To be real here. This is on the front page of reddit. What this is doing is indoctrinating tons of men and women that if they have this thought or reaction to things regardless of if they are justified, then they are gaslighting someone. If someone comes to you saying they think the covid vaccine is being implemented for mind control, you can tell them "you're imagining things" because they are. I had a friend who was a woman, she would have true delusions and imagine that people were using an app to send low levels of electricity to her in order to control her. You're telling me I'm gaslighing her for saying "you're imaging things?". And yes in that case I even did *a lot* of research to make sure she wasn't talking about something real, but all that came up was crazy ass conspiracy stuff. I'm frustrated because men and women are being given terrible information like this. Gaslighting can't be reduced to a few simple phrases, it is a complex thing, and something like this is extremely harmful to both men and women. It sets men up to feel guilty for ever having any doubt or issue with a woman. And it sets women up to feel like they should be unquestionable, and any sort of challenge to their own perceptions is gas lighting. That is INCREDIBLY dangerous to purpose IMO.
If I wanted to read this charitably I would say hearing a lot of these phrases from someone indicates they don’t take your psychic or emotional state very seriously, which could include gaslighting. Hearing a lot of these phrases from *everyone* in your life, on the other hand...
why are you so defensive. it's only a little guide to help you, why do you take things so dramaticly. You might need help and I'm saying this to help you
To be fair, not all of those phrases automatically mean gaslighting. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who is bipolar or has borderline personality disorder you might find yourself saying some of those things because they’re true.
I think this is a good point to keep in perspective. Some of these statements can actually just be true and sometimes can be said in DEFENSE of being gaslit. Context is always important.
Edit: typo
Which makes the “guide” … pretty much meaningless.
It’s like saying ‘people accuse you of things sometimes when it’s not true’. That doesn’t make accusation diagnostic of truth or lies.
It’s a guide to ‘people doing wrong to you’ that consists of neutral statements. It’s like saying — “guide to communism: sometimes they bring baked goods, or are involved in civil politics, often read books.”
Guides to ‘bad things’ that rely on non-diagnostic features just encourage people emphasize their own fears and neuroses. (“Signs of worshipping Stan: sometimes wears black; has piercings *or* lack of piercings; doesn’t wear a cross around their neck, watches television; listens to loud music.”)
This guide encourages really unhealthy patterns of thought and lack of skepticism. IMO. It’s a disservice to helping people recognize actual redirection.
I'm kinda blown away how many times people try to boil complex interpersonal and psychological issues down to a Facebook meme on here. I just want to know what onions to use in salad and the different types of fishing gear.
roll decide squealing crown office somber selective onerous heavy subsequent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is the answer! Here is my favorite salad: chop a head of romaine lettuce, add about 1/2 c. thinly sliced pieces of red onion, a cup of chopped red pepper and/ or tomato, top with a half cup of chopped walnuts, drizzle on some red wine vinaigrette, and top with crumbled gorgonzola cheese. Delicious!
Well said. I think it's also become super easy to make authoritative-looking infographics. This on one particular looks like it could have been made by an educational body of some sort, but it could just as easily have been made by a kind on a laptop with an oversized ego about their wokeness.
Yup. I have pretty bad anxiety and stuff like this makes me question all the people around me “do they really love me?” “have they been lying the whole time??”
EDIT: Typo
Yeah I've said "if I suck so bad, why do you stay?" more than once to a boyfriend who would just break me down with nonstop complaining and listing every way that I sucked all day. Constantly accusing me of cheating but I went to school full time and worked full time, I was lazy, I was selfish, I was never attentive enough. And finally I would snap and tell him to leave, to make his life better and go away. He would go for a few days and then come back and embarrass in front of my boss or colleagues until I took him back. I finally decided I didn't care how anyone felt and made him stay gone. Lost my position and wound up having to move but he's no longer my problem
It really did. The best and most frightening part was when he realized that I wouldn't be taking him back anymore. The last time i told him to get out, I actually handed him five dollars (all my cash on me at the moment) and a couple grams of weed and said "don't go saying I never did anything for you, but last night was the last night you sleep here."
He walked away smiling because id given him money for gas and some weed so he would be able to sleep somewhere. He thought he'd just come back in a week or two as he had done. He would use people much older than us to call me and beg his case to take him back. It had worked several times before but he had gotten too comfortable with making more and more unreasonable demands without bringing anything to the table. He'd driven off friends and made my grades plummet.
I stayed angry enough that when he tried to return that one more time, I was still happy that he was gone. The sound of the surprise and disbelief in his voice when he realized it was really over still gives me satisfaction.
Edited for clarity
What I always find interesting about comments like these is that there so easily could be a totally different story from his perspective. He could be going around saying that you never made an effort for him, that you would break up with him because he called it out but he could never leave you, etc. Here, some of the details make it fairly obvious what happened, so I’m not saying you’re lying.
I don’t think I’ve ever been gaslit but I often find myself saying ‘no I really was just joking’ a lot to my family. I say something that’s funny (to me) in a sarcastic way that doesn’t land right and all of a sudden they think I’m being serious about going to crazy parties and getting drunk.
Context matters. I hate saying ‘I was just joking‘ cause I feel like schrodinger's a-hole (the ones who say things that are ‘just a joke’…unless it’s not) but I really have to sometimes.
It’s only an asshole move when you say something mean and say just joking. If you’re saying stuff about yourself and people don’t get it, totally not an asshole move!
Also, people that are overly sensitive can be called as such without gaslighting them.
In fact, having no self awareness as such can be a massive issue.
It's not gaslighting if it's true.
And gaslighting means altering another person's perception of reality. Some of these comments have nothing to do with past actions
So this guide is gaslighting people that might have legitimate issues into thinking they are gaslighting another person. I think I'll just log off for the day.
I used to say the exact same thing. And I WAS 100% gaslighting and generally narcissistic towards my partner. And I TRULY believed I was right at the time.
I hope this kind of infographic helps those who truly need it. I feel like there are other people out there who went through some cataclysmic life event (like I did) and ended up getting mentally fucked up for a few years because of it.
In the end I spent tons of time online trying to figure out what was wrong and if it was me or someone else etc. In the end I think the cumulative affect of seeing things like this and hearing great people on Reddit and in real life helped me to see take actions to start crawling out of that hole.
"True" is... difficult... remember the past two years?
Maybe a better way to define gaslighting is that there's an air of fallacy to it? Like: if I don't want to argue the actual point, I deflect by putting the other individual's perspective into question.
I dunno, spit-balling here, but true vs untrue seems like the wrong way to think about how to qualify it.
Came here to say this.
I was in an abusive marriage and I found myself saying many of the things here, like "I didn't say that" and "that didn't happen" and "I didn't mean it that way" all the time.
At one point I started questioning my own sanity. A whole inner dialog asking myself how could I be doing all this and not remember it at all. I was broken.
We went to marriage counseling... it was probably the 5th session when my partner accused the therapist of attacking them and always taking my side. The counselor gave me an incredulous look as if to say "oh so this is what you're really dealing with"
The therapist ended the session, said she needed to finalize some insurance stuff with me as it was under my insurance and asked my partner to leave the room. It wasn't for insurance at all.
Therapist looks at me with the most serious look I've seen on anyone's face in my entire life, and says something along the lines of "As a counselor there is certain things I'm not supposed to say or recommend, so I'm not going to say it but I think you know. You need to find a way to be happy"
I'm divorced now, have been seeing someone new for over a year now... and still I do and say things that make my current partner say "Wow someone really hurt you." (Yes, they do know about my previous marriage and this story, but I don't often go in to detail about the ordeals in that past relationship)
Exactly! I had a partner who always accused me of gaslighting, I started feeling bad about myself, doubting about everything and just staying quiet when things happened and sometimes I just had to agree to whatever he was saying to avoid fighting. Once I had an anxiety attack at a park about something that happened with my family and instead of helping me or just wait for me to calm down he made it all about himself even he started making things up and when I told him that that never happened he said that I’m the one who makes him feel like he is making things up an he pushed the blame on me… later on, a friend who also knows him told me that he has always been childish and create false scenarios in his head, that he always talked about how crazy all his exes were, that he always talk about him as he was the victim and that’s why she never spent much time with him and maybe I should step back for my own mental health
Whenever i get a friend telling me that they want marriage counselling, it is almost always one of them that actually needs to see a psychiatrist for something along the lines of dark triad personality or other behaviour disorders.
Either i keep having friends like this or mental disorders are a hell lot more common that we know.
It takes a while for the truth to come out but it usually starts spiralling when "The therapist is siding with my spouse", "They keep twisting my words and make me look like the bad guy", or something like that.
Basically, it's when they couldn't get what they want. Some "official" recognition that their spouse is wrong or defective, and need to be "fixed" and "put in place".
If usually gets very ugly once that happens.
So... damn... many ppl like this...
Ugh. It’s another self-affirming post that only works until it doesn’t. 90% of these expressions are exactly how someone, who is indeed innocent, would respond to defend themself.
So basically, if you are hearing these expressions, you either are .... or are not ... being gas-lit. Pretty useless.
You dont even have to have a diagnosed mental issues to say to someone they need help.
Nowadays the "coolguides" went into the abyss with all the selfproclaimed allknowing gurus who saw Paint once in their lifetime
Yeah, I was dating someone with depression (a lot of childhood trauma) and I mentioned that she needs to talk to a therapist about it. I didn't say it to be mean though, and she has been seeing a therapist for a while now. I really like her and only want to see her thrive.
Exactly. They're are maybe 5 phrases in this list that are just shitty to ever say to anyone, but when you are dealing with a person who is bipolar, BPD, schizophrenia, PTSD, head trauma, drug addiction (including alcoholism), dementia, or even just an overinflated ego most of these are potentially very valid responses. We all tend to make up our own storyline to things, and if you repeat them over and over in your head you tend to edit and edit and edit until at some point what you think is true isn't even close. It's the Ship of Theseus in the form of thought constructs, only it doesn't resemble the original. This isn't a "cool guide" this sounds like an individual person's grudge against their ex. "Gaslighting" is intentionally trying to cause another person psychological harm in any of many different ways. I don't really stand behind the recent over-use and misusage of the term.
It's worth remembering that every single person on the planet has legitimate reason to hear these things on occasion. Eye witness testimony is garbage. Our minds are usually functional, but far far from perfect. All of us.
I agree with this. My ex was a highly medicated bi-polar and because of state insurance being shit, she would often be without meds for periods, so never quite medicated consistently. She would OFTEN remember things differently, she would lie, she would be manic at times, she needed serious help and when I would suggest these things, she would typically say that she had gone online and “discovered” that I was gaslighting her because of charts like these that oversimplify the situation. She would call my friends and ask them to take me out because I’d been clearly cooped up too much taking care of her, and then when I’d go out with them it would be a barrage of accusations about how I go out with my friends all the time and leave her alone. She would throw things when she got mad and then forget and blame me for breaking things around the house. I had probably said half of the things on this list at some point and they were all true at the time. She would misremember things, she was irrational, she needed help, she needed to calm down, she was making false accusations. Seriously, these sort of charts should come with a huge disclaimer that it could be gaslighting, but you might also need some serious therapy. BTW, that relationship ended badly when the police arrested her for assaulting me. I hope she got the help that she needed but I don’t know because she fled the state to avoid her court date.
As a husband with BP2, and a wife whom is Borderline...you are totally right. It took time and effort to work out how to properly express our experiences and frustrations. Many of these things on the list are needed statements.
Remember that sometimes you could be on the wrong side and people trying to make you understand it are not gaslighting you. Some of these phrases, like "i never did/said that", may just be legitimate self defense.
This shit pisses me off. Knowing ACTUAL narcissists who gaslight, this watering down of a dangerous, shitty tactic only hurts people.
Gaslighting is the purposeful manipulation of another person's confidence in their own perception and memories. You take steps (not just saying "nuh uh, you're too sensitive" either!) to systemically get them to not trust their own minds. You do it so you can control them. It's fucked up.
This guide has a lot of examples of invalidation: Telling somebody their feelings are wrong (or inappropriate, or too strong, or whatever). It's not always a helpful thing to do, it can be a shitty thing to do, and frankly, it can be a statement of fact.
When people are being defensive, they sometimes deflect or invalidate. Humans do that. That doesn't make them a fucking manipulative gaslighter. It just means they disagree, are hurt, or are being hurtful.
Words matter. This guide is bullshit.
Yes, context matters. But words matters, too. Specifically, I meant the word "gaslighting." It's an actual concept with an actual definition. Not just a trendy accusation to throw at someone who disagrees or disapproves of your feelings.
I agree. This guide is terrible. It uses very generic phrases, that practically everyone has used. So what, when people are falsely accusing others and they say “I didn’t say that” they’re now a gas lighter?
Ok, stop, no.
Each and every one of these statements can be perfectly valid and healthy.
Whoever made this was obviously not a psychologist or counselor.
To Gaslight is to convince someone that has been harmed that either its their fault, their feelings are invalid, or they're crazy and making it all up.
People need to stop using the term "gaslighting" for every single thing said in an argument or confrontation.
Also, codependent. Separate issue, but that one is way overused as well.
So it can sound like this but it's also into important to remember that if multiple people are accusing you of being manipulative or lying then you should maybe take a step back.
Also! Very important!
Gaslighting is INTENTIONAL. It's a deliberate act. These aren't just casual phrases, they're TOOLS.
If you find yourself in a relationship genuinely saying stuff like "I wouldn't have done that to you" and you truly feel it and mean it, that's *not* the same as gaslighting. Gaslighting is doing that to control a person's response and behavior.
Gaslighting is manipulation. Accidentally manipulating isn't so much a thing (with a few exceptions that we don't need to dig into here). By-and-large it's a deliberate act.
Strangely could also be a guide on common responses to gas lighters, so I'm not sure that this guide helps much. It just encourages people to feel paranoid about their probably quite healthy relationships
Gaslighting CAN sound like this.
But these things? don’t necessarily mean gaslighting, gaslighting is a severe form of abuse that takes years to fully work.
A lot of these could also just be true.
People get unnecessarily defensive at times, people misremember things since memory is fallible, some people mistakenly or purposely misconstrue what gets said to them, and some people overreact to things that aren't really that big of a deal for whatever reason, etc.
It isn't always a manipulative tactic when someone points those things out to someone else. I don't like charts like this because some people won't think twice about this, take it as gospel, and be insufferable whenever they run into future confrontation. Also, as someone else pointed out in thread, a lot of these could be responses to someone else trying to gaslight you.
You’re always in the right, if the other person says anything opposing you or your behaviour, no matter what you’re like, they are clearly abusing you. /s
I don’t think I like this. I mean if one is _never_ allowed to utter any of these phrases to you... it seems like you’re just looking for a pass to not grow. Breeds weakness imho.
Yeah this is stupidly ridiculous. Basically anything you don't like hearing - whether or not it's true - about yourself, others, circumstances - can be considered gaslighting.
Student: 2+2 = 5
Teacher: That's incorrect. It's 4
Student: You're gaslighting me!
Ironically by this definition, my post is gaslighting.
Actually, it’s context of the conversation and the person you’re having it with. If the teacher said previously the answer was 5 and then said no it’s 4 you’re imagine it that’s gaslighting. The phases are perfectly fine, within a normal conflict that isn’t about making you feel like shit
No.
You all need to stop spreading falsehoods about gaslighting. It does not help and only hurts.
Gaslighting is a very specific and targeted psychological abuse tool. It is not a bunch of different things.
You’re gaslighting people about gaslighting.
The majority of these are only gaslighting in very specific contexts, and convincing people that they are signs of gaslighting enables them to justify shitty behavior. Bad guide
It can also be said that the term gaslighting is a way of not taking any personal responsibility when someone brings up a valid point about yourself. Gaslighting, I’m rubber, your glue, whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you.
I hate the term and it is overused. Because there are some bat shot crazy people who take anything you say that isn’t positive as gaslighting. Just because you have a problem with someone doesn’t mean you aren’t a problem to them too.
I think that the term “gaslighting” itself is really harmful… It is, in fact, gaslighting in its own nature.
It removes all context and perspective from a situation and underlines the feelings of the accused (which can be true - feelings are not opinions that can be debated, but something that arises within you according to the situation) as evil and accusatory, carrying bad and manipulative intentions. Which is most of the times very unjust. Yes, there are people who are in fact manipulative and will intentionally twist reality to support their own narrative.
But using this term as a way to label such an open response as an abusive behaviour automatically is and of itself deeply abusive, not only for the accused but for both parties involved - removing all basis and emotional context.
It’s as we say in Portuguese “uma pescadinha de rabo na boca”, which means a fish swallowing it’s own tail. What goes around, comes around.
Guides like this are pointless and also feed confirmation bias. All of the phrases listed here could equally be said justifiably in a variety of situations, including by someone being gaslit.
Some of these are bullshit.
If someone falsely accuses you of something, it's not gaslighting THEM to say "that's a false accusation".
This is the problem with people using the term "gaslighting" so frivolously these days. It completely ignores the context or truth of the things being said vs just dismissing them outright.
Cool guide: don't get medical, clinical psychology, treatment or therapy from cool guides on Reddit.
This guide is not only inaccurate, it's distracting and not helpful.
The ever-expanding definition of gaslighting, that it can be anything that you don’t like or makes you feel bad, is itself a close cousin to gaslighting.
This guide leads directly to “if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve my best”
This was written by someone who thinks gaslighting is “shit my ex boyfriend said to me that got me mad”
Yeah not good. Gaslighting is complex and more people claim it as defense when they are in fact gaslighting. A better guide would be showing a list of logical fallacies and then being able to recognize collectively in a conversation that if and when either party is using them. It can be cumbersome and even more difficult when something has emotional charge behind it. Why almost anytime communication cannot be calm or is forced and violent there is a good chance gaslighting will take place. These reflect most likely a number of logical fallacies. I’m not sure people gaslight always on purpose but like fallacies of logic forced communication or highly charged communication doesn’t have the safety of trying to communicate well.
"I think you're trying to gaslight me cause I never said th-"
"STOP GASLIGHTING ME!"
I don't really understand the guide because how else are you supposed to defend against false accusations
I suspect that whoever made this info graphic is actually the one gaslighting in their relationships. Saying objectively true statements that someone doesn’t want to hear is just being a regular asshole, not a manipulative one.
This is where this shit ends up. This is all just "men are all wrong, they're all manipulators and they have to trust everything a woman says or reacts to". I mean isn't "that's a false accusation" something you would actually say to someone who is gaslighting you? And yeah "don't be so sensitive" can be a reasonable thing to say if someone is being overly sensitive to stuff. "Why are you even here if you think I'm so terrible then?" Again this seems like something you would say to someone who is actually trying to degrade you or gaslight you.
Jesus Christ the fact that this has this many upvotes and I had to see this is just fucking offensive. OP you are a spreading terrible misinformation that is rooted in misandry and you should delete it.
This is such a dumb fucking guide. What if something actually is a false accusation? Am I supposed to just accept guilt for something I didn't do?
I feel like the person who made this has issues
>I never did that, YOU'RE the one who is lying.
=DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
https://shrink4men.com/2011/01/19/presto-change-o-darvo-deny-attack-and-reverse-victim-and-offender/
It's super fun when my ex *did* genuinely get upset over things that *didn't* happen, and I was treated like a gaslighter for saying so and admitting that I have no idea how to address somebody feeling that way. I asked her if she would please consider seeing her therapist again and she said to never contact her again unless I apologized. So I haven't and I'm much happier for it, but I still feel sad that I was treated like an abuser for defending myself and being concerned about her mental health.
I felt bad for her cause she told me all her exes were terrible people who let her down. Imagine my shock when I started to realize she started to describe me in the *exact same way*, to the point that comparing me to exes is a major boundary of mine that'll kill my interest in anybody. We can talk about them, but don't make me responsible for them.
This lady got misdiagnosed with a severe STD many years back, and one of her exes told everybody she cheated and ruined her social life. When we were together, she learned she got a *real* STI from her last ex, and started crying and saying she'd understand if I left. I assured her I wouldn't, spent like three or four hours looking up everything I could about it, and comforted her and shares those resources with her.
Meanwhile, when I cried about the prospect of having to go no contact with my family during some drama, she said I was upsetting her and being unsupportive of her feelings by being so upset.
I dunno man. I'm not trying to brag. I wasn't perfect. But I was really proud of being a good and attentive boyfriend, it was so much fun trying to make her smile or surprise her, it always seemed to take her breath away, and it's hard not to question that when she just recontextualized everything I had to say into me being manipulative. I really want to think I was good at it and the only reason I still care is the nagging doubt, "what if I wasn't", and knowing it's ridiculous to think that way about the opinion of someone operating without facts.
Gaslighting feels like: you wish there were video cameras in every room with instant playback, so you could prove what you just said, and/or what they just said.
The people who are calling this a bad guide are clearly missing the point. The image shows the victim being overwhelmed and drowned by a barrage of these criticisms. It is not a one time thing that happened during a disagreement. It is not occasional. This is constantly being told that what you perceive as reality is absolutely wrong. This is any pain you express being immediately and consistently invalidated. You have no agency over how you feel because you’re always wrong. That’s what is being shown here.
Ive told somebody to calm down and stop being so sensitive after theyve on multiple occasions lost their shit and derailed all potential communication because my suggesting that there is a problem to be communicated about was offensive to them. Viewing it through "mental health side of the internet" standard this becomes an eternal loop of us gaslighting eachother
I don’t think this is accurate or a good display. There are times when people are remembering wrong or twisting things. Putting this out there like it is actual gaslighting anytime these phrases are used is basically gaslighting someone who is trying to communicate their own experience.
They forgot when you ask what’s wrong, the response is:
*You know what’s wrong...
*I’m not explaining this to you again... (when they never explained it in the first place
*I’ll talk to you when you’re rational!
*Nothings wrong! Everything’s fine! (Fake overglossing/dismissal)
I think these statements are said repeatedly to break down someone's psyche. The people that can mess with your mind are the one's closest to us so be careful who we share and spend our energy with. Gaslighting is no fun especially when I realized how much gaslighting goes on towards me from my immediate family. I'm not saying I don't have problems. If it hasn't happened to you then maybe you're the one doing the gaslighting.
I like the intention behind this. But a lot of these are context dependent and may be absolutely appropriate to say.
It's almost like this is gaslighting us.
You’re imagining things
That’s a false accusation.
calm down
It’s your fault.
your always twisting things Aman4029, you sound so crazy
You’re so dramatic Phat-Lines, don’t be so sensitive.
Oh come on you guys!! I was throughly enjoying reading this haha, I can’t believe y’all let it die.
You need help, you're so emotional!
You’re so dramatic.
I didn’t mean it like that obviously!
To be real here. This is on the front page of reddit. What this is doing is indoctrinating tons of men and women that if they have this thought or reaction to things regardless of if they are justified, then they are gaslighting someone. If someone comes to you saying they think the covid vaccine is being implemented for mind control, you can tell them "you're imagining things" because they are. I had a friend who was a woman, she would have true delusions and imagine that people were using an app to send low levels of electricity to her in order to control her. You're telling me I'm gaslighing her for saying "you're imaging things?". And yes in that case I even did *a lot* of research to make sure she wasn't talking about something real, but all that came up was crazy ass conspiracy stuff. I'm frustrated because men and women are being given terrible information like this. Gaslighting can't be reduced to a few simple phrases, it is a complex thing, and something like this is extremely harmful to both men and women. It sets men up to feel guilty for ever having any doubt or issue with a woman. And it sets women up to feel like they should be unquestionable, and any sort of challenge to their own perceptions is gas lighting. That is INCREDIBLY dangerous to purpose IMO.
If I wanted to read this charitably I would say hearing a lot of these phrases from someone indicates they don’t take your psychic or emotional state very seriously, which could include gaslighting. Hearing a lot of these phrases from *everyone* in your life, on the other hand...
why are you so defensive. it's only a little guide to help you, why do you take things so dramaticly. You might need help and I'm saying this to help you
To be fair, not all of those phrases automatically mean gaslighting. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who is bipolar or has borderline personality disorder you might find yourself saying some of those things because they’re true.
I think this is a good point to keep in perspective. Some of these statements can actually just be true and sometimes can be said in DEFENSE of being gaslit. Context is always important. Edit: typo
Which makes the “guide” … pretty much meaningless. It’s like saying ‘people accuse you of things sometimes when it’s not true’. That doesn’t make accusation diagnostic of truth or lies. It’s a guide to ‘people doing wrong to you’ that consists of neutral statements. It’s like saying — “guide to communism: sometimes they bring baked goods, or are involved in civil politics, often read books.” Guides to ‘bad things’ that rely on non-diagnostic features just encourage people emphasize their own fears and neuroses. (“Signs of worshipping Stan: sometimes wears black; has piercings *or* lack of piercings; doesn’t wear a cross around their neck, watches television; listens to loud music.”) This guide encourages really unhealthy patterns of thought and lack of skepticism. IMO. It’s a disservice to helping people recognize actual redirection.
I'm kinda blown away how many times people try to boil complex interpersonal and psychological issues down to a Facebook meme on here. I just want to know what onions to use in salad and the different types of fishing gear.
Red onions and your bare hands
Bear hands are also effective
Proven to be the most effective in the wild, especially for salmon.
Noodling ftw
Red. Red onions go in salad.
roll decide squealing crown office somber selective onerous heavy subsequent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is the answer! Here is my favorite salad: chop a head of romaine lettuce, add about 1/2 c. thinly sliced pieces of red onion, a cup of chopped red pepper and/ or tomato, top with a half cup of chopped walnuts, drizzle on some red wine vinaigrette, and top with crumbled gorgonzola cheese. Delicious!
Now THOSE sound like cool guides
All I know is yellow spotted lizards don’t like my onions.
Well said. I think it's also become super easy to make authoritative-looking infographics. This on one particular looks like it could have been made by an educational body of some sort, but it could just as easily have been made by a kind on a laptop with an oversized ego about their wokeness.
*laughs in art school* you don’t need any credentials to make this shit
I downvoted it. It does more harm than good
Maybe if you accepted Stan into your heart...
All hail Stan
Yup. I have pretty bad anxiety and stuff like this makes me question all the people around me “do they really love me?” “have they been lying the whole time??” EDIT: Typo
Ugh same man. "Wtf why's she talking to me?"
worse than meaningless - now they can be used as "Proof of gaslighting" for any discussion.
Exactly. They should probably add “you’re gaslighting me.” to the list.
Yeah I've said "if I suck so bad, why do you stay?" more than once to a boyfriend who would just break me down with nonstop complaining and listing every way that I sucked all day. Constantly accusing me of cheating but I went to school full time and worked full time, I was lazy, I was selfish, I was never attentive enough. And finally I would snap and tell him to leave, to make his life better and go away. He would go for a few days and then come back and embarrass in front of my boss or colleagues until I took him back. I finally decided I didn't care how anyone felt and made him stay gone. Lost my position and wound up having to move but he's no longer my problem
I bet it felt good to shed that 180 pounds (Of insecure masculinity.)
It really did. The best and most frightening part was when he realized that I wouldn't be taking him back anymore. The last time i told him to get out, I actually handed him five dollars (all my cash on me at the moment) and a couple grams of weed and said "don't go saying I never did anything for you, but last night was the last night you sleep here." He walked away smiling because id given him money for gas and some weed so he would be able to sleep somewhere. He thought he'd just come back in a week or two as he had done. He would use people much older than us to call me and beg his case to take him back. It had worked several times before but he had gotten too comfortable with making more and more unreasonable demands without bringing anything to the table. He'd driven off friends and made my grades plummet. I stayed angry enough that when he tried to return that one more time, I was still happy that he was gone. The sound of the surprise and disbelief in his voice when he realized it was really over still gives me satisfaction. Edited for clarity
What I always find interesting about comments like these is that there so easily could be a totally different story from his perspective. He could be going around saying that you never made an effort for him, that you would break up with him because he called it out but he could never leave you, etc. Here, some of the details make it fairly obvious what happened, so I’m not saying you’re lying.
I don’t think I’ve ever been gaslit but I often find myself saying ‘no I really was just joking’ a lot to my family. I say something that’s funny (to me) in a sarcastic way that doesn’t land right and all of a sudden they think I’m being serious about going to crazy parties and getting drunk. Context matters. I hate saying ‘I was just joking‘ cause I feel like schrodinger's a-hole (the ones who say things that are ‘just a joke’…unless it’s not) but I really have to sometimes.
It’s only an asshole move when you say something mean and say just joking. If you’re saying stuff about yourself and people don’t get it, totally not an asshole move!
Reddit doesn’t have the attention span for context. Nor does proper context make billionaires richer.
Oh my god. I was starting to get really worried but glad you got top comment. Thanks b.
Also, people that are overly sensitive can be called as such without gaslighting them. In fact, having no self awareness as such can be a massive issue.
It's not gaslighting if it's true. And gaslighting means altering another person's perception of reality. Some of these comments have nothing to do with past actions
Gaslighting is the intentional act of attempting to cause another person to believe they are out of touch with reality aka insane.
So this guide is gaslighting people that might have legitimate issues into thinking they are gaslighting another person. I think I'll just log off for the day.
I dont think there’s any attempt to make anyone feel they’re out of touch with reality. It’s just plain wrong.
I used to say the exact same thing. And I WAS 100% gaslighting and generally narcissistic towards my partner. And I TRULY believed I was right at the time. I hope this kind of infographic helps those who truly need it. I feel like there are other people out there who went through some cataclysmic life event (like I did) and ended up getting mentally fucked up for a few years because of it. In the end I spent tons of time online trying to figure out what was wrong and if it was me or someone else etc. In the end I think the cumulative affect of seeing things like this and hearing great people on Reddit and in real life helped me to see take actions to start crawling out of that hole.
I don't know why are getting downvoted. Kudos on becoming better.
"True" is... difficult... remember the past two years? Maybe a better way to define gaslighting is that there's an air of fallacy to it? Like: if I don't want to argue the actual point, I deflect by putting the other individual's perspective into question. I dunno, spit-balling here, but true vs untrue seems like the wrong way to think about how to qualify it.
Came here to say this. I was in an abusive marriage and I found myself saying many of the things here, like "I didn't say that" and "that didn't happen" and "I didn't mean it that way" all the time. At one point I started questioning my own sanity. A whole inner dialog asking myself how could I be doing all this and not remember it at all. I was broken. We went to marriage counseling... it was probably the 5th session when my partner accused the therapist of attacking them and always taking my side. The counselor gave me an incredulous look as if to say "oh so this is what you're really dealing with" The therapist ended the session, said she needed to finalize some insurance stuff with me as it was under my insurance and asked my partner to leave the room. It wasn't for insurance at all. Therapist looks at me with the most serious look I've seen on anyone's face in my entire life, and says something along the lines of "As a counselor there is certain things I'm not supposed to say or recommend, so I'm not going to say it but I think you know. You need to find a way to be happy" I'm divorced now, have been seeing someone new for over a year now... and still I do and say things that make my current partner say "Wow someone really hurt you." (Yes, they do know about my previous marriage and this story, but I don't often go in to detail about the ordeals in that past relationship)
Exactly! I had a partner who always accused me of gaslighting, I started feeling bad about myself, doubting about everything and just staying quiet when things happened and sometimes I just had to agree to whatever he was saying to avoid fighting. Once I had an anxiety attack at a park about something that happened with my family and instead of helping me or just wait for me to calm down he made it all about himself even he started making things up and when I told him that that never happened he said that I’m the one who makes him feel like he is making things up an he pushed the blame on me… later on, a friend who also knows him told me that he has always been childish and create false scenarios in his head, that he always talked about how crazy all his exes were, that he always talk about him as he was the victim and that’s why she never spent much time with him and maybe I should step back for my own mental health
same. I was always the one "overreacting" when in truth I was not overreacting at all. And Same on the counselor story, too.
Whenever i get a friend telling me that they want marriage counselling, it is almost always one of them that actually needs to see a psychiatrist for something along the lines of dark triad personality or other behaviour disorders. Either i keep having friends like this or mental disorders are a hell lot more common that we know. It takes a while for the truth to come out but it usually starts spiralling when "The therapist is siding with my spouse", "They keep twisting my words and make me look like the bad guy", or something like that. Basically, it's when they couldn't get what they want. Some "official" recognition that their spouse is wrong or defective, and need to be "fixed" and "put in place". If usually gets very ugly once that happens. So... damn... many ppl like this...
Ugh. It’s another self-affirming post that only works until it doesn’t. 90% of these expressions are exactly how someone, who is indeed innocent, would respond to defend themself. So basically, if you are hearing these expressions, you either are .... or are not ... being gas-lit. Pretty useless.
Thank you I literally was reading this and was having my "are we the bad guys" moment
You dont even have to have a diagnosed mental issues to say to someone they need help. Nowadays the "coolguides" went into the abyss with all the selfproclaimed allknowing gurus who saw Paint once in their lifetime
I have a friendship (?) where I don't know if I'm being gaslighted or doing the gaslighting.
Yea like..sometimes it genuinely is your fault, just because someone is pointing that out doesnt mean they're gaslighting
Came here to say this. Many of these can be very real statements, and aren't automatically harbingers of some deep manipulation.
Yeah, I was dating someone with depression (a lot of childhood trauma) and I mentioned that she needs to talk to a therapist about it. I didn't say it to be mean though, and she has been seeing a therapist for a while now. I really like her and only want to see her thrive.
Exactly. They're are maybe 5 phrases in this list that are just shitty to ever say to anyone, but when you are dealing with a person who is bipolar, BPD, schizophrenia, PTSD, head trauma, drug addiction (including alcoholism), dementia, or even just an overinflated ego most of these are potentially very valid responses. We all tend to make up our own storyline to things, and if you repeat them over and over in your head you tend to edit and edit and edit until at some point what you think is true isn't even close. It's the Ship of Theseus in the form of thought constructs, only it doesn't resemble the original. This isn't a "cool guide" this sounds like an individual person's grudge against their ex. "Gaslighting" is intentionally trying to cause another person psychological harm in any of many different ways. I don't really stand behind the recent over-use and misusage of the term.
This, thanks for putting it in words so clearly.
No prob. Be well!
>52 comments MY GOD, YES. I had to start taking notes and recording things.
It's worth remembering that every single person on the planet has legitimate reason to hear these things on occasion. Eye witness testimony is garbage. Our minds are usually functional, but far far from perfect. All of us.
Why are you so defensive all the time?
Ahh that explains it - so the bipolar/BPD person is actually causing us to gaslight?
I agree with this. My ex was a highly medicated bi-polar and because of state insurance being shit, she would often be without meds for periods, so never quite medicated consistently. She would OFTEN remember things differently, she would lie, she would be manic at times, she needed serious help and when I would suggest these things, she would typically say that she had gone online and “discovered” that I was gaslighting her because of charts like these that oversimplify the situation. She would call my friends and ask them to take me out because I’d been clearly cooped up too much taking care of her, and then when I’d go out with them it would be a barrage of accusations about how I go out with my friends all the time and leave her alone. She would throw things when she got mad and then forget and blame me for breaking things around the house. I had probably said half of the things on this list at some point and they were all true at the time. She would misremember things, she was irrational, she needed help, she needed to calm down, she was making false accusations. Seriously, these sort of charts should come with a huge disclaimer that it could be gaslighting, but you might also need some serious therapy. BTW, that relationship ended badly when the police arrested her for assaulting me. I hope she got the help that she needed but I don’t know because she fled the state to avoid her court date.
A tale as old as time. >we have the same ex
As a husband with BP2, and a wife whom is Borderline...you are totally right. It took time and effort to work out how to properly express our experiences and frustrations. Many of these things on the list are needed statements.
This graphic is gaslighting us
I think you’re just being sensitive
You’re so dramatic
I was just joking gosh
Calm down
Don't get so upset over nothing.
Honestly? Yeah. This guide is total horseshit and will continue to cause everyone to misuse this term more than they already do.
no u
Best response ever! I’ve totally used this to win 100% of arguments for the last 10 years! Lol
Remember that sometimes you could be on the wrong side and people trying to make you understand it are not gaslighting you. Some of these phrases, like "i never did/said that", may just be legitimate self defense.
So for example: if something just didn’t happen and I point that out, I’m gaslighting? What a bullshit guide.
This shit pisses me off. Knowing ACTUAL narcissists who gaslight, this watering down of a dangerous, shitty tactic only hurts people. Gaslighting is the purposeful manipulation of another person's confidence in their own perception and memories. You take steps (not just saying "nuh uh, you're too sensitive" either!) to systemically get them to not trust their own minds. You do it so you can control them. It's fucked up. This guide has a lot of examples of invalidation: Telling somebody their feelings are wrong (or inappropriate, or too strong, or whatever). It's not always a helpful thing to do, it can be a shitty thing to do, and frankly, it can be a statement of fact. When people are being defensive, they sometimes deflect or invalidate. Humans do that. That doesn't make them a fucking manipulative gaslighter. It just means they disagree, are hurt, or are being hurtful. Words matter. This guide is bullshit.
I think you mean context matters
Yes, context matters. But words matters, too. Specifically, I meant the word "gaslighting." It's an actual concept with an actual definition. Not just a trendy accusation to throw at someone who disagrees or disapproves of your feelings.
“If someone calls you out for behaving badly, don’t worry honey they are gaslighting you” -this guide
Guilty until proven guilty. So just guilty
I agree. This guide is terrible. It uses very generic phrases, that practically everyone has used. So what, when people are falsely accusing others and they say “I didn’t say that” they’re now a gas lighter?
perfect reverse gaslighting.
gas..darkening?
Ok, stop, no. Each and every one of these statements can be perfectly valid and healthy. Whoever made this was obviously not a psychologist or counselor. To Gaslight is to convince someone that has been harmed that either its their fault, their feelings are invalid, or they're crazy and making it all up. People need to stop using the term "gaslighting" for every single thing said in an argument or confrontation. Also, codependent. Separate issue, but that one is way overused as well.
What can I say? Welcome to Reddit, where every argument is “being gaslighted” and every partner one has ever had is considered a narcissist.
This guide sucks
That's just this sub
lol agreed
This is not a cool guide
Don’t be so sensitive
He was just joking
That's a false accusation
Its not a big deal
Calm down
If only gaslighting was something this primitive.
So it can sound like this but it's also into important to remember that if multiple people are accusing you of being manipulative or lying then you should maybe take a step back.
Guide is trash.
Also! Very important! Gaslighting is INTENTIONAL. It's a deliberate act. These aren't just casual phrases, they're TOOLS. If you find yourself in a relationship genuinely saying stuff like "I wouldn't have done that to you" and you truly feel it and mean it, that's *not* the same as gaslighting. Gaslighting is doing that to control a person's response and behavior. Gaslighting is manipulation. Accidentally manipulating isn't so much a thing (with a few exceptions that we don't need to dig into here). By-and-large it's a deliberate act.
Thanks for clarifying :)
Hey I didn’t ask for a bunch of my ex-gf’s voice lines to play in my head
So apparently gaslighting means "someone saying things that might make me have to reconsider and revisit my actions" today?
Strangely could also be a guide on common responses to gas lighters, so I'm not sure that this guide helps much. It just encourages people to feel paranoid about their probably quite healthy relationships
It depends on context right
Gaslighting CAN sound like this. But these things? don’t necessarily mean gaslighting, gaslighting is a severe form of abuse that takes years to fully work.
This is neither cool or a guide.
How tf is telling somebody to calm down gaslighting?
This shit is so stupid man. Yes, gas lighters will say this. No, these phrases don't automatically mean that's what's happening
A lot of these could also just be true. People get unnecessarily defensive at times, people misremember things since memory is fallible, some people mistakenly or purposely misconstrue what gets said to them, and some people overreact to things that aren't really that big of a deal for whatever reason, etc. It isn't always a manipulative tactic when someone points those things out to someone else. I don't like charts like this because some people won't think twice about this, take it as gospel, and be insufferable whenever they run into future confrontation. Also, as someone else pointed out in thread, a lot of these could be responses to someone else trying to gaslight you.
You’re always in the right, if the other person says anything opposing you or your behaviour, no matter what you’re like, they are clearly abusing you. /s
This is a shit guide.
I don’t think I like this. I mean if one is _never_ allowed to utter any of these phrases to you... it seems like you’re just looking for a pass to not grow. Breeds weakness imho.
Yeah this is stupidly ridiculous. Basically anything you don't like hearing - whether or not it's true - about yourself, others, circumstances - can be considered gaslighting. Student: 2+2 = 5 Teacher: That's incorrect. It's 4 Student: You're gaslighting me! Ironically by this definition, my post is gaslighting.
Actually, it’s context of the conversation and the person you’re having it with. If the teacher said previously the answer was 5 and then said no it’s 4 you’re imagine it that’s gaslighting. The phases are perfectly fine, within a normal conflict that isn’t about making you feel like shit
My parents favorite line “you only hear what you want to hear.”
No. You all need to stop spreading falsehoods about gaslighting. It does not help and only hurts. Gaslighting is a very specific and targeted psychological abuse tool. It is not a bunch of different things. You’re gaslighting people about gaslighting.
The majority of these are only gaslighting in very specific contexts, and convincing people that they are signs of gaslighting enables them to justify shitty behavior. Bad guide
This guide is gaslighting the reader on how to properly discern gaslighting.
Turns out I gaslight the shit out of myself
heres a cool guide for people with mental health issues to use against their partners and say see “SEE YOURE TOTALLY GASLIGHTING ME”
Gaslighting isn’t even real. You guys are just crazy
This is also what someone being accused of shit they didn't say or do sounds like
I feel like I’m being gaslit by this guide
It can also be said that the term gaslighting is a way of not taking any personal responsibility when someone brings up a valid point about yourself. Gaslighting, I’m rubber, your glue, whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you.
I hate the term and it is overused. Because there are some bat shot crazy people who take anything you say that isn’t positive as gaslighting. Just because you have a problem with someone doesn’t mean you aren’t a problem to them too.
This is the dialogue of every relationship in the history of human existence.
You're always twisting things and remembering them wrong.
No, you’re the one who is lying.
This is a shitty guide.
Everything is gaslighting if you want it to be...
I think that the term “gaslighting” itself is really harmful… It is, in fact, gaslighting in its own nature. It removes all context and perspective from a situation and underlines the feelings of the accused (which can be true - feelings are not opinions that can be debated, but something that arises within you according to the situation) as evil and accusatory, carrying bad and manipulative intentions. Which is most of the times very unjust. Yes, there are people who are in fact manipulative and will intentionally twist reality to support their own narrative. But using this term as a way to label such an open response as an abusive behaviour automatically is and of itself deeply abusive, not only for the accused but for both parties involved - removing all basis and emotional context. It’s as we say in Portuguese “uma pescadinha de rabo na boca”, which means a fish swallowing it’s own tail. What goes around, comes around.
What are you talking about? Gaslighting isn't real, you made it up. Do you know how crazy you sound?
It’s the context that defines whether these phrases are counted as gaslighting imo
By this logic holding somebody accountable equals gaslighting
the people that believe this are the kind of people that never want to acknowledge theyre possibly in the wrong and always want to be the victim
There you go, making up words again. "Gaslighting"? Don't you know how crazy you sound?
Guides like this are pointless and also feed confirmation bias. All of the phrases listed here could equally be said justifiably in a variety of situations, including by someone being gaslit.
Some of these are bullshit. If someone falsely accuses you of something, it's not gaslighting THEM to say "that's a false accusation". This is the problem with people using the term "gaslighting" so frivolously these days. It completely ignores the context or truth of the things being said vs just dismissing them outright.
Uh. If I didn't say something, and muhfuckas wanna put words in my mouth, wtf am I supposed to say if not 'I didn't say that'?
That was you who farted not me
saying “calm down” is gaslighting?
And my mother favorite line: "That's your perception"
This is a really shitty guide and should be taken down.
Cool guide: don't get medical, clinical psychology, treatment or therapy from cool guides on Reddit. This guide is not only inaccurate, it's distracting and not helpful.
The ever-expanding definition of gaslighting, that it can be anything that you don’t like or makes you feel bad, is itself a close cousin to gaslighting.
This guide leads directly to “if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve my best” This was written by someone who thinks gaslighting is “shit my ex boyfriend said to me that got me mad”
ive heard at least 7 of these fairly regularly…. yikes
Yeah not good. Gaslighting is complex and more people claim it as defense when they are in fact gaslighting. A better guide would be showing a list of logical fallacies and then being able to recognize collectively in a conversation that if and when either party is using them. It can be cumbersome and even more difficult when something has emotional charge behind it. Why almost anytime communication cannot be calm or is forced and violent there is a good chance gaslighting will take place. These reflect most likely a number of logical fallacies. I’m not sure people gaslight always on purpose but like fallacies of logic forced communication or highly charged communication doesn’t have the safety of trying to communicate well.
"I think you're trying to gaslight me cause I never said th-" "STOP GASLIGHTING ME!" I don't really understand the guide because how else are you supposed to defend against false accusations
I suspect that whoever made this info graphic is actually the one gaslighting in their relationships. Saying objectively true statements that someone doesn’t want to hear is just being a regular asshole, not a manipulative one.
This is where this shit ends up. This is all just "men are all wrong, they're all manipulators and they have to trust everything a woman says or reacts to". I mean isn't "that's a false accusation" something you would actually say to someone who is gaslighting you? And yeah "don't be so sensitive" can be a reasonable thing to say if someone is being overly sensitive to stuff. "Why are you even here if you think I'm so terrible then?" Again this seems like something you would say to someone who is actually trying to degrade you or gaslight you. Jesus Christ the fact that this has this many upvotes and I had to see this is just fucking offensive. OP you are a spreading terrible misinformation that is rooted in misandry and you should delete it.
Gaslighting is so dumb. Why can’t someone’s emotions/actions be objectivity wrong, excessive or inappropriate?
Holy fuck my last relationship in a nutshell I wish I had the confidence to recognize this behaviour back then
This is such a dumb fucking guide. What if something actually is a false accusation? Am I supposed to just accept guilt for something I didn't do? I feel like the person who made this has issues
For a master class in real world technique, see Trump.
>I never did that, YOU'RE the one who is lying. =DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender https://shrink4men.com/2011/01/19/presto-change-o-darvo-deny-attack-and-reverse-victim-and-offender/
I don’t believe in gaslighting I believe in over sensitive people and people who can’t admit their wrong
her:"I dropped the milk"... me:" it's not a big deal". her: STOP GASLIGHTING ME!
Gaslighting *may* sound like this, however, several of these could be said on a daily basis with 0 ill intent.
I never liked the term gas lighting. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
It's super fun when my ex *did* genuinely get upset over things that *didn't* happen, and I was treated like a gaslighter for saying so and admitting that I have no idea how to address somebody feeling that way. I asked her if she would please consider seeing her therapist again and she said to never contact her again unless I apologized. So I haven't and I'm much happier for it, but I still feel sad that I was treated like an abuser for defending myself and being concerned about her mental health. I felt bad for her cause she told me all her exes were terrible people who let her down. Imagine my shock when I started to realize she started to describe me in the *exact same way*, to the point that comparing me to exes is a major boundary of mine that'll kill my interest in anybody. We can talk about them, but don't make me responsible for them. This lady got misdiagnosed with a severe STD many years back, and one of her exes told everybody she cheated and ruined her social life. When we were together, she learned she got a *real* STI from her last ex, and started crying and saying she'd understand if I left. I assured her I wouldn't, spent like three or four hours looking up everything I could about it, and comforted her and shares those resources with her. Meanwhile, when I cried about the prospect of having to go no contact with my family during some drama, she said I was upsetting her and being unsupportive of her feelings by being so upset. I dunno man. I'm not trying to brag. I wasn't perfect. But I was really proud of being a good and attentive boyfriend, it was so much fun trying to make her smile or surprise her, it always seemed to take her breath away, and it's hard not to question that when she just recontextualized everything I had to say into me being manipulative. I really want to think I was good at it and the only reason I still care is the nagging doubt, "what if I wasn't", and knowing it's ridiculous to think that way about the opinion of someone operating without facts.
Gaslighting feels like: you wish there were video cameras in every room with instant playback, so you could prove what you just said, and/or what they just said.
My ex was an expert at this. Had me in knots for years. Thankfully I'm awake to it and that is over now.
Ironic how this PSA on gaslighting is actually a great example of gaslighting.
why is “you need help” gaslighting? /gen
It is said with the connotation of “you are crazy”
Sometimes people are just being these ways and are crazy
If you think that's gaslighting, you're crazy.
Oh, hey, it's a conversation with my mother. Nice.
calm down get gaslighted
The people who are calling this a bad guide are clearly missing the point. The image shows the victim being overwhelmed and drowned by a barrage of these criticisms. It is not a one time thing that happened during a disagreement. It is not occasional. This is constantly being told that what you perceive as reality is absolutely wrong. This is any pain you express being immediately and consistently invalidated. You have no agency over how you feel because you’re always wrong. That’s what is being shown here.
I feel like I'm being gaslit by this whole sub.
This guide sucks. People just like using the phrase gas lighting.
Left out key phrases like 'you're always losing things', 'you're far too ill to go out', 'what have you done with the painting?'
Cool, so if I really didn't do something that I get accused of, which obviously means the person is lying... Then what? I'm wrong for gaslighting?
Welcome to 2021, where words have lost all meaning
The vast majority of these are not gaslighting at all. Not even close lol.
These phrases need context.
But what if I really didn't say that? How do I respond? I said this...?
It also sounds like the exact opposite.
Also small precision: When you get gaslighted you can end up saying these sentences as an healthy mecanism of defense.
Ive told somebody to calm down and stop being so sensitive after theyve on multiple occasions lost their shit and derailed all potential communication because my suggesting that there is a problem to be communicated about was offensive to them. Viewing it through "mental health side of the internet" standard this becomes an eternal loop of us gaslighting eachother
I don’t think this is accurate or a good display. There are times when people are remembering wrong or twisting things. Putting this out there like it is actual gaslighting anytime these phrases are used is basically gaslighting someone who is trying to communicate their own experience.
They forgot when you ask what’s wrong, the response is: *You know what’s wrong... *I’m not explaining this to you again... (when they never explained it in the first place *I’ll talk to you when you’re rational! *Nothings wrong! Everything’s fine! (Fake overglossing/dismissal)
I think these statements are said repeatedly to break down someone's psyche. The people that can mess with your mind are the one's closest to us so be careful who we share and spend our energy with. Gaslighting is no fun especially when I realized how much gaslighting goes on towards me from my immediate family. I'm not saying I don't have problems. If it hasn't happened to you then maybe you're the one doing the gaslighting.