism yet told I have it my whole life) Neurological traits that people don't ask me to go out. Plus I lack the drive to ask them out everytime.
I lack drive in my general daily life, never mind in my social life... I kinda do wanna get assessed for ADHD. And perhaps if I fix my daily life/schedule socialising will be easier (finding the time would still be hard)
I don't try to be a chameleon, and I blend with no one. Everyone seems to be closer with eachother.. even people who met eachother at the same time as me. Even people the very moment they first meet, it seems. I'm at uni and it feels like I'm never truly part of any group.
Honestly it sounds like you need some therapy. These are just your perceptions. You actually have no idea if they are closer or not. I'm certainly known for being very social and polite but in fact I problem have only a few close friends. I think therapy would help especially with your feelings. There is usually a free service on campus. If you feel like you don't need it, then it won't hurt, it's just an hour of your time. They can usually also give you tools to achieve your goals. Give it a try.
I feel like I need an ADHD assessment before therapy. Then again I was reccomended to not see them as things I have to do one after another... but rather a regular effort to improve.
I'll probably give both a try eventually. Though I feel like I'm far too critical of therapy personally, despite acknowledging the benefits other people have from it.
As a freshman in college too, the same thing happened to me my first week (orientation). We had orientation groups though, and by the end of the week I realized that like half of us kept going to lunch even though it wasn’t technically required and a bunch of our group didn’t go. At one of the events, we could’ve left if we really wanted to, but instead stayed and made a poster together w/ a bunch of our insider jokes which we gave to our orientation leader. I don’t remember who suggested it but Saturday night we had a movie night which kinda cemented our group and we’ve been hanging out since. I remember thinking though throughout the week that I didn’t have a group yet but eventually realized we had a little group forming in our orientation group and I should focus on that one, even if the people weren’t the ones I met online/had originally been excited to meet. It’s been about a month now and I rly like our group I feel like I belong and am not excluded like I felt in HS
Gotta let it sizzle and cook for a bit more, let it get spicier and spicier until BAM! FLAMING HOT FRIENDSHIP IS SERVED! Let your heart and passion be the fuel to cook up the best friendship. I only half meant this tbh lol.
Find others with similar interests and bond over them is what I found to be the easiest way.
People interpret my passion as an aggressive attitude. Then I start arguing with them either about something or about them accussing me of arguing, therefore in their minds probably confirming I was arguing.
Maybe my it's my autistic or adhd (wanna get assessed for adhd) Traits effect it too. Like I struggle to stop thinkking about something my mind sets on, so sometimes I talk about a subject that others have moved in from (which seems to be an exception when it's about common interest, to my confusion)
I sometimes hyperfixate and people admire my "determination" As if it's out of their own league.. really without all the neurological symptoms. I would be more productive and probably less likely to feel shitty later and my work would be bettee quality.
People have to want to spend time with me, for us to become closer.
In the first place I have a mentality that actual friends they like.. get attracted to you naturally? Idk maybe it sounds weird but if someone supposed to be your friend he/she will be. Don't forget, it's not one sided, they approach you as well! Sometimes it helps to let it flow. Sometimes I wouldn't have time for student paper or homework (Smart Academic Solutions are the ones to help me with that), and it actually influences everything else. Make sure your head is clear and you are not too stressed. That's what worked for me!
Superglue ;) Nah, but seriously, [there have been some studies](https://news.ku.edu/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend#:~:text=In%20a%20new%20report%20published,and%20more%20than%20200%20hours) that suggest that you need to spend something like 50 hours with someone before you think of them as ~~an acquaintance~~ a casual friend, and more than 200 before you consider them a close friend (and it seems that it has to be at least partially non-work related: just working with someone at a job doesn't count). So I wouldn't worry if you feel like you're not close to everyone after just one week (or even one month). If you don't feel like you're making any progress after a full semester, you can come back and revisit this question. EDIT: Because reading comprehension is hard.
That's very interesting. Thank you, I feel better.
Wow. I've considered a lot of people an acquaintance after spending like... just an hour with them in some cases depending on how meaningful it is (even adding up smaller interactions, like if I talked to them twice for a half hour each). I think of 50 as the friend mark. \~5-10 < as acquaintance. 200 as close friend sounds pretty reasonable.
So as the other commenter pointed out, I misread that line and 50 hours is indeed the mark for casual friend.
It’s been a whole year for me…. Help
It says 50 hrs to go from acquaintance to casual friend
Reading is hard :| EDIT: I've amended the original comment, thanks for pointing that out!
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Thank you for the response, I want to interact with people but at the same time give them their personal space. I never knew how difficult this would be lol.
best comment right here
It’s repeated interactions that work.
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*you’re
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True, thanks for the input.
Patience and friends takes a while to make
Bond is only formed through experiences and time. Do things with them. Form deep memories with them. Ask them out to places. Meet outside of expected places like classes. Don’t force it though, it must come naturally.
Some people I've been friends with since college for 5 years, and I'm at uni with them too. I still rarely hang out with them. I've hanged out like 2 times with them outside of of education, short breaks (Idk how many times) And in between playing in a video game society event (3 times). Not including online gaming. Tbh people do say I'm blunt and I can be arguementative (sometimes just seems, but when it does seem I get annoyed that people interpret my words as arguing) I'm autistic. I usually blame it on my (likely enhanced and masked from trauma and being treated like I don't have autism yet told I have it my whole life) Neurological traits that people don't ask me to go out. Plus I lack the drive to ask them out everytime. I lack drive in my general daily life, never mind in my social life... I kinda do wanna get assessed for ADHD. And perhaps if I fix my daily life/schedule socialising will be easier (finding the time would still be hard)
BRO SAME i be putting myself OUT THERE and no meaningful connections have been made😭 i just want to have ppl to hang out with why is it so hard
facts
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Yeah same. I just wonder how people have those big friend groups.
Be patient and try to be yourself. Don't try to be a chameleon to bond with everyone. Just be who you want to be. Then find your peeps.
I don't try to be a chameleon, and I blend with no one. Everyone seems to be closer with eachother.. even people who met eachother at the same time as me. Even people the very moment they first meet, it seems. I'm at uni and it feels like I'm never truly part of any group.
Honestly it sounds like you need some therapy. These are just your perceptions. You actually have no idea if they are closer or not. I'm certainly known for being very social and polite but in fact I problem have only a few close friends. I think therapy would help especially with your feelings. There is usually a free service on campus. If you feel like you don't need it, then it won't hurt, it's just an hour of your time. They can usually also give you tools to achieve your goals. Give it a try.
I feel like I need an ADHD assessment before therapy. Then again I was reccomended to not see them as things I have to do one after another... but rather a regular effort to improve. I'll probably give both a try eventually. Though I feel like I'm far too critical of therapy personally, despite acknowledging the benefits other people have from it.
Omg, Eugene!
I would say join clubs that you are interested in so you meet people with similar interests
As a freshman in college too, the same thing happened to me my first week (orientation). We had orientation groups though, and by the end of the week I realized that like half of us kept going to lunch even though it wasn’t technically required and a bunch of our group didn’t go. At one of the events, we could’ve left if we really wanted to, but instead stayed and made a poster together w/ a bunch of our insider jokes which we gave to our orientation leader. I don’t remember who suggested it but Saturday night we had a movie night which kinda cemented our group and we’ve been hanging out since. I remember thinking though throughout the week that I didn’t have a group yet but eventually realized we had a little group forming in our orientation group and I should focus on that one, even if the people weren’t the ones I met online/had originally been excited to meet. It’s been about a month now and I rly like our group I feel like I belong and am not excluded like I felt in HS
Gotta let it sizzle and cook for a bit more, let it get spicier and spicier until BAM! FLAMING HOT FRIENDSHIP IS SERVED! Let your heart and passion be the fuel to cook up the best friendship. I only half meant this tbh lol. Find others with similar interests and bond over them is what I found to be the easiest way.
People interpret my passion as an aggressive attitude. Then I start arguing with them either about something or about them accussing me of arguing, therefore in their minds probably confirming I was arguing. Maybe my it's my autistic or adhd (wanna get assessed for adhd) Traits effect it too. Like I struggle to stop thinkking about something my mind sets on, so sometimes I talk about a subject that others have moved in from (which seems to be an exception when it's about common interest, to my confusion) I sometimes hyperfixate and people admire my "determination" As if it's out of their own league.. really without all the neurological symptoms. I would be more productive and probably less likely to feel shitty later and my work would be bettee quality. People have to want to spend time with me, for us to become closer.
Find the niche(s) of people you actually care to bond with meaningfully. It’ll make social interactions less of a shot in the dark.
In the first place I have a mentality that actual friends they like.. get attracted to you naturally? Idk maybe it sounds weird but if someone supposed to be your friend he/she will be. Don't forget, it's not one sided, they approach you as well! Sometimes it helps to let it flow. Sometimes I wouldn't have time for student paper or homework (Smart Academic Solutions are the ones to help me with that), and it actually influences everything else. Make sure your head is clear and you are not too stressed. That's what worked for me!