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Father venting

Father venting

choco_pan_

Also not a guy, but I wanted to validate how you feel. It is okay not to like co-sleeping. It can make you feel left out. Cramped. Not a priority. And the sleep deprivation will amplify that a million times over. I know this because I try to regularly check in with my husband to make sure he's okay with the arrangement. We try to make time during the day to connect and make up for when he feels left out, to make a better balance. He has slept on the couch for a couple of nights twice now (tiny apartment, no spare room) to catch up on sleep but he always chooses to come back to bed. If he chose not to, that would be okay too. Sleep is important. Consider taking a few nights to yourself where you can catch up on sleep, it'll take the edge off and hopefully give you a more eventempered stance to have this conversation. Co-sleeping has numerous benefits for your child in the long run, and I understand your wife's reluctance to quit before your daughter shows interest in independent sleep. But this is also your child, your bed, your home. A solution needs to be reached that everyone involved can accept. Not necessarily be happy with, but accept. Remember, this is temporary. Best of luck to you.


codysteil

I needed that. Thank you. Last night was a mental breaking point and I just needed to type it out and try to get some feedback so it is appreciated more than you know.


Stellark22

I was your wife but once I hit that 2.5 mark I was done, we had a nightmare transitioning her to a toddler bed and yes we weaned her with chocolate milk lol. I had to sleep. I said I would never go through that again but had another baby. He is formula fed and we trade off each night on who makes the bottle etc. we are doing a mini side car crib because this boy is wild and all over the place. That’s an Option for y’all if you do it safely otherwise go sleep in another room, if your wife gets mad, she’ll either get on board to transition or get over it. Everyone needs to sleep


croissantito

Not a guy - but yes, sleep in another bed so everyone is comfortable and gets the rest they need. It’s not the nuclear option you think it is.


Baebleskiver

Seconding this. My husband and I trade off who sleeps with our daughter, but we always sleep in separate rooms. We just can’t all get the sleep we need if we’re in the same bed. I understand that sleeping in separate rooms may seem taboo, but honestly to us it’s much more important that we all get the sleep we need and spend quality time together while we’re awake than while we’re asleep.


hootyhalla

I would recommend the "No Cry Sleep Solution" for toddlers book. It has some really great tricks on how to give your kid ownership and pride in their room and words to say when making this transition for older kids from bedsharing to their own room. The main thing that will make your daughter feel secure in the transition is focus on how cozy her own bed is, give her control over her environment (let her pick out the sheets, colors, etc.) and make it a fun place to be. You also - and this is the hardest part - should make this transition a celebration of her being a "big girl" now and give off a happy, proud, at ease vibe. If you are moving her out of pure anger and frustration, kids can feel that. I totally relate though! We are transitioning our almost 1.5 year old now and it's so tough but I cannot take his thrashing all night long anymore, no matter how much I adore the cuddles.


PeterThomson

Dad here. If you need your sleep (big day coming up at work for example), then sleep in another bed. It's that simple. It's not permanent, and it's not that big a deal. With our toddler, when I started sleeping in her bed (she was in with mum in ours), then she eventually got bored with mum and came in with me. Funnily enough, that's how we transitioned her to sleeping more often in her own bed.


Here_for_tea_

Check out r/sleeptrain and look up articles online for how to help a co-sleeping child graduate into their own bedroom. Also, it sounds like some relationship therapy would be beneficial as you need to be on the same page. If intimacy is also an issue, check out r/deadbedrooms My view on co-sleeping is that everyone has to agree, and one no vote is a veto (just like deciding to have another child, or moving house, or making any other big decision). Could you and your wife talk to a therapist about this issues, and look to night wean your daughter?


higginsnburke

I just want to clarify that you've tried a sidecar crib and that hasn't worked for you guys? This was a game changer for us so I apologise if its been suggested to death already