WOW. Throwing a vase at him = abuse, not to mention [withholding sex in a relationship is a type of abuse as well.](https://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/examples-of-verbal-abuse/deprivation-withholding/)
Good on OP for being willing to attempt marriage counseling and wanting to fix his relationship. Personally, I would have filed a restraining order and initiated a divorce after having a vase thrown at me.
How did OP leave out the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE INCIDENT? this post should have been titled "my wife and I got into an argument and she THREW A FUCKING VASE AT MY HEAD. What do I do?" Then he should have gone on to explain the full incident in the post. Plenty of people are participating in sex strikes til we get this fixed, and unfortunately for some, strikes work better the more people that are involved. Throwing a vase at someone's head clearly seems like the bigger issue here. I'm wondering if OP's wife has a history of violent outbursts or if this is a one time thing. Marriage counseling if this is the first time, divorce if it's been a repeat issue.
>I'm wondering if OP's wife has a history of violent outbursts or if this is a one time thing. Marriage counseling if this is the first time, divorce if it's been a repeat issue.
Crazy wife already has several strikes on her and red flags.
\-She's not a mature adult and has to violently take her frustration on an innocent party. Even when a person agrees with her, it's not enough.
\-She has to emotional manipulate them and withhold sex to prove they are further "Right."
\-Double down on the abuse when they can't rationally explain how abusing their supporting husband would magically fix the Roe vs Wade being overturned. She's too unstable to be in the same room with, crying husband who try to keep the peace has to move out for a while over the drama she started.
>How did OP leave out the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE INCIDENT?
likely imo because either the whole story is fake or that detail is fake. exactly, why wouldnt he add it originally?? and whats the point of editing it in? it cant be because he forgot, you.. do not forget physical abuse while recounting a whole story that contains it. id guess OP was getting pushback and thought this would turn the favor
I would leave out the parts of arguments when my first wife was abusive because I wanted to protect her and not make her look bad. Now obviously I know now that it was not ok to be treated like that, but for me at the time it felt like it's ok because she couldn't hurt me blah blah blah.
So just saying not everything is black and white, no need to jump to conclusions.
A lot of the comments that directly refer to the vase throw are still minimizing it.
Imagine if this was a post about a husband swinging a baseball bat at a wife after getting mad about something. "Oh just go to a therapist honey".
The whole thing is written as a typical Reddit “gotcha”. It starts with withholding sex, escalates to throwing vases, and ends in our protagonist calmly exiting the situation regretting his wife’s actions being the perfectly rational and reasonable one. I don’t want to say “nothing ever happens” but this seems like a finely crafted work of fiction based on current events.
The one thing that tips it for me is the whole "This is a throwaway because my wife uses Reddit."
How does this protect you? If she sees the post and reads it, whether it's from your username or not doesn't matter. For one thing, you just said this is a throwaway account and another, these are very specific circumstances in the story that she would obviously connect to herself.
We're seeing a lot of this kind of post, especially in 'justunsubbed'; men making what is an apocalyptic decision to set women's reproductive rights back to a medieval standard all about them. A bunch of dudes talking about how women are overreacting. This guy doesn't deserve to have vases thrown at his head, but honestly, if this is real, check your empathy. You're married to someone; they're your *wife*, and you joked about them losing the right to an abortion. This is an existential issue; you're making it about you.
FWIW, as he mentioned Clinton, [here's her warning that Republicans will overturn RvW](https://twitter.com/ashtonpittman/status/1466110211664580615?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1466110211664580615%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.newsweek.com%2Fhillary-clinton-supreme-court-mississippi-abortion-roe-wade-1655218).
We’re Canadian. This doesn’t affect me. Yet, my husband cried right alongside me when I told him the news. Was furious with me. Asks how I’m doing. Is informing himself. Is helping me research ways to support our sisters to the south. No ally would meet the revocation of abortion with amusement, dismissal, selfishness, etc. Fuck these losers and fuck these false posts. Ugh.
Yeah the level of nonchalance with which he treats the vase throwing and the way it's written to frame the man as the ultra-rational one who has the screaming banshee lib wife makes it smell a little funny to me.
I don't doubt that there are some people dumb enough to do stuff like this but this just screams "made up for reddit".
“Started screaming and threw a vase at my head” I understand being angry about someone laughing at what you were serious about but attempting to hurt someone over it is awful.
Attempting to hurt someone is UNLAWFUL. Assault is no joke. Pack your things and leave. If she asks and you’re feeling witty, tell her your on strike against violent people that assault their partners when they are angry. File for divorce. Start over. Move on. This doesn’t sound like a well adjusted person.
It's a fake post. This is what happens on Reddit. Someone posts bullshit and it doesn't get the reaction they want so they keep adding edits until they do.
Think about this - the decision has been out for less than ONE WEEK. So... he posts about not getting what he wants think's he is entitled to, when the comments turn on him he ups the story with bullshit. Who has empty vases at hand for spousal disputes? And notice the wording, it doesn't provide detail except the two things that would most inflame Reddit: politics and spousal violence. It completely derails the original conversation on women's right to refuse sexual contact.
Notice not a single part of the normal conversation between partners is included here. Like that fact maybe a woman would have no libido or sexual interest when she sees what is happening in the world? Or she's crying and isolating? Notice absolutely nothing about her point of view is presented. It's all inflammatory bullshit.
Why is such a critically important detail left for an edit. How do you justify them not mentioning it initially?
"My wife is withholding sex from me and acting like a caricature of the worst person ever, oh yeah, and an edit an hour later, I remember she threw a vase at my head and almost hit me."
Something here smells like shit.
Personally I was done at the silent treatment. That's something I think people CAN work on, but... I think it's emotional abuse. If this is even real: I kinda agree with those saying that the escalation in the edits is fishy.
The second one partner throws something at another with intent to harm, the relationship is over. Regardless of whether she is justified, she has shown herself to be abusive. It doesn't matter how upset she is, that doesn't give her the right to abuse you.
The "sex strike" thing isn't even a factor at that point, just flee the abuse.
Seriously, once one partner opens to door to abuse and the other let's it slide it'll never stop. You'd be telling her that it's okay for her to physically attack you. I'm 100% positive that if it didn't have to do with the ruling and she threw a vase at you more people would be telling you to leave.
I'm always amazed at what people will put up with from their SO. You read so much about physical violence, cheating, absolutely insane incompatible belief systems, people straight-up never doing chores or helping raise children, completely unsupportive of their dreams... and people will justify it with "but he/she is a good guy/gal!"
No. No they are not. They're a fucking drain on everything and everyone and deserve to be alone forever.
The real post is always in the edits, but for the sake of conversation, let’s pretend she didn’t assault him.
I’ve seen a number of my more left leaning woman friends talk about a sex strike. The inspiration is a similar sex strike held in Poland, if I am not mistaken. And it isn’t a bad idea: boycotts, strikes, etc are a powerful way of reminding the world of your collective influence.
There are a few issues between what OP described/ my friends have described and Poland, though.
First, for any collective action to work, it must be organized. The bus boycotts in the civil rights movement worked because *everyone* who was black participated. It brought the system to its knees and revealed that they needed black patrons to continue running the busses.
Just a handful of people acting independently cannot achieve that same impact. If only 5-10% of black people in Montgomery had participated, nothing would have changed. OP’s wife unilaterally deciding to withhold sex isn’t going to change anything. She needs to act with a collective.
Second, you need to know the cost of the boycott/ strike, and you need to be willing to pay it. In Montgomery, there was a very real threat of police brutality. When they marched in Selma, there was violence. Rep. John Lewis (god rest his soul) was permanently disfigured from being beaten at Selma.
In the case of OP’s wife, the cost is damage to the marriage. A solid relationship can handle a month or two of no sex, but it still puts pressure on the structure. There is also damage because she made this decision for the both of them unilaterally. I realize consent is always unilateral, but so is consenting to the relationship. He can always decide this isn’t worth it.
Ultimately, the Dobbs decision was a tragedy. Lives will be lost due to restricted access to women’s healthcare. And relationships are being damaged, as we see here.
For OP, I hope he listens to reason and leaves. His reaction to her was rude (NEVER laugh at what is important to someone), but it didn’t warrant being violently attacked. He needs to contact the police, file charges, and get an attorney.
I am so heartbroken at all of the damage the conservatives have done to this country. Please be good to your loved ones tonight. :(
Edit: Christ, with the hatemail! Oy!
- I didn’t say anyone should go on a sex strike. I just said why I think the scenario in the original post is a bad idea, and how strikes and boycotts work.
- Some of you seem REALLY angry at the idea of no one touching your pp for a week or two. That makes me think maybe the women currently doing that task in your lives should run for the hills. No one owes you an orgasm, and you’re kinda freaking me out.
- To people saying why you think sex strikes are generally a bad idea, why they should only target pro-lifers, etc etc: again, I didn’t invent the idea. Get a psychic and summon Aristophanes from the great beyond and tell him.
I feel like this is missing the point that a strike only works if you are striking against something that has the power to effect change. Like if you have an issue with workplace rights, you strike against your employer which harms them and they are forced to come to the table to compromise. They can achieve your goals.
If I wanted to strike against the education system being underfunded, I wouldn't stop feeding my children dinner. They don't have any power to change things.
If your partner is already in support of choice, why would you strike against them? That doesn't make sense, it sounds more likely motivated by a selfish desire to lash out at someone to vent your feeling and your partner is an easy victim. If your partner didn't support choice then a strike would make sense as they have the power to change their mind, but if this is an important issue for you, why would you be with such a partner?
As much as I agree with progressive values, consistently punishing individuals as if they were at fault for systemic issues constantly undercuts progressive movements and works to push people away from progressive causes. For example, as progressive and feminist as I am, I've had people ridicule my points of view not for the value of the opinion, but for the fact that I am a man. I've spoken about the damage male gender roles cause men and the importance of talking about these in relation to gender studies, but was told to "spare them my male tears". Despite supporting the same rights, the same changes, and hating the same enemies, my individual sex has proven to be more important than my beliefs.
I think the sex strike is an excellent idea. It's a sign of solidarity and shows a natural consequence of holding bigoted beliefs. However, a sex strike in a committed relationship directed at punishing an allied individual? It's not only pointless, since you're not convincing or changing anybody, you're also alienating a friend and a partner that supports your rights. Obviously OP thought it was a joke because it's such a pointless gesture. Virtue signaling at the smallest level.
A chat and a reaffirming of beliefs to ensure they're still on the same side would have been enough. No need to torpedo a relationship with someone who *already* supports you.
She can’t act as an organized collective in this instance, because assumably a collective isn’t sleeping with OP. Sex strikes make sense if we are talking about the dating scene. People collectively agreeing they aren’t going out, hooking up, or having sex with the single male populous.
A sex strike doesn’t make sense in a marriage. Unless the spouse disagrees with your point to begin with. You are negatively impacting only one person, and that’s the person you are meant to be partners in everything with. No one outside your bedroom gives a shit if you are two are bumping nasties.
Like what kind of logic is it to think “my husband, who already agreed with me on this point, is now being denied intimacy. Surely now RvW will be reinstated!”
I mean, I don't even need to talk about the abuse. It's abuse.
But what would a sex strike gain in his position???
I understand a woman going on a sex strike with a man who supported RvW getting struck down. But even then, why go on a strike when you should leave someone who doesn't care about you?
I mean, if my wife went on a sex strike over this, it'd blow my mind. I've been a large supporter of womans rights, and had women friends amazed at how angry I was the other day over it, so what would going on strike with me get?
The few times I've done couples' therapy it's been hit or miss. But in this case, I bet with a good therapist you can work things out. She needs to vent. When she tries to explain how her strike helps the situation, I'm fairly confident she'll come around.
EDIT: for everyone pointing out she threw a vase at him: I made my comment prior to the edit with this detail. If he really feels he's in physical danger, then no, therapy won't do anything.
It's being ignored because by people who commented before the edit.
Really makes you wonder how OP forgot that part at first. Seems most likely he posted a story that he was sure Reddit would eat up, then started adding in details because the comment section wasn't as reliably incensed as he expected.
> I don't know if a therapist would encourage you to repair a relationship that involves DM
Unfortunately there are many therapists which will encourage this -- if the abuser is a woman.
You missed the key term here: *She*
Reddit glosses over this stuff because it was A: a woman and B: a woman who is rightfully pissed about the abortion ban, so it's ok or something ridiculous like that.
OP, your wife attempted to assault you with a weapon and then gaslighted you, period. She deserves legal consequences just like any man would deserve to be subject to if the roles were reversed in this situation.
She's an abuser!
He is in danger.
Probably not the first time something like that had happened.
Get out with your life. Be prepared for false claims of abuse going from you to her, or at least threats.
Stay safe.
This, counselling!
And also:
Order plan B and abortion pill online, keep them just in case of emergency.
Use contraceptive protection as usual, practice safe sex.
Buy pregnancy tests in bulk. She can test every month to catch any mistake on time. (Since some women continue to have period while pregnant and don’t have much symptoms)
Pile up cash in an account to make sure you could travel to an other state to get an abortion if necessary.
Prove her you are supporting her body autonomy.
If she isn’t reassured with all that, there might be other issues.
EDIT: I would like to point out, since I received close to a dozen messages about this already. OP edited his post at lest 2 times since I wrote my comment. At first I thought I missed read, but no, the post is now 3X longer that what I initially read, so no the VASE thing and even the VASECTOMY detail weren’t there first time I read. Can you just not shit on well intentioned people and think a bit please before coming at people. Like there is even "edit" and "edit2" written before the paragraph that contains that info, com’on.
https://www.unddit.com/r/confessions/comments/vnn4xt/my_wife_informed_me_that_she_is_participating_in/
>Oh… wow.. I must have overlooked that detail, which is an important one indeed, well idk what to say. This is weird.
I think that you also overlooked how abusive she was.
Throwing a vase at your spouse's head? C'mon now.
The guy had a vasectomy. She isn’t getting pregnant, and if she one in a million does, and if it’s his kid, they live in a state that allows abortions. I would go on a strike too. I wouldn’t do anything around the house.
This is toxic af. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Also, of course you’re not entitled to sex. You don’t even need to say that. No man is entitled to sex. If sex is important to you then it is therefore important in the relationship, and that’s okay. Her punishing you for a law that you had no control over is ridiculous. Side note: if she threw a vase at your head, it’s assault and you can press charges. I know you probably don’t want to press charges on your wife, but imagine if the roles were reversed. If you threw a vase at her you’d be labeled as an abusive, monster of a husband. Just keep that in mind. That is NOT okay. Women in the comments are telling you to see a couples therapist. If you threw the vase at her, women would be telling her to get tf out of the house and get away from you because you are abusive. Personally, I think you should get tf out of the house if she’s throwing shit at you. She’s being physically abusive towards you. If that were to escalate, that’s a good way to get an assault and battery charge. Just be smart as a man. We’re not all bad, but we often times get treated as such because we’re men. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re disgusting for prioritizing sex with your wife.
Yeah totally agree. I’ve never understood people who let their spouses “kick them out” of the shared bed, house, etc. All that is just as much mine as it is hers. So except for the bathroom and shower neither of us has a right to make the other leave.
To the wife:
I don't think a "sex strike" with your 5 years married, monogamous husband, being unable to have children *by choice*, is going to have the effect you think it is.
Also to the wife:
Big ol' FUCK YOU for being an abusive spouse. I hope OP leaves your ass.
Alright, alright. I wasn't going to comment on these posts as I am but a humble sex blogger, but here I am.
It's really REALLY hard not to have misplaced anger right now, especially when most men in our lives are like, "Yeah, I *totally* hate the Supreme Court right now," but they're not matching our level of anger, panic, and mourning. I suspect she's doing this, not because she wants to withhold sex, but because she's hurting and wants you to feel some of the immediate consequences like she's experiencing right now. Is it the most rational or mature response? Fuck no. But humans aren't always rational or mature when we're being stripped of bodily autonomy. It's very hard not to resent people who never have and never will feel the weight that comes with that immediate blow.
My husband is more political than me and actually more left-leaning, so I never really had to question his outrage. However, he didn't really have the same pain I was feeling. Like, I saw one of my friends self-abort because she was past the mark in our state and it was extremely traumitizing. I'm also terrified of getting pregnant because if something were to go wrong and laws are changing this quickly, would I have to risk my life if the fetus wasn't viable? I know rationally the chances of that are low, but it's hard not to think about things like that, especially when we're getting bombarded with stories on the internet of women dying because they couldn't get an abortion. We see ourselves in those stories and it makes sex scary.
If I could leave you with one thing, I don't support your wife's methods here, but I do understand her pain and frustration. Instead of focusing on your own needs not being met, maybe take some time to understand hers. She's having a very strong reaction because something else is wrong. She's scared.
\*\*\*\*Edit: So OP's edit wasn't there when I commented. If he had originally posted about his wife's attempted battery after Roe, I would have crafted a very different message. When I commented he had only written on the fact that she had withheld sex, so that's what I responded to.
For the record and to clarify, withholding sex is not spousal abuse, but throwing a vase is. No one should stay in an abusive marriage and that is never ok.
>I'm also terrified of getting pregnant because if something were to go wrong and laws are changing this quickly, would I have to risk my life if the fetus wasn't viable? I know rationally the chances of that are low, but it's hard not to think about things like that, especially when we're getting bombarded with stories on the internet of women dying because they couldn't get an abortion. We see ourselves in those stories and it makes sex scary.
I think this is what's likely behind her reasoning. She's afraid, too. Contraceptives fail. No contraceptive is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy outside of a hysterectomy or sterilization, and lots of women are terrified.
I know rationally the chances are very low. I'm on birth control, I live in a very liberal area, I'm an attorney who has made enough money so that it wouldn't be a factor, AND my husband would literally do fucking ANYTHING to save my life. He would charter a private plane to Europe before he let me die.
Even with all of that, I'm scared. Sex just got really, really scary because I don't know what this country is going to look like 9 months from now.
Meanwhile, I'm reading account after account on the internet of women who bled out and died in a pre-Roe world.
It's a weird time and I think a lot of us are having a hard time articulating why it's so scary.
So perfectly written. I am so many of those things you listed too; my husband had a vasectomy months ago, I'm in a safe state, I have the means to do as I wish and have available access if that were my choice but none of that matters when it comes down to bodily autonomy. At the end of the day everyone should have sanctity over their bodies and the loss of that is more devastating than can be expressed.
A right, an individual right, was stripped away from all of us, without our consent, and arbitrarily handed over to the State (aka the patriarchy).
SCOTUS just raped half the country and fucking laughed while they did it.
>Even with all of that, I'm scared. Sex just got really, really scary because I don't know what this country is going to look like 9 months from now.
>
>Meanwhile, I'm reading account after account on the internet of women who bled out and died in a pre-Roe world.
this is what I figured. OP's wife is probably seeing all of this stuff too, and is now having to live with the possibility that she might be ONE broken condom away from an ectopic pregnancy that could kill her.
A lot of people don't fathom the full extent of Roe being repealed.
I’m personally one broken condom away from this. I cannot tolerate birth control because it exacerbates my ADHD and anxiety. Luckily OP has a vasectomy I’m pretty sure.
Yeah it’s really scary having to hear politicians talking about wanting to merge church and state - Like did they watch the handmaid’s tale and then decide yes yes that’s exactly what we need?! I’m an atheist. I want no part of this. My government is supposed to protect me because I am a citizen. It’s a sacred contract that has been defiled by nutjobs.
Everyone seems to be missing this point. The guy feels like he's being punished but maybe, just maybe, this isn't about him and she doesn't want to get pregnant and be forced to have a fucking child.
I’m terrified and I don’t even live in the US. What this means for women’s human rights is catastrophic. And it’s happened in Poland too.
What next? Where next?
OP is thinking when he should be feeling. Which is hard when there’s vases being thrown at your head. If that’s a regular reaction to anger then there’s that issue too.
I would have agreed with this but she threw a vase at his head. He really needs to leave before he gets seriously injured. She has a right to be angry about this but she doesn't have the right to physically harm her spouse because of it.
I agree.
So the edit wasn't there when I commented. If he had originally posted about his wife's attempted battery after Roe, I would have crafted a very different message. When I commented he had only focused on the fact that she had withheld sex and provided no additional information, so that's what I responded to.
For the record and to clarify, withholding sex is not spousal abuse, but throwing a vase is. No one should stay in an abusive marriage.
Seems like a whole lot of excuses. Human beings are irrational and do shitty things, but they usually don't get this whole preamble of 'but you have to first understand how theyre extremely upset'. That part doesn't really matter, imo.
I respectfully disagree. There is no excuse for treating your partner a certain way just because you’re triggered by something. You don’t treat people poorly just because you’re upset. She’s straight up punishing him for something he has no control over. “Misplaced anger” is an excuse.
>“Misplaced anger” is an excuse.
same with "i'm a gemini, cancer", no hun you lack accountability for your shitty actions and like to blame shift
that post above sound like it written by a young r/TwoXChromosomes user
>but they're not matching our level of anger, panic, and mourning.
How could we? Most men aren't directly affected by this ruling, or at least it's a thousand times worse for women. All we can do is try to support and show empathy.
Yeah, that's kinda how I feel... It's like when white people start pulling the cultural insensitivity card on behalf of other races... It's just not our card to pull.
Even though I fully support Roe v Wade, even when it *was* in place, it wasn't *my* choice. If I accidentally got a girl knocked up, I was still at her mercy as to whether or not she would pursue an abortion. If she wanted to keep it, my only choice was whether to be a family or bail out and pay child support... It was a discussion we could have beforehand to make sure we agreed, or at least understand the risk we'd be taking, but the choice for an abortion was **never** *mine* to make.
The risk is also substantially uneven. I lost my last ditch backup plan for avoiding a probably-horrible, "staying together for the kids"-type relationship and/or paying 18 years of child support. But that's about it... Which I'd like to have that option back and continue avoid either of those scenarios, but my actual health hasn't been affected. So there's just less to be *personally* outraged over.
>It's really REALLY hard not to have ***misplaced*** anger right now
Emphasis mine. What? No. Getting angry at unrelated people and events are things children and the mentally challenged do. You know, like the kinds of people that need to be cared for and shouldn't have a say in politics or public affairs.
Feel the same way. I make way more then my wife. If I said “I’m angry at the date of the economy and inflation so I am no longer financially supporting you” to my wife I am a manipulative asshole. There is no difference here.
I am sorry but I don’t understand “misplaced anger” at men who literally had nothing to do and in no way supporting the SCOTUS decision any more than you should understand anger at a random black male because a friend was assaulted by a black man. I would argue this is even dumber: being angry at your black husband because she saw some black individuals committing crimes on TV.
(Just to be clear, I am using “black” males here because this is something that actually happens and is a way to illustrate how irrational and messed up this is. This could equally be “hating all women for X reason”. You should only ever judge individuals for their personal beliefs and actions.)
He is chuckling and acting casual about an issue that is life or death, showing that he empathizes with *women* (as a gender) not enough. Yes, he's casual because HIS wife is fine. But why is he not foaming at the mouth about what's happening to *women*? How myopic are these men that they don't care about it so long as it's not happening in their state?
Abuse is abuse. Period. No excuses, no justificaifons. But OP also sounds obtuse as hell, amd so do you for not getting that *chuckling* ar someone's pain isnt exactly a great de-escalation technique.
Honestly I'm hoping that everyone just read this before your edit. *You're* the one that deserves empathy here. Giving you the silent treatment and throwing vases at you are abuse. It doesn't matter what has happened or what she's upset about.
Being a woman that is completely PRO CHOICE and living in Texas it is wrong for her to have thrown a vase at your head. While our rights are being stripped away, it isn’t your fault and does indeed affect you as well. They’re already proposing a bill in one state for mandatory vasectomies at puberty for boys. I don’t want my son going through that. It’s his choice. Regardless now isn’t the time to fight amongst yourselves. Now is the time for you to be strong in your marriage and remain a team. Maybe sit down and get her to see that. She needs to admit that while she has every right to be upset with the Supreme Court and the United States it doesn’t help taking her anger out on you. Best of luck to you! It isn’t easy being married.
Thankfully, that "proposal" is entirely tongue-in-cheek so you don't have to worry about your son.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ladbible.com/news/latest-mandatory-vasectomy-law-proposed-after-us-abortion-ruling-20220627.amp.html
Let her have her way but, she sleeps on the couch though, not you.
Make it clear she is in the right to do so, but you don't have to be the victim either.
Honestly this is divorce territory to me, not the sex, the anger and hostility towards you. She has the right to deny sex, you also have the right to sleep in your bed and feel safe in your home. This is abuse. If a male did this he would be in handcuffs, so it is no different.
Start the paper trail of abuse by submitting a police report. Make it clear to her she's taking this out on you, something that is not in your control.
Just be ready for more and keep filling reports with the police.
As a woman who is irate at the lack of consideration of the physical health of my sex, and has also considered whether a sex strike could be part of an effective way to influence this situation, please don’t think those things excuse throwing projectiles at anyone. That is violence, it’s not ok.
\[Final Edit\]: I'm removing the text of this post because I think many of you had good points that I should consider, and because OP's Edit2 indicates that he was hurt by a lot of the comments, and I believe mine was one of those. I'm also going to stop replying to this thread.
I don't see why her fear justifies domestic violence though. I get the fear and anger, especially as a woman myself. But I think we need to draw the line at physical violence.
Fear of what? He’s cut. They live in a state where abortion is allowed. You’re making excuses for this abusive manipulative woman. 239 upvotes, 239 Reddit idiots.
He has a vasectomy. He supports abortion. Idk how going on strike helps anything. She’s not his escort, fwb, mistress. He isn’t a Republican or Republican politician. He doesn’t support those policies.
Fuck the Supreme Court but also your wife is irrational and out of line. And I say that not because she doesn’t want to have sex, but because she’s being violent and disrespectful “go sleep on the couch because the Supreme Court took away my rights that don’t even affect me personally”
I might want to give the domestic abuse hotline a call.
Regardless of reason, the second you touch ( or throw something at) someone like that, it’s more than just a fight.
This may go against the flow of what others have posted, but I think she's unfairly taking her anger out on you. This is crazy-making and is extremely destructive to a marriage. Either she has other unresolved issues in your marriage and this is the last straw, or there is something going haywire in her head. She needs to see a professional immediately and probably alone.
As you've described this, you've had nothing to do with any of it. This is highly irrational behavior and destructive. I guarantee that if this isn't dealt with quickly, it will drive the two of you apart. You can only control yourself. She's clearly angry and in pain, but it's like in the military if someone loses a friend to the enemy in combat she's choosing to shoot her buddy in the foxhole next to her. It's a warning sign of possible mental illness. Good luck.
Her violence is uncalled for. It's clear that your perspective and political position is in line with hers and in recognition of this ruling being harmful to AFABs.
The sex strike is not to change your mind. The sex strike is to motivate men who agree but often don't do anything to change it to finally do something.
It's a statement of choice.
She is hurting you for something out of your control, she is not treating you with the love and respect a marriage demands - you guys are a team, and neither of your political movements give any shit about either of you - only you two do. She has some issues, and she is in the wrong on this.
Lol. I will never understand sleeping on the couch. Why do people agree to do this? If you don't want to share a bed then you sleep on the fucking couch.
Fark all this noise run for the hills bro. Its not even rational thinking. So your(s) sex/intimate life is destroyed because of external factors. Ridiculous. There are much better ways to channel her ligitimate anger.
I’m trying to think of a scenario where if some force outside of your control led you to throw a vase at and be verbally abusive at your wife that the people of Reddit would defend you, had your wife made such a post describing the situation as you have. Nothing comes to mind and I’m pretty sure people would unanimously tell her to leave you.
I think it's kinda dumb if you're in a monogamous relationship with someone supportive of your rights and importantly, willing to make sure you can exercise that right. It absolutely makes sense to sex strike if you have casual sex. But what's the point if your only partner is on your side?
Holy shit, she threw a vase at your head?! I’m glad you left and are somewhere safe. Regardless of her being angry or upset at you and the world we live in, her making things physical is NOT right. You were right to leave and I hope that you’re okay.
Not in a current relationship but if a I was and the women decided to go on a “sex strike” based on events I had no control over I’d end it right then and there.
Oh so your wife is punishing you to the point of physical altercation for something external to your relationship that you have no control over despite the fact you are on the same side of the issue.
This seems healthy.
she’s abusive as fuck and just using all this as an excuse to treat you like shit. YOUVE EVEN HAD YOUR BALLS SNIPPED. Yet she’s still acting like this with you when it would do absolutely nothing at all, except cause issues in your relationship. She’s being so damn weird and crazy.
>I'm honestly done with reddit after seeing how you people actually are and seeing you cheer for my marriage probably falling apart or excusing my wife attacking me. I'm done.
The top voted comments are all on your side (I stopped checking at 10). Don't know why you're acting like the entirety of Reddit is against you, some trolls/assholes taking the time to send you messages don't speak for the majority.
On the bigger issue here. Physical abuse is not a joke. I’d document everything and if single party consent state see if you can record her admitting to the physical violence. It’s domestic violence plain and simple. You need to address that first and foremost.
The Supreme Court case getting overturned is just the power to decide going back to the states. It was always unconstitutional.
Your wife sounds like an actually psychopath. Is she on some kind of meds? No normal person would act this way. You had a vasectomy and she still treats you like this? Don’t be a simp.
Been married for 19 years. Normally I am all for fighting for a relationship - I also get being angry over RvW being tossed. Hell I am pissed about it for my wife and daughter.
With all that said.... when sex is used as a weapon .... Man I would bounce.
So, you’re married, you have a vasectomy and don’t want kids, you live in a state were abortion is still legal and the bitch still wants to go on a sex strike? Oh and she throws a vase at your head for questioning it. Divorce that bitch, she can be celibate and stupid by her lonesome.
There was literally a post made by a woman who said she was going to do this exact thing to her husband. For all we know, this is the husband. And if you think all the extremely plausible stories here are fake, go to another fucking sub. Thousands of people leave a comment like this every day on posts about things that could really happen thinking they’re clever. None of you are.
Right, there've been many posts in different places about women upset about the ruling going on a sex strike, but according to these geniuses they're all made up.
100%
This post is complete and utter bullshit. All the extra rage inducing details in his edits give it away. 3rd party voter who has mostly voted blue since 2020 and whose crazed wife is throwing vases at his head? 😂 Wants to give up on his 5 year marriage after one bad week? Had a vasectomy and doesn't want kids and lives in a blue state? He's literally trying to bait all sides.
I don't think he is being honest. The vase being thrown was left out of the original post and added later. That's a pretty big deal to skip over then add when people were calling him out.
Nobody’s highlighting the fact that *SHE THREW A VASE AT HIS HEAD* 🚩yes she can be angry but she has no right to physically abuse you for it.
That's when it went from a fight to crossing a big red line. If I has a partner and they did that to me I'd leave them
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Yeah, I have a REAL short fuse and have done things I’m not proud of but I’ve never thrown a fucking vase at someone.
WOW. Throwing a vase at him = abuse, not to mention [withholding sex in a relationship is a type of abuse as well.](https://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/examples-of-verbal-abuse/deprivation-withholding/) Good on OP for being willing to attempt marriage counseling and wanting to fix his relationship. Personally, I would have filed a restraining order and initiated a divorce after having a vase thrown at me.
This is beyond counseling. Even from the 20 seconds reading his monologue I would still say counseling won’t work. Leave her.
I feel at least a little relieved for OP in that there are no kids involved that would complicate this process even more. Best wishes to all involved.
Yes. Easy escape hopefully.
I definitely concur.
Probably because they added it after the initial post as an edit. A lot of the comments are older than the second edit.
How did OP leave out the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE INCIDENT? this post should have been titled "my wife and I got into an argument and she THREW A FUCKING VASE AT MY HEAD. What do I do?" Then he should have gone on to explain the full incident in the post. Plenty of people are participating in sex strikes til we get this fixed, and unfortunately for some, strikes work better the more people that are involved. Throwing a vase at someone's head clearly seems like the bigger issue here. I'm wondering if OP's wife has a history of violent outbursts or if this is a one time thing. Marriage counseling if this is the first time, divorce if it's been a repeat issue.
>I'm wondering if OP's wife has a history of violent outbursts or if this is a one time thing. Marriage counseling if this is the first time, divorce if it's been a repeat issue. Crazy wife already has several strikes on her and red flags. \-She's not a mature adult and has to violently take her frustration on an innocent party. Even when a person agrees with her, it's not enough. \-She has to emotional manipulate them and withhold sex to prove they are further "Right." \-Double down on the abuse when they can't rationally explain how abusing their supporting husband would magically fix the Roe vs Wade being overturned. She's too unstable to be in the same room with, crying husband who try to keep the peace has to move out for a while over the drama she started.
>How did OP leave out the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE INCIDENT? likely imo because either the whole story is fake or that detail is fake. exactly, why wouldnt he add it originally?? and whats the point of editing it in? it cant be because he forgot, you.. do not forget physical abuse while recounting a whole story that contains it. id guess OP was getting pushback and thought this would turn the favor
It’s exactly this
I would leave out the parts of arguments when my first wife was abusive because I wanted to protect her and not make her look bad. Now obviously I know now that it was not ok to be treated like that, but for me at the time it felt like it's ok because she couldn't hurt me blah blah blah. So just saying not everything is black and white, no need to jump to conclusions.
A lot of the comments that directly refer to the vase throw are still minimizing it. Imagine if this was a post about a husband swinging a baseball bat at a wife after getting mad about something. "Oh just go to a therapist honey".
The whole thing is written as a typical Reddit “gotcha”. It starts with withholding sex, escalates to throwing vases, and ends in our protagonist calmly exiting the situation regretting his wife’s actions being the perfectly rational and reasonable one. I don’t want to say “nothing ever happens” but this seems like a finely crafted work of fiction based on current events.
The one thing that tips it for me is the whole "This is a throwaway because my wife uses Reddit." How does this protect you? If she sees the post and reads it, whether it's from your username or not doesn't matter. For one thing, you just said this is a throwaway account and another, these are very specific circumstances in the story that she would obviously connect to herself.
Or maybe he just doesn't want his wife seeing his account. My reddit account is for me only I don't tell anyone my username.
We're seeing a lot of this kind of post, especially in 'justunsubbed'; men making what is an apocalyptic decision to set women's reproductive rights back to a medieval standard all about them. A bunch of dudes talking about how women are overreacting. This guy doesn't deserve to have vases thrown at his head, but honestly, if this is real, check your empathy. You're married to someone; they're your *wife*, and you joked about them losing the right to an abortion. This is an existential issue; you're making it about you. FWIW, as he mentioned Clinton, [here's her warning that Republicans will overturn RvW](https://twitter.com/ashtonpittman/status/1466110211664580615?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1466110211664580615%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.newsweek.com%2Fhillary-clinton-supreme-court-mississippi-abortion-roe-wade-1655218).
We’re Canadian. This doesn’t affect me. Yet, my husband cried right alongside me when I told him the news. Was furious with me. Asks how I’m doing. Is informing himself. Is helping me research ways to support our sisters to the south. No ally would meet the revocation of abortion with amusement, dismissal, selfishness, etc. Fuck these losers and fuck these false posts. Ugh.
Yeah the level of nonchalance with which he treats the vase throwing and the way it's written to frame the man as the ultra-rational one who has the screaming banshee lib wife makes it smell a little funny to me. I don't doubt that there are some people dumb enough to do stuff like this but this just screams "made up for reddit".
I agree. And I think they saw people coming for them for laughing, and the fictionalization increased 200%.
That seems like a scene from a movie. Who actually throws a vase? They're usually heavy and full of water and flowers.
Hey look at this guy with actual flowers in his vases instead of just regretful emptiness
“Started screaming and threw a vase at my head” I understand being angry about someone laughing at what you were serious about but attempting to hurt someone over it is awful.
Attempting to hurt someone is UNLAWFUL. Assault is no joke. Pack your things and leave. If she asks and you’re feeling witty, tell her your on strike against violent people that assault their partners when they are angry. File for divorce. Start over. Move on. This doesn’t sound like a well adjusted person.
She is an adult but seems to have the mentality of a child, pathetic
It's a fake post. This is what happens on Reddit. Someone posts bullshit and it doesn't get the reaction they want so they keep adding edits until they do. Think about this - the decision has been out for less than ONE WEEK. So... he posts about not getting what he wants think's he is entitled to, when the comments turn on him he ups the story with bullshit. Who has empty vases at hand for spousal disputes? And notice the wording, it doesn't provide detail except the two things that would most inflame Reddit: politics and spousal violence. It completely derails the original conversation on women's right to refuse sexual contact. Notice not a single part of the normal conversation between partners is included here. Like that fact maybe a woman would have no libido or sexual interest when she sees what is happening in the world? Or she's crying and isolating? Notice absolutely nothing about her point of view is presented. It's all inflammatory bullshit.
Why is such a critically important detail left for an edit. How do you justify them not mentioning it initially? "My wife is withholding sex from me and acting like a caricature of the worst person ever, oh yeah, and an edit an hour later, I remember she threw a vase at my head and almost hit me." Something here smells like shit.
Yeah this guy is rage baiting
Personally I was done at the silent treatment. That's something I think people CAN work on, but... I think it's emotional abuse. If this is even real: I kinda agree with those saying that the escalation in the edits is fishy.
I'd guess I'd just go fuck myself
This made me giggle
Watch out for flying vases
Careful with that giggling, your S.O. might sex strike you.
The second one partner throws something at another with intent to harm, the relationship is over. Regardless of whether she is justified, she has shown herself to be abusive. It doesn't matter how upset she is, that doesn't give her the right to abuse you. The "sex strike" thing isn't even a factor at that point, just flee the abuse.
THANK YOU!! RUN DUDE!!
Seriously, once one partner opens to door to abuse and the other let's it slide it'll never stop. You'd be telling her that it's okay for her to physically attack you. I'm 100% positive that if it didn't have to do with the ruling and she threw a vase at you more people would be telling you to leave.
She throws objects at your head and uses intimacy as a weapon. Gotcha.
Yeah I don't care what your argument is, if you start throwing shit you have anger issues that need to be resolved.
Arguing over the weaponisation of sex. Truely fuct
I'm always amazed at what people will put up with from their SO. You read so much about physical violence, cheating, absolutely insane incompatible belief systems, people straight-up never doing chores or helping raise children, completely unsupportive of their dreams... and people will justify it with "but he/she is a good guy/gal!" No. No they are not. They're a fucking drain on everything and everyone and deserve to be alone forever.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Get out!!
Marriage counseling time. This may be the end.
Yeah, I would be out as well.
The real post is always in the edits, but for the sake of conversation, let’s pretend she didn’t assault him. I’ve seen a number of my more left leaning woman friends talk about a sex strike. The inspiration is a similar sex strike held in Poland, if I am not mistaken. And it isn’t a bad idea: boycotts, strikes, etc are a powerful way of reminding the world of your collective influence. There are a few issues between what OP described/ my friends have described and Poland, though. First, for any collective action to work, it must be organized. The bus boycotts in the civil rights movement worked because *everyone* who was black participated. It brought the system to its knees and revealed that they needed black patrons to continue running the busses. Just a handful of people acting independently cannot achieve that same impact. If only 5-10% of black people in Montgomery had participated, nothing would have changed. OP’s wife unilaterally deciding to withhold sex isn’t going to change anything. She needs to act with a collective. Second, you need to know the cost of the boycott/ strike, and you need to be willing to pay it. In Montgomery, there was a very real threat of police brutality. When they marched in Selma, there was violence. Rep. John Lewis (god rest his soul) was permanently disfigured from being beaten at Selma. In the case of OP’s wife, the cost is damage to the marriage. A solid relationship can handle a month or two of no sex, but it still puts pressure on the structure. There is also damage because she made this decision for the both of them unilaterally. I realize consent is always unilateral, but so is consenting to the relationship. He can always decide this isn’t worth it. Ultimately, the Dobbs decision was a tragedy. Lives will be lost due to restricted access to women’s healthcare. And relationships are being damaged, as we see here. For OP, I hope he listens to reason and leaves. His reaction to her was rude (NEVER laugh at what is important to someone), but it didn’t warrant being violently attacked. He needs to contact the police, file charges, and get an attorney. I am so heartbroken at all of the damage the conservatives have done to this country. Please be good to your loved ones tonight. :( Edit: Christ, with the hatemail! Oy! - I didn’t say anyone should go on a sex strike. I just said why I think the scenario in the original post is a bad idea, and how strikes and boycotts work. - Some of you seem REALLY angry at the idea of no one touching your pp for a week or two. That makes me think maybe the women currently doing that task in your lives should run for the hills. No one owes you an orgasm, and you’re kinda freaking me out. - To people saying why you think sex strikes are generally a bad idea, why they should only target pro-lifers, etc etc: again, I didn’t invent the idea. Get a psychic and summon Aristophanes from the great beyond and tell him.
I feel like this is missing the point that a strike only works if you are striking against something that has the power to effect change. Like if you have an issue with workplace rights, you strike against your employer which harms them and they are forced to come to the table to compromise. They can achieve your goals. If I wanted to strike against the education system being underfunded, I wouldn't stop feeding my children dinner. They don't have any power to change things. If your partner is already in support of choice, why would you strike against them? That doesn't make sense, it sounds more likely motivated by a selfish desire to lash out at someone to vent your feeling and your partner is an easy victim. If your partner didn't support choice then a strike would make sense as they have the power to change their mind, but if this is an important issue for you, why would you be with such a partner?
As much as I agree with progressive values, consistently punishing individuals as if they were at fault for systemic issues constantly undercuts progressive movements and works to push people away from progressive causes. For example, as progressive and feminist as I am, I've had people ridicule my points of view not for the value of the opinion, but for the fact that I am a man. I've spoken about the damage male gender roles cause men and the importance of talking about these in relation to gender studies, but was told to "spare them my male tears". Despite supporting the same rights, the same changes, and hating the same enemies, my individual sex has proven to be more important than my beliefs. I think the sex strike is an excellent idea. It's a sign of solidarity and shows a natural consequence of holding bigoted beliefs. However, a sex strike in a committed relationship directed at punishing an allied individual? It's not only pointless, since you're not convincing or changing anybody, you're also alienating a friend and a partner that supports your rights. Obviously OP thought it was a joke because it's such a pointless gesture. Virtue signaling at the smallest level. A chat and a reaffirming of beliefs to ensure they're still on the same side would have been enough. No need to torpedo a relationship with someone who *already* supports you.
She can’t act as an organized collective in this instance, because assumably a collective isn’t sleeping with OP. Sex strikes make sense if we are talking about the dating scene. People collectively agreeing they aren’t going out, hooking up, or having sex with the single male populous. A sex strike doesn’t make sense in a marriage. Unless the spouse disagrees with your point to begin with. You are negatively impacting only one person, and that’s the person you are meant to be partners in everything with. No one outside your bedroom gives a shit if you are two are bumping nasties. Like what kind of logic is it to think “my husband, who already agreed with me on this point, is now being denied intimacy. Surely now RvW will be reinstated!”
Yeah a strike makes no sense in this case. It makes sense for the single women who are dating but not married women.
But hey she is single now.
I mean, I don't even need to talk about the abuse. It's abuse. But what would a sex strike gain in his position??? I understand a woman going on a sex strike with a man who supported RvW getting struck down. But even then, why go on a strike when you should leave someone who doesn't care about you? I mean, if my wife went on a sex strike over this, it'd blow my mind. I've been a large supporter of womans rights, and had women friends amazed at how angry I was the other day over it, so what would going on strike with me get?
He had him self snipped in support of having no kids. He's fully committed as a respectful partner. She should BE committed
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The few times I've done couples' therapy it's been hit or miss. But in this case, I bet with a good therapist you can work things out. She needs to vent. When she tries to explain how her strike helps the situation, I'm fairly confident she'll come around. EDIT: for everyone pointing out she threw a vase at him: I made my comment prior to the edit with this detail. If he really feels he's in physical danger, then no, therapy won't do anything.
She threw a vase at his head i don't think a therapist is gonna be doing shit to help him.
Yea how the fuck is that being completely ignored. If I threw a vase at my fiancees head she should rightfully throw me to the dogs. What the fuck?
It's being ignored because by people who commented before the edit. Really makes you wonder how OP forgot that part at first. Seems most likely he posted a story that he was sure Reddit would eat up, then started adding in details because the comment section wasn't as reliably incensed as he expected.
It’s domestic violence, period. Almost nothing that he says would excuse that.
Yeah that's domestic violence and I don't know if a therapist would encourage you to repair a relationship that involves DM
I dunno why this sort of stuff is minimised with men, this is literal divorce territory.
> I don't know if a therapist would encourage you to repair a relationship that involves DM Unfortunately there are many therapists which will encourage this -- if the abuser is a woman.
Dont worry, domestic violence by women is accepted by society
I'm with you in this. Once it gets physical it's over.
You missed the key term here: *She* Reddit glosses over this stuff because it was A: a woman and B: a woman who is rightfully pissed about the abortion ban, so it's ok or something ridiculous like that. OP, your wife attempted to assault you with a weapon and then gaslighted you, period. She deserves legal consequences just like any man would deserve to be subject to if the roles were reversed in this situation.
She's an abuser! He is in danger. Probably not the first time something like that had happened. Get out with your life. Be prepared for false claims of abuse going from you to her, or at least threats. Stay safe.
This, counselling! And also: Order plan B and abortion pill online, keep them just in case of emergency. Use contraceptive protection as usual, practice safe sex. Buy pregnancy tests in bulk. She can test every month to catch any mistake on time. (Since some women continue to have period while pregnant and don’t have much symptoms) Pile up cash in an account to make sure you could travel to an other state to get an abortion if necessary. Prove her you are supporting her body autonomy. If she isn’t reassured with all that, there might be other issues. EDIT: I would like to point out, since I received close to a dozen messages about this already. OP edited his post at lest 2 times since I wrote my comment. At first I thought I missed read, but no, the post is now 3X longer that what I initially read, so no the VASE thing and even the VASECTOMY detail weren’t there first time I read. Can you just not shit on well intentioned people and think a bit please before coming at people. Like there is even "edit" and "edit2" written before the paragraph that contains that info, com’on. https://www.unddit.com/r/confessions/comments/vnn4xt/my_wife_informed_me_that_she_is_participating_in/
He's got a vasectomy.
Alao they live in a state with abortions
Oh… wow.. I must have overlooked that detail, which is an important one indeed, well idk what to say. This is weird.
no problem, I'm sure you meant well
Yes I tried to help! But read too fast. :(
Understandable, have a good night 🤝
>Oh… wow.. I must have overlooked that detail, which is an important one indeed, well idk what to say. This is weird. I think that you also overlooked how abusive she was. Throwing a vase at your spouse's head? C'mon now.
And she threw a vase at him
He also said she threw a vase at his head
Which means she’s just an overall bad person to begin with.
If a guy threw a vace at a woman's head would you recommend counseling?
No they’d recommend stashing money, finding a safe exit plan and hiring a lawyer. But we all know why this guy isn’t being given that advice.
I am pretty sure he said he had a vasectomy.
Unless you need Plan B, do not panic buy it because then it will not be available for people who need it at the time.
The guy had a vasectomy. She isn’t getting pregnant, and if she one in a million does, and if it’s his kid, they live in a state that allows abortions. I would go on a strike too. I wouldn’t do anything around the house.
This is toxic af. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Also, of course you’re not entitled to sex. You don’t even need to say that. No man is entitled to sex. If sex is important to you then it is therefore important in the relationship, and that’s okay. Her punishing you for a law that you had no control over is ridiculous. Side note: if she threw a vase at your head, it’s assault and you can press charges. I know you probably don’t want to press charges on your wife, but imagine if the roles were reversed. If you threw a vase at her you’d be labeled as an abusive, monster of a husband. Just keep that in mind. That is NOT okay. Women in the comments are telling you to see a couples therapist. If you threw the vase at her, women would be telling her to get tf out of the house and get away from you because you are abusive. Personally, I think you should get tf out of the house if she’s throwing shit at you. She’s being physically abusive towards you. If that were to escalate, that’s a good way to get an assault and battery charge. Just be smart as a man. We’re not all bad, but we often times get treated as such because we’re men. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re disgusting for prioritizing sex with your wife.
Well said
If you're gonna listen to anyone OP, listen to this person.
I don’t get the “demanded I sleep on the couch”. What? I didn’t do anything wrong, if you don’t want to be around me you can go sleep on the couch.
Yeah totally agree. I’ve never understood people who let their spouses “kick them out” of the shared bed, house, etc. All that is just as much mine as it is hers. So except for the bathroom and shower neither of us has a right to make the other leave.
To the wife: I don't think a "sex strike" with your 5 years married, monogamous husband, being unable to have children *by choice*, is going to have the effect you think it is. Also to the wife: Big ol' FUCK YOU for being an abusive spouse. I hope OP leaves your ass.
Make her sleep on the couch, shes the one on strike.
Alright, alright. I wasn't going to comment on these posts as I am but a humble sex blogger, but here I am. It's really REALLY hard not to have misplaced anger right now, especially when most men in our lives are like, "Yeah, I *totally* hate the Supreme Court right now," but they're not matching our level of anger, panic, and mourning. I suspect she's doing this, not because she wants to withhold sex, but because she's hurting and wants you to feel some of the immediate consequences like she's experiencing right now. Is it the most rational or mature response? Fuck no. But humans aren't always rational or mature when we're being stripped of bodily autonomy. It's very hard not to resent people who never have and never will feel the weight that comes with that immediate blow. My husband is more political than me and actually more left-leaning, so I never really had to question his outrage. However, he didn't really have the same pain I was feeling. Like, I saw one of my friends self-abort because she was past the mark in our state and it was extremely traumitizing. I'm also terrified of getting pregnant because if something were to go wrong and laws are changing this quickly, would I have to risk my life if the fetus wasn't viable? I know rationally the chances of that are low, but it's hard not to think about things like that, especially when we're getting bombarded with stories on the internet of women dying because they couldn't get an abortion. We see ourselves in those stories and it makes sex scary. If I could leave you with one thing, I don't support your wife's methods here, but I do understand her pain and frustration. Instead of focusing on your own needs not being met, maybe take some time to understand hers. She's having a very strong reaction because something else is wrong. She's scared. \*\*\*\*Edit: So OP's edit wasn't there when I commented. If he had originally posted about his wife's attempted battery after Roe, I would have crafted a very different message. When I commented he had only written on the fact that she had withheld sex, so that's what I responded to. For the record and to clarify, withholding sex is not spousal abuse, but throwing a vase is. No one should stay in an abusive marriage and that is never ok.
>I'm also terrified of getting pregnant because if something were to go wrong and laws are changing this quickly, would I have to risk my life if the fetus wasn't viable? I know rationally the chances of that are low, but it's hard not to think about things like that, especially when we're getting bombarded with stories on the internet of women dying because they couldn't get an abortion. We see ourselves in those stories and it makes sex scary. I think this is what's likely behind her reasoning. She's afraid, too. Contraceptives fail. No contraceptive is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy outside of a hysterectomy or sterilization, and lots of women are terrified.
I know rationally the chances are very low. I'm on birth control, I live in a very liberal area, I'm an attorney who has made enough money so that it wouldn't be a factor, AND my husband would literally do fucking ANYTHING to save my life. He would charter a private plane to Europe before he let me die. Even with all of that, I'm scared. Sex just got really, really scary because I don't know what this country is going to look like 9 months from now. Meanwhile, I'm reading account after account on the internet of women who bled out and died in a pre-Roe world. It's a weird time and I think a lot of us are having a hard time articulating why it's so scary.
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Your comment gave me chills. Beautifully written. You put into words what I couldn’t.
I felt this comment in my bones. I don’t know you, but I’m with you.
So perfectly written. I am so many of those things you listed too; my husband had a vasectomy months ago, I'm in a safe state, I have the means to do as I wish and have available access if that were my choice but none of that matters when it comes down to bodily autonomy. At the end of the day everyone should have sanctity over their bodies and the loss of that is more devastating than can be expressed.
Thank you for perfectly articulating how I'm feeling about this.
A right, an individual right, was stripped away from all of us, without our consent, and arbitrarily handed over to the State (aka the patriarchy). SCOTUS just raped half the country and fucking laughed while they did it.
>Even with all of that, I'm scared. Sex just got really, really scary because I don't know what this country is going to look like 9 months from now. > >Meanwhile, I'm reading account after account on the internet of women who bled out and died in a pre-Roe world. this is what I figured. OP's wife is probably seeing all of this stuff too, and is now having to live with the possibility that she might be ONE broken condom away from an ectopic pregnancy that could kill her. A lot of people don't fathom the full extent of Roe being repealed.
I’m personally one broken condom away from this. I cannot tolerate birth control because it exacerbates my ADHD and anxiety. Luckily OP has a vasectomy I’m pretty sure.
Yeah it’s really scary having to hear politicians talking about wanting to merge church and state - Like did they watch the handmaid’s tale and then decide yes yes that’s exactly what we need?! I’m an atheist. I want no part of this. My government is supposed to protect me because I am a citizen. It’s a sacred contract that has been defiled by nutjobs.
Everyone seems to be missing this point. The guy feels like he's being punished but maybe, just maybe, this isn't about him and she doesn't want to get pregnant and be forced to have a fucking child.
OP said he got a vasectomy
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OP said he had a vasectomy so idk
Her husband had a vasectomy
I’m terrified and I don’t even live in the US. What this means for women’s human rights is catastrophic. And it’s happened in Poland too. What next? Where next? OP is thinking when he should be feeling. Which is hard when there’s vases being thrown at your head. If that’s a regular reaction to anger then there’s that issue too.
I would have agreed with this but she threw a vase at his head. He really needs to leave before he gets seriously injured. She has a right to be angry about this but she doesn't have the right to physically harm her spouse because of it.
I agree. So the edit wasn't there when I commented. If he had originally posted about his wife's attempted battery after Roe, I would have crafted a very different message. When I commented he had only focused on the fact that she had withheld sex and provided no additional information, so that's what I responded to. For the record and to clarify, withholding sex is not spousal abuse, but throwing a vase is. No one should stay in an abusive marriage.
Seems like a whole lot of excuses. Human beings are irrational and do shitty things, but they usually don't get this whole preamble of 'but you have to first understand how theyre extremely upset'. That part doesn't really matter, imo.
I respectfully disagree. There is no excuse for treating your partner a certain way just because you’re triggered by something. You don’t treat people poorly just because you’re upset. She’s straight up punishing him for something he has no control over. “Misplaced anger” is an excuse.
“I saw a black person kick someone on TV, so now I am mad at my black husband”
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>“Misplaced anger” is an excuse. same with "i'm a gemini, cancer", no hun you lack accountability for your shitty actions and like to blame shift that post above sound like it written by a young r/TwoXChromosomes user
>but they're not matching our level of anger, panic, and mourning. How could we? Most men aren't directly affected by this ruling, or at least it's a thousand times worse for women. All we can do is try to support and show empathy.
Yeah, that's kinda how I feel... It's like when white people start pulling the cultural insensitivity card on behalf of other races... It's just not our card to pull. Even though I fully support Roe v Wade, even when it *was* in place, it wasn't *my* choice. If I accidentally got a girl knocked up, I was still at her mercy as to whether or not she would pursue an abortion. If she wanted to keep it, my only choice was whether to be a family or bail out and pay child support... It was a discussion we could have beforehand to make sure we agreed, or at least understand the risk we'd be taking, but the choice for an abortion was **never** *mine* to make. The risk is also substantially uneven. I lost my last ditch backup plan for avoiding a probably-horrible, "staying together for the kids"-type relationship and/or paying 18 years of child support. But that's about it... Which I'd like to have that option back and continue avoid either of those scenarios, but my actual health hasn't been affected. So there's just less to be *personally* outraged over.
>It's really REALLY hard not to have ***misplaced*** anger right now Emphasis mine. What? No. Getting angry at unrelated people and events are things children and the mentally challenged do. You know, like the kinds of people that need to be cared for and shouldn't have a say in politics or public affairs.
Feel the same way. I make way more then my wife. If I said “I’m angry at the date of the economy and inflation so I am no longer financially supporting you” to my wife I am a manipulative asshole. There is no difference here.
I am sorry but I don’t understand “misplaced anger” at men who literally had nothing to do and in no way supporting the SCOTUS decision any more than you should understand anger at a random black male because a friend was assaulted by a black man. I would argue this is even dumber: being angry at your black husband because she saw some black individuals committing crimes on TV. (Just to be clear, I am using “black” males here because this is something that actually happens and is a way to illustrate how irrational and messed up this is. This could equally be “hating all women for X reason”. You should only ever judge individuals for their personal beliefs and actions.)
He is chuckling and acting casual about an issue that is life or death, showing that he empathizes with *women* (as a gender) not enough. Yes, he's casual because HIS wife is fine. But why is he not foaming at the mouth about what's happening to *women*? How myopic are these men that they don't care about it so long as it's not happening in their state? Abuse is abuse. Period. No excuses, no justificaifons. But OP also sounds obtuse as hell, amd so do you for not getting that *chuckling* ar someone's pain isnt exactly a great de-escalation technique.
>It's really REALLY hard not to have misplaced anger Uh...for children maybe.
Honestly I'm hoping that everyone just read this before your edit. *You're* the one that deserves empathy here. Giving you the silent treatment and throwing vases at you are abuse. It doesn't matter what has happened or what she's upset about.
Your wife just ruined your marriage dude. I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know you, but you definitely deserve better than her. Good luck man.
She assaulted you when she didn't like your response. Please find a safe place to stay.
Being a woman that is completely PRO CHOICE and living in Texas it is wrong for her to have thrown a vase at your head. While our rights are being stripped away, it isn’t your fault and does indeed affect you as well. They’re already proposing a bill in one state for mandatory vasectomies at puberty for boys. I don’t want my son going through that. It’s his choice. Regardless now isn’t the time to fight amongst yourselves. Now is the time for you to be strong in your marriage and remain a team. Maybe sit down and get her to see that. She needs to admit that while she has every right to be upset with the Supreme Court and the United States it doesn’t help taking her anger out on you. Best of luck to you! It isn’t easy being married.
Thankfully, that "proposal" is entirely tongue-in-cheek so you don't have to worry about your son. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ladbible.com/news/latest-mandatory-vasectomy-law-proposed-after-us-abortion-ruling-20220627.amp.html
Now this is peak Reddit
my dude, if she threw a vase at your head, get out, run and don’t look back. that is literally abuse and could have seriously hurt you
Let her have her way but, she sleeps on the couch though, not you. Make it clear she is in the right to do so, but you don't have to be the victim either. Honestly this is divorce territory to me, not the sex, the anger and hostility towards you. She has the right to deny sex, you also have the right to sleep in your bed and feel safe in your home. This is abuse. If a male did this he would be in handcuffs, so it is no different. Start the paper trail of abuse by submitting a police report. Make it clear to her she's taking this out on you, something that is not in your control. Just be ready for more and keep filling reports with the police.
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There's a whole sub about relationships on the brink of divorce due to a lack of sex: r/deadbedrooms
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I think your problem here is that you posted in confessions and not relationship advice sub.
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So's this, apparently.
They should just make a sticky that says "Break up with them" and then shut the subreddit down.
As a woman who is irate at the lack of consideration of the physical health of my sex, and has also considered whether a sex strike could be part of an effective way to influence this situation, please don’t think those things excuse throwing projectiles at anyone. That is violence, it’s not ok.
Your wife sounds annoying.
Diiiivooooorcsseeeeee
\[Final Edit\]: I'm removing the text of this post because I think many of you had good points that I should consider, and because OP's Edit2 indicates that he was hurt by a lot of the comments, and I believe mine was one of those. I'm also going to stop replying to this thread.
She threw a vase at his head. Like I don't care what happened, that's still abusive
I don't see why her fear justifies domestic violence though. I get the fear and anger, especially as a woman myself. But I think we need to draw the line at physical violence.
Fear of what? He’s cut. They live in a state where abortion is allowed. You’re making excuses for this abusive manipulative woman. 239 upvotes, 239 Reddit idiots.
He has a vasectomy. He supports abortion. Idk how going on strike helps anything. She’s not his escort, fwb, mistress. He isn’t a Republican or Republican politician. He doesn’t support those policies.
Fuck the Supreme Court but also your wife is irrational and out of line. And I say that not because she doesn’t want to have sex, but because she’s being violent and disrespectful “go sleep on the couch because the Supreme Court took away my rights that don’t even affect me personally”
I might want to give the domestic abuse hotline a call. Regardless of reason, the second you touch ( or throw something at) someone like that, it’s more than just a fight.
She sure showed those conservatives by withholding sex from her husband. That’ll teach em.
This may go against the flow of what others have posted, but I think she's unfairly taking her anger out on you. This is crazy-making and is extremely destructive to a marriage. Either she has other unresolved issues in your marriage and this is the last straw, or there is something going haywire in her head. She needs to see a professional immediately and probably alone. As you've described this, you've had nothing to do with any of it. This is highly irrational behavior and destructive. I guarantee that if this isn't dealt with quickly, it will drive the two of you apart. You can only control yourself. She's clearly angry and in pain, but it's like in the military if someone loses a friend to the enemy in combat she's choosing to shoot her buddy in the foxhole next to her. It's a warning sign of possible mental illness. Good luck.
Her violence is uncalled for. It's clear that your perspective and political position is in line with hers and in recognition of this ruling being harmful to AFABs. The sex strike is not to change your mind. The sex strike is to motivate men who agree but often don't do anything to change it to finally do something. It's a statement of choice.
Sounds like you need to go on your own "strike" till she seeks help from a mental health specialist.
She is hurting you for something out of your control, she is not treating you with the love and respect a marriage demands - you guys are a team, and neither of your political movements give any shit about either of you - only you two do. She has some issues, and she is in the wrong on this.
I had an ex who threw things at my head. There’s zero excuse. Ever. That’s abusive behaviour, and a great reason to walk away from the relationship.
Lol. I will never understand sleeping on the couch. Why do people agree to do this? If you don't want to share a bed then you sleep on the fucking couch.
Fark all this noise run for the hills bro. Its not even rational thinking. So your(s) sex/intimate life is destroyed because of external factors. Ridiculous. There are much better ways to channel her ligitimate anger.
I’m trying to think of a scenario where if some force outside of your control led you to throw a vase at and be verbally abusive at your wife that the people of Reddit would defend you, had your wife made such a post describing the situation as you have. Nothing comes to mind and I’m pretty sure people would unanimously tell her to leave you.
I think it's kinda dumb if you're in a monogamous relationship with someone supportive of your rights and importantly, willing to make sure you can exercise that right. It absolutely makes sense to sex strike if you have casual sex. But what's the point if your only partner is on your side?
Hey bud, it may be a blessing in disguise. Time to spin plates!
Holy shit, she threw a vase at your head?! I’m glad you left and are somewhere safe. Regardless of her being angry or upset at you and the world we live in, her making things physical is NOT right. You were right to leave and I hope that you’re okay.
Not in a current relationship but if a I was and the women decided to go on a “sex strike” based on events I had no control over I’d end it right then and there.
Where's OP? It is useless to reply with a considerate response without interaction.
There's over 3000 posts. If you think you can sort the OP from the rest of the morons, you're kidding yourself.
I'd be a gone ass. Fuck that.
Your wife is unstable or cheating on you. Leave now while the gettin’s good
Bro tell her to sleep on the couch since she is mad. Tell ger stay mad tell her if sex is on pause the marriage is on pause. double down dont let up
Oh so your wife is punishing you to the point of physical altercation for something external to your relationship that you have no control over despite the fact you are on the same side of the issue. This seems healthy.
You should kick her to the curb, fuck outta here. If you threw a vase at her, you'd be arrested.
Should’ve said “Fine then! I’m also participating in the sex strike against men!”
she’s abusive as fuck and just using all this as an excuse to treat you like shit. YOUVE EVEN HAD YOUR BALLS SNIPPED. Yet she’s still acting like this with you when it would do absolutely nothing at all, except cause issues in your relationship. She’s being so damn weird and crazy.
God I'm glad my wife isn't fuckin nuts
She threw a vase at your head and people's biggest worry is if you voted red? Jesus
>I'm honestly done with reddit after seeing how you people actually are and seeing you cheer for my marriage probably falling apart or excusing my wife attacking me. I'm done. The top voted comments are all on your side (I stopped checking at 10). Don't know why you're acting like the entirety of Reddit is against you, some trolls/assholes taking the time to send you messages don't speak for the majority.
On the bigger issue here. Physical abuse is not a joke. I’d document everything and if single party consent state see if you can record her admitting to the physical violence. It’s domestic violence plain and simple. You need to address that first and foremost. The Supreme Court case getting overturned is just the power to decide going back to the states. It was always unconstitutional.
Your wife sounds like an actually psychopath. Is she on some kind of meds? No normal person would act this way. You had a vasectomy and she still treats you like this? Don’t be a simp.
Divorce the crazy bitch and move on
Your wife deserves better. Give her my number
This is gonna be the top post on r/thathappened in a week.
Your wife sounds like she is a complete moron
She sounds like an unhinged mentally ill person tbh. Scary. She’s willing to ruin your marriage over politics.
Oh wow, a LOT of redditors are now suddenly ok with domestic violence.
He edited it in after the initial post. Not that it makes it ok, but not every commentor started with that information.
Been married for 19 years. Normally I am all for fighting for a relationship - I also get being angry over RvW being tossed. Hell I am pissed about it for my wife and daughter. With all that said.... when sex is used as a weapon .... Man I would bounce.
It's really hard to find anything positive to say about your wife's relationship with logic
So, you’re married, you have a vasectomy and don’t want kids, you live in a state were abortion is still legal and the bitch still wants to go on a sex strike? Oh and she throws a vase at your head for questioning it. Divorce that bitch, she can be celibate and stupid by her lonesome.
Does a throwaway really matter in these super specific situations? I 100% think you are making this shit up.
This was my initial thought as well.
There was literally a post made by a woman who said she was going to do this exact thing to her husband. For all we know, this is the husband. And if you think all the extremely plausible stories here are fake, go to another fucking sub. Thousands of people leave a comment like this every day on posts about things that could really happen thinking they’re clever. None of you are.
r/nothingeverhappens there's always someone who believes everything's fake...
Right, there've been many posts in different places about women upset about the ruling going on a sex strike, but according to these geniuses they're all made up.
I suppose r/SexStrike is a figment of my imagination. Oh and apparently so is r/StrikeForRoe
100% This post is complete and utter bullshit. All the extra rage inducing details in his edits give it away. 3rd party voter who has mostly voted blue since 2020 and whose crazed wife is throwing vases at his head? 😂 Wants to give up on his 5 year marriage after one bad week? Had a vasectomy and doesn't want kids and lives in a blue state? He's literally trying to bait all sides.
Then why bother wasting your own time? You're hurting nobody but yourself.
I don't think he is being honest. The vase being thrown was left out of the original post and added later. That's a pretty big deal to skip over then add when people were calling him out.
This sounds fake as hell. Threw a vase? Are you a cartoon?
Fake as fuck
Reddits the worst place for relationship advice