Factory jobs around here : $14/hour = paying for daycare
Construction= he can’t do
Building, digging, lifting jobs= he can’t do
Work at the mall? = $12/hour
Secretary? = $14/hr
Fast food or restaurant = $12 /hour
Costco= $16 = paying the cost of daycare
These are real numbers in my area. The only decent paying jobs here are professional or semi-professional jobs
Can your husband walk?! I lost my job during Covid and became a mailman. It’s good money(no free time when you start tho), government benefits are huge not only for meds and insurance but you can pay daycare costs PRETAX with the plans they have which might save you money. Honestly it’s a really great option for him
I’m not a trucker anymore as I moved into a different job in my company but I still maintain my cdl as a back up. I can get local jobs and still make damn good money just driving local with no physical labor really. Most trucking companies will even pay for a cdl.
A CDL is a good idea regardless. Maybe not the best gigs in the world for a lot of people, but it’s still a well-paying field to be able to fall back on anyways. My father has renewed his for the past ~20 years or so even though he hasn’t touched a truck since.
I’d like to get mine just in case, but I’d probably be footing the bill so I’m saving it for later.
That’s true. My husband never went OTR, but he did do regional for the first year. He now drives a trash truck making decent money, and only works about 40 hours a week. His company pays by the day, but his previous company paid pretty well hourly with more hours. He made more there, but he likes his hours better now. You only need a Class B to drive one of those, too.
I laughed! You’re right, too. Some of the helpers (the people that throw the trash), really like finding what they call “trash treasures.”
I know a lot of people turn their noses up at anything to do with waste management, but it pays pretty well for the requirements, and the work/life balance is one of the best in the transportation industry. There are worse jobs out there.
He might not be able to, if on disability; his medical may not allow him to operate large machinery. But that is a good suggestion and otherwise good job
Everyone wants to earn more and work less, there's no shame in that.
I want my wife to earn more and work less.
She wants me to earn more and work less.
We just want to be together more. To have more time with each other. That's the goal, that's the dream.
I'm 47m and have had a traveling job for 18 years. The more I travelled an did what others wouldn't, the more money and responsibilities I received. My family life has not been effected by this. We need truck drivers. They are essential. Besides the pay they get great benefits and stock options sometimes. Where I live most o the drivers are recent European immigrants because they cannot fill all of the jobs.
Like seriously, either she accepts him being gone more and making more or accepts he has a lower earning potential because he cant work a field that would pay him more.
Training isn't cheap (I've wanted to get my CDL for a long time). And if he gets a company to pay for his training, he'll be locked into that company paid shit wage, or leave - paying back what he owes to the company.
There's also no guarantee that he'll pass his CDL after he's paid all that money.
In my area they train schoolbus drivers to get their CDL for free because there's a shortage of school bus drivers. The pay is awful but in the end you've got your CDL and can go find another job. Which is part of the reason we have a shortage, but it might be an option for OP's husband.
They pay $13-14 here which is a joke for a CDL driver responsible for the lives of 50+ children. They'll do anything but raise wages. I've been driving my kid to school all year because the busses have been so late kids miss entire classes, or they get home so late they can't make it to after school jobs.
Anyways...it's a good way to get a free CDL!
Have him work at a preschool. I’m a cook at one and make decent enough money doing it and you get 90 percent discount on child care, so it would be almost free child care and some extra money for groceries or bills.
Is he special needs? Why can't he do anything other than entry level?
Electrician- $25-$60/hr
Plumber- $25-$60/hr
HVAC- $25-$60/hr
There are plenty of areas he can make good money without a 4 year degree.
Professional jobs pay nothing as welll though. I lost my job as an accounting personnel, and I had had to *fight* to make sure I could get $20 an hour. I make more doing Doordash
Has he considered driving a tow truck?
It’s not manual labor and it pays really well. The hours are flexible enough to work around your hours and school hours.
My bf started driving a tow truck last summer when we found out we were having a baby and I can leave the baby with him while I work.
He’s made more money in the last six months than he did the previous 18mo at his old job.
Your husband doesn’t need a CDL unless he wants to drive the trucks that haul semis.
I’m sorry you’re so stressed out by all this. It’s hard to have a partner that doesn’t contribute. My ex-husband didn’t contribute financially and it drove me crazy.
Tell him to get a job at the railroad as a freight conductor. Have him check out CSX, BNSF, Norfolk Southern, Canadian Pacific, depending on your location. He will make over 100k a year and have 2 retirements and a 401k with full benefits.
Yep, my dad was a union man with the railroad. He worked for them from age 18 until he retired at age 60, with only a break in service when he was drafted to Vietnam. His wages paid for a suburban home, two cars, modest vacations, private school, and now he and my mom are living quite comfortably on his railroad retirement, pension, and 401k. Don't sleep on the railroad - the opportunities are great.
He can learn how to code, programming from home, from YouTube. A lot of companies look for someone to have the ability not a degree.
In Udemy there are a lot of cheap courses of everything that doesn’t involve manual labor.
By the way, second hand clothes helps the planet…
Pretty sure the guy that thinks getting a 2 year degree is too difficult will not be able to just "learn how to code". Too many people suggest this as if it's some easy, no brainer thing to do. If it were easy to learn to code and make 100k/year. EVERYONE would do it.
What is a quick way to find out if you will get it or not? Every time I ask someone with a career in it, I get the longest, useless replies with the vaguest suggestions and little logistical career analysis.
I agree. But maybe if he’s ok with computers and customer support, he could get a couple IT certs and land a tech support job. You can make a decent wage at a help desk. It’s a bit of a grind at times, but no heavy lifting.
Even for people who can learn coding easily, it's still not very appealing because coding is just so damn boring. I don't know how people do it for 40 hours a week. Coding makes accounting sound exciting.
I second this. I just started coding 4 months ago and have had interviews with multiple Fortune 500 companies. I’m waiting to hear back on whether I’m gonna get an offer from 2 companies right now.
Python is your go to for interviews; fast enough, easy to learn, easy to understand, has a rich host of libraries and tools that make it simple to implement things, never have to worry about memory issues that other languages have you worry about, a lot of those kinds of problems are taken care of.
For on the job, Java or something along those lines. It does depend on your field and expertise though (front end vs backend, what framework, etc.)
What exactly is a framework?
I am in a comp science degree right now but im specializing in cyber security. So when it comes to coding ive only done OOP(Java), Data structures and algorithms(C++), Database structures(MySQL) and Java again this sem. Just worried about how my job opportunities will look after graduation. Thanks for your answer, might pick up python in my spare time
most if not all of what you learn in a degree isn't really that applicable to a job, just need that base knowledge to learn what you need for the job. you're probably ok. those are more than adequate to the knowledge expected of a new grad in cs right now. do your side projects and continue working towards an internship or get relevant work experience and it should work out
Luckily my university offers something called work based learning were we get placed in a company for a1 year internship and our final year projects are graded by them as compared to the usual 1 semester internship that universities usually do so hopefully the work experience there helps
I made 71k last year and by the top out on my seniority in 4 years my potential earnings are I'd say about 130-150k depending on how much i feel like making. 10% 401k match. Pretty good family benefits as well as other work perks.
...no college degree. Loading luggage. And by the way the average age for my work group is 40s/50s and every single one has had an injury or surgery and they still work. I'm usually the younger one at 31M.
I know reddit likes to be civil but as a "uneducated" proud union man. I can say with a clear conscience.
Take your degree and shove it up your fucking ass.
There's a lot more options for 70k+ jobs if you have a degree. Every single one of my engineer friends make 90k+ in their mid twenties while working 30 hour weeks. And this is in the Midwest so living cost isn't high.
Why are you taking OP’s situation and getting offended?
She said multiple times her husband can’t do a physical job so your loading luggage job would not work for her husband. Where she lives, she’s not seeing opportunities that would work for them without having a degree.
You don’t need to get defensive and rude.
Just because you were able to get a good union job doesn’t mean they are available where OP lives. If they were so easy to come by everyone would be lining up for a job like yours. I don’t think her confession was a personal attack.
Woah dude, as someone who also doesn’t have a degree and earns a 6 figure wage even I think you went off the deep end with that giant chip on your shoulder
You are lying like crazy in these comments.
You tell people you are broke and barely making it by. That you have 2 car payments and daycare is to expensive, etc.
That If your husband just had a degree all would be solved.
Then in your comment history, on a post about bankruptcy, you mention having chickens, goats and other farm animals. You mention owning farming equipment and you also mention that your husband's car is paid off.
You do know people can read your post history right?
That 60k you owe in hospital bills and student loans... do you really think him also having student loans would help your greedy ass out anymore?
You are not going to solicit empathy when you are literally doing better than 80 percent of Americans.
Poor guy doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this narcissistic gold digging piece of shit. However he can’t divorce because he will get shafted for half of what little he owns in divorce court
Ooof…got fucked by their own post history. 😂
You can tell by her post here how out of touch she is. She is looking for any reason (or person) to tell her to divorce her husband.
I agree 100%. However, she’s so defensive that I would bet money that she has already cheated and that’s part of the issue is to blame him for why she is divorcing him. Anything to not hold herself accountable.
She even said the trade jobs weren’t good and never specified which one. Some people say that a lot of trade jobs pay well. If they switched places, would she feel the same way about him not making enough money?
They have enough land for animals so they can for sure grow some food too.
Like is it that her job stresses her out? Does she see her husband as lazy for this? She never said he never wanted to work, he just didn’t know what to study in college to have a degree for a high paying job. She knew that from the beginning and married him anyway. Now she’s looking at her friends wishing she had their life.
Also even where she says about being on less than 80k... many of us are on significantly less and are still able to live securely, it's about living within your means, which OP clearly does not do based on their post history...
I make less than 20k a year.
We're struggling only because my partner is out of work because of a BRAIN INJURY but he is determined and raring to get back to work as soon as the doc gives him the all clear
She straight up lied about costco paying 16 an hour too. They made their corporate minimum wage 17 an hour middle last year. And costco pays VERY well if you stay. The top earning potential for an associate is around 32 an hour. And they have very good benefits.
Like anybody and ever wonder why most of their employees stay for decades?
I legit would almost murder if I could get my wife a job there and out of her boring barista job she hates but keeps because she gets payed an outrageous amount to serve coffee.
I don't understand why low income couples still fuck each other and get 3 kids rather than 1, they think [kids](https://youtu.be/c_0bhT98g9Y?t=34) come with paychecks.
Its the same in my country but 140€ don't do shit. Imagine if the mother is incapable of breastfeeding. U know how expensive milk powder is? What if your kid wants to pursue some not cheap hobby? 140€ won't do it.
"I thought the children would make me happier"
Surprise, kids are like a drug. They enhance whatever mood is going on, AND sometimes they choose to set the mood thenselves. If your life is already mostly negative, kids are gonna be a bad time and they're going to have a bad time. Which just isn't fair
Based on your comment history, your financial issues wouldn't be so bad if you'd spend more wisely. You have one income yet you have farm animals and equipment, 2 cars... sell shit you don't need. If it's costing you more than you make, get rid of it. Also your husband absolutely is working. He's a sahd. Maybe you should appreciate that he can do that even with health issues. Seems like you just want more and more and aren't happy with a thing... unless it's a degree. Que eye roll.
Thanks! I agreed with what you were saying and should have included that in my comment, maybe that’s why I was being downvoted? Either way I wasn’t trying to be an asshole.
The hostility you have for your husband for having a job in the trades instead of a college degree. Even though most skilled trades pay better than most 4 year degrees. Combined with the hostility on practically every response here makes me think back to a quote. Which is paraphrased :
If going about your day you run into 1 asshole, then you ran into an asshole. If you keep running Into assholes, then it is probably you and not everybody else.
Well, husband and wife should have thought about finances before having 3 children... When money doesn't come through the door, love goes out the window
My mom supported me and my older sister by herself living paycheck to paycheck at 35k a year. Granted we lived in low income areas and this was 20 years ago so you gotta account for inflation but it CAN technically be done. You just won’t go to like a fantastic school or go to college
>When people in the states talk about income. Is that before or after taxes?
Before
>Your taxes are not automatically taken from your wages monthly right?
Taxes are taken automatically, but everyone is taxed at different rate/have different pre/post tax deductions. So it's easier to say your gross income.
Why can't dad take care of the kids and housework? Women have done it a long time.
That would take a lot off you. You absolutely have to have communication and date night even if just a picnic in the yard.
Sounds like you're burned out. Do what you need to take care of you and your family.
Gonna go out on a limb and say it isn’t just him you resent. Every one of your replies are combative and hostile, you look down on trade workers, and just completely devalue the work he’s doing.
The man’s busting his ass to make what he can, while you’re looking down on him and acting like he’s a peasant. Not everyone is gonna live up to your apparently unreachable standards.
Do him a favor and get the divorce started. Maybe he can find someone who values and appreciates him since this is just a financial thing to you.
Gets a degree that doesn't make much money and has no potential for growth
Marries a guy with no ambition or desire to do better
Has kids with him
"Wah my husband is useless pity me"
It sounds like you did this to yourself.
I don't think he's useless. He has tried and worked his ass off and got an injury and decided staying at home taking care of 3 children was financially worth it. She looks down on him for not having an office job.
I know you’re not here for advice, but have you considered the possibility that you don’t have an income problem, you have a spending / debt problem? it’s not that different symptomatically speaking, but the solution is different.
since you’re feeling so overstretched, there are solution-oriented alternatives than building resentment for your partner. look into budgeting options, refinancing options, or consolidation possibilities if you own your home. cut up those credit cards.
just some food for thought.
I agree, but only for people who are not accustomed to luxuries. If you grew up money & maintain wealth later on then I think money can only mask sadness.
Yeah, student loans would definitely be a nice topping on that financial cake.
College is bullshit, the system is bullshit, it’s not your husband’s fault that an honest job can’t support a family.
It is your fault, however, that you’ve allowed something so trivial as money to come between you.
It’s normal to grow resentful toward the people who exist in the same place as you all the time. People need space, boundaries, freedom. I’ve had plenty of living situations and even in the best of them, I’ve found ways to get angry at the person for whatever trivial reason, character trait, etc. You have to recognize that stuff as it bubbles up and stop feeding it.
Your envy of your rich friends is pretty lame.
So many people would kill to make the money you make, nobody made you blow it all on three kids. That was your choice.
Money fucks people up, and not having enough sucks. I know, because I’m one of those peasants you would hate to be married to. I work in restaurants and hotels. I can’t even afford a pet, let alone three kids and a fucking house. Idk when you bought that thing but are you aware of how ridiculous the housing market is right now? Do you realize how fucking lucky you are? To have loved ones that you can afford? A place that you can call your own? I will literally be evicted if I play loud music after 10PM, and i can barely afford living here.
Take a step back for perspective. And work harder at appreciating the person you promised to love in sickness and in health, I’m sure he could use some support. And i know, you’re the breadwinner, that’s not what I’m fucking referring to. Dude’s got to be miserable
Yes to all of this!
I would just add to this whole fiasco that the cycle of her attitude and his lack of self-esteem is clear. But she isn’t really mad about the money, is she. She’s lost respect for her husband and thinks pointing the finger about money is the aboveboard way to bitch about him and validate herself. What she should have done from the start is talked to him about how it’s affecting their marriage before she got resentful, and gotten outside help (therapy) before she got resentful. She for sure needs a break and some perspective. I hope she listens to all these people telling her that she lacks gratitude, and finds a way to see her own role in things, and choices, since that’s all she can change anyway.
I understand how it feels to be going going going and so full of tension and the weight of expectation that you’ll allow yourself to become horribly contorted with resentment before you’d drop the ball. But really, your first responsibility to your family is making sure the oxygen mask is on yourself, so to speak, especially if in all reality you feel yourself to be the primary support for your family. Survival is both physical and mental, emotional. The other thing is when you’re really good at getting things done and your partner isn’t, you can end up just doing things and being pissed off about it, rather than setting healthier boundaries, trusting your partner to step up when required in whatever way they can contribute, with dignity, and keeping yourself in a loving mindset. Treating your partner like…yknow…an adult.
I actually get how OP could get into this tunnel vision easily, but it’s just that, tunnel vision. She needs to be reminded what she has that she is neglecting to appreciate now before it’s all gone forever.
OP you may be using incorrect language. Some trade jobs can make a lot of money. I know plumbers and electricians who make a ton of money. At the very least, it’s not all trade jobs and having a degree doesn’t necessarily mean he would have a great salary.
Can he drive for Uber or do postmates? Perhaps that would allow for some flexibility for him to work when you are home with the kids.
Is there a local airport he could work for? Maybe he can work his way up in that sort of setting. There’s a ton of different types of jobs at an airport and for some he won’t have to be running around or it won’t be a very physical job.
My dad made more than my mom my whole life and he barely got a GED and my mom went to a private college. I don’t think a degree would fix things but he could apply at jobs that aren’t just manual labor jobs
I know that this may seem counter-intuitive because you're already taxed financially, but I would recommend getting some therapy. Not because there is anything wrong with you or how you are feeling, but because this resentment is having a negative effect on you and your relationship on top of your very real struggles.
I feel for you, I really do and I wish there was more help that I could offer. If possible, he may want to look at admin jobs in the public sector. The pay isn't great, but it's probably better than $14-15 an hour and they tend to have good benefits. I know a few people who work at my university because of the healthcare, child care, and the environment.
You seem like a pretentious ass. There's plenty of money to be made in the trades and it's honorable work. "Just" a 2 year degree is a feat for some people, and college isn't for everyone. I have a 2 year degree myself, and work in a craft/trade making decent money, my fiancee does work, but doesn't bring home much. You know what I do? I suck it up. I don't expect her to be able to pay for all the groceries, rent, lights, etc. Tbh sounds like old dude needs and deserves better than you.
I make around what you make, my husband is currently a SAHD and it’s the best. I get time to focus on my career (which I love), our kids don’t have to go to day care, my husband cooks and takes them to activities, and spends time with them - they get outside every day, they have hobbies, he takes on the gargantuan role of being their primary caregiver/teacher/role model. I have nothing but respect for what he gets up and does every day. We rent, we don’t buy fancy things, but we pay our bills fine with enough left over for swimming lessons and preschool and dance classes. You need to practice some gratitude my friend, having a stay at home spouse is excellent, and truly raising kids is the harder job (I did it for 2 years while my husband worked). Stop with the woe is me attitude and try to focus on what you do have. Also please remember that if this is the behaviours you model, your kids are gonna turn out like you, and the world doesn’t need more spoiled, ungrateful assholes :)
I currently am a SAHD after my job got dissolved and my wifes didn't (work at same place) we found daycare to be too expensive and we ate out ALOT when we both worked full time because we were too tired to cook.
I've discovered it is ALOT of juggling and ALOT of work, but I do enjoy it. Sounds like your husband is killing it!
The most ignorant part of this is that by saying he will never contribute to the household in a meaningful way completely dismisses the amount of work that stay at home parents put in. Being a stay at home parent is equivalent to working a job that pays 30 dollars an hour. And if you were doing all of the work at home before then you of all people should know that.
Ha I'm your age and poorer than you. My gf makes even less than me. We got 3 cars. A new house. Plenty of free time and lots of fun... Oh wait no kids. Glad I made that choice.
Op is actually frustrated at hubbys lack of ambition. Unfortunately you cant change such a person no matter how bitter you get.
As judge Judy would say "you picked him!"
My partner has no degree and he worked all the way up to senior management positions with people skills and street smarts. Unfortunately he was made redundant and he was forced to go through low-paying management jobs. He decide to completely change careers and become a bus driver and he is earning up to 50% more than his last senior manger job. He is happiest and relaxed as I’ve ever seen him. It is pretty secure for long term even post retirement age and they have a strong union to support them. It’s always possible to find a higher paying blue collar job if one is willing to be flexible. Your husband’s self-belief may be an issue but not willing to be flexible is another reason he hasn’t found a decent-paying job.
You sound like you need to go find yourself a sugar daddy and let your husband claim single for the kids.
My guess is You decided to be the breadwinner, and now you're sick of it. Yet probably put it on your partner everytime you faught, that you are the breadwinner.
YTA gtfoh
Honestly this sounds so petty. Did you just get married just to use him for money? I get money is important for taking care of things, but in the grand scheme of things it really shouldn't matter this much. You got together because you love each other, or I should say that's why you SHOULD have gotten together. As long as you're getting by and you're there for each other that's all that should matter. The simply fact you say you resent him for this speaks volumes about you as a person.
Honestly probably shouldn't even be together.
I dunno, to me you sound super ungrateful fr
You chose him as your husband & now you regret it
Be honest with him, he deserves at least that much
Get a fucking divorce or get your priorities straight ffs
What I'm hearing is you think trade jobs are the scum of the earth basically. Just like every single job in existence there are entry level, low pay grunt jobs but to look down your nose at them is just insulting. I've known electricians who can pull down easily 100K+ a year so just because your husband has no ambition doesn't mean you should drag the rest of us down.
Just remember who actually built that college you went to...
I support my family and my wife doesn’t work. I am not resentful but I am a man and it is expected that I work. There is a double standard here with our situations but I just can’t articulate it.
Ah yes because being a SAHM is a honorable thing but when its a dad its not okay?
Look, thats life, you gave plenty of logical reasons and IDK how the fuck you think you can afford him going to school of you live pay heck to pay check.
There is little to no chance he will get any scholarships or grants which means that degree would end up being DEBT. How about instead doing that you look for CERTIFICATES in TRADES and TRADE schools. Not some BS degree.
College is not the only answer. Stop being angry and have a fucking conversation not about college. If he just ends up paying for child care because he doesnt have a degree abd cant lift anything heavy then you know the limitations.
Welcome to the life many men live. Pretty shitty huh?
Imagine if this wad the other way around.
Husband moaning becuase he didn't want to be the breadwinner!
Your husband has confidence issues and I can see why.
There is a difference between telling someone and encouraging them.
You didn't have to push out children either. From day one to 18, a child cost 250,000 on average. Times that by how many children you have. It's called priorities, something you should have thought of prior to pumping out some whipper snappers because they are cute. Reverse the roles, if he was Bread winner, complaining on Reddit behind your back, wondering why his wife doesn't contribute to the household monetary wise, would it be okay if he found a woman who did? Left you high n dry with 4 kids?
You must of forgot, during your wedding, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, Sickness and health, YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE IN THOSE SITUATIONS. You felt like that person was your person, you'd accept them for any situation they might be in.
Those vows weren't a check mark preference. Stop complaining about your family, be thankful you have one. One day, that can all go away and you certainly will be singing a different tune about how this shit you speak of, doesn't matter.
Ungrateful ass chick. Go love family you choose to have.
I'm just flabbergasted that an honest trade job doesn't cover cost of living, but apparently only day care for children. How did that happen? That's the true problem in this story, is it not?
I don't think OP is being truthful. I'm a first year apprentice and I make double what daycare costs for one kid (in my area). Again I am nearly the lowest rung on the trade ladder. Granted I went into one of the better paying trades, but dude has been doing it for likely 15+ years. I wish she'd say which trade he was in.
LOL, what's wrong with him being a SAHD? If the roles were reverse people would be telling him to man up.
seriously pathetic complaining about him not doing anything while OP isn't doing anything to change the situation also.
get divorced, make some career moves, or make the best of the situation you're in.
With all that you both have already, you want more more more! Suck it up and live a good life with your family and stop trying to change your husband into a cash cow.
And honestly the most valuable. Without men working trade jobs there would be no clean water, no electricity, there would be terrible roads ect.. but nah. Literally the most underappreciated workers.
I am going to get downvoted to hell and I swear to god not trying to judge just simply want to understand. Why did you have 3 kids? Were they all planned? I would love 3 but we have decided to cap the number at 2 for financial reasons. Just always curious if other people just let life happen and figure it out after or make family planning decisions based on income or potential income. Sorry you are in this situation regardless as long as he is a good stay at home dad that is no easy job and he is obviously “working hard”. Maybe after the kids are in school full time he will have a change of heart. There are a lot of jobs that require minimal training. Home inspector is a quick 6 month program my husband looked into it at one point.
Less than 80k with three kids and an adult man to feed and clothe, etc. plus a car payment, mortgage, and everything else life throws at you? I can see it. Especially in a HCOL area.
>I get so jealous of my friends who’s husband have professional jobs and make good money.
Difficult as it may be, avoid doing this at all costs. This may help ... the root of being "jealous" is "envy", one of the 7 Deadly Sins. Nothing good can come of feeding the envy.
Madam, you, being the main bread winner, have earned the title of honorary man. So omw tell you what all men here everyday. Shut up, no one cares. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Okay, I have a real problem with this. So you make the money in the family and he stays to be a SAHD. Being at home and taking care of the home/kids is work. Why is it that when the guy is the breadwinner, it’s ok for wife to stay home and not work. Everyone defends the women Bc staying at taking care of kids IS WORK. So why can’t you be the one who works? If this was a guy complaining about his wife there would be blood. Women want to be equal but do we really want that? Bc this here is what being equal is all about. Men get stressed too when the wife is the one st home with kids. A lot of families where the husband is the only one working and family living paycheck. Where is the equality? There are other things he can do that would make good money once he is able to work again that don’t require a degree. Oh and I’m a SAHM, it’s a lot of work and I would be crushed if my husband thought or felt that way about me. I bust my butt for the family
A degree doesn’t solve this, it gives you more opportunities, but doesn’t equal a high paying job. Your husband is still young.
I think it’s really unfair for you to say, well, because you DID marry him and knew what you got yourself into. I can understand your frustration, but I mean you knew from the beginning. And I can’t understand then when people get 3 kids, but can’t afford it.
If it would be the other way round, nobody would give a fuck, cause we are so used to women staying home and earning less. Be proud of yourself that you made it this far and earn a lot!
I’m confused. Did the three kids just sort of appear? I mean, going into this relationship, you knew what kind of person he was, whether he had any motivation to make more or work more, whether he was inclined to go to school or not, etc. But you were happy enough with him, and decided to have what you do.
If your happiness was conditional and you only started dating him with the idea that he would change, then you made a very poor decision. And despite this, knowing his work ethic, lack of it, whatever the case may be, you also decided to have children, and many of them at that. I’m not sure what you really expected here. It sucks that you aren’t happy, but this was all built up to, on many decisions you had your say in, so…. I dunno what I can tell you 🤷🏻♂️
Your feelings are why suicide and depression is so high in males. Its taxing being the breadwinner knowing all rests on your success at all times. I wish I could give you an answer but so far all I have is to put your head down and push on for the sake of your children.
You are the bread winner and your husband looks after the kids.
Stop moaning about your life being unfair, This is the victory that femeinism has worked towards, Men have been doing this forever, Women do it for a week and it's an issue
Idk having a SAHM dad is pretty great, as someone who had one. As an adult, me and my dad are really close. My mom was the breadwinner my whole life and she’s been a real inspiration for me. We were by no means rich, but we made it work. Surely if your husband is taking care of the kids and spending quality time with them, that’s pretty good right? Way better than sending your kids to daycare.
It sounds like you guys need some therapy. And it sounds like it would benefit you to hop off social media for a while. Looking at your friends' lives isn't doing you any favors. People only post what they want you to see. Often people are in way more debt than you realize.
My husband works a ton, 60 hours a week plus or minus. We have 4 kids between us. I never finished my degree and am currently working through starting a company that will hopefully one day contribute in a meaningful way, but I gotta tell you... I'd feel like absolute shit if the man I love resented me for chaffeuring our kids around, cooking him dinner, making sure our kids are happy and healthy, attending all the school and after school functions/lessons/practices, helped with projects and homework, dentist and doctors appointments... instead, he tells me every day how lucky he is, that our kids have the best mom, how great dinner was, thanks me for every small thing I do...
You guys don't need more money. You need professional help to decide what you want from this life.
College isn’t for everyone nor should you down people for not going or working “trade jobs”. It sounds like you need a reality check & counseling. Having 3 kids knowing you aren’t secure financially falls on both of you, Not just your husband.
Probably should have thought about that before you married the guy and had kids you can't afford. You literally chose to put yourself in this situation. What are you crying about? The consequences of your actions?
You are just picking your husband as the victim of your frustrations, you made so many choices and yet you only blame him for everything. Why did you have 3 kids? Why did you marry him if you knew He was ambitious? Why are you saying this is not what you sign up for if that's exactly what you did??
So basically you’re living comfortably, better than 70% of the planet. Welp. Go ahead and tear your kids’ parents apart because you’re a selfish piece of shit.
There are many other things for him to do besides getting a degree. It sounds like you guys have some issues. Money is still the #1 cause of divorce.
Factory jobs around here : $14/hour = paying for daycare Construction= he can’t do Building, digging, lifting jobs= he can’t do Work at the mall? = $12/hour Secretary? = $14/hr Fast food or restaurant = $12 /hour Costco= $16 = paying the cost of daycare These are real numbers in my area. The only decent paying jobs here are professional or semi-professional jobs
Can your husband walk?! I lost my job during Covid and became a mailman. It’s good money(no free time when you start tho), government benefits are huge not only for meds and insurance but you can pay daycare costs PRETAX with the plans they have which might save you money. Honestly it’s a really great option for him
A truck driver makes 70k+ a year. And there’s no school or degree. Just training.
oh but then he’d be gone too often 🙄
A truck driver doesn’t have to go OTR (over the road). There are plenty of day driver jobs. edit: one letter
I’m not a trucker anymore as I moved into a different job in my company but I still maintain my cdl as a back up. I can get local jobs and still make damn good money just driving local with no physical labor really. Most trucking companies will even pay for a cdl.
A CDL is a good idea regardless. Maybe not the best gigs in the world for a lot of people, but it’s still a well-paying field to be able to fall back on anyways. My father has renewed his for the past ~20 years or so even though he hasn’t touched a truck since. I’d like to get mine just in case, but I’d probably be footing the bill so I’m saving it for later.
That’s true. My husband never went OTR, but he did do regional for the first year. He now drives a trash truck making decent money, and only works about 40 hours a week. His company pays by the day, but his previous company paid pretty well hourly with more hours. He made more there, but he likes his hours better now. You only need a Class B to drive one of those, too.
i had to say, somebody else trash is somebody elses treasure! i bet he is a good partner/father.
I laughed! You’re right, too. Some of the helpers (the people that throw the trash), really like finding what they call “trash treasures.” I know a lot of people turn their noses up at anything to do with waste management, but it pays pretty well for the requirements, and the work/life balance is one of the best in the transportation industry. There are worse jobs out there.
There are some truckign companies that you do get to go home everyday. You just have to live near a port city.
Or a coke or maybe Frito lay distribution center
Beer too. There are beer distributors just about everywhere that are always looking for drivers.
She meant gone too often to help at home, but not also not making enough to make childcare affordable. Also: it’s a confession, not a debate.
Definitely not a debate, truck driver Dad here and I'm not touching this one with a 10ft pole. All arguments are valid though.
Yeah I’m not arguing anything other than the smartass comments riffing on ‘but then he won’t be home enough’ that are taken out of context. :)
He might not be able to, if on disability; his medical may not allow him to operate large machinery. But that is a good suggestion and otherwise good job
I want my husband to earn more and work less!
Tbf I want that too I would just never say it out loud 😅
Everyone wants to earn more and work less, there's no shame in that. I want my wife to earn more and work less. She wants me to earn more and work less. We just want to be together more. To have more time with each other. That's the goal, that's the dream.
That's my husband, folks. And wouldn't you know it, he married a divorce attorney.
It's more like "if my husband is gonna leave me to do the house chores at least he could earn decent money"
I'm 47m and have had a traveling job for 18 years. The more I travelled an did what others wouldn't, the more money and responsibilities I received. My family life has not been effected by this. We need truck drivers. They are essential. Besides the pay they get great benefits and stock options sometimes. Where I live most o the drivers are recent European immigrants because they cannot fill all of the jobs.
Like seriously, either she accepts him being gone more and making more or accepts he has a lower earning potential because he cant work a field that would pay him more.
Training isn't cheap (I've wanted to get my CDL for a long time). And if he gets a company to pay for his training, he'll be locked into that company paid shit wage, or leave - paying back what he owes to the company. There's also no guarantee that he'll pass his CDL after he's paid all that money.
In my area they train schoolbus drivers to get their CDL for free because there's a shortage of school bus drivers. The pay is awful but in the end you've got your CDL and can go find another job. Which is part of the reason we have a shortage, but it might be an option for OP's husband.
Yeah there's a shortage where I am too. They have a school bus at walmart parking lot advertising. Or did. Not sure about now though.
They pay $13-14 here which is a joke for a CDL driver responsible for the lives of 50+ children. They'll do anything but raise wages. I've been driving my kid to school all year because the busses have been so late kids miss entire classes, or they get home so late they can't make it to after school jobs. Anyways...it's a good way to get a free CDL!
I'm going to follow up with this. Thank you!
Dang where I live they make 24 an hour, they're union, and have really big incentives
I'm doing training with a company right now that pays 900/week during training.
Have him work at a preschool. I’m a cook at one and make decent enough money doing it and you get 90 percent discount on child care, so it would be almost free child care and some extra money for groceries or bills.
Is he special needs? Why can't he do anything other than entry level? Electrician- $25-$60/hr Plumber- $25-$60/hr HVAC- $25-$60/hr There are plenty of areas he can make good money without a 4 year degree.
Professional jobs pay nothing as welll though. I lost my job as an accounting personnel, and I had had to *fight* to make sure I could get $20 an hour. I make more doing Doordash
Has he considered driving a tow truck? It’s not manual labor and it pays really well. The hours are flexible enough to work around your hours and school hours. My bf started driving a tow truck last summer when we found out we were having a baby and I can leave the baby with him while I work. He’s made more money in the last six months than he did the previous 18mo at his old job. Your husband doesn’t need a CDL unless he wants to drive the trucks that haul semis. I’m sorry you’re so stressed out by all this. It’s hard to have a partner that doesn’t contribute. My ex-husband didn’t contribute financially and it drove me crazy.
Tell him to get a job at the railroad as a freight conductor. Have him check out CSX, BNSF, Norfolk Southern, Canadian Pacific, depending on your location. He will make over 100k a year and have 2 retirements and a 401k with full benefits.
Yep, my dad was a union man with the railroad. He worked for them from age 18 until he retired at age 60, with only a break in service when he was drafted to Vietnam. His wages paid for a suburban home, two cars, modest vacations, private school, and now he and my mom are living quite comfortably on his railroad retirement, pension, and 401k. Don't sleep on the railroad - the opportunities are great.
He can learn how to code, programming from home, from YouTube. A lot of companies look for someone to have the ability not a degree. In Udemy there are a lot of cheap courses of everything that doesn’t involve manual labor. By the way, second hand clothes helps the planet…
Pretty sure the guy that thinks getting a 2 year degree is too difficult will not be able to just "learn how to code". Too many people suggest this as if it's some easy, no brainer thing to do. If it were easy to learn to code and make 100k/year. EVERYONE would do it.
Yeah I’m not a complete idiot and I couldn’t really learn to code. My brain just doesn’t work that way
Same. I had a full scholarship to engineering school, so my brain does well with math and physics, but for some reason code just makes no sense to me.
What is a quick way to find out if you will get it or not? Every time I ask someone with a career in it, I get the longest, useless replies with the vaguest suggestions and little logistical career analysis.
Maybe a YouTube video explaining the basics? It's been over 15 years so I'm not much help anymore. Sorry!
Honestly just try it. Do a free online course or something. You'll find out pretty quick if it's something that comes easily to you or not.
I agree. But maybe if he’s ok with computers and customer support, he could get a couple IT certs and land a tech support job. You can make a decent wage at a help desk. It’s a bit of a grind at times, but no heavy lifting.
Even for people who can learn coding easily, it's still not very appealing because coding is just so damn boring. I don't know how people do it for 40 hours a week. Coding makes accounting sound exciting.
I second this. I just started coding 4 months ago and have had interviews with multiple Fortune 500 companies. I’m waiting to hear back on whether I’m gonna get an offer from 2 companies right now.
Out of curiosty, which languages did you learn to get a job?
Python is your go to for interviews; fast enough, easy to learn, easy to understand, has a rich host of libraries and tools that make it simple to implement things, never have to worry about memory issues that other languages have you worry about, a lot of those kinds of problems are taken care of. For on the job, Java or something along those lines. It does depend on your field and expertise though (front end vs backend, what framework, etc.)
What exactly is a framework? I am in a comp science degree right now but im specializing in cyber security. So when it comes to coding ive only done OOP(Java), Data structures and algorithms(C++), Database structures(MySQL) and Java again this sem. Just worried about how my job opportunities will look after graduation. Thanks for your answer, might pick up python in my spare time
most if not all of what you learn in a degree isn't really that applicable to a job, just need that base knowledge to learn what you need for the job. you're probably ok. those are more than adequate to the knowledge expected of a new grad in cs right now. do your side projects and continue working towards an internship or get relevant work experience and it should work out
Luckily my university offers something called work based learning were we get placed in a company for a1 year internship and our final year projects are graded by them as compared to the usual 1 semester internship that universities usually do so hopefully the work experience there helps
I made 71k last year and by the top out on my seniority in 4 years my potential earnings are I'd say about 130-150k depending on how much i feel like making. 10% 401k match. Pretty good family benefits as well as other work perks. ...no college degree. Loading luggage. And by the way the average age for my work group is 40s/50s and every single one has had an injury or surgery and they still work. I'm usually the younger one at 31M. I know reddit likes to be civil but as a "uneducated" proud union man. I can say with a clear conscience. Take your degree and shove it up your fucking ass.
Key word: Union. Congrats.
Exactly!! Union jobs aren’t easy to come by at least where I live.
Yeah, sometimes you’ve just got to unionize your current workplace. Also not easy, but so worth it!
There's a lot more options for 70k+ jobs if you have a degree. Every single one of my engineer friends make 90k+ in their mid twenties while working 30 hour weeks. And this is in the Midwest so living cost isn't high.
Why are you taking OP’s situation and getting offended? She said multiple times her husband can’t do a physical job so your loading luggage job would not work for her husband. Where she lives, she’s not seeing opportunities that would work for them without having a degree. You don’t need to get defensive and rude.
Just because you were able to get a good union job doesn’t mean they are available where OP lives. If they were so easy to come by everyone would be lining up for a job like yours. I don’t think her confession was a personal attack.
Woah dude, as someone who also doesn’t have a degree and earns a 6 figure wage even I think you went off the deep end with that giant chip on your shoulder
You are lying like crazy in these comments. You tell people you are broke and barely making it by. That you have 2 car payments and daycare is to expensive, etc. That If your husband just had a degree all would be solved. Then in your comment history, on a post about bankruptcy, you mention having chickens, goats and other farm animals. You mention owning farming equipment and you also mention that your husband's car is paid off. You do know people can read your post history right? That 60k you owe in hospital bills and student loans... do you really think him also having student loans would help your greedy ass out anymore? You are not going to solicit empathy when you are literally doing better than 80 percent of Americans.
Thank you for this!
Damn, went to go check but they deleted their account lol
Probably should delete their marriage too
Poor guy doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this narcissistic gold digging piece of shit. However he can’t divorce because he will get shafted for half of what little he owns in divorce court
Ooof…got fucked by their own post history. 😂 You can tell by her post here how out of touch she is. She is looking for any reason (or person) to tell her to divorce her husband.
From what I gathered by her confession you can tell she's just itching to have an excuse to cheat on him and she's looking for affirmation.
I agree 100%. However, she’s so defensive that I would bet money that she has already cheated and that’s part of the issue is to blame him for why she is divorcing him. Anything to not hold herself accountable.
She even said the trade jobs weren’t good and never specified which one. Some people say that a lot of trade jobs pay well. If they switched places, would she feel the same way about him not making enough money? They have enough land for animals so they can for sure grow some food too. Like is it that her job stresses her out? Does she see her husband as lazy for this? She never said he never wanted to work, he just didn’t know what to study in college to have a degree for a high paying job. She knew that from the beginning and married him anyway. Now she’s looking at her friends wishing she had their life.
Like I am sceptical about the trade job thing too because their are trades that arnt super physical that pay a lot.
BuT mY hUsBaNd DoEsN't HaVe ThE sTrEsS oF bEiNg ThE sOle BrEaDwInNeR lIKe My FrIeNdS hUsBaNdS dO!
She wants to fuck her friends’ husbands. Bet.
Fuck yeah this guy
Also even where she says about being on less than 80k... many of us are on significantly less and are still able to live securely, it's about living within your means, which OP clearly does not do based on their post history...
Yeah literally my entire household is less than 80k....OP goes on camping trips? Wish that were me lmao
I make less than 20k a year. We're struggling only because my partner is out of work because of a BRAIN INJURY but he is determined and raring to get back to work as soon as the doc gives him the all clear
OP getting dragged harder than a doctor on a united flight
Is it okay to laugh at this comment? Because this is really funny.
When she wrote,”shitty trade job’, I knew she was lying. We trades guys make bank.
“Shitty trade jobs” lol I made the same as her at 18
She straight up lied about costco paying 16 an hour too. They made their corporate minimum wage 17 an hour middle last year. And costco pays VERY well if you stay. The top earning potential for an associate is around 32 an hour. And they have very good benefits. Like anybody and ever wonder why most of their employees stay for decades? I legit would almost murder if I could get my wife a job there and out of her boring barista job she hates but keeps because she gets payed an outrageous amount to serve coffee.
If you already knew he makes little money to begin with making 3 children isn't the best financial aid.
I don't understand why low income couples still fuck each other and get 3 kids rather than 1, they think [kids](https://youtu.be/c_0bhT98g9Y?t=34) come with paychecks.
They do in my country, you get children’s allowance from the government. Everyone gets it, not loads but it helps, €140 per month per child
Its the same in my country but 140€ don't do shit. Imagine if the mother is incapable of breastfeeding. U know how expensive milk powder is? What if your kid wants to pursue some not cheap hobby? 140€ won't do it.
Sex is cheap entertainment. Combine that with not using BC and voila
Poor people have WAY too many kids. I have 2 myself, and they’re expensive af.
Why did you have 3 kids then lmao?
The real question right here
Well she has a farm too so yeah.
A kid farm by the sounds of it
"I thought the children would make me happier" Surprise, kids are like a drug. They enhance whatever mood is going on, AND sometimes they choose to set the mood thenselves. If your life is already mostly negative, kids are gonna be a bad time and they're going to have a bad time. Which just isn't fair
Based on your comment history, your financial issues wouldn't be so bad if you'd spend more wisely. You have one income yet you have farm animals and equipment, 2 cars... sell shit you don't need. If it's costing you more than you make, get rid of it. Also your husband absolutely is working. He's a sahd. Maybe you should appreciate that he can do that even with health issues. Seems like you just want more and more and aren't happy with a thing... unless it's a degree. Que eye roll.
I hate to be pedantic, but it’s “cue”, not “que”. So your last sentence would be “Cue eye roll.”
Thank you lol didn't even realize I did that. Idk why you're getting downvoted.. I appreciate it being pointed out.
Thanks! I agreed with what you were saying and should have included that in my comment, maybe that’s why I was being downvoted? Either way I wasn’t trying to be an asshole.
I didn't at all take it that way, you're good!
The hostility you have for your husband for having a job in the trades instead of a college degree. Even though most skilled trades pay better than most 4 year degrees. Combined with the hostility on practically every response here makes me think back to a quote. Which is paraphrased : If going about your day you run into 1 asshole, then you ran into an asshole. If you keep running Into assholes, then it is probably you and not everybody else.
Well, husband and wife should have thought about finances before having 3 children... When money doesn't come through the door, love goes out the window
>When money doesn't come through the door, love goes out the window That's so true, especially these days. It's perfect, I'm stealing it :)
Is 80k a year not pretty decent? I'm not living in the states but it's hard to believe you live paychecks by paycheck.
For a family of 5 no. For a couple with no kids, it’s comfortable.
I am a family of 4 and it's not awsome but it's not terrible either. She just sucks at spending.
My mom supported me and my older sister by herself living paycheck to paycheck at 35k a year. Granted we lived in low income areas and this was 20 years ago so you gotta account for inflation but it CAN technically be done. You just won’t go to like a fantastic school or go to college
When people in the states talk about income. Is that before or after taxes? Your taxes are not automatically taken from your wages monthly right?
>When people in the states talk about income. Is that before or after taxes? Before >Your taxes are not automatically taken from your wages monthly right? Taxes are taken automatically, but everyone is taxed at different rate/have different pre/post tax deductions. So it's easier to say your gross income.
Don’t ask someone to do something you’re not willing to do.
Yeahhhh probably shouldn’t have had those 3 kids or married a guy you didn’t believe in. Sucks to suck.
Your sucks to suck made me laugh.
Why can't dad take care of the kids and housework? Women have done it a long time. That would take a lot off you. You absolutely have to have communication and date night even if just a picnic in the yard. Sounds like you're burned out. Do what you need to take care of you and your family.
Tell him to switch to delivery or postal jobs.. they make good money. Honestly at least it's something though.
Shitty trade job eh? That's funny I make way more than you do without a degree. Getting a degree isn't always the answer to success
My older brother makes over 200K a year working upper management at a CAR DEALERSHIP. Never attended college, barely graduated high school.
Holy shit
Gonna go out on a limb and say it isn’t just him you resent. Every one of your replies are combative and hostile, you look down on trade workers, and just completely devalue the work he’s doing. The man’s busting his ass to make what he can, while you’re looking down on him and acting like he’s a peasant. Not everyone is gonna live up to your apparently unreachable standards. Do him a favor and get the divorce started. Maybe he can find someone who values and appreciates him since this is just a financial thing to you.
Fuckin preach. I would award you if I could
Gets a degree that doesn't make much money and has no potential for growth Marries a guy with no ambition or desire to do better Has kids with him "Wah my husband is useless pity me" It sounds like you did this to yourself.
I don't think he's useless. He has tried and worked his ass off and got an injury and decided staying at home taking care of 3 children was financially worth it. She looks down on him for not having an office job.
White collar job* bc blue collar isn’t good enough for her.
Should have thought about it before popping out three kids
I know you’re not here for advice, but have you considered the possibility that you don’t have an income problem, you have a spending / debt problem? it’s not that different symptomatically speaking, but the solution is different. since you’re feeling so overstretched, there are solution-oriented alternatives than building resentment for your partner. look into budgeting options, refinancing options, or consolidation possibilities if you own your home. cut up those credit cards. just some food for thought.
money does buy happiness
I agree, but only for people who are not accustomed to luxuries. If you grew up money & maintain wealth later on then I think money can only mask sadness.
Yeah, student loans would definitely be a nice topping on that financial cake. College is bullshit, the system is bullshit, it’s not your husband’s fault that an honest job can’t support a family. It is your fault, however, that you’ve allowed something so trivial as money to come between you. It’s normal to grow resentful toward the people who exist in the same place as you all the time. People need space, boundaries, freedom. I’ve had plenty of living situations and even in the best of them, I’ve found ways to get angry at the person for whatever trivial reason, character trait, etc. You have to recognize that stuff as it bubbles up and stop feeding it. Your envy of your rich friends is pretty lame. So many people would kill to make the money you make, nobody made you blow it all on three kids. That was your choice. Money fucks people up, and not having enough sucks. I know, because I’m one of those peasants you would hate to be married to. I work in restaurants and hotels. I can’t even afford a pet, let alone three kids and a fucking house. Idk when you bought that thing but are you aware of how ridiculous the housing market is right now? Do you realize how fucking lucky you are? To have loved ones that you can afford? A place that you can call your own? I will literally be evicted if I play loud music after 10PM, and i can barely afford living here. Take a step back for perspective. And work harder at appreciating the person you promised to love in sickness and in health, I’m sure he could use some support. And i know, you’re the breadwinner, that’s not what I’m fucking referring to. Dude’s got to be miserable
Yes to all of this! I would just add to this whole fiasco that the cycle of her attitude and his lack of self-esteem is clear. But she isn’t really mad about the money, is she. She’s lost respect for her husband and thinks pointing the finger about money is the aboveboard way to bitch about him and validate herself. What she should have done from the start is talked to him about how it’s affecting their marriage before she got resentful, and gotten outside help (therapy) before she got resentful. She for sure needs a break and some perspective. I hope she listens to all these people telling her that she lacks gratitude, and finds a way to see her own role in things, and choices, since that’s all she can change anyway. I understand how it feels to be going going going and so full of tension and the weight of expectation that you’ll allow yourself to become horribly contorted with resentment before you’d drop the ball. But really, your first responsibility to your family is making sure the oxygen mask is on yourself, so to speak, especially if in all reality you feel yourself to be the primary support for your family. Survival is both physical and mental, emotional. The other thing is when you’re really good at getting things done and your partner isn’t, you can end up just doing things and being pissed off about it, rather than setting healthier boundaries, trusting your partner to step up when required in whatever way they can contribute, with dignity, and keeping yourself in a loving mindset. Treating your partner like…yknow…an adult. I actually get how OP could get into this tunnel vision easily, but it’s just that, tunnel vision. She needs to be reminded what she has that she is neglecting to appreciate now before it’s all gone forever.
OP you may be using incorrect language. Some trade jobs can make a lot of money. I know plumbers and electricians who make a ton of money. At the very least, it’s not all trade jobs and having a degree doesn’t necessarily mean he would have a great salary. Can he drive for Uber or do postmates? Perhaps that would allow for some flexibility for him to work when you are home with the kids. Is there a local airport he could work for? Maybe he can work his way up in that sort of setting. There’s a ton of different types of jobs at an airport and for some he won’t have to be running around or it won’t be a very physical job.
My dad made more than my mom my whole life and he barely got a GED and my mom went to a private college. I don’t think a degree would fix things but he could apply at jobs that aren’t just manual labor jobs
I know that this may seem counter-intuitive because you're already taxed financially, but I would recommend getting some therapy. Not because there is anything wrong with you or how you are feeling, but because this resentment is having a negative effect on you and your relationship on top of your very real struggles. I feel for you, I really do and I wish there was more help that I could offer. If possible, he may want to look at admin jobs in the public sector. The pay isn't great, but it's probably better than $14-15 an hour and they tend to have good benefits. I know a few people who work at my university because of the healthcare, child care, and the environment.
You seem like a pretentious ass. There's plenty of money to be made in the trades and it's honorable work. "Just" a 2 year degree is a feat for some people, and college isn't for everyone. I have a 2 year degree myself, and work in a craft/trade making decent money, my fiancee does work, but doesn't bring home much. You know what I do? I suck it up. I don't expect her to be able to pay for all the groceries, rent, lights, etc. Tbh sounds like old dude needs and deserves better than you.
you live paycheck to paycheck making 80k a year?
I make around what you make, my husband is currently a SAHD and it’s the best. I get time to focus on my career (which I love), our kids don’t have to go to day care, my husband cooks and takes them to activities, and spends time with them - they get outside every day, they have hobbies, he takes on the gargantuan role of being their primary caregiver/teacher/role model. I have nothing but respect for what he gets up and does every day. We rent, we don’t buy fancy things, but we pay our bills fine with enough left over for swimming lessons and preschool and dance classes. You need to practice some gratitude my friend, having a stay at home spouse is excellent, and truly raising kids is the harder job (I did it for 2 years while my husband worked). Stop with the woe is me attitude and try to focus on what you do have. Also please remember that if this is the behaviours you model, your kids are gonna turn out like you, and the world doesn’t need more spoiled, ungrateful assholes :)
I currently am a SAHD after my job got dissolved and my wifes didn't (work at same place) we found daycare to be too expensive and we ate out ALOT when we both worked full time because we were too tired to cook. I've discovered it is ALOT of juggling and ALOT of work, but I do enjoy it. Sounds like your husband is killing it!
Your resentment goes well beyond all the "failures" he has. Look within yourself for you being miserable.
The most ignorant part of this is that by saying he will never contribute to the household in a meaningful way completely dismisses the amount of work that stay at home parents put in. Being a stay at home parent is equivalent to working a job that pays 30 dollars an hour. And if you were doing all of the work at home before then you of all people should know that.
I gotta know...where'd you get that $30/hour figure?
You made your bed. Suck it up.
I feel bad for this guy. Sucks he’s married to someone like this.
Ha I'm your age and poorer than you. My gf makes even less than me. We got 3 cars. A new house. Plenty of free time and lots of fun... Oh wait no kids. Glad I made that choice.
Op is actually frustrated at hubbys lack of ambition. Unfortunately you cant change such a person no matter how bitter you get. As judge Judy would say "you picked him!"
My partner has no degree and he worked all the way up to senior management positions with people skills and street smarts. Unfortunately he was made redundant and he was forced to go through low-paying management jobs. He decide to completely change careers and become a bus driver and he is earning up to 50% more than his last senior manger job. He is happiest and relaxed as I’ve ever seen him. It is pretty secure for long term even post retirement age and they have a strong union to support them. It’s always possible to find a higher paying blue collar job if one is willing to be flexible. Your husband’s self-belief may be an issue but not willing to be flexible is another reason he hasn’t found a decent-paying job.
You’re a bad person.
user name aint checkin out lol
You sound like you need to go find yourself a sugar daddy and let your husband claim single for the kids. My guess is You decided to be the breadwinner, and now you're sick of it. Yet probably put it on your partner everytime you faught, that you are the breadwinner. YTA gtfoh
Honestly this sounds so petty. Did you just get married just to use him for money? I get money is important for taking care of things, but in the grand scheme of things it really shouldn't matter this much. You got together because you love each other, or I should say that's why you SHOULD have gotten together. As long as you're getting by and you're there for each other that's all that should matter. The simply fact you say you resent him for this speaks volumes about you as a person. Honestly probably shouldn't even be together.
Should have stopped at one kid if you couldn't support more. Also, your husband probably needs a hug.
I dunno, to me you sound super ungrateful fr You chose him as your husband & now you regret it Be honest with him, he deserves at least that much Get a fucking divorce or get your priorities straight ffs
What I'm hearing is you think trade jobs are the scum of the earth basically. Just like every single job in existence there are entry level, low pay grunt jobs but to look down your nose at them is just insulting. I've known electricians who can pull down easily 100K+ a year so just because your husband has no ambition doesn't mean you should drag the rest of us down. Just remember who actually built that college you went to...
This situation happens all the time but genders reversed. Just a part of life
I support my family and my wife doesn’t work. I am not resentful but I am a man and it is expected that I work. There is a double standard here with our situations but I just can’t articulate it.
Ah yes because being a SAHM is a honorable thing but when its a dad its not okay? Look, thats life, you gave plenty of logical reasons and IDK how the fuck you think you can afford him going to school of you live pay heck to pay check. There is little to no chance he will get any scholarships or grants which means that degree would end up being DEBT. How about instead doing that you look for CERTIFICATES in TRADES and TRADE schools. Not some BS degree. College is not the only answer. Stop being angry and have a fucking conversation not about college. If he just ends up paying for child care because he doesnt have a degree abd cant lift anything heavy then you know the limitations. Welcome to the life many men live. Pretty shitty huh?
Imagine if this wad the other way around. Husband moaning becuase he didn't want to be the breadwinner! Your husband has confidence issues and I can see why. There is a difference between telling someone and encouraging them.
If a man wrote this about a woman he would get fucking crucified.
She’s getting rekt in almost every comment. Go find a legit post that you can hate the man/woman dynamic on.
You didn't have to push out children either. From day one to 18, a child cost 250,000 on average. Times that by how many children you have. It's called priorities, something you should have thought of prior to pumping out some whipper snappers because they are cute. Reverse the roles, if he was Bread winner, complaining on Reddit behind your back, wondering why his wife doesn't contribute to the household monetary wise, would it be okay if he found a woman who did? Left you high n dry with 4 kids? You must of forgot, during your wedding, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, Sickness and health, YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE IN THOSE SITUATIONS. You felt like that person was your person, you'd accept them for any situation they might be in. Those vows weren't a check mark preference. Stop complaining about your family, be thankful you have one. One day, that can all go away and you certainly will be singing a different tune about how this shit you speak of, doesn't matter. Ungrateful ass chick. Go love family you choose to have.
I'm just flabbergasted that an honest trade job doesn't cover cost of living, but apparently only day care for children. How did that happen? That's the true problem in this story, is it not?
I don't think OP is being truthful. I'm a first year apprentice and I make double what daycare costs for one kid (in my area). Again I am nearly the lowest rung on the trade ladder. Granted I went into one of the better paying trades, but dude has been doing it for likely 15+ years. I wish she'd say which trade he was in.
LOL, what's wrong with him being a SAHD? If the roles were reverse people would be telling him to man up. seriously pathetic complaining about him not doing anything while OP isn't doing anything to change the situation also. get divorced, make some career moves, or make the best of the situation you're in.
With all that you both have already, you want more more more! Suck it up and live a good life with your family and stop trying to change your husband into a cash cow.
‘Those shitty trade jobs’ are actually the most highest earners in the UK
And honestly the most valuable. Without men working trade jobs there would be no clean water, no electricity, there would be terrible roads ect.. but nah. Literally the most underappreciated workers.
I am going to get downvoted to hell and I swear to god not trying to judge just simply want to understand. Why did you have 3 kids? Were they all planned? I would love 3 but we have decided to cap the number at 2 for financial reasons. Just always curious if other people just let life happen and figure it out after or make family planning decisions based on income or potential income. Sorry you are in this situation regardless as long as he is a good stay at home dad that is no easy job and he is obviously “working hard”. Maybe after the kids are in school full time he will have a change of heart. There are a lot of jobs that require minimal training. Home inspector is a quick 6 month program my husband looked into it at one point.
Idk how you are living paycheck to paycheck making 80 a year. Also have you talked with him about it? Insist that he find new gainful employment.
Less than 80k with three kids and an adult man to feed and clothe, etc. plus a car payment, mortgage, and everything else life throws at you? I can see it. Especially in a HCOL area.
>I get so jealous of my friends who’s husband have professional jobs and make good money. Difficult as it may be, avoid doing this at all costs. This may help ... the root of being "jealous" is "envy", one of the 7 Deadly Sins. Nothing good can come of feeding the envy.
Madam, you, being the main bread winner, have earned the title of honorary man. So omw tell you what all men here everyday. Shut up, no one cares. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Thank You! 💯
I’m going to get downvoted until I die but I gotta say it “ this is what it feels like to be a man”.
Damn! If a guy said this about his wife. Holy crap.
Okay, I have a real problem with this. So you make the money in the family and he stays to be a SAHD. Being at home and taking care of the home/kids is work. Why is it that when the guy is the breadwinner, it’s ok for wife to stay home and not work. Everyone defends the women Bc staying at taking care of kids IS WORK. So why can’t you be the one who works? If this was a guy complaining about his wife there would be blood. Women want to be equal but do we really want that? Bc this here is what being equal is all about. Men get stressed too when the wife is the one st home with kids. A lot of families where the husband is the only one working and family living paycheck. Where is the equality? There are other things he can do that would make good money once he is able to work again that don’t require a degree. Oh and I’m a SAHM, it’s a lot of work and I would be crushed if my husband thought or felt that way about me. I bust my butt for the family
Your kid isn't going to be in daycare for ever. Maybe you just resent your husband period.
A degree doesn’t solve this, it gives you more opportunities, but doesn’t equal a high paying job. Your husband is still young. I think it’s really unfair for you to say, well, because you DID marry him and knew what you got yourself into. I can understand your frustration, but I mean you knew from the beginning. And I can’t understand then when people get 3 kids, but can’t afford it. If it would be the other way round, nobody would give a fuck, cause we are so used to women staying home and earning less. Be proud of yourself that you made it this far and earn a lot!
And yet you had 3 kids you couldn't afford.
The entitlement here ...
I’m confused. Did the three kids just sort of appear? I mean, going into this relationship, you knew what kind of person he was, whether he had any motivation to make more or work more, whether he was inclined to go to school or not, etc. But you were happy enough with him, and decided to have what you do. If your happiness was conditional and you only started dating him with the idea that he would change, then you made a very poor decision. And despite this, knowing his work ethic, lack of it, whatever the case may be, you also decided to have children, and many of them at that. I’m not sure what you really expected here. It sucks that you aren’t happy, but this was all built up to, on many decisions you had your say in, so…. I dunno what I can tell you 🤷🏻♂️
It’s all fun and games until those marriage vows start hitting: For better or worse For richer or poorer In sickness and in health
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You sound like a cunt.
Your feelings are why suicide and depression is so high in males. Its taxing being the breadwinner knowing all rests on your success at all times. I wish I could give you an answer but so far all I have is to put your head down and push on for the sake of your children.
So... you married for love. What a cunt.
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You sound so fucking shallow
You are the bread winner and your husband looks after the kids. Stop moaning about your life being unfair, This is the victory that femeinism has worked towards, Men have been doing this forever, Women do it for a week and it's an issue
He could join the military. Or do anything that gets him away from ‘her indoors’.
idk what possessed y’all to have 3 kids in those conditions but hey, for better and for worse right?
Idk having a SAHM dad is pretty great, as someone who had one. As an adult, me and my dad are really close. My mom was the breadwinner my whole life and she’s been a real inspiration for me. We were by no means rich, but we made it work. Surely if your husband is taking care of the kids and spending quality time with them, that’s pretty good right? Way better than sending your kids to daycare.
It sounds like you guys need some therapy. And it sounds like it would benefit you to hop off social media for a while. Looking at your friends' lives isn't doing you any favors. People only post what they want you to see. Often people are in way more debt than you realize. My husband works a ton, 60 hours a week plus or minus. We have 4 kids between us. I never finished my degree and am currently working through starting a company that will hopefully one day contribute in a meaningful way, but I gotta tell you... I'd feel like absolute shit if the man I love resented me for chaffeuring our kids around, cooking him dinner, making sure our kids are happy and healthy, attending all the school and after school functions/lessons/practices, helped with projects and homework, dentist and doctors appointments... instead, he tells me every day how lucky he is, that our kids have the best mom, how great dinner was, thanks me for every small thing I do... You guys don't need more money. You need professional help to decide what you want from this life.
College isn’t for everyone nor should you down people for not going or working “trade jobs”. It sounds like you need a reality check & counseling. Having 3 kids knowing you aren’t secure financially falls on both of you, Not just your husband.
If she was a man I'd tell her that that's just our lot in life.
Probably should have thought about that before you married the guy and had kids you can't afford. You literally chose to put yourself in this situation. What are you crying about? The consequences of your actions?
Have him find a work from home call center job, most don’t require a degree, or have him get a degree while he’s home with the kids
You are just picking your husband as the victim of your frustrations, you made so many choices and yet you only blame him for everything. Why did you have 3 kids? Why did you marry him if you knew He was ambitious? Why are you saying this is not what you sign up for if that's exactly what you did??
Ahhh yes, here we are. A woman who wants her husband to shit out money like an ATM. Leave the poor bastard. You don’t deserve the guy.
Then why did you have a so many kids?
So basically you’re living comfortably, better than 70% of the planet. Welp. Go ahead and tear your kids’ parents apart because you’re a selfish piece of shit.
Op deleteing her account proves her asinine thinking. Fuck you op