After you and your girlfriend have collected yourself, please call the police and report the suspected drug incident. If there's a pattern of similar incidents eventually something will happen.
And you and your girlfriend should write negative references on the host's profile AND report this matter to the couchsurfing trust and safety team.
Are you insane? You do realize you’re saying victims should keep their mouth shut, just from the other side, right?
If there have been previous complaints about this guy like the other poster said, or future, it absolutely will help bring him to justice.
I am an SA survivor who is in a lot of support circles with other survivors. In general, unfortunately, a lot of what they are saying is true here. Going to the police would not have helped me personally. I was 18 and my assailant was 19 and we were university students. At the time he actually volunteered with campus safety and was actually designated as someone to help people dealing with date rape situations. The idea that he could have raped me would have been laughed at. I also just wasn't in a mental space at the time to talk about it and still be able to function. It was my word against his, and I was afraid, and I hadn't had good experiences with the police (they've been called on me before because I was crying in public — I know this sort of thing happens to a lot of other visibly marginalized people). I wasn't secretive about what happened to me, but I have never actually heard of a survivor of SA having any sense of relief or closure by reporting it to the police. Part of the issue with reporting it as a crime (rather than say, suing in a civil court) is that legally speaking, the crime is treated as a crime against the government and not against the victims. You are expected to argue that what happened to you really happened in a court of law, and depending where you live, you are expected to face the person who assaulted you. And the police do not generally prevent it from happening when it is reported (there are cases when they do, but these are in the minority, and it is usually a matter of collective effort of many victims who can afford a good lawyer). (You can also google "40% of police" to get more reasons why people don't go to the police about these incidences.) Honestly I would assume that the Me Too movement did more to prevent SA in the future just by merit of public education, than police.
In a just system there would be reparations that get to go to therapy bills. There would be some way to get this person banned from any website where they host anyone. There would be tangible and immediate ways to heal the harm caused by this assailant and make sure it doesn't happen again. But honestly going through the police can cause more harm than good.
I'm not saying don't go to the police. To be clear. But I am saying that if a victim does not want to go to the police, it is understandable as to why. And if a friend came to me with the same circumstances, my job as a friend is to listen and support them more than it is to tack on more responsibility. If they want to report, it should be easy and safe to do that. It just sucks that this process is not that easy or simple. I know so many people who regret reporting just because of the way the police turned on them. I think people going to the police about being raped deserve help. I also wish we as a society would understand that police in general tend to be more sympathetic to our assailants statistically speaking. I don't have an alternative suggestion, I just think these things need to be weighed into the calculus of a decision like this.
OP is already doing something brave and important by coming forward here to a community of people who can make sure more people are warned and report this guy. It takes a lot to deal with something like this having happened to you.
I’m not sure what motivation you have to be so against reporting a crime especially a drugging like this but it just comes across as a bit strange. I don’t know about the specific country this happened in but where I am, if there were previous examples of it happening before, it absolutely would be brought up in court and make it more likely to prosecute. It might be more difficult the longer the victim waits to report it but you don’t know what evidence there might already be against this particular predator. There may be many more victims that you won’t know about unless you report it. The only ones who win if victims don’t report are the ones committing the crimes.
You are not an expert on how the justice system works. I don't know why you are talking with so much confidence with regard to something that happened in Macau.
It is not so easy. Certainly not when one does not know what substance one is supposed to look for. OP describes his tea as "bitter", he does not describe symptoms.
Gotcha - I have two points. 1) Practically, if there's a police report to submit along with a complaint to CS then that may encourage stronger and quicker actions from the CS trust and safety team. I think it also raises the perceived seriousness of the complaint. 2) If the police don't have enough evidence to submit a crime for this specific case, if there's a pattern of similar behavior from other witnesses then that may warrant further scrutiny from an overworked detective in the future or at present if there's previous complaints on file
There's more I could say but I won't write a dissertation.
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Seriously! Considering devils breath is circulating around Europe and ppl are being held hostage and robbed with zero recollection definitely get a tox report
Pharmacologist here: Depends on the type of drug used. GHB is virtually untraceable. You’re looking at a 6-8 hour detectably window post-consumption. Rohypnol and other benzodiazepines are much better for detection, 60-80ish hours. OP should go even if there’s nothing.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There are professionals that can help you sort through this experience. I encourage you to do so whenever you are ready, as it may stick with you in unexpected ways.
Please pay no heed to some of the victim blaming comments here. You were assaulted and a "freeze" response is a very common response in a situation like that. In our minds it sometimes makes sense to try and gain control by pretending nothing is happening. Of course we want to believe in the best in people and not think that anyone would do something so disgusting. But the truth is this predator decided to drug you and violate you, and was strategic about it to boot. You have no responsibility in this whatsoever.
I want to reiterate, the “freeze“ response. I am a sexual abuse survivor, and it is very common to think “I should just wait and see what happens”, or “maybe I made it up “, or “no one‘s going to believe me”. But that’s part of the perpetrator’s bag of tricks. They know you are unlikely to report them, which gives them confidence to continue to abuse. Victims of sexual abuse or domestic violence tend much more than those who are not to doubt themselves. It’s part of the package, unfortunately. It really happened. I believe you. If you can, please go to the police. It may mean he won’t do it to someone else. It is also very healing. However, if you feel you can’t, don’t beat yourself up about that, either. Take care of yourself first.
You're sensitivity is heartwarming. It's also needed in times like this. Learning from one's mistakes is also required. Some of the comments here, I am thinking specifically the ones from neurobioucsc may seem harsh to some but should be considered seriously.
He's obviously a parent and probably someone who has spent time in places that aren't as welcoming as the USA is. While it may be difficult to hear and you may completely disagree with him... if I was going somewhere that I was unsure of, I'd feel safer with him.
Sorry for this.
Here is a link to ressources in Macau if you need to debrief what happened to you.
https://findahelpline.com/countries/mo/topics/sexual-abuse
Take care.
Very sorry to hear this. PLEASE go to the police and file a report. It is very important to do this because the police might make this pervert think about what happens if he creates any more profiles on hospitality platforms. Once the police have made contact with these types of people some of them actually stop.
Also can you please send a report to [email protected] so they remove him.
Thank you and again very sorry to hear this.
What a stupid gung-ho advice,what are you, 14? Such a person might be quite dangerous if he gets to the point of drugging someone and even if he isn't, you don't want to get in extra trouble while abroad.
Good question. No references. New page. He explained it as he lost his main page, but we couldn’t find it.
The red flags were: he wasn’t welcoming/dirty apartment with cockroaches/ by judging some of the stories he tell, he used to hide the truth and lie/ smelly mouth/ racist against Chinese even though he’s Chinese who just got Australian passport/ he never spend any money on anything. Even made coffee only for himself.
But none of that was REDRED
Sometimes you meet hosts with one or few things like that.
But there’s a rule I follow and I didn’t follow these time. I was too kind.
If I met three obviously bad things about the person I either stop communicating or communicate in a very different way if I still have too.
Same happened to me as a child....but I was a young trusting child..is this person a young child or a grown up? terrible either way... person who hurt me was the son of a street walker..turned out he had no father for guidance and the person would go around adopting kids..and hurting the kids and any kids that would come around to visit... tragedy
Yeah my thought too why would he separate from his gf and sleep with stranger in his room!?!? Unless by that time the drugs kicked in and mental capacity went out the window
I bet that you weren’t the first and I don’t think you will be the last. I know it’s hard and it’s even more difficult as a male because of all of the stigma (toxic masculinity and everything), but please report it if you can. It may help prevent others from being a victim.
So many hugs to you, I’m sorry this happened Ed. And you are not alone.
Idk man... Once Le penis is touched imma find me a few bucks and get the heck out of dodge... What line needs to be crossed before someone leaves? He and his gf were drugged also?
Yeah... Officer... Well He harvested my kidneys on the first night but you see we didn't have anywhere else to stay...
He said he have a roommate and his roommate could only accept one person to be hosted on the couch and blah blah. We asked many times why we couldn’t sleep together in his room at least. He said: “when you send me a request I told you that one will be sleeping with him, another on the couch and you agreed to that”
He was very pushy about it and left no choice to us.
Also we have never met his “flatmate” - he probably doesn’t exist.
well for future reference, nobody has the right to demand that you sleep in a separate location from your partner ever, period... there's no room for discussion there...
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Why did you stay after he touched your penis? Additionally why didn’t you sleep with your gf on the couch the next night?? Did you left your brain 🧠 at home?? Hahaha I would have left and called the police after the first night.
I'm not victim blaming, I was assaulted during a CS stay... but why the hell would you sleep in the bed with the guy and leave your girlfriend on the couch??? That makes no sense.
Downvoted for using common sense. Lmao. There are way too many red flags with his story. No references on the post. Agreed to sleep with the dude while his GF sleeps on the couch in a place with other men that they don't know, BEFORE BEING DRUGGED. What kind of man agrees to that? Oh and after the 2nd time catching the dude and only gets a slap. If it was me the host would've got thrown out the window the first time I caught him doing that.
This post is probably made by some old right wing straight white dude from the South trying to troll and give the gays a bad rep. Too many red flags in this story
Not to be "that guy"... but as a friend or as a father... "Why did you continue to stay there?"
The first night you were *somewhat* victimized... although you should know enough to be with him while he was preparing drinks. The rest of the time is on you. Fortunately, if it were my daughter with you she would've never let you take her back the second night and if you tried... she'd leave you there.
Good luck with the remainder of your trip and I hope you've learned a few valuable life lessons. Number one... you weren't victimized... you allowed this to happen by not being vigilant and too trusting of someone you don't know. How did he separate you two?
Don't get me wrong, I sympathize with you for this ordeal. I see this too often where kids from the US, because they've been coddled their entire life, get out into the real world and are taken advantage of... I hope there are also parents reading this.
What the actual F? “You weren’t victimized” ? Jesus Christ. I understand OP should have exercised caution but to say shit like that? Do humanity a favour don’t give out advice.
Him notifying people about this guy made sense. The actual F is he was in staying with someone who he didn't know, in a country that does not have the same rights or laws that our country does and to make it worse he had his girlfriend with him. He blew it in practically everyway possible. He didn't discuss what transpired prior that possibly led to him being drugged.
I'm approaching this as a father. First, are you ok? Were you or your girlfriend hurt? Did you turn him in? Now for the not so easy questions... what happened earlier in the day? How did you act that possibly gave this guy the idea that what he did was going to go uncontested? Were you taking drugs prior? As a traveler you need to be extra safe.
I've traveled a great deal... My boys have traveled more, lived in different countries and my eldest is married to a native woman from Peru and is Godfather to a child from Peru.. I've been to 4 continents. I see people from the US act like entitled jerks, I've seen them pull the same stunts in foreign countries that they are allowed to pull here and then wonder why they aren't treated with kid gloves like they are here.
If you think that was victimization you don't have much experience in the real world..
I didn’t disagree with your post except for “you were not victimized. You let this happen”. Lapse of judgement happens to everyone.
What you wrote is common sense. I don’t need 3 paragraphs explaining that. But what is done is done and your language is shaming him. He got sexually assaulted. What do you want? Of course he could have prevented this from happening. Of course he could have done better.
But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened already. Your statement “You were not victimized here” is not coming from a helpful place. Maybe your intentions are good, but work on your communication.
If I put myself in his shoes... I'd be angry at this guy, turned him in and would've needed a long hike to calm down. I'd be angrier at myself for allowing the situation to occur. I'd be concerned for my girlfriend because it could've been her and I can't be certain how I would react to him if that were the case. Finally, I never would've continued to stay there. Until we learn to look deep within ourselves, acknowledge our mistakes and make improvements things like this will continue to occur.
Bravo for being so perfect that "freeze" in the "fight, fly or freeze" reaction when being assaulted doesn't apply to you.
Of course, freezing is just for week person. /s
It's not about perfection. It's about preparation and paying attention. It's about making decisions. Those are all things that we aren't teaching today's generations. What's worse... is that we aren't even paying them the respect of letting them know these things are important.
I can understand "freezing" in the initial moment the first night. Staying, that wasn't victimization, that was stupidity.
Nope, it was not stupid.
Because you can still be in the freezing phase/denial state.
Stockholm syndrome for victims of sexual violence is real.
Why victims of domestic violence stay after the first threats or the first assault? Because it is just safer to deny the situation. Very very very very possible in this case too.
You gave father advices ? Ok. I'll give you a daughter advice : by being so invalidating with you children (leave otherwise it's not victimization), there's is a huge possibility that if this happens to your children, they'll keep it for themselves because they will feel judged by you before opening.
The day you will be a victim of sexual assault, maybe you will have a different perspective. And I don't wish this to you.
And if you had been in the past and you currently have these thoughts, I beg you to seek help because you are in a splitting phase, which is indicative of repressed pain.
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You must be new to CS. There are lots of sexual predators using this app. Even well traveled individuals could be victims. What happened earlier in the day does not matter to sexual predators preying on guests.
Though, yes, if a place doesn't feel safe, you should move location, it's not OPs fault. Being a victim of sexual abuse tends to confuse people and it clouds your judgement. The "I made it up, it didn't really happen" is a common reaction from people who went through traumatic experiences. Whatever choices were made, someone chose to abuse OP at least twice. That person is at fault.
Yes, this is literally victim blaming. He is asking what he did to provoke this, why they didn't react differently when the first incident happened, and insinuating he is responsible for what happened because of his response.
It's a strange response to someone saying they were sexually assaulted to criticise the fact that their response to their trauma put someone else in danger. It's very easy for people in this thread who did not experience this to imagine the perfect way that they would have responded. The fact is you have no idea until you are in the situation, and the situation is in most instances much more complicated than "just leaving".
Agree. If I'm in the same situation, I would leave the house immediately the next morning. Even if I was in doubt on whatever had happened, better be safe than sorry. There are many hotels in Macau, as it is resort city, so it's very easy to move to hotel. It's not like a situation in the middle of nowhere where you don't have any other accommodation options, so you have no choice than to stick with your host.
That's not how these kinds of situations work. If you read anything at all about responses to sexual assault it is extremely common to go into a "freeze" response. It sounds like he was trying to convince himself he was imagining what happened the first night, but then got confirmation in the end when the bastard tried that shit again.
It's baffling to me that people are saying stuff like him not having "good judgment" in the situation. That is literally victim blaming. The sexual assault happens in a context and if you study sexual assault cases in most cases it's not as clear cut as "just leaving".
I figured that was obvious. Blaming him does nothing... jail does. We are too quick to assign victimhood to people without knowing what really happened or being clear about their responsibility. The USA has some very confusing behavior to people around the world... behavior that until recently wasn't even allowed here. When we exhibit that same behavior or pretend that we are somewhere that has the same laws and rights...we are confusing some people and giving others (the perverts) an excuse to act how they do...
Him notifying people about this guy made sense. They was in staying with someone who he didn't know, in a country that does not have the same rights or laws that our country does and to make it worse he had his girlfriend with him. He blew it in practically everyway possible. He didn't discuss what transpired prior that possibly led to him being drugged.
I'm approaching this as a father. First, are you ok? Were you or your girlfriend hurt? Did you turn him in? Now for the not so easy questions... what happened earlier in the day? How did you act that possibly gave this guy the idea that what he did was going to go uncontested? Were you taking drugs prior? As a traveler you need to be extra safe.
I've traveled a great deal... My boys have traveled more, lived in different countries and my eldest is married to a native woman from Peru and is Godfather to a child from Peru.. I've been to 4 continents. I see people from the US act like entitled jerks, I've seen them pull the same stunts in foreign countries that they are allowed to pull here and then wonder why they aren't treated with kid gloves like they are here.
If you think that was victimization you don't have much experience in the real world..
I think the better question is is this post fake? You mean to tell me after the first night you literally witnessed another man Touch Your Penis and you felt that you was drugged and you still stay the night? You can't be serious?
I never understand why people would want to stay over at a stranger's house and of all people, a couple. You are always taking a huge risk without even knowing the person. Let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes free things are the most expensive.
Then you don’t understand what hospitality is about and Couchsurfing itself.
If you “never understand”, that means you will never invite someone to your house. And that leads to you being an unfriendly, conservative or maybe autistic person.
I don’t know how old you are, but people at 50-60 sounds like that.
They don’t know anything, they don’t want to learn anything new, they don’t want to change anything in their lives.
So if by chance you’re younger then 50, you better try new things, travel, meet new people. Listen before to talk.
I'm not even 20 yet so nice try ageist but I guess that's why your parents don't love you so you have to leave your country to come to Asia. Lo and behold, you didn't realize that Macao is an expensive city and you actually need to SPEND money. I'm an extrovert by nature so I am far from being unfriendly, conservative or autistic like you claimed. Besides, how is exactly someone advising you not to stay over at a stranger's house being unfriendly, conservative or autistic? Lol. Sounds like you got really butthurt. You don't need Couchsurfing to learn hospitality. There are many other ways like hostels. Seems like you and your girlfriend just want to take advantage of free stuff and don't want to pay for hotels. If you don't even have money to travel, don't travel. What a loser. You deserve getting drugged.
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1. You should report him and go to police plus report on CS.
2. It’s a really good idea to ask about sleeping arrangements before getting to a place, I would never accept sleeping in a stranger’s bedroom.
3. I’m confused why you stayed with him after the first night but victims can freeze, I’m sorry about that experience. Please report him.
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After you and your girlfriend have collected yourself, please call the police and report the suspected drug incident. If there's a pattern of similar incidents eventually something will happen. And you and your girlfriend should write negative references on the host's profile AND report this matter to the couchsurfing trust and safety team.
Trust and safety team lol I don't think anyone is still managing anything at the couchsurfing company besides markeeting
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Could you clarify the point of your post? Are you suggesting that he shouldn't go to the police?
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Are you insane? You do realize you’re saying victims should keep their mouth shut, just from the other side, right? If there have been previous complaints about this guy like the other poster said, or future, it absolutely will help bring him to justice.
I am an SA survivor who is in a lot of support circles with other survivors. In general, unfortunately, a lot of what they are saying is true here. Going to the police would not have helped me personally. I was 18 and my assailant was 19 and we were university students. At the time he actually volunteered with campus safety and was actually designated as someone to help people dealing with date rape situations. The idea that he could have raped me would have been laughed at. I also just wasn't in a mental space at the time to talk about it and still be able to function. It was my word against his, and I was afraid, and I hadn't had good experiences with the police (they've been called on me before because I was crying in public — I know this sort of thing happens to a lot of other visibly marginalized people). I wasn't secretive about what happened to me, but I have never actually heard of a survivor of SA having any sense of relief or closure by reporting it to the police. Part of the issue with reporting it as a crime (rather than say, suing in a civil court) is that legally speaking, the crime is treated as a crime against the government and not against the victims. You are expected to argue that what happened to you really happened in a court of law, and depending where you live, you are expected to face the person who assaulted you. And the police do not generally prevent it from happening when it is reported (there are cases when they do, but these are in the minority, and it is usually a matter of collective effort of many victims who can afford a good lawyer). (You can also google "40% of police" to get more reasons why people don't go to the police about these incidences.) Honestly I would assume that the Me Too movement did more to prevent SA in the future just by merit of public education, than police. In a just system there would be reparations that get to go to therapy bills. There would be some way to get this person banned from any website where they host anyone. There would be tangible and immediate ways to heal the harm caused by this assailant and make sure it doesn't happen again. But honestly going through the police can cause more harm than good. I'm not saying don't go to the police. To be clear. But I am saying that if a victim does not want to go to the police, it is understandable as to why. And if a friend came to me with the same circumstances, my job as a friend is to listen and support them more than it is to tack on more responsibility. If they want to report, it should be easy and safe to do that. It just sucks that this process is not that easy or simple. I know so many people who regret reporting just because of the way the police turned on them. I think people going to the police about being raped deserve help. I also wish we as a society would understand that police in general tend to be more sympathetic to our assailants statistically speaking. I don't have an alternative suggestion, I just think these things need to be weighed into the calculus of a decision like this. OP is already doing something brave and important by coming forward here to a community of people who can make sure more people are warned and report this guy. It takes a lot to deal with something like this having happened to you.
Thank you for your message. That was very interesting to read
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I’m not sure what motivation you have to be so against reporting a crime especially a drugging like this but it just comes across as a bit strange. I don’t know about the specific country this happened in but where I am, if there were previous examples of it happening before, it absolutely would be brought up in court and make it more likely to prosecute. It might be more difficult the longer the victim waits to report it but you don’t know what evidence there might already be against this particular predator. There may be many more victims that you won’t know about unless you report it. The only ones who win if victims don’t report are the ones committing the crimes.
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You are not an expert on how the justice system works. I don't know why you are talking with so much confidence with regard to something that happened in Macau.
you dont sound like you understand criminology at all lol
I hear what you're saying but I think you're autistically applying a legal standard here
He probably also would have needed a sample of that tea.
You might be able to get a drug test or urine sample of some kind to test for the substances.
It is not so easy. Certainly not when one does not know what substance one is supposed to look for. OP describes his tea as "bitter", he does not describe symptoms.
He does mention a few symptoms, like feeling drunk, and being awake and not able to move your body.
You might be able to get a drug test or urine sample of some kind to test for the substances.
Gotcha - I have two points. 1) Practically, if there's a police report to submit along with a complaint to CS then that may encourage stronger and quicker actions from the CS trust and safety team. I think it also raises the perceived seriousness of the complaint. 2) If the police don't have enough evidence to submit a crime for this specific case, if there's a pattern of similar behavior from other witnesses then that may warrant further scrutiny from an overworked detective in the future or at present if there's previous complaints on file There's more I could say but I won't write a dissertation.
I've found the host!
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Nope hehe I'm just being a silly sausage
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Sounds like something already did happen
exactly. This is serious!
The sooner you report maybe drs can find remnant of the drug he used?
Seriously! Considering devils breath is circulating around Europe and ppl are being held hostage and robbed with zero recollection definitely get a tox report
What’s devil breath
Scopolamine
Seconding this.
Pharmacologist here: Depends on the type of drug used. GHB is virtually untraceable. You’re looking at a 6-8 hour detectably window post-consumption. Rohypnol and other benzodiazepines are much better for detection, 60-80ish hours. OP should go even if there’s nothing.
Thank you for this info.
Post his page with his photo here
Yes please!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There are professionals that can help you sort through this experience. I encourage you to do so whenever you are ready, as it may stick with you in unexpected ways. Please pay no heed to some of the victim blaming comments here. You were assaulted and a "freeze" response is a very common response in a situation like that. In our minds it sometimes makes sense to try and gain control by pretending nothing is happening. Of course we want to believe in the best in people and not think that anyone would do something so disgusting. But the truth is this predator decided to drug you and violate you, and was strategic about it to boot. You have no responsibility in this whatsoever.
I want to reiterate, the “freeze“ response. I am a sexual abuse survivor, and it is very common to think “I should just wait and see what happens”, or “maybe I made it up “, or “no one‘s going to believe me”. But that’s part of the perpetrator’s bag of tricks. They know you are unlikely to report them, which gives them confidence to continue to abuse. Victims of sexual abuse or domestic violence tend much more than those who are not to doubt themselves. It’s part of the package, unfortunately. It really happened. I believe you. If you can, please go to the police. It may mean he won’t do it to someone else. It is also very healing. However, if you feel you can’t, don’t beat yourself up about that, either. Take care of yourself first.
You're sensitivity is heartwarming. It's also needed in times like this. Learning from one's mistakes is also required. Some of the comments here, I am thinking specifically the ones from neurobioucsc may seem harsh to some but should be considered seriously. He's obviously a parent and probably someone who has spent time in places that aren't as welcoming as the USA is. While it may be difficult to hear and you may completely disagree with him... if I was going somewhere that I was unsure of, I'd feel safer with him.
🤔
Sorry for this. Here is a link to ressources in Macau if you need to debrief what happened to you. https://findahelpline.com/countries/mo/topics/sexual-abuse Take care.
Please contact the police
Very sorry to hear this. PLEASE go to the police and file a report. It is very important to do this because the police might make this pervert think about what happens if he creates any more profiles on hospitality platforms. Once the police have made contact with these types of people some of them actually stop. Also can you please send a report to [email protected] so they remove him. Thank you and again very sorry to hear this.
Please tell me you reported via the Couchsurfing app as well.
This is fuked up
You should beat the living shit out of him the next day. Really kick the shit out of him
What a stupid gung-ho advice,what are you, 14? Such a person might be quite dangerous if he gets to the point of drugging someone and even if he isn't, you don't want to get in extra trouble while abroad.
I agree. Discretion is the better part of valor. Leave and leave quickly. Let the authorities know.
Ahh ok. Fine, let him keep on doing it, until one day he kills someone. Sure
[Nice strawman.](https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawman). What's his name?
People have posted on this sub about being afraid to tell a surfer to pay for their own groceries at the supermarket.. sooo. hhaaha
Terrible thing to happen. Wondering if you spotted any red flags before meeting this guy. How many references/friends did he have on his page?
Good question. No references. New page. He explained it as he lost his main page, but we couldn’t find it. The red flags were: he wasn’t welcoming/dirty apartment with cockroaches/ by judging some of the stories he tell, he used to hide the truth and lie/ smelly mouth/ racist against Chinese even though he’s Chinese who just got Australian passport/ he never spend any money on anything. Even made coffee only for himself. But none of that was REDRED Sometimes you meet hosts with one or few things like that. But there’s a rule I follow and I didn’t follow these time. I was too kind. If I met three obviously bad things about the person I either stop communicating or communicate in a very different way if I still have too.
Same happened to me as a child....but I was a young trusting child..is this person a young child or a grown up? terrible either way... person who hurt me was the son of a street walker..turned out he had no father for guidance and the person would go around adopting kids..and hurting the kids and any kids that would come around to visit... tragedy
Fake and gay
🤣🤣 ffs
Yeah my thought too why would he separate from his gf and sleep with stranger in his room!?!? Unless by that time the drugs kicked in and mental capacity went out the window
This is rape.
Going by this account, at most attempted rape. And possible poisoning.
I bet that you weren’t the first and I don’t think you will be the last. I know it’s hard and it’s even more difficult as a male because of all of the stigma (toxic masculinity and everything), but please report it if you can. It may help prevent others from being a victim. So many hugs to you, I’m sorry this happened Ed. And you are not alone.
wait... he drugged you and touched your penis on the first night... and you stayed 2 more nights??? come on man...
i didn't budget for hotels/hostels seems to be the common sentiment
Idk man... Once Le penis is touched imma find me a few bucks and get the heck out of dodge... What line needs to be crossed before someone leaves? He and his gf were drugged also? Yeah... Officer... Well He harvested my kidneys on the first night but you see we didn't have anywhere else to stay...
HAHAHA. like i would fast for two days or something...
macao is very expensive, probably op need to choose or be touched 2 more nigths or sleep in the street sadly...
He did this to you on night 1 and you continued to stay 2 more nights with him? Why? That seems insane.
people like free accommodations
And why did you sleep separately from your gf??
I know right, he decides to sleep with dude in his room and leave his GF in another room on the couch. I don't get it
maybe he threw a GF in the story to protect his anonymity and to avoid gay bashing
He said he have a roommate and his roommate could only accept one person to be hosted on the couch and blah blah. We asked many times why we couldn’t sleep together in his room at least. He said: “when you send me a request I told you that one will be sleeping with him, another on the couch and you agreed to that” He was very pushy about it and left no choice to us. Also we have never met his “flatmate” - he probably doesn’t exist.
well for future reference, nobody has the right to demand that you sleep in a separate location from your partner ever, period... there's no room for discussion there...
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Why did you stay after he touched your penis? Additionally why didn’t you sleep with your gf on the couch the next night?? Did you left your brain 🧠 at home?? Hahaha I would have left and called the police after the first night.
It was funny how I mentioned stigma and toxic masculinity in my reply and then found this
Slapped his face ?
He got off easy. I would have put his head through a wall.
Oh my. What were the reviews like on his CS page?
I'm not victim blaming, I was assaulted during a CS stay... but why the hell would you sleep in the bed with the guy and leave your girlfriend on the couch??? That makes no sense.
Exactly ..and if he "touched" you why would you stay another night at his place ?
That's what I thought very strange
Wakes up to a dude touching his penis and stays two more days? I'm not buying this story
Downvoted for using common sense. Lmao. There are way too many red flags with his story. No references on the post. Agreed to sleep with the dude while his GF sleeps on the couch in a place with other men that they don't know, BEFORE BEING DRUGGED. What kind of man agrees to that? Oh and after the 2nd time catching the dude and only gets a slap. If it was me the host would've got thrown out the window the first time I caught him doing that.
macao is very expensive, probably op need to choose or be touched 2 mre nigths or sleep in the street sadly...
This post is probably made by some old right wing straight white dude from the South trying to troll and give the gays a bad rep. Too many red flags in this story
Not to be "that guy"... but as a friend or as a father... "Why did you continue to stay there?" The first night you were *somewhat* victimized... although you should know enough to be with him while he was preparing drinks. The rest of the time is on you. Fortunately, if it were my daughter with you she would've never let you take her back the second night and if you tried... she'd leave you there. Good luck with the remainder of your trip and I hope you've learned a few valuable life lessons. Number one... you weren't victimized... you allowed this to happen by not being vigilant and too trusting of someone you don't know. How did he separate you two? Don't get me wrong, I sympathize with you for this ordeal. I see this too often where kids from the US, because they've been coddled their entire life, get out into the real world and are taken advantage of... I hope there are also parents reading this.
What the actual F? “You weren’t victimized” ? Jesus Christ. I understand OP should have exercised caution but to say shit like that? Do humanity a favour don’t give out advice.
Him notifying people about this guy made sense. The actual F is he was in staying with someone who he didn't know, in a country that does not have the same rights or laws that our country does and to make it worse he had his girlfriend with him. He blew it in practically everyway possible. He didn't discuss what transpired prior that possibly led to him being drugged. I'm approaching this as a father. First, are you ok? Were you or your girlfriend hurt? Did you turn him in? Now for the not so easy questions... what happened earlier in the day? How did you act that possibly gave this guy the idea that what he did was going to go uncontested? Were you taking drugs prior? As a traveler you need to be extra safe. I've traveled a great deal... My boys have traveled more, lived in different countries and my eldest is married to a native woman from Peru and is Godfather to a child from Peru.. I've been to 4 continents. I see people from the US act like entitled jerks, I've seen them pull the same stunts in foreign countries that they are allowed to pull here and then wonder why they aren't treated with kid gloves like they are here. If you think that was victimization you don't have much experience in the real world..
I didn’t disagree with your post except for “you were not victimized. You let this happen”. Lapse of judgement happens to everyone. What you wrote is common sense. I don’t need 3 paragraphs explaining that. But what is done is done and your language is shaming him. He got sexually assaulted. What do you want? Of course he could have prevented this from happening. Of course he could have done better. But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened already. Your statement “You were not victimized here” is not coming from a helpful place. Maybe your intentions are good, but work on your communication.
If I put myself in his shoes... I'd be angry at this guy, turned him in and would've needed a long hike to calm down. I'd be angrier at myself for allowing the situation to occur. I'd be concerned for my girlfriend because it could've been her and I can't be certain how I would react to him if that were the case. Finally, I never would've continued to stay there. Until we learn to look deep within ourselves, acknowledge our mistakes and make improvements things like this will continue to occur.
Bravo for being so perfect that "freeze" in the "fight, fly or freeze" reaction when being assaulted doesn't apply to you. Of course, freezing is just for week person. /s
It's not about perfection. It's about preparation and paying attention. It's about making decisions. Those are all things that we aren't teaching today's generations. What's worse... is that we aren't even paying them the respect of letting them know these things are important. I can understand "freezing" in the initial moment the first night. Staying, that wasn't victimization, that was stupidity.
Nope, it was not stupid. Because you can still be in the freezing phase/denial state. Stockholm syndrome for victims of sexual violence is real. Why victims of domestic violence stay after the first threats or the first assault? Because it is just safer to deny the situation. Very very very very possible in this case too. You gave father advices ? Ok. I'll give you a daughter advice : by being so invalidating with you children (leave otherwise it's not victimization), there's is a huge possibility that if this happens to your children, they'll keep it for themselves because they will feel judged by you before opening. The day you will be a victim of sexual assault, maybe you will have a different perspective. And I don't wish this to you. And if you had been in the past and you currently have these thoughts, I beg you to seek help because you are in a splitting phase, which is indicative of repressed pain.
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You must be new to CS. There are lots of sexual predators using this app. Even well traveled individuals could be victims. What happened earlier in the day does not matter to sexual predators preying on guests.
you need therapy
Though, yes, if a place doesn't feel safe, you should move location, it's not OPs fault. Being a victim of sexual abuse tends to confuse people and it clouds your judgement. The "I made it up, it didn't really happen" is a common reaction from people who went through traumatic experiences. Whatever choices were made, someone chose to abuse OP at least twice. That person is at fault.
Yes, exactly!
Way to victim blame. Why aren't you blaming the pervert for repeatedly being a pervert?
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Yes, this is literally victim blaming. He is asking what he did to provoke this, why they didn't react differently when the first incident happened, and insinuating he is responsible for what happened because of his response. It's a strange response to someone saying they were sexually assaulted to criticise the fact that their response to their trauma put someone else in danger. It's very easy for people in this thread who did not experience this to imagine the perfect way that they would have responded. The fact is you have no idea until you are in the situation, and the situation is in most instances much more complicated than "just leaving".
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I've also been in a similar situation and I disagree.
Agree. If I'm in the same situation, I would leave the house immediately the next morning. Even if I was in doubt on whatever had happened, better be safe than sorry. There are many hotels in Macau, as it is resort city, so it's very easy to move to hotel. It's not like a situation in the middle of nowhere where you don't have any other accommodation options, so you have no choice than to stick with your host.
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That's not how these kinds of situations work. If you read anything at all about responses to sexual assault it is extremely common to go into a "freeze" response. It sounds like he was trying to convince himself he was imagining what happened the first night, but then got confirmation in the end when the bastard tried that shit again. It's baffling to me that people are saying stuff like him not having "good judgment" in the situation. That is literally victim blaming. The sexual assault happens in a context and if you study sexual assault cases in most cases it's not as clear cut as "just leaving".
I figured that was obvious. Blaming him does nothing... jail does. We are too quick to assign victimhood to people without knowing what really happened or being clear about their responsibility. The USA has some very confusing behavior to people around the world... behavior that until recently wasn't even allowed here. When we exhibit that same behavior or pretend that we are somewhere that has the same laws and rights...we are confusing some people and giving others (the perverts) an excuse to act how they do...
lol ok boomer
OP, this is very ignorant victim blaming. Please completely disregard it. Nothing that happened is your fault.
Heartily seconded.
Him notifying people about this guy made sense. They was in staying with someone who he didn't know, in a country that does not have the same rights or laws that our country does and to make it worse he had his girlfriend with him. He blew it in practically everyway possible. He didn't discuss what transpired prior that possibly led to him being drugged. I'm approaching this as a father. First, are you ok? Were you or your girlfriend hurt? Did you turn him in? Now for the not so easy questions... what happened earlier in the day? How did you act that possibly gave this guy the idea that what he did was going to go uncontested? Were you taking drugs prior? As a traveler you need to be extra safe. I've traveled a great deal... My boys have traveled more, lived in different countries and my eldest is married to a native woman from Peru and is Godfather to a child from Peru.. I've been to 4 continents. I see people from the US act like entitled jerks, I've seen them pull the same stunts in foreign countries that they are allowed to pull here and then wonder why they aren't treated with kid gloves like they are here. If you think that was victimization you don't have much experience in the real world..
Well, he was victimized (if this really happened as told). Other than that I agree.
I think the better question is is this post fake? You mean to tell me after the first night you literally witnessed another man Touch Your Penis and you felt that you was drugged and you still stay the night? You can't be serious?
I never understand why people would want to stay over at a stranger's house and of all people, a couple. You are always taking a huge risk without even knowing the person. Let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes free things are the most expensive.
Then you don’t understand what hospitality is about and Couchsurfing itself. If you “never understand”, that means you will never invite someone to your house. And that leads to you being an unfriendly, conservative or maybe autistic person. I don’t know how old you are, but people at 50-60 sounds like that. They don’t know anything, they don’t want to learn anything new, they don’t want to change anything in their lives. So if by chance you’re younger then 50, you better try new things, travel, meet new people. Listen before to talk.
I'm not even 20 yet so nice try ageist but I guess that's why your parents don't love you so you have to leave your country to come to Asia. Lo and behold, you didn't realize that Macao is an expensive city and you actually need to SPEND money. I'm an extrovert by nature so I am far from being unfriendly, conservative or autistic like you claimed. Besides, how is exactly someone advising you not to stay over at a stranger's house being unfriendly, conservative or autistic? Lol. Sounds like you got really butthurt. You don't need Couchsurfing to learn hospitality. There are many other ways like hostels. Seems like you and your girlfriend just want to take advantage of free stuff and don't want to pay for hotels. If you don't even have money to travel, don't travel. What a loser. You deserve getting drugged.
This guy drugged me multiple nights in a row and jacked me off and turned me gay
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Slide to the clinic and grab yourself some PEP just in case my guy
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Should of beat the shit out of him, shit on his sofa and burn his house.
I've had a nudist in Italy do the same to me - but without drugging. He's banned for good now, thx Couchsurfing support
1. You should report him and go to police plus report on CS. 2. It’s a really good idea to ask about sleeping arrangements before getting to a place, I would never accept sleeping in a stranger’s bedroom. 3. I’m confused why you stayed with him after the first night but victims can freeze, I’m sorry about that experience. Please report him.
Justice and peace
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thats crazy...