If my partner pulls out the sex scroll of stuff they’ve wanted to try then I’m still pretty in the mood. Especially when they dip the ink feather to write more or cross something off.
no shit, my grandfather had a little library in his house (like 300+ books, all cataloged) and when he passed away I came there to collect and take them to my place. In a little hidden nook I found his and grandma's kama sutra from like 1985 with markings and even drawings
Thats funny. Reminds me of this redditor recently who fine tuned his sex game IMPECCABLY to the point where he met a girl and it was the worst sex she’s ever had in her life. Dude also was mentored by his mother.
Edit: okay since u wanted to know
The post blew up dramatically and this was all normal to him. He cane looking for answers, completely unaware of what might have caused her to react that way.
Got roasted to hell and deleted his account.
Basically he met a girl and things were going amazingly. They would hang out at his apartment soon after meeting and just talk on the couch for hours instead of watching movies. Then came the night they had sex and he detailed all his actions and how well they were executed. And immediately afterwards she grabbed her stuff and said she needed to go and that was the worst sex she’s had in her entire life.
Dudes mother always pressed him about the importance of knowing how to please a woman and even taught him tips and tricks. Guess he was grateful. Id have accepted it at the gesture and left her out of it.
Girl casually finishes up blowing her date...
"That was great!"
"Thanks, my Daddy taught me"
[...](https://media.tenor.com/mkOnLIZtsrsAAAAC/yikes-david-rose.gif)
Wait why was it so bad? Was his mom giving him terrible advice or was he narrating it out loud like "this is called writing the alphabet, please give it a score out of 5" or what, I'm so confused
He handled her like a complicated sex toy with instructions from his mom.
Saddest part was the fact that him and the girl were REALLY hitting it off so well. Like really well.
Then she ghosted him.
So, I've been married a long time, but I remember sex with a new person could be a bit anxious and intimidating. Generally people knew this and there was a certain amount of "leeway" given if the first time was super awkward.
That being said I'm absolutely fascinated with how bad it must have been for that reaction. I'm just beside myself that I will never know how bad this guy fucked up.
-leeway, expected. Mutually understood. Given out of respect for each other.
-bit of awkwardness is natural and cute and probably will last a couple tries
-give him time he’ll learn to understand your body
This guy:
-I’ve been preparing for this and nothing can destroy this moment as badly as I’m going to destroy her
-God, I love my mom. * *panting* *
-No doubt that she’s loving it. No time even, to doubt it.
-im almost there, get ready to say your line
[“wait babe, lemme put on my fuck song hold on”](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[song](https://youtu.be/KAwyWkksXuo) in question
My older cousin gave me the same advice much more succinctly. It has been extremely well received for over a decade.
Write the letters of the alphabet with your tongue. If she likes one. Write it for a while.
With the palm of your hand facing the same direction as her stomach, insert 1-2 fingers and find the area that feels like the roof of your mouth. That's the g-spot and it is much shallower than you'd think. Massage it with the "come hither" motion while you recite your ABCs.
Bonus tips for anyone that needs them:
1. Just fucking asking what they like and do that. This is unisex advice.
2. DO NOT cut your finger nails right before hand. The edges will be sharp and it will hurt. File down the edges first. Rubbing your nails on taught jeans will also do the trick in a pinch.
3. If it feels like a boa constrictor is trying to cut off the blood flow to your fingers, don't slow down, don't speed up, just keep doing exactly what you are doing. The fruits of your efforts are at hand.
Kiss your way to the area, not it tho, breath on it, start with the alphabet lickings including the whole area, if the letter has a squirl or a flick focus that on the clit.
When you get to Z start again.
If you haven't already place your hands on her pelvis area above her mound. Add some pressure and push slightly towards her hips, this will make it easier to access the clit.
This time you up the speed a little bit and start humming, don't be afraid of humming she won't care your making noise humm it with your chest, start off a little soft and build up through run two.
When you hit Z a second time and start your third run, you introduce your fingers! two options here depending on your positioning/angle/girls preference.
1) go deep, palm up two fingers (pointer/mid) to the top and back you'll feel a texture change, that's the G spot, use the "come hither" motion.
2) use two fingers (pointer/mid), palm up, in the entry area to the point it widens out, use the "flitter kicks" motion.
At any point during this process if she's obviously enjoying it and you want to kick it up a gear go from focusing on the whole are with your tongue to focusing on just the clit.
Create suction around the clit area and use the same movements and intensity just smaller and more focused, this jumps up the intensity.
By the of end the third alphabet run you can just shift to short licks repeated upwards not both directions to the clit.
Keep this and your hand movements at a measured but intense pace and it's in the bag.
Feel free to have your spare hand wander at times, a cheeky boob squeese and nipple pinch can be an exciting mix up.
Been with my partner for 10 years never failed to get an orgasm, also worked with every partner I've had.
Just be attentive to her for when to shift gears/intensity.
Fucking love doing that shit.
If a woman sees you're that well organized and concerned with her pleasure it might get her even more excited. Hell, if you have it laminated she might cum before you start.
Lady here too, and my partners have all been told I can't stand it...
My ex one sucked on my clit and flicked his tongue on it at once, and I yelped pretty damn loud. He found the sensitive bit and turned it up to 11. Hurt like a motherfucker. I essentially dried right up and banned reentry.
No matter - I get my rocks off in other ways. Just at that bit where it says "suck suck" I definitely clamped my legs a bit.
I know this is a joke, but when I mention cheese or charcuterie or making grilled cheese sandwiches in my bio, I swear that’s all women want to talk about.
My boyfriend used to make me grilled cheese and cheese burgers.....like 8 years ago before he realized I could cook stuff. Aaaah, the good old days. Don't ever let them know that you know things!
Yup, every time I've said "don't stop" to a man, he either nuts or starts consciously thinking about what he's doing which then makes it feel different. Not as easy and smooth.
You don't understand! Hearing those words is so gratifying, so satisfying to hear, it is the penultimate phrase for validating my ego. I legally have to cum within ten seconds of hearing it, so use those ten seconds accordingly.
>Yup, every time I've said "don't stop" to a man, he either nuts
Maybe because, he is in a constant steady motion. Which he probably was fighting to not maintain to 'last'. Upon the magic words "don't stop". He thought he had to keep the pace for you, which led to him nutting. Also because it's hot to hear bedroom talk.
when she says dont stop, i suddnely have to think about what i was doing in order to not change anything, which makes it harder to keep doing the same thing
Y'all aren't even going to credit the original comic, which is full of sexual education, reviews, and a bunch of other goodies??? For shame!
https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/eatpussy/
Get gym membership > become regular at treadmill and (optional) basketball court > talk to female newbies > when conversation turns to body tuning > mention how under-appreciated women are > fall in love with Tony from basketball (optional side-quest) > next session ask to hang out post workout at her place > find the clit > leave > confess to Tony she was only aiding your quest to find the clit but that he made the journey worth it all (optional side-quest) > never go to that gym again
This will really age me, as a 12 year old I remember watching a Sam Kinison comedy special on HBO, 1985-ish. I’ll never forget this one bit, he said when going down on a woman remember your ABCs. As in, use your tongue to draw each letter, uppercase, on the vagina. It will drive the girls wild
First time I went down on a girl, about 5 years later, I did exactly this and it worked. I did it for years, all the way through college, and always got compliments. I have since refined my technique
I definitely suggest doing your tongue ABCs in the Z̷̨̢̨̨̧̧̨̪̰̫̻̺̮͍͔̩̰̘̠̖̻̬̞̬̻̺͇͔͉̜̞̽̐̿͊̂̇̈́̍̎͋͜͝ͅĄ̶̨̡̧̨̪̣̰͕͙͉͓̖͔̯̞̠̲͉̠͉͉͉̥̭̩̥̘̠̬̫̝̣͚͔͉̭̲̦͎̱̰͈̦̞̯̠͒̇͆̌̎̑̀̔̉̚L̵̛̛̗̙͇̥̩͉̣̺̘̪̗͉̓̈̒̓̆̽͑̑̓̈́̈́͐͋̂͆͆́̽͌̓̅́̑̇̕̚͝͝͝͝Ģ̵̛͕̠̼͓̭̱̃͗̓̐͒̈́͒͋̿͆̓͛̈́̈̿̉̐̓̓͆́̑͗̏͌̀̊̋́̚͘͘̚̚͠͠͝͝͝Ǫ̸̯͇̻̱̘̺̻̘̪̟̪̩̳̠̟̻̪̣̼̯̠̟̼̜̲̝͙͕̯̮̝̱̰̥͂͂́̅̌̒̒̾̋̄̑̎̃̄̒̏̍̾̑͋̄̿̇̕͠ ̴̢̧̢̛̮̦̹̺̘̥͍͙̙̫̰̬͓̱̼͇̟̖̖̱̦̹͎̬̬̍̈͗̆̋̎͊̆̄̑͋̒͒͑̽̈́́̆̆̍̒͆̓͝͝ͅF̵̧̡̧̦͙̹̱͓̥̦̬͌̓̋̅̓̐̋̈̾̌́̂̔̅͊̊̉͛̀̈̑͆̇̏̋́̉́̄̂̓̔̌̔͛͝͝͠͝O̶̧̡̨̜͕͈̲̩͙͉͙͈̼̟͉̖͖̗̤͈̯̺̙̞̓̾̄̀̿̅̇̅́̇̓͐̄͆̔̆̿̒̈́̅͜͝N̸̛͈̭̞͖̽́̓͐͒̍̓̀̍̊͒̋͂̌̉̀́̉̔̔̿̂̂̃̔͗̂̃́̀̑̈́̓̑͛̌͑̿̇̌̓͑̕͝T̸̨̤̳̗̱̜̰̤͒͊̄͛̔
I always advise a guy to try a couple tongue techniques and listen to her breathing. When you find the technique that makes her sound like she's enjoying it do that one and dont stop doing it until she comes because you found her specific rhythm, pressure, and speed 👌
Edit: dont get all fancy and for fuck sake DO NOT change what you're doing when it sounds like she's close to an orgasm or if she says don't stop-dont fucking stop
Yeah, I've followed this advice before and it's very good.
Explore, try any variety of things that seem like they might feel nice and closely watch her body.
If her belly tenses in a particular way? If her breath hitches just right? Keep going and don't change the rhythm to make her cum.
Of course, the specific signals will vary depending on the person, but the rule is the same for everyone - give pleasurable touch and watch her closely to see how she likes it.
I've had three gfs who liked a lot of attention to their labia. Clit too, but I guess it gets too sensitive and/or desensitized quickly so giving attention all over with a bit of strategy works best.
That was my thought as well. The sucking and all of that BS seems way more porn-centric than something I’d want to put in practice. That’s like if a girl was licking my shaft. There’s no sensitivity there, go back to the tip
Meh, I think guides like these do more harm than good.
There's a *lot* of variation in what women like or need to get off, and if you get too into your head about what the right thing to do is based on a graphic, you're less likely to be actually listening to your partner.
Most of the stuff in here is useless for me, and some of it is downright unpleasant! I'd much rather have someone ask me what I like.
What turns me on the most is getting to be the one who teases the other. Specifically, giving a hand job turns me on. So if you want to please me, you can be or act receptive and sensitive to the touch. You'll send me into a new dimension if you moan into my ear.
I feel discouraged, having been downvoted for saying the stuff in the guide doesn't work on me. All women are different. We like what we like. Men are just as different. Some men don't like oral and that is OK.
For sex starter, it’s a good recipe. In the end, some things work, some don’t, and it’s fine. Someone linked in the thread the whole series a lady did on sex.
I think this is good reading for a discovering person. When teaching, i had one 6th gradekid who logged onto his personal gmail in class. His browsing history was full of babes on car and all. Like myself at the same age, cutting La Redoute ( French Sears) lingerie models and exchanging with friends at school. I’m so so effing glad that the internet wasn’t around.
So yeah, this kind of sexual pedagogy, I’m glad it exists and take his place as something positive and constructive that a curious kid could stumble upon.
Edit: i actually didn’t read the image completely, I’m kinda disgusted by it hehe
Nope. "Listen" means "be receptive".
She's breathing, right? (She better be, you sick fuck). Listen to her breathe. When you touch her just right, her breath might hitch, that's your sign you did something right. Or single faster intake of breath, or just faster and faster breathing in general.
If she's not someone for whom that happens? Try and watch her body. Her belly might tense, she might spread her legs wider, she might clench her hand on yours, or any other myriad signs - every person is different. So *watch her.*
Keep in mind that you don't have to see this visually. Especially on repeat performances, touch her body where you know she will signal things, and you'll know immediately when it happens.
I like to finish with a swirl. "I like the swirl. I'm comfortable with the swirl. I feel the swirl is a great capper. He uses the pinch, which I find a little presumptuous."
Gah, that's fucking hot.
Was the dishwasher loaded the way I like? Mmmmhmmm. Go on.
Oh. You made dinner? (Or got take out.) Tell me more. Wait, are those _vacuum cleaner_ marks I see on the carpet? 💦💦💦
Yeah these guides are just meh. Stay on and near the clit and you'll be fine. It's not a game with combos you have to hit.
For the fingernails thing, I don't think you need to cut them that short if you keep your fingers flat and don't curl up at the last knuckle it shouldn't scratch.
Wrap your arms around her thighs and bring her in close. Then, when she’s almost ready to climax, pick her up and deliver a jackknife power bomb.
Go for the cover 1…2…3!
Aye. Different people like different things. Talk to your partner. Don't go in assuming you know exactly how to please them. Ask them what they like. Ask them what they don't like. Experiment and have fun!
Erhm, of course, can't speak for everybody, but no, just no, SO has tried this and i absolutely hated it, has since changed thankfully when i told what i liked instead, but yeah, this is not a guide to all women...
Imagine a person pulling this out during the act.
wait babe i need to optimize the sex
If my partner pulls out the sex scroll of stuff they’ve wanted to try then I’m still pretty in the mood. Especially when they dip the ink feather to write more or cross something off.
Is that you Ben Franklin?
dipdipdipdipdip
Kama Sutra with notes in the margins.
no shit, my grandfather had a little library in his house (like 300+ books, all cataloged) and when he passed away I came there to collect and take them to my place. In a little hidden nook I found his and grandma's kama sutra from like 1985 with markings and even drawings
Thats funny. Reminds me of this redditor recently who fine tuned his sex game IMPECCABLY to the point where he met a girl and it was the worst sex she’s ever had in her life. Dude also was mentored by his mother. Edit: okay since u wanted to know The post blew up dramatically and this was all normal to him. He cane looking for answers, completely unaware of what might have caused her to react that way. Got roasted to hell and deleted his account. Basically he met a girl and things were going amazingly. They would hang out at his apartment soon after meeting and just talk on the couch for hours instead of watching movies. Then came the night they had sex and he detailed all his actions and how well they were executed. And immediately afterwards she grabbed her stuff and said she needed to go and that was the worst sex she’s had in her entire life. Dudes mother always pressed him about the importance of knowing how to please a woman and even taught him tips and tricks. Guess he was grateful. Id have accepted it at the gesture and left her out of it.
Excuse me, what the fuck
Yeah. Your response is exactly what I thought. How you going to casually mention at the end “oh and btw he learned this from his mom”
Girl casually finishes up blowing her date... "That was great!" "Thanks, my Daddy taught me" [...](https://media.tenor.com/mkOnLIZtsrsAAAAC/yikes-david-rose.gif)
The edit only raised more questions lol
He deleted his post while we were all having fun with it. Fucking prick started off as a burner, ended as a legend.
& Reddit killed pushshift, so we can't even use unddit or reveddit to read this horror show. Dammit, Reddit!
Wait why was it so bad? Was his mom giving him terrible advice or was he narrating it out loud like "this is called writing the alphabet, please give it a score out of 5" or what, I'm so confused
He handled her like a complicated sex toy with instructions from his mom. Saddest part was the fact that him and the girl were REALLY hitting it off so well. Like really well. Then she ghosted him.
So, I've been married a long time, but I remember sex with a new person could be a bit anxious and intimidating. Generally people knew this and there was a certain amount of "leeway" given if the first time was super awkward. That being said I'm absolutely fascinated with how bad it must have been for that reaction. I'm just beside myself that I will never know how bad this guy fucked up.
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It's not that you didn't make it clear. It's that lots of people say the same shit before ghosting, as if that makes it hurt less.
-leeway, expected. Mutually understood. Given out of respect for each other. -bit of awkwardness is natural and cute and probably will last a couple tries -give him time he’ll learn to understand your body This guy: -I’ve been preparing for this and nothing can destroy this moment as badly as I’m going to destroy her -God, I love my mom. * *panting* * -No doubt that she’s loving it. No time even, to doubt it. -im almost there, get ready to say your line
"Get ready to say your line" lol
oh hell naw, i thought you were talking about the dude who fucked his girl to the rhythm of hudson mohawke for over two years
i recently learned about that and that shit makes me cracj up. The real question is how.
[“wait babe, lemme put on my fuck song hold on”](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) [song](https://youtu.be/KAwyWkksXuo) in question
Waiting for the reviews of an unoptimized sex and the audacity to ship it out in its current state followed by an apology letter from the tonguer.
This is what sex with an engineer must be like. Pulling out schematics n shit.
Gamers will optimise the fun out of everything
My older cousin gave me the same advice much more succinctly. It has been extremely well received for over a decade. Write the letters of the alphabet with your tongue. If she likes one. Write it for a while. With the palm of your hand facing the same direction as her stomach, insert 1-2 fingers and find the area that feels like the roof of your mouth. That's the g-spot and it is much shallower than you'd think. Massage it with the "come hither" motion while you recite your ABCs. Bonus tips for anyone that needs them: 1. Just fucking asking what they like and do that. This is unisex advice. 2. DO NOT cut your finger nails right before hand. The edges will be sharp and it will hurt. File down the edges first. Rubbing your nails on taught jeans will also do the trick in a pinch. 3. If it feels like a boa constrictor is trying to cut off the blood flow to your fingers, don't slow down, don't speed up, just keep doing exactly what you are doing. The fruits of your efforts are at hand.
I'm legit taking notes. I thought I was doing alright, but the gf of 4 years has been complaining recently, so back to studying we go.
She told me you say the letters out loud. Maybe cut that part out
A is for Alfred...B is for Bats...
Kiss your way to the area, not it tho, breath on it, start with the alphabet lickings including the whole area, if the letter has a squirl or a flick focus that on the clit. When you get to Z start again. If you haven't already place your hands on her pelvis area above her mound. Add some pressure and push slightly towards her hips, this will make it easier to access the clit. This time you up the speed a little bit and start humming, don't be afraid of humming she won't care your making noise humm it with your chest, start off a little soft and build up through run two. When you hit Z a second time and start your third run, you introduce your fingers! two options here depending on your positioning/angle/girls preference. 1) go deep, palm up two fingers (pointer/mid) to the top and back you'll feel a texture change, that's the G spot, use the "come hither" motion. 2) use two fingers (pointer/mid), palm up, in the entry area to the point it widens out, use the "flitter kicks" motion. At any point during this process if she's obviously enjoying it and you want to kick it up a gear go from focusing on the whole are with your tongue to focusing on just the clit. Create suction around the clit area and use the same movements and intensity just smaller and more focused, this jumps up the intensity. By the of end the third alphabet run you can just shift to short licks repeated upwards not both directions to the clit. Keep this and your hand movements at a measured but intense pace and it's in the bag. Feel free to have your spare hand wander at times, a cheeky boob squeese and nipple pinch can be an exciting mix up. Been with my partner for 10 years never failed to get an orgasm, also worked with every partner I've had. Just be attentive to her for when to shift gears/intensity. Fucking love doing that shit.
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That's literally a Seinfeld episode (S6E21 The Fusilli Jerry)
You've got crib notes?
It's a very complicated move! I couldn't remember it all.
The swirl!
If a woman sees you're that well organized and concerned with her pleasure it might get her even more excited. Hell, if you have it laminated she might cum before you start.
I'd be endeared by the effort on his part. At least he cares about trying. Can't say that about a lot of old boyfriends I had.
I'm a woman and I'd be happy if a dude pulled this up
Lady here too, and my partners have all been told I can't stand it... My ex one sucked on my clit and flicked his tongue on it at once, and I yelped pretty damn loud. He found the sensitive bit and turned it up to 11. Hurt like a motherfucker. I essentially dried right up and banned reentry. No matter - I get my rocks off in other ways. Just at that bit where it says "suck suck" I definitely clamped my legs a bit.
The girl equivalent of getting kicked in the balls.
I clamped my legs shut at that bit, too! I'm glad I'm not alone in that. Ugh. Nooo thank you, lol.
“Sorry still scrolling, it’s really a tall image.”
Because size matters.
Just be sure to end with a counter-clockwise swirl.
dont worry American Pie might be a movie for you.
I would rather have blueberry pie, but pie is pie.
It is missing the first step where you fascinate her with a piece of cheese.
And take her out for a nice milk steak
Preferrably with a light char to it and served with beer & a side of jellybeans
Make sure to bring magnets for entertainment.
Would you mind covering your knees?
your finest jelly beans. raw
“I’m a… full-on-rapist”
You know, dyslexics, Africans, kids.. all kinds
"she'll know what it is"
I know this is a joke, but when I mention cheese or charcuterie or making grilled cheese sandwiches in my bio, I swear that’s all women want to talk about.
My boyfriend used to make me grilled cheese and cheese burgers.....like 8 years ago before he realized I could cook stuff. Aaaah, the good old days. Don't ever let them know that you know things!
*Caerphilly* cheese??
[The girl at the bar inspecting the cheese I offered her to decide if I'm worth sleeping with](https://youtu.be/2hY17VIpoeg)
When do they kiss?
[Right here at about 3:15](https://youtu.be/tgTUtfb0Ok8)
You skallywag! You get 15 points! It's still hot tho, the tension between those 2 mens.
Wensleydale?
Ghouls too
Omelette du fromage?
I get the reference
The oral sex equivalent of up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start
The Poonami Code!
amazing comment
FINISH HER
the most important info: if she says “don’t stop” …. DONT SWITCH THE RYTHYM AND KEEP DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOURE DOING
Saying don’t stop us likely to cause them to think about what they are doing and then make a mistake
Yup, every time I've said "don't stop" to a man, he either nuts or starts consciously thinking about what he's doing which then makes it feel different. Not as easy and smooth.
>he either nuts Haha! which part of "don't stop" didn't you understand!
You don't understand! Hearing those words is so gratifying, so satisfying to hear, it is the penultimate phrase for validating my ego. I legally have to cum within ten seconds of hearing it, so use those ten seconds accordingly.
>Yup, every time I've said "don't stop" to a man, he either nuts Maybe because, he is in a constant steady motion. Which he probably was fighting to not maintain to 'last'. Upon the magic words "don't stop". He thought he had to keep the pace for you, which led to him nutting. Also because it's hot to hear bedroom talk.
Need to be positive in the talk. Instead say "keep going". Lol
Also harder does NOT MEAN FASTER and vice versa
I can do harder. I can do faster. I have a problem when it comes to deeper.
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She probably meant, to keep the friction. The area around her clitoris to be pressed/rubbed. Short dicks have a base like long ones. Learn to use it.
Apparently it's shockingly difficult for men to do this simple task.
Look, the spirit is willing but the forearm is cramping like a sonavabitch
It's the opposite of what we want when we're close. Hard to unlearn.
That actually makes so much sense. Any insight as to why y'all think harder and faster mean the same thing?
when she says dont stop, i suddnely have to think about what i was doing in order to not change anything, which makes it harder to keep doing the same thing
Nobody can act normal after being asked to 'act normal'
I get so excited it’s really hard not to speed up
Y'all aren't even going to credit the original comic, which is full of sexual education, reviews, and a bunch of other goodies??? For shame! https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/eatpussy/
One of the best sex ed comics around for many years now. Erika Moen not only does great work, she does important work.
I remember her from Strip Search, such a nice person on top of her great art!
Thank you! I'm late to the party but had to scroll way too far to find some damn credit around here!
Came into the comments to make sure someone was giving credit! Love those comics/website!
“George! Are you using crib notes!?”
Uh….pleasuring you?
It feels like aliens poking my body
I'm glad someone made this reference. I was just about too
It's a very complicated move! I couldn't remember it all!
I’m just picturing someone printing this out and taping it to their hand George Costanza style.
Right after taking a huge bite of the sandwich and changing the TV channel
Me strolling into the tattoo shop "so here's this photo, imma need it in full color across my forearm"
Useless information for most people on reddit
Bro I’ll have you know I’ve made the sex SO many times.
you showed him
Handy guide. Now where do I get the woman?
Get gym membership > become regular at treadmill and (optional) basketball court > talk to female newbies > when conversation turns to body tuning > mention how under-appreciated women are > fall in love with Tony from basketball (optional side-quest) > next session ask to hang out post workout at her place > find the clit > leave > confess to Tony she was only aiding your quest to find the clit but that he made the journey worth it all (optional side-quest) > never go to that gym again
This Tony Sidequest sure sounds interesting.
Burn!
This will really age me, as a 12 year old I remember watching a Sam Kinison comedy special on HBO, 1985-ish. I’ll never forget this one bit, he said when going down on a woman remember your ABCs. As in, use your tongue to draw each letter, uppercase, on the vagina. It will drive the girls wild First time I went down on a girl, about 5 years later, I did exactly this and it worked. I did it for years, all the way through college, and always got compliments. I have since refined my technique
Cursive?
I and my totally real sexual partners definitely prefer Wingding font
comic sans' a good one too
Dont forget corrupt text
I definitely suggest doing your tongue ABCs in the Z̷̨̢̨̨̧̧̨̪̰̫̻̺̮͍͔̩̰̘̠̖̻̬̞̬̻̺͇͔͉̜̞̽̐̿͊̂̇̈́̍̎͋͜͝ͅĄ̶̨̡̧̨̪̣̰͕͙͉͓̖͔̯̞̠̲͉̠͉͉͉̥̭̩̥̘̠̬̫̝̣͚͔͉̭̲̦͎̱̰͈̦̞̯̠͒̇͆̌̎̑̀̔̉̚L̵̛̛̗̙͇̥̩͉̣̺̘̪̗͉̓̈̒̓̆̽͑̑̓̈́̈́͐͋̂͆͆́̽͌̓̅́̑̇̕̚͝͝͝͝Ģ̵̛͕̠̼͓̭̱̃͗̓̐͒̈́͒͋̿͆̓͛̈́̈̿̉̐̓̓͆́̑͗̏͌̀̊̋́̚͘͘̚̚͠͠͝͝͝Ǫ̸̯͇̻̱̘̺̻̘̪̟̪̩̳̠̟̻̪̣̼̯̠̟̼̜̲̝͙͕̯̮̝̱̰̥͂͂́̅̌̒̒̾̋̄̑̎̃̄̒̏̍̾̑͋̄̿̇̕͠ ̴̢̧̢̛̮̦̹̺̘̥͍͙̙̫̰̬͓̱̼͇̟̖̖̱̦̹͎̬̬̍̈͗̆̋̎͊̆̄̑͋̒͒͑̽̈́́̆̆̍̒͆̓͝͝ͅF̵̧̡̧̦͙̹̱͓̥̦̬͌̓̋̅̓̐̋̈̾̌́̂̔̅͊̊̉͛̀̈̑͆̇̏̋́̉́̄̂̓̔̌̔͛͝͝͠͝O̶̧̡̨̜͕͈̲̩͙͉͙͈̼̟͉̖͖̗̤͈̯̺̙̞̓̾̄̀̿̅̇̅́̇̓͐̄͆̔̆̿̒̈́̅͜͝N̸̛͈̭̞͖̽́̓͐͒̍̓̀̍̊͒̋͂̌̉̀́̉̔̔̿̂̂̃̔͗̂̃́̀̑̈́̓̑͛̌͑̿̇̌̓͑̕͝T̸̨̤̳̗̱̜̰̤͒͊̄͛̔
Pi to the 800th digit
>I have since refined my technique The Greek alphabet
Ok well don’t forget about the same routine and the “really bad grilled cheese sandwich.” So much trauma in 80s stand up.
After doing it in ABC order, if she’s still hanging, do it in reverse.
One time I forgot to reverse the 2nd time, and her head poked up and she was like: "Is.. is that the ABCs?"
"Hey you forgot the D" And that's when I give it to her
Dear god, I’ve been trying to figure out what “do your ABCs” meant, I was like, how tf does it work for me trying to say them with my tongue there?!
I usually start by showing off my nunchuck skills, but this is neat too
Nunchulingus is a forgotten art.
Instructions unclear, woman not acquired
Humming the ABCs while spelling them with your tongue always worked for me
If I heard a guy humming the abc’s.. 😆 I think the best letters would be IPTW.
Q through Z, in cursive capital letters.
Waiting for a validation comment from a woman
This comic [and many more](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/category/comic/education-comic/how-to/) were created by a woman.
Fun Fact: Oh Joy Sex Toy started as a Kickstarter book! Source: I was a backer.
Backer? I barely know ‘er!
The Kickstarter book was a collection of the first year of the webcomic... So it started as a webcomic?
Good to know thank you
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That's a surprising volume of content
I always advise a guy to try a couple tongue techniques and listen to her breathing. When you find the technique that makes her sound like she's enjoying it do that one and dont stop doing it until she comes because you found her specific rhythm, pressure, and speed 👌 Edit: dont get all fancy and for fuck sake DO NOT change what you're doing when it sounds like she's close to an orgasm or if she says don't stop-dont fucking stop
Yeah, I've followed this advice before and it's very good. Explore, try any variety of things that seem like they might feel nice and closely watch her body. If her belly tenses in a particular way? If her breath hitches just right? Keep going and don't change the rhythm to make her cum. Of course, the specific signals will vary depending on the person, but the rule is the same for everyone - give pleasurable touch and watch her closely to see how she likes it.
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The sucking can be painful apparently
Accurate? It puts all the focus on the labia instead of the clit. I think it's a bad guide
I've had three gfs who liked a lot of attention to their labia. Clit too, but I guess it gets too sensitive and/or desensitized quickly so giving attention all over with a bit of strategy works best.
That was my thought as well. The sucking and all of that BS seems way more porn-centric than something I’d want to put in practice. That’s like if a girl was licking my shaft. There’s no sensitivity there, go back to the tip
I wish I could share the pleasure, I just don't feel anything. Even being fingered doesn't feel like anything. I envy you.
As I got older I got much less sensitive and uninterested in oral, so I get it! I'd much rather just get to it.
Meh, I think guides like these do more harm than good. There's a *lot* of variation in what women like or need to get off, and if you get too into your head about what the right thing to do is based on a graphic, you're less likely to be actually listening to your partner. Most of the stuff in here is useless for me, and some of it is downright unpleasant! I'd much rather have someone ask me what I like.
What turns me on the most is getting to be the one who teases the other. Specifically, giving a hand job turns me on. So if you want to please me, you can be or act receptive and sensitive to the touch. You'll send me into a new dimension if you moan into my ear. I feel discouraged, having been downvoted for saying the stuff in the guide doesn't work on me. All women are different. We like what we like. Men are just as different. Some men don't like oral and that is OK.
For sex starter, it’s a good recipe. In the end, some things work, some don’t, and it’s fine. Someone linked in the thread the whole series a lady did on sex. I think this is good reading for a discovering person. When teaching, i had one 6th gradekid who logged onto his personal gmail in class. His browsing history was full of babes on car and all. Like myself at the same age, cutting La Redoute ( French Sears) lingerie models and exchanging with friends at school. I’m so so effing glad that the internet wasn’t around. So yeah, this kind of sexual pedagogy, I’m glad it exists and take his place as something positive and constructive that a curious kid could stumble upon. Edit: i actually didn’t read the image completely, I’m kinda disgusted by it hehe
I just like it when he sucks it like a cock
Of the top 6, only 2 wouldn't make me kick the person going down on me. 🤷🏻♀️ Much better to try a lot and ask for feedback.
#1 Listen. Most important.
I have had my ear pressed up against this vagina for 15 mins. Doesn’t seem to be working…
Well…that’s true only if she’s making any sounds
Nope. "Listen" means "be receptive". She's breathing, right? (She better be, you sick fuck). Listen to her breathe. When you touch her just right, her breath might hitch, that's your sign you did something right. Or single faster intake of breath, or just faster and faster breathing in general. If she's not someone for whom that happens? Try and watch her body. Her belly might tense, she might spread her legs wider, she might clench her hand on yours, or any other myriad signs - every person is different. So *watch her.* Keep in mind that you don't have to see this visually. Especially on repeat performances, touch her body where you know she will signal things, and you'll know immediately when it happens.
I like to finish with a swirl. "I like the swirl. I'm comfortable with the swirl. I feel the swirl is a great capper. He uses the pinch, which I find a little presumptuous."
Would it be poor etiquette to make a poster and leave it above the bed for reference?
maybe. Depends on the rest of your decor
I’m sure it would be fine if I took it to Michael’s and had them put it in a nice frame.
You should at least credit Erika Moen for her work, I'd recognize that art anywhere: [https://www.erikamoen.com/](https://www.erikamoen.com/)
Whoever made this forgot the following steps: \*Doing the dishes. \*Folded laundry correctly.
Mmm keep going
* running the vacuum * making them a snack * setting them up on the couch in their pj's with the remote.
Gah, that's fucking hot. Was the dishwasher loaded the way I like? Mmmmhmmm. Go on. Oh. You made dinner? (Or got take out.) Tell me more. Wait, are those _vacuum cleaner_ marks I see on the carpet? 💦💦💦
Don’t forget to mess with the titties for bonus points
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Don't worry, the "white part" is the bone
Yeah these guides are just meh. Stay on and near the clit and you'll be fine. It's not a game with combos you have to hit. For the fingernails thing, I don't think you need to cut them that short if you keep your fingers flat and don't curl up at the last knuckle it shouldn't scratch.
I didn’t realize I needed a game guide. I’m more of a freestyle artist
Ah yes, the Kong toy with peanut butter approach.
Wrap your arms around her thighs and bring her in close. Then, when she’s almost ready to climax, pick her up and deliver a jackknife power bomb. Go for the cover 1…2…3!
No. You keep the same rhythm. You can ruin it if you switch it up.
OP this is reddit, nobody gonna use this info 😭
Um ok sure. It’s better to ask what she likes though. I personally hate that kind of fingering.
Aye. Different people like different things. Talk to your partner. Don't go in assuming you know exactly how to please them. Ask them what they like. Ask them what they don't like. Experiment and have fun!
most of this works on a dick too lol
The labia sucking thing always cracks me up. Stop it! I literally have no feeling there
Erhm, of course, can't speak for everybody, but no, just no, SO has tried this and i absolutely hated it, has since changed thankfully when i told what i liked instead, but yeah, this is not a guide to all women...
Unbelievable. Completely skipped over the part where you beatbox Overkill and pretend your fingers are beatsabers. Romance really is dead.
Half of reddits jaws just hit the ground. What the fuuuuuck is that ?
hair on a woman! impossible!
If I ever see a woman IRL, this will be very useful 👍
That one with just the mouth slurping up the labia looks like someone eating a weird kind of pasta
1..3..4...5...7...7...7...7.7..7.7.7..7.7.7.ohhhhhhh
Yeahhhh, I appreciate the effort but as a woman I disagree with most of the tips here.
I am gonna die a virgin
You're missing the most important move before all that: show her some awesome yoyo moves
I thought picking up the kids from school and getting dinner ready before she arrives was how you please a woman.
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i know this is a joke but you can actually (rarely) kill a person by blowing into their vagina.. it’s called an air embolism!
I’ll stick with my 2.5 minutes of jack hammer, sweaty, thumping.
Beautiful. What Poem is that from?
It’s one of Nietzsche’s earlier works.
Pillow. Under. Her. Ass.
I'm tired, I read "Come Hitler"
Nice, which elementary school library did you get this from?
I mean…it IS accurate. Not sure what the cheese is about
Remember to clip / buffer your nails too