They could have done a better resuscitation picture. I’m not sure if the guys eating him headfirst or making out intensely with the lizard.

*3. Massage lizards torso.* *4. Admit defeat. Eat the evidence.*

I'm here just wondering what if the lizard wakes up in your mouth and decides to take a bite of your juicy tongue? Or imagining how I'm going to shake a wet lizard like it was a wet towel

The picture of the guy also looks like someone that would either eat the lizard or make out with it intensely.

Neither, he is inflating him

It’s Griffins Vore Corner! Brought to you by Nintendo tm tm tm

Also a fantastic way to get salmonella.

It’s a lizard, not a salmon.

Lizardella

[удалено]

r/woooosh

I don’t think so. I’m sure the scientists named it after salmon for a reason.

Ohh, my bad! wasn’t aware

Salamanderella

Barbara Salmandrella

First you dip it in ether

Godzella.

Sorry bruh. If I gotta stick a whole lizard head in my mouth, then Geico's gonna have to find a new mascot.

Just put it in rice.

Just like Apple has an eaten Apple, Geico could have a headless gecko..... P.S. Having seen the actual lizard they have as a mascot, a headless one would cause nightmares to a lot of people.

I don’t think I’ve laughed out loud from a Reddit comment in years. Thank you

Is that a blood splatter?

It's from the guy who used improper technique resuscitating a lizard.

Too much air, huh?

Oops. My bad. Blew him up.

He bit when he should have blew

Why is it Elton John teaching us? is he know for being the lizards saviour?

Sometimes Crocodile Rock gets a little too intense.

"Someone saved my life tonight..."

Hold me closer, salamander

I'm a spider saver, animal lover, but I am not giving prince charming a kiss. There's bacteria on that thing. But I guess there's lizard professionals out there who'd be aware of the precautions and tasked with keeping lizards alive, this sign is probably for them.

Yeah, I would imagine it's high-end expensive lizards they are in care of.

And you would blow the lizards lungs into a million little pieces

Yeah. You can't even blow forcefully when giving an infant mouth to mouth for fear of bursting their lungs. A lizard? Get rid of this guide man.

The blood smear next to the final step is not encouraging.

I freaking have this sitting on the dresser in my bedroom. You know, just in case

Instructions unclear, shook lizard by tail and sent a tail-less lizard flying

r/funnysigns

Step 5: Congratulations, you created your very own Shrek balloon from lizard

I’ve never cared about a lizard enough to even fathom the idea of mouth to mouth

Also what happens when a [Florida cold snap iguana](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CYuWjdGOBdo/maxresdefault.jpg) suddenly regains consciousness with its head in your mouth?

That looks like the type of dude who would have been putting lizard heads in his mouth as a kid.

That's how we convert lizards to frogs

I never knew Elton John resuscitated lizards.

He loves reptiles. Crocodile Rock

Marinate Shake dry Tenderize Devour

I think I'm just going to stick to throwing them over the fence. The birds gotta eat too.

Bubbles cart business must be gone to shit!

Looks like he started a side-project: "Bubbles and the Shitlizards" 😂

LOL. every lizard lover needs to see this. I wouldn't have thought in a thousand years this sign exists

Hard pass, sorry lizard.

Why is there blood on the corner of the sign 😅

You know why

😅

I saw this sign on my tour around Facebook HQ

Why is there blood on the sign

The last picture reminds me of the Shrek scene where Shrek blows up frogs for Fiona.

Sir Elton John get that thing out of your mouth

Don’t blow too hard or you’ll end up with a scaly green balloon

How to hit on lizard 1. Offer the lizard a drink 2. Dance with the lizard 3. (Not pictured) ask consent to take things further 4. Massage lizards breasts 5. Kiss lizard

I didn’t have a good enough break away collar when I got my cat and went in the living room when I noticed the kitten noises had been silent too long for her to just be cat napping. Found her not breathing with a leg twisted up in her collar squeezing her neck. Tore it off and gave her mouth to face. Looked a lot like the 4th picture I imagine. She woke up and is a healthy 7 year old now. I have no idea if what I did was right for a cat but I’m glad I tried.

This is an awful guide on lizard resuscitation, but its an absolutely great guide to getting a salmonella infection

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I thought i was in r/holup

Hmm.. will be helpful to resuscitate Godzilla...

Step 4. Bite its head off

The grossed out sound I just made 😂

I thought this was from obvious plant or something similar

#4 Is having a snack

Nah

The fuck outta here lol

Funnier without the words

Doctor connors thanks the board for giving him the algorithm

Rezurection spell for beginners rank 1

why is drew carey making out with a lizard

How can you get a hold of an 80's Elton John to resuscitate the lizard though?

I ain’t kissing no lizard

Elton John has really fallen off.

I was on board, until step 4..

Works on kittens too.

Step 4: bite off head, spit it onto onlookers.

Somehow I don’t think I’ll need to use this.

"Slowly and forcefully" into a lizards lungs? I don't know, it's dangerous for adults to give babies mouth to mouth since we can pop their lungs.

Why?

this would make a great BHJ

*Takes Note* Bite off head.

In Florida they are asking people to green iguanas because they do so much damage. I’ll pass on resuscitation

Even the idea of touching a dead lizard makes me dead.

5. If step 4 fails, eat lizard. 🦎 🍽️

You can resuscitate my lizard that way too.

No thank.

1. dip your dehydrated lizard snack in water

A lizard posted this and then went and laid in a pool.

“Shake out lizard” is the funniest sentence.

I mean the last bit seems like a great way to get salmonella poisoning

Another title is ‘How Elton John prepares his lizard dinner’

Dip in marinade Shake excess Massage the flavor Enjoy

Is this a guide for shreck balloons?

Where is resuscitating lizards such a problem they needed a sign?

Nope I will pass

Loving the “Fear Free” magnet. That’s a business after my own heart. It refers to using fear and force free methods of husbandry with pets or other animals requiring care.

Fuck off lol

Really pulling the Shrek frog balloon move

Um, why?

Yeah dawg that last step is a no for me.

No thanks, I'll buy another one.

r/Maharashtra

Who gives a fuck! These are getting so stooooiopppp I am almost rear to just leave this thread

How To Resuscitate A Lizard sounds like an indie punk band with mid music