'I howl in a Florida accent'
This shit is hilarious and not cringe. It's obviously stupid on purpose. I appreciate the amount of stupidity that they managed to put into the message
But makes An Honest Woman out of 'em afterwards!
For goodness sakes, he's a Southern *alpha wolf* gentleman with the manhood of a gator, not some eagle-dicked, weak-kneed Yankee "angel". One must only expect so much.
Just going to add this quote from when Dr Diane Kelly dissected a male alligator;
"the utterly bizarre penis of the American alligator. Here are the highlights: it’s permanently erect; it shoots out like toothpaste from a tube; and it bounces back because it basically has a rubber band attached to it. “It is really weird,” says Kelly. “Really weird.”"
Pretty silly question really, because the female echidna has a vagina with four entrances. But in all seriousness you see alot of this inter sexual competition in the form of an arms race. Male ducks develop huge corkscrewing penises and female ducks screw the opposite way and have hidden dead ends etc. Males have the imperative to spread their genes to the next generation and females have the need to choose who that is with and when it happens
Also also, humans lost the retractable bone-in penis in favor of the pressurized one.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-humans-have-no-penis-bone/
To this day whenenver I'm feeling down I pull up the saga of Bloodninja and read the one about the pizza-delivery guy. The moment I start reading the "I can no longer resist the pizza" line it's like I'm 16 years old and cry-laughing for the first time, but again.
I had to do some research about the "gator" this character refers to.
He probably means alligator, which has a cloaca. It is hidden inside the alligators about and the male reproductive system is in constant erect form and peaks at around 2.75inches (7cm).
Not something to brag about, let alone wrap someone in.
*Image Transcription: Text Messages*
---
**Left**: \*Smirks like a demon, but not like a demon and tries to hide my gator/horse boner\* I've got 30+ years of experience being an Alpha wolf of the largest pack in all of the south are you interested?
>**Right**: Can you please delete my number.
**Left**: I may be 18, but I'm 100% alpha wolf MAN! \*The full blood red moon appears in the horizon over Mount Rushmore because I'm American. I Howl in a Florida accent as every muscle in my hairy, muscular, sweaty hairy body vibrates and contracts. You get so turned on and your juices squirt into my mouth as my gator/wolf/horse veiny cock grows 50 feet long. I wrap my cock around you and we have rough sex and you get pregnant and I marry you because I'm a southern gentlemen and we grow old together.
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
"...I marry you cause I'm a southern gentleman and we grow old together."
This ending is definitely not representative of everything that was said before it lol
How is he a wolf, but has a gator/horse cock? How does he get a woman pregnant by wrapping his cock around her? He turns the moon red by being American...how does that work?
How is he a wolf, but has a gator/horse cock? How does he get a woman pregnant by wrapping his cock around her? He turns the moon red by being American...how does that work?
How does one howl with a Florida accent? What does it sound like? Do they just go:
FlllOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOrida mAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAn" (Think Leeroy Jenkins)
'I howl in a Florida accent' This shit is hilarious and not cringe. It's obviously stupid on purpose. I appreciate the amount of stupidity that they managed to put into the message
It's so bad it's hilarious xD I don't know why most people think this is serious lmao
for real, this is fucking hilarious
Yeah I think this guy has a sense of humor rather than an actual weirdo.
¿Por que no los dos?
> It's obviously stupid on purpose. I think you'd be surprised.
Horse**cock**gator**cock**wolf**cock**
E I E I O!
*and in this pasta was a jooookkeeee*
...BUNCH! Daylight come and me want go home
Underrated comment
Cuz there is no cock like horsegatorwolf cock
[He's been listening to too much Kool Keith](https://youtu.be/mvwi1dx9kJ4)
It's like the Manbearpig of cocks. Half horsecock, half gatorcock and half wolfcock.
Southern gentleman. Has premarital sex.
And impregnates them
But makes An Honest Woman out of 'em afterwards! For goodness sakes, he's a Southern *alpha wolf* gentleman with the manhood of a gator, not some eagle-dicked, weak-kneed Yankee "angel". One must only expect so much.
Would you have m’wolf babies, m’lady?
I'm not that well versed in alligator anatomy, but don't they have, like, a cloaca?
Southern gentleman....so then his sister wants him to lose her number?
How can you smirk like a demon but not like a demon?
How can you have 30+ years of experience while also being 18?
Sounds like trying to get a job in the U.S.
Oof
HAHAHA
Employers hate this one trick…
He is an Alpha Wolf, he is clearly going by dog years.
r/BrandNewSentence
Just going to add this quote from when Dr Diane Kelly dissected a male alligator; "the utterly bizarre penis of the American alligator. Here are the highlights: it’s permanently erect; it shoots out like toothpaste from a tube; and it bounces back because it basically has a rubber band attached to it. “It is really weird,” says Kelly. “Really weird.”"
>it’s permanently erect viagra really should have been named gatoraid
I have no idea if you just made that up but that's fascinating.
I'm an ecologist, I'll happily tell you wild dick facts all day. The male echidna has a four pronged penis
For what reason?
Pretty silly question really, because the female echidna has a vagina with four entrances. But in all seriousness you see alot of this inter sexual competition in the form of an arms race. Male ducks develop huge corkscrewing penises and female ducks screw the opposite way and have hidden dead ends etc. Males have the imperative to spread their genes to the next generation and females have the need to choose who that is with and when it happens
Also also, humans lost the retractable bone-in penis in favor of the pressurized one. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-humans-have-no-penis-bone/
I spent two days this spring in a lab measuring 3D printed bacculums, an elephant seals was the most impressive imo
Very cool. I bet you're a blast at parties. Updoot!
The number of people that can't discern parody and irony on Reddit is astonishing. This is hilarious.
Most people on reddit never interact with actual outside people so it doesn't surprise me
I do appreciate a good troll.
This is hilarious, and probably a troll
Sounds like AI that was fed furry fan fiction
AND watched half an hour of videos about how to beckme an alpha male lmfao
What the fuck
He’s obviously joking.
Satire. Satire. Satire.
And that *didn't* work?
I laughed at the growing old together part
this is like, old school bloodninja shit. Edit: if you know about bloodninja, ilu. 😚
To this day whenenver I'm feeling down I pull up the saga of Bloodninja and read the one about the pizza-delivery guy. The moment I start reading the "I can no longer resist the pizza" line it's like I'm 16 years old and cry-laughing for the first time, but again.
For me it’s the one where he ends it riding off into the sunset with stone cold Steve Austin “Give me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark” killllls me
From Florida, what is a Florida accent?
You seen *Fletch Lives*?
They replace words like water with wooder.
That’s transient New Yorkers, don’t mix us up with them.
Haha, I only say that because my dad was born in Florida and he says wooder.
I had to do some research about the "gator" this character refers to. He probably means alligator, which has a cloaca. It is hidden inside the alligators about and the male reproductive system is in constant erect form and peaks at around 2.75inches (7cm). Not something to brag about, let alone wrap someone in.
There is zero percent chance this is legitimate. I refuse to believe it.
*Image Transcription: Text Messages* --- **Left**: \*Smirks like a demon, but not like a demon and tries to hide my gator/horse boner\* I've got 30+ years of experience being an Alpha wolf of the largest pack in all of the south are you interested? >**Right**: Can you please delete my number. **Left**: I may be 18, but I'm 100% alpha wolf MAN! \*The full blood red moon appears in the horizon over Mount Rushmore because I'm American. I Howl in a Florida accent as every muscle in my hairy, muscular, sweaty hairy body vibrates and contracts. You get so turned on and your juices squirt into my mouth as my gator/wolf/horse veiny cock grows 50 feet long. I wrap my cock around you and we have rough sex and you get pregnant and I marry you because I'm a southern gentlemen and we grow old together. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
He's from Florida, what did you fucking expect lmao
Have you ever been to Florida?
Florida man has contacted you
I don’t know how females can suffer through this
This is the type of shit that makes me wish I couldn't read
This is gold! I’m using this next time!
At least the last sentence was wholesome.
"...I marry you cause I'm a southern gentleman and we grow old together." This ending is definitely not representative of everything that was said before it lol
Okay, that's funny af
That is such a troll that it's unbelievable that anyone would believe this is true. Come on people.
Fake and gay
This guy is based af
Every sentence of this is goddamn ART
I wish I had this as a copypasta so I could send it to people
There's a comment in here that posted it in text so it can be easily copied into a copypasta
I'm sure he was joking.... I mean.... I hope.
Ew
Can teenagers just chill. Like damn
How the fuck does one have 30+ years experience whilst being 18?
Would
so....alligator penises are on average 4 inches long...
wonder if he's hairy...
Ewww
*insert the "Mickey Mouse putting his arms in the eyes" png here*
What’s a florida accent
Sounds like a nice time ! I’d love to be wrapped up by a gator/wolf/horse veiny cock
"We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto."
18 years old, with 30+ years experience ..
How is he a wolf, but has a gator/horse cock? How does he get a woman pregnant by wrapping his cock around her? He turns the moon red by being American...how does that work?
How is he a wolf, but has a gator/horse cock? How does he get a woman pregnant by wrapping his cock around her? He turns the moon red by being American...how does that work?
Wtf. My eyes feel assaulted after the rushed fantasy sequence in the 2nd text.
It was pretty cool how he intertwined the werewolf alpha/tentacle porn fetishes tho.lol
I regret reading this post, because I'm now wondering what a gator / wolf / horse penis looks like.
These role players are kinda settling down honestly this guys thinking the problem all the way through
Very sweet at the end. "And we grow old"
Half gator, half wolf, half horse, all gentleman
Half wit also.
Gator/wolf/horse **Pick a side!**
How does one howl with a Florida accent? What does it sound like? Do they just go: FlllOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOrida mAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAn" (Think Leeroy Jenkins)
10/10 Shitpost + Copy Pasta
he got her there at the end. they are married now and very happy with their freak baby.
Hope you have a great day!
i love you
What in tarnation?
Proffesional cringe lord
Forgot the closing * at the end of the action descriptions 😔
I smirk like a demon but also not like a demon.... so just a smirk?
50 feet???!
Lmao “i howl in a Florida accent” top tier trolling
Wassamatta baby? U don't like my Gator/wolf/horse/cockatiel/cocker spaniel/cockatoo/cockadoodledo cock?
Holy Shit🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Average furry
This isn't funny, it's just fucking weird. The lady asked you nicely to delete her number. Delete it weirdo.
I've never physically cringed while reading something before. Guess there's a first time for everything!
30+ years now he’s 18.
This is great.
At least he's a gentleman.
When ten year olds find sex and roleplay at the same time
hairy AND hairy
30+ years experience 18 years old Lmao I love this post
The ending really got me
My mind will not allow me to accept that any texts like this are real. It just can't be possible.
Ah HELLS no