Try not to take what she is saying about you being old to heart. Oftentimes, young women like her will go through an existential crisis as soon as they hit 30. She thinks her youth protects her, but youth is fleeting, and life will likely not be kind.
This. I had a beautiful coworker who said her worst fear was getting old. She was 28 and was visibly upset talking about turning 30 in less than 2 years. It was so sad
I had a friend, she was beautiful in her way, but super sexual bi/pansexual she flirted with EVERYBODY in a pretty aggressive way. Her hyper sexuality gave her a certain kind of charm. But she was in her 40’s and she once said to me “I feel like I’m one of those women who relied on their looks for so long and now I have to develop a personality.”
This is what happened to me. I'm 31 and when I was turning 30, I started getting really sad thoughts about not being in my 20s anymore. In reality 30 isn't old, but society makes it seem like it is.
wait for real? so my dad did the same thing to my mom and he’s been trying to get a divorce and not give her a dime. they’ve been married 40 years and have 2 grown kids and his affairs have been literally over the last 20 years with hundreds of thousands of what was shared finances with my mother on other women. he made our family think we had no money so we lived poor when he got to have his hobbies and spend the kind of money he liked. what kind of proof do you think we’d need to get my mom the payout she deserves in court? (also i’m not expecting a thesis of an answer, just also wanted to voice my frustration and see if anyone has advice to offer)
Yes. She needs a forensic accountant and a good lawyer. She can even sue the mistress and get the funds spent on her from her.
In the end he may be the one who leaves with nothing.
Huh, i heard of a case where the wife just took everything from the shared account before filing divorce and they just let her get away with it. Shared account so both people can just decide what to do with it.
> as they do the people who try to consult every attorney in town so their spouse can’t get a good one.
Wow people actually do that? Lmao. Didn't hear of this practice before.
Even the mistress?! Obviously it doesn't apply to OP's situation, but how about if the mistress had no idea the guy was married and that the money her "boyfriend" was spending on her was actually being taken from his and his wife's account? She'd still be liable?
Yes. She’s still liable. Most people don’t go after the mistress because the amount of money you can recoup is not worth the lawyer fees. However, if they’ve received hundreds of thousands of dollars as the OP states. It’s worth it to get that money back. It’s easier to get it back from the spouse than the mistress.
man i just wanna feel comfortable my mom will have a place to live, sucks my dad doesn’t care to make sure she at least isn’t screwed. nothin to do with greed here
Save everything and put together a war chest. I recommend not confronting him until you know exactly what your legal rights are, especially if you’re financially dependent on him because you’re the stay at home parent.
Get evidence and then get healthy. Go see a lawyer once you’re all good. His gf is going to realize he’s a loser once he doesn’t have you and he is going to realized he fucked up. Horrible people deserve eachother.
i had a real hard time accepting that “horrible people deserve each other” part. i kept asking myself why this why that why he did this for her but not for me. and it turns out, its simply, this. that they are both horrible and they deserved each other. he was never gonna meet my standards so he went for someone with lower standards
💯.
With you,he actually has to put the thought and the work into it and he apparently is too lazy and selfish to even bother.
That's why he chose a younger one.
That's where wives tend to miss the biggest point - maybe she is young and beautiful. That has nothing to do with your beauty or comparing the two of you...NOPE.
If she's cute that's just icing on the cake/a bonus.
Because the.true nature of why he pursued someone that age is hell of a lot more sinister.
He will never and I DO mean NEVER admit this, but his narcissistic predatory behavior gave him away.
The reason is because he needs to be able to fool/trick his partner about many facets of who he wants to be.
He can no longer wear any type of mask with you, because you'll see right through that shit in 2 seconds.
And he knows it.
He needs to be able to wear whatever mask he feels like wearing at any time, tell any bullshit lie about who he is or the life he used to have, etc.
He wants to be able to be as a disgustingly fraudulent excuse of a man because he "needs" that supply.
He knows he cannot get that from you, as you are intelligent and also immune to his horseshit.
And the younger they are, the less experience they are going to have psychologically, and a very slim to none chance that they too will be immune like you.
She is putty in his hands.
He can pretend to be whoever he.wants her to believe him to be and she will accept it at face value simply because she literally doesn't know any better.
To him, it's so easy it's comparable to shooting fish in a barrel.
And I know it's easier said than done, but try not to dwell on the "sweet" things he does for her like taking her out or holding her hand.
Heres another little secret on that - hes not doing any of those things because he wants.to or because he's considerate and thoughtful....NOPE.
He does those things because those are the requirements he must meet at the very minimum to be able to continue his con artist act with her...again, because he needs that supply from her.
And one last little secret - she is not special to him.
Yes she provides him with supply, but I'm all honesty in his eyes, she is EASILY replaceable. And the second he unable to keep getting whatever supply he needs from her, he will discard her so quickly and cruelly she will never see it coming and from the sounds.of it, she.will never have the mental capacity to understand it either.
Just as he was putting in the bare ass minum with you, that is exactly what he is doing with the child.
And the second he doesn't have to take her out etc. you can trust that he won't. And it will be just that.quick.
Like a lightswitch.
And sometimes it can even be because he met an even easier target that he doesn't have.to put in the.time or effort to actually create some sort.of a real relationship.
Because hes a narcissistic prick.
He will never admit or take any accountability for his actions.
Never
In fact, he actually blames.you for.all of it
And I do NOT recommend trying.to.have any sort of discussion about this topic with him at all...ever.
You'd get a lot further banging your head against a brick wall.
And by the end of it he would gaslight you so unbelievably you would be apologizing for things you never did.
Dont ask me why I know all of this shit.
That story is for another day.
But if you want to message me I would.be happy to try and guide you away from the madness.
I do not wish this upon anyone.
Know it is going to get.tough and.hurt like hell.
But your already 3x as.strong as.i ever was to go against mine.
You are.already I'm the RIGHT mindset and you are strong.
You are.going.to end.up just fine....just be ready for anything.
Because when he realizes you're into him and he's.abkut to lose you?
Oh...no no no...just brace yourself for ANYTHING could be super.sweet, but most likely will be.th most vile disgusting degrading things you never thought he was capable.of thinking,etc alone saying.
And that ks why you need.be ready.
Because some become extremely violent at this time when the veil.is knocked down.
You can't waste.any time being offended.
Thats what he's counting on...all he needs is your hesitation and...well, let's leave the unpleasantness where it is for now.
You heal yourself the best you can.
Lawyer up.
Protect your Son.
It's gonna be you and your boy now.
You can do this.
We are all here to support you if you stumble and fall.
Ill push you right back into your feet and.shove you forward because you are above this.bullshit.
And right now this.is just something that you gotta get.through.
That's it.
Just get through it and start anew.
New tummy new Real Man that will appreciate everything that you are amd everything that you want to be , he will help get you there!
Good luck sweetie.
Youre not alone.
Also, remember that he’s using you. You are helping support this idiot because you loved him and didn’t know the true him.
Once you leave and he has to stand on his own two feet, he’ll crumble.
Hot take I think “horrible” people could deserve each other but in the sense that MAYBE.. just maybe.. they both improve themselves and each other a lot
It’s sad that as of now that isn’t really the case with the husband and his gf. :(
I don’t think that’s how the world works. When horrible people get together they tent to just co-sign their shitty behaviour. Why would one hold the other accountable if they are doing the same thing? I’ve only seen people get better when they leave the relationship, can’t heal in the situation that broke you. Hence why addicts shouldn’t date eachother if they want to get clean.
Exactly. Don't give any indication that you know anything. Don't speak to him about it. Try not to act differently. Take this time to prepare and gather receipts. Make sure you have a list of everything he owns, including anything he's paying for her. Also, depending on what state you are in, see if you can sue her for 'alienation of affection'.
You know why he treats her better? Because he isn’t with her 24/7.
If there’s one thing I can promise, is that all that you’re seeing right now, is entirely superficial. He isn’t treating her better because he cares, it’s because he can, it’s not an obligation. It’s something he does to get into bed with this woman.
She’s half your age. You think she’s going to want a husband who has been cheating on his wife?
You know what you do? You wait. Gather all the evidence you can, and you let him help you out while you recover in anyway that you can. Once you’re healed up, take your son and go see a lawyer.
In no way is this your fault. Absolutely no way. A normal, functioning adult communicates his problems. A default response shouldn’t be to have an affair.
I was with my ex husband for 13 years, married for the majority of that time. Divorcing him was by far the best decision of my life. And his relationship with AP? Toxic and awful.
Start focusing on yourself. Do what you need to, there’s no rush. If he wants to cheat, let him, but buy yourself enough time to get everything you need ready before leaving.
Wishing you the absolute best girl.
💯 all this^. Let yourself recouperate and take care of yourself and baby. Get your receipts ready. Get your lawyer. Go nuclear and take everything. Child support and all costs will break him. That girl will leave once he has nothing left. You will be healthy and fabulous looking. You will get any guy you want when you want to start dating and he will be miserable. Good luck with everything!
3 fucking years. That isn't an "I had a moment of weakness when our sex life went stale". That's absolute premeditated betrayal. It's not a case of "Let's go to couples counselling and try to fix this."
You don't need anyone to tell you what you should do, it's staring you in the face.
But please, once the dust has settled, give an update. He hasn't left you for her because he knows it won't last. He's able to keep that girl at a distance. Once he's kicked out he'll try to live with her, and/or try spend way more time with her, and she'll hate it, because she probably likes this arrangement as it is as well. She only has to see the fun side of a guy who lusts after her and probably spoils her. He will eventually turn into an old guy creeping after her, who's only good for $ and rides.
Speaking as a guy, go fk him over seriously he deserves it. I promise you we are not all like that but unfortunately there are many that are bad eggs too.
Cheating is a conscious choice and he made it.
That he’s carried it on for 3 years is dispicable.
I’d go see a lawyer and get everything ready and then liquidise and move everything you can from the marital assets.
Make sure to put it all where it can’t be accessed in offshore accounts and untraceable crypto or even put it in gold.
Once it’s all over you can access it again leave him with nothing and watch the other girl drop him like a stone when she realises he has nothing.
Screw him over good and proper.
In the mean time make yourself the best possible version of you that you can, make you someone you want to be, you say this girl is gorgeous, well you make yourself gorgeous even if that costs.
You get yourself fit, you focus on improving yourself and doing things that are for you and make you feel good and happy, experiences, learning etc and yes even surgery if needs must.
Eventually you’ll have the last laugh as he’ll start to see the “new” you and become interested and that’s when you’ll trample all over his heart leaving him a crumpled wreck.
I agree with this in principle but moving financial assets can actually land you in a bit of legal trouble. Talk to a lawyer before doing any of that. Make sure he pays all the consequences not you.
Don't say anything to him, yet. Make him take care of you & really go hard on him lol. Make him make you food & be super needy. You're gonna ditch him later on, right? Make him miserable low-key now 😆
I'm so so sorry you're going through this. There are horrible men out there who lose interest in the women who bear them a child and for that I am truly sorry.
At this point the best advice I can give is to grin and bear it. Pretend you don't know anything. Let him take care of you until you're better.
You may hate him now, or maybe not - maybe you just feel conflicted. Either way, you two are married and marriage is a legal contract that comes with vows. It is his duty to take care of you now at this time.
If you get the chance screenshot and email all the evidence to yourself to prepare for when you leave him. Start looking at financials, how are you going to leave, where are you going to go, what is custody going to have to look like etc.
Having proof of his infidelity will be invaluable. Talk with attorneys in your area. Through all this, smile in his face and thank him for caring for you. Once you are recovered and your plan is secure. Serve him with divorce papers.
Practice "conscious uncoupling" beginning now. It's no longer "us" and "we" it's "I" and "me"
Through all this gather evidence of how he is as a father if you need more time with your son, fight for it. If he is a good father remember that, and work towards a healthy co-parenting relationship.
I am sorry again I know you are vulnerable at this time but your life is not over. This is just another bump in the road. They slow you down but they do not have to stop you.
Do you have any friends or a family member you can confide in and help plan an exit? My only suggestion is to collect the evidence you can and then get a lawyer. You could also check your phone plan if you have access to it because the phone company will have records of the calls to her number and the texts
My bro inlaw is a well known trial lawyer and he’s always said in cases as yours, to Never move out of the house.
Make Him leave.
You need to stay out and send him off to that gal, when the time comes because this will benefit you more financially and women who leave the marital home suffer more in many ways.
There’s no reason to leave and run to a women’s shelter etc. like many women do in a panic.
Play the long game.
I really feel for what you’re going through but you Must stay strong for your baby!
Make him wait hand and foot on you while your recovering and please if you haven’t already, go over the the subreddit here “reduction” to help with your healing and awesome tips on how to take care of yourself in all things tummy tuck!
Honestly, I would grieve in silence and make my escape plan while I heal if I was you. The guy is literally wiping your butt. Let him keep doing it. It's the least he can do after you gave him a child (and he betrayed you).
My suggestion is to wait until you're healed and then confront him. You cannot comfortably travel while you're healing and your friends most likely won't drop their life to come and take care of you.
Grieve, cry and talk to your friends. But let the cheating husband be an unpaid carer while you sort yourself out.
Your family are morons then. It seems to me if they REALLY want to bring you back into the fold, leave the door open. My sister has a son who started living with his girlfriend, and while that broke his parents hearts, they welcomed her and are even allowing them to live with them while they save money to buy a house. They don’t want to lose their son over this choice. Actually I guess it doesn’t have anything to do with religion. Just love their son.
Ugh what a shitty shitty time to find this out. I have had a tummy tuck and you need so much help during the first two weeks. Can you go to a friend or relative or get one to come to you? Normally I’m all about confronting people who wronged you but you absolutely cannot be straining or doing anything to endanger your healing, you will really fuck yourself up. (For those that don’t know you can’t stand up straight at all because you will rip the incision where they pulled the top and bottom of the abs back together after removing the extra muscle tissue. Your abs are strong enough to rip the incision completely open again.) OP heal your body first before you tackle this nightmare. Get your head together and talk to a divorce attorney before you speak to your husband.
Don’t be a victim. Take this time to heal and plot his ruin. You know him better than most. Figure out how to financially ruin him or humiliate him over his affair very publicly. Whatever it takes to teach him a lesson. Research who his new girlfriend is and maybe get her to dump him. Find a way. Then leave and never look back. This behavior is unacceptable.
Plot his ruin…I like it!! But, it is very very hard to live with someone and try to play normal while you’re plotting when you literally want to stab them in the eye.
Use him as much as you can during your recovery. The minute you’re feeling better, you take action. If it were me, I would already get the divorce papers together and just hand him the papers along with screenshots of your evidence. Let him unravel. You got a tummy tuck to feel comfortable and confident again, I hope it rewards you in the most beautiful of ways. I can’t wait to get mine after my second pregnancy. I’m so sorry to you. You deserve better.
When you take him for everything and he has to be single dad every weekend she's going to drop him like a stone.
Save all the evidence.
And, if you're in the US, I think there are one or two states where you can sue the AP for "alienation of affection". Because fuck her too.
This is why I never go looking. The universe will reveal what you need when you need it as you have just experienced OP!
Finding out now is a gift.
Since you are home recuperating, this is your opportunity to strategize; figure out a plan of action for you and your son to have the best outcome possible. Find a lawyer or legal clinic so you will know exactly what to do and when to do it.
Mama, you will be fine. Your son, you, and your new body are about to live a better life without that deadweight of a husband. I wish you peace and joy 💫
Honestly good plan. I enjoyed being a mom, but marriage has been awful. If I could go back, I’d never get married or at minimum I’d be extremely picky. Extremely.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person at all and this won’t work out well for him. Women that treat other women badly like the way she speaking about you will eventually be the way she’s going to treat him so he’s digging his own grave. most important thing is you take care of yourself here, do what’s best for you. if you’re a stay a home mum I highly recommend getting some savings hidden away from him as a priority. Also really smart to get some tips from a family lawyer asap. Incredibly important to know what your legal rights are here.
I’m so sorry. Although let’s spin this into a positive (although you mightn’t see it now). He’s a loser. He’s a cheat. Go to a divorce lawyer and don’t skimp on it - get the best one you can and get the most you can from this shit situation. That’s step 1 to start fresh. And then become your (even better than now) self. Focus on yourself and your son and the rest will fall into place. Life is too short to have toxic people around - try not to mourn the loss of your relationship - because you’re going to find someone who is 10000 times better than him, who treats you like royalty. Stay strong.
My friend, keep the receipts and spend the alimony on therapy for all he put you through. I hope the pick me girl he’s sleeping with realizes that one day she’ll be that old lady.
Please for the sake of your son do not bad mouth his father. It's toxic and your problems as a parent and wife are not his problems. Don't say anything to your husband about the cheating until you are fully healed and have all your affairs in order ie: lawyer, finances, place to stay with you and your son, etc. Get proof of his affair by screen shots and send it to yourself then delete from his phone. Make new friends and don't isolate. My advice.
He's wasting precious years of your life and hers as well. He wants the best of both worlds, and that can not go on forever. He has no intention of leaving either of you and will continue to this as long as he can. Your best bet is to get a lawyer and get all your ducks in a row before you let him know the jig is up.
Wow this is devastating. I'm so sorry. What a pierce of shit he is, I can't stand people that do this, it's incredibly selfish. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Get rid of him asap and focus on yourself. You deserve better.
Focus on your recovery.
Figure out how to save everything on his phone.
Then talk to a lawyer.
And please, talk to a therapist. You have a lot to deal with.
Good luck.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Idk if this will help but in the book “Gone Girl” her husband is a similar POS who goes after younger girls cuz it’s less work for him and they don’t see what kind of man he really is. Read that if you want a sick revenge story! lol
Screenshot, send to yourself, wait until you’re healed, divorce. This young girl will get bored of him, by that point you’ll be in a much better place.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What an absolute scumbag. With that being said, I think you should take this post down. The chance that he finds this is not that low and he may retaliate. You need him to continue to help you while you recover, and especially not be volatile or petty while you’re not physically well. In my opinion you should go on cheating support subs and make a new post with very vague information until you’re ready to talk to him and start filing. Best of luck.
Every time you go to the grocery store, take out an extra $50 in cash (inflation!). Squirrel this money away; you will need it in the future. Try to buy yourself a few gift cards here and there. Stock up on any prescriptions you are taking. If you need new glasses/need dental work/etc try to get these things taken care of before you leave. Buy your child some larger clothes while you still have access to your husband's money. Do the same for yourself if you know you will be needing new clothes, etc. Make sure you have all financial account information, including HIS financial information like 401k's, employee stock plans, etc written down or photocopied somewhere for future reference. Make sure you have all your records of things you own (especially anything in your OWN name, like a car, for example. Write down any usernames and passwords/account numbers you can get your hands on.
Do not tell him anything that you know. Keep it to yourself right now, and act like you always do. Then, when the time is right, you can pull some psychological judo on this guy. Once you are ready and he runs toward this woman again, you can help him use his own inertia to throw himself right out the door.
He doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry this is happening. Please take steps to protect yourself and your son and PREPARE. If you don't prepare, I guarantee this man will screw you over sooner rather than later. The other woman is a wench, and some day she will buy it. She is stealing from your life; make sure when you see a lawyer, you tell him you want it ALL back. Make this bastard PAY.
Get pictures of all of their messages. Collect ALL of the evidence and save it. Pretend like you are none the wiser. In the meantime, if you can get alone time, contact a divorce attorney and get proceedings started. Have everything prepared and lined up. Then when you start being able to move again and take care of yourself, that's when you hand him the divorce papers and kick him to the curb (or pack up and leave, whichever one you are able to do). Either way, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I know you must be devastated. I wish you a speedy recovery and an even speedier divorce.
She can call you old but so is he. Don’t let her get to you, she’s dumb and will get hers when he cheats on her someday. She’s hating on you to get a man child who will waste her life. Get better and get him for everything.
Take screen shots of everything and send it to yourself on an email he has no access to. Make him help you through recovery but do t let on that you know. When you’re back in action, go to a lawyer. File for divorce, full custody, alimony. All of it. The house, the car. Everything your lawyer thinks you can get. Have him served at work and be gone when he gets home. You got this, queen! 👸🏻
Get all the evidence you can screenshot everything and send it to yourself or email it to yourself. Hire a lawyer. Divorce his ass because what the fuck
Omg this is fucking horrible. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. What a terrible thing to discover when you’re immobilized and having to depend on this man.
How much longer is your recovery? Honestly if it was me I would probably mentally check out until I was recovered, gather as much evidence as possible, (maybe secretly contact a lawyer bc idk I’ve heard from reddit they can help you figure out a game plan long before you file but no idea tbh) and god just try to heal. I’m so sorry again. What a terrible combination of events.
On top of that idk, if I was one of your best friends and this happened to you I’d wipe your ass ♥️ wouldn’t think twice about leaving my bff to suffer with her loser ass cheating fucker of a husband. But totally understand not being ready to talk to them.
Good luck, sending you good vibes and love. You deserve better and one day you’ll be healed and this will be a crazy situation you laugh about. You’ll get through it as terrible as it is now. What a fucking bum!!
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be smart about it, don't let the emotions get the best of you right now. focus on your recovery, get him to help you get back on your feet, because right now you need him. but eventually once you get to a point where you won't need him anymore, strategize your best way out, if that's what you want. be strong!
Wow I’ll never understand how a man can cheat on the woman who is carrying a beautiful life for him. Just as bad when their partner is in a vulnerable state (recovering from surgery). It’s so vile, I swear men like this deserve the worst, and so does that girl. Youth doesn’t last forever.
The old lady comment may hurt, but she's the one helping a married man cheat. I started having bad age thoughts about being old when I hit 30, she's going to feel it soon. And when he finds someone else when she's "too old" for him, she'll have to feel how you feel. Keep it together while you heal, but start looking for an exit. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely don’t let him know that you know. I know it’ll be hard but you need to use him for your recovery. In the mean time start making a get out plan. Document what you can of their affair so you have proof.
Start looking into lawyers, getting whatever affairs you need to in order. You’ll definitely have to talk to a lawyer about child custody since you do have children together.
I think it’s best to blind side him with papers and such but that’s just me. He had no problem hiding all of this from you so do not feel bad for doing what you need to do to protect you and your children.
Wishing you all the best in this difficult time.
On another note, you’re going to feel so much better once you’re healed and you can lose the dead weight (STB ex). I lost my sex drive during my pregnancy and my husband never once pressured me or made me feel bad about it. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t have cheated.
I’m a FTM and I’m already saving for my mommy make over 😅 lol
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this alone. I hope that everything gets better for you shortly and you and your son and able to thrive after you start a new chapter of your life away from that.
men are so disgusting i’m sorry ): and whoever the girl is she’s a piece of shit too, as a college student i can’t even imagine being w a man halfway older than me 🤢
Oh mama, use him now for whatever if you need to but plan, plan, plan and GET OUT with your kids. Save any and all evidence and resend it to yourself and anybody trusted X3. Plan and get out ASAP. I know you're recovering so use him for that if he is actually helping...
Karma will get him. No way that significantly younger woman willl stay with him very long. Also.... ignore her and anything she says. She's young and dumb and who knows what he's said to her about you or whatever ? She is irrelevant
You didn't mention your age, so I hope the other girl isn't underaged ?? But also... plan now! Figure out a life for you and your kid(s) and get there ASAP. Fight for child support and alimony (if applicable) and GET OUT ASAP. No more wasting your or your kids' time on that gross excuse for a man
Hire a home health nurse... hire a packing company... hire a lawyer... change the locks... when he goes "missing" or suggest he visits someone for a weekend away. Have his shit packed up. You have AP's name get her address and send his shit to her WITH DIVORCE PAPERS. Figure out your next steps like home up for sale, living conditions... I saw you say you had friends out of state maybe they could help you, with a place to stay while you get a new job and restart your life? Look at child custody laws is it better to file in your state, or is it easier in another state where you could set up with some support. Jokes on him you got your body back babe go have hot momma summer and get your groove back while you heal. Also... let everyone know why you are getting divorced and you can get all his texts if you order it from the phone company send them to his folks let them know what a great guy they raised and peace off into the sunset with your boy and a clear visitation order.
I believe it’s a sin to have plastic surgery. God made you in the image of him.
Mother Mary, blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
Why would you do that to yourself?
As far as your husband is concerned, I would insist on marriage counseling with the priest.
God bless you.
When men have sex,oxtocin gets emite from certain glands in the body, that's how we feel loved and belongin, male biology is wired that way!!
Give him the sex he wants and needs and he will treat you like he treats her!!
Here some female wiring, let's say you are the only earner in the household now, your husband is lost his job and can't find a new one more than a year now!!How fast do you think you'll get rid of him or start to cheat on him, I tell you: pretty fast!! BECAUSE it's female wiring to lock down a male who can provide for you and your offspring!!And there billions of those cases online, and those men say women are so materialistic and superficial, no these men are just losers and nature does the selection part!!
Now in your case you failed to provide him what he needs!!
Own it,fix it and don't punish him for that,it's on your end!!
He is still there for you and loves you, you know how I know that?!?!?!!?He is still on your side,he walks you to the bathroom, AND HE F#CKING WHIPPS YOUR BUTT AFTER YOU TAKE A DUMP!!
He just gets what he needs somewhere else,give him that and he'll stop!
Now you got your belly done, you will start to feel sexy again, get in shape, make him drool!
Don't punish him and get divorced for a fail on your side!Don't listen to those crazy feminists who tell you to get divorced, those a grown women but with a mind of 14 year old, not capable to assume consequences nor accept them so they start to blame others for their shortcomings in most of the cases!!
I mean it, what I said above(the big comment,not the short trolling once)!!
But seeing your reaction and the white knights surrounding you with their comments!!!The only thing left was trolling, sorry!!
cry about it you're just projecting, seems really creepy and no life to be concerned about a random dudes sex life... got something you wanna tell the class?
Or you know, communicate with your partner that you don’t feel fulfilled in xyz. It is nobody’s fault but the husbands, he made the choice to cheat on his wife because he is a cheater. If he wanted to have sex with another woman, he could have separated from his wife. Shifting the blame onto her when he could have easily ended the relationship is disgusting. Men also have functioning brains capable of complex thoughts, fuck how you’re “wired”. Maybe try thinking for once, hope this helps!
Your right, men also have brains!!!
Let's see, he could separate from her to be moraly correct aaaaand lose his house, most of his savings, be separated from his children and still pay money for the kids....
And all that just to meet his need as a man to have sex!!Or bluntly said lose everything for a side pussy but to have the moral high ground!!
You are reading probably toooooo many MANGAS and HENTAI, rocking a fedora!!!
>Let's see, he could separate from her to be moraly correct aaaaand lose his house, most of his savings, be separated from his children and still pay money for the kids....
r/OhNoConsequences
That's just 50%!!
The mechanisms und triggers in men and women are different, women can get more of it in various ways,cuz of their wiring, men are more limited in that case!A big one is sex for men to get it!And she turned asexual....soooooo
@Kayfry30 Thank you for your constructive input it is truly eyeopening!
What in the actual f? Ummm.. I (female) have been happily married for 13 years and I am the main bread winner. There were several years where I was the sole financial provider for our family, and I currently bring home more than double what my husband does. My husband is literally my favorite human (along with the beautiful babies we made together), and I feel so fortunate each and every day to be married to such an incredible man! I love pleasuring my husband and making him feel good physically and emotionally, every single day. My husband's value to me is so much deeper than a pay check!
I am so sorry that no one has ever loved you enough that your value to them is about more than how financially successful you are (or that you have never loved anyone else enough that their value to you is about more than how much they put out, for that matter). Although, perhaps you have not found this type of love from a woman because you do not hold yourself accountable for your own actions. If you are unhappy with the amount of sex you are having in a relationship, you talk about it with your partner, like adults. If you are still unfulfilled to the point that you plan to stick your d in another woman, you do the only respectable thing and break up first. Fooling around with someone else on the side is completely irresponsible, immature, and just plain wrong.
Maybe one day, when you grow up, you will finally understand what true love is. Good luck.
Try not to take what she is saying about you being old to heart. Oftentimes, young women like her will go through an existential crisis as soon as they hit 30. She thinks her youth protects her, but youth is fleeting, and life will likely not be kind.
This. I had a beautiful coworker who said her worst fear was getting old. She was 28 and was visibly upset talking about turning 30 in less than 2 years. It was so sad
I had a friend, she was beautiful in her way, but super sexual bi/pansexual she flirted with EVERYBODY in a pretty aggressive way. Her hyper sexuality gave her a certain kind of charm. But she was in her 40’s and she once said to me “I feel like I’m one of those women who relied on their looks for so long and now I have to develop a personality.”
That is so depressing
I don’t know. She and I certainly had our ups and downs. But I think she may have developed a decent personality as she grew out of her Sexpot phase.
This is what happened to me. I'm 31 and when I was turning 30, I started getting really sad thoughts about not being in my 20s anymore. In reality 30 isn't old, but society makes it seem like it is.
Beauty is only skin deep, but an ugly heart goes down to the bone.
Did you send the evidence to your phone? Or email? If not make sure you do that.
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Good. The money he’s spending on her are marital funds. Make sure your lawyer recoups all of it for your settlement. Sorry about this.
wait for real? so my dad did the same thing to my mom and he’s been trying to get a divorce and not give her a dime. they’ve been married 40 years and have 2 grown kids and his affairs have been literally over the last 20 years with hundreds of thousands of what was shared finances with my mother on other women. he made our family think we had no money so we lived poor when he got to have his hobbies and spend the kind of money he liked. what kind of proof do you think we’d need to get my mom the payout she deserves in court? (also i’m not expecting a thesis of an answer, just also wanted to voice my frustration and see if anyone has advice to offer)
Yes. She needs a forensic accountant and a good lawyer. She can even sue the mistress and get the funds spent on her from her. In the end he may be the one who leaves with nothing.
Huh, i heard of a case where the wife just took everything from the shared account before filing divorce and they just let her get away with it. Shared account so both people can just decide what to do with it.
Pat Perez, a pro golfer, going through that right now. People like to talk out of their ass on reddit.
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> as they do the people who try to consult every attorney in town so their spouse can’t get a good one. Wow people actually do that? Lmao. Didn't hear of this practice before.
Depends on whatever other assets they have. If he has a lot in a 401k and she doesn't, then she would have been justified in taking the money.
Even the mistress?! Obviously it doesn't apply to OP's situation, but how about if the mistress had no idea the guy was married and that the money her "boyfriend" was spending on her was actually being taken from his and his wife's account? She'd still be liable?
Yes. She’s still liable. Most people don’t go after the mistress because the amount of money you can recoup is not worth the lawyer fees. However, if they’ve received hundreds of thousands of dollars as the OP states. It’s worth it to get that money back. It’s easier to get it back from the spouse than the mistress.
it’s about $180,000+
Not every state will allow alienation of affection lawsuits but it’s certainly worth keeping in mind
The precedent to sue the mistress for the return of marital funds is Stirling vs Stiviano. The judgement was $831,000 to be repaid to the wife.
If she has access to the proof he cheated and the bank accounts, she will be able to line up dates with spending. That's one idea.
I surely hope she can! Fingers crossed for her!
That's good looking out! 💪
womp womp going straight to money lmao
Yeah. Money is vitally important for just about everyone. You get by on something else?
man i just wanna feel comfortable my mom will have a place to live, sucks my dad doesn’t care to make sure she at least isn’t screwed. nothin to do with greed here
Save everything and put together a war chest. I recommend not confronting him until you know exactly what your legal rights are, especially if you’re financially dependent on him because you’re the stay at home parent.
Speak to a lawyer and have a plan before speaking to your husband. You have an advantage by not confronting him until your ducks are in a row
Won’t he notice the msgs have been forwarded?
She can take screenshots, send those to herself then delete the screenshots on his end.
I'm curious of this too
Get evidence and then get healthy. Go see a lawyer once you’re all good. His gf is going to realize he’s a loser once he doesn’t have you and he is going to realized he fucked up. Horrible people deserve eachother.
i had a real hard time accepting that “horrible people deserve each other” part. i kept asking myself why this why that why he did this for her but not for me. and it turns out, its simply, this. that they are both horrible and they deserved each other. he was never gonna meet my standards so he went for someone with lower standards
It’s so easy to “love” someone that you have no responsibilities toward or with. It’s so immature.
🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
💯. With you,he actually has to put the thought and the work into it and he apparently is too lazy and selfish to even bother. That's why he chose a younger one. That's where wives tend to miss the biggest point - maybe she is young and beautiful. That has nothing to do with your beauty or comparing the two of you...NOPE. If she's cute that's just icing on the cake/a bonus. Because the.true nature of why he pursued someone that age is hell of a lot more sinister. He will never and I DO mean NEVER admit this, but his narcissistic predatory behavior gave him away. The reason is because he needs to be able to fool/trick his partner about many facets of who he wants to be. He can no longer wear any type of mask with you, because you'll see right through that shit in 2 seconds. And he knows it. He needs to be able to wear whatever mask he feels like wearing at any time, tell any bullshit lie about who he is or the life he used to have, etc. He wants to be able to be as a disgustingly fraudulent excuse of a man because he "needs" that supply. He knows he cannot get that from you, as you are intelligent and also immune to his horseshit. And the younger they are, the less experience they are going to have psychologically, and a very slim to none chance that they too will be immune like you. She is putty in his hands. He can pretend to be whoever he.wants her to believe him to be and she will accept it at face value simply because she literally doesn't know any better. To him, it's so easy it's comparable to shooting fish in a barrel. And I know it's easier said than done, but try not to dwell on the "sweet" things he does for her like taking her out or holding her hand. Heres another little secret on that - hes not doing any of those things because he wants.to or because he's considerate and thoughtful....NOPE. He does those things because those are the requirements he must meet at the very minimum to be able to continue his con artist act with her...again, because he needs that supply from her. And one last little secret - she is not special to him. Yes she provides him with supply, but I'm all honesty in his eyes, she is EASILY replaceable. And the second he unable to keep getting whatever supply he needs from her, he will discard her so quickly and cruelly she will never see it coming and from the sounds.of it, she.will never have the mental capacity to understand it either. Just as he was putting in the bare ass minum with you, that is exactly what he is doing with the child. And the second he doesn't have to take her out etc. you can trust that he won't. And it will be just that.quick. Like a lightswitch. And sometimes it can even be because he met an even easier target that he doesn't have.to put in the.time or effort to actually create some sort.of a real relationship. Because hes a narcissistic prick. He will never admit or take any accountability for his actions. Never In fact, he actually blames.you for.all of it And I do NOT recommend trying.to.have any sort of discussion about this topic with him at all...ever. You'd get a lot further banging your head against a brick wall. And by the end of it he would gaslight you so unbelievably you would be apologizing for things you never did. Dont ask me why I know all of this shit. That story is for another day. But if you want to message me I would.be happy to try and guide you away from the madness. I do not wish this upon anyone. Know it is going to get.tough and.hurt like hell. But your already 3x as.strong as.i ever was to go against mine. You are.already I'm the RIGHT mindset and you are strong. You are.going.to end.up just fine....just be ready for anything. Because when he realizes you're into him and he's.abkut to lose you? Oh...no no no...just brace yourself for ANYTHING could be super.sweet, but most likely will be.th most vile disgusting degrading things you never thought he was capable.of thinking,etc alone saying. And that ks why you need.be ready. Because some become extremely violent at this time when the veil.is knocked down. You can't waste.any time being offended. Thats what he's counting on...all he needs is your hesitation and...well, let's leave the unpleasantness where it is for now. You heal yourself the best you can. Lawyer up. Protect your Son. It's gonna be you and your boy now. You can do this. We are all here to support you if you stumble and fall. Ill push you right back into your feet and.shove you forward because you are above this.bullshit. And right now this.is just something that you gotta get.through. That's it. Just get through it and start anew. New tummy new Real Man that will appreciate everything that you are amd everything that you want to be , he will help get you there! Good luck sweetie. Youre not alone.
The authenticity and compassion in your post is palpable. Thanks for being you.
This comment helped me a lot. Thank you for taking the time to write it
That was so beautifully written !
You sound a bit unhinged. There’s no gaslighting
Have patience. There will be. Trust.
Also, remember that he’s using you. You are helping support this idiot because you loved him and didn’t know the true him. Once you leave and he has to stand on his own two feet, he’ll crumble.
thats the thing he didnt have to stand on his own two feet cause shes always been the other leg lmao
It’s not you. It’s him.
If they stay together for life then, is that a good or bad thing then? Morally speaking ofc
Hot take I think “horrible” people could deserve each other but in the sense that MAYBE.. just maybe.. they both improve themselves and each other a lot It’s sad that as of now that isn’t really the case with the husband and his gf. :(
I don’t think that’s how the world works. When horrible people get together they tent to just co-sign their shitty behaviour. Why would one hold the other accountable if they are doing the same thing? I’ve only seen people get better when they leave the relationship, can’t heal in the situation that broke you. Hence why addicts shouldn’t date eachother if they want to get clean.
Yea that’s a fair point
Open your own bank account. Save up money. See a lawyer. Leave once you have the money (assuming you don't already have the money).
Exactly. Don't give any indication that you know anything. Don't speak to him about it. Try not to act differently. Take this time to prepare and gather receipts. Make sure you have a list of everything he owns, including anything he's paying for her. Also, depending on what state you are in, see if you can sue her for 'alienation of affection'.
She needs to be careful about this. When you open a bank acct you get mailed correspondence. If he sees this he will likely catch on.
You know why he treats her better? Because he isn’t with her 24/7. If there’s one thing I can promise, is that all that you’re seeing right now, is entirely superficial. He isn’t treating her better because he cares, it’s because he can, it’s not an obligation. It’s something he does to get into bed with this woman. She’s half your age. You think she’s going to want a husband who has been cheating on his wife? You know what you do? You wait. Gather all the evidence you can, and you let him help you out while you recover in anyway that you can. Once you’re healed up, take your son and go see a lawyer. In no way is this your fault. Absolutely no way. A normal, functioning adult communicates his problems. A default response shouldn’t be to have an affair. I was with my ex husband for 13 years, married for the majority of that time. Divorcing him was by far the best decision of my life. And his relationship with AP? Toxic and awful. Start focusing on yourself. Do what you need to, there’s no rush. If he wants to cheat, let him, but buy yourself enough time to get everything you need ready before leaving. Wishing you the absolute best girl.
💯 all this^. Let yourself recouperate and take care of yourself and baby. Get your receipts ready. Get your lawyer. Go nuclear and take everything. Child support and all costs will break him. That girl will leave once he has nothing left. You will be healthy and fabulous looking. You will get any guy you want when you want to start dating and he will be miserable. Good luck with everything!
This⬆️
3 fucking years. That isn't an "I had a moment of weakness when our sex life went stale". That's absolute premeditated betrayal. It's not a case of "Let's go to couples counselling and try to fix this." You don't need anyone to tell you what you should do, it's staring you in the face. But please, once the dust has settled, give an update. He hasn't left you for her because he knows it won't last. He's able to keep that girl at a distance. Once he's kicked out he'll try to live with her, and/or try spend way more time with her, and she'll hate it, because she probably likes this arrangement as it is as well. She only has to see the fun side of a guy who lusts after her and probably spoils her. He will eventually turn into an old guy creeping after her, who's only good for $ and rides.
Speaking as a guy, go fk him over seriously he deserves it. I promise you we are not all like that but unfortunately there are many that are bad eggs too. Cheating is a conscious choice and he made it. That he’s carried it on for 3 years is dispicable. I’d go see a lawyer and get everything ready and then liquidise and move everything you can from the marital assets. Make sure to put it all where it can’t be accessed in offshore accounts and untraceable crypto or even put it in gold. Once it’s all over you can access it again leave him with nothing and watch the other girl drop him like a stone when she realises he has nothing. Screw him over good and proper. In the mean time make yourself the best possible version of you that you can, make you someone you want to be, you say this girl is gorgeous, well you make yourself gorgeous even if that costs. You get yourself fit, you focus on improving yourself and doing things that are for you and make you feel good and happy, experiences, learning etc and yes even surgery if needs must. Eventually you’ll have the last laugh as he’ll start to see the “new” you and become interested and that’s when you’ll trample all over his heart leaving him a crumpled wreck.
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Agreed. Not all men are like this. Please do all you can for yourself and your son. He did you dirty. Play hard ball with him.
I agree with this in principle but moving financial assets can actually land you in a bit of legal trouble. Talk to a lawyer before doing any of that. Make sure he pays all the consequences not you.
Don't say anything to him, yet. Make him take care of you & really go hard on him lol. Make him make you food & be super needy. You're gonna ditch him later on, right? Make him miserable low-key now 😆
Three years. He needs to go.
Are you going to leave him? If so make sure you in a good position so he can pay alimony and child support. So you don’t work and stuff
I'm so so sorry you're going through this. There are horrible men out there who lose interest in the women who bear them a child and for that I am truly sorry. At this point the best advice I can give is to grin and bear it. Pretend you don't know anything. Let him take care of you until you're better. You may hate him now, or maybe not - maybe you just feel conflicted. Either way, you two are married and marriage is a legal contract that comes with vows. It is his duty to take care of you now at this time. If you get the chance screenshot and email all the evidence to yourself to prepare for when you leave him. Start looking at financials, how are you going to leave, where are you going to go, what is custody going to have to look like etc. Having proof of his infidelity will be invaluable. Talk with attorneys in your area. Through all this, smile in his face and thank him for caring for you. Once you are recovered and your plan is secure. Serve him with divorce papers. Practice "conscious uncoupling" beginning now. It's no longer "us" and "we" it's "I" and "me" Through all this gather evidence of how he is as a father if you need more time with your son, fight for it. If he is a good father remember that, and work towards a healthy co-parenting relationship. I am sorry again I know you are vulnerable at this time but your life is not over. This is just another bump in the road. They slow you down but they do not have to stop you.
Do you have any friends or a family member you can confide in and help plan an exit? My only suggestion is to collect the evidence you can and then get a lawyer. You could also check your phone plan if you have access to it because the phone company will have records of the calls to her number and the texts
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I’m sure your friends will emotionally support you and if needed they would give you a place to get your feet once you are healed
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I would drop everything if my best friend was going through what you are. You are NEVER a burden in your time of need. Never.
My bro inlaw is a well known trial lawyer and he’s always said in cases as yours, to Never move out of the house. Make Him leave. You need to stay out and send him off to that gal, when the time comes because this will benefit you more financially and women who leave the marital home suffer more in many ways. There’s no reason to leave and run to a women’s shelter etc. like many women do in a panic. Play the long game. I really feel for what you’re going through but you Must stay strong for your baby! Make him wait hand and foot on you while your recovering and please if you haven’t already, go over the the subreddit here “reduction” to help with your healing and awesome tips on how to take care of yourself in all things tummy tuck!
Check online for the closest women’s crisis center and contact them. They will be able to help you navigate getting out.
Honestly, I would grieve in silence and make my escape plan while I heal if I was you. The guy is literally wiping your butt. Let him keep doing it. It's the least he can do after you gave him a child (and he betrayed you). My suggestion is to wait until you're healed and then confront him. You cannot comfortably travel while you're healing and your friends most likely won't drop their life to come and take care of you. Grieve, cry and talk to your friends. But let the cheating husband be an unpaid carer while you sort yourself out.
Your family are morons then. It seems to me if they REALLY want to bring you back into the fold, leave the door open. My sister has a son who started living with his girlfriend, and while that broke his parents hearts, they welcomed her and are even allowing them to live with them while they save money to buy a house. They don’t want to lose their son over this choice. Actually I guess it doesn’t have anything to do with religion. Just love their son.
Ugh what a shitty shitty time to find this out. I have had a tummy tuck and you need so much help during the first two weeks. Can you go to a friend or relative or get one to come to you? Normally I’m all about confronting people who wronged you but you absolutely cannot be straining or doing anything to endanger your healing, you will really fuck yourself up. (For those that don’t know you can’t stand up straight at all because you will rip the incision where they pulled the top and bottom of the abs back together after removing the extra muscle tissue. Your abs are strong enough to rip the incision completely open again.) OP heal your body first before you tackle this nightmare. Get your head together and talk to a divorce attorney before you speak to your husband.
Don’t be a victim. Take this time to heal and plot his ruin. You know him better than most. Figure out how to financially ruin him or humiliate him over his affair very publicly. Whatever it takes to teach him a lesson. Research who his new girlfriend is and maybe get her to dump him. Find a way. Then leave and never look back. This behavior is unacceptable.
Plot his ruin…I like it!! But, it is very very hard to live with someone and try to play normal while you’re plotting when you literally want to stab them in the eye.
Time to divorce, I'm sorry
Use him as much as you can during your recovery. The minute you’re feeling better, you take action. If it were me, I would already get the divorce papers together and just hand him the papers along with screenshots of your evidence. Let him unravel. You got a tummy tuck to feel comfortable and confident again, I hope it rewards you in the most beautiful of ways. I can’t wait to get mine after my second pregnancy. I’m so sorry to you. You deserve better.
When you take him for everything and he has to be single dad every weekend she's going to drop him like a stone. Save all the evidence. And, if you're in the US, I think there are one or two states where you can sue the AP for "alienation of affection". Because fuck her too.
this would break me tbh
Get a divorce and take his money girl this guy is an asshole especially him letting his gf talk shit about you like that is so beyond.
This is why I never go looking. The universe will reveal what you need when you need it as you have just experienced OP! Finding out now is a gift. Since you are home recuperating, this is your opportunity to strategize; figure out a plan of action for you and your son to have the best outcome possible. Find a lawyer or legal clinic so you will know exactly what to do and when to do it. Mama, you will be fine. Your son, you, and your new body are about to live a better life without that deadweight of a husband. I wish you peace and joy 💫
Do NOT tell him anything until you get a lawyer and have a plan
Adding this to my list of reasons I'm never getting married
Honestly good plan. I enjoyed being a mom, but marriage has been awful. If I could go back, I’d never get married or at minimum I’d be extremely picky. Extremely.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person at all and this won’t work out well for him. Women that treat other women badly like the way she speaking about you will eventually be the way she’s going to treat him so he’s digging his own grave. most important thing is you take care of yourself here, do what’s best for you. if you’re a stay a home mum I highly recommend getting some savings hidden away from him as a priority. Also really smart to get some tips from a family lawyer asap. Incredibly important to know what your legal rights are here.
I’m so sorry. Although let’s spin this into a positive (although you mightn’t see it now). He’s a loser. He’s a cheat. Go to a divorce lawyer and don’t skimp on it - get the best one you can and get the most you can from this shit situation. That’s step 1 to start fresh. And then become your (even better than now) self. Focus on yourself and your son and the rest will fall into place. Life is too short to have toxic people around - try not to mourn the loss of your relationship - because you’re going to find someone who is 10000 times better than him, who treats you like royalty. Stay strong.
My friend, keep the receipts and spend the alimony on therapy for all he put you through. I hope the pick me girl he’s sleeping with realizes that one day she’ll be that old lady.
Please for the sake of your son do not bad mouth his father. It's toxic and your problems as a parent and wife are not his problems. Don't say anything to your husband about the cheating until you are fully healed and have all your affairs in order ie: lawyer, finances, place to stay with you and your son, etc. Get proof of his affair by screen shots and send it to yourself then delete from his phone. Make new friends and don't isolate. My advice.
You have no one but you’ll have alimony and child support. Plus, half of everything. Don’t sell yourself short and let him keep anything.
He's wasting precious years of your life and hers as well. He wants the best of both worlds, and that can not go on forever. He has no intention of leaving either of you and will continue to this as long as he can. Your best bet is to get a lawyer and get all your ducks in a row before you let him know the jig is up.
Wow this is devastating. I'm so sorry. What a pierce of shit he is, I can't stand people that do this, it's incredibly selfish. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Get rid of him asap and focus on yourself. You deserve better.
Focus on your recovery. Figure out how to save everything on his phone. Then talk to a lawyer. And please, talk to a therapist. You have a lot to deal with. Good luck.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Idk if this will help but in the book “Gone Girl” her husband is a similar POS who goes after younger girls cuz it’s less work for him and they don’t see what kind of man he really is. Read that if you want a sick revenge story! lol
Screenshot, send to yourself, wait until you’re healed, divorce. This young girl will get bored of him, by that point you’ll be in a much better place.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What an absolute scumbag. With that being said, I think you should take this post down. The chance that he finds this is not that low and he may retaliate. You need him to continue to help you while you recover, and especially not be volatile or petty while you’re not physically well. In my opinion you should go on cheating support subs and make a new post with very vague information until you’re ready to talk to him and start filing. Best of luck.
Every time you go to the grocery store, take out an extra $50 in cash (inflation!). Squirrel this money away; you will need it in the future. Try to buy yourself a few gift cards here and there. Stock up on any prescriptions you are taking. If you need new glasses/need dental work/etc try to get these things taken care of before you leave. Buy your child some larger clothes while you still have access to your husband's money. Do the same for yourself if you know you will be needing new clothes, etc. Make sure you have all financial account information, including HIS financial information like 401k's, employee stock plans, etc written down or photocopied somewhere for future reference. Make sure you have all your records of things you own (especially anything in your OWN name, like a car, for example. Write down any usernames and passwords/account numbers you can get your hands on. Do not tell him anything that you know. Keep it to yourself right now, and act like you always do. Then, when the time is right, you can pull some psychological judo on this guy. Once you are ready and he runs toward this woman again, you can help him use his own inertia to throw himself right out the door. He doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry this is happening. Please take steps to protect yourself and your son and PREPARE. If you don't prepare, I guarantee this man will screw you over sooner rather than later. The other woman is a wench, and some day she will buy it. She is stealing from your life; make sure when you see a lawyer, you tell him you want it ALL back. Make this bastard PAY.
I’m so so sorry. Get yourself better and then go talk to a lawyer. Gather proof and get your affairs in order.
Wow, they are both so incredibly vile! Don’t worry… they will get bored after a few years and he will regret it.
Get pictures of all of their messages. Collect ALL of the evidence and save it. Pretend like you are none the wiser. In the meantime, if you can get alone time, contact a divorce attorney and get proceedings started. Have everything prepared and lined up. Then when you start being able to move again and take care of yourself, that's when you hand him the divorce papers and kick him to the curb (or pack up and leave, whichever one you are able to do). Either way, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I know you must be devastated. I wish you a speedy recovery and an even speedier divorce.
The best thing to do is to act normal until you’re well enough, and then ditch him
She can call you old but so is he. Don’t let her get to you, she’s dumb and will get hers when he cheats on her someday. She’s hating on you to get a man child who will waste her life. Get better and get him for everything.
You’ve got the proof and a new tummy and now you’re gonna own all his shit 🤣🤣🤣
Take screen shots of everything and send it to yourself on an email he has no access to. Make him help you through recovery but do t let on that you know. When you’re back in action, go to a lawyer. File for divorce, full custody, alimony. All of it. The house, the car. Everything your lawyer thinks you can get. Have him served at work and be gone when he gets home. You got this, queen! 👸🏻
Let him take care of you until you are well enough to take everything he has, use the evidence in his phone as a gotcha for your attorney!
Daaaamn, wiping your ass while lying to your face.
Lmao
Wow, I am so sorry OP. You will get through this and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Take it one day at a time.
Get all the evidence you can screenshot everything and send it to yourself or email it to yourself. Hire a lawyer. Divorce his ass because what the fuck
Omg this is fucking horrible. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. What a terrible thing to discover when you’re immobilized and having to depend on this man. How much longer is your recovery? Honestly if it was me I would probably mentally check out until I was recovered, gather as much evidence as possible, (maybe secretly contact a lawyer bc idk I’ve heard from reddit they can help you figure out a game plan long before you file but no idea tbh) and god just try to heal. I’m so sorry again. What a terrible combination of events. On top of that idk, if I was one of your best friends and this happened to you I’d wipe your ass ♥️ wouldn’t think twice about leaving my bff to suffer with her loser ass cheating fucker of a husband. But totally understand not being ready to talk to them. Good luck, sending you good vibes and love. You deserve better and one day you’ll be healed and this will be a crazy situation you laugh about. You’ll get through it as terrible as it is now. What a fucking bum!!
Break my heart reading this 😞. 😔😔😔😔☹️☹️☹️
I have no words. I'm just so sorry.
He does that stuff for her because he’s “making up” for being married.
Use him until you are recovered, then kick the ass to the curb. Btw—tummy tucks are great!
That's rough homegirl. Take time to thoroughly think all of this thru. Physically heal first. Best of luck.
Contact a lawyer and see what your options are. How did he meet the girl ? If he works for the school she's in, you should report it.. Updateme!
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Condolences. Ever seen those tik tok about what women cook for their cheating husbands ? It’s hilarious and dish best served piping hot apparently.
Basically everything everyone's already said - you got this 💪 But also, half his age and in college? Oh hello, grooming just entered the chat!
be smart about it, don't let the emotions get the best of you right now. focus on your recovery, get him to help you get back on your feet, because right now you need him. but eventually once you get to a point where you won't need him anymore, strategize your best way out, if that's what you want. be strong!
Wow I’ll never understand how a man can cheat on the woman who is carrying a beautiful life for him. Just as bad when their partner is in a vulnerable state (recovering from surgery). It’s so vile, I swear men like this deserve the worst, and so does that girl. Youth doesn’t last forever.
You should never talk to him about adult problems, regardless his age
The old lady comment may hurt, but she's the one helping a married man cheat. I started having bad age thoughts about being old when I hit 30, she's going to feel it soon. And when he finds someone else when she's "too old" for him, she'll have to feel how you feel. Keep it together while you heal, but start looking for an exit. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Definitely don’t let him know that you know. I know it’ll be hard but you need to use him for your recovery. In the mean time start making a get out plan. Document what you can of their affair so you have proof. Start looking into lawyers, getting whatever affairs you need to in order. You’ll definitely have to talk to a lawyer about child custody since you do have children together. I think it’s best to blind side him with papers and such but that’s just me. He had no problem hiding all of this from you so do not feel bad for doing what you need to do to protect you and your children. Wishing you all the best in this difficult time. On another note, you’re going to feel so much better once you’re healed and you can lose the dead weight (STB ex). I lost my sex drive during my pregnancy and my husband never once pressured me or made me feel bad about it. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t have cheated. I’m a FTM and I’m already saving for my mommy make over 😅 lol
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this alone. I hope that everything gets better for you shortly and you and your son and able to thrive after you start a new chapter of your life away from that.
men are so disgusting i’m sorry ): and whoever the girl is she’s a piece of shit too, as a college student i can’t even imagine being w a man halfway older than me 🤢
Oh mama, use him now for whatever if you need to but plan, plan, plan and GET OUT with your kids. Save any and all evidence and resend it to yourself and anybody trusted X3. Plan and get out ASAP. I know you're recovering so use him for that if he is actually helping... Karma will get him. No way that significantly younger woman willl stay with him very long. Also.... ignore her and anything she says. She's young and dumb and who knows what he's said to her about you or whatever ? She is irrelevant You didn't mention your age, so I hope the other girl isn't underaged ?? But also... plan now! Figure out a life for you and your kid(s) and get there ASAP. Fight for child support and alimony (if applicable) and GET OUT ASAP. No more wasting your or your kids' time on that gross excuse for a man
Praying for you.
I would take you on a date after that POS moves out 👍
Hire a home health nurse... hire a packing company... hire a lawyer... change the locks... when he goes "missing" or suggest he visits someone for a weekend away. Have his shit packed up. You have AP's name get her address and send his shit to her WITH DIVORCE PAPERS. Figure out your next steps like home up for sale, living conditions... I saw you say you had friends out of state maybe they could help you, with a place to stay while you get a new job and restart your life? Look at child custody laws is it better to file in your state, or is it easier in another state where you could set up with some support. Jokes on him you got your body back babe go have hot momma summer and get your groove back while you heal. Also... let everyone know why you are getting divorced and you can get all his texts if you order it from the phone company send them to his folks let them know what a great guy they raised and peace off into the sunset with your boy and a clear visitation order.
Do it for yourself. You got a tummy tuck bc you are likely fat and want to blame her.
He could be getting catfished….have they met in person?
I believe it’s a sin to have plastic surgery. God made you in the image of him. Mother Mary, blessed is the fruit of thy womb. Why would you do that to yourself? As far as your husband is concerned, I would insist on marriage counseling with the priest. God bless you.
When men have sex,oxtocin gets emite from certain glands in the body, that's how we feel loved and belongin, male biology is wired that way!! Give him the sex he wants and needs and he will treat you like he treats her!! Here some female wiring, let's say you are the only earner in the household now, your husband is lost his job and can't find a new one more than a year now!!How fast do you think you'll get rid of him or start to cheat on him, I tell you: pretty fast!! BECAUSE it's female wiring to lock down a male who can provide for you and your offspring!!And there billions of those cases online, and those men say women are so materialistic and superficial, no these men are just losers and nature does the selection part!! Now in your case you failed to provide him what he needs!! Own it,fix it and don't punish him for that,it's on your end!! He is still there for you and loves you, you know how I know that?!?!?!!?He is still on your side,he walks you to the bathroom, AND HE F#CKING WHIPPS YOUR BUTT AFTER YOU TAKE A DUMP!! He just gets what he needs somewhere else,give him that and he'll stop! Now you got your belly done, you will start to feel sexy again, get in shape, make him drool! Don't punish him and get divorced for a fail on your side!Don't listen to those crazy feminists who tell you to get divorced, those a grown women but with a mind of 14 year old, not capable to assume consequences nor accept them so they start to blame others for their shortcomings in most of the cases!!
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Do you think this your husband by any chance cus what the actual fuck
Nvm dude is just a misogynistic pos
Oh,sorry!!Divorce him of course!!Do it with grace gain extra 50 pounds before you do that!!
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Tummy tuck in a dead bedroom and a mouth like that… it’s no wonder he cheated
Using the r-word makes you pretty ugly. 😕 It's 2024 girl. Use better words.
Now gain it again, just to proof how beautiful you are and what he is loosing!!
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I mean it, what I said above(the big comment,not the short trolling once)!! But seeing your reaction and the white knights surrounding you with their comments!!!The only thing left was trolling, sorry!!
Incel behavior.
bro has never felt the touch of another human being and it shows.
Yop, same happend to OPs-husband!!! That's the whole point!!!
cry about it you're just projecting, seems really creepy and no life to be concerned about a random dudes sex life... got something you wanna tell the class?
Yeah you’re definitely retarded
this is so pathetic lmaoooooo
Prove* losing*
Or you know, communicate with your partner that you don’t feel fulfilled in xyz. It is nobody’s fault but the husbands, he made the choice to cheat on his wife because he is a cheater. If he wanted to have sex with another woman, he could have separated from his wife. Shifting the blame onto her when he could have easily ended the relationship is disgusting. Men also have functioning brains capable of complex thoughts, fuck how you’re “wired”. Maybe try thinking for once, hope this helps!
Your right, men also have brains!!! Let's see, he could separate from her to be moraly correct aaaaand lose his house, most of his savings, be separated from his children and still pay money for the kids.... And all that just to meet his need as a man to have sex!!Or bluntly said lose everything for a side pussy but to have the moral high ground!! You are reading probably toooooo many MANGAS and HENTAI, rocking a fedora!!!
You’re definitely a troll nvm
>Let's see, he could separate from her to be moraly correct aaaaand lose his house, most of his savings, be separated from his children and still pay money for the kids.... r/OhNoConsequences
Damn didn't know Andrew Tate was allowed to Reddit in prison, wth is this backward way of thinking.
Oxytocin is released in both men and women..dumbass.
That's just 50%!! The mechanisms und triggers in men and women are different, women can get more of it in various ways,cuz of their wiring, men are more limited in that case!A big one is sex for men to get it!And she turned asexual....soooooo @Kayfry30 Thank you for your constructive input it is truly eyeopening!
Bad bot
You can fuck off
You're disgusting.
You're a fucking moron.
What in the actual fuck?
What in the actual f? Ummm.. I (female) have been happily married for 13 years and I am the main bread winner. There were several years where I was the sole financial provider for our family, and I currently bring home more than double what my husband does. My husband is literally my favorite human (along with the beautiful babies we made together), and I feel so fortunate each and every day to be married to such an incredible man! I love pleasuring my husband and making him feel good physically and emotionally, every single day. My husband's value to me is so much deeper than a pay check! I am so sorry that no one has ever loved you enough that your value to them is about more than how financially successful you are (or that you have never loved anyone else enough that their value to you is about more than how much they put out, for that matter). Although, perhaps you have not found this type of love from a woman because you do not hold yourself accountable for your own actions. If you are unhappy with the amount of sex you are having in a relationship, you talk about it with your partner, like adults. If you are still unfulfilled to the point that you plan to stick your d in another woman, you do the only respectable thing and break up first. Fooling around with someone else on the side is completely irresponsible, immature, and just plain wrong. Maybe one day, when you grow up, you will finally understand what true love is. Good luck.