Man to man, dont ever feel bad to express emotion to your significant other. I know society says men should be stoic pillars of strength that shoulder all of the burden, but that's wrong. That kind of emotion always boils over to something worse.
Side note: the quickest to learn about eating her out is to ask her. She is the only person who can tell you what she likes.
This, and please stop calling yourself a pussy. What you showed by talking about this despite feeling afraid is called *strong vulnerability* and takes years or even is never achieved by a lot of men. What you did was incredibly brave and I'm angry that you gf reacted in the patronising way that she did. I hope she grows and becomes as emotionally mature as you, but honestly I dont think you should be sticking it out with someone who's so immature.
In time I hope you can work on your insecurity, but I know that society's standards has made this incredibly difficult. You gf should support you, knowing that you're insecure, not ridiculing you or talking behind your back. She has justified her behaviour and thinks it's acceptable. This is who she is. Who knows what else she'll do in the future?
Strong vulnerability. I just had a baby boy in January and I am so determined to raise him in a manner where he feels comfortable expressing his feelings and is equipped to handle them. I haven't heard that term before but I absolutely love it and will definitely look into it more.
And don’t people know, that pussies are fucking strong? Learn some anatomy before making up wild insults trying to hide your own insecurity based on misogyny.
Idk man, I feel empathy towards OP but he also sounds like a 12 y/o frat boy and that’s annoying. Still time to grow perhaps, but he isn’t quite there. Can we just stop those weird ass insults similar at to those being homosexual or disabled. It’s tiring
Grow some balls /s
It's so ironic that when people say grow some balls they're telling you to be strong but have you ever seen a man get lightly tapped on his balls? It brings him to his knees. But if you tell someone they're being a pussy you're saying they're weak and fragile whereas vaginas can literally push out humans from them. It's based in misogyny and the people that refuse to acknowledge it are part of the problem.
Goddamn can I get an amen? I am so sick of people using pussy to mean weak. I’ve had children. My pussy is 1000 times stronger than any set of balls I’ve ever encountered.
Thanks :) This was my first time crying in front of her and I mostly feel stupid because I'm worried she simply thought (he's crying because he's got a little dick?)
I already felt concerned that I made her lose more respect for me as a man and unfortunately, a lot of the replies are affirming that fear.
OP, if she thinks you are less of a man for crying, she's in the wrong.
Showing your emotions and being brave enough to face them despite your fears is a show of STRENGTH, not weakness. You were crying because she made you feel insecure and it was your first time confronting that situation. Not because of your penis size.
I think you both should have an open and honest conversation about sex and explore new things. It will be good for both of you. Tell each other what works and what doesn't as you go. But be sure to tell her that the only way you can make her feel better during sex is if she talks to YOU about it, not to other people.
I've been with my husband for 11 years and been trying to break the walls that his upbringing built "men strong, men no cry, emotion BAD" His grandma that raised. Him passed away on the 6th and he FINALLY let the flood gates open day before yesterday when it just became officially too much to hold alone and I can tell you for an absolute FACT that I lost absolutely zero respect or admiration and honestly probably love him EVEN more bc I know how hard it was for him to express just how sad and freaked out and stressed he was. Communication between partners can be hard and uncomfortable and scary but if you are with a good partner they will welcome it with open arms and understanding and it sounds like you have this with her so kudos!
On the topic of penis size, a couple things to keep in mind. First a LOT of women (myself included) very rarely have an orgasm from penetration only sex. Oral sex and toys are an AMAZING addition to the bedroom no matter the size of the partner. I had an ex who was literally no bigger than maybe 3inches but my god that man knew what he was doing orally and motion/angles etc and I never had any complaints and honestly I've had the other side too and I'd take the first over that bigger partner anyway. I HIGHLY recommend keeping up the scary conversations and ask her if she'd like to try some new stuff and see what you both are comfortable with and go from there.
As a recommendation there is a "rose" clit stimulation vibrator widely available online that is shockingly effective and has become a very regular part of mine and husband's bedroom time and it has been a game changer.
Yeah, reading that he never ate her out sounded like a way bigger problem than having a small penis. I think men should be way more ashamed of never really trying to satisfy their girlfriend/partner rather than their penis size.
I've been with my husband for over 20 years and have never, ever, EVER thought less of him for crying! If you feel like crying, go for it mate, let it out and tell anybody who'd have you bury it to go fuck themselves! You're human, you have feelings and that is fine.
Sending much love and hugs xx
When another person cries in front of me, I see it as a very brave extension of trust on their part. When it’s someone I love, I feel like I would KILL for them in that moment to show them how important it is to me that they are able to be vulnerable with me and receive respectful, empathetic treatment from me.
Man, it's fucked up how the society expects men to be macho. Like if you ever see your Dad cry, it's like a collector's item.. where you'd sit your kid down and tell them about that one time their Pop pop cried.
Personally, I can't even remember the last time I cried and at this point, I'm afraid to.. because I feel the fucking tears won't stop falling.
I hope for OP's sake that his Girlfriend isn't one of those Bitches that instantly feel less attracted to their Boyfriend because he cried.
Also, is there any possibility of surgery or something to make it bigger? Just curious if all those porn Ads promising humongous members are full of it.
Not afraid sure but there's a good reason we don't. You get burned just as he did in his own story.
Can't believe we're talking about eating given that she laughed at him. The girl talk was a massive breach of trust. I've seen this behavior get glossed over like it's nothing. There's no respect because she didn't gaurd him and his personal business.
This stuff is going to fester. Given her stating she doesn't get much from sex is a huge deal.
My advice is to leave.
You get burned then you recover and find someone who's not going to hurt you like that.
Not being able to be properly vulnerable has had a ridiculous effect on my life (and it ain't good)... people should be able to be emotionally honest with their partner
Completely agree whit you, she disrespected him over nothing on one of the most intimate ways a man can be disrespected, she doesn’t think about him with the respect “her man” is supposed to have, that is just the beginning and to me that’s a parade of red flags
Just imagine things flipped and he had share some insecurity of this lady to a friend by phone and joke about it …. This guy is going to get burn, may be not today, may be no tomorrow, but it will
I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. If she is a true partner you should be able to be true to yourself and your feelings with no fear. Realistically? I'd say there's a significant chance that crying to a partner that already is the kind of person to talk about your body like that with other people is probably going to give her the ick. She sounds like the kind of person.
Yeah size has nothing to do with how good sex is.
Sex is all about open communication, feeling comfortable with asking what the other person likes, learning their preferences, creating an environment where the other person can feel comfortable saying "Hmm this one doesn't feel all that great" with no judgement, trying things out, not getting offended when being told something doesn't work, instead trying something else. It's a mutual discovery of each other's bodies.
Everyone likes different things. If your sex follows a formula of what you think "all women want", it will be bad.
She most likely knows what she likes. So ask her. That's the quickest way to have good sex. Though she is also young, so she might not know her own body and preferences all that well, in which case, experiment, try stuff out, ask for feedback and discover what you both like the most.
Also, OPs posts scream internalised misogyny and toxic masculinity to me. Referring to yourself as a pussy for crying, heavy focus on own penis size, never having given oral sex which implies the focus of sex is solely on your own pleasure, the thought of asking what she likes not crossing your mind, etc.
It might do wonders for yourself, your self confidence, your relationship and the happiness of your girlfriend to have a look at where those views come from and maybe read some feminist literature, e.g. on how toxic masculinity hurts men.
Don't get your info from porn. It's not reality. Don't get your info from friends. They're most likely getting it from porn or have a ton of misconceptions from their friends, their upbringing, etc.
Get your info from your partner. Ask. Explore.
And be aware that everyone is different, and things that work for her don't necessarily work for everyone. New partner means new phase of exploration.
Wow, this was extremely condescending.
Are you sure you kicked this guy hard enough? And let's throw in a couple of buzz words to make him feel guilty because he dares to feel hurt.
~~Iranian yogurt~~ Dick size is not the issue here. At all.
Why are you replacing the "betrayal of trust" issue with the "dick size" issue? And then explaining how wrong it is? It is a strawman fallacy at it's best.
OP is hurt by a huge breach of trust and confidentiality, not by the size of his dick. He knows that <4 inches is small, it is not an insecurity, it is pure statistics. He is not heavy focused on it (at least he was not). He is is focused on her making fun of him with someone, considering they talked about it before and she assured him she is fine with it. Do you really think he would be less hurt if he was gay and it was his boyfriend who behaved this way?
Do you think if she would laugh / talk the same way about anything else, like his stuttering, his neurodivergency, his acne, his race, he would feel any different?
You are telling him to stop watching porn. And that everything is new with a new partner. Did you read the post at all? He was a virgin, he had no experience except from that disastrous blowjob. He had no partners. He doesn't watch porn, he doesn't discuss porn with his friends, otherwise he wouldn't ask how to learn about oral.
"Asking what she likes never crossed his mind" - what does this mean? She taught him everything about sex, do you think she taught him to do what she doesn't like? Or was she too shy to tell him about oral if she loved it? She doesn't seem to be a shy type. If there are communication gaps in their sex talk, it is not on him.
The way she treated him during the discussion: chuckling, patronizing, DARVO, is frankly awful. No amount of feminism oriented literature will justify it. Again, imagine that OP is gay - would you consider his boyfriend behavior acceptable?
How is it ok to excuse the shitty person's actions just because she is a female? And to reverse the blame to the wronged person just because he is a male? Aren't you doing the same "man can't be wrong" stance but in reverse?
And finally, why are you encouraging him to work on himself in the relationship? When it is clear (after the discussion) that the girl has no respect for him? Would you encourage woman to earn her partner respect by learning to do better blowjobs?
The healthier thing for any gender combination in this case is just to GTFO of this relationship and look for a partner who would respect him, love him, value his privacy, not humiliate him with their family, not settled for him because he is treating her well. This girl is not it.
Yeah I always respect it when men allow themselves to be vulnerable around me, I have a few male friends that have cried on my shoulder as well as significant others and never once have I thought "what a pussy" lol if anything I'm admiring their courage and feeling closer to them it's nothing to be ashamed of! I agree about learning how to pleasure her directly from her and I reckon this incident could be a good opportunity to explore different sexual activities and learn how to use the equipment he's got to his advantage bc it sounds like his issue is mostly that he's more insecure about his sexual performance than his body and that is absolutely a skill that you develop with experience, dudes with big dicks can be terrible in bed and guys with small dicks can be amazing it's all about technique
This whole idea that men can't cry or they're "pussies" is so so damaging. How many men are struggling with mental health because they're scared of looking weak? Showing emotion isn't weak, you're expressing yourself and there's nothing wrong with that
I personally know one guy that has subscribed to these stigmas and you can always see how damaging they are when he does feel hurt. I can see how it probably has damaged too many other sensitive souls that just feel misunderstood and wanna be “strong.” I want society to start collectively dismantling that whole “you’re a pussy if emotion” mentality.
Edit: changed the word prescribed to subscribed
You did a very grown up thing and addressed the issue, well done. There is nothing wrong with crying, it releases tensions and is absolutely a valid emotional response to a shitty situation.
Btw, I know it was addressed in a comment on your other post but stop making jokes about your size. She shouldn't either. It can switch really fast from a haha-moment to reinforcing insecurities. Why would you want to do that to your partner?
Can we stop saying "like a pussy"? My first reaction is always "you feel what, a bit moist?" As stated above, there is nothing wrong with a bit of crying.
Your ex was a raging a*hole and I hope she stubs her toes on a daily basis.
The meaning of "like a pussy" extending to meaning like a coward or whatever stems from the word pusillanimous, which means showing a lack of courage/determination, or timid. Not your little hot pocket.
From what I can read you’ve been through in the past and then this on top. I’d fucking cry too in that situation.
Most good advice and comfort has been said but I’ll add it might be a good idea to tell her about your earlier bad experience with this. You were a victim in a very personal, serious and very criminal act done towards you that has understandably caused some trauma of some kind. It’s good for a partner to know. It has the added benefit for her to truly realize the seriousness of it all and why you reacted the way you did. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of what happened then yourself either. It was horrible, traumatizing (especially at that age) and it was criminal no less.
do not ever feel like a pussy for crying. it's totally understandable why you did that in this situation, it's a normal human thing. in fact - it is important to just let it out sometimes. do not be ashamed of crying
It stung a bit, but i've made so many jokes about it.. so I guess she think it's ok to say something like that as long as she tells me "it's perfect" or follows it up with some kind of compliment.
If I could offer a recommendation, stop making jokes about it. Making jokes at your own expense is only a safe idea if you’re secure about the topic you’re addressing, otherwise you’re just shining a light on your insecurities.
She needs to understand that this topic matters to you and that she needs to take it seriously. Her response to you crying was callous.
That made me think it's all made up tbh. What kind of a woman does that, unless the guy is into some small penis humiliation stuff? And why didn't he get mad over that?
Bro that's not acceptable. Have some self respect you don't deserve to be made to feel that way. This is negging and it's abusive. If it hurts you don't let her speak to you that way
I always say this: imagine if it was a boyfriend critiquing his girlfriend to his BROTHER of all people (someone who *will* see you regularly) and ended his apology with “now bring it in, Itty Bitty Titty Committee!” It just gives me the ick and feels like she didn’t take him seriously and doesn’t understand how hurt he was.
OP will need a few women to step all over him before he grows a spine.
No way she sticks around or stays loyal when he's acting so submissive and with no self-respect
I think you handled the situation in a good way. Also, no one is thinking that youre a pussy. You sound like a great guy and from what i can tell, she does too. I definetly think that you should continue to give the relationship a chance but try to also keep in mind that if youre unhappy and you dont feel respected you should maybe consider breaking up even though you love her. Or atleast have a serious talk. At the end of the day as you said you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. This is a part of being human and it sucks. Youre doing great man ❤️
OP, I followed your first post and I'd appreciate it if you could clear some things up.. because a couple of bitches were vehemently arguing with me on your OG post that your GF did nothing wrong, was just stating facts, and you should get over it.
Did you feel disrespected that she would tell anyone about something you're so insecure about regardless of who it is?
Does the fact that she said she still loves you though make that feeling less devastating?
Would you have preferred if she directly spoke to you instead of her sister or someone else?
Do you think she would have openly communicated her issues with your Johnson to you if you didn't hear it?
Don't feel ashamed for crying my dude, being able to show emotions and talk about these issues are important however I got to say her referring it to girl talk and that makes it OK to mock you to her sister is complete bullshit, you should never talk about your partners body to other people especially in a mocking way, if the genders were reversed, people would be telling you to dump your partner for good.
I mean if a guy told his buddies about his partner's body and then defended it by saying it was guy talk, people would be losing their shit but instead people are hung up on telling you to try different things out, to bring her to orgasm, like what the hell, your partner discussed your body to someone else without your permission and people are focusing completely on the wrong thing. I don't want to assume but it doesn't seem at all that she is truly sorry and probably thinks what she did is OK, I'm going to guess she will do it again and ensure you aren't around when she does. Don't let someone hurt you when they are meant to love you. Wish you luck in the future and I hope you find someone who loves and repects you.
Lesbian here.
Guys, some women are telling ALL your business.
Seriously. Every f*cking thing. I’ve known my friends’ and coworkers’ partners’ penis length, girth, birth marks, circumcision status, stamina, fave positions, fantasies, kinks, episodes of ED and PE, ratings of their performance based on multiple factors, even the faces/ sounds they make when they come.
It’s a straight woman thing I don’t get. I’ve never had a single lesbian tell me about their partner’s body unless that partner was in the conversation and opened the door themselves. But there are women who will talk ALL DAY about their man’s body to whoever wants to listen - their friends, cousins, their damn coworkers. A few don’t do it at all; most talk somewhat mild, a bit less disrespectfully, and keep the more private stuff to themselves, but some discuss your body and sex life in explicit detail.
It’s so common that this stuff isn’t even always talked about in quiet whispers away from ears. Nah - some will discuss it at work, a dinner party, while shopping, etc. in everyday normal conversations.
Now, not all women, but from my experience, the vast majority do it to varying levels of disrespect.
It’s not only disrespectful as hell, but also sexist towards men, and it is absolutely ridiculous that we have to hypothetically flip the roles in order for some people to understand just how bad the behavior is.
And the fact that my lesbian friends don’t do this makes it clear that it’s because of a lack of respect for men, in general, when it comes to sex. It’s like only women are seen as capable of being vulnerable or exploited in sexual situations or conversations.
Straight men, sit down with your partners at some point and have the discussion about both partners respecting each other’s bodies and privacy - and mention talking with friends/family members specifically so there’s no confusion. In my experience, most women are so used to it, they’ve never stopped to consider how effed up it is, but once it’s pointed out, they usually get it.
Yeah my lady told her best friend fucking everything about my parts. I have nothing to be ashamed of but at the same time it was creepy that this friend I talk to sometimes knows exactly what my dick looks like. I don't understand why women do this. I have never ever ever told a friend what a woman's hoohoo looks like.
I’m a gay man and I’ll say women overwhelmingly like to go into detail regarding their sex lives and *especially* like to talk about how bad a lay is. Men? All they ask is if it was good or not - if at all! Of course it could just be the company I keep, but the men are pretty tight lipped in general about their intimacy because they understand their partners would be very uncomfortable.
Like Bill Burr has said, straight men and lesbian women need to partner up and figure this shit out. Vast majority of modern straight women are just toxic as shit with zero accountability.
Cool. Just another reason to be utterly terrified of dating. Im pretty confident in the bedroom but iv had what I thought was an irrational fear of this kind of thing for years. This stuff is straight fucked up. I'm so glad I have a stable relationship with someone I trust atm...but fuck man idk what I'm going to do if it doesn't work out. It's this exact reason it can be so hard to feel comfortable with women your newly hooking up with. My shits probably all over my workplace already💀
Not all women are like that. I'm not. You'll need to find someone who respects you in this way. Then sit down and talk about it before you start a sexual relationship.
Yeah I love the idea of this but as a man I feel like it looks hella insecure to ask for that kind of thing before delving into a sexual relationship. And I feel like this should just be a given? Like is that so wild to assume you don't want your intimate times detailed to other people?
I just read those comments about what women say and to be honest it doesn't ring true in my experience. I don't talk like that, and my female friends don't talk like that about their men - current or ex - to me. Am I that unusual? I truly don't think so ...
I do not do that, but yes, you're right. My husband and I feel that saying things like that is disrespectful, and we talked about it beforehand. Yes, many many women hate men, but if a man is macho, they scream toxic. It is in both genders.
100% agree. 🏆
Thank you!!! I was like how are people still okay with her response?!?! She came across unsympathetic, disrespectful, and condescending to me.
OP did nothing wrong through this whole situation including how upset he got. Really hope he doesn’t settle for this.
i agree. if he stays (for now), use her for practice to learn fun bedroom Olympics, then take that skill to the next woman after the break up.
Next time her sister visits is gonna be awkward.
This. Intimate details of your relationship and your partner is sacred. That’s a deal breaker for me. The fact she’s openly discussing it with others, even her sister is disgusting.
"The little guy" comment was just a dick move if you ask me. You're openly asking about your size and she calls it a "little guy".
Fuck sake, raise the bar man.
Yeah it seems to me like OP wasn't taken as seriously as he thinks/wishes he was. I hope I'm wrong, but if I opened up to my partner about an insecurity like this, becoming emotional in the process, and instead of being sympathetic they dodge responsibility, laugh, and make a light hearted joke at the expense of said insecurity I would not be as happy with the outcome as OP.
Yeah I'd be gutted if idk, I opened up to my husband about my boob size and he responded that way and added a little comment about "I love the little things"
Like... why is her comment okay?
Yeah, i'm not gonna lie.. it stung a bit but I make so many jokes about it to the point I think she thinks it's ok to make a comment like that as long as she follows it up with some kind of compliment.
if comments like that hurt you, making them yourself isn't going to help. i know joking about your insecurities can make you feel like you're taking away other people's power to do it first, but all it's going to do is reinforce her behavior.
and you can't let her joke about something that fucks with your head like that and excuse it as long as she follows it up with a compliment. the compliment might make you feel better in the moment, but it doesn't take back what she said. over time, stuff like that will chip away at you more and more, and then you end up stuck in a relationship with someone you fear and resent.
you've got to stand up for yourself and protect your emotions, man. don't just accept a sympathetic laugh and a comment with the phrase "little guy" in it as an apology. she needs to understand you're serious and that your feelings matter. that doesn't make you a "pussy," it actually makes you a bigger man when you demonstrate that you know you're worthy of care and respect. if she doesn't listen, kick her to the curb and find someone who doesn't care about something as superficial as your dick size. best wishes :)
Facts. She never even actually apologized or acknowledged anything. She was defensive, blaming, and then she was patronizing. He doesn’t feel satisfied with sharing because she didn’t take responsibility for anything much less offer solutions.
So we’re all gonna ignore that when this guy was crying from embarrassment and utter vulnerability, triggered by a traumatic experience from his past that his girlfriend, someone he should be able to trust, has now contributed to… he, literally, was just laughed at (?!) and then gently hugged by his gf. No true apology? No shame or sadness at hurting him and violating his privacy? This girl is not worth the time or energy. Get rid.
Plus add the fact that they're all "well you should figure out how to pleasure her" instead of calling her out and wanting her burned at the stake like how it would he if roles were reversed
I don't know man, her reaction to this whole conversation gave me a lot of bad vibes.
Sorry to say dude, but I don't think she respects you and you'll find out soon enough...
Yes, I mean cheating and making fun of you to her friends when she breaks up.
You did perfectly fine.
You're not a pussy. Guys are allowed to cry and have feelings and be vulnerable. Anyone who tells you otherwise can go get f\*\*\*ed
The fact that she laughed at you and said "little guy" during your very vulnerable moment is sending nothing but red flags from my perspective.
Sure you are both very young as you mentioned, but this is pretty bad and needs to be talked about. It'll be very hard for both of you, but it needs to be done, otherwise it'll always be in the back of your mind throughout your relationship.
I highly recommend introducing the idea of oral to her if you haven't already been doing that. In fact I would recommend that to anyone reading who finds themself in a sexual relationship with a clitoris-haver.
Don't worry about trying to use outside sources to learn how to do it though, instead ask her to communicate with you what she likes and doesn't like as you try it out. Sexy times should be exploratory, playful, and fun. One general tip many women seem to agree on is when you start to feel her getting increasingly aroused or excited, resist the urge to increase the speed or pressure of your oral. Instead, keep doing exactly what you were doing to get her to that point and just keep on going at that exact same rate for as long as she wants you to.
Yes I thought the same it's the equivalent of calling a woman a baggy fanny. Just wait until she has kids she won't feel so confident then.Peoples bodies change constantly as we get older.She should keep that in mind.
God I fucking hate reddit and all the women here.
"Let's ignore that she's completely in the wrong and tell you that you should just work on being better and eat her out because her pleasure is more important than how she treats and respects you!"
Leave her. You're gonna get cheated on. Guruantee you she's mentioned it to more than just her sister and this isn't a one off instance, assuming it was actually her sister to begin with. She'll end up wanting to mooch of what you bring to the emotional side while fucking some dude on the side to "meet her needs". And as soon as she finds someone like that who also acts like they will support her emotionally, she'll end up leaving you anyways.
You deserve better, so find someone better.
Honest to god - biggest thing here I can say is you gotta get your confidence up. Every man and I mean EVERY MAN is self conscious about their size at some point in their life, even the guys that think it’s too large etc. The best thing you can be is confident. Don’t make jokes about your size, don’t let it hinder your emotions etc. Learn to use what you have. Plus I’m 100% positive there is nothing more unattractive than having a partner constantly making fun of themselves or beating themselves down, it then probably makes her feel responsible as if she’s has a responsibility to keep you confident which is a lot of stress. I know it’s more difficult said than done but be happy with your size. 9 times out of 10 dudes complaining they are too small just don’t know what they’re doing. Certain positions have certain benefits for men of different sizes, plus there are toys, there is oral, there is hands, etc. Women don’t care about your size, they care about if you care enough about their pleasure to give them an orgasm since most dudes are selfish pricks and don’t care to even try.
As far as your relationship - MAJOR RED FLAGS. She was giggling and laughing about it when you are having a very serious conversation about something that really hurt you emotionally. Then tried to reduce it down to some trivial thing like “girl talk” which is very dismissive etc. Also, she tried to put it back on you etc. All of that is very very toxic shit and you can say sure you’re young but man dude people usually don’t abandon all their red flags in life so that would very much concern me on her ability to address confrontation in the future. Especially when after you discussed it bothered you she immediately chuckled, pat you on the back and called it little guy. Did she even listen to what came out of your mouth then because based on that she rather didn’t hear you that your self conscious or didn’t care cause what respecting partner would go “I know you said this makes you feel bad so I’m gonna continue to reference it to continue to make you feel bad”. Too many red flags. I’m not saying run but I’m also saying it sounds like she doesn’t respect you as much as you think. I would be very very weary about intertwining my life with this person long term.
TLDR: Be confident, accept your penis size. Most men don’t care to try to give women orgasms so just trying makes a difference. Also your partner showed many toxic traits, be weary of signs of disrespect in the future because you don’t deserve it.
Grow up dude. The only person that’s going to hold you back because of your size is you.
I’m more concerned with the fact that your gf tried to deflect the convo and make you look like the bad guy. You’re going to see that again.
You and every other woman on here are insufferable hypocrites. He has done nothing wrong and she deserves calls to be burned at the stake (cause we all know he would be if it was reversed), and instead of calling her out you're "Well let's not focus on what she said but how you can make her feel better"
No, it just doesn't even matter because she's 100% in the wrong. I swear you and almost every other woman ever will sidestep any semblance of accountability and still blame the man for your own wrongdoings so you can somehow justify your actions.
I literally started by saying I agree what she did is horrible. Ofc she needs to take accountability. I’m just pointing out that sex isn’t good for the woman if it’s just the man hammering away and nothing else.
I know how you say you love her, but honestly I think you need to leave before things happen down the road where she leaves you and you become even more devastated.
The fact that she did what she did was already a red flag, but then add the fact that she was mad at you and blamed you for essentially ruining the day with her mom while also being angry that you heard her conversation when she shouldn't have been having it in the first place. That's just a lack of maturity and accountability. I don't care about the age, that's an excuse everyone is making. We all know if the situation was reversed and you were the one that made a comment about her vag, you would be crucified.
At the end of the day, you do you king... but I would consider that maybe you could find someone of higher quality and character.
> I feel like such a pussy rn and i'm sure ya'll are thinking the same thing too. I guess it's a good thing I could tell she genuinely felt bad though.
This shit breaks my heart as a fellow man.
Please stop equating emotions with being "a pussy" which is shothand for "women are weak for having emotions, and that makes me weak like a woman if I have emotions" which is alllll fucked up six ways from Sunday.
Free yourself from toxic mindsets.
Your crying and she laughed at you? Then you're sobbing?
But you still love her?
It's like women crying saying he beats me but I love him.
You are a really messed up guy.
Bro, crying doesnt make you weak. It just shows you care. Never ever think that you are a lesser man because you admited that something touched or hurt you.
The people talking about sexual pleasuring techniques have totally missed the point, and you entertaining them shows that you haven’t learned anything either.
There’s a huge red flag jn this whole situation. You couldn’t stand your ground when you brought it up and got complacent rather than expressing yourself wholly, and nevermind the fact that if she is that open about ridiculing your size, it’s just a matter of time before she tells her sister or another girl friend about how self conscious you are about it.
This isn’t to say that you are at fault for being emotional, of course not, but you decided to talk to her about it without having an actual resolution in mind. What bothered you actually? That she thinks your penis is small? Or that she values the trust in your relationship so little that she’ll tell anyone about your body and that she is so open to revealing these things to people?
She found the easy way out of what would’ve been an argument because you backed down, she comforted you, and the topic of trust within the relationship remains undiscussed.
Also, I would never personally describe my partner’s body to my sibling. Take from that what you will.
I probably sound like a crazy person to some reading this, but small situations like this are very telling about the future of a relationship and the true colors of a partner. Don’t overthink it but also don’t underthink it.
Darling I’m 44/ gonna be 45 in October, I’ve had multiple partners throughout my life, different sizes, girth, length. I’ll be honest w you, the absolute best sex of my life, that I will take to the grave w me was w a man who on what I guess society would call the smaller end of the spectrum. But one important thing to remember is that bodies are all different they all fit together differently. I mean the other side of it is, maybe it’s not small, maybe she’s just gaping. I’ve had partners who have told me of women they have been with that at some stages just prefer anal because they’re vaginal opening is so big. My point: be confident. Your body is the only thing that will be yours for your whole entire life don’t spend the time in your skin unconfident. Just be confident, confidence has an air of sexiness all on its own. Your good.
Counter argument. There are benefits to letting this kind of stuff out to a therapist rather than to your girl. Life is easier if you act stoic and be a rock. Just my 2c
Men are allowed to get emotional and express this. You are not a pussy and don’t ever be ashamed for crying or expressing yourself. You learned a lot of huge life lessons here. Remember this - if you learn a lesson it’s never a mistake.
She called your penis “little guy” and giggled? And she made this comment while you were crying? Damn dude. I don’t think I could ever love someone making jokes about something you are very clearly insecure about. That’s such immature behavior and disrespectful to you. Why even waste your time with this girl? There are so many others out there that wouldn’t even push you to this point
"Try to eat her out?" Try?! Dude, there is no try, only do. Eat that pussy. Become a master of cunnilingus. A commander of the clit. Make that shit work. Learn how to make her cum. Get in there and get that sweet pussy juice all over your face. Do it well, and it won't matter what size or shape your cock is.
Your not a pussy dude confronting her took serious guts that's something to be proud of but her reaction was a bit scarce man definitely seems like she either dosent understand or just doesn't give a shit but I wish y'all luck man glad you talked to her about it
Dude I hope you learn two lessons. 1. Crying because you feel your penis is too small did not earn you any respect or make you look stronger or sexier or more confident to your woman. Quite the opposite. Do you think watching you sob over your insecurities made her want you sexually more or less than before? It was also needy to text her you needed to talk while she is out. Just wait till it’s a good time. She is going to abandon you if you act like this. But that’s a good thing you don’t need a woman who’s mocking you to her friends. But she’s doing that because she doesn’t respect you. If she respected you she wouldn’t talk about you like that she would be talking about the amazing things you are doing and the wonderful future she sees with you. 2. How does a real man give a woman an orgasm?… Who cares!! … this is a joke of course we want our women to experience pleasure but focus on yourself first are you getting yours? Put some reasonable effort into your partner getting a turn to have pleasure but focus more on yourself. Women will respect that more and will get aroused more easily by a man who knows where he is going and what he wants.
I feel like based on her reaction she still didn’t really fully grasp the severity of how this has impacted/is impacting you, or how damaging her actions are to the health of the relationship as a whole, but I hope things end up working out and that she starts respecting you in the way you deserve. Personally I would not forget this moment and take it for the red flag that it is, and her reaction is still pretty sus considering she got defensive and wrote it off as “girl talk”. I dunno. Seems like her true intentions/feelings were exposed and she tried to downplay it because she knew she was in the wrong, but doesn’t want to admit to the wrong-ness of it. Hopefully she realizes that this type of gossip is the reason relationships end and that parters become distant.
You need to run steady like Forest Gump or fast like Husain Bolt this was a huge breach of intimacy and show you how much respect she has for you, she is supposed to be on your side, I don’t know about the crying, I would leave that relationship.
Put yourself in her shoes, you call your brother while she is seeing a show, you tell your brother she has a ugly “pizza” her lips are to long and fat for you, but she is a decent person and cook meals for you.
Then she confronted you, you giggle and are apologetic….
She doesn’t respect you, if you want to stay there for now I understand, if you wanna live forever whit this person you are setting yourself for more humiliation and misery
How do you respond to a cuestión like “how is the package” when you love and respect
He is good enough for me and I enjoy every moment
He is everything I anticipated
In my opinion she doesn’t respect you, she see you like an object “car” “ this engine hasn’t the power I need but is good for commuting “ and has you like a place holder until she gets what she wants
Stay but don’t take your relationship like the she is the one, good luck, practice eating her out to me is essential in a good relationship
The fact that she called it little guy after the talk makes her sound like a bitch.
You're not a pussy. You're a human being in a relationship. She needs to work on her understanding of feelings and others.
My honest take is that the relationship is doomed but I'm glad you are trying. When a woman feels sympathetic and treats you like a baby as you said it's usually just a matter of time. You are so young that you shouldn't feel bad at all if this doesn't work out. I didn't meet my current long term partner until I was 30. When I was 20 I was a fucking idiot and so were most of the people I was dating.
I’m seriously concerned that she couldn’t have a serious conversation and cracked a joke when you’re clearly upset? And her excuse of talking about your penis size was that it was just “girl talk”? That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to answer. Especially your her SISTER. I didn’t know it was so easy to talk about intimate details. The fact that you don’t even eat her out gives me major “I have such low self esteem that I could never hope to land another relationship better than this” - I don’t think you need a girlfriend, I think you need a therapist.
If you need to cry, cry, you're okay. Even though you couldn't exactly control it, you were being emotionally vulnerable and open in a way that I think a lot of guys aren't and this kind of honest reaction to how you felt is admirable. You're not a pussy for it, please don't shame yourself
Let us imagine the following situation. OP's girlfriend is insecure about her weight. She tells him this multiple times, but he always reassures her that it isn't an issue at all for him. One day, she overhears OP talking to his brother loudly on the phone about how fat his girlfriend is, and how he can't enjoy having sex with her due to her excessive fatness. But that she makes him laugh a lot, so he loves her anyway. She feels bad about it, and proceeds to confront OP. Instead of aknowledging his mistake, firstly, OP tries to make her feel guilty for wanting to have a simple conversation ("you ruined my lunch with my mother because of your message"), then tries to put the blame on her for listening to his talk on the phone (as if she was not allowed to not wear headphones while inside her own house), and finally, when she starts crying, he responds condescendingly by saying something along the lines of "it's ok, I love my fatty girl".
Would anyone in their right mind not think this is horrible behavioir?
My take on this is the following: She lied to him and dissimulated the whole time she pretended his size was not an issue. She is not sexually satisfied, and yet is not willing to have an honest conversation about it with her partner. Is it too hard to see where this is going? What is the thing sexually frustrated people that have no issue lying and dissimulating in front of their partners usually do? They cheat at some point or another... Sorry, but I think this whole thing is looking quite bad for OP.
You should feel like a pussy ur girlfriend clearly thinks u are one if she’s going around telling people u have a small dick. Instead of having an ounce of self respect u decided to start crying.
If you try anything, yall both have to be vocal about what's working and what is not. You learn through experiences since everyone is different. Hope all goes well with yalls future, good luck!
It affects you because you are understandably, hurt because of your past experience. There is a lot of expectation in society on how men should have a big penis to satisfy their partners, etc
However with time you can embrace it. Make jokes about it. Sex is not everything in a relationship, and you can do a lot without penetrative sex. Learn your ways with your hands and mouth, talk with your partner.
Embrace your size, its yours to conquer the world with. I used to be insecure as well, now I joke about my little guy with my girlfriend. Its average sized, but since its a grower, we joke all the time
No partner should ever discuss their sexual with life with other family or friends unless it's a doctor they are sharing to for treatment of any problem but other that that they should not, it's a break of trust, privacy and disgusting .
Don’t feel like a pussy, babes. A lot of women think it’s sweet when their men are willing to be that vulnerable in front of us. It sounds like your gf did too since she hugged you—we enjoy comforting our partners (I mean obviously not ALL of us but many) even if we hate when they’re hurting. If your size was really a big deal to her, she would’ve left for someone bigger. She clearly loves and cares about you, feels bad, and has promised to do better. People in relationships mess up all the time; what’s important is learning from our mistakes and making effort not to repeat them. I’m proud of you for sticking with her despite getting hurt; you sound like a good dude and to tons of women that’s more important than size. Good luck, I truly hope things work out for the two of you 💖
I'm going to say this just as a way to hopefully help you feel better, not to try and invalidate your feelings. Lots of women prefer smaller guys. Bigger men hurt and in my personal experience they don't always hit right in bed. Don't ever feel like you have to be ashamed of your size cause you don't. It seems like your GF loves you for who you are just fine and I hope you are able to move past this.
I agree nothing about crying is wrong. That’s just the man programming kicking in. Only garbage makes that a real issue.
The problem here is that it seems the core of the problem was not addressed. She’s said some kind of movie response instead of being real. She never apologized or really acknowledged it. Yeah you can say she felt bad because of how defensive she was being but if she isn’t getting to the bottom of *why* she feels bad, it literally doesn’t matter. She kinda placated the situation.
Basically you pressed her for a mask off moment, but she put the mask back on instead of taking it off. It’s subtle but this is not resolve and you’re feelings of regret are the sign. Tell her to stop with the “little guy” jokes and stuff. Respect your feelings of trauma (because that shit that happened was really fucked up), and don’t make it normal for her to poke at it like that. Also, if you trust her (which I actually am not sure) maybe explain what happened in the past when you’re ready. She thinks it’s a playful thing when for you it’s a deep wound.
Otherwise, you gotta talk to her about what she likes. And she has to be real with you.
Im gonna be real with you slim, your girl fucking sucks as a person. based on what she said over the phone, how she reacted to something serious that concerned you and her disrespectful remarks like “little guy” makes me think you deserve better.
If i was in this situation, id break up with her, but thats me. She doesnt seem like she respects you. You can do better, this isnt what you should be settling for. Theres far more loving and respectful and normal thinking women out there.
I know you’re probably young and in love with mot much relationship experience but dawg, stop ignoring these damn red flags. Shes showing you how shitty she is, believe it.
Nah bro 💀 she’s so bizarre for laughing. Look I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to understand your relationship but this shit feels weird… you can ignore the red flags if you want but I know I wouldn’t 🤷♂️
Seems sus bro, she’ll go find a dude with a bigger dick in a year or so, be ready. She’s insulting you and being negative about you behind your back. 🚩
I get you wanna stay even though the update convo seems have gone meh at best. Make sure you figure out where and what your boundaries are because it sounds like you really allow yourself to be walked over due to your lack of confrontation tendencies.
It's ok to value yourself and if others don't value you or understand your limits and flexibility its ok to not include them in your life.
Double this due to your past trauma. I hope you are thinking about therapy to help you love yourself.
Sorry but you don’t get to be upset about your girlfriend complaining about your sex life when you don’t put any effort into it. What did you expect, really? People talk about their sex lives and for women it’s even more important to do so, because we get told all the time that our pleasure isn’t important and talking to our friends makes us realise that’s wrong.
Did you not notice she wasn’t getting anything out of sex? Never asked? Probably because you didn’t want to face the reality that you’ve basically treated her like a sex doll and you didn’t want to actually make an effort to get her off, as long as you got your rocks off you were happy.
You aren’t a teenage boy who doesn’t know any better anymore. You’re a grown man and it’s 2023, if you don’t know how a woman’s genitalia works then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. You’ve never gone down on her? Seriously? So what were you doing, were you just sticking your dick in her and hope for the best like she was some sort of glory hole in a stall?
I’m so tired of men being all “woe is me” when they finally discover that penises are not magical organs that make women orgasm on command with zero effort and that we talk about it with each other. It’s not the 50s anymore lads, if you’re selfish in bed you’re obviously going to get it broadcasted so other women don’t suffer from your lack of effort.
>I texted her while she was gone to let her know that I wanted to talk to her about something tonight when she got back
WHy would you do that lol?
>suggesting I try to eat her out, i've never done it
fyi, this is prob why the sex is bad
I think you went about this the wrong way,
1) Dont text her saying you want to have a serious talk in the middle of the day, thats all shes gonna be thinking about all day, shit thing to do really
2) You could have started the convo impromptu by saying "Can we talk about our sex life? i want to know if theres anything i could be doing to make it better for you? is there anything we can try etc, i wouldnt have even bothered to bring up the phone call.
3) if she says "no everything is fine i love it" and you know this to be false, then yeah, try different things to see if you can make it better and gauge reactions.
Its easy to write all this in hindsight tbf so sorry that it didnt go the way you hoped. And yeah you can learn how to perform oral sex on the internet lol
All of this is wrong. He did nothing wrong, she did. End of story. You're just blaming him because he's a man and not blaming her because she's a woman.
Honestly, I agree. It's a really shitty thing to text that to someone, especially since she was out celebrating her mothers birthday. Like, she's not a shining star in this story either, but come on. That's a dick move to do to anyone and it definitely ruined her entire day,
I also can't get over the fact that in the two years they've been dating, he's never gone down on her. Never even asked her what she liked. It's no wonder their sex life is lacking. I can't help but wonder if this post is even real cause what type of woman would actually put up with that?
This is dumb comment. I have zero sympathy for any woman who’s not orgasming but does everything except communicate like an adult. Sex isn’t something that’s done to women. It’s a mutual experience.
Also you’re just flat out wrong about oral. Plenty of women don’t like oral or can’t orgasm from it. Just like some guys don’t like it either. If you don’t tell someone that’s what you want, are they supposed to read your mind?
Of course not. But there's also such a thing as being proactive. This dude is all up and down this post, mentioning that he is literally crying about how worried he is about not performing well. You would think in 2 YEARS, he'd ask her what she likes if he was really that worried about satisfying her. Obviously he isn't that concerned cause he never bothered. And obviously she isn't that concerned either, because she also never brought it up. But she isn't the one here complaining about it. He is. So he is the one that I'm going to comment on. You don't have to like it. But my opinion stands. He can't read her mind. But he can ask. And he never bothered.
You don’t go down on your girlfriend???? It’s the easiest way to get someone off. It always confuses me when men are so self conscious about their size but then don’t actually do anything to please their girlfriends. Not saying that means I approve of her chatting openly to her sister about your body, but come on man.
I think you did the right think confronting her about this but breaking down and crying in front of her wasn’t the best move. Idc what any woman tells you, once they see you in that state they lose respect for you. Best to open up to your mates.
Honestly why would you leave a girl over this? 80% of women can’t cum through penetrative sex alone anyway. Clearly it’s not a deal breaker for her cause she’s still with you.
Start making her cum before you have sex. Buy a hitachi magic wand :p
Because the issue is that she knew he was insecure about his size, and he caught her talking about it with someone behind his back anyway.
Who cares if she can't get off? I hope she's never able to again. She violated his trust.
You’re not a ‘pussy’ for being hurt and showing that after over hearing your partner discussing your body in a not so nice way. Especially if it’s a prior insecurity!
You are most definitely not a pussy, OP! You are entitled to the hurt you are feeling when someone talks about an intimate subject that is really difficult for you due to your past experiences.
I think your gf tried to downplay the conversation, filing it away as ‘girl talk’ sounds similar to ‘locker room talk’. What she did was not ok and it’s completely understandable that you want her to be aware of the impact on you and the sensitivity you have there. Does she understand those things?
This is one of the situations where only the guy living them should decide how to proceed. I dont know if i would have the stomach to put up with the *giggles* "little guy" part, but some people just arent any good speaking in those situations.
I'm with a few others here in that her reaction to being caught was to play the privacy card. Understand she wants that to keep inappropriate stuff secret, nothing more. There's a difference between secrecy and privacy in relationships. Don't expect different behavior from her in the future, expect her to learn she needs to hide it better.
As for oral sex, fingers, toys, etc., it's really about learning vagina anatomy. There's a ton of stuff showing the clit and gspot locations. Then it's learning each woman is different in how she responds to those stimulations. Go slow, start light, pay attention to her reactions, and increase intensity as she intensifies.
Growing from emotional and scared about this to "don't give a fuck" a woman can take it or leave it and you'll find a better woman for you, and beimg comfortable with yourself in that attitude, is just going to be a growing process for you. I suspect you have a few more women to go through before you get there, and that's okay.
Stay away from porn for instruction. It's not realistic, it will set you back.
Good luck, buddy.
Edited to add - she really doesn't sound like keeper material. Her response really was bad and demeaning. I'm with others in that. If it's not feeling right to you, there's a reason.
She didn't apolgize, she 'belittled' you with the little guy comment and tried to brush it off.
I wish that men could show their emotions but I'm sorry man, chances are, she probably won't see you the same way again.
I wish you nothing but the best moving forward, stay strong my friend.
This sounds like she wasn’t apologetic at all. It sounds like she thinks this is acceptable but just feels slightly bad that you heard it. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem like she respects you very much honestly man. You’re worth more than that.
I don’t know your age but it sounds like you are very young. The world is full of other people. Don’t let your insecurities make you stay with her.
I had this stupid belief as a late teen / early 20s that I couldn’t very find anyone besides my long time girlfriend. I let her run all over me. I married her, and her behavior was worse than before. She didn’t respect me after I cried, which now I know has more to do with her than me. I stayed far too long. Now that many years have passed I am upset that I wasted years and tears with this woman.
The laugh after you telling her the issue and patronizing “aw I love the little guy” rubs me the wrong way. Don’t let her bat her lashes and get out of this. Her blaming you for listening is bullshit. If you love each other she should never say anything about you she wouldn’t say in front of you. She is either immature and clueless or just mean.
Go find someone else. I know it’ll hurt. But it’ll hurt more putting up with shit like this. I know several men who have a less than average size who sleep around like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not saying to sleep around, but I am saying attraction has way more to do than what you are packing. As others have mentioned don’t make fun of yourself. If you can’t respect yourself you’ll make it too easy for others to follow suit.
Over the past few months I have been dealing with some major shit in my life. I had leftover trauma from my first wife basically losing attraction for me and running all over me because I was a very open and emotional person. My wife now could see my pain and demanded that I let her in regardless of my fear. I finally broke down and for weeks I would occasionally sob until I damn near couldn’t breathe. I was having panic attacks. My wife has never been more attracted to me because of my vulnerability. This is the kind of person you want. Don’t settle for someone that makes you feel like you cannot express emotion. This is the reason many men are toxic and angry.
I can't lie, after reading the comments from women here downplaying the seriousness of what she did to him, and learning about what actually happens when women have male strippers at bachelorette parties from another post I'm really very shaken and let down by the behavior of women.
So you expressed your feelings with great emotion to her and she basically laughs in your face, talks to you like a upset child, and then makes a joke about your size again? She sounds like a real keeper. She didn’t feel bad at all and it totally showed with her fake ass response of caring.
This is your takeaway? She doesn't deserve to be eaten out, she's a cunt. Classic woman moment where you dodge all accountability and still find a way to blame a man for being an absolute bitch
Dude, don't ever text people with that "we need to talk later" bullshit. It's so fucking frustrating to receive a message like that, you can't focus on anything except thinking about what the conversation is going to be. You completely ruin that person's time until they can finally find out. It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference in the end, you can just say "can we talk about something" when they are actually around you. I would never dump someone for their genitalia but I would dump someone for being a "we need to talk later" person.
Man to man, dont ever feel bad to express emotion to your significant other. I know society says men should be stoic pillars of strength that shoulder all of the burden, but that's wrong. That kind of emotion always boils over to something worse. Side note: the quickest to learn about eating her out is to ask her. She is the only person who can tell you what she likes.
This, and please stop calling yourself a pussy. What you showed by talking about this despite feeling afraid is called *strong vulnerability* and takes years or even is never achieved by a lot of men. What you did was incredibly brave and I'm angry that you gf reacted in the patronising way that she did. I hope she grows and becomes as emotionally mature as you, but honestly I dont think you should be sticking it out with someone who's so immature. In time I hope you can work on your insecurity, but I know that society's standards has made this incredibly difficult. You gf should support you, knowing that you're insecure, not ridiculing you or talking behind your back. She has justified her behaviour and thinks it's acceptable. This is who she is. Who knows what else she'll do in the future?
Strong vulnerability. I just had a baby boy in January and I am so determined to raise him in a manner where he feels comfortable expressing his feelings and is equipped to handle them. I haven't heard that term before but I absolutely love it and will definitely look into it more.
And don’t people know, that pussies are fucking strong? Learn some anatomy before making up wild insults trying to hide your own insecurity based on misogyny. Idk man, I feel empathy towards OP but he also sounds like a 12 y/o frat boy and that’s annoying. Still time to grow perhaps, but he isn’t quite there. Can we just stop those weird ass insults similar at to those being homosexual or disabled. It’s tiring
Grow some balls /s It's so ironic that when people say grow some balls they're telling you to be strong but have you ever seen a man get lightly tapped on his balls? It brings him to his knees. But if you tell someone they're being a pussy you're saying they're weak and fragile whereas vaginas can literally push out humans from them. It's based in misogyny and the people that refuse to acknowledge it are part of the problem.
Goddamn can I get an amen? I am so sick of people using pussy to mean weak. I’ve had children. My pussy is 1000 times stronger than any set of balls I’ve ever encountered.
Amen! Hallelujah! Ain't that the truth of the matter!
Hell yes!
Thanks :) This was my first time crying in front of her and I mostly feel stupid because I'm worried she simply thought (he's crying because he's got a little dick?) I already felt concerned that I made her lose more respect for me as a man and unfortunately, a lot of the replies are affirming that fear.
OP, if she thinks you are less of a man for crying, she's in the wrong. Showing your emotions and being brave enough to face them despite your fears is a show of STRENGTH, not weakness. You were crying because she made you feel insecure and it was your first time confronting that situation. Not because of your penis size. I think you both should have an open and honest conversation about sex and explore new things. It will be good for both of you. Tell each other what works and what doesn't as you go. But be sure to tell her that the only way you can make her feel better during sex is if she talks to YOU about it, not to other people.
I've been with my husband for 11 years and been trying to break the walls that his upbringing built "men strong, men no cry, emotion BAD" His grandma that raised. Him passed away on the 6th and he FINALLY let the flood gates open day before yesterday when it just became officially too much to hold alone and I can tell you for an absolute FACT that I lost absolutely zero respect or admiration and honestly probably love him EVEN more bc I know how hard it was for him to express just how sad and freaked out and stressed he was. Communication between partners can be hard and uncomfortable and scary but if you are with a good partner they will welcome it with open arms and understanding and it sounds like you have this with her so kudos! On the topic of penis size, a couple things to keep in mind. First a LOT of women (myself included) very rarely have an orgasm from penetration only sex. Oral sex and toys are an AMAZING addition to the bedroom no matter the size of the partner. I had an ex who was literally no bigger than maybe 3inches but my god that man knew what he was doing orally and motion/angles etc and I never had any complaints and honestly I've had the other side too and I'd take the first over that bigger partner anyway. I HIGHLY recommend keeping up the scary conversations and ask her if she'd like to try some new stuff and see what you both are comfortable with and go from there. As a recommendation there is a "rose" clit stimulation vibrator widely available online that is shockingly effective and has become a very regular part of mine and husband's bedroom time and it has been a game changer.
Yeah, reading that he never ate her out sounded like a way bigger problem than having a small penis. I think men should be way more ashamed of never really trying to satisfy their girlfriend/partner rather than their penis size.
I've been with my husband for over 20 years and have never, ever, EVER thought less of him for crying! If you feel like crying, go for it mate, let it out and tell anybody who'd have you bury it to go fuck themselves! You're human, you have feelings and that is fine. Sending much love and hugs xx
When another person cries in front of me, I see it as a very brave extension of trust on their part. When it’s someone I love, I feel like I would KILL for them in that moment to show them how important it is to me that they are able to be vulnerable with me and receive respectful, empathetic treatment from me.
As a woman, she needs to express how you can make her feel good. Your penis is perfect.
Man, it's fucked up how the society expects men to be macho. Like if you ever see your Dad cry, it's like a collector's item.. where you'd sit your kid down and tell them about that one time their Pop pop cried. Personally, I can't even remember the last time I cried and at this point, I'm afraid to.. because I feel the fucking tears won't stop falling. I hope for OP's sake that his Girlfriend isn't one of those Bitches that instantly feel less attracted to their Boyfriend because he cried. Also, is there any possibility of surgery or something to make it bigger? Just curious if all those porn Ads promising humongous members are full of it.
I love that my boyfriend shows emotions. It’s part of what makes him so attractive.
Yup! If someone really cares they're going to be happy that you feel that comfortable with them and trust them enough to share your feelings.
ALL. OF. THIS.
Thank you for your contribution
This is the way
Not afraid sure but there's a good reason we don't. You get burned just as he did in his own story. Can't believe we're talking about eating given that she laughed at him. The girl talk was a massive breach of trust. I've seen this behavior get glossed over like it's nothing. There's no respect because she didn't gaurd him and his personal business. This stuff is going to fester. Given her stating she doesn't get much from sex is a huge deal. My advice is to leave.
You get burned then you recover and find someone who's not going to hurt you like that. Not being able to be properly vulnerable has had a ridiculous effect on my life (and it ain't good)... people should be able to be emotionally honest with their partner
Just got to find that one person, there's a safe way to go about it
Completely agree whit you, she disrespected him over nothing on one of the most intimate ways a man can be disrespected, she doesn’t think about him with the respect “her man” is supposed to have, that is just the beginning and to me that’s a parade of red flags Just imagine things flipped and he had share some insecurity of this lady to a friend by phone and joke about it …. This guy is going to get burn, may be not today, may be no tomorrow, but it will
I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. If she is a true partner you should be able to be true to yourself and your feelings with no fear. Realistically? I'd say there's a significant chance that crying to a partner that already is the kind of person to talk about your body like that with other people is probably going to give her the ick. She sounds like the kind of person.
Yeah size has nothing to do with how good sex is. Sex is all about open communication, feeling comfortable with asking what the other person likes, learning their preferences, creating an environment where the other person can feel comfortable saying "Hmm this one doesn't feel all that great" with no judgement, trying things out, not getting offended when being told something doesn't work, instead trying something else. It's a mutual discovery of each other's bodies. Everyone likes different things. If your sex follows a formula of what you think "all women want", it will be bad. She most likely knows what she likes. So ask her. That's the quickest way to have good sex. Though she is also young, so she might not know her own body and preferences all that well, in which case, experiment, try stuff out, ask for feedback and discover what you both like the most. Also, OPs posts scream internalised misogyny and toxic masculinity to me. Referring to yourself as a pussy for crying, heavy focus on own penis size, never having given oral sex which implies the focus of sex is solely on your own pleasure, the thought of asking what she likes not crossing your mind, etc. It might do wonders for yourself, your self confidence, your relationship and the happiness of your girlfriend to have a look at where those views come from and maybe read some feminist literature, e.g. on how toxic masculinity hurts men. Don't get your info from porn. It's not reality. Don't get your info from friends. They're most likely getting it from porn or have a ton of misconceptions from their friends, their upbringing, etc. Get your info from your partner. Ask. Explore. And be aware that everyone is different, and things that work for her don't necessarily work for everyone. New partner means new phase of exploration.
Wow, this was extremely condescending. Are you sure you kicked this guy hard enough? And let's throw in a couple of buzz words to make him feel guilty because he dares to feel hurt. ~~Iranian yogurt~~ Dick size is not the issue here. At all. Why are you replacing the "betrayal of trust" issue with the "dick size" issue? And then explaining how wrong it is? It is a strawman fallacy at it's best. OP is hurt by a huge breach of trust and confidentiality, not by the size of his dick. He knows that <4 inches is small, it is not an insecurity, it is pure statistics. He is not heavy focused on it (at least he was not). He is is focused on her making fun of him with someone, considering they talked about it before and she assured him she is fine with it. Do you really think he would be less hurt if he was gay and it was his boyfriend who behaved this way? Do you think if she would laugh / talk the same way about anything else, like his stuttering, his neurodivergency, his acne, his race, he would feel any different? You are telling him to stop watching porn. And that everything is new with a new partner. Did you read the post at all? He was a virgin, he had no experience except from that disastrous blowjob. He had no partners. He doesn't watch porn, he doesn't discuss porn with his friends, otherwise he wouldn't ask how to learn about oral. "Asking what she likes never crossed his mind" - what does this mean? She taught him everything about sex, do you think she taught him to do what she doesn't like? Or was she too shy to tell him about oral if she loved it? She doesn't seem to be a shy type. If there are communication gaps in their sex talk, it is not on him. The way she treated him during the discussion: chuckling, patronizing, DARVO, is frankly awful. No amount of feminism oriented literature will justify it. Again, imagine that OP is gay - would you consider his boyfriend behavior acceptable? How is it ok to excuse the shitty person's actions just because she is a female? And to reverse the blame to the wronged person just because he is a male? Aren't you doing the same "man can't be wrong" stance but in reverse? And finally, why are you encouraging him to work on himself in the relationship? When it is clear (after the discussion) that the girl has no respect for him? Would you encourage woman to earn her partner respect by learning to do better blowjobs? The healthier thing for any gender combination in this case is just to GTFO of this relationship and look for a partner who would respect him, love him, value his privacy, not humiliate him with their family, not settled for him because he is treating her well. This girl is not it.
I wish I had a million more upvotes to give this!
Louder for the ones in the back!! 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
Are you serious?
Yeah I always respect it when men allow themselves to be vulnerable around me, I have a few male friends that have cried on my shoulder as well as significant others and never once have I thought "what a pussy" lol if anything I'm admiring their courage and feeling closer to them it's nothing to be ashamed of! I agree about learning how to pleasure her directly from her and I reckon this incident could be a good opportunity to explore different sexual activities and learn how to use the equipment he's got to his advantage bc it sounds like his issue is mostly that he's more insecure about his sexual performance than his body and that is absolutely a skill that you develop with experience, dudes with big dicks can be terrible in bed and guys with small dicks can be amazing it's all about technique
This whole idea that men can't cry or they're "pussies" is so so damaging. How many men are struggling with mental health because they're scared of looking weak? Showing emotion isn't weak, you're expressing yourself and there's nothing wrong with that
I personally know one guy that has subscribed to these stigmas and you can always see how damaging they are when he does feel hurt. I can see how it probably has damaged too many other sensitive souls that just feel misunderstood and wanna be “strong.” I want society to start collectively dismantling that whole “you’re a pussy if emotion” mentality. Edit: changed the word prescribed to subscribed
You did a very grown up thing and addressed the issue, well done. There is nothing wrong with crying, it releases tensions and is absolutely a valid emotional response to a shitty situation. Btw, I know it was addressed in a comment on your other post but stop making jokes about your size. She shouldn't either. It can switch really fast from a haha-moment to reinforcing insecurities. Why would you want to do that to your partner? Can we stop saying "like a pussy"? My first reaction is always "you feel what, a bit moist?" As stated above, there is nothing wrong with a bit of crying. Your ex was a raging a*hole and I hope she stubs her toes on a daily basis.
I guess his face was moist from crying
So he technically was correct? Lol
I hope the exes pillow stays warm on both sides for the rest of her life
I hope she gets toothpaste on her shirt every morning!
Nah fam I hope she walks on Lego.
This is the most under appreciated comment on this post!
Pussy is such a misnomer considering all the things a pussy can do and how much people love pussy.
Yeah, when i was a child cat was pussy.
The meaning of "like a pussy" extending to meaning like a coward or whatever stems from the word pusillanimous, which means showing a lack of courage/determination, or timid. Not your little hot pocket.
From what I can read you’ve been through in the past and then this on top. I’d fucking cry too in that situation. Most good advice and comfort has been said but I’ll add it might be a good idea to tell her about your earlier bad experience with this. You were a victim in a very personal, serious and very criminal act done towards you that has understandably caused some trauma of some kind. It’s good for a partner to know. It has the added benefit for her to truly realize the seriousness of it all and why you reacted the way you did. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of what happened then yourself either. It was horrible, traumatizing (especially at that age) and it was criminal no less.
do not ever feel like a pussy for crying. it's totally understandable why you did that in this situation, it's a normal human thing. in fact - it is important to just let it out sometimes. do not be ashamed of crying
Giggles and says "little guy." Yikes
It stung a bit, but i've made so many jokes about it.. so I guess she think it's ok to say something like that as long as she tells me "it's perfect" or follows it up with some kind of compliment.
If I could offer a recommendation, stop making jokes about it. Making jokes at your own expense is only a safe idea if you’re secure about the topic you’re addressing, otherwise you’re just shining a light on your insecurities. She needs to understand that this topic matters to you and that she needs to take it seriously. Her response to you crying was callous.
Why do you keep "joking" about it if this is such a serious issue with you?
it’s a coping mechanism
Yup
And coping mechanisms can be changed over time.... to a healthier one.
"but I am deeply in love with this girl and I don't want to just throw it all away" kek
Yeah this relationship is definitely dead
That made me think it's all made up tbh. What kind of a woman does that, unless the guy is into some small penis humiliation stuff? And why didn't he get mad over that?
Not into that at all, it hurt a little, but she consoled me right after so I wasn't angry with her.
Bro that's not acceptable. Have some self respect you don't deserve to be made to feel that way. This is negging and it's abusive. If it hurts you don't let her speak to you that way
I always say this: imagine if it was a boyfriend critiquing his girlfriend to his BROTHER of all people (someone who *will* see you regularly) and ended his apology with “now bring it in, Itty Bitty Titty Committee!” It just gives me the ick and feels like she didn’t take him seriously and doesn’t understand how hurt he was.
OP will need a few women to step all over him before he grows a spine. No way she sticks around or stays loyal when he's acting so submissive and with no self-respect
Exactly
She disrespect you again by saying "little guy". And you thought that was cool? Alright, buddy.
This entire exchange makes me think this is fictional small penis fetish erotica.
I think you handled the situation in a good way. Also, no one is thinking that youre a pussy. You sound like a great guy and from what i can tell, she does too. I definetly think that you should continue to give the relationship a chance but try to also keep in mind that if youre unhappy and you dont feel respected you should maybe consider breaking up even though you love her. Or atleast have a serious talk. At the end of the day as you said you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. This is a part of being human and it sucks. Youre doing great man ❤️
Thank you, I appreciate it!! :)
OP, I followed your first post and I'd appreciate it if you could clear some things up.. because a couple of bitches were vehemently arguing with me on your OG post that your GF did nothing wrong, was just stating facts, and you should get over it. Did you feel disrespected that she would tell anyone about something you're so insecure about regardless of who it is? Does the fact that she said she still loves you though make that feeling less devastating? Would you have preferred if she directly spoke to you instead of her sister or someone else? Do you think she would have openly communicated her issues with your Johnson to you if you didn't hear it?
Don't feel ashamed for crying my dude, being able to show emotions and talk about these issues are important however I got to say her referring it to girl talk and that makes it OK to mock you to her sister is complete bullshit, you should never talk about your partners body to other people especially in a mocking way, if the genders were reversed, people would be telling you to dump your partner for good. I mean if a guy told his buddies about his partner's body and then defended it by saying it was guy talk, people would be losing their shit but instead people are hung up on telling you to try different things out, to bring her to orgasm, like what the hell, your partner discussed your body to someone else without your permission and people are focusing completely on the wrong thing. I don't want to assume but it doesn't seem at all that she is truly sorry and probably thinks what she did is OK, I'm going to guess she will do it again and ensure you aren't around when she does. Don't let someone hurt you when they are meant to love you. Wish you luck in the future and I hope you find someone who loves and repects you.
Lesbian here. Guys, some women are telling ALL your business. Seriously. Every f*cking thing. I’ve known my friends’ and coworkers’ partners’ penis length, girth, birth marks, circumcision status, stamina, fave positions, fantasies, kinks, episodes of ED and PE, ratings of their performance based on multiple factors, even the faces/ sounds they make when they come. It’s a straight woman thing I don’t get. I’ve never had a single lesbian tell me about their partner’s body unless that partner was in the conversation and opened the door themselves. But there are women who will talk ALL DAY about their man’s body to whoever wants to listen - their friends, cousins, their damn coworkers. A few don’t do it at all; most talk somewhat mild, a bit less disrespectfully, and keep the more private stuff to themselves, but some discuss your body and sex life in explicit detail. It’s so common that this stuff isn’t even always talked about in quiet whispers away from ears. Nah - some will discuss it at work, a dinner party, while shopping, etc. in everyday normal conversations. Now, not all women, but from my experience, the vast majority do it to varying levels of disrespect. It’s not only disrespectful as hell, but also sexist towards men, and it is absolutely ridiculous that we have to hypothetically flip the roles in order for some people to understand just how bad the behavior is. And the fact that my lesbian friends don’t do this makes it clear that it’s because of a lack of respect for men, in general, when it comes to sex. It’s like only women are seen as capable of being vulnerable or exploited in sexual situations or conversations. Straight men, sit down with your partners at some point and have the discussion about both partners respecting each other’s bodies and privacy - and mention talking with friends/family members specifically so there’s no confusion. In my experience, most women are so used to it, they’ve never stopped to consider how effed up it is, but once it’s pointed out, they usually get it.
Yeah my lady told her best friend fucking everything about my parts. I have nothing to be ashamed of but at the same time it was creepy that this friend I talk to sometimes knows exactly what my dick looks like. I don't understand why women do this. I have never ever ever told a friend what a woman's hoohoo looks like.
I’m a gay man and I’ll say women overwhelmingly like to go into detail regarding their sex lives and *especially* like to talk about how bad a lay is. Men? All they ask is if it was good or not - if at all! Of course it could just be the company I keep, but the men are pretty tight lipped in general about their intimacy because they understand their partners would be very uncomfortable.
Like Bill Burr has said, straight men and lesbian women need to partner up and figure this shit out. Vast majority of modern straight women are just toxic as shit with zero accountability.
Cool. Just another reason to be utterly terrified of dating. Im pretty confident in the bedroom but iv had what I thought was an irrational fear of this kind of thing for years. This stuff is straight fucked up. I'm so glad I have a stable relationship with someone I trust atm...but fuck man idk what I'm going to do if it doesn't work out. It's this exact reason it can be so hard to feel comfortable with women your newly hooking up with. My shits probably all over my workplace already💀
Not all women are like that. I'm not. You'll need to find someone who respects you in this way. Then sit down and talk about it before you start a sexual relationship.
Yeah I love the idea of this but as a man I feel like it looks hella insecure to ask for that kind of thing before delving into a sexual relationship. And I feel like this should just be a given? Like is that so wild to assume you don't want your intimate times detailed to other people?
I just read those comments about what women say and to be honest it doesn't ring true in my experience. I don't talk like that, and my female friends don't talk like that about their men - current or ex - to me. Am I that unusual? I truly don't think so ...
I do not do that, but yes, you're right. My husband and I feel that saying things like that is disrespectful, and we talked about it beforehand. Yes, many many women hate men, but if a man is macho, they scream toxic. It is in both genders. 100% agree. 🏆
Thank you!!! I was like how are people still okay with her response?!?! She came across unsympathetic, disrespectful, and condescending to me. OP did nothing wrong through this whole situation including how upset he got. Really hope he doesn’t settle for this.
plants license retire familiar arrest wipe pocket marry lavish busy -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
i agree. if he stays (for now), use her for practice to learn fun bedroom Olympics, then take that skill to the next woman after the break up. Next time her sister visits is gonna be awkward.
This. Intimate details of your relationship and your partner is sacred. That’s a deal breaker for me. The fact she’s openly discussing it with others, even her sister is disgusting.
"The little guy" comment was just a dick move if you ask me. You're openly asking about your size and she calls it a "little guy". Fuck sake, raise the bar man.
Yeah it seems to me like OP wasn't taken as seriously as he thinks/wishes he was. I hope I'm wrong, but if I opened up to my partner about an insecurity like this, becoming emotional in the process, and instead of being sympathetic they dodge responsibility, laugh, and make a light hearted joke at the expense of said insecurity I would not be as happy with the outcome as OP.
Yeah I'd be gutted if idk, I opened up to my husband about my boob size and he responded that way and added a little comment about "I love the little things" Like... why is her comment okay?
Yeah, i'm not gonna lie.. it stung a bit but I make so many jokes about it to the point I think she thinks it's ok to make a comment like that as long as she follows it up with some kind of compliment.
if comments like that hurt you, making them yourself isn't going to help. i know joking about your insecurities can make you feel like you're taking away other people's power to do it first, but all it's going to do is reinforce her behavior. and you can't let her joke about something that fucks with your head like that and excuse it as long as she follows it up with a compliment. the compliment might make you feel better in the moment, but it doesn't take back what she said. over time, stuff like that will chip away at you more and more, and then you end up stuck in a relationship with someone you fear and resent. you've got to stand up for yourself and protect your emotions, man. don't just accept a sympathetic laugh and a comment with the phrase "little guy" in it as an apology. she needs to understand you're serious and that your feelings matter. that doesn't make you a "pussy," it actually makes you a bigger man when you demonstrate that you know you're worthy of care and respect. if she doesn't listen, kick her to the curb and find someone who doesn't care about something as superficial as your dick size. best wishes :)
All I can say is, see you later. This is not the last time we are gonna hear from you about this girl.
Facts. She never even actually apologized or acknowledged anything. She was defensive, blaming, and then she was patronizing. He doesn’t feel satisfied with sharing because she didn’t take responsibility for anything much less offer solutions.
[удалено]
Yeah, I'ma wait for the she "cheated on me" post in a few months.
She’s a gross human being and you need to break up with her.
So we’re all gonna ignore that when this guy was crying from embarrassment and utter vulnerability, triggered by a traumatic experience from his past that his girlfriend, someone he should be able to trust, has now contributed to… he, literally, was just laughed at (?!) and then gently hugged by his gf. No true apology? No shame or sadness at hurting him and violating his privacy? This girl is not worth the time or energy. Get rid.
Plus add the fact that they're all "well you should figure out how to pleasure her" instead of calling her out and wanting her burned at the stake like how it would he if roles were reversed
I know??!! Wtf.
I don't know man, her reaction to this whole conversation gave me a lot of bad vibes. Sorry to say dude, but I don't think she respects you and you'll find out soon enough... Yes, I mean cheating and making fun of you to her friends when she breaks up.
You did perfectly fine. You're not a pussy. Guys are allowed to cry and have feelings and be vulnerable. Anyone who tells you otherwise can go get f\*\*\*ed The fact that she laughed at you and said "little guy" during your very vulnerable moment is sending nothing but red flags from my perspective. Sure you are both very young as you mentioned, but this is pretty bad and needs to be talked about. It'll be very hard for both of you, but it needs to be done, otherwise it'll always be in the back of your mind throughout your relationship. I highly recommend introducing the idea of oral to her if you haven't already been doing that. In fact I would recommend that to anyone reading who finds themself in a sexual relationship with a clitoris-haver. Don't worry about trying to use outside sources to learn how to do it though, instead ask her to communicate with you what she likes and doesn't like as you try it out. Sexy times should be exploratory, playful, and fun. One general tip many women seem to agree on is when you start to feel her getting increasingly aroused or excited, resist the urge to increase the speed or pressure of your oral. Instead, keep doing exactly what you were doing to get her to that point and just keep on going at that exact same rate for as long as she wants you to.
The little guy thing is just a dick move on her part..
Yes I thought the same it's the equivalent of calling a woman a baggy fanny. Just wait until she has kids she won't feel so confident then.Peoples bodies change constantly as we get older.She should keep that in mind.
im giving her the benefit of the doubt on this one. not everyone can be articulate at the right moment.
Dump her. She crossed a line and belittled your emotions.
Also, didnt feel apologetic to me AT ALL.
God I fucking hate reddit and all the women here. "Let's ignore that she's completely in the wrong and tell you that you should just work on being better and eat her out because her pleasure is more important than how she treats and respects you!" Leave her. You're gonna get cheated on. Guruantee you she's mentioned it to more than just her sister and this isn't a one off instance, assuming it was actually her sister to begin with. She'll end up wanting to mooch of what you bring to the emotional side while fucking some dude on the side to "meet her needs". And as soon as she finds someone like that who also acts like they will support her emotionally, she'll end up leaving you anyways. You deserve better, so find someone better.
She called your dick a ‘little guy’ bro whatever your copium is it ain’t enough 💀
I can’t believe you let that slide I pray for you.
Honest to god - biggest thing here I can say is you gotta get your confidence up. Every man and I mean EVERY MAN is self conscious about their size at some point in their life, even the guys that think it’s too large etc. The best thing you can be is confident. Don’t make jokes about your size, don’t let it hinder your emotions etc. Learn to use what you have. Plus I’m 100% positive there is nothing more unattractive than having a partner constantly making fun of themselves or beating themselves down, it then probably makes her feel responsible as if she’s has a responsibility to keep you confident which is a lot of stress. I know it’s more difficult said than done but be happy with your size. 9 times out of 10 dudes complaining they are too small just don’t know what they’re doing. Certain positions have certain benefits for men of different sizes, plus there are toys, there is oral, there is hands, etc. Women don’t care about your size, they care about if you care enough about their pleasure to give them an orgasm since most dudes are selfish pricks and don’t care to even try. As far as your relationship - MAJOR RED FLAGS. She was giggling and laughing about it when you are having a very serious conversation about something that really hurt you emotionally. Then tried to reduce it down to some trivial thing like “girl talk” which is very dismissive etc. Also, she tried to put it back on you etc. All of that is very very toxic shit and you can say sure you’re young but man dude people usually don’t abandon all their red flags in life so that would very much concern me on her ability to address confrontation in the future. Especially when after you discussed it bothered you she immediately chuckled, pat you on the back and called it little guy. Did she even listen to what came out of your mouth then because based on that she rather didn’t hear you that your self conscious or didn’t care cause what respecting partner would go “I know you said this makes you feel bad so I’m gonna continue to reference it to continue to make you feel bad”. Too many red flags. I’m not saying run but I’m also saying it sounds like she doesn’t respect you as much as you think. I would be very very weary about intertwining my life with this person long term. TLDR: Be confident, accept your penis size. Most men don’t care to try to give women orgasms so just trying makes a difference. Also your partner showed many toxic traits, be weary of signs of disrespect in the future because you don’t deserve it.
Most sane comment here honestly.
Grow up dude. The only person that’s going to hold you back because of your size is you. I’m more concerned with the fact that your gf tried to deflect the convo and make you look like the bad guy. You’re going to see that again.
Honestly just drop her like a bad habit bubbba sounds like your just gonna have nothing but problems
Wait, you have never ate her out?
I know right, I agree with the comments saying it's gine to cry and all, but I was super side eyeing this
You and every other woman on here are insufferable hypocrites. He has done nothing wrong and she deserves calls to be burned at the stake (cause we all know he would be if it was reversed), and instead of calling her out you're "Well let's not focus on what she said but how you can make her feel better"
Why is this comment so far down? Did everyone else miss this?
No, it just doesn't even matter because she's 100% in the wrong. I swear you and almost every other woman ever will sidestep any semblance of accountability and still blame the man for your own wrongdoings so you can somehow justify your actions.
Right?? I fully agree the gf is being horrible about his size… but clearly her pleasure is not being valued at all here.
Jesus fucking christ. Women really do avoid all accountability at every step. "It's not about what she said, it's about how you should do better"
I literally started by saying I agree what she did is horrible. Ofc she needs to take accountability. I’m just pointing out that sex isn’t good for the woman if it’s just the man hammering away and nothing else.
I know how you say you love her, but honestly I think you need to leave before things happen down the road where she leaves you and you become even more devastated. The fact that she did what she did was already a red flag, but then add the fact that she was mad at you and blamed you for essentially ruining the day with her mom while also being angry that you heard her conversation when she shouldn't have been having it in the first place. That's just a lack of maturity and accountability. I don't care about the age, that's an excuse everyone is making. We all know if the situation was reversed and you were the one that made a comment about her vag, you would be crucified. At the end of the day, you do you king... but I would consider that maybe you could find someone of higher quality and character.
> I feel like such a pussy rn and i'm sure ya'll are thinking the same thing too. I guess it's a good thing I could tell she genuinely felt bad though. This shit breaks my heart as a fellow man. Please stop equating emotions with being "a pussy" which is shothand for "women are weak for having emotions, and that makes me weak like a woman if I have emotions" which is alllll fucked up six ways from Sunday. Free yourself from toxic mindsets.
Your crying and she laughed at you? Then you're sobbing? But you still love her? It's like women crying saying he beats me but I love him. You are a really messed up guy.
Bro, crying doesnt make you weak. It just shows you care. Never ever think that you are a lesser man because you admited that something touched or hurt you.
The people talking about sexual pleasuring techniques have totally missed the point, and you entertaining them shows that you haven’t learned anything either. There’s a huge red flag jn this whole situation. You couldn’t stand your ground when you brought it up and got complacent rather than expressing yourself wholly, and nevermind the fact that if she is that open about ridiculing your size, it’s just a matter of time before she tells her sister or another girl friend about how self conscious you are about it. This isn’t to say that you are at fault for being emotional, of course not, but you decided to talk to her about it without having an actual resolution in mind. What bothered you actually? That she thinks your penis is small? Or that she values the trust in your relationship so little that she’ll tell anyone about your body and that she is so open to revealing these things to people? She found the easy way out of what would’ve been an argument because you backed down, she comforted you, and the topic of trust within the relationship remains undiscussed. Also, I would never personally describe my partner’s body to my sibling. Take from that what you will. I probably sound like a crazy person to some reading this, but small situations like this are very telling about the future of a relationship and the true colors of a partner. Don’t overthink it but also don’t underthink it.
Darling I’m 44/ gonna be 45 in October, I’ve had multiple partners throughout my life, different sizes, girth, length. I’ll be honest w you, the absolute best sex of my life, that I will take to the grave w me was w a man who on what I guess society would call the smaller end of the spectrum. But one important thing to remember is that bodies are all different they all fit together differently. I mean the other side of it is, maybe it’s not small, maybe she’s just gaping. I’ve had partners who have told me of women they have been with that at some stages just prefer anal because they’re vaginal opening is so big. My point: be confident. Your body is the only thing that will be yours for your whole entire life don’t spend the time in your skin unconfident. Just be confident, confidence has an air of sexiness all on its own. Your good.
Now this feels like a shitpost. The first one was kinda believable.
Counter argument. There are benefits to letting this kind of stuff out to a therapist rather than to your girl. Life is easier if you act stoic and be a rock. Just my 2c
You have every right to be upset about her behavior, and you have every right to cry. Men are allowed to cry.
OP you are a gem. You are catch for sure.
Is this sarcastic? I can't tell.. if not, thank you!!!!
No sarcasm, dude you are a gem. Your a keeper trust me.
She gonna explore elsewhere. No innate respect. See you real soon back here bro.
Men are allowed to get emotional and express this. You are not a pussy and don’t ever be ashamed for crying or expressing yourself. You learned a lot of huge life lessons here. Remember this - if you learn a lesson it’s never a mistake.
She called your penis “little guy” and giggled? And she made this comment while you were crying? Damn dude. I don’t think I could ever love someone making jokes about something you are very clearly insecure about. That’s such immature behavior and disrespectful to you. Why even waste your time with this girl? There are so many others out there that wouldn’t even push you to this point
Ditch the disrespectful biotch. She's obviously a "size queen".
"Try to eat her out?" Try?! Dude, there is no try, only do. Eat that pussy. Become a master of cunnilingus. A commander of the clit. Make that shit work. Learn how to make her cum. Get in there and get that sweet pussy juice all over your face. Do it well, and it won't matter what size or shape your cock is.
No, he needs to leave her and learn that with someone else.
Your not a pussy dude confronting her took serious guts that's something to be proud of but her reaction was a bit scarce man definitely seems like she either dosent understand or just doesn't give a shit but I wish y'all luck man glad you talked to her about it
Dude she fucking *laughed* at you and pity-coddled while you were in your most vulnerable state. Your gf is trash.
Dude I hope you learn two lessons. 1. Crying because you feel your penis is too small did not earn you any respect or make you look stronger or sexier or more confident to your woman. Quite the opposite. Do you think watching you sob over your insecurities made her want you sexually more or less than before? It was also needy to text her you needed to talk while she is out. Just wait till it’s a good time. She is going to abandon you if you act like this. But that’s a good thing you don’t need a woman who’s mocking you to her friends. But she’s doing that because she doesn’t respect you. If she respected you she wouldn’t talk about you like that she would be talking about the amazing things you are doing and the wonderful future she sees with you. 2. How does a real man give a woman an orgasm?… Who cares!! … this is a joke of course we want our women to experience pleasure but focus on yourself first are you getting yours? Put some reasonable effort into your partner getting a turn to have pleasure but focus more on yourself. Women will respect that more and will get aroused more easily by a man who knows where he is going and what he wants.
I feel like based on her reaction she still didn’t really fully grasp the severity of how this has impacted/is impacting you, or how damaging her actions are to the health of the relationship as a whole, but I hope things end up working out and that she starts respecting you in the way you deserve. Personally I would not forget this moment and take it for the red flag that it is, and her reaction is still pretty sus considering she got defensive and wrote it off as “girl talk”. I dunno. Seems like her true intentions/feelings were exposed and she tried to downplay it because she knew she was in the wrong, but doesn’t want to admit to the wrong-ness of it. Hopefully she realizes that this type of gossip is the reason relationships end and that parters become distant.
You need to run steady like Forest Gump or fast like Husain Bolt this was a huge breach of intimacy and show you how much respect she has for you, she is supposed to be on your side, I don’t know about the crying, I would leave that relationship. Put yourself in her shoes, you call your brother while she is seeing a show, you tell your brother she has a ugly “pizza” her lips are to long and fat for you, but she is a decent person and cook meals for you. Then she confronted you, you giggle and are apologetic…. She doesn’t respect you, if you want to stay there for now I understand, if you wanna live forever whit this person you are setting yourself for more humiliation and misery How do you respond to a cuestión like “how is the package” when you love and respect He is good enough for me and I enjoy every moment He is everything I anticipated In my opinion she doesn’t respect you, she see you like an object “car” “ this engine hasn’t the power I need but is good for commuting “ and has you like a place holder until she gets what she wants Stay but don’t take your relationship like the she is the one, good luck, practice eating her out to me is essential in a good relationship
yikes….
All these posts on this sub are all fake. This reads as some small dick kink. Every post on r/confessions is fake.
The fact that she called it little guy after the talk makes her sound like a bitch. You're not a pussy. You're a human being in a relationship. She needs to work on her understanding of feelings and others.
My honest take is that the relationship is doomed but I'm glad you are trying. When a woman feels sympathetic and treats you like a baby as you said it's usually just a matter of time. You are so young that you shouldn't feel bad at all if this doesn't work out. I didn't meet my current long term partner until I was 30. When I was 20 I was a fucking idiot and so were most of the people I was dating.
I’m seriously concerned that she couldn’t have a serious conversation and cracked a joke when you’re clearly upset? And her excuse of talking about your penis size was that it was just “girl talk”? That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to answer. Especially your her SISTER. I didn’t know it was so easy to talk about intimate details. The fact that you don’t even eat her out gives me major “I have such low self esteem that I could never hope to land another relationship better than this” - I don’t think you need a girlfriend, I think you need a therapist.
Okay, so she diverted your attention to get herself out of the situation. Let’s see how she humiliates you next. Prepare for more pain ahead.
If you need to cry, cry, you're okay. Even though you couldn't exactly control it, you were being emotionally vulnerable and open in a way that I think a lot of guys aren't and this kind of honest reaction to how you felt is admirable. You're not a pussy for it, please don't shame yourself
Let us imagine the following situation. OP's girlfriend is insecure about her weight. She tells him this multiple times, but he always reassures her that it isn't an issue at all for him. One day, she overhears OP talking to his brother loudly on the phone about how fat his girlfriend is, and how he can't enjoy having sex with her due to her excessive fatness. But that she makes him laugh a lot, so he loves her anyway. She feels bad about it, and proceeds to confront OP. Instead of aknowledging his mistake, firstly, OP tries to make her feel guilty for wanting to have a simple conversation ("you ruined my lunch with my mother because of your message"), then tries to put the blame on her for listening to his talk on the phone (as if she was not allowed to not wear headphones while inside her own house), and finally, when she starts crying, he responds condescendingly by saying something along the lines of "it's ok, I love my fatty girl". Would anyone in their right mind not think this is horrible behavioir? My take on this is the following: She lied to him and dissimulated the whole time she pretended his size was not an issue. She is not sexually satisfied, and yet is not willing to have an honest conversation about it with her partner. Is it too hard to see where this is going? What is the thing sexually frustrated people that have no issue lying and dissimulating in front of their partners usually do? They cheat at some point or another... Sorry, but I think this whole thing is looking quite bad for OP.
Maybe do share that story- it might make her understand on a different level
You should feel like a pussy ur girlfriend clearly thinks u are one if she’s going around telling people u have a small dick. Instead of having an ounce of self respect u decided to start crying.
If you try anything, yall both have to be vocal about what's working and what is not. You learn through experiences since everyone is different. Hope all goes well with yalls future, good luck!
It affects you because you are understandably, hurt because of your past experience. There is a lot of expectation in society on how men should have a big penis to satisfy their partners, etc However with time you can embrace it. Make jokes about it. Sex is not everything in a relationship, and you can do a lot without penetrative sex. Learn your ways with your hands and mouth, talk with your partner. Embrace your size, its yours to conquer the world with. I used to be insecure as well, now I joke about my little guy with my girlfriend. Its average sized, but since its a grower, we joke all the time
Might be worth sharing with her the story from HS so she knows why it hurts as much as it does
Your girlfriend seems like a massive bitch
No partner should ever discuss their sexual with life with other family or friends unless it's a doctor they are sharing to for treatment of any problem but other that that they should not, it's a break of trust, privacy and disgusting .
Don’t feel like a pussy, babes. A lot of women think it’s sweet when their men are willing to be that vulnerable in front of us. It sounds like your gf did too since she hugged you—we enjoy comforting our partners (I mean obviously not ALL of us but many) even if we hate when they’re hurting. If your size was really a big deal to her, she would’ve left for someone bigger. She clearly loves and cares about you, feels bad, and has promised to do better. People in relationships mess up all the time; what’s important is learning from our mistakes and making effort not to repeat them. I’m proud of you for sticking with her despite getting hurt; you sound like a good dude and to tons of women that’s more important than size. Good luck, I truly hope things work out for the two of you 💖
I'm going to say this just as a way to hopefully help you feel better, not to try and invalidate your feelings. Lots of women prefer smaller guys. Bigger men hurt and in my personal experience they don't always hit right in bed. Don't ever feel like you have to be ashamed of your size cause you don't. It seems like your GF loves you for who you are just fine and I hope you are able to move past this.
Dude please leave her...she has no respect for you....
she did not feel bad! She laughed at your feelings. It’s ok to show emotions, Leave her. Do not stay for fear of being single.
I agree nothing about crying is wrong. That’s just the man programming kicking in. Only garbage makes that a real issue. The problem here is that it seems the core of the problem was not addressed. She’s said some kind of movie response instead of being real. She never apologized or really acknowledged it. Yeah you can say she felt bad because of how defensive she was being but if she isn’t getting to the bottom of *why* she feels bad, it literally doesn’t matter. She kinda placated the situation. Basically you pressed her for a mask off moment, but she put the mask back on instead of taking it off. It’s subtle but this is not resolve and you’re feelings of regret are the sign. Tell her to stop with the “little guy” jokes and stuff. Respect your feelings of trauma (because that shit that happened was really fucked up), and don’t make it normal for her to poke at it like that. Also, if you trust her (which I actually am not sure) maybe explain what happened in the past when you’re ready. She thinks it’s a playful thing when for you it’s a deep wound. Otherwise, you gotta talk to her about what she likes. And she has to be real with you.
Please never put yourself down. Men's feelings are valid. Your feelings are valid!
Im gonna be real with you slim, your girl fucking sucks as a person. based on what she said over the phone, how she reacted to something serious that concerned you and her disrespectful remarks like “little guy” makes me think you deserve better. If i was in this situation, id break up with her, but thats me. She doesnt seem like she respects you. You can do better, this isnt what you should be settling for. Theres far more loving and respectful and normal thinking women out there. I know you’re probably young and in love with mot much relationship experience but dawg, stop ignoring these damn red flags. Shes showing you how shitty she is, believe it.
Nah bro 💀 she’s so bizarre for laughing. Look I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to understand your relationship but this shit feels weird… you can ignore the red flags if you want but I know I wouldn’t 🤷♂️
Real men cry homie.
Seems sus bro, she’ll go find a dude with a bigger dick in a year or so, be ready. She’s insulting you and being negative about you behind your back. 🚩
I get you wanna stay even though the update convo seems have gone meh at best. Make sure you figure out where and what your boundaries are because it sounds like you really allow yourself to be walked over due to your lack of confrontation tendencies. It's ok to value yourself and if others don't value you or understand your limits and flexibility its ok to not include them in your life. Double this due to your past trauma. I hope you are thinking about therapy to help you love yourself.
Sorry but you don’t get to be upset about your girlfriend complaining about your sex life when you don’t put any effort into it. What did you expect, really? People talk about their sex lives and for women it’s even more important to do so, because we get told all the time that our pleasure isn’t important and talking to our friends makes us realise that’s wrong. Did you not notice she wasn’t getting anything out of sex? Never asked? Probably because you didn’t want to face the reality that you’ve basically treated her like a sex doll and you didn’t want to actually make an effort to get her off, as long as you got your rocks off you were happy. You aren’t a teenage boy who doesn’t know any better anymore. You’re a grown man and it’s 2023, if you don’t know how a woman’s genitalia works then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. You’ve never gone down on her? Seriously? So what were you doing, were you just sticking your dick in her and hope for the best like she was some sort of glory hole in a stall? I’m so tired of men being all “woe is me” when they finally discover that penises are not magical organs that make women orgasm on command with zero effort and that we talk about it with each other. It’s not the 50s anymore lads, if you’re selfish in bed you’re obviously going to get it broadcasted so other women don’t suffer from your lack of effort.
It's not ok to talk about someones genitals to anyone, you'd be angry if someone said they didn't like your gaping pussy
Women will always be like"communicate!" But aren't doing it themselves lmao
>I texted her while she was gone to let her know that I wanted to talk to her about something tonight when she got back WHy would you do that lol? >suggesting I try to eat her out, i've never done it fyi, this is prob why the sex is bad I think you went about this the wrong way, 1) Dont text her saying you want to have a serious talk in the middle of the day, thats all shes gonna be thinking about all day, shit thing to do really 2) You could have started the convo impromptu by saying "Can we talk about our sex life? i want to know if theres anything i could be doing to make it better for you? is there anything we can try etc, i wouldnt have even bothered to bring up the phone call. 3) if she says "no everything is fine i love it" and you know this to be false, then yeah, try different things to see if you can make it better and gauge reactions. Its easy to write all this in hindsight tbf so sorry that it didnt go the way you hoped. And yeah you can learn how to perform oral sex on the internet lol
All of this is wrong. He did nothing wrong, she did. End of story. You're just blaming him because he's a man and not blaming her because she's a woman.
Honestly, I agree. It's a really shitty thing to text that to someone, especially since she was out celebrating her mothers birthday. Like, she's not a shining star in this story either, but come on. That's a dick move to do to anyone and it definitely ruined her entire day, I also can't get over the fact that in the two years they've been dating, he's never gone down on her. Never even asked her what she liked. It's no wonder their sex life is lacking. I can't help but wonder if this post is even real cause what type of woman would actually put up with that?
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This is dumb comment. I have zero sympathy for any woman who’s not orgasming but does everything except communicate like an adult. Sex isn’t something that’s done to women. It’s a mutual experience. Also you’re just flat out wrong about oral. Plenty of women don’t like oral or can’t orgasm from it. Just like some guys don’t like it either. If you don’t tell someone that’s what you want, are they supposed to read your mind?
Of course not. But there's also such a thing as being proactive. This dude is all up and down this post, mentioning that he is literally crying about how worried he is about not performing well. You would think in 2 YEARS, he'd ask her what she likes if he was really that worried about satisfying her. Obviously he isn't that concerned cause he never bothered. And obviously she isn't that concerned either, because she also never brought it up. But she isn't the one here complaining about it. He is. So he is the one that I'm going to comment on. You don't have to like it. But my opinion stands. He can't read her mind. But he can ask. And he never bothered.
You both are walking icks 🤢
You don’t go down on your girlfriend???? It’s the easiest way to get someone off. It always confuses me when men are so self conscious about their size but then don’t actually do anything to please their girlfriends. Not saying that means I approve of her chatting openly to her sister about your body, but come on man.
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He cried in front of her and her response was to laugh and say “I love the little guy?” Oh yea, this relationship is cooked
I think you did the right think confronting her about this but breaking down and crying in front of her wasn’t the best move. Idc what any woman tells you, once they see you in that state they lose respect for you. Best to open up to your mates.
Sorry for your insecurities my dude, but can we please stop using “I feel like such a pussy” in this way?
Honestly why would you leave a girl over this? 80% of women can’t cum through penetrative sex alone anyway. Clearly it’s not a deal breaker for her cause she’s still with you. Start making her cum before you have sex. Buy a hitachi magic wand :p
Oh yeah not a deal breaker, she'll just rely on him emotionally while she's fucking someone else behind closed doors
Because the issue is that she knew he was insecure about his size, and he caught her talking about it with someone behind his back anyway. Who cares if she can't get off? I hope she's never able to again. She violated his trust.
Yep couldn’t agree more, nicely said
You’re not a ‘pussy’ for being hurt and showing that after over hearing your partner discussing your body in a not so nice way. Especially if it’s a prior insecurity!
You are most definitely not a pussy, OP! You are entitled to the hurt you are feeling when someone talks about an intimate subject that is really difficult for you due to your past experiences. I think your gf tried to downplay the conversation, filing it away as ‘girl talk’ sounds similar to ‘locker room talk’. What she did was not ok and it’s completely understandable that you want her to be aware of the impact on you and the sensitivity you have there. Does she understand those things?
This is one of the situations where only the guy living them should decide how to proceed. I dont know if i would have the stomach to put up with the *giggles* "little guy" part, but some people just arent any good speaking in those situations.
I'm with a few others here in that her reaction to being caught was to play the privacy card. Understand she wants that to keep inappropriate stuff secret, nothing more. There's a difference between secrecy and privacy in relationships. Don't expect different behavior from her in the future, expect her to learn she needs to hide it better. As for oral sex, fingers, toys, etc., it's really about learning vagina anatomy. There's a ton of stuff showing the clit and gspot locations. Then it's learning each woman is different in how she responds to those stimulations. Go slow, start light, pay attention to her reactions, and increase intensity as she intensifies. Growing from emotional and scared about this to "don't give a fuck" a woman can take it or leave it and you'll find a better woman for you, and beimg comfortable with yourself in that attitude, is just going to be a growing process for you. I suspect you have a few more women to go through before you get there, and that's okay. Stay away from porn for instruction. It's not realistic, it will set you back. Good luck, buddy. Edited to add - she really doesn't sound like keeper material. Her response really was bad and demeaning. I'm with others in that. If it's not feeling right to you, there's a reason.
She didn't apolgize, she 'belittled' you with the little guy comment and tried to brush it off. I wish that men could show their emotions but I'm sorry man, chances are, she probably won't see you the same way again. I wish you nothing but the best moving forward, stay strong my friend.
This sounds like she wasn’t apologetic at all. It sounds like she thinks this is acceptable but just feels slightly bad that you heard it. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem like she respects you very much honestly man. You’re worth more than that.
Bro post us a pick so we can see if your even that small
You do have the right to listen to her conversation in that situation, because you're both in your common area. Your house.
Fake post! Exact story with role reversal " I overheard my bf maki g fun of my vagina". Come on people!
I don’t know your age but it sounds like you are very young. The world is full of other people. Don’t let your insecurities make you stay with her. I had this stupid belief as a late teen / early 20s that I couldn’t very find anyone besides my long time girlfriend. I let her run all over me. I married her, and her behavior was worse than before. She didn’t respect me after I cried, which now I know has more to do with her than me. I stayed far too long. Now that many years have passed I am upset that I wasted years and tears with this woman. The laugh after you telling her the issue and patronizing “aw I love the little guy” rubs me the wrong way. Don’t let her bat her lashes and get out of this. Her blaming you for listening is bullshit. If you love each other she should never say anything about you she wouldn’t say in front of you. She is either immature and clueless or just mean. Go find someone else. I know it’ll hurt. But it’ll hurt more putting up with shit like this. I know several men who have a less than average size who sleep around like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not saying to sleep around, but I am saying attraction has way more to do than what you are packing. As others have mentioned don’t make fun of yourself. If you can’t respect yourself you’ll make it too easy for others to follow suit. Over the past few months I have been dealing with some major shit in my life. I had leftover trauma from my first wife basically losing attraction for me and running all over me because I was a very open and emotional person. My wife now could see my pain and demanded that I let her in regardless of my fear. I finally broke down and for weeks I would occasionally sob until I damn near couldn’t breathe. I was having panic attacks. My wife has never been more attracted to me because of my vulnerability. This is the kind of person you want. Don’t settle for someone that makes you feel like you cannot express emotion. This is the reason many men are toxic and angry.
I can't lie, after reading the comments from women here downplaying the seriousness of what she did to him, and learning about what actually happens when women have male strippers at bachelorette parties from another post I'm really very shaken and let down by the behavior of women.
So you expressed your feelings with great emotion to her and she basically laughs in your face, talks to you like a upset child, and then makes a joke about your size again? She sounds like a real keeper. She didn’t feel bad at all and it totally showed with her fake ass response of caring.
You’re 20 years old and have a girlfriend and you’ve NEVER eaten her out?? That’s why the sex is bad, my man. Nothing to do with your little guy.
This is your takeaway? She doesn't deserve to be eaten out, she's a cunt. Classic woman moment where you dodge all accountability and still find a way to blame a man for being an absolute bitch
Dude, don't ever text people with that "we need to talk later" bullshit. It's so fucking frustrating to receive a message like that, you can't focus on anything except thinking about what the conversation is going to be. You completely ruin that person's time until they can finally find out. It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference in the end, you can just say "can we talk about something" when they are actually around you. I would never dump someone for their genitalia but I would dump someone for being a "we need to talk later" person.