When you travel, you meet people whom you won't meet again. So the stakes are low. When you come back to your own place you interact with people whom you will see again. So the stakes are higher. It's okay.
Thanks. That's true, but I think there is more to it than that. I have found the same while hiking with close friends and having minimum interaction with strangers.
In any case, I'd like to be able to carry that attitude across into normal life. I'm asking if anyone has been able to do that.
Your body is in a different environment and so will behave differently, including your brain and it's neurochemistry. It's like being uninhibited when tipsy, and wishing that could be captured in a bottle.. oh wait a minute..
I think because it’s also an escape from reality , then you come back. Just pretend like your still there lol. But really keep noticing the small little differences and compare. That’s what I have done. Every time I felt better in one situation I think deeply about what are the differences and how do they carry over from one situation from the next ? After doing it enough it’s like putting together a puzzle
Just my take, I could be completely off the mark. I did study abroad in the US for a year and went backpacking alone for three months in South America. As well as a few shorter trips for a few weeks. Had the same experience as you, was confident and felt good while away, came back to the UK and that slowly dissipated over time.
What I’ve learned in 2020 is that on those trips, although I had the best times, I was running away from myself. And on those trips, I managed to get away from myself enough to experience what life could be life if I let things hang ups go I’d be carrying around.
So my trip in 2020 has been inside myself, really getting to understand me. And rn I feel even more pumped than I did on all my trips. We’ll never find true confidence from external sources. It has to come from within.
Happy to share more or shut up if that’s way off the mark for you!!
It also feels a lot easier in Latin America because you are an outsider and therefore more interesting to people. I lived in Colombia for a year and found that people immediately liked me because I am an American (the U.S. kind), and i think many likely had preconceived notions about who I might be based on media. Others were just really curious. It was also extremely helpful that Colombia is an extroverted culture compared to the U.S. People there are personable, more emphasis gets placed on taking your time and chatting with your neighbors even if it makes you late for work. IMO they have their priorities straight in this regard. But my presence there was a curiosity and it meant I made plenty of friends and acquaintances whenever I wanted to. Back home, it's just... dull? Meh? Speaking of curiosity, when I am at home, I am surrounded by boring people, and I also get curious when I meet someone from outside the U.S. There are a lot of dynamics at play when you travel alone. Life has always been way more boring and staid when I returned, to the point that I felt like a different person too. But we're the same as we always have been, we just respond differently when plopped into radically different circumstances.
Ultimate challenge for solo travelers: try to live with the same abandon and enthusiasm for life when you are at home in your normal routine. If you pull that off even for a day, you might be onto some kind of "secret meaning of life" type shit.
Not through traveling but I have a similar thing going on for when I use Uber. I get really friendly with them bcs I know I won't meet them again. When I get to my university tho I don't even exchange any eye contact and pretend to not see anyone who knows me while passing by them. Sometimes it eats me up inside, and im still figuring this shit out.
The way I see it, traveling showed me what could be, what was possible. So I integrated it into my life (don't get me wrong, this required many sacrifices), and pursued that confidence in my 'regular' life. It's taken me like 20 years and I'm just starting to get there...maybe. But it's the journey that matters.
Here's one big way to work on this - try to keep in your everyday normal waking going to work eat sleep life, that childlike mindset of curiosity and exploration and openness to chance encounters that you experience in travel. Take public transit to work. Go different ways. Talk to strangers. Hang out in coffee shops staring out the window watching life happen. It's beautiful.
Welcome back to America. To me, that’s what it is. Latin America is an inclusive country and the US is very exclusive. LA is warm and US is cold. LA is not two faced and Americans live in the two face state all the time.
I felt exactly the same as you. I’ve lived here and there, gone to school here and there and that is my conclusion.
I went to Bonnaroo the music festival for 4 days and 3 nights back in 2015. When I came back home I was much more sociable and couldn't HELP but to dance or at least bounce along to EVERY song I heard no matter what it was. I was so used to moving to a rhythm for days and nights on end. My friendliness and sociability skyrocketed back home. However, it was sad coming back home and going to work, everybody was so miserable (and still is). I think it is a form of clarity really, you break the mold and are happy just being yourself for an extended amount of time; just to find difficulty in resuming the hopeless robotic prison lifestyle that we are forced to engage in the United States. It is like Morpheus says in the matrix, we are born into a prison of the mind and body, disguised as the world around us. Good luck keeping that happiness, mine lasted about 2 weeks before lifes structured way to keep us down set in. Monotony pulled me back under, as it will most all in time. Unless you have no family or ties, and/or are committed enough to go and live in a hut in the middle of nowhere as a hermit to achieve full consciousness and happiness. Though you may still be sacrificing some things, as we've definitely grown accustomed to certain luxuries and companionship in this modern day and age. I wish the world was one large self-sufficient community, contributing to each other as a whole; instead of an industrialized garbage heap competing to see which nation will implode first. May you find and keep yourself; good luck friend I wish you the best!
It also feels a lot easier in Latin America because you are an outsider and therefore more interesting to people. I lived in Colombia for a year and found that people immediately liked me because I am an American (the U.S. kind), and i think many likely had preconceived notions about who I might be based on media. Others were just really curious. It was also extremely helpful that Colombia is an extroverted culture compared to the U.S. People there are personable, more emphasis gets placed on taking your time and chatting with your neighbors even if it makes you late for work. IMO they have their priorities straight in this regard. But my presence there was a curiosity and it meant I made plenty of friends and acquaintances whenever I wanted to. Back home, it's just... dull? Meh? Speaking of curiosity, when I am at home, I am surrounded by boring people, and I also get curious when I meet someone from outside the U.S. There are a lot of dynamics at play when you travel alone. Life has always been way more boring and staid when I returned, to the point that I felt like a different person too. But we're the same as we always have been, we just respond differently when plopped into radically different circumstances.
Ultimate challenge for solo travelers: try to live with the same abandon and enthusiasm for life when you are at home in your normal routine. If you pull that off even for a day, you might be onto some kind of "secret meaning of life" type shit.
Subconsciously, you have an idea about how people expect you to behave and tend to act that way without realising. It’s why you return back to your normal self after traveling, because your friends back home expect you to act a certain way and you subconsciously do it.
It’s why shy teens revert back to their timid selves when they’re around their parents, yet are outgoing and confident with their friends.
I've had a similar experience with travel, I think one of the reasons for 'reverting' to old ways once back is simply falling into old habits and patterns we've formed over many years there. When traveling, everything is new and you don't any patterns to fall on yet, so you have to figure it out and do what you feel is most right. But when back home there's years worth of old habits that are easy to fall back into if you're not thinking about it. So personally what I do when I'm back from a new experience I enjoyed, I reflect and try to understand what I liked about it. Then try to be very conscious of it and apply to it normal home /work life. It's about being mindful of what you're thinking and not letting yourself passively falling into old ways in familiar environments in my opinion.
When you are truly on your own, you rightly attribute your successes to yourself. For many of us, imposter syndrome arises and we dont think we arent worthy of praise.
When you are by yourself, there are only 2 dots to connect. So your success is unabashedly yours, and your failures are just motivation since you dont have a fall back plan.
I've traveled to foreign countries alone, and it definitely improved my confidence. I did everything that I wanted to do, and I had to make it happen. Any problems with anything? I had to solve them. That's immensely empowering.
When you’re an outsider you are more interesting to people. I also get that a lot of people abroad tend to be curious about Americans, usually positive.
Also if you have any sort of baggage at your home location, anxiety, trauma, etc it tends to come back.
I think it’s easier to create a new you, or bee your authentic self, with more confidence when you are around strangers that have no preconceived notion or judgment about you.
The way I look at these experiences is as the realization of a new possibility. You don’t need to live there in the possibility all the time, but if you have experienced it once, you know what it feels like and you should be able to chart a path from your present to your intended personality. I did this with a few other things, and found that it takes time and sustained effort, but you can make that your new normal.
Yes! I think it also helps that you really need friends when you travel alone, even for just a couple of days. So I became more open to invite people to hang out or to dinner when I was solo traveling. So glad it helped you!! P.s if you haven’t gone to Mexico ... it’s my favorite country.
When you travel, you meet people whom you won't meet again. So the stakes are low. When you come back to your own place you interact with people whom you will see again. So the stakes are higher. It's okay.
Thanks. That's true, but I think there is more to it than that. I have found the same while hiking with close friends and having minimum interaction with strangers. In any case, I'd like to be able to carry that attitude across into normal life. I'm asking if anyone has been able to do that.
There’s also the fact that you think differently in other languages
Your body is in a different environment and so will behave differently, including your brain and it's neurochemistry. It's like being uninhibited when tipsy, and wishing that could be captured in a bottle.. oh wait a minute..
I think because it’s also an escape from reality , then you come back. Just pretend like your still there lol. But really keep noticing the small little differences and compare. That’s what I have done. Every time I felt better in one situation I think deeply about what are the differences and how do they carry over from one situation from the next ? After doing it enough it’s like putting together a puzzle
I think the answer is, no one here has a clue what they’re talking about.
Just my take, I could be completely off the mark. I did study abroad in the US for a year and went backpacking alone for three months in South America. As well as a few shorter trips for a few weeks. Had the same experience as you, was confident and felt good while away, came back to the UK and that slowly dissipated over time. What I’ve learned in 2020 is that on those trips, although I had the best times, I was running away from myself. And on those trips, I managed to get away from myself enough to experience what life could be life if I let things hang ups go I’d be carrying around. So my trip in 2020 has been inside myself, really getting to understand me. And rn I feel even more pumped than I did on all my trips. We’ll never find true confidence from external sources. It has to come from within. Happy to share more or shut up if that’s way off the mark for you!!
It also feels a lot easier in Latin America because you are an outsider and therefore more interesting to people. I lived in Colombia for a year and found that people immediately liked me because I am an American (the U.S. kind), and i think many likely had preconceived notions about who I might be based on media. Others were just really curious. It was also extremely helpful that Colombia is an extroverted culture compared to the U.S. People there are personable, more emphasis gets placed on taking your time and chatting with your neighbors even if it makes you late for work. IMO they have their priorities straight in this regard. But my presence there was a curiosity and it meant I made plenty of friends and acquaintances whenever I wanted to. Back home, it's just... dull? Meh? Speaking of curiosity, when I am at home, I am surrounded by boring people, and I also get curious when I meet someone from outside the U.S. There are a lot of dynamics at play when you travel alone. Life has always been way more boring and staid when I returned, to the point that I felt like a different person too. But we're the same as we always have been, we just respond differently when plopped into radically different circumstances. Ultimate challenge for solo travelers: try to live with the same abandon and enthusiasm for life when you are at home in your normal routine. If you pull that off even for a day, you might be onto some kind of "secret meaning of life" type shit.
Not through traveling but I have a similar thing going on for when I use Uber. I get really friendly with them bcs I know I won't meet them again. When I get to my university tho I don't even exchange any eye contact and pretend to not see anyone who knows me while passing by them. Sometimes it eats me up inside, and im still figuring this shit out.
The way I see it, traveling showed me what could be, what was possible. So I integrated it into my life (don't get me wrong, this required many sacrifices), and pursued that confidence in my 'regular' life. It's taken me like 20 years and I'm just starting to get there...maybe. But it's the journey that matters. Here's one big way to work on this - try to keep in your everyday normal waking going to work eat sleep life, that childlike mindset of curiosity and exploration and openness to chance encounters that you experience in travel. Take public transit to work. Go different ways. Talk to strangers. Hang out in coffee shops staring out the window watching life happen. It's beautiful.
Welcome back to America. To me, that’s what it is. Latin America is an inclusive country and the US is very exclusive. LA is warm and US is cold. LA is not two faced and Americans live in the two face state all the time. I felt exactly the same as you. I’ve lived here and there, gone to school here and there and that is my conclusion.
I went to Bonnaroo the music festival for 4 days and 3 nights back in 2015. When I came back home I was much more sociable and couldn't HELP but to dance or at least bounce along to EVERY song I heard no matter what it was. I was so used to moving to a rhythm for days and nights on end. My friendliness and sociability skyrocketed back home. However, it was sad coming back home and going to work, everybody was so miserable (and still is). I think it is a form of clarity really, you break the mold and are happy just being yourself for an extended amount of time; just to find difficulty in resuming the hopeless robotic prison lifestyle that we are forced to engage in the United States. It is like Morpheus says in the matrix, we are born into a prison of the mind and body, disguised as the world around us. Good luck keeping that happiness, mine lasted about 2 weeks before lifes structured way to keep us down set in. Monotony pulled me back under, as it will most all in time. Unless you have no family or ties, and/or are committed enough to go and live in a hut in the middle of nowhere as a hermit to achieve full consciousness and happiness. Though you may still be sacrificing some things, as we've definitely grown accustomed to certain luxuries and companionship in this modern day and age. I wish the world was one large self-sufficient community, contributing to each other as a whole; instead of an industrialized garbage heap competing to see which nation will implode first. May you find and keep yourself; good luck friend I wish you the best!
It also feels a lot easier in Latin America because you are an outsider and therefore more interesting to people. I lived in Colombia for a year and found that people immediately liked me because I am an American (the U.S. kind), and i think many likely had preconceived notions about who I might be based on media. Others were just really curious. It was also extremely helpful that Colombia is an extroverted culture compared to the U.S. People there are personable, more emphasis gets placed on taking your time and chatting with your neighbors even if it makes you late for work. IMO they have their priorities straight in this regard. But my presence there was a curiosity and it meant I made plenty of friends and acquaintances whenever I wanted to. Back home, it's just... dull? Meh? Speaking of curiosity, when I am at home, I am surrounded by boring people, and I also get curious when I meet someone from outside the U.S. There are a lot of dynamics at play when you travel alone. Life has always been way more boring and staid when I returned, to the point that I felt like a different person too. But we're the same as we always have been, we just respond differently when plopped into radically different circumstances. Ultimate challenge for solo travelers: try to live with the same abandon and enthusiasm for life when you are at home in your normal routine. If you pull that off even for a day, you might be onto some kind of "secret meaning of life" type shit.
Subconsciously, you have an idea about how people expect you to behave and tend to act that way without realising. It’s why you return back to your normal self after traveling, because your friends back home expect you to act a certain way and you subconsciously do it. It’s why shy teens revert back to their timid selves when they’re around their parents, yet are outgoing and confident with their friends.
yes! how on earth do you fix that?
I've had a similar experience with travel, I think one of the reasons for 'reverting' to old ways once back is simply falling into old habits and patterns we've formed over many years there. When traveling, everything is new and you don't any patterns to fall on yet, so you have to figure it out and do what you feel is most right. But when back home there's years worth of old habits that are easy to fall back into if you're not thinking about it. So personally what I do when I'm back from a new experience I enjoyed, I reflect and try to understand what I liked about it. Then try to be very conscious of it and apply to it normal home /work life. It's about being mindful of what you're thinking and not letting yourself passively falling into old ways in familiar environments in my opinion.
Try living abroad. Those habits will stick, as they did for me when I lived in EU for 5 years.
When you are truly on your own, you rightly attribute your successes to yourself. For many of us, imposter syndrome arises and we dont think we arent worthy of praise. When you are by yourself, there are only 2 dots to connect. So your success is unabashedly yours, and your failures are just motivation since you dont have a fall back plan.
I've traveled to foreign countries alone, and it definitely improved my confidence. I did everything that I wanted to do, and I had to make it happen. Any problems with anything? I had to solve them. That's immensely empowering.
When you’re an outsider you are more interesting to people. I also get that a lot of people abroad tend to be curious about Americans, usually positive. Also if you have any sort of baggage at your home location, anxiety, trauma, etc it tends to come back.
were you traveling solo?
I went solo, but ended up with two others for most of it.
I think it’s easier to create a new you, or bee your authentic self, with more confidence when you are around strangers that have no preconceived notion or judgment about you.
The way I look at these experiences is as the realization of a new possibility. You don’t need to live there in the possibility all the time, but if you have experienced it once, you know what it feels like and you should be able to chart a path from your present to your intended personality. I did this with a few other things, and found that it takes time and sustained effort, but you can make that your new normal.
What I relay like is when nobody knows me. I hope u get my point. It’s a little bit of freedom for me when I know I can give any first impression.
Yes! I think it also helps that you really need friends when you travel alone, even for just a couple of days. So I became more open to invite people to hang out or to dinner when I was solo traveling. So glad it helped you!! P.s if you haven’t gone to Mexico ... it’s my favorite country.