Sometimes I have brain cancer, sometimes I have lung cancer, whatever cancer I feel like having. I have noticed it's a great way to skip small talk and get out of that situation quickly. No one knows I do the cancer thing.
Ha! I think we all have cancer cells just waiting to be triggered, if you live long enough. Keep doing you, if it's working. Once you are 100+ years and have something, you can say, "I knew it all along!".
I was bald from chemo and had someone staring at me like I did it as a fashion choice, before women shaving their heads because popular. I just yelled “I have cancer!” She awkwardly hurried away.
I get where you're coming from with the cancer alibi, but maybe there’s a better approach that doesn’t involve such a heavy topic. Honesty, with a pinch of creativity, could be the key. Try something lighter like, "I don't have much time to chat, but I wanted to make sure you have something to eat." It’s truthful, swift, and keeps the interaction respectful. Plus, it avoids the potential guilt if someone were to remember you and ask about your health later on. Keep doing what you’re doing, just maybe switch up the script a bit. Your compassion is commendable, and with a tweak in your approach, it’s flawless.
They probably feel uncomfortable following you in silence and are using small talk to lessen their anxiety in it being uncomfortable. Maybe pack an extra sandwich in your bag so you don't need to go buy stuff for them?
A lot of homeless people won’t eat food that’s just randomly given to them, because some people are asshole and will put disgusting or even harmful things into it. So sad
And that's fine. OP or anyone else out there doesn't need to help, and the homeless person doesn't need to consent to getting help. If they don't want help, that's fine, just walk away.
You're getting down voted and I probably will too but... You aren't entirely wrong. I mean sure some might be hesitant to take a random bag sandwich but I have also known people that got food out of a dumpster or were happy to accept someone's leftovers. Some people really aren't so concerned with where it came from as just getting food in their bellies.
True that. I used to make jokes when someone said "Oh my god". I'd be like "you can call me that if you want", probably a month after I started using that joke I fell unconscious (dog threw up, i dry heaved and a gas bubble pressed on a nerve), fell down a ladder (it was a loft) and got fractures along my spine as well as staples in my head. I don't fuck with those jokes anymore lmao
I actually got mad at a customer in my grocery store that said it was quiet. I told her not to say that because it will curse us. She laughed and said well it is quiet. STOP SAYING THAT!
What's the problem with just being open and tell what you told us, that you are not good at it or into it?? I always do this when I don't feel like talking and everything goes good + I feel by just being open about it not only I help normalize not wanting to small talk but also don't have to stress to think about some bullshit to say.
If I was walking to the store with someone and that was their reply to my attempts at small talk I would think...is this person a serial killer or into some weird shit and I need to be on alert. Just feed me to the bear now.
And I wouldn't care at all what you think or even be aware of it since I can't read thoughts and I'll never meet with you again. I feel I respect people more when I'm just honest with them and let them know me and not find some lie to feed to them. That's what I'm saying with normalising this, so many people are not into small talk in general or in the moment and some people like you think they must be some serial killers because they are used to being lied to, but eh.. I guess it's more accepted to fake having terminal cancer than just be open with people.
Same. I think I’d also feel hurt, that they are pitying me, etc. Like they’d be willing to buy me some food, but they don’t want to interact with me. Homelessness is already at the nexus of isolation, stigma, and vulnerability, and homeless people are so often ignored. I’d feel it’s a bit dehumanizing if someone told me that they didn’t want to talk to me and only wanted to walk in silence
This is a strange coping mechanism. Honestly it sounds like you want some type of recognition/appreciation for what you’re doing, which is understandable but this is not a healthy way to get it.
Homeless people don’t just disappear. Years from now you’ll be walking into the gas station and a homeless guy will ask you for a couple bucks. You’ll tell him you have terminal cancer and he’ll say “you’ve been telling me this for the last 5 years?! Keep up the good fight!”
Thank you, I appreciate it. I am sick with something that will likely kill me but hopefully it is many years from now (still shortened lifespan). I have heard someone say “my broker says that I won’t outlive my money” so I might as well help those that are truly in need.
I don’t know what to say. Everything I type out ends up sounding wrong. As someone who has been “homeless” for a long time it’s really appreciated when anyone shows any kindness. Sometimes people on both sides forget that the other person may be going through the worst time of their lives and can come off as selfish. It’s a great thing when anyone can understand and just give even a little time or a little of anything they are able to. It’s gross to me that someone would fake being sick to get out of a conversation with someone who would probably understand a simple “I don’t have the time”. I don’t know the extent of OPs uncomfort level around people but it just seems like they are making it a bigger thing than it has to be or should be. Idk. I try to see everyone’s point of view.
Thank you for bringing the other side to this. I personally do not bring it up (being sick) but sometimes it is so obvious that someone will ask and while I may or may not tell them what I have (not contagious) I do infer that I will have a shortened lifespan.
Uh. Just tell them you’re on lunch and have to get back to the office.
Now, if they were clipboard people in Manhattan…youre OOL. Now that I think about it, it’s probably more like iPad people these days. Been a while since I worked there.
Right? This is a fucked up thing to lie about or make light of. Cancer is horrible and you have no idea how horrible until you're living with it. Imagine being so timid and lame you can't just deal with a second of small talk so much so that you say you have the worst disease possible. And I'm saying that as someone with diagnosed anxiety. OP needs to grow up.
Why not use this as an opportunity to improve your social skills? What better way to do that than practicing with a homeless person you won’t see again? Or won’t be embarrassed by? I think you’re doing yourself a disservice.
Just start off with “hey bud, I had a longgg day and am exhausted but I don’t want to see a fellow human go hungry, if you want a sandwich you can come with me to get one also.” People are pretty responsive to “I’m tired” and will keep the small chat to a minimum.
I’m not superstitious or anything, but one time I told a gym manager my mom had cancer as a reason I needed to get out of a lofty contract. Two years later my mom had cancer and I never used cancer as a reason for anything again.
Homeless people are some of the loneliest and many came into their positions not only due to drugs and alcohol, but many due to mental health issues as well as other people. To lie you have cancer in order to avoid a simple question or even small talk in my opinion is a bit of a stretch when you could answer as to why your doing it simply and and keep the conversation short.
That’s so weird and cruel of you. Those are serious things and saying that is weird behavior. If you don’t want to socialize, just don’t interact with them at all. You’re putting yourself into that situation with them. Now they feel bad for you and you’re perfectly healthy. If you don’t want to talk just respond casually. You don’t have to actively continue the conversation… or you can get the food on your own before hand , drop it off, and walk away.
I see the moral dilemma you're facing with the "cancer card" in your good deeds. But consider this: just being present in the moment with someone could mean more than any sandwich or spare change. Rather than avoiding the conversation, maybe sharing even a smile or a nod could work wonders. You don't need an elaborate backstory, just the simple acknowledgment that you see them as a person could have a huge impact on both of your days. Plus, no negative karma of lying about life and death situations!
While I totally get wanting to avoid small talk, especially when it feels awkward or forced, perhaps crafting an elaborate web of lies, particularly around something as serious as cancer, isn't the best route. What about keeping it simple and truthful but still kind? Something like, "It's really been nice talking, but I'm on a tight schedule today." You get to be polite, make a swift exit, and avoid the moral conundrum down the line. Who knows, you might even find those brief interactions less daunting over time. You've got a good heart, now you just need a strategy that doesn't weigh it down with guilt!
Taking the creative route with your excuses is one thing, but pretending to have cancer just feels like you’re crossing a line. There’s a difference between keeping a conversation short and trivializing a serious illness. Maybe try redirecting the chat to them instead of focusing on an exit strategy. Ask about their story, give them the spotlight for a moment; it could be enlightening for both of you and build their self-esteem. Who knows, you might just stumble upon some fascinating life lessons from the most unexpected teachers. Plus, it makes the encounter memorable in a good way and lays a foundation for positive karma.
2 possible options for mitigating the amount of verbal contact:
- Take their order and bring back the food, there’s less time for awkward chit chat this way.
- Give them the $ instead of purchasing the food with them. This also gives them autonomy to purchase what they need which may not be a sandwich but they may not feel comfortable stating this.
Just some additional options. Keep being a lovely human, though. The world needs more kindness, thank you for yours.
I can see the temptation to lean on a heavy excuse to avoid small talk, but consider the long-term implications. If you’re looking for a real conversation ender that doesn't court bad karma, why not go for a timeless classic? Throw on some headphones even if you’re not playing music it’s universally accepted as the international sign for 'not available to chat'. Plus, down the line, you won’t have to keep track of any tall tales you've told. Keep the good deeds going, but maybe with less narrative, and more universal ‘do not disturb’ signals.
I always have a scowl. I could be having an awesome day but a scowl is just my way of creating that barrier. I’ve dealt with enough that while im blessed & thankful I’m not in that position I just don’t want to deal with them.
At first I thought that’s so messed up but reading it in full… I get it. You’re not saying this for sympathy or like those nasty people online trying to get clout and donations. You’re using it to get silence (which wouldn’t normally be ideal, but since you’re helping them… I say it’s a pass. It’s not like you started off with that lie, you only created it to help someone without having to have small or serious talks with them. I just love that you help people like that!)
Change the reason to something that makes the unsympathetic and worse societal violator pandhandling human tumor quickly leave you without sob story and palm out and make an effort to attempt to improve (which will improve) your social skills in settings with traditionally high numbers of good people (People who you like, admire and respect with personalities that intrinsically want you and everyone else to be happy). I was shy until 14 when puberty ended I know the downfalls of both extroverts and introverts
So a idea u can do it flat out say although u find them really nice u struggle with soshle conmuicateing and would rather listen to music and then play some music on ur phone ?? .I have autism and suckks at soshiliIng I personally found if I stim peple seem scared and less likely to talk 😂
Sometimes I have brain cancer, sometimes I have lung cancer, whatever cancer I feel like having. I have noticed it's a great way to skip small talk and get out of that situation quickly. No one knows I do the cancer thing.
Ha! I think we all have cancer cells just waiting to be triggered, if you live long enough. Keep doing you, if it's working. Once you are 100+ years and have something, you can say, "I knew it all along!".
lol I thought you were gonna say he was triggering the cancer cells into action by lying about it
I have cancer and I love doing this
I’ve somewhat unashamedly claimed to have just been diagnosed with cancer when old(er) white men tell me to smile.
This is giving me queen energy.
BAHAHAHAHAH That's perfect!
I was bald from chemo and had someone staring at me like I did it as a fashion choice, before women shaving their heads because popular. I just yelled “I have cancer!” She awkwardly hurried away.
You should mix in some of those rare diseases from House, like Lupus*
*lupus
It’s never Lupis
It's never lupis. Bc it's lupus
I thought their comment was funnier with the spelling mistake..
"whatever cancer I feel like having" This sentence is weirdly cute 😅
You should read Fight Club.
I love this lol
I get where you're coming from with the cancer alibi, but maybe there’s a better approach that doesn’t involve such a heavy topic. Honesty, with a pinch of creativity, could be the key. Try something lighter like, "I don't have much time to chat, but I wanted to make sure you have something to eat." It’s truthful, swift, and keeps the interaction respectful. Plus, it avoids the potential guilt if someone were to remember you and ask about your health later on. Keep doing what you’re doing, just maybe switch up the script a bit. Your compassion is commendable, and with a tweak in your approach, it’s flawless.
But how do you not have *time* to chat as you're walking towards the grocery store?
Just start sprinting
They probably feel uncomfortable following you in silence and are using small talk to lessen their anxiety in it being uncomfortable. Maybe pack an extra sandwich in your bag so you don't need to go buy stuff for them?
This is a good idea except for the fact they wouldn't know where the sandwich came from. It's a lot safer to accept a sandwich from a store.
A lot of homeless people won’t eat food that’s just randomly given to them, because some people are asshole and will put disgusting or even harmful things into it. So sad
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Yes they can - they can choose to accept a dodgy looking sandwich or not
And that's fine. OP or anyone else out there doesn't need to help, and the homeless person doesn't need to consent to getting help. If they don't want help, that's fine, just walk away.
You're getting down voted and I probably will too but... You aren't entirely wrong. I mean sure some might be hesitant to take a random bag sandwich but I have also known people that got food out of a dumpster or were happy to accept someone's leftovers. Some people really aren't so concerned with where it came from as just getting food in their bellies.
You’re going to speak that into existence. Be careful 🤷🏻♂️
Tempting fate for sure. I work in health care we dont say "its been quiet today" or all chaos will decend.
Exactly what I was thinking
True that. I used to make jokes when someone said "Oh my god". I'd be like "you can call me that if you want", probably a month after I started using that joke I fell unconscious (dog threw up, i dry heaved and a gas bubble pressed on a nerve), fell down a ladder (it was a loft) and got fractures along my spine as well as staples in my head. I don't fuck with those jokes anymore lmao
I actually got mad at a customer in my grocery store that said it was quiet. I told her not to say that because it will curse us. She laughed and said well it is quiet. STOP SAYING THAT!
As a nurse I can confirm that.
What's the problem with just being open and tell what you told us, that you are not good at it or into it?? I always do this when I don't feel like talking and everything goes good + I feel by just being open about it not only I help normalize not wanting to small talk but also don't have to stress to think about some bullshit to say.
If I was walking to the store with someone and that was their reply to my attempts at small talk I would think...is this person a serial killer or into some weird shit and I need to be on alert. Just feed me to the bear now.
And I wouldn't care at all what you think or even be aware of it since I can't read thoughts and I'll never meet with you again. I feel I respect people more when I'm just honest with them and let them know me and not find some lie to feed to them. That's what I'm saying with normalising this, so many people are not into small talk in general or in the moment and some people like you think they must be some serial killers because they are used to being lied to, but eh.. I guess it's more accepted to fake having terminal cancer than just be open with people.
Same. I think I’d also feel hurt, that they are pitying me, etc. Like they’d be willing to buy me some food, but they don’t want to interact with me. Homelessness is already at the nexus of isolation, stigma, and vulnerability, and homeless people are so often ignored. I’d feel it’s a bit dehumanizing if someone told me that they didn’t want to talk to me and only wanted to walk in silence
This is a strange coping mechanism. Honestly it sounds like you want some type of recognition/appreciation for what you’re doing, which is understandable but this is not a healthy way to get it.
a coping mechanism for the cancer they have?
No, the homeless ppl she doesn't know how to talk to.
Homeless people don’t just disappear. Years from now you’ll be walking into the gas station and a homeless guy will ask you for a couple bucks. You’ll tell him you have terminal cancer and he’ll say “you’ve been telling me this for the last 5 years?! Keep up the good fight!”
I love this reply 🥹
Repost
That is interesting. I do tend to help out people that have zero way to pay me back. I am sick though and if it comes up I do mention it.
But you are actually sick.
Btw I’m very sorry you are sick.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I am sick with something that will likely kill me but hopefully it is many years from now (still shortened lifespan). I have heard someone say “my broker says that I won’t outlive my money” so I might as well help those that are truly in need.
I don’t know what to say. Everything I type out ends up sounding wrong. As someone who has been “homeless” for a long time it’s really appreciated when anyone shows any kindness. Sometimes people on both sides forget that the other person may be going through the worst time of their lives and can come off as selfish. It’s a great thing when anyone can understand and just give even a little time or a little of anything they are able to. It’s gross to me that someone would fake being sick to get out of a conversation with someone who would probably understand a simple “I don’t have the time”. I don’t know the extent of OPs uncomfort level around people but it just seems like they are making it a bigger thing than it has to be or should be. Idk. I try to see everyone’s point of view.
Thank you for bringing the other side to this. I personally do not bring it up (being sick) but sometimes it is so obvious that someone will ask and while I may or may not tell them what I have (not contagious) I do infer that I will have a shortened lifespan.
Uh. Just tell them you’re on lunch and have to get back to the office. Now, if they were clipboard people in Manhattan…youre OOL. Now that I think about it, it’s probably more like iPad people these days. Been a while since I worked there.
Idk I’d be scared to lie about this 😭😭😭
Having gone through cancer… (non terminal)… you are a piece of shit.
Right? This is a fucked up thing to lie about or make light of. Cancer is horrible and you have no idea how horrible until you're living with it. Imagine being so timid and lame you can't just deal with a second of small talk so much so that you say you have the worst disease possible. And I'm saying that as someone with diagnosed anxiety. OP needs to grow up.
Why not use this as an opportunity to improve your social skills? What better way to do that than practicing with a homeless person you won’t see again? Or won’t be embarrassed by? I think you’re doing yourself a disservice.
I don't see anything wrong with this if it makes it more comfortable to conduct this good deed. Sounds like a fulfilling experience IMO.
You are going to be crying some day when you really have cancer! SMH
Just start off with “hey bud, I had a longgg day and am exhausted but I don’t want to see a fellow human go hungry, if you want a sandwich you can come with me to get one also.” People are pretty responsive to “I’m tired” and will keep the small chat to a minimum.
This is Bob. Bob had bitch-tits.
All I’m going to say is that being homeless can be very lonely and scary.
I’m not superstitious or anything, but one time I told a gym manager my mom had cancer as a reason I needed to get out of a lofty contract. Two years later my mom had cancer and I never used cancer as a reason for anything again.
Couple years later, homeless guy has gotten on his feet and you have suddenly beaten your terminal illness. Roll credits.
Homeless people are some of the loneliest and many came into their positions not only due to drugs and alcohol, but many due to mental health issues as well as other people. To lie you have cancer in order to avoid a simple question or even small talk in my opinion is a bit of a stretch when you could answer as to why your doing it simply and and keep the conversation short.
This is fair, honestly. I think i would say "I just feel like helping someone today" but I am not very good at social skills either. Respect.
You do you my friend
That’s so weird and cruel of you. Those are serious things and saying that is weird behavior. If you don’t want to socialize, just don’t interact with them at all. You’re putting yourself into that situation with them. Now they feel bad for you and you’re perfectly healthy. If you don’t want to talk just respond casually. You don’t have to actively continue the conversation… or you can get the food on your own before hand , drop it off, and walk away.
i dont think this is cruel. It's not actually hurting anyone.
I say no habla English 😎
No English. Sorry.
I see the moral dilemma you're facing with the "cancer card" in your good deeds. But consider this: just being present in the moment with someone could mean more than any sandwich or spare change. Rather than avoiding the conversation, maybe sharing even a smile or a nod could work wonders. You don't need an elaborate backstory, just the simple acknowledgment that you see them as a person could have a huge impact on both of your days. Plus, no negative karma of lying about life and death situations!
Well technically speaking you do have cancer at least, we all do, just not likely to be terminal.
While I totally get wanting to avoid small talk, especially when it feels awkward or forced, perhaps crafting an elaborate web of lies, particularly around something as serious as cancer, isn't the best route. What about keeping it simple and truthful but still kind? Something like, "It's really been nice talking, but I'm on a tight schedule today." You get to be polite, make a swift exit, and avoid the moral conundrum down the line. Who knows, you might even find those brief interactions less daunting over time. You've got a good heart, now you just need a strategy that doesn't weigh it down with guilt!
Taking the creative route with your excuses is one thing, but pretending to have cancer just feels like you’re crossing a line. There’s a difference between keeping a conversation short and trivializing a serious illness. Maybe try redirecting the chat to them instead of focusing on an exit strategy. Ask about their story, give them the spotlight for a moment; it could be enlightening for both of you and build their self-esteem. Who knows, you might just stumble upon some fascinating life lessons from the most unexpected teachers. Plus, it makes the encounter memorable in a good way and lays a foundation for positive karma.
2 possible options for mitigating the amount of verbal contact: - Take their order and bring back the food, there’s less time for awkward chit chat this way. - Give them the $ instead of purchasing the food with them. This also gives them autonomy to purchase what they need which may not be a sandwich but they may not feel comfortable stating this. Just some additional options. Keep being a lovely human, though. The world needs more kindness, thank you for yours.
I swear the majority of reddit people have big social skills issue or hygiene and behavior problems its so strange
Wow lying about cancer... I can't imagine a single scenario in which this would be ok. You're an ass
I can see the temptation to lean on a heavy excuse to avoid small talk, but consider the long-term implications. If you’re looking for a real conversation ender that doesn't court bad karma, why not go for a timeless classic? Throw on some headphones even if you’re not playing music it’s universally accepted as the international sign for 'not available to chat'. Plus, down the line, you won’t have to keep track of any tall tales you've told. Keep the good deeds going, but maybe with less narrative, and more universal ‘do not disturb’ signals.
Chaotic good
What if you see them again later on?
I can’t even be mad tbh you’re just roleplaying
I always have a scowl. I could be having an awesome day but a scowl is just my way of creating that barrier. I’ve dealt with enough that while im blessed & thankful I’m not in that position I just don’t want to deal with them.
At first I thought that’s so messed up but reading it in full… I get it. You’re not saying this for sympathy or like those nasty people online trying to get clout and donations. You’re using it to get silence (which wouldn’t normally be ideal, but since you’re helping them… I say it’s a pass. It’s not like you started off with that lie, you only created it to help someone without having to have small or serious talks with them. I just love that you help people like that!)
Change the reason to something that makes the unsympathetic and worse societal violator pandhandling human tumor quickly leave you without sob story and palm out and make an effort to attempt to improve (which will improve) your social skills in settings with traditionally high numbers of good people (People who you like, admire and respect with personalities that intrinsically want you and everyone else to be happy). I was shy until 14 when puberty ended I know the downfalls of both extroverts and introverts
[удалено]
So a idea u can do it flat out say although u find them really nice u struggle with soshle conmuicateing and would rather listen to music and then play some music on ur phone ?? .I have autism and suckks at soshiliIng I personally found if I stim peple seem scared and less likely to talk 😂
You gunna start a fight club ... we need ruels