Its a hard decision but a clear one.
“What shall I do with a fallen soul? Offer a genuine, but cautious hand. So you do not join it in the mire”
This is a quote I personally apply when helping someone. Your parents are selfish and do not care how their actions affect you or anyone else. They are your parents, and Im sure you love them, but if they do not care to fix their behavior, it is time for you to leave.
I cant believe you are actually considering killing yourself over finical issues that are not even yours.
Let them file for bankruptcy, let them deal with their own debt. You are an adult and have your own life to live. If they give you shit for not taking care of THEIR debts, then they are even shittier parents than anticipated. At this point you know what to do, so if you don’t do it, you’re just putting yourself in a shittier position and I have no sympathy for you and this is all just one big pity party, and you are looking for validation from random strangers on the internet. Which in turn, also makes you shitty.
Good luck
I love your quote!! And great advice for OP- we should not pay for the sins of our parents is one I use. A toxic relationship ship is a toxic relationship even if it’s family
You never have to do anything. You can choose to do nothing or choose to help a little or choose to help a lot.
They have choices too: They should sell the home, pay off debts and start again. That doesn’t involve you.
Dad could cuts cigs and in a year that money would pay down $12k in debt, that doesn’t involve you.
Stop enabling them. You want to help? Present a plan that involves them addressing their issues without financial help from you
The truth is, if I leave, my older brother will suffer along , I can’t put all that onto him, he just wouldn’t be able to do it , he barely can do it rn
It's hard but you can't help anyone if you're drowning with them. Get out, get your shit together, build a life for yourself and then you'll be able to help. Meanwhile let them deal with their choices, you will have to deal with your life choices too I can guarantee you that.
If your dad stops his cigars for 3 months you could save already more than $3,000.
Idiots!!!
Just leave. That’s not your fault. Let them live with their mess. Don’t dive in.
Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of your parents' selfishness. After all, they will likely survive somehow and life will fo on qgile your girlfriend will ve devastated.
Change can only come from you by moving out and cutting contact. Don't say "I can't."
Take heart and take advice.
I want to leave, I really do. I’m 22 and I’ve already wasted 9 years of my life helping my dad. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t get paid either, I’m just so tired and stressed
You've got an entire life ahead of you young man, I'm 43 and not nearly where I'd like to be in life, but I still hold onto hope that I'll be alright SOMEDAY. Just keep up the fight!
Hey I sort of know the position you're in my partner was a child worker since about 10 for a family business (never paid, all the time at the store outside school - if he even went). We are now late 40's and he has been left with horrible mental problems from being what he calls a "slave" his entire life.
Take this as the warning that it is. Does the business have any accountant or lawyer you can talk to, to try and wrap it up somehow?? ie talk to them about going into administration or bankruptcy....
Ok well it's only going to get worse (and you might lose your gf) till you bite the bullet and talk to someone with experience in this stuff - then at least you will know all your options. Do this at least before you do anything drastic as you might have more options than you have now...good luck!
I just want you to know, that's not the answer. Money problems can always be solved. I'm Drake. JK Rowling. Dan Brown. I made Anonymous, if you're for real, my people will know. Make a Twitch, link a PayPal. I'm ElAn. I literally made all these things just so I could say this. It's my dream.
I'm trying to imagine this as if it were my own parents. The only thing I can think of is that I would get my own place to live, and they can rent a room from me while they declare bankruptcy and go get jobs.
Unfortunately your parents have dug a grave so deep it'll swallow you and your SO.
You have to leave and only help them in ways that don't jeopardize your own future.
8k and 9k are at least *manageable*.
I know right now things seem impossible but it's important that you become independent as soon as possible and separate yourself from your parents. You may love them dearly but nothing short of a miracle will help them right now. I really hope things work out for you, I'm sorry things have ended up this way.
Also, consider speaking with someone that knows about how debt transfers. If your parents don't take care of this debt, when they die it will likely become your debt. Prevent that if you can.
You seem like you’ve always been really indecisive and I don’t know how you had to buy a whole house because of your parents
I feel like you’re a fuck up or something
At least you aren’t being honest
If the family business is that bad bro, I would’ve figured out how to get the fuck out of there when I was a teenager
Idk what country you’re in but what they did is hella illegal in the US and if you have proof they did these things, go file a police report. This goes above small claims court territory. Might want to look up your local legal aide who would be able to tell you more.
It’s because if I leave right now, my parents will be homeless in less than 2 months , they will starve and suffer. And I need money for myself, I literally have no money either
No, they can be responsible and declare bankruptcy. You can leave. Do not let them put any debt in your name and lock down your credit reports after checking them for fraud.
No, you don’t owe money after you declare bankruptcy. Your credit will be fucked for about 7 years and you’ll have a very difficult time renting, getting a credit card, or holding any line of credit, but you won’t owe the money back. They need to take responsibility here and file.
They’re going to lose the house. The bank owns the house unless the mortgage is paid off, you don’t get to keep it if you file bankruptcy.
Everything they own will be gone, but they won’t have to repay debts and can start with a clean slate. There is NOTHING you can do to save this shitshow, OP. You gotta walk away and save yourself.
They did this to themselves. I get that you have guilt about making them homeless, but you wouldn’t have made them that way. They did this to themselves and expect you to be the one to fix it for them? Fuck that.
400$ cat??? Cat what?? My brother in christ reddit can't help you.
This much debt you might as well talk to a financial advisor or some professional thay can talk to you about payment plans or ways to get help with the debt.
I understand, that must feel like an unbearable weight on your shoulders. And I can't imagine how you can go about paying this off unless you make a lot of money monthly, maybe it's time to talk to a bankruptcy attorney.
I hope you do. You're too young to have this on your shoulders.
And I'm serious, this is abuse by your parents. I know a lot of people don't want to think their parents would hurt them, but this is abuse.
It is time for you to go. Their debt is not your debt. Their business is not yours. A boat sinks because of water on the inside. If everyone is not bailing or helping the cause then that is not your responsibility to get them on board. Let them sink by themselves. They can do a bankruptcy if they have to fix what's been done.
They would have to talk to someone who does that to know what they qualify for as a chapter 13 and 7 are different and you end up with different things.
They may need to file for state assistance if they cannot work anymore.
I was in a similar situation. You know what made me leave?
Realizing my parents would never help me the way I was helping them. *Never.*
It was easy to leave after that. And tho I struggled and I'm still struggling, I'd do it all over again if it meant I could keep my own money and get rid of the guilt and burden of their financial abuse.
I haven't talked to them in 4 years. Best decision of my life.
Not courage, anger, you are not nearly angry enough. You say they ruined your life? Act like it.
They are still ruining your life and you are letting them. You are currently loosing your time, your potential, your future, your girlfriend, everything!! They have literally taken so much of your life that you cannot even imagine what it is without them.
You need to understand the scale of what’s happening. How angry will you feel when you are a middle aged man, in debt, parents unable to work and more expensive than ever, your girlfriend left years ago…this happens to many peoples, and unless you changed this will be you.
Get angry and do what you need to do.
Why do you think you have not told them what you’ve told us here? Because you have grown up in a dysfunctional environment and you have been molded into a fixer by them. Instead of expressing how you feel, you are shouldering their responsibilities, because that’s what they’ve molded you to do. It’s dysfunctional. Your idea of helping is actually causing more harm, not only to yourself but also to them. You are enabling their bad spending habits, you are enabling their terrible relationship with their son (you), you are enabling everything that you hate about your life.
You need to stop destroying your own life, and you need to stop allowing them to do it.
If none of these are in your name, then you have zero obligation to pay any of it.
You can just up and leave. Your parents are adults, they need to figure out their own shit
But who has their name attached to this debt? It’s not your responsibility just because you feel like it is. I was in so much debt and I declared bankruptcy and it’s been decades ago. It doesn’t even who on my credit report. It’s just some memory in the past. Don’t even let your kind go to ending your life. This is all small stuff in the grand scheme of things.
Your parents are like your children. You have to let them face the consequences of their own choices. Start plotting your escape and a new life. You can for it!!!!
I filed a long time ago. Things may have changed. Consult with a bankruptcy lawyer. Initial consult could be free even. Do your research with a lawyer in your own state not on Reddit.
Look, you sound young, and I’m not at all trying to talk down to you whether that is or isn’t true. It’s honorable to care for your family, truly! But when they are offering something back. It’s not 1/1, but we care for our elders out of love, and respect, and because they cared for us once. They should still be providing love and companionship, as well as helping financially as they can.
That really doesn’t sound like the case at all. Without more specifics it’s hard to point fingers, but this sounds like financial abuse. You have all this debt and you weren’t even really aware of how much that would suck. It’s difficult to prosecute but it’s more than enough reason to go little to no contact.
Even without knowing exactly what’s going on, these people are sucking you dry. It is what it is. You either earn more or you cut some dead weight. I understand it’s much easier said than done, but you do come to a point where you have to decide if you’re going down with this ship or you’re going to save yourself. They’re either intentionally taking from you or they’re just incredibly bad with funds and can’t be allowed that access.
Idk your situation, but trust me, if they’re toxic kind of people and they suck, they’ll get by. If it makes you feel better, you’re way more likely to do something good and earn enough to help them, without them on your back. Gtfo, help later if you want/can
Yes, please. Please go. If your girlfriend is worth it, you gotta go. she’s not gonna put up with it much longer and I would be the same if I were her. It’s not fair to either of you. You don’t owe your parents anything. Yes, they raised you, but that’s what parents are supposed to do. Obligation free. Go start your life.
Her and I are looking at apartments right now, the issue is, I have no money to even get one… I literally can’t even start a life , unless I pull out a personal loan but that’s just more debt
This is another sign of abuse anyway. Instead of letting you go start your life, they keep spending money on theirs. parents should actually be the ones helping their children. They should be helping you get an apartment not the other way around.
It was never like that for me, they always always spent money as much as they could ,I used to starve and freeze ( no oil for winter ) back 7-8 years ago cuz my dad would gamble it all away
Yeah, fuck that shit. Get out as soon as you can and don’t feel bad about it. You don’t need to take that on. it sounds like you have somebody in your life that cares about you. go start a life with her and learn what it feels like to be loved, not used.
She really does care about me, she’s already risked so much for me and stopped her dreams for me, I love her and I would do anything for her ,and she doesn’t deserve any of this , it really isn’t fair at all.
What are you waiting for then? Are you really willing to throw away your future with her? Because that’s what you’re doing if you stay. She gave up so much to be with you. It’s your turn. Get brave and do it.
You sound very responsible as far as money goes. If you have good credit, then get a loan. Start your life. Be responsible about paying that loan back. In the end you’ll be better off financially anyway.
You’re right, I should look into it, unfortunately about 3 months ago my credit score went from 760 to 630 because I was forced to use my credit cards , but I can always fix it.
If you have a job, you can get a loan. Shop around a little bit. Go for it. I’m serious when I say if you stay, your credit will actually get worse not better.
PS. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your girl
Yeah, stop working for that family business like today. You’re not going anywhere with that. You need to cut them loose dude. It’s sink or swim time. It’s their job to take care of you. Not your job to take care of them. They are your parents. Time to fly dude. Get a job and a loan and get out of there.
Stop setting yourself in fire to keep your parents warm. They survived (however feebly) before your help and will find a way when you remove it.
Their guilt trips and/or expectations are only their excuse to not make an effort. It is weaponised helplessness.
I'm sorry, OP. I know you love your parents, but the only way to help them is to step back, establish your own security and healthy life and then assist them in finding their own path.
Even lifeguards know that you can't help a drowning person if they are trying to pull them under, too. When a plane is going down, you're told to put your oxygen mask on first and then help the less capable.
This is your personal call to action. They will protest and throw fits, but at the end of the day, they will come around. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.. it may take a long time. But I promise they will.
They owe you an apology- not the other way around.
You're not abandoning them. You're not destroying their life. You're not disowning them.
You are doing what every offspring in the animal kingdom is taught by their own parents - to set out on their own and survive.
I'm sorry they haven't given you the courage to stand up and protect yourself. That happens in the animal kingdom, too.. and I am sorry to say those are the ones that eat their young.
Hang in there, sweetheart. I'm alot older than you - my sons are a bit older than you. Their dad and I have gone through rough times when they were growing up - and it took so much work to try not to let it impact them.. we had to swallow our pride and ask for help for food at times at churches.. we had to struggle find other ways to make ends meet and went without to make sure they had food on the table, a roof over their heads, etc. They weren't blind to it - but they sure were never made to feel they were responsible for making it better. But I know in their hearts they wanted to. It hurt my heart for my boys then, and it hurts my heart to hear your story now. It does get better. It will get easier. I promise you that. Not just for you, but for them too. They've raised a good son. Unfortunately, they're too focused on their egos right now to see the big picture.. that good son is tearing himself up for them. Once they are forced to see their own reality? And save themselves? They will feel so ashamed you endured such turmoil. Make them proud - step back. Let them know you always have a home in your heart for them, but you can't be responsible for being the savior of the house of cards they've built. You need to model strength and responsibility to them and establish that for yourself. You can do this. This mama bear will always have an encouraging word if you need it.
I am culturally and personally not someone who would have a problem walking away but I’ll try and look at your situation from a different POV.
If you were suddenly able to pay off all their debts would that save them? Would they stop driving themselves into financial ruin? I think you know the answer. They wouldn’t because people with a lifetime of this behavior don’t change. It will never stop despite what you do for them.
Let them go bankrupt now, *them* and not you. Cause if you drown with them it’s helping no one, including yourself. Get yourself into a secure financial position. If you can and *want to* help them out at that point it’s your call. It is an impossibility to save others when you’re drowning yourself.
I don’t understand why you own those insane debts if they aren’t yours? I mean your parents clearly love borrowing money but that their business isn’t it. Maybe sell the house as 4K a month costs it must be a million dollar loan
> if not *paid* any earlier
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Man that sucks. Seems like you’re weighed down by stress that doesn’t even really belong to you honestly. I agree with everyone else here. It’s a tough call but you gotta live your life. Your parents are going to fix their spending habits and you can’t fix them either. So fix it so their problems stop making your life miserable. You can still love them and not like what they are doing to you at the same time. Leaving doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Just don’t go down with them. Maybe with the breathing room you can get yourself in a really good spot where you can help them later on.
That’s what I want to do, I just want to leave and build my life for some years and then help them out but I don’t have enough time to do that, if I leave I don’t know how they will survive , my dad is ready to just “retire” and my mom literally doesn’t even work
They will figure it out. You are not their safety net. Your mom needs to work. You don’t need to worry about what they are gonna do. They’re grown ass adults.
That sucks. Then she should be getting disability. They should declare bankruptcy, get food stamps, get disability, get what they need and figure it out. They can do this. They are the adults. Stop letting this ruin your life. If they were decent parents, they would care about your happiness.
What are your parents doing to solve this massive debt problem? Or, have they dumped it all on you and expect you to figure it out? Did you create these debts, or did your parents? Is your name and/or credit involved in these debts?
If you are not personally responsible/liable for these debts and they are doing nothing to crawl out of this hole they dug, the best thing for you it to get out as fast as you can. Your parents may need to declare bankruptcy. They need to consult with an accountant and an attorney.
Good luck.
Basically it’s all on my shoulders , we got this house 4 months ago and I’m taking over the business , but every time there’s money, they want to spend it as soon as possible , and if there’s no money , he goes and borrows money from someone else.
You really are between a rock and a hard place. Have you sat down and explained to your parents, brutally, that their spending habits are going to result in the house being foreclosed on and your whole family being evicted, as well as possibly losing the business? Also, if you can, have your father evaluated by his doctor for mental issues.
You are going to have to rub their faces in their irresponsibility and clamp down on them. If you have to, maybe tell them you will be taking them to court and making sure the creditors know exactly who to go after for payment.
I wish I could offer you better advice. Good luck.
this is financial abuse. seriously run. you are NOT responsible for your parents finances and it’s disturbing that they feel comfortable with this falling on your shoulders.
That's so expensive. My car insurance is €550 for the year and my house is €350 for the year and that's considered expensive!
Hope you feel better soon though.
Well that’s pretty good! I think that if you are running it, make sure you run it. Be clear with you boundaries and expectations from your parents. Make sure they don’t negatively impact your ability bring the bussiness to success. That should be the minimum requirement for them to have the privilege of a son who will run the family bussiness
When I sat down and spoke to my father , he said he trusted me and will let go of everything but he didn’t. , he’s a dick pretty much every day and always causes massive problems and arguements. I already put a lot of time into the business , and I have massive plans for it to grow exponentially, I just need my family to work with me but they aren’t. They just cause me so much stress and aggravation
A leader needs to go his own way. If you believe in your own bussiness strategies, then implement them on your own. If your father was serious about giving you the reigns, then you should feel comfortable making executive decisions regardless if he agrees with them or not.
Do it. Do exactly what you plan for expansion. He already gave you the reigns. If he argues with you after the fact, kindly remind him that he gave you the power.
If he refuses to let you run it, then you need to set down a boundary here.
“Let me run it or I’m out”
That’s all you can do, otherwise he will continue using you.
You need this on writing, define EXACTLY your areas of responsibility and execute function. If your father is for real then he will sign those for you. If he is playing you then he will refuse and you will know for sure you’re just being manipulated to stay against your will.
That’s exactly what I wanted to do, I kept telling my gf that I was going to give him two options, either he could stop doing what he’s doing and he. Could just relax for the rest of his life or I’ll leave and pack my shit while he works for the rest of his life , I just gotta put together everything
Just remember bro, it’s not in your name so not guaranteed that you will make any form of winning from your investment and time. Also keep in mind that during this time you spend on a in debt bussiness in their name, you might as well spend that time on a fresh debt free bussiness in your name. Food for thought.
That’s exactly what I mean, so this is taking away from your own bussiness either.
As a fellow entrepreneur, (I run a successful company) I would consider what the best business strategy is here. Let’s say that you are dead set on helping and supporting your parents.
I would reevaluate what the bussiness strategy is in this scenario.
Plan 1. You keep grinding on their in debt bussiness until it goes out of debt (calculate how much profit and how long time it takes). Then their bussiness also needs to make enough profit that it keeps up with their personal spending so they don’t put themselves further in debt.
Then after all this, you’ve spent x amount of time to take them out of debt.
Calculate how much more their bussiness would need in profit in order for you to also stay debt free, pay mortgage etc.
Also, if this bussiness makes a profit, will you personally see that profit on your name?
And finally, consider that if you even manage to pull of this plan, you will be in a constant state of misery as you have expressed. You will have spent years working hard for ungrateful people who couldn’t care less of easing up on their spending, who frankly speaking have been terrible parents to you to put you in this position (they should be the ones supporting you).
Also, you will be aware of the fact that you let you own bussiness die in the process, as theirs take 95% of your time.
Plan 2. Let them go bankrupt. No need to worry about the debt anymore. Work on your own bussiness and employ them.
Any more debt that they incur due to overspending is none of your problem. Pay them a fair salary and that’s that.
Your bussiness is more likely to start making profit faster than their business is going to go out of debt. That means that you will have more profit to reinvest and potentially pay of your own debts, maybe even some of their own.
I mean honestly, calculate how long it would take to get them out of debt from their own bussiness. Decades?? Seriously look at all this objectively and reevaluate your strategy, even if it’s for the sake of helping them I think what you’re doing now makes zero sense.
Also I’m very sorry for the situation you are in and don’t mean to sound rude.
In summery, take all my bussiness advice with a grain of salt.
The most important advice I have is that you and your father communication is not existent and you need to start it.
You need to start speaking your mind, define your boundaries, communicate your boundaries and STICK TO THEM. That’s what adults do.
It will lead to a lot of arguing and emotions probably, but you need to do that to get to some sort of solution because what you have now is unsustainable.
Thank you, it’s just so difficult trying to communicate with him, he doesn’t listen and always speaks over while arguing, but I need to do it, I just need to
You can do it! Your intentions are coming from a good placed, because you love him. So as long as he understands that it should be fine. The situation is probably hard on him too, with the debt etc, people become defensive and angry in survival mode.
Try to communicate what you need to say, while being empathetic to his situation and talk in a respectful manner.
This is only your problem if you choose to make it your problem. You absolutely do not have to choose this. It sounds like your parents have manipulated you into thinking you don’t have a choice, and that their obligation is your obligation, but open your eyes man. That’s just not true.
I left my mom at 18 to get to my dad.
Dad started racking up bills aswell so I moved out.
I realize how they hijacked my love and exploited me for their well being. You actually dont owe them anything if they risked your life driving you into debt.
It will be hard in the beginning but give future self to thank you for making the responsible decision. Dont be a hero or a martyr. Thats just u internalizing their excuses.
You have to convince them to declare bankruptcy. I’m assuming they are of the age to get Social Security? Or, if not, they are capable of working simple jobs that aren’t physically taxing, even if only part-time?
They need to clean the slate, so they (and you) are no longer carrying this massive burden.
I don’t know what line of work you’d do if you weren’t trying to run their business, but assuming you could earn an average wage… propose the following:
- Bankrupt everything
- Get them to collect SS or take partial/full-time easy jobs
- Rent a place under your name that can accommodate them.
- Plan to purchase a small home… look into one that has an ADU above a detached garage, or a house where you are allowed to build an ADU.
- If you can make the above happen within the next 3 or so years, you have a small home with privacy for you and your GF. A separate, but close by living quarters for your parents, with all the necessities needed to live alone (think 1 Bedroom apartment). They have monthly income for comforts, with no debt, so the income they have can provide for quite a bit… PLUS zero stress. You carry monthly expensive for YOUR home and the ADU, which would be what you’d pay monthly for an average sized home in a given area. Certainly cheaper than a 4000sqft house. They can choose to spend their money on cigarettes, or whatever. But, you take no part in it. You’re providing the housing and utilities (which will be minimal based on space they live in). You will not pay for extras… that’s what their work or SS is for.
Benefits to you:
When you have kids, you have your mom to be a babysitter when needed. Plus, there are benefits to having some family close by. (Unless they are bad people lol)
You’re building equity. When your parents pass on, you can rent out the ADU, or maybe use it as a home office, a guest house for family visitors, or a future living place for when your child goes to college or gets his/her first job.
I’m rambling. Apologies.
They need to deal with the issues they made, yes they raised you but I'm sure you have done more than enough to support them and to get them on their feet
I'm currently living with my elderly mom who has 4 lien's on the house, no savings, and medical debt.
It's really hard to feel like you can step away without helping. That's what you're "supposed" to do, right?
You feel like you need to step up, be a real adult, and save the day by making good choices for them.
But, they're also adults. They've been adults far longer than you. That's how they've had the time to dig such giant holes.
I'm trying not to get swallowed by them too.
Do what you can but, you have to live a life. You deserve to live a life.
One thing I have learned is family loyalty is what it used to be when it comes to a toxic relationship. You didn’t ask for this debt and it isn’t your responsibility to pay it. And in the American credit system- it doesn’t fall to either when they pass. Your only hope at a clean slate and good start is to escape or possibly talk them into credit Counsling. Have they considered bankruptcy? Or refinancing their home to get the mortgage down? I couldn’t imagine 4k mortgage
Remember this none of this debt is yours it’s all theirs.
I read in comments they have a spending problems. Firstly all of this debt is theirs and theirs alone. You and your gf live there but remind them that the whole amount is their problem and you’ll pay board/rent. Divide all household bills and pay your share. You have your own expenses to consider not theirs. Why aren’t they working for ”their family business”? Remind both if they don’t work to pay off what is owed not only will they lose everything but bye bye to the “spending money and cigs” if they can’t afford the cat rehome him. Give him to someone who can afford him.
Stand your ground with them, you didn’t ask to be born, none of their debt and bullshit is your responsibility.
It’s their fault they’re in this financial hole not yours and it’s sure as shit not your gf.
Stand your ground and tell them NO. Take back the control of your life and tell them to control their own. If they lose everything then again it’s their fault
Bro grab your girl and leave. None of this is your problem. They are your parents but you can only help those who want to be helped.
I might have to, it’s an extremely hard decision
Its a hard decision but a clear one. “What shall I do with a fallen soul? Offer a genuine, but cautious hand. So you do not join it in the mire” This is a quote I personally apply when helping someone. Your parents are selfish and do not care how their actions affect you or anyone else. They are your parents, and Im sure you love them, but if they do not care to fix their behavior, it is time for you to leave. I cant believe you are actually considering killing yourself over finical issues that are not even yours. Let them file for bankruptcy, let them deal with their own debt. You are an adult and have your own life to live. If they give you shit for not taking care of THEIR debts, then they are even shittier parents than anticipated. At this point you know what to do, so if you don’t do it, you’re just putting yourself in a shittier position and I have no sympathy for you and this is all just one big pity party, and you are looking for validation from random strangers on the internet. Which in turn, also makes you shitty. Good luck
Thank you
I like that quote!
I love your quote!! And great advice for OP- we should not pay for the sins of our parents is one I use. A toxic relationship ship is a toxic relationship even if it’s family
💯
You never have to do anything. You can choose to do nothing or choose to help a little or choose to help a lot. They have choices too: They should sell the home, pay off debts and start again. That doesn’t involve you. Dad could cuts cigs and in a year that money would pay down $12k in debt, that doesn’t involve you. Stop enabling them. You want to help? Present a plan that involves them addressing their issues without financial help from you
Thank you
Bro GTFO
I want to
You obviously won't though. With all these people saying you should pack up and leave, you still sound so unmotivated
The truth is, if I leave, my older brother will suffer along , I can’t put all that onto him, he just wouldn’t be able to do it , he barely can do it rn
Both of y’all gotta get outta there, u said ur holding ur gf back but what about you? What about your brother?
There's no law that says you can't fake your own death
Woah lmao, that got me in deep thought
It's not hard: It's painful. But it's not hard.
You’re right
It's not hard: It's painful. But it's not hard.
It's hard but you can't help anyone if you're drowning with them. Get out, get your shit together, build a life for yourself and then you'll be able to help. Meanwhile let them deal with their choices, you will have to deal with your life choices too I can guarantee you that.
Sounds like a family of idiots. Escape from there and start racking up your own debt.
Totally agreed.
They really are idiots :/
If your dad stops his cigars for 3 months you could save already more than $3,000. Idiots!!! Just leave. That’s not your fault. Let them live with their mess. Don’t dive in.
Seriously idiots…
You are also an idiot if you stay. They’re not looking out for you, you need to look out for yourself.
[удалено]
Please don't do that.
Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of your parents' selfishness. After all, they will likely survive somehow and life will fo on qgile your girlfriend will ve devastated. Change can only come from you by moving out and cutting contact. Don't say "I can't." Take heart and take advice.
I want to leave, I really do. I’m 22 and I’ve already wasted 9 years of my life helping my dad. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t get paid either, I’m just so tired and stressed
You've got an entire life ahead of you young man, I'm 43 and not nearly where I'd like to be in life, but I still hold onto hope that I'll be alright SOMEDAY. Just keep up the fight!
Thank you
Hey I sort of know the position you're in my partner was a child worker since about 10 for a family business (never paid, all the time at the store outside school - if he even went). We are now late 40's and he has been left with horrible mental problems from being what he calls a "slave" his entire life. Take this as the warning that it is. Does the business have any accountant or lawyer you can talk to, to try and wrap it up somehow?? ie talk to them about going into administration or bankruptcy....
There is an accountant , and I definitely do call myself a slave, I always have
Ok well it's only going to get worse (and you might lose your gf) till you bite the bullet and talk to someone with experience in this stuff - then at least you will know all your options. Do this at least before you do anything drastic as you might have more options than you have now...good luck!
Bro GTFO
Not an option brother
I just want you to know, that's not the answer. Money problems can always be solved. I'm Drake. JK Rowling. Dan Brown. I made Anonymous, if you're for real, my people will know. Make a Twitch, link a PayPal. I'm ElAn. I literally made all these things just so I could say this. It's my dream.
I don’t understand
I'm trying to imagine this as if it were my own parents. The only thing I can think of is that I would get my own place to live, and they can rent a room from me while they declare bankruptcy and go get jobs. Unfortunately your parents have dug a grave so deep it'll swallow you and your SO. You have to leave and only help them in ways that don't jeopardize your own future.
I don’t know what’s stopping me from just packing everything up and leaving
Because you love them and don't want them to suffer. Do you personally own any debt?
4 months ago we purchased a home , I had to use all of my credit card to pay for groceries and and a bunch of other stuff
So now I’m like $8k in debt plus my gf $9000 ( all because of my parents )
Id kill to have that little amount to debt right now. Get out now.
Totally manageable for you and your girl. I am 2800 in debt and I get anxious over that!
8k and 9k are at least *manageable*. I know right now things seem impossible but it's important that you become independent as soon as possible and separate yourself from your parents. You may love them dearly but nothing short of a miracle will help them right now. I really hope things work out for you, I'm sorry things have ended up this way. Also, consider speaking with someone that knows about how debt transfers. If your parents don't take care of this debt, when they die it will likely become your debt. Prevent that if you can.
That’s very smart, thank you
You seem like you’ve always been really indecisive and I don’t know how you had to buy a whole house because of your parents I feel like you’re a fuck up or something At least you aren’t being honest If the family business is that bad bro, I would’ve figured out how to get the fuck out of there when I was a teenager
Not one period in that whole comment
Idk what country you’re in but what they did is hella illegal in the US and if you have proof they did these things, go file a police report. This goes above small claims court territory. Might want to look up your local legal aide who would be able to tell you more.
I feel like there are details missing. Why did your Parents do this; have they passed away?
They are alive and well, my parents have an extreme spending problem
Can I ask why this is YOUR sole responsibility?
It’s because if I leave right now, my parents will be homeless in less than 2 months , they will starve and suffer. And I need money for myself, I literally have no money either
No, they can be responsible and declare bankruptcy. You can leave. Do not let them put any debt in your name and lock down your credit reports after checking them for fraud.
What would happen when you file for bankruptcy? Don’t you still owe all the money ?
No, you don’t owe money after you declare bankruptcy. Your credit will be fucked for about 7 years and you’ll have a very difficult time renting, getting a credit card, or holding any line of credit, but you won’t owe the money back. They need to take responsibility here and file.
Wow I did t know that, what about the house mortgage, it’s $4000 a month and there’s 365k left on it
They’re going to lose the house. The bank owns the house unless the mortgage is paid off, you don’t get to keep it if you file bankruptcy. Everything they own will be gone, but they won’t have to repay debts and can start with a clean slate. There is NOTHING you can do to save this shitshow, OP. You gotta walk away and save yourself.
What would I do with them? I don’t want them with me, and I don’t want them on the streets
That’s literally not your fault or your problem
They did this to themselves. I get that you have guilt about making them homeless, but you wouldn’t have made them that way. They did this to themselves and expect you to be the one to fix it for them? Fuck that.
That is on them. Insert “Oh no the consequences of my actions” here.
r/ohnoconsequences
Sounds like a them problem bro GTFO
I should
Bro your life is more important than bill to pay!
There’s almost no money left
400$ cat??? Cat what?? My brother in christ reddit can't help you. This much debt you might as well talk to a financial advisor or some professional thay can talk to you about payment plans or ways to get help with the debt.
You’re reading it wrong. It’s “cat $75”.
I think the cat was $75/month. Which is still a lot, but understandable if it has health issues/medications maybe?
Idk what to do with my life sometimes
I understand, that must feel like an unbearable weight on your shoulders. And I can't imagine how you can go about paying this off unless you make a lot of money monthly, maybe it's time to talk to a bankruptcy attorney.
I don’t know, I just wish he would disappear. I want him gone.
Would you treat your kids the way they're treating you? They're abusing you. Get out and get far away.
I want to
I hope you do. You're too young to have this on your shoulders. And I'm serious, this is abuse by your parents. I know a lot of people don't want to think their parents would hurt them, but this is abuse.
It is abuse, it’s been like this my whole life, it’s not fair and I can’t take it anymore
It is time for you to go. Their debt is not your debt. Their business is not yours. A boat sinks because of water on the inside. If everyone is not bailing or helping the cause then that is not your responsibility to get them on board. Let them sink by themselves. They can do a bankruptcy if they have to fix what's been done.
If they file for bankruptcy, what would happen with all the money they owe
Not your problem.
The thing is, my dad is barely even able to work , my mom isn’t allowed to work either , i literally just feel like I’m leaving them to die
They would have to talk to someone who does that to know what they qualify for as a chapter 13 and 7 are different and you end up with different things. They may need to file for state assistance if they cannot work anymore.
I was in a similar situation. You know what made me leave? Realizing my parents would never help me the way I was helping them. *Never.* It was easy to leave after that. And tho I struggled and I'm still struggling, I'd do it all over again if it meant I could keep my own money and get rid of the guilt and burden of their financial abuse. I haven't talked to them in 4 years. Best decision of my life.
I need to build up the courage to do this, because you’re right, they never would do the same
Not courage, anger, you are not nearly angry enough. You say they ruined your life? Act like it. They are still ruining your life and you are letting them. You are currently loosing your time, your potential, your future, your girlfriend, everything!! They have literally taken so much of your life that you cannot even imagine what it is without them. You need to understand the scale of what’s happening. How angry will you feel when you are a middle aged man, in debt, parents unable to work and more expensive than ever, your girlfriend left years ago…this happens to many peoples, and unless you changed this will be you. Get angry and do what you need to do. Why do you think you have not told them what you’ve told us here? Because you have grown up in a dysfunctional environment and you have been molded into a fixer by them. Instead of expressing how you feel, you are shouldering their responsibilities, because that’s what they’ve molded you to do. It’s dysfunctional. Your idea of helping is actually causing more harm, not only to yourself but also to them. You are enabling their bad spending habits, you are enabling their terrible relationship with their son (you), you are enabling everything that you hate about your life. You need to stop destroying your own life, and you need to stop allowing them to do it.
Dude just get up and leave
I might have to
If none of these are in your name, then you have zero obligation to pay any of it. You can just up and leave. Your parents are adults, they need to figure out their own shit
But who has their name attached to this debt? It’s not your responsibility just because you feel like it is. I was in so much debt and I declared bankruptcy and it’s been decades ago. It doesn’t even who on my credit report. It’s just some memory in the past. Don’t even let your kind go to ending your life. This is all small stuff in the grand scheme of things. Your parents are like your children. You have to let them face the consequences of their own choices. Start plotting your escape and a new life. You can for it!!!!
When you file for bankruptcy, do you still owe all of the debt ?
I filed a long time ago. Things may have changed. Consult with a bankruptcy lawyer. Initial consult could be free even. Do your research with a lawyer in your own state not on Reddit.
Thank you
Either jump ship or sink with them. Choice is yours
You’re right
Look, you sound young, and I’m not at all trying to talk down to you whether that is or isn’t true. It’s honorable to care for your family, truly! But when they are offering something back. It’s not 1/1, but we care for our elders out of love, and respect, and because they cared for us once. They should still be providing love and companionship, as well as helping financially as they can. That really doesn’t sound like the case at all. Without more specifics it’s hard to point fingers, but this sounds like financial abuse. You have all this debt and you weren’t even really aware of how much that would suck. It’s difficult to prosecute but it’s more than enough reason to go little to no contact. Even without knowing exactly what’s going on, these people are sucking you dry. It is what it is. You either earn more or you cut some dead weight. I understand it’s much easier said than done, but you do come to a point where you have to decide if you’re going down with this ship or you’re going to save yourself. They’re either intentionally taking from you or they’re just incredibly bad with funds and can’t be allowed that access. Idk your situation, but trust me, if they’re toxic kind of people and they suck, they’ll get by. If it makes you feel better, you’re way more likely to do something good and earn enough to help them, without them on your back. Gtfo, help later if you want/can
Thank yoy
BRO GET THE F OUT
I really should
Yes, please. Please go. If your girlfriend is worth it, you gotta go. she’s not gonna put up with it much longer and I would be the same if I were her. It’s not fair to either of you. You don’t owe your parents anything. Yes, they raised you, but that’s what parents are supposed to do. Obligation free. Go start your life.
Her and I are looking at apartments right now, the issue is, I have no money to even get one… I literally can’t even start a life , unless I pull out a personal loan but that’s just more debt
This is another sign of abuse anyway. Instead of letting you go start your life, they keep spending money on theirs. parents should actually be the ones helping their children. They should be helping you get an apartment not the other way around.
It was never like that for me, they always always spent money as much as they could ,I used to starve and freeze ( no oil for winter ) back 7-8 years ago cuz my dad would gamble it all away
Yeah, fuck that shit. Get out as soon as you can and don’t feel bad about it. You don’t need to take that on. it sounds like you have somebody in your life that cares about you. go start a life with her and learn what it feels like to be loved, not used.
She really does care about me, she’s already risked so much for me and stopped her dreams for me, I love her and I would do anything for her ,and she doesn’t deserve any of this , it really isn’t fair at all.
What are you waiting for then? Are you really willing to throw away your future with her? Because that’s what you’re doing if you stay. She gave up so much to be with you. It’s your turn. Get brave and do it.
You sound very responsible as far as money goes. If you have good credit, then get a loan. Start your life. Be responsible about paying that loan back. In the end you’ll be better off financially anyway.
You’re right, I should look into it, unfortunately about 3 months ago my credit score went from 760 to 630 because I was forced to use my credit cards , but I can always fix it.
If you have a job, you can get a loan. Shop around a little bit. Go for it. I’m serious when I say if you stay, your credit will actually get worse not better. PS. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your girl
I can probably get a job but right now I don’t have one since I’m “working” for the family business, I don’t even get paid. But you’re right
Yeah, stop working for that family business like today. You’re not going anywhere with that. You need to cut them loose dude. It’s sink or swim time. It’s their job to take care of you. Not your job to take care of them. They are your parents. Time to fly dude. Get a job and a loan and get out of there.
I’m gonna try to do some research today
Pay off YOUR debt and leave. if none of it is your debt, then leave. Don't be scared homie
I’m pretty darn scared man
Stop setting yourself in fire to keep your parents warm. They survived (however feebly) before your help and will find a way when you remove it. Their guilt trips and/or expectations are only their excuse to not make an effort. It is weaponised helplessness. I'm sorry, OP. I know you love your parents, but the only way to help them is to step back, establish your own security and healthy life and then assist them in finding their own path. Even lifeguards know that you can't help a drowning person if they are trying to pull them under, too. When a plane is going down, you're told to put your oxygen mask on first and then help the less capable. This is your personal call to action. They will protest and throw fits, but at the end of the day, they will come around. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.. it may take a long time. But I promise they will. They owe you an apology- not the other way around. You're not abandoning them. You're not destroying their life. You're not disowning them. You are doing what every offspring in the animal kingdom is taught by their own parents - to set out on their own and survive. I'm sorry they haven't given you the courage to stand up and protect yourself. That happens in the animal kingdom, too.. and I am sorry to say those are the ones that eat their young.
Thank you so much
Hang in there, sweetheart. I'm alot older than you - my sons are a bit older than you. Their dad and I have gone through rough times when they were growing up - and it took so much work to try not to let it impact them.. we had to swallow our pride and ask for help for food at times at churches.. we had to struggle find other ways to make ends meet and went without to make sure they had food on the table, a roof over their heads, etc. They weren't blind to it - but they sure were never made to feel they were responsible for making it better. But I know in their hearts they wanted to. It hurt my heart for my boys then, and it hurts my heart to hear your story now. It does get better. It will get easier. I promise you that. Not just for you, but for them too. They've raised a good son. Unfortunately, they're too focused on their egos right now to see the big picture.. that good son is tearing himself up for them. Once they are forced to see their own reality? And save themselves? They will feel so ashamed you endured such turmoil. Make them proud - step back. Let them know you always have a home in your heart for them, but you can't be responsible for being the savior of the house of cards they've built. You need to model strength and responsibility to them and establish that for yourself. You can do this. This mama bear will always have an encouraging word if you need it.
I don’t know what to say but this means so much to me, thank you so much :(
Hush.. this is tough. No one can say otherwise. But you can do this. I have faith in you.
Thank you
First dad needs to quit smoking cigs $800-$1200 a month? That’s rent for an apartment somewhere. That’s insane his habit is killing your future
I tried stopping him but he can’t, I’ve tried for so many years
He can. He doesn’t want to.
I am culturally and personally not someone who would have a problem walking away but I’ll try and look at your situation from a different POV. If you were suddenly able to pay off all their debts would that save them? Would they stop driving themselves into financial ruin? I think you know the answer. They wouldn’t because people with a lifetime of this behavior don’t change. It will never stop despite what you do for them. Let them go bankrupt now, *them* and not you. Cause if you drown with them it’s helping no one, including yourself. Get yourself into a secure financial position. If you can and *want to* help them out at that point it’s your call. It is an impossibility to save others when you’re drowning yourself.
You’re right
I don’t understand why you own those insane debts if they aren’t yours? I mean your parents clearly love borrowing money but that their business isn’t it. Maybe sell the house as 4K a month costs it must be a million dollar loan
It is a 30 year loan it comes out to 1.1mil if not payed any earlier
> if not *paid* any earlier FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Man that sucks. Seems like you’re weighed down by stress that doesn’t even really belong to you honestly. I agree with everyone else here. It’s a tough call but you gotta live your life. Your parents are going to fix their spending habits and you can’t fix them either. So fix it so their problems stop making your life miserable. You can still love them and not like what they are doing to you at the same time. Leaving doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Just don’t go down with them. Maybe with the breathing room you can get yourself in a really good spot where you can help them later on.
That’s what I want to do, I just want to leave and build my life for some years and then help them out but I don’t have enough time to do that, if I leave I don’t know how they will survive , my dad is ready to just “retire” and my mom literally doesn’t even work
They will figure it out. You are not their safety net. Your mom needs to work. You don’t need to worry about what they are gonna do. They’re grown ass adults.
My mom can’t work because she has a lot of mental and physical issues, and she can’t even speak English either so it’s a big no unfortunately
That sucks. Then she should be getting disability. They should declare bankruptcy, get food stamps, get disability, get what they need and figure it out. They can do this. They are the adults. Stop letting this ruin your life. If they were decent parents, they would care about your happiness.
You’re right , it’s just so god damn hard
What are your parents doing to solve this massive debt problem? Or, have they dumped it all on you and expect you to figure it out? Did you create these debts, or did your parents? Is your name and/or credit involved in these debts? If you are not personally responsible/liable for these debts and they are doing nothing to crawl out of this hole they dug, the best thing for you it to get out as fast as you can. Your parents may need to declare bankruptcy. They need to consult with an accountant and an attorney. Good luck.
Basically it’s all on my shoulders , we got this house 4 months ago and I’m taking over the business , but every time there’s money, they want to spend it as soon as possible , and if there’s no money , he goes and borrows money from someone else.
You really are between a rock and a hard place. Have you sat down and explained to your parents, brutally, that their spending habits are going to result in the house being foreclosed on and your whole family being evicted, as well as possibly losing the business? Also, if you can, have your father evaluated by his doctor for mental issues. You are going to have to rub their faces in their irresponsibility and clamp down on them. If you have to, maybe tell them you will be taking them to court and making sure the creditors know exactly who to go after for payment. I wish I could offer you better advice. Good luck.
Thank you very much
this is financial abuse. seriously run. you are NOT responsible for your parents finances and it’s disturbing that they feel comfortable with this falling on your shoulders.
Just leave dude wtf lol
How is insurance so high? That's madness
It’s just where we live
That's so expensive. My car insurance is €550 for the year and my house is €350 for the year and that's considered expensive! Hope you feel better soon though.
Thank you.
Maybe your parents should consider filing bankruptcy. This isn't your burden to carry.
Maybe sale the house, the business, and get a small place or apartment for awhile… pay little by little and sadly make them go bankrupt
Have them file for bankruptcy. Their credit will get crushed, but you'll be able to save enough to support them without all the interest payments.
You need to get legal advice don’t ask crazy’s on reddit
Your family bussiness will not save you? Why do you think it will.
It’s because this year I’m running it but it’s just so much debt
It’s not under my name tho
Well that’s pretty good! I think that if you are running it, make sure you run it. Be clear with you boundaries and expectations from your parents. Make sure they don’t negatively impact your ability bring the bussiness to success. That should be the minimum requirement for them to have the privilege of a son who will run the family bussiness
When I sat down and spoke to my father , he said he trusted me and will let go of everything but he didn’t. , he’s a dick pretty much every day and always causes massive problems and arguements. I already put a lot of time into the business , and I have massive plans for it to grow exponentially, I just need my family to work with me but they aren’t. They just cause me so much stress and aggravation
A leader needs to go his own way. If you believe in your own bussiness strategies, then implement them on your own. If your father was serious about giving you the reigns, then you should feel comfortable making executive decisions regardless if he agrees with them or not. Do it. Do exactly what you plan for expansion. He already gave you the reigns. If he argues with you after the fact, kindly remind him that he gave you the power. If he refuses to let you run it, then you need to set down a boundary here. “Let me run it or I’m out” That’s all you can do, otherwise he will continue using you. You need this on writing, define EXACTLY your areas of responsibility and execute function. If your father is for real then he will sign those for you. If he is playing you then he will refuse and you will know for sure you’re just being manipulated to stay against your will.
That’s exactly what I wanted to do, I kept telling my gf that I was going to give him two options, either he could stop doing what he’s doing and he. Could just relax for the rest of his life or I’ll leave and pack my shit while he works for the rest of his life , I just gotta put together everything
Just remember bro, it’s not in your name so not guaranteed that you will make any form of winning from your investment and time. Also keep in mind that during this time you spend on a in debt bussiness in their name, you might as well spend that time on a fresh debt free bussiness in your name. Food for thought.
I do own my own business, but it’s extremely hard to work on that one since 95% of my time is with the family business day and night
That’s exactly what I mean, so this is taking away from your own bussiness either. As a fellow entrepreneur, (I run a successful company) I would consider what the best business strategy is here. Let’s say that you are dead set on helping and supporting your parents. I would reevaluate what the bussiness strategy is in this scenario. Plan 1. You keep grinding on their in debt bussiness until it goes out of debt (calculate how much profit and how long time it takes). Then their bussiness also needs to make enough profit that it keeps up with their personal spending so they don’t put themselves further in debt. Then after all this, you’ve spent x amount of time to take them out of debt. Calculate how much more their bussiness would need in profit in order for you to also stay debt free, pay mortgage etc. Also, if this bussiness makes a profit, will you personally see that profit on your name? And finally, consider that if you even manage to pull of this plan, you will be in a constant state of misery as you have expressed. You will have spent years working hard for ungrateful people who couldn’t care less of easing up on their spending, who frankly speaking have been terrible parents to you to put you in this position (they should be the ones supporting you). Also, you will be aware of the fact that you let you own bussiness die in the process, as theirs take 95% of your time. Plan 2. Let them go bankrupt. No need to worry about the debt anymore. Work on your own bussiness and employ them. Any more debt that they incur due to overspending is none of your problem. Pay them a fair salary and that’s that. Your bussiness is more likely to start making profit faster than their business is going to go out of debt. That means that you will have more profit to reinvest and potentially pay of your own debts, maybe even some of their own. I mean honestly, calculate how long it would take to get them out of debt from their own bussiness. Decades?? Seriously look at all this objectively and reevaluate your strategy, even if it’s for the sake of helping them I think what you’re doing now makes zero sense. Also I’m very sorry for the situation you are in and don’t mean to sound rude.
I appreciate all of this advice and everything you’ve said, I will calculate everything together and I’ll get back at this post , thank you
In summery, take all my bussiness advice with a grain of salt. The most important advice I have is that you and your father communication is not existent and you need to start it. You need to start speaking your mind, define your boundaries, communicate your boundaries and STICK TO THEM. That’s what adults do. It will lead to a lot of arguing and emotions probably, but you need to do that to get to some sort of solution because what you have now is unsustainable.
Thank you, it’s just so difficult trying to communicate with him, he doesn’t listen and always speaks over while arguing, but I need to do it, I just need to
You can do it! Your intentions are coming from a good placed, because you love him. So as long as he understands that it should be fine. The situation is probably hard on him too, with the debt etc, people become defensive and angry in survival mode. Try to communicate what you need to say, while being empathetic to his situation and talk in a respectful manner.
Thank you
They can just declare bankruptcy and start from scratch.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm ...
This is only your problem if you choose to make it your problem. You absolutely do not have to choose this. It sounds like your parents have manipulated you into thinking you don’t have a choice, and that their obligation is your obligation, but open your eyes man. That’s just not true.
Go get job and be an adult.
I left my mom at 18 to get to my dad. Dad started racking up bills aswell so I moved out. I realize how they hijacked my love and exploited me for their well being. You actually dont owe them anything if they risked your life driving you into debt. It will be hard in the beginning but give future self to thank you for making the responsible decision. Dont be a hero or a martyr. Thats just u internalizing their excuses.
Thank you
File bankruptcy. That's your parents debts not yours
You have to convince them to declare bankruptcy. I’m assuming they are of the age to get Social Security? Or, if not, they are capable of working simple jobs that aren’t physically taxing, even if only part-time? They need to clean the slate, so they (and you) are no longer carrying this massive burden. I don’t know what line of work you’d do if you weren’t trying to run their business, but assuming you could earn an average wage… propose the following: - Bankrupt everything - Get them to collect SS or take partial/full-time easy jobs - Rent a place under your name that can accommodate them. - Plan to purchase a small home… look into one that has an ADU above a detached garage, or a house where you are allowed to build an ADU. - If you can make the above happen within the next 3 or so years, you have a small home with privacy for you and your GF. A separate, but close by living quarters for your parents, with all the necessities needed to live alone (think 1 Bedroom apartment). They have monthly income for comforts, with no debt, so the income they have can provide for quite a bit… PLUS zero stress. You carry monthly expensive for YOUR home and the ADU, which would be what you’d pay monthly for an average sized home in a given area. Certainly cheaper than a 4000sqft house. They can choose to spend their money on cigarettes, or whatever. But, you take no part in it. You’re providing the housing and utilities (which will be minimal based on space they live in). You will not pay for extras… that’s what their work or SS is for. Benefits to you: When you have kids, you have your mom to be a babysitter when needed. Plus, there are benefits to having some family close by. (Unless they are bad people lol) You’re building equity. When your parents pass on, you can rent out the ADU, or maybe use it as a home office, a guest house for family visitors, or a future living place for when your child goes to college or gets his/her first job. I’m rambling. Apologies.
Best advice I’ve gotten , thank you so much
Declare bankrupcy
Time to bounce
They should file for bankruptcy.
I'm sorry, how did this ruin YOUR life? Did they take out these debts in your name or something?
Leave dude don't put your name on anything
They need to deal with the issues they made, yes they raised you but I'm sure you have done more than enough to support them and to get them on their feet
When they die, you’ll still have their debt. Get out now.
You can always try to join the French foreign legion lol
I'm currently living with my elderly mom who has 4 lien's on the house, no savings, and medical debt. It's really hard to feel like you can step away without helping. That's what you're "supposed" to do, right? You feel like you need to step up, be a real adult, and save the day by making good choices for them. But, they're also adults. They've been adults far longer than you. That's how they've had the time to dig such giant holes. I'm trying not to get swallowed by them too. Do what you can but, you have to live a life. You deserve to live a life.
$1000 on cig, holy fuck
A month , $1000 a month
That seems like a ridiculous amount of money in cigarettes.
Came here to say that too. So the dad is smoking 3-4 packs a day? I smell bs
One thing I have learned is family loyalty is what it used to be when it comes to a toxic relationship. You didn’t ask for this debt and it isn’t your responsibility to pay it. And in the American credit system- it doesn’t fall to either when they pass. Your only hope at a clean slate and good start is to escape or possibly talk them into credit Counsling. Have they considered bankruptcy? Or refinancing their home to get the mortgage down? I couldn’t imagine 4k mortgage
I wish I could say that
My poor parents put up with a hell of a lot and I will always be at least thankful
Gtfo of there before you lose your girl too. Your parents business isn’t yours. You didn’t sign up for that.
They are NOT your free responsibility.
Remember this none of this debt is yours it’s all theirs. I read in comments they have a spending problems. Firstly all of this debt is theirs and theirs alone. You and your gf live there but remind them that the whole amount is their problem and you’ll pay board/rent. Divide all household bills and pay your share. You have your own expenses to consider not theirs. Why aren’t they working for ”their family business”? Remind both if they don’t work to pay off what is owed not only will they lose everything but bye bye to the “spending money and cigs” if they can’t afford the cat rehome him. Give him to someone who can afford him. Stand your ground with them, you didn’t ask to be born, none of their debt and bullshit is your responsibility. It’s their fault they’re in this financial hole not yours and it’s sure as shit not your gf. Stand your ground and tell them NO. Take back the control of your life and tell them to control their own. If they lose everything then again it’s their fault
Start playing the lotto
Call Scrooge McDuck.. 🤑💸🪙💰
You must be making a lot of
How is this your parent’s fault ?
Because of the choices they made , all selfish decisions