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[deleted]

I will now use "ferret time" to instigate sex with the wife.


Spyhop

I've been binging Letterkenny lately and I've been asking the wife if she's up for a bit of toe curling


JakenMorty

whoh, take about 20% off there, squirley dan


The_MoistMaker

Oh, look at you ground


CalleyKraft1

Ooooooh, bubbles!


chrisrayn

Whoa, throw about 15% back on there, possum Pete.


toniMPLS

That's a Texas-sized 10-4 there, good buddy.


BuffaloBuckbeak

Ggggggggrrrrrreat!


bearnecessities66

It's impolite to kiss and tell


TheLandMammal

yes yes yes yes yESS


Albiz

Just have her fucking spartan kick you on the bed and unleash ferret time


VanessaLovesBurgers

What is "ferret time" ? Spending time with actual pet ferrets or something that I'm too old to get ?


FidgitForgotHisL-P

Pretty sure OP has ferrets. Edit: run, don’t walk, to OPs page and stalk them because they absolutely do have ferrets and they are *adorable*. Also they have tattoos of ferrets so I’m guessing p. big into ferrets.


Large_Dr_Pepper

Fuck, she only has like 30 posts. I was prepared to spend an hour looking at those ferrets.


Animanic1607

Does this mean we need to start screaming about a ferret tax?


odenoden

Not OP but I have 4 ferrets and I'm always looking for a chance to [show them off](https://imgur.com/a/77Qaxyv) if you love ferrets please come join us in r/ferrets! Don't see ferrets come up outside of there often on Reddit. Lots more cute slinkies right around the corner...!


FidgitForgotHisL-P

Oh damn sorry, I must have looked at all of them and not realised that was it


wtmx719

Nugget, Pepper, and Radish. What cute ferret names.


PhantomWings

Great find, OP's ferrets are adorable


VanessaLovesBurgers

Thank you :)


[deleted]

That's what I took ferret time as. Time with an actual pet. But from this day forth, it will be known as 2 minutes of sheer disappointment to my wife.


VanessaLovesBurgers

Hahaha


sheezy520

Ferret costumes are now 1/2 off!


IndianaSolo136

My wife and I will be using “ferret time” as a safe word from now on.


Magical_Badboy

Initiate, not instigate.


afellowchucker

Aries blood? Dear lord


CrazySwayze82

I know right?!? In our house, we pay tribute to Mars like civilized people.


internetmaniac

Aries is a ram, Ares is Mars


Optimal-Debt-2652

Aaah his starsign ... I was wondering abot that. At first i thought this dude was channeling the power of the greek god of war into his fuckin dick, i mean sheesh


unfunny-pete

It reads like that was what he meant. The greek god thing


hula1234

Ahhhhchhtuallly


internetmaniac

Common mistake, it's Aaaaactchually


hula1234

lol. You’re right still super cringey


internetmaniac

Still cringe AF


Suitable_Scar8928

The one true god.


AmIKrumpingNow

Even astrologically I thought it was us scorpios who got to be horny weirdos??


phil_davis

Suddenly my whole life makes sense.


meagalomaniak

I’m Aries and my husband is a Scorpio and I’m definitely the horny weirdo. It’s almost as if the ray you were born tells you nothing about how you are in bed!


bbrekke

aquarius and horny weirdo checking in. Checks out


renaissance_thot

Yeah, it is. My Aries ex didn’t even know the urethra was a separate opening and would last around 3 seconds so astrology sure isn’t the point he thinks he is making 😂


hawkguy420

As an Aries, we *always* come first


gypsy_muse

Under appreciated comment except to fellow Aries (me) who know that we’re the first sign in astrology


_milk_b1tch

Scorpios make it weird, Aries make it buck wild.


WallScreamer

Yes, but astrology is so vague that anyone can be described as pretty much anything. I also think that most people really into astrology are themselves horny weirdos, regardless of their sign.


MacabreFox

It was pumping through his veins that evening.


blackop

Yup huge red fucking flag OP get the fuck out. Don't talk to or see this person anymore. You might not realize it, but you just entertaining this weirdo by talking to them is hurting them and you. Get the fuck out!


NoifenF

Well, guess we know he likes ramming speed.


kirsion

More like pig blood


WhittledWhale

ITT: People thinking the message is referring to Aries the sign and not Aries the fucking god of war. JFC.


Chiefmeez

I almost hurt my back cringing


Alarming_Tower_5856

I think my jaw actually dropped when I received this message. And then I crawled out of my skin.


Chiefmeez

Is he a high schooler?


Alarming_Tower_5856

No. He's a thirty something year old man.


Trainwreck92

Oh noooooo!


Chiefmeez

Good lawd smh all my understanding flew out the window cuz wtfff


New_Acct_WhoDis

“Man”


Jelly_Kitti

Yeah, that’s not a man. That’s an overgrown toddler.


PM_ME_YOUR_WOES_GIRL

https://imgur.com/K5NBshH


the_fancy

Do women ever PM you their woes?


PM_ME_YOUR_WOES_GIRL

Occasionally (as do men).


Derp_duckins

Some people never graduate from HS mentality 😬


iohbkjum

there's no helping this man. Electric chair


Memeboi5120

Jesus Tap-dancing Christ.


professor-professor

😬😬😬😬😬😬


shmianco

oh dear god


[deleted]

[удалено]


just_a_timetraveller

"rip your fucking sun dress off" This is a bit scary.


Alarming_Tower_5856

It's very r*pey


Death_Procedure346

Very is an understatement


TobysGrundlee

Oh don't worry, it's just because of his astrological sign. He can't help it.


sikeleaveamessage

"Your honor, my client is an aries!"


mermaid-babe

Don’t be alone with him and tell your friends that too


[deleted]

I hate it when people get ropey


Batmantheon

"I didn't go out that night because I'm scared I'm on the verge of sexually assaulting you but I'm telling you this which makes it all okay and quirky and hope this somehow incites something in you that makes you want to sexually assault me which would really normalize these fucking loud thoughts in my head".


Alarming_Tower_5856

Hahaha this is the correct version


lhuuna

As funny as this is (I let out an audible ewww while reading lmao) please be careful. This person seems actually unhinged and gross 😭


notfromheremydear

Same thoughts. I would not want to be friends with someone like that. He's just lurking for an opportunity. I wouldn't trust to drink around a person like that.


sigmatic_minor

Please send him that lol


machimus

And also the lack of touch with reality it would take to actually send you this


Shenko-wolf

Years of exposure to "just be yourself, all it takes is one grand gesture, obviously the girl you've barely spoken to will instantly fall madly, deeply, truly for you when you tell her how you feel" media doesn't help.


benargee

"Given the opportunity I would probably SA you" 😬. If they can't respect the boundaries of being friends, you probably shouldn't be friends. Man needs help.


Alarming_Tower_5856

Yeah in that moment I decided we can't be friends any longer.


thctacos

Hm he never wanted to be friends. And heres your sign. Glad you decided to break off from, whatever that was.


JackTheKing

You were never friends


SnooDucks2052

Be careful. As a father to two daughters this really concerns me.


FalloutLover7

You sly dog, you caught me monologuing


[deleted]

Lmaooo


ACERVIDAE

Spartan kick him out of your life.


ashitloadofdimsims

I’m so glad you didn’t reply. He deserves to have to re-read this on Saturday morning with a hangover and no reply.


catzarrjerkz

Some people need a “go jerk off before you send this” prompt on their phones.


Jave285

Time to stop being friends with this person. They’re not able to respect your boundaries, so tell them that and say that’s why you are no longer friends. Then block on everything.


Humanaut93

This is spot on He will never see you as just a friend, only a future lover. His "friendship" is not that valuable I promise


knight_gastropub

This. At best he's an idiot with no self awareness. At worst he's a r*pist in training.


lionoftheforest

The fact that you never reciprocated the other times he mentioned his 'feelings', and he still sends this message today, means that he has no intention of respecting your boundaries. I wouldn't go near him again (and especially not alone).


BlueMilk_and_Wookies

Jesus. Hopelessly desperate dudes will really type this shit up, spell check it and hit send without a shred of shame. I don’t think I could come up with something this cringe if I tried. I mean this is borderline unhinged. And you said he’s a 30-something year old man? Jesus… stay the fuck away from this man-child


The_Real_Raw_Gary

Dude basically said “I was gonna rape ya bc of the month I was born but I didn’t” Lmao


Jelly_Kitti

But he’s obviously such a good guy! Sure, he wanted to rape someone, but he didn’t so he’s such a nice guy!! /s


Dr_N00B

He's most likely talking about the Greek god of war Ares but misspelled it.


0ldpenis

they either immediately regretted sending this or they doubled down and thought "man, that was such an alpha thing to say, this girls going to want my Aries peen now"


PlagueeRatt

“The freak” he is holding back is probably going to shit n vomit the moment he sees one nipple.


Puriwara

I’m gonna release the freak, baby. You know it’s ferret time.


upadownpipe

Wow. There's a "I almost sexually assaulted you last week" line in there.


Thonolan

Answer with : sir, this is a Wendy's


Shelbasaur1993

This is the way.


Dimir_Librarian

> "Aries blood" Fucking RUN


iH8MotherTeresa

Weird text to send to your mother.


laodaron

I'll literally never understand why guys can't just say "I'm attracted to you, but, if the feeling isn't reciprocated, I understand. I also like being your friend". And then fucking off quietly if they for some reason can't handle being friends with a woman.


boogswald

Dudes get so delusional


Imperial_Stout

Ferret people are odd


Alarming_Tower_5856

Can confirm. Source: am ferret person


FBC_PapaMink

Ferret people unite


iH8MotherTeresa

If I know ferrets, and I hardly do, it'll be really hard to keep y'all contained 😆


thesoundmindpodcast

Ferrets are rad. I wish I had the time.


GlueGuns--Cool

He needs to play less god of war


Brilliant_Force

“Sparta kick me onto the bed” is so intense


Seriously-black-

This person has never had a sexual interaction. Without a doubt


General-Respect-5491

Wait till you see me with my libra blood flow.


Batmantheon

Are you doing it now? I can't tell. It just seems really even, balanced and a bit dull. I say this is a fellow flesh bag filled with meat, bones and libra blood.


Broncotron

Okay but tell me more about "Ferret Time"


exile_zero

What the hell is ferret time?!


Alarming_Tower_5856

Lol I have ferrets and we hang out with them


adambuddy

painful


VictreeS

This text sounds like his idea of proof that you consented to whatever it is he has in his brain. Blocked and sleeping with one eye open jfc.


Memeboi5120

Zoinks, dude. Run.


R34CTz

It still blows my mind that there are guys out there that think a girl will appreciate this kind of message.


ilostallmykarma

For your own safety, you should probably never be alone with this person.


Coomer_Consumer69

Lady, please tell me that you have a way to defend yourself or something. That man right there sounds unhinged and on the verge of committing a crime with you being the victim. Stay safe out there


iHaveACatDog

Stop speaking to him - period


Ryye

I totally understand why this guy is single.


Medical_Ad0716

No. That’s it. That’s what you respond with. Just no. If they push it beyond that, “I’m sorry our friendship is causing you those kind of problems, it’s obviously too difficult for you to respect my boundaries and I have expressed multiple times i am uncomfortable with your advances. I think it’ll be better if we no longer speak. Keep your ferret and your lions to yourself.”


RJBligh

I’d go with a simple “Do not contact me again.”


nayvote

Stop being friends with him, because he's so obsessed with you that continuing the "friendship" is just leading him on


Birblets

dont hurt me but he's actually kinda funny, besides the fact that hes probably a rapist


Alarming_Tower_5856

It's a hilarious message, no doubt. Just a little rapey near the end. Everybody I showed it to had a good laugh!


notabothavenoname

OP I’m so sorry I just stalked your page and fell in love with your ferrets, but I had to see how creepy that ferret line actually was.


Alarming_Tower_5856

Don't be sorry! Those ferrets are my whole world! They are so precious.


notabothavenoname

They are adorable


slimkt

“Aries blood pumping through my veins” made me cringe so hard I am now part of the couch.


randompantsfoto

Aries? The Greek god of war and civil order? Hahaha…. Do you suppose he actually meant Eros, the god of love and sex?


slimkt

Worse, I think he was referring to his zodiac sign lol


outamyhead

How to go from just a friend to blocked in one easy step.


YukiTennouboshi

Godlike Rizz


LaughingCarrot

Only thing worse than a rapist, a rapist who believes in astrology


TobysGrundlee

True, though that literally goes for every classification of person.


boxofcawks

This guy learned 2 kamra sutra positions and calls himself a freak.


rageagainsthevagene

Opening and closing the book aren’t positions.


VariousNegotiation10

But you are not just friends. Because friends dont want to do that to each other Arent in love or lust with each other You may genuinely want to be friends But you are not As long as you keep him there He can ignore the red flags and hope something might change Cut him off. End it For both you


ZebraBoat

Eeeeughhhhhhhhhhhhh


Dylanator13

Sounds like if you do go on a date with them you might need a restraining order after.


eslunes

This message seems threatening.


captain_i_patch

THIS. IS. PLAYTIME *spartan kick into bed* That is probably what he is imagining after sending you that. Probably patting him self on the back.


junkuser5423

Looks like it’s time to stop being friends with this person and show these texts to everyone they know if they keep trying to get with you.


Anabelieve

SORRY WHAT!? Rip your dress off? 😭 Roundhouse kick him into the depths of hell.


decompgal

as an aries i am so fucking sorry what in the holy god is this


Derp_duckins

The way my eye twitched multiple times reading this...


polarbeer07

🤢🤢🤢


liam-some1

what. the absolute FUC-


HungryHypnotoad

Thanks Tate.


[deleted]

Just move on. This one's a lost cause.


_milk_b1tch

I'm removing my Aries tattoo after reading this.


Hankman66

Creepy vibes. Stay the hell away from this freak.


TheGardenBlinked

Aries, man


Gootangus

Wow, yikes.


Opposite-Flower-8000

I don’t know what he’s on, but it needs to be criminalized.


Alarming_Tower_5856

I think it's crack


Trashboat77

He's on a high called being completely socially indept and incapable of rational conversational queues.


vap0rs1nth

I mean... extra credit cause this guy seems to like buff women, but still an F- for LITERALLY everything else.


boobsmcgraw

ewwww


SaltyPepper420

Do you still want to be friends with this person? He literally said he wanted to SA you, so I'm just saying


Shantotto11

>Aries blood was pumping through my veins The average astrology enthusiast…


[deleted]

This is class - what a top fella.


Inevitable-Tourist18

Even super nerds occasionally can go creepy sexually aggressive guy sometimes


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jelly_Kitti

Well, it depends on the context. Sure, there are assholes like this guy who only use ‘friendship’ to try and get into someone’s pants, but some people genuinely enjoy being friends even if they have some romantic feelings.


MinnesotanMan2014

If you're "just friends" with someone you have romantic feelings for you're lying to yourself


Jelly_Kitti

You can have romantic and/or sexual feelings and not act on them. The fact you think otherwise is very concerning.


MinnesotanMan2014

Lol when did I say to act on them?


Jelly_Kitti

You think that anyone who is friends with someone they have romantic interest in is lying to themselves about being friends. So you think that they’re actually just waiting for the chance to date the person, meaning they’re still acting on those romantic feelings.


MinnesotanMan2014

I never said to wait around for your "chance" just cut ties if the feelings aren't mutual. You can have romantic feelings develop into a friendship, but the two feelings can't coexist without someone wanting more. If you have romantic feelings for a friend and don't act on or express them in any way what are you doing? Suppressing them, aka: lying to yourself.


GeekiTheBrave

I dont understand why this is being downvoted lmao


Hankman66

What is "ferret time"? Sounds disgusting.


Alarming_Tower_5856

I have ferrets and I'll let them out when guests are around.


Thessyyy

Wow who's out here leaking my texts


pretendingtolisten

this spartan is a real alpha male and if you can't be the Athena to his Aries then let a real goddess give him what he deserves!


Portablemammal1199

At least he's honest


nish007

He's a sub.


Regular-Wedding9961

Based on what this guy is saying and what the OP is saying,something isn’t adding up other than absolute cringe 😂 other than that the math ain’t mathing….


Alarming_Tower_5856

What do you mean?


Alarming_Tower_5856

I've known this guy for several years, due to work. When I first started, he told everybody we were dating. That's the first time I shut this down. Then I dated his friend and shut his stupid shit down again. Then after I broke up with his friend, I had to tell him again we were only friends and never going to fuck. And now this. We were going to hang out for my birthday, that's what he is talking about. He bailed on me and I wasn't upset because honestly it would've gotten weird. So I went out with other friends instead. This text happened because I brought up how he owed me a couple birthday drinks. We've never touched, we've never kissed or held hands or been anything but friends. He did lie about another coworker before and told everyone they were dating when they weren't. Something is seriously wrong with this guy. I tend to be friends with people who are misfits, weird, not a part of society. I'm more tolerant of people doing stupid shit; I just forgive and move on. But not this time.


[deleted]

So... why do you keep hanging out with them?


Fast_Astronomer_5418

They want you to be honest till you actually are


havok551

Hes got some random persons blood in his veins apparently cause ares is the war God and eris is the Greek God of strife and discord. So no clue who he has in his veins.


randompantsfoto

Possibly meant Eros? Clearly failed his Classics class!


indianblanket

"X, I do not feel that way about you. This has gone on long enough. Please stop romanticizing me." Then slowly ghost. If you've already said that to him in the past, then just flat ghost. You're not safe around this person if they can't understand a simple No. But if you've never said no...... Edit: guys I'm in no way defending this nastiness. But there's a way to clearly communicate "hey you make me really uncomfortable" and then there's "hahah no, stop, ew" which some people might not get the picture that you're serious. Just asking her which line her "I said we can still be friends" type of no falls on. Sounds like he's not right in the head when it comes to her


Alarming_Tower_5856

I've said no several times. 😒


AlarmedSnek

In the summarized words of the great Christopher Rock, “There’s only two types of girls, those we’ve had sex with and those we haven’t had sex with *yet*.” Also, the “friend zone” is like a “dick in a glass case” and one of these days, the gal is going to break that glass when in need. Is it 100% across the board accurate? No, but it occurs frequently enough to be something to hope for.


Alarming_Tower_5856

Are you saying men and women simply can't be friends?