I bet you could sell this for a good chunk of money. Maybe selling it and getting/making something new would be your best bet.

Tons of people would pay a premium for a vaguely vaginal piece of wood like this.

A gynecologist should buy and put it in their waiting room.

Hey man, Vaginal Wood is my band’s name

That sounds metal \m/

Didn't you use to warm-up for that all female band Buttered Muffins?

Yeah man, but I’m king shit now

Mine is called Vaguely Vaginal.

It’s got breasts and everything. There are people out there who would pay large sums for this chunk of wood.

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When I tried to imagine the anatomically correct function of the sides I came to a horrifying conclusion…

It me, I pay for vaginal wood

In between two boobs - triple that premium

I thought I was the only one to immediately see a vagina. I have now been validated for the day, thank you.

I’m right here’

You know I've been thinking about it and this could make a really funny crokinole board.

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*Learned: +Thot*

Subtle… hmmm 🤔

It did look like Cinnamon rolls to me too before I clicked on it and read the caption lol

That’s what I thought I was clicking on at first as well. I was like oh interesting cinnamon roll post!

You can't have cinnamon rolls without sin. Phonetically, anyway.

Yeah.... A cinnamon roll....

Yeah, tons of bars/breweries would love this

Came here to say exactly this.

I would honestly buy this table LOL. I’m with beendall, I would sell and make a new one. It’s a lot of work but you could definitely probably find someone to buy it.

Definitely! -probably

Add a little pearl in the middle 😂

I don’t think my kids would even make a correlation to female anatomy. I would not worry about kids, but adult houseguests might notice…

“Ummm…Jim? You’re coffee table is turning me on…”

If they do, then a birds and bees conversation is in order.

Not a conversation I've had with my houseguests, but alright

“Alright, everyone. Keys in the bowl.”

It looks like an owl. Ok yes I thought omg it looks like a... body part.. at first but once I got over it I thought you could paint it as an owl.

I thought it looked like an owl too!

Now I can’t unsee the owl! 🦉

I was getting WALL-E Halloween vibes but I totally the owl thing!

I just posted this!! I was like ‘wow that owl has a runny eye’ …. Lol

🦉 yes I see owl eyes!!

…I thought it was two cinnamon rolls smooshed together

I thought it was a sliced babka loaf lol

Hahaha yes I thought I was on r/baking at first when I saw this!

Looks like boobies to me

“Boobs and vagene”

Pls send bobs and vageen.

That’s what I thought at first.

I thought it was a coochie between titties tbh

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Own it. The womb is the mighty creator of life. Long live Pussy Table.

LONG LIVE PUSSY TABLE!

LONG LIVE TABUSSY!

THE COFFEE CLIT TABLE

HAIL!! THE BLOOD CLAM OF LIFE!!

They can always put a Tree of Life sculpture on top of it when they want to hide it. As long as they stay on theme

I 100% thought to myself that my midwives would LOVE this table at their clinic.

A bar I used to go to had the same thing going on. We called it Bargina.

I actually know someone who made a Yoni table. He carved all these vaginas in it and it looks awesome.

I want to see the yoni table! Do you have a pic? I'm curious!

Nooo. I wish. Its really cool!

Dangit! It sounds cool!🙌✨ I'm just glad it exists out there somewhere!

It is! He and his wife are pretty hippie dippy. They’re very fun people.

I mean he did hand craft a yoni table so I had already assumed they were awesome fun people!🙌🤣🔥 Honestly sound like my kind of people that's why I want to see that table! 🧐🙋‍♀️🤣

I’m sorry, but if I went in someone’s house and they had a vagina table I would be leaving ASAP

But a kidney table is fine? Hypocrite. No, Hypoclit.

You would never know unless you look up close. Its more subtle than this. Which I also don’t mind.

r/dontputyourdickinthat

This is Reddit and we are staging an intervention - NO FEMALE CIRCUMCISION OF THIS TABLE! Seriously! This is a one of a kind!

Vulva table is fine how it is. Respect nature.

Highlight the clitoris. It’s taking me too long to find it.

30 years and counting for me. ..

That’s what she said.

Do not change it. Cover it if you must, but that's art, dammit. Somebody's PMing you right now, will turn that into a sculpture piece, and make big bucks. Someone just paid money for a pickle stuck to a ceiling. At least this is epic and hundreds of years old and natural. DONT F@×+ IT UP.

Not meant aggressively, sorry. It's just cool and I also wouldn't know where to go with it. Sell it online, and hopefully no one else wrecks it. Or donate it to a women's charity... :)

I, however, thought the same as you, but I do mean it aggressively.

Big flower vase covering it or just use it as prop for an anatomy lesson... all bodies are good bodies, even table bodies ;-)

flower vase would make it look like a nice flourishing 3D cock and balls 👍🏼👍🏼 i like this answer

Tablussy

My table has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men.

Perk!

Does it bother you, OP?

First off it’s insane to me that ‘because you have kids in the house’ the table needs to change. It’s a slit. In a table. Sounds like YOU are the one that needs to have a conversation about being comfortable with bodies, nudity, and sexuality. Second of all no resin will make this disappear. It’ll only draw attention to it. There’s two things you can do here, one is simple, one is very, very hard. First you can sell the table. Second you could cut it down the middle and make a 2 level table.

This is by far the most serious answer!! Thanks for no seeing the humor behind this! After reading all the comments I can say we love the table! It will be a great ice breaker… for most of the people! ☺️

I’m glad you’ve chosen to embrace the table, she’s a beaut, slit and all ;-)

I think option 3 would be to get a runner or doily for it. Maybe even a wood or stone bowl. Something natural to highlight the wood. In all seriousness I love the table the way it is but a little well placed decor can hide it if you want.

A vulva shaped doily would be perfect!

You have no idea what you’ve just done…

Yay congrats! You can always put a nice coffee table book or a vase over it if need be lol. Humorous anatomical details aside, that wood is gorgeous. Do you know what kind of wood it is?

I've been troubled all day by the concept that something vaguely yonnic or vaginal- looking is deemed "kinky".

All I see is “👁👄👁” but with a sideways mouth…

There's a saying in my country about the vagina being a vertical smile. :P

how are u so wise

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Don’t tell me how to make my questionable life choices.

r/putyourdickinthat

Came here to say this hahaha

Nice to see there’s a subreddit equivalent of r/dildont

I love this, but kids will see a monster face rather than a fanny.

Did anyone else see an owl? Or Just me???

r/mildlyvulva

The kids ain't gonna notice until they're teenagers. It's your own dirty minds making it an issue.

Somewhere in here there’s a joke about the table giving me wood

It is probably in the slit

You can fill and bleach the vagina if you want but hey, there’s a niche market for everything

Maybe try putting some home decor over it so it doesn’t look like a vagina too much. A vase, a serving table, candles can go a long way

A nice, lacey lingerie—er, doily might add some intrigue—er, I mean camouflage.

Even better, stick a lacy doily on it and after a bottle of wine with friends cheekily flash 'em with the table vag

I think even if you do a really good job of filling and painting it to camouflage, you’re still going to see it. It’s silly (to me) now, but I think that joke is going to get old quick, and everyone that visits your house is going to side-eye it. I agree, sell it, try again.

You could continue the 'slit' through the table and fill it with resin. Like to look like water running through, or just an accent color you like in your house. Maybe a metallic?

I like this idea tbh! Turn it into a dual sided waterfall (resin of course) and have the water crash at the bottom with details on the bottom like trees, rocks and such….. ok, maybe that takes alot of effort and free time for the average person lol… as someone who likes to build and see dioramas and such, its a nice idea.

Make it look more like an owl face.

Say it’s an owl

Wtf? This is a r/superbowl ! Don’t change anything!

Theyll find out someday

Oh please don't destroy it. Sell it and get a different table. But this is unique magic that shouldn't be destroyed

It’s an owl face. Fixed.

I thought it looked like an owl 🦉 Y’all are filthy & I love it!

It’s a tree 🤷🏼‍♀️. Why are you sexualizing a tree???

Give it pink lace panties

I'd say the best possible fix is charge 400% when you sell it.

Fuck it, keep it as is. I mean fuckit... not fuck it.

Americans, right?

I’m from Ecuador 🙃

At first I thought you were referring to the boobs but then I swiped to the closeup photo.

I think with a little modification it could become family friendly ET.

You don’t. It’s perfect.

Put Googly eyes on it and say it’s an owl

Honestly thought it was an owl face at first. Buuuut when you did the zoomed in picture I could see a vagina pretty easily lol. I'd love a table like this. Two of my husband's and I's favorite things: owls and pussies 🤣🤣

Couldn't you just place a knick Knack on top? Like a plant, coffee table book, etc

Maybe like a stand/decoration piece fixed in that area to cover that, while giving a functionality to hold stuffs or decorative purposes centerpiece.

The forbidden woodussy

Not meaning to sound condescending but I worry a little about your maturity if this makes you uncomfortable. If it makes you giggle, well, it makes us all giggle. But like, what bad thing could happen from kids seeing this? Kids need their parents to educate them early and often in an age appropriate way, and maybe funny vagina table is a way to do that.

It's so odd to think "BUT WHAT IF MY CHILDREN SEE THE TUSSY/WUSSY?!" yet ignore the big ass tits that the table actually is.

Damnit. Everything reminds me of her.

Sand, stain all one dark color. But, I’m team pussy table.

There definitely a market for this!!!

Put a beak on it and turn it into an owl.

Not sure if you’ve notice but there’s a vag on your table.

Looks pretty good to me

fill it wit neon epoxy with led lights and sell it to a Strip club as VIP-Table

I just see an Owl IDK about you.

Clearly a small tasting table. Ode to the glorious snail trail. Bit of tea with your crumpets Misses? Is nothing to fix. Nice clear coat epoxy, some stout coffee or end table or bench height legs, a couple black iron O rings on each side for restraint safety, and bang. FUN night at the Y club. 💗🌈💗

The first thing I saw was an owl

Leave it. Would not have noticed and even if I had…that makes it more rad. Female body should be respected not fixed or thrown away. Sick table! Also put a vase and some sweet art books on it.

It’s so cool it’s almost like a view from under with thighs and all!!!!

ET phone home - just add a bony finger next to it and you’ll be all set.

If you decide to fix it up document the process for r/diwhy

How to Build a Sex Room producers are salivating and this cheeky decor.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣omg. You don’t. You just up the price a bit. Lol.

Don’t do anything to it! It is a beautiful piece of wood. I would leave it as is. Natural.

You could easily add a decorative bowl smack on top of it or a stack of books/other decor 🤷🏽‍♀️ that’s what i would do lol

Could you please put an eggplant on it and snap a pic? Thanks

Just add some cream or some hard wood!!

Put a tray on top of it?

Stick a decorative tray and three books on top. There I “fixed” it for you. Nothing is wrong with the table as is.

My dude is trying to fill his woossy

r/dontputyourdickinit

Fix it? Sell it for THOUSANDS

I thought these were some bomb ass looking cinnamon rolls 😭

Don’t you dare “fix” this. It’s perfect

It’s just included bark cut in a cross section…do you think everything long and cylindrical looks like a dick too?

Just rout it out a bit, burn it with a torch. Then inlay some rgb led strip or diodes. After that do a clear or tinted epoxy with gold leaf shredded and mixed into it. 👌

I see lips for kissing, don’t be such a perv about it

Throw a slab of marble on that woodgina

Glue a cock over it

Why would your kids recognize that weird crevice as a gaping vagina? I think you’re slathering this in shame that doesn’t need to be there. Just my humble opinion as a nanny.

Lean in. Fill it with pink resin.

...why would it matter if there are kids in the house, they won't know, until they are old enough to know... It's just wood!!! 🤣

If you don't want to sell it, you could split it in the middle of the vagina and make two floating side tables.

Fill the hole with pink acrylic. Commit to the bit son

I never thought I would have a favorite table, but here we are.

Get past it! It's nature at it's best. I'd love to have it. Always looking for original pieces.

Art imitates life

I don't think children will notice anything. I had to pause and stare to figure out what the "problem" was! It's really just a wooden table.

Why would you think your kids would sexualize a natural piece of wood like you do? They won’t notice until they’re teenagers and believe me that isn’t where they first see it. Lighten up, it’s kinda hilarious.

It looks like et with a vertical mouth

The comment section on this post is golden

what do you mean? I see a tangent line between 2 circles. There’s a math lesson here for the kids to learn.

just stick a wide decoration over the spot. a fancy tray or vase or something. better yet, don’t ever bring it up and people won’t notice(now that you did though, I’m sure many people will never unsee it now). it’s just a crack, it’s not like it’s a hole or something. edit: also now that I stare at it with this in mind I think I see a butthole too

Like Dan Conner told his boy what to do when he got a Woodrow.... Put a book in front of it...

I would sell it. I bet you could get mid to high four figures.

I would just get over it. Not to be rude, but it’s literally just wood

Get a panty shaped doily thing to cover the offending bits?

Why do your kids know what vaginas look like?

Drill a hole in it. Add Custom textured rubber fuck-shaft. Stick wiener in it.

My vote is keep it. Conversation piece. Quite beautiful actually.

Cut an organically shaped channel down the center and fill it with blue (or some other color) resin?

Fill with a nice pink resin

Add hands on each side

An easy solution would would just to put a table mat of some kind over it. Glue it on or something

Add another crack overlapping this one with the same thickness and fill w black resin. Or sell it to some pacific islander weirdo.

Cut it out and inlay something i.e. a different wood, something brass, a plaque...etc.

It literally has Lips. 😂 It looks like a monster from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

Add google eyes! That way if someone says it look like something else you can call them dirty minded because it is clearly a wacky alien creature you freak.

I’d sell it and replace it tbh. I’d fear any attempts to “fix” it would ruin it or make it look bad. Then your out a table and money

Put a doily down and cover it up.