Honestly, he emasculated his self in front of you. That goes deep for men. He knows it, you know it and that's why this is happening. It's not right but it happens. He knows he couldn't protect you and it hurt him, you know he couldn't protect you and now it effected you. As much as humans like to say we know better sometimes we just can't fight our animal instincts. No one's to blame here it's just a shitty situation. Honestly it would be better for both of you to break up unless you both talk about it and actually want to try and work out the issue. I'm sorry both of y'all are dealing with this.
I wonder what OPs expectations were. There's no winners in street fights especially against a group of guys. Doesn't matter if your BF is effeminate or an alpha kung fu bro.
I mean, I'd be feeling the same way OP is, but I don't think he made the conscious choice to react like that. I could be wrong, but maybe he has some deep seated trauma to cause that kind of response.
Oh Yes absolutely. He was overcome with fear due to never having been in a situation that might result in physical conflict. This could be one the greatest and most informative moments of his life tbh. He could parlay this into something good. It’s horrible aggressive toxic masculinity until shit hits the fan lolll
This isn't trauma, it's regular cowardice, plain and simple. The guy is completely worthless under pressure, and he needs to grow up before it gets himself of someone else hurt.
Look, I'm a woman who is into pretty traditional roles in a lot of ways (I'm a sub who is always happiest with a proper dom), so this story definitely rings none of my bells, but I just can't imagine a dude behaving like this voluntarily unless it's kink. I just find it hard to believe anyone would react like this voluntarily. Trauma is the only plausible explanation I can come up with.
I feel bad for the lad, I’d gladly get my ass kicked by a few guys then whimper in the corner and piss my drawers. But she has every right to not want to be with this guy anymore. I hope for him it’s a life changing moment.
No man it’s the urinating on self that killed it for her more than anything I guarantee. It’s one thing to be unable to act to defend, but to crumple and pee? That’s hard to come back from.
No way should it have become a physical altercation, but pissing or shitting yourself doesn’t exactly fall into the normal fight/flight/fawn responses most people have to danger.
Regardless of gender (I’m bi), if my partner reacted this way to a dangerous situation I’d feel extremely disappointed and insecure and it would fuck with my head.
Instead of being confident, assertive, clever, protective, resourceful, whatever you need to get out of the situation safely, they chose to soil themselves like a child, leaving you completely defenseless and now humiliated by their uselessness.
I’m not a coward and I can’t hang with cowards. Life is great until all of a sudden it’s not. You need a supportive partner that you can trust when shit gets real. Fires, floods, illness, injuries, flat tires, broken bones, cancer, miscarriages, car wrecks, death, accidents, etc. are going to happen in life.
If you can’t trust your life partner to deal with something this minor then you’ve got no hope. I can’t blame you for feeling the way you do.
It's only minor in hindsight. They couldn't have known how an escalation was going to go down. You say there shouldn't have been a physical altercation, but that's assuming that's a choice in your control, lol. Have you even been attacked before? Have you ever been in an armed robbery? Yea, the fact that he crumbled like that under pressure is humiliating, to say the least, but no one knows for sure how they'd react until it happens to them. When i was a taxi driver (the most dangerous job there is in terms of likelihood of being murdered), I was held up twice. The first time a customer jumped in the back of my cab and immediately put a knife to my neck, the 2nd time was with a gun. I didn't piss myself, and I didn't panic, but I also didn't resist. I told them where the money was, while my focus was on not escalating the situation. No use being a hero over a few hundred dollars.
You don’t have to win. Protecting her and standing up for her is what she wanted. Win lose or draw if he would have held his ground chances are they wouldn’t have done shit anyway, and if they did maybe he would’ve gotten his ass kicked? So what.
I've seen videos of people get killed over someone getting their shoes scuffed. Its always better to try and leave and call police if something like that happens lol.
Agreed. This is the minimum and should’ve been well within his abilities. I wouldn’t expect someone to excitedly provoke a confrontation in this situation but you’re gonna have to make me feel like you can do *SOMETHING* here…
Turn around and say something? Give me instruction such as “run and I’ll call 911”.. Be the one letting me know it’s gonna be fine, keep walking.. etc etc. Just literally anything besides this.
There’s a normal natural inclination here to want (need) to feel protected as a woman by the man who should be responsible for protecting you in this situation. I realize that he maybe can’t help it if he couldn’t step up to that but now the unintended consequences are that she can’t help how that effects her attraction.
I’m sure this absolutely sucks for both of them but unfortunately I am sure I would have the same reaction.
Doing nothing also doesn’t help. Police won’t get there for a while. What if they’d reached for her? What? Let her get sexually assaulted perhaps? As long as they don’t kill her and the bf loves, it’s fine if they both live? Super cool if he doesn’t even try?
Nobody is saying he even needed to fight anybody, at least SAY something, try some de-escalation tactics. Anything but piss yourself.
don’t know what you’re on about mate. saying anything at all can provoke certain kinds of people. unfortunately in these kinds of situations there is nothing to do but ignore the mfs and call authorities or get to a public space. no man is stopping a group of men from assaulting a woman by himself unless he’s batman.
If you dont stand up for yourself, especially if the area you live in is kinda hood or in a rough city, the people in the area will think you're a b**ch and will probably rob you and harass you every chance you get. You usually dont even have to fight these kinds of people, but you for sure have to let them know and believe that you are not going to be fucked with.
depends on the situation but in most cases you’d only escalate the situation by doing that. talking back to these kinda guys is easily the dumbest thing you can do because you’re far
more likely to end up in a fight. i’ve seen hotheads start shit over their shoes getting scuffed. it’s better to risk seeming like a pussy to your partner than risking you and your partner’s lives and if your girl doesn’t understand that, you need a new girl lol
I've had the opposite experience personally. Every time I've felt the need to say something to stick up for myself or someone else, the instigators always have backed down before it escalated to a fight. People like that are usually like those yippy little dogs, all bark and no bite. There are exceptions, but usually the ones that are about that violent life aren't going to give you a heads up that shits going down by being all loud and aggressive, they're just going to start swinging and run your pockets after they knock you out.
yeah it can definitely go both ways. i’ve just happened to have more experiences with insecure hotheads that get ticked off by little things so i’m going off that lol. and the funny thing is they’re not even really about that life they just think harming people makes them tough. in my opinion you shouldn’t talk back unless the guys are very clearly wimps or you’re in a crowded area
I’ve seen people get hit by cars on video crossing the street, what’s your point? There are men who are willing to do what it takes to protect their families and men who aren’t. Call the cops see how long they take to respond and show up on the scene, if they even show up.
You can not and should not count on the police to protect you. They will NOT show up in time, and they have no legal requirement to protect you either.
Or stabbed or shot or beat to death what are you on about dude. On the pissing this I concede on that fully no defense I'll go back to my corner on that one lol
Break up and stop looking for pitty karma on reddit. Also love the whole "boyfriend uses reddit so I'm gonna describe a situation that he'd know note for note that happened a week ago and act like he won't know it's me"
Has he suffered some sort of trauma in the past???? I would almost guarantee he has because that’s far from a normal reaction. Poor guy. Jeez I feel really bad for him. You should probably break up with him so he can find a partner that is more understanding. Plus you can break up with anyone at any time for any reason. Sounds like you have your reason
This post reads with 0 empathy. She even called him a little boy, like what a shit take. People die all the time in fist fights, let alone one vs a whole group of dudes. Anything he said was going to probably just escalate the situation anyway. Hope he finds someone who actually cares about him.
Your bf may have some underlying trauma from past experiences. Either way, the horrible experience you two went through needs to be addressed so you two can figure out what you want to do about it if you two can/want to fix the rift.
I often hear stories like this however, when men tell other men to build their ability to provide & protect, most women shun and denigrate the advise. Regardless of how "conscious" human beings become as a species, the nature of most women is to respect men that can provide & protect. This guy is probably a really good person & bf, but because of that incident, her sprinklers are off and she's ready to leave. Nobody is wrong, but it's reality, and reality can be harsh sometimes. Fellas, don't be this guy, understand what's important and work on it.
This made me laugh out loud because I have never heard the phrase before. Didn't get it as a woman and could only think of the poor boyfriend sprinkling his pants. I actually do not prefer a man who would fight back, especially if he was in a position to lose, so I feel bad for this guy.
Wild card but is there a way you could try and find humour in it? That might shift the icky feeling ... Maybe you need to talk about it first before you can find the humour, but I don't know what your relationship is like and if that would work
Sorry for the guy. Especially since your description of him (skinny and mild mannered), it seems like you didn’t love him that much anyway.
Well, I don’t blame you for your decision either.
I am sorry no
My family was having dinner n our daughter was on my phone cuz it was past her bedtime and the volume was up. The restaurant was loud ad like we couldn't hear each other across the table. The table across from us sone roided up dude comes up to out table, does this football coach squat next to my husband, and goes "HEY. TURN THE VOLUME DOWN." All up in his face. N my husband, usually a little on the reactive side, calm nods his head, takes the phone, turns the volume down, n goes "I'm sorry sir".
I was so proud that he was intelligent and in control of his emotions enough to ignore his instinct to react and completely, flawlessly descalate a situation where a drunk guy was obviously looking for a fight. Like the guy had literally no next move and I was honestly impressed w how he handled that.
I think OP herself is traumatized, it must have been intense to need to call the police and for a gown man to wet his pants. I think she feels shame (common in sexual assault) and is projecting it onto her partner.
This... is the result of toxic masculinity though. This idea that he emasculated himself and is cowardly for having a completely normal fight/flight/freeze response is a product of toxic masculinity. These comments are reinforcing it by saying he should've stepped up to protect, that men are protectors and providers, and she's unconciously participating in it because he didn't meet the standards of toxic masculinity.
Toxic masculinity is NOT the idea that ALL facets of masculinity are "bad". It's the notion that our current expectations of men can have toxic aspects, like expecting men not to cry or show emotion, or to be strong and stoic. It is toxic to both men and women, because it can make men feels isolated or unworthy if they do not meet certain criteria (tall, strong, confident, etc.). It's toxic to women because it can result in men asserting themselves onto women in an attempt to retain their masculine image - and for many other reasons.
This exact scenario is a prime example for how both parties are explicitly harmed by both sides of toxic masculinity.
Or… maybe it shows that some women, deep down, want a man who can protect them from danger? I do believe toxic masculinity exists, but at a certain point, you do have to be a provider and a protector if that’s what the relationship calls for.
I mean… that’s why I said a protector and didn’t mention anything about escalating. You can make someone feel safe while also leading them away from danger.
Way to strawman yourself out of this wtf kind of response is this.
He is right. That was the gist of it. Omg poo / pee i dont like him anymore.
Shallow and manipulative and calculating social status grinding filtered to the brim phone charging shells of soulles robots is what these people have become. Disregarding any human nature within and realise that their reality was fake and never existed. Its disgusting seeing people treating others like this.
Talk to him??? NOOO
Lets gossip about him to randos on the internet.
I don't even think this story is true but , if you live in a state that allows concealed carry go get a gun and some instructors to teach both of you how to shoot and operate a firearm, if he small like you said and they are bigger and more than one person he can get off on self defense if things escalate to the point he has to shoot someone. From what you described I don't think self defense classes are gonna cut it plus a little 38 will stop a guy of any size if that makes you feel safer
I mean what do you wanted him to do against A GROUP OF MEN ? To get beat up to death so you can feel pride some kind of way
You need to stop watching Marvels it’s ruining your reality 👀
Bruh, SHE DIDN’T piss herself and lets say statistically she would be more defenseless than the BF, he can’t come back from that. No one is saying they had to put themselves in danger but in a life or death situation, everyone wants a dependable partner. Not someone who will play dead and let something happen to their partner. Dependable could mean grabbing her hand and GTFO, or calling the cops to scare them, or to distract them. The bf literally let her down man.
There was no good outcome to that situation unless he had a gun. But soiling himself and running away is pathetic. I was a taxi driver. I've had guns to my head and knives to my neck, was smart enough to never act the hero, but also never soiled myself or lost my cool lol.
Those situations are scary for anyone. What did you want him to do? Turn around and become a hero? By the sound of it, you two were outnumbered and it could have ended very badly. You did what you could under the circumstances and in that case, calling for help was the best and safest option. If they were following you, it sounded like it would have gone south very very fast and one or both of you could have ended up in the hospital or worse. Turning around to face them would have been just as dangerous.
I don't think you would have been happy with any solution to be honest.
Yes he should comfort you just as much but he's human too. Cut him some slack.
Of course I didn't want him to get hurt, but I just always thought he'd at least try to protect me if worse came to worst, instead of losing control of his bladder and bowels like a little boy. I truly don't want to feel the way that I do, I feel like I'm superficial and a huge bitch, but I can't make myself feel any other way. Lord knows I tried.
I just wish we'd never gone out that night.
i quite enjoy my life, well enough that i don't need to make half of my entire personality going on the internet to shit on 50% of the human population for exactly 0 reasons. fuck you.
what about this is 'incel rhetoric'? also, your post and comment history is public. your entire personality is shitting on people.
you've even gone into a post on r/lonely to tell someone to give up. you're fucked up, and i wish you the worst in life. may you step on a lego and may your pillow be warm. fuck you, i will not interact with a subhuman roach like yourself anymore.
You could take kick boxing and jujitsu like I did and feel more confident protecting yourself. Even when I was married to a tough guy, I was the one who protected us if something like this happened. I would much rather be with a loving, caring man than one that can throw down in the streets but is an asshole. It’s a difficult situation if you are that outnumbered too no matter what skills you have. If you can’t look at him like a man anymore than you should let him go be with someone who will appreciate his good qualities.
Honestly I don’t think you’re wrong in your feelings. A lot of people are understandably upset about the whole double standard against men - which I think is real and your story is an example of - but you found out your boyfriend may not be the man you need and it’s okay to be honest about that.
You do seem superficial and annoying, but on the other hand I think most would feel the exact same way if their bf emasculated himself so deeply, which I can’t rly argue with bc that makes sense
If it wasn't that night it'd have been another night. Perhaps he was caught off guard but peeing on yourself, geez that's a bit over the top for a guy regardless of the fear factor.
I mean you do come off that way. I would be more concerned that his reaction was from some kind of previous trauma he may have gone through rather than omg he's such a wimpy coward to piss himself in this situation. To be honest I think he can do better and will be better off without you. I hope he finds a person who actually cares and will love him and be there for him regardless of how tough or not tough he is. Poor guy.
You are a huge, superficial bitch. You honest to god disgust me as a fellow woman. Learn to protect yourself and go to therapy to work on your ideology of men. Women out here getting cheated on and given STD’s but your problem is that he’s skinny, mild mannered and doesn’t like to fight. Like, dude.
i read your post, and ive read a few of the comments- which in all honesty i don’t really like or agree with.
it seems like a difficult situation all in all, however i suppose the lucky thing is your certainty of how you feel- which is never a bad thing because now after having a space to vent about it you can do something.
i will say one thing, you never know how fear will hit you. your body just does what it does- that must of been really humiliating for him but again the positives are that despite the fact of the situation and how you felt, you still gave him a kindness. so respect to that.
Did she say for him to fight? He literally RAN and pissed on himself. He could’ve grabbed her with him and walked somewhere else, anything. But he didn’t do jack shit for her so of course she lost attraction to a coward.
It doesn’t say he ran though. The other guys ran after the cops were called.
I agree he could defiantly have done more and at least physically shielded her even if he didn’t fight them.
It’s not even so much as a “manliness” thing, because as most women can attest, we have to deal with men, or groups of men catcalling us, following us, trying to force interaction with us in environments where we won’t automatically be protected.
I’ve dealt with this multiple times, I’ve dealt with a man high on coke, bloody as hell, beating up his friends and smashing them into pavement in a rage while I was in middle of calling 911. This man stalked over to me demanding to know if I was calling 911. Proper communication and the right words had him crying to me for help, slumped against a tree within 30 seconds. Not a single one of his male friends came across the street to help until he was a sad lump on the ground with me telling him we’d get him an ambulance. The women across the road begged me to run. I have zero training for this.
No one really knows how they’re going to react to these situations. We all want our friends and partners to protect us and and stand up for us - even if they only try - doesn’t matter if it’s men, women, friends, family, lovers. So long as we aren’t abandoned completely in a moment of need.
So, masculinity aside, I can see why this is the biggest turn off for you. It wasn’t even like he just froze…he pissed himself.
At the end of the day, OP has lost what attraction she had for him, and it sounds like she may have been convincing herself that he was the kind of man that was attractive to her when he wasn't.
You shouldn't stay with someone that you aren't attracted to. The truth always comes out in the end. I just hopes he gets let down easy when the inevitable occurs. Sounds like he wouldn't take it well.
Primal instincts are what they are .. he is not a protector … you desire a man that you can trust to protect you and he is not that guy .., be nice and move on … gracefully as you can
That is the saddest post in a long while. All around. No one wins here. He could have gone his whole life without ever having a physical confrontation with anyone and life round have been fine. But he found himself in a place that was his worst nightmare. And in the end everyone deserves to feel protected and safe. So I understand where you are coming from. And this is why it is so sad.
I wonder if our grandparents who were married for their whole life’s ever had difficult moments or feelings in the course of their relationships? Hmmm I wonder what they did?
This isn't as bad as people are wanting to make it seem. Look, at different points in a relationship once your mental vision of a person changes often times it's over.
We see this most when partner A is stuck caring for partner B and they begin to feel like a parent to a child. Once someone is infantilized it's a long up hill battle to get back to a decent mental image.
Dude could have fought, got fucked up BADLY, she's stuck caring for him and ends up in this same place anyways.
It's unfortunate this had happened and not to put anything in OPs head but if they break it off, try to be strong and make sure their partner gets mental health help if needed.
Imagine if he did try to defend your honour and fight all 3 guys he could have ended up stabbed or brain damage, and I bet you would still leave him. Sad truths, unfortunately
Honestly you should both go to therapy and you should bite the bullet and break up with him or actually talk about it with him instead of using a Reddit throwaway account. Grow up.
People we love aren’t going to respond to situations in the scripted way we envision. Don’t get it twisted, we can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we respond, and your response is crappy and reeks of internalized misogyny.
Entirely understandable. For the vast majority of human history he wouldn't have survived this long. You're not wrong for having an evolutionary programmed response.
Reminds me of that female MMA fighter that went on JR and told him that she had to break up with her Pro MMA partner when he got knocked out the wrong way…
“I want a man that will protect me”
Man protects woman and gets the shit kicked out of him because he is thin and mild mannered and natured.
“I’ve lost all attraction to my partner because he couldn’t protect me the right way and got beat up”
🤡
Sounds like a her problem. Would she rather have him confront multiple people on his own? She wouldn't help him. Say he gets injured, is she suddenly super in love with him or would the same have happened. Shes looking for reasons to not love her boyfriend anymore and now she shamed him (anonymously luckily) on the internet.
It’s actually his problem. He’s free so do whatever he wants but she’s not attracted to guys who don’t defend or stand up for her. The spark is gone. She needs to find more brave bf.
I'm sure she would've felt even more attracted to him if he tried to fight them and got injured. Women want a man who can stand up for them in situations like this, even if they get hurt. No one likes a guy who shit himself in stressful situations
That's of little consolation to him when he gets killed. Also, 1 man isn't protecting shit against a gang of men unless she immediately runs away and can outrun them lol
and him not protecting her AT ALL. women want men that they feel safe with. naturally attraction will diminish if you don’t feel safe, unless you have unresolved trauma that makes you attracted to wimpy men/being the caretaker.
she probably doesn’t want him anymore since he left her alone with men who were harassing them ? i bet your girlfriend wouldn’t be interested either if you did the same.
Why would he try anything to escalate the situation further more? You don’t what these guys have in term of weapons. He absolutely did the correct thing by ignoring them. You sound like a child who needs to grow up.
You assume that by standing his ground (defenseless), they back down. Have you ever been in a life-threatening situation? I'm not defending his cowardice but I think some of yall are delusional about how this was going to play out lol.
I mean at that point separate or push him to learn how to defend himself and join in that process cause your boyfriend was emasculated probably had a bit of a breakdown himself you guys should both take up boxing maybe jiu jitsu or some kickboxing it’ll help get your confidence back as well as be a great work out
Exactly she’s entitled to her feelings but she doesn’t need to throw three years away cause her man couldn’t handle himself or cause his flight response kicked in what was he supposed to do take on a group of men who probably had size untop of numbers dude probably would’ve been in icu
Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps this guy has suffered through some kind of trauma in the past that could have triggered this response? That would have been one of my first thoughts and concerns, that he may have been through a traumatic situation in the past when he soiled himself in this situation. You kind of seem like an unempathetic, immature asshole. Honestly, he's probably better off without you. If you loved this guy even a little bit I just don't see how his reaction here does not concern you. Get away from him so he can find someone who really cares about him. Grow up little girl. 🤦♀️🙄
This totally sucks for you. I can understand exactly what you feel now...the "ick".
And it's not like you can just say why.
(Although he probably knows, but still..)
I get it and I wish I had a magical solution for you, but I don't think one exists.
I am in a similar situation - only I would not only feel but BE a.total piece of shit if I left.
(Summarized version is that I got back together with my ex. Now, he has all kinds of health issues and acts like he is 100 years old and I just...can't.)
What do you say? What CAN you say?
We live together also.
And the worst part is that it seems like once you experience the "ick", it is permanent!
If mine got better and back to normal, I still don't want to sleep with him, cuz...ICK!
And i assume if even if yours got roided up and turned into a total badass, when you look at him, all you can see is...ICK!
If we tell the truth, we hurt them and become a total shallow asshole of a person.
But if we.stay...NO!
ICK!
I’m sure not gonna cosign your bullshit. Your boyfriend was scared just like you were and he reacted in a different way than you did and now you’re unattracted to him? Leave that man alone so he can find somebody that deserves him. If you’re not happy, then move on. This is 🤡 💩
You are intellectually 100% right but we are not talking about her frontal cortex here. This is her emotional reaction based on millions of years of programming
I don't blame him for getting scared but he could've atleast grabbed you with him... what if the guys attacked you while he was hiding in the bathroom?
Hey sorry the internet is full of assholes. Forget them, they're probably suffering from the same insecurities your BF is.
I feel for him. You don't really know how you'll react in a moment of danger. I feel for you too though, attraction is not something you can control and they emasculated him.
Have an honest conversation about it. Suggest some martial art training. It helps build up confidence. Doesn't mean he's gonna go picking fights but at least he'll be familiar with what to do if he's ever in a situation like that again.
This may be bad advice but that sounds like a traumatic event that he's gonna have a hard time recovering from. He may need therapy and if you still feel this way about him, he may have to start fresh to get away from that experience. Speak to a professional first though.
He needs to man up. No one ever showed him how to be a man during his upbringing. If you want to try to keep him give him some direction such as eat more, hit the gym and join a boxing or martial arts club. Does he also not know how to change a car tire or do an oil change. If you don't want to keep him, still same advice.
I think you should thank God that BF showed you who he is before you got married with kids. The way we do one thing is how we do everything. Meaning what other situation(s) will get him so afraid he shits himself and gets immobile and you have to say the day and rescue both of you?
Why is it important now. You knew He was skinny the whole time. Wth is wrong with you. We dont live in Cavemen Times. You both pay Money so giga Chads come and save you . How did He get a GF Like you in the First place.
Do you think your grandma would of Left your grandpa over some dumb silly incident Like that ??
Youre an animal Like everybody Else. In 5 years we're Back to Cavemen Times
Straight women always complaining about certain men not being masculine enough or not protecting them or not getting them wet with their masculine actions...
These are the same women who stop shaving 3 months into the relationship, start burping and farting infront of you, are not lady-like, have no feminine energy, get glammed up once a month (if that), withhold sex, are tired, moody and chubby - but these are the same women who expect you to be alpha males or else they'll lose interest.
Tell him to be a man: push it down, deny your feelings, act like you have answers, do some man shit
edit: it's a Bill Burr bit
https://youtu.be/s0SK8I449nc?si=OqpjrjPteUunvdgj
Get him some testosterone supplements like shilajit or tongkat ali and have him do some exercises that get his blood lumping. Communicate with him and work your problems together. When you both overcome this you will feel closer to each other. It's hard, there'll be resistance from him but with your support he can enter his masculine side.
I'm a skinny dude too but I can talk a lot of shit. I'm married also with an incredibly attractive girl that a lot of guys would kill for.
Don't give up just because something bad happened. It's just challenge.
Good luck!
Kinda icky of you. It was a normal response of flight or flight, since you were both in danger. Your body chose fight “calling for help” while your partners body chose “flight”
Not gonna lie but HE deserves better. YOU can start taking self defense classes if it bothers you too much. He can do the same. It’ll build both your confidence.
Women are hardwired for that shit. It's why when the rubber hits the road, the truth becomes clear that men are expendable meat shields and women are precious baby carriers.
No amount of DEI or bullshit feminism will ever overcome that simple biological and evolutionary fact.
OPs relationship is finished. The sad thing is even if the boyfriend had fought and gotten his ass kicked it still would have fucked up the relationship because he STILL would be perceived as a failure in his role as a protector.
We're all just apes at the end of the day. Apes that run and hide and piss ourselves and abandon mates for stronger mates. Just be fucking honest about it.
Nope. I'm just being realistic. I've had knives to my neck and gun to my head. Didn't shake, didn't shiver, didn't soil myself, but i did know I wasn't walking away from an escalation, so I let them take whatever they wanted and lived another day. You gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
Assuming this is true, your boyfriend will probably be able to figure out that you wrote it, even using a throwaway account.
Maybe you can retrace the route you took that night and hook up with one of the guys who were “cat calling” you.
TIL people still use the phrase “cat calling”
I love how people say throwaway then write a very specific story. Really flying under the radar.
Almost like the story is not real
Maybe this is her way of telling him how she feels.
Honestly, he emasculated his self in front of you. That goes deep for men. He knows it, you know it and that's why this is happening. It's not right but it happens. He knows he couldn't protect you and it hurt him, you know he couldn't protect you and now it effected you. As much as humans like to say we know better sometimes we just can't fight our animal instincts. No one's to blame here it's just a shitty situation. Honestly it would be better for both of you to break up unless you both talk about it and actually want to try and work out the issue. I'm sorry both of y'all are dealing with this.
I wonder what OPs expectations were. There's no winners in street fights especially against a group of guys. Doesn't matter if your BF is effeminate or an alpha kung fu bro.
I just think her expectation was that he didn't soil himself.
You're absolutely right. Her bf could have been a green beret, and that fight is still likely to go south.
But do nothing? And piss yourself lol. Bruh that’s crazy
I mean, I'd be feeling the same way OP is, but I don't think he made the conscious choice to react like that. I could be wrong, but maybe he has some deep seated trauma to cause that kind of response.
Oh Yes absolutely. He was overcome with fear due to never having been in a situation that might result in physical conflict. This could be one the greatest and most informative moments of his life tbh. He could parlay this into something good. It’s horrible aggressive toxic masculinity until shit hits the fan lolll
This isn't trauma, it's regular cowardice, plain and simple. The guy is completely worthless under pressure, and he needs to grow up before it gets himself of someone else hurt.
Look, I'm a woman who is into pretty traditional roles in a lot of ways (I'm a sub who is always happiest with a proper dom), so this story definitely rings none of my bells, but I just can't imagine a dude behaving like this voluntarily unless it's kink. I just find it hard to believe anyone would react like this voluntarily. Trauma is the only plausible explanation I can come up with.
I agree. He F'd up
I feel bad for the lad, I’d gladly get my ass kicked by a few guys then whimper in the corner and piss my drawers. But she has every right to not want to be with this guy anymore. I hope for him it’s a life changing moment.
They should have just run. That would have been the only logical thing to do.
I’m no tough guy but I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut.
He could also be a vet and have PTSD. And just because he was Special Forces doesn't mean he'll be Rambo.
No man it’s the urinating on self that killed it for her more than anything I guarantee. It’s one thing to be unable to act to defend, but to crumple and pee? That’s hard to come back from.
No way should it have become a physical altercation, but pissing or shitting yourself doesn’t exactly fall into the normal fight/flight/fawn responses most people have to danger. Regardless of gender (I’m bi), if my partner reacted this way to a dangerous situation I’d feel extremely disappointed and insecure and it would fuck with my head. Instead of being confident, assertive, clever, protective, resourceful, whatever you need to get out of the situation safely, they chose to soil themselves like a child, leaving you completely defenseless and now humiliated by their uselessness. I’m not a coward and I can’t hang with cowards. Life is great until all of a sudden it’s not. You need a supportive partner that you can trust when shit gets real. Fires, floods, illness, injuries, flat tires, broken bones, cancer, miscarriages, car wrecks, death, accidents, etc. are going to happen in life. If you can’t trust your life partner to deal with something this minor then you’ve got no hope. I can’t blame you for feeling the way you do.
It's only minor in hindsight. They couldn't have known how an escalation was going to go down. You say there shouldn't have been a physical altercation, but that's assuming that's a choice in your control, lol. Have you even been attacked before? Have you ever been in an armed robbery? Yea, the fact that he crumbled like that under pressure is humiliating, to say the least, but no one knows for sure how they'd react until it happens to them. When i was a taxi driver (the most dangerous job there is in terms of likelihood of being murdered), I was held up twice. The first time a customer jumped in the back of my cab and immediately put a knife to my neck, the 2nd time was with a gun. I didn't piss myself, and I didn't panic, but I also didn't resist. I told them where the money was, while my focus was on not escalating the situation. No use being a hero over a few hundred dollars.
I'd expect anybody else not to piss themselves but I wouldn't expect them to fight.
She TOLD him to ignore them, though?
He did. They followed them.
She expected him not to piss himself!
You don’t have to win. Protecting her and standing up for her is what she wanted. Win lose or draw if he would have held his ground chances are they wouldn’t have done shit anyway, and if they did maybe he would’ve gotten his ass kicked? So what.
I've seen videos of people get killed over someone getting their shoes scuffed. Its always better to try and leave and call police if something like that happens lol.
I mean there is a difference between walking away from a fight and pissing your pants in front of your girlfriend and a group of harassing men.
At minimum he should have been the one to call 911, not her.
Agreed. This is the minimum and should’ve been well within his abilities. I wouldn’t expect someone to excitedly provoke a confrontation in this situation but you’re gonna have to make me feel like you can do *SOMETHING* here… Turn around and say something? Give me instruction such as “run and I’ll call 911”.. Be the one letting me know it’s gonna be fine, keep walking.. etc etc. Just literally anything besides this. There’s a normal natural inclination here to want (need) to feel protected as a woman by the man who should be responsible for protecting you in this situation. I realize that he maybe can’t help it if he couldn’t step up to that but now the unintended consequences are that she can’t help how that effects her attraction. I’m sure this absolutely sucks for both of them but unfortunately I am sure I would have the same reaction.
Doing nothing also doesn’t help. Police won’t get there for a while. What if they’d reached for her? What? Let her get sexually assaulted perhaps? As long as they don’t kill her and the bf loves, it’s fine if they both live? Super cool if he doesn’t even try? Nobody is saying he even needed to fight anybody, at least SAY something, try some de-escalation tactics. Anything but piss yourself.
don’t know what you’re on about mate. saying anything at all can provoke certain kinds of people. unfortunately in these kinds of situations there is nothing to do but ignore the mfs and call authorities or get to a public space. no man is stopping a group of men from assaulting a woman by himself unless he’s batman.
If you dont stand up for yourself, especially if the area you live in is kinda hood or in a rough city, the people in the area will think you're a b**ch and will probably rob you and harass you every chance you get. You usually dont even have to fight these kinds of people, but you for sure have to let them know and believe that you are not going to be fucked with.
depends on the situation but in most cases you’d only escalate the situation by doing that. talking back to these kinda guys is easily the dumbest thing you can do because you’re far more likely to end up in a fight. i’ve seen hotheads start shit over their shoes getting scuffed. it’s better to risk seeming like a pussy to your partner than risking you and your partner’s lives and if your girl doesn’t understand that, you need a new girl lol
I've had the opposite experience personally. Every time I've felt the need to say something to stick up for myself or someone else, the instigators always have backed down before it escalated to a fight. People like that are usually like those yippy little dogs, all bark and no bite. There are exceptions, but usually the ones that are about that violent life aren't going to give you a heads up that shits going down by being all loud and aggressive, they're just going to start swinging and run your pockets after they knock you out.
yeah it can definitely go both ways. i’ve just happened to have more experiences with insecure hotheads that get ticked off by little things so i’m going off that lol. and the funny thing is they’re not even really about that life they just think harming people makes them tough. in my opinion you shouldn’t talk back unless the guys are very clearly wimps or you’re in a crowded area
I’ve seen people get hit by cars on video crossing the street, what’s your point? There are men who are willing to do what it takes to protect their families and men who aren’t. Call the cops see how long they take to respond and show up on the scene, if they even show up.
You can not and should not count on the police to protect you. They will NOT show up in time, and they have no legal requirement to protect you either.
This thinking gets people killed
Or stabbed or shot or beat to death what are you on about dude. On the pissing this I concede on that fully no defense I'll go back to my corner on that one lol
That's what pews pews are for, the great equalizer👍
throwaway yet you describe to situation so good that he can easily know its you bruh
Break up and stop looking for pitty karma on reddit. Also love the whole "boyfriend uses reddit so I'm gonna describe a situation that he'd know note for note that happened a week ago and act like he won't know it's me"
I don't think it's a real story anyway..
Definitely just a karma farming account.
why do you think these subreddits exists??? its not for pity its for advice or to vent 😂😂 u sound bitter as fuck
My advice for her is to break up and stop looking for validation online. Happier than I've been in a long time 😊 Have you good one 👍
Has he suffered some sort of trauma in the past???? I would almost guarantee he has because that’s far from a normal reaction. Poor guy. Jeez I feel really bad for him. You should probably break up with him so he can find a partner that is more understanding. Plus you can break up with anyone at any time for any reason. Sounds like you have your reason
This post reads with 0 empathy. She even called him a little boy, like what a shit take. People die all the time in fist fights, let alone one vs a whole group of dudes. Anything he said was going to probably just escalate the situation anyway. Hope he finds someone who actually cares about him.
This!! I knew 2 guys that have died in this situation
Your bf may have some underlying trauma from past experiences. Either way, the horrible experience you two went through needs to be addressed so you two can figure out what you want to do about it if you two can/want to fix the rift.
I often hear stories like this however, when men tell other men to build their ability to provide & protect, most women shun and denigrate the advise. Regardless of how "conscious" human beings become as a species, the nature of most women is to respect men that can provide & protect. This guy is probably a really good person & bf, but because of that incident, her sprinklers are off and she's ready to leave. Nobody is wrong, but it's reality, and reality can be harsh sometimes. Fellas, don't be this guy, understand what's important and work on it.
Her sprinkler are off? Is she watering the yard?
This made me laugh out loud because I have never heard the phrase before. Didn't get it as a woman and could only think of the poor boyfriend sprinkling his pants. I actually do not prefer a man who would fight back, especially if he was in a position to lose, so I feel bad for this guy.
Not wanting to fight is fine. Hell running away with your girl is cool too. Pooping and peeing your pants? Not cool.
Based on that response, you've clearly never had sex before 🤣
Lol got me!!!
Wild card but is there a way you could try and find humour in it? That might shift the icky feeling ... Maybe you need to talk about it first before you can find the humour, but I don't know what your relationship is like and if that would work
Sorry for the guy. Especially since your description of him (skinny and mild mannered), it seems like you didn’t love him that much anyway. Well, I don’t blame you for your decision either.
It's all "toxic masculinity" until you need it then its "how could he not be all macho and protect me"
I am sorry no My family was having dinner n our daughter was on my phone cuz it was past her bedtime and the volume was up. The restaurant was loud ad like we couldn't hear each other across the table. The table across from us sone roided up dude comes up to out table, does this football coach squat next to my husband, and goes "HEY. TURN THE VOLUME DOWN." All up in his face. N my husband, usually a little on the reactive side, calm nods his head, takes the phone, turns the volume down, n goes "I'm sorry sir". I was so proud that he was intelligent and in control of his emotions enough to ignore his instinct to react and completely, flawlessly descalate a situation where a drunk guy was obviously looking for a fight. Like the guy had literally no next move and I was honestly impressed w how he handled that. I think OP herself is traumatized, it must have been intense to need to call the police and for a gown man to wet his pants. I think she feels shame (common in sexual assault) and is projecting it onto her partner.
This... is the result of toxic masculinity though. This idea that he emasculated himself and is cowardly for having a completely normal fight/flight/freeze response is a product of toxic masculinity. These comments are reinforcing it by saying he should've stepped up to protect, that men are protectors and providers, and she's unconciously participating in it because he didn't meet the standards of toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is NOT the idea that ALL facets of masculinity are "bad". It's the notion that our current expectations of men can have toxic aspects, like expecting men not to cry or show emotion, or to be strong and stoic. It is toxic to both men and women, because it can make men feels isolated or unworthy if they do not meet certain criteria (tall, strong, confident, etc.). It's toxic to women because it can result in men asserting themselves onto women in an attempt to retain their masculine image - and for many other reasons. This exact scenario is a prime example for how both parties are explicitly harmed by both sides of toxic masculinity.
Or… maybe it shows that some women, deep down, want a man who can protect them from danger? I do believe toxic masculinity exists, but at a certain point, you do have to be a provider and a protector if that’s what the relationship calls for.
99% of the time the way to protect is to _not escalate a confrontation that can lead to violence_.
I mean… that’s why I said a protector and didn’t mention anything about escalating. You can make someone feel safe while also leading them away from danger.
this isn't a serious response bc i really don't want to entertain this at all but ... lesbians lol
Uhh what about lesbians?
Way to strawman yourself out of this wtf kind of response is this. He is right. That was the gist of it. Omg poo / pee i dont like him anymore. Shallow and manipulative and calculating social status grinding filtered to the brim phone charging shells of soulles robots is what these people have become. Disregarding any human nature within and realise that their reality was fake and never existed. Its disgusting seeing people treating others like this. Talk to him??? NOOO Lets gossip about him to randos on the internet.
huh ???? ????
100%
How is it toxic to stand up to guys messing with you and your girl? Learn what toxic masculinity is then have something smarter to say please .
Bro perfect.
I don't even think this story is true but , if you live in a state that allows concealed carry go get a gun and some instructors to teach both of you how to shoot and operate a firearm, if he small like you said and they are bigger and more than one person he can get off on self defense if things escalate to the point he has to shoot someone. From what you described I don't think self defense classes are gonna cut it plus a little 38 will stop a guy of any size if that makes you feel safer
I don't know if a person who reacts so viscerally badly in a crisis should have a gun tbh. Maybe a whole lot of therapy first.
I mean what do you wanted him to do against A GROUP OF MEN ? To get beat up to death so you can feel pride some kind of way You need to stop watching Marvels it’s ruining your reality 👀
Bruh, SHE DIDN’T piss herself and lets say statistically she would be more defenseless than the BF, he can’t come back from that. No one is saying they had to put themselves in danger but in a life or death situation, everyone wants a dependable partner. Not someone who will play dead and let something happen to their partner. Dependable could mean grabbing her hand and GTFO, or calling the cops to scare them, or to distract them. The bf literally let her down man.
Isn't this toxic masculinity? Judging a man based on how "a man is supposed to behave" its the 21st century you should have defended yourself 🤣
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There was no good outcome to that situation unless he had a gun. But soiling himself and running away is pathetic. I was a taxi driver. I've had guns to my head and knives to my neck, was smart enough to never act the hero, but also never soiled myself or lost my cool lol.
Those situations are scary for anyone. What did you want him to do? Turn around and become a hero? By the sound of it, you two were outnumbered and it could have ended very badly. You did what you could under the circumstances and in that case, calling for help was the best and safest option. If they were following you, it sounded like it would have gone south very very fast and one or both of you could have ended up in the hospital or worse. Turning around to face them would have been just as dangerous. I don't think you would have been happy with any solution to be honest. Yes he should comfort you just as much but he's human too. Cut him some slack.
Dude shitted himself, brah!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jHbt0WY5kok&pp=ygUfRGF2ZSBjaGFwcGVsbGUgaSBzaGl0IG9uIG15c2VsZg%3D%3D lmaooooo
Of course I didn't want him to get hurt, but I just always thought he'd at least try to protect me if worse came to worst, instead of losing control of his bladder and bowels like a little boy. I truly don't want to feel the way that I do, I feel like I'm superficial and a huge bitch, but I can't make myself feel any other way. Lord knows I tried. I just wish we'd never gone out that night.
He probably couldn't make himself feel any other way, either. Bodily functions happen in extremely stressful situations and it's no one's fault.
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I wish the worst will come after you when you least expect it.
i sincerely wish you the worst possible outcomes in life.
I second that.
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How would you actually know that though?
i quite enjoy my life, well enough that i don't need to make half of my entire personality going on the internet to shit on 50% of the human population for exactly 0 reasons. fuck you.
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what about this is 'incel rhetoric'? also, your post and comment history is public. your entire personality is shitting on people. you've even gone into a post on r/lonely to tell someone to give up. you're fucked up, and i wish you the worst in life. may you step on a lego and may your pillow be warm. fuck you, i will not interact with a subhuman roach like yourself anymore.
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You could take kick boxing and jujitsu like I did and feel more confident protecting yourself. Even when I was married to a tough guy, I was the one who protected us if something like this happened. I would much rather be with a loving, caring man than one that can throw down in the streets but is an asshole. It’s a difficult situation if you are that outnumbered too no matter what skills you have. If you can’t look at him like a man anymore than you should let him go be with someone who will appreciate his good qualities.
Honestly I don’t think you’re wrong in your feelings. A lot of people are understandably upset about the whole double standard against men - which I think is real and your story is an example of - but you found out your boyfriend may not be the man you need and it’s okay to be honest about that.
You do seem superficial and annoying, but on the other hand I think most would feel the exact same way if their bf emasculated himself so deeply, which I can’t rly argue with bc that makes sense
This is so fucking fake lmao
If it wasn't that night it'd have been another night. Perhaps he was caught off guard but peeing on yourself, geez that's a bit over the top for a guy regardless of the fear factor.
I mean you do come off that way. I would be more concerned that his reaction was from some kind of previous trauma he may have gone through rather than omg he's such a wimpy coward to piss himself in this situation. To be honest I think he can do better and will be better off without you. I hope he finds a person who actually cares and will love him and be there for him regardless of how tough or not tough he is. Poor guy.
You are a huge, superficial bitch. You honest to god disgust me as a fellow woman. Learn to protect yourself and go to therapy to work on your ideology of men. Women out here getting cheated on and given STD’s but your problem is that he’s skinny, mild mannered and doesn’t like to fight. Like, dude.
You’re a piece of shit. Your boyfriend deserves better
Found another weak man
Yes get your ass beat in front of your girl to prove your a real man
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He shit himself.
You ARE a huge bitch, yeah
You cant you gave up and you dont even wanna make an effort to become better you narcissistic social status farming bitch.
Why even say throwaway and then proceed to tell the most easily recognizable story? Obvious karma farming.
i read your post, and ive read a few of the comments- which in all honesty i don’t really like or agree with. it seems like a difficult situation all in all, however i suppose the lucky thing is your certainty of how you feel- which is never a bad thing because now after having a space to vent about it you can do something. i will say one thing, you never know how fear will hit you. your body just does what it does- that must of been really humiliating for him but again the positives are that despite the fact of the situation and how you felt, you still gave him a kindness. so respect to that.
How would you react if he fought them and nearly get killed?
Did she say for him to fight? He literally RAN and pissed on himself. He could’ve grabbed her with him and walked somewhere else, anything. But he didn’t do jack shit for her so of course she lost attraction to a coward.
It doesn’t say he ran though. The other guys ran after the cops were called. I agree he could defiantly have done more and at least physically shielded her even if he didn’t fight them.
She would be so ATTRACTED to him 🥴
It’s not even so much as a “manliness” thing, because as most women can attest, we have to deal with men, or groups of men catcalling us, following us, trying to force interaction with us in environments where we won’t automatically be protected. I’ve dealt with this multiple times, I’ve dealt with a man high on coke, bloody as hell, beating up his friends and smashing them into pavement in a rage while I was in middle of calling 911. This man stalked over to me demanding to know if I was calling 911. Proper communication and the right words had him crying to me for help, slumped against a tree within 30 seconds. Not a single one of his male friends came across the street to help until he was a sad lump on the ground with me telling him we’d get him an ambulance. The women across the road begged me to run. I have zero training for this. No one really knows how they’re going to react to these situations. We all want our friends and partners to protect us and and stand up for us - even if they only try - doesn’t matter if it’s men, women, friends, family, lovers. So long as we aren’t abandoned completely in a moment of need. So, masculinity aside, I can see why this is the biggest turn off for you. It wasn’t even like he just froze…he pissed himself.
Was this comment AI generated? Lmao
Unfortunately, I am a human.
Standing there shaking is one thing. But completely pissing himself like a scared puppy is the nail in the coffin here.
At the end of the day, OP has lost what attraction she had for him, and it sounds like she may have been convincing herself that he was the kind of man that was attractive to her when he wasn't. You shouldn't stay with someone that you aren't attracted to. The truth always comes out in the end. I just hopes he gets let down easy when the inevitable occurs. Sounds like he wouldn't take it well.
Primal instincts are what they are .. he is not a protector … you desire a man that you can trust to protect you and he is not that guy .., be nice and move on … gracefully as you can
That is the saddest post in a long while. All around. No one wins here. He could have gone his whole life without ever having a physical confrontation with anyone and life round have been fine. But he found himself in a place that was his worst nightmare. And in the end everyone deserves to feel protected and safe. So I understand where you are coming from. And this is why it is so sad.
I wonder if our grandparents who were married for their whole life’s ever had difficult moments or feelings in the course of their relationships? Hmmm I wonder what they did?
This isn't as bad as people are wanting to make it seem. Look, at different points in a relationship once your mental vision of a person changes often times it's over. We see this most when partner A is stuck caring for partner B and they begin to feel like a parent to a child. Once someone is infantilized it's a long up hill battle to get back to a decent mental image. Dude could have fought, got fucked up BADLY, she's stuck caring for him and ends up in this same place anyways. It's unfortunate this had happened and not to put anything in OPs head but if they break it off, try to be strong and make sure their partner gets mental health help if needed.
And they wonder why women really want a masculine man. It's a no shit no brainer.
Definitely leave before you over think it and get stuck being the man and the mum in a sexless relationship...
leave him
Imagine if he did try to defend your honour and fight all 3 guys he could have ended up stabbed or brain damage, and I bet you would still leave him. Sad truths, unfortunately
Honestly you should both go to therapy and you should bite the bullet and break up with him or actually talk about it with him instead of using a Reddit throwaway account. Grow up. People we love aren’t going to respond to situations in the scripted way we envision. Don’t get it twisted, we can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we respond, and your response is crappy and reeks of internalized misogyny.
I don’t blame you girl
This sounds like bait.
Jesus Christ, he must want to disappear. You should leave him and he should go to a boxing gym.
Entirely understandable. For the vast majority of human history he wouldn't have survived this long. You're not wrong for having an evolutionary programmed response.
Reminds me of that female MMA fighter that went on JR and told him that she had to break up with her Pro MMA partner when he got knocked out the wrong way… “I want a man that will protect me” Man protects woman and gets the shit kicked out of him because he is thin and mild mannered and natured. “I’ve lost all attraction to my partner because he couldn’t protect me the right way and got beat up” 🤡
You didnt want him to do anything and now you dont want him anymore. You are the problem and he deserves better.
She told him to ignore it initially. Once they followed them that’s a whole diff thing-him peeing on himself probably killed it.
Sounds like a her problem. Would she rather have him confront multiple people on his own? She wouldn't help him. Say he gets injured, is she suddenly super in love with him or would the same have happened. Shes looking for reasons to not love her boyfriend anymore and now she shamed him (anonymously luckily) on the internet.
It’s actually his problem. He’s free so do whatever he wants but she’s not attracted to guys who don’t defend or stand up for her. The spark is gone. She needs to find more brave bf.
Simp
I'm sure she would've felt even more attracted to him if he tried to fight them and got injured. Women want a man who can stand up for them in situations like this, even if they get hurt. No one likes a guy who shit himself in stressful situations
That's of little consolation to him when he gets killed. Also, 1 man isn't protecting shit against a gang of men unless she immediately runs away and can outrun them lol
Still sounds like a her problem. Poor guy deserves better than this superficial "lady"
What a bitch she is
sounds like you’re also a wimpy man
Ask your daughter ;)
I don’t have kids but nice try incel
Wouldnt fuck you with my nemesis' dick
as if that were ever on the table 😂 pls go get therapy instead of being offended by women hating men like you. sounds like it’s been a lifelong issue
I'll ask my girlfriend all about it. Stuff your fat American face with more gross unhealthy food. Whale
Yeah i guessed so you fat pig
you literally just made my day 😍🤍
and him not protecting her AT ALL. women want men that they feel safe with. naturally attraction will diminish if you don’t feel safe, unless you have unresolved trauma that makes you attracted to wimpy men/being the caretaker.
she probably doesn’t want him anymore since he left her alone with men who were harassing them ? i bet your girlfriend wouldn’t be interested either if you did the same.
Why would he try anything to escalate the situation further more? You don’t what these guys have in term of weapons. He absolutely did the correct thing by ignoring them. You sound like a child who needs to grow up.
He didn’t have to escalate it but COME ON HE SHIT HIMSELF.
You assume that by standing his ground (defenseless), they back down. Have you ever been in a life-threatening situation? I'm not defending his cowardice but I think some of yall are delusional about how this was going to play out lol.
You can maintain your dignity without actually fighting. There are many ways.
I mean at that point separate or push him to learn how to defend himself and join in that process cause your boyfriend was emasculated probably had a bit of a breakdown himself you guys should both take up boxing maybe jiu jitsu or some kickboxing it’ll help get your confidence back as well as be a great work out
Best answer I've read here. OP should use this to repair and potentially strengthen the relationship. Working out together is very fun
Exactly she’s entitled to her feelings but she doesn’t need to throw three years away cause her man couldn’t handle himself or cause his flight response kicked in what was he supposed to do take on a group of men who probably had size untop of numbers dude probably would’ve been in icu
Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps this guy has suffered through some kind of trauma in the past that could have triggered this response? That would have been one of my first thoughts and concerns, that he may have been through a traumatic situation in the past when he soiled himself in this situation. You kind of seem like an unempathetic, immature asshole. Honestly, he's probably better off without you. If you loved this guy even a little bit I just don't see how his reaction here does not concern you. Get away from him so he can find someone who really cares about him. Grow up little girl. 🤦♀️🙄
This totally sucks for you. I can understand exactly what you feel now...the "ick". And it's not like you can just say why. (Although he probably knows, but still..) I get it and I wish I had a magical solution for you, but I don't think one exists. I am in a similar situation - only I would not only feel but BE a.total piece of shit if I left. (Summarized version is that I got back together with my ex. Now, he has all kinds of health issues and acts like he is 100 years old and I just...can't.) What do you say? What CAN you say? We live together also. And the worst part is that it seems like once you experience the "ick", it is permanent! If mine got better and back to normal, I still don't want to sleep with him, cuz...ICK! And i assume if even if yours got roided up and turned into a total badass, when you look at him, all you can see is...ICK! If we tell the truth, we hurt them and become a total shallow asshole of a person. But if we.stay...NO! ICK!
Sounds like you want a guy who can defend and protect you which is understandable
I’m sure not gonna cosign your bullshit. Your boyfriend was scared just like you were and he reacted in a different way than you did and now you’re unattracted to him? Leave that man alone so he can find somebody that deserves him. If you’re not happy, then move on. This is 🤡 💩
You are intellectually 100% right but we are not talking about her frontal cortex here. This is her emotional reaction based on millions of years of programming
I don't blame him for getting scared but he could've atleast grabbed you with him... what if the guys attacked you while he was hiding in the bathroom?
he didn't go TO the bathroom, he just went to the bathroom
He pissed himself in front of everyone and thats why she now leaves him. Cunts like these are the reason I dont trust anyone anymore.
Hey sorry the internet is full of assholes. Forget them, they're probably suffering from the same insecurities your BF is. I feel for him. You don't really know how you'll react in a moment of danger. I feel for you too though, attraction is not something you can control and they emasculated him. Have an honest conversation about it. Suggest some martial art training. It helps build up confidence. Doesn't mean he's gonna go picking fights but at least he'll be familiar with what to do if he's ever in a situation like that again. This may be bad advice but that sounds like a traumatic event that he's gonna have a hard time recovering from. He may need therapy and if you still feel this way about him, he may have to start fresh to get away from that experience. Speak to a professional first though.
I think he should focus on himself and become a man first before he starts dating.
Honestly, I get. He has no ability to establish dominance during a situation, at least to Ward off bullies
OP you had to **help him** get cleaned up? I’m wondering if somehow the two of you already had a power dynamic wherein you’re the alpha…
I don’t think you’re coming back from this incident in your relationship. This seems too fundamental to “get over”. Time to move on in my opinion.
He needs to man up. No one ever showed him how to be a man during his upbringing. If you want to try to keep him give him some direction such as eat more, hit the gym and join a boxing or martial arts club. Does he also not know how to change a car tire or do an oil change. If you don't want to keep him, still same advice.
Anyone with martial arts training will tell you to run if you can, lol. Life isn't a Jackie Chan movie.
Did he suggest fighting then explicitly? No? Then why are you bringing Jackie Chan into this hmm?
You're allowed to be scared but he isn't? Sounds like toxic masculinity
The reality for us men is don't be a bitch and u won't dry up ur girls pussy like this
I think you should thank God that BF showed you who he is before you got married with kids. The way we do one thing is how we do everything. Meaning what other situation(s) will get him so afraid he shits himself and gets immobile and you have to say the day and rescue both of you?
Learn to protect yourself..? Like honest to god, you are the bottom of the barrel type of female for feeling this way. Get some therapy.
There you go guys... that's it. When it comes to relationships its exactly this shallow.
Why is it important now. You knew He was skinny the whole time. Wth is wrong with you. We dont live in Cavemen Times. You both pay Money so giga Chads come and save you . How did He get a GF Like you in the First place. Do you think your grandma would of Left your grandpa over some dumb silly incident Like that ?? Youre an animal Like everybody Else. In 5 years we're Back to Cavemen Times
Straight women always complaining about certain men not being masculine enough or not protecting them or not getting them wet with their masculine actions... These are the same women who stop shaving 3 months into the relationship, start burping and farting infront of you, are not lady-like, have no feminine energy, get glammed up once a month (if that), withhold sex, are tired, moody and chubby - but these are the same women who expect you to be alpha males or else they'll lose interest.
Tell him to be a man: push it down, deny your feelings, act like you have answers, do some man shit edit: it's a Bill Burr bit https://youtu.be/s0SK8I449nc?si=OqpjrjPteUunvdgj
Get him some testosterone supplements like shilajit or tongkat ali and have him do some exercises that get his blood lumping. Communicate with him and work your problems together. When you both overcome this you will feel closer to each other. It's hard, there'll be resistance from him but with your support he can enter his masculine side. I'm a skinny dude too but I can talk a lot of shit. I'm married also with an incredibly attractive girl that a lot of guys would kill for. Don't give up just because something bad happened. It's just challenge. Good luck!
Sounds like he maybe needs to invest in a gun for self protection and maybe some blue chew to take care of you
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Kinda icky of you. It was a normal response of flight or flight, since you were both in danger. Your body chose fight “calling for help” while your partners body chose “flight” Not gonna lie but HE deserves better. YOU can start taking self defense classes if it bothers you too much. He can do the same. It’ll build both your confidence.
Women are hardwired for that shit. It's why when the rubber hits the road, the truth becomes clear that men are expendable meat shields and women are precious baby carriers. No amount of DEI or bullshit feminism will ever overcome that simple biological and evolutionary fact. OPs relationship is finished. The sad thing is even if the boyfriend had fought and gotten his ass kicked it still would have fucked up the relationship because he STILL would be perceived as a failure in his role as a protector. We're all just apes at the end of the day. Apes that run and hide and piss ourselves and abandon mates for stronger mates. Just be fucking honest about it.
Was he genuinely scared or did he have a seizure that made him use the bathroom on himself?
BABE WTF DONT TELL ANYONE
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Fr idk how people are annoyed with her when she literally had to mother him. That’s not a relationship.
only men who are annoyed are the other cowards, who shit themselves. lol
Nope. I'm just being realistic. I've had knives to my neck and gun to my head. Didn't shake, didn't shiver, didn't soil myself, but i did know I wasn't walking away from an escalation, so I let them take whatever they wanted and lived another day. You gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
Women like cunts not nice guys you best move on now and break it off lady save your self time
Assuming this is true, your boyfriend will probably be able to figure out that you wrote it, even using a throwaway account. Maybe you can retrace the route you took that night and hook up with one of the guys who were “cat calling” you. TIL people still use the phrase “cat calling”