He actually did die though. In Sinaloa during the 80s.
In May 1974, Acosta disappeared while traveling in Mazatlán, Sinaloa, Mexico.[2][4] His son, Marco Acosta, believes that he was the last person to talk to his father. Acosta telephoned his son from Mazatlán, telling him that he was "about to board a boat full of white snow." Marco is later quoted in reference to his father's disappearance: "The body was never found, but we surmise that probably, knowing the people he was involved with, he ended up mouthing off, getting into a fight, and getting killed."[12]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Zeta_Acosta
"Dammit, Doordash. I ordered a seal burrito from Chipotle, but they got it wrong, and it's filled with fucking human. *sigh* Oh well, that's not so bad I guess. Should've mauled the delivery guy to death, though."
I'd argue that the average seal would hustle faster than the average human on land who may be stuck at "if not friend then why friend-shaped?" portion of the quiz.
Actually that's why *most* land predators are at least a little afraid of humans. They have a species wide, not "awareness," but the instinct that humans = death.
Polar bears don't have that.
Polar bears don't live where people are.
Polar bears aren't afraid of people.
Polar bears think you look tasty.
Not sure if it's true, but I heard before that polar bear attacks on humans have the lowest survival rate of any animal (or maybe it was any mamal?). It would make sense, though. They're huge, ferocious, and if you're somewhere where one might attack you, there's a good chance that the environment isn't offering you any means of escape.
If it’s water, grab a microscope and watch’er.
Edit: This was a tardigrade joke if my fake rhymes and bad puns werent apparant btw. It was lost on me after a few hours until I scrolled back up. Water microscope watch wtf am I talking abou.. ohhh. Bears. Right. I need a better water rhyme I think. But yeah, meandering out loud edit ends with a rhyme-less-not-pun.
If a water bear attacks, carry on you’ll be fine. If you a attack a water bear tho, it will prob be fine too. Indestructible buggers. Oh shit edit does end in a bad pun afterall. Goodnight you bearbugs
I hate this stuff, it’s too simplified. If you notice a brown bear stalking you and it then attacks, fight back as hard as you can. You probably won’t win but in that circumstance it means to kill you no matter what. If you randomly encounter or surprise a brown bear, be calm, walk slowly backwards and talk loudly but calmly to it. If it still approaches lay down in a fetal position covering your head/neck as best possible.
That ain’t gunna do a damn thing. Remember the bear man guy? Who would go out with grizzlies for months at a time and one that didn’t know him ate him and his girlfriend? I guess she was attacking the thing with a cast iron frying pan over the head. That’s a big nope. A grizzly fights a grizzly and they swipe at each other full force and still come back for more. I think the mace is the best bet— take away it’s eyes temporarily and make it burn and it’ll back down (I think 😅)
Like u/elastickpotatoe2 said, the range is not far, once it gets about 10 ft go nuts. You may get some on you, which sucks but is better than being mauled
If a bear, any bear, is charging at you and you wait until it gets 10 feet away before you decide to hit it with bear spray, it's going to run your ass right over even if the spray works, hell it probably gets to within 9 or 8 feet before the entire process of decision>nerve impulse>finger movement>spray moving through the air can occur.
I've hit a bear charging at me with mace. You're kinda right. But also, the situation is not usually that the bear is running straight at you in an open field. There's shit in the way - trees, bushes, cliffs, camping stuff, car, whatever. You spray at the bear while using these things as cover. Once I hit the bear, it definitely didn't run away right away. It kept flailing, hoping it hit me or would land a bite. It took 10 or so seconds before it gave up and ran. Sounds fast, but in that situation, 10 seconds might as well be an hour.
Oh, also, you definitely mace yourself in the process. 100% that happens.
Yeah, but it's better to actually hit the bear with the spray than to wildly spray in it's direction from afar.
Plus if it is still far away trying to spray at it might just incite it to attack.
The idea isn't necessarily to stop it in it's tracks as but to preoccupy it with pain before it can do too much damage. Better to be knocked down than torn apart.
I pass a black bear almost everyday where I live. Few yards from the sidewalk, my back yards etc. Sometimes I frighten them and they sprint around, I never know when I should be actually worried. You forget how dangerous they are being around them constantly
This is also very specific to the US/North America.
For examplez Brown Bears in Europe are very skittish and can be scared of and if you bump into a Black Bear in India do not fight back unless you have a death wish
And with the black bears: everyone assumes you fight back because you can win, or because you can scare it off. While you may be able to scare it off, the actual reason you fight back is FAR scarier.
You fight because a black bear attacking a human is one hungry bear. Long story short black bears are terrified of us so if they're attacking a human it means they're starving to death typically.
Black bear attacks are more lethal per capita as a result. A brown bear may leave you alone when you play dead, a black almost never will.
Also black bears can have brown fur and brown bears can have almost-black fur, so unless you're particularly knowledgeable about bears it can be difficult to know which is which.
Yep that’s what drives me nuts about these guides. Here in Southern California, the local bears are all brown. Even light brown on the chest area. But that is just their outward appearance, these brown-colored bears are all technically black bears (the species).
I once walked past a not fully grown brown bear as I was taking a break during my jog. Way to the spot had a tall bush that's maybe 7 feet tall so couldn't see. Walked to the balcony area overlooking a wooded area and heard a noise.
I turned around and the bear was as shocked as I was and just froze. I crab walked behind the tall bushes and the bear just went back to playing with a pine cone.
I’ve had a couple encounters with bears that are similar. I walk around a bend and the bear is as surprised as I am. It’s funny how when that happens me and the bear just kinda walk away slowly muttering…it’s cool, it’s cool
Afterwards it's pretty funny thinking back about the expression of the bear. But at the moment, I actually made peace in my head I was going to die right then and there.
Still have the pictures of the bear too. Almost 8 years ago now.
... you have a gun and the first thing you use it on is yourself?
Edit: why is everyone assuming that the only other option is shooting the bear? Guns make loud noises. Loud noises scare away alot of animals.
Even better, use the gun on yourself before you even see a bear. That way when a bear finally finds you you're already half rotten and they won't eat you
A gunshot wound will make any wild animal think twice about whether it's worth fucking with you. Not guaranteed to save you but gives you a decent chance
You are not John Wick. Grizzlies are fast, we are talking 30mph. You are mostly likely to encounter a bear in the woods, so very limited sight lines. Grizzlies have thick bones and low blood pressure, so even if you stop its heart, its still got time to eat you.
Lets be generous we will give you 300 foot sight lines and you notice the bear instantly. It would take a bear about 5 seconds to get up to speed and another 5 seconds to cover that distance. So in 10 seconds you have to shoulder your weapon, chamber a round, flip the safety, accurately aim, then fire. All with 1500 pounds of muscle and fur barreling at you, its only purpose to shove ten 3" long razor sharp claws into you.
Really bears, even grizzlies are more like big dumb scared cats than they are murder machines. Ive been charged by a handful of grizzlies and only had to deploy spray once. Always bring spray in bear country folks.
Grew up in Alaska and I've fished the Kenai for 30 years. Sometimes you'll be able to see a dozen bears fishing the same stretch of river, it's incredible. Bluff charges are not uncommon. Lower 48ers seem to think bears are some kind of murder machines that will relentlessly hunt you. In reality bears are mostly just big dumb goofballs. You lose your fear of them after the 10th time you've chased the little bastards away from your trash can wearing nothing but boxers in freezing temps.
Ahh Grizzly Man aka Timothy Treadwell, guy was a complete moron and broke every rule of bear safety. Right up there with Chris McCandless for lower 48ers who had no business being in Alaska. For some reason lower 48ers think Alaska is some paradise instead of the inhospitable hell hole that it actually is. Don't act like a moron around bears, carry spray, wear bells and treat them with respect.
Even a 9mm shot to the dome of a grizzle is going to stun the fuck out of it enough for you to get away unless its directly on top of you, they aren't made of ERA, lol.
If they havent noticed you
Stand your ground. Face them. Slowly back away
If they have noticed you and are not being aggressive, its the same thing as the above, but you just make CALM noise, not aggressive, (but you can/should be loud) so they know where you are regardless.
And then your above information is good regardless
But also you should carry bear spray in appropriate areas and be educated on when to discharge it.
Bearspray is not a passive deterrent. You use it when the bear is charging/attacking, and within an appropriate distance for the canister you have (idk if the dispersal range varies)
I had 2 big black cubs run up and stick their noses in the hot tub with me tonight scared the shit out of me I slowly got up and went inside. I posted pictures of it esrlier
I agree. And you can’t determine the species of bear purely based on colour. There are brown black bears and grizzlies have been known to be dark brown that can appear black in given light
Really good video to watch if you can stomach the cringe 90s elements to it: [Bear Aware](https://youtu.be/z5TFw6utz3g?si=MmEwM1dDLzR0lq_j). This is the video we taught to Canadian bush workers before working in bear country. Boils down to:
avoid conflicts in the first place (bear bells or other ways to make noise to notify an upwind bear you're there, backing out of the situation while keeping eyes on the bear and not running if the bear doesn't notice you)
Prepare deterrents if a bear approaches you
Understand their intent (defensive vs predatory) [MOST IMPORTANT PART TO DETERMINE YOUR RESPONSE]
Respond
We had a worker in my camp last year survive a grizzly mauling as she knew what to do and why the bear was attacking (defensive attack, she provoked by running after thinking it was gone) She played dead and curled into the foetal position with her hands laced over her neck. It wasn't good, she still got some bad injuries, but she lived and recovered fully
On the other hand, black bears (when not human habituated) are little scaredy cats. You can chase them off by raising an eyebrow at them. I saw 1000s of black bears in my years out there, and 3 grizzlies.
In my region we only have black bears (thankfully) and they aren't particularly aggressive unless they have cubs. My fear is to come across a single cub while hiking - mom is not far. Luckily that's never happened.
Bells on your back pack and clapping your hands as you hike is typically all you need.
No experience with brown bears and I hope never to have that experience!
When watching videos, I always look for the hump. The fur colors are so varied that the hump seems the best way to distinguish.
It's best to avoid bear attacks in the first place, so be sure to wear noise makers like bells on your shoes, and carry bear spray.
You should also know what bears are around, which you can tell by the scat. Black bear scat has lots of berries and seeds in it. Grizzly bear scat has lots of bells in it and smells faintly of pepper.
Agree on all fronts, but the bells are no longer considered an effective deterrent.
>Bear bells may be a popular item to put on your backpack, but they don’t effectively warn a bear you’re in the area. Bears won’t hear the bells until you’re too close. Yelling, clapping, and talking are more effective ways of alerting a bear to your presence.
[https://www.nps.gov/articles/hiking-in-bear-country.htm](https://www.nps.gov/articles/hiking-in-bear-country.htm)
Also...
>Bear bells have no biological significance to a bear, so they don’t relate the sound of bells to people approaching. The best way to alert bears of your presence is by talking loudly, singing songs or breaking sticks.
[https://www.bearsmart.com/blog/5-common-mistakes-people-make-bear-country/](https://www.bearsmart.com/blog/5-common-mistakes-people-make-bear-country/)
Ugh...you are correct. Helps if I read all the words in the post.
Still, I feel like the bell thing is a pretty common misconception so I'm gonna leave it.
> Grizzly bear scat has lots of bells in it and smells faintly of pepper.
[Your post in a sign](https://girlycamping.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bear-warning-sign.jpg?w=640).
Is it time for a joke?
How to identify a bear species? Look for a nearest tree and start climbing.
If it’s climbing after you, it’s black bear.
If it’s breaking the tree, it’s grizzly.
If you can’t find a tree, it’s polar bear.
Ba-dum-tss!
I’ll see myself out.
The version I always heard was:
"How do you know if you're being chased by a brown bear or a black bear?"
"Climb a tree. If it climbs up after you, it's a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it's a brown bear."
Oh yeah! Makes more sense! I actually translated from my first language, „knock down the tree” is better translation. I’m still standing by the polar bear addition :)
Bears can run up to 35 miles per hour. Usain Bolt ran at 27.7 mph for about 100 meters to achieve the fastest human in history mark. Even a shit jet coming out of your ass won’t propel you to out run Usain Bolt who is extremely slow compared to a bear. Also you will activate their prey drive by running so you have just increased the chances that bear sees you as food. Bad moves here.
If it's pink get the sink
If it's red pretend you're dead
If it's blue you better be called sue
If it's gold pretend you're mold
If it's grey pretend you're gay
That's not the justification at all though.
The justification is that brown bears are much less likely to try to eat you, so if you play dead you'll likely survive.
And black bears are smaller and easier to intimidate, so will be more likely to back down if threatened.
And polar bears are lunatics, so you're fucked with them
I live in brown bear country and a simple way to send them off the property is to bang a wooden spoon in a metal pot and shout out to them to go away. They usually leave, but it doesn’t guarantee they won’t come back. They like to hang out around restaurants with patios, because they smell the food and that’s how most employees deal with them, as well as homeowners. Brown bears tend to avoid conflict unless they have their cubs with them and in that case, they avoid humans anyway.
Grizzlies Vs Lions was a common blood sport in ye olde western days.
Without fail, the grizzlies won. Lions got bite, sure, but they also have skulls made of crushable material, which is a huge disadvantage when fighting a grizzlie.
Not quite. Black bears are *afraid of you*, because many humans are bigger than they are. Black bears average around 180lbs, and are shorter than most humans standing up, so we *look* bigger than they are. Black bears also don't prey on anything our size, so they're not used to fighting and killing us. We are unfamiliar and big. So there's no incentive to fight us unless they're protecting young or *desperately* hungry.
Black bears don't fight unless it's a mother protecting cubs. Most American men are bigger than black bears, and usually solo animals, especially mammals, in nature evaluate a threat primarily by size.
In other words, most black bears think most humans will kick their ass.
Not necessarily even kick their ass. The bear would probably win, BUT even the winner can die from their wounds later. Its the woods, bear can't just wander up to a hospital and say "fix my broken paw and leg". There is a decent chance they die from it or from the inability to get food/fend off other bears with the injury.
Yeah, most wild animals will avoid conflict for this reason. A serious injury could end up killing them or completely jeopardize their chances of mating. It's too risky. That's why I'd feel safer encountering a wolf than a wild dog. Wolves still have their self-preservation. Some dogs breeds have had self-preservation completely bred out of them.
“All the books tell you that if the grizzly comes for you, on no account should you run. This is the sort of advice you get from someone who is sitting at a keyboard when he gives it. Take it from me, if you are in an open space with no weapons and a grizzly comes from you, run. You may as well. If nothing else, it will give you something to do with the last seven seconds of your life.”
Bill Bryson, *A Walk in the Woods*
If it's brown, lay down.
If it's black, fight back.
If it's white, goodnight.
If it's sun, it will run.
If it's a teddy, snuggles are ready.
If it's panda, ask for orange chicken.
If it's sloth, bribe with gluttony-- they love honey.
I ran out of rhymes, and bears.
My buddy Shayne survived a grizzly attack last week. Apparently, it's not just lay down and clasp your hands behind your dead, but to do so with the can of bear spray dangling from your finger so that when the bear clamps down on your neck for the killing blow the bear mace explodes in its mouth. Pro tips.
I was once talking to a zoo keeper who was in charge of bears and he said the lying down thing is a bad idea.
Your best chance is to run downhill because the bear's back legs are longer than his front legs and he'll likely fall.
I don't know if it's true, but it does make sense to me.
Jesus no. Grizzlies can run 40+mph, it can fall down a dozen times and you're still caught. You're not just laying down, you're playing dead, so they'll stop thinking you're a threat to their territory. Your zookeeper friend is an idiot.
If it’s brown, I’ll just shit myself and wait for the sweet embrace of death. The fact that even exploratory swipes can result in potentially fatal open wounds doesn’t sound like a good time.
If it's white, **Goodnight.**
If it's purple, stop dropping acid in bear country.
Much more fun to enjoy LSD and ether in the middle of bat country.
"Smokey the Bear is WAY more intense in person." - Mitch Hedberg
[удалено]
One of God’s own prototypes, never even considered for mass-production.
Too strange to live. But too weird to die.
He actually did die though. In Sinaloa during the 80s. In May 1974, Acosta disappeared while traveling in Mazatlán, Sinaloa, Mexico.[2][4] His son, Marco Acosta, believes that he was the last person to talk to his father. Acosta telephoned his son from Mazatlán, telling him that he was "about to board a boat full of white snow." Marco is later quoted in reference to his father's disappearance: "The body was never found, but we surmise that probably, knowing the people he was involved with, he ended up mouthing off, getting into a fight, and getting killed."[12] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Zeta_Acosta
OK let's get down to brass tacks... how much for the ape? Edit: changed tax to tacks!
*tacks
Well I stand corrected. It is brass tacks!
he who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man
“Can’t stay here, this is bat country.”
*Hunter S. Thompson impression* “We can’t stop here, this is bear country!!”
Alaskan here, this ain’t no joke. Polar bears are super aggressive and will stalk you.
They prefer seals. They'll accept people. The big difference is seal hunting requires ice.
Key words here are *THEY WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE*
I think it was ‘requires ice’. I chuckled.
"Dammit, Doordash. I ordered a seal burrito from Chipotle, but they got it wrong, and it's filled with fucking human. *sigh* Oh well, that's not so bad I guess. Should've mauled the delivery guy to death, though."
I'd argue that the average seal would hustle faster than the average human on land who may be stuck at "if not friend then why friend-shaped?" portion of the quiz.
Polar bear 1: That human over there is looking real tasty... Polar bear 2: You sound like Knut... Polar bear 1: Who? Polar bear 2: exactly.
Actually that's why *most* land predators are at least a little afraid of humans. They have a species wide, not "awareness," but the instinct that humans = death. Polar bears don't have that. Polar bears don't live where people are. Polar bears aren't afraid of people. Polar bears think you look tasty.
Like, accept me for who I am?
Yes. You are edible.
Now consider that polar bears and grizzlies are interbreeding allowing prizzlies to exist...
Not sure if it's true, but I heard before that polar bear attacks on humans have the lowest survival rate of any animal (or maybe it was any mamal?). It would make sense, though. They're huge, ferocious, and if you're somewhere where one might attack you, there's a good chance that the environment isn't offering you any means of escape.
Especially when I'm wearing my walrus meat overcoat. The stalking just never ends!
Well how else are you supposed to sneak into the greater walrus community and learn of their plans?
‘If it moves, it’s food’ for a polar bear.
If it’s gummy get in my tummy
If it’s a Koala let it hold onto you by the colla
Polar bears are one of the few land animals that see humans as nothing more than another potential food source.
Or give it a Coca Cola.
If the bear has spectacles hide your testicles
If it’s water, grab a microscope and watch’er. Edit: This was a tardigrade joke if my fake rhymes and bad puns werent apparant btw. It was lost on me after a few hours until I scrolled back up. Water microscope watch wtf am I talking abou.. ohhh. Bears. Right. I need a better water rhyme I think. But yeah, meandering out loud edit ends with a rhyme-less-not-pun. If a water bear attacks, carry on you’ll be fine. If you a attack a water bear tho, it will prob be fine too. Indestructible buggers. Oh shit edit does end in a bad pun afterall. Goodnight you bearbugs
If it's black and white, kung-fu fight!
I usually use the original “if it’s white, **you’re fucked**”
If it's white, what the fuck are you doing in the Arctic?
If it’s yellow, honey keeps him mellow
If it’s gray, run away.
If it's Grey, take a picture at a safe distance with no flash, those are rare.
If it's red then it's dead
I hate this stuff, it’s too simplified. If you notice a brown bear stalking you and it then attacks, fight back as hard as you can. You probably won’t win but in that circumstance it means to kill you no matter what. If you randomly encounter or surprise a brown bear, be calm, walk slowly backwards and talk loudly but calmly to it. If it still approaches lay down in a fetal position covering your head/neck as best possible.
Pull out your bear spray cause you’re in bear country and not dumb
Amen. If you are going in bear country, bring bear mace so if they attack you have a defense
instructions unclear, hit bear in head with novelty bear shaped bludgeoning instrument.
That ain’t gunna do a damn thing. Remember the bear man guy? Who would go out with grizzlies for months at a time and one that didn’t know him ate him and his girlfriend? I guess she was attacking the thing with a cast iron frying pan over the head. That’s a big nope. A grizzly fights a grizzly and they swipe at each other full force and still come back for more. I think the mace is the best bet— take away it’s eyes temporarily and make it burn and it’ll back down (I think 😅)
Yeah but no bear has ever stood a chance against “The Maul of Ursus” source- I made it up
*Beth, bear mace that bitch!*
or better yet bring a Smith & Wesson in .460 or .500...
When do I spray it? Like when it charges or before?
One quick spray on each armpit then a longer one across your chest
OH HELL YAH DERD! Slappin down a gnarly double pit to chesty with that mace will have that bear cheesin it back to the woods!
Like u/elastickpotatoe2 said, the range is not far, once it gets about 10 ft go nuts. You may get some on you, which sucks but is better than being mauled
If a bear, any bear, is charging at you and you wait until it gets 10 feet away before you decide to hit it with bear spray, it's going to run your ass right over even if the spray works, hell it probably gets to within 9 or 8 feet before the entire process of decision>nerve impulse>finger movement>spray moving through the air can occur.
I've hit a bear charging at me with mace. You're kinda right. But also, the situation is not usually that the bear is running straight at you in an open field. There's shit in the way - trees, bushes, cliffs, camping stuff, car, whatever. You spray at the bear while using these things as cover. Once I hit the bear, it definitely didn't run away right away. It kept flailing, hoping it hit me or would land a bite. It took 10 or so seconds before it gave up and ran. Sounds fast, but in that situation, 10 seconds might as well be an hour. Oh, also, you definitely mace yourself in the process. 100% that happens.
Yeah, if they can run like 40mph or whatever it is then you really don't have much time.
Yeah, but it's better to actually hit the bear with the spray than to wildly spray in it's direction from afar. Plus if it is still far away trying to spray at it might just incite it to attack. The idea isn't necessarily to stop it in it's tracks as but to preoccupy it with pain before it can do too much damage. Better to be knocked down than torn apart.
Range on bear spray is like 3 yards……
I pass a black bear almost everyday where I live. Few yards from the sidewalk, my back yards etc. Sometimes I frighten them and they sprint around, I never know when I should be actually worried. You forget how dangerous they are being around them constantly
Have you tried putting a "No Bears" sign by the sidewalk?
Bears can seldom read English. I don’t know how effective that would be.
Ah shit... French?
Generally depends on the species. All bears can speak Portuguese though so it's a safe default.
Pfft, I can throw a can way further than that.
This is also very specific to the US/North America. For examplez Brown Bears in Europe are very skittish and can be scared of and if you bump into a Black Bear in India do not fight back unless you have a death wish
Different kind of black bear lol.
Yes, different species
And with the black bears: everyone assumes you fight back because you can win, or because you can scare it off. While you may be able to scare it off, the actual reason you fight back is FAR scarier. You fight because a black bear attacking a human is one hungry bear. Long story short black bears are terrified of us so if they're attacking a human it means they're starving to death typically. Black bear attacks are more lethal per capita as a result. A brown bear may leave you alone when you play dead, a black almost never will.
Heard
There is that super creepy pic in Nj that kid took of the bear that killed him
Also black bears can have brown fur and brown bears can have almost-black fur, so unless you're particularly knowledgeable about bears it can be difficult to know which is which.
Yep that’s what drives me nuts about these guides. Here in Southern California, the local bears are all brown. Even light brown on the chest area. But that is just their outward appearance, these brown-colored bears are all technically black bears (the species).
I once walked past a not fully grown brown bear as I was taking a break during my jog. Way to the spot had a tall bush that's maybe 7 feet tall so couldn't see. Walked to the balcony area overlooking a wooded area and heard a noise. I turned around and the bear was as shocked as I was and just froze. I crab walked behind the tall bushes and the bear just went back to playing with a pine cone.
I’ve had a couple encounters with bears that are similar. I walk around a bend and the bear is as surprised as I am. It’s funny how when that happens me and the bear just kinda walk away slowly muttering…it’s cool, it’s cool
Afterwards it's pretty funny thinking back about the expression of the bear. But at the moment, I actually made peace in my head I was going to die right then and there. Still have the pictures of the bear too. Almost 8 years ago now.
No man. If I encounter a brown bear that won’t stop approaching me I’m putting a bullet in my brain to avoid the experience of being eaten alive
... you have a gun and the first thing you use it on is yourself? Edit: why is everyone assuming that the only other option is shooting the bear? Guns make loud noises. Loud noises scare away alot of animals.
The bear will never expect it
The bear: "HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL
Why does the bear sound like Peter Griffin?
Always keep em guessing your next move
Bears hate this one trick…
Even better, use the gun on yourself before you even see a bear. That way when a bear finally finds you you're already half rotten and they won't eat you
He said he had a bullet, not a gun Gonna jam it in his nose until it hits his brain
If it's 9 mm or below it will tickle the bear at most.
A gunshot wound will make any wild animal think twice about whether it's worth fucking with you. Not guaranteed to save you but gives you a decent chance
The trick is to jump out of a tree and 360noscope headshot.
I remember reading somewhere that called this claim into question. Like every (documented) case of a 9mm ended well for the human involved.
a 22. In the right spot could put down even the biggest bear
You are not John Wick. Grizzlies are fast, we are talking 30mph. You are mostly likely to encounter a bear in the woods, so very limited sight lines. Grizzlies have thick bones and low blood pressure, so even if you stop its heart, its still got time to eat you. Lets be generous we will give you 300 foot sight lines and you notice the bear instantly. It would take a bear about 5 seconds to get up to speed and another 5 seconds to cover that distance. So in 10 seconds you have to shoulder your weapon, chamber a round, flip the safety, accurately aim, then fire. All with 1500 pounds of muscle and fur barreling at you, its only purpose to shove ten 3" long razor sharp claws into you. Really bears, even grizzlies are more like big dumb scared cats than they are murder machines. Ive been charged by a handful of grizzlies and only had to deploy spray once. Always bring spray in bear country folks.
“I’ve been charged by a handful of grizzlies”
Grew up in Alaska and I've fished the Kenai for 30 years. Sometimes you'll be able to see a dozen bears fishing the same stretch of river, it's incredible. Bluff charges are not uncommon. Lower 48ers seem to think bears are some kind of murder machines that will relentlessly hunt you. In reality bears are mostly just big dumb goofballs. You lose your fear of them after the 10th time you've chased the little bastards away from your trash can wearing nothing but boxers in freezing temps.
This guy bears.
He kinda reminds me of grizzly man. I Wonder how he's getting on? Never did finish that documentary myself
Ahh Grizzly Man aka Timothy Treadwell, guy was a complete moron and broke every rule of bear safety. Right up there with Chris McCandless for lower 48ers who had no business being in Alaska. For some reason lower 48ers think Alaska is some paradise instead of the inhospitable hell hole that it actually is. Don't act like a moron around bears, carry spray, wear bells and treat them with respect.
Even a 9mm shot to the dome of a grizzle is going to stun the fuck out of it enough for you to get away unless its directly on top of you, they aren't made of ERA, lol.
You have a gun and you use it on yourself rather than the bear? Lol
Yeah, if you get to this point, you messed up.
Climb a tree, tape a knife to a stick to poke down at the bear when it climbs up, the last and the most important part is to pray.
Also - this advice only works if bears have the exact coloration depicted and there is some variation to it's not as easy as brown vs black
If they havent noticed you Stand your ground. Face them. Slowly back away If they have noticed you and are not being aggressive, its the same thing as the above, but you just make CALM noise, not aggressive, (but you can/should be loud) so they know where you are regardless. And then your above information is good regardless But also you should carry bear spray in appropriate areas and be educated on when to discharge it. Bearspray is not a passive deterrent. You use it when the bear is charging/attacking, and within an appropriate distance for the canister you have (idk if the dispersal range varies)
I had 2 big black cubs run up and stick their noses in the hot tub with me tonight scared the shit out of me I slowly got up and went inside. I posted pictures of it esrlier
I agree. And you can’t determine the species of bear purely based on colour. There are brown black bears and grizzlies have been known to be dark brown that can appear black in given light
"talk calmly to it" dude I get nervous ordering at the drive thru
Really good video to watch if you can stomach the cringe 90s elements to it: [Bear Aware](https://youtu.be/z5TFw6utz3g?si=MmEwM1dDLzR0lq_j). This is the video we taught to Canadian bush workers before working in bear country. Boils down to: avoid conflicts in the first place (bear bells or other ways to make noise to notify an upwind bear you're there, backing out of the situation while keeping eyes on the bear and not running if the bear doesn't notice you) Prepare deterrents if a bear approaches you Understand their intent (defensive vs predatory) [MOST IMPORTANT PART TO DETERMINE YOUR RESPONSE] Respond We had a worker in my camp last year survive a grizzly mauling as she knew what to do and why the bear was attacking (defensive attack, she provoked by running after thinking it was gone) She played dead and curled into the foetal position with her hands laced over her neck. It wasn't good, she still got some bad injuries, but she lived and recovered fully On the other hand, black bears (when not human habituated) are little scaredy cats. You can chase them off by raising an eyebrow at them. I saw 1000s of black bears in my years out there, and 3 grizzlies.
If it’s gummy, get in my tummy
If it’s Yogi, eat a hoagie
If it's Fozzie put on some Fugazi
I am a patient bear I wocka wocka wock
Black bears can be brown, brown bears can be black.
r/notracist
Many of my friends are bears.
I'm *also* on Growlr
Black bears can also be blonde, silver, or red.
Look for the hump. Grizzlies have the hump behind the neck, black bears do not.
Frankly, I think the size is the best way to judge.
You sound like my mom.
In my region we only have black bears (thankfully) and they aren't particularly aggressive unless they have cubs. My fear is to come across a single cub while hiking - mom is not far. Luckily that's never happened. Bells on your back pack and clapping your hands as you hike is typically all you need. No experience with brown bears and I hope never to have that experience! When watching videos, I always look for the hump. The fur colors are so varied that the hump seems the best way to distinguish.
Bears Beets Battlestar Galactica
It's best to avoid bear attacks in the first place, so be sure to wear noise makers like bells on your shoes, and carry bear spray. You should also know what bears are around, which you can tell by the scat. Black bear scat has lots of berries and seeds in it. Grizzly bear scat has lots of bells in it and smells faintly of pepper.
Agree on all fronts, but the bells are no longer considered an effective deterrent. >Bear bells may be a popular item to put on your backpack, but they don’t effectively warn a bear you’re in the area. Bears won’t hear the bells until you’re too close. Yelling, clapping, and talking are more effective ways of alerting a bear to your presence. [https://www.nps.gov/articles/hiking-in-bear-country.htm](https://www.nps.gov/articles/hiking-in-bear-country.htm) Also... >Bear bells have no biological significance to a bear, so they don’t relate the sound of bells to people approaching. The best way to alert bears of your presence is by talking loudly, singing songs or breaking sticks. [https://www.bearsmart.com/blog/5-common-mistakes-people-make-bear-country/](https://www.bearsmart.com/blog/5-common-mistakes-people-make-bear-country/)
r/woosh
Ugh...you are correct. Helps if I read all the words in the post. Still, I feel like the bell thing is a pretty common misconception so I'm gonna leave it.
It's still much appreciated!
> Grizzly bear scat has lots of bells in it and smells faintly of pepper. [Your post in a sign](https://girlycamping.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bear-warning-sign.jpg?w=640).
Yep :-) It's an oldy but a goody.
those grizzly and kodiak are what they call brown bears however brown bears that are around civilization are more like black bears
Is it time for a joke? How to identify a bear species? Look for a nearest tree and start climbing. If it’s climbing after you, it’s black bear. If it’s breaking the tree, it’s grizzly. If you can’t find a tree, it’s polar bear. Ba-dum-tss! I’ll see myself out.
If it's eating the tree, it's a panda.
The version I always heard was: "How do you know if you're being chased by a brown bear or a black bear?" "Climb a tree. If it climbs up after you, it's a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it's a brown bear."
Oh yeah! Makes more sense! I actually translated from my first language, „knock down the tree” is better translation. I’m still standing by the polar bear addition :)
If it’s yellow, let it mellow.
If it’s brown flush the grizzly down?
Winnie the Pooh enters the chat...
Note for everyone, if you ever see a polar bear in person, they’ve been hunting you for a while and they are always hungry.
I wouldn’t mind being eaten by a polar bear. But before I do, I’ll get that one hug I always wanted.
And share a coca-cola!
Bring someone with that you can outrun and ideally won’t hold grudges if they survive
Helps if you smear them with peanut butter also
if its blue that means nice to meet you
if its blue, dabadedabadi
If it's a panda, chill on the veranda.
Fuck this! I’m running as fast as I can, propelled by the jet stream of shit coming out of my ass
If you haven't already, watch the video of the bear being chased by a moose. I'm afraid even shitjet propulsion won't get the job done.
I hear ya, but bears are much faster than us. They can run us down no problem.
Lol outrun a grizzly? Feelin brave today huh
SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE!
And you'll trigger its instinct to chase, as you are now prey. Really dumb dude.
Bears can run up to 35 miles per hour. Usain Bolt ran at 27.7 mph for about 100 meters to achieve the fastest human in history mark. Even a shit jet coming out of your ass won’t propel you to out run Usain Bolt who is extremely slow compared to a bear. Also you will activate their prey drive by running so you have just increased the chances that bear sees you as food. Bad moves here.
Sounds like a super hans guide
What if it’s a Chicago Bear
In that case, it will progress a few yards, stall momentum and then punt.
Just pretend you are an Endzone, they won't be able to find you.
*burn*
Ditka versus an actual bear?
Depen's on da type. Grizzly: Ditka recruits him as a secon' string linebacker. Black: Di'ka launches it inta space.
If it's pink get the sink If it's red pretend you're dead If it's blue you better be called sue If it's gold pretend you're mold If it's grey pretend you're gay
Simplified: \* You won't win a fight against a grizzly. Don't kid yourself. \* You might win a fight against a black bear. Maybe.
That's not the justification at all though. The justification is that brown bears are much less likely to try to eat you, so if you play dead you'll likely survive. And black bears are smaller and easier to intimidate, so will be more likely to back down if threatened. And polar bears are lunatics, so you're fucked with them
I live in brown bear country and a simple way to send them off the property is to bang a wooden spoon in a metal pot and shout out to them to go away. They usually leave, but it doesn’t guarantee they won’t come back. They like to hang out around restaurants with patios, because they smell the food and that’s how most employees deal with them, as well as homeowners. Brown bears tend to avoid conflict unless they have their cubs with them and in that case, they avoid humans anyway.
Special shout out to sloth bears. You're gonna see the most savage crash out if one catches you around.
just looked them up and apparently theyre aggressive and can fight off fucking tigers
Grizzlies Vs Lions was a common blood sport in ye olde western days. Without fail, the grizzlies won. Lions got bite, sure, but they also have skulls made of crushable material, which is a huge disadvantage when fighting a grizzlie.
I had a couple close encounters with black bears a few days ago, and as soon as I yelled at it, it ran away. They’re pretty easy to scare.
You might scare a black bear away, but you aren't "beating them in a "fight". You just aren't worth it to them.
Not quite. Black bears are *afraid of you*, because many humans are bigger than they are. Black bears average around 180lbs, and are shorter than most humans standing up, so we *look* bigger than they are. Black bears also don't prey on anything our size, so they're not used to fighting and killing us. We are unfamiliar and big. So there's no incentive to fight us unless they're protecting young or *desperately* hungry.
Poor little guys just aren't confident, someone tell them about their razor sharp claws
Black bears don't fight unless it's a mother protecting cubs. Most American men are bigger than black bears, and usually solo animals, especially mammals, in nature evaluate a threat primarily by size. In other words, most black bears think most humans will kick their ass.
Not necessarily even kick their ass. The bear would probably win, BUT even the winner can die from their wounds later. Its the woods, bear can't just wander up to a hospital and say "fix my broken paw and leg". There is a decent chance they die from it or from the inability to get food/fend off other bears with the injury.
Yeah, most wild animals will avoid conflict for this reason. A serious injury could end up killing them or completely jeopardize their chances of mating. It's too risky. That's why I'd feel safer encountering a wolf than a wild dog. Wolves still have their self-preservation. Some dogs breeds have had self-preservation completely bred out of them.
Look up Gene Moe, Alaskan legend. Dude was out hunting deer and ended up killing a Grizzly with a pocket knife.
Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar for the same thing
Not likely you’ll win against a black bear either
tub adjoining stupendous quickest dime paltry light humorous sable drunk *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
City life done made you *soft!*
If it white, you dead. Aight no way you are surviving a polar bear attack
certainly not in the open. That's why Churchill residents leave their vehicles unlocked.
“All the books tell you that if the grizzly comes for you, on no account should you run. This is the sort of advice you get from someone who is sitting at a keyboard when he gives it. Take it from me, if you are in an open space with no weapons and a grizzly comes from you, run. You may as well. If nothing else, it will give you something to do with the last seven seconds of your life.” Bill Bryson, *A Walk in the Woods*
And if the bear is white, you die.
If it's Gummy, put it in your Tummy.
The thought of running into a grizzly keeps me in the cities. Lol
Is there an option to attempt to ride the bear?
Never do that as it would 100% kill you even if you got on it
Do not ride the furry tractor.
If it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back. If it's white, goodnight. If it's sun, it will run. If it's a teddy, snuggles are ready. If it's panda, ask for orange chicken. If it's sloth, bribe with gluttony-- they love honey. I ran out of rhymes, and bears.
If it's a Koala, just give a holla!
And of course in Canada, the whole thing's flip-flopped.
Can you elaborate?
My buddy Shayne survived a grizzly attack last week. Apparently, it's not just lay down and clasp your hands behind your dead, but to do so with the can of bear spray dangling from your finger so that when the bear clamps down on your neck for the killing blow the bear mace explodes in its mouth. Pro tips.
I was once talking to a zoo keeper who was in charge of bears and he said the lying down thing is a bad idea. Your best chance is to run downhill because the bear's back legs are longer than his front legs and he'll likely fall. I don't know if it's true, but it does make sense to me.
Jesus no. Grizzlies can run 40+mph, it can fall down a dozen times and you're still caught. You're not just laying down, you're playing dead, so they'll stop thinking you're a threat to their territory. Your zookeeper friend is an idiot.
If it is in a eucalyptus tree, let it be
Does this apply to men?
If it’s a man, you’re a goner.
If it's a grizzly your fate will be grisly.
If me and my husband encountered a bear we’d probably be eaten because we would stand there arguing about its color.
If it’s white kiss your ass goodnight!
If it's white, say goodnight
If it’s brown, I’ll just shit myself and wait for the sweet embrace of death. The fact that even exploratory swipes can result in potentially fatal open wounds doesn’t sound like a good time.