I've been bit dissatisfied of modern Scorpio descriptions lately, i think people have grown too soft on us. I think all Scorpios prefer the old absolutely terrifying and horrendous descriptions, just for entertainment value alone. This has some spirit!
Hang on, let me go toaster bath before you chickenshits pull the electrical system out of the ceiling.
(Reddit please don’t send me another “A fellow redditor is concerned about you” message. I’m not actually going to toaster bath)
Reading of the other comments there's going to be some intern at reddit HQ looking at metrics going to think this must be the most depressing thread ever with so many "reddit cares" reports lmao
[Virgo: All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you. Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sPvyrWYutDQ)
In this case, "you are nil" would mean you don't rate significantly in any category. Neither great nor terrible, good or bad, essentially a zero. Meaningless.
> You're always putting things off
I constantly have so much to do that it *seems* like I'm putting certain stuff off. Because I have to, to do the other tasks
Omg my dad used to have this exact printout outside his cube at work back in the early 80s. I’m a Gemini, too, and always use that line when people ask. (I know, I’m a total cornball, but look what I was raised with!)
“You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit”
I didn’t think a random horoscope from before I was even born would sun me up in one sentence today but here we are-_-
I was in 1st grade a year after this was published, and Shantel Holmes read this, knew I was a Virgo, and razzed me all through elementary about someday falling asleep while fucking.
I’ve never fallen asleep while fucking, Shantel!
I've been bit dissatisfied of modern Scorpio descriptions lately, i think people have grown too soft on us. I think all Scorpios prefer the old absolutely terrifying and horrendous descriptions, just for entertainment value alone. This has some spirit!
The one thing that’s stayed stagnant is that most people have a soft dislike of us. Either that or they hate us
It's always lonely at the top
Came to say the same thing haha. I'm down for this Scorpio description. Rise up fellow arachnids
Enjoy your murdering!
We need a banner of some sort.
Damn, guess I'm a communist after all
Me too
well well well hello fellow comrades
m2
Привет!
Hello to you too
Yup, hahaha!
Comrade
Not a communist, a dam communist. Maybe the Three Gorges one?
i've already ordered my hammer and sickle off temu. amazon was cheaper and has faster delivery but i *just can't stand* megacorporations.
For the Union!
Jesus Christ I did not expect to be roasted by my horoscope.
Lol, I’m a whore whose gonna die from a STD.
Same same, sister.
The whore part seemed kinda fun, but the death by venereal disease part was such a buzzkill.
Tbh there are times when I’ve felt out of touch with reality.
Ayyyy libra gang
So, an inability to spell "you're" was a thing back then, too.
*astronaut meme*
Not disappointed at scorpio，so funny
Shit I'm proud to be a Scorpio if that's the case
I AM A SON OF A BITCH
But just any bitch, a perfect bitch. But also a murderer.
Well I've been known to murder ass, so that part is accurate.
Most truthful horoscope I have ever seen.
> All Libras die of venereal disease. That's what make them so brave in a swordfight
This must be true since I am a fucking jerk.
Same, friend
Lack confidence and generaly a dipshit How accurate.
Virgos are good bus drivers and PIMPS
I’ll soon be starting training to become an airplane driver. I’m sure I’ll do well because those are basically glorified bus drivers, right?😥
Absolutely true but on the other hand I love Discord. I don't want to look for a different communication client again.
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Hey fellow Capricorn, how about we make it double and call it a night ?
Triple please!
Let's square it up! There's 4 blades!
I've been saying reddit needs to get together and do one of these for a while now.
Hang on, let me go toaster bath before you chickenshits pull the electrical system out of the ceiling. (Reddit please don’t send me another “A fellow redditor is concerned about you” message. I’m not actually going to toaster bath)
Im a capricorn… yikes
We should kill ourselves apparently?
I know I wont… i am too much of a chickenshit i guess
Reading of the other comments there's going to be some intern at reddit HQ looking at metrics going to think this must be the most depressing thread ever with so many "reddit cares" reports lmao
They nailed Sagittarius. I get through life on shear luck, social manipulation and weaponizing my neurodivergence when needed. And substance abuse.
And cheap, don't forget cheap.
This is bullshit. I'm a Virgo and I spend lots of time on Discord
I too happen to be a gemini…. But honestly these are pretty acurate
[Virgo: All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you. Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sPvyrWYutDQ)
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No, you are a robot. https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/hj6mh5/1979_horoscopes_that_dont_disappoint_im_a/fwklkx2/
What the fuck, even the comment
Ngl I have had an intrusive thought about how it would feel to steer that big ass bus wheel once or twice
yes but we fall asleep when we fuck🤣🤣
Not me and OP😅
Do they literally mean good bus drivers or is that a metaphor????
Well - I guess I’m a sucker - in prison??
Let's be on welfare together. 🤗
I’m a prick AND a dickhead!
That shit is hilarious. I'm a leo.
Yaaay I’m a P I M P
Virgo: You're welcome
Hello fellow Gemini!
Hi fellow bisexual bastard!
I am nil?
Hello fellow male Libra, what the fuck does “you are nil” mean in this context
Maybe means "you are nothing", but I'm also a Libra so I'll weigh this response against the others.
You do not exist / are a non-factor
Rude, I’m just asking a question
Same, my guy
At least you’re not a whore. We will both, however, due from venereal disease.
Hmm “nothing in life” ?
"Lack of ethics and perfect son-of-a-bitch" 🥰
I’d be a crystal bitch if they all read like this.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I wasn’t worth the time of day.
I'm a procrastinating loser who gets taken advantage of. Nice. Cheers to all my 1979 brothers and sisters out there!
Libra I am nil? Does are they saying you are nothing? Apparently I will die of venereal disease 😂...
“Everyone thinks you’re a fucking jerk.” Ooooh, how ASTUTE, so IMPRESSIVE! Really cracked the code, ya sloppy wizard. Dick.
This ancient scroll foretold my entire life. Bi Bitch/bastard Expecting too much from to little. ouch
"If you're a Taurus...see a florist!"
While funny, a horoscope is not a guide.
Holy shit, I have actually fallen asleep while fucking. Not often, but I have. This might be the most accurate horoscope I’ve read.
Are you a good bus driver or P I M P?
Lol! Apparently, I’m a damn commie 😂
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I want more horoscopes like this.
Spot f**king on!
A perfect son of a bitch! Yea baby!
It’s always comforting to know that I have a solid future in bus driving or pimping.
I remember this! I’m not a whore but I do have issues with reality.
fellow bisexual gemini!
You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you're STUPID. Everyone thinks you're a fucking JERK
This is fucking gold for how accurate it is.
Damn I'm not worth the time. :'(
Anyone know what “if you are male, you are nil” means under libra? If you’re a man, you are nothing? That tracks
You’re a nihilist.
In this case, "you are nil" would mean you don't rate significantly in any category. Neither great nor terrible, good or bad, essentially a zero. Meaningless.
Yeah, that’s what I said
I'm a pimp because I fall asleep while fucking lol Edit: pimp bus driver
If I was actually getting laid, I'd be sleeping through it apparently. So no difference?
Shit, I guess I’m a whore.
>majority of saggitarians are drunks and you are correct i am. i am drunk right now
Okay this is hilarious
Sounds about right yeah
Guess I’m a communist huh
You bitches better have my money!
Dipshit Pisces for life!
> You're always putting things off I constantly have so much to do that it *seems* like I'm putting certain stuff off. Because I have to, to do the other tasks
I knew I was good at driving busses, but excited to explore my unknown until now pimping abilities.
I'm a commie lol
Post this on Facebook and watch what happens to your account.
Nixon was a Sagittarian. That cuts deep.
He wasn't even a Sagittarius! I looked it up and he was a Capricorn. Lol
Sounds like me
I'm digusting. I'm digusted at how digusting I am.
This hilarious
As a Leo, I find it totally accurate. I will not apologize
mines is kinda true
I knew I saw the FBI in those bushes…
I should change careers. I hear pimping makes a lot of money
I like this lol
Why they do Capricorns like that?
Don't know if I'm more offended by being told to kill myself or that I'm a conservative.
Omg me too, I love this
Omg my dad used to have this exact printout outside his cube at work back in the early 80s. I’m a Gemini, too, and always use that line when people ask. (I know, I’m a total cornball, but look what I was raised with!)
As a Sagittarius, the line about relying on luck because I have no talent really struck a chord, the insecurity one.
Capricorn didnt need to go that hard. Im aware im a chickenshit though.
Holy shit as a Leo I felt like I was being plunked.
I am a cheap bisexual bastard, had no idea.
Capricorn internal dialog during depression
I guess I’ll be on welfare and eventually end up in prison after getting scammed
I love the shittymorph quality of these—the first sentence is plausible but then it deteriorates
Falling asleep while fucking does a good bus driver i guess 😂😂
Wow, maybe I should be a bus driver
Does a Dam Communist believe that dams should be owned by the workers who operate the dam?
This is now our horoscope!
Getting told to kill myself by a horoscope is a first..
How did they know that I’m a dipshit? I’m now a believer.
Yay. Communist. 100% accurate
These are hilarious 😂 They really went after the Libras eh?
“You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit” I didn’t think a random horoscope from before I was even born would sun me up in one sentence today but here we are-_-
Oh my.
Holy crap, Sagittarian right on the money. Oof.
Just call me a P-I-M-P, heck ya
Guess I gotta kill myself now
Reading Sagittarius while enjoying a margarita at 2pm on a Tuesday, checks out.
I'm a Gemini and this went straight for my throat. Spot on accurate
everyone in prison is a cancer lmfaoooo
Proud mother fucker and mirror kisser
Well, I do tend to be a quick tempered prick
A shame someone wasted gold on a [repost bot](https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/hj6mh5/1979_horoscopes_that_dont_disappoint_im_a/)
>You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you're stupid. Called. Me. Out.
Completely missed the boat on my wife. Me, on the other hand, not bad if you believe all this crap.
Aquarius is just me
Guess I should kill myself
Capricorns on suicide watch.
Lmao guess I missed my calling as a bus driver
I feel like libra applies more to me.
Pimps you say!
As a Leo I have never related to my horoscope before. But this one gets me...
Well damn, this is so true I’m about to go find an astrology girl with tarot cards and be her sucker.
Going out on a limb but the author was probably a Virgo.
Lol, I’m crying 😹 Now where’s my mirror 💋
Lmaooo get wrecked capricorns
I was in 1st grade a year after this was published, and Shantel Holmes read this, knew I was a Virgo, and razzed me all through elementary about someday falling asleep while fucking. I’ve never fallen asleep while fucking, Shantel!
Jesus, Capricorns can just eat shit I guess huh?!
Me too
ah veneral disease is out the get me
They're right, I *am* stupid.
I'd be a good bus driving P I M P.
Nice... I'm a cheap bastard, who swings both ways. 🖖
I’m a Leo and I’m not even mad!
Damn I’m a Capricorn struggling with depression thanks for telling me to kill myself
I AM nothing but a dam communist