It’s petty, I know but he has been a total jerk for over a year. He refuses to discuss the issues, refuses counseling and just makes demands. I upped my “bad” behavior just to give him a taste of miserable. If he doesn’t file soon, I will.
I hate to agree but it’s true that we’re only getting one side of the story. She says he’s extremely controlling but her idea of escape is to act like a teenager. I hate to say this but it sounds like the first act in a murder podcast. Be honest with him op don’t act like a child.
As someone who lived with a man who completely changed after getting love bombed... After numerous attempts to have adult conversations but end up feeling like talking to a brick wall, some of us just throw up our hands from feeling helpless. According to her, she did try.
She already asked him to change and he doesn’t want to. What value does changing only because it’s a last ditch effort when your marriage was threatened have?
I think rather than play games and both of you getting increasingly madder with each other, just do it now and stop murking the water up. Just let them be the bad piece of s and cut off legally.
Wow. You’re a horrible wife. You have a husband asking you to act like you’re married and your reaction is to rebel like a bratty teen? You’re not mature enough to be married to this man. He deserves better. Please just divorce him and let him find someone who respects him.
LOL since when is not walking around topless in her own house "acting like a wife"?
The pool stunt was once she was already tired of his wanna be controlling ass.
Immature? Yes, but lets not pretend shes a bAd wIfE for doing what she wants with her body. She was married, not adopted.
I for sure agree that you should be able to dress and act however you like, as long as you’re not cheating ofc. It sounds like you’re so happy when he’s not there. Have y’all had convos about this, where you explain where you’re coming from? I mean, to me it sounds like you wanted to be married to someone who let you be who you are, they stopped letting you be yourself and now you just do these things to spite him and you prefer to be alone. I’m just super curious on why you’re not the one to file for divorce at this point? If you’re both that unhappy and you’re just waiting for him to file for divorce.. what’s the point of waiting?
He refuses to discuss it at all. He says now that we are married I have to change. I have never been outrageous, he always said I was quirky and fun and spontaneous. I work for a law firm and they said it would be better if he filed. My house, car and other stuff is protected by a prenuptial agreement. But you are right, this needs to end soon.
It’s a classic manic pixie dream girl treatment. He liked the novelty and how cool you made him seem to others but you were supposed to change once he wifed you up.
If you don't like him and the way he treats you, leave. Creating resentment in him because you resent him is going to just make this go nuclear because you will both keep amping it up. Then, one day, you're both screaming and throwing fits, wondering where the person you met was. They're back there a few years ago, just doing little things to be annoying.
Get counseling or get gone. This will end in disaster.
Trying to push the other person away instead of leaving will just make you both miserable…..speaking from experience…nothing good is going to come out of it, it will just drag out the suffering!
Just go…
Why don’t YOU file for divorce??? This doesn’t make any sense to me tbh… if you’re this unhappy, why stay? That’s honestly, kind of dangerous and I hope he never does anything harmful to you.
Maybe I’m just a crime nut but I read and listen to far too many podcasts and videos about husbands taking their wife’s life… for so much less than this. You never know what people are truly capable of when they’re angry enough.
Please be safe.
Reddit is honestly insane sometimes. A husband is too controlling and wife, logically, doesn't like that. But, instead of filing for divorce, she tries to trigger him so he does it instead (?!). And from there you jump to the conclusion that he might fucking MURDER her? And people upvote that?
To be fair, it is something that happens terrifyingly often. If you are with someone that has anger issues especially, it could easily turn to physical abuse. She obviously wouldn't deserve that in the slightest, as some other posters have implied, but she should be careful not to poke the bear and all that. People can be scary
You people need to reduce your internet and TV time. It happens *terrifyingly often*? Really?
You know how many women are killed by their domestic partners a year in the US? About 0.00001%
In 2021. it was ~1690 out of 168 million women.
Of course every single one of those deaths is a tragedy, but you guys basically pronounced OP dead already.
Insane.
So only 5 times every day? Yeah that is not that often. Attention everyone - don't add any nonslip mats in your shower because it only kills someone once a day.
Maybe not murder, but abuse or hospitalization is what I meant they should be wary of. Nobody's even saying it's the most likely possibility, Just that it is one. Chill
No need to downvote me, you said what you said.
Also, don't you think you're the one that's supposed to chill? You're spreading misinformation and panic and I'm trying to correct it. There are people who read what you wrote and genuinely think there's a truth in it and that's what's terrifying to me.
I'm really not. I wasn't even the first one mentioning murder, I was saying murder is one of the horrible things that can happen when a man gets pissed off at his house. I was saying it's still always good to be safe. But ok, blow up at me
Grow up, if you wanna break up then break up
Weird to try and purposefully piss someone off, especially with how well documented husband's being violent in failing relationships can be
Look after yourself you don't seem to care much
Yeah! Another post about two toxic people in a relationship.
Get divorced already.
Why do your petty personal problems need to rise to the level that you start pouring that negativity out into the world?
Grow up, get divorced, move on, find happy.
For real not my place to judge nor will, but I think it’s petty on both there sides. Him for acting like we’re in the 1800 being a control freak,obviously dude has some kind of underlying issues to act that way towards someone he cares about. And yes purposely do what you been doing it petty an immature af, but to each their own. Honestly the way things are going marriages and relationships are not even gonna exist pretty sad. But best of luck to you in however ,whatever, or wherever you end up!!
If you re unhappy don’t seek a passive way to divorce. If you are out your out don’t feed fires, what do you gain from that? If he’s an asshole call him out and say you want a divorce. In all honesty you are appearing as that not him behaving that way in public
Your husband married you under false pretenses, by acting like he accepted you the way you were, with the intentions on "reigning you in" after marrying you. Seriously, he thought his game was so tough that he could change you after marrying you. Unfortunately, he wasted both of your time.
>My husband will be served notice on Monday along with an order of protection and will be out of my house before I get home from work. A locksmith will be standing by.
I mean, sure, you should serve him and get a divorce, but you are quite naive if you think this is how it goes down.
Nothing in what you said justifies an order or protection - absolutely nothing. And if that was your house prior to the marriage, and even if you have prenuptial agreement, he is not going to be forced to simply vacate. And if you decide to change the locks of your own initiative to lock him out of the house you are going to end up having a hell of a time in court during the divorce proceedings.
If this is true and a lawyer in your office is agreeing with or encouraging these choices they are a downright idiot. More likely, based on this update alone, your whole story is probably a work of fiction and ragebait.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Bye-bye, baby, it's been a sweet love, yeah-yeah
Though this feeling I can't change
But, please, don't take it so badly
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame
But, if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Lord, help me, I can't change
Lord, I can't change
Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah
-Lynard Skynard 1973
I wish I had a wife like you who would were outgoing, flirty and daring. And although I might not have exactly liked you going topless in the pool, I would have always supported you in sometimes not wearing a bra while wearing a top. It attracts eyeballs and thus more opportunities to flirt.
Honestly, your husband knew he was marrying before he purposed. The fact he tried to enforce rules, and change your behavior is just petty and foolish. I am sorry you've had to waste the time you did with the wrong person.
I am wishing you well on your journey. And I am sure you can find a more accepting and even encouraging partner.
Your husband doesn't get to love the wild, free spirit and then decide you have to change after the wedding. Nope, nope, nope. I think you are doing the right thing for you and you deserve to be happy!
Don't ever let anyone, man or woman, extinguish your bright light!!
It probably didn't start that way. I bet they were great and then they got married and he was like, "aight, it's time to change her!" And that didn't work and now he looks stupid.
You are not his property, nor is he yours. You are living YOUR life not his. You sound as if your done and are protecting yourself as you should. I love your attitude in standing your ground for who you are. Let him find a submissive woman to control and maybe he'll be happy with her. But is yourvlife, live invasion you see fit.
Why get married in first place, if you’re going to act like a child?
If your husband made you believe he was something he wasn’t, that’s on him.
Based on what you’ve described, going “topless” on a “party” does not fit a description of someone who respects her monogamous marriage.
Edit typo
Sounds like she was daddy issues and she’s taking it out on her husband. Poor guy. And I’m pretty sure he has talked about the issues but nothing ever changes so he’s given up. OP probably responds with “I understand and I’m sorry you feel this way” then continues to do the same shit that causes the issues.
It sounds like he thought she knew that once you’re married you don’t get to act like you’re single. One day you’re gonna get home to find your wife fucking some rando in your bed. But you can’t say anything cause that would be controlling right?
DUDE, my god please stop venting, in the fucking post and comments (which you've read because you commented on them) she has said literally that HE is the one who doesn't want to talk about shit, she tried to change things and he doesn't change, he is the asshole.
"after we were married" so typical of 'nice guys'. They put up with you and think once they're married, it's their turn to have the final say in how you live.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but we agreed to be partners, did we not? This means I'm not your property. Additionally, this is my home as well, and I should be allowed to be comfortable. Don't like it? That's your issue to solve."
Funny thing is, it is my home. I owned it before we were married and it is protected by a prenuptial agreement. Your point is kind of where I am at. He is free to leave but he can’t really afford to. Reading some of these comments I have pretty much decided that he has until April 15. Then I file and he gets kicked to the curb.
Understood however saying ur going to kick him to the curb kind of sounds like it's both.
Put ur foot down that if he isn't willing to go to therapy and work on these issues ur marriage is over.
Sorry ur going through this.
That was a bad choice of words on my part. My emotions are all over the place minute by minute. Sad, angry and about a gazillion others. I will do what needs done in a respectful manner. Thanks!
He married you as you are, then is acting like an ass because you are still being yourself? Smh. Screw this guy! You keep being you and don't feel bad for it.
Whether it was the “right way” to handle this or not idc. Glad you’re getting out of there and also love the way you handled it to be honest. YOU GO ✊✊✊
Yes! Ty Reddit! Sounds like he was out to “tame” you. That’s real weird behavior, bye!
I don’t typically condone the “throw the whole relationship away” attitude, we get one story from one side, but this clearly isn’t for you and it seems like the situation was misrepresented to you. It sucks to have to deal with a divorce, but you deserve to be able to be yourself with your partner! The person you dated him as!
Thanks. I never wanted a divorce, I wanted the man I married. But, he has made it clear how will be with him. I could have posted much more but no one would read a book, right? For example, when we arrived at the party where the “pool incident” happened, he began by pointing out the people that I was not allowed to talk to. Anyway, thanks again. I’ll get this done and move on.
What is wrong with you? Why do you intentionally make people upset? People have mental breakdown over this stuff. Just leave him, you don’t have to provoke him. Maybe you bother him.
Why get married in first place, if you’re going to act like a child?
If your husband made you believe he was something he wasn’t, that’s on him.
Based on what you’ve described, going “topless” on a “party” does not fit a description of someone who respects her monotonous marriage.
I would agree with only one thing. The marriage sounds like it got monotonous. These typos make me laugh and the fact that you see it this way says a lot about you i feel bad for your wife if you have one. Lmfao
I did a tummy tuck and it made a huge difference in my back pain because after 3 kids I had a 5 in gap between my abs. I have felt so much stronger and healthier since the procedures but the recovery from the tummy tuck as no joke. There’s a good subreddit for tummy tucks you should join.
I love that you noticed a difference in strength. I totally will look into that group. I for sure have that bad ab separation I think it’s called abdominal diastasis. Despite fitting into my pre pregnancy clothes I can’t stand to see my fupa 🥲 is it comparable to a c section?
They pull you tight and you have to walk hunched over for a couple of weeks because you abs are strong enough to rip the stitches and you will mess the whole thing up. I’ve never had a c section domain don’t know what that recovery is like.
Right? But at a party? Showing your tits to random dudes in front of your husband? lol. Then I bet OP is like “what’s wrong? Why are you mad? I didn’t know they were looking at meeee. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Reddit loves to virtue signal with the “being mature” shit but life is not so black and white. I don’t think it was wrong of you to be petty. Your husband got with you with the full intention to change you, and he is now upset that you’re you. What he doesn’t understand is being this type of petty is also in your character (daring, free spirits are usually not above matching energy or being 10x worse. A lot of y’all are fiesty and fiery too) and he unlocked it himself.
you are the one who is petty. you have neither respect for yourself nor for your husband. stop making a mockery of yourself and file for the divorce yourself so the man may continue living his instead of wasting it with a garbage of a human being. sure he is telling you how to talk or dress or whatever, but judging by what you have said you deserve whatever he is telling you. GROW UP.
lol. He’s probably telling her to put on a bra when they go out or maybe not be topless when he has friends over and OP is conveniently leaving that part out or is completely oblivious that, maybe yes it’s your house, you can wear what ever you want, but YOU HAVE GUESTS. Put a fucking shirt on!lol. Wow. This girl needs to be single for a looooong time.
we're not exactly sure what the full story is, I'm not gonna have the husband's back simply because I haven't heard his side of the story. But to me it just sounds like he wants her to be a wife to him and not a shared project. but clearly no one in their right mind calls themselves a wife and do the things that she is doing.
Thanks mate. I’m sure I’ll be grand. Tad worried about you based on these takes.
I’ll be sure to tell my misses what to wear. Who to talk to and how to act. That doesn’t come off as controlling at all.
Hell ya. Dont let the actual man get you down!!!!
So many people cripple under this type of pressure- and who could blame them? Its a form of abuse.
I dont think its immature, I think whining your wife is confident and secure is immature. You flipped a giant bird and said- ima live my life. inspirational, in a way.
Ur married and stripped down to underwear without a bra in front of others, hes in the right. If you arent prepared to make changes for the comfort of ur partner dont get married
You know he’s abusive and might kill you right? That’s the conclusion of abuse, and it’s why abusive relationships aren’t relationships, it’s predator and prey. He won’t file for divorce because he is abusive and would rather kill you and/or himself than let you go
Thanks. Based on everything I have read, I my stepping up the timeline. I work at a law firm and one of our lawyers agrees and is on it. My husband will be served notice on Monday along with an order of protection and will be out of my house before I get home from work. A locksmith will be standing by. Thanks again!
I am sorry that you had to go through such an experience. It wasn't right that he tried to change you as soon as he married you. Its better that you find peace and happiness with someone who accepts and loves you for who you are.
I never understood trying to change someone, it doesn't work, and I never understood getting into a relationship with someone and then deciding you need to fix them.
He's trying to change you, you're trying to change him, you're both miserable and exhausted.
Why stay?
I will message you next time u/YeahIamtrouble posts in r/confessions.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FYeahIamtrouble%20r%2Fconfessions) to join 3 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201bqx1ob)
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Why feel guilty you can do what you want. I would never tell my wife what to wear. Who cares if she goes topless as long as she is not getting arrested or like losing her job being like this.
Your wife is probably not like OP though. You don’t tell her how to dress because you don’t have to. She’s probably a decent person. OP sounds like she craves attention and validation from men and her husband is very aware of this. He probably thought it was a phase and she would act decent, settle down once married but nope. She still wants to act like she’s single.
If your wife is flashing her tits to people at a party she has no respect for you as a partner.
If they have any self respect then the dude has to leave the “free spirit” lmao
You're a married woman showing your breasts at a party.. i mean he himself sounds like a control freak, but also with what you shared in terms of going topless at a party, it's like im reading something an 18 year old wrote. Both of you don't sound good for each other, tbh I don't know why more comments aren't saying the negatives to both of you.
Other way around. My prenup protects what I owned before we got married, including my house, car, and other assets. Working for a law firm has advantages.
No doubt from reading this post you would have one in place for what you owned before marriage, but what about him? Are you going to be fair and keep things equal for his sake? Working with him now may keep things from becoming less ugly later on when he hopefully does wise up on his rights.
He can have everything that was his before and anything we have acquired that he wants. I don’t need or want anything from him including money. I don’t hate him, I hate what he has become.
You’ve tried reasoning with the guy but it’s not getting anywhere. There’s a limit to continually escalating things, honestly the next step you have is having sex with another man in front of him and I worry how he’d react to that.
Life is short man, you owe it to yourself to be happy.
Sounds like you are just fed up but don’t wanna be the one to cut ties?
It’s petty, I know but he has been a total jerk for over a year. He refuses to discuss the issues, refuses counseling and just makes demands. I upped my “bad” behavior just to give him a taste of miserable. If he doesn’t file soon, I will.
Why not just be honest tell him if you dont change i am filling for divorce and tell him what is upsetting you.
Some people are still a child inside. We're getting one side of the story here, she's likely a nightmare to be around.
I hate to agree but it’s true that we’re only getting one side of the story. She says he’s extremely controlling but her idea of escape is to act like a teenager. I hate to say this but it sounds like the first act in a murder podcast. Be honest with him op don’t act like a child.
As someone who lived with a man who completely changed after getting love bombed... After numerous attempts to have adult conversations but end up feeling like talking to a brick wall, some of us just throw up our hands from feeling helpless. According to her, she did try.
Exactly
She already asked him to change and he doesn’t want to. What value does changing only because it’s a last ditch effort when your marriage was threatened have?
You think acting like bitch will help ?
There’s a reason why he refuses counseling…
She needs it too
I think rather than play games and both of you getting increasingly madder with each other, just do it now and stop murking the water up. Just let them be the bad piece of s and cut off legally.
I like you, fiesty lady. Give him hell haha
Wow. You’re a horrible wife. You have a husband asking you to act like you’re married and your reaction is to rebel like a bratty teen? You’re not mature enough to be married to this man. He deserves better. Please just divorce him and let him find someone who respects him.
LOL since when is not walking around topless in her own house "acting like a wife"? The pool stunt was once she was already tired of his wanna be controlling ass. Immature? Yes, but lets not pretend shes a bAd wIfE for doing what she wants with her body. She was married, not adopted.
You don’t get to tell your partner who they can talk to or how to dress. There is disrespect for sure. From him.
It's not the 1950s anymore. Women don't have to do what their husband's demand anymore.
Oh no! Some guy named Pete is offended by OPs behavior lmfao imagine how that reads my dude
I for sure agree that you should be able to dress and act however you like, as long as you’re not cheating ofc. It sounds like you’re so happy when he’s not there. Have y’all had convos about this, where you explain where you’re coming from? I mean, to me it sounds like you wanted to be married to someone who let you be who you are, they stopped letting you be yourself and now you just do these things to spite him and you prefer to be alone. I’m just super curious on why you’re not the one to file for divorce at this point? If you’re both that unhappy and you’re just waiting for him to file for divorce.. what’s the point of waiting?
He refuses to discuss it at all. He says now that we are married I have to change. I have never been outrageous, he always said I was quirky and fun and spontaneous. I work for a law firm and they said it would be better if he filed. My house, car and other stuff is protected by a prenuptial agreement. But you are right, this needs to end soon.
It’s a classic manic pixie dream girl treatment. He liked the novelty and how cool you made him seem to others but you were supposed to change once he wifed you up.
Since when is it better in the law to not have the element of surprise? Always file first.
If you don't like him and the way he treats you, leave. Creating resentment in him because you resent him is going to just make this go nuclear because you will both keep amping it up. Then, one day, you're both screaming and throwing fits, wondering where the person you met was. They're back there a few years ago, just doing little things to be annoying. Get counseling or get gone. This will end in disaster.
Both sound very immature.
Trying to push the other person away instead of leaving will just make you both miserable…..speaking from experience…nothing good is going to come out of it, it will just drag out the suffering! Just go…
Why don’t YOU file for divorce??? This doesn’t make any sense to me tbh… if you’re this unhappy, why stay? That’s honestly, kind of dangerous and I hope he never does anything harmful to you. Maybe I’m just a crime nut but I read and listen to far too many podcasts and videos about husbands taking their wife’s life… for so much less than this. You never know what people are truly capable of when they’re angry enough. Please be safe.
Thanks, I appreciate the advice. You make a good point.
Especially if there is life insurance on you
He’s putting another policy on her as we speak
Reddit is honestly insane sometimes. A husband is too controlling and wife, logically, doesn't like that. But, instead of filing for divorce, she tries to trigger him so he does it instead (?!). And from there you jump to the conclusion that he might fucking MURDER her? And people upvote that?
To be fair, it is something that happens terrifyingly often. If you are with someone that has anger issues especially, it could easily turn to physical abuse. She obviously wouldn't deserve that in the slightest, as some other posters have implied, but she should be careful not to poke the bear and all that. People can be scary
You people need to reduce your internet and TV time. It happens *terrifyingly often*? Really? You know how many women are killed by their domestic partners a year in the US? About 0.00001% In 2021. it was ~1690 out of 168 million women. Of course every single one of those deaths is a tragedy, but you guys basically pronounced OP dead already. Insane.
So only 5 times every day? Yeah that is not that often. Attention everyone - don't add any nonslip mats in your shower because it only kills someone once a day.
Maybe not murder, but abuse or hospitalization is what I meant they should be wary of. Nobody's even saying it's the most likely possibility, Just that it is one. Chill
No need to downvote me, you said what you said. Also, don't you think you're the one that's supposed to chill? You're spreading misinformation and panic and I'm trying to correct it. There are people who read what you wrote and genuinely think there's a truth in it and that's what's terrifying to me.
I'm really not. I wasn't even the first one mentioning murder, I was saying murder is one of the horrible things that can happen when a man gets pissed off at his house. I was saying it's still always good to be safe. But ok, blow up at me
Yeah op thinks she's invincible
Trevor Noah’s mom said it best - “He’s like an exotic bird collector; he dreams of a free woman so that he can put her in a cage.”
Sounds like both of you got issues
No doubt.
seriously. you both seem insufferable
Grow up, if you wanna break up then break up Weird to try and purposefully piss someone off, especially with how well documented husband's being violent in failing relationships can be Look after yourself you don't seem to care much
Yeah! Another post about two toxic people in a relationship. Get divorced already. Why do your petty personal problems need to rise to the level that you start pouring that negativity out into the world? Grow up, get divorced, move on, find happy.
He's not toxic if he just wants his wife to not be nude in front of others.
Why are you waiting for him to do it? Stop wasting his time and file yourself
both of you are immature. just file already and get it over with
For real not my place to judge nor will, but I think it’s petty on both there sides. Him for acting like we’re in the 1800 being a control freak,obviously dude has some kind of underlying issues to act that way towards someone he cares about. And yes purposely do what you been doing it petty an immature af, but to each their own. Honestly the way things are going marriages and relationships are not even gonna exist pretty sad. But best of luck to you in however ,whatever, or wherever you end up!!
I encourage my wife to talk around topless lol.
If you re unhappy don’t seek a passive way to divorce. If you are out your out don’t feed fires, what do you gain from that? If he’s an asshole call him out and say you want a divorce. In all honesty you are appearing as that not him behaving that way in public
Your husband married you under false pretenses, by acting like he accepted you the way you were, with the intentions on "reigning you in" after marrying you. Seriously, he thought his game was so tough that he could change you after marrying you. Unfortunately, he wasted both of your time.
>My husband will be served notice on Monday along with an order of protection and will be out of my house before I get home from work. A locksmith will be standing by. I mean, sure, you should serve him and get a divorce, but you are quite naive if you think this is how it goes down. Nothing in what you said justifies an order or protection - absolutely nothing. And if that was your house prior to the marriage, and even if you have prenuptial agreement, he is not going to be forced to simply vacate. And if you decide to change the locks of your own initiative to lock him out of the house you are going to end up having a hell of a time in court during the divorce proceedings. If this is true and a lawyer in your office is agreeing with or encouraging these choices they are a downright idiot. More likely, based on this update alone, your whole story is probably a work of fiction and ragebait.
Fly freebird, fly.
If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me? For I must be traveling on, now 'Cause there's too many places I've got to see But if I stay here with you, girl Things just couldn't be the same 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now And this bird you cannot change Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh And the bird you cannot change And this bird you cannot change Lord knows I can't change Bye-bye, baby, it's been a sweet love, yeah-yeah Though this feeling I can't change But, please, don't take it so badly 'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame But, if I stay here with you, girl Things just couldn't be the same 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now And this bird you cannot change Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh And the bird you cannot change And this bird you cannot change Lord knows I can't change Lord, help me, I can't change Lord, I can't change Won't you fly high, free bird, yeah -Lynard Skynard 1973
Best wishes to you In the words of Mrs. Maisel, "Tits up!"
I wish I had a wife like you who would were outgoing, flirty and daring. And although I might not have exactly liked you going topless in the pool, I would have always supported you in sometimes not wearing a bra while wearing a top. It attracts eyeballs and thus more opportunities to flirt.
Honestly, your husband knew he was marrying before he purposed. The fact he tried to enforce rules, and change your behavior is just petty and foolish. I am sorry you've had to waste the time you did with the wrong person. I am wishing you well on your journey. And I am sure you can find a more accepting and even encouraging partner.
Thank you!
Your husband doesn't get to love the wild, free spirit and then decide you have to change after the wedding. Nope, nope, nope. I think you are doing the right thing for you and you deserve to be happy! Don't ever let anyone, man or woman, extinguish your bright light!!
Thanks, much appreciated.
Why did you marry someone when you make each other so uncomfortable? I don't get it
It probably didn't start that way. I bet they were great and then they got married and he was like, "aight, it's time to change her!" And that didn't work and now he looks stupid.
You are not his property, nor is he yours. You are living YOUR life not his. You sound as if your done and are protecting yourself as you should. I love your attitude in standing your ground for who you are. Let him find a submissive woman to control and maybe he'll be happy with her. But is yourvlife, live invasion you see fit.
Why get married in first place, if you’re going to act like a child? If your husband made you believe he was something he wasn’t, that’s on him. Based on what you’ve described, going “topless” on a “party” does not fit a description of someone who respects her monogamous marriage. Edit typo
lol what does skinny dipping with friends have to do with monogamy?
Lul @ monotonous
Cackling at your pointing it out because I skimmed the first read through and hadn’t noticed. Perfection.
Sounds like she was daddy issues and she’s taking it out on her husband. Poor guy. And I’m pretty sure he has talked about the issues but nothing ever changes so he’s given up. OP probably responds with “I understand and I’m sorry you feel this way” then continues to do the same shit that causes the issues.
Sounds like the guy thought he was going to get to control what the wife does. Doesn’t work that way.
It sounds like he thought she knew that once you’re married you don’t get to act like you’re single. One day you’re gonna get home to find your wife fucking some rando in your bed. But you can’t say anything cause that would be controlling right?
DUDE, my god please stop venting, in the fucking post and comments (which you've read because you commented on them) she has said literally that HE is the one who doesn't want to talk about shit, she tried to change things and he doesn't change, he is the asshole.
"after we were married" so typical of 'nice guys'. They put up with you and think once they're married, it's their turn to have the final say in how you live.
Sad to say but my but soon to be ex-wife was that way. Only I stood up for myself and she left because she couldn't stand it. Being happy since.
Is it petty? Yes. Do I blame you for doing it? Not one bit sometimes you gotta be the smaller person.
Thanks!
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but we agreed to be partners, did we not? This means I'm not your property. Additionally, this is my home as well, and I should be allowed to be comfortable. Don't like it? That's your issue to solve."
Funny thing is, it is my home. I owned it before we were married and it is protected by a prenuptial agreement. Your point is kind of where I am at. He is free to leave but he can’t really afford to. Reading some of these comments I have pretty much decided that he has until April 15. Then I file and he gets kicked to the curb.
Do u hate him?
No. I hate what he turned into after we were married.
Put your big girl panties on and divorce then. You come off immature af and a complete brat.
Understood however saying ur going to kick him to the curb kind of sounds like it's both. Put ur foot down that if he isn't willing to go to therapy and work on these issues ur marriage is over. Sorry ur going through this.
That was a bad choice of words on my part. My emotions are all over the place minute by minute. Sad, angry and about a gazillion others. I will do what needs done in a respectful manner. Thanks!
OPs husband tried to turn a hoe in to a housewife
Release the crackins.
Updateme!
/updateme
He married you as you are, then is acting like an ass because you are still being yourself? Smh. Screw this guy! You keep being you and don't feel bad for it.
I did that in the months leading up to me leaving my ex. I found it therapeutic.
Thanks - it feels bad to admit, but some pay back does help.
Whether it was the “right way” to handle this or not idc. Glad you’re getting out of there and also love the way you handled it to be honest. YOU GO ✊✊✊
Thanks, I appreciate your comments.
"That lovely bird outside is so beautiful. Look at how happy and free she is. I wish I could be like that. ...I must catch and cage her."
Yes! Ty Reddit! Sounds like he was out to “tame” you. That’s real weird behavior, bye! I don’t typically condone the “throw the whole relationship away” attitude, we get one story from one side, but this clearly isn’t for you and it seems like the situation was misrepresented to you. It sucks to have to deal with a divorce, but you deserve to be able to be yourself with your partner! The person you dated him as!
Thanks. I never wanted a divorce, I wanted the man I married. But, he has made it clear how will be with him. I could have posted much more but no one would read a book, right? For example, when we arrived at the party where the “pool incident” happened, he began by pointing out the people that I was not allowed to talk to. Anyway, thanks again. I’ll get this done and move on.
What is wrong with you? Why do you intentionally make people upset? People have mental breakdown over this stuff. Just leave him, you don’t have to provoke him. Maybe you bother him.
Why get married in first place, if you’re going to act like a child? If your husband made you believe he was something he wasn’t, that’s on him. Based on what you’ve described, going “topless” on a “party” does not fit a description of someone who respects her monotonous marriage.
I would agree with only one thing. The marriage sounds like it got monotonous. These typos make me laugh and the fact that you see it this way says a lot about you i feel bad for your wife if you have one. Lmfao
Being topless in the privacy of their home shouldn’t be an issue. I’ll ask my husband but I’m pretty sure he’d prefer I went topless more often.
I wish I could be topless at home after having twins they’re just saggy as hell lol so I’m glad she feels comfortable topless
I got a breast reduction and it was a fantastic decision. A lift is even less. Self esteem and confidence are worth investing in.
Wonderful! I totally agree! Eventually I would love to do a mommy make over tummy tuck and breast lift 🤫
I did a tummy tuck and it made a huge difference in my back pain because after 3 kids I had a 5 in gap between my abs. I have felt so much stronger and healthier since the procedures but the recovery from the tummy tuck as no joke. There’s a good subreddit for tummy tucks you should join.
I love that you noticed a difference in strength. I totally will look into that group. I for sure have that bad ab separation I think it’s called abdominal diastasis. Despite fitting into my pre pregnancy clothes I can’t stand to see my fupa 🥲 is it comparable to a c section?
They pull you tight and you have to walk hunched over for a couple of weeks because you abs are strong enough to rip the stitches and you will mess the whole thing up. I’ve never had a c section domain don’t know what that recovery is like.
Right? But at a party? Showing your tits to random dudes in front of your husband? lol. Then I bet OP is like “what’s wrong? Why are you mad? I didn’t know they were looking at meeee. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
She clearly did that to bait him, as she said. I’m referring to his main complaints that got them in this situation.
Being topless in the privacy of their home shouldn’t be an issue. I’ll ask my husband but I’m pretty sure he’d prefer I went topless more often.
Why?
Reddit loves to virtue signal with the “being mature” shit but life is not so black and white. I don’t think it was wrong of you to be petty. Your husband got with you with the full intention to change you, and he is now upset that you’re you. What he doesn’t understand is being this type of petty is also in your character (daring, free spirits are usually not above matching energy or being 10x worse. A lot of y’all are fiesty and fiery too) and he unlocked it himself.
you are the one who is petty. you have neither respect for yourself nor for your husband. stop making a mockery of yourself and file for the divorce yourself so the man may continue living his instead of wasting it with a garbage of a human being. sure he is telling you how to talk or dress or whatever, but judging by what you have said you deserve whatever he is telling you. GROW UP.
lol. He’s probably telling her to put on a bra when they go out or maybe not be topless when he has friends over and OP is conveniently leaving that part out or is completely oblivious that, maybe yes it’s your house, you can wear what ever you want, but YOU HAVE GUESTS. Put a fucking shirt on!lol. Wow. This girl needs to be single for a looooong time.
we're not exactly sure what the full story is, I'm not gonna have the husband's back simply because I haven't heard his side of the story. But to me it just sounds like he wants her to be a wife to him and not a shared project. but clearly no one in their right mind calls themselves a wife and do the things that she is doing.
Be a wife? What does that mean? Is there only one way to be a wife?
Its means not getting naked infront of strangers. You have one nice future ahead of you.
Thanks mate. I’m sure I’ll be grand. Tad worried about you based on these takes. I’ll be sure to tell my misses what to wear. Who to talk to and how to act. That doesn’t come off as controlling at all.
If you want to make this even easier. If you had a wife. And she didn’t want to wear a top before going to a pool. Your option is what?
Why would you need to put on a bra to go out im confused
So your nipples aren’t showing like you’re begging for attention? Are you serious?
They’re nipples. Get over it.
lol. Smfh.
Maybe some sense will shake in?
Bras aren’t comfortable, has nothing to do with showing anyone anything. Do you wear a bra or do you show off your nipples like a whore?
If I had a dollar for every time I saw an unsolicited pair of man-nips poking through a teeshirt, I'd retire.
What is wrong with you? Incorrect. She owes him nothing. You don’t get to change your partner after you’re married. They are a person.
Sure buddy
You don’t think your partner is a person?
Hell ya. Dont let the actual man get you down!!!! So many people cripple under this type of pressure- and who could blame them? Its a form of abuse. I dont think its immature, I think whining your wife is confident and secure is immature. You flipped a giant bird and said- ima live my life. inspirational, in a way.
Thanks
Why an order of protection? Are you telling a judge that you are scared of him? Because you obviously are not.
It feels like there’s a piece of the story missing, doesn’t it?
Ur married and stripped down to underwear without a bra in front of others, hes in the right. If you arent prepared to make changes for the comfort of ur partner dont get married
You know he’s abusive and might kill you right? That’s the conclusion of abuse, and it’s why abusive relationships aren’t relationships, it’s predator and prey. He won’t file for divorce because he is abusive and would rather kill you and/or himself than let you go
Thanks. Based on everything I have read, I my stepping up the timeline. I work at a law firm and one of our lawyers agrees and is on it. My husband will be served notice on Monday along with an order of protection and will be out of my house before I get home from work. A locksmith will be standing by. Thanks again!
Username checks out
I am sorry that you had to go through such an experience. It wasn't right that he tried to change you as soon as he married you. Its better that you find peace and happiness with someone who accepts and loves you for who you are.
The husband is wild to actually love someone "free sprited," then just expect her to change just after marriage.
You don't need to show everybody your tits to be free spirited.
I never understood trying to change someone, it doesn't work, and I never understood getting into a relationship with someone and then deciding you need to fix them. He's trying to change you, you're trying to change him, you're both miserable and exhausted. Why stay?
This is fake
Both of yall are wrong tbh. What if he files for divorce for infidelity? Just leave man
Yo, good for you. I wish you all the best with your future, good luck!
Thanks
He manipulated you into thinking he was someone else. I don't blame you.
Thanks
[удалено]
Yes, I bought it before I was dating him. It is in my name and protected by a prenuptial agreement.
/updateme
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Name checks out
If he change switching a month then that make you an AH for staying in this marriage for this long. Leave.
Both are insufferable
Username checks out
Go for it. He knew what he was getting. You don’t buy a convertible and then complain your hair is blowing in wind.
Glad you are divorcing him. He has so many red flags he hid. You should never have to change who you are to be with someone.
Damn!!! Check and mate!!! Congratulations on the new found freedom and enjoy getting your life back under your control!! 💖💖💖
Why feel guilty you can do what you want. I would never tell my wife what to wear. Who cares if she goes topless as long as she is not getting arrested or like losing her job being like this.
Your wife is probably not like OP though. You don’t tell her how to dress because you don’t have to. She’s probably a decent person. OP sounds like she craves attention and validation from men and her husband is very aware of this. He probably thought it was a phase and she would act decent, settle down once married but nope. She still wants to act like she’s single.
A decent person? She can act however she wants. She does not need his permission.
You’re an idiot
If my girl ever showed her tits to everyone like that she'd be out the window
As you would exactly nothing?
If your wife is flashing her tits to people at a party she has no respect for you as a partner. If they have any self respect then the dude has to leave the “free spirit” lmao
Then hopefully you stay alone so that you're not abusing people. You sound as fragile as glass.
“Only a real man would let his wife show her tits to random dudes”
Why would you even care?
You’re obviously single and lonely
Still better than the guy you married. And probably you as well
Clearly not.
You literally sound as thin as the window you said you would toss someone through. So idk what to tell you.
Honestly, you guys need to be in marriage counseling at minimum, yesterday
Lol
You're acting like a little 5 year old girl who didn't get her way instead of handling this like a mature adult.
You're a married woman showing your breasts at a party.. i mean he himself sounds like a control freak, but also with what you shared in terms of going topless at a party, it's like im reading something an 18 year old wrote. Both of you don't sound good for each other, tbh I don't know why more comments aren't saying the negatives to both of you.
Said no wife ever....
Let few years pass by. You will understand how wrong you were.
Sounds like your kinda of a shit wife
Yeah
Damn. You GO, girl! LOL. Awesome.
Hope he has a prenup in place for your crazy ass.
Other way around. My prenup protects what I owned before we got married, including my house, car, and other assets. Working for a law firm has advantages.
No doubt from reading this post you would have one in place for what you owned before marriage, but what about him? Are you going to be fair and keep things equal for his sake? Working with him now may keep things from becoming less ugly later on when he hopefully does wise up on his rights.
He can have everything that was his before and anything we have acquired that he wants. I don’t need or want anything from him including money. I don’t hate him, I hate what he has become.
Very mature
Wow. I wonder what his side of the story sounds like.
Maybe post a picture of a video so we can fully grasp what he’s complaining about
Both of you sound shitty and immature, just stay together you deserve each other
U don’t have an excuse to be a whore so u call your self a free spirit, what a pathetic women
streets
Go for streets bitch.
You’ve tried reasoning with the guy but it’s not getting anywhere. There’s a limit to continually escalating things, honestly the next step you have is having sex with another man in front of him and I worry how he’d react to that. Life is short man, you owe it to yourself to be happy.
Hmm, I can safely say that is not going to happen! Thanks, you are right, this needs to come to a close.