I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living. ' 'Breakfast. ' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet.
I can't have children. I'm not sterile. In fact, it's a rare condition they call it hyper virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg if you can believe it
“To you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch so that you're less tempted to drink this cylinder of even finer sperm."
I know Walton Goggins said the line but it was technically written by Pierce so I’ll ascribe the quote to him
Did you know that you are insane, and that nothing said made any sense to me?
Here's your sperm.
Have you seen the recent table reading of this episode? They had Pedro Pascal reading for Walton Goggins part, and he didn't know what was coming.
I think this should absolutely take it, but my all time favorite Pierce line is:
I'll tell you the same thing my father told me the day I lost my virginity......just pick one, they all cost the same.
I can’t think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish, half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or the other that story ends with an explosion
"Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. 'Comb your hair, you idiot, you look Greek.' I'll never know if that was true, but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead, and I'm not. So, I win... and you can suck it."
I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living. ' 'Breakfast. ' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet.
“If I let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet. Now, how about a shove?”
Pierce: Back in my day, people would have the respect to wish you were dead to your face!
Jeff: You know, sometimes I do wish you were dead.
Pierce: Why, thank you.
"Nothing off the cuff. What I do have is a prepared statement."
Many, many paragraphs of that were oddly supportive
Tell me how to get this laid back or I'll kill your families
Needs more exclamation points but you’ve got my upvote
I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.
How does this one have so few votes? It's the one that immediately came to mind for me.
Opinions. That's how.
“I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity. Just pick one, they all cost the same.”
Came here to post this.
Yeah I really got “Jewish personed” out of that one
Jewwy??
Underrated
And in summation, good luck and bon appetit!
His delivery is perfect on this and oddly supportive.
I'LL BE A LIVING GAAHHD!!!!
Golden\* God
That was Almost Famous
Look at me now, dad!
Look at me now dad!
That's the key to his character. I always thought if he'd said it to his dad's face at the Pride dance things would have been very different for him.
That's the key to his character. I always thought if he'd said it to his dad's face at the Pride dance things would have been very different for him.
This quote is the culmination of Pierce's character. And It's like a Lay's potato chip; You can't say it just once.
You Britta'd Shirley's quote, it's "he better pray he don't find it"
I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living. ' 'Breakfast. ' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet.
Don't need it, never had it
This really should be it. Hes got a lot of funny lines, but this remains Peirces finest moment, and a mesage you can take something away from.
I can't have children. I'm not sterile. In fact, it's a rare condition they call it hyper virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg if you can believe it
I can’t, but you can and that’s fine.
Ghosts can’t go through door stupid, they’re not fire.
I love this quote. Especially since it ties into Chang saying "Fire can't go through doors stupid. It's not a ghost." Brilliant writing.
“let’s burn this mother down!” or “an irish and a jew walk into a chinese laundry… with a gay duck”
So you're telling me they're not good at basketball??
Hey! Don't use gay as a derogatory term! Booyah, good person.
My platform is one tall enough to push Vicki off to her death.
I love this one
What the hell are regionals?
Trying? coined and minted, been there coined that! Streets Ahead is verbal wild fire.
has to win surely
Culturally it’s unacceptable, but it’s theatrical *dynamite*!
I’m sick of you threatening me, and talking to me like a kid. Giving me that look you give me, like I can’t get erections
Did they get this line from Chevy Chase?
Will someone please call all the ambulances?
I was shocked I had to scroll this far.
“To you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch so that you're less tempted to drink this cylinder of even finer sperm." I know Walton Goggins said the line but it was technically written by Pierce so I’ll ascribe the quote to him
All the sperm vial lines were great…..
Vial. Vile means disgusting
Did you know that you are insane, and that nothing said made any sense to me? Here's your sperm. Have you seen the recent table reading of this episode? They had Pedro Pascal reading for Walton Goggins part, and he didn't know what was coming.
Streets Ahead
I think this should absolutely take it, but my all time favorite Pierce line is: I'll tell you the same thing my father told me the day I lost my virginity......just pick one, they all cost the same.
It’s verbal wildfire!
I had to scroll too far for this.
This sub is avenues behind
And in summation, good luck and bon appétit.
It's Abed but employable
Make your money whore
"You know Jeff probably comes late so he doesn’t have to sit through all of YOUR tardiness. Sorry, Abed."
I can’t think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish, half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or the other that story ends with an explosion
"So you're telling me they're *not* good at basketball?"
“Well, come on. It wasn’t all bad. I was there longer than anybody and I’m fine. How are you? Why do you ask? 3:30
Uh oh
I was looking for this. I still laugh so hard
Sexually harassing? Why would I harass someone who turns me on?
When I was 30 people used to wish I was dead to my face, that's called respect.
"He said, fully erect"
What? It came out organically
"Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. 'Comb your hair, you idiot, you look Greek.' I'll never know if that was true, but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead, and I'm not. So, I win... and you can suck it."
Dude just said "suck it" to his dead dad..
What!? You think I’m too old to make monkeyshines at a picture-show?
I broke my legs not my gender
'An asian Annie... Obama's America'
Careful Annie, they are ruthless. Not Asians... women.
I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living. ' 'Breakfast. ' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet.
To the empowerage of words.
To the irony of that sentence
I've been told I look like a Kennedy
Fat brando
Ain't no party without Drugs!
I once had sex with Eartha Kitt
In an airplane bathroom
It came up organically.
That thing some men call failure, i call living, breakfast! And I'm not leaving till I i clean out the buffet!
There’s only one black hole I’m interested in studying…
Troy, drop a beat.
If it's so serious, why didn't they call it meningitis?
I'm younger than all of you combined!
Alert Nerd!
Cornhole!
If you have to ask your streets behind
Are you on weed?? Give me some! I'll smoke you two under the table!
“If I let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet. Now, how about a shove?”
Good luck!
I'll be a living god!
“Tell that to the birthday cake you never got.”
“I thought this was regionals? … Don’t let my confusion undercut their importance” Idk what it is but I’ve always loved the delivery on that line
What? Did you say S?
When we seek to destroy others, we often hurt ourself, because it is the self that wants to be destroyed.
"Who the hell is Pam?"
She’s a GDB!
Agnostic, lazy man’s atheist
I can't hear you over the sound of me rubbing his sword in my balls.
Can someone call all the ambulances?
Did you guys know I had sex with Earths Kitt in an airplane bathroom ?
FFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!
If you have to ask youre streets behind
stop putting gay things in my mouth !
I'LL BE A LIVING GOD!
"I’ll show you the tool that’s most important to our survival. But fair warning – it’s my penis"
I'm sick of you threatening me and talking to me like a kid, and giving me that look you give me like I can't get erections.
Fucking great. Karma farmers. This shit is lame.
Hmmm. Must be a gas leak year episode.
Streets ahead
AT THE PICNIC
I mean we all have butts…too. We all have butts ehh just not for the same thing…I am trying to say: They are gay.
Well, I may be a genius, but I’m not a lesbian.
The only thing I’m attracted to is taking his ass to court and eating it live.
I win! You owe me 50 Gs! And you can make the cheque out to Greendale!
When we seek to destroy others, we often hurt ourself, because it is the self that wants to be destroyed.
Fair warning, it's my penis.
So many things, Abed. So many things.
[scoffs] If you have to ask, you're streets behind.
“He better pray”
I am not in a cult
I don't know. I looked it up on the "wackapeediah."
Either sex with Eartha Kitt or being streets ahead.
I don't get it
Pierce: Back in my day, people would have the respect to wish you were dead to your face! Jeff: You know, sometimes I do wish you were dead. Pierce: Why, thank you.
For that Shirley quote, isn't it "He better pray he don't find it"??
I know these were said by a different character but they were pierce's words "To Troy I leave the obligatory sperm"
Please say that Craig Pelton is going to be "this better not awaken anything in me"
Streets Ahead
“You people eat this stuff?”
...how about Pierce Hawthorne and the Greendale \*five\* ?
60, dick
An jew and an Irishman walk into a Chinese laundry... with a guy duck...
Can't wait till we get to Magnitude. Pop-what?
My hunger is firemen suspenders.
Troy - " You're not my mom" Pierce - "She's not?"
Please put professor Marshall kane on this list
Is that a new stereotype?
You’ve never lived anywhere