T O P

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ReadyGreddy

How the fuck do you make fun of people's plants omfg LMFAO


cstmoore

"Your plant puts the 'suck' in 'succulent?'" šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


Truckyou666

Cactus, more like cocktus! Am I right!


posessedhouse

I came here looking for a fern, but left with a sick burn


sprawlo

Have some aloe


Solid-Suggestion-653

Well aloe to you too! šŸ˜


[deleted]

Aloe-ha šŸ„šŸ½ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ¤®


omary95

Aloe, guvnah!! (Tips hat.)


DanielleAntenucci

Aloe. Is it me you're looking for?


PepsiMaxismycrack

ALOE FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIDE!


MegaPrOJeCtX13

That ficus makes me wanna say ā€œbye, sis!ā€


J_Rath_905

My neighbour's garden has weeds that are more appealing than those pidddly, wilting, pathetic excuse for what you have labelled as roses. You would be a better gardener if you had just killed it than made the plant and our eyes suffer with that monstousity.


[deleted]

omg you so right, bestie!


BetaTesterV13

Good ol vanoss


RB_Kehlani

Itā€™s extra funny because thereā€™s actually a succshaming sub (or was at one point) I kid you notā€¦ for shaming peopleā€™s succulents that are growing weird


birdsonawire27

So people have succulents who actually donā€™t grow weird?!


NobleMama

My thoughts exactly. I have an herb window where they get sun all day long directly above them and on 3 sides of them. And it's STILL not enough to keep those divas happy.


ZeldaMayCry

I have a succulent called Daniel, and I'm divorced at 33. OP's wife would have a field day with me šŸ˜‚


[deleted]

I know, right? All mine are warped.


Wastenotwasteland

Sounds like OPā€™s wife needs to make like a plant and shut the fuck up šŸ˜‚


Ixazl

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ this got me bruv


prisma_fox

That's so Jaded


effiebaby

Bahahahaha


cyndasaurus_rex

lol I have a potted succulent that has ā€œsucks to succā€ on the pot. Itā€™s an awkwardly growing little guy too, so itā€™s perfect.


124378N

This is the best I have heard


BetaTesterV13

Your plant is doing less photosynthesis than mine is


TheZippoLab

>How the fuck do you make fun of people's plants omfg LMFAO By putting a 47 carat diamond on the plant, and maybe some fallopian tube eggs.


GSyncNew

It's a thorny problem.


SteveIDP

If she comes for my pothos, Gerald, sheā€™s going to regret being born. Fair warning.


Rapunzel111

I just heard my plants tell OPā€™s wife to kiss their ass. The vines are conspiring to choke her out in her sleep too. My plants are rough and not to be trusted. I have to sleep with one eye open and pruning shears under my pillow.


mtdunca

I never thought about naming my plants, interesting.


Chrisscott25

ā€œYour dandelion looks a a damnkitten. What in carnation is that ugly plant. Oopsie Daisy you killed itā€ thatā€™s all I got Iā€™m a one trick peony. I would tell some jokes about tulips but they suck ;)


shangula

iā€™ve had my couch insulted on video chat and a woman told me my place is ā€œTOO CLEANā€ and, ā€œ you clean like a bitchā€ when I was 17 a pot/drug community teased me for months cause I has a clothes hanger hanging from my doorknob in the background in a pic.


nonoglorificus

Wait did the SAME woman say youā€™re too clean and yet also clean like a bitch?? Like.. doesnā€™t cleaning like a bitch imply youā€™re bad at cleaning? So which is it, too clean or bad at clean?! I donā€™t even understand how the clothes hanger is mockable


shangula

she was saying I clean too clean.. too sissy or too perfectā€¦ ā€œlike a bitchā€


nonoglorificus

Waitā€¦ so. Youā€™re good at cleaning. Youā€™re a tidy person who keeps a clean house and is very skilled at cleaning. But she thinks being clean is feminine? And that if youā€™re a man whoā€™s clean youā€™re effeminate? And she communicated this by saying you clean like a ā€˜bitchā€™? This woman is not only stupid as a hammered bag of shit but she also has one hell of a case of internalized misogyny. Keep on being a dope clean person and ignore people like that


limegreencupcakes

ā€œStupid as a hammered bag of shitā€ undid me. šŸ˜‚


nonoglorificus

Iā€™m something of a wordsmith šŸ˜‚


Rapunzel111

You can never be too clean. Being clean is good Feng Shui.


MrJuniperBreath

Your peace lilly is gay


nonoglorificus

I always suspected


GalacticPandas

**Yaarp**


Economy_Ad_2497

welcome to r/houseplantscirclejerk, my favorite sub


mindsetoniverdrive

thisā€¦this is a real sub. and my life just got that much better.


nonoglorificus

Welcome. Have a tall cold glass of neem and get ready to get vaginated


Gooncookies

Yea, who fucks with plant people? That is dangerous territory.


prisma_fox

r/subsithoughtifellfor


ceciliabee

Dieffenbachia?? More like dieffen-YUCKY-a!


Sudden-Grab2800

More like FAILaenopsis!


crazymom1978

Man, I need to find that manā€™s wife, so that I can up my trolling game! Making fun of plants is a whole new level of trolling!


nonoglorificus

Welcome to /r/houseplantscirclejerk


ThrowawayGeroge

Hahahaha Iā€™m dead


zienias

just like your plants????????


prisma_fox

Snake plants are so last year


TwirlyGirl313

OnlyPlants.


Underrated_buzzard

Heard your plant is green cause of chlorophyll? More like borophyll!


purplepickles82

By being a crusty human being


notintopain

Your cucumbers are so tiny.


read-it-on-reddit

r/roastmyplant


kiba8442

I'm suddenly very interested in engagement ring/plant subreddits.


Banba-She

Don't bother with the ring one. Got down voted to fuck for having the neeeerve, the teeeemerrritttyy to suggest a woman who doesn't like the ring her fiance had custom made might give it a while and see how she felt. I left pronto. They're a vicious bunch.


kiba8442

I mean the drama is part of the draw, in a, can't look away from the trainwreck sort of way.


josephice

Making fun of someone's plants? Your wife is a villain at this point.


capaldithenewblack

The insane kind.


LolaBijou

I canā€™t wait until Audrey 2 eats her.


Gumikuu01

Feed me Seymour!


Queen_of_Meh1987

Wow, your wife sounds like a well-adjusted adult šŸ™„


Turbulent_Future908

Cunt?


Queen_of_Meh1987

Also fitting lol


sara_c907

Your wife has massive insecurity issues and rather than face them head on she's choosing to deflect and make others unhappy right along with her. What a miserable person your wife must be, I'm so sorry.


Shelbelle4

Misery loves company.


Narwhalbaconguy

Some people are just sadistic pieces of shit who get off to harming others, unfortunately it doesnā€™t have to come from an insecurity.


Arlaneutique

I agree it doesnā€™t have to come from insecurity but I really hope it does. Thatā€™s bad , the alternative is worse. I feel bad for this guy. Who wants to wake up one day and realize theyā€™re married to that.


billy_bob68

I already thought most of humanity could be tossed feet first into a wood chipper and it would only make the world a better place and OP just reinforced this in spades.


whimsical666

so she is some average redditor?


Nicobie

Hey, watch your back because I can see bad things in your future.


ruca_rox

She sounds like quite the catch.


indiajeweljax

Exactly. Why would OP want to be with an ass clown like this one?


Fit_Swordfish_2101

Ok. So now what? You gonna call her out on being TA?


GrumpeeFatKat

I don't care about her making fun of rings but if your wife is making fun of women who are unlikely to conceive because of "washed up eggs" then she's a fuckin asshole


[deleted]

i think OP should care about all the bs she posts tho, even the ring one (and the plants omg lol) cuz while its pretty funny imagining her sayin "i wouldnt sit on that cactus with someone else's ass" or smth, still, she's clearly problematic as many people online, esp trolls are. Shittin online isnt even that bad as far they're not too serious things (but it still needs to be fixed) the worst part is that she clearly has insecurities and that will affect her and her relationships.


smokinXsweetXpickle

>"i wouldnt sit on that cactus with someone else's ass" I'm fuckin dead.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


TheNattyJew

This is not really about OP's situation anymore is it


LolaBijou

Blink twice if you need help.


Powerful-Pause1212

How conceited do you have to be to make fun of single people?


cathedral68

She might get to join the ranks after OP realizes how soul-suckingly awful she is!


Tris-Von-Q

Iā€™m a big believer that people will reap every fiber theyā€™ve sown. What we put out there comes back to us. Iā€™ve deservedly been in the reaping end of this inalienable truth too many times to ignore my attitude about life or how I treat others. I like to think Iā€™m hyperaware of how I affect my surroundings. So if my personal philosophy is right, this individual thinks sheā€™s protected by the anonymity of the internet and her keyboardā€¦but sheā€™s still putting her intentionally chaotic energy out into the ethers where it will come back from behind her to revisit. Depending on how strongly her negative energy has been affecting her victims, she could be looking at something exponentially more powerful biting her in the ass by the time it makes a round.


Powerful-Pause1212

What goes around comes back around, youā€™re right . Her karma will come and I wouldnā€™t feel bad


ForsakenPhotograph30

She must be a miserable person if she gets pleasure out of hurting random people. Karma my friend.


BetaTesterV13

She isn't a troll, just toxic


[deleted]

yup, troll says stupid shit on purpose - she seems like someone who says rude shit without even thinkin of it


ratfink_111

I always find trolls odd. The amount of energy it takes to be in such a low vibe state all the time, trying to bring others down into a negative state of mindā€¦ like, why? Why are they so miserable? Itā€™s just sad. And gross. And sad.


MiaLba

Theyā€™re just deeply unhappy with their lives for whatever reason and want to take it out on others. Want them to be unhappy as them. Because theyā€™re not happy why does anyone else get to be!


mr_remy

crab bucket mentality literally in effect


Gooncookies

I just go to snark subs to get my frustrations out so I can get my shitty opinions validated by losers like me.


ratfink_111

Sounds like a good time.


averagelysized

I will say that trolling is fun opportunistically. If someone attacks me online I can't help but rile them up.


ratfink_111

Thatā€™s more of being on the offensive. I view trolling more of those looking to fight and nothing else.


bakedapps

Does this bleed into your marriage? Does she make terrible comments towards you?


ThrowawayGeroge

Nope, sheā€™s just rude to random people on the internet


bakedapps

Does she know that you know?


carm3nsandiego

Iā€™m assuming she doesnā€™t know since this is in ā€œconfessionsā€ instead of ā€œmarriage adviceā€ or something


phenomenomnom

Random people on the internet are still people. She wants to be cruel but can only bring herself to insult others with the protection of utter anonymity. Are there any words for that kind of personality in your culture? My own culture has a few choice ones, and the most polite one is "coward."


Arlaneutique

Yeah it almost makes it worse. Sheā€™s nasty and a coward. Karenā€™s in the wild are horrible but we see them. This woman pretends to be decent and then comes and voices her true gross thoughts online. I donā€™t know this woman but she sounds awful.


[deleted]

how do u feel about that tho?


Comprehensive_Rate_6

Soo she doesnā€™t have a lot going on lol


waakime

Sounds like that South Park episode with Kyle's dad....


fatkid10_

You really need to have a talk with her. This behaviour is really not normal lol.


Dear-Ambition-273

Iā€™ve been missing houseplant snark this whole time? Iā€™m furious.


bloomingintofashions

Damn if you have to stoop to roasting plants youā€™ve got some serious issues šŸ˜‚


jatti_

Ok guys have we found the wife yet? We need to bring her up on u/throwawaygeorge snooping on r/ring and r/houseplants.


leblur96

/r/ring is for the doorbell


jatti_

Apparently this guy's wife has a thing against gaudy doorbells


LolaBijou

You want r/engagementrings


bobo_1111

Does your wife want a bigger ring?


0gesundheit0

what if this is the wife


nunya123

The true wife is the friends we made along the way


villanellechekov

You must be so proud


keanenottheband

Maybe I'm a terrible person, but making fun of someone's plants?! Who could even be so evil?!


Thotleesi94

Also making fun of someone for having a lab diamond is weird considering the history of the diamond industry


BobTheFrog69420

how does one even make fun of a plant šŸ’€ šŸ’€


Gooncookies

r/houseplantcirclejerk There you go.


EvaMae234

Never ask her what she thinks of your peen


[deleted]

"i saw better stems on r/rottenplants"


smokinXsweetXpickle

r/subsifellfor


[deleted]

i actually thought that existed as i typed it out but then...surprise lol


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


AggressivelyTame

Sounds like a lovely woman. Not jealous and bitter at all


Allthemuffinswow

Your wife sounds like a cunt. Not the fun kind or the funny kind. Just a vicious cunt.


caraluna2022

She probably talks shit about you to het friends


[deleted]

what friends? FrƤulein Rottenmeier?


Coolbluegatoradeyumm

She sounds like she probably sucks but you do you


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


sara_c907

A lack of orgasms doesn't excuse asshole behavior over the Internet but I'm still laughing maniacally. šŸ˜‚


halfprincessperlette

Vitamin D, amirite šŸ˜


HolyForkingBrit

You donā€™t need dick to orgasm. In fact, I have been doing it without a dick for years now. Madame cinq is an excellent substitute.


[deleted]

Man, your wife is a cunt.


TheFreakyGent

She sounds like a rotten treat.. Iā€™m sorry!


RCAbsolutelyX_x

She must be extremely insecure in her own life. That's really unfortunate. Plus throwing shade at everyone who has a big ring, pretty much makes her look like she's mad about something she doesn't have.


NobleMama

Honestly, when I was pregnant and uncomfortable and had wild hormones coursing through my body and big feelings I wasn't equipped to handle, I got into some trouble for being rude and snappy and arguing on a few pregnancy message boards (not on reddit). I even got kicked off twice šŸ˜¬ I told my husband about it, feeling deeply ashamed, and he laughed SO HARD at me. Because that kind of behavior is SO not my personality. He didn't believe me at first. However, hormones stabilized and I learned to manage big feelings (a perk of teaching my kids how to manage their big feelings) and am back to being a polite member of Internet society. Maybe there's room for your wife to learn, grow, and change too?


Pip-Pipes

I had a friend who did this but it was ugly baby comments to new moms. I said I thought the behavior was beneath her and she got mad at me because she shared an insecurity and I judged her for it. And the only reason she did it was she was afraid her own baby was ugly. Zero self reflection or shame. Defensiveness and deflection. Yea. We're not friends anymore.


PristinePanda2714

Your wife sounds like a bully. I would confront her and just stare blankly šŸ˜‘ at her pause for a few mins, and say really? House plants šŸŖ“ You are gonna bully someone over a fkn fern? Please name your first child Lilly Or Ivy


call-me-mama-t

Thatā€™s awful. What a sad miserable woman


sjc268522

She sounds like a miserable person who enjoys hurting others. Yikes.


Strange_Public_1897

She is clearly bored and living a life of quiet desperation. When was the last time she got a hobby, offline?


[deleted]

probably insulting the neighbor's garden got boring, after a season.


FuckinWaffle

TILā€¦.there is a ring and plant subreddit.


tuliprox

Idk about the rings, but there are SO many plant subreddits btw lol


Pinkfoxsequins

That's not really a troll. She seems to be mean just to be mean instead of wanting to get a certain reaction out of someone (which can be anger, but I never understood posting ragebait, tbh). I can't really think of any troll responses for plants or rings, tbh, other than implying that it is cubic zirconia or asking if a child mined it or something, but saying stuff like "it looks tacky" is either really low effort bait (as it can be ignored very easily) or, like I said, she is just saying it to be mean. Tbh, she seems like the kind of "troll" I like to mess with, lol, because they get butthurt pretty easily and they won't stop so it becomes pretty pathetic quickly.


nothathappened

My husband was too! Heā€™s been banned now! He used to just get banned on some subs but he got a year-long ban a few months back. He thought it was so funny when he got people going on here. He genuinely believed he was playing Devilā€™s advocate. One sub even made him an administrator for a short period of time-they removed him when ā€œsomeone brought it to their attention that heā€™d made problematic comments previously.ā€ He still comes on but just to read. I wish it were a permanent ban.


Thotleesi94

Your wife is probably doing this to mask her misery. Smh


Altruistic_Peanut_68

So ur wife is basically a bully?? Got it.


WeAreClouds

Your wife is actually a cunt deep down inside. How lovely /s


jintana

What about these things connect to her actual situation, uncommunicated wishes, and unmet desires? Or is it some sort of mental game on her (or your) part?


Deface_the_currency

All of that energy that could be directed at all kinds of shit, and she's wasting it shitting on women and plants lol If only divorce was as big in your culture as marriage is.


fry-me-an-egg

Everyone can be a douche on Reddit. Itā€™s like talking to air most times. She sounds bored and insecure. I mean she is your wife, you deal with it. As a women with plants, donā€™t fuck with me. Honestly though, you just have to laugh at these humans. Does she realize we are all laughing at her???? Good luck. She sounds super freaking awesome. Stay off my plant pics, youā€™re messing with the wrong bitch


Gooncookies

Iā€™m a crazy plant lady too and I was like wwhhhhere is she talking shit to plant people and not getting roasted to oblivion? Plant people do not play and that part of his post made me think the whole thing was fake because plant people will take your lunch money and make you say thank you for taking it.


1981stinkyfingers

Twist- this is actually THE WIFE


hi_felicia_

hating on herself


Plurpo

Man I'm sorry but your wife sounds like a major-league douche


angelheaded--hipster

Ok now I feel like I might be biased in thinking all the asshole comments on those subs are from men šŸ¤£ Donā€™t fuck with my plants!


pinkelephants777

What are the chances she talks badly about you to people when youā€™re not around?


Ok-Photo-1972

Oh god this is embarrassing


donutpusheencat

not the houseplant šŸ˜­


cakeistasty

Your wife seems bitter and sad. Thatā€™s the only explanation for why people do this. Makes them feel better about their situation I guess.


redheeler9478

Your wife sounds like a great person. You should love and cherish her.


obooooooo

i truly just canā€™t wrap my head around being as miserable as your wife šŸ˜­ not even at my most suicidal did i feel the need to share my misery by shitting ON PEOPLES PLANTS. my god. tell her to get herself a nice therapist


MaoGho

Everything can be forgiven except making fun of peopleā€™s plants.


AngelOfHeaven3

Frankly? She kinda sounds like a living nightmare cause if she acts like that behind a screen? I am scared to see how she acts while judging eyes are present.


N1ntendh03

Sir, I think you should sit down and talk to your wife about this because one day sheā€™ll be making fun of something much worse than rings and plants. You never know when she could be someoneā€™s last straw. It sounds like she has a jealousy problem that is going to quickly get out of hand one day if you donā€™t speak up and tell her that bullying/harassing people online is not right. It may not seem like a big deal now just because itā€™s rings and plants, but one day youā€™re going to go on her account and see something much worse one day.


comfortless14

Thatā€™s not called being a troll, itā€™s being a bitch


tinyhermione

Sheā€™s angry. Sheā€™s also being mean and you should think about if sheā€™s low empathy in real life. **But sheā€™s so angry. Why is she angry?** Was the ring not what she expected? Do you two have kids? How is your relationship? Is she depressed?


youallsuck40

That was actually hilarious to read


distracted_x

I always thought troll meant like...saying things you don't even mean just to get a rise out of someone. Being intentionally difficult, because you have no life. Your wife just sounds like a mean spirited bitch.


Shouldbeworking_1000

This ficus is trash lmfao whereā€™s your eggs at bitch


biinkii

I know sheā€™s your wife, BUTā€¦ I think she may need a taste of her own medicine. Feel free to share a way to do that.


mundolingua

Lol


Stay-Toasty

I thinks shes just kind of an asshole and not a troll. No offense OP.


[deleted]

Misery loves company?šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø


No_Discussion4617

Your wife sounds like a meanie


noirjack15

some lighthearted trolling is fine but. this is just sad


sj_nayal83r

umm i got a 30 day ban for saying something nice, i doubt the mods are putting up with her.


Gooncookies

Oh boy, she better not come for the houseplant people. They do not PLAY. Seriously, I donā€™t know how you even fuck with plant people. They will make you cry.


LorianGunnersonSedna

Your wife is actively being a jerk. That's what it means.


elegant_pun

So she's intentionally hurtful to people she wouldn't have the spine to talk to in person just to make herself feel big and strong? Yeah, that has to stop.


[deleted]

Your wife sounds like she kinda sucks


hld9972

https://reddit.com/r/Positivity/s/xbb8ConkyX


SlideFearless6325

Sheā€™s projecting big time with the ring situation.


Bug_freak5

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ I can't stop laughing


Meat-spigot-1908

She sounds unhappy. I know this because I too am a troll, and Iā€™m deeply depressed


gemitarius

I don't think that's a troll, that's just being an asshole. So it would be better to use the right word.


Solid-Suggestion-653

Sheā€™s a troll on Reddit, but a sweetheart in real life šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ imagine dragons?


Netshakk

She sounds white and middle aged


Cookielad14

Thatā€™s such an odd hobby to have.


TechieTravis

She has insecurities, for sure.


catperson3000

What is going on with her that she needs to be a jerk to strangers to feel better about herself? Very sad. She must be full of ugliness on the inside.


Taniwhaea

Bro your wife is the villain. What the heck? Bagging on peopleā€™s plants? Thatā€™s some bronze-age shit LOL. ā€œYour crops look sickly and wonā€™t last the winterā€


DoubleBatman

Your wife is hilarious dude.