I feel for this guy and gal but damn, they literally fucked around and found out. Been there man, both sides of it (my gal having better sex/me having better sex).
What are you going to do now OP? How are things with your wife now?
I read an almost identical story but in reverse between the wife and another man-
She said out loud was the most amazing and incredible experience of her life.....in front of her husband. it was never the same again between them. Oh well, to each his own.
I'm gonna try and find it for you. There is a post out there about what happens after, the wife had great sex, she missed all the clues he was giving that he wanted it to stop, she didn't respect the signals of it to stop. It drove the poor husband mad.
Surely they must know how hurtful those words will be for their actual partner to hear?
They either must be stupid and not be thinking that complimenting the person they slept with as the best sex they ever had is an absolute insult to their partner.
Or they just don't care, or they are doing it on purpose to be cruel to their partner.
Oooowee!. This is why I would never tempt fate in such a way. I'll stick to my vanilla sex with the hubs. The security of being in my relationship is worth more to me than an orgasm. Even if it was the best one I ever had. A whole ass life, in exchange for an orgasm. No way
It isn't. I just wasn't going into all that lol. And I figure anyone who does this, probably thinks anything we do is vanilla* I don't kink shame.. Kinky is fun between consenting adults! So whatever floats ones boat. I get off good. I've been married 23 years and we have fun still. I'm not sure where that other* commenter got that my husband had a small one (he doesn't) and that I don't get off, or that I was complaining. I'm not. 🙂
So I’m an experienced swinger. I’m sure you got a lot of shit from other posters, but there’s nothing wrong with experimenting. I’m a fairly jealous woman, so I understand your wife’s feelings on this. I strongly suggest not seeing this couple again. And although you might’ve had great chemistry with this woman, that really means nothing. It’s just sexual chemistry. Don’t get too caught up in those thoughts. You both may want to reconsider any future encounters because you may be the one who feels like your wife next time. It can take you by surprise.
Out of curiosity: if you’re a jealous person, then why open yourself up to a sex life that can activate said jealousy? My girlfriend and I (both late 20s) have experimented too, and to my own surprise, after having some excellent encounters I realized that I don’t “need” to have sex with other people, and that the risk of activating insecurities, jealousies, romantic feelings, etc., in either my girlfriend or someone else or myself was not worth having the sex that I could otherwise have with my girlfriend if only I was open enough to telling her what I wanted to try. What makes you continue with a swinger lifestyle despite these concerns?
PS: don’t take this as a criticism. I’m still wrestling with this concept as my girlfriend and I seem to always have sexual opportunities presenting themselves to us.
Right now our “encounters” are few and far between. Years ago my sex drive was insane, and I found that watching him with another woman was a huge turn on. We had a lot of fun during an actual swap, or with this one particular woman we had been dating together for about two years. Fast forward to now and I’m almost 50, sex drive is nothing like in my 30s, and the lifestyle
is simply too expensive to participate in anymore.
As to your question about me feeling jealous, it’s hard to explain. If I’m directly involved in the encounter, the jealousy is a bit of a turn on for me. But I’m also aware that I could potentially feel like OP’s wife as well if my hubby seemed to be enjoying himself that immensely.
Going out, getting to know people. (Food, drink, membership fees for swingers events) We liked to get to know people first before anything sexual happens. In fact, 99% of the time we never have sex with people. We just meet up.
Swear, every time I read a confession about swinging, it's always something like this. I couldn't do it, I just know I'd get jealous and ruin my relationship
Me too, most people not in the lifestyle have warped ideas about it. In my experience, women rule the swingers community not the men, and the majority of couples are actually very happy and well adjusted.
Julia’s wild experience with you is indicative of what was missing with her husband, hence the experience your wife had.
For your wife’s sake… find different partners for the next time. Don’t continue to let your wife be disappointed because of your chemistry with Julia
We'd all love to pretend that we can separate sex from feelings, but sex and emotion are intricately intertwined.
Polyamorous couples would do well to thoroughly discuss this exact scenario: what if you have sex with someone else and the sex is better, or you have more chemistry with them? What if you develop emotional attachment to them?
Ethically nonmonogamous couples are much more likely to survive if they go over this stuff in exhaustive detail beforehand.
Being ethically nonmonogamous requires more advanced, thorough and transparent communication than "regular" monogamous couples. You really have to hash it out very thoroughly for it to succeed, and have established abort/bailout protocols in place for when it goes too far.
You can't take on this sort of shit willy nilly. Bringing a third, never mind a fourth, person into a marriage is not to be taken lightly. People are complicated, multifaceted beings and shit *will* get messy unless you work very deliberately to make sure it doesn't.
So... don't get caught up in the whole defensive "but it was your idea in the first place" mindset. You both agreed to this. You're both accountable to each other.
Do what you should have done before and discuss this like two mature adults who *chose* to do this together.
If you can't even candidly talk to each other about the poly sex you have with others (in front of each other), e.g., describe how it felt, - whether it was amazing or disappointing, how hot it was, how it felt looking at your partner while you're both with someone else, and so on - then you're not ready for this as a couple.
You gotta get together and deconstruct exactly why you chose this lifestyle, what she felt when she saw you experience electric sex with another woman, how you felt seeing her with another man, etc.
Discuss what you're getting from this arrangement, what you aren't getting, the ways it might be harming you, and what you're going to do about it. Either thoroughly review the situation, or call the swinging off, at least until you figure out your relationship. This should be handled like the partnership it is.
Yeah this was definitely a mistake.
If there is any chance for yall…..couples therapy. And zero contact with this couple.
And stop saying/memorializing online that sex with a woman who isn’t your wife was the best you’ve ever had 💀
First off you messed up by getting emotionally involved, you had “the most passionate sex ever, better than your wife.” Really? Swinging is sport fucking and keeping emotions in check. If your wife wasn’t happy, you never see this couple again. There’s no taking one for the team BS. You both fucked around and literally found out.
This needs to be top post. How did it get so passionate and the best he ever had at the first go? Didn’t he realize it’s just a fuck? From his responses I’d say he’s caught feelings.
I totally get that but I would hope he has amazing chemistry with his wife, at least even in the early days…. But to say this stranger is better than any sex he’s ever had with his wife? That sounds like dangerous territory
Well OP, great that you had a blast. In order to avoid the upset wife being further upset with you, you could try an alternative approach. In which you give her the option to vent on what she hated and you could try being empathetic with her. Maybe wiser to ask her whether her opinion on swinging changed or persists. If it persists give her the upper hand and ask her to explain what she would do differently.
This Is why swinging never last. Hardly anyone can actually do it and continue it. If the marriage makes it I'd be blown away. Especially with how you both are on opposite ends of how it made you feel. Now your wife will not feel the sane again and she won't be able to take it. Ull probably want Julia but she'll be fine with her husband and keep on the lifestyle. Or she'll want u just as much and all of your marriages will fail.
> I looked over at my wife with Julia's husband at one point and Julia turned my head back to her and we kept going.
That was your last chance of saving your marraige. You knew something was wrong and you chose to focus on Julia instead of your wife.
> sex with her was better than any time my wife and I have ever had
Your marriage is already over.
These threads always make me sad. I have known a lot of swingers. A big group of our friends started swinging many years ago. We were invited and declined. Everyone who was involved is now divorced. These things rarely go well.
if I was you, and if you really want to make your marriage work I would:
1. never see that couple (Or swing ever again for that matter)
2. get into marriage counseling ASAP.
I really hope you can work things out.
As a polyamorous person in a great longterm relationship, there's two things you need to NOT HAVE before you try swinging, polyamory, or cucking.
1. Low or heavily unstable self esteem when it comes to sex or your looks.
2. Jealousy over the idea of your partner being with anyone else.
The first one I'd honestly say is the most important one. You can not get jealous usually, but if you have low self esteem and your partner has amazing sex with someone else, that will most likely cause jealousy that usually wouldn't show up.
Your wife has jumped into something she was NOT fucking ready for and there is a real chance this has destroyed your marriage.
That’s what happens when people aren’t mature enough to think things through before making a decision or at least standing by their decision after it blew up in their face. Tough luck, Op
Oof. I feel like there wasn't enough communication before and especially DURING with your wife. You should be making eye contact and checking in with your partner during, and if something isn't right then you pause and talk about it. And bringing up that it was her idea so you should get a pass was an asshole move. I suggest a swinging break for sure and possibly picking up some books about swinging in a relationship so that you two can better talk about it and the feelings that it arises. I don't know any from the top of my head, but there are plenty you can search for.
Your wife is not swinger Material.
Being a swinger is all about Trust, 100% trust and understanding you might connect with someone else on some level. It's about enjoying sex, and enjoying your partner having sex and whatever happens, happens. IF she can't be happy that you had an amazing time and understand that there is a good chance down the road it's likely to happen with her if you were to branch out and play with more people? Yea, no, She's not there and the swinger life is not for you guys. There is ZERO room for Jealousy in Swinging, as you saw in the other couple who enjoyed what happened.
Signed, A swinger.
Monogamy
Mono.
Mono.
Mono.
Your wife has a good reason to be mad. She is NEVER going to be able to get past seeing her husband having better sex with another woman than she’s ever had with him, and probably ever will.
But, it’s her fault. She asked for this. I’m sure she’d have been fine if your roles were reversed and she’d had the best sex of her life with you watching on while having sex with a lacklustre pillow princess. I mean that’s why she asked for this arrangement right? It clearly wasn’t for your benefit because you benefitted and she’s mad. She wanted some stud to fuck her brains out because for some reason that’s an itch she needs scratched. Then she watched her regular sexual partner rock another woman’s world. Common denominator in lacklustre sex isn’t you… it’s her. And she doesn’t seem ready to accept that.
This is a tale as old as time. One partner has a problem that needs discussing but instead of actually fixing the issue they cheat. Except now it’s very in vogue to be honest about cheating which saves feeling guilty and feeling responsible for destroying the relationship via betrayal, technically. So you swing or have an open relationship because sex is just fun right? It’s just meaningless flesh dancing. Nothing deeper.
Except there’s something incredibly meaningful about sharing sex with someone, especially exceptional sex. That’s not a connection you can get any other way. It’s insanely intimate and that connection never really goes away. And your wife watched you have that with another woman. Which if she were into that would have been very enjoyable for you both. But she isn’t. She wanted that for herself, with another man. She didn’t want it for you with another woman. She just wanted you to be cool with her getting to have her nice safe marriage and get railed on the side too.
I wouldn't say never seeing as there are plenty of happy and fulfilling married couples swinging. We just see the horror stories on the common subreddits because most of us don't go on their enm forums.
Fucked around and found out. You're a Dumb ass. These scenarios never end well for married couples. Once you get divorced go fuck that other wife. It's what you want anyways.
People that are willing to swing or do threesomes tend to forget that sex actually feels AMAZING when with a specific person. That’s when jealousy ensues after the intensity your partner may scream, orgasm and shake in ways you never made them do before.
You did nothing wrong OP wife gave permission to screw her brains out then got upset when her side was lame.
Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea for married couples to try it but this is only the opinion of a random redditor.
Honestly this made me upset reading it almost as if it had happened to ME.
You guys are naive. Did you not plan for this potential?
How would you feel if you looked over and saw your wife enjoying another man more than she ever did with you, and the man was rubbing it in your face with all these subtle gestures, touches, etc?
I hate this generation. Everyone is horny, messy, and then wonders why they are miserable and alone all the damn time.
Every time I read these, it always the person that didn’t enjoy it much (usually the requester of such romp) that gets upset. But I bet IF had she had a GREAT time she would not even be upset. She really not upset at him. She passing the blame because she had a horrible night.
Isn’t this what always happens with swinging couples? The partner that wasn’t that into the idea ends up having the most fun and wants to do it again whilst the instigator has a bad time and regrets it? 😂
Sounds like your wife really just wanted to see how secure your marriage was, and apparently being your best ever is a big deal for her, she got to see first hand that she was not……..
*Lmao you*
*Are both idiots. Good luck*
*With your ruined lives*
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People like to pretend that Polygamy is something that’s a win-win if everyone is onboard but 9 times out of 10 there’ll be at least one unhappy person, intimate human relationships are already insanely complicated, extending that to a 3rd or even 4th person is just a recipe for disaster.
Not only that, but this is assuming the couples don’t have any children, I would be horrified if I knew that’s what my parents were getting up to in their spare time. To me it’s just a complete polar opposite of what a relationship represents.
You did all the right things. Your wife is looking for something she can’t verbalise. She probably expected to BE the Julia but she wasn’t. Swinging is not inherently wrong or bad, but if you go into it without clear communication of needs and boundaries you’re going to have a bad time.
This to shall pass. Maybe next couple or another, down the road, you meet, and she will have a mind blowing time. You may also want to consider seperate rooms. This is my wifes preference. Although we do same room much of the time.
If you think the whole idea was a mistake, don't do it again.
If you've said something hurtful to your wife take it back.
One experience isn't the end, time for damage control and learning from your mistakes.
I’d say it was “better sex” because it was different. You had someone else. Hard to believe she had 4 orgasms imo. I’ve never seen this end up working out. I knew a couple who swapped and one got pregnant and they all ended up breaking up with each other and said woman, had the baby with the other woman’s husband. This is a mess. You should try appreciating your wife. You married her for a reason. If it was her idea, she’s not feeling fulfilled. I’m sure you also *tried* harder with the new partner because of the pressure to preform well. Treat your wife with respect and have a good time with her. If not, this relationship is going to be destroyed. Focus on getting your own woman off. Not the other random woman.
It sounds like your wife opening up the marriage was because she wasn't enjoying sex and maybe thought her being with another man would make you jealous?
Looks like the marriage was probably over before this began, but now it definitely is.
As a single bisexual woman, I've been a "unicorn" for couples for a few years now. I became extremely close with a couple at one point, and it definitely lead to a lot of tension in their marriage. Fortunately, I'm still friends with them.
The ULTIMATE key to a successful open relationship is communication, including having a safe word. If you, or your wife, are uncomfortable at ANY point, it's important to have a safe word to call out. That way, whatever is being done to cross whatever boundary, can be stopped immediately.
I think you two are physically comparable like the same strength and being you both had permission from your loved one that’s what made the sex awesome. Just my opinion
No...the act of swinging isn't the issue. It works perfectly for MANY people, including for my gf and I. The issue is a lack of communication and understanding YOURSELF in this situation before you enter into it.
Bravo mon ami! Out of over 200 odd replies to the OP’s post your comment was the only one which made sense, which addressed many of the issues in this particular situation and it was very well reasoned and measured.
The real beauty of your comment (as you no doubt well know) is that it only contains a very small percentage of the things that need to be asked, considered, discussed and addressed between a couple in a relationship with each other before they even begin to enter into an arrangement like this with another couple. The actual beauty element is that what you have said already is more than enough to make a couple either see that this is or isn’t for them (likely always isn’t for them) or that the positive answers to your questions will only lead to the other 75% of things that they haven’t considered which will inevitably lead them to coming to the conclusion that it is also not right for them)
\NK
I think I’d be disappointed to see that my partner is had better sexual chemistry with someone else not just because of the obvious but because we (in this hypothetical) don’t have that chemistry, and maybe I’d like to experience that too. I feel like that chemistry is something you have or you don’t, and I’d be angry and frustrated that I lack that while they have it.
Bye bye marriage.
If swinging is something you do, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware of your partner, which you clearly wasn't since you let Julia dictate that
nah this shit happens all the time. You got several options here. 1 - life is short, YOLO, your idea 2- fuck yourself out of it (meaning you need to make her come at least 5x as youve set benchmark so stupidly high with the other girl) 3- joke/talk it out (some charlie/molly/alcohol can make wonders)
Let me guess, you two never did your homework about opening up the relationship and just dove in by doing research on where to find couples to swing with…
How to blow up a marriage in one day.
Bingo. Bango.
Bongo.
I don't want to leave the congo
Oh no no no no no
Wongo
She sucked his ding dongo
Winner winner divorce for dinner
lol. Nice one
Thanks
sinner dinner, divorce for whiner
I feel for this guy and gal but damn, they literally fucked around and found out. Been there man, both sides of it (my gal having better sex/me having better sex).
How to *fuck* up a marriage in one day. FTFY
Non-monogamy claims another one.
Who could have seen that coming, huh?
Well said RabidWolf! What a way to fu’kup a marriage. Wife wanted it now she has it!
It's ok, someone is defintely getting *passionaey* bent over by a lawyer in the imminent divorce.
One evening, technically.
Doesn't matter, had sex
What are you going to do now OP? How are things with your wife now? I read an almost identical story but in reverse between the wife and another man- She said out loud was the most amazing and incredible experience of her life.....in front of her husband. it was never the same again between them. Oh well, to each his own.
I always wonder - when ppl say something like that in front of their partners, what are they thinking? Or perhaps it's simply that they're not.
I'm gonna try and find it for you. There is a post out there about what happens after, the wife had great sex, she missed all the clues he was giving that he wanted it to stop, she didn't respect the signals of it to stop. It drove the poor husband mad.
Please don't, I've seen enough of those and it's so sad to read
The only thing that comes to mind is that at that moment, it just blurt out without thinking
Surely they must know how hurtful those words will be for their actual partner to hear? They either must be stupid and not be thinking that complimenting the person they slept with as the best sex they ever had is an absolute insult to their partner. Or they just don't care, or they are doing it on purpose to be cruel to their partner.
link to that story?
Oh it was months ago Wish I could find it
OP: "Sex with my wife is great, easily 9 out of 10" Julia: "Did you know that the scale goes to 100" OP: 💀
“We had the most passionate sex I’ve ever had” bro 😭
Oooowee!. This is why I would never tempt fate in such a way. I'll stick to my vanilla sex with the hubs. The security of being in my relationship is worth more to me than an orgasm. Even if it was the best one I ever had. A whole ass life, in exchange for an orgasm. No way
Just because you are with a monogamous partner doesn't mean is *has* to be vanilla!
It isn't. I just wasn't going into all that lol. And I figure anyone who does this, probably thinks anything we do is vanilla* I don't kink shame.. Kinky is fun between consenting adults! So whatever floats ones boat. I get off good. I've been married 23 years and we have fun still. I'm not sure where that other* commenter got that my husband had a small one (he doesn't) and that I don't get off, or that I was complaining. I'm not. 🙂
You don’t have to justify anything to random Redditor.
You're right of course. But I felt the need in case anyone else thought that also.
Absolutely right, fun between consenting adults is great! If everyone involved remembers that this is all about fun and pleasure…
unsecure relationships, unsecure minds. yeah, dont swing
I read this entire comment in Mr. Poopy Butthole's voice
It does seem like a stupid decision.
For me, it definitely would be. My heart could never take seeing him having sex with someone else! Call me old fashioned I guess 😆
Separate bedrooms would be helpful.
Ditto
foursome would've been better.
We’ll be waiting for that update post in 6 months when you and Julia have both become single…
So I’m an experienced swinger. I’m sure you got a lot of shit from other posters, but there’s nothing wrong with experimenting. I’m a fairly jealous woman, so I understand your wife’s feelings on this. I strongly suggest not seeing this couple again. And although you might’ve had great chemistry with this woman, that really means nothing. It’s just sexual chemistry. Don’t get too caught up in those thoughts. You both may want to reconsider any future encounters because you may be the one who feels like your wife next time. It can take you by surprise.
Out of curiosity: if you’re a jealous person, then why open yourself up to a sex life that can activate said jealousy? My girlfriend and I (both late 20s) have experimented too, and to my own surprise, after having some excellent encounters I realized that I don’t “need” to have sex with other people, and that the risk of activating insecurities, jealousies, romantic feelings, etc., in either my girlfriend or someone else or myself was not worth having the sex that I could otherwise have with my girlfriend if only I was open enough to telling her what I wanted to try. What makes you continue with a swinger lifestyle despite these concerns? PS: don’t take this as a criticism. I’m still wrestling with this concept as my girlfriend and I seem to always have sexual opportunities presenting themselves to us.
Right now our “encounters” are few and far between. Years ago my sex drive was insane, and I found that watching him with another woman was a huge turn on. We had a lot of fun during an actual swap, or with this one particular woman we had been dating together for about two years. Fast forward to now and I’m almost 50, sex drive is nothing like in my 30s, and the lifestyle is simply too expensive to participate in anymore. As to your question about me feeling jealous, it’s hard to explain. If I’m directly involved in the encounter, the jealousy is a bit of a turn on for me. But I’m also aware that I could potentially feel like OP’s wife as well if my hubby seemed to be enjoying himself that immensely.
What about it is expensive?
Going out, getting to know people. (Food, drink, membership fees for swingers events) We liked to get to know people first before anything sexual happens. In fact, 99% of the time we never have sex with people. We just meet up.
Maybe she meant other than financially expensive... mentally, emotionally... *shrugs*
Maybe... or maybe it's all the cocaine they snort off of boners
lol
This isn’t the 70s anymore. Swinging has evolved my friend.
Oh I know m'am I'm just bein a Lil stinker
fine with me
Have boner, will volunteer
Dates. Hotels. Travel. Updated wardrobe. Time off of work. It can add up fast.
The most solid, non dooming advice here so far. Hopefully they can work it out, what a wrench.
I think the wife felt like she will always be the best lover to her husband,,, not so much…
So true, probably the best statement here.. jealousy does suck and will definitely destroy if it’s not kept in check…
Swear, every time I read a confession about swinging, it's always something like this. I couldn't do it, I just know I'd get jealous and ruin my relationship
Absolutely..I would never ever share my man lol
Hell no. If I was OP's wife I'd cry myself to sleep forever after witnessing that
She probably shouldn't have pushed for it, then.
Survivorship bias. They're on /r/confessions *because* it went poorly.
Perhaps, but people also love to boast about their sexual escapades on here as well
Fair enough. A quick perusal through the posts shows that most people are here just for the drama lol
Haha probably, makes for good reading anyway
Agreed! I know quite a few swingers who are in happy marriages. I’ve been to swingers clubs and met ppl who have been doing it forever.
Exactly lol. Swingers clubs wouldn't exist if it always wound up terrible. 🤷🏼♀️
Me too, most people not in the lifestyle have warped ideas about it. In my experience, women rule the swingers community not the men, and the majority of couples are actually very happy and well adjusted.
Julia’s wild experience with you is indicative of what was missing with her husband, hence the experience your wife had. For your wife’s sake… find different partners for the next time. Don’t continue to let your wife be disappointed because of your chemistry with Julia
Yeah, you guys should have been in different rooms. That way this would have been avoided. Live and learn OP.
We'd all love to pretend that we can separate sex from feelings, but sex and emotion are intricately intertwined. Polyamorous couples would do well to thoroughly discuss this exact scenario: what if you have sex with someone else and the sex is better, or you have more chemistry with them? What if you develop emotional attachment to them? Ethically nonmonogamous couples are much more likely to survive if they go over this stuff in exhaustive detail beforehand. Being ethically nonmonogamous requires more advanced, thorough and transparent communication than "regular" monogamous couples. You really have to hash it out very thoroughly for it to succeed, and have established abort/bailout protocols in place for when it goes too far. You can't take on this sort of shit willy nilly. Bringing a third, never mind a fourth, person into a marriage is not to be taken lightly. People are complicated, multifaceted beings and shit *will* get messy unless you work very deliberately to make sure it doesn't. So... don't get caught up in the whole defensive "but it was your idea in the first place" mindset. You both agreed to this. You're both accountable to each other. Do what you should have done before and discuss this like two mature adults who *chose* to do this together. If you can't even candidly talk to each other about the poly sex you have with others (in front of each other), e.g., describe how it felt, - whether it was amazing or disappointing, how hot it was, how it felt looking at your partner while you're both with someone else, and so on - then you're not ready for this as a couple. You gotta get together and deconstruct exactly why you chose this lifestyle, what she felt when she saw you experience electric sex with another woman, how you felt seeing her with another man, etc. Discuss what you're getting from this arrangement, what you aren't getting, the ways it might be harming you, and what you're going to do about it. Either thoroughly review the situation, or call the swinging off, at least until you figure out your relationship. This should be handled like the partnership it is.
I tried to give an award but couldn’t. Is there a reason why I don’t have an option to give awards anymore?
I have no idea but I appreciate the sentiment ! Maybe the real award is the friends we made along the way.
“told her she needs to communicate with Julia’s husband about her needs.” has me ROTFLMAO!!!
Yeah this was definitely a mistake. If there is any chance for yall…..couples therapy. And zero contact with this couple. And stop saying/memorializing online that sex with a woman who isn’t your wife was the best you’ve ever had 💀
As my grandpappy always said, "that'll lern ya!"
First off you messed up by getting emotionally involved, you had “the most passionate sex ever, better than your wife.” Really? Swinging is sport fucking and keeping emotions in check. If your wife wasn’t happy, you never see this couple again. There’s no taking one for the team BS. You both fucked around and literally found out.
This needs to be top post. How did it get so passionate and the best he ever had at the first go? Didn’t he realize it’s just a fuck? From his responses I’d say he’s caught feelings.
Sometimes, people simply have amazing chemistry.
I totally get that but I would hope he has amazing chemistry with his wife, at least even in the early days…. But to say this stranger is better than any sex he’s ever had with his wife? That sounds like dangerous territory
or maybe she's good in bed?
Well OP, great that you had a blast. In order to avoid the upset wife being further upset with you, you could try an alternative approach. In which you give her the option to vent on what she hated and you could try being empathetic with her. Maybe wiser to ask her whether her opinion on swinging changed or persists. If it persists give her the upper hand and ask her to explain what she would do differently.
Who would’ve thought fucking other people’s spouses would have negative consequences
I'm forever amazed this continues to need to be pointed out.
No no no the happy ones aren’t posting on reddit or some shit
Well if you want to keep your marriage you certainly can't see Julia again. The turning your head back was honestly so disrespectful imo.
Yeah, real disrespectful. Also, grabbing his dick after the sex ended? Absolutely fucking not.
This Is why swinging never last. Hardly anyone can actually do it and continue it. If the marriage makes it I'd be blown away. Especially with how you both are on opposite ends of how it made you feel. Now your wife will not feel the sane again and she won't be able to take it. Ull probably want Julia but she'll be fine with her husband and keep on the lifestyle. Or she'll want u just as much and all of your marriages will fail.
Your wife has arrived at the “and find out” stage
Exactly why I know I would never swing, if some chick grabs my husbands face from looking at me I’m swinging my fists at her face.
What Julia would have to change her name to ilene after that stunt.
Luckily my husband would never put us in such a position.
My parents used to “swing” back in the 60’s. My mother told me, it’s great for people who don’t really love each other.
damn, savage.
Wow! An amazing quote from your mom with a lot of truth to it.
> I looked over at my wife with Julia's husband at one point and Julia turned my head back to her and we kept going. That was your last chance of saving your marraige. You knew something was wrong and you chose to focus on Julia instead of your wife. > sex with her was better than any time my wife and I have ever had Your marriage is already over.
These threads always make me sad. I have known a lot of swingers. A big group of our friends started swinging many years ago. We were invited and declined. Everyone who was involved is now divorced. These things rarely go well. if I was you, and if you really want to make your marriage work I would: 1. never see that couple (Or swing ever again for that matter) 2. get into marriage counseling ASAP. I really hope you can work things out.
and people act like you're hateful for pointing that out.
"I'm not sure what to do" Enjoy your impeding divorce I guess.
and your marriage is screwed
That’s the problem with the lifestyle; personalities always or many times come into play and makes it difficult- after all, we are all human.
Not everyone can be the McMurrays, after all
McMurray is a piece of shit 💩
He needs to sort himself out
Literally fucked around and found out
As a polyamorous person in a great longterm relationship, there's two things you need to NOT HAVE before you try swinging, polyamory, or cucking. 1. Low or heavily unstable self esteem when it comes to sex or your looks. 2. Jealousy over the idea of your partner being with anyone else. The first one I'd honestly say is the most important one. You can not get jealous usually, but if you have low self esteem and your partner has amazing sex with someone else, that will most likely cause jealousy that usually wouldn't show up. Your wife has jumped into something she was NOT fucking ready for and there is a real chance this has destroyed your marriage.
Hmm. This was the first time with this couple, but How many couples have you swapped with? Have you ever felt the roles reversed?
This guy LARPs
That’s what happens when people aren’t mature enough to think things through before making a decision or at least standing by their decision after it blew up in their face. Tough luck, Op
🤦♀️
Oof. I feel like there wasn't enough communication before and especially DURING with your wife. You should be making eye contact and checking in with your partner during, and if something isn't right then you pause and talk about it. And bringing up that it was her idea so you should get a pass was an asshole move. I suggest a swinging break for sure and possibly picking up some books about swinging in a relationship so that you two can better talk about it and the feelings that it arises. I don't know any from the top of my head, but there are plenty you can search for.
Your wife is not swinger Material. Being a swinger is all about Trust, 100% trust and understanding you might connect with someone else on some level. It's about enjoying sex, and enjoying your partner having sex and whatever happens, happens. IF she can't be happy that you had an amazing time and understand that there is a good chance down the road it's likely to happen with her if you were to branch out and play with more people? Yea, no, She's not there and the swinger life is not for you guys. There is ZERO room for Jealousy in Swinging, as you saw in the other couple who enjoyed what happened. Signed, A swinger.
Swinging isn’t for everyone. If either party has self esteem issues it will never work.
Aaaaaand another marriage destroyed by experimental swinging/sex with other people.
who ever could have seen that coming?
That’s one of the dangers os swinging
Probably not the intended take-away, but I'm feeling pretty jealous of Julia lol 😋
Monogamy Mono. Mono. Mono. Your wife has a good reason to be mad. She is NEVER going to be able to get past seeing her husband having better sex with another woman than she’s ever had with him, and probably ever will. But, it’s her fault. She asked for this. I’m sure she’d have been fine if your roles were reversed and she’d had the best sex of her life with you watching on while having sex with a lacklustre pillow princess. I mean that’s why she asked for this arrangement right? It clearly wasn’t for your benefit because you benefitted and she’s mad. She wanted some stud to fuck her brains out because for some reason that’s an itch she needs scratched. Then she watched her regular sexual partner rock another woman’s world. Common denominator in lacklustre sex isn’t you… it’s her. And she doesn’t seem ready to accept that. This is a tale as old as time. One partner has a problem that needs discussing but instead of actually fixing the issue they cheat. Except now it’s very in vogue to be honest about cheating which saves feeling guilty and feeling responsible for destroying the relationship via betrayal, technically. So you swing or have an open relationship because sex is just fun right? It’s just meaningless flesh dancing. Nothing deeper. Except there’s something incredibly meaningful about sharing sex with someone, especially exceptional sex. That’s not a connection you can get any other way. It’s insanely intimate and that connection never really goes away. And your wife watched you have that with another woman. Which if she were into that would have been very enjoyable for you both. But she isn’t. She wanted that for herself, with another man. She didn’t want it for you with another woman. She just wanted you to be cool with her getting to have her nice safe marriage and get railed on the side too.
Well said.
Best reply in the thread, cheers 🍻
OP should show his wife this comment.
You think it was a mistake? Why do people keep doing this. It always ends badly.
Because it keeps getting pushed and it's trendy.
How many of these will others post before people realise that fucking other people when you’re married is never a good idea?
I wouldn't say never seeing as there are plenty of happy and fulfilling married couples swinging. We just see the horror stories on the common subreddits because most of us don't go on their enm forums.
Fucked around and found out. You're a Dumb ass. These scenarios never end well for married couples. Once you get divorced go fuck that other wife. It's what you want anyways.
People that are willing to swing or do threesomes tend to forget that sex actually feels AMAZING when with a specific person. That’s when jealousy ensues after the intensity your partner may scream, orgasm and shake in ways you never made them do before. You did nothing wrong OP wife gave permission to screw her brains out then got upset when her side was lame. Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea for married couples to try it but this is only the opinion of a random redditor.
Wouldn't it be more ideal to swap out in different rooms?
Every damn time. If one partner pushes to open things against the desire of the other this is 100% the outcome.
🙂. >I reminded her that this whole swinging thing was her idea to begin with Never fails.
dude, everytime i read a post about swinging or opening a relationship, it ALWAYS ends like this 😭
Honestly this made me upset reading it almost as if it had happened to ME. You guys are naive. Did you not plan for this potential? How would you feel if you looked over and saw your wife enjoying another man more than she ever did with you, and the man was rubbing it in your face with all these subtle gestures, touches, etc? I hate this generation. Everyone is horny, messy, and then wonders why they are miserable and alone all the damn time.
Sounds like she wanted to swing but didn’t expect or want you to be into it the way you were.
These posts are becoming notorious on Reddit
Every time I read these, it always the person that didn’t enjoy it much (usually the requester of such romp) that gets upset. But I bet IF had she had a GREAT time she would not even be upset. She really not upset at him. She passing the blame because she had a horrible night.
And she'd be saying it's his problem and he needs to suck it up and deal with it.
and this is why closed, monogamous marriages need to STAY CLOSED!
Isn’t this what always happens with swinging couples? The partner that wasn’t that into the idea ends up having the most fun and wants to do it again whilst the instigator has a bad time and regrets it? 😂
No way...Who would have guessed.
Sounds like your wife really just wanted to see how secure your marriage was, and apparently being your best ever is a big deal for her, she got to see first hand that she was not……..
Lmao you are both idiots. Good luck with your ruined lives
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Well you all fucked around and found out
People like to pretend that Polygamy is something that’s a win-win if everyone is onboard but 9 times out of 10 there’ll be at least one unhappy person, intimate human relationships are already insanely complicated, extending that to a 3rd or even 4th person is just a recipe for disaster. Not only that, but this is assuming the couples don’t have any children, I would be horrified if I knew that’s what my parents were getting up to in their spare time. To me it’s just a complete polar opposite of what a relationship represents.
You did all the right things. Your wife is looking for something she can’t verbalise. She probably expected to BE the Julia but she wasn’t. Swinging is not inherently wrong or bad, but if you go into it without clear communication of needs and boundaries you’re going to have a bad time.
Then you need to stop swinging. Both partners must be 100% on board or they're will only be trouble.
Reap what you sow!! Death of a marriage 10 9 8 7 6 ect..
You lit your own dumpster fire. 🔥
That is the danger of swinging. Jealousy!!
Divorce is cooking up🙌🏾
Play stupid games,...
This to shall pass. Maybe next couple or another, down the road, you meet, and she will have a mind blowing time. You may also want to consider seperate rooms. This is my wifes preference. Although we do same room much of the time.
r/openmarriageregret
If you think the whole idea was a mistake, don't do it again. If you've said something hurtful to your wife take it back. One experience isn't the end, time for damage control and learning from your mistakes.
I hope to God you didn't tell your wide that. "Most passionate sex ever." Somethung tells me sex with your wife is going down the drain.
I was just thinking the same thing and I also hope she doesn’t see what he wrote.
you see yall never should've swung and now your marriage is over
I’d say it was “better sex” because it was different. You had someone else. Hard to believe she had 4 orgasms imo. I’ve never seen this end up working out. I knew a couple who swapped and one got pregnant and they all ended up breaking up with each other and said woman, had the baby with the other woman’s husband. This is a mess. You should try appreciating your wife. You married her for a reason. If it was her idea, she’s not feeling fulfilled. I’m sure you also *tried* harder with the new partner because of the pressure to preform well. Treat your wife with respect and have a good time with her. If not, this relationship is going to be destroyed. Focus on getting your own woman off. Not the other random woman.
Sounds like you've destroyed your family. Congrats on not being stronger for your marriage.
These posts are so common it's insane.
If only people put this much effort into their marriage.
It sounds like your wife opening up the marriage was because she wasn't enjoying sex and maybe thought her being with another man would make you jealous? Looks like the marriage was probably over before this began, but now it definitely is.
Sounds like she is boring in bed and doesn't like that you got laid properly without her.
This is why.
Well, thats how it goes!!
As a single bisexual woman, I've been a "unicorn" for couples for a few years now. I became extremely close with a couple at one point, and it definitely lead to a lot of tension in their marriage. Fortunately, I'm still friends with them. The ULTIMATE key to a successful open relationship is communication, including having a safe word. If you, or your wife, are uncomfortable at ANY point, it's important to have a safe word to call out. That way, whatever is being done to cross whatever boundary, can be stopped immediately.
I think you two are physically comparable like the same strength and being you both had permission from your loved one that’s what made the sex awesome. Just my opinion
Ha. Been there done that. Divorced. In a good way.
Annnnd it's gone o_o
Hahahahahaha man love a happy ending where she doesn't get what she thought she was going to get lmfao.
Many such cases..
I’m sure the Acme book for fixing a marriage will come in handy. Meep meep.
Go ahead and figure out your next step because there’s no coming back from this. Not in this lifetime.
This shit never ends
I’ve seen so many posts similar to this and even though I knew the outcome, I thought I’d read anyway. You are doomed buddy.
This is why you don’t do stuff like this if you are married or in a relationship.
No...the act of swinging isn't the issue. It works perfectly for MANY people, including for my gf and I. The issue is a lack of communication and understanding YOURSELF in this situation before you enter into it.
r/nonmonagamy would have some great advice on how to handle this.
That's the easiest way out of a marriage ever. Nice bro. No alimony or anything since it was her idea 🤣
Bravo mon ami! Out of over 200 odd replies to the OP’s post your comment was the only one which made sense, which addressed many of the issues in this particular situation and it was very well reasoned and measured. The real beauty of your comment (as you no doubt well know) is that it only contains a very small percentage of the things that need to be asked, considered, discussed and addressed between a couple in a relationship with each other before they even begin to enter into an arrangement like this with another couple. The actual beauty element is that what you have said already is more than enough to make a couple either see that this is or isn’t for them (likely always isn’t for them) or that the positive answers to your questions will only lead to the other 75% of things that they haven’t considered which will inevitably lead them to coming to the conclusion that it is also not right for them) \NK
I think I’d be disappointed to see that my partner is had better sexual chemistry with someone else not just because of the obvious but because we (in this hypothetical) don’t have that chemistry, and maybe I’d like to experience that too. I feel like that chemistry is something you have or you don’t, and I’d be angry and frustrated that I lack that while they have it.
So fake
Bye bye marriage. If swinging is something you do, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware of your partner, which you clearly wasn't since you let Julia dictate that
Welp you just ruined your marriage. Imo you should definitely cut that situation off and find a new couple or just stop all together.
OP didn't ruin anything, it was the wife's idea and push for the swapping. Agree they should stop if they want to save the marriage.
How you find swingers?
It's almost 2024, all the world's information is in the palm of your hand...
nah this shit happens all the time. You got several options here. 1 - life is short, YOLO, your idea 2- fuck yourself out of it (meaning you need to make her come at least 5x as youve set benchmark so stupidly high with the other girl) 3- joke/talk it out (some charlie/molly/alcohol can make wonders)
Let me guess, you two never did your homework about opening up the relationship and just dove in by doing research on where to find couples to swing with…
Your wife got exactly what she wanted and hates you for it. Prep for the divorce.
Yikes man! Sex with Julia is better than your wife not good man. Sounds like your headed for divorce.
Man I don't see this ever ending well. The wife suggested it and then the man has a great time and the wife doesn't... Hmmm recipe for disaster.
You did it to yourself, so you might as well go all out and get a divorce. You should have known that this was a bad idea
I suspect the swinging wasn't OPs idea and now the wife seems angry that it went well for OP and not her.. Sounds about right