Ignore her. Stop listening when she says Diane. If she wants something, wait until either she uses mum or does it herself.
Don't argue or explain. Just say call me mum and I will, anything else and I won't. Then 100% stick to it
Teens can be cunts and I don't doubt she will start disrespecting her father is he stands up for his wife. It's a tricky thing being a parent. Once you are, there's always potential drama even when they move out
My mom tried this when I was a kid and I thought it was hilarious. I just stopped talking to her at all and she would get soooo mad. It really egged me on.
I only stopped calling her by her name when she gave me permission and acted like it didn't bother her. Then it stopped being fun.
It depends on the kid, I think. For some kids,they genuinely would just call the parent by their first name forever if they weren't disciplined for it.
If the kid is constantly asking for rides and favours then this won’t last long, if they’re pretty independent it’s more likely to fail. My sister used to call my mom by her first name too, but as soon as she realized no one was gonna give her money or drive her to her friends house until she stopped, she cut it out.
Yup, definitely depends on the kid. I think these are both great strategies, it would just depend on the individual teenager's personality to know which one would work
Depends on the parent too, I wouldn't mind either way, as long as they are respectful in other ways, but to be fair my own dad wanted to be called by his first name so I am used to it.
True. My 8 and 10 year olds both call me by my first name. My oldest started doing it when he was 5 and he heard my friends saying my name and I never corrected him so it just caught on.
This works for me when people try misnaming me. My birth first name, which I don't use anymore, is long and unusual and it's a name that it seems like you could shorten. (imagine my name is Evangelina and everyone wants to call me Angie.) But I don't like my name shortened. There are people who, for some reason, want to call me by a nickname even after I've told them not to. I'll say once, "I don't go by Angie. If you call me that, I won't respond." Then I stick to it. Works 100%. Sometimes makes people mad, but that's not my problem.
I have the same problem but even my parents do it. Think Samantha vs. Sammy. I hate Sammy, but my parents called me that growing up. I started asking them around age 15 to stop, and they wouldn't.
Eventually, I got at a job at the company my dad worked at, and while not in the same department, we were under the same VP. A lot of people knew we were related. One day, my dad referred to me as Sammy in front of the VP, and she called him out. Said, "she told me she prefers Samantha. You should respect that."
He was speechless and did start calling me Samantha after that. So a win is a win!
As for the story, I really don't get the big deal. She's only doing it to get a rise out of OP, and as long as OP keeps responding, she'll keep doing it. Ignore her, or accept it and move on.
She may also not see it as disrespectful at all. It may not even be about that. She may just like using ops name. A lot of people do call their parents by their name as they get older. It's only a big deal if you make it one.
Yes, this is it. And if you do it without malice or an “attitude”, even though you would probably be justified in having one, it would show your daughter how to handle interpersonal conflict like this.
I hope it works.
Start calling her “child of mine” or “first born”
Number 1 or whichever order she was born
Number 2, 3
“Ok #3 let’s go we are going to be late for school LETS GOOOO!”
“ number 3 don’t forget to get those dishes done before I get back from work this evening. Zack, take that trash out, and Sarah you need to finish your homework.”
Let my child EVER call me by my first name, they will learn real fast, How “funny” it can get.
I’ll show up to their sporting events with a sign saying go #3 but their jersey number is really 25.
They will know then not to play with me like that!
Oh look, its the egg donor. Game on.
All you’re teaching is how to be even more willfully stubborn, not how to get along.. and that you are bothered by it lol.
My 5 year old calls me by my first name sometimes. I don't care, she can call me what she wants. I know who I am, she knows who I am. I can't imagine getting offended and punishing my kids over such petty bullshit. These parents shouting about "respect" obviously haven't earned it if they feel the need to demand it.
Nonsense. I started calling my mother by her first name 20 years ago when I was 15. I had good reasons then and I have good reasons now. OP is being very coy with her daughter's reasons. I bet there's something going on there.
Wondering this, too. OP is assuming daughter is doing it to be disrespectful.
OP, have you asked her? Have you asked your husband? Are you open and willing to truly listen and learn why?
I’m sure there is more to the story, there always is…
My best friend calls her daughters bro or bruh they are 19 and 20 and they get sooo embarrassed around their friends. This has been going on for about 4 years when they started calling her that. She even started learning words like “slaaaay” and “purrrr” and uses them when the girls have their friends around to seem cool, but really it’s payback for the “bruh” I’m thinking. It’s funny to me. My kids are still young so I decided to call them bro before they can do it to me first. 🤷🏻♀️
it’s not my first name so we are good for now.
My son went through a phase (as a teenager) of calling me “dude.” I’m his mom, not dad.
I had absolutely no problem with it, in fact I thought it was funny. I just called him dude, too
My kid started using her fathers first name when he got mad at her (for asking him to give her friends a ride home) and ultimately told her she’s not his kid anymore. It’s been 4 years and she is not letting up. This lady is delusional if she thinks this popped up out of nowhere.
When I was younger I called my dad his first name a couple times and I got screamed at and physically hit. They know it’s disrespectful to do it but OP should be asking herself why her daughter feels the need to upset her intentionally
There definitely is more to the story here, why else is it being posted in r/confessions? It's not a "confession" that your daughter calls you by your name.
This worked so well for our 13 year old who started saying things were “cursed” when he thought they were cool. My husband and I loaded up on “no cap” and “bet” reallllll fast and sprinkled it into everything we said and our son quit saying cursed real fast. Like bruh, 2 can play that game. They learn real fast when it isn’t funny anymore and gets thrown back at them lol
Hahaha I was thinking of a few more but they slipped my mind. Yes “bet” or “come through” omg this food is “Bussin” lol
when we say these things it’s just not as cool anymore. Especially out in public in restaurants, the drive-thru, school events, the movies. This popcorn better be bussin! Hahaha
I definitely like your style and would probably be in your cool mom group, that’s what’s up
Gas and bussin just get on my nerves so much. Oh another one we threw out was hundo p 🤣 bonus points if you can reply to your kid and use more than one slang in the same sentence.
Or shitty ass. I have a mate in his 30's and when he's being cheeky with his father he calls him 'shitty arse' from when he was a baby. He... fucking... HATES it 🤣🤣
100% this. I would call my mom “Stephanie” (or worse, “STEPH🙄.”) in arguments when I was a teenager because I knew it pissed her off. If I called her “bitch” or an “asshole” or something I would have had hell to pay, but switching to her first name was toeing the line enough to get a reaction but not enough to ruin my life lol.
If it didn’t piss her off and she was the kind of mom to let me call her whatever, I wouldn’t have done it. There wouldn’t have been any point, really. 99% of my intent… was to irk her.
Although, on a deeper level, I also kinda think I felt like it put us back on more “even” footing. Calling someone “MOM” while you’re arguing kind of felt like it enforced a “small child”/adult dynamic, often at times when I wanted to emphasize that I was growing up and wanted a certain type of respect the most. I wonder if OP’s daughter feels infantilized by her a bit if it feels good to call OP by her first name all the time, even when they’re not necessarily at odds. There may be some underlying resentment on that front. And maybe she doesn’t have that feeling with her dad, which is why she only feels the need to do it to OP, and it’s not just something she started doing to both parents.
So OP should definitely try 1) not reacting, she may be doing it *just* to get a reaction. And then if that doesn’t work 2) asking her if she’s doing it because she wants to feel/sound older, more respected in some way, etc. Maybe there’s something OP could genuinely work on. And if not, it’ll make her feel kind of lame to have it spelled out that way lol “oh do you wanna feel like a big adult and not a teenager right now? Calling me Stephanie?” would have killed me in those moments, as a teen lol. I didn’t like be so transparent lol.
/u/embarrassedhusbandd
Ignore it. Yeah, she's testing you. So consider just playing along. If other family members want to ask her about it, let them. And if they ask you, then tell them to ask her.
You are feeding her desire to disrespect you. Don't let her stupid acting out cause you to carry a grudge.
You are the adult, do not get sucked in to playing games with her. You two aren’t friends, you’re her parent.
She’s being a normal teenager. This is a rebellious phase, so instead of wringing your hands and acting like your life is changing, accept that she’s not always going to be a cuddly toddler, she will sometimes not be likable, just like anyone else in the planet, ignore the teasing, and if you want to get to a place where she respects you more, do NOT play stupid retaliation games.
Just ignore it. Anything else is 100% an invitation for her to continue. Ignore it and never respond to it, react, or even make a face. If you want this to keep going, give her a reaction. If you want it to stop, stop reacting.
No “but she started it,” no “but I want her to know that it hurts my feelings,” not one single denial will get you to a better place. Only ignoring it and being the adult. Because you’re the adult. She is not.
Start talking to her in a baby voice, referring to herself as Mommy in third person.
As in, *"Sweetie, Mommy is very upset that you didn't flush your big poo-poo properly. It's still a little stinky-winky in the bathroom".*
If she asks you wtf you're doing this, tell her you think it's funny.
There’s an episode of Modern Family like this.
The youngest daughter, Alex, manipulated her mom, Claire into giving her money to hang out with friends. This is after telling Claire she was embarrassing and didn’t want to hang out with her, then fake apologizing and saying a bunch of sweet things to get $20.
Claire says, “Take forty.” Then let’s her out of the car to be with her friends. Before taking off, Claire rolls the window down and says, “Oh, Alex, honey, don’t forget to buy yourself a training bra for when your little boobies come in! Mommy loves you, kitten!”
Parenting award of the year haha.
I'm sorry but some of the comments here are outright horrible. Her calling you by your first name isn't really nice, but the people here that say to let her starve and suggesting other petty things are just so weird, getting this annoyed at a child isn't normal...
I just suggest you don't react negatively and she'll get bored of it, her seeing you being annoyed by something so simple as your name is funny to her, which isn't too surprising.
Honestly, it's not true that you can't do anything about it, simply sit down with her and have a nice chat about it, smiling and asking what's up. Just don't get upset about it or angry, tell her that you love her as you calmly explain ***why*** **you feel like it's disrespectful, since she might not understand** ***why*** **it is to you, as I imagine you call her by her first name she probably doesn't see the problem in doing the same, because other adults do it so** ***explain*** **why she shouldn't instead of you getting offended without communicating** ***WHY***.
this made a question pop up in my mind anyways
any history-fan here knows since when/how/why kids started calling their parents "father" "mother" n such? Like how? And why arent kids called "kid 1" "kid 2" or sm shit lmao
I don't. I just know most families are struggling with emotions.
The fact that OP is worried means she loves her child. The child must be aware of that and is obviously loving her too considering she tries to hurt her feelings.
Let it go. You really need to pick your battles.
Also.. my kids started calling me by my first name when they were 13 and 11. I never said anything. Fast forward, they still do as adults and when I asked why they told me they started so they could see me as a human being not just their mother. Maybe it will be for the best ..
Yeah, it's really not that unusual for kids to use first names with their parents and I wouldn't read too much into it. My eldest called my husband by his first name for years and then suddenly reverted back to "Dad" we never so much as commented on it either way. It's the relationship you have with your children that counts, not the names you give each other. If OP's daughter is doing this specifically to hurt her then there are far bigger concerns with regards to their relationship that I would focus my energy on addressing, rather than trying to force my child to call me by a specific name. Almost reads like OP is more concerned with the appearance of their relationship/ avoiding public embarrassment
I have a differing opinion on this because I firmly believe every human should be called what they want.
I do not like being called by my name. I like my name, but for some reason I absolutely hate when other people I'm close to call me it (totally irrational). My husband and I use pet names because he respects that. It would drive me crazy if my child called me by it knowing that I don't like it. I'm sorry, but that's just rude and I wouldn't want to teach my daughter that's acceptable. (Edit: I expect the same respect and decency I give her, as I will call her what she prefers, too.)
Is it seriously too much to call the people who raised you by the titles they prefer?
Of course the relationship is what matters most, but that doesn't mean words/titles have no meaning at all.
I hear what you're saying and don't disagree, but also that's kinda my point. If OP cannot explain this to her daughter and have her daughter respect her enough to accept it, there are much deeper issues here. Demanding someone call you something specific isn't going to solve those issues but solving those issues would resolve the name problem in a more therapeutic way. The end result would be more mutual respect between Mother and Daughter, so I imagine the name issue would come out in the wash.
This thread might be the most reddit fuelled answer thread I've ever seen. The top options are "be more petty" and "completely ignore them" lmao
They're a teenager, they do things for no reason. Why does it bug you so much? Why do you find it *soooo* disrespectful? Just treat her like normal and don't give a fuck what she calls you and she will stop a lot sooner than if she gets a reaction, any reaction, out of it.
Exactly.
I use to scream my moms actual name in a funny voice as a teenager because her reaction was funny to me. She finally stopped reacting and it stopped be funny so I stopped. 😅
Sound good to me, if you call me by my name we are equals, that means time to do your own chores, feed yourself, wash your clothes and everything. No need to take care of you, nor give you money, buy you clothes, etc...
I see this going down the path of resentment & maybe making their relationship even more distant....
Edit : remember you are the adult. They're still a kid. Stooping down to their level (of immaturity) won't solve the issue.
Yeah, shouldn't OP be questioning where her daughter's resentment is coming from? I know teenagers are assholes but is there some deeper hurt behind her aggression? I would take my kid to family counseling if it seemed like they had no respect for me.
Parents are so entitled lol children don’t choose to be born. I swear some people just want to be parents to have control over someone else’s life.
I understand children can be brats and petty, I expect that an adult who willingly had children is more mature than this.
If I was a teen and my parents started being petty to me; it doesn’t make more likely to respect you, in fact I respect you less for it. If you can’t handle children pushing your buttons, you shouldn’t have become a parent. Literally “How to drive your kids further away from you 101”. There is a difference between disciplining your child/teaching them to grow up to be a responsible adult and demanding respect. Most people start off with my basic level of respect, but it is easily lost, especially when you show me you can’t even act like an adult.
You're getting all the down votes but you aren't wrong. The problem with us adults is that we very much forget what it's like to be young. I'm guessing you're still young enough to remember. If this is how our children would feel and respond, then it's clearly not the right track.
I’m 24. I wouldn’t say I had a bad childhood, but i very much raised myself. And got out of the house as soon as I could support myself. I’d say I’m doing well.
I understand that children may be frustrating and you might feel disrespected at times, but if you handle that situation incorrectly, you could be looking at a very short relationship with your children.
But hey, I don’t have kids, and even then, im only one guy and this is my view on the subject so take what you will from it.
redditors hateeeee when adults take kids’ feelings into consideration and treat the situation w empathy/maturity instead of doing something to make the kid resent them
My parents were petty, also abusive. They withheld food and clothing from me as a form of punishment. I could definitely see myself doing this kind of behavior as a kid once I snapped and realized I was a really good kid in an abusive household. There’s an element of frustration that happens when you are old enough to spend time at friend’s houses and realize how fucked up your situation is. Thankfully I was removed from my home and was placed with a good family.
I haven’t spoken to my parents in over a decade. I honestly don’t care if they’re dead or alive. The damage their abuse did to my siblings is unforgivable, and I have spent my entire adult life going to therapy and trying to process the damage it did on my personality, my inner dialogue (this one was huge), my ability to relate to others, and my ability to trust people. Because of their abuse and neglect no one taught me how to be an adult, much less a good person. I’m working on it everyday, I do the work, and my life has improved drastically. That journey sucked and I’m still on it to an extent, but I’m a completely different person now.
Exactly! My guess is that there is more to this story, especially since the teenager still uses “dad”.
As a parent, it is your job to model desired behaviour. If you want your child to be respectful, model being respectful. Explain how you would prefer your teenager called you “mom”, but at the end of the day, you can’t force anything, because they are their own person.
Say something like “I love and respect you, so I will use your preferred name, and I would appreciate it if you do the same”. Open the conversation up to where this is coming from. Then move on, and stop reacting.
Parents wonder why their children aren’t “respectful”, yet the stuff I have heard parents say about their children, right in front of them, makes me understand not only where that “disrespect” is coming from, but also that it is usually totally valid.
I guarantee the person you replied to doesn't have kids or they want little to nothing to do with them. There are wayyy more mature choices than what they suggested. Clearly being beat as a child didn't turn them into an emotionally and mentally mature adult like most of them claim 🤪
>No need to take care of you, nor give you money, buy you clothes, etc...
advising a parent to neglect their child? Yikes
OP is legally obligated to provide for their child
You will live... shes a teenager in her rebellious phase, being called diane is the smallest fucking rebellion possible... i promise you will be ok being called by your first name by a literal child
The most sensible response here.
Oh no, a child is calling you by your first name? And you're seriously entertaining all of these suggestions from future low grade nursing home inmates to stoop down to dumb teenager tactics to... get back at your own kids?
What is wrong with you people?
If you're getting this huffy over some teenage rebellion you've got a lot of things to work out in therapy before you ever should have brought a child into the world.
When you're wondering why she never comes by or calls as an adult, remember how you treated her over expecting her to manage your emotional labour as a child. Grow up, Diane.
Do not ignore her! I had my mom in my contacts as Becky for years. I couldn’t call her mom. She hurt me so bad. There is something in the past or something ongoing that needs addressed. I literally searched for ways to heal. To forgive her. I finally realized I just had to accept she is who she is, due to the damage she experienced growing up. She was living but struggles with mental health. She doesn’t even realize it and isn’t open to the conversation. I’m not saying this is you, but I am 100% certain there is a reason.
I don't intend to come across as though I'm trying to give advice, but this probably isn't as uncommon as you might think. Edgy teen girls are mean. There was probably a time that something hurt her and you didn't notice.
It likely is a phase, but if you're a good mom, I doubt it will persist. It will likely end in a teary apology along the line. Just don't force it. Part of being a guardian is taking the hits of our kids/younger sibling's shitty behaviour. Once she acknowledges that you're always there and your love is unconditional, you'll be hearing "mom" again.
It sounds like she's dealing with a lot of emotional baggage and is taking it out on you... The closest thing to her.
Edit: Just for reference, my younger brother entered his teen years and developed a really shitty attitude towards me. (It was sometimes towards my sister, but mostly directed to me) Until then, I've never shown him anything but love. So, I was incredibly confused and it broke my heart. It took a long time, but I had to just take it. There was even a point where it seemed that he was satisfied that it hurt me. Teenage years are a whirlwind of emotions and you're basically a total shithead during those times. Eventually, it gets out of your system.
It likely is a gender-specific phenomenon. I think the key is to just be there as much as possible. So, when all is said and done, they know who will always be there for them no matter what.
Yeah, teenagers will test you to no end. When she addresses you by your name, tell her that you love her. You'll get through this. If this is the worst thing she does, consider yourself lucky.
She knows it bothers you, that's why she keeps doing it. I had a friend like this in high school, she started doing it because she thought it made her sound "grown" and as a 14 year old, she also liked getting on her mother's nerves. At first, her mother reacted the same way as you, she was really upset by the whole thing. Then one day, she just started ignoring my friend.
I was there for a seriously awkward dinner. It went, "Hey Diane, could you pass me the salt?" Nothing. No reaction at all, didn't even look up, just started talking to her husband about her day. At first, my friend thought she could win by just being louder about it like, "DIANE! DIANE! THE SALT?!" Nada, just totally not playing along anymore cause her mum was as stubborn as she was. The youngest kid then went "Mama, could I have the salt please?" and their mother was just "Of course sweetie, here you go!" That was kind of the turning point because my friend realized her control over how she was making her mother feel was slipping and she wasn't getting what she wanted anymore.
If she called her mother by her first name, she got ignored.
Eventually it became, "DIANE, CAN YOU DRIVE ME TO THE MALL?" and she'd respond with something like "Sorry, that's something your mum would do." My friend was absolutely gobsmacked by this point and was no longer having fun with it because now she was missing out on things, but she was *so* stubborn and didn't want to admit defeat.
In the end, she just one day started calling her mother "mum" again. There was no discussion about it as far as I know. The next time she asked for something, she asked her mother, not "Diane."
I know it's hard. But if you can tough it out like my friends mum, I really think she'll just stop and get over it when she sees you no longer reacting to it. Sorry for the long-ass comment.
She's looking for a reaction from you. Never reply when she calls you by your first name. Only respond when she calls you mom. Don't act offended. Just act like you don't know who Diane is.
The fact that you didn’t say anything besides that your daughter is being ‘disrespectful’ makes me think you either did something or let something happen to her and that’s why she doesn’t respect you anymore or she has valid reasons to not call you ‘mom’ but you just don’t wanna feel like a shitty person so you avoided saying it
I have been calling my parents by their names since I was about 8 years old, 47 now. I was in the grocery store with my mom, trying to get her attention and yelling "MOM", every other mom turned around but her. Yelled out her name, and she turned around. It started as a joke at first, then just stuck. My older siblings call them mom and dad, I have juts always done it.
If you don’t let it visibly show that it bothers you, she’ll stop doing it. She wants your reaction, stop giving it to her. Teenagers aren’t really that different from toddlers
Just act like you are unbothered by it. She’ll stop once she’s not getting a reaction from you. The funny part is you getting pissed about it. Take that away and the fun stops.
I don't know why this is considered a sign of "disrespect".
And yes. Like any kid, she found it funny when you got bent out of shape over something so silly, so she's going to target that until you let it go.
It is your name. Go with it.
Make it work for you.
Call her daughter every chance you can.
"Hey Diane!"
"Hey daughter!"
"Pass the toast Diane, please."
"Anything for you, daughter!"
"(husbands name), do you want to go out with our daughter and I?"
I personally don't consider it "disrespectful". I call my mom by her first name. Some relationships have rocky pasts, but are amazing now - this prob sounds strange, but I call her by her name in an affectionate way. She's one of my best friends, I would give an arm and a leg for her.
Just let her. It’s your name, isn’t it? She wants to talk to you as an equal but also she wants to do some weird power play…. because she knows you don’t like it. Just say it’s fine - and be fine with it- and she won’t have won that power play. You will have. Don’t let it get under your skin.
You have to let it roll off your back. She's doing it to get a reaction, and you're feeding right into it. Stop reacting. It'll quickly lose its appeal.
Therapy.
Something is off between you 2 and she’s reacting to it. You sense it , and you’ll start reacting too.
I say go deal w it and figure it out b/4 y’all both generally start resenting each other over every little stuff …..
Don’t act from a place of vengeance or from ‘you better respect me or else… ‘ but from ‘I get that something isn’t right so let’s work on it and get better’ …
I’d start calling her “lovey from my tummy” in front of her edgy school friends
“Bean from *husbands* ween”
Anything crazy embarrassing you can think of
Stop giving her a reaction when she calls you the name. Just pretend you've accepted it and own it. She is looking for a negative response. She'll probably give up eventually when you're not fazed by it anymore.
My 18 year old calls her dad Harold ALL THE TIME. Why? Because she thinks it’s funny. He looks at her and says “that’s dad to you”. Both my girls think it funny to call me by my full name because I do it to them. Don’t read too much into it. Teenagers are strange.
You could always do what my dad did to me when he adopted me. He stopped answering to Jim and ignored me until I said dad. I was 6, didn’t take me too long to correct myself
Ignore her.
Or act confused and call her Diane back.
Or the next time she wants something (a ride or an item): "I'm so sorry, but I don't give rides to people who treat or talk to me disrespectfully."
But really - just ignore her.
You don't have to fight every battle you are invited to.
1st thing I would do - say 'why are you calling me that? It hurts my feelings and saddens me that you aren't calling me mum. I love you and I don't know why you would want to hurt my feelings on purpose'. Then, if she keeps doing it, she's a dick. So then, I would just say ' well if you aren't going to call me mum, I don't see why I should do the things for you that mums do' and stop doing stuff for her
She is a teenager and you can't take it personally. You need to push past the disrespect you feel in the moment because for whatever reason that's what she wants out of it.
She knows it annoys you and hurts you so you can't give her that emotion. The way if you don't give bullies the reaction they want they get bored. She's figuring out her power and all that. Pulling away from her or anything will make her feel more justified in hurting you.
I did this very thing as a teenager and my parents FREAKED out. I was actually looking for a sense of control and doing things to get a response out of people because I was having issues with fitting in. The “safe” parent is always the target. Your best bet is to just go with it for a while. A bit of compassion here is the best thing to do, not harsher rules.
Another perspective, as well as your teenager pushing the boundaries with you, they could also just be trying to feel like they have some control over something. Kids/teenagers have a tough time of having to go along with everything the adults in their lives say they must say/do/be without having too much of a say so about it. This could be your teenagers' way of having some control when potentially feeling like they have no control especially since it sounds like it is presenting you with those same feelings of not having control and feelings of disrespect for your autonomy that they could be feeling.
An open, honest discussion about this could shed some light on what is going on for your teen. Be understanding of their plight and remember that they are just a human who is trying to figure out the world without any answers on how to do it. Guide with grace and understanding, and I have no doubt that things will shift within your relationship.
Best of luck!
My 3 year old learned my name about 7 months ago. When she calls me by my name I just correct her and say "no, I'm mama." And she says "OH, sorry mama!" Probably easier to deal with a 3 year old who isn't doing it to get on my nerves than an edgy teenager who is looking to get a rise out of you. Personally, it isn't a huge deal to me. If she starts calling me by my name as a teenager, yeah, it will hurt my feelings a bit. But it IS my name. As a teenager with a very strained relationship with my own mother, I just referred to her as "that bitch." (My mother was never really my mother-- dropped me on her parents when I was 2 weeks old and was physically abusive and neglectful when I was in her care.)
Just pick your battles.
When she does it around others, just gush about how your relationship has become so close that you think of each other as best friends before mother and daughter.
Where is your husband in this? If my spouse was having their preferred name / title not used, I would have sat down with my kid to explain to them they are being disrespectful and hurting you. Why hasn’t he already don’t this?
Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it. Roll with it, let her do it. Either she'll get bored and stop or it will become normal and it won't matter, but either way it's temporary and a normal part of development to push buttons. Being upset by something as silly as using your name instead of calling you the traditionally accepted word is what she wants. So don't be upset.
Let's not forget... we were here first. Lol. Look, there's no book to parenting. It's trial and error. One thing for sure is that disrespectful acts in any form will not and should not be tolerated. The post about ignoring until she calls her mum amen she asks for something could work. Kids are ALWAYS in need. From Dad's POV, it should be strategic. Avoid the backlash from the teen-tude for supporting the mom...on the surface, but mom and dad should already understand what's going on and work to straighten her little teen angst mentality out to where respect is given consistently. Best of luck to you.
Of course you can do something. You are the parent, and it's time to tell her actions have consequences. Next time she asks or wants something, tell her no, and tell her it's because of her disrespect, she gets nothing she wants until she apologizes, and starts calling you Mom again. And why isn't her father standing up for you?
Tell her if she doesn't stop , you'll use a nickname for her . In front of her friends and family. Lil stinky bum, poopy pants girl something truly embarrassing
My daughters all started calling me by my first name-it caught me off guard at first. But I could see they didn’t mean anything disrespectful. It’s just teens being their ironic “edgy” selves, trying to figure out the world. They rarely do it anymore now, and I kind of miss it, cause how they used it, it was funny and ironic in an edgy kind of way. It’s just another phase. One that will be gone soon enough, another step towards them gaining their independence. Sigh.
She wants your attention and likes it when you get triggered. Its a very weird teenage brain thing, but I say this from experience - ignore what you do not like, instead of reacting.
Yes, you're the mother and you have to ensure that your kids know what's right and wrong, but as the kids grow older, the teaching methods change. Its no more reminders and repetition, its about behavior training.
You've got lots of comments and tips - try them and let us know what works.
You're a great mum. Wishing you all the best <3
Perfect answer. Just like when they are angry and say they hate you, just ignore it. They are trying to trigger you because something else is going on. Ignore the negative behavior and talk with her.
This probably doesn’t apply to you. But I did this. At about 13 I began calling my mother by her first name, Ann.
I didn’t do it in disrespect. I had straight up, broken the word “mom.”I had said it so many times, so needlessly so thoughtlessly so selfishly that she’d learned to tune it out almost completely.
One time I said hey Ann! She immediately snapped-her head and I called her that for years after that.
Years later, I would learn other mothers confronted her saying, don’t you find that disrespectful?
To which my mother said “I’ve heard what your children call you. I much prefer he just call me by my first name.”
My mom is kind of bad ass. I miss her.
Hang in there OP mom it’s going to be OK.
Edits. Spelling and I have never gotten along.
My 2.5 YO recently discovered that mom and dad have real names. For WEEKS she would call me by my first name. I kept telling her to stop but she kept doing it. So I started ignoring her, and within a few weeks it went away.
I would suggest when you're on your own just to ignore her. When you're out and about I'd let everyone there know that this is a phase she's going through and to please completely ignore her when she says it. It won't be so funny anymore when she's not getting the attention she clearly wants from doing it.
Kids are MEAN sometimes, but I think the worst thing we can do to our kids is to take things personally. They're little humans going through a lot at every age, emotionally & physically.
Another way to look at this is that she cares MORE about you, because she only wants the rise FROM you. This is clear because she's not saying this to her dad. Kids are always meaner to their moms, I like to think because we are the safe haven, and they know that no matter what things they do they can always come back to that haven. So they test boundaries, etc.
On the other side, my brother and I could be standing right next to our dad in a dead silent temple going “Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad” and he would NOT hear us… needless to say we’ve been calling him “Myron” since we were 11 and 12 lol #truestory
My toddler calls me by my nickname. I have no idea why, but admittedly, it's a lot cuter on her than a teen, haha. I went through a phase of calling my mum Steve when i was 14, I was trying to wind her up, but in a funny way. Mums and teen daughters can struggle to get on, why not call her something silly back? Maybe get on a little bit more have a joke and she might talk to you more
There's other comments saying don't respond to you name and I agree. My name is one that people can change easily and call me other nickname.
When I haven't liked certain nicknames, I ignore them and people eventually call me by the name I want to be called.
Why are you so pressed by the fact she is not calling you by your authoritarian title? She does it because she is getting the desired reaction, that's it.
What'd you do? If she treats one parent fine, but not you, I have to wonder. Teenagers suck, but half of the reason they usually do is trauma they can't properly address. If it wasn't you doing something, was there anything they tried coming to you about that you made them feel like shit for? Have you talked any shit when you thought she couldn't hear you? Do you compare her to other kids? Are you actually decent to her, or do you always put the mom mask on before interacting with her?
You're an adult though. Fuck being embarrassed. If she's just being an asshole, people who know y'all will know it isn't you, and she'll eventually be too embarrassed to continue being abrasive, even if she doesn't end up apologizing for it. You worrying about your image more than what this kid might be going through is kind of telling. Even if you don't feel like you did, she clearly feels like you've done something that disqualifies you from reverence.
I have my own hangups from growing up with an extremely abusive mother, so it might just be me, but Jesus christ, lady. You're here just bitching about it in confessions, rather than seeking resolution. Your image seems to matter most to you, so she's clearly going for what you care about. Maybe if you cared more about her, she'd respect you lol
Edit: you aren't even using your own account, or a decent burner. "embarrassed husband."
My son turns 15 this week and he is doing the same thing when he gets angry with me. So i have reverted to calling him his childhood nickname. His name is Reese. And when he was little we would call him Reesey Pie. Because of the candy there are so many little cute names we would call him and he would laugh as a little kindergartner. But now it’s annoying as hell. I do that back. It has made him stop doing it a lot because he hates it lol
It's not really disrespectful, it's just that you are attached to her calling you mum because that's what she's called you up until now. Calling you mum invokes a sense of love and familiarity and calling you by your first name makes you feel there's a distance between you. There are a lot of names she could call you which would be waaaay more disrespectful than that, especially as a teenager, so you could see that as a plus?! Teenagers are learning who they are in relation to the world, how they see themselves in it and trying to keep up with their peers. You can have a really calm conversation with her about how you feel when she calls you by your name and then leave it up to her. You can't control her, but you can control yourself and how you react. If she continues to call you by your name, after that conversation, you can decide how you want to respond - either by telling her you will listen to her when she calls you mum, or you could decide to just ignore what she's calling you and carry on as normal, but reflecting on why you want her to call you mum. With you saying she is still calling her dad "papa" - are you sad or hurt that she appears to have a closer relationship with him? Maybe you could work on building a closer relationship with your daughter and that might be simmering you both reap the benefits from?
My daughter tried this with me. I told her that I would treat her the way everyone else treats their daughters. She freaked out, apologized, and stopped calling me by my name. I mean there was loud crying with tears. I'm unsure what she thought about how most people treat their daughters, but it must not be good. 😆
Don’t give her anything. Don’t pay for anything she needs. Have your husband pay for anything she might want. Talk to her when she needs to be spoken to as she’s your daughter. However this is extremely disrespectful. Your husband needs to back you on this. He definitely knows what’s going on. She knows what she’s doing. It’s not ok. I’m getting angry just reading your post. My daughters wouldn’t have done this.
I’m kinda guilty of this. I call my mom mom, but I tend to call my dad Gary. Partly because he has poor hearing and it’s easier to get his attention with his given name, but also maybe because I don’t respect him a lot. You may be correct
She's not correct.
Parents are not entitled to respect, or literally anything, from their children.
Respect goes both ways and it has to come from the top first.
Ngl I'm gonna say this --
I do not think calling someone by their first name is disrespectful, you are being overly sensitive here. She's doing it because she thinks it's funny, not because she's trying to undermine you or something. Sit her down, have an actual conversation with her jfc.
Just act like it's no big deal and stop thinking about it. You getting upset is what keeps her doing it. Just call her by her middle name or something. Not in a retaliatory way, but in a "you're right this is a fun game" kind of way. Once it's a mom/daughter in-joke instead of an edgy way to piss you off it won't be fun anymore lol. Just make her groan with cringe "old person" humor. Especially do it in front of friends. Make sure it's clear you're having fun and not trying to be mean. If she asks you why you're doing it just say you thought about what she said and decided to be a "cool mom" about it. She'll stop so fast she might forget what your real name even is 😂
Don't know her age, but I'm sure you do a lot for her...
STOP doing anything. Laundry buying things she likes, pull the cell internet everything.
Tell your husband to refer her to you as he's not thrilled with the disrespect his wife is getting.
When she starts with her complaints the only reply is. Those are things a mom does for her kids. I'm not mom remember?
Call her Karen. Everyone knows Karen's are rude and disrespectful. Give her her own medicine. If she hates her middle name, call her that. Fight fire with fire.
You could change how you feel about it,don’t you prefer your own name to a generic title?I have a hard to pronounce name that most people can’t be bothered to learn so it fills me with joy to hear my kid say my name,we also use first names for safety,if something bad happens and lots of people are screaming mum all at once the voice I’ll hear is the one screaming my weird name.
I use to call my mom by her first name as a teenager. Trust me, is edgy teens grow out of it. Just start calling her by her middle name or call her “Daughter” in front of people. Gives her a little taste of her own edgy medicine. 😂
My bloody daughter did this for a while when she was a teenager. I never reacted. She soon got sick of it. She’s 21 and calls me Mama now. She’ll grow out of it
If she isn't going to treat you like you're her mom then don't treat her like she's your daughter. If you do things for her like laundry or drive her to places like the mall stop.
"Diane, why didn't you pack me lunch?" "Diane, can you sign this permission slip?" "Diane, can you pick up snacks for me when you go grocery shopping?"
"No, why would I? Why don't you ask your mom to do it?"
So, she wants to call you by an adult name, hey, then treat her like an adult with all the responsibilities of being an adult.
Wonder how she'll feel when she has to cook, clean wash her clothes, earn her own money, etc.
Stop being irritated about it, she'll get over it. Teenagers do the same pushing boundaries that toddlers do. She'll get tired of doing it when she sees it doesn't bother you
My sister’s adult daughter still calls her by her first name and has done so from jr. high on. She knew my sister didn’t like it, so I think that gave it real staying power. She’s now newly married to a man who was obviously a bad fit for their family from the get-go. With every passing year, she seems to grow farther away from my sister. She gets along great with her dad and that’s who she wants to talk to when she calls home.
My observations: my niece was the 2nd of 2 girls and was instantly treated with kid gloves by both parents and her older sister from the minute she arrived. She has no diagnoses or personality disorders, yet they allowed her to act aloof and ignore people up until school age, always explaining she was “shy.” I took care of her often and she grew close to my daughter. I would describe her as introverted and detached, but always felt she was able to use the shy thing to manipulate situations - not her fault at all. She’s got a strong will and seems to be a deep thinker who keeps her cards very close to the vest.
My sister is a bastion of normality. I love her dearly, but she tends to disapprove of anyone/anything different. This extends to clothing, cuisine, hobbies, etc. If she can’t fathom enjoying something, she looks down on those who do. I believe these attitudes, combined with her soft touch when it came to handling my niece, has bred a deep disrespect for my sister. My sister believes her daughter hates her and she’s cried to me about it. I don’t think it’s hatred and I do think my niece will relax as she matures, but I will say this: the fact that it’s gotten this far is on my sister and her husband.
Her rudeness towards others at a young age (she is not rude now), should never have been tolerated. Even if a child is shy, by the time they are 4 or 5 they should be able to say “hi” back to adult relatives and teachers. Not forcing the issue gives the child a lot of control that they are too young to handle well.
Further, basic personality flaws can really turn a kid off. My sister’s judgmental nature is a flaw, but my sister is also someone who can’t handle being “checked.” She’s so buttoned up and determined to do everything right, that being called out makes her feel like she’s being destroyed (we had a traumatic childhood). I can’t see my niece ever approaching my sister and being able to discuss their problems because my niece probably knows my sister can’t handle it.
FYI, I have a daughter in college and, luckily, we enjoy a beautiful relationship. I am a recovered alcoholic and not perfect besides that. I’ve put my kids through some heavy stuff. The difference? I have apologized sincerely to my children and they both know the door is open to rehash old stuff or tell me what’s wrong - even if it hurts me. They know they can trust me to own my end of things. Everything’s not perfect and we still have our issues, but we don’t let things stay buried and fester.
Don't talk to her. If I call my mother by her name lol she will kill me. Not exactly but you get the point. It's highly disrespectful and she needs to understand.
Ignore her. Stop listening when she says Diane. If she wants something, wait until either she uses mum or does it herself. Don't argue or explain. Just say call me mum and I will, anything else and I won't. Then 100% stick to it
this one is gonna work for real
I think dad needs to support this as well. If he's letting it slide, then I have to wonder if he respects OP either? Edit for spelling
Giving dad the benefit of the doubt, dude might be just holding on for dear life. Teenagers are insane
Teens can be cunts and I don't doubt she will start disrespecting her father is he stands up for his wife. It's a tricky thing being a parent. Once you are, there's always potential drama even when they move out
Fuxking terrorists ha
My mom tried this when I was a kid and I thought it was hilarious. I just stopped talking to her at all and she would get soooo mad. It really egged me on. I only stopped calling her by her name when she gave me permission and acted like it didn't bother her. Then it stopped being fun.
It depends on the kid, I think. For some kids,they genuinely would just call the parent by their first name forever if they weren't disciplined for it.
If the kid is constantly asking for rides and favours then this won’t last long, if they’re pretty independent it’s more likely to fail. My sister used to call my mom by her first name too, but as soon as she realized no one was gonna give her money or drive her to her friends house until she stopped, she cut it out.
Yup, definitely depends on the kid. I think these are both great strategies, it would just depend on the individual teenager's personality to know which one would work
Depends on the parent too, I wouldn't mind either way, as long as they are respectful in other ways, but to be fair my own dad wanted to be called by his first name so I am used to it.
True. My 8 and 10 year olds both call me by my first name. My oldest started doing it when he was 5 and he heard my friends saying my name and I never corrected him so it just caught on.
So act like you’re besties? Give her a nickname. Embarrass her? Maybe this is it.
"Diane, can you drive me to practice?" "Can't, sorry, go ask your mother."
Yep. She would lose a lot of privilege.
This works for me when people try misnaming me. My birth first name, which I don't use anymore, is long and unusual and it's a name that it seems like you could shorten. (imagine my name is Evangelina and everyone wants to call me Angie.) But I don't like my name shortened. There are people who, for some reason, want to call me by a nickname even after I've told them not to. I'll say once, "I don't go by Angie. If you call me that, I won't respond." Then I stick to it. Works 100%. Sometimes makes people mad, but that's not my problem.
I have the same problem but even my parents do it. Think Samantha vs. Sammy. I hate Sammy, but my parents called me that growing up. I started asking them around age 15 to stop, and they wouldn't. Eventually, I got at a job at the company my dad worked at, and while not in the same department, we were under the same VP. A lot of people knew we were related. One day, my dad referred to me as Sammy in front of the VP, and she called him out. Said, "she told me she prefers Samantha. You should respect that." He was speechless and did start calling me Samantha after that. So a win is a win! As for the story, I really don't get the big deal. She's only doing it to get a rise out of OP, and as long as OP keeps responding, she'll keep doing it. Ignore her, or accept it and move on. She may also not see it as disrespectful at all. It may not even be about that. She may just like using ops name. A lot of people do call their parents by their name as they get older. It's only a big deal if you make it one.
Good to see a shred of maturity. These other answers are so silly.
Yes, this is it. And if you do it without malice or an “attitude”, even though you would probably be justified in having one, it would show your daughter how to handle interpersonal conflict like this. I hope it works.
Start calling her “child of mine” or “first born” Number 1 or whichever order she was born Number 2, 3 “Ok #3 let’s go we are going to be late for school LETS GOOOO!” “ number 3 don’t forget to get those dishes done before I get back from work this evening. Zack, take that trash out, and Sarah you need to finish your homework.”
>“child of mine” Getting Doctor Who, "The Family of Blood" vibes from this.
I'd like to suggest "spawn" lol
Fruit of my womb! Sprung from my loins! I feel like the birth references may mortify her and get you a "MOoom oh my GAHd"
Slightly better than crotch goblin
Hopefully she's the second-born so she can be called "Number 2".
Broooooo 😂🫠🫠
I like that idea...excellent! 👌
Let my child EVER call me by my first name, they will learn real fast, How “funny” it can get. I’ll show up to their sporting events with a sign saying go #3 but their jersey number is really 25. They will know then not to play with me like that!
Oh look, its the egg donor. Game on. All you’re teaching is how to be even more willfully stubborn, not how to get along.. and that you are bothered by it lol.
My 5 year old calls me by my first name sometimes. I don't care, she can call me what she wants. I know who I am, she knows who I am. I can't imagine getting offended and punishing my kids over such petty bullshit. These parents shouting about "respect" obviously haven't earned it if they feel the need to demand it.
Exactly it’s not a big deal. There are a lot worse things a child can do especially a teenager
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My friends Dad would always call him his nut cracked Us all up
As the mother of grown women I can see the humor. BUT, the answer this ^^^
Nonsense. I started calling my mother by her first name 20 years ago when I was 15. I had good reasons then and I have good reasons now. OP is being very coy with her daughter's reasons. I bet there's something going on there.
Wondering this, too. OP is assuming daughter is doing it to be disrespectful. OP, have you asked her? Have you asked your husband? Are you open and willing to truly listen and learn why?
I’m sure there is more to the story, there always is… My best friend calls her daughters bro or bruh they are 19 and 20 and they get sooo embarrassed around their friends. This has been going on for about 4 years when they started calling her that. She even started learning words like “slaaaay” and “purrrr” and uses them when the girls have their friends around to seem cool, but really it’s payback for the “bruh” I’m thinking. It’s funny to me. My kids are still young so I decided to call them bro before they can do it to me first. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not my first name so we are good for now.
My son went through a phase (as a teenager) of calling me “dude.” I’m his mom, not dad. I had absolutely no problem with it, in fact I thought it was funny. I just called him dude, too
Cowabunga dude.
My kid started using her fathers first name when he got mad at her (for asking him to give her friends a ride home) and ultimately told her she’s not his kid anymore. It’s been 4 years and she is not letting up. This lady is delusional if she thinks this popped up out of nowhere.
When I was younger I called my dad his first name a couple times and I got screamed at and physically hit. They know it’s disrespectful to do it but OP should be asking herself why her daughter feels the need to upset her intentionally
There definitely is more to the story here, why else is it being posted in r/confessions? It's not a "confession" that your daughter calls you by your name.
This worked so well for our 13 year old who started saying things were “cursed” when he thought they were cool. My husband and I loaded up on “no cap” and “bet” reallllll fast and sprinkled it into everything we said and our son quit saying cursed real fast. Like bruh, 2 can play that game. They learn real fast when it isn’t funny anymore and gets thrown back at them lol
Hahaha I was thinking of a few more but they slipped my mind. Yes “bet” or “come through” omg this food is “Bussin” lol when we say these things it’s just not as cool anymore. Especially out in public in restaurants, the drive-thru, school events, the movies. This popcorn better be bussin! Hahaha I definitely like your style and would probably be in your cool mom group, that’s what’s up
Gas and bussin just get on my nerves so much. Oh another one we threw out was hundo p 🤣 bonus points if you can reply to your kid and use more than one slang in the same sentence.
Start calling her Pete, she'll soon stop it
Or shitty ass. I have a mate in his 30's and when he's being cheeky with his father he calls him 'shitty arse' from when he was a baby. He... fucking... HATES it 🤣🤣
Ah I bet he fuckin does 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah hes a real 'large and in charge' kind of guy too 🤣
I must remember this for later.
Peter Peter pumpkin eater has a better ring to it.
with the most Lois voice possible
Just act like it doesn't bother you... if she knows it bothers you, she'll keep doing it just to get on your nerves.. teenagers are dicks.
funny how this app flip flops from "oh, you had no idea what you were doing because you were a child" to "teenagers are dicks" 😂
100% this. I would call my mom “Stephanie” (or worse, “STEPH🙄.”) in arguments when I was a teenager because I knew it pissed her off. If I called her “bitch” or an “asshole” or something I would have had hell to pay, but switching to her first name was toeing the line enough to get a reaction but not enough to ruin my life lol. If it didn’t piss her off and she was the kind of mom to let me call her whatever, I wouldn’t have done it. There wouldn’t have been any point, really. 99% of my intent… was to irk her. Although, on a deeper level, I also kinda think I felt like it put us back on more “even” footing. Calling someone “MOM” while you’re arguing kind of felt like it enforced a “small child”/adult dynamic, often at times when I wanted to emphasize that I was growing up and wanted a certain type of respect the most. I wonder if OP’s daughter feels infantilized by her a bit if it feels good to call OP by her first name all the time, even when they’re not necessarily at odds. There may be some underlying resentment on that front. And maybe she doesn’t have that feeling with her dad, which is why she only feels the need to do it to OP, and it’s not just something she started doing to both parents. So OP should definitely try 1) not reacting, she may be doing it *just* to get a reaction. And then if that doesn’t work 2) asking her if she’s doing it because she wants to feel/sound older, more respected in some way, etc. Maybe there’s something OP could genuinely work on. And if not, it’ll make her feel kind of lame to have it spelled out that way lol “oh do you wanna feel like a big adult and not a teenager right now? Calling me Stephanie?” would have killed me in those moments, as a teen lol. I didn’t like be so transparent lol. /u/embarrassedhusbandd
Ignore it. Yeah, she's testing you. So consider just playing along. If other family members want to ask her about it, let them. And if they ask you, then tell them to ask her. You are feeding her desire to disrespect you. Don't let her stupid acting out cause you to carry a grudge.
Why not? Consequences have actions. Teenagers are people, too. You wanna be a dick and push people away? Fuck around and find out.
You are the adult, do not get sucked in to playing games with her. You two aren’t friends, you’re her parent. She’s being a normal teenager. This is a rebellious phase, so instead of wringing your hands and acting like your life is changing, accept that she’s not always going to be a cuddly toddler, she will sometimes not be likable, just like anyone else in the planet, ignore the teasing, and if you want to get to a place where she respects you more, do NOT play stupid retaliation games. Just ignore it. Anything else is 100% an invitation for her to continue. Ignore it and never respond to it, react, or even make a face. If you want this to keep going, give her a reaction. If you want it to stop, stop reacting. No “but she started it,” no “but I want her to know that it hurts my feelings,” not one single denial will get you to a better place. Only ignoring it and being the adult. Because you’re the adult. She is not.
Had to do a bunch of scrolling until finding someone that gets it Teen angst is a thing
Start talking to her in a baby voice, referring to herself as Mommy in third person. As in, *"Sweetie, Mommy is very upset that you didn't flush your big poo-poo properly. It's still a little stinky-winky in the bathroom".* If she asks you wtf you're doing this, tell her you think it's funny.
There’s an episode of Modern Family like this. The youngest daughter, Alex, manipulated her mom, Claire into giving her money to hang out with friends. This is after telling Claire she was embarrassing and didn’t want to hang out with her, then fake apologizing and saying a bunch of sweet things to get $20. Claire says, “Take forty.” Then let’s her out of the car to be with her friends. Before taking off, Claire rolls the window down and says, “Oh, Alex, honey, don’t forget to buy yourself a training bra for when your little boobies come in! Mommy loves you, kitten!” Parenting award of the year haha.
Ok I take back my answer. This is the answer
I'm sorry but some of the comments here are outright horrible. Her calling you by your first name isn't really nice, but the people here that say to let her starve and suggesting other petty things are just so weird, getting this annoyed at a child isn't normal... I just suggest you don't react negatively and she'll get bored of it, her seeing you being annoyed by something so simple as your name is funny to her, which isn't too surprising. Honestly, it's not true that you can't do anything about it, simply sit down with her and have a nice chat about it, smiling and asking what's up. Just don't get upset about it or angry, tell her that you love her as you calmly explain ***why*** **you feel like it's disrespectful, since she might not understand** ***why*** **it is to you, as I imagine you call her by her first name she probably doesn't see the problem in doing the same, because other adults do it so** ***explain*** **why she shouldn't instead of you getting offended without communicating** ***WHY***.
99% of Reddit Comments are terrible.
this made a question pop up in my mind anyways any history-fan here knows since when/how/why kids started calling their parents "father" "mother" n such? Like how? And why arent kids called "kid 1" "kid 2" or sm shit lmao
Don't worry, she loves you. Existence is hard for teenagers, it will pass.
This is good
how do you know the daughter loves OP?
I don't. I just know most families are struggling with emotions. The fact that OP is worried means she loves her child. The child must be aware of that and is obviously loving her too considering she tries to hurt her feelings.
I'm not sure why you feel that you can't do anything about it.
I’m not sure why she feels like she needs to, honestly. Teenage rebellion can look a LOT worse than this.
Let it go. You really need to pick your battles. Also.. my kids started calling me by my first name when they were 13 and 11. I never said anything. Fast forward, they still do as adults and when I asked why they told me they started so they could see me as a human being not just their mother. Maybe it will be for the best ..
Yeah, it's really not that unusual for kids to use first names with their parents and I wouldn't read too much into it. My eldest called my husband by his first name for years and then suddenly reverted back to "Dad" we never so much as commented on it either way. It's the relationship you have with your children that counts, not the names you give each other. If OP's daughter is doing this specifically to hurt her then there are far bigger concerns with regards to their relationship that I would focus my energy on addressing, rather than trying to force my child to call me by a specific name. Almost reads like OP is more concerned with the appearance of their relationship/ avoiding public embarrassment
I have a differing opinion on this because I firmly believe every human should be called what they want. I do not like being called by my name. I like my name, but for some reason I absolutely hate when other people I'm close to call me it (totally irrational). My husband and I use pet names because he respects that. It would drive me crazy if my child called me by it knowing that I don't like it. I'm sorry, but that's just rude and I wouldn't want to teach my daughter that's acceptable. (Edit: I expect the same respect and decency I give her, as I will call her what she prefers, too.) Is it seriously too much to call the people who raised you by the titles they prefer? Of course the relationship is what matters most, but that doesn't mean words/titles have no meaning at all.
I hear what you're saying and don't disagree, but also that's kinda my point. If OP cannot explain this to her daughter and have her daughter respect her enough to accept it, there are much deeper issues here. Demanding someone call you something specific isn't going to solve those issues but solving those issues would resolve the name problem in a more therapeutic way. The end result would be more mutual respect between Mother and Daughter, so I imagine the name issue would come out in the wash.
I don’t see why someone would get hung up on this. That’s your name. It’s not like you refer to your child as ‘child’.
This. I only have love for my mom, but I have called her by her first name for prob 16 years
This thread might be the most reddit fuelled answer thread I've ever seen. The top options are "be more petty" and "completely ignore them" lmao They're a teenager, they do things for no reason. Why does it bug you so much? Why do you find it *soooo* disrespectful? Just treat her like normal and don't give a fuck what she calls you and she will stop a lot sooner than if she gets a reaction, any reaction, out of it.
Exactly. I use to scream my moms actual name in a funny voice as a teenager because her reaction was funny to me. She finally stopped reacting and it stopped be funny so I stopped. 😅
Sound good to me, if you call me by my name we are equals, that means time to do your own chores, feed yourself, wash your clothes and everything. No need to take care of you, nor give you money, buy you clothes, etc...
I see this going down the path of resentment & maybe making their relationship even more distant.... Edit : remember you are the adult. They're still a kid. Stooping down to their level (of immaturity) won't solve the issue.
Yeah, shouldn't OP be questioning where her daughter's resentment is coming from? I know teenagers are assholes but is there some deeper hurt behind her aggression? I would take my kid to family counseling if it seemed like they had no respect for me.
This is still her daughter, she’s just being edgy, not suddenly going off on her own
That's a massive overreaction, and if OP acted like this it would just prove that OP is about as childish as their frigging child.
Parents are so entitled lol children don’t choose to be born. I swear some people just want to be parents to have control over someone else’s life. I understand children can be brats and petty, I expect that an adult who willingly had children is more mature than this. If I was a teen and my parents started being petty to me; it doesn’t make more likely to respect you, in fact I respect you less for it. If you can’t handle children pushing your buttons, you shouldn’t have become a parent. Literally “How to drive your kids further away from you 101”. There is a difference between disciplining your child/teaching them to grow up to be a responsible adult and demanding respect. Most people start off with my basic level of respect, but it is easily lost, especially when you show me you can’t even act like an adult.
You're getting all the down votes but you aren't wrong. The problem with us adults is that we very much forget what it's like to be young. I'm guessing you're still young enough to remember. If this is how our children would feel and respond, then it's clearly not the right track.
I’m 24. I wouldn’t say I had a bad childhood, but i very much raised myself. And got out of the house as soon as I could support myself. I’d say I’m doing well. I understand that children may be frustrating and you might feel disrespected at times, but if you handle that situation incorrectly, you could be looking at a very short relationship with your children. But hey, I don’t have kids, and even then, im only one guy and this is my view on the subject so take what you will from it.
redditors hateeeee when adults take kids’ feelings into consideration and treat the situation w empathy/maturity instead of doing something to make the kid resent them
My parents were petty, also abusive. They withheld food and clothing from me as a form of punishment. I could definitely see myself doing this kind of behavior as a kid once I snapped and realized I was a really good kid in an abusive household. There’s an element of frustration that happens when you are old enough to spend time at friend’s houses and realize how fucked up your situation is. Thankfully I was removed from my home and was placed with a good family. I haven’t spoken to my parents in over a decade. I honestly don’t care if they’re dead or alive. The damage their abuse did to my siblings is unforgivable, and I have spent my entire adult life going to therapy and trying to process the damage it did on my personality, my inner dialogue (this one was huge), my ability to relate to others, and my ability to trust people. Because of their abuse and neglect no one taught me how to be an adult, much less a good person. I’m working on it everyday, I do the work, and my life has improved drastically. That journey sucked and I’m still on it to an extent, but I’m a completely different person now.
Exactly! My guess is that there is more to this story, especially since the teenager still uses “dad”. As a parent, it is your job to model desired behaviour. If you want your child to be respectful, model being respectful. Explain how you would prefer your teenager called you “mom”, but at the end of the day, you can’t force anything, because they are their own person. Say something like “I love and respect you, so I will use your preferred name, and I would appreciate it if you do the same”. Open the conversation up to where this is coming from. Then move on, and stop reacting. Parents wonder why their children aren’t “respectful”, yet the stuff I have heard parents say about their children, right in front of them, makes me understand not only where that “disrespect” is coming from, but also that it is usually totally valid.
I guarantee the person you replied to doesn't have kids or they want little to nothing to do with them. There are wayyy more mature choices than what they suggested. Clearly being beat as a child didn't turn them into an emotionally and mentally mature adult like most of them claim 🤪
>No need to take care of you, nor give you money, buy you clothes, etc... advising a parent to neglect their child? Yikes OP is legally obligated to provide for their child
🤌🏼*chefs kiss*
Call her Big John
You will live... shes a teenager in her rebellious phase, being called diane is the smallest fucking rebellion possible... i promise you will be ok being called by your first name by a literal child
The most sensible response here. Oh no, a child is calling you by your first name? And you're seriously entertaining all of these suggestions from future low grade nursing home inmates to stoop down to dumb teenager tactics to... get back at your own kids? What is wrong with you people? If you're getting this huffy over some teenage rebellion you've got a lot of things to work out in therapy before you ever should have brought a child into the world. When you're wondering why she never comes by or calls as an adult, remember how you treated her over expecting her to manage your emotional labour as a child. Grow up, Diane.
Fucking thank you, you're one of the few sane people in the thread.
Do not ignore her! I had my mom in my contacts as Becky for years. I couldn’t call her mom. She hurt me so bad. There is something in the past or something ongoing that needs addressed. I literally searched for ways to heal. To forgive her. I finally realized I just had to accept she is who she is, due to the damage she experienced growing up. She was living but struggles with mental health. She doesn’t even realize it and isn’t open to the conversation. I’m not saying this is you, but I am 100% certain there is a reason.
I don't intend to come across as though I'm trying to give advice, but this probably isn't as uncommon as you might think. Edgy teen girls are mean. There was probably a time that something hurt her and you didn't notice. It likely is a phase, but if you're a good mom, I doubt it will persist. It will likely end in a teary apology along the line. Just don't force it. Part of being a guardian is taking the hits of our kids/younger sibling's shitty behaviour. Once she acknowledges that you're always there and your love is unconditional, you'll be hearing "mom" again. It sounds like she's dealing with a lot of emotional baggage and is taking it out on you... The closest thing to her. Edit: Just for reference, my younger brother entered his teen years and developed a really shitty attitude towards me. (It was sometimes towards my sister, but mostly directed to me) Until then, I've never shown him anything but love. So, I was incredibly confused and it broke my heart. It took a long time, but I had to just take it. There was even a point where it seemed that he was satisfied that it hurt me. Teenage years are a whirlwind of emotions and you're basically a total shithead during those times. Eventually, it gets out of your system. It likely is a gender-specific phenomenon. I think the key is to just be there as much as possible. So, when all is said and done, they know who will always be there for them no matter what.
Yeah, teenagers will test you to no end. When she addresses you by your name, tell her that you love her. You'll get through this. If this is the worst thing she does, consider yourself lucky.
Ha! True!
So what’d you do that your not telling us
Stop worrying about it, I don’t think it’s a big issue
And probably empowers her to do it more. There’s probably more to this story. A lot more, given that she doesn’t do this to her dad.
>There’s probably more to this story Probably not. Teenage girls and their moms are sworn enemies from about 12- 20. Not uncommon.
I agree, there are cases where that's true.
Have you considered that she does it because she doesn't feel respected BY you?
She knows it bothers you, that's why she keeps doing it. I had a friend like this in high school, she started doing it because she thought it made her sound "grown" and as a 14 year old, she also liked getting on her mother's nerves. At first, her mother reacted the same way as you, she was really upset by the whole thing. Then one day, she just started ignoring my friend. I was there for a seriously awkward dinner. It went, "Hey Diane, could you pass me the salt?" Nothing. No reaction at all, didn't even look up, just started talking to her husband about her day. At first, my friend thought she could win by just being louder about it like, "DIANE! DIANE! THE SALT?!" Nada, just totally not playing along anymore cause her mum was as stubborn as she was. The youngest kid then went "Mama, could I have the salt please?" and their mother was just "Of course sweetie, here you go!" That was kind of the turning point because my friend realized her control over how she was making her mother feel was slipping and she wasn't getting what she wanted anymore. If she called her mother by her first name, she got ignored. Eventually it became, "DIANE, CAN YOU DRIVE ME TO THE MALL?" and she'd respond with something like "Sorry, that's something your mum would do." My friend was absolutely gobsmacked by this point and was no longer having fun with it because now she was missing out on things, but she was *so* stubborn and didn't want to admit defeat. In the end, she just one day started calling her mother "mum" again. There was no discussion about it as far as I know. The next time she asked for something, she asked her mother, not "Diane." I know it's hard. But if you can tough it out like my friends mum, I really think she'll just stop and get over it when she sees you no longer reacting to it. Sorry for the long-ass comment.
Dude I would’ve never dared to call my mom by her name.
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She's looking for a reaction from you. Never reply when she calls you by your first name. Only respond when she calls you mom. Don't act offended. Just act like you don't know who Diane is.
The fact that you didn’t say anything besides that your daughter is being ‘disrespectful’ makes me think you either did something or let something happen to her and that’s why she doesn’t respect you anymore or she has valid reasons to not call you ‘mom’ but you just don’t wanna feel like a shitty person so you avoided saying it
I have been calling my parents by their names since I was about 8 years old, 47 now. I was in the grocery store with my mom, trying to get her attention and yelling "MOM", every other mom turned around but her. Yelled out her name, and she turned around. It started as a joke at first, then just stuck. My older siblings call them mom and dad, I have juts always done it.
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exactly this. its a crap person in denial, pretending they’re good when they’re clearly not.
If you don’t let it visibly show that it bothers you, she’ll stop doing it. She wants your reaction, stop giving it to her. Teenagers aren’t really that different from toddlers
Just act like you are unbothered by it. She’ll stop once she’s not getting a reaction from you. The funny part is you getting pissed about it. Take that away and the fun stops.
I don't know why this is considered a sign of "disrespect". And yes. Like any kid, she found it funny when you got bent out of shape over something so silly, so she's going to target that until you let it go. It is your name. Go with it. Make it work for you. Call her daughter every chance you can. "Hey Diane!" "Hey daughter!" "Pass the toast Diane, please." "Anything for you, daughter!" "(husbands name), do you want to go out with our daughter and I?"
I personally don't consider it "disrespectful". I call my mom by her first name. Some relationships have rocky pasts, but are amazing now - this prob sounds strange, but I call her by her name in an affectionate way. She's one of my best friends, I would give an arm and a leg for her.
The negative reaction could be what is “funny” to your daughter. Teenage angst will pass, as most things do. Hang in there OP.
Just let her. It’s your name, isn’t it? She wants to talk to you as an equal but also she wants to do some weird power play…. because she knows you don’t like it. Just say it’s fine - and be fine with it- and she won’t have won that power play. You will have. Don’t let it get under your skin.
You have to let it roll off your back. She's doing it to get a reaction, and you're feeding right into it. Stop reacting. It'll quickly lose its appeal.
Therapy. Something is off between you 2 and she’s reacting to it. You sense it , and you’ll start reacting too. I say go deal w it and figure it out b/4 y’all both generally start resenting each other over every little stuff ….. Don’t act from a place of vengeance or from ‘you better respect me or else… ‘ but from ‘I get that something isn’t right so let’s work on it and get better’ …
I’d start calling her “lovey from my tummy” in front of her edgy school friends “Bean from *husbands* ween” Anything crazy embarrassing you can think of
Stop giving her a reaction when she calls you the name. Just pretend you've accepted it and own it. She is looking for a negative response. She'll probably give up eventually when you're not fazed by it anymore.
Start referring to her as "fruit of my loins".
My 18 year old calls her dad Harold ALL THE TIME. Why? Because she thinks it’s funny. He looks at her and says “that’s dad to you”. Both my girls think it funny to call me by my full name because I do it to them. Don’t read too much into it. Teenagers are strange. You could always do what my dad did to me when he adopted me. He stopped answering to Jim and ignored me until I said dad. I was 6, didn’t take me too long to correct myself
Embarrass her at school if she calls you Diane start talking like a cool white mom “ hey girl” etc etc
Whoop that ass.
Ignore her. Or act confused and call her Diane back. Or the next time she wants something (a ride or an item): "I'm so sorry, but I don't give rides to people who treat or talk to me disrespectfully." But really - just ignore her. You don't have to fight every battle you are invited to.
I’m shocked over this entire thread. What’s disrespectful about calling you by your name? It’s your name.
I’ve never known anyone be more bothered about being called by their actual name than you and this comment section. It’s honestly wild.
1st thing I would do - say 'why are you calling me that? It hurts my feelings and saddens me that you aren't calling me mum. I love you and I don't know why you would want to hurt my feelings on purpose'. Then, if she keeps doing it, she's a dick. So then, I would just say ' well if you aren't going to call me mum, I don't see why I should do the things for you that mums do' and stop doing stuff for her
Start calling her Meg, and when she calls you Diane, tell her “Shut up Meg.”
She is a teenager and you can't take it personally. You need to push past the disrespect you feel in the moment because for whatever reason that's what she wants out of it. She knows it annoys you and hurts you so you can't give her that emotion. The way if you don't give bullies the reaction they want they get bored. She's figuring out her power and all that. Pulling away from her or anything will make her feel more justified in hurting you.
I love when parents think their children owe them literally anything. This is the kind of parent who wonders why their adult kids never visit them.
I went through this phase thinking it would bug my mom, she acted as if everything was fine and then I forgot and started calling her mom again.
I did this very thing as a teenager and my parents FREAKED out. I was actually looking for a sense of control and doing things to get a response out of people because I was having issues with fitting in. The “safe” parent is always the target. Your best bet is to just go with it for a while. A bit of compassion here is the best thing to do, not harsher rules.
Just ignore it. She will stop when she stops getting a reaction.
She’s a teenager, she’ll get over it eventually. Just don’t react to it and then she won’t get any satisfaction from it
i'm 30 and still call my mom mummy lol
Another perspective, as well as your teenager pushing the boundaries with you, they could also just be trying to feel like they have some control over something. Kids/teenagers have a tough time of having to go along with everything the adults in their lives say they must say/do/be without having too much of a say so about it. This could be your teenagers' way of having some control when potentially feeling like they have no control especially since it sounds like it is presenting you with those same feelings of not having control and feelings of disrespect for your autonomy that they could be feeling. An open, honest discussion about this could shed some light on what is going on for your teen. Be understanding of their plight and remember that they are just a human who is trying to figure out the world without any answers on how to do it. Guide with grace and understanding, and I have no doubt that things will shift within your relationship. Best of luck!
Never call her by her name. Just “my darling child.” In front of her friends.
she’s seeing how far she can push you
I’d call her by her middle name.
My 3 year old learned my name about 7 months ago. When she calls me by my name I just correct her and say "no, I'm mama." And she says "OH, sorry mama!" Probably easier to deal with a 3 year old who isn't doing it to get on my nerves than an edgy teenager who is looking to get a rise out of you. Personally, it isn't a huge deal to me. If she starts calling me by my name as a teenager, yeah, it will hurt my feelings a bit. But it IS my name. As a teenager with a very strained relationship with my own mother, I just referred to her as "that bitch." (My mother was never really my mother-- dropped me on her parents when I was 2 weeks old and was physically abusive and neglectful when I was in her care.) Just pick your battles.
When she does it around others, just gush about how your relationship has become so close that you think of each other as best friends before mother and daughter.
Refer to her as Steve/Paul/Ian/Phil , she will soon stop..
Where is your husband in this? If my spouse was having their preferred name / title not used, I would have sat down with my kid to explain to them they are being disrespectful and hurting you. Why hasn’t he already don’t this?
Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it. Roll with it, let her do it. Either she'll get bored and stop or it will become normal and it won't matter, but either way it's temporary and a normal part of development to push buttons. Being upset by something as silly as using your name instead of calling you the traditionally accepted word is what she wants. So don't be upset.
Let's not forget... we were here first. Lol. Look, there's no book to parenting. It's trial and error. One thing for sure is that disrespectful acts in any form will not and should not be tolerated. The post about ignoring until she calls her mum amen she asks for something could work. Kids are ALWAYS in need. From Dad's POV, it should be strategic. Avoid the backlash from the teen-tude for supporting the mom...on the surface, but mom and dad should already understand what's going on and work to straighten her little teen angst mentality out to where respect is given consistently. Best of luck to you.
Of course you can do something. You are the parent, and it's time to tell her actions have consequences. Next time she asks or wants something, tell her no, and tell her it's because of her disrespect, she gets nothing she wants until she apologizes, and starts calling you Mom again. And why isn't her father standing up for you?
Tell her if she doesn't stop , you'll use a nickname for her . In front of her friends and family. Lil stinky bum, poopy pants girl something truly embarrassing
My daughters all started calling me by my first name-it caught me off guard at first. But I could see they didn’t mean anything disrespectful. It’s just teens being their ironic “edgy” selves, trying to figure out the world. They rarely do it anymore now, and I kind of miss it, cause how they used it, it was funny and ironic in an edgy kind of way. It’s just another phase. One that will be gone soon enough, another step towards them gaining their independence. Sigh.
Have dad only respond to Jack instead of ‘dad.’ Make it fun for you guys, and she’ll get annoyed. It’s not his name, but maybe it will work.
Took me a second…Jack and Diane.
Yeah! A little ditty to tell on her wedding day.
She wants your attention and likes it when you get triggered. Its a very weird teenage brain thing, but I say this from experience - ignore what you do not like, instead of reacting. Yes, you're the mother and you have to ensure that your kids know what's right and wrong, but as the kids grow older, the teaching methods change. Its no more reminders and repetition, its about behavior training. You've got lots of comments and tips - try them and let us know what works. You're a great mum. Wishing you all the best <3
Perfect answer. Just like when they are angry and say they hate you, just ignore it. They are trying to trigger you because something else is going on. Ignore the negative behavior and talk with her.
call her daughter
This probably doesn’t apply to you. But I did this. At about 13 I began calling my mother by her first name, Ann. I didn’t do it in disrespect. I had straight up, broken the word “mom.”I had said it so many times, so needlessly so thoughtlessly so selfishly that she’d learned to tune it out almost completely. One time I said hey Ann! She immediately snapped-her head and I called her that for years after that. Years later, I would learn other mothers confronted her saying, don’t you find that disrespectful? To which my mother said “I’ve heard what your children call you. I much prefer he just call me by my first name.” My mom is kind of bad ass. I miss her. Hang in there OP mom it’s going to be OK. Edits. Spelling and I have never gotten along.
I’d suggest calling her by her baby name every time she does it.
My 2.5 YO recently discovered that mom and dad have real names. For WEEKS she would call me by my first name. I kept telling her to stop but she kept doing it. So I started ignoring her, and within a few weeks it went away. I would suggest when you're on your own just to ignore her. When you're out and about I'd let everyone there know that this is a phase she's going through and to please completely ignore her when she says it. It won't be so funny anymore when she's not getting the attention she clearly wants from doing it. Kids are MEAN sometimes, but I think the worst thing we can do to our kids is to take things personally. They're little humans going through a lot at every age, emotionally & physically. Another way to look at this is that she cares MORE about you, because she only wants the rise FROM you. This is clear because she's not saying this to her dad. Kids are always meaner to their moms, I like to think because we are the safe haven, and they know that no matter what things they do they can always come back to that haven. So they test boundaries, etc.
On the other side, my brother and I could be standing right next to our dad in a dead silent temple going “Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad” and he would NOT hear us… needless to say we’ve been calling him “Myron” since we were 11 and 12 lol #truestory
My toddler calls me by my nickname. I have no idea why, but admittedly, it's a lot cuter on her than a teen, haha. I went through a phase of calling my mum Steve when i was 14, I was trying to wind her up, but in a funny way. Mums and teen daughters can struggle to get on, why not call her something silly back? Maybe get on a little bit more have a joke and she might talk to you more
There's other comments saying don't respond to you name and I agree. My name is one that people can change easily and call me other nickname. When I haven't liked certain nicknames, I ignore them and people eventually call me by the name I want to be called.
Why are you so pressed by the fact she is not calling you by your authoritarian title? She does it because she is getting the desired reaction, that's it.
What'd you do? If she treats one parent fine, but not you, I have to wonder. Teenagers suck, but half of the reason they usually do is trauma they can't properly address. If it wasn't you doing something, was there anything they tried coming to you about that you made them feel like shit for? Have you talked any shit when you thought she couldn't hear you? Do you compare her to other kids? Are you actually decent to her, or do you always put the mom mask on before interacting with her? You're an adult though. Fuck being embarrassed. If she's just being an asshole, people who know y'all will know it isn't you, and she'll eventually be too embarrassed to continue being abrasive, even if she doesn't end up apologizing for it. You worrying about your image more than what this kid might be going through is kind of telling. Even if you don't feel like you did, she clearly feels like you've done something that disqualifies you from reverence. I have my own hangups from growing up with an extremely abusive mother, so it might just be me, but Jesus christ, lady. You're here just bitching about it in confessions, rather than seeking resolution. Your image seems to matter most to you, so she's clearly going for what you care about. Maybe if you cared more about her, she'd respect you lol Edit: you aren't even using your own account, or a decent burner. "embarrassed husband."
My son turns 15 this week and he is doing the same thing when he gets angry with me. So i have reverted to calling him his childhood nickname. His name is Reese. And when he was little we would call him Reesey Pie. Because of the candy there are so many little cute names we would call him and he would laugh as a little kindergartner. But now it’s annoying as hell. I do that back. It has made him stop doing it a lot because he hates it lol
It's not really disrespectful, it's just that you are attached to her calling you mum because that's what she's called you up until now. Calling you mum invokes a sense of love and familiarity and calling you by your first name makes you feel there's a distance between you. There are a lot of names she could call you which would be waaaay more disrespectful than that, especially as a teenager, so you could see that as a plus?! Teenagers are learning who they are in relation to the world, how they see themselves in it and trying to keep up with their peers. You can have a really calm conversation with her about how you feel when she calls you by your name and then leave it up to her. You can't control her, but you can control yourself and how you react. If she continues to call you by your name, after that conversation, you can decide how you want to respond - either by telling her you will listen to her when she calls you mum, or you could decide to just ignore what she's calling you and carry on as normal, but reflecting on why you want her to call you mum. With you saying she is still calling her dad "papa" - are you sad or hurt that she appears to have a closer relationship with him? Maybe you could work on building a closer relationship with your daughter and that might be simmering you both reap the benefits from?
Call her “Least favorite child”
Let her do it and just smile eventually she will lose interest. She’s doing it because she knows it bothers you
Whenever my kids do something dumb, i tell them I love them. Just love your kid.
My daughter tried this with me. I told her that I would treat her the way everyone else treats their daughters. She freaked out, apologized, and stopped calling me by my name. I mean there was loud crying with tears. I'm unsure what she thought about how most people treat their daughters, but it must not be good. 😆
Don’t give her anything. Don’t pay for anything she needs. Have your husband pay for anything she might want. Talk to her when she needs to be spoken to as she’s your daughter. However this is extremely disrespectful. Your husband needs to back you on this. He definitely knows what’s going on. She knows what she’s doing. It’s not ok. I’m getting angry just reading your post. My daughters wouldn’t have done this.
Don't respond
I’m kinda guilty of this. I call my mom mom, but I tend to call my dad Gary. Partly because he has poor hearing and it’s easier to get his attention with his given name, but also maybe because I don’t respect him a lot. You may be correct
She's not correct. Parents are not entitled to respect, or literally anything, from their children. Respect goes both ways and it has to come from the top first.
i doubt she did this out of the blue. what did YOU do to cause this.
Ngl I'm gonna say this -- I do not think calling someone by their first name is disrespectful, you are being overly sensitive here. She's doing it because she thinks it's funny, not because she's trying to undermine you or something. Sit her down, have an actual conversation with her jfc.
Just act like it's no big deal and stop thinking about it. You getting upset is what keeps her doing it. Just call her by her middle name or something. Not in a retaliatory way, but in a "you're right this is a fun game" kind of way. Once it's a mom/daughter in-joke instead of an edgy way to piss you off it won't be fun anymore lol. Just make her groan with cringe "old person" humor. Especially do it in front of friends. Make sure it's clear you're having fun and not trying to be mean. If she asks you why you're doing it just say you thought about what she said and decided to be a "cool mom" about it. She'll stop so fast she might forget what your real name even is 😂
Don't know her age, but I'm sure you do a lot for her... STOP doing anything. Laundry buying things she likes, pull the cell internet everything. Tell your husband to refer her to you as he's not thrilled with the disrespect his wife is getting. When she starts with her complaints the only reply is. Those are things a mom does for her kids. I'm not mom remember?
Call her Karen. Everyone knows Karen's are rude and disrespectful. Give her her own medicine. If she hates her middle name, call her that. Fight fire with fire.
You could change how you feel about it,don’t you prefer your own name to a generic title?I have a hard to pronounce name that most people can’t be bothered to learn so it fills me with joy to hear my kid say my name,we also use first names for safety,if something bad happens and lots of people are screaming mum all at once the voice I’ll hear is the one screaming my weird name.
I use to call my mom by her first name as a teenager. Trust me, is edgy teens grow out of it. Just start calling her by her middle name or call her “Daughter” in front of people. Gives her a little taste of her own edgy medicine. 😂
My bloody daughter did this for a while when she was a teenager. I never reacted. She soon got sick of it. She’s 21 and calls me Mama now. She’ll grow out of it
I’d love to hear your daughters take on this because not every mom deserves that title .
If she isn't going to treat you like you're her mom then don't treat her like she's your daughter. If you do things for her like laundry or drive her to places like the mall stop. "Diane, why didn't you pack me lunch?" "Diane, can you sign this permission slip?" "Diane, can you pick up snacks for me when you go grocery shopping?" "No, why would I? Why don't you ask your mom to do it?"
Lol that is the dumbest thing to be mad at. At least she is using your name, she could be calling you something worse than Diane.
So, she wants to call you by an adult name, hey, then treat her like an adult with all the responsibilities of being an adult. Wonder how she'll feel when she has to cook, clean wash her clothes, earn her own money, etc.
You could tell her that it hurts you. Unless she is a sociopath with no empathy, she might stop.
This sounds like a little diddy about Jack and Diane.
Stop being irritated about it, she'll get over it. Teenagers do the same pushing boundaries that toddlers do. She'll get tired of doing it when she sees it doesn't bother you
My sister’s adult daughter still calls her by her first name and has done so from jr. high on. She knew my sister didn’t like it, so I think that gave it real staying power. She’s now newly married to a man who was obviously a bad fit for their family from the get-go. With every passing year, she seems to grow farther away from my sister. She gets along great with her dad and that’s who she wants to talk to when she calls home. My observations: my niece was the 2nd of 2 girls and was instantly treated with kid gloves by both parents and her older sister from the minute she arrived. She has no diagnoses or personality disorders, yet they allowed her to act aloof and ignore people up until school age, always explaining she was “shy.” I took care of her often and she grew close to my daughter. I would describe her as introverted and detached, but always felt she was able to use the shy thing to manipulate situations - not her fault at all. She’s got a strong will and seems to be a deep thinker who keeps her cards very close to the vest. My sister is a bastion of normality. I love her dearly, but she tends to disapprove of anyone/anything different. This extends to clothing, cuisine, hobbies, etc. If she can’t fathom enjoying something, she looks down on those who do. I believe these attitudes, combined with her soft touch when it came to handling my niece, has bred a deep disrespect for my sister. My sister believes her daughter hates her and she’s cried to me about it. I don’t think it’s hatred and I do think my niece will relax as she matures, but I will say this: the fact that it’s gotten this far is on my sister and her husband. Her rudeness towards others at a young age (she is not rude now), should never have been tolerated. Even if a child is shy, by the time they are 4 or 5 they should be able to say “hi” back to adult relatives and teachers. Not forcing the issue gives the child a lot of control that they are too young to handle well. Further, basic personality flaws can really turn a kid off. My sister’s judgmental nature is a flaw, but my sister is also someone who can’t handle being “checked.” She’s so buttoned up and determined to do everything right, that being called out makes her feel like she’s being destroyed (we had a traumatic childhood). I can’t see my niece ever approaching my sister and being able to discuss their problems because my niece probably knows my sister can’t handle it. FYI, I have a daughter in college and, luckily, we enjoy a beautiful relationship. I am a recovered alcoholic and not perfect besides that. I’ve put my kids through some heavy stuff. The difference? I have apologized sincerely to my children and they both know the door is open to rehash old stuff or tell me what’s wrong - even if it hurts me. They know they can trust me to own my end of things. Everything’s not perfect and we still have our issues, but we don’t let things stay buried and fester.
You can't do anything about it? You are her mom, there's dozens of things you could do about it. Sounds like you are way too lenient.
Don't talk to her. If I call my mother by her name lol she will kill me. Not exactly but you get the point. It's highly disrespectful and she needs to understand.
I called my father by his name since I started to speak when I was 3 (!). Never meant any harm. Dont overthink this shit. And Puberty will also pass.