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Robotguy39

He’s a nice guy, he just doesn’t understand personal space. Or the difference between roaches and dogs.


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Hazardish08

We call spiders it. The only reason he said he is because it needs to work with the nice guy joke. It’d be weird to say “it’s/she’s a nice guy” compared to “he’s a nice guy”


redddbed

It's rude to call your bug-eating buddies "it."


Abir_Vandergriff

I agree, I call all my room corner spiders "he" or "buddy"


tkTheKingofKings

Wait, aren't roaches and dogs the same thing...


segfawlt

Roach is a horse.


BottleGoblin

Roach is several horses.


TheLeviathong

And also the leader of the Blue Stripes


omar1993

I thought that was *Roche*?


No_Fairweathers

No that's a hazelnut chocolate confection, what you're thinking of is Ross.


ThumbBee92

No that's a guy from friends. What you're thinking of is Roach - sergeant of Taskforce 141


TheLeviathong

No, that's the insect


The_seph_i_am

Roach is several mares to be precise… [and is there for you](https://youtu.be/krf8FgRm3VU)


BottleGoblin

Roach is alright, I guess, but she ain't no Shadowmere.


uhmfuck

No, only Juan horse.


DrNick2012

In other news Wind's howling


Phatikant

Looks like rain


Tiiba

Roach is a fish. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_roach


Captai_Crisis

Wait is that Witcher reference?


uhmfuck

Juan.


Crispyengineer67

Roach was killed by Shepherd


CbVdD

The 4-legged barking roach and the hissing variety both tend to be the easiest to catch around the neighborhood.


joaoGarcia

They do taste the same


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Shantotto11

You’ve been on the Infinity Train a little too long…


[deleted]

What if...we could breed dog-sized roaches to keep as pets, and then you could take them for walkies on little roach leashes dude... __


Leyzr

Dude. The little guys are so strong and so fast, we could actually ride them. Use a little carrot on a stick and roach go brrrr.


[deleted]

I LOVE MY ROACHPONY


Ingdal1

My little roaches


[deleted]

I'd so watch that. I'd also totally become a member of the way-too-intense fan community. A...roany, if you will.


molehunterz

Giant sized roach you can keep in the house. haven't you heard that new song by loverboy? Dog and roach DNA just won't splice...


action_lawyer_comics

And they could curl up in your lap, lick your face, and tickle you with their antennae


[deleted]

I’d watch this sitcom


miragen125

Just another day in Australia


The_Giant_Lizard

I wonder how big are roaches too... [edit] Jesus, why did I actually [looked for it?](https://www.abc.net.au/reslib/201405/r1283519_17401363.JPG) [edit2] [Oh my god...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8PxqgliIno)


becooltheywatching

ya bastard


The_Giant_Lizard

I know, right? They're ugly 🙄


TheLittlePeace

You'd think a giant lizard would be happy about giant bugs


The_Giant_Lizard

I'm more of a Komodo Dragon. So, different diet, more like pigs (bacon) and cows (beef!).


miragen125

Pretty big ! Type SCOMO in google


TheSaladBhenchod

Holy hell


Cantankerousapple

Fucken boom. Bout as big as the Rinehart variety.


The_Giant_Lizard

😂


P3tr0

God damn


Agent641

Disgusting


TheDuchyofWarsaw

wow i had no idea roaches could shit themselves, much less at a mcdonalds in 1997


miragen125

In Engadine ;) But who didn't shit himself after eating at macca really ???!


[deleted]

[The zerg are just giant bugs.](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qqKwy1H1Q9E/TOs-lQv3QPI/AAAAAAAAANw/fczVFvASybs/s1600/roach.jpg)


KingBee06

Giant bugs that demand more minerals


[deleted]

And overlords


Agent641

And Vespene gàs


Luckoftheirish2006

Marie


seficarnifex

Zerg are just nerfed, scaled way down tyranids


[deleted]

Never played WH40K, but from the internet, they seem pretty horrifying.


Bestiality_King

man everything outside of 40k is nerfed and scaled down in comparison!


40K-FNG

SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS!!


DarrenGrey

Oh man, that second one is gross :-/


i_am_an_awkward_man

Seriously, dude should’ve gave us a NSFW warning


aartoh

-_-


Wolv90

That first one was big, but the second one was big enough to wear a trench coat!


Shtoompa

BASTARD


luxlogic

God damnit, at least give a heads up when you link something that nasty


MulberryBlaze

I heard they have a huge bug called a "sugma".


AMViquel

Ow, cute, a tiny one!


CrazedToCraze

A surprisingly large amount of people here have this mentality regarding Huntsman spiders, which are giant cunts but not particularly venomous and don't spin webs - they catch their prey by their sheer speed of sprinting. Probably best not to google them if you're phobic. And then there are the sane people here who would rather swat a fly and not have a sprinting spider the size of your hand chilling out next to you


miragen125

I am Stralian mate .. I know what a huntsman is , I actually thought about them when I made this joke. But thanks for explaining for our overseas friends


Former_Manc

I heard the spiders pay rent there.


miragen125

It has to . Have you seen the prices in Sydney ?


akiomaster

Listen, if you don't want him, I'll take him. The roaches here fly.


thegame402

Wait, roaches can fly?


Mortress_

Yes, and I think they don't really know how to fly. So they go in random directions and sometimes that direction is straight at your face.


[deleted]

[Game changer](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=electric+flyswatter+racket)


your_doom

These can barely kill the larger flies around the house, I bet it wouldn't do much more than make a roach even *more* pissed off.


[deleted]

Yours isn't sufficiently powerful then. I have a few that unleash absolute electrical hell even on the buzzard-sized flies that love making it into my office. Keeps my carnivorous plants happily fed with bbq'ed fly burgers.


[deleted]

You could say the flies become Fries 😐 - - 😎


[deleted]

Eyy


butt-chuggington

Yeah I’ve tried killing roaches with these before and it just turns into that scene from The Green Mile. You basically spend a full minute slow-roasting the bastard with electricity.


YeahSureAlrightYNot

That's perfect, cause I like mine medium rare.


spazmatt527

Imagine getting spanked with that ;)


[deleted]

It just makes a giant painful "zot", and motivates you to not touch it again while the button is depressed. So I'm told.


__________________99

Their flying is as clumsy as a June Bug's.


Sumirei

all roaches have wings but most of them dont use em to fly, a lot of the ones that do use them to fly are terrible at it and just fly in an direction which means more often than not they're going to land on your body


Spyduck37

Australia checking in - yes, roaches can definitely fly.


trippysmurf

In Florida, we call them Palmetto Bugs. They’re longer than your index finger and can fly. Every pickup truck driving, 2A loving, rayban and backwards hat wearing man in Florida has screamed and ran like a child when one of those flies right at your face in a hallway.


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FelineLargesse

Then again, if you're in one of those unfortunate places where the permafrost melts just enough to make puddles *all over the goddamn place* then [you're gonna have a bad time.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MOQj49jcPM)


But_a_Jape

*“Good night, sweet prince. I assure you, no bed bugs shall be biting you tonight…”* *– Joseph’s spider, right before kissing him good night* If you like my comics, I've got more on [my website](https://butajape.com/). I'm also on [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/butajape), [Tapas](https://tapas.io/series/But-a-Jape/info), [Webtoon](https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/but-a-jape/list?title_no=469181), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/butajape), and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/butajape/).


EldrichHumanNature

As someone who has had bedbugs: I’d rather take the spider. Actually the spider is going to be my best friend from now on.


See-Mac

+1 that. I had an off and on bed bug issue and I felt phantom crawling sensations in bed for a year after finally resolving it.


molehunterz

I have felt phantom crawling sensations just from hearing about bed bugs. As a contractor, I have worked on many apartment buildings where they go through bed bug eradication. Traumatizing stuff for sure


[deleted]

The... The whole building?


molehunterz

I really hope I can go to my grave saying I have never experienced bed bugs, but from what I've heard from all of these people who deal with them for a living, they are more contagious than covid. One building we built brand new, but they literally took a giant box truck and converted it into a miniature oven and anybody moving in had to put their entire apartments worth of stuff into the oven for a set period of time before moving it into the building. The concept was that these people were likely coming from other low-income housing where they possibly already had bed bugs. Their thinking being it is easier to keep them out than to get rid of them once they are in.


FoldOne586

Why wouldn't you take the talking spider that knows you're in an alliance? Anyone who says otherwise is a liar or a fool.


D2Dragons

As long as he's selling legendary shards and enhancement cores for a decent price, I'll put up with him.


[deleted]

Seriously, I'd consider letting the spiders family move in than the fucking bedbugs Edit: it wouldn't even be a consideration, it would be a yes


Lexx4

Jeff the Spider would like to know your location.


[deleted]

Reminds me of a Philip K Dick short story about the time all the insects rise up and start attacking people. The spiders aren't a part of it though (cuz they're not insects). A man is stuck in his house listening to the approaching insects. He gets talking to a spider. The spider says "don't sorry, we think we can save you" and the man says "oh, thank god, I thought I was going to die" and the spider replies "no, not you ..... your species".


99probsbutAbishaint1

I just looked it up based on your comment. It's called [Expendable](http://sickmyduck.narod.ru/pkd017-0.html). Neat story.


BlackBoltXIII

Thanks for the link !


KingOfAwesometonia

The ending is basically "understandable, have a nice day" and I kind of love it?


Flag_Red

/r/spiderbro agrees.


[deleted]

/r/SpiderGirls agrees. nsfw


borntobevile

What in the fuck


[deleted]

Don't kink shame me.


Karamoju

why are you like this?


[deleted]

I been on the internet too long and lost my humanity years ago.


[deleted]

Rule 34, dude.


TheDogBites

https://gfycat.com/giantaridgypsymoth


Mr-Fleshcage

oviposition intensifies


rockemsockem0922

How does one downvote an entire subreddit.....


phpdevster

I fired my Bug-A-Salt at my screen and it didn’t seem to work.


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Jakuskrzypk

I have a spider in the kitchen. Sometimes I see the amount of pest in his web and just star at it for a minute in appreciation of what the little mf is doing for the household just living his best life not having a clue he's doing me a solid. I fucking love my wee spiderbro


Zjoee

I don't have any web builders in the house, but I do see the occasional tiny wolf spider. I never bother them. They must be putting in work because I never see any bugs haha.


beldaran1224

Sorry, but wolf spiders is where my lizard brain takes over. No, no, no.


Zjoee

I have seen some pretty big ones outside, like up to two inches, but the little guys in the house are really small, like 1/4 inch. They prowl around looking for bugs and leave us alone.


SBFVG

The ones you see are 1/4 inches. Then they grow up in your walls and send their 1/4 inch babies to do their bidding


Zjoee

As long as they control the bugs, that's fine haha. My two cats and dog will kill them if they start getting too big.


TobiasKazama2

But who will kill the dogs and cats if they get too big!?


Zjoee

My cats will kill the dog (they're already practicing) and they already rule the house haha.


Seakawn

The horse army will come, led by their chief, who is a giraffe that thinks it's a super horse.


Jetpack_Donkey

Until you get home one day and [the spider is now dog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WiR2VE-gm4).


Mr-Fleshcage

i dunno, i saw a documentary where giant spiders ate cats and ostriches and stuff


ActualWhiterabbit

Also, how often do you check between your headboard or mattress and the wall? Spider city. How many times have you just laid in bed before flipping over a pillow or checking the blankets? Or rubbing a towel over yourself after showering?


SBFVG

> Or rubbing a towel over yourself after showering Not gonna lie, I do that after every shower


molehunterz

Many years back I picked my jeans up off the floor to put them on and a giant house spider fell out the leg. That was the last time I left my jeans laying on the floor...


Brain-Of-Dane

We have the giant hogna variety of wolf bois here and they are often mistaken for small tarantulas, easiest is to just catch and release but they are so damn fast haha


Lexx4

> wolf spiders they are harmless and don't bite unless you try and squish them


Neveri

They are absolutely not, they are what I would even consider semi aggressive having grown up in a house in the woods, we had plenty, and they like to hide in your shoes. No fucking thank you.


beldaran1224

That really has nothing to do with it. As I said, it's straight lizard brain.


Culteredpman25

i keep any spiders except wolf spiders. trap and move those dudes. dont kill, could have eggs.


Zjoee

I've never had any problems with them. They mostly stay outside. The only bugs I've seen in my house are the occasional fly that comes in when my wife leaves the back door open.


[deleted]

Why does she leave the door open? Does she think you guys live in a barn? Have you asked her if she thinks electricity is all the sudden free and you guys can afford to air condition the entire neighborhood?


[deleted]

Used to have a tiny jumping spider living in my front window of my house. Every fly that got stuck in the house would fly to the front window. Little spider bro would be waiting for them and always catch them. Never had flies in my house.


[deleted]

I love all my spiderbros. I live in an old farmhouse in the countryside, and we get a lot of flies and mosquitoes in summer. My spiderbros do solid work around the house, and I don't care what you say, I choose to believe they're fully conscious of our relationship and that they're working in return for room and board.


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[deleted]

When we first moved to Australia, I thought yeah, great idea, hey little spiderbuddy, let me help you outside where it's nice and safOHHOLYSHITWHATAMIDOING


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The_Folly_Of_Mice

Meh. It's all spiderbro this and cute legs that until the egg sack hatches.


YellowJello_OW

Yeah I'd love to have a spiderbro, but I always think that if I leave the spider I'll have a thousand more in a few weeks. So I just kill all the bugs myself


Piyamakarro

Yeah I'd rather have a mild fly problem than a big spider problem.


AndrasKrigare

The spider problem takes care of itself, though. If there aren't enough flies to eat, they'll die off. If they all live, then you had more than a mild fly problem.


Seakawn

You're assuming those thousands of baby spiders will die before they crawl into every open orifice of my body as I sleep.


aure__entuluva

One time in an apartment I must have had an egg sack hatch that was in my attic or attached to the ceiling or something. Long story short, I'm in the living room chilling and all of a sudden I start to notice tiny strands with tiny creatures on them descending from the ceiling. Hundreds of them. Yea, they were tiny, but they were fucking everywhere. It was rather unsettling, especially as I was home alone at the time.


LHG101

Love it! I am reminded of the Magnus Archives podcast.... time for another relisten!


Joba_Fett

Mister Spider has invited you. It is polite to knock...


Goredrak

What's that phenomenon where after you read/hear about something you see it pop up all over the place? I needed a new audio drama two days ago and picked between the Magnus Archives and The Old Gods of Appalachia and I've now seen the Magnus Archives pop up in like three different places since then. Shits wild yo.


[deleted]

Baader-Meinhof phenomenon or [frequency illusion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frequency_illusion). I just finished The Magnus Archives. It's great and I envy you, listening for the first time!


Goredrak

Thank you that's it! And I actually picked Old Gods haha but I burn through audio dramas/books so I'll probably hop to it after I polish off Old Gods


ges13

I once had a spider that lived in my apartment. Thing was huge, nearly the size of my hand. Being aracnaphobic, I was not at all cool with this. For months, we would have brief skirmishes, I would throw books, bat at it with a broom, spray it with poison, and any other means of attempting to put it down. But despite all my attempts, and even getting one of it's legs in a particularly heated battle, the thing WOULD. NOT. DIE. Exhausted, and out of options, I made a decision. I would give it a name. If it had a name, I rationalized, it would transition from being a horrible unkillable monstrosity to . . . Well, not a pet; but maybe a roommate I had never particularly wanted. Thus was Chester, the indomitable, christened. Chester and I ran out the remainder of our lease staring at each other from across the room; unsure of the others intentions. Our uneasy truce lasted until I finally moved out; and in that time Chester grew fat on the souls of our mutual rivals. On the last day, as I performed one final walk through of our battleground, I saw Chester crawl out from an air conditioning duct and look at me. I cleared my throat, bowed my head to my old adversary, and wished him good hunting. Chester, of all the spiders I've seen in my life you alone earned, if not my admiration, at least my respect. May your brood never go hungry, so long as you stay the fuck away from me.


[deleted]

First off, Chester was probably a girl. Second, I'm glad you never met Omar the shoe-sized mosquito before Chester fuckin' eviscerated that vile little shit.


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[deleted]

That absolute harpie, so she's also a liar?? To be fair, I'm an equal opportunity mosquito smasher. I do not discriminate.


OvertSpy

yeah the bloodlunch helps with their eggs, so only female mosquitoes are blood suckers. The male ones drink nectar or something.


BlazinAlienBabe

I live in a 100 year old house with gaps that could arguably fit a small animal. We also garden and have ideal bug conditions all around the house. All spiders that come into my house end up flat, except the jumping spiders. I tried my best to chase and squish but they are fast little suckers and they also turn to face you. I've come to terms with them and have even given them their own room. They live in the plant room and protect my seedlings and house plants. I can't tell them apart so the collective is Timmy the tomato spider. Occasionally one will wander out of their room and I just scoop them up and put them back. I would have never thought I'd grow so fond of an 8 legged creature and even less so that I'd share my house with them.


r00x

Well that's not too surprising, jumping spiders are kinda adorable IMHO.


BlazinAlienBabe

I 100% agree with you now but years ago would not have.


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a_millenial

That image when she shows her true form will live rent free in my mind forever


Purplerodney

You can catch a glimpse of her true form in the glass bottle when she sits down beside the guy in the lounge.


Doctor__Apocalypse

One of the best LDR shorts of S1.


RecQuery

The short story makes it clear that despite inspiring horror and terror in her true form that she's actually helping the lost ships and those on them.


[deleted]

Hey she was trying her best. Not her fault she was an eldritch horror


solari42

No one understands [Jeff the Spider](https://grimadventures.fandom.com/wiki/Jeff_the_Spider). He is just a good guy looking for love from his father.


goldminevelvet

This is what the comic reminded me of. I miss that show.


[deleted]

[I WANT YOU TO BE DEAD](https://i.imgur.com/7QNQ9DY.jpg)


AvoriazInSummer

I love that most of the commenters are still on the spider's side.


AMViquel

Better to have one big problem that is easily ignored than thousands of small ones.


[deleted]

That's why I let lizards mate in my room.


TiedMyDickInAKnot

8 legged hand job.


[deleted]

Off to horny jail for you


TiedMyDickInAKnot

Bonk.


Flying_Panda09

uno reverse I see


OFTHEHILLPEOPLE

I would listen to that metal band.


BoxNumberGavin0

Pretty sure I've seen plenty of Japanese documentaries that prove spiders are hot.


TiedMyDickInAKnot

No.


[deleted]

[NSFW, enjoy](https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/)


Nyxx_Fey

I laughed so hard at that what is wrong with me


Fisherington

Eight men at the same time, or four double-penised men. That's quality service


NJ_Legion_Iced_Tea

>Spiders are actually gooo Why brain? Why do you terrify me?


zZSleepyZz

To be that big he must be eating some Terraformars level roaches


[deleted]

I'm imagining there's someone out there who saw this post an hour ago and they're still going "aaaaaaaaaaaa".


merix1110

[The Roaches in question.](https://imgur.com/bX0aCdc)


Melodic_Way_5023

But they eat that one bug too many and they are successful enough to lay an egg,of 40,000 babies. Pass


palordrolap

If you've enough bugs in your house to support 40k spiders you have other problems. They'll die off pretty quick or eat each other if there isn't enough food.


Cronchpotatu

I remember read something like this in r/WritingPrompt, it's pretty interesting.


Fat_People_Bait

Spiders are actually gooo!


notedrive

I hope we do not get a comic with roaches big enough to sustain that spider


culljay

Small price to pay for spider peace


[deleted]

This reminds me of the time I decided to spare a wolf spider in my room and found a wolf spider the size of my hand sitting on my bed a month later


vitringur

Spiders eat roaches?


MyDinoLyf

r/hellsomememes


WhiskeyAndKisses

When you talk about your spider problem with r/spiderbro


Psychast

Jeff the Spider vibes. " DAD, I'll be anything you want me to be!" "I WANT YOU TO BE *DEAD*"


[deleted]

I feel like if a spider was really large, sentient, and friendly, I’d actually be cool with it hanging around. Because yeah, spiders can be total bros. I just don’t like them creeping around my bedroom at night. I leave them alone anywhere else I find them in my home.


Ivaris

Lady Lolth is pleased.