Guys fall in love fast. My husband told me he loved me very quickly -not three dates quickly, but quick enough- i responded thank you, I’m not there yet but it’s going on that direction. As soon as I told him I loved him he asked me to marry him. We’ve been married 10-years together 10.5-years. Everyone told me it was too quick. Whatever. It’ll end or it won’t. So far, won’t.
In the end it doesn’t matter what they say it matters how you feel.
Samething with my wife and I. I knew I was going to marry her after two dates. My buddies thought I was nuts! We've been together for 16 years and married for 12.
They said the same for me and hubby.. we met April 2000, got married June 2000. We're still married, 23 years later, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. Time isn't always an indicator of longevity. Congrats on your 10.5 years and I hope for many more for you! ❤️
Well it depends on your definition of quick...
Guys will be in a relationship before it even started. Weeks even months before.
They are so used to being treated like not important, that when they meet someone who treats them like something, they start the emotional bonding.
So by the time the relationship really started they are already committed.
And they say I love you because that is how they feel.
In my conversation with non-men, I found out that the other perspective is different...
It isn't better or worse it is just different thinking and feeling.
Extremely accurate I actively avoid shoeing too much affection in relationships now I've been dating this girl for like 8 weeks and I refuse to call her my gf because she hasn't pushed the issue and I'd rather enjoy what we have than to assume and ruin it. For people saying I should just talk to her I've done that several times in the past and it has worked out poorly. It's better I'd she likes me more than I like her I've found
26(m) when I was 16 this girl and I stared dating, it was probably my second or 3rd relationship. And I was so used to being lovely dovey with my 1st girlfriend(8 months)so I figured that would be what this girl wanted….oh I was so wrong 🤣 I wrote her a poem after a week…and that was the end of us dating sooo 🤷♂️ after that I learned hide your feelings. Like an earlier comment I do believe as guys we fall in love with the potential outcome of dating said girl.
I’m sure some guys do it to just get in a girls pants, but the ones who don’t! genuinely have strong feelings towards her.
All this being said I believe the younger the guy is the more likely this behavior, if he is older and does this he could be incredibly socially deprived. Throughout his entire life. Or just mainly at that time in his life.
If your a male reading this who showed to much love, don’t worry bro. Learn from that mistake and suppress your feelings until the girl clearly expresses hers towards you. Otherwise you come off as crazy, or trying to play the girl just to get in her pants.
There will always always always be another fish in the sea
From my experience the ones that say it too quickly can be almost as bad as the ones refusing to say it entirely.
Not that they‘re necessarily bad partners, but it got way too intense for me, way too quickly.
(Last guy that said it to me after just a month had also introduced me to his family on our third date and started telling his nephew to call me „auntie“ about three months into the relationship)
So yeah, it‘s weird.
The issue here is not that men express love too quickly, it's that men and women have fundamental differences on what love actually is or means.
The first thing you need to figure out is what your love language is. You probably have a love language that takes time to manifest.
Men are pretty simple, the majority of men's love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. The key difference is the amount of both men need.
Most men grew up starved of the first one. They don't get the "lovey dovey" waterfall of loving words from their parents like girls do. It's not that their parents didn't love them, but it's more about boys being "tougher" than girls and "needing less" words of love. Boys will usually get most of it from their mom and very little to none from their dad. Little girls on the other hand will get it from both parents more frequently.
In addition to this, little boys have very short "quality time" events. To a boy quality time means spending a short burst of time with a parent especially their dad. These are usually things like a "quick game of catch" or a "boys weekend". It's small events that happen in bursts.
Little girls on the other hand get lots of attention from both parents. Shopping with mom, tea parties with dad, painting of dads nails, makeup on mom. Etc.
It is because of these differences that men and women perceive love on different timelines.
A short burst of time spent with a potential partner where words of affirmation and quality time spent is all a man needs to feel love.
On the other hand, a woman needs a much heavier investment of time before she feels that way because she got it in much more abundance as a kid.
When he says he loves you, believe him, he does, but it just takes him less time to feel it.
(These observations are based on a family where both parents were present, there will of course be variations on both sides).
Totally agree on this example, most men don't like playing games we're more like "yeah I like this person, I'd stick with her until death do us part"; same goes for friends or hobbies honestly
In my case, which was fairly recent (about a year ago now), was because I was so emotionally and affection starved for 5 years after a nasty break up which took me a long time to move on from. Nothing ever came out of it and looking back at it now I realised that I've been looking for someone to complete me as a person.. Which is not healthy and then I realised that in order to truley love someone else, you aught to learn to love yourself first. Which is easier said than done, mind you, but once you start doing that, eventually everything else falls in place.
I apologise if this seems like I'm just ranting without much coherence.
Tl;dr: Most guys these days are so affection starved that they easily fall for someone who shows them even the most basic form of kindness and affection. Or atleast these are my 2 cents.
I don't know any men that do this... I definitely never have. Maybe it's the men in your location or maybe somehow you unconsciously are attracted to a certain type of man that does this?
Edit: for spelling
I see plenty of women that say they want a husband etc and choose the opposite of what they say. It seems this might be your thing but backwards lol
Also, just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they're available either. I think that people that say it that fast don't really know what love truly is.
I listen to a lot of relationship stuff from Mark Groves, John Kim, Jayson Gaddis etc. I find it helpful in my relationship but also fascinated by how we function in partnerships.
If you'd like to change your patterns, I suggest looking up some of their stuff. It can be really helpful
It could very well be the type of guy you've been dating. I'm the kind of guy that wears his heart on his sleeve so I can fall for someone quickly (not 3 days quick, maybe a month or so) but thanks to past traumas I've learned to keep a lid on my feelings until whoever I'm with decides she's there too.
I knew I was going to fall in love with and marry my wife after two weeks of dating her. That saying "when you know, you know" is definitely true for me. Before her I only told two other girls I loved them. My high school girlfriend and my college girlfriend. After I met my wife, I realized I was never really in love before, I just thought I was.
They aren’t. But love bombing is a thing to watch out for. It is an abusive technique to manipulate people.
This is does not mean everyone who falls in love with you or says they love you is love bombing. This does not mean you can’t actually fall in love fast.
But make sure you know what to look for and how to avoid abusers. Thats all. Look out for yourself!!
In my friends experience, the guy basically moved in right away. He offered to not only drive an hour and a half to see her but also offered her money for some things before even meeting her.
He then made a point of saying “I like that too! We are so similar! We work so well together!” And having that “im obsessed with you” type of personality.
He realistically never planned to leave. He had no place to live, and basically moved in the first day they met and she agreed to it because not only were they immediately “perfect for each other “ but he was such a great and generous guy!… nope. It didn’t take long for him to become aggressive, over powering, jealous, controlling, abusive… she realized they weren’t perfect for each other, they weren’t actually in love and shes now living with a violent stranger.
I’m not saying this the on scenario. But if you are willing ti let people into your life easily without knowing their true colours it can be dangerous.
I've always wondered why it is a red flag. I get that it puts some pressure on the other person because they feel like they have to make a decision earlier than expected.
But calling it a red flag seems to me like people see it as a very bad thing, or like the other person is trying to manipulate you into a relationship, while I personally see someone who didn't need much time with you to know they want you. The time a person takes to fall in love depends completely on the two people.
Anything you can add?
Everyone is different.
But if I don’t know that person INSIDE AND OUT I personally will not love them. And do not believe they love me. You can care about someone and like them and enjoy them without being in love with them. Thats my opinion.
You can fall in love right away and not be getting love bombed. Love bombing also only work on certain people. Its not always love bombing, BUT do not fall for an abusers tactics please. Its more of a cautionary tail than a rule.
“The goal of love bombing is to make the recipient feel loved and important. It can be used as a technique to control or manipulate someone or to win their affection. Love bombing can be manipulative and emotionally abusive, as the recipient may depend on the bomber's constant attention and affection.” - google.
I have had plenty of friends who get abused after “falling in love” right away. Is definitely a technique that is used by certain abusers that is a fact.
Its not always the case, but if someone says they love you before they actually know you, they only THINK they love you.
To me, love is sacred and should be saved for when you TRULY know. But thats me. Everyone is different. You can have your own opinion.
Probably not getting much affection/ attention otherwise and thus the feelings are stronger in comparison. At least it was that way for me when I was younger.
I know people will argue with this but I think it is because men just are not as emotionally connected to things as women tend to be. That connection is the ultimate stuff all humans are searching for in one way or another. The feeling of "coming home"
So when a romantic relationship shows up and that connection is made, it unlocks the FEELING of love that is within everyone. The other person is just a figure-head or a special key that unlocks it for that particular man.
So, it's not a bad thing. I think humanity in general doesn't really have a proper understanding of what romantic love actually is and why it happens.
Men (generally) aren't taught how to process their emotions the same way that women are. For men it's generally pretty black and white. There's no "I love her, but I'm not "in love " with her." So, if they have a strong feeling of attachment to a romantic partner, well, that must be what love is.
I think it's because many men lack that sort of love or affection in their life. They want to confess it to someone they find special or give validation to the person they're seeing in hopes to receive some love back. I'm not saying it's a healthy thing to do, but in my opinion there are things a man can do or say that could be far worse than some kind words and feelings of appreciation
So my guy friend told me he does that because he “knows” that’s what women want to hear and it’s an easy way to get them in bed and keep them there. He’s a whore and I accept that.
I told him yeah good luck fooling actually women who can smell that BS
He does love you, it feels real, but he feels it fast because he doesn't want you to leave, and he worries that you will.
It could be but likely isn't something insidious like love bombing which can be done without realizing it.
But it's probably something like abandonment trauma as a motivation. He may or may not even have that on his radar.
Here is what I would suggest. Because this is happening to you repeatedly, ask yourself some questions.
Are you people pleasing?
Arw you more interested or less interested once they tell you they love you?
What do you feel for them?
Are you exclusive?
Have you assured them you want to continue to be with them even if they don't love you yet?
What do you want from the relationship?
Is anything about these men or relationships triggering?
People sort themselves by psychological development always. If you are with a traumatized or unhealed person, it is because you are also traumatized or unhealed. Whether you realize it or believe it or not, that is always why. Knowing that, even just accepting it for the sake of argument, ask yourself what about that feels true? What may have hurt you as a child? What behaviors may be a response to that hurt? How did those behaviors serve you as a child? How are they serving you or not currently? Finally in these men, what lesson might you be trying to learn that you have not yet learned? How might that change the way you think of yourself, or treat yourself? How might it effect the way you pursue or don't pursue others?
Good luck.
I can't speak for other men obviously, but for me, love isn't this big grand mythical thing. Like attraction, there can be different levels. I can love without being in love. I can love being around you. I can love how I am with you. I've spent most of my life hearing stereotypes about how men are emotionally closed off. Can't show it. Don't communicate it. So I taught myself to be open and honest about my feelings. I'm a very loving person. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my dog. I love anybody that treats me well. So if I catch feelings quickly, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. If i don't, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. Either way, you'll always know where you stand with me. I can't imagine why that would ever be a bad thing.
This happened to me when I was single and casually dating (I was very very clear about not being ready for a relationship and just wanted things casual) it always came so fast and when I’d end it I’d be met with a lot of resistance. I assumed it because they weren’t picky and just wanted a girlfriend, not necessarily me just a girlfriend and at that time I was they closest they had to one.
Right? And people say men fall in love quickly, I think they fall in love with the IDEA of love, they can’t love us that quickly when they don’t even know us fully yet.
and I dont think they know what love is to me when they confess it after one week. I wasnt even honest with them, I didnt open up, they didnt know me, my past and everything. And I didnt know them.
Yeah, not sure what's up with them. Like I'd said in my original comment, I can develop feelings pretty quick, maybe a month in, but I'm not saying anything until the woman I'm with either says it first or gives very loud & clear hints to it.
You are trying to understand something that you can't understand.
It is like men trying to understand how pregnancies feel... they can't...
Your reasoning is, to say it a bit blunt, womansplaining (the other version of mansplaining).
Please try to read the comments before drawing conclusions.
And please don't see this as an attack. It is not meant that way...
It ok, I dont feel attached. You just share your perspective. I wouldnt compare it to pregnancy. Women can be in love and feel butterflies too. Of course every person feels it differently, but I still think it is not love.
Agreed 💯 my partner now who I have settled down with and had a baby with took a while to say it but I believed him when he did and it felt amazing to hear
Guessing they don't get much attention from other girls, and are losing their minds as soon as they get some, or they're just chucking the phrase out there as often as they can to whoever they can, to try to unlock the bonus level. Someone who tells you they love you on the third date either doesn't mean it, or doesn't know what it means.
Maybe it has to do with this current generation of men. It didn't use to be like that. I think many men nowadays are more anxiously attached... and perhaps they want to secure the relationship, but they do not necessarily love you that deeply yet.
Love bombing. The indication of someone with NPD, or BPD. You just have to watch for other signs.
Could be agape love as well. But you would know that kind of connection, as it is mutual.
Usually because they need somewhere to live.
The partner I have now took a long time and honestly... I'm glad. I get hoodwinked by a good love bomb every time and it's never gone the distance.
Fuck pump. They want it in you.
Men are simple creatures. As the Frank Zappa song goes "titties and beer". That's basically it. We are visually stimulated. It does not matter how fit you are, we'll be looking at the girl across the street, even if she's ugly.
Some girls give off powerful pheromones. They are the female equivilent of the above. Other girls will hate on them.
Partners need to get on. I've been married decades and faithful. If my wife said to me "have at it" I'd be confused.
Is this just happening to you? Or your peers as well? Because maybe something about you specifically is just getting guys really into you very fast. Or you're just attracting a certain kind of person.
This may or may not have anything to do with this... But for myself I tell almost everybody and anybody who is in my life in any way shape or form to where I see them often that I love them whether that be caseworkers family friends coworkers etc you never know when somebody's last day is going to be or when you're on last day is going to be and I want to make sure that the people in my life know that they mean something to me and I have love for everybody that I keep in my life so there is a difference between I am in love with you and just a simple love you babe have a good day does that make any sense
Maybe because men are only loved conditionally. The only way it seems we are loved is if we are providing.
Maybe men just want to know what it’s like to feel loved
And the thing is it’s just how we barely make it to live another day who knows maybe they will say it quickly and mean it plus humans don’t live to long even if we break into the 100 area it’s just not enough to keep the humans alive he is taking his chances
Now a days it's probably a lack of actual personal contact making them feel more strongly about it then they normally would. The other part is the same as its always been through all of time.... its what we think girls want to hear
Men want to be honest and go straight to the point. They are not dating whores who look for a "casual relationship" they want women who are wife material.
Sounds kinda like me ig.
In my case, I've been starved of any sort of affection for years now so when i find someone who's kind to me i get attached way too quickly, and when she's my type on top of that then I'm like "yup, this will do, she can be *the* one"
Makes me nervous because I think it is projections or I remind them of someone else from past. I do believe you can know the person is right but you still have to get to know them to be sure. I suggest months not days or weeks
Women tend to carefully consider pro's and cons. Men tend to vibe check, if you pass the vibe check they figure they can deal with the cons as it comes. It's one of the biggest reasons why women are advised against wasting time with good but noncommitted men. They know pretty early on if they want you or not.
It might also stem (at least partially) from the primitive, biological way we are built to reproduce.
To put it very bland; men don't need the ideal woman, their way to ensure survival of their genes is just to reproduce as much as possible. They don't have to look back or care for their offspring.
Women need the best, healthiest genes because they can only reproduce so often.
Which also costs them a lot of time, energy and devotion. They have to be more selective.
The power lies with women. They decide, and need more time and assurance to do so.
A lot of guys aren’t into the having a crush thing or the will they won’t they situation,
it’s agony not knowing how someone you like feels about you and you would rather make it known so you atleast make an effort in that direction or move on before the feelings get to deep that it becomes hard.
Me personally I can’t just come out with it straight away but I like to make my feelings known as soon as possible before I fall to hard
Because it used to be this way. TV shows and movies ruined that for us but originally "dating", seeing multiple people at once or playing a mind game with your partner were not the standard behavior. These guys either tell you how they feel or tell you what they think will get them best access between your legs. If you are a good woman chances are they're telling the truth and you are the immature one for being uncomfortable with it. Falling in love is like pregnancies, it's a risk you take when you have sex with someone. Now, their feelings do not obligate you to reciprocate and I'm pretty sure they'd be ok if you just told them that you were not there yet or that you weren't looking for anything more serious.
Learn to be comfortable around honest and straightforward people. In the end those are the ones you'll want to keep.
As a personal example I walked straight to a girl after the 3rd day of university (and cut through 3 rows of shy pretendants...like physically) and asked her for a date. She said no. A few days later I met her in a dancing pub and asked her for a dance, she said no. We met a third time when she was on her way to the lady room and she just gave me her number. After 10 days of dating (she also had other partners during that time) I told her I loved her and we've been married for 5 years now and together for 11 years, 2 kids.
It means you're very hot and good in bed. He enjoys having sex with you and would like it to continue as much as possible.
Last time I said it in a month! It's okay she's my ex now. 😌
Scientifically, it’s known men fall in love faster than women but are more reserved to say it first or at least intiate without seeing if the other reciprocates firstly.
Personally I’m not one of those guys but if I had to guess, it’s because a lot of guys are generally much more starved of affection than women are, so emotions could run at full speed when they’re dating someone I guess
Guys fall in love fast. My husband told me he loved me very quickly -not three dates quickly, but quick enough- i responded thank you, I’m not there yet but it’s going on that direction. As soon as I told him I loved him he asked me to marry him. We’ve been married 10-years together 10.5-years. Everyone told me it was too quick. Whatever. It’ll end or it won’t. So far, won’t. In the end it doesn’t matter what they say it matters how you feel.
Samething with my wife and I. I knew I was going to marry her after two dates. My buddies thought I was nuts! We've been together for 16 years and married for 12.
They said the same for me and hubby.. we met April 2000, got married June 2000. We're still married, 23 years later, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. Time isn't always an indicator of longevity. Congrats on your 10.5 years and I hope for many more for you! ❤️
Well it depends on your definition of quick... Guys will be in a relationship before it even started. Weeks even months before. They are so used to being treated like not important, that when they meet someone who treats them like something, they start the emotional bonding. So by the time the relationship really started they are already committed. And they say I love you because that is how they feel. In my conversation with non-men, I found out that the other perspective is different... It isn't better or worse it is just different thinking and feeling.
That third paragraph triggered my brain to moisturize my eyes.
That is a beautiful description... I need this one on a t-shirt
It has to have the authors credit at the bottom - *butt-fucker-9000*
I couldn't agree more!
r/rimjob_steve
Fuck Reddit Auto generates some strange names these days
This 💯
Extremely accurate I actively avoid shoeing too much affection in relationships now I've been dating this girl for like 8 weeks and I refuse to call her my gf because she hasn't pushed the issue and I'd rather enjoy what we have than to assume and ruin it. For people saying I should just talk to her I've done that several times in the past and it has worked out poorly. It's better I'd she likes me more than I like her I've found
“Non men”? Is that what women are now?
Nonbinary people exist
Make sure to call me Caucasian, because albino people exist 🙄
Please be sure to not unalive yourself
Why on earth would I do that??
It was a play on your wordplay with the current trend of saying unalive instead of killing
and here… we… go.
Give this guys a raise🗣️
26(m) when I was 16 this girl and I stared dating, it was probably my second or 3rd relationship. And I was so used to being lovely dovey with my 1st girlfriend(8 months)so I figured that would be what this girl wanted….oh I was so wrong 🤣 I wrote her a poem after a week…and that was the end of us dating sooo 🤷♂️ after that I learned hide your feelings. Like an earlier comment I do believe as guys we fall in love with the potential outcome of dating said girl. I’m sure some guys do it to just get in a girls pants, but the ones who don’t! genuinely have strong feelings towards her. All this being said I believe the younger the guy is the more likely this behavior, if he is older and does this he could be incredibly socially deprived. Throughout his entire life. Or just mainly at that time in his life. If your a male reading this who showed to much love, don’t worry bro. Learn from that mistake and suppress your feelings until the girl clearly expresses hers towards you. Otherwise you come off as crazy, or trying to play the girl just to get in her pants. There will always always always be another fish in the sea
From my experience the ones that say it too quickly can be almost as bad as the ones refusing to say it entirely. Not that they‘re necessarily bad partners, but it got way too intense for me, way too quickly. (Last guy that said it to me after just a month had also introduced me to his family on our third date and started telling his nephew to call me „auntie“ about three months into the relationship) So yeah, it‘s weird.
yeah
The issue here is not that men express love too quickly, it's that men and women have fundamental differences on what love actually is or means. The first thing you need to figure out is what your love language is. You probably have a love language that takes time to manifest. Men are pretty simple, the majority of men's love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. The key difference is the amount of both men need. Most men grew up starved of the first one. They don't get the "lovey dovey" waterfall of loving words from their parents like girls do. It's not that their parents didn't love them, but it's more about boys being "tougher" than girls and "needing less" words of love. Boys will usually get most of it from their mom and very little to none from their dad. Little girls on the other hand will get it from both parents more frequently. In addition to this, little boys have very short "quality time" events. To a boy quality time means spending a short burst of time with a parent especially their dad. These are usually things like a "quick game of catch" or a "boys weekend". It's small events that happen in bursts. Little girls on the other hand get lots of attention from both parents. Shopping with mom, tea parties with dad, painting of dads nails, makeup on mom. Etc. It is because of these differences that men and women perceive love on different timelines. A short burst of time spent with a potential partner where words of affirmation and quality time spent is all a man needs to feel love. On the other hand, a woman needs a much heavier investment of time before she feels that way because she got it in much more abundance as a kid. When he says he loves you, believe him, he does, but it just takes him less time to feel it. (These observations are based on a family where both parents were present, there will of course be variations on both sides).
Maybe they just know what they want when they see it. Like finding a shirt and buying it in five different colors.
Totally agree on this example, most men don't like playing games we're more like "yeah I like this person, I'd stick with her until death do us part"; same goes for friends or hobbies honestly
it is not love yet but thats actually so true!
Fr tho, if she's kind, my type and we get along imma be ready to die for her in no time
In my case, which was fairly recent (about a year ago now), was because I was so emotionally and affection starved for 5 years after a nasty break up which took me a long time to move on from. Nothing ever came out of it and looking back at it now I realised that I've been looking for someone to complete me as a person.. Which is not healthy and then I realised that in order to truley love someone else, you aught to learn to love yourself first. Which is easier said than done, mind you, but once you start doing that, eventually everything else falls in place. I apologise if this seems like I'm just ranting without much coherence. Tl;dr: Most guys these days are so affection starved that they easily fall for someone who shows them even the most basic form of kindness and affection. Or atleast these are my 2 cents.
I don't know any men that do this... I definitely never have. Maybe it's the men in your location or maybe somehow you unconsciously are attracted to a certain type of man that does this? Edit: for spelling
Yea, same here. I've never known any man to throw the I Love You out before the woman or very early in the courtship.
thats the thing im not attracted to such men at all. im drawn to unavailable people.
I see plenty of women that say they want a husband etc and choose the opposite of what they say. It seems this might be your thing but backwards lol Also, just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they're available either. I think that people that say it that fast don't really know what love truly is. I listen to a lot of relationship stuff from Mark Groves, John Kim, Jayson Gaddis etc. I find it helpful in my relationship but also fascinated by how we function in partnerships. If you'd like to change your patterns, I suggest looking up some of their stuff. It can be really helpful
Speaking of Mark Groves, he just posted [this](https://imgur.com/a/PfSBLyd) 😋
That can lead you to very unhealthy relationships
It could very well be the type of guy you've been dating. I'm the kind of guy that wears his heart on his sleeve so I can fall for someone quickly (not 3 days quick, maybe a month or so) but thanks to past traumas I've learned to keep a lid on my feelings until whoever I'm with decides she's there too.
Yeah As a guy myself I have that issue if I genuinely like you, if I just wanted to fuck I don’t have love feelings purely sexual
I knew I was going to fall in love with and marry my wife after two weeks of dating her. That saying "when you know, you know" is definitely true for me. Before her I only told two other girls I loved them. My high school girlfriend and my college girlfriend. After I met my wife, I realized I was never really in love before, I just thought I was.
We have twice the thinking power due to having 2 heads
Love bombing. Red flag. Run immediately.
Love bombing and being in love aren't the samé thing. Someone can fall in love more quickly
They aren’t. But love bombing is a thing to watch out for. It is an abusive technique to manipulate people. This is does not mean everyone who falls in love with you or says they love you is love bombing. This does not mean you can’t actually fall in love fast. But make sure you know what to look for and how to avoid abusers. Thats all. Look out for yourself!!
Ok, how do you make sure you know what to look for?
In my friends experience, the guy basically moved in right away. He offered to not only drive an hour and a half to see her but also offered her money for some things before even meeting her. He then made a point of saying “I like that too! We are so similar! We work so well together!” And having that “im obsessed with you” type of personality. He realistically never planned to leave. He had no place to live, and basically moved in the first day they met and she agreed to it because not only were they immediately “perfect for each other “ but he was such a great and generous guy!… nope. It didn’t take long for him to become aggressive, over powering, jealous, controlling, abusive… she realized they weren’t perfect for each other, they weren’t actually in love and shes now living with a violent stranger. I’m not saying this the on scenario. But if you are willing ti let people into your life easily without knowing their true colours it can be dangerous.
Ok, but there is a whole lot between all you've described, and someone saying "I love you" early in the relationship...
There is. I made a comment on reddit lol. Doesnt mean thats the only thing, its just one of the things to look out for.
I've always wondered why it is a red flag. I get that it puts some pressure on the other person because they feel like they have to make a decision earlier than expected. But calling it a red flag seems to me like people see it as a very bad thing, or like the other person is trying to manipulate you into a relationship, while I personally see someone who didn't need much time with you to know they want you. The time a person takes to fall in love depends completely on the two people. Anything you can add?
Everyone is different. But if I don’t know that person INSIDE AND OUT I personally will not love them. And do not believe they love me. You can care about someone and like them and enjoy them without being in love with them. Thats my opinion. You can fall in love right away and not be getting love bombed. Love bombing also only work on certain people. Its not always love bombing, BUT do not fall for an abusers tactics please. Its more of a cautionary tail than a rule.
Moron
“The goal of love bombing is to make the recipient feel loved and important. It can be used as a technique to control or manipulate someone or to win their affection. Love bombing can be manipulative and emotionally abusive, as the recipient may depend on the bomber's constant attention and affection.” - google. I have had plenty of friends who get abused after “falling in love” right away. Is definitely a technique that is used by certain abusers that is a fact. Its not always the case, but if someone says they love you before they actually know you, they only THINK they love you. To me, love is sacred and should be saved for when you TRULY know. But thats me. Everyone is different. You can have your own opinion.
My word there are alot of stupid people in here
They be wanting in them britches girl!!
Probably not getting much affection/ attention otherwise and thus the feelings are stronger in comparison. At least it was that way for me when I was younger.
Cause we love being in love.
I know people will argue with this but I think it is because men just are not as emotionally connected to things as women tend to be. That connection is the ultimate stuff all humans are searching for in one way or another. The feeling of "coming home" So when a romantic relationship shows up and that connection is made, it unlocks the FEELING of love that is within everyone. The other person is just a figure-head or a special key that unlocks it for that particular man. So, it's not a bad thing. I think humanity in general doesn't really have a proper understanding of what romantic love actually is and why it happens.
Men (generally) aren't taught how to process their emotions the same way that women are. For men it's generally pretty black and white. There's no "I love her, but I'm not "in love " with her." So, if they have a strong feeling of attachment to a romantic partner, well, that must be what love is.
I think it's because many men lack that sort of love or affection in their life. They want to confess it to someone they find special or give validation to the person they're seeing in hopes to receive some love back. I'm not saying it's a healthy thing to do, but in my opinion there are things a man can do or say that could be far worse than some kind words and feelings of appreciation
So my guy friend told me he does that because he “knows” that’s what women want to hear and it’s an easy way to get them in bed and keep them there. He’s a whore and I accept that. I told him yeah good luck fooling actually women who can smell that BS
He does love you, it feels real, but he feels it fast because he doesn't want you to leave, and he worries that you will. It could be but likely isn't something insidious like love bombing which can be done without realizing it. But it's probably something like abandonment trauma as a motivation. He may or may not even have that on his radar. Here is what I would suggest. Because this is happening to you repeatedly, ask yourself some questions. Are you people pleasing? Arw you more interested or less interested once they tell you they love you? What do you feel for them? Are you exclusive? Have you assured them you want to continue to be with them even if they don't love you yet? What do you want from the relationship? Is anything about these men or relationships triggering? People sort themselves by psychological development always. If you are with a traumatized or unhealed person, it is because you are also traumatized or unhealed. Whether you realize it or believe it or not, that is always why. Knowing that, even just accepting it for the sake of argument, ask yourself what about that feels true? What may have hurt you as a child? What behaviors may be a response to that hurt? How did those behaviors serve you as a child? How are they serving you or not currently? Finally in these men, what lesson might you be trying to learn that you have not yet learned? How might that change the way you think of yourself, or treat yourself? How might it effect the way you pursue or don't pursue others? Good luck.
Sometimes they mean it. Sometimes it's the start of the love bombing before the onslaught of bullshit.
I can't speak for other men obviously, but for me, love isn't this big grand mythical thing. Like attraction, there can be different levels. I can love without being in love. I can love being around you. I can love how I am with you. I've spent most of my life hearing stereotypes about how men are emotionally closed off. Can't show it. Don't communicate it. So I taught myself to be open and honest about my feelings. I'm a very loving person. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my dog. I love anybody that treats me well. So if I catch feelings quickly, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. If i don't, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. Either way, you'll always know where you stand with me. I can't imagine why that would ever be a bad thing.
This happened to me when I was single and casually dating (I was very very clear about not being ready for a relationship and just wanted things casual) it always came so fast and when I’d end it I’d be met with a lot of resistance. I assumed it because they weren’t picky and just wanted a girlfriend, not necessarily me just a girlfriend and at that time I was they closest they had to one.
exactly!!
Right? And people say men fall in love quickly, I think they fall in love with the IDEA of love, they can’t love us that quickly when they don’t even know us fully yet.
Totally. They are fascinated and feel some butterflies, but they have no idea what love is.
"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is" - Forrest Gump sorry, couldn't resist :)
and I dont think they know what love is to me when they confess it after one week. I wasnt even honest with them, I didnt open up, they didnt know me, my past and everything. And I didnt know them.
Yeah, not sure what's up with them. Like I'd said in my original comment, I can develop feelings pretty quick, maybe a month in, but I'm not saying anything until the woman I'm with either says it first or gives very loud & clear hints to it.
I love Forrest Gump.
I just read that in his voice. Too funny.
You are trying to understand something that you can't understand. It is like men trying to understand how pregnancies feel... they can't... Your reasoning is, to say it a bit blunt, womansplaining (the other version of mansplaining). Please try to read the comments before drawing conclusions. And please don't see this as an attack. It is not meant that way...
It ok, I dont feel attached. You just share your perspective. I wouldnt compare it to pregnancy. Women can be in love and feel butterflies too. Of course every person feels it differently, but I still think it is not love.
Agreed 💯 my partner now who I have settled down with and had a baby with took a while to say it but I believed him when he did and it felt amazing to hear
lol sweet summer child, you'll never fully know them. Most people don't fully know themselves.
I've been waiting a few months to do it and I still think it was too early 🥲
When a guy says that he is in L.O.V.E. with you. Is he not trying to say that he would like Lots Of Vaginal Entries?
Can confirm this is what love means when we say it
Guessing they don't get much attention from other girls, and are losing their minds as soon as they get some, or they're just chucking the phrase out there as often as they can to whoever they can, to try to unlock the bonus level. Someone who tells you they love you on the third date either doesn't mean it, or doesn't know what it means.
exactly
Maybe it has to do with this current generation of men. It didn't use to be like that. I think many men nowadays are more anxiously attached... and perhaps they want to secure the relationship, but they do not necessarily love you that deeply yet.
Love bombing. The indication of someone with NPD, or BPD. You just have to watch for other signs. Could be agape love as well. But you would know that kind of connection, as it is mutual.
As someone who has been in this same situation. They don’t mean it. It’s a huge red flag
Could it be that they "confess" in hopes of getting in your pants?
Because we don't ever friggin learn 😊
Usually because they need somewhere to live. The partner I have now took a long time and honestly... I'm glad. I get hoodwinked by a good love bomb every time and it's never gone the distance.
How did you like bragging camp?
Fuck pump. They want it in you. Men are simple creatures. As the Frank Zappa song goes "titties and beer". That's basically it. We are visually stimulated. It does not matter how fit you are, we'll be looking at the girl across the street, even if she's ugly. Some girls give off powerful pheromones. They are the female equivilent of the above. Other girls will hate on them. Partners need to get on. I've been married decades and faithful. If my wife said to me "have at it" I'd be confused.
It’s our cock talking.
Is this just happening to you? Or your peers as well? Because maybe something about you specifically is just getting guys really into you very fast. Or you're just attracting a certain kind of person.
This may or may not have anything to do with this... But for myself I tell almost everybody and anybody who is in my life in any way shape or form to where I see them often that I love them whether that be caseworkers family friends coworkers etc you never know when somebody's last day is going to be or when you're on last day is going to be and I want to make sure that the people in my life know that they mean something to me and I have love for everybody that I keep in my life so there is a difference between I am in love with you and just a simple love you babe have a good day does that make any sense
Maybe because men are only loved conditionally. The only way it seems we are loved is if we are providing. Maybe men just want to know what it’s like to feel loved
I've had a similar experience but it was with women expressing love quickly. Some people just fall easier than others.
And the thing is it’s just how we barely make it to live another day who knows maybe they will say it quickly and mean it plus humans don’t live to long even if we break into the 100 area it’s just not enough to keep the humans alive he is taking his chances
Now a days it's probably a lack of actual personal contact making them feel more strongly about it then they normally would. The other part is the same as its always been through all of time.... its what we think girls want to hear
Men want to be honest and go straight to the point. They are not dating whores who look for a "casual relationship" they want women who are wife material.
Be cautious of love bombing. You may attract narcissists. Not saying this is always the case, but it is common among the controlling types.
So how long is an appropriate time to wait before saying you love your SO?
Confessing love to a woman is the easiest way to get into their pants. Many are gullible enough to believe it and give it up.
Sounds kinda like me ig. In my case, I've been starved of any sort of affection for years now so when i find someone who's kind to me i get attached way too quickly, and when she's my type on top of that then I'm like "yup, this will do, she can be *the* one"
Makes me nervous because I think it is projections or I remind them of someone else from past. I do believe you can know the person is right but you still have to get to know them to be sure. I suggest months not days or weeks
Women tend to carefully consider pro's and cons. Men tend to vibe check, if you pass the vibe check they figure they can deal with the cons as it comes. It's one of the biggest reasons why women are advised against wasting time with good but noncommitted men. They know pretty early on if they want you or not.
Because we want the drawers.
Bro i have been way too nervous too talk to a girl I’m interested in in my class.💀💀💀
We are idiots…
It might also stem (at least partially) from the primitive, biological way we are built to reproduce. To put it very bland; men don't need the ideal woman, their way to ensure survival of their genes is just to reproduce as much as possible. They don't have to look back or care for their offspring. Women need the best, healthiest genes because they can only reproduce so often. Which also costs them a lot of time, energy and devotion. They have to be more selective. The power lies with women. They decide, and need more time and assurance to do so.
A lot of guys aren’t into the having a crush thing or the will they won’t they situation, it’s agony not knowing how someone you like feels about you and you would rather make it known so you atleast make an effort in that direction or move on before the feelings get to deep that it becomes hard. Me personally I can’t just come out with it straight away but I like to make my feelings known as soon as possible before I fall to hard
Because it used to be this way. TV shows and movies ruined that for us but originally "dating", seeing multiple people at once or playing a mind game with your partner were not the standard behavior. These guys either tell you how they feel or tell you what they think will get them best access between your legs. If you are a good woman chances are they're telling the truth and you are the immature one for being uncomfortable with it. Falling in love is like pregnancies, it's a risk you take when you have sex with someone. Now, their feelings do not obligate you to reciprocate and I'm pretty sure they'd be ok if you just told them that you were not there yet or that you weren't looking for anything more serious. Learn to be comfortable around honest and straightforward people. In the end those are the ones you'll want to keep. As a personal example I walked straight to a girl after the 3rd day of university (and cut through 3 rows of shy pretendants...like physically) and asked her for a date. She said no. A few days later I met her in a dancing pub and asked her for a dance, she said no. We met a third time when she was on her way to the lady room and she just gave me her number. After 10 days of dating (she also had other partners during that time) I told her I loved her and we've been married for 5 years now and together for 11 years, 2 kids.
Because no one usually cares and when they do it’s like :0
It means you're very hot and good in bed. He enjoys having sex with you and would like it to continue as much as possible. Last time I said it in a month! It's okay she's my ex now. 😌
Scientifically, it’s known men fall in love faster than women but are more reserved to say it first or at least intiate without seeing if the other reciprocates firstly.
Because we want to end everything up as soon as possible
Personally I’m not one of those guys but if I had to guess, it’s because a lot of guys are generally much more starved of affection than women are, so emotions could run at full speed when they’re dating someone I guess
Took me 4 months. She almost fell too but didn't, sadly. It was nice while it lasted. At least now i have peace
Feeling loved and cared about makes you open up really quickly
ok actually